More Full-Fledged Book Proposal Bullshit and Insanity

Plans for the book tour, y’all (huh; she owns an RV) (see what I’m doing here?) (Isn’t it fucking lame?):

11.BOOK TOUR

a. Some say the Book Tour is old-fashioned. Not me! I plan to conduct a
MASSIVE 15 city book tour, by driving my Happiness RV (Yes, I own one,
and yes, it will be mentioned in the book) across the country, doing
publicity, tv spots, throwing book parties, readings, signings, speaking
engagements and book related events.
b. The Happiness Book Tour will also include filming for my YouTube
happiness series and/or my documentary and/or my tv show (more on
that in the tv section).
c. I am a 2013 Intel advisor (they have half a dozen each year) and this is
exactly the sort of thing they sponsor, so likely it will be sponsor by them. But even if it’s not I will pay for it out of my own pocket.

Always a winning strategy in a book proposal to misspell the name of one of America’s seminal novelists:

EXERCISES will include:

– Creativity Booster Strategies that don’t suck, inspired by Roger von Oech’s Creative
Whack Pack (which was recommended to me by Tim Ferriss)
– Adult Arts & Crafts time (inspired by my friend Brit Morin, who is the Martha
Stewart of the Facebook generation, and loves to inspire fully grown adults to get in
touch with their latent creative sides by making things – yes, MAKING STUFF! Not just
Amazon Prime’ing it. Old school!)
– Six Word Story Time (Ernest Hemmingway’s famous 6 word story always gets me.
“For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Used.” Write your own! They’re really not that hard …)

Haters, there are parentheses WITHIN the parentheses. I shit you not. It is really the biggest, rambling mess of self-absorbed, aren’t-I-clever-and-adorable shit that I have ever read. And I have read a lot of shit in my life. I haven’t noticed any footnotes to the footnotes yet, but they surely loom on the horizon.

From the Sample Chapter, which is a hilariously melodramatic pity party about NOTHING but me-me-me-me-me-me-my feelings-me-me-me-me, just a complete word-vomit typified here:

The oddest emotion came over me when the flight took off about an hour ago … I
looked out the window and thought, “oh my god. This entire time I’ve thought I
was so strong, but really, I just built up walls and defenses and mechanisms for
keeping people who could hurt me at bay, when in actuality, I’m one of the most
fragile, most sensitive, easily hurt people I know. I bruise like a ripe apple. I just
want to please and to make people happy. I just want them to love me, to fill this
void inside of me.”

We made it into a footnote, haters!

24 I have, in fact, You know how people say “Don’t worry! No one is judging you as much as you judge yourself.” Oh boy, were they wrong about this. I’ve been judged for things I didn’t even know 

could BE wrong with a person. A partial list: My “sausage” fingers. My giant “stumpy, tree trunk”
legs. My “cankles.” My enormous calves. My teeth. My “rough, old” face. My “flabby” upper arms.
My “raft” ass. Actually, I don’t think there is a single body part they haven’t critiqued except
maybe my elbows, but I’m sure they’ll get to those eventually. Beyond my body, they’ve said I’m
lazy, I’m a liar, I’m unethical, I’ll never land a man because I can’t cook or keep house (yeah, I’m
not s–ting you, they really said that, apparently it’s still the 1950s), I’m a loser, I’m broke, I’m a
mooch, I’m a “moron” and a “horrible” writer. They have called me both frigid and a slut (ah, the
old can’t-win-dichotomy trope!) and postulated that I “must be terrible at sex in general.” They
have said that I set women back and I’m not a feminist. They call me a hypocrite and a talentless
hack. They tell me to shut up, be quiet, get off the internet and get into therapy. Sometimes, for
fun, they compare me to a dude, a drag queen, a transvestite, or – their favorite – a donkey. One
just wrote me the other day, “You are a disgrace. You need to reevaluate your life choices.
Congrats, I hope you work out your issues soon.” At least we’re on the same page there; I hope I
work out my issues, too!

Look, I can’t anymore. I just cannot. I got to page 75 and had to stop. Basically, in addition to all the new horribly written batshit bullshittery, she has also included what seems like every “Guinea Pig of Love” column. It’s pretty much every one of those columns, with a bunch of rambling parentheses-riddled bullet-pointed excessively foot-noted insanity stringing it all together. Not only would I reject this proposal as a potential publisher, I’d set it on fire.

I’m out!

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374 Responses to More Full-Fledged Book Proposal Bullshit and Insanity

  1. Worrisome Pelts says:

    And even if it’s not, I’ll pay for it out of Dadsers own pocket.

    Fixed that for her.

  2. Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

    I am a 2013 Intel advisor (they have half a dozen each year) and this is
    exactly the sort of thing they sponsor, so likely it will be sponsor by them.

    This sloppy error makes me lean toward the theory she wrote this all by herself, with no input or help from anyone.

    • Jelly Roll says:

      How/Fuck is there a company left willing to include her on any sort of “advisor” list at this point? Has the world run out of people? Does NO ONE do their homework on anyone anymore?

      Although, hey, good news for Intel’s biggest competitor – somebody should let them know they just got a new spokeschick.

      • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

        Does NO ONE do their homework on anyone anymore?

        Apparently not.

      • crazytrain says:

        I think she might be lying about being an Intell advisor. I found a site that lists several bloggers as Intell Advisors, and she’s not one of them.

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          It wouldn’t shock me if she were gambling that she could become one after the fact if her book were picked up. Unfortunately for her, that seems as likely as me being drafted in the first round by the Broncos.

          • Jelly Roll says:

            Let us know when your games are televised. We’ll hold catpeople watch parties! (Donkdonk tip: Try to be the kicker – less direct contact, more solo screen time).

      • delusionaldonkey says:

        “Has the world run out of people?”

        HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i’m dead. too many lolz.

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        and just like that, AMD’s stock goes through the roof.

    • Nickelodeon Chic says:

      If she had an agent, wouldn’t they at least proof this before sending around?

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Yes. A real agent is putting her/his reputation on the line when s/he send out a manuscript or proposal. No one who respected her/his peers would send this out – and certainly not in this form.

        • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

          I hope Robert Guinsler freaks the fuck out when he realizes that she’s sending this out with his name on the cover page!

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      I noticed the same thing and thought “Jesusfriggingchrist, can’t she at least hire an intern with an English degree to edit the proposal for her?”.

      It is to laugh, it is to vom.

      • Jack the Bulldog, Player says:

        Excuse you! The sweater fetishist from Washington state DOES have an English degree. Who do you think you are?!?!

  3. Jelly Roll says:

    Her own pocket?!? Hahahahahahaha

    Seriously catladies. Please forward a copy of this gem along to a wanton bunny at TheJellyRolls at Live.com

    I’ll (literally) be eternally (except who know’s how long that’ll be?) grate/great/graet ful*

    *see what I did there?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      You may or may not have mail!

    • crazytrain says:

      Me tooo pretty please!! thecrazytrain1 at live dot com.

      I’ll be recovering from dental surgery all weekend and NOTHING would make me HAPPIER than having some Donk droppings to peruse. (Maybe she actually is onto something with her Happiness Book!)

      • ElGuapo says:

        one thousand internets to the kind soul that sends it to me as well. enriquerugby [at] yahoo [dot] com. I am falling asleep at my desk and need something to enrage me and wake me up.

  4. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    “- Six Word Story Time (Ernest Hemmingway’s famous 6 word story always gets me.
    “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Used.” Write your own! They’re really not that hard …)”

    They are very hard, fucktard. This is why you have a fucking 81 page book proposal.

  5. Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

    If someone could send me a copy, it would totally make my day week month fall season, and possibly winter! I would be forever grateful to whomever could make me laugh after dealing with the fallout from the JIML this year.

    absinthe319@gmail.com

    • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      Thank you SO MUCH to the kind, anonymous bunny who sent me a copy!

      First thing I noticed — after the childish font — is that on the front page, she misspelled Bleecker Street, in her alleged agent’s address.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        And she didn’t even go with Bleaker Street, which she could have at least played off as a lame pun.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        NOOOOO

        • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

          Oh, YESSSSSSS! I wonder how Robert Guinsler will like it when he finds out that his name is on this.

          Robert Guinsler Robert Guinsler Robert Guinsler Robert Guinsler Robert Guinsler Robert Guinsler Robert Guinsler

    • ham sandwich says:

      I would also be grateful for a copy: parttimesnarker@gmail.com.

      • MY book proposal says:

        I can think of nothing better to get me through my first days of sobriety. Thanks in advance! marylane_3 at yahoo dot com

  6. Worrisome Pelts says:

    I can’t believe an agent would have submitted this mess on her behalf. On purely technical grounds it’s nowhere near finished.

    • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      I have to believe that Robert Guinsler has no idea his name is attached to this lunacy, which makes the Unabomber’s manifesto look concise and lucid.

    • SURROUNDED BY BOOKS BECAUSE I AM AN AUTHOR WITH BOOKS says:

      Well she waited until the last minute to finish it because TEE HEE SHE DOES THAT TEE HEE!

  7. crazytrain says:

    Okay I’m going to try with a top level comment:

    If someone could send me a copy it would completely make my life. I’ve been here from the very beginning, mostly as a lurker, and I cannot imagine anything that would make my surgery recovery time this weekend more bearable than reading this Donkey novel.

    thecrazytrain1@live.com

    • crazytrain says:

      Thank you bunnies!!!

