The Burn is So Icy Donk’s Gotta Wear Shades

And since the internet broke, let’s start a new post, shall we?

    @ScottSpiro: @juliaallison Jane saw you yesterday morning as she drove to work- are you ok? (had us worried)

    @JuliaAllison: @ScottSpiro – yes, thank you. I thought something happened to Lilly and couldn’t breathe. Lilly (and me) are fine.

Donkeys R Us is fine, mmkay?! Even though she was up at the ungodly hour when all the plebes go to their desk errands. She totally was not walking back from an all-nighter at the IHOP, where she hoovered her body weight in syrupy gluten after DEVIN STETLER stopped querying her database, if ya know what I mean. Don’t hate her for her bulimia deviated septum!

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70 Responses to The Burn is So Icy Donk’s Gotta Wear Shades

  1. Mooch says:

    Allow me to be the first to say She’s lost another sista.

    • Mooch says:

      Perhaps she has a gift for her in a drawer somewhere. I’m going to guess a tutu with sand on it.

      • Mooch says:

        UNO y dos… Oralé.

      • JFA says:

        The “spare bday gifts in a drawer” lie. One of my faves. From a girl who can’t even do her own laundry without task rabbit. I’m sure she’s considerate and organized enough to have spare gifts lying around for all her “friends.”

        • Mini Driver says:

          I totally believe in the gift drawer.

          When you’re a journalist, or even doing a somewhat believable impression of a journalist, companies give you free stuff all the time. If you’re not attached to any paper or site or network, just drifting around, there’s no one to tell you that it’s unethical to keep it.

          It’s not necessarily stuff you want. You’re too good for most of it.

          Say you get a bracelet from an up-and-coming designer in a NYFW gift bag, but it’s not your style. You like gauche encrusted cuff bracelets, and this is a tasteful silver bangle, for example. You don’t want it, because it’s not bedazzling enough. But it’s brand-new and packaged beautifully. And you hate, just hate, spending your own money on anything, especially especially gifts for the people you call friends. You always have cash flow issues. You need that money for you.

          So you put the bracelet in a drawer and there it waits. Weeks or months later, Facebook’s sidebar tells you that it’s some “friend”‘s birthday. It wasn’t on your phone’s calendar because who cares about anyone’s birthday but yours, so this is the first you’re hearing of it. You go to the “friend”‘s profile and figure out where and when her party is by clicking her events tab. Your steely eyes scan the guest list.

          There’s going to be someone there you need to corner for a few minutes, so that later you can tweet “Great conversation, @founder! Lame in-joke that implies a relationship we don’t have here!!” That should shore up your public image for a few more days. Buy you more time. You always need more time.

          You show up uninvited.

          When the birthday girl catches sight of you, it’s an awkward moment. You’re not welcome there and you know it and she knows it, but you have to act like you don’t despise each other for a this encounter, which someone may even now be Instagramming.

          So you hand her a beautifully packaged silver bangle from an up-and-coming designer. And she has to act grateful. Maybe she even likes it and is surprised you managed to select something subtle and current. That softens the awkward moment. That moment’s always so fucking awkward.

          You need a gift drawer.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      I think you have a gas leak in your home.

  2. Factory Seconds says:

    Ugh. I feel bad for thinking it was Lilly to begin with. My hopes and good thoughts go out to Lilly (as usual).

    [img]http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/690/595489234_474091.gif[/img]

  3. mule on rouge says:

    Just ignore my previous theory re: this tweet. Reading comprehension fail. Now I’m thinking Lilly attempted an escape during morning walkies and Donks was on her trail.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Two days after her return to L.A., and following a brief separation from PencilDonk, she’s spotted on the street during morning rush hour in full-fledged freakout mode. Lilly is a total lie — she either got dumped, caught him with another chick, or waited til he fell asleep, snooped into his email and/or phone, had a shitfit about what she found, confronted him when he woke up and he finally found his missing balls and kicked her to the curb for being a possessive, intrusive mentalcase.

      Perhaps he didn’t respond to her texts or something for hours when they were apart. And she lost her fucking mind and decided to figure out where he was during those missing hours.

      Just my theory.

      How’s that checklist looking now, dumbass?

  4. Bunburying says:

    I think it’s been over a month since Julia Price even mentioned JA publicly on her twitter or facebook.

