LUGGAGE CAROUSEL FAUXTO
That’s some genuine Christmas nostalgia. Maybe she’ll also post a fauxto of her coffee mug or a video in which she’s maniacally wrapping presents in the basement.
wrapping paper in basement gif please please please please
That’s our generation’s Tiny Tim.
Goddess bless us every one!
God bless us, every one..
Never.Gets.Old. It’s like cracked out Barbie locked in a basement.
I was rung!
Dwayne must be off getting a Christmas sweater tattoo.
Surely Petey & Robin don’t expect him to wear a real sweater?
At least her mom will be nice to that poor dog for a few days. I bet that’s the only time the ratty little beastie even sees a real (not holistic/vegan/shaman) vet.
“Mom, do you have any dog shampoo? For when you bathe Lilly?”
Mom claiming sinus infection to avoid?
Julia (for your mother’s sinus infection) because that woman has suffered enough: NeilMed Sinus Rinse ($13.99) at any Walgreen’s. It won’t fix that you’re her daughter, jobless or overall aimless but it will help her sinus infection. Merry Christmas.
Transbraytion: I am NOT cheap! I am a kind, generous person who loves to give rather than to receive.
Transbraytion of the transbraytion: For my dad, there’s an aromatherapy candle and a t-shirt that says Proud Parent of a Yogini. For my mom, there’s a construction paper poster (handmade!!!) that lists all the ways she’s made me an awesome person. For my baby brother, there’s a yoga mat and a VHS documentary on Bali. For my amazing and cute sister-in-law, there’s a copy of Pleasurable Weight Loss with the first three pages highlighted in purple glitter pen. For my baby nephew, there’s a framed photo of his Aunt Julia dressed as an embodied goddess.
I took that as she wasn’t sure what she was doing for the holidays (no one else would invite her) and then she decided to go home and had to shop for people last minute so she didn’t look like a total asshole. Because why wouldn’t you just ship it ahead?
Lugging all that crap through the airport gives me anxiety.
Or she bought nothing and can later claim the “airport” lost the whole bag.
Yep. It’s actually probably more torture getting a “gift” from her. Something she wants to borrow, no doubt, but that the recipient never wanted. I’m sure she’s as thoughtless in gift-giving as she is every day life.
We HAVE to match. You MUST wear it. NOW. SMILE.
Kind of want to change my name to “Suitcase Full of Gifts.”
Although I suspect that the suitcases full of “gifts” are actu all full of clothes… and 5-6 pairs of thick black tights.
Oh wait, it’s so obvious…. “Suitcase Full of GRIFTS.”
Lotsa luggage. How many bags are devoted strictly to costumes?
Three suitcases? She must be traveling with someone.
yeah, the other voices in her head 😉
One suitcase for the matching Christmas sweaters.
Another for the monogrammed pajamas.
all of them
That poor dog.
Lilly’s less filthy than usual — probably spent time w/ Nice Julia while Donk vaycayed in Hawaii & this is the sum total of only a week-ish under Donk’s usual neglect. Poor pup.
the red discoloration is yeast infection from being dirty
Speaking of that Hawaii trip – how come there were never any pictures? It didn’t happen if there weren’t pictures, right?
Or did I miss them?
Maybe her vacation mates shut them down? The other two brunettes are very circumspect re: what FB posts are available for public consumption. Myka McLaughlin mostly shut down personal posts after we reblogged her Burning Man fauxtos.
Based on the cloudy eyes… Lilly is probably blind at this point? I feel so bad for that dog.
Yes, she has terrible cataracts. This is a risk for many light-colored dogs with blue or hazel eyes.
I have said here before that I felt Judy was negligent in not getting treatment for Lilly’s cataracts, but someone with more dog knowledge than I said that surgery isn’t always recommended for an older dog. So maybe Judy is doing her best to help Lilly, but since she’s never bragged about putting drops in Lilly’s poor eyes, I doubt.
Also, Lilly is filthy as usual. Good work, Judy!