      • crazytrain says:

        JFA’ing myself because I’m on page 2 of the Introduction and Oh. (snap.) My. (snap) God. (snap) This is truly the culmination of all of the delusional narcissism we’ve been critiquing over the years.

        She calls Debbie her fiance and then drops a footnote to say he’s actually just her boyfriend, but it sounds like a better story if she says fiance. I can’t.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          It only gets worse. It truly lays bare all her eight billion psychoses. It is the book proposal of a madwoman. If you’d never heard of her before, and you got to the haters footnote, you’d think: “No fucking wonder.”

          • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

            How many people at publishing houses who got the proposal and never heard of her before are now quite familiar with this site?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I am hearing this proposal is being passed around with glee because no one has ever seen anything so mental. That is saying something.

          • Devin Stetler 's Healing Personal Pan Pizzas™ says:

            It does seem like it’s written by someone with the brain the size of a squirrel on a major crack bender.

          • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

            Oh, to be a fly on the walls of some of these publishing houses!

          • Dyspeptic says:

            I am only a few pages in and I’m taken aback at how manic it sounds. Not good madcap manic, but all over the fucking map without a compass manic.

            It’s like she just threw everything she ever thought/”wrote”/blogged/burbled all together in a blender and hit…well, not puree, exactly…maybe “chop.”

  8. Thmart glasses says:

    This is like Christmas in July, without having to wear the awkward matching family sweaters and eat catfish.

    If a kind, generous, fairy godmother cat lady is sending around copies, I would soooooooooo love to read it (even though I can hardly believe its real!)

    Kwaniabaya at gmail 🙂

  9. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    You know how you watch a fireworks show and as the show moves along, there are some really great moments and then some duller moments, and then a new type of firework goes up and its incredible and then they slow down and its back to some smaller ones going off quickly and then they go to the multicolor ones with huge spread out circles and then some sparklers and then, and then, you know the end is near because then, all the fireworks go off together in rapid succession, the culmination of the show, the biggest, loudest, conglomeration of everything that came before, the piece de resistance.

    That’s what this feels like to me. It feels like the last 2 minutes of a fire show when everything that came before is now going off together, bigger and louder and all at once.

  10. LEFOOLIEH says:

    Ahhh, just updating here to say I got my copy – thanks fellow catlady! Now to BRING ON THE TORTURE! 😀

  11. Ineffably Adverbial says:

    I am now realizing I don’t have a single email address without my real name attached to it.
    No Donkmas for Ineffably Adverbial!

    The sads, I have them.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Create a quickie Gmail just to receive that message, post it here and I suspect your wish will be granted.

      • OMGPearskank says:

        Ahem ironyslanket at gmail dot com

        This must be the first time in history when something like a book club springs up without there – possibly ever – being a book.

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          She’d love to pimp this cite/sight/site (hai, MMBH!) to a publisher if she could figure out how to control the narrative.

          A friend in reality tv production assures me that this site is the most interesting thing about Donk and a big factor in her getting cast for MA. That and no one else wanted to touch that stinking turd of a concept.

        • OMGPearskank says:

          Thank you!!!!!

      • Ineffably Adverbial says:

        Worrisome how genius you are.

        More worrisome that ineffablyadverbial@gmail.com was even available! Creating a personal brand here, bunnies!

        Now . . . back to begging pathetically. 😀
        I have a dentist appointment upcoming and I need a sad book proposal to take my mind off it.

        • Learned Paw says:

          Now you can add “founder” to your resume….err..bio

          If someone would be so kind to send it to me at learnedpaws at gmail dot com, it would be much appreciated! I need some reading material during the unlearned kittens’ nappy time.

      • Boat Shoes Author Phase Over, Back to Regular Spastic Attention Whore Programming says:

        boatshoesauthor at the gmails
        Please and thank you forever fellow catpeeps xoxo

  12. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    “sometimes for fun” we compare her to a “dude, a drag queen, a transvestite”… Honestly I’ve been following this shitshow since Hoya days and this has NEVER been a pejorative bandied about. Also, way to include the LGBT audience, Julia, and most over-the-top female personalities embrace and relish the drag queen comparison. She is truly out of touch and has no sense of humor about herself or anything.
    Also the happiness tour or whatever – everytime I’ve seen Jukia on TV she’s visibly Turned off the hosts and other panelists and has not been invited back and considering her 500 plus (or whatever preposterous figure) that’s a long swath of media outlets she’s alienated.
    More power to those of you who are sloughing and parsing through the actual proposal for our benefit! So far so expectedly dreadful….

  13. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    You guys, let it never be said that RBD is just a mean old waste of time on the internet. This, paired with Britney’s new pro- strong work ethic anthem (lulz), has inspired me to get back to work on my own sample chapter. It has been a nice Friday morning kick in the behind. If Julia can finish one (awful as it is), I have no excuse, right?

  14. CUNTBunnies! says:

    I too need to read this, please. hoohoobunnies @ yahoo dot com

  15. Ginger Sans Pelts says:

    I am on page 1 and I’m already filled with righteous brayge. This shit is a crime against typography.

    Why does she fail at EVERY.SINGLE.THING?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Truly. How fuck are her typefaces? She’s a walking, braying cargo cult who clearly thinks that fonts with ‘personality’ are a substitute for writing with personality.

      There is no there there.

  16. Little Orphan Lilly says:

    It is…insane. She is insane. The two things that scream out at me more clearly than anything else is:

    1. Julia Allison is a narcissist.
    2. Julia Allison is really, deeply, incredibly angry all the time.

    She just has no idea how normal people live. She talks about struggling with things like behaving like your real self in a group of people, or moving beyond the most superficial small talk at a party, or being likable, as if these are universal issues everyone battles with. Newsflash, Julia: you can have conversations at a party that are somewhere between “gosh, this weather, eh?” and “tell me a piece of your wisdom and how you got it” (seriously, she tells people to do this)–but those mid-level conversations, where you get to know the person you’re talking to, require asking them questions about themselves and letting the conversation develop from there, and as we all know, paying attention to other people is something she struggles with.

    I sent this to my sister and she was like “so…it’s basically Gretchen Rubin’s book?” And it is, minus Rubin’s ability to talk about anything beyond her own experience, and not come across like a homicidal lunatic. And any content. And written from the standpoint that everyone out there thinks planning 20 weddings for yourself sounds like a good time.

    • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

      Little, that section completely stunned me. She comes right out and says she wants to learn to interact with other people more effectively so she’s perceived more positively by them. The paragraph begins:

      “-Working with expert to increase clarity about perceptions & creating
      rapport with people. (It’s a question many people struggle with: how are they
      perceived? When are they being authentic? I tend to be good at creating rapport one-on-one. That is slightly harder for me when I am in big groups, however. Recently I began working with a woman who has changed much for me in terms of how I interface with the world.”

      Having read that I still believed she was talking about interacting with other people to make THEM comfortable and as if someone was interested in them. I read “rapport” as “genuine relation with another.” But nooooooo. She’s concerned entirely with tricking people into liking her so she can get something from them. I’m so Baughled.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Sheeshus Christ and Her Groundbreaking Thesis! I never wonder when I’m being authentic. I just behave like the fucking human being I am. Occasionally, I have to behave with professional courtesy toward someone I really could live without, but that isn’t being inauthentic, it’s being a flipping grownup.

        Donkey, nobody’s navel is this fascinating – especially not yours.

  17. Shamoolia says:

    I have been reading here since the beginning and would be ever so grateful if someone could send this to me. This might be second in cray only to the Bravo pilot in RBD goldmines.

    shamoolia at gmail

  18. Former Sexy Tech Founder; Now Hippie Happiness Guru says:

    Long time lurker; first time commentator.

    I work in social media and I’ve been studying the Julia Allison phenomena for years. (She would die if she knew)

    As an academician, I would certainly be grateful for the opportunity to pore over this proposal.

    The book proposal gods can reach me at agria326@gmail.com

  19. LickedRandisCake says:

    All I have to say is girl has some serious drag queeny elbows.

  20. stranded says:

    Catladies,
    I have been traveling for work and family for a week now. I got stuck in SLC last night despite making it to my connecting flight 5 min before its slated departure time.
    I am now flying into a different airport and renting a car to try to arrive in time for my nephews 3rd birthday.
    I travel a lot so i know there are times when the travel gods are benevolent, and times when they bend you over and laugh. Just wanted to say that these posts are making this travel snafu bearable. Even giggly at times.
    Thank you donkey for never giving up.
    Thank you mods for pulsing it out.
    Thank you cat ladies. You know why!

    Xo

    • Boat Shoes Author Phase Over, Back to Regular Spastic Attention Whore Programming says:

      Whatever, you’re not traveling unless you show proof of too many pink bags.

  21. A-Game Content says:

    If anyone would forward, I’d surely appreciate it! Long car ride tomorrow!

    Basement.cheetos at gmail . Com

  22. flatface says:

    Wow. Just… wow. I have read a few book proposals. Ones that sold and ones that didn’t. There really is a formula. And you really should follow it. And, she missed the mark, in a big way. It is obvious she didn’t read some successful book proposals. That’s totally in keeping with her operating style: she wanted to be a magazine writer, but didn’t read magazines. Wanted to be a tv star but didn’t own a tv. Wanted to be a journalist but didn’t learn how to report.

