Donk Has Great Taste in “Friends”

So @TimothySykes waltzed in from the Maldives & told me I needed to “lose 30 lbs.” I told him he’s not allowed to hang out w models anymore.

Remember when Tucker Max made a rape joke at her expense, and she played along, even though she was “inside?” Hahaha! Such a feminist! She grew up reading Ms. Magazine!

Now this modelizing douchebag told her to lose 30 pounds if she ever hopes to be in one of this videos. However, I feel no sympathy whatsoever given this brave feminist actually promoted this Pillsbury Doughboy’s Douchebag Miss Penny Stock contest.

Why?

Because she thinks he has fame, money and prestige, and she’ll sell out her supposed feminist principles — and probably her late grandmother, her dog and her parents — in order to attach herself like a suckerfish to anyone with a thick wallet and perceived connections.

And yet expresses dismay when he insults her.

Weirdo.

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148 Responses to Donk Has Great Taste in “Friends”

  1. Waltzed in from the Maldonks says:

    What the fuck? “Waltzed in from the Maldives” makes no sense. She continues to mangle sentences for the sake of name-dropping.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Reflected glory. Wasn’t even necessary to mention it.

      • Waltzed in from the Maldonks says:

        It’s the only glory she’s ever gotten in her life. To borrow from Greg Giraldo (may he rest in peace), I cringe harder watching Donk live her pathetic life than I would watching my mom in a bukkake video.

      • Mazen Princeton says:

        But what glory? Many 20 and 30 somethings take a couple interesting vacations per year. And buy expensive things. It’s only foreign to Donkey because she lives from one (Peter Baughter-provided) handout to the next. She can fly around aimlessly but is reliant on couch surfing and grifting. Her peers can take nice vacations because they work for them. She should spend more time around these people and less with grifters.

      • Mazen Oberlin says:

        I guess what I meant to say is, there’s no “glory” in buying stuff. Only for tacky hicks. Glory is a result of some work, some achievement, something enduring. It’s conferred by others. And to a normal pursuit, glory isn’t in and of itself the goal.

      • melting marionette says:

        “waltzed in” is slang for someone who makes a casual entrance. is a common phrase in the UK.

        • Waltzed in from the Maldonks says:

          That is not how it is used, though. One does not “waltz in” from another country. One waltzes in from the next room or as far as t’pub, but not another continent.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            Eh. I’m w/ melting marionette … it’s not about where you’re coming from; it’s about how you make your entrance.

        • Natasha says:

          Yes, for once, this phrase from her makes sense.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      Lady Maladonkism strikes again (basically every time she opens her mouth)

      [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLifrpxra6OU2JKDB4o1_400.jpg[/img]

      • Helena (Vitruvian Donkey) says:

        Bwahaha! Look at her face. I am slain.

      • EyeRoller says:

        I liked that nose. Where did it go?

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Have you checked between Tim Sykes ass cheeks recently?

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            2shai

            HOW? will D0nkey lose 30 lbs when she’s inhaling all that hot air?

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Hot air weighs less then cool air, so the more she inhales, the less she’ll weigh!

            Or is that helium?

            /squeaky voice for thirty seconds

        • Greg says:

          I like that one too. She still has mean eyes in that photo though, and if I were a world leader I would ban any photos of grown-ass women putting their hands to their mouths in fake-shock mode or hidey-giggle mode, or biting a finger. But I digress.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        I’m surprised she didn’t hook the elastic with both hands and yank down, then have the pic snapped.

        If you’re going to be photographed looking like a Fraggle in shell-shock, you might as well have a reason.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Look at me! I know a grifter who pretends to be rich! It’s all happening for me now!

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I personally just staggered in from Grand Central Station (considered sitting down and weeping, but people kept tripping on me).

      • EyeRoller says:

        If I’d been there I would’ve gently placed a circle of traffic cones around you and let you do your thing, but really the only piece of comfort I can offer is to say that at least you didn’t trip down and end up with people weeping on you.

      • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

        I just sashayed on to the page today before I saunter off to bed. Just wanted to make sure Donk was still a jackass-All is still right in the world.

  2. BunnyBingo says:

    So instead of telling a douche to fuck off she acts like his douchey-ness is cute. Good luck with that.

  3. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    so when donks tweeted for a stylist in NYC, my first thought was pocketgay, but he has of course absconded to los angeles. so i head over to his website, and who do i find on page 14 of his ‘celebrity’ portfolio? La Donqué herself (styled by adriend??) in a still from miss advised, looking very out of place amongst the otherwise slick and styled images. ¿que?

    http://www.adrienfield.com/#/?g=2&r=57

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      That is hilarious. Ugly photo of her.