Very excited to see what this Craymas brings. Maybe Mark Kirk will stop by for some cranberry-spinach guacamole!
older dogs can do ok with cataracts if their environment is always the same; they know here the furniture is
when cognitive degeneration accompanies loss of sight, they can get stuck in corners
I commented on this. I had a beloved older chihuahua that suffered serious health problems including cushings disease, adrenal tumors, and at the end, she seemed to lose much of her vision. Because of her fragile state, surgery was not an option without significant risk of death. I opted to treat her as well as I could with just medication and a lot of love until she passed away. Luckily, her blindness preceded her death by only a few weeks.
My ancient cocker spaniel also had several conditions with meds so no cataract surgery he could still knock over the garbage and eat it even blind
Even sadder is that Lilly actually has brown eyes, as is the case with most Shih Tzus. So her eyes are very cloudy indeed. I feel so bad for this dog.
Yes, a dog I dogsit for has cataracts, and he’s cared for better than most children. The vet recommended against surgery, and said he always does with older dogs. This is one of those areas where I think JA is held to too high a standard (the blindness and the tear stains on Lily’s coat). Those are natural things that happen. Tear staining is easier to reverse on some dogs than others, and it happens with cats, too.
tearstains happen; cleaning them daily is doable
How is it you know everything about everything and about the whole of reality and everyone else’s life and time? I do wonder.
i know a little about a lot of things and a lot about a few thing
i know a lot about dogs
Atul Dwivedi is everything. He is great.
Yes, great work
“I wish that he would soon be right.” Preach it Atul. Something we all wish for our moms. Great.
Aww, she deleted it. Not fair. Poor Atul.
With crickets for most of her posts, she should really take her admirers wherever she gets them.
Theives (sic) oil? Sounds like something that would come out of Ali Shanti.
She’s too dusty. How can you be greasy and dusty at the same time? Ali Shanti knows.
My oven always finds a way.
What will the woos do now that the FDA is cracking down on the bullshit that is naturopathy?
And my advice for the sinus infection is see a doctor.
Steroid and or antibiotic prescribed by an actual medical practitioner (Sinus rinse really just helps you breath)
ginger and turmeric tea with honey really does help with congestion; better with a shot of whiskey in it
A sales associate at my local hippie pharmacy (whoo Madison!) suggested Bi Yan Pian to me years ago and even though I am 100% pro-actual doctors, I swear it works miracles for my constant sinus infections. Not exactly sure what’s in it (whoo sketchy Chinese herbs!) but it has made my life so much less miserable.
Hmmm I’ve never heard of it but certainly willing to try it. My sister is amazing with natural remedies and essential oils (but also willing to see a doctor if need be), I’ll ask her to get me some.
The saline flush is the single grossest thing you can do but if you need to breathe and take some of the pressure away, it’s worth its weight.
No worries, under Trump, deregulation all around!
Which is the most likely?
a) “Julia, I don’t want to hear your nonsense, my sinuses are killing me.”
b) “Cook your own damn catfish.”
c) “Julia, I’m now totally into natural remedies and I’m so glad you’re here to ask for advice from your brilliant, world-changing, cosmically-connected friends.”
The only time I’ve ever flown with that much stuff was when I moved across the country. I’m not buying the Christmas presents line. My first thought was she’s staying in Chicago for at least another season.
* Luggage = Part 1 & Part 2
* Lilly = Mom$er gets gifted w/ babysitting Lilly during Part 2
* Mom$er = allergic to playa silt, flammable chiffon & dogg dander
* Daily Double = Mom$er AND Dad$er dosed (daily!) w/ miracle cures
* Donk = rifles drawers; finds Dad$er’s new ofc letterhead; hits self in head
* Tag, You’re It! = who Donk barges in on next — how soon? & for how long?
2 dusty pairs of leggings, 2 dirty tops would be all she’d need
and a partridge in a pear tree.
(No, seriously, I love that song, mostly for Ed McBain-related reasons.)
lol lol lol
splitsville with ilyr; moving to downtown condo.
Ho ho ho
The first time I read it, I thought she meant an extra, empty luggage case for presents she plans to get
Did you catch her mentioning how she’s spending NYE with Neha? They are NOT breaking up!
