SOS! Donkey Needs A Stockbroker & Some Tips For Her Next Vacation From Vacation-Itis

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looneytunes

An angel investor is wondering …

stocksinpublicsquare

Ali Shanti would not approve! But what should Donkey do with the millions she’s earned in the last few years?

moneybags

Why not take another vacation?

vacay200000

We? I LOVE YOU RAIN!! Is the masculine paying? I highly doubt it, unless his name is Peter Baugher.

A few folks actually responded. How rare is that?

Dan, never be jealous of a lazy burro living off her daddy.

#pleasurablesocialmediaexpert
#somethingindolentisnotwakingup

137 COMMENTS

  1. Petey pays for the trips on his credit cards, his burrito buys drugs & dirty DJ penises with her allowance

    Wait until she gets preggo, Petey Bugger!

    • Whatever carny dirtfest DJ is banging her at the time. Chaddwarts.com will probs hand her off to someone older and less hirsute like Avacado did

      • JFAing myself to say: now that I think about it, Judy’s been on this glide path since Pancakes.

        Jesus Christ who is next? A 50 year old Mr. Clean-looking motherfucker?

  2. Costa rica be like the woo mecca

    Do they have lax enforcement of drug laws or something?

      • i miss the king! genuinely hope he is doing OK these days

        whatever became of his homecoming trip back to CO several weeks back?

        sounded like he was gonna hook up with the bros for some fun, but have not heard anything after that

          • I don’t want to call those dad bods, because are any of them dads? And the dads I know have more self respect than that group of dad sacks.

            Those are some sad bods, however. They make me want to cry.

          • Such a cringe inducing fauxto. In addition to the dirt and the sad bods, there’s Fozzie’s ginormous head and The Jazzerciser’s wee willie peeking through the pink spandex. Shudder!

          • … which is fitting because Ali’s never progressed emotionally past age 16.

          • This goes out to all the KIDS
            That are DIFFERENT
            USE that CREATIVITY
            It’s a GIFT
            That you’ve been GIVEN

            USE IT

            WISELY
            Sometimes like I feel like the man from Mars (x2)

            And other times I feel locked up behind these bars
            I feel like I can go and soar(?)
            I feel like I can use my shield and sword
            And open up my wings fly to the sky
            Only recognize we on earth no lie
            All of the people they fill with lies
            They be livin’ so blind behind mirrors that’s a crime
            And what do you find when you search inside of, seeing them defining you

            [stopped transcribing until this part:]

            STAND UP, this is the fuckin’ season!
            STAND UP, this is the fuckin’ season!

      • Yikes that’s a horrifying scarifying picture. Sanitation is so gnarled and shrunken. (Skankatron, obviously. Spell-check did it again; so funny.)
        P.S.: Nice corporation, Fozzie. You’re only in your 20s; get a handle on that tum.

  3. BITCH PLEASE, Julia. You’re only posting about foreign trips three months from now because all of the talk in the basement around Chad wanting to break it off is probably truuuuuuuuuueeeeeee

    I’ll believe it when I see it ACTUALLY happen.

    • We’ll also see if she can pull off an invite to Summit at Sea in November, which you KNOW she wants to crash again. Maybe Nvmbr or Noodley will hook her up, but I hope not. She already crowdsource to find out who was going and got crickets.

  4. Gilly, thanks for the posts. It’s gotta be hard coming up with consistently lulzy material off of Judy’s boring-ass existence. Her life is just weeks of Adderall and farts between dirt festivals at this point.

    • It’s challenging, but the supporting characters – Jena, Ali, Jess, Smellsberg – all straight out of a Jim Thompson novel, help.

    • *does the been rung dance* it’s so true. honestly though i prefer her boring from a “the world is a better place when the scheme juices are at a low simmer” perspective.

  5. OT- whatever happened to the co-living community or whatever workshop at BM??

    lots of lead-up prior, but not a peep since, no follow-up presentations, invites to speak at similar events, or updates of how the co-living is working out?

  6. Come on folks! Ask your friends and relations who have insider information to risk their jobs and freedom and help Julie out. She has $234 to invest and needs it to turn to eight million by Christmas. Chad deserves a special Christmas morning!

    • This exactly. And she keeps on demonstrating that she has no friends or that her she doesn’t speak to her family often.

