Updated, Now With OMG! Marriage: Ali Shanti Wants To Know About Your Non-Violent Divorce

TRUE LOVE FOREVER! Annoying, silly Rainbow Michael Haynes posted a video of himself canoodling with the old raunch:

Ali followed this up with a post about “divorcing in a new way.” Like Jess Johnson, she is changing the world!

Traditional divorce is archaic in so many ways. So unnecessarily violent, even in the best of circumstances. And often when it’s not what’s truly desired by the parties.

But it’s so hard to find lawyers who understand and can support a non-violent divorce.

I’m working with a few families who are choosing a different way and it’s both extremely rewarding and surprisingly challenging because the traditional path is so deeply a part of our culture.

But so worth it.

Divorcing in a new way is a critical part of recreating the culture we live in.

We live longer than ever before, and our relationships need to be able to evolve with true love and care for one another.

If you had (or witnessed) a truly non-violent, and even deeply loving, divorce, I would love to hear about it.

Can you imagine SK3B in family court? That baby girl voice? ::shudder::

Also, Amber Rae, near roomie of Julia and Devin, just signed with “a top literary agent” for a new book. Ms. Bray thanked Ali, Kc Baker, the Academy (#oscarsowoo) and other folks, but no Donkey:

I just signed with my top choice literary agent for the #WonderOverWorry book (eeeee!!!!), and here’s how it went down:

On November 5, when I turned 31, I awoke with a faint sadness in my heart. Feeling a bit “off,” I turned to my journal to dive deeper, and began reflecting on my last decade of life. Through this, I realized two things:

1 – While I had done A LOT in 10 years, I hadn’t fully committed to the one thing I longed for most: writing a book.

2 – I have a tendency to hide behind new ideas and projects as a way to distract myself from what’s most important in my heart because of a story that I’m not worthy or good enough.

In recognizing this, I reached out to my dearest Andrew Horn for a heart chat over tea. When we got together, he immediately intuited what was going on, and asked, “What would really going for it look like for you?”

Without hesitation, I answered: “I would write the book.”

He then said, “Okay. So imagine it’s January 2017, and you’ve finished your proposal, and you’re talking with agents. How will you feel?” My whole body expanded open and forward, and I enthusiastically replied, “I would feel fucking fantastic.”

“Great,” he said. “Now go write your book proposal and do nothing else.”

I smiled at the simplicity of my next step. But still, when I left our time together, I noticed myself still worrying about how I’d find the time to fully focus on the book with everything else on my plate.

Enter: a workshop with Elizabeth Gilbert.

As if divinely timed, a few days later, I found myself front and center with Liz. (Thanks Farhad for the birthday present!) When asked about what to do when “you don’t have enough time,” she shared her own journey of having to give up what she did want for what she wanted even more.

This inspired me to make two lists:
I want this…
I want this even more…

There were so many things that I did want to create and do, but the one thing that I wanted most was very clear. So, I said “No” to a few projects, canceled a trip to Bali, and said a full “YES” to the book. I took three weeks to write the proposal, and then began sharing it with agents.

And now, as of yesterday, I’m signed with my top pick literary agency. (!!!) I’m smiling in amazement at how fast life can move when we fully commit, remove distractions, and focus on what matters most.

Thank you to everyone who has been a support in the journey and process. I’m looking at you Farhad, Beverly, Andrew, Adam, Laura, Tobias, Mailande, Dhru, Radha, Bryony, Kc, Ali, Liz, Shiva, Valerie, Yasmin, Rachel – to name a few. I’m deeply grateful and more ready than ever to write this book.

And, for you, I’m curious: what is it that you long for *most* in 2017? I’m rooting for you.

And Julia is rooting for you, Amber! Parse away, kittens!

Bottom Picture: Donkey and Meaghan & Mary 6.0

Update: Jena la Flamme and DJ Deadbeat Dad are tying the knot in four days. Guess his hungry kids won’t be attending the nuptials. Another one beat you down the aisle, Donkey!

Dare you surrender to Sacha’s bush?

