St. Martin’s Balks At “The New Julia,” Demands Return Of BOOK Advance

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Sorry, kittens, the sad story of BOOK is late. We’ve been talking with two sources, neither of whom wishes to be identified, so writing about the demise of “Experiments in Happiness” is a little tricky.

Here goes: Julia is very defensive about what went down at St. Martins’s. She allegedly re-wrote “Happiness” twice, telling one and all that St. Martin’s had no problem with her doing substantial rewrites, although our girl took much longer than the promised year.

If asked why those rewrites took so many months, Julia points to a myriad of problems, beginning with the loss of the original editor – fair enough – and placing heavy blame on her “consulting responsibilities” to her “many clients.” She also points to a “deep depression” involving her love life that lasted many months.

But the real reason St Martin’s pulled the plug is because the final(?) manuscript that was turned in differed dramatically from what Julia had promised in her endless book proposal, in which she enthusiastically brayed about interviewing everyone from Ashton Kutcher to Bill Gates while looking for the elusive bluebird of happiness. Julia refers to that 80+ page opus as having been written by “the old Julia,” a “more conventional girl” far removed from her current woo persona.

It’s unclear how many submissions Julia turned in. One? Two? Three? What does seem certain is that St. Martin’s hit the roof when they received a jargon-filled, entry-level woo, slim volume of crappiness courtesy of “the new Julia.” This “self-absorbed nonsense” was not the book they’d contracted for! Negotiations broke down at that point and the publisher opted to ask for the return of their advance, which would be 2/3 of the original amount if what I’ve read on RBD is accurate.

The woo manuscript joins the pilot episode of (Sh)It Girls as the RBD holy grail. Fucoid fairies, kittens?

Didn’t we call this one long, long ago?

Coming soon: SHE LOVES YOU RAIN!!

puppyeater

251 COMMENTS

    • You are, but it’s very late in the evening, early in the morning.

      “Dammit, Gilly, don’t rain on my parade!”

      • I am laughing so hard at this conversation with self in third person. Lookie there I just wrote woo-speak. A thousand thank-you’s Ms. Gilly. And if the number of rewrites for a single article is any indication “BOOK” saw at least 15 rewrites, right?

        • You wrote woo- speak which mans that you too can now be rejected by St Martins Press!

          Poor Donkey, rejected again. Oh well, she should be used to it by now.

    • They work in thirds…first third up front, second third when you turn in manuscript, last third upon publication.

      • FWIW I got 40% of my book advance when I signed, 20% when they accepted the manuscript, 30% when the hard cover was published, and 10% when the paperback came out nine months later.

        • Interesting! I haven’t heard of that division before, though I can see how it makes sense. My own experience of St. Martin’s is that they are still doing the one-third/one-third/one-third at least in most cases.

  1. placing heavy blame on her “consulting responsibilities” to her “many clients.”

    Donkey should seek help for her fantasy-prone personality disorder …
    Maybe the frat boy can recommend a psychiatrist.

    • Sometimes I wonder if she believes those things to be real. Does she sit in front of the mirror and have pretend consultations with herself?

      While making breakfast, does she actually say, “Why, thank you, I do try to take care of myself. Haha, no… I’m old enough to be your babysitter!” with imaginary frat boys?

      • It gets better. Donkey was setting publication dates! I ran some of her rant past RBDers with published books and they went livid.

        There’s a lot of material here and it’s tricky to know what I can put in and what I should leave out.

        • With great power comes great responsibility.

          Heavy is the head that wears the Cheetos dust covered crown, or purloined tiara.

          You’re doing a great job, Gilly! Much as I wish we could get all the info, I know why we can’t and I trust your judgement.
          ( head pats plz for my sucking up *winky face*)

          I LOVE YOU, BIRDIES!

        • Gilly, I’m ignorant and would appreciate clarification by what you mean when she was setting publication dates. Does this mean she was telling people when it would published? Please and thank you.

  2. So she DID turn something in. But it was awful and not what she’d been paid to write. Unsurprising.

    She REALLY seems to think she had her love life totally nailed down by settling for Derpy, didn’t she. Then when she no longer had reason to write a book about having 20 weddings (or was it more than 20?) she had nothing to work with.

        • I’m swamped with work but am trying to find out through my St. Martin’s contact exactly what was turned in. Julia has told several people that she has to repay the publisher, but she hasn’t specifically said that she turned in any of these drafts, although it’s my understanding that St. Martin’s did receive something that set them on edge.

      • I bet the drafts were shorter than the proposal. And that the drafts contained even more WINK EMOTICONS.

        • It’s unclear how many drafts she turned in. She does seem to have written three radically different versions of Crappiness and whatever she turned as a finished project sent St. Martin’s over the edge.

    • same, I thought for sure she wrote absolutely nothing. I can’t believe she wrote anything. I thought it would be much worse

    • It is unusual for them to want an advance back from someone who turned in a manuscript of approximately the agreed-upon length, no matter how shitty.

      • Seconded. I’ve seen publishers just write off the loss in every case EXCEPT when the Author at Book Deal went out of their way to be an asshole.

  3. ‘A “deep depression” involving her love life…’ Yep, that’s great adulting right there. I can’t do my job, I have no boyfriend. So feminist!

    • She needs an Appropriate Adult. Whoever made that recommendation on Netflix, thank you.

        • I’m a fan from THE WIRE, which I’m tempted to watch again — between just those two (all I’ve seen him in) he really exhibits quite the range of acting chops, I think.

          And then there’s Emily Watson ..

