No Donkey? Even Jena & Jess Made The Trek to SF For Smelly’s Latest Scam / Ali Shanti Is In Love (Again)

woovomit

Geez, couldn’t Peter Baugher afford to buy two copies of “the most important personal finance book of our time” so that his beast of burden might attend Michael Ellsberg and Bryan Franklin’s star studded book signing?

tribe o vomit

Equally worrisome, the brave Jena – she’s dating a woman! – returned to NYC and faced serious white people problems. Oh, the humanity.

I’m sad. Crying even. I just got kicked out of my comedy improv class. If you miss 3 classes you’re out. I missed two because of travel and meant to take a red eye last night to get home but due to weather planes were cancelled so I couldn’t fly. I took the first flight in the morning and made it 35 min late class and I was not let in. No discussion. Policy is policy. Now I’m pissed and sad. Kicked out of comedy class. I guess that’s kind of funny. Haha. Not feeling it right now. This too will pass. Exercising my tear-ducts at least.

kenrussellhorrorshow

Now back in Boulder, Ali Shanti finally got that love letter out this afternoon and guess what? She’s in love! Any bets as to the unlucky stiff and how many months this one will last? My money’s on 20something Robert William Love, Jr., The Jazzerciser!

Yes, it’s true, I am experiencing the beauty of new love. It’s tender. And a wee bit frightening. And I’m not quite ready to share the details, and it feels way too soon after my last relationship and, I’m a lover. It’s my nature.

The truth is, now that my heart is open, I walk around feeling in love most of the time. Not just with humans, but with all of Life.

And, I’ve fallen in love with each and every one of you who has written to share the truth of your current reality and your vision for the future.

My guess is that if you haven’t written in, that I’d fall in love with you too, if you did. (And, please do — I read everything and I become evermore inspired to keep sharing, even when it feels like a stretch for me to do so.)

If you desire to work with me in the future, it’s a good idea to write in, whether you are ready to get started now or you know it will be some time in the future because it allows me to begin to get to know you, which allows us to dive in deeper more quickly and support you with more precision right away when we do work together.

meercats

grossleotard

Bottom Fan in the ‘Stan: Edwin De Jesus De Leon Camacho!

edwin

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124 Responses to No Donkey? Even Jena & Jess Made The Trek to SF For Smelly’s Latest Scam / Ali Shanti Is In Love (Again)

  1. Albie Quirky in Exile says:

    Weather report: No sign of RAIN! in a Donkey’s future.

    Since he and BF are BFF now, she had to stay away.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      Oh, that’s right. Does BF remind anyone physically of harried manager Murray on Flight of the Conchords? BF just posted:

      You know it’s a good (book launch) party when the electricity is out for the first 4 hours and you still have a packed house of people talking about it being one of the most intimate parties in recent memory!

      Thank you so much Jennifer Russell, Kim Howerton, Michael Ellsberg, and Matty Dorey – not to mention the 200+ incredibly supportive guests for making it an incredible evening and a successful launch!

      “One of the most intimate parties in recent memory”? Did Skankatron pull the power switch and yell ORGY!?

    • Bride of Donkenstein (The Me I Am When I'm With You) says:

      no Rain

      no Book

      all is lost, all is lost

      ::sob::

  2. How Brayella Got Her H00ve Back says:

    La Phlegm “meant” to take the red eye; instead, she took that a.m. return flight she’d had booked all along. That’s what I’m getting out of her flaky pity party pitch. Um, er, oops?

    I thought D0nkey was the life of the party & BFF’s w/ all her exes, PLUS a future author, so why wouldn’t she be welcomed at a book-signing party that includes her whole tribe? I know, I know, wherein the question (D0nkey!) lies the answer? (D0nkey!)

    P.S. D0nkey!

  3. Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

    La Flamme actually being held accountable to something for once in her life? THITH ITH COMEDY!

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

      I laughed to the point of tears when I read her entitled missive. Comedy gold!

      • Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

        Honestly! Didn’t she JUST start her comedy class? How has she already missed two sessions. Sounds like it wasn’t much of a priority to you, Jena. Ever the dilettante!

