Humblebragging While Bitching About Humblebragging … Same As It Ever Was With This Sloth

 

I know we have touched on this before, but this hypocritical tool:

I haven’t checked my Facebook news feed for two weeks since I’ve been in Costa Rica. Two *EXTREMELY PEACEFUL* weeks where I didn’t hear anything about the politician whose name shall not be mentioned, or any other fear based topic or humble brag or whatever other crap people post.

Given how much better I feel, I’m seriously considering just not checking it ever again.

Related: I also very much want to move to Costa Rica. Facebook is just not very exciting when you can surf your way through a sunset.

LOLOLOL.

a. Is she not the queen of posting hectoring lectures 24/7 about what a hellscape the world is?

b. I WAS IN COSTA RICA I LOVE COSTA RICA I AM GOING TO MOVE TO COSTA RICA SO I CAN SURF THROUGH SUNSETS EVERY DAY LIKE I DO WHEN I GO TO COSTA RICA. No humblebragging there at all. Also, the jump shot, even in a fucking creek in Costa Rica. Oh honey. There are a ton of sloths in Costa Rica. I wonder if that’s why she feels so at home there.

For the past year I have just found this botoxed hippie sloth  so boring, I can barely pay attention to her. But every now and again the inner asshole re-emerges and I realize — she’s still here. The same tool she’s always been. CWAA.

“I do nothing and barely move while hanging out in Costa Rica. Just like Julia Allison! Although she does nothing everywhere!”*

*Apologies to sloths, who are cute and actually support themselves

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174 Responses to Humblebragging While Bitching About Humblebragging … Same As It Ever Was With This Sloth

  1. Delicious Bowl of Wali Rahman says:

    Even the bald DJ, PresentlyPhortysomething, is bored by Julia. She will never leave Facebook–even if Facebook deletes her 100K+ purchased fake followers.

  2. Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

    Sloth Life is hard.

    • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

      Also, I’m really happy that the least-amount-of life-haver EVER (two birds there: I kind of done rung myself and abused hyphens) informed me it’s possible to do other things than Facebook. Why has no one ever told me before? I probably missed this exciting memo because I never used Facebook. /humblebrag, off to surf through a sunset. HAHAHA NO! This is a landlocked country and it’s 2C here now, which is absolutely balmy compared to earlier this week.

    • Never the Bride says:

      Helena, if you please would indulge. My dad has some tea he was sharing tonight that he translated as “Auntie’s Tea.” Zh in the beginning?

      We’re not sure if he’s Czech, Slovakian, or Polish, but he’s 93 so political boundaries were different then.

  3. Stalker is the New trump russian hooker sex tape story says:

    Isn’t that nice, she can afford to turn off news about Trump like his policies won’t hurt her or anyone she loves. HOW THPECIAL.

    • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

      It’s like when she tried to catch Tavi’s (I think it was Tavi?) attention with some sermon about how everyone should be grateful for their high school life because you only have to worry about homework at that time and not about money or fear that your parents might die within the next decade (uhhhh….) BZZT wrong! Just because YOU had nothing but boys’n’nose to worry about in HS doesn’t make that universal truth. And just because you never met or heard about (or, more likely, never noticed) anyone who had to deal with poverty, illness, violence, abuse or any other horrible thing that happens to millions of teenagers (or even younger children) doesn’t mean such people don’t exist.

      As Jacy said: “Is she not the queen of posting hectoring lectures 24/7 about what a hellscape the world is?”

      Yes, but the key word is “posting,” of course. She certainly isn’t experiencing it or even thinking (bwaha!) about it. If she doesn’t post or (much less likely) read about it, it doesn’t exist. THUS: why can’t everyone be as enlightened as Donk and simply stop looking at Facebook for (Good Lord, the bravery!) whole two weeks? There would be no bad news then! Why can’t the world listen to her wisdom? It’s exactly like her sage advice to drunk Indians: stop complaining and fix the problem (by not looking at Facebook for two weeks)! GOD.