          • I went from seeing him in The Affair to seeing him as Dominic West. It was all quite intense.

          • I loved The Wire, I watched the entire series for the first time last year.

      • Ooohh that looks good. I am the only coastal American who has not yet watched The Wire. I love The Affair though I mostly hate Noah. And I loved The Hour. Highly recommend, especially to anyone who misses Mad Men. First season was spectacular. Second season will do.

        • I haven’t seen the Wire either… oh wait I am not coastal, I am flyover.

        • If it’s available to you but you don’t have Amazon Prime, go for the 30-day-free-trial — it’s in their HBO collection.

          AP now offers other subscriptions w/ free trials — Acorn TV is excellent on BBC crime dramas, stuff like Doc Martin — Showtime for Nurse Jackie — the SoSee channel is good for all the Monty Python you can stand.

          Wentworth on Netflix is my new crack. Season 4 isn’t yet streaming in the USA, but episodes are “available” wink emoticon — ZOMG, great prison drama, ya’ll.

    • I said this in one of the threads last week…it destroyed her whole story arc. She was depending on the Derpin thing working out, and then it didn’t. So then she changed the ending to the self-wedding at Burning Man and bought herself more time. By then she was further steeped in the woo and likely wrote the “second” draft which was nigh incomprehensible, if that scoldy first chapter she revealed here was any indication. The one that came out right about the time that LaPhlegm was having all her book signing parties.

    • Honestly? Yeah. The Old Donk was a shitty writer with no interest in anything outside herself, and the New Donk is a shitty writer with no interest in anything outside herself, plus she now wears more flower crowns than freshwater pearls. That’s it. Her writing was shitty then and it is shitty now. St. Martin’s must have known that. They signed a contract with a bizarrely unprofessional narcissist who hates work, so, here we are.

      The way I see it, the main difference between what they might have realistically expected from her and what she delivered in any of the 17 rewrites was probably her promise to DO something, actually quite a lot, in addition to / prior to delivering her shitty opus. I mean mostly the billions of interviews, but IIRC there were other kinds of research / “research”, experiments etc. included as well. To us basement dwellas, it was clear that she would do NOTHING because WORK (however inane), but I can see how St. Martin’s had no idea what they were really dealing with in this regard.

      Tl; dr: my take is that the “change” from “a conventional VERY SUCCESSFUL AND HOT girl” to “an enlightened VERY SUCCESSFUL AND HOT woo goddess” might not have mattered that much if whichever incarnation was a bit less of a lazy imbecile and at least PRETENDED to use some material other than her poorly articulated self-obsession.

      • A good editor can fix moderately shitty writing if the writing contains original ideas, well developed theories/ narratives, etc. Originality can save a shitty writer if they apply themselves to working with an editor and they are humble and hard working. Burra has none of those qualities. She’s inane, unoriginal, lacks a single thought of her own and… she’s a very shitty writer.

        • it sounds somewhat analogous to a music artist working with a good record producer to fine tune and polish a song before it goes onto the record

      • Agree 1,000% — I have seen really good editors “work with” original (and hard working and humble) writers who want to improve. But Donks brought nothing — that I could see — to the table.

        Man, a book deal was a heckuva of an opportunity. Too bad she dropped the ball on it. (Although, honestly, I never saw the point of her book. She must have had a great agent to have sold it.)

    • meet the new bray…..

      same as the old bray…

      they won’t get fooled again!

  4. This post brings up the same old stale thought in me as always: HOW ON EARTH can she have fucked this up? How could she not have turned in something half-way worth saving? Sadly, I can understand procrastination and laziness all too well – hey, I’m at work typing this right now! – but back against the wall, I get the shit done.

    I am really amazed that her parents didn’t jump in during this fiasco. Absolutely amazed. We all decry the fact that they still support her financially – but this would have been a thoroughly reasonable point at which to intervene in her life. The fact that they control her money should have been a way in to put pressure on her to hand in a decent manuscript. Or even – yes – get Momsers to do it.

    I will never cease to be shocked by this turn of events, even though every cat lady predicted it.

    • I have to wonder if this has caused tension with the family. No doting posts to mom on mother’s day if memory serves.
      It’s the total sense of entitlement that never ceases to amaze coupled with her delusion of how the real world works. She really does not think any rules apply, from turning in expected work for which she was paid or ignoring the law regarding Airbnb .
      I’m sure this is a depressing time for her because her pathologically unchecked behavior, got checked hard.

    • I think I remember Momsers chiming in during one of the July visits when Donkey was there and claimed to be writing, asking Julia who really cared about these festivals and all this woo shit?

    • I think sometimes people think they “want to be a writer” (the fun stuff — going on book tour, book signings, being on the Today Show) rather than actually writing… so maybe Donks wanted to be a published author (with an “Eat Pray Love” bestseller, natch), rather than actually sitting down and …

      writing.

      And also? I think if your parents need to dive in and save your book deal/project at this stage of the game (I mean, she’s not 6, right?)… not good.

      • This. And she wants be patted on the head for saying she’s a writer when she’s not. That stupid Burning Man puff piece in the Times that she spent FOUR fucking months writing and then wanted everyone to tell her how amazing it was that she took four months to turn out a piece of crap?

      • Everything she does in her life is image (book tour, fauxtoshoots, media tour) vs substance (hard work, writing, taking constructive criticism towards growth).

    • Fameless, you’re reading RBD at work?! Shhhhhh! Be careful or you’ll summon the JabberDonkey who will call your employer and demand your firing. Oh, um er oops, I mean Flapjacks McCain’s Lolyer will call.