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      Oh my god. What is up with that music? When it started I thought my computer broke.

    • Norse Horse says:

      I love how Miss Fashion Expert, who lived for years in fashiony NYC chasing fashion, has not a single gay male friend who could point her to a men’s stylist. Or even a female friend in the fashion world who could also? Such an insider, this one.

      Of course, that’s not the point of that tweet, whomever it’s for. It’s a brag. Also soliciting someone to work for free. Maybe just go to fucking Barneys or Bloomies, maybe? Menswear is kind of not that complicated, they have people to help find a nice suit etc, alterations. But I guess mere shopping is for plebes, she needs a stylist. Asshole.

    • EyeRoller says:

      In reference to:

      JuliaAllison @JuliaAllison
      Does anyone know a really talented stylist (for men) in New York?

      I know “the boyfriend/partner” doesn’t live in New York, but why doesn’t Donkey just put him in her purse and fly him out there? PencilDonk’s definitely qualified, because he apparently held a workshop last year where he helped people to improve their crab leg boiling skills while dispensing top notch style advice to attendees. Here’s a review someone posted after the event (http://www.lifecrowd.com/activity/58/294?utm_source=experienceLA&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=devin_crab):

      
Sean T.


      Aug 31, 2011


      With my wedding and the need for a suit fast approaching I asked Devin for his help. He recommended a suit shop in the Fashion District where he knew and trusted the owners. Devin helped me figure out the color, material, style, and alterations that I wanted. He demonstrated his knowledge of how suits should look, the type of shoes to wear with the style of suits I bought, and what occasions the suits would go best with. I ended up with 3 suits: an off-white summer suit (for our beach engagement photos), one for my wedding, and another to make me look better than all the rest when I go out on the town. All 3 suits fit P-E-R-F-E-C-T-L-Y and I feel like they reveal the true me when i wear them. Thank you!!


      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        I think she’s trying to tell Syke-0 how to present himself & that he could probably care less (has he given the impression up to this point that he cares? nooooooo, not from what I’ve seen) ~ she creates such BS to occupy herself & then outgrifts it best she can.

    • JFA says:

      LOLLLLLLLLL foreva. Pocket gay is her “stylist” LOLOLOL.

  4. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    Imma repost this over here so no one misses it. an “interview” of Julia a 50-year-old matron in North Shore magazine.
    http://trendmag2.trendoffset.com/publication/?i=128538&p=34

  5. Peltergeist says:

    Donks sounds more than a little bitter that she got friend zoned, and worse still that she didn’t get any of this toolbox’s reflected glory and promotion thrown her way.

  6. Helena (Vitruvian Donkey) says:

    You haters don’t get it. This is a hilarious joke, and the punchline is the same as in another recent hilarious joke, the one about feeling “horrific” at FW because models are thin. The punchline, of course, is that Julie Alferson is HOT HOT HOT and THIN THIN THIN. This widely recognized and internationally syndicated fact makes this jolly banter FUN FUN FUN! Sheesh, don’t take it so seriously!

  7. Aggressively Stupid says:

    So, I watched the first couple episodes of The New Girl. I avoided it because of the Donks, but it’s actually cute. Although, I find it hilarious that the Donks wants to be the Jess character when the whole point of the series is that she’s a mess who needs total strangers to teach her how to act like a human being.
    But she’s pretty so Donkey wants to be her.

  8. Albie Quirky says:

    Nobody here (or almost nobody) would say that to Julie, because we are better friends to her than her stupid grifter posse.

  9. Gone with the Drapes says:

    just sad now

  10. Mazen Harvard says:

    Per Julia’s interview (looking very matronly, by the way) with that suburban Chicago magazine… she said that LA men have no ambition and barely bother to get out of bed. Veiled criticism directed at Goat Soap?

  11. EyeRoller says:

    That weird-ass side part ages her instantly by a decade.

  12. sarah says:

    Surely she misspoke? As a healthy, confident feminist, I’m sure she meant to say, “you’re not allowed to hang out with ME anymore”

  13. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    cakez, where are my ricki lake show screengrabs?! ;)

  14. EyeRoller says:

    @TimthySykes waltzed in from the Maldives and told me he needed to “lose 200 lbs” to be in his own video.

    Then he square danced back in from the bathroom and announced he’d already lost 1 lb of it.

