What The Hell?

I notice Donk posted a link to this weirdo grift-y bridal blog the other day, urging her Facebook “friends” to read it. She seems to think this post is absolutely brilliant, but seriously, why would this resonate with her? And is there really an epidemic of bossy bitches out there who control every facet of their men’s lives and then eat their faces off when the dude doesn’t do as he’s told? “I’m fat because you’re a failure!!!” That’s a thing now?

Who the fuck are these chicks? I don’t know any women like this. I am not sure I have ever even heard of women like this. Do any of you sad, sort of angry adults know any women like this?

Very telling that Donk thought this was profound in some way. What  a great girlfriend she must be.  A bossy, nagging, binge-eating control freak who lies about her dietary issues and who is utterly obsessed with herself and her own image.  So much fun.

Do you ever feel like you have to be the one “in charge” in your relationship? Are you constantly telling your significant other how to do things?  Are you constantly giving him business advice, making every attempt to get him to work harder, quit his dead end job, or do something that actually makes him happy (and rich)? Do you wish he would just “know” what to do without you asking?

And are you so exhausted at the end of the day that all you want to do is curl up with a pint of ice cream of bag of potato chips?

Most of my clients are “the boss” in their relationship, and they feel like life would be easier if their man just listened to them and got his shit together.  They may be right;), but the constant directions and nagging just make our men less likely to make a move, and make us more frustrated… and fat.

Also, when we’re always “on” in our relationship and are looking for every opportunity to teach, direct and change, then we’re not focused on taking care of ourselves, nor are we creating the space for our men to take care of us.  When we’re not being taken care of, the only way we get comfort and love is through food.

I’m sure you can relate to that warm, soothing blanket feeling you get when you dive into a box of cookies. But I also know you’re very familiar with the nauseous, guilty, embarrassed after-math.  Getting love through food is keeping you stuck in a body and life that you hate.

I had a client, we’ll call her Charlotte, who was in this boat.  Her boyfriend hated his job that required him to work 80 hours a week and didn’t make him much money, putting a strain on their mutual finances.  He had a dream to be an artist, but spent more time complaining than planning an exit strategy.  On top of that, he never cooked, helped out around the house or did anything romantic.

My client, as you can imagine, was ready to throw in the towel, but loved him so much and knew he was a good guy.  At the same time, she couldn’t imagine continuing to play the role of his mother, plus, she was drowning her anxiety in girl scout cookies daily and her jeans were getting tighter by the minute.

When the topic came up in our session, this is what I told her:

Take all the energy you’ve been focusing on telling him how to live his life and focus it on taking care of yourself, embracing your femininity, and creating the life you want.

She was worried that if she stopped directing him that he would really go off the deep end, but I assured her that him really failing would be better than her feeling responsible for him for the rest of her life.  It’s just too draining.

Charlotte spent the next two weeks taking baths, doing her hair and makeup everyday (something that brought her a lot of pleasure), she quit one of her jobs so she could focus on her business, she went for walks, danced around the house and went out more.

After just two weeks, she called me practically in tears. “SARAH! You won’t believe what happened this week.  My bf quit his job, got 2 gigs doing what he loves, made me dinner and took out the trash. And I didn’t say a word.”

“And how do you feel?” I asked.

“I feel amazing, I’ve never felt so beautiful, I’m eating half the amount that I used to and I’m starting to fit into my old jeans.”

Amazing.

Here’s how it works:

No nagging + more self-care = driven dude AND smaller jeans. Tweet it!

Giving your man the space allows him to live his own life and show up for you. Plus, when you lead by example in taking care of yourself, he’ll want to dive right in with you. But it must start with you.  The icing on the cake? When you and your man are taking care of you, cookies, cakes and chips are no longer your only source of comfort and love.

So here’s what I want you to do:

  1. Write down all the things that you’re being a bossy-pants about in your relationship, friendships and family.
  2. Stop telling other people what to do, and focus all that energy on taking care of yourself.
  3. Leave a comment below to pledge what you’re going to zip your lips about, and tell us how you’re going to take better care of yourself this week.

I know this is hard! I know (you think) you know better.  And, I promise that if you zip it for just a week, I bet you’ll see a major shift in your relationship, happiness and cravings.

Have fun:)

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344 Responses to What The Hell?

  1. Jack the Bulldog says:

    And yet The Divine Sarah writes this mess on her bio page:

    “To be clear, I am a foodie not a health-nut. I don’t believe in willpower, I believe in the power of pleasure. I love kale AND butter (especially together). I prefer dance clubs over treadmills and wine over wheatgrass. I believe that every woman deserves a body she loves, a man who worships her and a career that fulfills her. Anything less and you’re wasting your time.”

    The worship B.S. is right up Donk’s alley but doesn’t it conflict with Sarahlala’s other directives about giving him space? Christ, I hate these grifter types who were educated at Joketon Community College, have no professional counseling degrees, yet think they’re qualified to advise others on how to live their lives

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Not kale!!!!! Horrors!!!

      And worship. Jesus. Seriously, who wants to be worshipped? I don’t. I far prefer being liked.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      I’m devastated to learn that I’ve been doing it all wrong-I just wanted my equal in life and here I should be looking for someone to worship me? Oh Donk you are so insightful and the voice of reason to so many of us wayward women. Oh Thank you.

  2. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    This basically sounds like a nicer way of the misogynist canard of “men don’t want to be nagged so just shut up and focus on looking pretty.” Of course men don’t like to be nagged – NO ONE likes to be nagged. It’s not about if you wear enough lipstick or whatever. It seems the OP is really just talking about getting over control issues by finding a new outlet, but of course Julie just sees “omg skinny!” and runs with it from there.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      To be fair, I think what’s saying is to stop worrying so much about micromanaging the guy’s life and use that time and effort on things that are productive for you or just make you happy.

  3. sausage curls/fingers says:

    This reeks of NPD justification. Some of the most insidious bitches are the ones who convince themselves that all they do is take care of other people and get stepped on and ‘it’s time to focus on myself’. They’re almost always crazy fucks who are actually nagging and meddling where they’re not needed. Then they get all inspired to “put themselves first” and just become outright assholes.

  4. Grammarian says:

    takes one to know one

  5. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    The funny thing was that she recommended this right amid orchestrating Twinkerballs’ entire wardrobe and schedule and dragging him around by the ring through his nose for the whole month of September.

    Un-self-aware Donkey is un-self-aware.

  6. Gimme Pig of Love says:

    Slightly OT, but I started skimming the blog and lawd is it awful. This article in particular makes me want to stab myself:

    http://thebreathtakingbride.com/bb-blog/the-curse-of-feminism

    She starts out word vomming 2 paragraph to essentially write, “Last week, my husband woke up late and didn’t have time to pack breakfast or lunch.”

    Then this gem:

    “I feel terrible admitting this, but my first reaction was, “He’ll figure it out, I need to sleep. If I get up and help him out, I’ll be enabling him and he’ll start to expect me to make his breakfast and lunch everyday and I will NOT be a housewife, damnit!”

    I wish I was the only young woman who had this reaction, but I’ve talked to many of my clients about this fear of “losing ourselves” in our relationship and becoming more like our partner’s maid than his wife. The issue is that we’re so preoccupied with being taken advantage of, that we stop being a caring person.

    I am so grateful for the women who fought for our equality, and I also want to be conscious of where the feminist expectation can be misunderstood.”

    The fuck?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      My clients = my Elle readers

    • Grammarian says:

      if you both have jobs, you both have equal responsibilities

      if one of you is paying the bills for the other, the one for whom the bills are being paid has some duties around the house

      doesn’t matter who is male or female; they can be two women or two men

      but the psycho bitches who don’t do jackshit all day and then complain when their husbands ask for something? fuck them

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        The fuck? Looking down on being a housewife and doing household chores isn’t “a bra burning moment”. Supporting your partner is part of a healthy relationship.

        I had a friend once who was like this when I was unemployed and doing the laundry/dishes/chores because my boyfriend was working to pay our bills all day and what else was I doing otherwise? She would always laugh and ew and tell me I was becoming a housewife. Her own boyfriend refused to move in with her and broke up with her for being too self involved a few months later. Weird!