    So of course, she wants to be an author and didn’t read any book proposals. She also clearly doesn’t read books. She doesn’t even ape any good writers. I mean, she’s not even ripping off the style of someone established (like Tina Fey, or Emily Gould, or whoever). That would be amateur enough. But this reads like she’s barely literate. She mis-ues the word disaprate, for cirssakes. She misspelled Ernest Hemingway’s name. Ernest Hemingway! C’mon! Him she has read. I know her precious New Trier High School assigned “Hills Like White Elephants”.

    Her parenthetical-mad style really does scream “I’m insane”. Long sentences, ellipses, dashes, parentheses all indicate disorder. They indicate alack of clarity. They can be used well sometimes. You know, like David Foster Wallace. But, um, Julia is no David Foster Wallace.

    And it’s not even good-crazy. It’s not even like a deliberate head-up-her-ass satire, a self-effacing recounting of her misadventures. She’s serious. I have never seen anything like this. I’m damn near speechless.

    Does anyone know for sure that an agent submitted this for her? I have a hard time believing any self-respecting agent didn’t send it back and demand some editing for this. It reflects very poorly on the agent.

    Also, if she’s offering to go out-of-pocket for promotions, which is something the publisher is expected to do, why not just self-publish? I mean, I know the answer: she wants the prestige of an established publisher. But why not put her money where her mouth is: write the book, put it on the weird amazon self-publishing thing, or set up a website. I mean, DIY is what all her crazy name-dropped references in the proposal do.

    • Devin Stetler 's Healing Personal Pan Pizzas™ says:

      Because se doesn’t own a winnebago and she will never do these tours on her own dime because she also doesn’t have a dime. She is deluded into thinking it will be a runaway hit and she will be traveling city to city on a G4.

      She is so fucking crazy!

    • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      Actually, many writers who aren’t famous or best-sellers usually do a certain amount of their own promo, even paying out of pocket for it.

    • AnnaPelt is Happy at 138 says:

      I am a sad, lonely, sort-of adult who has written a book proposal that sold. And so I wrote a book. Before that, I looked at many, many other book proposals, and I learned that not all of them had to be “literature,” they just had to follow a formula, like Flatface said.

      BTW, agent R.G. does some work for a friend of mine, and I once spoke to him about doing something for me in the far-off future… if he represents Donks, I’d make sure to never consider working with him. Surely you could at least vet your clients first. Or maybe that’s the power of Julia: she has one conversation with someone and suddenly he’s her “agent.”

      But I don’t believe she’s sending out these proposals alone. She just wouldn’t have the contacts to know who to send them to, first of all. Someone has to be doing that for her.

      And lastly, it’s a long shot, but…. its7am at gmail

      • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

        Or maybe that’s the power of Julia: she has one conversation with someone and suddenly he’s her “agent.”

        It wouldn’t surprise many of us longtimers if he has no idea that he’s actually officially her agent.

        There are some publishers who accept unsolicited proposals directly (as in, without agents) and they have that info on their websites/cites/sights. She may also have gotten email or snail mail info from other people.

        I just cannot believe that any professional who isn’t about to retire and doesn’t care what colleagues think of him or her would send this out to publishers. Besides the fact that it’s poorly written, it’s totally insane.

      • It’s actually pretty easy to find out who to send a proposal to. I’m interning at a small publishing house right now, and we get unsolicited stuff all the time. I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get this, but we wouldn’t (we do literary fiction and translations).

  23. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    [24] Haters Hoofnote: ‘… My enormous calves …’

    ::preens:: ::struts:: ::cracks knuckles:: ::buffs hooves:: ::preens some more::
    [img]http://grumpycatpics.com/pics/26/The-Grumpy-Cat-Is-Finally-Happy-Very-Cute-Funny-Picture.jpg[/img]

  24. missparklecupcake says:

    Just went I think it can’t get any more canklesaurusy she reels me back in. I need a good stiff drink and some lulz after a brutal week at work. If a helpful cat lady could hook my basement dwelling ass with a copy I would love you forever. lilykins at hotmail .com. You all are doing Greg’s work here!

  25. LEFOOLIEH says:

    I only just got to page 15 and wooooow… BITCH BE CRAZY.
    One thing that kept running through my mind, though, was how much this reminded me of the Bravo It Girls/Nonsociety deal. I mean, obviously she’s trying to “transform” herself into some kind of new age grifter scam type deal like those she surrounds herself with lately because in some ways it’s the easiest and her only real option, but this sounds like yet another “get free shit” donkey deal.

    I’d always thought the main goal was to score the Bravo pilot so there would be some built in clout for the perks that could come with being a Bravolebrity/reality star and it would help sell the idea of NS as any kind of veritable, revenue-generating business rather than the vanity project it always was. Bravo was supposed to be the ultimate platform to lighten the load of actually having to run a business because they’d be getting plenty of opportunities, access and offers just from having Bravo cameras following them around, rather than having to do all the heavy lifting on their own. Their “popularity” from the show and the Bravo name would have been fueling everything and NS/TMI could serve as the front that they were really all going to be sriuz bizness laydeez making fuck you money together. When the pilot was passed on it was only a matter of time before both NS and TMI came to an end and we all know the background on that.

    Consider how donk used to have interns reaching out on her behalf for free/discounted stuff when she was Julia Allison, [insertchyronoftheminutehere]. Now consider Julia Allison’s “assistant” reaching out to yoga studios, life coaches, colonic spas etc., etc., about how this soon-to-be-published author is writing a book about happiness and would love to experience their services for inclusion in the book (no guarantees!). Just like people who don’t do their due diligence on donk or read between the lines of her psychotic rambling bio there will be those that fall for it. Service/skill/coaching whatever for free or discounted (though still on Dad$ers dime, naturally) in exchange for so much publicity resulting from this GUARANTEED BESTSELLER! This ridic proposal would probably be pushed just as hard on people and companies she was trying to grift for free stuff under the guise of searching for the meaning of life and happiness and writing a book on it. Added bonus, it’s only a PROPOSAL so nobody would be entitled to be upset if they obliged her only for the book to never see the light of day. Just like her pilots. But just as she remarked when questioned, “that’s tv”, I guess that’s publishing! Julia Allison would know.

    • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

      What you and Flatface said above are it. I was so taken aback by the subtext I couldn’t think straight, but yes, all this what you’ve said.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      I have to also add that there are so many experiments she’s clearly thrown in for good measure (to make her look so. nice. so. charitable. so. giving. so. loving. so. blessed) that you just know will either be completely half-assed, doomed to the queue a la anything she needs to process, a one day deal (looking at you, fitness challenge and art project) or simply never mentioned again. You can assume the pricier/more luxurious happiness fixes will all make the cut, which will DEFINITELY make it a relatable read for all those who aren’t largely financially dependent on their parents, have desk errands to run, bills to pay and actual responsibilities, and all who don’t have the freedom, resources or wherewithal to take off on funemployment vacays and flit pointlessly around the country. What a joke.

  26. c'mon em! says:

    I am a victim of donkey’s harassing and conniving ways. I have to ride to Springfield today and need some comedy. Please send if possible.

    traydaysical at rocketmail dot com.

  27. Devin's Shiny Crocs (Base Model Edition) says:

    I owe all you faithful cat ladies a huge apology! I slowly backed out of the room during Julia’s latest flounce. I thought perhaps she had finally reached a low enough point that she was ready to make a genuine change. I even felt bad for her. How idiotic! I was so gullible! You all were so right about her. 100% correct. I will never doubt you all again. I am eating total crow over here (sautéed crow made by Devin and served with a side dish of floor Brussels sprouts). This book stuff is crazy. And also hilarious! Can I humbly rejoin your fold?

    As an aside, reading all your thought about her pathological inability to change has actually helped me change my perspective on the JIML. Every so often she does something that makes me feel bad for her, or causes me to think she has changed and then I get burned again. No more! Thanks you for the perspective on this.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Welcome back, bunny!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      WB! 😉

    • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      As an aside, reading all your thought about her pathological inability to change has actually helped me change my perspective on the JIML. Every so often she does something that makes me feel bad for her, or causes me to think she has changed and then I get burned again. No more! Thanks you for the perspective on this.

      Yep, once you realize that your JIML will never change and any facade of change is just a calculated attempt to win sympathy, divert you from something heinous she did, get something for her, etc., you always know that she’s lying. She never changes, never has an epiphany in which she realizes the error of her ways and wants to make amends. If you start to feel bad for her, remember that’s how she wants you to feel, in order to bend to her will.

      SHE WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, UNLESS SHE BELIEVES IT WILL BENEFIT HER FAR MORE THAN IT DOES YOU.

      Remember that you are a good person and feel compassion for those who truly mean it and deserve it, not someone who is manipulating you for her own means and doesn’t care if you’re happy or feel like killing yourself.

      • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

        In other words, as I’ve learned the hard way: With your JIML, it’s ALWAYS about her. Every single things she says and does — no matter how minor or seemingly small is all ALL ABOUT HER. Once you look at her words and actions through that filter, you’ll never again wonder if this is the moment she has really and truly changed… because you know that she never will.

        Any time she says or does anything, the first (and really only) think you need to stop and ask yourself is: “What does JIML get out of this?”

