Have Fun, Haters

Pain is wanting things to be different than how they are.

Let’s have a little contest. What is Donk talking about this time? What would she like to be different, other than every single element of her entire existence?

My guess: “A boyfriend with a visible dong, two balls and a brain.”

You go. The funniest one will get crowned something special and will receive a pretty plastic tiara and/or a donkey toy of some sort. That’s right, I’ll buy one of you fuckers a present.

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226 Responses to Have Fun, Haters

  1. Mazen Swarthmore says:

    First???!

  2. Worrisome Pelts says:

    Donkey wants Princess Andy Cohen to think her shitshow is a brilliant use of his resources. He does not. Oh, the huge-manatee!

  3. How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

    D0nkey wants her “hair” to be different than how it is …
    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/2wg4ygk.png[/img]
    D0nkey wants Wangs!

  4. Helena (Vitruvian Donkey) says:

    OT, although this is kind of never really OT: you guys know how I collect vintage powder compacts? (Do you really have to ask, Helena? Of course everyone remembers every little thing you ever bray here. It’s all very important and effervescent.) Well, I’m checking eBay for “vintage vanity” or some such, and I stumbled upon something perfect for our darling Donks:

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Max-Factors-Supreme-Clown-White-Hollywood-Calif-Tin-1-3-8-oz-make-up-/140860090382

    Smear this stuff all over your eyelids! So pretty and girly!

  5. Waltzed in from the Maldonks says:

    Jacy, you nailed it: She’s got to wish EVERYTHING in her life was different. How depressing must it be to wake up to being Julia Allison every afternoon?

  6. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    Debbie’s idea of open and adventuresome sex requires Donk to use a Hello Kitty strap-on while reciting quotes from Halo novels.

  7. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    I take this to mean she was dating an omg for real founder, like Chaz or Lodwick.

  8. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    “A boyfriend with a visible dong, two balls and a brain.”

    Even Dorothy Gale had to settle for one out of three.

  9. Blowjobs by Bravo says:

    “Shiny disco balls are making a come back. I am a trendsetter-you’ll see!!!!!!” (pan to insane full head laugh).

  10. EyeRoller says:

    Pain for a Donkey is NOT liking to buy the world a Coke (“It won’t keep you company– IT’S POISON!!!”–Donkey), but still liking to stand on a hilltop and teach to the world to sing in perfect harmony.

    A Donkey’s pain:
    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/efj50h.jpg[/img]

    • Donk, Donk. Who's There? says:

      Eye roller thank you!
      The coke song got stuck in my head, I rocked my kitten and sang it to her… she was asleep in two minutes flat!

      Who says RBD isn’t servicey?

    • Mazen Dartmouth says:

      This commercial is always on before Charlie Rose. Catchy.

  11. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Hopefully the pain refers to more injections and fillers while she waits for her face to look different. I want to know if more and more plastic surgery can take her back to looking human or if she’ll just looking increasingly like a clown painted onto the decor of a carnival game.

  12. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Money. She’s outta money.

  13. Stinky Velour Couture says:

    Miss Advised, Season 2.

    Not happening, sadz & payn

  14. Stinky Velour Couture says:

    Writing her book–
    It won’t write itself! and she cannot afford a ghost-writer.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      ghost writers are to bravo as coke straw is to A.C.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Bravo’s not going to pay for her to have a ghostwriter unless a second season magically happens and I cannot imagine that being true.

        Dadsers might pay, though. He’ll presumably have a couple hundred thou extra once he and Aunt V. sell NGMB’s house. Unless she left it to the ballet or the poor people’s eye clinic or one of her other charity thangs.

      • bunnies says:

        just made a buster bluth-esque whaaaaaaat/handclap. bravo gossip?

        no wonder AC’s nose twitches so much on WWHL… which I love & watch as much as possible. i just saw next monday is going to be a one on one sit down special where jill zarin yells at andy.

  15. Queen Neferteeri says:

    She always assumed that she’d be married (to a gorgeous, wealthy founder who’s also a hipster) and be a celebrity (women want to be like her, men just want her) in her own right before her expiration date. Instead, she’s grasping for every tacky shill that crosses her path and “dating” a gay or asexual twerp with no job, no powerful/impressive family cred, no money. And no dong.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      With plentiful gums. And wrinkles like a person who should be checked regularly for melanoma.

  16. Queen Neferteeri says:

    She wishes she could wear Jordan’s tiara in public, but knows that as soon as she does, she’ll be arrested for B&E!

  17. Queen Neferteeri says:

    She wishes [Redacted] bought her that Mac Air laptop!