      • yes this is so awkward- even if she doesn’t want to learn from her Mom, she could ask her for recommendations (books, people, etc.) Momsers probably rolled her eyes, if Donk ever asked.

      • She reminds me so much of my late sister who was bipolar and had borderline personality disorder. She demonized and rejected her family of origin, yet desperately wanted their approval. Even into her 50s she never outgrew rebelling against them, yet felt she never lived up to their expectations. She was a hippie type also, jumping on every bandwagon she could. The difference between her nd Donkey was that she was the most creatively talented person I have ever known.

    • insider info, or too lazy to do the research herself. some “angel investor” she is.

      had an interesting convo with a family member last weekend – wanted me to invest in a tech stock for all the wrong reasons. i don’t take his investing advice – a few years back he told me to short apple, right before the WWDC, and also wanted me to invest in a pharma stock that he was convinced would skyrocket because they were on the verge of gettting approval for a new drug.

      envoi: apple rose immediately after their first day keynote, and the drug still hasn’t been approved by the FDA.

  7. NOT GOING TO ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY FOR HOLIDAYS WITH PERFECT FAMILY AND PARENTS WHO ARE STILL MARRIED AND LIL BRO AND MIXED FAMILY BEBBE?

    • She’ll be in Willmete for the holy family Christmas ugly sweater fest.
      She wouldn’t miss that photo-op!

      • Will she bring DJ no-shirt? OMG – please someone photoshop ILYR into Christmas pics of the Baughers! (shirtless and with pants almost falling down, please!) I would die!

  8. Stocks? What a jerk. She’d poison a village in Cambodia if it meant her bank account goes up. For all the hippie posturing she hasn’t changed. Her parents are total fuck ups. How does your daughter turn into this?

    • If she has to ask she shouldn’t invest. Did Daddy say no to funding the New Year’s Drug-fest and she needs the dividends to pay? Never change donkey, oh wait you can’t.

  9. Why doesn’t she ask her father about investing in stocks? I’m sure his broker would help her out, I mean, if she actually had money.

    • But then that would mean she couldn’t humble brag on social media about having enough money to invest in the first place!

      • Yeah, still using the “presentation and perception” fakery that has brought her so much happiness and success.

  10. If you have legit money to invest, you are NOT looking for “an app for that”.
    What a fucktard.

    • JFA’ing myself. This comment is priceless:

      Omitted name just because: Ask your mother. She knows all about investing.
      Like · 2 hrs

        • No, it’s a woman who from her FB page I’m guessing is a friend of the Baughers.

          Very funny!

          • Her Wilmette church pastor looking at her facebook makes me cringelaugh. Wonder if she got a load of high-as-a-kite Donkey’s rainbow tits? Or any number of the drugs and poly sex and tits out, bits out pics. This is Judy getting the ultimate revenge on her parents.

          • Holy merde. The senior pastor from her church, who’s also a professor of Christian history, is friends with Julia “Rainbow Tits” Allison on FB? Let it go, reverend. She’s incapable of learning and can’t be saved.

      • So great. I read that as, “you should know your mother is good at investing, you’ve been living off those dividends for almost 40 years.”

  11. You’re right – Skankatron does *not* approve:

    Ali Shanti Yes, http://www.worthfm.com, Amanda Steinberg’s company. The stock market is my least fave investment vehicle, but if you have to do it, go with WorthFM.

    (Ali Shanti’s most fave investment vehicle is of course Ali Shanti)

    • The old raunch actually commented? HA HA HA! SK3B has wailed & wailed on traditional investing and of course she’d use the opportunity to shill some fellow con’s scam.

      You scratch Amanda’s back and she’ll scratch yours, eh, Skankatron? No, no, I didn’t mean it literally! NO! Amanda does not want to get into the busted-out van in the backyard with you and Rainbow!

      • Is that a clear NO? I am not sure.

        Be careful, you may offend SK3B’s exquisite sensibility.

    • Ali, this is your moment. You’ve been training for this. All those comments on the facebook posts, the festivals, the heart hugs, the sloppy threeways. It’s all been leading to this. Rainbow’s dad’s money is so close you can taste it.

  12. I don’t get it: why would Donkey have to randomly crowd-source financial advice (to further cultivate that robust nest egg she’s been assiduously growing all these years) when she has Many Clients and OMG Silicon Valley founder connections who can offer specific investment strategies? Why isn’t that fat fuck Penny-stock guy stepping up with his recommendations? Genuinely curious!

