And It’ll Only Cost You A Thousand Bucks!

That’s right! Just a grand to get fleeced by these luminaries!

Really? The Education of Millionaires was a bestseller? On what planet? I remember her once referring to Lewish as a best-selling author too. Hey Donkey — publishing a handful of barely read books does not make someone a “bestselling author.”

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168 Responses to And It’ll Only Cost You A Thousand Bucks!

  1. Gone with the Drapes says:

    let me be the first to recognize your prescience

  2. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    She’ll be “speaking” just like she was “speaking” at the Business Insider ROI conference a few days ago. One more credential to add to the ever-expanding resume of grift.

  3. Factory Seconds says:

    Why would I want to hear business and marketing professionals talk about sex, God, and art? What do they even know about consciousness? I mean, shit, as a speaker even Juliar has a background that makes more sense for this conference (albeit her CV is heavily padded).

  4. Records Custodian says:

    Ellsberg is credited for inventing “eye-gazing parties,” a craze in 2010 where participants stare deeply into each other’s eyes and follow up if they feel they made a connection.

    OMFG.

    • Whiny Bitch Spoiled says:

      This guy strikes me as a total fucking asshat. Classic useless offspring of prominent parents using their good name to get ahead. Disgusting.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      Michael Ellsberg and his mesh shirts creep me the fuck out like no other. Dude is fucking weird.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      And I thought it couldn’t get worse than the naked cocktail parties liberal arts schools have. “No one stares at anyone! It’s totally freeing!”

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I wonder how much money she actually makes per year when this is the shit she endorses. How much does she make for being rode hard and put away wet by Bravo/grifting? I’m genuinely curious!

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      A craze? If you use the definition of the word as meaning “a network of cracks on the outermost surface.”

      Otherwise, no, anal jalepeno insertion competitions were far more popular.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      It makes good performance art, at least.

      [img]http://www.petapixel.com/assets/uploads/2010/04/4422517148_7484749fd1.jpg[/img]

      • Tingolayo says:

        the blonde woman next to the guy in the hat– is she holding a baby shark?

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Black says:

          I’m not positive, but I think the one in the hat is a woman? The blond is a guy, & that may be a stole he’s wearing, in addition to shirtless overalls.

  5. Records Custodian says:

    More OMFG. These people are all gross, grossy grifty famewhores.

    Ryan Holiday, Director of Marketing for American Apparel (at age 24 and as a college dropout), author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller Trust Me, I’m Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator, and strategist for bestselling authors Robert Greene (50 Laws of Power) and triple-NY-bestseller Tucker Max.

  6. Pelts O'Glory says:

    Why is JA going down this route of grifterdom? Is she even making any money out these lectures? How does she pay her bills!? Seriously.

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      D0nkey isn’t doing this for money ….
      —- she makes six figures —-
      She’s doing it for ALL THE GIRLS!

      Sheee-it. Broke-ass griftery scammer makes makes six figure WHEN she parks her deflated raftass in front of a triple mirror, but that’s it, the whole enchie.

      • Random Snowflake says:

        That’s nothin’.. I made 7 figures last year! (If you include the numbers to the right of the decimal point)

    • Can-Swiss says:

      This conference might actually make her some money. There is big money to be made speaking at conferences. But you need to be a decent name brand to get those. There is often no middle ground between speaking for free and having travel covered (sometimes not even that) and making 5-15K for a day’s work (not counting all the work it took to make the presentation and become the name brand of course, which is a lot).

      So I think this has been her long-con hanging out with all these grifter friends of hers. She could never be invited to speak at these things on her own reputation, but she can latch on to losers like Lewis and this turd who are C- to D-list speakers rather than her E-list level.

  7. Spoutless Teapot says:

    Grifters!!

  8. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Petey Baugher must be so proud of his grifting daughter.

    Do you think there is a point when even her enablers are just too embarrassed to interact with her? I’m talking to you Sklar and Bilton and Flusher and . . ..

  9. ShesJustStupid says:

    These people are all so repulsive. Well done, Donks. You know she’ll drag Debby along…

    • AFGHANI says:

      I missed something. Who is Debby? Is that what we call Devin now? (and why?)

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        Debby Seltzer. It just sounds right, doncha think? Re: Griftergate 2012, I want a snap of Debby and Ellsberg in mesh shirts, eye to eye, and well, God only knows what will happen after the fauxtoshoot.

      • Tingolayo says:

        Has there ever been any equine consort with as many nicknames as DS has?

