Updated (2): Loyal RBDer Needed To Take One For The Team

dogwatch

Step up, San Francisco cat ladies, and give that poor pooch some much needed attention! While chez Judy, you can check out the bourgeois Bradyesque shithole and report back to your beloved Gilly. Who’s willing to do the lord’s work?

In other news, Donkey would like to thank her lone client, her girl Neeta, who never met a family member she didn’t eagerly exploit.

exploit

Bottom Picture: We’ll call it “Fillers Extraordinaire!”

15350718_10101699368284145_1334085115567143394_n

Update: Such a tease and such a writer! I was riveted by Judy’s use of cliché in the opening sentence. Why hasn’t a major publishing house signed this promising Pynchon?

tease

threejackasses

Busted Donkey! What in God’s name is that face going to look like at age 40?

sheshadwork

Update, Part Deux:

The Sad Sweater Club is taking a vacation from vacation-itis!

girl

Widestance Memory Lane:

widestance

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303 Responses to Updated (2): Loyal RBDer Needed To Take One For The Team

  1. Telexfree Antofagasta says:

    That bottom picture is so sad. What a fucking failure.

  2. Veruca Salt Lick says:

    Shall I inquire whether this listing is on air bnb?

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

      I think that’s best. winky emoticon

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      This sounds like her. A Sweet Retreat (hot tub) and NO TV this is a retreat (scoldy) https://www.vrbo.com/4119355ha

      • Tingolayo says:

        Donk’s listing would be like:

        Stunning executive home in beautiful, verdant setting!

        Looking for conscious, embodied souls to rent our lovingly decorated home. About the house: 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, NO TV!!! My boyfriend and I don’t watch TV. Lots of plastic Buddha figurines and spiritual stuff. I grew up in Chicago and my father is a lawyer, LOL! The house is quiet and peaceful so I can work on my book because I am an author and a journalist. Carpeting throughout (I like to do yoga on it!) Comfy brown towels that were chosen by my ex-boyfriend, who is still a dear friend of mine. I went to Georgetown.

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          ARTIST’S RETREAT.

        • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

          Snort laugh, slow clap, very stuff, would read again. The punchline is perfect.

        • Bunsy says:

          Perfect — except that you (somehow) have to work OMG PRINCETON in there! xo

          Suggestions —

          PRINCETON
          PRINCETON REUNIONS
          PRINCETON EATING CLUBS etc etc

      • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

        NO TV = We can’t afford cable, but we are also snobs, so we would never cop to it.

  3. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Why oh why have we not seen the inside of her new stall?
    I sense this latest crowd source will be a bait n’ switch. She’ll try charging someone for something (utilities, food). Girl needs a little walking around money this close to Christmas.

    • Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

      The only reason Donkey hasn’t tried to pull some kind of scam like Derick Ion is because she has a daddy who can ensure she can remain ensconced in cushy basic digs.

    • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

      She probably wants somebody to clean the place for her/them too.

    • I need Likes to validate my own feelings says:

      She posted a bunch a while back

  4. Random Snowflake™ says:

    I will never get how she thinks facial fillers are helping her.. She looks ridiculous. And does ILYR really think that’s a good look? Ugh.. 🙁

    • my greg it's full of stars says:

      It’s part of her artistic transformation. Today she is a Japanese Noh mask.

      • Random Snowflake™ says:

        Next she’ll be saying “My face is my canvas.” :p

        • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

          It does look a little like canvas, but quite a bit more like papier-mâché.

          • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

            I admire your ability to 1) capture perfectly what we’re seeing here and 2) use the French accent marks correctly. Just the other day I was corresponding (in English) with a Frenchman from PARIS, FRANCE, the city where every girl should be taken by a man, and it was a very literary conversation (of COURSE, I also love maps and architecture), and at some point I realized that I simply can’t be bovvered to search for a way to spell “A rebours” and “La-bas” with the correct accent marks. The Paris guy is a bit of a jerk anyhow, so there’s that.

          • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

            Aren’t they all, Helena.

        • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

          Her face is Dr Bobby’s canvas.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      It looks like her left eye is sliding down her cheekbone (or cheek implant?) Paging Melting Marionette!

  5. Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

    “Marin horse country”? This bitch.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Wish I could take one for the team (and have access to the OMG fabulous Back Deck of legend) but no wheels, plus I have my own passel of cats to wrangle.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Sorry that was not supposed to be in response to horse country comment. But this is: she is indeed the most pretentious hick on four hooves.

        • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

          I wonder where the non-Chad roommate is going to be?

          “Our home in Marin horse country” is quite a spin from “share house in Novato.” It’s a shame Judy’s too lazy to actually do PR.

    • Razzmatazz says:

      SAT verbal analogies, NonSociety Edition
      Marin Horse Country:Donkey :: San Francisco’s South Bay: Jordacted

  6. bray D bunch says:

    woos addictively inject the term ‘artist’ into any scenario so as to make it appear more authentic

    “no, it’s not a farm house turned flophouse, it’s an artist sanctuary”

    “no, it’s not a desert orgy tent, it’s a performance art venue where the performers ARE the art’

    etc.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Their LIVES are their canvases.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I know why can’t she just say, heading out of town need someone to house and dog sit.

      • Random Snowflake™ says:

        All I’d need to do is put the word out that I’d fill my fridge with Hot Pockets and beer and I’d have some takers.

      • Because, for fucks sake. says:

        When we go away all of my friends with kids beg me to let them dog sit. Not because they want to hang with my pup, it’s so they have an excuse to go hide out, alone, and read a book or watch TV for a couple of hours with an excuse of “I’m dog sitting!!”. But my friends live normal, hectic lives so I can see how that would never happen if all of your friends are unemployed and can sit around on their asses all day and every day.

  7. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    I love that these soi-disant visionary entrepreneurs who are creating new paradigms of success are jumping at the chance to dog sit in a shitty Novato rental.

  8. i.just.can't. says:

    which ex boyfriend is jules talking about in her new ‘sisters’ fb posts?

    • Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

      Yes, WHO?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Seriously, who? Avocado? Devin?? Or is it ILOVEYOURAIN?