  18. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    She wishes we called her “Piñata”.

    Because she is full of goodness.

  19. Gone with the Drapes says:

    dumb AND mean is just such a bad combination. sweet and dim can be a winner, and even smart and mean can win. but dumb and mean is just fucking hopeless

  20. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    She wishes she had her body and face of 2006.

    She wishes a man whisked her off in limos on dates, after letting her choose from 5 dresses vs. a dongless man making her dinner in someone’s apartment in NYC where they have grifted a sofa to sleep on.

    • MissAssvice says:

      The problem is the results would be the same. The guys would run and NEVER return phone calls. She never learns so history is always doomed to repeat.

      • Mazen Oberlin says:

        This is so true; in fact, it’s like she’s dug her feet in even more over time. If she had her 2006 face and body back and a 2nd chance at relationships, she’d insist on being a tacky abrasive loser all over again. She thinks other people are the problem.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Very true.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          She was at her WORST back then, when she was at her hottest and thought she was on the cusp of being a star. Really, really mean to those she viewed as not worthy.

  21. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Since she has plenty of free time, she could reprise her Little Mermaid outfit and step into the surf to lip-howl this to the world:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU6IndADEWI

  22. frequent liar miles says:

    I think she can only be referring to her tragic nostrils.

  23. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    She wishes she did not already achieve her self-fulfilling expiration date prophecy.

  24. Subsidized Donk Den says:

    She’s dating a guy who is a downgrade from Prom King, for fuck’s sake. Can you imagine knowing that you can no longer “get” the kind of guy you once considered not good enough? Also, being a Donkey.

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      Right. She’s dwelling on fabricated body issues (least of the turn-offs) rather than facing the facts that she: busted her face as many times as she burned personal / professional bridges & has shown herself to be a black-hearted ditch pig with the emotional development of a entitled, spoiled 12-year-old.

      • Gone with the Drapes says:

        focus on body issues is the definition of narcissism; leaves no time to think of anyone else

    • Gone with the Drapes says:

      prom king was the scion of a wealthy lawyer

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        An ambulance chasing lawyer. PK is not a hottie, not someone she could’ve shown off. She felt he was beneath her.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

          And Devin Stetler is someone she can show off? LOL

          • Mazen Oberlin says:

            Exactly. Goat Soap is small, has bad teeth, and is white trash from Modesto. PK is a lawyer in NYC with parental fuck you money while Goat Soap is sleeping on grifter coaches and flashing his gums for vimeo videos.

        • Mazen Oberlin says:

          That law firm is known for it’s work with financial fraud and securities violations. They’re either the largest firm in the country of that type or very close. Lots of good trial lawyers. And, yeah, PK’s parents have serious fuck you money. I’m not defending the guy, he could still be a loser like Goat Soap, but that law firm isn’t something to sneeze at, they’re a law firm that handles serious cases.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            I only know of that firm from their years of TV ads shilling for people to sue for medical malpractice. In any case, PK wasn’t up to her standards, and now she can’t even get that.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            I think you have the wrong firm. This is his father’s firm http://www.weitzlux.com/ and I see nothing about financial fraud and securities violations. Just lots of ambulance chasing, and a little bit of entertainment law.

            I’m sure it’s fuck you money, but it’s tacky fuck you money. Beneath the old money facade she so desperately craves.

          • Mazen Smith says:

            Fair point; I didn’t grow up in NY so I didn’t see those ads. Any plaintiffs firm will have that sort of baggage, though. It’s not like they can have major corporations as clients. In this case, saying they’re ambulance chasers seems a little harsh. I think of them more as doing class action work.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Look at the website, and tell me if there’s anything about securities law, financial fraud, etc.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            The TV ads were beyond tacky.

            Also, from the firm’s website:

            “Even after twenty-one years of practice involving dangerous drugs, medical malpractice, general negligence, and toxic substances, among others, our firm maintains its trail-blazing status in mass tort litigation, taking more million dollar verdicts than most firms in the country.”
            http://www.weitzlux.com/Million-Dollar-Verdicts_1916783.html

            Again, nothing about financial fraud or securities law.