        • Gimme Pig of Love says:

          This. Thanks for articulating what I was too incoherent to actually type out. People take care of each other in relationships. It has NOTHING to do with feminism.

    • donniedriveby says:

      This is probably the same woman who would dampen her panties if her husband made her breakfast in bed one morning, or came home from work early to cook a surprise romantic candlelight dinner for her when she walked in the door.

      He would really love to do those things for you sweetie, really… but he just thinks you’ll expect him to be romantic and cook for you ALL.THE.TIME.

      Greg forbid your relationship is an equal partnership where you occasionally help each other out and do nice things for one another without the secret score tally.

  7. Albie Quirky says:

    The only person I am aware of who needs a blog like this is Julie herself, because I don’t actually hang around with childish, narcissistic fuckwits who are stuck in a dream of 1950s gender roles.

  8. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    THUCKTHETH THORIETH
    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/29ur13l.png[/img]

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      BTW, while I have never before today been to the Breathtacky Bride cite /site / shite, I have most definitely seen that same ‘success stories’ page elsewhere, & I am thinking it has to do w/ Nisha Moodly … & am wondering, is that the same nitwit who Tucker Max is boning?

  9. sausage curls/fingers says:

    I think I had an easier time understanding what That Wife was trying to explain in her Mormon mommy blogging essay. There’s just nothing that makes sense. You’re fat because your boyfriend is a lazy piece of shit and you’re just so smart and nurturing that you have to nag him all the time? How did someone build a business off of this? It’s the most convoluted theory I’ve ever heard.

  10. Lady Donk Donk says:

    I think donk would make an excellent 40 year old spinster fighting off suicidal thoughts while eating a gallon of cookies and cream.

  11. iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

    That’s fucked up. But I will at that my wife puts me on a food diet, but she does that because she cares about me. If I break it It’s not a big deal.

  12. SirClompsAlot says:

    So was Donk immediately rushed to the hospital after licking that cake? Or was it OMGluten-free?

  13. ShesJustStupid says:

    Is this the lunatic she also just tweeted “Help! I need to stop thinking!”? Translation: Loser No Balls is making me fat and frustrated.

  14. Lying Liars Lie says:

    Off topic-ish, but since the topic is sort of about boyfriend’s, I want to share a cautionary (donkey) tail/tale.

    I was seeing a guy who seemed like a decent enough human being until I discovered that he had a twitter account that followed A Donkey AND occasionally tweet-flirted at her.

    Horrified I was. How was it that this guy would ever the Donkey? And one day I asked him why he tweeted at her. He got defensive, made some shit up about trying to get noticed by showbiz type people (and livestock, apparently).

    And so, dear reader, I dumped his ass.

    Well, not immediately. It took me discovering some other unsavory things he was doing and lying about. When I discovered that he has been sleeping with someone else since before we started seeing each other (the woman contacted me to tell me…it was awful), I confronted him. He denied it and used the Donkey as an example of me being insanely jealous for no reason. When it came to light that he dropped me off one night and picked her up for a booty call 10 minutes later, he told me I was crazy to think that any man could ever be monogamous and that I simply need accept it like every other woman does. This was despite that he had told me we were exclusive.

    And that was the end of that.

    The moral of the story is never ever date anyone who would ever the Donkey.

    And a follow-up question: is what he said true? Is it true that no woman should expect a man to be monogamous? Even if he promises that?

    • Anorexia Aphrodisia says:

      Most men, given the opportunity to cheat without consequences, would do it. I don’t care how nice or sweet they are. The reality is there are almost always consequences and most men realize this and don’t cheat. The “it’s biology” argument always gets trotted out but it’s true: most men get bored. An important thing to consider is that our modern society equates sexual infidelity with emotional infidelity. However, just because someone cheats doesn’t mean they are any less loving or committed to their relationship.

      This is an interesting read: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/aug/27/monogamy-fairytale-ideal-affairs-wont-go-away

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think it depends on the age and personality and maturity, to be honest. I just don’t think you can generalize re: gender, because I have known just as many women as men who have cheated.

        I think people are more likely to do it in their 20s, when they’re OBOing, slightly less likely in their 30s, and in fact less likely as they grow older because generally, it only really takes the sheer misery of having someone do it to you a couple of times — or to experience the pain and regret of doing it to someone you actually cared about — to repeatedly do it for the rest of your life. Only the biggest psychos I know are serial cheats well into middle age. Almost everyone I know cheated on someone in their 20s.

        Maturity/painful lessons learned/bridges burned generally make you less inclined to do so as you grow older, and they also heighten your instincts when you’re meeting someone you sense is still an emotional 21-year-old. If you’ve got a brain in your head and you’re sane, you become very averse to drama as you grow older, and so don’t allow that stuff into your life — either by doing it someone else, or dating people you suspect still do it.

        In short, it wasn’t you, it was him, and if he’s in his 20s, then no, probably not terribly unusual. Maybe in 10 years, when someone puts him through it, he’ll grow up. In the meantime, consider it a bullet dodged.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Lots of people cheat. Even more people want to cheat, but don’t. Some people don’t want to cheat.

          There are many people in the world who seem to tolerate more deception from their marital partners than they would from their business partners. That is not me, but for the people for whom it works, let a hundred flowers bloom.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            What about open relationships? I have been in a few and they have generally been more balanced, less stressful and more, well, open then many of my monogamous ones. (Not that this would automatically be true for others.)

          • AFGHANI says:

            @RRR , when you had open relationships, were they “don’t ask, don’t tell” types of relationships. Or was the other person completely aware of of things? This latter situations seems like a ticking time bomb, IMO. No matter how secure someone is, once you throw in any stress or misunderstandings…

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Both times we both knew. Once, I joined in. Not saying that to seem all sexy, BTW: it was a mutually agreed upon arrangement that was a lot of fun and wound up being a bit too complex for day-to-day reality, but we all parted amicably. Point is there was no duplicity and no one thought less of the other person/people involved. Sex with someone not your primary partner does not automatically equal “lying scumbag” is all I’m getting at.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            People cheat in open relationships, too. They just lie about and break different agreements than in monogamous relationships, yes?

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I suppose that’s true.

          • Cora says:

            open relationships are not for me but if **both** people, well, all, agree, sure whatever

            cheating = lying

          • Cora says:

            breaking a promise = lying scumbag

            open relationship: everyone can do whatever; ok

            open relationship: some kind of limits and someone breaks the promise = lying bastard

    • New Year New You says:

      Never believe anything that anyone promises.

      If a not unattractive punani offers itself to a peen, a peen will take it on.

      80% of the population will willingly break up other people’s relationships.

      It wasn’t you, it was him.

    • Gone with the Drapes says:

      he is a piece of shit and so is she

      you are well rid of them both

    • skye504 says:

      What a crazy fucktwat Sarah Jenks is, just putting that out there. In response to your question, experience has taught me that anyone is capable of ANYTHING. That’s not a reason to become paranoid, it’s just something to be aware of. Be trusting with your guy if you think he deserves it (otherwise why would you be in a relationship with him in the first place), and if one day you find out he doesn’t, you’ll know that your conscience is clear and that these things will catch up with him. They always do. I dated the equivalent of Honest Freaking Abe who repeatedly said from time to time that he would never cheat on me and that if he was ever with someone who cheated on him he’d just leave. Well guess what? Douche decides to cheat on me with his “best friend” from law school who I never met, despite the fact that she lived up the block from him. (We were long distance for the last 2 years of our relationship.) He never told me, but I figured it out. The stupid skank is now his girlfriend. And according to a mutual friend I keep in touch with, is every bit the incorrigible, label-whore, hyperactive bitch I thought she was. So, in other words, it’s a ticking time bomb. I get random calls every so often from random numbers. There’s never a message. But I know who it is. A mature person could have seen things for what they were and decided it wasn’t all about them and worked it out, or if they’d developed feelings for someone else sat me down and told me about it and walked away. That’s the right thing to do. But he didn’t do the right thing. I feel good knowing that I did. I’m studying ACTING for God’s sake, I get to work with some extremely attractive and flirtatious people all the time. But I’m happy knowing that when I make a commitment to someone I stick to it. So yes, anyone is capable of anything, but I know that so am I. I’m capable of being reliable and trustworthy and so might the guy you’re with. If it turns out that he isn’t but you are, then go you! Then it’s on to the next. There are trustworthy people out there, sometimes they are just hard to find in what can feel like a sea of douche bags.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Nonsense. Of course people of any gender can be monogamous. And people who don’t keep promises—whatever promise, whether it’s to take out the garbage or to not fuck other people—are doing something shitty.

