Get Excited! Poet Laureate Ali Shanti Is Launching A New Podcast

threesheetstothewind

We know you’re excited to hear about the “festie” circuit queen’s new pod project, but first, let’s read Poet Laureate Shantitown’s latest free verse offering – it’s all about her!

I am consistently amazed by the capacity of my heart. For so long, I felt nothing but pain and anger and confusion.

I thought it was normal. And, it was.

Until it wasn’t.

Until I saw a different way.

Until I woke up and discovered that my heart is so tender. And the pain, anger and confusion was protecting her.

Keeping people and everything I wanted just far enough away to not really get in. So that when they let me down, I could continue to live.

Because I was sure I wouldn’t. If I really felt it all, I would die. Guaranteed.

Or so I thought.

The mind is a tricky one. Sure it has all the answers. So good at keeping me “safe.”

But really the only true safety I’ve found is in allowing my heart to break again and again.

Stretching her capacity.

Now she is huge, this heart of mine.

Broken open, she can hold it all.
I feel, I feel, I feel.

No more need for the protection, the resistance or the shield.

Tender and strong. Raw and real. Light and dark.

I love and welcome it all.
Grateful.
Free.

richman

Who isn’t just a little emotional after confronting Ali’s huge heart? The woos are beside themselves!

sycophants

flames

I’m so overcome, I nearly forgot about that podcast! Ali and Jules Schroeder (pictured below), a self-proclaimed music rockstar hailing from Boulder and looking all of 14 years old, will be launching “Unconventional Life: Lessons From the Road Less Traveled.” The old raunch would like to know who you would love for them to interview, so feel free to send her some suggestions. Craig Filek? Rain? Rainbow? BOOK?

12 year old

Bottom Picture: Michael “Fozzie” Jacobs, looking more delicious than ever since he and SK3B consciously uncoupled! Who’s the lucky stiff currently filling her clam dungeon?

eyebrows

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113 Responses to Get Excited! Poet Laureate Ali Shanti Is Launching A New Podcast

  1. grammarian says:

    fuck you

  2. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

    Christ, Antonin Scalia refers to himself in the third person less. All that talk about fire and burning in the comments get these ladies some gatifloxacin STAT.

  3. AnnaPelt Is Happy at 138 says:

    That’s it. Podcasts are officially over.

  4. julia allison needs adult supervision and a nappy change by the bray says:

    I nearly choked on this pint glass full of vodka at

    “Stretching her capacity”

    PFFFFFFFF HA HA HA HA HAAAA

  5. Dawn "Tribe of Insufficient Funds" Kiebals says:

    She must really hate when Donkey goes on Facebook sabbatical….

    • How Brayella Got Her H00ve Back says:

      You’re being facetious, right? She lives for RBD attn. IMO.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        True. SK3B used to tune in before RBD ever started talking about her trainwreck of a life. At some point, Filek even called Shanti out about wanting to be on RBD. Anybody remember the particulars?

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          I remember when RBD exposed her past bankruptcy details for the first time and how freaked out she got about it on one of the soundcloud chats with Filek. Our exposure did spur her to get her law licenses caught up, though, IIRC.

          He said something like, “Oh come on, you love reading it,” when she was acting all faux upset at how RBD treated Donkey.

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina fka Lurker says:

            Yep, she and Fishsticks were doing their gross overshare TMI relationship podcasting, and after the post on Ali’s BK deets went up, which demonstrated that she was not making anywhere near the $35K/month she had previously been blathering on about to Fishticks, she recorded a convo in which she let him know we’d done a post on her. She sounded fearful in her lead-up to the reveal (I wonder whether Craigger knew the truth about their finances) and when she mentioned RBD he interrupted with, “but you love reading there!”

            She went on and on about how what we wrote wasn’t true etc. etc. but later confirmed under pressure that it was all true. And she made up a year’s worth or so of CLE overnight to get her bar license restored to active member in good standing.

          • grammarian says:

            COAT GHOULS

          • How Brayella Got Her H00ve Back says:

            I’m remembering Filek’d-Up’s response as slightly different than ya’ll two are (& so, chances are more than slightly good that I’m in the wrong) but didn’t he say something to the effect of ‘you finally got on RBD, just like you wanted’ ?

            I would swear that it was more than just a mere acknowledgment that she lurks here reading up on her best frenemy Julia Allison …

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            I don’t remember that, and if he said that I think the RBD archives would back it up. I’m too lazy to go back and look, but I think their soundcloud was discussed here in some detail.