    Then he fox trotted over to his aquarium and began to cry above floating fish food flakes while confessing:

    “A girl needs to weigh <90lbs in order for my penis to appear average-sized while constantly slipping out of her vagina."
    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/288pff4.jpg[/img]

  15. bitchface says:

    damn you made me all go look him up – he’s fuglyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  16. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    BUNNIES, i don’t think we have seen julia’s newest fashion week videos, including Devin Stetler (with NBC mic flag, wtf?!) talking about pink, tiaras, and his prom-inspired outfit (“my decision”, he says). http://vimeo.com/49970822

    videos both here and here

    Actual quote from Debbie:

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/YHICt.png[/img]

    PS. this guy has no personality of his own, amirite? he just regurgitates/wears/talks/loves what julia wants him to. prom/tiaras/pink is SO.TIRED.GOOD.NIGHT.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      I. CANNOT.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      These FW vids are the sickest play-pretend shit I’ve ever seen.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      HOLE-EEEE SHIT.

      I also CANNOT.

      There is ZERO chemistry between them. None. Nada. Zilch. Zip.

      Debbie Seltzer is dumb as a box of rocks. Whoever said he reminds them of Beavis and Butthead? Bing-fucking-O. Also? Gay.

      He’s just another failed Hollywood famewhore. Riding Julie’s coattails, hoping to it will lead him down the road to rich and famous. Poor Dumb Debbie. He hasn’t got a clue.

    • helobabe says:

      Oh…My…Is this a Christopher Guest movie? I feel like at any moment Debbie is gonna say, “If you’re thirsty, just drive in and get a coke!”

      My jaw was JA unhinged the entire time I watched these.

      Also, he has a lot of gums…it’s very distracting.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        I was just coming back to post this:

        [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/rmiav8.jpg[/img]

        His gums are freaking me out!

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          “Gummy Rictus” is one of my favorite names for him. Someone called him that early on.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      OMG. The Rachel Zoe video isn’t even Julie interviewing Rachel directly. It’s Julie jumping in the middle of someone else’s interview, posting screenshots of the questions asked and shoving the mic (with the NBC mic flag!) in Rachel’s face. SO cringe-y.

      http://vimeo.com/50188844

      Just when I thought she’d become too boring and I was finally over her? She reels me back in with these douchetastic videos. Well played, Julie. Well played.

      • Fameless Shamewhore says:

        Wow Dr. Gary, great catch! That is truly astonishing – to have enough nerve to stick a mic – with the NBC mic flag, as you rightly point out – from the side while someone else is mid-interview…I feel like Ron Burgundy: “I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.”

      • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

        This deserves its own post. Its hysterical. She literally tries to present someone else’s interview as her own. And check out how Rachel Zoe pretty much ignores her presence the entire time.

        Donkey is fucking insane.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        That seriously takes some gigantically rude balls. It wasn’t like it was a scrum — an actual working journalist was interviewing RZ and Donkey just shoved her mic in. She’s so vain that she had to edit out the actual working journalist asking the questions. Also — Rachael Zoe knew she was there and was pointedly avoiding even looking at her and was even pivoting away from her. And when Donk finally did get her alone for a minute — check the body language. RZ is still trying to position herself away from her and won’t look her in the eye.

        She is a complete ASSHOLE, and everyone knows it.

        If I was the actual working journalist whose interview she barged into, I so would have ripped her a new one and/or complained about her to organizers or the network.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

          Also, they way she tried to hide it by cropping out the other person – LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Donkey, you’re busted.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            So stupid on every front. She doesn’t think the “viewers” — also known as “my Elle readers,” also known as us — aren’t going to notice that RZ is talking to someone off-camera? What a ridiculous tool.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          What “network”? She’s not actually covering this for NBC NonStop. Even the mike flag is from years ago.

      • Grammarian says:

        why will noone say GO AWAY

      • UES Gal says:

        Okay — can I just say as a real (actual) journalist who has been on both sides of the camera… if I were interviewing someone, and someone else stuck their mic (sideways) in the middle of my interview… thereby absconding with MY questions, and MY conversation, there would be a real problem.

        If I were being interviewed, I would ask her to step aside for a minute, and I would get to her. Makes JA look like a real amateur (not too difficult to do, obviously).

        And her bf? The two of them are dumber than a bag of rocks. Kind of makes me sad that they think whatever they are doing is considered repartee (sp?). Man, am I glad I stopped covering fashion years ago. I would love to have someone ask JA if she knows who Diana Vreeland, Polly Mellen — heck, Bunny Mellon are…

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Oh LORD.