      • Devin's Shiny Crocs (Base Model Edition) says:

        Thank you so much for this. I am really moved by what you wrote. Sometimes it feels like this community is one of the few places where people truly get how awful it can be to have someone like Julia in your life. It is a relief to find such an understanding place, and a place that makes it all funny too. The JIML has caused me such angst. I can’t even tell you how many hours I have spent being upset at her, and upset at myself for buying into her manipulations. I really should print out your post and tape it to my fridge. Thanks again.

        • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

          You and me both. It took me a long, long time to realize that the JIML wasn’t merely a good, but difficult, woman, but a total raging sociopath. She did massive damage to a relationship with a man I love(d) more than any other, ever. And I don’t know if it can be repaired.

          I know what it’s like to beat yourself up for not realizing what she is, until it’s too late. And I’ve also wasted too much time despising her.

  28. Julia's Jowls says:

    I asked up there but PLEASE someone kindly send?? I have been here since le beginning and you catladies are my favorite part of my soulcrushing day

    juliasjowls@gmail.com

  29. Worrisome Pelts says:

    Based on this screen shot, I think I see why this agent seemed a good fit:

    [img]http://i43.tinypic.com/2m2telh.jpg[/img]

    • Freeloading Musketeers says:

      I hope that’s not a comment on The Bloggess, because she is awesome.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        I have no idea who or what that is, but I do know that title is profoundly Donk-esque. Like our protagonist, I can’t be bothered to look beyond the cover.

      • Ineffably Adverbial says:

        Knock knock motherfucker.

        [img]http://thebloggess.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/chicken6.jpg[/img]

    • Boat Shoes Author Phase Over, Back to Regular Spastic Attention Whore Programming says:

      I found this book unreadable. Someone shoved it into my hands and told me how hilarious it was and that the humor was up my alley. No. No thank you and couldn’t get past page 5.

  30. peltskank says:

    I’d be eternally grateful if a kind catlady could send my way – I’m dying to see how she could possibly fill up 81 pages. chloelikedolivia at gmail.

  31. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    FROM THE RAPIDLY UNRAVELING MIND OF JULIA ALLISON BAUGHER:

    11.BOOK TOUR … I plan to conduct a MASSIVE 15 city book tour, by driving my Happiness RV (Yes, I own one … The Happiness Book Tour will also include filming for my YouTube happiness series and/or my documentary and/or my tv show (more on that in the tv section). …

    Same shit, different channel … at what point do Robin & Peter finally acknowledge that their daughter is a barking-mad, batshit-insane, delusional loon … or have they already done so & choose to look the other way, so long as she’s out of their hair?

    I don’t know about y’all, but I’m on pins & needles, eagerly awaiting D0nkey’s plans for her international best seller book tour in her her very own private plane, that she owns, for a book not even written, much less published …

    [img]http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/645/onion_news1569_jpg_250x1000_q85.jpg[/img]

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Please, Peter probably thinks she just so twee–like that Zooey Deschanel.

    • Boat Shoes Author Phase Over, Back to Regular Spastic Attention Whore Programming says:

      Translation- I’ll be willing to drive myself around the country for photo ops because that is my only reason to live.

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      I can’t believe the idiocy of that statement.

      If she owned an RV, which she doesn’t, does she have any idea how hard it would be to drive around the country trying to hit 15 (fifteen!) dates for the book tour?

      Has she ever thought how long it would take to drive from , let’s say, San Fran to Chicago at 5o mph?

      Has she ever looked at the map of the USA??????

      Pass the ointment, please. I have a category-5 canklehausen flare up.

  32. Craying Mantis says:

    Please send to me too!

    CrayingMantis (at) gmail.com

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a loooong flight coming up to somewhere wonderful for my errand running and I would love to read this on the flight.

  33. Craying Mantis says:

    CORRECTION

    It is crayingmantis2 (at) gmail (dot) com

    That’s right. Craying Mantis was already taken! So please put a 2 after it and send to me, bunnies!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks 🙂

  34. Rollo Tomasi says:

    I’d love love LOVE to read a copy of this awfulness!?

    rollotomasi.niteowls (at) gmail (dot) com

    thank you thank you thank you thank you

  35. Shamoolia says:

    The best parts are the uncredited, ripped off photos from Pinterest inserted randomly throughout. I’ve never even seen a book proposal and know zero about them, but people don’t do that, right? It reads like a crazy 8th grade book report.

    And she didn’t digital detox for six months, right? It hasn’t been that long.

    • Rollo Tomasi says:

      Oh boy I want to see this dreck so badly!

    • Ineffably Adverbial says:

      NO WAY.

      Julia Allison’s Guide to Happiness tip #522: merge your book proposal and your pinterest account! How else will publishers know that you like colors (bright) and rainbows??

    • Documentary Series says:

      Seriously! It’s all kittens and branches and hang in there kid.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      She went offline around May 1 and it’s now September. So it’s a tiny bit over four months. And she wonders why we call her a fucking liar.

  36. Worrisome Pelts says:

    Back up just a sec.

    Does she really expect anyone to believe she owns an RV? When she couldn’t maintain the lease on a My First Mercedes? It is to chuckle derisively.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Maybe her late grandparents owned one that her parents have inherited or something, but there is no way she personally bought one. She has never understood the difference between ownership and the ability to possibly borrow something from someone who just wants her to shut up and go away.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      There was NO mention of owning an RV when Julia Allison was pretending to plan a 2013 summer of road-tripping & camping, alone, in tents … & if Julia Allison Baugher, Lying D0nkey Who Lies, actually did own an RV, that mofo would, w/out fail, be listed on AirBNB where her gay boyfriend, Devin Stetler, Healing Cook, would have written a bogus review, same as he did when she was illegally trying to sublet her not-on-the-beach Marina yel Bray apartment.

      P.S. THAT ^, D0nkey who reads here nevery day, is how one writes a comprehensive run-on sentence.

      P.P.S. D0NKEY!

  37. Shamoolia says:

    A Donkey and her RV… coming soon to a city near you.
    [img]http://www.shunpikingtoheaven.com/photos/1528756918_fDScRvC-S.jpg[/img]

  38. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Wait, Jukua OWNS a (happiness) RV?! What kind of legalese is this gem?

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      I think she will supply some burning man pictures of her in or near an RV as proof.

    • Shamoolia says:

      In all the cray, that is the most unbelievable part. She OWNS an RV. UM OK CRAZY. Unless her parents have truly kicked her out of all abodes and she’s living in a van down by the river, I will never, ever believe she has the class C license, skills or know how to drive and do upkeep on an RV.

    • fig says:

      I think as always she uses “I could” interchangeably with “I am / I do “. I also don’t think she fully understands the difference anymore, which makes her so sad and sometimes frightening.

  39. Peltamania says:

    Another long timer. Looking for weekend reading andy41658 at gmail

  40. Worrisome Pelts says:

    When did she “live” in San Francisco?

    If she’s counting Sad Loser With Poor Financial Skills and No Grasp of Reality Academy, then I guess I’ve “lived” everywhere I ever took a vacation.

  41. Fauxto of Dorian Bray (In Reverse) says:

    OMG, me, too, please. I’ve been following this shite show since Gawker days, I need some lulz and the huscat is going out of town next week. rrrockgrrrrrrl@hotmail.com

    • Snozberry says:

      Yeah — I would LOVE to read a copy as well. I’ve been lurking for YEARS, visiting this site everyday and have seen all of its iterations. Would really appreciate the weekend read. Would make my day! LizzieMonkey8@gmail.com

    • HipsterLawyerGrifter says:

      Thirded. I’m mainly a lurker but would be much obliged if someone sent it my way. hotlinetothegremlin at gmail.

      • HipsterLawyerGrifter says:

        Thank you so much, fellow Type A Hater! This is making my rainy, boring day so much better!

        Just as an initial impression: what in the Photoshop hell is this cover page?

    • Fauxto of Dorian Bray (In Reverse) says:

      JFAing to say thanks! And wow. It’s ummm, wow. Her head is so far up her own. . .ASS.

  42. Kitty2Silly says:

    Me too, pretty please! Soundsandmovement @ gmail

    Thanks and XO bunnies!!

  43. Documentary Series says:

    Even if she was Miss Intel 2013, the year will expire in 3 1/2 months. The proposal took her “eight years,” and it largely consists of every column? But within three months time she will write the book, it will get edited and printed, and she will be on the road for her Intel-sponsored Book Tour de Other People’s Ideas?*

    *Inspired by Obama, whose speechwriter I almost once was, I will be campaigning for president of the United States!

    *Inspired by Britney Spears, I will go to the desert and announce that I will be performing in Vegas forever!

    *Inspired by O.J. Simpson, I will engage the authorities in a car chase, while proclaiming myself to be innocent of all that I have been accused of!

    *Inspired by REDACTED, I will run away when I encounter myself at a party!

    *Inspired by the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile, I will (insert your own joke here for fun!))

    *Inspired by that embarrassment of a human being who calls herself the First Massai Warrior, I will sometimes swing my RV into places where people I don’t understand are doing whatever, and then make them take pictures of ME leaping around in front of whatever they are doing, then I will announce that by doing so I have saved All The Girls!

    *Inspired by Dan, (who I publicly announced I would nurse back to health that one summer, (um, er, oops)), if no one gives me a book deal I will pull up in front of my parents lake house and in lieu of apologizing for charging an RV on Dadsers credit card, I will instead announce that I have cancer (for the attention!) because LOLOLOLOL, it’s not that I have a black void, there’s nothing else here, I am ALLLLLLLLL black void 🙂 !!!!