Maybe it’s a couples trip to Costa Rica? Or it’s some lame NYE party in SF.
Maybe they are double-dating.
She knows Grape’s “successful” boyfriend was mentioned and she always has to be success adjacent without actually working or being successful. Still a failure donkey.
Peter Thiel’s personal poop handler! This is success!!!!
O/T Please forgive me if previously discussed, Noodely has her c-section stitches on full display on her FB. #soblessed #suchdiscretion
But please, RBD, do NOT post a picture of my spawn even though I’ll be posting him all over the internet and tying him & new motherhood into my grift.
She has to make her motherhood photos public! Otherwise, how would the Ferrett ever see the domestic bliss he is missing?
PhDonk with a Minor in Woo
Home birth water oh well
I’m very happy for her that she is healthy and delivered a healthy baby. Still, I think women everywhere should breathe a sigh of relief that she ended up giving birth via medical intervention. Her birth plan post was just cringeworthy. I can only imagine how insufferable she would have been if she had actually had the “perfect” earth mama birth experience.
i asked a friend who is an ob-gyn what she thinks about birth plans, lol lol lol lol
yup. i just had an emergency c-section + someone (i think it was a nurse) said to me at least 3 times something to the effect of “I know this wasn’t part of your birth plan but in the end you get a beautiful baby!” until I finally snapped and said “lady, my ‘birth plan’ was to come in pregnant and leave with a baby, kindly shut it and get my husband in here.” I also wasn’t able to get the baby latched so I exclusively pump and it blows people’s minds that I didn’t spend hours and hours during my baby’s first few weeks with a parade of lactation consultants. Maybe I just wanted to enjoy the first few weeks instead of being stressed? People who get too wrapped up in the “right” way to do things are silly.
I exclusively pumped with my first. You get judged from both sides. Both formula and nursing advocates freely and openly disagreed with my choice. Anyway, you go! Fed is best no matter how you choose to do it!
yes; c-sections are not good for breast feeding, mine never latched; pumped for 8 months
How does hungry baby know & why would it care?
I had three C-sections and all my babies nursed with no problems…
I exclusively pumped for three weeks and then had a breakthrough on the latch. Kudos to you. It is exhausting, and I don’t think I could have kept it up.
My grandbaby gets formula…….because his mom abandoned him. So IDGAF how a mom feeds her baby. As long as someone’s loving on that baby it’s all good.
Seriously? She abandoned a newborn? Damn.
baby can be slowed down by anesthesia, milk can come in later, mom can be not with it, or too long in post-delivery or recovery before baby needs to be fed
nursing takes more effort for babies than bottle; if they get a bottle before milk comes — either because mom is not ready or they are not ready — it makes latching harder
So, from Feeding #1 to Feeding #2, newborns can differentiate & formulate preference, most always for the bottle?
it’s not the taste it’s the effort. nursing is difficult, bottle is easy
The dumbest thing about that post is that she references “all those perfect post baby photos currently floating around” or something to that effect. Like there was context to what she’s posting. Except there isn’t. She’s doing it just to show how brave she is.
I thought she was doing the birthing tub and ‘natural’ or did I just assume that from this insufferable twat? Because these are the type of people who love to feel superior about their preferences over another’s. Sad if her birth plan didn’t go as planned but adaptability is really the only option when it comes to the well-being of mother and child. And why do these people always feel like their the “only ones who’ve ever done____” I sense she senses that since she had her birth so close to the date of Jesus, she too must have given birth to the second-coming.
She did say she planned a home birth, but thankfully had the sense to get to the hospital when things got complicated.
Yes, let’s hope she went to a hospital for a c-section and it wasn’t Ali Shanti with the kitchen knife in the kiddie pool.