  5. Where is it that one might find a copy of the never-broadcast pilot of IT Girls? Fuck, what I would give…

    • It’s the RBD holy grail, along with the audience reaction (reportedly full of vitriol for Julia). We haven’t ever seen it, just gotten second-hand reports.

          • “She has appeared occasionally on the Fox Business show Happy Hour and Fox News’ Red Eye. She appears weekly on CNN’s Showbiz Tonight and Glenn Beck, as well as on Montel Williams, MSNBC’s Scarborough Country. Locally, she has appeared on New York City’s Fox 5, and Sirius radio. In 2006, Allison appeared in an episode of Elimidate.[8] She was also on Gawker’s list of personalities of the year in 2006.[9] In 2008, Allison appeared in an episode of CollegeHumor’s Hardly Working.[10] Allison is also pictured on the cover of the August, 2008 Wired Magazine.[11]” – USCute.com

          • I devoted a recent Friday evening to a box of wine and a search for her episode of Elimidate. I wanted to be an RBD hero, but found nothing.

      • I’ll never forget how the test audience described Donkey as “thoroughly unlikable.” The folks at the production company loathed her so much that they sent the results to Baugher, and she wrote about the fiasco on Reblogging Julia.

    • I have mentioned this before here but a friend-of-friend was on the production team of IT Girls. I heard second hand (from a non cat lady who knows not of my interest) that production team was baffled at the Emperor’s lack of clothes.

      They questioned the premise: it’s a show about a startup…. that seems to be about getting publicity… for nothing… and the business… won’t really exist unless the show happens… because no clients… but they want show to bankroll apt to live in… why…? Apparently all agreed it was worse shitshow they ever worked on.

      I run into this acquaintance like once every 18 months and feel too awkward to bring it up. I hate myself.

      • That sounds familiar. The column for Elle was only for the benefit of Miss Advised as well. They had to have her stressing out about doing SOMETHING. Funny — where were all her “clients” then?

    • “I can say for sure that were it not for the help I received from these unconventional experts, I would have gotten dumped on date two with my now-fiancé.”

      The smug factor is out of control.

        • To be fair, she did have a footnote: ” Okay, fine. He’s still “just” a boyfriend, but it sounds like such a better story if I say fiancé!”

      • I’ve always been curious if she pressured him during this time, stating that they needed to be engaged/married in order to cash in. Debbie breaking up with her is the only self-respectful thing he’s likely done in his life.

        • He was only a “base model” but she’s been so depressed about it she couldn’t work on submitting her book on time? Or was that because of Avocado?

          Me me ME time: I used to work in the telephone section of the complaints section for the government welfare office. People would call up and scream abuse before I’d even had a chance to say my name. Death threats, you name it. I broke up with my boyfriend of approx 4 years, we had been living together and he had massive alcohol abuse problems. Was I depressed? Hell, yes! It was awful, I had to get a court order to get him to leave the house we shared (not in Coronado) BUT I managed to keep turning up to work each day, doing my job well and doing it well.

          Sooooo, for Greg’s sake Donkey, grow the f*ck up.

          • You’re very strong. And yes, most of us don’t get to take a vacation from vacation to cry about life, most of us just cry right through it.

        • excellent conspiracy theory

          a win-win at the time would have been to enjoy a protracted engagement, so that way one could have cake and eat it too in terms of having the street cred of being single and acting zany and flirting with boys etc. but at same time have the ring as a badge of maturity and accomplishment and approval from kin folk

    • “Each chapter will include multiple experiments, unless I die during one of them,
      in which case, the chapters following it will not include any experiments at all,
      but will instead just consist of a hundred “This Page Intentionally Left Blank,” so
      my heirs (one small white shih-tzu) will still receive the rest of the advance
      cheque.”

      Oh, Donkey

      • She did not spell check, “cheque” — did she?

        No wonder she makes me crazy.

        Like Madonna — British by way of the midwest.

        • She’s posted before that she prefers the spelling of ‘cheque.’

          This fucoid fairy needs to cheque herself.

          • She needed to cheque her spelling on that cover page. “65 Bleeker Street.” HA HA HA HA HA!!

    • Ewwww. I cannot believe she included “13 Rules for Dealing With My Dad,” a piece she wrote for AM New York (for non-ny cat ladies, this is a free rag they give out on the subway; nothing to brag about).

      “Speaking of cash, upon seeing my father’s house/car/boat/lawn mower, you
      will not say “that is money.” You will refrain from ruminating aloud about your
      Kanye West-induced fear of golddiggers. And you will never, ever use the word
      “pimp,” or debate how hard it is to be one.”

  6. You mean to tell me that she didn’t get around to interviewing deepak and Ellen before she didn’t move to Indonesia, after her rv tour across the United States?

    • And 50 wedding in 50 states!

      For some reason, that’s my favorite.

      #nevahevahforget

      • It’s like an 8 year-old’s idea of a romantic gesture, ya know? So arbitrary and meaningless.

        • Wait. Fifty weddings in 50 states? Was that in the book proposal? Did Donkey steal that idea from loathsome woo con Morgana Rae, who taught Ali everything she knows? Donkey has never had an original idea in her head.

          • Ugh, I can’t believe I submitted myself to scanning her proposal to find this. I must really hate myself or maybe I LOVE YOU, CATPEEPS!

            “Getting married in 20 different places (Requires marriage proposal from boyfriend!
            Hopefully coming soon! The idea behind this experiment is to find out whether getting married without expectations – say, in Vegas – makes you happier than getting married with quite a few expectations – say, in a formal church wedding. We’ll try them all!

