Chick Who Makes Six Figures Wants to Sub-Let Her Apartment For Short Stints

I’m looking for a subletter for Sept 8-19 and Oct 19-31, as well as over Christmas and New Years … if you know anyone, let me know. 

The best part about this is seeing her pretty-pink boner-killing palace up close. The fact that it hasn’t killed PencilDonk’s boner yet is, well, telling. Also fun to see that some poor, sad chick actually paid almost $400 a night to stay in the place while the two Julias were home. Oh dear.

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231 Responses to Chick Who Makes Six Figures Wants to Sub-Let Her Apartment For Short Stints

  1. pearipathetic donkey says:

    She must be having trouble making rent. She’ll move once the lease is up, but where? My money is on trying to live with Pencil, but he’s in the same situation as her…maybe the both of them in the Downtown Condo?

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      Would Petey allow that? What would his partners say? Or the Fabulous Moms of Wilmette? I’m guessing ol’ Dad$er isn’t too happy with Twinkleballs. His old school self might be o.k. with funding his useless idiot daughter, but not her lazy, unemployed boy toy, no matter how much Julie tries to spin Pencildonk’s “amazing potential.”

  2. Random Snowflake says:

    So does this mean that little Julia is no longer living there??

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      Skinny Julia called Big Julia her roommate in a tweet a few weeks ago – how is she paying her rent/??? Someone said that place was listed at close to $6k in one of the threads.

      Lewis Howes, Skinny Julia love nest with the donkey always away.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Wait, the monthly rent at that place IS 6K??!??!???!?

        • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

          and (as we knew) it’s for sale

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            It says it’s 5 years old so it was built in high flying 2006/07. It’s definitely lost value – if the place is carrying 10k in a mortgage a month and I am guessing an extra 1 – 2k in insurance a month and 2 k in property taxes a month – it would have to rent for 6k to make it’s mortgage (it’s 2 units).

          • AFGHANI says:

            @ Mercedes – when you say insurance do you mean mortgage insurance or property insurance? or both combined? 1k seems super high, but I’m unfamiliar with living that close to fault lines. Is CA property insurance really that high?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            But that would be for two units, so wouldn’t the rent be about 3 grand each place? Math is hard, help me here.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            @Jacy, the mortgage is 10k a month. Add insurance and property taxes, it’s at least $13k a month – then divided by 2 units.

            Her unit could be 6k a month.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Jesus fuck. So they each pay $3,000, potentially. And now she’s also bitching about what a mistake she made leasing an expensive car. This idiot donkey really thought the reality show was going to make her rich and famous. IDIOT.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            @Afghani – I mean property insurance. I am basing it on a friend who lived down there and spent $488 on a one million dollar place – and she discontinued earthquake b/c she could not afford it – also, she did not declare her tenants b/c she could not afford it. This place is 1 1/2 times more expensive, so I am guessing but I’m in the ballpark.

          • AFGHANI says:

            @Mercedes – property insurance should depend on replacement cost. That place could be replaced for $150/sq ft, tops. The price is due to the cost of finished lots in that area, which probably has a lot to do with scarcity and stormwater/environmental permits. So I doubt the property insurance is that much more than what your friend pays. But proximity to fault lines is probably everything in that area. If you add in PMI, insurance really could be 1k/month, though.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            Sure, I’ll go along with that.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            @ Jacy – But why would Toilet Julia stay, is what I want to know???? Was she as deluded as a Donkey about what would happened with Miss Advised? I think these two must be convinced it’s coming back.

            Bravo paid their rent or a portion of it until May – now they are hanging by a thread hoping subletters will keep the rent paid. Hope no one trips and falls or the landlord is fucked.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I think the replacement cost (which is what an insurer would use) for that condo–both units–would come in around $800-900k. The entire duplex is ~4500 sq ft, so probably about $750k for the finished structure, then another $100k for the hardscaping around the place (which is very nice). The land would probably explain the rest of the cost. There probably really are no finished lots that can be built anywhere along that part of the coast. Which is why people with money buy dingy houses along the coast and tear them down to build from scratch.

            Another way to think of it is, a place like that duplex would cost 1/3-1/2 as much if it wasn’t in an environmentally sensitive and overbuilt area.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

          In one of the threads, someone plugged in the address and one of the other models, with two bedrooms, was 6k. People shot me down when I guessed it would be 4k. Yes, there is a lot of development in the Marina that is just sitting there but this is a nice building without a ton of units. 6k seems VERY high, I admit, but I wouldn’t doubt it’s between 4 and 5k.

          Hopefully whoever did that check can confirm.

          • AFGHANI says:

            The total cost of that place probably comes to 12k/month. So the owner is renting it out at more than 50%+ loss? Wow.

            Is California a recourse state? Because if you can just mail the keys back to the lender, why would you not, in this situation? I can’t imagine someone paying $600+ per sq foot for that place.

            Also, how are there 4 BR and 5 BA in a ~2000 sq ft place? I don’t understand, my mind is boggling.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            It’s 2 units.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            It’s owned by a family trust, remember? Estate of Dawn L. Roddy, administered by the grand-nephew. So I doubt there’s a mortgage, as Roddy apparently owned a bunch of properties all over the LA area.