  4. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Pretending not to notice FB chatter about happenings going on w/out her & just in case anyone wonders why she’s not at future events either (STILL uninvited), everyone please just assume she’s living in CR. Not in the OMG!DC. CR.

    Phuture “WE ARE NEVER BREAKING UP” Phuckphace must be history as well …

  5. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Given how much better I feel, I’m seriously considering just not checking it ever again.
    —Julia Allison, on quitting FB for the 139th time, before posting to FB 22 hrs later

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Yes, a new flurry of SJD posts. The asshole posted of abandoning FB and running away to CR just to get attention. Not many responded. Same as it ever was.

      • melting marionette says:

        “my parties have all the big names and i greet them with the widest smile –
        tell them how my life is one big adventure – and always they’re amazed when i show them ’round my house to my bed –
        i had it made like a mountain range with a snow white pillow for my big fat head…”

  6. Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

    This reminds me of the ESCANDALO on FB when I wrote a tiny post about virtue signaling, and the very worst social media virtue signaler in my life went bananas in the comments. She went on and on, and then a friend (from here!) stepped in and said they weren’t surprised by the response, because a primary trait of the virtue signaler is taking everything personally. BOOM.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      I have been unaware of that virtue ‘signaling’ term. Glad to know this behavior has a name. Those people drive me nuts.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      ¡Escandalo!

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      This is my sister-in-law. I never realized there was a name for it.

    • Jenna's Lions says:

      How interesting — I’ve never heard of this term until you mentioned it. Is this manifested from our social media circle jerks? I guess I could see people back in the day at parties loudly proclaiming Free Tibet or whatever to make people think they give a shit when they don’t, but The Facebook must make it so much more ingrained in our culture now…

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Or putting a Jesus fish on your car. Slacktivism.

      • Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

        The term originated in Britain, and primarily had to do with political expressions made on social media, those “designed to enhance the social standing of the speaker.” (As Albie mentions, at the heart of political virtue signaling is the concomitant Doing Nothing Actually.) But I find it applies to so much else: parents who subtly express derision for other parents by describing their perfect children, and their perfect activities with them; friends who post about nothing but how hard they work, how tired they are, or how much they’ve accomplished in a day; and most of all, those who pat themselves on the back for doing a good deed. “I’ve done something to help a stranger three times in two days. It just feels good, doesn’t it?” And my favorite, “A woman ahead of me in the line at the grocery store today didn’t have enough money to pay for her food today, so I paid for it. I don’t want thanks or attention — just wanted to point out there are people suffering out there, and we should all do what we can.”

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          OK…that last line? Pretty much verbatim what my psycho SIL posts. It’s always shit like “I hate all the hate in the world why can’t we just support each other. I support my friends and it makes me happy blah blah blah.”

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Seriously, she posted this just yesterday. Classic.:

            “Work hard. Be humble. Be appreciative. Treat people with respect. Keep yourself in check. And realize you’re one of many and no one owes you anything. You earn it. You aren’t entitled. You get what you give. Spread love. Spread thanks. And you will get it back.”

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Actually, this is the whole quote. And, by the way? the “book world” she’s talking about is this totally insane community of cheap romance novel writers, male models who pose for the covers of these shitty books, and middle-aged fan girls. The make a big deal about going to these conferences and meeting the authors and a few of the models. There’s a screenplay in this.

            “So I thought of something the other day. A thought of the day. And I made a note of it when I thought of it:

            The world is a very big place made of a lot of people. No matter what field you are in.
            The book world for example. There are a LOT of authors, bloggers, cover designers, photographers, editors, etc. I could go on.

            So work hard. Be humble. Be appreciative. Treat people with respect. Keep yourself in check. And realize you’re one of many and no one owes you anything. You earn it. You aren’t entitled. You get what you give. Spread love. Spread thanks. And you will get it back.