          • Mazen Middlebury says:

            I haven’t been paying as much attention to Donk and have forgotten some details. I probably am thinking of the wrong firm, but I’m not sure why. I disagree that all plaintiffs lawyers are scammy. In my experience, which includes working for the other side, the corporations play far more dirty and have far more advantages. A big advantage being how the rules of civil procedure allow them to demand many things of plaintiffs, things that normal people do not often have time or money to do. It also puts plaintiffs’ lawyers in a tough spot, becuase they are not getting paid by the hour like corporate lawyers are. So they have to decide if they want to hire a medical expert, ahead of trial, on their own time, not knowing if they’ll ever even need the expert or if they’ll recover anything. And it is no small deal to do trail-blazing work for plaintiffs, nor is the amount of million dollar verdicts (although 1mil isn’t really that big for a legal verdict, it does show that they have a very high case volume).

            I guess what I’m saying is that they obviously have good trial lawyers over there and that actually is a big deal. PK also seemed like a decent person who caught onto Donkey in a reasonable amount of time. He was also smart not to let her use his name and to have her cover his face up in pictures.

          • Mazen Middlebury says:

            That’s horribly written and a couple of typos, but you get my point. I am sure the tv ads are cheesy, though.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            True, not all plaintiffs’ firms are bad, but W&L is particularly cheesy — and then some (I’m being very careful about how I characterize a law firm). Definitely not white shoe. I’m sure PK’s parents are loaded, but the father’s firm is known as tacky, not prestigious.

            They prey on people’s misery with their ads and make it seem as if every bad medical outcome means that someone did something wrong, and that the plaintiff is entitled to getting paid for it — even if nobody is actually at fault.

            And then there’s W&L’s relationship with Shelly Silver, Speaker of the State Assembly. He’s listed as being “of counsel,” but has never said what exactly he does there, how much he gets paid, etc. And he has a history of blocking all attempts at tort reform.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            To put it another way, W&L is the legal industry’s version of Dr. Zizmor.

          • Mazen Middlebury says:

            Sheldon Silver is an Of Counsel there? Very interesting.

        • Gone with the Drapes says:

          ambulance chaser? fuck you. personal injury lawyers are there because if you are hurt and lose your job and can’t work and need healthcare there is nothing else to do in the system in which we live (in the us) but sue and hope to get enough to live on / get medical care

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Fuck YOU. I watched their commercials for years, with them begging people who didn’t have a perfect medical outcome to SUE SUE SUE. You have no idea what you’re talking about and should just your stupid mouth. You are a clueless rube who doesn’t know the longstanding reputation of that law firm.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            Wow, that escalated GOMI’d fast.

          • Gone with the Drapes says:

            NYC born and raised

            Are you a Republican?

            Step off

          • Random Snowflake says:

            Step off, George! :)

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Yes, I’m NYC born and raised. So YOU step off.

          • stalker says:

            Brayella, yes indeed, the GOMI stench is strong.

          • JFA says:

            Yeah I don’t get it. They are a pretty well known plaintiff’s firm, esp for asbestos litigation. Who fucking cares if they represent med mal victims etc? This place rakes it in…hardly the stereotypical struggling ambulance chaser type place.

            Just give it a rest, neferteeri.

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            Calm down, Cloven!

          • melting marionette says:

            not taking sides; just relating a tale: i know of at least one case where a med malpractice lawyer convinced an alleged victim to sue, now he’s getting all of the money they won in settlement and she (the victim) is no better off…

          • bunnies says:

            i don’t know how i never made the connection when all this PK stuff was happening, but just realized one of my lsbff’s worked for this firm before school. the world is so fucking small. if she knows PK i will die laughing.

      • Subsidized Donk Den says:

        Oh yeah. And I actually kind of liked PK, since he brought in a brief period of Donk wearing less makeup, dressing not like a 5-year-old pageant queen, etc. I remember one set of photos where they were out with Lasagna and her guy and Donk actually looked like a passably normal human. But I knew she’d fuck it up, and she did.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          He was the best by far of all the guys she’s dated – a fairly normal, solid, dependable-looking type who didn’t appear to have his head jammed up his own ass. Devin seems to enjoy her company but PK actually appeared to care about her. No fashion model, true, but if certain wedding pics are anything to go by, the rest of them were only a step above “insert flaming stick into eye socket” themselves.

          She should have dialed it back and called it a day.

        • Gone with the Drapes says:

          also, he worked for a living.

          i think he was the last of the competent escorts.

          • Mazen Middlebury says:

            He works for a living but family has serious fuck you money (made by his dad, not inherited like Cindy McCain). Best of both worlds, I think. I wonder if Donkey stalks him to see pictures of him on the family yacht floating around the Atlantic or off the Hamptons? Or skiing/wintering at their mansion in Jackson Hole? Don’t worry Donkey, Goat Soap is going to get motivated and starting opening all kinds of grifting opportunities for you guys…

          • Gone with the Drapes says:

            yes, exactly

            plaintiff’s lawyers look out for the little guy in a system where the little guy is typically crushed

            it’s not a bad calling

            people who call them ambulance chasers typically side with the insurance companies that don’t want to pay up

  25. Gimme Pig of Love says:

    Her relationship with Pancakes. She wishes “stolen belt/home they shared/fleeing to Guam” was “marriage.”