          • How Brayella Got Her H00ve Back says:

            Thanks, Grifty! 😉 Indeed, archives do back it up: http://rebloggingdonk.com/2014/05/05/here-is-an-alexis-neelyali-shanti-post/#comment-580532

            Sadly, but not surprise, their soundcloud link is now dead. Just like their once-undying love.

            ‘ Interesting that when she says Julia’s reblogging people are writing about them, Craig says, “Oh good. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

          • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

            side note: I miss JFA even though she was legit crazy. Bless.

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            Good find, Brayella! Thanks for being the RBD archivist.

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            This is the one I remembered, courtesy Lurker:

            “Psycho-delic Ballerina’s Dirty Tights fka Lurker says:
            May 6, 2014 at 12:19 pm
            Craig remarks to Ali regarding this site, “but you loooove going there!””

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina fka Lurker says:

            @ Brayella — wow, I had completely forgotten that! They were posting so many damn soundclouds at the time I’m not surprised. So she did want to be written about here. What a loon.

            Also that thread was nutbars.

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        Pfft. I doubt it. We constantly expose the seamy underbelly of her shady business tactics. Can’t be good for her to have the truth out there in GoogleLand.

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

          Yes. We must have negatively impacted her meager revenue flow. You’d think she’d tone down the overshares, the scam tactics, the bullshit, but no, she goes along on her wildly unprofessional merry way and is incredulous when folks ask her why choosing to attend an orgy has anything to do with providing financial advice to clients. Like Julia, she’s incapable of actually learning, though Skankitron claims to have done just that, week after week, month after month, year after year.

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            I do think she plays off what we write here. She spins a lot of it and does damage control. We can’t forget that among her crowd, they seem to have the notion that critics are just superfans in disguise. Yeah, that silly canard, right along the same lines of ‘those mean boys are picking on you in school because they secretly like you.’

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            JFAing to say, I do think she has toned down some of it, and is doing a lot more hinting vs. directly putting things out there than she used to. She thought that the newsletter was a better place to discuss these things more openly, but anyone can subscribe, so it’s not like we don’t see what she says. She also got some push-back recently on her FB page from people who didn’t want to hear as much personal stuff vs. business stuff. I think there is a pretty big difference between what she shares now compared to the Craig days.

          • LakeWooBeGone says:

            Wasn’t she supposed to do a post explaining how people who don’t save any money and instead pay grifters with it pay their medical expenses if they have a sudden serious illness? That was after we speculated what she would do if she was diagnosed w cancer, since she supposedly “reinvests” all her money and doesn’t save (as you should, too!)

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina fka Lurker says:

            Why yes, LakeWoo, she was supposed to do such a follow-up post. I’m stunned. Drops mike. That she has not followed through.

  6. Donkey Schoen says:

    I am Verklempt at seeing Verklempt.

  7. Stalker is the New 5150 says:

    Fozzie looks like an asshole. Like, even more of an asshole than he did with Ali Seedy. He looks like a little boy who’s been disappointed and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT.

    • Not! Random! says:

      A Portrait of the Artist as a Bitter Bro.

      • Not! Random! says:

        JFAing to say that tense/angry look is the tell that a guy is not getting laid. Compare that to the happy and calm look in all the pics from the past year. Gotta hand it to the Shantress: she does something right.

        • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

          Your every word is gospel truth!!! Bitter Bro, exactly!

          Yeah, I don’t think Ali has problems fucking too little. I think Fozzie was mad that she was fucking too much ie too many people that were not him.

          Maybe we can crowdfund a Fleshlight for ol’Fozz.

          • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

            I bet the past year with Shanti was a year off his normally prescribed meds. Bi-polar, maybe? Ali said she noticed him because his gigantic Burger King head was smiling at her like some Cheshire Cat and now so bitter and full of anger.

            My heart still bleeds for the for the poor unsuspecting car saleswoman he stared down.

          • Fart Night with the Khaat Whores (formerly Puspito Vito Oo Nugroho) says:

            r/thathappened

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            It’s so weird, right? I mean, he was always so blissed out and chill, with the sage burning and sitting in meditation poses and all. Now he is anger boy, pissed at the world. I guess he only had used Mercedes to choose from.

          • Fart Night with the Khaat Whores (formerly Puspito Vito Oo Nugroho) says:

            Maybe he should’ve leased a C-class. Remember when Julia tried to do that? On her daddy’s dime? And still fucked it up?

            She’s 35 and can’t lease a car or apartment correctly

          • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

            Watching these assholes run through money makes me feel better about my teeny little AliExpress habit.

          • Failed Mercedes C Class Leasee says:

            Yoo-hoo!

