Anyone with even the vaguest familiarity with Julia Allison would arrive to the conclusion that she is as stupid as she looks.
But be wary. Making such a superficial judgment disarms you, leaving you vulnerable to the overpowering force of Julia’s boundless intellectual capacity. Remember, this is the woman who pioneered female entrepreneurship at an impossibly early age, provoking existential frenzy within a scientific community that was forced to question the full breadth of knowledge amassed in the field of biology. This is the also same woman who revolutionized post-secondary education when she made the assertion — considered controversial at the time but now universally accepted — that a collection of hats, tote bags and sweat shirts bearing the names of Ivy League schools (or MIT, if you’re slumming it) is equal in weight to actually holding a degree from an Ivy League institution, thus single-handedly solving the student debt crisis and saving the American economy from impending doom. This is one smart gluten-free cookie we’re dealing with here.
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Quit yanking my dick, JP. This is the same demented dolt who feels that having an affinity for rainbows and colors begin-parenthesis bright end-parenthesis necessitates an itemized, handwritten reminder. She believes Kraft Foods is the official provider of ALL THE SERVICES. And she runs in circles — no, not tech circles or media circles, not anymore — ACTUAL CIRCLES FOR FUN!
“And when Forrest Gump told her that life was like a box of chocolates, she binged her way through the entire chocolate aisle at Whole Foods thinking that she would eventually bite into some rich dude possessing 88 specific qualities who would marry her.”
I would have to concede, that, yes, it would appear on the surface that Julia Allison was a person who required protective head gear at all times, and I would admonish you because you shouldn’t make fun of those people. And then I would say you’d be stupid to underestimate her.
Julia possesses the wisdom to know that knowledge holds no value unless it’s shared. Fortunately for us she has the generosity to BLAM(!) us with her tho sthamrtz via Facebook, the wellspring of creativity.
Here Dr. Donkey encourages us to embrace our inner TOWANDA (<< CLICK ON THE LINK, DAMMIT! IT IS THE SOLE REASON I WROTE THIS POST!) by schooling us on the healthful benefits of rebounding, the adult equivalent of jumping on a trampoline like a goddamn idiot.
Health Recommendation: Has anyone ever tried a rebounder? I did some research on rebounding when I was still living in NYC and found www.QiBounding.com had the best rebounders – and have had a pink rebounder from QiBounding ever since. I try to jump every single morning – it’s amazing for your joints and your lymph system.
The rhythmic bouncing motion of rebounding stimulates the lymph fluid’s circulation throughout the body. Lymph fluid – which you have twice as much of as blood – acts as the body’s metabolic garbage disposal system and is directly related to the immune system. Here’s the catch: the lymph system does not have a pump (like the blood has the heart) and only moves when you move.
Rebounding, which is all about movement, gives your lymphatic system and therefore your immune system a fantastic boost. and has a harmonizing influence on your thyroid at the same time.
There, there. Take a minute to recover from your mind explosion. Here you thought that, all this time, because we human beings were incapable of movement, piles of garbage has been building up within our bodies, crippling our disease-stricken species. It’s a wonder evolution hasn’t completely wiped us out! And there goes world-renowned immunologist Julia Allison curing AIDS and shit through her intense regimen of the laziest form of exercise possible. She spent all those painstaking hours locked up in a laboratory conducting cutting-edge medical research, and, despite all the personal sacrifices she made to her work (staving off marriage, etc.), she refused compensation from a company that shrinks trampolines and makes them less bouncy. Oh my! A great mind and benevolent spirit!
And when she’s not transforming hippie bullshit into scientific fact through her keyboard-clicking alchemy, she embarks on a searches for philosophical truth to nourish and expand her intellect. And when she finds that truth, she shares her discovery by turning the internet into an obnoxious dinner party hosted by a boorish elitist who reaches to liberal arts academia to justify the fact that she’s an asshole.
I just read this NYT piece, and sent an email, with the paragraphs below highlighted, to a friend of mine, with these thoughts:
” … this raises larger theoretical issues of ‘how we should be’ as people. I was a huge advocate of Peter Singer when I was in college (I had several ethics classes in which I read his seminal works on egalitarianism … he is one of the reasons I stopped eating meat.) But a decade later, I wonder at the practicality of what he preaches and tend to agree with Stephen Asma, that care for all is fabulous in theory – but in reality you are simply drained, a shell of a human being.
What is the answer, though?? A teeter-toter, back and forth between regard for strangers outside of your tribe and regard for your tribe? The older I get, the more I know, “saving the world” seems like a Sisyphean endeavor. Impossible, even … pointless. Like him, I tend to agree with Cicero.
What do you think?
The Myth of Universal Love: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/05/the-myth-of-universal-love/?src=me&ref=general
“Care is like sprint racing. It takes time — duration, energy, systemic warm-up and cool-down, practice and a strange mixture of pleasure and pain (attraction and repulsion). Like sprinting, it’s not the kind of thing you can do all the time. You will literally break the system in short order, if you ramp-up the care system every time you see someone in need. The nightly news would render you literally exhausted. The limbic system can’t handle the kind of constant stimulation that Rifkin and the cosmic love proponents expect of it. And that’s because they don’t take into account the biology of empathy, and imagine instead that care is more like a thought.
If care is indeed a limited resource, then it cannot stretch indefinitely to cover the massive domain of strangers and nonhuman animals. Of course, when we see the suffering of strangers in the street or on television, our heartstrings vibrate naturally. We can have contagion-like feelings of sympathy when we see other beings suffering, and that’s a good thing — but that is a long way from the kinds of active preferential devotions that we marshal for members of our respective tribes. Real tribe members donate organs to you, bring soup when you’re sick, watch your kids in an emergency, open professional doors for you, rearrange their schedules and lives for you, protect you, and fight for you — and you return all this hard work. Our tribes of kith and kin are “affective communities” and this unique emotional connection with our favorites entails great generosity and selfless loyalty. There’s an upper limit to our tribal emotional expansion, and that limit is a good deal lower than the “biosphere.”
For my purposes, I’ll stick with Cicero, who said, “society and human fellowship will be best served if we confer the most kindness on those with whom we are most closely associated.”
Now that makes you think, doesn’t it? Has Julia Allison wasted her life because of her tireless humanitarian efforts and her commitment to being a compassionate person. Apparently, the New York Times says so, so you’ll excuse her when she starts stabbing random homeless people for fun.
But Julia Allison is smart enough to know that she doesn’t know everything. And when she seeks further insight into something someone said — say, Gandhi, for instance — she looks around for someone of the same color to see if they agree.
I wonder what Annie Lalla thinks of this! (in the NYT – http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/05/the-myth-of-universal-love/?src=me&ref=general)
“Critiquing Gandhi’s recommendation — that we must have no close friendships or exclusive loves because these will introduce loyalty and favoritism, preventing us from loving everyone equally — Orwell retorted that “the essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection, that one is sometimes willing to commit sins for the sake of loyalty … and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one’s love upon other human individuals.”
It takes true intellect to know when to seek the wisdom of others. And here you thought Julia Allison was some pop-culturally illiterate idiot who obsesses about The Bachelor like it’s already gone out of style.
Who’s the idiot now? Clearly, Julia thinks you are, which is why she thinks she can get away with acting all cute and is pretending like she has never heard of the show before. It’s not like she wrote about the show, or stalked some dude who was on the show, or TRIED TO BE ON THE SHOW before. No, this genius has been too busy expanding her vocabulary with SAT words and reading Cicero.