      It just gets better and better. Her ‘interview’ with Padma Lakshmi is amazing. It really shows what an unprofessional, stupid little hick Julie is. She is p0wned by Padma. You are way, WAY out of your element, dipshit. SIT DOWN.

      http://vimeo.com/49970821

      • The_Manta says:

        If these videos are supposed to be her promo reel in the hopes of getting a hosting gig somewhere, then it’s in her best efforts to not post them at all.

      • JFA says:

        Jesus I could not get through that. So painful.

        • Norse Horse says:

          Seriously, all these videos just make me cringe in embarrassment on her behalf, they are so fucking dreadful. Mental patient running amok with an NBC flag on the mike- seriously, has anyone contacted NBC’s legal department? I uh, really doubt she’s allowed to do that. She doesn’t represent NBC in any way at all. A little more hatred for what I could bear to watch:

          -Donkey being interviewed by Debbie Seltzer after Betsy Johnson’s show. Where she complains it was “too long” and then demands attention for her stupid tiara, because she is an asshole. Great chemistry for sure.

          -Butting in on someone else’s interview with Rachel Zoe, who Donkey trashed not long ago. Rachel gave her more time and attention than she deserved, with her stupid, boring question about baby clothes. That Zoe doesn’t do. WTF? Donks is an idiot.

          -I can’t watch any more of these videos, there’s not enough painkillers for the canklehausen. She is such a fucking hick and narcissist, she regularly surprises me anew as to what a selfish, uncultured monster she is. It’s painful and embarrassing to watch.

          • Norse Horse says:

            I need to rant some more, about her complaint that Betsey Johnson’s fashion show went on “too long”, like it was an inconvenience for A Donkey.

            It was Betsey Johnson’s very last show, her retrospective, her swan song. Betsey ran with the Warhol crowd in the 60’s, she was married to John Cale, she had an immense influence in creating that “downtown” retro look- like for Cyndi Lauper when she emerged, for those of you who remember. Later, she did costumes for Carrie Bradshaw on SATC. Yes, her aesthetic went out of style, she’s had to close up shop. But she has always been a bright and unique presence on the NYC fashion scene, her going out of business is kind of sad. And Donks complaining that Betsey’s final show went on too long is fucking intolerable. What a bitch.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Norse Horse, I must apologize abjectly. You totally called it a while back that Debbie “Twinkerballs” Seltzer must be angling for some kind of entertainment career, and I just assumed no way, seeing as he had zero experience of any kind of acting or modeling, and wouldn’t he have tried that at least once if it was what he wanted to do?

            BUT NO!!! You were so, so right and I was so, so wrong. He has hitched his wagon to Julie’s star, and isn’t letting his zero experience and less than zero talent keep him from his teevee dreams.

            I bow to your insight.

            Also, I feel bad that his parents wasted their money on his computer science degree.

          • Norse Horse says:

            @Albie Quirky- never apologize, much less abjectly. Have we learned nothing from this Baugher hick from the provinces?

            I love you, Albie Quirky, I honestly do. Mwah!
            :) You’re the best, and I adore you.

      • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

        Why would she post that? That was so painful to watch. Really cringe inducing.

        If you are perusing these comments, DO NOT SKIP THIS VIDEO. Padmi rejects every single thing that Donkey says. Every thing.

        • Wonkeye says:

          That was really hard to watch. JABA is completely incapable of, or uninterested in, reading people. I was going to say I would’ve crawled under the runway in shame, but I’d never waste anyone’s time with such idiotic questions.

      • Norse Horse says:

        I love how Padma was not having any of it. “Yeah, pink, no nothing backstage is pink. It’s an okay color I suppose.”

        “Tiaras? If you want to, I guess”. (“Want to look like a fucking pretentious idiot, that is.” is the unspoken subtext.)

        I like Padma, I do. It’s my understanding that she is almost always stoned on The Pot- but hey, no judgement from me, at all. I can only imagine what it’s like to be really high and suddenly accosted by A Donkey with a microphone. Padma did well there.

    • Ex Spurt says:

      He sure brings the Derp to her Herp.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      This guy is such a tool it’s amazing. He’s never leaving her. It ALL makes sense now. She has finally found her peer group; she’s running a Grifter Haus; and she’s dating a complete idiot. This is it people.

      • JFA says:

        It really is amazing. He really is that much of a tool. I’ts almost unbelievable but there he is, right in front of you, being like that.