          • Even her premises are so flawed, I’m still shocked this ever got the go-ahead, even packed with the beards.

          • Damn, she did steal that idea from Morgana Rae, who sometimes leaves comments on the burro’s posts. What I know about that loon Morgana – not her real name – would fill a book!

          • I went down that rabbit hole one night.

          • @Winchester, Morgana’s husband is a card shark who pretends to be a “travel journalist” so they can get free accommodations for their carny-esque weddings. Looney Tunes!

    • I think this is why Momser couldn’t step in and write it for her. Donk did very little of what she promised; what she did do, she had mostly done already. All those manic claims of travel and Deepak and Ashton and weddings in the manuscript made it into something Momser couldn’t possibly fulfill.

    • I was very invested in the RV tour. I am not sure I will ever get over the idea of her and her boyfriend, who she clearly disliked and had no respect for, traveling around in a crappy RV, that, guys, she already owned already, guys, to learn more about happiness. That experiment sounded fucking miserable, and thus, right up my alley.

  7. I now have conflicting feelings about momsers and whether she finally put her foot down and declined to write BOOK for donkey, or if donkey (wrongly) thought she could do it all herself and didn’t beg for help and actually may have kept the desperate state of BOOK from dadsers and momsers.

    Either way, I’m glad some company finally, FINALLY, told her to fuck off and is making her repay her debt. As many failures as she’s had she did get that 100K job at star and kept it for a year (non-renewed contract), she did get a reality show to air (not renewed for a second season), she (peter) did get a syndicated (shitty, and seemingly only syndicated in India) tribune column, and she did get a book deal (even though it was bought in a package). I could add the Sony deal, Pig of Love column in Elle, etc. She’s been able to get things off the ground and even when those crash and burn, she’s seemingly had endless 2nd chances. This is a big thing she’s snagged, publicly brayed about for YEARS and it’s crashed and burned like nothing I’ve seen of hers previously. At least she can say that she has “completed” at about a year at all those other jobs she’s been so damn fucking lucky to have had. What’s the plan now, Julia?

    I LOVE YOU BOOK! BOOK, I LOVE YOU!

    P.S. I can’t wait for her mea culpa a year from now and her spin about how low she was at this point after having lost BOOK, and what a state she was in, even though she was smiling and wooing at the time, but now she’s SO HAPPY with whatever next project, grift, man she has now. Wash, rinse, repeat.

    • I don’t think she would have let Momsers write BOOK.

      Donka is way too narcissistic for that (of course I can write MYYY BOOK, don’t you know who I am????)

      • what? of course she would!
        as long as she got to take the credit for it all

      • Mom also would have no idea how to write about dirt festivals, and Donkey wouldn’t want mom writing about happiness through clean living and hard work.

        • Actually, Momsers could have written a great redemption story. Morally adrift 30-something seeks answers for the emptiness of existence in the drugs, debauchery, and faux spirituality of the woo world, only to realize that hard work and clean living hold all the keys to fulfillment.

          Of course, it would have to be a work of fiction.

  8. If she delivered BOOK…
    And BOOK was rejected…
    With advance repaid…
    Then BOOK could presumably find a new home somewhere. Even if that somewhere is self-publishing.

    • That’s correct. She could shop it elsewhere while paying off the debt, actually, because they have to release her from the contract (and thus return the title to her) before she gives them a dime.

    • If she can find a narrow-enough category in Amazon (Transformational festivals and associated drug use with 3rd-rate DJs? ) she can be an OMG #1 bestseller author!

    • Yes, but you would need a really good agent to pull that off. Pub world is fairly small, and news travels fast.

      Not sure she even has agent anymore.

      • I can’t imagine she does, because AGENT would have been able to negotiate her keeping the advance after BOOK was rejected.

        • Exactly. Also: if she had an agent, said agent would have made sure she made her damn deadline… bec otherwise it makes the AGENT look bad to the publishing house — to represent an author who doesn’t deliver what she says she will, and misses her damn deadline (etc).

          If I missed a deadline, my agent would have my frigging head.

          • Off topic but does anyone watch RHoNY? Carole must be a mess to work with wrt her editor

          • I don’t think she’s writing or ever has, she’s using a ghost writer and anything she can to hang on to a story line. Watching paint dry is more exciting than Carole.

    • Yes, self publish Julia. We need to see this piece of shit. Get your fat ass over to http://lulu.com and make it happen. You can even put an ISBN on it for a few hundred more so it looks like a real book.

  9. What the fuck would clients pay her to do or teach them to do?

    Please – I have no idea how consulting works. What could she possibly consult on or about?

    Doesn’t a person need to have at least one area of expertise to offer consulting services of any kind, along with relevant credentials/degrees?

    I don’t understand how she is defining the words “client” or “consultant” or “consulting.”

    Please help me understand in very specific terms. Explain it to me like I am 5.

    Is it all just other words being used as euphemisms for prostitution?

    Thank you in advance for breaking it down for me.

      • Thank you! I wish she would say “I offer consulting services in these specific areas:……” And then list actual fields or subjects.

        How can anyone ever take her seriously as a grown up, working human being if she gives no specific details about her alleged consulting business?

    • There was a time a few years ago when “social media consultant” was a thing among freelance marketing types. It was back when twitter and facebook were a relatively new thing and companies were trying to find a way to use these increasingly popular platforms but didn’t know what to do with them. If I remember correctly, that’s around the time she claimed she could “teach” people how to be a sleazy fameball like she was using social media. This is probably what she claims she is still “consulting” on.