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        So are she and Rain’s Cute N’ Tiny getting matching sweaters for next year?

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Ima guess Phuckphace, because timing.

        Timing is everything — Donks timed this for precisely when he was in the vicinity (< two hrs from his gig, w/ time to kill) — if she kept the exes preoccupied, she'd be sure he didn't / couldn't hook up w/ one of them. Donk is nothing if not premeditated, fillers included.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

      It’s this once-handsome clown!

      alex

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Donkey and that one didn’t really DATE date, though, right? They just had noisy sex that one time on the NY couch she was surfing. If they had actually had any kind of dating relationship, she would have brayed it to the heavens, across the universe, in real time.

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

          He just banged her a couple of times on friends’ couches. She did post some nonsense about a BFF (no doubt named Julia) who told her that Donk and Alex would have beautiful children.

          Re: the photo, I worked 12 hours today and am punchy and teasing. I have no idea who the meanie was that the three feminines were all stupid enough to date. Maybe Tim Ferriss?

      • Bunsy says:

        He’s got kind of a Billy Bush vibe…

      • The social media struggle is Real says:

        looks like Burger Pimp’s older cleaner brother

    • Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

      Still letting women know when there might have been an overlap in relationship! For their own good, of course – not out of spite

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      Mika used to live in SF, so…maybe Eater Guy?

      • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        Or maybe the Eggers dude? Or Jelly Donut?

        I’m trying to think of people Donkey believes didn’t treat her right, and that is a long list, because Donkey.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Derwood commented on it which makes me think it’s Derwood. Has to be someone in woo circles, no?

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

            That made me think it wasn’t Derpin . . . and it would be a very strange way to announce her split with ILYR (but I don’t put it past her). Maybe Avocado?

          • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

            I don’t see when Debbois would have met Myka. She’s been in Colorado for the past 10 years according to her LinkedIn (and was married to Mr. McL 2010-2014).

            Megan was at Stanford and moved out to Colorado in 2010. She’s in the green energy business, which makes me think Greasy is the likely link between her and Judy, but I can’t see Greasy and Myka being a thing.

          • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

            M McL’s wedding pictures here. I am now officially Too Far down this Nancy Drew rabbit hole.

            Look, Judy! Some people have weddings featuring actual grooms!

          • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

            Myka lived in SF last year. I remember her posts to Donkey from that time.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Ah! But then when would he have been with Megan? She’s been in CO for a while, and Strangles was in LA when she was in Palo Alto.

            Leaning back towards Greasy now.

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

            I am going with Jelly D. He is fb friends with Megan, who appears to have been in / working for a company in Oakland right around Miss Assface filming / airing. Lamenting being “heartbroken” over 2nd date BJ Jelly D is consistent with Donks’ habit of exaggerating her relationships. And if there was any “overlap” among Julia and the other 2 women, that is likely because Jelly D never thought he and Julia were . . . you know . . . ever dating at all.

            Also, I never pass up an excuse to recall the floor oinking.

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            But “seduced by the same man who eventually became our boyfriend” (BTW, who learned you how to spoke, Donk?) doesn’t sound like the trajectory of Derpin or Greasy, does it? It sounds like maybe the other women dated the guy and at some point, he banged a Donkey.

            It seems odd that the three of them are making some sort of statement about this. Sure, you might be friendly with an ex and his new GF, this is totally normal, but the three of them posing in matching Xmas sweater makes it seem like they have established some sort of passive/aggressive club based on having dated the same guy. It’s just weird.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Holy shit, I never thought about Jelly, bc he was certainly never A Donkey’s boyfriend.

            What a sad fucking case she is.

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

            Julia’s take on her “relationship” with Jelly D from her Miss Assface blog:

            “We talked frequently on the phone and sent zillions of texts and emails. He played me music on his guitar and cooked dinner. I had met his friends and he had met mine. It was time to have that talk. You know, the dreaded “where is this going?” talk. I’m not a huge fan of those talks, but things were getting (as Andrew put it during that conversation) “to that depth” where we needed to discuss it.”

          • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            AQ you never cease to amaze!

          • Stalker is the new RBD continuing education requirements says:

            maybe the statue is a CLUE! Look for someone with the initials E.L.K.

          • Tingolayo says:

            Elliot Lazyass King?

          • Frequent Liar Miles says:

            Anne Elk?

          • Ali Shanti's Pubic Lice says:

            Her?

          • Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

            LOL

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Given Donk’s habit of inflating the importance of past relationships, it could be someone she hung out with for a week or two. “We looked at rings! We spoke of marriage!” Possibly someone she boinked at Buring Man and then texted a few times.

      I wonder if this tipster post offers any clues:

      http://rebloggingdonk.com/2016/11/06/a-former-gal-pal-tells-all-drugs-lesbianism-carlos-danger-the-origins-of-polyamory/

    • Donkey in the Sky with Rhinestones says:

      I think it’s Decker Cunov, the erstwhile Authentic World guru who recently fell (even further) from grace when ex-gf Megan K lambasted him on FB for how he behaved in their relationship. I think he was also together with Myka. Maybe he seduced Donks at one point but had her sign a strict non-disclosure agreement, taking a page out of Ferriss’ playbook?

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        And he has a child. All those scoldy child-rearing brays …

      • Bunsy says:

        I sign a NDA with a guy — it better be on the level of (pre-marriage) George Clooney or something. Or fucking Elvis.

        OT — I heard that everyone being interviewed for posts in Trump Admin are required to sign NDAs. Which has never happened before. No big surprise though, right?

      • Donkey in the Sky with Rhinestones says:

        Who was her boyfriend around summer/ fall of 2015? There are a few photos of Decker & Julia together around then, on FB, including one it looks like he took of her at ye olde Palace of Fine Arts at Thanksgiving. They are also featured together on a July 6 2015 photo by Ariel White, where he is miserably playing the drum and she is splayed out behind him.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          His page? Her page? Where?

          Just about this time last year when she sent herself roses to make some dude(s) jealous — in retrospect, sounds like the rebound-sex fuck-buddy deal she negotiated w/ Phuck did excluded exclusivity.