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      Also, love the moment when she goes a bit “serious” and says, “This is your very first Fashion Week, you’ve seen now five or six shows…” and he interrupts her to say, “Three” and she just freezes in a wierd way.

      I ask myself – Can she never ever stop lying? She really is unable to say one true thing ever.

    • JFA says:

      JESUS. CHRIST. Wow. He is…special. “How do you feel about pink!?” (gummy batshit smile)(girly giggle out of nowhere)

      STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND HAPPEN NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIM GAH. This is just fucking weird. “hi! I am totally straight btw, and follow my z-list girlfriend across the country, borrowing her job sometimes.”

      THEY ARE SO LAME.

      • JFA says:

        What a real journalist. Interviewing her nobody boyfriend. Because that is what real journalists do.

        I can’t. She really thinks she is a celebrity.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      OMG. The sunglasses inside on top of the sheer profound DERPNESS. Holy shit, what a tool.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Who on earth would look at this photo and believe that these 2 people are allegedly having sex?

  17. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Where is NBC in all this? Why haven’t they reclaimed that microphone from her? Its amazing that she is crazy enough to still break that thing out year after year, but I’m just as amazed that NBC doesn’t reach out and tell her to stop misrepresenting herself.

    It never ceases to amaze me. Just when she is growing so boring that it seems its time to step away for a bit, she does something, breaks out some videos, whatever, that reminds you that this is the best show going.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      That’s an NBC New York Nonstop (the generally never-watched, late night, hotel and taxi cab) mic flag. They probably can’t be bothered to request it be returned and/or let her keep it to film her nonsense spec pieces that I’m sure they a) never even air or b) pay her pennies in order to use as filler. Notice that donkey is super careful to keep the NBC logo side out, but Debbie is a bit more careless with the mic and you can see the flash of the NY Nonstop logo on the side. Funny stuff.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It’s not even the current NBC NonStop mike flag; it’s from two or three years ago!

        • Norse Horse says:

          NBC needs to send her a cease and desist letter. She can’t get away with using an NBC flag mic like that year after year. It is so weird.

  18. pink pestilence says:

    These fashion week videos are the best. “I’m asking people how they feel about the color pink and tiaras” wow, way to inspire thoughtful dialogue. I love Padma’s response- basically “who would be against pink?”

    What is Julia even thinking? Does she think this is her “brand”? to be a whackadoodle who is obsessed with pink and thinks shes some big iconoclast? or does she just think she’s cute and funny and she’s going to be discovered and will host the next cable access show?

    And Devin… walking around wearing pink and asking people what they think about men wearing pink. woof.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      While wearing sunglasses indoors. Fucking complete tool. She has truly met her match. But you know, you could tell in their little joint interview there that she knows, deep down inside, that she’s dating a going-nowhere ‘tard. She realizes she can’t get anyone better and this is as good as it’s ever going to get for her, so she’s going to fake it til she makes it. But four years ago? She would have been mocking this spineless, skeevy-looking douche in a TMI Weekly episode. And if they get married, she’ll openly despise him five years in. Have fun with that, Donkey!

      • pink pestilence says:

        wow i didn’t even notice the sunglasses! So rude.

        julia interviewing devin:
        “What did you think about your first fashion week??” “again, this was the most fun, and least conservative show. it’s my understanding that it’s her last one” wow. a real brain trust has formed, yall.

  19. D says:

    Story from the Dirty about Timothy Sykes and his trip to the Maldives. Ha!~
    http://thedirty.com/2012/10/red-rocket-in-the-maldives/
    THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, funny Tawnie ends up showing up here. She just got back from a trip to the Maldives with Timothy Sykes & his crew. Tim is somewhat known in the Wall Street trading community as being a big mouthed annoyance that always talks about how much money he makes, the trips he takes, and the expensive things he buys yet with all that money he claims to make he still can’t seem to “buy” himself a girl. He created a stupid Miss Penny Stock competition in hopes of spreading his story & getting a girl to fall for his rich lifestyle as I’m sure he’s tired of having to snap it himself every day. Enter Tawnie who after meeting through his competition he took to the Maldives along with his other millionaire buddies in hopes of wooing her into being with him. Long story short he got back b*tching how he couldn’t believe she didn’t give it up & how he had to snap it himself in his hotel room every night thinking about her. Well if you look like & are as annoying & awkward as Tim I doubt any girl would give it up for any amount of money. Photos of the trip attached.

    Are we really going to name her Red Rocket?- nik

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