    • Gimme Pig of Love says:

      ugh, I thought this over, and so sorry, so fat, “the home they shared” is a part of the things that never was, right? So it should be, “that time she moved in without asking.”

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        And had her bridal magazines forwarded to his mom’s condo.

        • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

          I can only imagine mama pancakes pulling her by the earlope out of the house and having locks changed within minutes. I love the smell of shattered dreams in the morning.

  26. Norse Horse says:

    Pain is really painful, people. Dating an unemployed brokeass ghey guy, who’s just as much on the famewhore-stroll make as you are, is kind of a downer. Wait no, make that a crucifixion. Have some sympathy! for her tremendously bad life-choices, you , you… cat people!

    Bwahaha.

    • Gone with the Drapes says:

      no money no honey

    • Gone with the Drapes says:

      no scrubs, tlc

      “No Scrubs”

      A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly
      And is also known as a buster
      Always talkin’ about what he wants
      And just sits on his broke ass
      So (no)

      I don’t want your number (no)
      I don’t want to give you mine and (no)
      I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
      I don’t want none of your time and (no)

      [Chorus:]
      I don’t want no scrub
      A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
      Hanging out the passenger side
      Of his best friend’s ride
      Trying to holler at me
      I don’t want no scrub
      A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
      Hanging out the passenger side
      Of his best friend’s ride
      Trying to holler at me

      But a scrub is checkin’ me
      But his game is kinda weak
      And I know that he cannot approach me
      Cuz I’m lookin’ like class and he’s lookin’ like trash
      Can’t get wit’ no deadbeat ass
      So (no)

      I don’t want your number (no)
      I don’t want to give you mine and (no)
      I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
      I don’t want none of your time (no)

      [Chorus]

      If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
      Oh yes son I’m talking to you
      If you live at home wit’ your momma
      Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby)
      If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
      Oh yes son I’m talking to you
      Wanna get with me with no money
      Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

      No scrub
      No scrub (no no)
      No scrub (no no no no no)
      No scrub (no no)
      No

  27. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    WHY WHY WHY RE: THE SHOWING OFF OF THE FLINTSTONE FEET????

    http://pics.lockerz.com/s/251205352

    • JFA says:

      Ugh and trying SO HARD to make LA happen. SHE’S SO HAPPY THERE PEOPLE. Is that vista really so unbelievably pretty? It’s a fucking boring beach.

      She sucks.

      • moonshinedonkey says:

        She hangs out at the ugliest and low-budg variations of anything she does, whether it is LA, Chi, or NYC.

        Don’t judge us by the Donkey.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She thinks they’re hot.

      See also: legs, ass. Face.

    • moonshinedonkey says:

      Also: I bet she smells terrible. Like over-perfumed poop room.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      just sand—could be Dirty Lake Michigan too

      Soooo Blessed!

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      i don’t know why she keeps going on about yandy’s sexy elephant, when this is really the perfect costume for her:

      [img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lvx1zNTNpUI/TKQ1w48X74I/AAAAAAAAArI/VBJ5H59_A3Y/s1600/Flinstones+2.jpg[/img]

    • fig says:

      I never understand her gushy beach pictures. It always looks like a sandy parking lot to me.

  28. Albie Quirky says:

    She’s wishing for a second season. You all know it’s true. Not funny, not even hilarisad, but simply pathetisad.

    The “I am covering Fashion Week for a channel that no longer really exists using an outdated mike flag” Vimeos actually made me sad for her because they were the simple quintessence of failed tryhard. She needs to learn how to fail better.

    • JFA says:

      is there a shot in hell of that happening? That show was almost universally panned, then ignored. Literally almost no one watched it or talked about it. It was just sad and stupid and had no buzz whatsoever.

      I just…cannot imagine a universe where that would be renewed, because why. Not only did it suck, the ratings tanked.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        No, it seems vanishingly unlikely. Beyond unlikely. I would be shocked if it got renewed. My reality-producing friend has had shows canned that had numbers twice those of “Miss Taken”.

        • Mazen Oberlin says:

          The ratings and attention for Gallery Girls seem to make it more likely that show would be picked up than MissTaken.

          • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

            I pray that someone at Bravo gets one functioning brain cell over there and doesn’t bring back either show.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I’d be up for season two of Gallery Girls if it ends with Claudia locking Chantal in EOC and setting that tacky shithole on fire.

          • Factory Seconds says:

            Aw, I liked Gallery Girls because I liked the characters.

          • Mazen Middlebury says:

            Gallery Girls is like the farm team for RH of NY. They need to replace the current NY cast (boring), they could draft 3 or 4 of the Gallery Girls and keep Ramona and Sonja around to mentor them. How to stay appropriately tipsy all day long, how to snark appropriately, how to talk behind each other’s back, and so forth.

          • Jordache & the Pelts says:

            I found the devious, spoiled chipmunks on Gallery Girls entertaining. one of them are going to end up with careers in the art world, or careers really, except for the LI girl maybe, and probably in a field like PR. the Miss Piggy one really grew on me. And it was hilarious to see a thickened but still superstar Baby Jane Holzer waltz in with her sage advice at random moments. Andy Cohen seems to like the show, and many of his mafia on WWHL seem to watch the show – they even had that comic actress who does Ramona do her Claudia. I think Gallery Girls might be back, maybe with a tweaked cast. End of Century is apparently still in operation (ha).

          • Jordache & the Pelts says:

            Loops I meant “Chantal” impression…

          • Solidarity cat says:

            I looooved gallery girls. Now that was an entertaining show. Chantal is my jam. Hilarious.

          • Little Orphan Lilly says:

            MAZEN OBERLIN. I’M DYING.

            (c/o ’03, pass the scuffins…)

        • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

          Gallery Girls is the downfall of civilization-a bunch of strung out, washed up 2o year olds who have never worked a real day in their lives. Honest to Greg their parents really should be in jail for raising such useless memebers of society. Asian chick will end up being an escort, Chantal will end up dead in bathtub form an od. and that’s the most positive thing I can say about that show.

          • Mazen Grinnell says:

            As much as I agree with you that those “galler girls” are useless, that show was still 10x more entertaining than MissTaken. Also, IMO, Asian chick will end up marrying a rich guy.

          • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

            Yep-rich guy named “John” lol

          • juliajane says:

            Yeah, I only watched the first episode but I hated Gallery Girls. I think it’s because they are around the same age as me. I love watching psycho pre-menopausal Housewives, but I found the Gallery Girls monstrous sense of entitlement and brattiness grotesque.

  29. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    I saw a promo tonight for the Silicon Valley show. I can’t wait to watch her try to shoehorn her way back into the Bravo spotlight once that airs as if she was on the show itself.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Every time I see the title of this show I think of fake tits.

      Yeller teeth and fake tits.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      Oh, she’s already started. Her glomming on to the Ways is not some serendipitous thing, I’m sure there’s a grifty angle somewhere therein.

      hermioneway
      @JuliaAllison @Bravotv no sex in my bed! *joke* there’s a dildo under the sink -feel free to use it!

      JuliaAllison
      @hermioneway @Bravotv – LOL!! My BF got in your bed last night & was like “Dear God I WANT THIS BED.” it is the most comfortable bed EVER.

      hermioneway
      @JuliaAllison @Bravotv after burning man anything is a comfortable bed!

      acton
      @JuliaAllison @hermioneway I hope we’ll all still be friends after you two become super famous Bravo TV stars

      Julia Allison
      From Silicon Valley to Silicon Beach ;-) RT @hermioneway: lunch with @juliaallison and @benpbway in LA -Woop!”

      • Waltzed in from the Maldonks says:

        Hey, where is that commenter who insisted Hermione Way wasn’t really hanging out with Donkey and was way too smart and nice to do so?

        • Factory Seconds says:

          That was days ago!

        • Mazen Middlebury says:

          Hermione Way is a hee-haw’er just like the Donkey.

          • Waltzed in from the Maldonks says:

            Yep, but I’m wondering if that Hermione defender would care to own up to being dead wrong about the fameball Ways.

        • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

          Google “Arc Island Ben Way.” Watch the video. I think that’s all that needs to be said. These two are no different than the rest of the grifters that Donkey has been hanging out with the past year.

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        Yeah, I know she tried to schmooze her way onto the show itself bu I am waiting for her to try to crash WWHL when the show starts airing.

        Bravo did renew that awful low-rated fitness studio show a couple of times, so who knows if they might not run MA again just to capitalize on the Donkey trainwreck factor?

  30. Scooby Don't says:

    Pain is wanting things to be different than how they are

    Life is Pain, Donkey. Anyone who tells you differently is selling you something.