The beloveds wowed San Francisco with their edgy stage show!


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133 Responses to Updated, Now With OMG! Marriage: Ali Shanti Wants To Know About Your Non-Violent Divorce

  1. Worrisome Pelts says:


  2. Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

    Amber Bray should wait to celebrate until she actually gets a book contract.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Nobody has gone broke publishing banal woo bullshit in the last decade. Someone will buy her crappy book.

      • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

        Somebody stayed broke after not being able to piece together woo bs for several years, despite having an actual contract. And I proudly say that I would have bought multiple copies of that book and gift wrapped them to give to just about everyone I know with a sense of humor.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I know, right? I would have bought loads of them, too, in the manner of my people (who invented the Yankee Swap because we are assholes like that).

    • Grammarian says:

      One dollar says the literary agency is a woo with an email address

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      The all too pathetic thing is that she, like many of these idiots, is pursuing a book so she can check off just another mark on her bucket list of ego accomplishments. These narcissists don’t really care about writing, they just care about the bragging rights. Doubtful for someone like her that any advance would pay her more than minimum wage times the many hours it takes to put the book together.

  3. melting marionette says:

    she left out the part when the unicorn visited and shat omg rainbows.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Maybe because she knew that was the ending of Experiments in Crappiness? But instead of shitting out rainbows, the unicorn (NGMB reincarnated) shat out Devin.

      • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

        And then swallowed him back up and left some DJ scat near the trail for her to find.

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:



  4. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Skankatron looks like a cobra in thrall to a snake-charmer in that video.

  5. LakeWooBeGone says:

    FFS; “non-violent” divorce is now the norm. It’s called “mediation” and is now favored and encouraged by most family courts and state bar associations. Like Julie, Skanks has “discovered” something 15 years later………

    • Morrocanwear Loves You Rain says:

      I don’t want to correct you, LakeWooBeGone, but I am pretty sure that Goopy, patron saint of the smug, invented it a couple of years ago, and it is called Concious Uncoupling, by the way. Whatever they were doing years ago must have been different and worse than what Goopy invented all on her own.

  6. Morrocanwear Loves You Rain says:

    Does she pack those stupid sweaters everywhere she goes?

  7. ShesJustStupid says:

    Lol the giant knee hole.

  8. grammarian says:

    so now that the money map has failed, she’s becoming a divorce lawyer

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      If so, looking forward to her next post on how sometimes it’s important to realize that your spouse is a drain on your positive sense of pleasurable self and you need to get away in order to bloom anew as the magical mystery of you. For the low, low price of…

  9. BunnyBingo says:

    Oh boy.

  10. Princess WideStance says:

    I know this is mean but compared to those other ladies, donkey just has a big, ugly face. She looks like she has that disease old royals used to have. Injections are not her friend.

  11. So beyond says:

    Wow people who have never done anything for anyone nor have experienced anything to share writes a book about nothing. Of course she does not worry, does she even work, experience with a real job. I love spoiled bratty look at me, ugly inside write books telling other people not to worry be happy. Travel, take selfies, and only worry about yourself. Bye Felicia

  12. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    That welcome party photo has all the happiness of Kirk Cameron’s Subway sandwich birthday party photo.

  13. ShesJustStupid says:

    God grief…La phlegm is all nekid and getting married on Wednesday.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      Surely this will end well.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Speaking of kid, where are his? Jena must not understand that selfish men put their needs before their own children’s. If he can do that to flesh and blood what does Jena think he’ll do to someone he met less than six months ago? I’ve never seen a group of women from Julia to Nisha to Jena that are so needly with such low self-esteem.

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          Those kids definitely won’t be flying in for nuptials in Wooville. Jena tagged Donkey, so I’m wondering if she and Rain will stumble in from their vacation from vacation-itis for the big day. And yes, if Swiss Mister is so selfish that he can’t be bothered with gainful employment so that his children might eat, I guarantee he’ll wander off as soon as Patti Ellsberg stops paying the bills.