  44. Donkey's Anger Farts says:

    Does anyone else feel like we’ve been collectively rung?

  45. SexyFirefox Crashed says:

    Would anyone be so kind as to send me a copy? I am a longtime lurker and have greatly missed the cray over the past few months. I’m also in the art world and spend a great deal of time editing (albeit art-related content, so I would unfortunately never get my hands on something like this without you awesome cats). My email address is: tiger cub 587 at yahoo dot com.

    Thank you cats for all the laughs over the years! You’re all fabulous people and you guys consistently make my day 🙂

  46. By the Grace of Greg says:

    If some gracious catlady could send me a copy, I’d be very grateful.

    bythegraceofgreg at gmail

    I promise to eat my vegetables and do my homework before I read it.

  47. ummm says:

    Okay, maybe I just need to be educated in this department. Is this what a book proposal is supposed to include, I thought you just pitched the book. Are you supposed to include all the insults about you floating around and your book tour ideas?

    I mean I doubt that Kathryn Stockett when pitching the Help was like: It’s book told from the point of view of African-American domestics. Also, I am terrible driver, and cannot make a decent souffle.

    • AnnaPelt is Happy at 138 says:

      Re: the book tour: yes and no. If you plan to do one, you should include that. However, if you plan to do one with or without (given today’s publishing budgets, most likely without) your future publishers help, you should say, “I plan to do a modest 5-city book tour.” That way, you’re not saying you’ll do it on your own dime, then again, you’re not saying you won’t do it without. That’s what I did for my book. (And I did my own 5-city tour on my own dime, in the end.)

  48. Documentary Series says:

    No!!

    I am sure someone above mentioned this and I just did not understand, in my innocence of up to 30 seconds ago….but she… but a winky-face emoticon on the cover of her motherf-ing book proposal?!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Based on my PhD in Donkology, I interpret this to mean she had sex with the editor.*

      * Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants.

  49. Princess WideStance says:

    Oh pretty please, please include me, haters! paintorange at gmail

    Thank you!!!

  50. Julia's Jowls says:

    “The Goal? To find out The Definitive Answer to what prevents us all from a more joyous, consistently contented, super awesome life. (Best guess: reading about really rich people in Vanity Fair)”

    I continue to be boggled that Julia in any way thinks her experiences “becoming happy” will at all translate into someone elses, let alone the whole world. Happiness is individual! Jesus christ.

    Wow. This proposal is…. UNHINGED. I feel like it’s donk-mas.

    • Julia's Jowls says:

      Also she keeps saying she turned off ALL social media for 6 months. It’s just… not… true…

      • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

        I think that’s what she was intending to do, when she barfed up this proposal. But, as usual, she can’t follow through.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Julia Allison Baugher, Lying Liar Who Lies, has never, ever gone offline when she claims to have done so — most recently she merely hid out, albeit badly, for approximately two months — when her online activity during that time was donkumented on RBD, where she was obviously reading along in real time, she immediately changed the settings that were giving away her electronic hoofprints.

  51. Antibiotics with a Side of Antibiotics says:

    loadfilmnow@aol.com I would be forever grateful!

  52. Donk's Ugly Elbows says:

    OMG, if one of you catladys could hook me up, I would be forever grateful – email is gNylVdWagNnz@meltmail.com. Also for any of you needing quicky emails melt mail is cool.

  53. MyRvIsTheHappiestRv says:

    Could someone please email me a copy? Thank you!!

  54. Documentary Series says:

    “I just lost a big tv hosting deal – I
    went into the audition and thought I nailed it, but as it turns out, they told my
    agents I came across as “unlikeable.” “

  55. Who do you think you are? says:

    I can’t keep up with the postings & comments, so forgive if I am being repetitive iwth these thoughts:
    (1) Who does she think she is (RINGING MYSELF) with the footnotes, David Foster Wallace?
    (2) The RV tour thing is already being done by somebody else – somebody also annoying, with at least some surgically enhanced body parts and a penchant for stupid crafts. http://tranquilitytour.com
    (3) What would Intel, the people who sponsor the science fair for the brightest kids in America, have anything to do with a Donkey? Somebody needs to get fired for that World’s Worst Branding Mistake. I wonder what, exactly, Donkey is advising on. I wonder how much of her proclaimed association with Intel is a lie.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      It has to all be a lie.

      A couple years ago she was bleating at SXSW that she had a $100k endorsement deal with them. The delusion, she has it.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Ah, yes … right around the time she was waiting for Nutty Granny MoneyBag$ to kick it … she was mentally spending her inheritance (was going to be an angel investor!), while pretending that she had hard-earned money coming from Intel.

        Why this lying sack of scheming griftery shit has never triggered her own IRS audit is beyond me.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      They had some thing where they connected with a stable of bloggy and social media people in some tone-deaf search for relevance.

      If JA was in that group, she doesn’t turn up in their press releases, etc., about it.

  56. Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

    I’m slowly savoring this, and am only up to page 19. But it’s a beaut! Gotta love how she’s using media quotes (on p. 18) about her being such an innovator and media sensation… from 2006, or so. Now? Media poison, but largely ignored.

    As usual, she’s stretching the truth like an old rubber band about to snap.

  57. Devin Stetler 's Healing Personal Pan Pizzas™ says:

    Has she run this past Bravo or Elle? Because when I sold a pilot based on something that happened to memememememe, the studio now OWNS it, for all time, even after the Earth spins off its mother fucking access. How ever, they have said, I can buy my life back from them, I just can’t afford it!

    I think there are legal issues here and her first mistake was putting the words, “Guinea Pig of Love” on the front page of that proposal cover (such an outdated term, by the way)

    • Devin Stetler 's Healing Personal Pan Pizzas™ says:

      Also, I am confused, last we left her Bravo blog SHE HAD FOUND HAPPINESS (because she got a boyfriend, y’all). She went on and on ’til the break of dawn how all her guinea pig experiments lead her to true happiness. But now she’s unhappy again? So she has to do it all again? Huh? WUT?

  58. MY book proposal says:

    marylane_3 at yahoo

  59. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    Someone should make a list of all the lies in the proposal. They are legion.

  60. SURROUNDED BY BOOKS BECAUSE I AM AN AUTHOR WITH BOOKS says:

    An RV? I didn’t think this dipshit could sink much lower, but she really is damn near living in a van down by the river.

  61. Subtle Tweets says:

    Hi cat ladies! Long time lurker (3+ years). You all make my day, this chick is seriously cray. Watching the Julia show has improved my life and behavior, I am terrified of being like her. That being said, I would LOVE a copy of this shitshow proposal, I am in the Deep South, with limited internet access taking care of my 80 year old grandmother so I’m a little bored. Email is: dancing.with.the.skies at gmail.com.

  62. HipsterLawyerGrifter says:

    I am only on page 5, and I am already bowled over by her unrelenting technical ineptitude when using the English language. She has a tenuous grasp of appropriate comma use.

  63. Documentary Series says:

    In Chapter 10: Live a LIfe of HEALING (be a doctor/chef/personal trainer/yogi)
    one of the experiments is…. do a boudoir photoshoot.

    Also, she promises to deliver a celebrity-written intro, and lists a bunch of possible celebs, including Ashton Kutcher. All I can say to that is, “Ashton, how can we help?”

    • OMGPearskank says:

      Hm. Now, did Debbie insert himself in his Healing Chef incarnation into her Happiness Sham or did she crib his idea? The Healing Brain Trust probably came up with it together when they were working out their business arrangement.

  64. Ginger Sans Pelts says:

    Page 56 and I might tap out. It’s brimming with lulz, but it’s also really emotionally taxing in a weird way.

    I had suspected she might be deranged, but now I know for sure and I’m a little terrified.

  65. good_times says:

    Lurked for many years. First time posting. Would very much appreciate a copy if anyone is kind enough to email.

    Seventhstreet515 at yahoo dot com

    Thank you in advance.

  66. Woo-hoo, baned. says:

    It looks like the internetz have bitten her in the ass, again.
    Hey, y’all….I went to New Trier and I’ve been reading this site/cite
    for years. Please, please let me howl along with you.

    essentiallyaverage@gmail.com

    Thank you!!

  67. fig says:

    So she is Gretchen Bradshaw-Sedaris with a twist now. The Twist being that she is neither mildly informative, aspirational or funny.

    I have not read the actual proposal, but this does not even sound funny anymore, but rather like the disorganized, manic ramblings of someone explaining why they do not belong in the institution they just got admitted to. Yikes!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      It’s frightening how sad her happiness book proposal is.

      • OMGPearskank says:

        So true. Sad. So very, very sad. And full of simmering rage, for example, I did not know that she resented both her mother and brother that much. And forced. It feels like she was grinding her teeth while producing a grimace meant to resemble a smile throughout writing this … thing.

    • Documentary Series says:

      She references Gretchen Rubin like eight times. It will be a series, just like Gretchen did! I will guide people’s happiness projects, just like Gretchen did! Building happiness brand like Gretchen did!

      She says hers will be “younger, modern and edgier,” than Gretchen’s. Hey remember when TMI was going to be the younger, moderner, edgier version of The View, and then it ended up making The View seem edgy?