      Bollocks because a) she’s an ineffective hack with no knowledge b) even my mother, bless her, knows how to use these platforms by now.

    • Over the years, she has managed to get several “speaking” gigs on how to hack the media.

      I think she’s lying about the number of clients she has and the kinds of ‘consulting’ she does. Maybe Brit and Dave Morin are throwing her some kind of bone (haha, Dave especially) because they feel sorry for her. She seems to have the Camp Grounded and Hive people bamboozled, and they are connected. Don’t forget what great first impressions attractive sociopaths give. This is how she gets a lot of her so-called lucky breaks. And then ultimately she blows them all up because of her incompetence and lack of talent.

    • Outside the woo world, consultants tend to provide very specific expertise for an organization that needs to get something time-limited done. They often work very closely with the staff or the particular project team, sometimes to the extent that they’re acting like a short-term employee. Example: someone brought in to effectively organize a company’s rebranding process by teaching everyone the relevant facts about what makes good branding, and then helping the writers coordinate with the designers and so on.

      In the woo world, a consultant is a person who lacks any kind of recognized certification but still considers themselves suited to “fix” other people’s personal problems. Usually they target individuals and suggest that they can solve very nebulous or complicated problems, like finally getting that home-based “start-up” off the ground or making a failing marriage work. If their advice turns out to be worthless, it’s because the client “didn’t put in the work.” Examples: life coaches, Ali Shanti.

      • this. short-term or longer term projects on retainer to provide expertise and fill knowledge gaps in an organization. consultancy requires structure with defined, measurable outcomes.

        consultant does not need to be certified, but credibility with proven track record and _publicly_verifiable_ (N.B.!) references desirable.

        • exactly. sometimes an organization needs extra hands for a short term role, sometimes they need skills they don’t have, sometimes they need to be told how to set something up. the definition of a consultant is someone who knows something someone else doesn’t, and gets paid to do it for a while and then leave.

    • How to Lose a Book Deal in 1,095 Days.

  10. I said it at the time and very much believe it now: she was never going to be able to fulfill any part of that proposal, and not only because it was all fantastical and cost/time prohibitive, but because it reads exactly like something produced in an adderall madness (which would also explain the months of depression later). I’ve seen the pattern a dozen times in students and friends.

    • The marketing section especially was totally unrealistic. It would have cost a fortune.

    • Seriously. As soon as you read the proposal you knew it was fucked, that she would never do any of it, that none of those people would talk to her, that none of those zany ideas would come to fruition. She wrote it during a manic high.

      And as it ALWAYS is with her, she only wanted to brag about getting a book deal without having to do the tough slogging of actually WRITING THE FUCKING BOOK. It’s like her obsession with weddings without an acknowedgement of the hard work required to have a successful relationship. Man she is fucked in the head.

      Also, I am not sure the “deep depression” is about Derpy. I think it was about Avocado. Then again, who the hell knows? If she was so goddamned depressed why was she tripping balls at festivals every weekend instead of getting on meds and going to a real therapist, not some woo weirdo?

      Because that too on some level is a lie to explain the laziness.

      • Yeah but she can’t stop lying to herself, can she. Her FB profile is “Journalist. Public Speaker. Erstwhile TV Personality. Social Alchemist. Lover. Dancer. Rebel. Friend.” and she’s none of those. I think the depression was about Derpin; she *expected* a ring after that Euro trip. Avocado was a rebound fuck, a stepping stone to OMG RAIN I LOVE YOU.

      • I just skimmed it again, and you’re right – it reads like straight mania. She was going to live in Malaysia for a month. Do a silent meditation retreat. Spend at least a week touring temples in Italy. Climb Kilimanjaro. Redecorate (“feung shui”) her house. Create a MOMA exhibit. Take a bajillion self-help seminars. Travel the country in a decked-out RV. Have twenty. Goddamn. Weddings.

        The 20 weddings thing had to be a peak-mania addition. That’s just literally insane.

        • It was completely and utterly barking. I cannot believe any publishing house actually went for it.

          • Neither could most of the editors/publishing houses in N.Y. I love that it got passed around as a laughingstock.

    • Oh I don’t think anyone here thought it was possible. And I’m guessing publisher counted on her doing like 1/3 of what she promised and depended on her knack for social media attention to sell books, perhaps not realizing how many paid fans in stans were involved.

  11. I found this article interesting, especially the ” That’s another thing that stood out for me in the film: his incredible lack of interpersonal sensitivity. …He seems to be in a kind of strange, impervious bubble…he’s really clueless about certain aspects of interpersonal communication and empathy.”

    Let’s call it what it is: narcissistic personality disorder.

    What’s Wrong with Anthony Weiner? We Asked Some Psychotherapists
    http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2016/05/anthony-weiner-psychologists

    • I sometimes listen to Alec Baldwin’s podcast (regardless of his issues, he interviews really interesting people and his show can be very good). He had Weiner a couple of weeks ago and I was perplexed at how little self awareness he seems to possess. Like he really cannot grasp why people would be upset with his behavior or wouldn’t want anything to do with him. It was really a window into a type of personality that one rarely encounters in daily life.

      • I love AB’s podcast! I listen to them before bed and his voice is just so damn soothing.