    And I don’t think I’ve ever seen JA go this long without posting on social media without the histrionics of announcing she wouldn’t be posting because of the OMG ashram! OMG burning man! or OMG quitting the internet!

    • MissAssvice says:

      Julia Price is probably too busy with Lewis. To me he is repulsive. Knowing the long list of women he has been with including donkey is just gross.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Maybe she’s finally figured out how to contact individual people privately. HA HA HA, no. She might have had a total AHA! realization that her inexplicable habit of publicly broadcasting her epic failures is what keeps the internet pointing and laughing. If so, will we have to find another hobby? (Hint: We won’t have to find another hobby.)

  5. randomness says:

    I was reading a post on SFist today about how “Even Twitter Thinks Your Follower Count Is A Load Of Crap ” and someone posted a website that estimates how many fakes a person has.

    Of course I had to run Donk’s name through the app.
    Fake: 68%
    Inactive: 25%
    Good: 7%

    I ran my personal, locked/friends only account too.
    Fake: 2%
    Inactive: 7%
    Good: 91%

    My percentages look pretty accurate. Just sayin’.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Good grief! Just last week, she scored 47 percent fake, which is shameful. Now it’s an affront to human decency. #fraud #criminal #asshole

  6. Crack Rock City says:

    OT but can someone explain the origin of Toilet Julia to me real quick? Is it because she (JP) is a piece of shit? Just trying to catch up so I can run with you shrilliant cat ladies!

  7. How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

    Wow, in that picture, D0nkey’s snozzola is just …. WOW!

  8. 11th Wang says:

    Did y’all not see all the super obvious references to RAINBOWS that CK was posting on Donkeys FB shortly after meeting Devin Stetler? This was way before they picked their burning man “theme.”

    He’s gay as hell, the whole thing was a roost to get a second season or a spin-off show and he was happy to play the part, Donkey cries because she lost both the show and the prop boyfriend 2.0, the jig is up, she’s got nothing left, not even a Chicago condo.

  9. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Lilly is such a prop to Julia that I shouldn’t even be surprised that she’d use her as cover for whatever is really going on.

  10. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Donkey is reading a self-help book on the beach. Errything is back to normal, catladies.

    @JuliaAllison: Reading “Misadventures of a Garden State Yogi” by Brian Leaf on the beach in Venice. Highly recommend this book. http://t.co/bMKL0HgT

  11. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Meanwhile, I am happily married and living a very content private life, far away from having fans, haters and all the HOLY OMG! FAIL this “person” has.

    Thank god for the little things.

  12. These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

    Julia should do this “life accelerator” — it’s full of grifters and self-congratulatory bullshit. The top comment is great:

    “This smacks of the ego-stroking BS that we are seeing in increasing
    quantities in the social entrepreneur space. $6500 to stroke my ego for
    10 days? Of course I want that! I find it funny that a group of
    20-somethings are going to teach a group of 20-somethings to “change the
    world”. How about being a good person, acting in integrity with good
    values?

    …I’d be really surprised if the Bold people actually walk their talk. I just
    hear, “Be important and cool! Like us!” Real world superheroes? Come
    on. The most amazing entrepreneurs and “world-changers” I know are the
    ones who would never admit it. The real heroes are the humble ones. The
    ones who *really* “be” the change…and do it…and do not have to
    plaster it on their sleeves to prove they are worth your accolades. True
    humility is severely lacking in this Bold world.”

    http://thenextweb.com/insider/2012/09/25/bold-academy-san-francisco-applications/

  13. (yes, she was one) says:

    Oh man, are things about to stop being SO FUCKING BORING? A girl can dream…

    • Spoutless Teapot says:

      i know, right?!?! i’ve been bored with a Donk since the end of Mess Asswipes. The pictures from Burning Man provided some guffaws but since then it’s been boringtown.

  14. Whiny Bitch Spoiled says:

    No way did Debbie Seltzer dump his boyfriend, Juliar Allison. I simply cannot believe it.

    Really, the only next step from here is to go full on Anna Nicole Smith and find an 80 year old cock to start sucking on. And she’s what, 33 now? Yikes.

  15. Whiny Bitch Spoiled says:

    SHE NEVER READS HERE

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison

    @timothysykes – Devin & I loved hosting you last night! The pink bedroom is always yours when you’re in town!! Xoxo

  16. Emily Gould's Trusty Google Alert says:

    “Also, you forgot my birthday.” is one of the sadder sentences I’ve ever seen.

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