  10. mandy says:

    the truly sad thing is how many ridiculously lost, confused, stupid, and easily manipulated people will sign up for this total garbage. julia truly has found some slop she can roll around in and call it gold.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Beginning with Julia herself, Michael lists at least five ridiculously lost, confused, stupid and easily manipulated people directly above.

  11. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    Michael Ellsberg desperate pitch on FB is the best (I’ve trimmed down some of the madness)

    Michael Ellsberg
    Thursday
    About once a week, I get emails from readers saying, “When are you finally going to do a live event?!”

    Well friends, I’ve finally created it:

    Michael Ellsberg’s Blow Your Mind Conference (Rated R)
    New York City, November 9-11

    I’m gathering the most brilliant, genius business and marketing minds I know.

    And we’re all going to have access to their brains, their brilliance, and their genius for 2.5 days straight.

    I’ll be grilling each of them (no-holds barred) for their best information in front of you, the live audience, and then… you in the audience will get a chance to ask your most burning questions of these masters as well.

    Here’s who’s coming so far:

    –> Julia Allison, star of the Bravo reality TV show “Miss Advised,” featured on the cover of Wired as an expert in Internet fame, turning yourself into a celebrity, and self-publicity

    I’ll be asking Julia how she has turned herself into such an unstoppable brand on the Internet. What will you ask Julia?

    –> Victor Cheng, former McKinsey consultant featured on Fox News and MSNBC, guest lecturer at the Harvard Business School, one my top marketing mentors, of the most badass (and under the radar) marketing geniuses I’ve ever known.

    Victor is the like James Bond of Internet Marketing. What I’ll ask him will remain secret until you hear it from my mouth on the mic. That’s how badass this guy is.

    –> Bryan Franklin, my main evil-genius mentor in life and business, one of Silicon Valley’s most successful executive coaches–he helped 7 companies reach sales or valuation of $1B, and has worked on strategy, vision and culture with C-level executives at companies including Apple, Google, Logitech, and LinkedIn

    I’ll be asking Bryan, point blank, the meaning of life. And I think, more than anyone else on the planet, there’s a good shot he’ll answer it well. And, knowing Bryan, I’ll also bet his answer will also help you earn more way more $$$, and probably even also have more and better love & s…e…x… at the same time. That’s just the kind of dude Bryan is. What will you ask Bryan?

    –> Nisha Moodley, creator of Fierce, Fabulous & Free for women, and one of my favorite human beings on the planet

    Nisha and I have had countless bull-sessions and rap-sessions about the inauthenticity of the current hype-filled Internet Marketing status-quo, and how to market yourself and your brand authentically, in a way that isn’t BS or hype-y, and which treats your customers and clients with respect and integrity. She’s one of my favorite thinkers on this subject, so we’ll be dialoguing live on stage on the evolving ethics and culture of trust, integrity, and authenticity in Internet marketing. What will you ask Nisha?

    –> Jena la Flamme my greatest teacher in life, also my wife…

    My wife is an expert on Pleasure (lucky me!) and I’ll be asking her how and why pleasure (in our businesses, in our creative life, our eating and nutrition, and our romantic life) makes the key difference in your business, creativity, and health. And how to have tons more pleasure in your life, even when it seems like you have no time for it. What will you ask Jena?

    And many, many more suprise guests among my personal tribe of friends and mentors…

    I’ll keep digging and digging, relentlessly, until I get to their deepest, most hidden gold. Which I promise you, will *not* be the same-old-same-old you can get in their books, or for free online.

    While you’re going to gain an insane amount of new, actionable information at the conference–my main goal is that you get a single $10,000 idea which will make all the difference for your life and business going forward into the new year. Given all the raw talent that will be in that room, and speaking in front of you, that is close to inevitable.

    Which brings us to, the question I’m sure you’re asking:

    How much is this thing!

    The price for the conference is $1,000

    (No, not $997.97 – give us extra $2.03 and we’ll spare you the bullshit ;-)

    You can come to the entire day Friday and Saturday, and if your mind is not buzzing with new inspiration and creativity–if your mind is not thoroughly blown–by the end of Saturday, tell us you want a refund and we’ll refund 100% of your money instantly with no questions asked.

    Our goal is 100% of minds in the room blown, and if we fail in that mission with you, I don’t want or deserve your money, and I will give it back on the spot.

    Capiche?

    A few other important notes:

    If you know anything about me, you know I like rocket-high signal-to-noise ratio, zero hype, and I don’t like bullshit. I don’t like stale, recycled, cliched, been-around-the-block information. You are traveling far and wide to be here, and I respect your time and your money.