JFA’ing tip to women NEVER LET THEM STAPLE YOU CLOSED, always ask for a plastic surgery close. Better healing and scar (not just aesthetically but less keloiding). Long story but in the room when my friend had twins via c-section and the doctor was talking about making his flight and said just staple her closed. I popped up and told him that his vacation would have to wait until he completed his plastic surgery close. He told her later that he’d never have anyone call out procedures but laughed and said it did look better than if he’d have stapled it. AND if you’re taking anyone (especially a kid) to the ER (face) ask for the plastic surgeon on call. Sorry old habits die hard.
yes — agreed. i had two surgeons in the room for my intentionally planned and scheduled c-section, because reasons, and the closing took longer than the delivery and i have a scar that is about as small and light as a c-section scar can be
Re-reading that, it’s not to say that if anyone was stapled closed it’s not acceptable, but as someone who keloids easily (painful scar healing) and as someone who worked in the surgical industry for 13 years, these are things I learned that I’ve told people over the years. Don’t let people take short cuts on your body if possible.
I noticed that and another humble brag she did previously…. that her baby was born on his due date. This is to laugh. Anyone who has had any experience with child birth knows. She had an ongoing labor period which could have potentially spread out over days and days, elected to induce by introducing petocin via IV drip, the fetal heart rate at some point became unstable due to induction and they literally wheeled her into the operating room. That’s what happened. What she isn’t humble bragging is that she did not go into a teepee with three medicine women until a baby arrived. She used modern medicine and it potentially saved her life, her child’s life and was an absolutely hellish experience.
i love it when stupid woos are saved by science, lol, lol, lol
Of course resident scuzz pot Bryan Franklin weighs in:
“*Real*is hot, sexy, inviting, alluring, attractive, and worthy of worship. And double that when what’s real is the #1 miracle in existence. Thank you for surrendering your body/ego/lifestyle/life to create someone who has already made an indelible mark on the future forever. This is now one of my favorite pictures of you ever.”
My baby was born “naturally” (OMG on his medically estimated “due date”) and I always considered it a random coincidence, not some kind of personal accomplishment.
Right? Only a person who lacks any real personal accomplishments would glom onto something as meaningless as delivering on a due date.
my daughter was born with a congenital nevus on her face requiring three surgeries before the age of three, thankfully found a wonderful plastic surgeon who did great work, but she will always have a permanent scar on her face. I would have gladly gotten 10,000 stitches on my stupid stomach (or my own face) if it meant I didn’t have to hear her at age 9 wondering why she has to have a scar on her face when no one else has one.. call me an asshole, but I will never feel bad for any adult woman whining about her “brave” c-section scars on her easily-concealed stomach, sorry. get a large, permanent scar on your face and then we’ll talk about your bravery, bitch. to reiterate, I know this sounds asshole-ish and it’s not a diss to any c-section moms. but, perspective is an eye opener I guess.
(and to clarify, when I say “bitch” I mean Noodles.)
I don’t know if it helps because it’s not exactly the same but I’ve found having scar at a young age (not from birth ) and not on my face (foot long center of chest x six inches across the top) also thought to be congenital, while initially made me very insecure eventually became a source of strength.
I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is for a parents but something my mom told me, that’s probably true for every parent, is that she’d cry a thousand tears not to have to see one of her children’s and that she (and my father) felt guilt because my problem, not unlike your daughter’s, was congenital. I never once blamed them, the thought never occurred to me. But reading what you wrote that conversation occurred to me: Never feel guilt over something you didn’t have control over, your daughter is beautiful and it will make her stronger and develop in ways she otherwise wouldn’t have had to which will serve her well throughout her life.
Just play a Sarah McLachlan song on your phone and that Facebook post instantly becomes an ASPCA fundraising ad. Dog looks more terrified than Rain probably does when someone says “babies.”
spilt mah drinkz
OT @Fameless Shamewhore: I think you said you had lived in Dresden previously? A new highway from my city to Dresden was just opened last weekend and we immediately used to to go and check the Christmas markets. It was lovely all around and the stollen delicious!
Hey! Yes, I did. That’s so great, I’m glad you had fun.