      People cheat on each other in open and polyamorous relationships. Sex isn’t a magical thing about which nobody can keep agreements any more than money is a magical thing about which nobody can keep agreements.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I really dispute the incessant “it’s biology” thing re: men. I realize that anecdotes are not data — thanks Cancer Dan! — but I know just as many women as men who have become bored, craved sexual variety, fooled around on their partners, and I think more and more polls/studies are reflecting that. It’s about the type of person they are, and whether they are immature selfish dicks, or perhaps just stuck with the wrong partner and unable to muster the strength to get out of it, or decent, honest human beings who don’t want to do to someone else what they wouldn’t want done to them. Sometimes you have to experience it to have that maturity about it, but good, decent, empathetic men — and women — are capable of not fooling around, and they are out there.

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

          Agreed. I have several male friends who I’d stake my life savings on that they’re not cheaters.

    • not chrisrock says:

      The truest thing Chris Rock ever said: “Men are only as faithful as their options.”

      So if no other woman will look at him? Congratulations, he’s all yours.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think Chris Rock was talking about Chris Rock. I just don’t buy that anymore.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

          Chris Rock also was cheating CONSTANTLY on his wife on the down low. Know this for a fact.

      • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

        Agree with you -Not Chris Rock, the tiger woods blow up was no shock to anyone who lived in Scottsdale. We all watched it for years.

    • AFGHANI says:

      His rationalization is bullshit. He has issues. I’m happily monogamous and most guys I know are able to be the same & wouldn’t be cool with some guy being a douche like your ex.

      • Pescachickenarian says:

        Afghani, for the second time ever, I am in full agreement with you (#teamcaulk).

        Am happily monogamous. Fuck that guy, it was him who fucked someone else, not his gender as a whole.

        • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

          Every time I read sweeping statements about the truth of ALL MEN and how monogamy isn’t possible — how every single man on earth has cheated or would, given the option — I have to step away from my computer and do something else. Men who cheat in their relationships are an absolute anomaly in my world, and always have been. Anyone who wants to insist to me that my husband of fifteen years has cheated, ever would, or is capable of it can fuck right off. Honor and decency and behaving like a grown ass human being are not fantasies, they’re character traits. My father-in-law, my brother, my brother-in-law, the husbands of my friends: not one of them has or ever would cheat, in part because they work too hard and are concentrating on getting through the day. There are way bigger things to think about than novelty and the peen, and all the men I know have moved on to thinking about those things.

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            Apologize for my tone here. I have a cold.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            That is exactly how I feel.

            I also think a couple of generations of men now were raised by feminist women, for the most part, who talk openly to them about this kind of stuff. I don’t think it’s considered a badge of honor anymore to get as many notches on your belt as possible — it’s viewed as being skeevy.

            I have not raised my son to be the kind of dude who would do it — he saw how painful it was for me when my ex did it to me, and he just wouldn’t go there. He does not want to be “that guy.”

            The generation of men raised by Betty and Don Draper types? Perhaps.

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            I like sweeping statements like I like statistics …

            #FuckThatNoise

          • Gone with the Drapes says:

            If you want to cheat you will find a justification for it

            If you don’t you won’t

            See also, “I am the cosmos,”
            http://grigr.com/2011/09/i-am-the-cosmos/

            “She writes aphorisms and then throws them out, one after the other, so rapid-fire the reader is exhausted.”

          • (yes, she was one) says:

            I largely agree with you – to the extent that a specific human is able to act rationally. Just like the adult child of an alcoholic who themselves becomes an active alcoholic – despite knowing the horrific consequences – there are many people who cheat without regard for logic or their actual priorities. It’s complicated.

            But yes, I know men who would not cheat and do not cheat. Ditto women. But I also know a lot of non-scumbags who have cheated.

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            yes, she was one: I’ve known men and women who cheated (my father was a gold medalist in the Infidelity Olympics). My point is not that liars and cheaters don’t exist, but that it’s absurd to look at any person who can’t be faithful in relationships and attribute those characteristics to an entire gender, which happens ALL THE TIME.

            The plural of anecdote isn’t data, as CD so rightly said, and as Jacy has recently reiterated. If I were to draw conclusions about the whole of humanity based on the behavior of the worst people I’ve known? Good lord, I’d be crunching my cyanide capsule between my molars.

          • (yes, she was one) says:

            I am vigorously agreeing with you, s-i-l of Me Time!

          • Gone with the Drapes says:

            a cheater is by definition a scumbag

          • afghani says:

            There is some truth to the idea that maturity is a good indictor of trustworthiness. But that is regardless of gender. We all know people who were promiscuous trainwrecks in college or just thereafter who grew up over time and have good relationships. Conversely, there are people who never grow up in that way. Whether that’s an innate trait or a person’s response to various “wounds” throughout life is a good topic.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Generalizations of this sort are always made by deeply embittered people, RRR generalized, embitteredly.

      Seriously, who knows? No one has a pipepline to the front-lobe/testicle reflex of X amount of billion people.

      I’d guess most people fantasize about it briefly and then never bother or even truly consider acting upon it.

  15. donkolnikov says:

    I can sympathize about being controlling and weird with food – I identify as a compulsive overeater and attend a program to help deal with it – but I hate the tone of this article. It’s just a justification of how you are really a victim and are just trying to help by controlling other people’s lives and nagging, like your intentions are good. Just think about your self more, because everything you do is for OTHERS! Bullshit – you want others to change so it reflects better on you (higher status).

    Does she want this change because it will make her guy’s life better and them happier as a couple, or because she wants him to up his status so it reflects better on her?

    Goat soap (AKA THE DEVIN STETLER) is like an accessory to her.

  16. Random Snowflake says:

    I’ve dated a nag before, and it’s a real drag and makes me want to get out as soon as possible. Millions of men get through life just fine without a nag at their side.

    Also, if your mate is doing everything wrong and you’re not in sync with your goals and aspirations, what the hell are you doing with them? How many times do women have to think “I can change him! I can fix him!” before they finally just go find someone they’re actually compatible with? So weird..

  17. frequent liar miles says:

    WTF?! This is one of the worst things I’ve read in Donk’s years about relationships. It almost makes me bow down to Annie Lalala as the voice of reason (which is scary.)

  18. How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison: Spotted in Central Park today, while I was walking with the boy. http://lockerz.com/s/244697030

    #FTFYasswipe

  19. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    I read nothing in that post that was about getting in the kitchen and making me a sandwich.

    • EyeRoller says:

      Well noted.

      She’s no hardcore donkey, but after a little research, I discovered one thing:

      SHE IS THE WIFE OF A FUTURE SURGEON.

      Also–
      http://sarahjenks.com/blog/my-wedding-un-veiled
      “As I mentioned in Part I of my love story, my wedding was perfect, but it was nothing like I expected.”

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        Also from that piece, a total gem:

        “Up until then, I thought the only reason to have a pretty wedding was to get it in a magazine.”

        Donkey still thinks that’s the only reason.

        • hamster of hate says:

          I got a good laugh out of “when you and your man are taking care of you…” Fuck him and his lunch-related neediness! And fuck that client who claimed she was eating half the food she used to, and had dropped so much weight that she could almost fit into her old jeans — after TWO WEEKS.