    So this conference will have:

    –> Zero “basics” – No instructions on how to make squeeze pages, lectures on the importance of engaging your audience, etc., blah blah blah snooze. Pure verbal/conceptual caffeine for your mind and career.

    –> Zero “pitches” – No upsells, no “backend,” no flipcharts with prices crossed out “for today only!” Each speaker is there to give you valuable content, and nothing else. They *will* be allowed to request your email address at the end, and it’s your choice whether you give it to them. Nothing else. Zero selling from the stage; zero hype.

    –> Zero “fluff”. No binders with corny “fill-in-the-blank” exercises that take up half the time of the conference. This conference is about hard-hitting, actionable content, not filler.

    –> Zero “ra ra” – No standing in chairs with fists pumped, no motivational “affirmations” or “visualizations”. I hate that sh!t as much as you do.

    –> Zero “we’ve heard that before” info. I will be grilling them each to extract their most up-to-date, with-the-times thinking. No pre-prepared lectures they’ve been giving on “the circuit” for years. I’m a damn good interviewer, and I have their trust, so I know how to drill down to the best, latest info out of people. “Ve hav vays of making you speek…” Mwauh-hah-hah!

    Who is this for?

    This conference is for you if:

    –> The last “formula” you ever used in your life was when you had your mouth on a baby bottle. Since then, you’ve always been looking for ways to create your own path in life, not follow the cookie-cutters developed by others. You want to be as innovative and creative in your marketing as you are in your business.

    Finally, I’ll say this. This conference is for you if you’ve ever read any of my writing and liked it or have been moved or inspired by it.

    I’m aiming to take that magic, turn it up x10, and broadcast it on high the entire weekend.

    I’m creating a “tribe” around me–a tribe of people who share my sensibility about business and marketing.

    This conference is going to be a tipping-point in the creation of that tribe. Will you be a part of it?

    I’ll see you there.

    Michael Ellsberg’s First-Ever Blow Your Mind Conference (Rated R)
    New York City, November 9-11, 2012
    Millenium Hilton, Downtown

    Will I be learning and partying with you that weekend?

    WHAT A FUCKING LOSER.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The irony, given Donkey is on the panel: Nisha and I have had countless bull-sessions and rap-sessions about the inauthenticity of the current hype-filled Internet Marketing status-quo, and how to market yourself and your brand authentically, in a way that isn’t BS or hype-y, and which treats your customers and clients with respect and integrity. She’s one of my favorite thinkers on this subject, so we’ll be dialoguing live on stage on the evolving ethics and culture of trust, integrity, and authenticity in Internet marketing. What will you ask Nisha?

      I’ll ask Nisha why they have the Internet’s most notorious bullshit queen on their panel!

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Any chance you could get in as media? I mean, if you didn’t have a real job and life and responsibilities and an acute allergy to bullshit.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I am not in NYC very often anymore and I’d sooner die. But maybe there are media people among us who can try to get in?

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            I’d throw down a small contrib to send an eye-averting SS;SF basement-dwelling hater to this fuckfest of a grifter circle-jerk … am I the only one?

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I might be persuaded, but the last time I subjected myself to this particular shitshow, my will to live refused to speak to me for three weeks.

          • chesca says:

            I’m down to volunteer if I can manage free entry

          • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

            I’d be happy to chip in but I think actively pooling money to have someone attend probably violates the RBD Prime Directive.

            On the other hand, if someone can get in as media to simply observe the grifter in his/her natural habitat. . ..

        • Can-Swiss says:

          There is no way they are allowing media at this grift-a-thon.

      • Gone with the Drapes says:

        the brand is consistent ;)

    • Greg says:

      All that “Pleasure” nonsense makes me feel oogy. And how is Julia Allison an unstoppable internet brand? Bitch please.

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        I wish everyone would quit calling her a “brand”. Brands tangibly contribute something ANYTHING.

      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        If Julia Allison is ‘an unstoppable internet brand’ then the claim that haterz can & do sabotage her “career” opps is all but negated, amirite?

      • Spoutless Teapot says:

        There is so much to parse in that bullshit-fest above. My main takeaway is that Julia’s gonna be in trouble up on that stage. If he truly “digs deep” and rejects recycled “heard-it-all-before” pat answers, her head will explode. She’s been recycling the same lousy spiel for 10 years now!