          • bobluv's sideways-facing fanny pack (brother in-law to his forward-facing fanny pack) says:

            spot on!

            if you could plot a graph of the relationship, the apex was the play party on the playa (or, as nigel from spinal tap would say, whuh ever the f*ck it is) and it was all downhill from there

          • Psycho-delic Ballerina fka Lurker says:

            @bobluv — IIRC that has been the case with Shanti for several years. Her polyamorous display at BM signaled the end of Shanti and Craigger, and Craigger bitched in one of his many therapy session soundclouds that she has a track record of blowing shit up with her men at or immediately following BM.

          • Tingolayo says:

            LOL, @bobluv. When I saw the photo of musical goddess Jules Schroeder above, all I could think was “She’s sweet but she’s just four feet and she’s still got her baby teeth.”

        • Not sure says:

          My guess is that Fozzie’s parents paid big bucks to have him deprogrammed.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      He looks like the not-so-bright nephew of the Unabomber.

      • Morrocanwear With Antlers and a Droopy Cooby says:

        He has crazy mismatched eyes staring off in different directions and all that dirty looking facial hair (includingeyebrows). I feel terrible talking about his appearance, but why would he post such an unflattering photo?

      • Bunsy says:

        He looks like he should be with the Ammond Bundy Militia Crew. Maybe that’s his next gig.

    • LakeWooBeGone says:

      I call that photo “The Unabomber”.

  8. Can-Swiss says:

    She’s like a 13 year old going through so much drama. She’s always DEVASTATED or SO BLISS. How can these woos expect anyone to take them seriously when one week they are so open, so free, heart is in the best place. And then next week, THE FEAR. Blah blah, repeat, repeat.

    They are all so full of shit.

    • grammarian says:

      unstable

    • Fart Night with the Khaat Whores (formerly Puspito Vito Oo Nugroho) says:

      #365soblessed

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      Also the whole “I had no idea what love was when I was in past relationship, this one is perfect…” until that one breaks up, and she says the same thing about the newest one. Pick a lane, gatorface.

      • melting marionette says:

        ‘Til it’s over and then
        Shh shh
        It’s nice and quiet
        Shh shh
        But soon again
        Shh shh
        Starts another big riot

    • Cowboys & Brayliens loves you Rain! We are NOT breaking up! says:

      It’s almost as if she were showing the mania and depression symptoms that characterize bipolar disorder. Huh.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens loves you Rain! We are NOT breaking up! says:

        JFA’ing myself to add: exactly how many times can Skankatron get away with the whole, “I was in such a bad place, but now EVERYTHING IS AWESOME.” schtick. She’s done the whole “great things are just around the corner” for how many years now? Come on, lady, just give it a rest and find a new marketing angle.

  9. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    New Pixar Film “Inside Ali Shanti” features cast of emotions Pain, Anger and Confusion protecting what they, in their child-like innocence, believe is a 40-something grifter’s heart. Hilarity ensues as the giant dildo…

    • Fart Night with the Khaat Whores (formerly Puspito Vito Oo Nugroho) says:

      …punches Craig Filek in the face?

      Seriously tho that IUD in the hot tub thing never happened

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        …enters their office, at which point Pain, Anger and Confusion realize that they are actually lost in her…

  10. Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

    Remember how A Shanti In Old Shantitown’s business plan includes “full body orgasm”? Last night I wondering what she thinks the rest of us experience.

    “Oh, I prefer an orgasm just in the right ear.”

    “Sir, I am ready for my hair orgasm.”

    “Darling, if you could, please: limit my pleasure to one of my elbows and one of yours.”

    • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

      Tonight from the knees down, I am not in the mood. But bang away at whatever’s above there, my darling.

  11. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    She needs to learn that rictus-face is not a flattering look.

  12. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    Read Laeli Ca’s (Tiny n Cute’s) January 11 FB post on “Open Heart does not equal Open Relationship and Ali Shanti’s sincere confusion.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      SK3B’s reply is amazing.

      At 40-something she is starting to realize that maybe there is a tiny possibility that feelings and sex don’t always go together.

      • Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

        Some of the responses in that thread make me understand why an otherwise reasonable young person like Tiny n Cute might think some of her relationship choices are good ideas. Someone in that thread is actually arguing FOR initiating a sexual relationship if you happen to like someone as a friend, in a way that insinuates doing anything but would be repressive. Yikes! I can only imagine how deeply fucked up I would be if people in their 30s and 40s were feeding me this nonsense as an impressionable early 20 something.