            I’ve learned you get much more being nice. You may get hurt or knocked down. But 9 times out of 10 being nice and doing the right thing pays off. “

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Oh my Greg, I may have met your sister-in-law. Are you referring to the Cavemen?

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            I don’t think they call themselves that. They did once start a club based on one of the models and they called it “Jaseland.”They had a private FB group. They now have a group for putting their “book boyfriends” in a basement. They are totally insane.

          • Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

            You shall now know what to furiously mutter under your breath while reading your SIL’s posts. “More gregdamn virtue signaling, GREAT.”

          • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

            SJS, that is weird as hell. If you look up “Ellora’s Cave Cavemen” you will find out about a whole other scene that is parallel to your sister-in-law’s scene. Does there have to be a Coke and a Pepsi of everything?

          • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

            I occasionally hate read the twitter of someone who does this. She is the dimmest person in the world who read her first book (can you guess? 50 Shades of Grey!!!!) a few years ago and immediately announced that she would be an author too. One week later, she published her first book! Yay! She has several out now, all sexy romance about sexy women who like bondage with sexy firemen etc. I read the free sample chapter of the first one and haven’t been able to make myself dive in any deeper. It was as if my cat had written it. It was deeply stupid.

            Anyway, she spends a lot of time going to these weird author conventions and posing with male “models” pretending to spank her. It is so fascinating and strange and I could never figure out what was going on. I guess it is a thing.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Checked it out. I can’t believe there is a group of crazies outside of the circle I’m exposed to. These women would make a great documemtary subject. Delusional. Spending money to travel to these godawful conferences is hotel basements in places like Kissamee, FL. Calling each other “Queen” and “badass.” READIMG ALL OF THESE STUPID BOOKS WHILE THEIR OWN KIDS RE BRINGING HOME “TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.” Getting into childish fights over unauthorized sharing of book arcs. It’s madness. Next to this woo bullshit, it’s the most un fathomable society I’ve come across recently.

            I’m done now. Surprised at the nerve “virtue signaling” hit. It’s incredibly irritating to witness.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Ok, guess I’m not done. Morrocanwear, this has to be the same group. This one also caught fire with 50 Shades. And the Twilight Series. I wonder what the mental illness is that they all share.

          • Darling dearest communicates with grace says:

            I hope devin reads here and is excited to find a new market for his model career.

    • Manifest Dustiny (OMGPearskank) says:

      I remember that! That was one insane comment thread. I also remembering frantically checking all my recent posts, fearing I might be guilty of that too.

  7. Jenna's Lions says:

    Oh no!! Is living on daddy’s dime in the most expensive metro area in the country just not good enough anymore for our Jujubees? Is it too stressful and overwhelming? All that traffic! All those homeless people! Too many tech companies that won’t just hand her a title and fat salary for being her! What a drag. I thought she was The Most California of all the people in California! What happened???

    There is no way Julie surfs. She probably floated on a big foam board as it washed her ashore a few times. Would love to see her attempt to surf out at Bolinas or HMB. Quick tip: it’s never bikini surfing weather up here, hon.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      Isn’t there some sort of AA thing about people who always move to escape their problems? It seems that she believes she can find some utopia somewhere where she won’t need to work or suffer any human problems whatsoever, and when that doesn’t manifest itself, she finds some other place that she just has to go and proclaim the best place in the world and aren’t you jealous about my perfect life.

      This is so clearly a response to Nisha and her instant new family, and Jena and her instant (albeit wacko) marriage. She is watching all her friends doing stuff she wishes she was doing, getting all the attention, some of her older friends making actual achievements and making big money, and it is making her crazy. Her envy and need to one-up everyone is destroying her because she just can’t figure out why Dadser’s little princess doesn’t have it better than everyone else like she was convinced she would.

      So go roll in the mud and do your signature cliche jump in the air at Esalen and in Costa Rica. You aren’t fooling anyone. You are seething.