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

          Nothing says you’re really unfunny like getting kicked out. Let’s be honest if she was remotely good they would have kept her. I love the lack of awareness which I’m sure she fully displayed the time she was actually there.
          How very disrespectful to those in the class who were there to learn and build on what they learned from one week to the next. No 5-head you are not a special enough snowflake.

          • Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

            THIS! I was thinking the same thing. Being late to a class due to travel complications is a legitimate and verifiable reason for tardiness. Methinks the instructor had no time for her bullshit; there must have been some kind of precedent set where kicking her out would have actually benefited the rest of the class. They already have her money.

            I’ve taken improv before. It’s a highly collaborative and team-oriented art. I bet Jena made everything all about her. Possibly other students complained privately to the instructor.

            I’m also guessing that Jena didn’t communicate these travel plans to the instructor in advance, either.

          • Morrocanwear with a Yandy Foil Dress says:

            Plus she is obnoxiously unfunny, racist, clueless, self-centered. I am sure she is an absolute barrel of laughs. She wasn’t kicked out even, she was locked out. I am sure the rest of the class was delighted to lose her.

          • Aggressively Stupid says:

            I’ve never taken a comedy classes, but I used to take acting classes when I was younger and it’s common for instructors to lock the door once the class starts. Most classes start with some type of meditation (sounds woo-y, but it really does help you let go of daily life and get into the class) and it’s really disruptive for someone to come in late, yammering excuses and knocking into people as they try to find a spot on the floor.
            Also, a lot of acting classes have a policy of dropping students who miss too many classes. Many of theses classes are built around preparing a group play or presentation of some kind and it’s not fair to ask the other students to make adjustments for someone who missed classes.
            It’s not likely to have been personal and that’s what LaFlambe hates about it. They didn’t give her special treatment.

        • Such happy. Many blessed. So lies. says:

          Aww, the tribe was not prepared to invest in Jenna. Poor widdle woo-girl.

      • Donkton Blabby says:

        As someone who has taught at the comedy school I suspect she attended, I can confidently say that the rule is a good one, and in place for a reason. Because people who are constantly missing classes hold the rest of the group back, and having someone roll in late or show up occasionally is a disturbance for the other people who figured out how to show up regularly and on time. I’ve had to kick people out of class for being late, and they almost always have entitled meltdowns about how their reason is justified and it’s not fair, etc etc. Kind of like what she’s hinting at here.

        These rules are also SO CLEARLY laid out for you when you sign up for class, that it’s laughable when people claim they weren’t aware of it. Tra la la!

        • Midwestern Verve Clicquot says:

          I directed a cast of 50 in college. The amount of smackdown I had to lay on college kids for rolling in a few minutes late was astounding. But you know what? Those fuckers managed to get their shit together, and they were barely adults who were doing it for free. What’s Jena’s excuse?

          This is the woman who says she wants a baby. Can you imagine? Would she reschedule doctor’s appointments? Parent teacher conferences? Skip out on recitals and games because of BS travel plans that have nothing to do with her work? Priorities; these people have none.

      • Defective LEARN Button says:

        How many people in the class do you think were sitting there holding their breath on that third day of class she’d missed. “Please please please let her not show up so we can kick her ass to the curb!”

  4. wonkeye says:

    Is Ali wearing one of Granny Moneybag’s old nighties? Why do tragically unfunny people insist on taking comedy classes? Why are there no crowds in any of the photos of their wildly successful event? So many questions. . . .

    • donkey schoen says:

      Good greg. I was just thinking the same thing. Tragically unfunny people. Like not an ounce of humor at all. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I don’t think I’ve ever observed a group of people as unfunny as the woos.
      And wasn’t Ali just tender and open about Fozzie? And several others….at the same time?

    • melting marionette says:

      they all look different with clothes on.

    • LakeWooBeGone says:

      Why are men still raping women?

  5. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Is Jena’s (five)head-wrap a symptom of, or the cause of, her Pleasurable Hair Loss?

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      I was wondering the same thing just now!

      For what it’s worth, I think head-wraps suit her. She wears them well, and she seems to choose colors that are flattering to her.

