Mrs. Roper: A Thanksgiving Memory

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mrs roper

The more things change, oh hell, things just stay the same.  From Gawker, 2008, and the comments are priceless.

You know those movies where the big city hotshot character comes back to their town for the holidays and learns humbling lessons about life and love? Well that apparently played out in real life when Julia Allison—internet fame connoisseur, lifecaster—traveled back to Chicago for Thanksgiving. Between lazily pushing mashed potatoes around her plate and clubbing at “the hottest spot in Chicago,” she seems to have experienced an existential crisis that led to a big, HUGE decision that she’s of course loudly announced on her website: Julia Allison is going to Business School! And not just any business school. Like some sort of businessy Elle Woods, she’s aiming for the crème de la crème: Harvard! And Stanford. What, like it’s hard? There are, though, some small flaws in her plan:

Until one of her readers informed her otherwise, she was under the impression that she would need only to take the GREs to apply. (She also worried about there being a math section on the exam. When applying to business school.) Luckily a concerned TMI Weekly fan let her know that one does, in fact, have to subject themselves to the exponentially more difficult GMAT exam, and that she’d need an extremely high score just to get her toe in the door. So, first big hurdle!

The other problem is that she’d want to keep running her NonSociety “business” while freezing away in Boston or toiling away from the sun in Palo Alto. Which… we mean, we don’t know how much there is to run, but that sounds ambitious. Isn’t there like a lot of studying? Maybe her cohorts Meghan Asha and Mary Rambin could apply, too! Roommates who study and lifecast together! Meghan might do fine, with her hedge fund background, but we’d fret about dear, sweet Mary worrying that head of hers with facts and figures. Thinking makes wrinkles, after all. Though the bigger question is, isn’t the old “going to business school” thing kind of the parachute rescue option when one’s undertaking isn’t proving terribly successful? Could Julia’s new life course actually be hinting doom for the site (and experience) that asks (tells?) us to “live differently”?

Though really, movie cliche aside, it is cute to see her so excited and impulsively silly about such a big, tough decision. We can’t say we haven’t had similar Big Dream longings while languishing at home for the holidays. They’re introspective times, because they do embolden, better than any other time of the year, the swift and sometimes harsh passage of time. It’s easy to feel an existential tug for something More. (We may have made drunken plans last night to move to Rome for a year in June.) In that vein, we wish Ms. Allison luck.

But srsly. Get off the computer and go hit the books, sister.

But srslly.  Get off Facebook and write that book, Julia.

Holiday Bonus: A beefcake shot of Donkey’s source of funds posted by none other than Donkey herself in a fawning birthday tribute.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Julia Allison Dad 1979

46 COMMENTS

  1. Oh, I hate to say it, Redacted’s Mom, but that is your son! She was recreating something that had nothing to do with reality! Sorry for all of you. What a mess.

  2. Ugh LOLcait. STFU with your donkey boner and your Gawker-killing era.

    • Along those lines… “my goal is to sell Nonsociety within 3-5 years” – did that ever happen?

      • Years later, I still have no idea what she was yapping about. Sell what? Your blog? Your going to sell your personal blog? The one with pictures of your dog and “what I did today” videos? Do you even understand what it means to sell a website? No? Yeah, didn’t think so.

  3. Apropos of nothing, I wonder if her mother’s urging her to move back to Chicago (both yesterday and last week when she left there) is the family’s way to try to get her out of the grifter woo cult. With Britt back in town and Alli being a facebook friend of hers, we just know that her shenanigans have to be a constant topic of discussion across the dinner table. Now if they only had the stones to cut her off.

  4. From Julia Allison’s “Catalogs of Me: Teddy Bear Tard Collection”

    Looks like D0nk set the timer & took this one herself:
    http://s29.postimg.org/cii9o41l3/teddy_bear_tool.png

    Oh look! Another framed fauxto of D0nk kept on D0nk’s dresser:
    http://s4.postimg.org/xjj9w540t/narcissist_donk_is_a_narcissist_with_NGMB.png

    Definitely a gratuitous* timer-set selfie fauxto:
    http://s30.postimg.org/m4lpoz9sh/sleepth_with_pearlth_on.png
    *NOTE THE PEARLS — D0nk slipped this into Thanksgiving album

    There you have it, folks — Julia Allison’s boudoir is decorated w/ tutus, teddy bears & framed fauxtos of Julia Allison. Any guesses as to who that theme strikes the most fear in, between AirBNB Tenants vs. Dudes Who Run Screaming Into the Night?