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        And GROSS. I just came back to my computer and that window was still open. I forgot what I had been reading, so I started reading again right where she talks about how they “made love” (barf, I hate that term) for the first time as a married couple instead of having brunch. Barf. Overshare. Barf. Barf.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        The troll! That is too funny …

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        All anyone needs to know about this chick, and why Donk loves her, is this line:

        Everyone told me, “nothing can prepare you for what you will feel on your wedding day”. And honestly, I didn’t believe them. I had been planning my wedding since I was twelve, TWELVE! What more could I possibly know?

        • Gone with the Drapes says:

          “I had been planning my wedding since I was twelve”

          other participants being totally irrelevant

          that is psychotic

          • Gimme Pig of Love says:

            YES.

            It’s sort of one thing to say, “When I was twelve/sixteen whatever, I used to dream about my wedding.”

            But to make it sound like this continuous process from 12 to twenties/thirties is oh-so-creepy.

  20. Gone with the Drapes says:

    OT Downton Abbey is back sunday nite in the UK; cannot wait months for the legit us release; suggestions?

  21. Jungle Area says:

    This reminds me of Mama Gena… Anyone remember her?

  22. Nameless Pasta Lover says:

    Long time reader here. Working on getting myself a name worthy of you clever cat peeps!

    In the mean time, do we have a Lasagna spotting in the 3rd row?

    http://instagram.com/p/Pjf8lPMf3j/

    I can’t remember the last time she was mentioned or made an appearance.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      I see the resemblance. But no, that’s not Lasagna..

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Definitely Lasagna-y. I am not convinced it’s not her. Look at Donkey there, front row and clinging to her man like a suckerfish. My Cankleshausen is acting up so badly. Honey, the world gets it — YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

      • Nameless Pasta Lover says:

        “like a suckerfish” Perfect description!

        I still think it’s Lasagna. Though I agree there’s no reason for her to be at NYFW, the same can be said about Donks… and yet, there she is again.

        My Cankleshausen flares for all 3 of ‘em.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      Zang Toi would NEVAH this Julie Tramp.
      This is definitely a gate-crash. His clients have money and PAY
      for his beautiful designs. They aren’t grifters like la Donk.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Why would Lasagna be going to NYFW?

  23. Don Quixote says:

    Stupid donkey made an appearance in my dream last night. I’ve got to stop visiting this website.

  24. Spoutless Teapot says:

    she wrote some insane shit at about 3am on her twitter. some fan-douche twittered her “so happy u found someone u deserve it!” and she tweeted back some shit about LOVING him and jumping on a couch a la tom cruise. it is to BARF.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      Ha! Well, I’ll just leave this bit of history here, which is why I suspect Donk was so interested in the stupid bridal blog post:

      http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/24174738

      So in short, she’s now contemplating the theory that she only gains weight in relationships because she’s been a bossy control freak instead of “happy”? Clearly she’s only happy when she’s playing that role, so good luck with cutting back on that, Donktard.

      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        She meant it at the time, but that was four years ago — nobody cares!

      • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

        Donktard=love

      • JFA says:

        Yeah she probably gained weight from all the cooking she claims she did at the time – cooking salads.

        I’m sure it had nothing to do with not having a job and loafing on her married boyfriend’s couch 12 hours a day. It was because she was happy, and cooking a lot, a lot of salads.

  25. SirClompsAlot says:

    @JuliaAllison
    It was a brainstormy kinda night here in New York City.

    The scheme-juices have been a-flowin’ over at the grifter brain trust.

  26. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    so tavi gevinson (age 16) tweets: proud of myself for finally changing all the Beyonce in my iTunes to Beyoncé, with an accent. is this what being an adult is like?

    and julia answers her: no.

    but this sounds exactly like something donkey would do, and then proudly tweet about, as her only accomplishment for the day. she is a perfectionist, you know!

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      What a dumb kid. Being an adult is all about pink tutus and tiaras.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      Being a cunt to a 16 year old fan is such an adult thing to do.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        i doubt tavi is a “fan” of julia — she’s probably more famous than donks is. but yeah, twunty fo sho.

        • afghani says:

          Probably? Tavi gets invited to sit front row at any show she wants, Anna Wintour knows who she is, etc etc.
          Julia is a laughingstock and no one considers her to be anything within the fashion world.

          Note: I’m not saying Tavi deserves the attention, but she gets far more than Julia

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            Holy crap, I didn’t even know who this girl is, but she makes my life complete now.

            (Anna always beats me to everything, that betch)

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          Oh, she’s THAT kid, I didn’t recognize the name. OK, now it’s clear Donk was a jelly twunt, not just a twunt.

    • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

      At half JABa’s age, Tavi has twice as many twitter followers, has a book out that’s destined to be a runaway best seller, has been on Jim Fallon — and he loved her, knows Anna Wintour personally yet feels no need to pretend she is “covering” fashion week, and is an actual role model and adored by “all the girls”. She created a wildly popular website, RookieMag, an offshoot of her celebrated and immensely popular personal blog, and was invited to give a TED lecture, that has been watched subsequently by over 200,000 people, and appears to be actual friends with Lena Dunham. Yet she feels no need to brag about herself as if she is a “brand” or “founder” or “social media expert”.
      HALF JABa’s age. Just sayin’.
      [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2vx3szd.jpg[/img]

      • Jordache & the Pelts says:

        I have a soft spot for Tavi. She actually produces content, has an informed, unique point of view – and is half Julia’s age.

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          I just watched her TED talk and was so impressed with her ability to present herself like she did in front of a group like that at her age. I am now wondering why she even bothers acknowledging the Donkey.

    • Gone with the Drapes says:

      tavi is awesome

      that’s an ok meta joke on growing up for a teenage fashion pop culture mogul who has already accomplished more in a few short years than many people do in a lifetime

      mocking tavi: jealous and fat, no doubt

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        JABa’s use and understanding of the web seems just so outdated and tired. Posting thousands of pictures of herself on FaceBook, humblebragging on twitter, stupid lipdubs and fake interviews …

        She wasn’t a part of the action early enough and hasn’t been around for long enough to be of interest even as a relic. So many activist innovators were here decades before her, and even the dreaded mommy bloggers have leapfrogged beyond her stilted and self-absorbed level of interaction.

        Youngsters like Tavi (and many many more examples exist) — the truly talented creative types who understand the technology and how to engage their audience/participants — have easily surpassed her and never even noticed her in the rearview mirror as they sped by.

        And JABa’s ultimate legacy? Humiliating herself on an embarrassment of a reality show in a last desperate attempt to be noticed. And failing to leverage even that faint hope into anything of value, she winds up as a dingy rhinestone bejazzled to the grifter underbelly.

        Cautionary tale indeed.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Julie is super jelly of Tavi. Being a bitch to her is horrendous PR. Tavi love forever!

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      Real adults date gay adults of the opposite sex-gawd that 16 y.o. has so much to learn.

  27. EyeRoller says:

    BOSSY PIG OF LOVE
    by Donkey

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Butter.
    Butter who?
    Butter stop nagging your man or you’re gonna be round, alone, and blue!
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/souza8.jpg[/img]

    LOL hi everybody as you may have guessed, it’s ME, DONKEY! This Lord’s Day finds me exhausted from my Central Park photo shoot. All I want to do right about now is take off my church pearls, strap on a feedbag full of salt and vinegar Ruffles and go to town, but first I’d like to take a moment to set a few things straight for all the critics out there who don’t believe my life can be a warm Cookie Monster snuggie with delightful crumbs in every fold.

    My boy bought me this to help me take care of me:
    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/xsyv6.jpg[/img]

    Thank Sheesh for my fellow bloggers who inspire me to become the non-nagging nagless nag I need to be in order to successfully corral my man. It feels good knowing there are others out just like me who are determined to preserve LOVE!!! and trap it in their hearts like those fancy amber paperweights with scorpions stuck forever inside.

    TRUE LERVE:
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/153pdu8.jpg[/img]

    Before everyone starts insulting the other bloggers I recommend, I just want to say– The reason why we crazy bitches who aren’t even obese still FEEL fat and can’t stop banging our kneecaps with the blunt handles of butter knives is because we worry too much about our man looking at titties on the street or reaching for a beer, when what we should be worried about is him telling us how beautiful we are at least 70 times per week in between our manicures and dance lessons.