  6. Aggressively Stupid says:

    My theory is that Donkey was only back in SF over New Years to pack up the rest of her shit (or, rather, oversee the Taskrabbit minions and Roommate) and is now back at the Lakeside Retirement Home permanently. Or until she comes up with a new scam.

  7. Malformed Face says:

    Does Creepy Sex Gargoyle only own one suit? Genuinely curious.

    • Bride of Donkenstein (The Me I Am When I'm With You) says:

      dude still looks like someone rolled him in vaseline and tossed him into a vat of pubic hair clippings

    • Albie Quirky in Exile says:

      My masculine owns only one suit, which he wears very infrequently. I have two suits and haven’t worn them in years (they are Chanel-style, so never really in or out of fashion). We just don’t have suit lives, and I doubt His Meshness does either.

      He does seem to have only the one dress shirt, which is a bit more worrisome.

  8. AWO says:

    NOBODY LOVES BOOK

  9. bobluv's forward-facing fanny pack says:

    time for another round of “RBD FILL-IN-THE-BLANKS” !on

    please complete the following phrase from a souvenir T-shirt:

    “my ____ went to SF for a book release party, and all I got was ______”

    good luck!

  10. Bloated Tiara Thief says:

    Edwin could get it, tbh

  11. Russian Girl says:

    But whatever happen either hotel flowers from the RAIN?!

  12. Rife with breakups says:

    Cat ladiez,
    Can you please be service-y?
    I had a phone interview for a job I REALLY want yesterday. I’m pretty sure it went well, but I tended to ramble a bit because the questions were “What is your experience with x?” and my experience is pretty extensive. I think we had good rapport, and I have worked at this location before (which is very remote) which gives me a leg up.

    When I asked about hiring timelines, the interviewer told me she was doing two days of interviews (Monday and Tuesday) and then calling references later in the week and making offers early next week. Anyways, on my drive home from the friend’s house where I borrowed a landline, my reference texted me and said she had just been contacted and “Told them you were great”. So she must have called my reference right after talking to me. That’s really good right?

    I’ve applied to other jobs, but this one is a dream job.

    Any tips on helping me not freak out over the next week while I’m waiting to hear?
    Thanks cat ladiez. love and light.

    • grammarian says:

      deep breaths

    • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

      Yes, this is really good news.

      They are not going to call the references unless you are on a very short list (maybe a list of one!) for the job.

    • melting marionette says:

      it’s a good sign. don’t forget the ‘thank you’ follow-up.

      and as grammarian says, breathe.

      • Rife with breakups says:

        Thank! Followed up with a quick email. I love the basement.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

        Sounds like you got this @Rife! @Melting I agree, I always hand-wrote a thank you and fed ex’d it the same day as the interview, instead of emailing. Competitive jobs- anything that set one apart from another. I also always closed with “What other information do you need from me to send the rest of the candidates home now,” did I mention I was in sales? (ha!)

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

          @Rife, just saw you comment about emailing (which is great) I was just always shocked at how many people never sent any kind of thank-you.

        • Bunsy says:

          I agree. I am a bit old school and tend to hand write thank you notes and mail them. But also have typed on my personal stationary, too (if it is more business-y).

          So few people can form a sentence that anything that helps you stand out is good. Plus, fewer people have decent manners.

          Keep us posted! Fingers crossed!

      • Bunsy says:

        Yes — love the “thank you” follow up. Great idea. (Make it charming and light, but also perhaps mention one cool followup idea that you had/mentioned in the interview — so that he/she can recall how great you are and how much they need you.)

        And — as other have said — deep breaths and just chill. It’s kind of like dating — you have to act INTERESTED but not desperate.

        Hmmmmm maybe someone should give Donks that advice.

        I think you’re in good shape — I don’t they would have contacted references if they were not interested. Also, remember — THEY ARE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!

        (and keep us posted.)

    • Albie Quirky in Exile says:

      My fingers are crossed for you! Hope you end up with a job you love, whether it’s this one or another!

    • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

      I will be the bucket of cold water. You still might not get the job and at this point there is nothing you can do about it. Sounds like you were awesome in the interview but there are so many factors that go into the hiring manager’s decision that something totally out of your control might tip the scales against you.

      Remember that you are more than your job, that you are awesome no matter what your paycheck looks like and if they decide to go in a different direction then FUCK THEM AND THEIR MACBOOKS.

      Every time I’ve lost out on a job I got something way better afterward (sometimes I did a little crying and wailing, yes) so even if this opportunity doesn’t materialize, that doesn’t mean that nothing good will ever happen. This is not your only opportunity to be great. You are already great and just looking for a place that is worthy of your greatness. If they don’t hire you then they didn’t deserve you anyway. Something wonderful will come along.

      that said, GOOD LUCK OMG I HOPE YOU GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Rife with breakups says:

        ^^^This is good advice^^^
        I’ve applied for hundreds and gotten through to the next round on dozens (federal jobs, yay!). So, SOMETHING will pan out. phew. This is just the first actual callback, so stakes feel really high.

        • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

          I’ve never even gotten to an interview on a federal job so … you’re doing something right.

          I know that high stakes feeling. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Try to do something that takes your mind off it though (binge watch Jessica Jones or go for a run) so it doesn’t feel like you need to keep concentrating or else all is lost.

          • mcakez: Knob Polish Ambassador says:

            I haven’t finished Jessica Jones yet, but I am actually shocked at how much I’ve enjoyed it. Didn’t expect that.

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      OMG you guys! I just realized something. We offer each other advice, support and information. Are we a tribe?!?
      If so, where’s my money?

  13. Rife with breakups says:

    Also, Ali and R Love look like step two in a youtube tutorial on contouring makeup.

  14. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    The Jazzerciser looks like Slender Man.

  15. Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

    I thought I saw BOOK walking down the street earlier this evening, but it turned out to be some guy named Terry.

  16. Grammarian says:

    Good morning, please send money

  17. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    I read the excerpt from their book. Basically, the entire book could be summed up in one 1000 word essay. I also read the “article” in Time they were so excited about getting published, which says absolutely nothing. Zero content whatsoever.

    Thith ith thuccthetth.

    Also see that they have one two-star review. It’s kind of poorly worded, maybe English is not this person’s first language, but they were not impressed.

    I think their info about the performance of Wall Street and the Dow is inaccurate. We’ll see how well they do when head to head with some actual financial experts. These guys are just doing what the woos always do, pretending to be experts in the field just because they say they are.

    It comes across to me that they are just making a case for their woo network. It will probably be a great recruiting tool for “coaching” marks, and doubtless they’ll have some sort of Internet-based marketing scheme built around this book.

  18. Woooo hoooooooo says:

    Could just as well repost this review for this pathetic new book:

    585 of 719 people found the following review helpful
    Felt I had to Wash My Hands when I was done
    By Reviewer on October 7, 2011
    Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
    First: i would rate 2 1/2 stars if possible but not three!
    The premise of this book was really promising. I thought it was going to be, based on the preface, about people who have educated themselves and become experts or broke new ground in technology, finance, and other fields.

    What I got: multilevel marketing scams and sleaze. It starts about the third chapter, where he mentions his ‘friend’ Eben Pagan.. I looked up the guys name and his site.. something in my gut just told me something was very very wrong.. well I looked up his name and it turns out he was one of those ‘dating’ ‘seduction’ hustlers. It just got sleazier from there, Ellsberg goes on to say how you should ‘lift people ‘ like Pagan up – and then people will lift you up… does this sound like a non-financial ponzi scheme or what? Ellesberg never mentions Pagan’s past, he just says the “runs a 30 million internet marketing company” – gee just like the founder of Zappo’s eh? Ellesberg is not upfront about this, implying he knows its a liability and undermines his point. He often refers to copy writers who launched products that made ## million in sales but, suspiciously, never mentions what those products or companies were.( In fairness, he does point out who his personal friends are.)

