Catching Up With Saharima Roenisch

christgoddess

In the RBD inbox this morning was an email from Saharima Roenisch. Remember her? The nutty Brit who channels through her iPad and could have been an extra in the SNL skit “Goth Talk”? The creature who posted 10 million images of herself to the web and has 15 YouTube channels, one under the moniker Christ Goddess? The performance artist(?) who dated the greasy gargoyle? Yeah, that Saharima.

When Michael Ellsberg Met Circe Nightshade …

smellsbergandsarry

Anywoo, in a missive that includes the subject header “I AM YOUR VICTIM,” Saharima claims that she can no longer do an internet search of herself because we wrote about her in 2014. She also claims that she can no longer use Facebook because of the way we “tore down her personality and words.” She asks that we remove the post we wrote about her because she only dated Smellsberg for 2 1/2 months and “only met Julia at a party and barely got to know her.”

I’m not sure what game we’re playing here, Saharima, but you plastered the internet with selfies and videos. And you’re a “victim” because people responded negatively to the wailing Christ Goddess as they attempted to make their way back to planet earth? Your sense of persecution gives you a commonality with Julia Allison. And what a bunch of B.S. about not being able to do an internet search or have a FB account! Surely you’re aware that FB accounts can be entirely private?  You seem to be trying to scrub much of your carbon footprint – ask Julia for advice here – yet all of your YouTube videos are (once again?) available for public consumption. All very strange.

Lesson for the day: You can’t control public discourse.

Bottom Fan in the ‘Stan: Alexandra Binette St-Pierre!

marykaykook

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89 Responses to Catching Up With Saharima Roenisch

  1. melting marionette says:

    “can no longer do an internet search of herself”

    i choked on my tea. aunt gilly, you owe me a new keyboard.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly, The Embodiment of Sarcasm says:

      That’s what she wrote! I yelped when I read it and Mr. B ran in from the kitchen because he thought I’d hurt myself.

  2. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    Wait, do we still have that fawning fan letter Donkey wrote her in crayon after meeting her in Boulder?

  3. AWO says:

    BOOK IS VICTIM TOO!

  4. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    This woman purports to be a psychic. Didn’t she see this coming?

  5. Not! Random! says:

    In other words: liked the attention; decided she wants more.

  6. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    She’s probably trying to get a legit office job and thinks RBD is making her unemployable. I think Manson pleaded the same defense at a parole hearing.

    • melting marionette says:

      i thought ‘passing likeness”, then i realized you were talking about a different manson.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      This. I think she is looking for blame for the “don’t call us, we’ll call you” responses to job applications. Oh dear, look at your head and neck tattoos and get a grip on reality.

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      Uhhh… if she’s trying to go respectable she could always go by her real name… and cover the face tats. Seriously, I just Googled her real name and nothing tawdry shows up at all. Sorry we ruined Circe Nighshade for you, lady, but it was a dumb fake name anyway. Also, those face tattoos are going to be a bitch to remove.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        Circe Nightshade, a character played by Molly Shannon on the SNL skit “Goth Talk,” is the name I gave dear Saharima.

        goth

        • Aggressively Stupid says:

          HA! That’s hilarious. Honestly, I barely remember her from when she was on the site before. In that case, bitch is full of shit because nothing bad comes up when you google her real name. She has nothing to complain about.

  7. Yandy Panty Party says:

    Question…how do we know that the woman in the bottom fan in the ‘Stan is not a basement dwelling cat lady who follows JA for her own amusement?

  8. Handbag Is Merging Her Two Identities says:

    So she Streisanded?

  9. Psycho-delic Ballerina fka Lurker says:

    If she thinks that we, rather than, oh, all of the shit she put out on the internet or, I dunno, the tattoos on her face, are her problem, she may just be without hope.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Seriously– she looks like a perfectly respectable iPad psychic, unless you’ve come across our intimations that she might not be 100% normal.

  10. grammarian says:

    if she’s psychic, she should have predicted this, duh

  11. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Book Deals says:

    All the unethical blaming the negative truth of their SEO, it couldn’t be they’re all just frauds, could it?

  12. Tingolayo says:

    OT: When you do an image search for Derpin, it’s all Donkey, us, and our avatars. THIS is succtheth.

  13. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    Just so funny that this should come up almost 2 years later without any provocation whatsoever. Maybe you need a different schtick? Or maybe you should just adhere to the one you want to and ignore the comments.

  14. How Brayella Got Her H00ve Back says:

    Who?

    Professional psychic? The dim bulb can’t even discern that it’s a favorably-reviewed video of Reese Witherpoon’s dance moves that she’s getting all up in arms about.

    Dear TMZ, An increasingly significant trend in North American pop culture is the verbal attack of white women. A black person would not be insulted for their dance technique because of their skin colour. Racism is getting worse according to this video so please consider the children. You are simply exposing the problems. Now make videos that make the situation better. Sincerely, Saharima Roenisch?