          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            She’s also made no mention of being a step mother which is disgusting in and of itself. These parasites deserve each other; but, I feel badly for all of their children. The only responsible thing donkey has done is not procreate. #points

          • The social media struggle is Real says:

            So mean to presume the gods offspring sired with another goddess in a shotgun shack in the hills of the alps will not of course be present for this playa blessed sacred divine union, and the fellow sister goddess divine mother

        • Purple OMG Rain says:

          This is infuriatingly irresponsible. Does this man have no concept of how fucked up it is to marry someone his children barely know, without them there, without enough opportunity for them to bond, without any care in the world? And she has no concept of it either. But here are two ass hats who barely know EACH OTHER, about to “share nuptials” or what the fuck ever. Really disgusting. How long until their non-violent divorce? Let’s start a pool. Max 10 months.

        • Not! Random! says:

          Jena wants a baby, and the dirty drummer boy has a promising track record of impregnating. That’s the only calculation happening here.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

            Will the third time be a charm for Swiss Mister? Especially since Patricia Ellsberg will be paying his bills?

  14. dr. cupcake cray cray says:

    Those sisters are so close with her that they needed to put six inches plus a fluffy dog between them and Julia.

    • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

      I just wrote and erased something here that was so mean that I shocked my mean self. Suffice it to say that I believe that her “sisters” (and her actual brother) would do well to stay away.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I figured that was staged so they could easily crop her out later.

  15. Dyspeptic would go only if she spoke says:

    aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! destroyed by those photos. And Amber Rae’s bullshit. I cannot even.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      These people are like acid trip versions of Li’l Abner characters.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Donkpatch! And she is Sadie Hawkins, always.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Shady Hawkins? DonkpatchUSBray?

        • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

          Others in her tribe would include Appassionata Von Climax, J. Colossal McGenius, Moonbeam McSwine, Princess Minihahaskirt, Loverboynik, and Hairless Joe.

          They really should change their BM camp name to Dogpatch.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Lazy Brae
            Hairless Hoe’sdick
            Scammy Yokum (or Yonikum)
            Cute&Tiny Yokum
            Wonkeyes Yokum
            Boyless Brayley
            Hairless Beau
            Lonesome Polescat
            Senator Jack S.Phuckphace
            Stupefyin’ Johnson
            Scary Woo
            Old Man Nose
            Skonk (skunk + donk) Neverworks
            Dr. Killmaremare
            Meme van Pelt
            Princess Turkey Two Feathers
            Battlin’ Noodlenik
            Liddle Noodlenik
            Dumpedagain van Lump
            Davidiot J. Combover
            Hopeless Anne Soapless
            Slobberlips McJAB
            U.S. Mule
            *(postmstr McSkonk’s whore-y jackass mount)

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Speaking of acid, did anyone else read that Style section piece about Ayelet Waldman and micro-dosing therapy? She never fails to annoy me. The Ferret was mentioned, and OMG Burning Man.

        • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

          Yeah, Ferret repainted his medicine show wagon, now it’s microdosing instead of supplements.

        • grammarian says:

          today, in things that rich people do and get published for writing about that poor people would go to jail for

        • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

          She bugs me too no end . A few years ago I (unfortunately) read an article about her perfect house and there was a photo of some figurines from my favorite book from childhood, Struwelpeter, and I think about how she (unworthy) owns them and I don’t pretty much every day since then!

    • bray kin the law says:

      bedroom photo looks like it was taken by another person

      wonder who the lucky man/woman was?

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        The lonesome ghost of Hattie Carroll. As if the poor woman hadn’t suffered enough.

  16. winnetkasnot says:

    I missed the skincare discussion in the last thread, but I’d like to put in a vote for Paula’s Choice, which is high performing without the shocking prices of some other lines.

    I’m in my late 30s and have better skin now than I did 10 years ago, and I’m positive it’s because I’ve adopted a pretty basic routine of cleansing + treatment. I use PC AHA and BHA plus a retinoid moisturizer 1-2x per week. I have fair British skin that tends towards redness when irritated and the Paula’s Choice ‘Calm’ line has been great for me.