      • Ali Shanti's Pubic Lice says:

        Pulling a geographic.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        This is exactly what’s going on. I love that she hasn’t commented on or liked a single post about that cracked out wedding. Also loved that Noodles posted on New Year’s Eve something like “Hard to believe that last year I was single and this year I’m with my two guys” along with a photo of No Vowels and baby. That had to sting. I hope Jess Magic gets married soon. That would be awesome.

      • WTActualF Bunnies says:

        Not sure about AA term but my dad, who has been in the rooms for a few decades, always says “you’re the only common denominator in your relationships.” Ironic because he’s basically the JIML but mixed in with his insane nonsense there are some gems such as this.

      • Jenna's Lions says:

        Spot on. It’s the “All my friends are getting married and I’m just surfing and doing yoga in Costa Rica, better than all of them because thpieritchual enlightenment.” She’s awful.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Julie does too surf! Backwards! Untethered! While wearing sunglasses!
      https://s29.postimg.org/96xcxppzr/bitched_wail_2.png

    • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

      She surfs like a golem.

  8. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    I can understand that after a lucrative but exhausting career as an S corporation bidness lady, Judy would be ready to retire to Costa Rica, take up mud wrestling, and generously share her deep and ineffably insightful thoughts on Facebook. Really, there’s nothing to criticize here. Apparently this new direction came to her in a flash on her other vacation one month ago, in Hawaii. She worked very, very, so, so very hard to get to the point where she can do this, let her enjoy!

    • cakez says:

      There’s a ‘retired early’/hagface joke in there somewhere, but I’m not clever enough to make it.

  9. Razzmatazz says:

    Sounds like the whole “alternative living space expert” persona is going gangbusters.

  10. Afghani RAINBOW friend (TM) says:

    I love that Julia is now a SJW. Fits like a glove.

  11. Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

    So is her post about reading a Yoo-hoo to Sebastian Junger, recently divorced journalist and documentarian?

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      She is delusional. So, maybe.

    • Bunsy says:

      Wait, I know SJ… he’s divorced? Super nice guy. Kind of shy, actually. He would SO NOT BE INTO JA! xo

      • Albie Quirky says:

        They got divorced a couple of years ago, but Judy’s Rolodex is not always up to date.

        I imagine Judy bragging to SJ about her seven-month NYT article editing process…

  12. BunnyBingo says:

    Life in the bubble of wealthy white privilege must be terribly boring for poor Jules.
    I guess aya and orgies in Costa Rica jazz things up a bit.

    • Theyrrrrre not great says:

      I think all of the rumors of orgies and fun and donk herself are greatly exaggerated . Requires ability to have fun and think for even a moment not of yourself

    • Manifest Dustiny (OMGPearskank) says:

      Perfect, if it weren’t for all those scary brown people.

      What is she going to do once Daddy Warbucks retired and possibly downsizes? His plan couldn’t have included paying for his useless daughter until he drops.

      • Ali Shanti's Pubic Lice says:

        Won’t it probably be cheaper for Daddy Warbucks to thubthidithe her living in CR? I think the COL there can be pretty low, especially compared to the Marin Bay area of SF.

  13. Grifty Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

    “Levi Felix changed my life.”
    “Tony Robbins changed my life.”

    No they didn’t, Donkey, fuck you. You are still the same empty husk you always were, even if you spread woo icing on top of yourself.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      If they had changed her life, she would actually have been able to finish something. Yoo hoo, St. Martin’s!

  14. Bray kin the law says:

    So much for incorporating in cali

    Ot i remember several years sgo flying back on plane fro costa rica and we were sitting on plane near a group of like 20 people on a yoga retreat were the most obnoxious a $$holes u can imagine, they acted like it was their own chartere plane, swearing out loud, etc.

