You Can Blame Annie Lalla for the Fact That Donks Is STILL An Asshole

Julia Allison Annie Lalla 1_0

I wouldn’t be the woman I am today – or the partner I have been able to be to Devin – without Annie. She is one of the wisest voices on love on this planet. Breathe in her wisdom. It will be the best gift you can give yourself – and your love (past, present or future).

Good work, Falala. This is quite the testimony.

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79 Responses to You Can Blame Annie Lalla for the Fact That Donks Is STILL An Asshole

  1. Worrisome Pelts says:

    Why do some RBDers defend Lalalalala? Being more successful than Donkey at the same game doesn’t make her less vile. She winces me.

    • Brian Bukkake's Baked Ham says:

      Agreed WP….agreed!

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester says:

      I don’t defend her. There is no reason why I should’ve seen her tits as many times as I have.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        I know you don’t, JP. Some of my other favorite catpeople do, though. It’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma stuffed with chicken cutlets and despair.

        I can’t wait until these grifty clowns collapse in on each oher like a neutron douche star.

        • Braying Lady Crony says:

          “neutron douche star”

          If I didn’t still like my user name, I’d be ALL OVER this one.

        • Tingolayo says:

          One day they’ll realize that they just keep attending each other’s workshops and recycling each others’ content… except for Donk, who offers no content and mooches everything for free.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Yeah. I probably take this aspect of the shitshow more personally than I should because one of my useless relatives is caught up in a circle jerk where a bunch of losers are credited as “producers” on each other’s “movies.” They honestly believe that a largely fake IMDB profile is the secret to a career in Hollywood. They are all Donkeys.

        • Aggressively Stupid says:

          Grifters don’t collapse. As soon as a game is no longer profitable they abandon ship and re-emerge elsewhere with a new identity and a new game.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Her husband is like the king of the grifters. He has two different names, and he did all that “pick-up artist” stuff (which I don’t really get). Rich faux-hippies.

      • Jack, Heroically Battling ADD of Life says:

        And Derpin is hoping to emulate Mr. Lalala with the Tinder ad? Only he’s proposing to help all the girls with their emotional needs and relationship concerns? Geez, Julie, even though I think you might have assisted in Derpin’s Tinder grift, I cannot believe how low you’ve sunk. Do you think Jack McCain or [REDACTED 1] or [REDACTED 2] or FILL IN THE BLANK would even give these unlicensed cons the time of day? Surely your ‘rents must even be able to see through this circle of lowlifes on the self-help circuit? But you’ll just sit there, endlessly believing that next week it’s all going to pay off and you and Ichabod Crane will be the next Tony Robbins. I’d actually feel sorry for you if you weren’t such a pathetic asshole.

      • PassthePopcornPlease says:

        The PUA stuff is based in part on neuro-linguisitic programming:

        From Wikipedia:

        Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California, United States in the 1970s. Its creators claim a connection between the neurological processes (“neuro”), language (“linguistic”) and behavioral patterns learned through experience (“programming”) and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.

        The NLP techniques of matching posture and breathing can help establish rapport with another person. I was very interested in this in my 20’s. I mention NLP this because it looks like Lalala has an NLP certification. A lot of good it did for her client NOT.

    • debatable dating worms says:

      She really did seem to try to tell Julia Allison (“Donkey”) some painful truths about herself on Miss Advised until Julia cut her off by whining “This is sooo hard!” per the standard reality show script.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I have an inexplicable soft spot for her, but I couldn’t tell you why. I think everything said to her detriment here is accurate: her work as the Cartographer of Loooove is silly and grifty, her husband is incredibly ooky, she is naked far too often and otherwise dressed like a road company of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat threw up all over her…

      …but there’s still something about her that I find appealing. Greg knows why.

    • chorus line grammarian says:

      the grifty con artist is better hidden under the impish exterior but no doubt madness lurks within; look at her husband,

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        She calls herself The Cartographer of Love. The madness could not be more apparent if it were wearing some kind of Robin-Hood-as-dominatrix costume and embracing a Donkey – oh, wait, it is!

  2. BunnyBingo says:

    If you want to make your skin crawl, watch the “Annie Lalla & Eben Pagan -Pre Wedding Interview”

    • Bunsy says:

      I could only stand about 4 minutes… okay, not to be impolite, but what is with her ultra ultra white teeth? And the space between her breasts? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that… and the two of them… what they’re talking about, their voices, word choice, and just the whole thing — is every East Coasters’ worst nightmares about West Coast lala land. JA is hanging with this crew?


      She’s come a LONG way from the whole prepped out, headband wearing, scion dating, Four Seasons Hotel lovemaking, pearl wearin’ gal she was.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Couldn’t finish. Too gross.

      They posted a public “pre-wedding video.” The narcissism. Tho thpiritual.