      • I listened to that episode, too and every fiber of my being wants to like Weiner and I think he could be a very good politician and actually change things for the better, but he just can’t see past himself. I kept listening, waiting for…I don’t know, something that would make me think that he gets it. That he realizes why and how he fucked up and it’s not there. And then I just felt sorry for his wife and child. I believe she’s really, REALLY, trying to make their marriage work, but I don’t blame her for being gone 90% of the time.

        • I found him likeable in this weird way like when in college you have a friend that is a mess but great to party with or hang out but you would never trust them with important shit because they are not dependable or mature. That’s how Weiner came across to me, plus, completely oblivious as to why people would feel this way. Like you, I also felt bad for his wife and child and wondered if they would indeed last together once she’s done with the campaign and can take down time.

          • Right — but would you marry the guy? (Or have a child with him?)

            (I have friends like this too — wildly entertaining… but man — wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them…)

          • i have slowly but surely eliminated those people as they became more stress and drama than they were worth

          • I listed to Huma on the Call Your Girlfriend podcast. I found her enormously likable. They did not touch the subject of her husband except for one weird moment when she said she was so lucky to have a spouse so willing to be a full time stay at home parent. She misses her son but never has to worry while traveling with the campaign.

            Kind of a weird thing to say when everyone listening knows he in no way chose that path. In any case, she deserves much, much better.

          • In the podcast he admits that his inclination is to get shit done, but that he lacks the self awareness wiring to contemplate what animates him to operate as he does, and that he’s done some therapy to try to learn how. I think it’s probably something he will always struggle with.

            In any case, I loved that podcast episode and I came away really liking him, at least for what he could be capable of as an elected official.

        • “he just can’t see past himself”

          You just described every single politician ever. 21st century politics isn’t Mr Smith Goes to Washington. It’s Reservoir Dogs.

    • OK I am going to say this and I am going to duck as you all abuse me but I loved/still kind of love Anthony Weiner. He was a mouthy Democratic attack dog who fought dirty against the GOP and I loved that about him. He had balls.

      • And I know, what he did was gross, but he actually did not fuck anyone, he just sent some pervy dick shots. I don’t know — it kind of bugged me that he went down for that (pardon the pun). There was a freaking PEDOPHILE in Congress for God’s sake. No one got hurt by Weiner’s weiner but his wife and if she made peace with it, then who gives a shit.

        Does anyone remember this? I loved him so hard for this …

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1os57-n9vU0

        • I am not American and my view might be influenced by a more Northern European style of politics but I also didn’t think the sexting was so aggravating. I would totally vote for a politician whose dick was published. That said, I do have an issue with the fact that, as far as we know, he was doing this behind his wife’s back (and if the wife was onboard with it, I have a problem with the hypocrisy of playing the repentant offender part; if she was OK with it own your kink or GTFO). Also, I have a problem with the fact that he claimed it was no longer happening and then it came to light it was totally happening and he duped his entire campaign staff to work for someone they believed was “a changed man”.

          As I said above, I found him very likeable and I really have no problem with his sex stuff… if it’s not part of a deception scheme towards everyone else who might have believed he wasn’t behaving like that anymore.

        • I’m not condoning his behavior, certainly he should have been more honest/more discrete regarding the dick pic situation. BUT… I have a ton of respect for him for being such a vocal and forceful advocate of both the Zadroga Act and the Affordable Care Act. Watching him angrily call out the Republicans as a “wholly owned subsidiary of the health insurance companies” gave me goosebumps. He’s one of the good guys, despite some personal issues.

  12. So, all she would have received is the first third of her advance. The rest you get on acceptance of the completed manuscript (ha!) and publication (double ha!)

    It is extremely unusual for anyone to have to pay back the first third of an advance if they turned in a completed manuscript. I am frankly o_O about this part.

    • Maybe they didn’t consider it completed?? If the editor said they couldn’t work with what she handed in and she had to rewrite it twice before the normal editing process even began, can it be called completed? I don’t know, I’m genuinely asking.

      • I guess not, in her case? I’ve just never heard of it, so whatever she turned in must have been startlingly bad, or just very very short (or both).

        Since the Joan Collins case, publishers are leery of asking for the signing advance back if a manuscript has been turned in. (Joan turned in a truly crappy draft of a novel; the judge held that it satisfied the conditions of her signing advance, because it was prose of approximately the right length.)

        Honestly, this is a more spectacular failure than her just not writing anything.

        • That was my first thought. Crash and Burn, Burn, Burn. It seems she did turn in at least one manuscript to St. Martin’s and that slim wonder was so outside of the proposal that they want their cash back!

        • Well considering she did next to none of the outlandish experiments, which were supposed to be the bulk of the book, I can see why they want the first third back.

    • She may have worked on rewrites and told friends that she turned them in, but she may not have actually turned in more than the one that St. Martin’s rejected. To have been rejected, that one had to be a mess–maybe it was more like a new proposal than a manuscript.

      I think she was so proud of that book proposal (wasn’t it post-Lena Dunham’s book proposal?), and she thought that was all the work she really had to do.

        • I am willing to bet she turned in a couple of half-hearted “chapters” and a bunch of ripped out pages from an adult coloring book which she already colored (bright.)

      • That *is* all the work she really had to do! Hire a ghostwriter for fucks sake.

        • She tried to hire one! She was looking for writers more than once, I believe.

          • Well, “hire” connotes “pay” …
            She wanted an intern to write for free.

    • Me too. I worked at one of the big publishing companies at an early stage in my career. I never heard of the first 1/3 being returned when a contract got canceled if a complete manuscript was turned in (even if it was a mess).