    Once I start taking care of ME, it’s his job to join in and fill the hole!
    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/ome83.jpg[/img]

    For those of you who believe the type of woman I am is some sort of mythical Cerberus from another dimension, well, you’re right and wrong. We ARE giant hounds that guard the gates of hell who will stop at nothing to be married and happy, but otherwise, we’re real people full of genuine, beautiful feelings, dontchaknow? What’s wrong with me if I want my man to join me in taking care of ME? If he loves me he should be doing whatever it takes to prevent stroking my every stale feeling with a Tagalong cookie!

    True Lerve Backup Plan… JUST SAY NO!
    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/21alt2g.jpg[/img]

    Even though my close friend Miss Jenks can really drag out some self-help, I ask you to recognize the impressive fact that she is married (to a SURGEON I might note), and she does seem like a less crazy ho than I am which is why THIS donkey’s playing it smart and hitching herself to THAT wagon. Wait, did I say that? I meant, I support ALL THE GIRLS and my life is too good to be true WITHOUT junk food or judging my drunken Tiny Prince every time he comes home from a gay bar still wearing a rainbow cock ring.

    Wuh-oh.
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/30icohv.jpg[/img]

    All that said, I saved the biggest reason why I share a “kindred spiritedness” with this Sarah girl– Hate on haters, because we both look exactly like Kate Middleton, see:

    Kate Middleton
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/wjht6s.jpg[/img]

    Sarah Jenks
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/fyprpg.jpg[/img]

    Donkey
    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/2dvsoxf.png[/img]

    Stay tuned dear readers… Central Park photos coming soon!
    xoxoDonkey

  28. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    I think this is more “what the hell?”

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    If anyone is looking for a EA/communications hybrid growth position in SF at a very promising tech startup, email me JA@JuliaAllison.com

    RE: the aforementioned tech job in SF – scratch that, don’t email me – just read about it / apply here! http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/mar/3272757197.html

    • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

      And the ad:

      SF Tech Start-Up seeks Team Alchemist (hybrid office mngr/comms role)

      Connect is a mobile/web software start-up focused on enabling people to unlock the potential of their relationships and the networks of those surrounding them. We are working to build a company for the long-term, focused on products at the intersection of machine learning, relationship mapping, big data, and beautiful design.

      The greatest predictor of human happiness is the strength of one’s relationships and the greatest predictor of professional success is degree of one’s connection to others. And yet, while endless potential may be contained within the relationships surrounding us, our ability to make use of it is still limited by what we know – and can remember – at any given moment.

      It’s an exciting time – we are four months into product development with a talented team and are soliciting feedback from alpha users to turn those learnings into a successful beta.

      Our team of six is led by Ryan Allis and Anima Sarah LaVoy. Ryan was the co-founder and CEO of iContact from July 2003 until February 2012 when it was acquired by Vocus (NASDAQ: VOCS) for $169m. Ryan is providing the initial funding for the company. Anima holds an Oxford MBA, is the founder of Swing Semester, and an avid connector across the fields of politics, technology, and social enterprise. This fall, the team is spread across two coasts with the majority of us – and team alchemist role – working out of a spacious home in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco.

      The Team Alchemist is intimately involved in the early stage startup process, providing direct experience in functional areas such as HR, business operations, marketing and product. The role has a steep learning curve, with multiple opportunities for growth.

      Responsibilities Breakdown:

      20% — Internal Communications & Culture — Works closely with CEO and COO to create authentic community among team; shape organizational culture; assist with hiring, onboarding, and managing relationships.

      40% — Administrative Systems and Exec Assistant — Manage the systems that make our place run. Run payroll, conduct basic accounting and bill payment, order team meals, coordinate general scheduling and PA tasks for COO and CEO. Maintain smooth-functioning office environment through vendors (e.g., housecleaner, deliveries) and ensure day-to-day basic upkeep of space.

      20% — External Communications and Event Planning — Act as the face of the company in communications with alpha users; plan logistics for advisor dinners, conference sponsorships, house movie nights; Maintain brand / image on Facebook

      20% — Product User Research — Organize and attend user feedback sessions, synthesize feedback, provide input.

      Characteristics of Ideal Candidate:

      Analytical as well as emotional intelligence

      Focused and highly efficient; adept at multi-tasking, prioritizing responsibilities

      Detail-oriented, organized

      Creative, confident, interesting person with own special spice

      Collaborative, team-oriented energy

      Ability to motivate and manage relationships with multiple parties:

      Upwards, with the CEO / COO

      Laterally and downwards, with employees and consultants

      Outwards, with external vendors, advisors and alpha users

      Social Grace and Savvy in Written and Verbal Communications

      Willing to tackle all manner of tasks, from home maintenance to big-picture strategy to team culture, with positive attitude.

      Tenacious and proactive; likes to take ownership of projects, dive in, and see them through to completion

      Solid in character and high in integrity

      Understanding of basic business systems such as payroll & accounting

      Passionate about product and company philosophy

      Demonstrated ability to Make Things Happen

      Join the Connect Team

      Work with a team of strong players on big game technology. Get to touch all parts of the company, with wide open opportunities for growth. We are able to offer a competitive salary as well as early equity, health care and dental, creative working environment, and seasonal vacations (4 weeks/year).

      To apply, please email jobs@connect.to with your CV/portfolio and any information you’d like to include.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        I know somebody who is need of a job and who loves start-ups. DONKEY. Only, she has practically none of the skills listed. Definitely no social grace but I will give her tenacious and having a “special spice”, if by that you mean smelling unwashed.

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        Twinkerballs is going to LOVE working out of the Castro.

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      WTH indeed — why would Mulia Mallison insinuate herself as a middle-donkey in Connect’s hiring process? Someone w/ no work skills of their own surely isn’t even remotely qualified to be part of the screening process …

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        Maybe she’s an advisor/angel investor. And by that I mean she has an account and she wants to sleep with the CEO.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          That must be it.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          There are Donkey prints all over that posting upon closer reading. It’s right up her alley re: “relationship mapping.”
          LOL. Great idea!

          And this: “Analytical as well as emotional intelligence”

      • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

        I didn’t read the whole job description but noticed the mention of the “spacious home in the Castro” — they’re probably moving into or just moved into The Villa, which is the house Hermione et al rented for their Bravo show.

  29. How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

    Julia Allison: Flying LGA-ORD to pick up @Lillydog (who has been staying w/ her grandparents). It could be a hostage situation. They might not let her go.

    MOM$ER … SAVE LILLY!

  30. SirClompsAlot says:

    So many lulz:

    @JuliaAllison
    @astrologyzone – I just had a HUGE breakthrough with my life purpose / career next steps last night, Sept 15th. (I’m Pisces / Gemini rising)

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      1st Step: Get a fucking job.
      2nd Step: Don’t get fired from the fucking job.

      That was easy. Didn’t really require donkeystorming or whatever the hell she claimed.

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        It’s especially hilarious that she tweeted that to an astrology twitter account. LOL

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        How many times has she done this? Prematurely rushed to Twitter and Facebook to pronounce that HER LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE HER PARADIGMS ARE SHIFTING SHE’S HAD A BREAKTHROUGH HER FUCK-YOU MONEY IS ON ITS WAY. And every time it’s followed by either abject failure or dead silence. She is such a gigantic tool. For once in her life, can she consider discretion? Just once? So as not to humiliate herself again?

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          One day she’ll tell the story of this week…

        • JFA says:

          My fave stories in this vein are the times she tried to tell (Redacted) that she had “big ideas” etc about his company and was very put off that he didn’t seem to give a shit about them. How dare he!

          Always “big ideas” with this one. Never any actual results. For someone who has had big ideas for so long, you’d think she’s have more to show for it than a failed hobby blog/”business”, numerous firings from reputable publications, and a little watched reality show.