  31. Ex Spurt says:

    The pain of realising The Boyfriend, Gummy Bear, is amassing a much better shoe collection.

  32. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    Not to get all literal but I wonder if this most recent Brayeet is just the next pseudo-profound platitude from Lulu Lemon Barbie about how one should live life. Don’t forget she is living with the happiness guru now and will probably be talking like this non-stop for the rest of her “spiritual” reinvention until this, too, doesn’t “take” and make her seem authentic either.

  33. ShesJustStupid says:

    I can’t help but think that her latest bitching about car ownership is just putting a good face on the fact she can’t afford one. Also trying to make it seem ok that Debby doesn’t. She lives riding her bike, people! I actually don’t understand how you can do without one in LA. How do you grocery shop? I’ve never known anyone who lived walking distance to a grocery store there.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      She’s complaining about car costs because she made the ginormous mistake of leasing a status marker Mercedes C-class to fit in in LA (not even, which kind of just makes it funnier) and SOMEHOW her six figures (*cough* dad$er checks) aren’t covering the payments on it. It isn’t like Debbie is doing the whole Arrested Development Michael “bike commute in a suit” thing, so the only assumption there would be that he works in a pretty casual atmosphere and biking to and fro is his thing. The only snag is that, as far we know, he might lack a job entirely.

    • Gone with the Drapes says:

      dude i knew who was a gay muscleman makeup artist skateboarded around weho for years

  34. A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

    She wishes people didn’t drink Diet Coke in the morning.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I’m hungover and you know what I’m about to do? Crack open an icy cold Coke Zero. Oh yeah.

      • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

        As a macrobiotic orgopeschickatarian, I am outraged at your foolish behavior.

  35. Spoutless Teapot says:

    her latest twatter is to vom. something about the boyfriend “falling asleep sweetly on the couch after making me dinner.”

    1. enough already with the dinner. we know you can’t cook and that Debbie can. we’re all really impressed.
    2. why must she infantilize (sp?) every single man in her life? “fall asleep sweetly”? is he her toddler son? he’s a grown man for fuck’s sake, lack of dong and balls aside. that alone would send most men running for the hills.

    • JFA says:

      Insufferable.

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      boyfriend “falling asleep sweetly on the couch …”

      TRANSBRAYTION:
      Boyfriend roofied? CHECK
      Boyfriend’s email & cell phone hacked? CHECK

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Seriously, how many times do you suppose she’s snooped through his phone and email? And this dude will be too dumb too notice, and too complacent to complain if he does notice. She has really found the perfect dude. Anyone who would tolerate her for long would have to be a drooling moron. The question is — how long will she be able to tolerate the stupidity?

        • Mazen Middlebury says:

          Not just the stupidity but the fact that other women don’t want Goat Soap. I guarantee you none of her long time “friends” are impressed with Debbie whatsoever. Think of other guys she has dated–there was a chance exes still wanted to talk to them and that they could potential meet someone else/have other women interested. With Goat Soap? Not really. By contrast, TK, PK, T-Rex McCain, even Greasy… all had other women in the picture or readily could have traded up. Jula has always wanted what other women have… not anything or anyone random, anonymous, unremarkable. This, more so than anything else, is why I can’t see them making it to wedding day. Goat Soap seems complacent… he really doesn’t give a shit and probably would marry Donkey. Donkarina, on the other hand, needs to think (in her tiny mushy brain) that people want what she has.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            Who are these “longtime friend(s)” you speak of?

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            You nailed it. All along, her motivation has been to be envied. Not just about a relationship with an OMGBoy, but in general. I think that was the entire premise behind her “lifecasting” – to gin up jealousy.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Totally.

          • Helena (Vitruvian Donkey) says:

            Also, IMO the only people who are that invested in making others envy them are those who spend their sad lives consumed with raging envy and jealousy themselves. Then again, in this case I think we all knew that.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            It’s probably telling that no one here has ever heard of this guy or that we’re not getting tips about him. That’s because there’s nothing to know.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          Until she gets official word that there will be no season 2.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Or a Season 2 without her. The show might work with likable women, the kind whom viewers root for, not against.

          • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

            Wow! I haven’t even thought of that!

            If there is a Donkey-less second season, she will die of a hissy fit.

        • Mazen Carnegiemellon says:

          I meant it as a joke, clearly she has no real longtime friends. I was thinking of people she must get from people like Calleach (sp?), Billow, Cancer Dan, and her brother. Also her “frenemies” like KK, Meg o Lantern, MMBH, Rat Teeth, and Christine Kelly. Imagine what these people think of her relationship with Goat Soap.