      • Gone with the Drapes says:

        unstoppable is not inaccurate but not in the ways they think

    • mule on rouge says:

      He’s gathering the most (yada yada) minds he knows. In other words, the “smartest” people from his own social circle. If Julia fits that description, then most of his friends must have single digit IQs.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Dear Michael Ellsberg,

      About once a day people ask me “when are you going to stop drinking so much, get married and give me grandchildren, you selfish bitch?” And while I have no answer for that, you’ll be pleased to know that I am gathering a group of my favorite people together next week for a vital conference of minds involving, um, let me see, “sex, spirituality, philosophy, art, love, relationships, drugs, mental health and consciousness, sprinkled in with talk about marketing and business.” This is called “every single fucking cocktail party in New York ever” and will cost you absolutely nothing because you are not invited, you creepy mesh shirt-wearing piece of social-climbing sociopathic neo-nepotistic riff-raff.

      Hoping the cold sore clears up,

      RRR

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        From a reader’s one-star review of his book: “I don’t mean to pick on Michael, but it seems his writing, and constant references and links to friends, acquaintances and their websites, is endemic of a generation raised on social media. They seem to believe that “being connected” is somehow more important than actually doing something, or being able to do something. Success by association, if it exist at all is rather fleeting.”

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Thus far he is asking a deranged famewhore bimbo (sorely in need of therapy) with several failed columns and a tacky reality show to her credit; an “under the radar marketing genius” (surely a contradiction in terms?); a mentor he describes as “evil” (although knowing Ellsberg, this probably means that he occasionally tells lesbian nun jokes); somebody who could not possibly have survived the trauma of being named “Nisha Moodley” and whose creation of something called “Fierce, Fabulous and Free for women” seems to suggest she also lacks gaydar in a major way: and Mrs. Michael Ellsberg.

      I have woken up under furniture with more distinguished people.

    • JFA says:

      Jesus Christ. This guy is a sad fucking asshole. So, perfect for her then. I’m so over her choice in friends and associates. It’s this same disgusting filth pile of snake oil salesmen losers, often those who are famous for having a more accomplished family member (see, e.g., Randi Ratteeth), with nothing to say, nothing really accomplished, who think pretending to be successful because they say so, and adding some buzz words means they have an idea, or something. I can’t even fucking parse it it’s too sad. You couldn’t pay me enough to attend somethign like this even for shits and giggles. Maybe if I were really high and I could just sit in the audience and laugh my ass off.

      This guy, that Lala love coach girl whatever the fuck her stupid whore name is, her gay boyfriend, the other guy she recently started bragging about knowing who I can’t even give a fuck enough to look up, Sykes or whatever. These people are just all an atrocity exhibition. “Spirituality! Internet stardom!! How to make a million dollars by being zesty and honing your inner spiritual sex internet ideas!” I don’t even know.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      I should not have read that while drinking coffee. I need a beer and some whiskey.

  12. Celisse says:

    This bitch is so boring lately. I think she finally peaked with the cray from Miss Advised.

    • Gimme Pig of Love says:

      This. I’m so sad, too. I need entertainment while I slog through grad school reading and papers.

  13. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    “Join Michael’s private email list!” Oh please.
    I almost feel bad for these shysters and the circle-jerk of flimflam they’re all trapped in together. Juliar and her purchase of 100,000+ fake twitter followers as a business strategy pretty much says it all.
    There are so many people actively and productively contributing real time and talent throughout their brief sojourn here on planet Earth; when I think of all the resources that have been devoted to this creature, and all the real opportunity she has squandered … ugh.
    Sadz. I think I has them.

  14. KrakenSkulls says:

    What a joke. All of her presentations thus far have S.U.CK.E.D. Have they ever seen the Learning Annex videos? What about when she uh, uhm, yeah’d her way through a disasterous SXSW lecture to a disinterested audience?

    I wonder how many “minds” she had to blow to get on the roster.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Un/related: Donkey must give the worst blow jobs ever. There is no way she can let go and commit to anyone’s pleasure, even her own. The veneers are probably a massive hindrance, too. If I were to imagine it, and I won’t for the sake of my digestion, I would guess it’s like getting oral from a narcissistic chainsaw with overpowering BO and an oil leak.

      Pardon me while I go take all the showers.

  15. sausage curls/fingers says:

    I wonder how much money she actually makes per year when this is the shit she endorses. How much does she make for being rode hard and put away wet by Bravo/grifting? I’m genuinely curious!

    (Not sure why this double posted above. So sorry, so fat)

  16. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    TED for riders on the short bus.

  17. Leased D-Class TaskRabbit "boyfriend" (Formerly Floppy) says:

    JOIN ME BUNNIES IN A WORLD-CLASS GRIFTY SESH
    [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3vq2soCcp1rn0jyro1_500.gif[/img]

  18. Norse Horse says:

    Oo, and she’s off on a tear again. If you’re not obsessed with The Mindy Kalling Project” you just suck. (“Probably.” Legalese, bunnies!)