  13. all the usual suspects have been to costa rica a bunch yet none of them chimed in to give her suggestions on where to stay there

    wonder if there was some kind of falling out at BM with the woo sisters?

    • I DEFINITELY think there was. She also tagged some of her old sisters – many of whom I did not recognize at first, bc they are OMGMarried! – and only a smattering of the woos liked it. None of the other non-woo sisters did (this includes Rachel Billow, Kristen Thorne, etc.)

      I think the woo grift is running its course and Donkey doesn’t have any contingency plans to fall back on. Hence, trying to suck up to her old sisters to no avail.

  14. Why are stocks so OMG OLD SCHOOL? Corporations issue stock today just like always. You can still buy individual stocks, today, just like always. There has not been a paradigm shift whereby corporations are now called “candy stores” and they run around giving out lollipops and repurposed cassette tapes.

    And you will get ripped off, just like always, because the individual investor is at a terrible disadvantage.

    But there is nothing inherently old-fashioned about stocks per se.

    • It’s a woo thing. They all wail on traditional means of increasing wealth and encourage investment in communal living and healing the intergenerational divide, i.e., getting your hands on your parents’ retirement funds.

    • Yes, new-school and shifting paradigms is giving all your money to Ali Shanti / Alexis Neely so she can squander it all on feathers and dildos.

  15. Don’t tell me she’s going on another stressful vacation. I know how taxing those are to her. Poor thing.

  16. Judy says she’ll (excuse me, THEY will) be staying at “Jade Resort” in Nosara. The only place that readily pops up is Jade Retreat, which sleeps 18 and claims to require a full booking and a 7-day minimum stay over Christmas / New Year’s to the tune of $19,500 per week. $2,790 per additional night. http://jaderetreat.com/reserve-luxury-hotel-in-nosara-costa-rica/

    Understood that the prices / minimum stay quoted on the website could be aspirational on the part of the retreat, and the site’s booking calendar is down, so I do take it all with a heap of salt. That said, unless she and ILYR are traveling with a small army or heading down to be the hired help (or there is some other Jade Resort in the area), Petey Bugger may want to brace himself for another hefty credit card bill.

    • I think the woo sisterhood had a retreat here last year and brought the masculine with them. She is being cagey about the “we.” I can’t imagine Choad not working on NYE though, so who knows if he will be with her or not.

    • I still think she’s full of shit. Donkey is probably very well aware of how expensive that place is and what that implies to her “audience”

        • Ah! I initially read it as per day! Whatever. She’s still full of it.

          For Costa Rica, particularly inland, that’s pricey, though. You can stay at some nice resorts in the mountains for 50/night.

    • I’d say they could likely get it for $10K but I’d imagine if donkey doesn’t get it for free she pays full price because I can’t imagine her negotiating with any kind of success. I see 70 unwashed carnies crammed in every square inch.
      Maybe her parents bought themselves a present and sent her away for the holiday, so they could enjoy theirs without fauxtoshoots and unfun runs.

      • I absolutely can see her promising that she’ll post all about it (you’ll get SO much exposure) and negotiating a couple grand off. And then not telling her sisters, so she and Rain party for free. Tehe!

  17. The only stock Judy could afford to invest in would be chicken stock.
    #chickenpescatarian
    #90%vegan100%plastic

    • I was thinking exactly this. I’ve been a full time investor for ~15 years and I try to remain sensitive to signs of a market top. One of them is smart people having lousy years and/or having to shut their doors because of redemptions (Richard Perry, Lee Cooperman, David Einhorn). Another is stupid ideas and/or companies getting accepted just because everybody else is accepting them (Theranos, Jack Dorsey being CEO of both TWTR and SQ at the same time).

      And another is complete idiots looking to get into the market.

      • I met with an analyst to discuss the market and self-investing (which is clearly against conventional wisdom) and not Shanti style of turkey feathers and rhinestone and I was fully expected him to kick me out of his office. Instead he said if he’d put money in coffee cans (one just saving what he’d invested in the market) and one with his earnings from the market (over 30 years), he’d have more now in the first coffee can if he’d just saved and didn’t worry about a huge ROI. And I agree, if there ever was a stable or profitable market venture capital killed it.