    ::yawn:: Lemme know when her 15 minutes are up. ::snark-face emoticon::

  15. Albie Quirky in Exile says:

    While people are asking for stuff, Gilly dear, the thing where you click on a new comment listed in the right-hand sidebar and it takes you directly to that comment no longer works in Safari on my iPad or phone, though it does work in Firefox on my desktop computer. I don’t know if this is a thing you or Mr. Blake might be able to fix, but if you did, I would be most grateful.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      No problem getting to the links on my laptop and I’m using chrome. Unfortunately, I am not a woman in tech, but will mention the problem to Mr. B. He did boost our security a great deal and perhaps those links got jumbled.

      • How Brayella Got Her H00ve Back says:

        It was acting up on me too, yesterday or day before … it’d go to the comment, but then it’d jump (up or down, I don’t remember, but away from the comment it would go) … sometimes I’d have to R-click the link to open comment in a new tab before I could see it.

        • Nosferatu-tu is Animated by Envy and Spite says:

          Hi, I use my iPad and it no longer works for me either.
          Also, when I make a comment, once it loads, it takes me back to the top of the thread whereas it used to bring me back to where I’d made the comment so I didn’t have to scroll back through looking for where I was up to.
          Not a big problem, but thought I’d let you know I’m having that happen too.

          • Morrocanwear with a Droopy Coobie says:

            Me too, on iPad, iPhone, and Mac (don’t judge…I love you RBD!)

            I am so eternally grateful to the divine Mr. B and his darling wife for bringing RBD back that I am happy to scroll back down a million times.

          • grammarian says:

            i was going to say but it felt so wrong to complain when there is so much joy.

            safari on ipad; anchor links to comments don’t work

            works fine on iphone/safari and on desktop macbook/chrome

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

            Hmmm … just checked the links on my iPhone and everything worked. Why not for others? It’s worrisome!

          • Stalker is the New 5150 says:

            ~Just Republican things~having your links work!

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

            Oh you!

    • Helena (Slutty Minnie Castevet) says:

      OT, but I reference to the last thread, Albie, when you finish that book you mentioned there, I SO want to read it! I know it’s going to be awesome (and not just because of your inspiration). Please keep us posted!

  16. LakeWooBeGone says:

    So NOT OT, but go to the site hevria.com and read the essay “how to spot a spiritual sexual predator. Our old woo friend The rabbi is discussed extensively among others. I could swear a cat lady wrote this piece.

    If you read nothing else this year about how to use the woo to be all rapey and shit, read THIS THIS THIS.

    I’m talking to YOU, woo of the feminine who secretly lurk on this site because you know something is very very wrong with the masculine y’all run around with…….

  17. LakeWooBeGone says:

    Jfaing to apologize is someone all ready posted this because it is so right on point; I haven’t had time today to settle in and review all the comments because WORK AT A JOB (not BOOK)

  18. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    She doesn’t consider that her Homage to Michael Jackson might have something to do with people mocking her on the internet? It’s as if she graduated bottom of her class from the Jess Johnson Telephonic School of Singing Your Fart Out. (Donkey graduated top of that class that year, but they were the only two students, so…)

  19. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    I think having your name turn up in connection with a website called Mexican Trance Mafia Marihuana, might be a bit more raised-eyebrow-provoking than something called Reblogging Donk.

  20. LetItExplode says:

    Someone asked me about book advances in the last thread but I am just seeing it now. I don’t know how Julia’s deal is structured but mine was broken down like this:

    40% of advance upon signing
    20% upon *acceptance* of manuscript
    30% upon publication
    10% a year after publication or when paperback comes out, whichever comes first. My paperback is coming out nine months after the hardcover did, I believe, but every book is different.

    Then, if the book makes the advance back you start getting into royalties. Most books do not make their advances back, or so I have been told. My book made NYT non fiction list and I still might never see royalties any time soon. I don’t know how one earns “fuck you money” writing books unless one writes about Vampires, the Vatican, or something Reese Witherspoon wants to buy. But I make enough to live well and pay my bills until I come up with an idea for the next one.

    Writing is so lonely and the opposite of glamorous. I think I wore the same pair of sweatpants every day for a month when I was racing to finish it to hit my publication date. I think she thinks that writing a book will make her Carrie Bradshaw for real? I can’t afford Manolo’s or Jimmy Choo’s. She will never finish a book. She doesn’t have the discipline, or the work ethic, or the ability to pull herself away from social media long enough to focus on anything else.

    If she has to give the advance back it won’t be a huge deal. She’s probably only received less than half of an advance I’m doubting was six figures. Papa Booger can afford to bail her out. Lawyers are inevitable.

    • grammarian says:

      this this this. i ghosted/wrote trades, by the pound, for a long time; hard, grinding work. as jon hamm says about acting, it isn’t lead mining, but while it is indoors, it’s not easy. your hardest job is mastering yourself.