    I know there are legit normal folks who go down for that, but this group wete total woo wannabees

  15. ShesJustStupid says:

    Donks just posted an article about things you need to know if you’re dating an entrepreneur. At first, I thought she was talking for clues n how to date one. And then I read the article and realized she thinks she is one. Just letting Chad know that this is why she reads so much self help and has an erratic personality, I guess! Delusional.

    • Jacy says:

      You are so right. She thinks she’s an “entrepreneur.” Lulz.

      • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        Writes poorly and occasionally, for little money = JOURNALIST!

        Mostly unemployed but sometimes gets a lame freelance gig from friends = ENTREPRENEUR!

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Thanks, Judy. These pants weren’t going to piss themselves.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        If we ever found out she owned a stake in Big Pantyliner, I would believe she was actually a genius.

    • Manifest Dustiny (OMGPearskank) says:

      After all these years of pretending to be an OMGFounder, this is the logical next stage of delusion, I suppose. Still amazed how someone with such a massive head start in life, reliably fails st everything!

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      I love #7. The irony.

      • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

        What is it? I’m sorry, I feel like I’m the only no-FB asshole here who’s always braying “WHAT? HUH? I KANT SEE IT? I CAN HAZ NEW POST PLZ?” but I really kant see it and I like to point and laugh too. *pouts, kicks dirt*

        • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

          @Helena, She posted this article on FB:

          https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/287628

          • Tingolayo says:

            Donk is so weird. She’s obsessed with Silicon Valley and “entrepreneurs” and “founders” and people with jobs in general, even though she has nothing to do with any of those things.

            She’s like a toddler who’s obsessed with dinosaurs or firetrucks or wearing a tutu in public. (Um, er, oops?) Being a toddler, they don’t actually study paleontology or fight fires or dance ballet, but it’s their “thing” so their parents let them sleep with a toy firetruck or wear a tutu to church.

          • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

            Thanks, bunny! 🙂 xo

            Is it just me, or is that article fairly dumb? Not that this would be suprising.

          • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

            @Tingo, that’s a brilliant observation.

          • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

            She’s still just so obsessed with the need to impress other people using things she finds impressive herself. Places she lives, places she vacations, job titles she thinks make her seem important. When she has access to money, the clothes she wears, cars she drives. The only true and self-aware thing she’s ever said is that her life is built around presentation and perception. I’ve said it a million times, she is a Hollywood studio outdoor set: looks one way on the front, but there is nothing behind it. She is a walking façade.

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          Sorry, Helena, I should have posted what it was. #7 says that entrepreneurs have a low tolerance for hanging around lazy people. Could explain why Choad is getting antsy with her. He’s a bigger entrepreneur than she will ever be.

  16. World O' Gluten says:

    That jumping photo terrifies me, with all those rocks below.

    • Bray kin the law says:

      Usually jumping is relegated to celebrating some kind of event or occassion

      Or if you are a cheerleader taking part in the activity of cheeleading at the time when photo was taken

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      The Pampers-Pull-ups-like bikini bottom terrifies me.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      Unless you’re in a tampon commercial that type of jumping is not for photos of adult women, and even then it’s a stretch.

      • Tingolayo says:

        I’m trying to remember all the psycho leaping fauxtos (I’m sure there’ve been hundreds) but off the top of my head:

        Standard leaping pose:
        Psycho in a swimsuit, leaping on a trampoline
        Psycho in a swimsuit, leaping into the ocean
        Psycho in a gingham toddler dress, leaping for no good reason (see left)
        Psycho leaping with strokeface and robot arms and her waistband over her ribcage (see right)
        Psycho in a tutu and clomper shoes, leaping in a “professionally” shot fauxo
        Psycho in a Christmas sweater, leaping as her daddy takes her fauxto
        Psycho leaping on the beach in SF for a Coobie fauxto shoot (with robot arms)

        Variations on leaping pose:
        Lurching leap on the dance floor at friends’ wedding reception
        Splits leap while holding confused shih tzu on her parents’ lawn (wearing tutu or toddler dress?)

      • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        See also Molly Shannon’s “I’m 50!” SNL character.

    • Razzmatazz says:

      She does it so frequently I almost suspect some childhood experience experience developed a fetish for Toyota’s “Oh what a feeling” campaign from the ’80s.

      • Bray kin the law says:

        Good call on the toyota commercials!

        Or attempting to act like a modern day mary tyler moore, throwing the hat up into the air, you’re gonna make it after all !

  17. Worrisome Pelts says:

    This is one of my favorite times of the Donk year. My friends in OMGFashun are prepping for NY and Donk is madly spinning so nobody will ask her if she got any invites this year.

    It’s almost as though she doesn’t remember her own history. (Hi, Dan and Wife Of!)

  18. woo hoo says:

    A few notes on Jena’s and her pubic hair man’s green card /wedding issues… from a btdt married a non-us citizen

    Years ago, just before 9/11 so I’m sure things have changed. It was a major PITA. Required a big interview of my new husband…I remember having to provide a police record for the cities he had lived in for past ten years or so…he had one citation for a small amount of MJ and it was a major big discussion point during the interview. I feel like the interviewers would never tolerate the wooriffics – We were not woo and had a young son and it was just a major nail biter. Our son was just a few months old and were living overseas so all this went down at the US Embassy in London. It took forever.

    I was in my early 20’s and just young and dumb but I wanted a BAYyyyyBBEEEEEE and in the end it was all a blessing. BUT my now Ex-husband and I have pretty much zero contact now and he doesn’t see our son due to his deep alcoholism/ drug issues. (Get ready Jena!). Karma hit me baddddd.

    We also had to show proof of having enough $$ to support ourselves in the US. Humbly had to ask my parents to transfer 15K to our checking account, which they pulled out after we were in the clear and on US soil.

    Bear in my this was a few months before 9/11 – I’m thinking it’s way tougher now??

    • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

      Everything I know on the subject is from 90 DayFiance and I am too embarrassed to share.

    • Not! Random! says:

      A friend’s husband overstayed his welcome and was deported; she’s raising been their kids alone for the past ten years. Oh, and she is a lawyer with reliable income. Didn’t seem to help.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I’m telling you–watch for the six month mark. He’ll need to go back. If he doesn’t, it’s going to be messy. It might be possible t get a short extension, but I had experience with this issue, also pre 9-11 and immhration were hardasses.

        • Bunsy says:

          Also, I can’t imagine the Trump presidency is going to make this any easier… NOW THAT OUR BORDER IS BEING OVERRUN WITH ILLEGALLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSS!

    • BunnyBingo says:

      I did wonder if they had actually done everything by the book and obtained the correct fiance visas etc. Another reason why I assumed this was a “woo wedding” and not a legal one.

    • Veruca Salt Lick says:

      I’m actually a specialist in this area of law. Getting a green card through marriage is not easy. It’s not quick. And it’s not cheap. Also, he may be barred if he has a drug conviction. I’m happy to answer any question on this topic.

      • Never the Bride says:

        Thanks for offering! Can he get a green card if he’s a deadbeat dad in Switzerland?

      • Delurked (Est. 2008) says:

        This. My husband and I got married in May of 2016 and we just had our interview last week. This shit takes forever. And it is EXPENSIVE. It drives me nuts now whenever I see it as a silly plot in a TV show or movie. It’s so stressful!!!!

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      “Pubic Hair Man.” Lulz

  19. ShesJustStupid says:

    Donk’s latest

    “Those of you who have made the decision of choosing a life partner – how did you DECIDE such an ENORMOUS question??? Please go into as much detail as you want.”

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Is Donk insinuating that she has choices?
      Donk doesn’t even have any settled-fors.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        She hasn’t changed at all. She’s basically asking for a checklist.

      • BunnyBingo says:

        I think she is just setting the scene for when he dumps her and she can spin it as “I chose to end things”.

