La Fraud & Deadbeat Dad Still Desperate For Roommate, Double Down on Sex & Caca

Yet another ad on Facebook. So inviting!

Knowing Jena’s track record, this marriage should last at least six months:

Desperate for attention and some cold hard cash, J&S tell all! Lovin’ the manbun. Is Sacha permanently stoned? The dynamic duo begins sharing their sexual secrets at the 41:00 mark:

“Please, please, please, come to our next Cacao ceremony and awaken your sensual intelligence! Wednesday, March 22 in a private Penthouse in SoHo. Imagine a fireplace, delicious hot cacao and sound healing, shared with like-minded souls.”

Bottom atrocity: Ali Shanti teamed up with Donkey’s lip smackin’ sweater sistah Myka “Electric Barbarella” McLaughlin for a scamfest in Boulder.

Seriously, women (and men not afraid of a roomful of women), if you’ve got ANY money stuff that has you not feeling 100% confident about how you are investing (or not investing), how you are using your resources, and what you are doing with them, show up tonight, if at all possible.

Sure, Ali, invest my retirement savings for me.

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88 Responses to La Fraud & Deadbeat Dad Still Desperate For Roommate, Double Down on Sex & Caca

  1. Malformed Face says:

    He looks like he’s made of scabs.

    • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Sacha indeed gives me the willies.

      • Razzmatazz says:

        “Sacha we have a question from a listener: how do you keep things spicy between the sheets after you have children and your time, energy and attention are depleted?”

        “Simple: just move halfway across the world from them.”

      • melting marionette says:

        every time i see a picture of him, i think “pretty vacant”, and the sex pistols starts playing in my head.

        • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          Yep, there’s not a lot going on upstairs and I question Sacha’s alleged “sensual intelligence.”

  2. Delicious Bowl of Wali Rahman says:

    Ugh. I finally feel bad for Jena. Things don’t seem so good for her. She named herself after phlegm, married a deadbeat dad, begs and borrows money, and keeps hosting cacao ceremonies when she should have a Rogaine party. Sure, she’s a scam artist–both in business and with a personal injury–but she can’t possibly be happy.

    • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      I don’t feel sorry for anyone who bills herself as a gold digger, especially when she’s an epic failure at her vocation.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Well, *I* feel bad for her because, judging from her painfully-contorted splay of legs in the doorway fauxto, a searing episode of crotch rot is in full bloom.

      Wait …

      No, I don’t.

    • Malformed Face says:

      Feel bad for the baby she’s going to bring into this hot mess.

    • Fuckyo Nonburn says:

      I feel bad she’s a dancer with limited grace. Plus her hairline is almost past midway atop her head.

      • melting marionette says:

        her limited grace is due to the car accident, remember? blame it on the back injury.

  3. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Reading between Ali’s li(n)es:
    Seriously, if you’ve got ANY money, show up tonight.

  4. Razzmatazz says:

    Wasn’t Ali all-in on Ellsberg’s equities scaremongering when he published his financial advice book? That came out in January 2016. The Dow is up 20% during that period.

    • AWO says:

      Yes, but Ali’s mom’s investment is solid. I hear she still gets her yearly dividend of gently-used towel curtains like clockwork.

  5. Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat Whores says:

    Nano-enhanced hemp oil sounds TOTALLY LEGIT.

    I can’t wait to invest my life savings in such reputable venture!

  6. New Trier HS grad says:

    What’s Julia up to?

    Going to Costa Rica?

    Already looking forward to Playa?

    Anything going on?

  7. LickedRandisCake says:

    Does Jena think none of us have functioning eyeballs? She showed a pic of the living room of her “gorgeous” townhome a couple of weeks ago when she went begging for roommates. The only thing missing from it was a family of rats scurrying across the floor. The burglar bars on the windows are a real Martha Stewart inspired touch, though I like to think the good citizens of Harlem chipped in and had them installed in order to keep the woos criminals IN, rather than to keep the street criminals out. We can only hope they that she and Sacha NoKidsNoMore have used some of their hot cocoa windfall on luxury caulk.

    Also, those two dancing. Sheesh. For how seriously they take themselves, they wouldn’t know a smooth transition if it hit them smack in the middle of their fiveheads.

  8. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    Can you imagine living with them? All day long with that shit and you’re like “yeah, I just want to get the milk out of the fridge. Can I just squeeze in there? Thanks.”

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      “But don’t you want to come into our pleasure nest and experience true love in motion?”

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      How many people live in this house? Who’s the “we?”

      • grammarian says:

        probably 20 or 30, 5 in each room

      • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        A week or so ago she posted a video in the background you can hear some man singing. It wasn’t a record because you could hear that it was someone practicing a song like he was an actual opera singer or something like that. If the walls are that thin in that building, I certainly wouldn’t want to be listening to everything that was going on. Especially between Ms. Gray Phlegm and Mr. Deadbeat Dad.

        • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          La Fraud often has skanky guests visiting – folks like lunatic nympho Christina Morassi – and she adores hinting at what might have gone on during those visits. ::shudders::

  9. KC Baker's Appalling Baby Dance. says:

    I am going to have to change my safeword from “cacao.”

  10. Darling dearest communicates with grace says:

    is she calling it a caca ceremony aka a shit ceremony?

  11. Afghani RAINBOW friend (TM) says:

    Has Jena mentioned the price for a room in her place? I’m curious what a room in a shared house in Harlem goes for.

    Why not do air BNB? To avoid taxes? Because it’s a lease violation?

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      She says she is looking for a roommate, but then says “the room” has its own private kitchen and bathroom.

      A bedroom with a kitchen and a bathroom is not a room, it’s an apartment.

      Methinks something illegal is going on (like an illegal two-family house).

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Methinks “private kitchen” = hotplate & minifridge left behind by a former boarder who likely padlocked the room door at all times (& that “bathroom” is probably just a powder room down the hall — imagine having to wade thru Phlegm Phlagms bedroom to bathe & deadbeat dad is always lurking around, trying to get ya to drink cocoa).

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        It’s common for NYC brownstones to have a rental apartment, usually the ground floor or the former maid’s quarters on the top floor. Usually, it’s to cover the RE taxes and utilities.

        But in this case, who knows.

      • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        Something shady is going on here. Didn’t Fivehead get the place in Harlem as part of the divorce agreement with Smellsberg? If so, she still has to pay property taxes and these two aren’t making a dime. He’s supposed to be a musician, but there’s been absolutely no mention of any gigs. Also, their little antler dance routine that they’ve performed on stage a few times isn’t going to pay for the cacao.

        • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          JFAing myself to add that Deadbeat does seem to have some gig coming up later this month. He’s one of the DJs at Ecstatic Dance on March 21, but isn’t “Ecstatic Dance” their little tribe? Can one apply for food stamps without a green card?

        • Because, for fucks sake. says:

          It also seems like she’s been more desperate for money/rommates since she married the Deadbeat Dad. I assume whatever she may have been getting from the Smellsbergs has been shut off?

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Maybe, as his “sponsor” while he’s here, someone (namely, her) has to pay child support or he has to go home. (No idea how indigent immigrant status works, but that’d be just great if his kids receive a regular check from a grifter getting grifted.)

          • Aggressively Stupid says:

            In most states you’re no longer eligible for alimony when you remarry. If her wedding to the deadbeat was a real legal affair then Bank Ellsberg is closed for business.

          • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

            It’s legit. La Fraud even posted a picture of the two in front of city hall.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      NYC has strict regulations re: short term rentals. Penalties are high.

      • Afghani RAINBOW friend (TM) says:

        Makes sense, thanks. Airbnb didn’t exist yet when I lived in NYC. Sorry, so expired… Brooklyn was only staying to trend in those dark ages.

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          It’s a fairly recent thing, just within the past couple of years, that the city has cracked down. It was right before San Francisco did, IIRC.

  12. Aggressively Stupid says:

    Remember that motivational speaker that killed a bunch of people in Arizona a few years ago by making them stay in a sweat lodge for way longer than they should have?
    There’s a new documentary about him on Netflix. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5241010/

    Spoiler alert! After spending two years in prison for killing three people (or rather recklessly endangering the lives of three people) he has learned absolutely nothing. He’s back to giving seminars and spent half the movie bitching about how much HE lost.

    Anyway, I’d call it a preview of what will happen when Ali and Co. finally kill someone with their antics.

    • AWO says:

      Thanks for the rec! It was pretty good.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      My friend who works for major news station in Phoenix, was going to interview that guy recently over his recent court date where he wanted his conviction removed and to have his voting rights and right to run for office restored. His PR team demanded it be live or they would cancel the interview and she called him out publicly:
      “Here’s the practical reality of what that means in TV news stating
      1) The story gets much more airtime than it normally would – to the detriment of other news of the day
      2) The “facts” Ray presents are difficult to immediately verify because we don’t know what he’s going to say
      3) Victims don’t have an opportunity to immediately challenge his version of events.

      As a news organization that takes our responsibility to report stories as fairly and completely as we can, we have declined to interview James Arthur Ray live.

      You may see him on other stations or news sites. I sincerely hope you don’t, because I have no reason to believe he did not make that same demands of our competitors.”

      The judge restored his voting rights & right to run for office but denied his right to set aside the conviction. My friend asked something along the lines of is it fair to ask this when the victims families are upset he’s out of jail already. And he manipulated the question said that he’s no different than her (implying he has the right to vote/run for office) and she quickly stated, “No, I didn’t kill people.”

      He’s a sociopath.