    • I would love to hear the conversation that took place in order to get the roommate to take a thousand photos of her wearing her Gymboree flower tiara and Lane Bryant dress?

    • You finally got me with this one.

      The (now) Huscat has asked what I’m looking at when I’m browsing RBD before, but I don’t generally laugh out loud while browsing the internet. This right here is what finally made him ask what I’m laughing at.

  5. Also? That looks suspiciously like turkey & gluten on D0nk’s plate …
    http://tinyurl.com/NOTaVegetarianNorGFmeal

    Looks like Julia Allison crashed Roomie’s friend’s feast, uninvited …
    … & therefore had the good grace to squelch her faux dietary needs.

    Now, if only she knew how rude it is to bring a dog to a dinner party.

    • P.S. Note her grubby hoof on her seatmate’s napkin. YUM!
      Nothing like wiping your mouth w/ what’s been handling Lilly.

      • Yep. That & folded napkins on the left, under fork, unless really formal & structured on the plate, or rolled, ringed & left of fork on place mat, is how I learned it.

        I was probably around four when setting the tables became my chore, which may account for why I’m a stickler for cloth napkins to this day (drives people nuts when they look for the paper towels in my kitchen, cuz I don’t buy ’em, period).

    • Also, what a sad trio of partnerless gals having to brave a major holiday alone. Fucking tragic. I so empathize and literally ACHE for them.

    • Is that their apartment? Why is there what appears to be an enormous rack of clothes in the living room? What the fuck?

  6. Good god, there’s a dude with no shirt on in the kitchen in one of her Woosgiving photos. Yuck. Also, with the exception of the turkey, the food at that dinner looks kind of gross on the table. The plated photos look better, but I can’t tell what they’re eating.

    • Did you notice what appears to be D0nk’s contribution? It looks like she turded up some yams tossed w/red onions. She’s a one-trick d0nkey.

        • I just recently watched a chef’s how-to video for making pumpkin pie that doesn’t crack in the middle — technique is to remove from oven while center still jiggles, & then let it set up in the fridge. When she cut a slice, I noticed it being really shiny & maybe a little bit gelatinous looking — wasn’t so sure about that, would have to try it, but I would try it, yes.

          I used to buy buttermilk pie slices from a bbq joint near where I once officed, & those things looked gelatinous too, but if ya let it sit in the fridge for a day or two, they were even 10 X better.

  7. That “Happy Thanksgiving” sign is being held up like she’s a hostage with the current date’s newspaper. Subliminal cry for help from the Woo Crowd Kidnappers?

  8. Someone is eating her feelings; must be because she has no one else in her life to spend Thanksgiving with but her roommate’s friends.

    • Judging by Facebook friends this Molly character, whom of course we’ve never heard of from Donkey before, is pretty clearly part of the Summit crowd (many are Burners, but also most are functional businessfolk in Silicon Valley and LA who can only tolerate woo in smaller doses). She also appears to have an actual medical degree, like from the evil Western medical-industrial complex that doesn’t understand self-actualization is the solution to all the world’s problems!

      I bet she couldn’t stand Julia.

      • She and I share mutual friends, so I can see a lot of her FB profile which perhaps you cannot. She may have a medical degree, but she also posts a lot of very scantily clad selfies, which seems highly unprofessional to me.

        • Hmmm. I have mutual friends in common with her too but didn’t take note of that. Probably didn’t dig in enough!

          She probably still can’t stand Julia.

  9. Why is the PoFA crooked? That’s crazy amateur. Either a) whoever took this didn’t want to take twenty photos to appease Donkey, b) they did take twenty photos, but Donk took the one that made HER feel prettiest, fuck the historical landmark she is trotting out to prove she is SO SF!, c) the best she could do alone with a self-timer.

    Also, her hair looks haggard in all those bedroom pictures. Is she drunk?

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