          There’s a remark Dickher makes on his page about two meaningful relationships in two years — Donk must’ve horned in during or after bff MM was one of those two — what a slag.

  9. Because, for fucks sake. says:

    At 35 years old, who needs to crowd source house and dog sitting? Call your vet. They all do boarding today. Why does she not get the most basic shit? I know, I know….

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

      Because she’s fucking cheap and never wants to pick up the tab unless it’s for a once-a-year theater piece that she’s “treating” Rain to. Julie is, after all, the feminine. (I know, I know … )

    • Jenna's Lions says:

      Orr….call/text/email a trusted friend?

      Oh wait, she has none of those.

    • Bray D bunch says:

      why have a dog if constantly traveling across the country

    • Ali Shanti's Pubic Lice says:

      Do you mean 35-years-of-age?

    • Tingolayo says:

      She’s such a damn cheap-ass. There are people who will stay in your house and feed your pets and water your plants. They’re called house-sitters. They do it for money, not for the sheer pleasure of being able to stay in your sad polyester palace.

      Can you imagine if I phoned my pet sitter and said, “Can you take care of my critters for a week? What? That’ll be $20 a day? I thought you would do it for free, so you’d get the chance to hang out at my house.”

      Yes, Julia, you really value people’s time and effort. You really believe in spreading the wealth.

  10. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Ah, out from the bureau drawer comes the stash of matching green Christmas sweaters! She made Toilet Julia wear one:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/bHIWl/?taken-by=juliaallison
    And Derple:
    http://rebloggingdonk.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/stetler-2.png

    Anyway, what is the point of her post? That friends who date the same person can remain friends? This is news? What fun if she put the other two in matching outfits of her choosing while trying to get info about the dude. Because sisterhood.

  11. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Updated bottom picture: Again with the dry yet greasy hair. How DOES she do it?

  12. Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

    I have a single Eskimo Sister in the world, and guess what I never do with her? Visit, hold hands, speak, or WEAR MATCHING SWEATERS.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      I sort of have one too but she doesn’t know it. Which is at it should be, if you ask me.

    • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

      Whoever the dude is, he has a Type.

      I narrowly missed having this relationship with a bunch of other women who all look like me, too. A lot more like one another than these three do. If the group of us got together, posed in identical outfits, and had our picture made, it would be deeply embarrassing to us all — unless we were doing it to deliberately embarrass our shared former significant other, in which case we would be upfront about it, not all tee-hee and cutesy like Judy.

      In other words, she has to be passy-assy with this, right? She surely isn’t really stupid enough to think it’s genuinely cute?

      • Bray D bunch says:

        it is kind of bizarre

        also not sure if just some dude who just happened to bang each of them at different times, or if there was some kind of quasi-poly stuff going on?

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        The cute and tiny one probably got asked if “he” ever picker her up. She’s a spinner for sure, something Julia is clearly envious of.

    • Veruca Salt Lick says:

      What is the point of JA posting this? Seriously.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      My husband and I have a perhaps unfortunate habit of maintaining friendships, or at least cordial acquaintanceships, with our exes. One lady he dated briefly (though they had been friends before and after) is so lovely and we would probably be BFFs if we lived near each other; we always have the best time hanging out with her and her husband and kids when we visit their city.

      Similarly, one of my exes and my husband really hit it off, and on the rare occasions we see him the two of them spend the whole time chatting about complicated math and computer ideas while I mentally balance my checkbook.

      But I know this would not be for everybody.

      • dinkle donkle says:

        I am still friends with my college boyfriend and his wife and I get along great. We have kids the same age and invite them to birthday parties and such. We’ve hung out, all four of us a few times, and it was lovely and not awkward. The only weird thing is that his wife and I have the same first name. The break-up wasn’t bad, we just got together so young and went our separate ways. It’s really nice to have someone in my life who knew me then and now, you know?

  13. Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

    Why is Donk traipsing around Boulder? Is Rain spinning his magic there? And why didn’t Ali get a matching sweater and have her photo taken too?

    • Bray D bunch says:

      even better would be photo of men in boulder who formed a post-relationship brotherhood based on the common thread

    • Moroccanwear says:

      Wasn’t she in Boulder a couple of weeks ago for a Rain tweedling event?

      • Moroccanwear says:

        Also, JFAing to say that if I saw a grown person splaying themselves across a large elk statue in that way I might be tempted to pull out my teacher voice and tell them to get the hell off.

        • Stalker is the new RBD continuing education requirements says:

          I mean, there’s a fence around it! They’re not supposed to be tramping around in there.

          also bottom picture looks like she’s drooling.

          • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

            She’s never had respect for public property or commercial property or private property. The examples are many: clomping atop a table at the Apple Store, traipsing around the NYPL while pretending to read a book of substance, going through Cindy McCain’s cabinets, etc., etc., etc.

        • grammarian says:

          that is two donkey bingo items in one — climbing on things, splaying on things

          see also princetown orange bathrobe dress lion reunion fauxto with dad$3r

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      Exactly.

      Whoever that man is, it is pretty safe to assume Ali banged him too.

  14. Bray D bunch says:

    major wonder woman bracelets going on there in the middle

    at least they are safe if they come under cross fire

  15. I need Likes to validate my own feelings says:

    What number nose is this?

    Also Brit Moron buys Likes and Comments from fans in the ‘stans. Way to be like, totes successful Brit, just fake it! Keep shilling crappy environmentally unfriendly shoddy and highly disposable craft things

  16. Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

    OT, mkay? Has anyone read any of these books by “Elena Ferrante” by chance?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neapolitan_Novels

    They’re now being published here with some hype about how big they are internationally including the US. I must say I never heard of the phenomenon (?) until about last week.

    • Stalker is the new RBD continuing education requirements says:

      I haven’t heard of them but I am a hick from Hicksville.

    • grammarian says:

      there’s been a whole truth or patriarchy thing about how she wrote under a pen name and a man revealed her real identity

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I read the first one, found it totally over-rated and overwrought, my daughter has read them all and loved them. Says they get better as they go along, but I had trouble finishing the first one. I just didn’t care about the characters.

    • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

      Thanks, everyone! I guess I’ll check out the first one and see what it does to me, but based on your input I’m not setting my hopes too high (which can be a very good thing in my experience).

    • Psychotic Today says:

      I am in the middle of the first one. I have been trying to read it for 2 months now and really just can’t get into the book. I’m not sure why I am even supposed to like one of the characters. One of my best friends recommended it over the summer. She said, “it really explores the complex relationships women have with each other.” I’m not sure if she and I read the same book. Let us know how you like it. I currently have no motivation to finish it.

    • Gimme Pig of Love says:

      I read them and loved them but maybe is cuz I am a plebe? I think what I liked is that a lot of it is about bright women who don’t have opportunities and live in gross patriarchies, and how much that sucks, which is a subject that interests me. I liked the characters, but mostly because they are awful. I love awful women in fiction.

      If anyone needs something light-hearted and fun on TV, I’m very into Jane the Virgin right now. It shouldn’t be this absorbing, but it is. Warning, it is about having babies, which has not always been easy the last couple days (thanks again for the love, y’all), but is so fun and sweet it still brightens my mood. Jane is kinda goody two shoes which can grate, but evil Petra is my gal. There is a famous telenovela star as a major character, and he is AMAZING. #rogeliomybrogelio

      Okay just confirmed am plebe.

      • Kenneth Ellen Parcell excercises his own permutations of Donkey Fits says:

        JTV is sooooooo good. i needed an escapist, fun, funny show in my life. Rogelio is amazing in every way. and yes. Petra!!! that actress is incredible.

        • Gimme Pig of Love says:

          YASSS I’m not the only one! It looks like it should suck cuz it’s on. The CW and sounds ridiculous but it’s AMAZING.

          I wake myself up every morning by softly singing, ‘It’s another beautiful day to be Rogelio, Rogelio, Rogeliooooooo’

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      I liked My Brilliant Friend a lot, was meh about the other two.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Other two I read, I mean. I didn’t read The Story of the Lost Child.

        It is, to me, very old-fashioned writing in its style, and that is not always my favorite. But the characterization is extremely rich, so I get why people are so blown away by the books.

        My favorite Italian novelist right now is Amara Lakhous. Clash of Civilizations Over an Elevator in Piazza Vittoria is one of the smartest and funniest books I have ever read.

    • Energy Pussy (brought to you by BIG TAMPON) says:

      I read all of them. I think they do get better as you go along, the last one being the best. I enjoyed them and gave them to my mom to read when I was done. YMMV.

    • burrobutt says:

      I just finished ‘My Brilliant Friend’. And I have the next book on hold. I had heard going into it that the first book was kinda slow so I wasn’t surprised when I found that to be the case. It did get better the last 10 or 15 chapters. It took me about a week to read it, which is pretty quick for me. I’m not a fast reader by any means. The writing is a bit choppy to me but I’m gonna guess that’s due to the translation. My family came from the Naples area so it intrigued me and made me think of what their lives were like when they lived there. So, I’m excited for the next installment, regardless.

    • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

      Thank you all so much for your wonderful responses! You rock. Very intriguing, and I’ll definitely give the first book a try and then report back.

  17. Little Orphan Lilly says:

    #LoveWins?? Oh my god, Julia, fucking do one.

  18. Bray D bunch says:

    Not sure about women in general, but i cannot imagine any men who shared the same woman at some point dressing up for a reunion photo together

    Most guys don’t even want to think about that subject, let alone acknowledge it

  19. WTActualF Bunnies says:

    Can we talk about the middle one’s boots….? Late 90s Steve Madden called and he wants his JCPenny discount rack, barf-colored duck boots back.

  20. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    The movie actor and writer Ilka Chase was briefly married to the movie actor Louis Calhern (so great as Caesar in the movie with James Mason as Brutus and John Gielgud as Cassius and Marlon Brando as Marc Antony, but I digress).

    After their divorce, she gathered up all the stationery she had ordered that was marked “Mrs. Louis Calhern” and sent it to his next wife, with the cover note, “Dear Julia, I hope these reach you in time.”

    Classic moments in bitchiness.

    Calhern’s next next wife was Natalie Schafer, immortalized on videotape as Lovey Howell on “Gilligan’s Island”. And I think he had another next wife after her, too.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

      Today’s Trivia: Calhern replaced Frank Morgan in the film version of ANNIE GET YOUR GUN, making a wonderful Buffalo Bill.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        You and I have to get drinks sometime and talk Golden Age Hollywood!

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

          Where are you, Albie? If you don’t want to mention location on RBD, send me an email: gillyblakejourno@yahoo.com

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Boston, but I travel! 😉

          • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

            A dear ex is from the Boston area, so I’ve spent a lot of time there, much of it in Hamilton.

            I’m in Jess Johnson territory. A friend and I nearly went that Halloween Garden of Eden ayafest for a lark, but his wife wouldn’t hear of it once she’d researched the woos.

  21. What?Why? says:

    I have been a constant lurker but seldom poster but have been here since the last Donk site. In the time I believe is over a decade, I have lost parents, gained a spouse, went through a life challenging illness with spouse(healthy YAY), and adjusting to life changes, stepchildren, divorces, marriages, career changes, etc. AND THIS SAD PATHETIC LOSER never changes or moves forward. Sometimes it infuriates me but it also gives a sense of peace, what if that beast thing was you?

    • Stalker is the new RBD continuing education requirements says:

      my babydaddy and I used to be like the woos (minus at least some of the bullshit.) I have wayyyyyyyyyy moved onward and upward (Excelsior!) but he’s still doing Burning Man and blah blah blah. He’s probably one degree away from Julia if he doesn’t know her directly. It’s nice to remember how far I’ve come sometimes when I start stressing about whether I’ve saved enough for retirement or (currently) fretting about if I have enough life insurance. Not that life-insurance equals grownup but still.

      • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

        This resonates, Stalker. It’s like a “there but for the grace of Greg”/”actually, in comparison, I’m doing just fine” kind of thing.