  13. Dusty Documentary says:

    I did a quick minute of Craigslist “research.” It’s $1600. They have one other roommate. In the ad it seems the small kitchen is shared as well.

    • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Hopefully that’ll cover la Fraud’s airfare to various senthual dancing events, just as long as her horribly injured shoulder holds out!

      #pleasurableinsurancescam
      #somethingshadyishappening

    • Tingolayo says:

      “You will be living with 3 creative, health-conscious, professional, entrepreneurial, artistic roommates. I am an author who writes about women’s empowerment, sensuality, pleasure and self-esteem. My partner is a musician, visual artist and cacao ceremony leader. Our other roommate is computer programmer.”

      ROTFLMAO. On the bright side, one person in the household is employed. How did La Fraud luck into this arrangement? I’m guessing it is/was owned by the Ellsbergs.

  14. An old friend says:

    So, I accidentally went to a cocoa ceremony led by them in NYC. I’m not new age-y, I’m just into trying weird shit. I was like “that girl looks familiar” and lo and behold. It was Jena and Sasha. I gotta say, their vibe was very chill. They are both very, very good looking in person. Sasha makes a little too much eye contact. Jena had the most crazy amazing skin I’ve ever seen — like actually luminous. Honestly, they both seemed like nice, pretty normal people and did not come off nearly as weird as they do in their social media channels.

    • Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Deadbeat is “very, very good looking in person”? BWA HA HA! Oh, Jena, how you do go on! We’ll invoice you for the advertising space.

    • Malformed Face says:

      No, sorry. I might have believed everything else. But he looks like he has not showered since the day he was born.

    • grammarian says:

      look, it’s a post from the upside down

    • Whatever says:

      Is this La fraud? I don’t believe that. Sasha looks nasty and so does la fraud. La fraud bye bitch. This ceremony is a scam the both are lazy and refuse to get actual job jobs. Please…

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      How does one accidentally go to one of these things without the assistance of a google search. Nope, LaFraud & Co are spinning hard.

      • IMeantItAtTheTime says:

        She is very gross. And now watching her husband speak, I feel sad for everyone who is involved with this pathetic relationship, which will last six months at best. Those poor kids.

        • IMeantItAtTheTime says:

          Jena, I know you are reading this. You married a gross man who does not speak English very well and who looks like herpes personified. Yay!

    • Morrocanwear Loves You Rain Babe says:

      Did you also notice me there? I was the one with the very long legs and the gorgeous curly hair. I also asked insightful questions and shared thoughtful observations. Everyone loved me!

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      I believe that Jena’s skin is gorgeous in person; it looks lovely in photos. As for the rest, agree to disagree.

      • Whatever says:

        She does nothing all day taking pic with great filters and spreads 💩 all over her face and deadbeat dads. Bye Felicia

  15. ShesJustStupid says:

    Noodles has been posting some pretty humble bragging stuff recently. She disguises it like–my heart goes out to all those struggling to have a baby. I’m so lucky!” The latest is a long post about how she hasn’t experienced any of the frustrations of being a mommy yet because her baby sleeps and smiles and she has such an involved partner–but shout out to all those who ARE struggling!

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      She’s pimping out that baby non-stop.

    • grammarian says:

      can she afford fresh raspberries?

    • Whatever says:

      Noodles is like the rest of them, when young thing gets bored or suddenly falls in love with someone else sweet pea the tears will be coming. She and baby daddy are in the honeymoon stage that will fade. I would suggest you get a ring on that finger girl don’t act stupid and brag about those who cannot have a baby or single moms technically you are one too. Stop the bull shit noodles and stop playing yourself you fool no one but yourself.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      She’s guilting the partner into staying. She’s miserable as fuck. The lies we tell ourselves are always worse than those told to us. She should keep selling that happiness shit, the fall alone will hit her ten times harder. When you trap someone who would clearly rather go to Burning Man (alone) and you tag along because of your own insecurity and reality that you trapped someone, you should not be giving happiness advice to anyone on anything, least of all parenting.

      Because you have a random thought worked into a manipulation doesn’t make you a *thought leader* it makes you a run-of-the-mill asshole.

      • Narcissistic Personality Disorder says:

        Don’t really agree, he was ga-ga when he met her. Having a baby was in his 1-year plan, but he seems quite happy. She chose her oops baby daddy well. He is a good guy and quite gifted in the looks department. I wonder why he does not use his real name (Rainey) though.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      Noodley seems to have hit the jackpot with NN but it remains to be seen how things will fare in the long run. That baby is very cute and clearly is loved and supported by extended family. I’m happy for her and hope it works out. Still think she is not the best judge of character/naive and has/would be easily taken advantage of. She has many toxic “friends” she thinks can do no wrong. Glad she ended up with someone nicer to her than the execrable ferrett.

  16. AnnaPelt is Happy at 138 says:

    I’m in NYC. So tempted to attend a cacao ceremony.

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