Great, big, stupid, fat head Julia Allison is not one for understatement. Just check out her Rahajalamadingdong jewelry collection if you don’t believe me. Even drag queens say it’s a bit much, sweetheart. Yet, an understatement led to one of the funniest moments in the greatest documentary series in the history of terrible, meaningless, quickly forgotten things. While reciting the selfish, unrealistic and largly unimportant demands that made up her aren’t-I-quirky checklist, she read,”42. Has a close knit, fun, intelligent, interesting family who loves me,” before trailing off under her breath, “because I’ve had families that didn’t like me, tra-la-heehaw.”
And how! One family member punched her in the face for stealing her boyfriend’s credit card. She traded blog drama with the mother of another boyfriend when she claimed that people over 40 shouldn’t blog, because OMGGROSS! That mother found refuge in these very threads. (Come back REDACTOMOM! We miss you.) A prominent ambulence-chaser and his wife immediately caught a wiff of scam-artist hosebeast reaking from Donkey’s pores and put the kibosh on Donkey accompanying a certain Prom King for an Italian wedding. Another mother opted against CIA rendition and chose to educate the world on the art of shade via book recommendations and empty platitudes. And her high school boyfriend’s parents issued a restraining order against her because Donkey made banging their son some sort of slutty political crusade.
And despite her protestations that her dignity and muscle tone-lacking remedial line cook of a boyfriend met everyone of her stringent qualifications, it’s become increasingly clear that poor Derpin will never meet #42, no matter how hard he tries. Because his father, Mark Stetler, American hero, clearly thinks the bloated woman-child his son brought home that one time is a stupid, stupid bitch.
In response to this asshole justification…
…Daddy Stetler posted this:
Oh, Donkey, it doesn’t take a senate seat or billions of dollars to peg you for a spoiled, selfish twat. And if indeed you have been dumped by Derpin, find consolation in this: His daddy didn’t like you anyway.