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Want shampoo commercial hair? Watch this video with my awesome New York stylist, @RyanNickulas of @RyanDariusSalon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6IK8F3

    1h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    That last tweet might have been a bit aggressive, but The Mindy Project is THAT GOOD.

    1h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    I am obsessed with @mindykaling’s The Mindy Project & if you aren’t, you probably just suck. http://www.hulu.com/the-mindy-project

    1h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Nov 9-11 in NYC join brilliant minds speaking on sex, spirituality, philosophy, love, relationships, drugs & business!

    • You can also scan says:

      Yeah I’m sorry, how is there any place in legitamate business for drugs and sex? Pick a lane.

      • Miss Mix a Lot says:

        Yeah, that seems really weird. Maybe they are going for an “our business sense is just so hot and sexxy!” kind of schtick.

        But in reality, dealing with drug use and sexual harassment in the workplace is almost never fun. And the lines between what’s okay/consensual and what’s not almost always are blurred.

      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        Oh hey, he answers that in his rambling BII-yo:

        Nonetheless, Dr. Fieve wrote, the person with bipolar II can reach states of extreme excitement in which “judgment is lost.” Fieve described a type of “manic entrepreneur,” a patient who is “full of grandiose ideas and plans for business investments.” Most commonly, Fieve stated, the grandiose states of a bipolar II patient are “hypersexualized.”

        Anyone who reads this & still plunks down a grand to attend his semenar (<- intentional spelling) deserves to have their wallet fucked over by this snake oil salesman.

        • Tingolayo says:

          Two of the most disordered acquaintances I have IRL (the Julias in my life) have ridiculously grandiose “business plans.” One of them actually sits down and works at this “plan,” which is for a useless, redundant product; the other person has been talking about it for years but takes no action. They “borrow”money from everyone they know, but nothing ever materializes.

      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        Oh hey, he answers that in his rambling BII-yo:

        Nonetheless, Dr. Fieve wrote, the person with bipolar II can reach states of extreme excitement in which “judgment is lost.” Fieve described a type of “manic entrepreneur,” a patient who is “full of grandiose ideas and plans for business investments.” Most commonly, Fieve stated, the grandiose states of a bipolar II patient are “hypersexualized.”

        Anyone who reads this & still plunks down a grand to attend his semenar (<- intentional spelling) deserves to have their wallet fucked over by this snake oil salesman.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I wanted to love that show but it’s only OK.

      • Spoutless Teapot says:

        I kind of liked it, but now I wonder about myself because Donks clearly LOVED it. What I liked was that she was not the typical OMG I need a man hapless female lead: she has a good, important job, she’s not hung up on her looks, and she’s fucking a hot brit just for the delicious sex. I liked how she didn’t want to do the right thing and is essentially selfish, but she still chooses to do the right thing in the end. What did others think? Is it just more bullshit and I was charmed somehow?

        • Spoutless Teapot says:

          She did kind of remind me of Julia in that wedding scene….

        • Edward R. Burro says:

          I’ll try another episode but the pilot was so frantic it made me nervous. Also, I always feel as though I should like Mindy Kaling more than I actually do.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            I like her, but I’ve never found her exceptionally funny.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            She is really funny as Kelly but Kelly was completely Donkey and this new character is Donkey with a soul and it doesn’t quite work. Do I want to mock her for being such a self-absorbed, man-obsessed tool, the way I did Kelly, or root for her, because she’s a doctor and recognizes she has some issues?

            Maybe it’ll get better.

          • Princess WideStance says:

            I recently heard Mindy on Fresh Air and I was surprised. She came off like SUCH a self-important asshole. Also, I feel like the world has enough Grey’s Anatomy/Kate Hudson/scented candle/goofy romance schlock that this new show seems really uninteresting.

          • Grammarian says:

            self important ivy twerps come in brown now

          • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

            Princess WS, she came off that way on Marc Maron’s WTF as well. In fact, ever since that interview I’ve noticed that she’s really just a big ball of suck. Self important and insecure. In fact, she actually shares some qualities with Donkaroo.

            The show isn’t awful but its really really not good. There’s very little to like about her character.

          • darling dearest says:

            I agree SchadenfreudianSlip, that WTF made me see Mindy Kaling in such a different way.

            I read Mindy say something once about always waiting for a guy to make the first move, following the rules, etc because it works. And here the whole time I thought she was mocking those type of women, lampooning those beliefs. But no, she actually buys into that bullshit. ugh

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Gee, Julia, if you wanted an in with Mindy, maybe cc’ing her on a mean tweet to a guy you dated twice and who now writes for her wasn’t the best idea.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Julia is now so good at burning bridges that she burns them well before they’re constructed.

    • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

      Hold on! We skipped something really telling here:

      Want shampoo commercial hair? Watch this video with my awesome New York stylist, @RyanNickulas of @RyanDariusSalon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6IK8F3

      If you watch the video, it’s such an obvious shill. #ad

      a) the video is awfully pointless
      b) it’s by the Pantene channel
      c) it promoting Pantene
      d) the video is awfully pointless

      “Straight hair isn’t going to work if your don’t have straight hair, therefore use Pantene.” (almost). Da fuck?

      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        This video does not exist.

        #D0nkey_Kryptonite_FTW

      • Tingolayo says:

        Speaking as someone who has long hair that’s in desperate need of a cut, I think her hair’s awful. She’s one of those people who thinks that long hair automatically equals healthy, luscious, and enviable. Her hairstyle (“hairdo” is more fitting) is neither youthful, fresh, flattering, up-to-date, pretty, nor even classic. It looks like lank, immovable, vinyl doll hair. It’s all one color, with no depth.

        It looks like outdated suburban mall hair for a woman decades older than she is.

        PS Platform clompers have been out for a while now, too. I prescribe a trip to Paris for our Donkey.

        • KS says:

          I went searching for “julia allisons hair” because she is the last person I would want endorsing any give-me-purdy-hair product and I wanted to see if any of these companies do due diligence. I stumbled on this article from 2008, not sure if it’s been mentioned before.

          http://www.beautybloggingjunkie.com/2008/08/makeup-tips-from-bloggerdating.html

          Girls, I had the opportunity to interview the fab Julia Allison, to whose blog and Time Out New York dating column I’m SHAMELESSLY addicted. I frequently seek her commentary when it comes to both dating AND celebs (as former Star magazine editor-at-large, she makes daily TV appearances on Fox News, CNN, and the like). But when she agreed to provide BBJ readers with some of her extensive beauty tips garnered from her extensive time spent with hair stylists and makeup artists, I realized she’s a bona fide beauty expert in her own right. You know those beauty tips (like storing your nail polishes in your fridge, for instance, she does that) you’ve read for YEARS and adopt for 2.3 weeks before promptly forgetting them until you read a recycled beauty tip 9 years later? Well Julia remembers and implements ALL of those … on a daily.

  19. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Also, while this is not her fault and I don’t know what else you’d call the dates, telling us something is going to happen on 9-11, whatever the actual month, does not make me think of success.

    • Grammarian says:

      Writers can fix things like that
      9th through 11th

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      What kind of moron puts the words “New York” and “9-11″ in the first line of an ad?

      The kind of moron who is a friend of Donkey, that’s who!

      • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

        The 9/11 connection just keeps getting better: the event is @ the Millennium Hilton, right across the street from Ground Zero.

        Way to go, Donks!

        • A-Game Content says:

          And I’m pretty sure that “Millennium” is misspelled in Ellsberg’s event description.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            A C&P of “Millenium” proves you are correct.
            (shhh! MMBH tinks red lines under wurds / werds / words are purdy!)

          • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

            They misspelled “capisce” too. It’s not “capiche”, morons. “Ch” in Italian sounds like “k” in English.

            Why on earth would you want to mess around with a foreign language if you can’t even spell a basic word correctly?

  20. Given that Julia is an omg-writer, I’m shocked that her Facebook update is so poorly written. What an idiot.

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      I don’t want to be seen as siding with Donkey on this one, but you have to realize that most of her fans are in Kazakhstan and their English is very basic, so they don’t really notice this kind of thing.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      also, “pertheption & prethentaion” don’t need good gramar when UR tits are perfectly symetrical, LOL! xxoo

    • Tingolayo says:

      Her flubs that irk me the most are the “that/which” confusion; “that’s just me braying” instead of “that’s just my braying”, e.g.; and the usual I/me, he/him stuff.

      A professional journalist (snort) should know better.

      • KS says:

        With the free dictation software she grifted you’d think she would use the grammar checker too. Nope, she’s a lazy writer with a stunted education.

  21. juliaspublicist says:

    Who signs up for these things?

  22. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    “No, Devin. Mind. MIND.”

  23. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    For a glimpse into Ellsberg’s rambling long-winded self-absorbtion, here is the Forbes shitshow of an opinion piece he is using as a resume item (only impressive to those who don’t know Forbes has sold out and is publishing crap writers online):

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelellsberg/2011/07/18/how-i-overcame-bipolar-ii/7/

  24. How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

    http://tinyurl.com/D0nkeyBuysLIKES
    ‘Facebook has recently increased automated efforts to remove Likes that may have been gained by means that violate Facebook Terms, including malware, compromised accounts, duped users or purchased bulk Likes.’

