And since the internet broke, let’s start a new post, shall we?
- @ScottSpiro: @juliaallison Jane saw you yesterday morning as she drove to work- are you ok? (had us worried)
@JuliaAllison: @ScottSpiro – yes, thank you. I thought something happened to Lilly and couldn’t breathe. Lilly (and me) are fine.
Donkeys R Us is fine, mmkay?! Even though she was up at the ungodly hour when all the plebes go to their desk errands. She totally was not walking back from an all-nighter at the IHOP, where she hoovered her body weight in syrupy gluten after DEVIN STETLER stopped querying her database, if ya know what I mean. Don’t hate her for her bulimia deviated septum!
Allow me to be the first to say She’s lost another sista.
Perhaps she has a gift for her in a drawer somewhere. I’m going to guess a tutu with sand on it.
UNO y dos… Oralé.
Wow, a trifecta!
The “spare bday gifts in a drawer” lie. One of my faves. From a girl who can’t even do her own laundry without task rabbit. I’m sure she’s considerate and organized enough to have spare gifts lying around for all her “friends.”
I totally believe in the gift drawer.
When you’re a journalist, or even doing a somewhat believable impression of a journalist, companies give you free stuff all the time. If you’re not attached to any paper or site or network, just drifting around, there’s no one to tell you that it’s unethical to keep it.
It’s not necessarily stuff you want. You’re too good for most of it.
Say you get a bracelet from an up-and-coming designer in a NYFW gift bag, but it’s not your style. You like gauche encrusted cuff bracelets, and this is a tasteful silver bangle, for example. You don’t want it, because it’s not bedazzling enough. But it’s brand-new and packaged beautifully. And you hate, just hate, spending your own money on anything, especially especially gifts for the people you call friends. You always have cash flow issues. You need that money for you.
So you put the bracelet in a drawer and there it waits. Weeks or months later, Facebook’s sidebar tells you that it’s some “friend”‘s birthday. It wasn’t on your phone’s calendar because who cares about anyone’s birthday but yours, so this is the first you’re hearing of it. You go to the “friend”‘s profile and figure out where and when her party is by clicking her events tab. Your steely eyes scan the guest list.
There’s going to be someone there you need to corner for a few minutes, so that later you can tweet “Great conversation, @founder! Lame in-joke that implies a relationship we don’t have here!!” That should shore up your public image for a few more days. Buy you more time. You always need more time.
You show up uninvited.
When the birthday girl catches sight of you, it’s an awkward moment. You’re not welcome there and you know it and she knows it, but you have to act like you don’t despise each other for a this encounter, which someone may even now be Instagramming.
So you hand her a beautifully packaged silver bangle from an up-and-coming designer. And she has to act grateful. Maybe she even likes it and is surprised you managed to select something subtle and current. That softens the awkward moment. That moment’s always so fucking awkward.
You need a gift drawer.
Mini Driver! so glad you’re back, pointed prose and all.
Missing the LIKE button right now …
Thanks, buddies! I love you all.
Love this
I’ve been away, just read this – it was WONDERFUL. Thanks MD!
I came back because I heard something about a wedding.
But then I heard something about a breakup.
:’(
The bad news is that the wedding was just a rumor, but the good news is that the breakup was too.
I think you have a gas leak in your home.
I just might. I’m cracking myself up over here.
Ugh. I feel bad for thinking it was Lilly to begin with. My hopes and good thoughts go out to Lilly (as usual).
Free Lilly!!!!
Just ignore my previous theory re: this tweet. Reading comprehension fail. Now I’m thinking Lilly attempted an escape during morning walkies and Donks was on her trail.
Two days after her return to L.A., and following a brief separation from PencilDonk, she’s spotted on the street during morning rush hour in full-fledged freakout mode. Lilly is a total lie — she either got dumped, caught him with another chick, or waited til he fell asleep, snooped into his email and/or phone, had a shitfit about what she found, confronted him when he woke up and he finally found his missing balls and kicked her to the curb for being a possessive, intrusive mentalcase.
Perhaps he didn’t respond to her texts or something for hours when they were apart. And she lost her fucking mind and decided to figure out where he was during those missing hours.
Just my theory.
How’s that checklist looking now, dumbass?
#73: In the event he dumps me, he will assist in the manufacturing of deceptive, Lilly-based tweets in order to quell my concerned, adoring public.
Nice!
Don’t forget about her Elle readers!
A true Donkey NEVER forgets her Elle readers. #ShoutOutToNoOne
She found his gay porn and now she’s regretting wanting someone “sexually delicious” (to other men).
“caught him with another chick”
It is to laugh.
Ugh. Bold fail.
chickdick#FTFY
#TY #MTE
I think it’s been over a month since Julia Price even mentioned JA publicly on her twitter or facebook.
And I don’t think I’ve ever seen JA go this long without posting on social media without the histrionics of announcing she wouldn’t be posting because of the OMG ashram! OMG burning man! or OMG quitting the internet!
Julia Price is probably too busy with Lewis. To me he is repulsive. Knowing the long list of women he has been with including donkey is just gross.
Maybe she’s finally figured out how to contact individual people privately. HA HA HA, no. She might have had a total AHA! realization that her inexplicable habit of publicly broadcasting her epic failures is what keeps the internet pointing and laughing. If so, will we have to find another hobby? (Hint: We won’t have to find another hobby.)
I was reading a post on SFist today about how “Even Twitter Thinks Your Follower Count Is A Load Of Crap ” and someone posted a website that estimates how many fakes a person has.
Of course I had to run Donk’s name through the app.
Fake: 68%
Inactive: 25%
Good: 7%
I ran my personal, locked/friends only account too.
Fake: 2%
Inactive: 7%
Good: 91%
My percentages look pretty accurate. Just sayin’.