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            Her only big idea is how to inveigle herself into the orbit of whomever is trending at the moment and working their connections, hoping it will lead to something not too hard to do that pays a lot of money, provides her a lot of public exposure, and/or provides lucrative grifting opportunities.

            She is a leech, basically, who uses her appearance and “fame” as currency. One wonders how long that can actually continue to work for her. These tech types are not dumb, they have to know she’s a walking joke and a total trainwreck by now.

            It is so great that she wasn’t able to shut this site down. She is damaged goods for the world to see.

        • Gimme Pig of Love says:

          yeah, but that would be so much less unfunny for us!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The paradigms are shifting again!

  31. ShesJustStupid says:

    ison @JuliaAllison7m
    “Having thick skin is an important quality for anyone who wants to do something in the world.” – Chelsea Clinton
    View details ·
    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison15m
    “It’s important to be in professions in which you care about the metric of success.” – a very wise Chelsea Clinton in Vogue

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      As role models go, Donkey could do (and has done) a fuck of a lot worse than Chelsea Clinton. Chelsea accomplishes more in one day than Donkey will in a lifetime.

      • A Donkey is an Ass says:

        Not only that, but Chelsea Clinton was called an awkward unattractive kid by Wayne Campbell when she was 13. Donkey, in her late 20′s, had Dad$ers harass random people on the Internet because they had the nerve to talk about the plastic surgery she sometimes denies even happened.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      two words: Miss Pennystock.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Thank god she got that Harvard MBA.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          It is a testament to her stone bone laziness that she couldn’t even get it together to go to business school, even an “executive MBA” thingie, to trawl for wallets. Dadsers would certainly have paid.

          • AFGHANI says:

            It would be amazing to be a fly on the wall when Robin & Peter discuss Goat Soap. The mixture of disappointment and embarassment must be exquisite.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            @Afghani, I WOULD LOVE THAT!!!! Peter Baugher is crying in Robin’s cranberry guacamole as we speak!

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            ASSuming that Mom$er & Dad$er even converse. With each other. About D0nkey. Been dodging it for years; why is now any different?

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            ASSuming that Mom$er & Dad$er even converse. With each other. About D0nkey. Been dodging it for years; why is now any different?

          • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

            Is there an echo in here here here ?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Like shilling for Cheesy Skillets?

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      But Julie does have thick skin — at least around the nostrils.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      And what the hell is her metric of success? How much she can con others out of and how much attention she can get?

      It makes me sick that she cherry-picks quotes from famous people and smugly tweets them, pretending as if she is following this sage advice herself and that just tweeting it makes her seem wise. And then idiots retweet the quotes and she gets more followers as a result. It’s essentially intellectual grifting.

    • JFA says:

      You might also want to follow in her footsteps, get a damn job, and step out of the limelight. Just a thought.

  32. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    @JuliaAllison
    “Seeing the good in others starts with seeing the good in ourselves.” – Cheryl Richardson

    Will Donkey ever realize that twatting quotes she’s thinks are deep, does not make her deep by proxy? Will Donkey ever realize the the quotes she chooses are almost always insignificant gibberish? Will Donkey ever realize everything she ever says is also insignificant gibberish?

    Obviously the answer is a resounding, “FUCK NO!”, to all of these questions, but Gregdamn I hate that shit. You’re not intelligent because you quote actually intelligent people. Idiot Donkey is an idiot.

    • cora says:

      i need to think about me more

      i don’t think about me enough

      what do you think about me?

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        I don’t think this quote MEans what she thinks it MEans.

        • A Donkey is an Ass says:

          I like to think that Donkey truly believes this. And since her current, greatest-love-affair-of-all-time has made her the happiest person in the history of all time, then she must see all of us the most jealously-loving-fan-fucks of all time. She loves us now! Super!

  33. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Was anyone else taught by their parents that fun = bad? So in their adult life they always feel guilty about having a good time? Just me?
    Expand
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    ALWAYS FEELS GUILTY ABOUT HAVING AGOOD TIME???? LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Girl, you funny.

    • SirClompsAlot says:

      Oh greg, her Twitter feed is a shitstorm of awesome right now. Gotta get some popcorn.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Isn’t she in Chicago? So obviously fighting with the parents about her loser life?

        • SirClompsAlot says:

          My thought exactly. Had to rush off to her 2 twitter fans to get some vindication for dad$er & mom$er’s downer lecture.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

          Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
          As a result, I am very talented at looking like I’m having fun without actually having fun at all.
          Expand
          Reply Retweet Favorite

          Okay, she is so mentally ill. She is either the hugest liar… and we know she is — or more of a pathetic sad sack than previously thought.

          You’re 32, live the life you want. Cut the fucking cord, if you’re not happy, ask why you give 2 shits about people’s perceptions of you. Get help. Figure out what makes you happy and do it. It’s called being a grown up.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Fun makes her feel guilty? Too bad being an asshole doesn’t weigh as heavily on her conscience.

    • Meow Mix says:

      Guaran-fucking-teed her parents gave her the riot act about the past two weeks of crazy. To uptight WASPs like them, something like Burning Man is appalling. I mean, it’s one thing if Julia works her ass off all year and takes a week off from work for something like Burning Man, but she does absolutely nothing and then flounces off to the desert for a week to do drugs and act crazy with her grifter boyfriend.
      Then off to Fashion Week to do god-knows-what. Dadsers probably beat the “Get a job” drum and Julia took that as “My mean parents hate fun :(” Momsers and Dadsers see that Devin doesn’t have a job or any way to support their spoiled daughter’s lifestyle, and that they’ll be on the hook for her forever and ever.

      • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

        Guaran-fucking-teed her parents gave her the riot act about the past two weeks of crazy.

        Heh. Good luck taking that to the bank …

        Hard to imagine that her 2nd weak (<– yes, I mean what you know) @ Burning Man was the straw that finally broke the d0nkey's back … not when you consider that these are the same parent$ who posed w/ & fauxtographed w/ KinderWhore on a church altar …

      • Cora says:

        on the hook for her AND for him

        not what they had planned t all

        • Meow Mix says:

          Yup. I know a few parents of kids just like Julia. Waiting and waiting and WAITING for some guy to come along and take care of their crazy ass daughters so they no longer have to be on the hook for them. Sexist, yes, but people like this exist.

          A friend’s cousin could have been a Julia Allison twin. Her rich-but-not-rich-enough-to-support-her-forever parents were ecstatic when at age 32 their daughter finally found a “wealthy” man to take care of their jobless socialite daughter. They were engaged within six months and her parents threw her a gigantic and garish wedding. Turns out the wealthy husband is not as wealthy as they thought and now they’re on the hook for both their daughter AND her husband AND their new baby! Forever, and ever!

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

        Peter Baugher wants a boyfriend he can brag about at The University Club. Devin Stetler is not that boyfriend. She has gone from dating a super wealthy prestigious guy to a guy with no job, no ambition who reads Warcraft fan fiction and runs around the desert in dolphin shorts. And is gay.

      • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

        YEP . I agree. I don’t even think they have to yell at her. At this point in life for JA, I’d wager that just being around other normal humans with jobs, careers etc, makes her feel inadequate. Hence the ‘WOO HOO I’m so awesome’ overcompensation.

    • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

      Wait , so being a drag in drag at Burning Man wasn’t fun?

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      Seems to me that Mr. and Mrs. Baugher, for the first time in a while, have her boxed into a corner on the whole responsibility/job thing and are probably pressing the issue. Think about it. Over the past few years she always had something to stand behind as career/future oriented if she had to defend herself. Non-Society was a “business,” she “covered” Fashion Week, Tribune Media, the television show, and so on.

      For the first time, she’s got nothing lined up. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I am sure Petey and Robin have taken of this.

      And yes, I knew they are the worst of the enablers. Doesn’t change the fact that she no longer has even the most miniscule of bread crumbs to throw out when pressed on how she’s going to support herself.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        No only does she have nothing going on (LOL writing a book), but she’s on the hook for steep rent every month until May.

