So Donkey is lament being unable to attend her brother’s one-in-a-lifetime graduation despite spending the past several months pointless traveling to dusty, hippie festivals and stalking Avocados. She is just so, so sad about it.
My entire family is in Boston watching my brother graduate officially from MIT with his PhD in physics. I wish I could teleport myself there.
Sometimes I wish that we still lived in the days of families all living together in the same city. I hate being so far away from them … (but not enough to move back to Chicago!)
I’ll just let mcakez speak for the rest of us:
I have a lot of feelings about Donkey lamenting not being able to go to her brother’s commencement.
Fuck you you fucking fuck.
You could have just done the respectful thing and either:
a) just said congratulations
b) just not said anything
But NO. You have to make it all about you! You’re sooooo sad you can’t go see baby (BABY!) brother graduate.
bull fucking fuckity fuck fuck fucking shit.
You cannot tell me that you have money to go to lunacy fest, whatever shit happened in Chile or whatever, whitening in a bottle, New Orleans, Maui, blipppity bloppity moo, but do not have the ability to go to see your brother get his DOCTORATE.
Then, on top of that, you don’t have the ability to NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU FOR ONCE.
You are seriously an incorrigibly selfish cunt. I don’t even like my extended family and they all turned up to watch me get my Masters. Even the bitchy passive aggressive caunt who told everyone I tried to commit suicide because her daughter did and she wanted to try and play it off in some nonsensical plan worthy of… well, you.
You did NOT just do the whirl whore tour of smelly hippie festivals and then turn around and gee shuck shrug waaaah cry that you can’t make it to see your brother get his DOCTORATE the one time that will happen in his life? If fucking Avocado had gotten a gig pressing play on garage band in Omaha you would have been there in a tutu and plastic daisy crown, wouldn’t you?
What excuse do you have, seriously? Did Comic Con need you to wear an upside down tiara and pose with people who make you feel socially well adjusted?
What the FUCK is WRONG with you?
What the actual fucking fuck?
After just bailing on the whole thing with a pinkie innocently twirled to the corner of your mouth and a ‘what me?’ expression you have the fucking AUDACITY to whine?
Can you not only not be an absolute rotting twunt for once, but you can’t not try and scam sympathy for being a festering wound on the hemorrhoidal asshole of the planet?
I am fucking invisible ellipses