Good grief! Just last week, she scored 47 percent fake, which is shameful. Now it’s an affront to human decency. #fraud #criminal #asshole
OT but can someone explain the origin of Toilet Julia to me real quick? Is it because she (JP) is a piece of shit? Just trying to catch up so I can run with you shrilliant cat ladies!
here ya go
https://twitter.com/TarynSouthern/status/155931616567496704/photo/1
Greg bless you!
What I don’t understand about that photo is that she is using paper towels when there is a toilet seat cover dispenser right behind her. I love this photo. Taryn has cokey eyes like Rollergirl in Boogie Nights. The two seem delightful.
Oh that’s not Taryn, it’s the other awful tiny n cute girl… The one who was all shade at the collapse party on Bravo and braying LA birthday cake video… Get them all confused.
Every time I see this picture I think that she has her pants around her ankles and someone took a picture of her peeing. I then remind myself that she is an asshole wearing an unfortunate outfit while being photographed next to the toilet she just finished using.
PS. The girl crouching on the floor? 50 shades of disgusting.
I think I just noticed that there is a thong in her leggings.
i. am. dying. hahahahaa.
just disgusting
I could never understand why there were other people in the bathroom with her.
Coke
Why didn’t they leave when she peed (or took a dump)?
Why is that girl squatting next to the freshly used toilet?
Wow, in that picture, D0nkey’s snozzola is just …. WOW!
Did y’all not see all the super obvious references to RAINBOWS that CK was posting on Donkeys FB shortly after meeting Devin Stetler? This was way before they picked their burning man “theme.”
He’s gay as hell, the whole thing was a roost to get a second season or a spin-off show and he was happy to play the part, Donkey cries because she lost both the show and the prop boyfriend 2.0, the jig is up, she’s got nothing left, not even a Chicago condo.
I think Pettifogger and Mama Bird will give her one more chance in the downtown condo. I predict she’ll be back there by Xmas.
One more chance? I think she can live there whenever she likes.
Oh, they’ll probably give her more than one more “one more chance”—I just think that’s how they’ll frame it.
This seems unfair to Raul. He gets uprooted because Donkey is lazy and poor?
Oh Raul’s not going anywhere honey.
I would fake date Julia to get to Keith Pollock.
No, I wouldn’t. That is a lie. I will find some other way to have sex with him. Grindr mayhaps.
Lilly is such a prop to Julia that I shouldn’t even be surprised that she’d use her as cover for whatever is really going on.
Donkey is reading a self-help book on the beach. Errything is back to normal, catladies.
@JuliaAllison: Reading “Misadventures of a Garden State Yogi” by Brian Leaf on the beach in Venice. Highly recommend this book. http://t.co/bMKL0HgT
That book seems fairly obscure. Zero reviews on Amazon. Might Donkey’s tweet be an undisclosed shill?
the book hasn’t even come out yet = shill with a pre-print.
https://twitter.com/BrianLeaf
also note the reply from donkey’s ghostwriter:
@JuliaAllison Funny, I have some other fun beach reading coming your way shortly (-;
chapter 1 of “They call me donkey: the Julia Allison story??”
It’s already out (I saw it in my local bookstore) in advance of the scheduled publication date.
Also, it is horrible unless you like to read about nerds pooping and blathering about yoga nonsense.
That sounds awful.
Meanwhile, I am happily married and living a very content private life, far away from having fans, haters and all the HOLY OMG! FAIL this “person” has.
Thank god for the little things.
Julia should do this “life accelerator” — it’s full of grifters and self-congratulatory bullshit. The top comment is great:
“This smacks of the ego-stroking BS that we are seeing in increasing
quantities in the social entrepreneur space. $6500 to stroke my ego for
10 days? Of course I want that! I find it funny that a group of
20-somethings are going to teach a group of 20-somethings to “change the
world”. How about being a good person, acting in integrity with good
values?
…I’d be really surprised if the Bold people actually walk their talk. I just
hear, “Be important and cool! Like us!” Real world superheroes? Come
on. The most amazing entrepreneurs and “world-changers” I know are the
ones who would never admit it. The real heroes are the humble ones. The
ones who *really* “be” the change…and do it…and do not have to
plaster it on their sleeves to prove they are worth your accolades. True
humility is severely lacking in this Bold world.”
http://thenextweb.com/insider/2012/09/25/bold-academy-san-francisco-applications/
Oh man, are things about to stop being SO FUCKING BORING? A girl can dream…
i know, right?!?! i’ve been bored with a Donk since the end of Mess Asswipes. The pictures from Burning Man provided some guffaws but since then it’s been boringtown.
OT: http://www.qvc.com/Pandigital-Portable-8.5-x-14-Photo-&Document-Wand-Scanner.product.E222363.html?sc=E222363-24HR&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-3-_-E222363&catentryImage=http://images-p.qvc.com/is/image/e/63/e222363.001?$uslarge$
Click video. #klassy.
Professor, no more start-up, no more school?
That video is long as fuck. What am I looking for? Is that our Meghan?
Indeed.. Mega at her finest hour. New gig- scanning on QVC.
“lol. and here’s yanno.. you can also scan.”
i donno why that cracked me up. maybe it reminds me of this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oXCm4N3J_M
Meghan: don’t worry scroat, there’s’ plenty of tards living really kick ass lives.
No way did Debbie Seltzer dump his boyfriend, Juliar Allison. I simply cannot believe it.
Really, the only next step from here is to go full on Anna Nicole Smith and find an 80 year old cock to start sucking on. And she’s what, 33 now? Yikes.
SHE NEVER READS HERE
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
@timothysykes – Devin & I loved hosting you last night! The pink bedroom is always yours when you’re in town!! Xoxo
“Also, you forgot my birthday.” is one of the sadder sentences I’ve ever seen.