  68. donkton blabby says:

    Cat sisters,

    Putting my paws together to beg that someone send me a copy of this masterpiece. Since we seem to be including our donk-dentials: I have been here from the beginning and the one time I met our sweet princess IRL she was wearing her slutty Santa costume and ignored me for someone more internet famous.

    I would be eternally grateful.

    donktonblabby@gmail.com

  69. Jen says:

    Okay, I tried to resist…. But now I’m so, so curious!!!!!

    Won’t some kind cat lady please send me this awesomeness? My e-mail is lenoxgirl@gmail.com

  70. Worrisome Pelts says:

    I knew people ran from her at parties. I always assumed it was because of the braying and the odor, but now I’m convinced it’s what she considers appropriate party chitchat.

    It would almost be fun to run into her at this point so I could tell her my bit of wisdom is “Never the Donkey” and I acquired it at RBD.

  71. LEFOOLIEH says:

    It’s funny that I even bothered taking the time to do this but around Oct. 4, 2011, it was just being confirmed that she’d been dropped by TMS and she was bragging the next day about having landed in LA and getting an Escalade rental upgrade. No signs whatsoever by her tweets or what RBD was covering about her general attitude around that time of anything stressing her out or whatever else. But we’re supposed to SERIOUSLY buy that she wrote that unedited (really.) diary entry on her flight back from Chicago? It doesn’t even read like a personal diary entry, there’s a very clear different tone there as if she was writing it the way she’d want it to be read or with the expectations that it will be read by other parties. If she’d posted something like this:

    “Ugh. FINALLY en route back to LA from Chicago. I could not WAIT to leave. Dad$er gave me another annoying lecture/ultimatum about finding a job and supporting myself (hah, yeah right), but that will go away once I figure out how to convince him that this time, really, I’m applying myself and have a life plan! Why can’t he understand that work and struggle are for the LITTLE people? He and Mom$er have more than enough to go around and you can’t take it with you anyway, so WHAT THE FUCK. He should do right by me, as his first AND ONLY daughter, instead of being so unreasonable and refusing to sympathize with my predicament. Marriage marriage marriage wedding wedding proposal. Mememememememememe, um er oops”

    I’d be more inclined to believe. Oh, and we’re also to believe she had all of this written up and ready to go, then sat on it for nearly 2 years instead of, say, trying to refashion it into something publishable for the “column” she was getting all bajiggity about writing on MA? Her common MO is just to regurgitate everything old and attempt to make it new again (see: THIS DAMN PROPOSAL) but she has all this and it’s only being seen NOW? Of course… because it was surely written specifically for use in this proposal fairly recently.

  72. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    The only way Julia Allison Baugher could possibly be in ownership possession of an RV is if the RV she just used at Burning Man 2013 couldn’t be fumigated of her d0nkey funk & therefore was totaled at a 100% loss, charged to Dad$er’s credit card, natch.

    [img]http://thumbs2.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/md1eXYbZ_kvOVXZwtmkxqvw.jpg[/img]

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Sneak preview of the Winnebraygo:
      [img]http://www.rentadonkey.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/donkey3-1024×678.jpg[/img]

  73. Z Packs In Paris says:

    Longtime catlady, first time commenter. I’m house-sitting this weekend at my brother’s OMGDOWNTOWNCONDO so this would be an ideal way to pass time! peppercorntomato at gmail.com

  74. Donk's Ugly Elbows says:

    Wait, so the only way I see this RV thing being legit is if THAT IS HER HOME NOW. So basically she is Mary from Coronation Street now. This is the best news I have had in weeks. (still hoping for a benevolent catlady to send me this drek: donkeyelbows@gmail.com, I am staring at the inbox like a lunatic. May need to calm down.

  75. Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

    Is there anyone who hasn’t yet gotten a copy? Maybe if you list your email here in this thread, and then come back to say that you’ve received one, everyone who wants one will eventually get one.

  76. Shamoolia says:

    Mom and Dad – would there be a way to scrub these emails out of the comments in say, 24 hours or something? I’d hate for them to all be added to her 51-point book marketing plan email blast list or something.

    Also? The book marketing campaign (beginning on page 18) is INSANE. She mentions syndicated column tie ins, TV show tie in and a possible FEATURE FILM, just to name a few. And she just ASSumes all of these film makers, publishers, magazines, agencies, app developers, book party celebrity guests, etc. etc. are just going to jump at the chance to promote the book. OMG IT IS BATSHIT.

    This is less a book proposal and more the insane ramblings of someone locked up in inpatient care.

    • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

      I particularly enjoyed how she mentions the possibility of Ashton Kutcher doing an introduction and hints three pages later that she doesn’t even know him.

      My 15 year old niece wouldn’t even consider writing the delusional bullshit that is this proposal.

      • OMGPearskank says:

        Ashton Kutcher had me cringe-howl and the more I read, the more difficult it becomes to keep reading because apparently assuming the fetal position is my natural reaction to something this embarrassing.

        She is making such a fool out of herself, it is almost sad.

  77. donkton blabby says:

    1. Thank you so much to the kind soul who sent this to me.

    2. How can this be real? HOW?! I am barely three pages in and I’ve never read anything so muddled, disorganized and poorly written. This makes 50 Shades of Grey look like Chaucer. I am genuinely shocked.

  78. cupcake cray cray says:

    as a long-time lurker who comments now and again, I would be eternally grateful if someone would be so kind as to forward donkey’s epic droppings along to me…

    cupcakecraycrayATgmailDOTcom

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      yay it’s like craymas morning! only…afternoon. thank you to the dearest catangel who sent me a copy!

  79. OMGPearskank says:

    So her latest flounce was just a prelude? Surely, the “six month Total Social Media Detox” has yet to commence?

    • OMGPearskank says:

      And her “college theology papers”??? Wow.

      She really is the kind of person who would spend her life compiling the Julia Allison Baugher Library and miss the point that usually people have to have one or two minor achievements in life before other people decide that it would be worthwhile having such a library.

  80. Boat Shoes Author Phase Over, Back to Regular Spastic Attention Whore Programming says:

    Happiness RV…dadser’s winnie painted sparkly pink like Priscilla Queen of the Desert on steroids with more make up and tucking involved.

    Also I’d be 4ever grateful if someone threw this hot mess into my wide set inbox.

    boatshoesauthor of gmail

    • Boat Shoes Author Phase Over, Back to Regular Spastic Attention Whore Programming says:

      Thank you from the bottom of my…wait, haters don’t have hearts. Thanks from a nice place!

  81. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    Could a gracious cat lady forward a copy to me? Thank you kindly.

    epixe at aol

  82. SURROUNDED BY BOOKS BECAUSE I AM AN AUTHOR WITH BOOKS says:

    The thing I really pity her for, is that she’ll be playing this so hard for Dadser’s attention and approval. SEE DADDY. I’M A SERIOUS BIDNESS AUTHOR BOOK AUTHOR LADY WITH A PROPOSLOL.

    I can see her clacking away on her Macbook Air with the SO SERIOUS face on, her skin tag covered twat becoming more moist with each now paragraph about ME ME ME MEEEEEE.

    Meanwhile younger brother Brit is what…studying the inner workings of stars or comets or something at the most prestigious scientific academy in the country and being married to his cute and adorable wife? At times I really do pity her.

    But part of me also WANTS THIS TO HAPPEN, just so we can have Julia driving an RV around, dinging up cars, honking, using the horn on the RV (see what I did there?). I mean c’mon, you can’t write better lols than that.

  83. Albie Quirky says:

    I don’t ever want to see this book proposal (this is not reverse psychology) but she doesn’t get it at epic levels of not getting it.

    As Worrisome Pelts said upstream, we are the most remarkable thing about her. That someone with so relatively low a media profile has attracted an anti-fan site of brilliant, funny people really says something about her. Something she’s too dim to see, of course.

  84. MY book proposal says:

    How come noone will send it to me?

    marylane_3 at yahoo

    Thanks!

  85. KashMoney says:

    I would point out that it is odd that her agent also represents Meghan McCain.

  86. World O' Gluten says:

    Would some kind (or sadistic) soul please share with me? zoeycreator@yahooDOTcom

    • World O' Gluten says:

      Thank you, wonderful catladies!!! You can come visit me in hospital after this gives me brain trauma!

  87. EatBrayLove says:

    Dying to joing the Catlady Book Proposal Club too!

    catadioptres at yahoo dot com

    • ElGuapo says:

      Posted above, but just in case it gets lost in the shuffle, would love to get my hands on this stinking pile of delusion. Am sure it is proof that Adderall should not be abused!
      enriquerugby [at] yahoo [dot]com

    • EatBrayLove says:

      Thank you to the catlady/gent who sent!

  88. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    OK, I give in. Can one of you very kind cat peeps send one my way.

    schadslip@gmail.com

    Very much appreciated.

  89. Devin's Shiny Crocs (Base Model Edition) says:

    There is so much cray just in the tiny excerpt posted here! But what burns me most is her offhand dismissal of “Hemmingway.” “They’re really not that hard.” Are you kidding me?! OMG. She just brushed off Hemingway! Who does that?!

    If it is really so easy to do something on par with one of greatest American writers ever, why oh why are you churning out this manic, juvenile dreck, Jules??

    • Helena (Donkkingway) says:

      This, and also: it always simultaneously equal parts (never 4get) cracks me up and scares me when Sociopath Donkey with Elbows tries to imitate human emotions. That 6 word story by “Hemmingway” (thanks for the new handle, BTW! Love and Light!) “gets her every time.” Yes, I’m sure it does. She is after all far more sensitive than anyone she has ever met.