        • Not! Random! says:

          Eh, I have a hard time believing it would not have been obvious from the get-go that the emperor has no clothes. Maybe it’s the grad school circles I run in, but the average 20-something I’ve encountered thinks s/he has all the answers already and is really not that impressionable. In fact, most of the young 20-something women I know think that people in their 30s and 40s are unrelatable and unattractive. I suspect there are some serious self esteem or daddy issues in the few exceptions.

          • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

            it’s probably your high-falutin grad school circle. I know plenty of super gullible young people. I could totally see someone with pre-existing woo tendencies falling for the schtick of the older and not wiser.

          • Aggressively Stupid says:

            There are definitely people in their twenties who would fall for this shit. Particularly people who are already disillusioned with the mainstream society and looking for direction. How do you think Charles Manson managed to amass a “family”?

          • Not! Random! says:

            Well, of course I agree that it happens. My point is that I don’t have a lot of sympathy for the poor impressionable members of the Manson family, or anyone else who gets wrapped up in this sort of hokum.

  13. woogang says:

    Why exactly, is she so pained? She still has a relationship with her mom. She still has a close relationship with her childrens’ father. WHAT is she bitching about? She has no idea what real life struggle means. Yo, Ali, I know you read here. My real name is Kat. I’ve been married twice. My first was verbally abusive. (And sometimes physical) I was also molested my someone close to me/family member. I’ve kept it held tight. It’s the best thing to do for the time. (I do see a therapist. She’s not thrilled with my decisions, but she’s helped me not think about it every day.) I HATE YOU. YOU ARE THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO WOMEN EVER. IF I LIVED IN BOULDER I WOULD CALL DCFS. IF I LIVED IN BOULDER I WOULD FOSTER THOSE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. You suck aging, aging, aging, thick, ugly, ALI SHANTI. You will reap what you sow. I just think it sucks that it’s at your children’s expense.

    • Albie Quirky in Exile says:

      I feel you. She is beyond infuriating.

      • woogang says:

        Thank you. I was having a moment. I’m not saying don’t report on her. Because this site should. Someone should. But she gaslights me. She’s harmful. Terribly harmful.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      That snake! She’s returned to wreak havoc on the island where she once shared a home for two weeks, until Pancakes bought boxes + tape and packed her up, and Cindy drove her raft ass to the airport. “You take care, dear heart!”

    • melting marionette says:

      “it floats!”

  14. Obergruppenfuhrer Lake WoobeGone says:

    Want BOOK.

  15. ks says:

    I listened to Rain Phutureprimitive’s soundcloud today. Multiple tracks, so I gave it a real chance. My three word review is “Baby’s First Techno”. Watered down dubstep for teenagers who just got over top 40. It really reminded me of the kind of simple shit I listened to back in the 90s while high on weed thinking about robots. It is perplexing why so many people listen to it. Maybe it has something to do with how inoffensive and fluffy it is, like sparkling water. Clearly it’s all about banging dusty groupies for him because there is nothing innovative there.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

      “Banging dusty groupies,” the name of his next album, he should pay you a royalty.

    • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

      “So many people”? He is not exactly Jeff Mills.

      He has a cult following among the woo set and he seems to get booked as filler in second-rate woo festivals, but I have been following electronica since the 90s and I have never heard of him before his involvement with one atrocious Donkey.

    • Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

      “Thinking about robots.” I snorted.

    • Bunsy says:

      “It really reminded me of the kind of simple shit I listened to back in the 90s while high on weed thinking about robots.”

      I love you for this.

      Maybe YOU should write a BOOK!

  16. What the what...? says:

    OT: In the past 24 hours, Writerly Writer at BOOK has liked a picture of herself from 2009 (??Random), Liked Stacey M’s latest post, and Liked one Joey P’s “30 Under 30” nod.

  17. 3 hour grift says:

    oopsie, spotted an error.

    You have a “bottom picture” as the top and foremost photo, fyi

  18. Pass the Nachos Please says:

    OT: Another victim of child rapist Marc Gafni steps forward:

    http://forward.com/opinion/329620/i-was-13-when-marc-gafnis-abuse-began/

  19. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

    SK3B just posted some woo gibberish that begins “If you ever meet someone brave and powerful enough to walk with you directly through your most unconscious wounds and shadow caves … ” Are we talking Robert William Love, Jr. THE JAZZERCISER?

    Of course, the woos are beside themselves re: Ali’s post, with the best, most head scratching response coming from one Allan Kinsman: “Love is the transformation of yourself through knowing another person to a degree of compassion you transient old self beyond your previous comprehesion.”

    And they wonder why we point and laugh.

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