    • Helena (Vitruvian Donkey) says:

      I think she’s scared of grown men because they tend to be on to her the moment they hear her bray. She most certainly doesn’t want a grown man, either. Grown men don’t pose as props.

  36. fig says:

    Pain is not being invited to Jimmy Wales’ wedding.

    • Mazen Carnegiemellon says:

      Somewhat Jimbo-related: Rachel Marsden (aka “Da Fukkk?”) is apparently a syndicated Tribune columnist. Has this been discussed before?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Oh Jesus, really? No, has not been discussed, and just as well, because I don’t want Da Fuckkk?? coming on here again from a Paris IP and denying ever knowing RM but yammering on how hot she is and what losers all her stalking victims were.

        • Mazen Carnegiemellon says:

          http://www.tmsfeatures.com/columns/political/conservative/rachel-marsden/

          I will say this for “DaFuckkk?” — she really is better looking than the Donkey

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            That’s the best photo I’ve seen of her in years. She was sporting crazy eyes, witchy hair and looked a lot older than her years in the photos I’ve seen of her over the past five years or so. Almost looks like she might have had some work done.

            And totally agree — way more attractive than MuppetFace.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            she really is better looking than the Donkey

            LOL — claim based on upshot pic of her nostril, on her “OFFICIAL” web sight / site / cite, no doubt.

            p.s. For anyone willing to venture over there, the annoying auto-run video you’ll want to silence asap is the last one in a long line of videos.

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

          Probably too late, Jacy, unless you have already blocked her IP address, because we all know what happens when Da Fuuuck’s real name is invoked …

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

          She is an internationally syndicated columnist with the (Chicago) Tribune Company and university professor.

          I’m no journalist, but wouldn’t that read better as:
          “She’s a university professor at _____ and also an internationally-syndicated columnist with Tribune Media Services (TMS), a subsidiary of The Tribune Company based in Chicago, Illinois.” ?

      • The_Manta says:

        Say her name three times while looking into a mirror. I DARE YOU.

  37. Prom Party Burnout says:

    —————————–
    I have to admit, I love this Halloween costume idea. http://www.ebay.com/itm/Morph-2nd-Second-Skin-Halloween-Costume-Full-Body-Stretch-Jumpsuit-Adult-880508-/251013873868
    ——————————
    Pain is seeing what a Donkey thinks are good ideas for a Halloween costume….hun…you’re not skinny enough to pull that one off.

    • JFA says:

      I really, really really really do not wanna see the gay boyfriend in that getup. no.

      • JFA says:

        Also i would just like to say, I don’t consider him being gay a slag. I just think he is gay is all. Which makes me LOL because he’s dating someone with a vagina and that person with a vagina is julia allison.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      What better way to show off Debby No Balls than that costume? Better re-think, Donks.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        OMG that’s true. However, since she never reads here, I fully expect to see her post photos soon of him wearing padded shorts/pants and looking like he’s got a huge dong. It’ll be like that scene in Spinal Tap.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      It says: “Item New With Tags.” Does that mean skintags?

  38. Tingolayo says:

    She hadn’t realized that her boyfriend’s definition of “doggie style” was actually quite different than her own.

  39. ShesJustStupid says:

    Sounds like she’s scheming ways to get in the spotlight: “Start Ups” and writing a book like Lena. Also, why the hell is she talking about public transportation when she took cabs EVERYWHERE in nyc?

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 2h
    Two words: holy. SHIT!! Wow. (Okay, that’s 2 words & an exclamation.) Lena Dunham Signs Book Deal for $3.5 Million nyti.ms/R9KBH1
    View summary ·

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 2h
    Fascinating. RT @TheAtlantic: 5 reasons why Germans ride 5 times more mass transit than Americans theatln.tc/Tm0cYS via @AtlanticCities
    View summary ·

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 2h
    @bway @hermioneway @Bravotv – it looks f–king AMAZING!!!
    View conversation ·

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 2h
    WHOA! This looks AMAZING!! Congrats!!! RT @hermioneway: IT’S LIVE!: Do you think Silicon Valley will love or hate this? bravotv.com/start-ups-sili…
    View details ·

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      The Pro-mass transit and anti-car rants are probably Goat Soap’s thing and she is just pretending she cares about this stuff, when in reality five minutes ago she wanted a guy with a fancy expensive car.

  40. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    again with tweeting for a stylist. and this time “Money isn’t an object.” this must mean it’s for Syke-O, right? oh honey.