    • Yandy Panty Party says:

      LetItExplode, I posed the question on the last thread. As a lolyer, I know nothing of these things and was curious. Thank you for the explanation!

    • Bunsy says:

      I’ve written five books and yeah, this sounds about right — how it works. Speaking for all the actual writers on this site — I have NO IDEA how Donk is ever going to get a book out. It’s been so many YEARS since her deadline — and she is no Fran Lebowitz!

      (Of course, she still presents herself as “writing a book for St. Martins…”)

      What a dork.

  21. Stalker is the New 5150 says:

    BROWN HORIZONS OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

    Is her facial décor permanent? The ink looks strangely purple.

  22. Woooo hoooooooo says:

    My advance for my first book was 50% at signing, the rest at manuscript submission. Nonfiction.

    From Julia’s first book announcement, I have turned in two manuscripts, published one book, and am halfway through the third.

    I’m also a single mom and a full time teacher.

    I have two books being released in fall 2016.

  23. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    After reading that old RBD post on this tattooed nutjob, I read the next few RBD posts. that came in chronological order. Wow, I’d forgotten how crazy last pre-Thanksgiving was in Wilmette, with the compulsory “first annual” 5K on the day of her nephew’s christening party when it was 26 degrees out. And that horrible judgy post she wrote about her brother and how they are so different. Also, how she photographed canklehausen-inducing pages from her teenage diary that she clearly had amended during her visit but tried to pass off as having been written at the time.

    If anyone here missed that episode of the Donkey show, it is worth a look.

  24. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    My God what did I just listen to re: Homage to Michael? Holy shit.

  25. What the what...? says:

    So much for staying off of Facebook. Bryan Franklin posted about his book 30 minutes ago and she’s already “liked” it.

    I guess that means she definitely would have seen this comment to her own post: “Oh no! We’ll miss you! smile emoticon How is zee book? xoxo”

    • Donkey in the Sky with Rhinestones says:

      Looks like Ali Shanti is shilling for the Bryan Franklin/ Ellsberg book on FB. Pretty sure the link she shares is a referral link. What is the “joint venture” referral fee on a $17 book? She is desperate for cash.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        I was thinking about doing a post on that shill but have been waiting for Shanti’s belated love letter, which is supposed to discuss her love life. I LOVE JAZZERCISING!

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        She just did another post re: that book and is flying to SF to attend their book launching. No money for curtains but she has the cash to fly to SF for the day?

    • What the what...? says:

      I assume the sequel to that book is titled “Are you a Ginger or a Mary Ann?”. Ugh.

  26. UghSoDisgusted says:

    Aside from everything else, I do not understand her eyebrows. Full stop.

    • 3 hour grift says:

      What eyebrows, that is from the lobotomy cut…

      Sorry

      on the other hand and mentioned before does mesh shirt express any responsibility with his name and $ for preying on and exploiting and then discarding these women that seem to have a common thread of, say, instability, or eccentricity maybe a better term?

    • Tingolayo says:

      Are they tattoos, or just makeup? If they’re tattoos, that’s just insane. If they’re makeup, that means she has no eyebrows (intentionally). Does she find that attractive? So many questions.

  27. Cowboys & Brayliens loves you Rain! We are NOT breaking up! says:

    Circe Blacker-than-black TorturedSoul Morrissey is obviously off her rocker, but tbh if it were my site I’d probably drop the post anyways, just as a gesture of good faith.

    * She’s trying to make progress on cleaning up her image.

    * She’s not even a secondary character in the overall Donkey saga, if she only dated Smellsburg for a bit, probably during that time he was doing the heavy stuff. I could see keeping it up if she hung out with Donkey a la La Phlegm or SomethingAboutMary or Shillshackle, but this woman’s like not even background noise in the whole RBD tale.

    * The post is however old and nobody cares anymore tbh. I mean I can barely stay interested in Ye Olde Raunch’s dealings, and I suffered through Meghan Asha’s gadget reviews.

    • OMGBears says:

      Nah. I do sympathize with her, because (speaking from experience as a former very minor subject of this site and others in the old Gawkerverse) the first time a blog skewers you can be oddly traumatizing, especially if you didn’t really have a grasp of how visible your public online content really is. But I don’t think she should’ve tried to get you to take a post down. If you’re a voluntary public personality you have to accept the scrutiny and mockery with the benefit of exposure. That’s just how it is.

      Online hate is a very real thing, but honestly, anything discussed on RBD is so tame compared to what could be said about her on most of the rest of the internet. You guys aren’t stalking, harassing, or actively trying to ruin anyone’s lives, and I’ve always respected how swiftly you express that you don’t tolerate anyone who shows up here trying to do any of those. (And you have great book and skincare recommendations.)

  28. Bloated Tiara Thief says:

    What if Saharima’s self is the mystery white knight from a couple weeks ago?

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