    Then I started to notice all the plugs for his buddies in the pages and I felt like I had paid for an advertisement. I ‘thought’ having a column on Forbes that this guy would be somewhat respectable, but I should have known better having first heard of him from a link to Tim Ferris (The four hour hustle)’s web site. The cross-marketing is annoying an undermines credibility.. Anyone who has read such books knows the pattern by now: “Four Steps to doing a successful career” Step one “increase networking” You really can’t become a great networker without reading “this book by author blah blah blah (plug for book here, and the author of the book having reciprocal agreement to plug you)” But it’s not just books, he constantly pushes expensive seminars as well (not his own). Sorry the idea that you have to spend 4000.00 on some ’empowerment’ weekend is hogwash. i sincerely doubt these meetings are little more than some insiders making money and a lot suckers out 4000.00.

    These guys sell dreams, not real advice. They sell the idea you can work four hours, or you can live like a rock star. A lot of times there advice is counter productive or at the very least unfounded.. they are good confidence men, but what they advise has no efficacy. To be fair to Ellsberg, he does clearly say that your chances of becoming a rock star or billionaire are largely out of your control and he does often site the more temperate Seth Godin.

    I also found the writing sophomoric – call me a prude, but if someone has to constantly curse rather than think about what he is cursing about, he’s no better than authors who write in cliches (for a wonderful analysis of this read George Orwell’s “Politics and the English Language”)

    I believe that education, particularly higher education, has become a bit of a financial scam, and educational standards have shrunk. But statements like “What do you want your kid to learn, trigonometry, we have computers for that” quoted from one of his “experts” with tacit approval is beyond ignorant.

    On the up side, there is some practical advice here and there, some good stories and even if you don’t want to emulate ellesberg’s tactics, analysis of his self marketing and promotion might be helpful.

    Also he does offer practical warnings about the impracticality of today’s higher education, the sense of entitlement it creates that cuts one off from opportunities (the idea of being ‘above’ certain types of work, or that abstract theories of ‘film studies’ will get you a job anywhere, let alone in film ). Some of his descriptions of the mentality of formal education are amusing and eye opening.

    lastly, people who game amazon (like Ferris) are notorious for deleting negative reviews (notice all the short five star reviews, usually the ‘user’s only one? , so I will saving this off line and will check for occasional attempts by the author or his minions to delete it).

    • Malformed Face says:

      Rut-roh – Here’s a 2 star review for Smelly & Co

      0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
      Poor book.
      By Amazon Customer on January 6, 2016
      Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
      I loved “The education of millionaires” and was hoping this book would be a great read as well. But it’s misleading readers by not investing in $401k. It fails to mention that many company’s offer company match. Which is free money only a fool would pass up. And how he suggest you save you money in only saving and bonds and complete nonsense. This book contradicts it’s self on every page I read. How you should have a tribe so everyone can use each other stuff. We sorry to say that is not as safe as he makes it out to be. Sorry people die early and friends disappear.
      Comment Was this review helpful to you?
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      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        Not to worry. The FIX is in! From BF:

        Yesterday THE LAST SAFE INVESTMENT broke into the top 10 books in the category of “Books -> Business and Investing -> Introduction” (#8) So *technically* that makes it a best selling book and Michael Ellsberg and I best selling authors. (golf clap) Question for you: What is the criteria you would use for yourself before you would actually refer to yourself as a best selling author? #10 on Amazon for all books? #1 in any category? NYT Best Seller official list? What does being a best seller mean to you? (If anything). heart emoticon ! (oh and you can pick your copy here)

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          CWAA.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          Shantitown is shilling the book n her fb page and someone asked her to elaborate. Her response: “buy the book, love.”

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

          Is there no real universal criteria for this distinction? Like a minimum of (pick a number) of books sold regardless of category. As explained by a lovely catlady (apologies your user name escapes explained) “in your category” can have people manipulating and classifying books under things like “Upper Swahili Goatherder” just to become a #1 Best Seller on Amazon.
          This must aggravate the real authors on this page that achieved that status organically & ethically.

      • Aggressively Stupid says:

        Hmmm… both of the bad reviews are verified purchases. Total coincidence, I’m sure.

  19. LakeWooBeGone says:

    Where is Fozzie? With BOOK?

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