    • Fashion Girl says:

      Second on Paula’s Choice. The Resist moisturizer with retinol got rid of a dark spot at my hairline that had been plaguing me for months. I also use the Resist cleanser and toner. It works just as well as higher priced lines, is cruelty free, and has no discernible scent.

      I can’t remember if somebody on here recommended it (I think so), but the Herbivore facial oils work really well for me, too. I’ve been using Phoenix on top of my daytime moisturizer, and it does a great job keeping me from getting dry.

      Does anyone use the Sunday Riley Good Genes serum? I’m about to bite the bullet and get some, since everyone seems to swear by it.

      Hi, by the way. I find Julia’s latest incarnation to be punishment for how she behaved in NYC. Namaste.

      • Malformed Face says:

        Can you link which moisturizer you use? There seem to be quite a few and I would love to get rid of some dark spots! Thank you!

        Anyone using products they love for wrinkle reducing or dark spot removal, would love to hear!

  17. Imperious Cunt says:

    posing like they’re john and yoko

    la flem is such dim bulb trollop trash

  18. Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

    I thought we had reached peak NACHOS!!! when Smellsberg did his porno, but I was oh-so-very-wrong.

    The pictures of La Fraud and his soon-to-be-husband are an abstinence-only sex educator’s dream!

    They should sell them to the TX Board of Education, or something.

  19. Not! Random! says:

    Good Greg, I just checked out Jena’s feed and saw that she and Sasha were at Orr Hot Springs. My cathus and I were just there. (We’re big hippies). Now I just feel gross. Hope I didn’t catch any woo worms from those dirty birds.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      I’ve wanted to go there for a while, but now I’m less motivated by knowing it’s near the “intentional community” populated by Judy’s friends.

  20. Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

    Does anyone know of a good spa in Harlem? I am looking to buy a wedding gift and I have the feeling that a little sprucing up of the nether region would be appreciated by everyone who is asked to view the video of the event.

  21. BunnyBingo says:

    Well at least we now know all about Jena’s ladybush grooming preferences.

    The poor kids.

  22. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

    OT: Yuuuuuummmmmy! Delicious Edible Love Chocolates from Philippe Lewis, Julia’s 2014 NYE orgy host at the doomed Ghost Ship.


  23. So beyond says:

    The sheer horror of these people. I am never again going to any hot springs in Northern California. These deadbeats are the worst, the horror, my eyes all kinds of yuck. La yuck is completely and utterly disgusting woman with no backbone and is desperate. Just because noodles has a baby she goes around and get married to a man unable to care for the children he has brought on this earth already. Not saying noodles man will be there forever but he is in a better space than this cray who is on the loose with another cray unstable.

    • Telexfree Antofagasta says:

      If only someone would stop funding her bullshit


  24. Manifest Dustiny (OMGPearskank) says:

    OT to infinity:

    Belated happy new year, fellow cat ladies and gents. Been quiet/lurking over the past year as life’s been crazy and has changed completely in many ways.
    Plus, I didn’t have anything particularly witty to say, as usual. But I’ve kept up for the most part (please, no pop quiz, though).

    Anyhoo, RBD New York section, I’ve made it into your marvellous city for the first time in ten years. Obviously completely outdated, yet craving sushi – any decent places in or around Turtle Bay?

    Thank you! Can’t believe I’ve been on and off talking to some of you for, give or take, eight years by now. Time flies.

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Not in Turtle Bay but there is some excellent sushi to be had at Blue Ribbon Sushi on Sullivan & Prince. I also recommend the very good and extremely busy Tomoe Sushi on Thompson & Houston–there’s almost always a line but it’s worth it.

      And welcome! Nice weather we’re having, eh?

      • Manifest Dustiny (OMGPearskank) says:

        Ah, I don’t mind. Anything below Blizzard’s fine with me 😊

        Thanks, Tortuous and the Hair!

  25. bray kin the law says:

    bottom pics are totally spinal tap material, like when the girlfriend of lead singer takes over as manager of the band, and she starts having them dress up as animal signs of the zodiac, etc.