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          But she has her Julia Allison website!
          Full of exciting updates, interactive features, and give-aways! Sponsored posts about the events and products she cares most about, insider stories of what it’s really like to film a reality show or attend NYFW, Burning Man, etc., live with a kook roommate in LA! Glossy photo albums of her and her many friends pitching in to support all the important causes they support and believe in, annotated with amusing anecdotes her friends have shared. Lots of links to interesting people and helpful topics. Fashion, food, travel, art, activism, life, love, health, careers, and MORE!!
          Oh. Wait.
          No.
          It’s a static pink page with pictures of Julia that archives old articles she managed to get published elsewhere.
          Sorry.
          My bad.

      • JFA says:

        She’s obviously going to try desperately to sustain this notion that Miss Advised has a shot in hell of being renewed. Gives her a few months of treading water time. She’ll also keep pretending to be writing a book that will never materialize. That should keep her going at least a few more months.

        I’m sure she’s desperately angling for a ring at this point to keep everyone including herself distracted for at least another year. She can’t very well be expected to have a job when she’s planning her magical fairytale wedding extravaganza!

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          yes, I suppose with a ring she’d get a “small” wedding gift of a hundred thou or so from the enablers …

      • Dyspeptic says:

        I suspect the prospect of going home to Chicago Sunday to face the parental music is what occasioned the New York “brainstorming” session (term used very loosely where Julia is concerned) on Saturday night. Shades of that “listening tour” she got Peter Baugher to do to convince him she was actually doing things with her life instead of spinning her wheels. Rich.

        • SirClompsAlot says:

          This is what I thought too. Had to come up with a game plan AND if her parents read her twatter, had to toss it out before she got there that shut up, parentals! I have major life plans happening! Don’t even start with your get-a-job shit!

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            That’s a good theory. I heard all her wild Pancakes Twitter/blog exaggerations were for her parents’ benefit. I totally believe that. What a loser. Cut the ties, dumb ass. Which means stop relying on them for money and dog care or do as they say and get a job.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        Seems to me that Mr. and Mrs. Baugher, for the first time in a while, have her boxed into a corner on the whole responsibility/job thing and are probably pressing the issue.

        Doubt it.

    • JFA says:

      Also the problem is not having fun, dickhead. The problem is traipsing around the universe looking for excuses to wear costumes in lieu of having any adult responsibilities whatsoever (like, I don’t know, a fucking JOB, paying your own damn rent, taking care of your pets, etc). what a spoiled brat.

      • EyeRoller says:

        @JuliaAllison: “Why is fun important? Aside from overall satisfaction, it greases all areas of your life – relationships to career to creativity to giving.”

        Yeah, it greases every area of your life, except the PALM AREA. Time to get a job sister.

        • JFA says:

          Whatever quotes she can find to justify her lazy entitled joke of an existence.

          I would love to have more fun. But I need to pay my rent so I work a lot. This is one of the hallmarks of her bullshittery – finding semi-scholarly justifications for her failures. See, e.g., Tim Ferris love, “nomadic lifestyle” crap.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          Giving? What the hell does a Donkey know about giving? Genuinely curious.

  34. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Maybe the weirdest traveling outfit I’ve ever worn. But cowboy boots make everything more fun, damnit! http://lockerz.com/s/245068949
    View photo
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    Hick-tastic. I love when she goes to Chicago – she always acts more insane than she already is.

    • schadenfreudianslip says:

      Weirdest? So we’re not counting the Firefox getup?

    • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

      What’s w/ the string around D0nkey’s neck? I’m imagining that she flies w/ a laminated placard designating a child needing steward attendance …

    • EyeRoller says:

      This is the best I’ve seen her look in a long time. She should’ve worn this to the Betsey Johnson show last week, complete with iphone blocking her face.

    • Psychotic Today says:

      Honestly? This is the best she has looked in, like, a year. I hate her for having big calfs and finding boots that fit. (I can never find boots.) She looks healthy and not Burning Many weird/cray/fat. SS SF if this has been covered but her cray goes on full display right before being home and or going back to Marina del Bray.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        10 or 11 inch high cowboy boots always fit. It’s when you go over 12 inches that your calf measurement starts to be an issue. I have pretty much only cowboy boots for this reason, because like Our Julie, I suffer from Cubist Calf syndrome.

        • How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

          I sincerely hope that your intention was for me to LMAO @ Cubist Calf Syndrome, cuz I just did.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I have to laugh about it, or I would never stop crying. OH BEAUTIFUL KNEE HIGH BOOTS, YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE MINE

    • JFA says:

      I think she looks like she hasn’t slept in a week. Also, tweeting iphone photos of your outfits from airport bathrooms for all your non-fans is just so sad. Put the phone down, read a book, take a few deep breaths, try a mood stabilizer etc. She makes me tired.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Just the thought process. “I am in an airport bathroom. I am looking HOT in my cowboy boots and short shorts. My legs aren’t as fat as those assholes say they are. I am going to take a picture and post it. I’LL SHOW THEM!!!”

        Completely and utterly demented.

        • cora says:

          it’s actually a relatively normal traveling outfit

          how much sideways size are those bags hiding?

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          It is incredible, no? A 31-year-old woman posting pathetisad airport bathroom self-portraits to the multitudes of fake followers on twitter and FaceBook.
          I’d give a teenager a pass on this a few years ago, but who in their right mind does this now? It’s a tired joke that’s even passed the point of being an overworked meme.
          My 15-year-old stepdaughter declined to post a cute picture of her — that I took — while we were travelling on a major city subway. Then again, gorgeous and young as she is, she’s not a conceited narcissist and doesn’t want to alienate her friends with a wall full of look-at-me!!! pics. She’s got kick-ass self confidence, is well traveled, involved in state and national sports competitions, and puts in actual hard work and gives her personal time to a number of worthy causes she’s passionate about. She not only doesn’t see the need to broadcast every little thing about herself all over the interwebz, she’s appalled by the very idea. True story.

          • JFA says:

            I thought of this too. This kind of sad attention-seeking behavior would MAYBE be understandable for a teenager. She cannot experience the most mundane of stupid bullshit without sharing it. It’s an illness at this point.

    • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

      But wait, what if cowboy boots aren’t really FUN? What if they just ‘ look’ fun? what if they are just an imitation of fun? I IS WORRIIIEDD!

      She has to measure everything by ‘fun’, and by fun I mean ‘ego’ because she has no larger goals or purpose. Drifting from one shallow amusement to another like a fish in a tank. That is why it feels so deeply inauthentic, even to her.
      This is a good cautionary tale for me as I work on my own ego.[img]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s62HiPVlls[/img]

    • JFA says:

      What’s even “weird” about this?!?! It’s shorts and a sweater. WOW SO PECULIAR. Any pretense to take photos of herself I guess.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      that’s probably O’Hare Airport ladies john—-
      what a loser. And, yes, Hick-tastic.
      What happened to the Juicy Velour Couture outfits? Those were damn
      awful too, Julie!
      Moar stinky outfits!

  35. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Aaannndd she’s back to publicly slagging off the WinkleVoss twins again:

    https://twitter.com/nickbilton/status/247526861624729600

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Why can’t she see the good in them?!? They were just having fun. :-)

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Having read enough about the Facebook fiasco, I personally feel like they’re over-privileged assholes who simply had their egos busted, yet at the same time were also kind of dicked over. The ridiculous settlement kind of supports that.

      Then again, neither I, nor Donkey, has an actual donkey in this fight. So, who gives a fuck.? Not a single Zuckerberg gives a shit what either of us has to say.

    • Psychotic Today says:

      They ended up walking away with absurd amounts of money. The End.

      • cora says:

        “They ended up walking away with absurd amounts of money. ”

        which, they argue, could have been more

        just because they are rich and got paid a lot doesn’t mean they maybe shouldn’t have been paid more

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      That was years ago, who even remembers. Apparently, Donkey.

    • JFA says:

      She’s best friends with Facebook’s sister! She is personally affronted by them!

      Asshole, they got paid that settlement because they obviously had a good case. Go sit the fuck down.