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          This. I suspect she is putting on pressure because her trifecta of Craymas, Valtrex Day and Birthcray are upon us, when she demands to know if he’s putting a ring an time soon.

          Oh honey, he won’t even acknowledge you as his girlfriend. And if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you. You are a useful stooge. Follow Noodley’s lead and get out. He’s just not that into you.

        • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

          I thought the usual Donk method was to set the scene for the announcement AFTER the fact, that is, after the masculine du jour dumps her.

          • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

            Dumping seems to follow the holidays. Can you imagine what a nightmare she must be? Demanding gifts, forcing photos, crying when things don’t go exactly her way?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          I’m banking on already dumped, Bunny.

          • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

            That’s what I’m thinking, judging by past Donxperience.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            I could do a donkssertation on this subject. Already dumped cold or dumped with weeping-afterward benefits. Always the side piece, never the bride.

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      “Make a decision of choosing” might be the stupidest phrasing I’ve ever heard from her.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Do you think it’s a clumsy phrase of wording? Is that your thought of reflection?

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Reading between the lines–trouble in ChadLand. Previous post was about what you have to put up with if you’re dating an entrepreneur and she liked a comment on the life partner post about how the only happy women are either single or have a partner who fully supports their dreams.

      • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        There’s been trouble in paradise for some time now.

        Jesus, she’s a horrible writer.

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          Also see: Horrible at relationships; or just horrible.

      • Grifty Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        Here’s a good response. She didn’t click like. But I suspect he is saying what a lot of others are thinking. They are probably tired of this subject.

        Ben Way: It’s simple don’t settle, if you have to evaluate it then the answer is already it’s the wrong person. Love our strongest emotion is not something you should need to question it’s either there or it’s not; anything else is mediocre and probably will end in tears. It’s hard enough making love work.
        Like · 4 · 2 hrs

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      I wish someone would post that the partner had to be willing to admit dating me, for starters.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      So there’s a line of men outside her door wanting to marry her and she can’t find a copy of her own 73-point checklist?

      “Please go into as much detail as you want.” Her way of permitting other adults to say what they want is truly the mark of the loon.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Nothing shows how awkward she is at life like when she writes posts like this. Coming down from her vacation high brings on the big insecurity blues worse than usual for her. I wonder if her keyboard is covered in chocolate and tears.

        • Tingolayo says:

          Excuse you, her keyboard is covered by a RAINBOW keyboard cover because is so happy and cheerful! She is HAPPY!!! She likes bright colors!!! Happy happy happy.
          Totally healthy and well-adjusted, too.

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            I always have this image of her sitting in an empty tub typing away, crying while squirting Hershey’s chocolate syrup down her gullet. Oh and did I forget to mention I suspect she’s in a wedding or prom dress doing this?

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          She bragged about this being a vacation she was taking with Choad, and instead it seems like she was just an afterthought to him. In her mind she probably envisioned him proposing to her at sunset on the beach.

          The entrepreneur post was possibly a reaction to him wanting to know why she never works and doesn’t have the same work ethic he has. Whatever we joke about him aside, it seems like he is always composing, traveling to gigs, collaborating, and booking upcoming events. The guy works hard and it has to be annoying to be around a lamprey like her with zero purpose in life.

    • Telexfree Antofagasta says:

      Judgy Judy, the DECIDER!

      If he’s putting his penis inside another person, behind your back, probably not your life partner

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      1. Will acknowledge me on his Facebook.

      2. Owns a shirt.

      The rest is gravy.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        I like how she’s making it that SHE actually has a choice in this matter. He wanted the break-up vacation just like Debbie.

    • Not! Random! says:

      She’s getting some really great advice in the comments. The problem, is that she’s too shallow a thinker to accept it. For example, Ariel White’s point about choosing each other every day is the right way of thinking, as opposed to “LIFE PARTNER TODAY.” But Donkey is too wrapped up in status and expiration dates to accept an answer like that.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        My favorite is Bear Kittay saying “obvious” and Donks getting bitchy in the comments. “Not helpful!” Lol.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          For those not on fb, her response:

          “This is the kind of reply that infuriates me, love. How is this helpful????”