    • Mooch says:

      Money is no object, y’all. What ever it takes to maker her boy into a man.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Is it her way of publicly shaming him for telling her to lose weight?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Of course money is no object. She’s going to compensate the stylist with Twitter mentions, unsaleable swag and gently fondled airport books.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        and bacon-flavored hot sauce

        http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/1107451342

        • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

          now THAT was a good look on julia. longer-length dress that isn’t A-line, a bit too much matchy jewelry but at least it’s not loud, and slicked back hair.

          [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8mcngfiqc1qz6dlko1_400.jpg[/img]

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            This was really the only outfit she ever wore to Fashion Week that I thought was cute. The jewellery doesn’t really match the style of dress but at least it’s not OMG OMG freshwater pearls OMG OMG.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            It’s a good look, but if I didn’t know about her obsessive contorting, I’d infer from her posture that her blood alcohol level is in excess of .1.

          • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

            Black Halo makes great dresses, even a donkey can wear them well.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            She looks like Kristin Davis playing imaginary Twister. In a bad necklace.

            Still looks like a million dollars compared to Today’s Julie.

          • JFA says:

            I think that’s a stop staring dress? Another fucking thing she ruined for me. The dress is great and looks good on her but jesus, the jewelry is so tacky and awful. Do not understand why she just can’t copy fashionable humans, who NEVER wear earrings/ring/bracelet/necklace AT SAME TIME. Watch the damn runway and learn! Fuck.

  41. LetItExplode says:

    “Pain is wanting something different than it is.”

    Third nose job?

  42. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    /Pain is wanting things to be different than how they are.

    Then wallow in pain, Donkey, because my skinny ass is about to eat a bacon cheeseburger and a diet Coke. I can haz. You cannot haz.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      That meal would provoke some harsh words from our All-New Eco-Friendly Serious Nutritionist Totally Natural Donkey.

  43. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    I think the Change that Donkey wants to see is the Federal Task Force to Eliminate Criticism of Julia Allison that she has been calling for since early in the Obama administration.

  44. Mazen Northwestern says:

    She wishes Goat Soap’s pants and his wallet weren’t both empty.

  45. Lady Donk Donk says:

    She wishes she weren’t old and ugly without grifting a money’ed dude to the altar. Too late… and there’s nothing worse than too late.

  46. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    LOL, love how she’s regretting her car purchase. I wonder if she’ll just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire to get out of payments.

    She’s about 4 months into a 33 month contract – what are the penalties if she tries to get out of it? (Also, LEAVE YOU APARTMENT AND GO SOMEWHERE. LA IS NOT MARINA DEL BRAY!)

    • Mazen Wellesley says:

      I’m sure it’s Draconian

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Some leases do not allow early termination. If it is allowed, it can be very expensive. Sometimes a lease transfer is permitted; whoever is taking over the lease has to be approved by the lessor, and of course has to want to pay any up-charges in the original lease (I believe Julia said her base lease is $350 but wound up with add-ons of $100/month).

      She may be in for a serious dose of financial reality, though somehow I think Ma and Pa will make sure she doesn’t default.

  47. These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/2eo89zp.png[/img]

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      I think Devin Stetler showers less than a Donkey. That’s one way to save on bills.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      YIKES! Her bloated fingers!!!! I’m convinced she lost her fingers in a tragic Donkey accident and those fingers were transplanted from a bloated corpse.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      All of this is just creepy.

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        It is. She has no conception of the vast difference between childlike and childish.

    • Exhausted Drag Hag says:

      I’d put on a hat and make a shitty sign too, if you paid my rent for 2 months.

    • juliajane says:

      That two people in their thirties had the time and inclination (on a Monday, no less) to craft posters for their new roommate is sad. They really don’t have anything to do, do they?

      • JFA says:

        Their new roommate who is moving in for all of two fucking months.

        Jesus get a job, both of you. Lazy and stupid is no way to live.

      • Jordache & the Pelts says:

        It doesn’t look like they worked very hard on the signs – ball point pen on contruction paper? – and they are hard to read. Basically they just look stupid – and are probably annoying the hell out of people with the whistles and hats. Julia has a key hanging off her neck.

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

          Annoying as hell, if you take into consideration that the car they’re standing behind has on its backup lights …

          WARNING: Objects in mirror are more loser than they appear
          [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/1zggm54.png[/img]

        • Tingolayo says:

          The key must mean something– Amber’s new key? Devin’s old key?

          Do they have jobs? Nevermind.

  48. 11th Wang says:

    OT: Where has Greasy been?

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