  36. EyeRoller says:

    What’s with these dinner pics she’s been posting of PencilDonk-prepared pescatarian-friendly meals where Timothy Sykes always seems to show up? It looks like they’re the last three left on Survivor or something.

  37. (yes, she was one) says:

    Did you guys already cover this in the comments? http://thestir.cafemom.com/entertainment/139834/5_celebs_whose_plastic_surgery

    I saw it linked on TMZ and was dismayed to see Donkey’s Bravrolebrity nanosecond of “fame” reinforced. But nice to see her advanced aging due to injectables has been noticed far away from my mom’s basement.

    • SirClompsAlot says:

      Gosh, now she’ll put in her resume that she was once grouped with Courtney Cox & Jada Pinkett Smith.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      wowser, pathetisad.
      Haterz on a national level now bunnies! xoxo

    • EyeRoller says:

      I wonder if she’ll harass and sue that website for asserting the outlandish claim that she’s had injectables. We all know she’s totally natural except for one drop of Botox she received many years ago, and never since!!!

  38. Ignoramus with Pelts says:

    Listening to Howard stern …. He is ranting about how lame it is to buy twitter followers, lol!

  39. A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

    OT: Guy Fieri’s (apparently awful) restaurant in Times Sq serves something called Donkey Sauce. For real.

    http://www.details.com/blogs/daily-details/2012/09/5-most-absurd-menu-items-at-guy-fieris-new-times-square-restaurant.html

  40. Sparklemotion says:

    I question your commitment to sparkle motion

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      I met Beth Grant in a theater courtyard while she was performing in a play in L.A. and she said that DARKO line to me.

  41. Albie Quirky says:

    I’m sure she thinks her parents are just Captain Bringdown and First Officer Buzzkill for asking unfair questions like “When are you going to get a job?” and “Why do you keep asking us for money?” and “What happened to all the fudge sauce that was in the basement fridge?”

    SO CRUEL THEY SHOULD BE REPORTED TO ACPS

  42. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    All Roads Lead to Donkey!

    Did you see that the guy who went on Fox and Friends this morning to troll Gretchen Carson went to New Trier High?

  43. How Brayella got Her Hoove Back says:

    Of all places, THE DAILY SNUB (a forum for frustrated and abused job-seekers) is running an article (Are you a Coke or a Koch? Define your brand) mentioning Julia Allison (Baugher):

    ‘She has a proven genius for personal branding and one of the best times to re-examine your brand is when you are trying to sell yourself to a new employer.’

    Oh honey … it is to laugh that you pretend to know jackshit about getting & keeping a job, nevermind that your ‘genius’ of a ‘personal brand’ = RebloggingDonk.com & purchased fans in the ‘stans but nothing more.

    P.S. D0NKEY!

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      I’d like to know what, exactly, is Julia’s personal brand? Childish, unreliable dickhead? Seriously, somebody please explain what her personal brand is supposed it be. Countless reality stars have come & gone with the the famous for being famous. If Julia has any relevance whatsoever it’s because she is hated, and we are to thank for that, because we are so awesome.

  44. The Final Rose says:

    Never, ever reads here.

    Julia Allison
    about an hour ago.

    I’m home in Chicago and the verdict is in! My parents like the boyfriend. (whew!!!)

    • JFA says:

      NO ONE CARES. CHRIST.

      Didn’t she already tweet this kinda crap already? Holy shit never has a 31 year old who’s already had about 25 boyfriends in life acted SO EXCITED about having a boyfriend. Grow up.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        How much humiliation is this guy going to endure and do even 13 year olds tweet this kind of nonsense? Ugh. She sounds like an imbecile. How does she not know this?

      • Pearipathetic donkey says:

        Ha! Plus, she says she was gonna marry 23 of them!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      Because she never reads here where we said they obviously don’t like him or we would have heard about it. If it took three weeks for them to give their opinion – THEY NO LIKE YOUR GAY JOBLESS BOYFRIEND.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      “Honey, this isn’t about Devin. Devin’s a nice guy, really. We like him, of course we do. But when are you going to get a job? The TV show’s over and you don’t have anything going except this book you’re working on with that other girl. We can’t keep writing you checks forever, you know?”

      translates into HUGE VOTE OF APPROVAL FOR TWINKERBALLS in Donkanese.

    • SirClompsAlot says:

      92 likes??? She must’ve strong-armed her “friends” … “Like this post or die!”

  45. SirClompsAlot says:

    @JuliaAllison
    My patents are now discussing the federal deficit. It’s getting uncomfortable.

    Hilarious typo aside, they must really be reading her the riot act on getting a job.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      “…because I feel like they might be trying to tell me something, but I can’t quite get it.”

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      She LOVES to make her parents seem to intellectual and they just come off sounding pretentious and boring. How long is she staying home for? Chicago Julie is my favorite. I take it No Balls is back in LA?

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      Prompt random The Altantic article tweet.

    • Leased D-Class TaskRabbit "boyfriend" (Formerly Floppy) says:

      Oh honey it’s your gay craigslist boyfriend and industrial grade Spanx cutting circulation to your elephant legs making you uncomfortable.

  46. EyeRoller says:

    What gives with the bridal/wedding links lately, and the parents’ “approval” of Pencil? Is there an engagement coming or not?

  47. AFGHANI says:

    OT, but does anyone know why MWOP is down?

  48. moonshinedonkey says:

    Julie is in a cult, guys. Landmark Forum!

    http://www.xojane.com/newagey/landmark-forum-cult

    I leave this here in hopes that you “find” key words such as:
    Name tags
    Lululemon
    Ayn Rand

    I am fluent in PhDonk.

    • moonshinedonkey says:

      Authenticity
      QVC host selling talk therapy

      lol

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She isn’t doing Landmark Forum, because she would fucking never stop talking about it if she was. Seriously, everyone I know who has ever done it has talked and talked non-stop about it.

      She’s just fucking stupid and likes Lululemon (or Lulu Lemon, as she thinks it’s called) yoga pants because they’re chic, and refers to Ayn Rand because she wrote big books that some of the boys on her high school debate team liked.

      Julie’s drinking a slightly different flavor of Kook-Aid than the Landmark flavor. For one thing, everyone in Landmark would look down on her for her lazy-ass ways; Julie prefers the “sit on your bum and dream” approach of The Secret and her BFF Tony Robbins.

  49. Tingolayo says:

    Just a few thoughts, as I’m traveling and not super handy with the mobile version. (I’m covering the opening of a new cupcake store for my food blog! I mean, the blog I plan to have one day. I can’t say much about it yet, but it’s going to be really big. I’ve been brainstorming like crazy. Then I’m off to Jamaica to cover a beach party for a major rum maker.)

    1. Since I been traveling, I’ve been too busy running around, dealing with time zones and strange electrical outlets and iffy connections and batteries I forgot to charge, to even post much. I’ve uploaded like 1 or 2 photos (of beautiful scenery). Everyone knows I’m out of town and will catch up when I can. Nobody cares what the hell I’m wearing. My friends would die laughing if I posted random, posed, faux glamour shots of myself at every airport and security check.

    2. What I probably love most about her is her delusion re the tech world. She is not a techie, nor does she create apps or innovative websites or products of any sort. She does not review apps nor gadgets nor new technology nor websites. She has no influence whatsoever. She blabbed about “personal branding” (disordered people know how to turn on the charm and the b.s.) and some people listened. I’m not techie at all, and I’ve been online since I was using Tin to read Usenet on a VT100 emulator. Somehow I slogged through the grueling task of creating Twitter and FB and Tumblr accounts without the help of Julia Allison.

    3. Nobody I know, from ages 16 to 60, posts as much as she does about her high school experiences and her parents. She is 31 (32?)!!! She is obsessed with high school and college. Live your own life. Pick a career. Rent or buy your own home with your own money.

    4. She is bonkers. Not fun and wacky and whimsical and original and exuberant. Just pathetically delusional and trying so, so hard to have this “fabulous life” that she is forgetting to actually live. Take a backpacking trip around Europe and don’t blog about it. Just enjoy the experience and spend time relating too each other. Keep a paper travel journal and post photos later.

    /soapbox

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