  22. Albie Quirky says:

    Chad’s not tweedling in CO now, but maybe he stayed on to vacation between his last gig (12/2, Fort Collins) and his next gig (12/17, Wappingers Falls, NY)?

    • Dyspeptic would go only if she spoke says:

      Wappingers Falls. Now that’s the big time. Poor Donks, it has come to this. She shoulda had a founder.

      • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

        LOL! I wonder if he’s staying at the hotel that is by the waterfall (which is actually kind of cute), or if he has booked accommodations in a shady Motel 6.

  23. Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Wow that filler in her frontal sinus area is just awful. It’s lumpy and bumpy.

  24. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    I asked my husband if he didn’t think the Three Exes photo and caption was passive-aggressive as hell, and he said, “I see no passivity here. That’s just aggressive.”

    • WTActualF Bunnies says:

      I don’t find it terribly odd that people who have dated the same person get along. I often think that my huscat’s ex might’ve been a grand friend if we’d met under different circumstances. If they did truly go through a rough relationship with the guy, I can even see that being friends with someone who went through the same thing being a comfort. However, I would NEVER post about it on social media and I’d probably try to keep it to myself in general lest a friend think that we were being vindictive. But, if it walks like a donk and honks like a donk…

      • Tingolayo says:

        I’m still friends (as much as you can be, when you live on different continents) with my OMG high school boyfriend, which isn’t that much of an accomplishment when the whole high school gang is on Facebook and it takes like no effort. What I *don’t* post about, EVER, is the fact that we ever had any physical contact whatsoever. No stories about prom night, or sneaking around behind our parents’ backs. I don’t even refer to him as an ex-boyfriend, first love, whatever. His wife is on FB and he’s hers now. It would also be weird because nobody else on FB talks about this stuff, either.

  25. LickedRandisCake says:

    Ok, so, three chicks allowed themselves to be treated horribly by a guy who has a history of treating his girlfriends horribly and then all got dumped hard. I’m not quite sure why they would be praising themselves for not being competitive. Aren’t you typically only competitive when there is something to compete for? This guy already smashed and dashed.

    So, they all banded together to talk shit about the guy and post about him on FB. Yes, that is really honoring the feminine! In the worst way possible of course, but, you do you JA!

    • Tingolayo says:

      “seduced by” instead of “we fell for…” because The Feminine is totally powerless against The Masculine

    • Bunsy says:

      And ALL IN MATCHING SWEATERS FOR THE CUTE!

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Nonsociety 2.0.

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        If someone requested this of me my eyes would get stuck in the permanently rolled position. I have two sisters and every year from 1969 (first just my older sister) to 1996 (all three of us-with exception of two years my older sister was “too cool”) we got our “picture with Santa” at our mother’s request/bribe and NOT once did we all have the same outfit on…not once.

      • Wolf and Hemmingway in horse country says:

        Because nothing says holistic, environmentally-friendly, earth-loving hippie like buying disposable polyester sweaters by the dozen.

  26. BunnyBingo says:

    Julia’s starting to look like Geena Davis.

    And the Sad Sweater Club of gals who banged the same dude is just….sad.

  27. Woo says:

    I’m so glad she found the time to get in a trip to Hawaii. It must be exhausting doing nothing all day.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

      Who do you think you are?! She has many clients but is most partial to former dentist and super confidence man Neeta Bhushan. GRI(f)T!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Well, she sure waited ’til the 11th hour to bother w/ Lilly’s well-being, didn’t she? Makes me wonder: did Donk weevil her way into a girls trip that didn’t originally include her?

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        She didn’t name the dates in that post, so it’s probably for taking care of lily some other time. Like her NYE trip with Chad.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Do you angry haterz remember a few months back, when she made a dumb post about how much she’s chaaanged since leaving horrible, soul-crushing New York, and she said something like “I used to wear heels, now I wear flats; I used to hop on planes at every chance; now I’m a homebody”?

      Since October, she’s flown to her parents’ house to So. Cal, to Boulder, and now to Hawaii. Am I missing anywhere?

      THIS is why people think you’re a delusional liar, Donkey. Just own it: I love to fly! I’m never home! Why pretend to be a “homebody”?

      • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

        I think she honestly believes she’s a homebody because she occasionally sees some people leave their homes for 8+ hours five days a week, and she would just never lead that kind of unenlightened non-domestic life.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      No one like Julia takes a “girls trip” during the OMG holiday season. That bottom picture where she’s larger than the tree and her stance spans the Grand Canyon is horrific. (Stand next to a tree that size moron).

  28. bray D bunch says:

    OT: forgive me for not keeping count, but i did not realize that pimplion has not 1, not 2, but 3 BOOKs published already?

    https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Austin-Jacobs/e/B00L87UO3C/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1481241133&sr=1-2-ent

    • bray D bunch says:

      btw

      what exactly is the selling criteria needed to be a “#1 amazon best seller”???

      do they actually publish this somewhere at a certain time interval?

      or do people just take liberties by referring to themselves as such because there is no way people can dispute it?

    • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

      I hope you’re sitting down, because PimpLion has four (4) BOOKs “published” already. The fourth and most recent is a quasi-Biblical fiction set in the aftermath of Cain having killed Able [sic, really]. Its heroes are the Angledons [sic? not sure if should be Angeldons], who God tapped to “save the earth.”

      It’s free! Here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9D32HP

      Also, regarding Amazon #1 best sellers, it is my understanding that if you bury your BOOK in a specific enough niche– for instance a niche in which no other BOOK exists– poof! You are a #1 best seller on Amazon. But I’m no expert and could be wrong.

      • bray D bunch says:

        thanks for info!

        as for the 4th BOOK, i have to give credit for producing something, anything, in between social activities and indulgences

        • Psycho-delic Ballerina says:

          Agreed, completely. Fozzie achieved something Judy couldn’t, and four times over. Kudos to our Burger King.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Yes, that’s how Judy’s pal Neeta did it. Her book was #1 in something like Business>Coaching>Personal Development and Growth.

        My next book is going to be #1 in Biography>20th Century>Estonian Philatelists, I just know it.