    • Ethel-egg says:

      I like the way he can reach inside of her & touch her liver & kidneys, with his hand movements, and REALLY know what she’s all about.

      Also? His eyebrow movements really fucking annoy me.

      • Ethel-egg says:

        I mean, not actually with her lidney & kiver but that’s totally what it looks like to me.

        • Ethel-egg says:

          (Oops, lidney & kiver is an in-family joke – forgot my audience!) (Dad used to like cooking offal. We all used to go bluegh! Except me, I like kidney. Liver can fuck right off though.)

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      Do you know they also held an all-day post-wedding workshop about love and relationships the day after they were married? All the guests were invited.

  3. I love how gives someone a compliment in order to give herself two.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Always. “This person is wonderful and helps make me the wonderful person that I am and here are all the ways in which I am wonderful.”

      Granny, Pancakes, Mom, Dad, Lala — lather, rinse, repeat.

  4. chorus line grammarian says:

    christ, what assholes

  5. JFA - Deranged Loser in Life says:
    • JFA - Deranged Loser in Life says:

      The dress. The facial expressions. The amount she clearly loves herself and must be the center of attention. Jesus I cringe just thinking about all the attention I’ll have to deal with if I ever have a wedding. I especially like when her father is accidentally (?) grabbing her tit.

      This is the most awkward thing I have ever seen.

    • Tingolayo says:

      I… I… I… words won’t come….

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I thought Donkey’s antics were super cringe-tastic.

      But this??? There aren’t enough cringes in the world. Creepy dirty dancing with daddy as she walks down the aisle? The fug facial expressions? That outfit?


    • BunnyBingo says:

      Holy mother of God. Never saw this one before. If you are up for three minutes of involuntary retching, this is for you.
      How is that even appropriate for a wedding, let alone with her father?

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        I am not one to comment on what a wedding should look like (huscat and I got married at city hall and had a cocktail party reception at our home) but this sets off all sorts of alarm bells. Who on earth would pay one cent for this cuckoo person to give advice on anything?

        Also, and here’s where I am going to hell, I was surprised when Annie Lalalala was pregnant because I assumed she was in her late 40s/early 50s.

        • JFA - Deranged Loser in Life says:

          yeah she totally has one of those “I could be 25, I could be 50” faces. With the hairstyle of a soccer mom from 1982.

    • Dances with Hooves says:

      and this is why weddings of self absorbed assholes are insufferable. they WILL milk every second of attention; why wait til the reception?

      p.s. damn, I used to like this song before it was overplayed everywhere. this was the final straw.

    • Life is unfair says:

      Right at about 1:44 you can see a Donkey way, way back in the left corner.

    • girl meets ham says:

      Delurking to comment that in this version, it sounds like Michael Buble sings: “breeze grifting on by…” which is remarkably appropriate.

      I am so overwhelmed by the horrifying images I just viewed that my initial takeaway from the Spiritual Union of Two Perfect Souls is: why was it so goddamned bright in there? Those jokers stumbled into some bad lighting.

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      Jesus Christ. He grabs her boob.

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      Wow. She really, really loves her Daddy.

    • Authenticity Costume says:

      I am going to have to avoid eye-contact with my own father for a while now after having watched this

    • Darling Derpin - The Healing Cock says:

      There is not enough bleach in the world to scrub these images from my brain. But now I get why Lalla (or whatever the fuck her stage name is) and the Donkey are such great friends. They’re both total narcissistic twats who were really, really loved by their daddies. Even the boob grab at the end of the video is awfully familiar. I seem to recall Dad$ter doing the same thing in a couple photos. Ick. Just ick.

      • Darling Derpin - The Healing Cock says:

        Wow, Lalla must have been a handful growing up!


  6. Worrisome Pelts says:

    I can only assume Lalalalala calls the above costume “Pussy in Boots.”

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      Where are they is that picture? I can’t think of an event where either of those outfits would be appropriate let alone both.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        The caption for it on Donkey’s blog reads, “With my love coach Annie Lalla at New York Fashion Week.”

        At NYFW. Let that wash over you.

  7. Dr. Gary says:

    Hey, Annie BlahBlah? Adam Ant called. He wants his outfit back.

  8. Prof. F Camping says:

    OT, in a meeting earlier today my boss said “I probably meant it at the time!” and I nearly burst out guffawing.

    • Ego Demon Pearskank says:

      Ha! And I had difficulties keeping it together when a well-meaning colleague most earnestly suggested to mention how my work could contribute to a paradigm shift in my field in the book proposal, which I obviously did not do, but it took all my self restraint not to burst out laughing.

  9. Nosferatu-tu says:

    Holy shit. Is that actually her father??! That is super creepy.
    Lalla, I know you’re into “self love”, but you need to start loving yourself a bit less. Hell, a LOT less. The ‘look at me’, narcissism factor is off the charts.