      It was surprisingly how many contracts didn’t go through to publication–maybe 15-20%–usually because either the originating editor left and the replacement didn’t like the project or (usually in the case of literary fiction) because a writer of middling-to-little success turned in something the editor didn’t think would get positive reviews/awards–>sales.

    • i have probably said this before, but your use of parenthesis for color commentary brings joy to my life!

  13. Yo Gilly, what do sources say about JuliaAllison being made to take down
    her Facebook claim of Author at working on BOOK for St. Martin’s Press?

  14. They were sold on a book full of EPIC travels and EPIC interviews and EPIC marriages (20 of them!!!), and what they received was the condensed ramblings of a one-season reality show flop who’s barely dating a second-rate DJ and spending too much time high. Aya and Burning Man orgies and visits to strip mall psychics are only remotely interesting to anyone in the context of an interesting life – the life promised in the proposal, full of travels to faraway lands and very public success and fascinating relationships/friendships with fascinating people. The volunteer work would’ve helped, too; there was a whole goddamn chapter set aside for it.

    They immediately knew they’d been conned. But I like to think they actually considered moving forward anyway, and started looking into whether Julia could sell her shit book without too much effort on their part.

    They realized that Julia hasn’t done TV appearances in years, and couldn’t get back into that game if her life depended on it.

    They finally dug a little and realized how woefully weak her social media presence really is.

    Maybe they realized that the photo of fresh-looking happy promo materials above the “Merchandise” section were actually branded materials for the Happier app and a chocolate bar made by Knock Knock.

    Maybe they saw that Julia’s “popular” blog, due for a happiness relaunch in late 2013/early 2014, has gone literally untouched since the book deal was signed.

    That hammer must have dropped like an anvil.

  15. But Julia’s never been a conventional girl! From the proposal:

    “Guinea Pig of Love Experiment #4: Mind Architect
    Published in ELLE
    “PROMMMM!”

    I’m in a twelve-year-old powder blue strapless floor-length tulle prom dress, screaming out of the sunroof a stretch limo with an enthusiastic but somewhat perplexed man in a gray tuxedo with matching blue cummerbund. It is not your conventional first date, but I’m not your conventional girl.
    Why prom? Oh, hell, who knows? Why do some people love bowling, and others enjoy ant farms? Why do some people appreciate opera and others get off on NASCAR? Whatever makes you happy! And prom makes ME happy. I love it. I love everything about it. I love the gowns and the boys in tuxedos and the dancing and the cheesy posed photographs and the limos and the adolescent camaraderie and the Milestone Eventness of it all.”

    • “Why prom? Oh hell, who knows?” says everything you need to know about Donkey’s intellectual and emotional maturity and utter absence of self-examination.

    • that sounds like something from opening scene of a Beverly Hills 90210 episode

      you know, when it starts off with one of the girls writing/typing something for an english class assignment or the high school newspaper, and the ‘voice in her head’ doing the narration

      please tell me i am not the only one here old enough to know this

    • Notice no mention of actually getting to know her date or any consideration for what makes her date happy.

  16. The proposal is just full of gems.

    “INTERVIEWS will include: as many of the great spiritual teachers as I can get to
    sit down with me (which I anticipate will be a fairly large number).”

    • She can’t even get third-rate woos to invite her to ‘sister’ events. Spiritual leaders? Hahahahaha! So good.

  17. Kids, seriously, if you’re going to get high, do it while you’re in your early twenties, and then quit. Don’t let it drag out to your thirties, because you’ll turn out like some 21st century hippy woo, writing deflection words for however many pages, expecting that people will love your “evolved grounded self” or whatever-the-fuck.

    It wasn’t the loss of Derpin that sent her book into a spiral; it was the ayahuasca and whatever else she’s been taking, bringing the essence of Burning Man home (jesus, rule number 1, Donkey, don’t bring Burning Man home), and the completely narrow worldview that Ali Neely is someone to be looked up to.

    “Deep depression”. Yeah right. Wake the fuck up, Donkey.

    • ANTHROPOLOGICAL DISPATCHES FROM THE TANTRIC VOID.

      In the woo ideology, there is no such thing as a bad drug trip or a mental health problem such as depression, anxiety, bipolar I or II, BPD, etc. Which is to say, people talk about figurative or literal bad trips all the time, and those with experience/empathy can figure out when someone is on one. But the afflicted are supposed to blame themselves (their energy, their vibezzz, whatever; I have mentally blanked out a lot of the lingo), never the drugs and definitely not the culture. If anyone is incautious enough to admit to having a difficult time, drug-induced or otherwise, the woos go full “Spanish Interrogation” in an attempt to make them stop spoiling everyone else’s good time. It is The Secret bullshit [TM] for those who self-medicate.
      Surprisingly, this doesn’t actually help anyone. Especially if one is already in the midst of tripping really hard on some acid the guy said was clean but probably wasn’t, one thinks one may not have packed enough warm clothes to stave off hypothermia in the desert overnight, and one is seeing oneself as Santisima Muerte and can feel the skeleton riding around inside one’s body while an extremely disdainful “gender pirate” is practicing Meisner exercises on one in an attempt to shift one’s shadow’s paradigm so one will stop being such a goddamn mellow-harsher already.

      The Kingdom of Woo: many people suffering together, all of them alone.

      Related — thanks to BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. for sharing Tiny’nCute’s Moon Boot Dance a few threads ago. It was good for a laugh or two. Coincidentally, I think I was on the bus with T’nC the following day, and wouldn’t have recognized her if not for those “b00tz!!” They are equally delightful in person.
      She *is* pretty cute, though. She had her yoga mat and possibly a new, as in not-PhuturePhuckphace, gnarly-looking dude along for the ride. Mazel tov.