      Also: I can haz donkeybook donkprosal, please and thank you? beowulf dot grendel at post dot cz? xoxox

  90. Silver Cape La Phlegm says:

    Hey kittens! I’m just fat shaming others and espousing the happiness of being skinny while completely nude wearing only my silver cape grind dancing on the mesh shirted one. His chest chairs sticking out through his mesh shirt are giving me rug burn and I would really love an excuse to be enjoy the day with a good read. If you would be so kind to email me a copy of the greatest book proposal of all time to silvercapelaphlegm@gmail.com, I will give you a piece of my wisdom.

  91. Interested onlooker says:

    Anyone? Anyone? interestedonlooker [at] hmamail.com. My curiosity has gotten the best of me. Long-time donk watcher, infrequent commenter, and I want to celebrate Craymas in September with all the rest.

  92. Lurking Lawyer says:

    Why yes I *will* jump on this bandwagon … watching for over 6 years, never commented before, but this I can’t miss – I’d love a copy: lurkinlawyer@gmail.com

    And while I’m opening my mouth: sincere appreciation to Jacy & juliaspublicist and everyone else who makes this place so darn funny.

  93. neverbotoxed says:

    Oh Jebus. I told myself that I wouldn’t read this monstrosity, but you guys are making it hard to resist. Please send me a copy! neverbotoxed at gmail dot com

  94. Brett the Donkey Handler says:

    No character evident anywhere. The list of Notable Supportive Influencers explains everything. While everyone was running desk errands and building a life this unfortunate Donkey was busy seeking validation OBO’ing every person in the room. Surfing on the shoulders (and couches) of those she deemed worthy does not a life well lived make. My sympathies to all the publishing houses that have to suffer searching for evidence of anything genuine. Everything in her world is fabricated, manipulated, gimmicky attempts at showing substance. Cartwheels on the beach, woo!

  95. Jelly Roll says:

    I have to say this is all very stuff.

  96. Betty says:

    Can someone pretty please make my day and send me a copy??! I am loving all these comments and I can’t believe how garbled this shit is!

    Vintagerockstar@gmail.com

  97. cluck you birthday chicken says:

    Delurking to ask for a copy…pretty pony please?!
    202596stac@gmail.com

  98. My RV Runs on Happiness and Scheme Juices says:

    Longtime lurker for years, but a first time commenter. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get through this since I couldn’t even handle 3 minutes of MissAdvised, but now I’m too curious to pass it up. Could someone please forward to me at fakeyslsinahotwinnebago at gmail? And thank you to all of you angry, sort of sad adults for providing so many lulz over the years.

  99. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    “Please accept my book proposal – just look at all the people who fucking hate me!”

    I think this last worked with Auberon Waugh.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Do not say anything mean about Auberon Waugh. He was fantastic. His book about the Jeremy Thorpe matter and being sued for libel is incredibly brilliant.

  100. Learned Paw says:

    MEMEMEMEMEME too!

    Learnedpaws at gmail

  101. donkton blabby says:

    I had to stop reading around page twenty. With the font style, changing size, and endless footnotes and parentheses, it was like looking at an optical illusion and I was getting motion sickness. But what I did read just made me feel sad. She is truly out of her mind. I don’t even know how to process what I just read. A few takeaways:

    – what the fuck happened between her and her parents?! The constant references to her being the bad one, the unmarried one, etc are so bizarre. My parents have never commented on that shit, ever. Are they truly like this? Is she projecting? Is this at the root of her constant husband hunting? It is so fucking odd.

    – She sounds like a child. Truly, it is like 15 year old wrote this. Her immaturity has never been more visible. The whole getting over grief and fear of death and “omg what if someone I loves dies I’m scurred!!!!” really fucking annoyed me. I know may of us on here have lost parents and other loved ones and there is such an ignorance to the way she speaks about death, grief and loss. In my early 20s I lost my mom to cancer very quickly and it was horrible on every level, but I still function and have grown from it. I’ve also lost three grandparents of old age – like Julia – and I too have survived. I know grief is an individual experience, but Jesus Fuck she has NO PERSPECTIVE.

    – This book proposal is the greatest grift of all. GIVE ME THE MONIES SO I CAN DO MY “EXPERIMENTS” LIKE WORK IN BALI AND GO TO ITALY!

    Fuck her.

    • Fauxto of Dorian Bray (In Reverse) says:

      I think that’s what winced me the most. I wrote just like that when I was 16. Painful.

  102. World O' Gluten says:

    Up to page 10 and it is seriously rough going. Julia’s masterpiece makes Winter Rose Nightingale Nickerson’s “Beansidhe’s Wail” look like…well, like Hemmingway.

  103. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I’m on page 23 and I think I’m done. I just can’t. There really are no words.

  104. ElGuapo says:

    Got it thank you!

  105. du/coveted vag space says:

    loving all the community here today.
    rarely post, reader for years (since baugher) sometimes tip — dying to read this tome. if anyone could be so kind, i will reimburse you with a bag of catnip.
    you are doing the lord’s work here.

    xoxo

    sweetiepie718atgmail

  106. EatBrayLove says:

    Pulling pages from the printer at the Office of Desk Errands and I glance down and there is a footnote with “literally LITERALLY” and I think I’ve read enough already.

  107. Donk's Ugly Elbows says:

    Ramit Sethi’s inclusion in this mess as a Powerful Friend of Julia goes a long way to explaining how his blog devolved from “Useful Commonsense Personal Finance and Career Advice” to “Creepy New Age Grifter Idea Peddling.”

  108. Jen says:

    Please please please PLEEEASE! lenoxgirl at gmail dot com

  109. CtrlS says:

    Longtime lurker! Please kind cat ladies, send me a copy! I’ll be forever grateful!
    Ireallywanttoseeacopy@gmail.com

    • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

      I wonder how many of Julia’s “friends” have now come in here and given their e-mail addresses in the quest for LOLs!

      Not that you are a Mulia Mallison compatriot, Ctrls.

  110. rankles the jankles says:

    She spelled Hemingway incorrectly in a book proposal. I can’t.

    • MY book proposal says:

      She incorrectly referenced HER OWN shitty taxi series on p.24:

      “I executive produced & starred in 120+ episodes of a Newt New Networks production of TML Weekly…”

      Too Much Lying?

    • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      She also spelled the address of her alleged agent incorrectly. On the cover of the proposal.

    • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

      You rang?

  111. ElGuapo says:

    Oh my dear Greg! Have been reading for the past 15 minutes and my head is ready to explode. It’s like tripping on bad acid while drinking a six pack of red bull.
    Julesie must have been mainlining Adderall and/or crack while she put this nonsense together. Seems like it was written by a 13 year old with untreated ADD.

    Some publishing industry insider has to give us the scoop on the reaction this turd has received.

  112. Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

    Can you imagine a publishing house fact-checking this stinky pile of turd?

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      That’s a great idea. Someone should respond to Donkey:

      “Yes, we received your proposal and we are interested in taking the next step. We are going to start the fact checking process. You’ll need to provide us with contact information for all the people you reference in the proposal, and we’ll also need names and numbers of people who can verify each of your claims in the proposal.”

  113. rankles the jankles says:

    Will someone please send me a copy to ranklesthejankles@yahoo.com? Would be ever grateful!

  114. JFA says:

    WTF is “the
    old can’t-win-dichotomy trope!” Seriously, WTF. WTF is a “dichotomy trope??” Just STFU. Did no one edit this fucking mess?? This literally makes no fucking sense. Stop using big words. Just stop doing everything. Calm down.

    • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

      Thank God, you’re back! I saw that “dichotomy trope” and said WTF?! Is our little Mulia mixing up big words and concepts again?

      What pisses me off so much about the proposal is that she just recycled her guinea pig of love garbage, giving it a “happiness” spin so that she might appeal to a broader audience. But it’s still the same shit. Ineffably Lazy Donkey Is Ineffably Lazy.

      A quest for happiness is also ludicrous because happiness is a sensation, it’s not a state of being. Julia Allison thinks that life should all be high points, with some of those peaks containing romantic conflict. Because she thinks real life should be like a movie, a pain in the donkey brain occurs–I haz confusion–when it is not.

      • JFA says:

        See below. I mentioned the Elle shit-ticles. And that was rank back then…for her fake “job” that magically coincided with and ended with her on-for-a-minute reality show no one fucking watch. She’s like a loser squared. She’s a talentless cockroach that never gives up. She gives me the sadsies.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I think she meant “slutty/frigid dichotomy” but the thing is that a lot of people do get around a lot but don’t get or give much pleasure, so it’s not really a dichotomy at all.

      TBH, I think cat people are accurate when they suggest that she uses sex for networking/personal advancement/creating the illusion of connection with others, which makes me sad for her.

      • JFA says:

        I think she meant “Madonna/Whore Complex.” She tortures so many metaphors and turns of phrase and cliches. I still remember something about a mouse pressing a proverbial crack lever, or something. I wish I could find that phrase she used in one of her Elle shit-ticles.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          proverbial dating heroin? or was that strange machinations between men and women otherwise known as dating?

    • OMGPearskank says:

      This! And “dichotomy trope” is only the first of many examples that her battle with the English language continues to be a losing one.