        • bray D bunch says:

          so perhaps i have a chance with my idea for a pictorial history of costumes worn on Dance Fever- the early years 1979-1981

          • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

            I would totally buy that book in any and every category.

          • Morrocanwear Loves You Rain says:

            Focus your first book JUST on Denny Terio’s pants please! I am your market.

          • Stalker is the new RBD continuing education requirements says:

            I too would buy the shit out of that book.

          • Tingolayo says:

            You said Denny Terio. I am dead, never to be revived. Dance FEE-ver.

          • Bray D bunch says:

            Dancing with the stars is ok for what it is, but dance fever was the real deal

            Also cant forget the two lady dancer side kicks with denny, i think they were called ‘Motion’?

          • Moroccanwear Loves You Rain says:

            Well, I managed to misspell both his first and last name, but he (and Motion) are every bit as terrific as I remembered. Bray D Bunch, these blue pants can be chapter one of your upcoming book, and I think there is a second volume to be written about belted leotards.

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QvL0ftQGhLs

          • Tingolayo says:

            Leotards? Paging The Jazzerciser!

          • bray D bunch says:

            thanks, morrocan, that was great!

            amazing how those dancers hardly even seem to break a sweat nor gasp for air after all that movement

            now i gotta lose some weight so i can fit me in those texas-instruments-computer-screen-cyan-blue pants by easter

  29. Razzmatazz says:

    Fuck, it must be nice to NEVER have to work.

  30. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    No patience to listen to it all so I jumped around a bunch.
    There’s a transcript of the whole episode.

    EXCERPTS OF DICKHER PODCAST:
    “Let it unfold” (x2)
    Talk re: massaging her jaw & finding her sweet spot … (did it unhinge?)
    Talk re: not getting a retirement pkg out of ^ it … (walk her down the bridle path!)

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      Ew. I listened to about a minute of Decker extolling the virtues of hedonism and gave up. Please note this groundbreaking video has two likes and less than 200 views.

      THIS IS SUCCESS!

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      He looks like Kermit the Frog.

      How many times do you think he’s been called “Dickher Cuntoff” in his life? More or less than a thousand?

  31. Donkey of Oz says:

    Kauai! IN DECEMBER! Hope you love RAIN!!!! Irony.

  32. How woo'd says:

    I have passed over the stupid beaver sweater club and the whoever choad dick that she’s referring to and have settled on how this stupid rectal bunion can just jet off to Hawaii because it’s such an inexpensive trip. Bitch must have a baby farm at home and is selling stem cells because this does not compute.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Go back in time and choose a different father (a gullible one who has $5K or so to send you every month), and you, too, can live the Judy Albertson life!

      • How woo'd says:

        Even 5K wouldn’t float the lifestyle she’s presenting (not that it’s reality). I’m sticking with my baby stem cell farm idea.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      The emotional grit woman’s consulting cheque cleared, is my thinking.

    • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

      Evil laughter; “stupid beaver sweater club”, “whatever choad dick”, and “rectal bunion”, the hits keep coming! Please never slow down.

  33. ShesJustStupid says:

    Lol the weather in Kauai

    Kauai
    Thu, 4 PM, Mostly Cloudy
    Mostly Cloudy66°F|°C
    Precip: 22%
    Humidity: 86%
    Wind: 5 mph
    6 PM11 PM4 AM9 AM2 PM
    THU
    Showers
    69°
    55°
    FRI
    Showers
    76°
    55°
    SAT
    Showers
    76°
    54°
    SUN
    Showers
    75°
    55°
    MON
    Showers
    72°
    54°
    TUE
    Mostly Sunny
    72°
    55°
    WED
    Partly Cloudy
    73°
    54°
    THU
    Showers
    72°
    58°
    FRI
    Showers
    70°
    58°
    SAT
    Showers
    71°
    59°
    Flash Flood Watch
    Hawaii
    50 mins ago – National Weather Service
    A surge of moisture from the south combining with an … Heavy downpours could cause streams to quickly overflow their banks, leading to life threatening flash flooding. More info

    More on weather.com

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      🙂 🙂 🙂 Gives me the glads to picture Donkey’s sodden rayon unraveling Goddess-wear frustrating her pilgrimage to honor Pele. On the other hoof, maybe that rain (not THAT Rain) will wash some of that funk right outta her hair.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Well, there was an earthquake there Thurs, & for awhile afterward, some concern that a tsunami might follow. Had to laugh (danger was already over by the time I read about it) because [1] isn’t cold holiday season automatically a pricey time to go, & [2] did she increase the expense by booking airfare* at the last minute?

      * cue my SugarDaddy AirMiles theory

      Those poor (other) girls, vacay rained out, stabled w/ a braying shitbird who’ll force them to watch Mass Despised on her laptop.

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Don’t forget forced Christmas song sing-along on the airplane. Passengers just LOVE that.

      • Veruca Salt Lick says:

        I know I say this ever time but….how the hell does she afford to travel so much without any job?

  34. Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

    I lied so much, by accident, about having only one Eskimo Sister. What I meant was that there is only one I share with two husbands. The other has dinner with our family every Monday night, but we don’t dress in matching clothes. My bad.

  35. Never the Bride says:

    I just had to tell my PAID dogsitter who let my sweet Charlotte Ann sleep in her kids’ beds and stay with her for weeks while we traveled that Charlotte has passed. It felt worse than losing Charlotte.

  36. bray D bunch says:

    btw, do people from SF actually refer to that region as “horse country”?

    or is that just something made up in order to make it sound more quaint?

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      Marin is not SF though. Do an image search for Novato to see the latest stall area.

    • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

      When I read “horse country”, my first thought was “more like DONKEY country”.

      • Tingolayo says:

        You just know that people around there have donkeys in their barns. Satisfying to know that, even in her OMG comfy and delightful nature paradise, she gets a constant reminder of RBD.

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      1) no

      2) yes

      2a) she has an uncanny ability to sound like a rube no matter where she is

    • dinkle donkle says:

      No. We just call it Marin or “Ew, Novato.”

  37. Darling dearest communicates with grace says:

    imagine this photo but it’s Charles Forman, redacted and prom king, all holding hands.

    • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

      Throw in poor Devin, too. I just feel sorry for the guy.

      • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

        I would love to see Derpin, Pancakes, and (any third fellow of your choosing), just for maximum awkward disparity.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      That’d be friggen hilarious! BTW, I noticed yesterday a glut of FREE ‘How To Photoshop’ books for Kindle / e-readers — HERE, if anyone is interested: http://tinyurl.com/j7lfgwp

  38. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    That fully decorated tree fell out of her vagina.

  39. Jenna's Lions says:

    Julia’s facebook/world veiw is starting morph into a real life Woodbridge High School Student Theatre Showcase skit on SNL.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=323v_FtWqvo

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Somehow I had missed this whole series of sketches, and they are hilarious. Thank you for the laughs!

  40. Jenna's Lions says:

    “I feel like they just wanted to kiss each other and made it about something.”

    • Nosferatu-tu says:

      All this talk of sisterhood and The Feminine bonding over this ‘heartbreak’, but you know Donk would scratch their eyes out in a second if she thought there was a chance with whichever guy it was.

  41. Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:
  42. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    “But the real reason everyone loves me is that I shit Christmas trees. Fully decorated!”

  43. [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

    OT but since we are talking about “love” lives, an update for anyone who cares:

    I hesitate to use the word “ghosted”, since I had once told him he owed me nothing and it’s only been a month, but … there is that. From what I know of him and based on certain photos I have seen of him at parties in the interim, he has been schwasted the entire time, so he might not be ignoring me on purpose.
    Whether or not he has been having a giant revolving (pity?-)fuck party with women who look like me, because btw I also look a lot like his ex-wife, remains to be seen and the suspicion may just be my natural cynical paranoia.

    So I guess when I said “I trust us to handle it like adults”, that was an accidental Judy-ism where I said “us” when I meant “me.”
    I have in fact been handling it like an adult, meaning: drinking light quantities of wine, laughing extra hard at internet schadenfreude, and picking social media fights with some of the white-savior Instagram darlings of Standing Rock. It feels okay. No floor-oinking here; on the scale of personal tragedies, this doesn’t even rate, and I’ll be fine.

    Just a reminder to never, ever the sensitive French-American liberal artsy type. Which, to this guy’s credit, does include me, so there is that.

    • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

      * too.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      I would put the chorus line emoji in here if I could!

      • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

        Sometimes I relive old habits and find myself trying to use the dance banana from [that other sass website]. So will just imagine, like, five of those right here. ; )

    • Veruca Salt Lick says:

      I’m ghosted frequently and virtually every time now. It’s depressing.

      • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

        Yeah, what the fuck is up with that? I am used to being the person who drops out of a social interaction due to shyness or just reticence to get too close too fast, so I make a concentrated effort to get past that. When it turns out other people feel free not to, I feel awkward, but also it isn’t really worth hurting their feelings over. So I guess namaste, except for real, to them. What’s your take?

        • Veruca Salt Lick says:

          They are cowardly and extremely selfish. I used to be a reverse narcissist and think that they acted terribly to me because of me. Now I realize they are just shittty people. And I don’t want to be involved with shitty people. I sensed a guy doing the slow fade last week so I just called him up and said I sense you’re not interested but are too afraid to tell me (after he pursued and pursued until he didn’t). I’m a very direct person so I’ll just sometimes call them out on it. Im fact, I’m so direct that earlier this week, a judge told the attorney I’m mentoring at work to listen to me because of my directness, and yesterday, my colleague handed me a fortune from his cookie that said “be direct, you’ll accomplish more that way.” He said it was clearly meant for me. Lol. What’s your take on these nit-wits?

          • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

            Maybe it’s an East Coast thing, but I respect directness too. And I understand the “reverse narcissism” concerns. When somebody ghosts, I always think, “well, I am a chronic depressive and some other things which are a lot to handle and can be exhausting even for me, so who am I to begrudge anyone else for backing away,” as if I think I am Judy and they need to run for their lives or something. But I’m not and they don’t, so although I do have to just let people go if they want to leave, part of me does recognize the behavior is just shitty on their part.
            I also put in effort to be direct and up front about my feelings and motivations, so if somebody does not respect me enough to pay the same courtesy in return, then they simply don’t respect me the same way I do them. So they can leave if they want, and if it’s especially egregious, fuck themselves on the way out.

            Part of me always second-guesses myself, though, and thinks maybe I invented it all, like Donkey exaggerating her couch-banging exploits into something like a marriage … but in this case I can just look at my email where dude used to write me poems about closely watching the life cycle of birds and once even about seeing roadkill. Nobody twisted his arm to share with me the spark of divinity he saw in hatchling egrets or a dead raccoon. He could have just said, “I’ve found somebody (and maybe, for her sake, we shouldn’t talk right now”); it would have saved us both some potential embarrassment, and I would have respected that and been happy for him.

            I think the woos hold repulsive fascination for me because they are the logical conclusion of un-self-aware solipsism and cowardice, all draped with a mantle of social justice awareness and armored with “fuck the haters’ negativity!” so they never have to face themselves no matter how much time they spend in front of a mirror. If everyone on earth acted like that, we now see what would happen: charred remains and a whole lot of denial of responsibility for the smoldering wreckage. It’s dreadful and reminds me to avoid that at all costs.

          • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

            Sorry for the long comment and mememememe-ing, btw

          • melting marionette says:

            directness is def. an east coast trait. just came off a six-week consulting gig out west; more than once received side-eye when i told them how it was and what they had to do.

          • Veruca Salt Lick says:

            Although I now live on the West Coast, I am originally from the East Coast, too.

          • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

            East Coast to West Coast is ROUGH. It took me a long time to adjust even this much, because everyone’s ego is so fucking delicate and their feelings so fragile that I was constantly causing pain by making statements that would have been considered laughably weak back home.
            Me + emotionally unstable narcissists who need coddling = awkward times, not a great scene.

            Also, there seem to be a lot more unapologetic sex perverts out here. And serial killers, at least at one time.

      • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

        I had to google what it means “to be ghosted” because I am lame. But now I can tell you that it TOTALLY happened to me a long time ago and until now I had no idea it was actually a thing. The guy who did it to me was not someone I was “involved with” but someone who was one of my very best friends when I was 14-20 years old. We were really very close, spent a lot of time together, got shitfaced together, talked about all the earth-shatteringly important stuff teenagers “are wont to” discuss etc., and as far as I can tell we loved each other. (When we met at 14, he, as he told me about two years later, actually fell in love with me because he still wasn’t quite clear on how gay he was, but that never got in the way or anything.) Then during the last year of our friendship, NOTHING in the friendship changed that I noticed (I might be dumb?), when we met everything was as usual, we talked about everything, laughed a lot and all, except I noticed he never called anymore. We only met when *I* called. I mean he never said no when I said “let’s hang out” but he just stopped saying that himself. For a couple of months I even tried to communicate to him that I wasn’t sure WTF his problem was but we didn’t HAVE to meet if he didn’t want to (because in my mind people who want to meet sometimes show initiative), but he always said “oh no, I definitely want to see you, I’ve just been so busy” or some bullshit like that. So after couple more months I stopped calling as well, and that was it. It was just THE WEIRDEST THING, I had NO IDEA what happened (I still don’t), and it hurt me a lot. But after some time I figured I didn’t actually want to go on seeing someone who didn’t want to see me, and while I’d have still wanted to know WTF had happened, it was more of an academic curiosity at that point. And then that passed too. I wish him well, but I just stopped caring in general.

        Sorry for such a mememememe! Your comment just reminded me of one of the weirdest things that ever happened to me (I’ve obviously lived a pretty sheltered life), and I basically just meant to say that while the situation was different, I can definitely empathize and I know how much it can suck. But (again, different situation, but still) I also know it will pass. Really, either there was some serious problem, or there wasn’t and then you probably wouldn’t want to try to “build” something with someone who just pulls weird shit like this for no serious reason.

        Tl;dr: people are weird assholes. FLM speaks the truth.

        • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

          Helena, you cosmopolitan, I would never think you were lame and sheltered! And I’m glad you shared this memory/story, even though it must have been at least a little uncomfortable to revisit the pain.

          The postmortem aspect always fascinates me too, because I compulsively want to know what happened so as to properly make amends before parting, or at very least to keep from inflicting the same mistake(s) on other unsuspecting people.
          I tend to get a grasp of someone’s character very quickly, but human beings are full of surprises and are capable of throwing great curveballs, so each interaction with each different person is an opportunity for learning and growth. (One of my heroes is Oliver Sacks; you may relate, and if so, you understand why I mention him now!)

          Also the situations are not that dissimilar, except in this case I was the kind of gay half of the pair. Otherwise it’s the same story: people being close, then one person suddenly falling off and leaving the other to pick up the slack, until that other person decides not to bother any more either. With the additional element that I felt as though the world was ending and wondered if we should just put that old pedal to the metal.
          You are right: people are very weird, and it is not worth the effort to keep carrying the full weight for someone who is a flake.

          And I’m glad you are okay now, but am still sorry you were sad and hurt. Fuck that guy with the devil’s dick, too. You, and I, and the whole basement deserve to interact with people who equally wish to interact back.

          • Helena (The Same Amount of NOT) says:

            Thank you for your kind words, and I’m glad if my egotrip helped you a little bit. I think for me the hardest part was that we were friends for so long (6 or 7 years is of course insanely long when you’re just over 20), and we kind of grew up together; on the other hand, while I never had many friends as close as he was, I never for a second thought he might be “the one” in any sense of the word, and that’s what must be making it much more difficult for you.

            I would say it really can be a learning experience though, if only because it shows you how weird people, even people you think you know extremely well, can be. I’ve certainly healed, and I do hope you heal soon as well. Meanwhile, make sure you hang around the basement frequently! xoxo

          • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

            You are welcome, and I will!
            Honestly, I keep forgetting the possible “lurv” aspect of the whole thing because that might have been the complicating factor, and if so, I would like to bury that and preserve the fonder memories instead. File under “stuff to discuss with therapist” I guess.

            Here is a little nerdy self-embarrassment: this guy has always been liberal but had recently expressed interest in radical leftist politics, and I was concerned he would get his heart smashed like a bare toe getting caught in a closing door. So I wrote him an essay about ecoterrorists I have known (true story), and how one might agree with certain political stances but discover their most dogmatic adherents do not make particularly good company (also a true story).

            He replied in such a fashion that I thought he was teasing, “(have I really been corresponding this whole time with) Nell Zisk?” and though I felt he was clearly joking, I was so flattered and delighted! We had, in my mind, reached the elaborate wordplay phase of the interaction, which is basically third base for me and no one ever gets there. I teased back that, if I were Nell Zisk, was he Avraham Shats or Jonathan Franzen? and said I had always wanted to have a literary correspondence with someone.
            He replied back, perhaps tersely unless I read it wrong, that he was just asking if I had read her work. I was a little deflated and had to say, no, not really. After that, his letters shrank to a single line at a time, then dried up almost completely.

            I think that was probably the point where the ship sank, but it must have been taking on water beforehand. On one side I almost want to apologize for such a stunning display of hubris, but on the other, just mostly just don’t care.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Didn’t I TELL you that’s what you get for getting involved with PEOPLE?

      • [temporarily redacted vulgar username], presence the unseen says:

        LOL! Yes, you did, FLM, and this is what I get for not listening!

  44. melting marionette says:

    ot: lah lee is back!

  45. Dyspeptic would go only if she spoke says:

    Forgive me if it has been mentioned above, but it just hit me as I stared in horror at the Judy/Brit pic that BOTH THE SAUSAGE CURLS AND THE SKATING SKIRTS ARE BACK. wtf

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Wardrobe Department! Emergency on the set of “Julia Pretends To Have A Job”!

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly, International Shirtless DJ of Mystery says:

      I know! The resurrection of the sausage curls was too, too much. Should we expect a new persona sometime soon? Christian Julie? The return of Republican Housewife?

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