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Notice the comment where the one gal says she wants to see Donk ‘while you’re here’? Here for Novalena is San Diego … wtf is Donk doing there?

  20. cakez says:

    That’s a diaper, right? It has to be a diaper.

    • Curling Irons at Dawn says:

      Right?! Why does it blouse like a pair of training pants? And, and. And. Why is there a huge hole in her right inner thigh? Did she literally cut out a pound of flesh? And why does her imner left thigh stop short before her lower torso starts? It’s like a notch. You could hang a plant on it.

      • Never the Bride says:

        You catladies may be too young to remember the cotton underpants from 1966. I think they came in a three-pack and were called “tinkerbelle.” They didn’t have very good elastic and weren’t meant to be worn under slacks (as we called them in 1966), because at 10 years old we wore dresses to school.

        • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

          I had terrible underpants in the early 70s that were called Lollipop. Everyone I knew wore them, except for S. S. who had tie-dye pattern bikini underpants. The Lollipops were too long on everyone, even freakishly tall little me, so you either wore them at your actual waist and had saggy bottom, or you pulled them up so the bottom fit properly and they were halfway up your rib cage. I don’t know if they were designed by lizard people who had never actually seen a young human girl or what.

        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          Spanky-pants! 3 for a dollar at J.C. Penney back in my day!

          • Frequent Liar Miles says:

            Maybe it was 3 for $2.99. I refused to let my mother buy my regular clothes from there, but underwear was OK.

  21. Curling Irons at Dawn says:

    She has photoshopped her left foot into a hoof. Enlarge it and follow the line down. It’s just hanging on by a thread. Does she not see how ridiculous it looks? Who am I asking? Of course, not. She perceives reality differently.

  22. Curling Irons at Dawn says:

    She’s trolling us. There is literally a kitty face on her right side. This photo has more mysteries than the Kennedy assassination.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Only animule I see is our subject mule. Pls delineate kitteh figure.
      P.S.: related — I’m pretty sure I did descry a coat-ghoul visage hovering in the sky in the Donkey & Jaaaassss OMG-Costa-Rica-sunset picture previously posted.

  23. Ali Shanti's Pubic Lice says:

    OT: Has anyone read Ethan Canin’s latest? I didn’t realize he had a newish book out and I picked it up yesterday. I’m only 50pp in but I think I’ll like it. Familiar themes and beautiful writing.

  24. IMeantItAtTheTime says:

    Katrina Sheesh replied. I had totally forgotten about her. And she has A new gay husband!

    • Not! Random! says:

      Now there’s an example of someone who should have taken the advice of the internet. Honey, if random strangers can see that he’s just not that into you, maybe it would make sense to listen?

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        She was the one who dumped Watercress Brent, though!

        • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

          Insufficient watercress experience has ended many a marriage.

          Sadly, it is all too common.

          That is why I am offering a series of classes, for the low price of $595 ($495 if you register early), to raise watercress consciousness and make your married life watercress-complete. The Watercress Map will start slowly (identifying watercress at the supermarket) and move on to all aspects of green garnishes in a fulfilled life, helping to move from “what the hell kind of lettuce is that” to the geometric purity of sandwiches cut into triangles of sacred meaning. Of course, not only married people will benefit from the Watercress Map. Those searching for a soul mate can prepare themselves for the happy day and avoid that terrible wedding night question, “Wait…you have no watercress experience? My friends were right, we’re totally different people!” Once again, the Watercress Map is only $595 ($495 if you register early)—act now, my credit card bill is due.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          The exchange between Beauchamp & Flatface re: gay / not gay Brett remains one of the funniest RBD threads ever.

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