      Also, isn’t her list of “experiments” more or less her infamous (New Year’s?) resolutions list with a New Age twist?

      Summing up, unreadable, delusional, lacking originality and in parts so unhinged that it is actually kind of scary rather than entertaining, at least to me. She is one disturbed lady.

    • Dichotomy Trope (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      How do you like my new screen name? Does it make my raft ass look big? Or my elbows?

      • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

        I love it, you ineffable Dichotomy. And how do you like mine? Do I need an accoutrement?

      • JFA says:

        Magical. Come with me on a fairytale tour on my pink happiness loveliness RV. There’s men in there with silver hotpants and concave chests.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        It makes your elbows look like new potatoes next to your bag-o-taters knee caps, m’kay?

  115. Lurking Lawyer says:

    Pretty please – could a kind cat lady send me a copy at lurkinlawyer@gmail.com?

  116. Tribune Slingbacks says:

    I couldn’t get on RBD all afternoon. The first thought that popped into my head was that the book proposal leak was a cat lady trap set by Julia herself, and that Dadsers, Esq. was ready to pounce as soon as excerpts ended up online.

  117. LEFOOLIEH says:

    It is 5:28 EST, going to respond to all requests right now, so apologies for any doubles!

  118. Kyra says:

    Loooong-time lurker here. Can someone please send me a copy of the proposal? 😉

    kyradevin@yahoo.com

  119. Mom in a Minivan says:

    Would someone be kind enough to send it to me? Thanks in advance!
    mominaminivan2 at gmail.com

  120. Fauxto of Dorian Bray (In Reverse) says:

    The problem, bunnies, is that when this book proposal is rejected, it will only reinforce her victimized narcissism. I do see a potential new job for her, though. #whitewhine spokeslady

  121. Elbow Hater says:

    elbowhater@gmail.com

    Pretty please, late to the party–all kinds of disparate reasons.

  122. European Braycation says:

    Cat ladies please forward me copy !!!! I would be so grateful!!! Brayingbanshee at gmail…. Mercy!!!

  123. Worthless Bag of Ho says:

    OMG! Can someone email to me as well, pretty please please please please??

    emtrevi at gmail dot com

  124. Blowjobs by Bravo says:

    Sorry OT/BUNSY-could you please email me per thread yesterday? Thank you bjxbravo (at) gmail (dot) (com)

    And side note if the mods have come up for air and feel like passing it along, I’d love a good laugh this weekend. Thanks!

  125. Little Orphan Lilly says:

    …and behold, Donkmas has truly come to pass: we’re not the only ones passing it around. It appears Julia is setting the publishing world alight as well. Jacy and JP, if there’s an issue with me linking to this, go ahead and delete!

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/169627822/Experiments-in-Happiness-Book-Proposal

  126. LIU says:

    Was trying to resist but have to know what is happening!! Please please please

    longislanduni@gmail.com

    Thank you cat ladies for years of lols

  127. Jen says:

    Can we go back to posting and commenting on excerpts?

    I love this gem I just read

    “Newsweek called me a “Marketing Machine.” What would happen if I
    leveraged my worldwide following, decade plus tv & print experience, innovative
    mastery of social media, 100+ major newspaper, magazine, blog & tv contacts,
    access to the most influential media, entertainment & tech leaders on the planet
    (including celebs), marketing partners with lists that include millions of
    potential customers, and unfailing ability to create massive explosions online?”

    Yes “massive explosions” of second-hand embarrassment.

    • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      Too bad all these accolades were heaped on her 7 years ago, or more.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      WORLDWIDE FOLLOWING

    • Jen says:

      “Rebranding & relaunching my popular blog, xoJulia.com with Happiness
      theme in late 2013/early 2014 so a big audience chomping at the bit for a
      happiness book can start to develop, a la The Happiness Project (but
      younger, more modern, edgier).
      i. At its height, JuliaAllison.com brought in 800,000 visitors a month.
      ii. When I left NY to film the BRAVO show, I stopped blogging – still, my
      audience is clamoring for me to blog again and I’ve been biding my time
      for the right moment to rebrand with energy & enthusiasm.”

      A big audience chomping at the bit, clamoring for her to blog again!! That would be the cat ladies, of course. 🙂

      • Devin Stetler, of the Easter Island Stetlers (Queen Neferteeri) says:

        At its height, JuliaAllison.com brought in 800,000 visitors a month.

        That’s when she was a regular on the cable news circuit and a bunch of seriously pathetisad, celibate (not by choice) shut-ins would Google and slobber over every female who showed up on cable news. They spend their waking hours DVRing cable news, to look for accidental upskirt and bra shots. (Go ahead and Google “reporter caps” and see what I mean. The worst ones once actually admitted that they have mental and social disorders that prevent them from leaving the house.)

      • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

        Her “audience,” read “catladies,” can’t even finish cooking dinner unless Julia Allison posts another picture of her baggage going round and round a conveyor belt as she goes straight to hell in a handbasket (as MY very own Nutty Granny Hugs& KissesBags used to say).

        Are we younger, edgier, more modern? I didn’t feel so edgy when the husband (see what I did there?) (parentheticals forever!) and I went bowling last night. I really love bowling.

        Color me impressed that Alan Lightman might be one of the many “names” writing Donkey’s intro to happiness. Either Lightman or Ashton Kutcher.

    • Jen says:

      “a. Bumper stickers, chocolate bars, iPhone covers, motivational posters and
      throw pillows with witty sayings (hello, they’re IN right now!) – all of that
      good stuff, made easily by one-stop-shop companies like Zazzle and
      Society6.com.”

      BARF! What a greedy little idiot. Selling cheap junk is the exact opposite of enlightenment.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        She really thinks she is on the brink of world domination, doesn’t she?

      • OMGPearskank says:

        But she does unwittingly give away what she thinks the answer to the main question to her imaginary disciples is [“What is a truly joyful, deep, meaningful life, and at what online store can we purchase it? Thanks!”]: Buy tacky junk at Julia’sOldeHappinessShoppe and your worries will be over. Don’t you just love “projects” that have no other purpose than monetization and fame?

  128. Jen says:

    “I will not be taking any chances with this book hitting the NYT
    bestseller list.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good to know!

    • Dichotomy Trope (Queen Neferteeri) says:

      The ONLY way it’ll hit any bestseller lists is if she flings a book at a paper copy of the list.

    • Jack the Hemmingway Reader says:

      Yeah, neither will any publisher!

    • Norse Horse says:

      It’s in the proposal, how she plans to cheat the charts to get on the NYT List: lots of pre-orders, bulk orders, that get cancelled at the last minute. She’s upfront about it!

      4.PRE ORDER FRONT-LOADING
      a.Pre-orders are the surest way to achieve and maintain bestseller status,and I take them very seriously! I’ve learned from the best – my friends
      Tim Ferriss, John Romaniello, Ramit Sethi & Gary Vaynerchuk
      , among other NYT bestselling friends – and will follow their intricate pre-orderfront-loading strategies with their direct help. b.With the use of my aggregated email lists with millions of potentialcustomers, major blogs and social media, I will launch a powerfulincentives campaign to targetenough pre-orders to assure best-seller status, offering substantialamounts of my time and variousother prizes to readers in exchangefor bulk orders of the book

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        “substantial amounts of my time and various other prizes”

        so she’ll go on a date with you if you order the book?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Wasn’t there some massive book order amount tied-in w/ that $1,600 $1,700! Tucker Max bullshit rape-date Julia Allison auction bid that mesh shirt Michael Ellsberg held?

          D0nkéjà vu

  129. special j says:

    eternal lurker who lives for my daily RBD fix. can i read a copy pretty please? et 449 at nyu dot edu

  130. OMGPearskank says:

    “There’s a lot of rubble in my soul, a lot of damage, a lot of baggage, a lot of
    sweeping melodramatic statements.12 It could be messy. It could involve eating
    frosting out of a can. But I hope I can learn to believe in joy again, or at least find
    some peace – and definitely some laugh gas laughter – even after all the
    heartache. Where’s a guitar? I feel like I’m writing a John Mayer song.”

    Is she sure she’s laying it on thick enough?

  131. Delurking Cat Lady says:

    Fellow Cat Ladies – I need, need, need to read the proposal. Can you send a copy to jfabookemail@gmail.com? Thank you!!!

  132. Delurking Cat Lady says:

    Ok, never mind. Just finally got to the link. Gracias!!

  133. Getmeghanoutofmyhood says:

    Me too please!

    bitternessrv@hotmail.com

  134. Cake Liar says:

    That made for DISGUSTING reading. Having spent the last 12 years working in addictions/homelessness/prostitution, I find her narcissistic, deluded perspective on life all the more utterly horrifying to read in black and white. Basically this book is a front for her to skip around the world in a Baby Jane haze kidding herself on that she’s doing something for other people. No, Julia, NO – GET. A FUCKING. JOB!!!

    • Cake Liar says:

      And another thing – that list of questions on page 70 – it made me shudder, I mean, can you imagine being in a relationship with this crackpot? Debbie must be due to have a lobotomy any day now as she would seriously melt your brain!

  135. Hemmingway the Bulldog - Celebrity Endorsements Available! says:
    • Hemmingway the Bulldog - Celebrity Endorsements Available! says:

      In response to Cake Liar. I managed to make it through only half of Jackles’s Russian novel as book proposal, giving up when my brain began to atrophy.

Comments are closed.