    JFA I’m with you on the tit-grab. It’s the best/worst bit.
    And Prof, I love real world vs basement crossover stories!

    • JFA - Deranged Loser in Life says:

      And she’s not even fucking attractive. Just stop.

      I think I’m gonna watch that video whenever I feel like shit. Because it just gives me such satisfaction that no matter how crappy I feel, I’m not that fucking lunatic. What a disgusting whore.

  10. Imp is nice,griftin not nice says:

    Saw this, looking for all the nudes I heard about and never see, might be old, pics are hard to get, hehe….these people are batty. There must be some $though to get them started, family money, sad to see what they do with their privilege, hope they all do not breed…

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Lalla’s husband has made a lot of cash as a pickup guru (under the name David D’Angelo) and as a consultant telling people how to be successful Internet grifters (under the name Eben Pagan, which is apparently his legal name).

    • JFA - Deranged Loser in Life says:

      God, put your shirt on and stop posing. My god. What is that outfit? Also seh looks straight up tranny here.

      • Silver Cape La Phlegm says:

        I’m so late to the party but that looks like Donkey in the background sans Photoshop and pelts.

  11. ElGuapo says:

    What surprises me about this bunch of hippie grifters is that they make up the bullshit as they go along, based on absolutely nothing more than the hallucinations they had the last time they were on peyote or some corny bullshit phrase from one of the popular “spiritual” writers that abound on Amazon.

    And even more pathetic? the idiots that shell out their cash to listen to this nonsense.

  12. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    ‘… the partner I have been able to be to Devin …’

    Still no formal press release on Tinderella leaving the stall they once shared in order to seek out his fairy prince? C’mon, D0nkey! You’re a “writer” — where’s the self-serving spin?

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      “I have been able to be…” God her writing sucks.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      ‘… Julia Allison has developed a list of things she’s looking for in a mate – a 73-point checklist, to be exact … among her non-negotiables? “Must love animals, especially Lilly.” … Lilly acts as a natural barometer for Allison’s prospective boyfriends. Over the years, she has liked some men more than others, and has even barked at some. “If I trust you with my dog, that’s a really good sign for our relationship,” Allison says.’

      See, haterz? It’s all Lilly’s fault! When Big Julia dumped @LillyDog off on Cute Julia, how could she know that Tinderella was not The One?

      P.S. Spin, D0nkey, SPIN! You know you want to!


    Julia Allison has been dumped by Devin “Debbie Seltzer” Stetler, because he’s too good for her. That’s right, he’s not in her league.

    Prove us wrong, Julia Who Never Reads Here. Seems screamingly obvious to us. You’ve been dumped by a gay unemployed fake cook. And you thought you were going to marry Redacted or a McCain and live life as a rich socialite? You’re not even good enough for a loser cook.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      There is indeed something of the elegiac in those two V-Day testimonials: his to her, hers to him.

  14. PassthePopcornPlease says:

    That video was horrifying. I had to keep asking myself “that’s her father? Not her fiancee?” So much ewwwwwwww.

    I browsed the rest of her Youtube channel. Her interview with D. is at the beginning ofher sizzle reel.

    I also checked Eben’s Green drink video because I’ve been on a smoothie kick. Drinking a smoothie loaded with fruit and veg has helped me lose 15 lbs so far. 2 things infuriated me: he has a pile of greens by the sink which he literally washes, leaf by leaf, instead of dumping them in a colander. Such a waste of water!

    And when he says (to paraphrase) “if you have a job, then you can have someone come in once a week, do your shopping, prepare…cut all the groceries up, take all the ingredients and powders, put them in containers so that all you’ve gotta do if throw them in the blender.” I’ll have my private chef get right on that! New job opportunity for Derp, perhaps?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Hey! Sorry to stray OT, but spkg of rinsing greens, you can take ’em straight from grocery bag to this gizmo, rinse ’em, put the bottom back on & add some water (drops will also be draining into reservoir) & then open vent (gizmo has legend for when to use water or not, & when to open vent or not) — you’ll get extended shelf life & they’ll be fresher, crisper as well. Great investment.

      • PassthePopcornPlease says:

        Thanks for the tip Brayella! I searched on Amazon and it’s called a Prepworks from Progressive LKS-07 Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Keeper. Will definitely check it out because I need a way to keep greens fresher longer.

      • Freeloading Musketeers says:

        oooh thanks for this! I see they also have one for berries, and I could really use that!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        That looks awesome! I want one now.

  15. Lets go donkers says:

    How is this grifter Eben Pagan quoting he has sold $30 million of self help crap per year? That’s really not feasible. Then I google his net worth and it’s $1.25 million…. Huh?

  16. Lets go donkers says:

    Perhaps he meant he helped other people sell $30 million of their crap…. But really how do you quantify that? Retard.

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