  26. IMeantItAtTheTime says:

    So wait, in all seriousness… other than for Green Card purposes for her future husband, why is JLF marrying someone she has known for four months? And is it really true that her ex mother in law pays her rent? Again: WHY?!

    • Nosferatu-tu says:

      Green Card for him, baby for her is how I see it.
      As for the rent situation, ex mother-in-law is also poly woo, so I’m reluctant to put too much thought into what the actual quid pro quo is regarding the rent…

  27. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    Old raunch update: according to her Facebook, she just spent 55k on a Mercedes van.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      I’m sure Bry and Jen will appreciate rolling around with Ali and Rainbow Michael Haynes atop the futon in the Mercedes much more than enjoyed banging the old raunch and Fozzie in the busted out van in the backyard.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Lol some asked her how on earth she financed it. Crickets.

      • Telexfree Antofagasta says:

        Her mom

        • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

          That or her daughter or her flailing “business”. No way does ol Scammy qualify for financing a fucking $55K Mercedes until at least 2019. I suppose she could have paid cash, or it is used and not actual base model price of $55K… one can be certain there is a lie in there somewhere.

          • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            That’s cute, we can likely rule out cash. A CPA I know once said if you want to find fraud just go to the parking lot and have look. #SpotOn

          • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            JFA’ing and this is the same woman who ran up bills in Vegas before she filed for bankruptcy. Everything is about image and never built from substance.
            This will go the way of the OMG C Class from her buddy. What ever happened to that car?

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

            UGH those $50 entrees in Vegas with Craiggers and $13K in “necessary wardrobe” from Nordstrom (for her many teevee appearances)… so very evolved, the old raunch.

          • Failed Mercedes C Class Leasee says:

            What C-class?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Says ‘the plan’ is to turn it into an ‘eco green van’ … I’m confused: how does that plan reconcile w/ driving said van up a ramp & trucking it to her? Does the $55k pimpmobile currently run or not?

      She also adds, selfishly, that it’s NOT a family ride (emphasis mine) & that she’ll be taking it on the road when the kids are in college. Makes me think it does not run & never will.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        “When the kids are in college” may be the single most delusional thing this weathered skinbag of delusion has ever said. Bitch, you’re not even encouraging them to finish high school.

        Her bad parenting fills me with rage on her kids’ behalf.

      • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

        I took “not a family ride” to mean the van is going to be Shanti’s mobile bedroom. A regular IUD-pulling hot tub on wheels. Vom.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      She is going to turn this into a travel van, like a class B. If you buy one already converted, they can run 100k and up. If you do it yourself it is cheaper. I suspect she will be living in this by a river in CR in a few years.

      interesting that she says she will be using this when her kids are in college. I didn’t think she believed in college. Greg knows, she hasn’t been saving for it.

      Shipping it doesn’t mean it isn’t running. It could mean she found one for sale that she wanted in another state and didn’t want to drive it to CO herself. People do this all the time.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Having a vehicle shipped is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, agreed. But so is having actual curtains instead of towels. Or doing things to build your business that aren’t sending out begging screeds full of TMI. Or hiring a nanny/assistant instead of trying to get someone to work for free.

        Of all the things SK3B might be doing with her money, buying a vehicle and having it shipped seems like a strange priority. But so do getting eyelash extensions and feather weaves, so obviously my Money Map is out of date. πŸ˜‰

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          I’m not defending her. I think she is completely irresponsible when it comes to her finances. She proves it over and over again. How anyone could take any advice from her on any subject is beyond belief. I was just presenting a logical reason why someone would want to ship a vehicle. It does not mean that it is not working just because someone has it shipped.

          • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

            Well, we know one thing that’s not working: Shantitown! Ba-dum-fish. (autocorrect but I’m keeping it)

          • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

            Hahaha! Perfect.

            A van down by the river. Seems fitting.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Mercedes. Such a hippie.

  28. Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

    At least they have matching hairlines.

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