        • Am I understanding this right: the first can contained currency – US dollar bills – and it just sits there for 30 years. And the second can contained the money he made investing the US dollars in can A into the US financial markets over 30 years? Is he saying his total, aggregate return after 30 years is below 0%, or is he saying he couldn’t double the money in 30 years?

          If it’s the former: ridiculous. If it’s the latter…that may be possible but it’s extremely unlikely. If you look at the market data from NYU finance professor Aswanath Damodaran (http://pages.stern.nyu.edu/~adamodar/), you’ll find that there is not a single 30 year period between 1928 and 2015 where you end with less money than you started if you invested in stocks or in long term bonds. If you held only short term (3M) bills, however, you could have failed to double your money holding from the 1930s to the 60s.

          Anyway, I can not see the logic of holding assets in cash for many years. As short term during volatile times, yes, but if you’re holding for the long term you’re losing so much to inflation it’s just not worth it.

          • I’m doing a poor job of explaining it. But essentially saying that if he’d put it in something simple it would have yielded the same if not better returns than what he accomplished in the market.
            My point to him is that I can’t unsee fraud in almost every company and to turn money over to someone else & either make money from fraud or get taken for the same reason didn’t sit well with me. (long story-please don’t mind me)

          • related — if donald trump had taken the millions his father gave him and left it in an index fund, he’d have more money than he has today, according to smart finance people, because he is a miserable fraud

      • I was supposed to interview to be Richard Perry’s EA about a year ago. They backfilled the position. Guess I dodged a bullet!

  18. The investment crowdsourcing thread is such a wonderful shitshow.

    Now Mitch Hartwell aka pornstar Eric Everhard, who collaborated with Smellsberg in his (NAAACHOS!) porn adventure (NAAAAAAACHOS!!!!!), offers this advise, which sounds perfectly legit:

    “If you’re a non US resident I have a better option for a 30% return.”

    Pornstars and pastors, all chiming in! That’s our Donkey!

    • Porn “wild man” Everhard is friends with several of the woo women, from Annie Lalala to Kc Baker, and he couldn’t make a comment on Julie’s post if he were just a follower. That comment sounds like a scam. How apropos.

    • “Erik Everhard.” Ever…hard. I must have missed it if this “gonzo pornographer” was discussed here before as I can’t stop chuckling at his porn name.

    • The “special stock advice” from a shady dude is literally a major plot point in The House of Mirth. Julia Allison is totally Lily Bart.

      • YES THIS

        except that lily was actually a decent and kind human struggling to find her place, and had morals and scruples, and refused to live off the many men who were willing to pay to play

  19. Julia a sharing a link where Barbara Bush is wondering “how women can vote for Trump” and I’m just sitting here wondering how women can allow Tucker Max to make date rape jokes about them in front of an audience

    • That was years ago bills to pay just stop drinking the normal healthy Julia she is today worrisome embodiment of love.

          • It’s indeed Gilly and I’ll explain how “Justine” occasionally pops up here. I logged out of our WP account to use “Justine Musk” as a one-time joke. Please note: You only see me in here as Gilly; I’m not using several pseudonyms. Anywoo, WP logs me out about once every two weeks. I usually don’t catch it right away – I work six days a week and have two office desktops running – and Ms. Musk turns into my screen name. I have accidentally posted as Justine on maybe four or five occasions. By the time I notice, “Justine” has received responses and it’s too late to delete.

  20. OT: DJ Witchiepoo couldn’t be happier sightseeing in NYC with the pleasurable loafer. Any guesses as to whether or not he’ll return to Switzerland?

    Jena la Flamme
    The exquisite Sacha Nielsen makes his first appearance in NYC this week. We discovered what I believe is an authentic ancient Egyptian obélisque in Central Park, next to the Metropolitan Museum. (Can anybody confirm that?)

    Sacha, a passionate symbologist, is in his element. NYC has countless seductive powers.

    #pleasurableliving
    #pleasurableloving
    #somethingiswakingup

  21. Donkey’s beloved Mark Kirk is in the news:

    Vulnerable Republicans are scrambling to rebuke their nominee, with Sens. Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.), Richard Burr (R-N.C.) and Mark Kirk (R-Ill.) releasing statements unloading on Trump.

    Kirk called on Trump to drop out of the race, calling him a “malignant clown” that is “unfit” to be president.

    Full article:
    http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/299942-ryan-cuts-trump-from-wisconsin-event

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