    • Yeah, I would say 16 – 22 was about my limit (and even then, probably 18 – 20)…. after that, it gets old, and you have to get out in the world and do stuff.

      • That was my exact period of hallucinogen experimentation. But I have to admit at expired+7 now, I am thinking of going for round two. I’ve been contemplating this occasionally for the last few years. What’s stopping me? Round one happened during age “no fear.”

    • RE: downward spiral, at what point was BOOK ever up & running? 😉
      IS there a time you do believe Donk *would* have completed BOOK?

      Pretty sure she was fucking Davidiot in CR long before it occurred to her to go all boo hoo over Derp as if he were the root of all her problems — she wasn’t at all worried about BOOK then, nor about Derp. Her next fauxto-shoot, maybe.

      Deadlines come & go before Donk thinks about working on something — first, she’s going to trot “rape” & “depression” out, dust those off, try ’em on for size, decide if one of those could possibly buy her some more time, & “depression” definitely makes a cameo appearance when it comes time to point the hoof & lay blame elsewhere for the thing(s) Donk did not do.

  18. Random advice request time: I hate my job (posted about it here before) and I noticed two openings at a national firm that I’d love to have while working on a career change. Right before submitting all my info, I remembered I worked with a recruiter when I first moved to this city and she had contacts at the firm and other large firms here, so I shot her an email asking if she’d be open to working with me again. I’m an anxious and sometimes impulsive person and I’m afraid I’m going to miss the opportunity if I wait a day to apply while waiting for a response from the recruiter. Should I just calm the Gregdamn hell down and wait a day or go ahead and submit the application now?

    • phone the recruiter and set a deadline; will apply myself if i don’t hear back from you by end of day

    • JFAing myself to say nevermind, internal conflict resolved. Recruiter emailed back and is making calls this afternoon. Fingers crossed!

  19. She does have a gift for booking gigs she can’t complete. Even the NY Times article should’ve led to more journalism opportunities if she focused on it. All of the energy it takes to secure these opportunities would’ve been better spent following through with one. She’s lazy, clearly, but she’s also deeply anxious about completion. (Remember the freak outs over Miss Advised?) The anxiety must be the subconscious awareness that she is not as good as she has sold herself to be. Rather than work at getting that good, she spazzes and runs.

    • What’s there to say? Over privileged adult babies spend an overpriced weekend indulging in their adult baby-ness, complete with water balloon fights, s’mores and awkward sleeping bag sex.

      • Yeah, except she’s usually so hyperbolically effusive about any of these banal woo trips she goes on. Life-changing, transformational, etc. Just odd not to see her going all OMG epic about it.

        • Maybe she blessed Camp Grounded with the spastic, transformational flow she calls dancing and nobody gave a shit. Or most likely, people were weirded out by woman with the unwashed hair and horse teeth who amused herself by pretending to be one of those inflatable tube men that you see at car dealerships. Either way, she probably didn’t get the attention she craved and now has the sadz.

          • They probably made the entire program about the guy who runs it that has cancer, which def would have given her the sadz. Also I read that as ineffable tube men.

  20. You know, as much opportunity that has her way, she has an uncanny ability of blowing it in a manner that isn’t sympathetic at all. Most people recognize their faults and their mistakes, know their limitations and try to avoid them. And most people I know have a fucking sense of humor about it.
    She isn’t very clever and she is so immature. I’m not sure how much of it I blame on her parents, even though they clearly enable her and wrongly think she’s some of super sparkle unicorn person.
    The teensiest bit of self deprecation would be yuge.
    My autocorrect isn’t automatically changing yuge to huge anymore. What the fuck is this world coming to?

  21. You know, after the last few updates, a Plain Old Julia Allison Failure Post feels like a life raft.

    I’m seriously hugging this post like a teddy bear that will protect me from the polysexual ghouls and trogs haunting all of the other recent posts. Good god.

  22. @Gilly, remind me. Did the info in this post come from the same tipster a few posts back? In other words, is this the way Book story was told, by Julia, to a friend/acquaintance, or is this from someone (or multiple someones) who witnessed Book’s downfall first hand?

    Genuinely curious because count me among those who find it hard it believe that she completed drafts, regardless of how awful they were. I could see this being the version Julia told someone.

    • Good question, DDS, and one that I was going to post about tomorrow. This info comes from two unrelated sources, one of whom is “Chris,” our source for the info about Julia’s “consulting” gigs. The other source is inside St. Martin’s but not in the editorial department. I have known this source for 10+ years.

      Indeed all of the information about the various drafts and Julia’s excuses comes from “Chris” and the data is extensive here.

      I do know something very sour went down with her editor at St. Martin’s re: “the new Julia,” but was something substantive turned in or is Julia lying through her teeth? I probably should have waited on posting this until I could get some sort of confirmation from St. Martin’s, particularly when it’s evident that Julia is lying about many things in that dossier, beginning with the claim that she never ever reads here.

  23. She just posted about how she feels so much better now that she’s living in nature. Why so secretive then?

    • DONKEY: I most definitely feel better living in nature.

      LEGALESE — she doesn’t exactly say that she is living in nature right now, though that may be an implication she’s hoping you’ll buy into.

      I most definitely feel better living at the ranch. Am I there now? Noooo …

      • i most definitely feel better the less i am responsible for — not accountable to anyone for anything, no bills to pay

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