    RuhRoh, D0nkey!

  25. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    donkey, the best selling author among basement dwelling cat ladies

  26. Coveted Vag Space/Du says:

    i’ll just leave this here. http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2012/10/01/julia-allison-of-miss-advised-does-yoga-to-stay-in-reality/

    WALL ST JOURNAL BISHES, I’VE ARRIVED!

    “As a vegan chef prepared snacks for Allison and her boyfriend Devin Stetler to enjoy after the practice at the apartment of a friend they were crashing at, we ambled up to the roof of with Aarona Pichinson, a friend of Allison’s who is a fabulous yoga instructor. Stetler, a technology entrepreneur, joined us. He was sporting short-shorts and was being a very good sport, even asserting that it didn’t make him squirm to hear his girl friend tell a reporter that she knew by the second date that he was the one.”

    LOL SHORT SHORTS

    • Coveted Vag Space/Du says:

      ALSO THERE IS A VIDEO SO PLEASE CLICK THIS IS NOT FAUXGA THIS IS THE REAL THING SO SUCK IT FAT HATERS.

      • Coveted Vag Space/Du says:

        ALSO: “The heart-openers were apt: Allison is clearly a woman with a very open heart. Currently, it’s open for Stetler with whom she was set up on a blind-date for May 9. Earlier that day, Allison’s grandmother died. Even in grief, she didn’t cancel. “I lost her in the morning and I found him in the evening,” she says.”

        • Wonkeye says:

          She is such an awful slag. You lose someone you allegedly love, or “love,” that morning yet you still go on a blind date that night? Just when I think she can’t get any worse, she tops herself.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Black says:

            ____, __ __ Of Wilmette died May 9, 2012, just before Mother’s Day. She passed peacefully, surrounded by family and friends at the inpatient unit of Midwest Palliative and Hospice CareCenter.

            Not entirely. Her only grand-daughter, a jobless jet-setter, was states away, spackling on the pancake batter & gluing on the individual eye pelts in anticipation of a blind date w/ a eunuch found on Craig’s List.

      • fauxga party! says:

        YOU RANG!

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      Julia Allison is NOT pregnant!
      [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/wbqa9v.png[/img]
      D0nkey just has a very unfortunate rib cage
      due to years of contorting for fauxtoshoots.

      BTW, anyone here speak Captcha?
      Code was das oontz
      I think this is a job for Kitler …

      • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

        What the fucking hell is that ugly ass shit dress? I have to say, out of ALL the laughably awful outfits she’s worn over the years, this one is by far the worst.

      • JFA says:

        Holee crap that is bad. Wow.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Tell us more about your endeavors as a technology entrepreneur, Devin Stetler. Any current projects that would interest us?

      • afghani says:

        Imagine how amazing it would be if it turned out Devin was the original Baugher and is currently just getting some kicks while “dating” her.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL WAS THE PURPOSE OF THIS ARTICLE?
      excellent copy editing: ” we ambled up to the roof of [???] with Aarona Pichinson”
      so devin wore that same shirt for three days straight + yoga? dude is gay AND gross.

      • Wonkeye says:

        “She traveled for 14 months and realized that she longed to live in a community that didn’t value thinness and career success above inner-beauty. She moved to Los Angeles.”

        Bwah ha ha!

        • KS says:

          HAHAHAHAH no way.

          IRONY, WHEREFORE ART THOU?

        • Mini Driver says:

          That’s a joke. I know it’s hard to see its jokiness, what with it not being funny. But I feel confident that the writer is being facetious. I mean, come on.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        i fucking can’t. they show clips of julia on fox news and alexa chung’s show on mtv and label it “miss advised, bravo tv.” they say she has an elle column (wrong!) and since when is the checklist 88 items??? wtf does this mean: ” the not-(potentially-not-yet)-renewed show???”

        lols for miles: “she longed to live in a community that didn’t value thinness and career success above inner-beauty. She moved to Los Angeles.”
        “a career as a writer (Cosmopolitan magazine) ” –> SHE GOT ONE ARTICLE PUBLISHED DOES NO ONE DO ANY FACT CHECKING ANYMORE?! PROFESSOR SMASH!

        • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

          by the way, it might also be enlightening if they disclosed that katie rosman and donkey are friends. why the fuck else would you write a fluff piece about this hasbeen in the WSJ?