Having said that, I personally have quite shitty memories of Dresden as we lived there in the first years after reunification and the folks there were pretty fucking racist. You may remember that the whole area was known as “Tal der Ahnungslosen” (Valley of the Clueless) during the GDR years because for geographical reasons it was hard for them to receive Western TV or radio so they really didn’t have a clue what was going on. So when we moved there, we discovered this whole community of seemingly well-educated and middle-class people who were just stunningly ignorant and shockingly prejudiced and who didn’t know enough to be ashamed or embarrassed of their views.
Colleagues would tell us without batting an eyelash, “When I see a black guy on the bus, I get really frightened and try to sit somewhere else. I just can’t look at them!” and they always expected “Oh I know what you mean!” as an answer.
The racism extended also to anti-semitism of course. And I’m British, and that meant no-one could imagine that I might also be Jewish (ha!). So I had similar “God, aren’t they awful!” conversations with people about Jews: Jews are only interested in money, Jews were the cause of the Second World War, whatever.
I’ve been back since I left and I know it’s been rebuild and looks beautiful. But I’m not a bit surprised that Pegida started there and I will never be able to really appreciate the beauty of the place because it really is forever ruined for me by the attitudes of the people who live there.
Oh wow! I had no idea. And I didn’t even know about that “Valley of the Clueless” thing. This was my third or fourth short visit to Dresden, but the first one at this time of the year. I have always associated the city with Zwinger and with Erich Kästner whose books I loved as a kid, and had no idea about this ugly side of it.
This time I was there with several family members just for the (not quite whole) day, and everyone we met seemed super nice BUT it’s also true that none of us speak German, so obviously we had no chance to delve too deep into the local psyche, ha. My (Czech, Jewish) dad who was part of our group hates everyone including Czechs and Jews (the only people he admits to liking are Hungarians) but possibly the only nationality he hates more than Germans are Austrians (because they are “just like Germans, only worse”). He also hates most other groups of people and most individuals, not just various nationalities, though. Anyway, at one point he announced that he’s not going to run around the Altmarkt for several more hours as the rest of us wanted and that he’s going to wait for us in one of the bars (it was on Weisse Gasse, you may know it). I said “that’s cool, you can use that time to talk to Germans,” and he said “yes, yes, that’s the best part!” He actually really liked the bar though, and he was very impressed by the waiters we met in another place, although they were actually Arabs or maybe Turks. They responded very gentlemanly to his opening line, “ich bin tschechische,” which I’m pretty sure was grammatically wrong in the first place. 🙂
I really liked the markets more than those we have in Prague. The tree on Prague’s Old Town Square is more beautiful than those I saw in Dresden, but the stands themselves were MUCH nicer there, with kitschy decorations on their roofs and everything. Less tourist-trappy, too, or at least they seemed that way to me (again, I don’t speak German and don’t know that much about the culture, so it’s not like I’m an expert in local German authenticity). I liked that they had carousels there too, I don’t think we have any at the Prague markets. And the food was really lovely.
Yes, some of the architecture is beautiful, and I even saw what looked like pretty progressive graffiti at one place. I definitely want to go back to see the Grünes Gewölbe because that was closed when I was there couple of years ago and last Saturday we didn’t have enough time to include that.
Tell your dad I agree with him!
But seriously, I didn’t mean to be such a downer. It sounds like you had a really wonderful time.
My huscat and I are still planning to do our trip to Prague. Whenever we get some free time, which is probably the 5th of Never.
I do hope you can make it next spring! Definitely let me know when it becomes a real possibility.
I have also always wanted to see Dresden because of Kästner! I honestly thought I was the only one.
Kästner makes a good counter-argument when people say Germans have no sense of humor. (I’m not quite sure if “people” really say that, but Czechs love to.) “The 35th of May” was one of my favorites, but I think I’ve liked everything I read by him. The Christmas story, “The Flying Classroom,” is also great IMO.
He has a very cool statue in Dresden where he’s sitting on a wall. There’s a Kästner musem there as well but I have yet to visit it.
You probably know that he never married but had a son who was born when Erich was 58 years old. Old fox.
very off-topic: grudges against exes (in haiku form) courtesy of “the new yorker” magazine.
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