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

          RE: those clips, WTF is up w/ D0nkey’s teeth here?
          [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/4fv3bo.png[/img]
          I did nothing to this screamgrab other than crop it.

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      ‘…Stetler, a technology entrepreneur…’

      Wait, wut?

      Stetler, you’re just a codemonkey — pretending to muck D0nkey’s stall makes you an entremaneur at best, & no one really believes even for one minute that you go spelunking in the clam dungeon either.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      nice comment on this article:
      Disappointed in the WSJ
      “Katherine, I am sorry to see that you allowed yourself to be just another victim to this scam artist. Just another spin job by Ms. Baugher. I do wonder if you consider yourself a blogger, a PR rep or a journalist. Pieces like this that merely rehash a narrative as entirely framed by the subject, with no fact checking or research behind it, don’t reflect well on the WSJ. You’ve been taken in by a pathological liar. There is no gray area around it. And at the least you should have noted her less than casual (non-existent?) relationship with the truth in the past. You may dismiss my comment now, but I assure you, at some point in the near future you will look back on this piece with great embarrassment.”

    • Factory Seconds says:

      Girl makes me not want to do yoga. I can’t with the people who think they’ve found God in yoga; I use it as a nice stretching between workout days and it’s nice for core strength.

      Also, Devin and i wear the same shorts. Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.

    • KS says:

      WHO WEAR SHORT SHORTS?
      DEVIN STETLER WEARS SHORT SHORTS!

      I hope it was worth it bro. You might want to take a look at this. lol.

      http://tinyurl.com/DevinStetlerRBDGoogleResults

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      [Julia] Allison is a graceful yogi and she has excellent balance.

      Yeah, she’s as “graceful” as a swan, said no one ever. If I’ve seen one fauxto of Mulia Mallison w/ her hooves in a death grip holding onto something for balance (the ridiculous en pointe slutoween fauxtos come to mind), I’ve seen a million.

      • Tingolayo says:

        She can’t even stand up for one second en pointe, yet she displays her (unused) pointe shoes in her bedroom. #jrhighschool #notagirlnotyetawoman #poseur

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Black says:

      This still rung me & tol’ me to change my nick:
      [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/23j04mr.png[/img]
      Wash your greg-dammed hooves, you hosebeast!

    • ThreeBlondesDown says:

      This has to be a joke. Please tell me that that most-read newspaper in the US doesn’t consider this journalism. Someone has to be punking us.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It’s a blog. They don’t really give a fuck how shitty the blogs are. Someone told them to have blogs because the youngs like them.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      What a backhanded thing to retweet.

      [img]http://cl.ly/Jqt2/Screen%20shot%202012-10-01%20at%2012.36.08%20PM.png[/img]

      It’s like she doesn’t even care to prove anything good about herself anymore.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      “…to enjoy after the practice at the apartment of a friend they were crashing at…” Nice grammar, WSJ. How far you have fallen in both style and content.

  27. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    This is not a complimentary article. Throwing lots of shade Julia’s way with comments like:

    “She traveled for 14 months and realized that she longed to live in a community that didn’t value thinness and career success above inner-beauty. She moved to Los Angeles.”

    “Stetler, a technology entrepreneur, joined us. He was sporting short-shorts…”

    “it didn’t make him squirm to hear his girl friend tell a reporter that she knew by the second date that he was the one.”

    “Currently, it’s open for Stetler with whom she was set up on a blind-date for May 9. Earlier that day, Allison’s grandmother died. Even in grief, she didn’t cancel.”

    “He meets so many of the 88 items on the list of must-have-attributes…”

    “So, it is all coming together for Allison: the boyfriend, the not-(potentially-not-yet)-renewed show and a column for Elle.com. Also, she is writing a book. “It has to do with transformations and it focuses on how I’ve transformed myself and it will help others transforms themselves,” she says.

    I didn’t find the session transformative”

    “Is she the product that she markets or the creator of a product that she markets?”

    • Tingolayo says:

      “Is she the product that she markets or the creator of a product that she markets?”

      I still can’t figure out what that product is. What does she produce?

    • Princess WideStance says:

      I would bet one meeeelion dollars that she hasn’t written 20 pages of that “transforming” book.

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Black says:

      it focuses on how I’ve transformed myself

      “Transforbraytions” by Julia Allison: ‘My Gurney to Nose #4′

    • Albie Quirky says:

      A column for ELLE.com that is long over.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      “It has to do with transformations and it focuses on how I’ve transformed myself and it will help others transforms themselves,” she says.

      :::facepalm:::

  28. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    “Stetler, a technology entrepreneur, joined us…”

    Is this a new title for “code monkey”?

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