            I think the heirs want to sell and get their money.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I just notice, the owner subdivided the place into a 2 BR unit and a 3 BR unit. You noticed that before me, I guess. Subdividing, assuming they pulled a permit to do it, should make their property taxes even higher.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            @Albie… I still think those two are way in over their heads on the rent. For a nearly 2,000 square foot space with everything new, I don’t doubt the rent would be 4 – 5k.

            Plus whoever owns it has been trying to dump it for 2 1/2 years with a one million dollar reduction now. I’m guessing they keep the rent at a fair market value.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            This is one of the cheaper Roddy estate properties, though. Googling “Estate of Dawn L. Roddy” and much higher-end places turn up.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

            I would like these people to adopt me.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Yes, I wish I had had an Auntie Dawn.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Albie, the really must own the place outright, otherwise they would’ve just done cash for keys. But if they do own it, they should be holding onto this place until RE stabilizes or has an uptick, so I doubt we’ll see it sell anytime in the next few years. This is a rare case where there really won’t be any new or better places built in that area anytime soon. Lack of finished lots combined with builders not being able to sell at a high enough price. They kids need to calm down like Kevin and ride out the storm. They also need to make sure Julia can’t sublet their place.

        • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

          SIX GRAND IN MARINA!?

          I wouldn’t have thought it possible.

          WHAT A DUMB BITCH!

        • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

          If they’re paying $6k per month, they are out of their fucking minds. A quick scan of 90292 shows 2+2 rents at about $4k TOPS for huge places near the beach. The big complexes on the east side of the peninsula are going for about $2500.

          They must have gotten a year’s worth of rent fronted by the production company.

  3. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Has Donkey ever before been so transparently desperate for money?

  4. EyeRoller says:

    Wow that apartment really makes me want to not fuck.

  5. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    What is that thing by the Pottery Barns Kids desk? a mini trampoline?
    This looks like an art installation at a lower tier art school exploring adolescent femininity and excess.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I’d be more comfortable inviting guests to Chicago/Schapiro’s Womanhouse. Exploring femininity via tits on the kitchen wall would be more subtle and liveable.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      Yes. There was a funny TMI Weakly where Mary called Julia out for saying that jumping on a mini trampoline like that constituted a beneficial, grueling workout.

      I immediately thought of this:

  6. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    I own and rent 3 vacation cottages near the beach and I would bet you anything that the person who owns that condo 1) has no idea she is subletting it to strangers and 2) would shit twinkies if they knew.

    • Peltergeist says:

      This is what I hate about the sub-subletting rental concept. Nice idea… until your neighbor regularly rents out your place to a bunch of total strangers who leave your building door open at all hours of the night and invite other strangers over to potentially trash the place. I’m away a lot and would love to fully rent out my place, but a) it’s illegal according to my lease and b) I respect my building too much.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      I get you, Pelt. I was mentioning it too because it is a huge liability risk for the owner, too. You have to get completely different insurance coverage when you rent by the day or in my case by a week or more (what my zoning allows). Also if they let the guests use bikes, for example, as she says they do, you need coverage for that and it requires you supply helmets. All this may sound minor but IF she is doing this without the owner knowing (I can’t imagine letting her do it), she could be setting up the owner for a big lawsuit. Hope Pettifogger is licensed in CA as well as IL.

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        Dammit! I mean, um err…oops. Take one “too” out of the first sentence. Wish we had a pink preview button.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      It’s owned by a family trust or estate or something of some 80+ year old property tycoon lady who died a couple of years ago. So the nephew or grandnephew who’s the administrator probably isn’t paying close attention, thus enabling Julie’s grifting.

  7. Grammarian says:

    Is that taxable income

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      Yes. Will she pay taxes on it? No.

      • Wonkeye says:

        Air B’n'B reports it as income, so she’ll have no choice. Or Dadsers will have no choice. . . .

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        There are also state and local tourist bed taxes that have to be filed each month. CA does NOT mess around about this, either. They will nail your ass and fine you big time if you don’t pay.

        • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

          City of LA is also a bulldog on tax revenue owed on businesses in town. They’ll let you quietly do your business activity and then a year or two later, BAM, you get your notice.

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            Is Marina del Bray within city limits, though?

          • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

            I am not that familiar with LA, just flew there for work a few times. But I lived in SF and then Silicon Valley for 10 years (including OMG Palo Alto.) CA is freaking expensive as hell, for everything. I’ve been away from it now for 15 years (now in Florida) and it could only have gotten worse since then. She has to be freaking out about money if her inheritance is close to used up.

  8. mandy says:

    The girl who stayed at their place attends Harvard Business School. WTF?

  9. Random Snowflake says:

    So I just read the one review on their AirBnB page there.. It sounds like she stayed there while both the Julia’s were home, and it’s a 2 bedroom place. Does this mean people re paying $389 + $100 “cleaning fee” to sleep on their living room sofa? WTF?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Donk went to PencilDonk’s, I am guessing.

      Tweet in my Twitter stream that I wish someone would send along to her:

      Alex Baze ‏@bazecraze
      I’ll believe self-help books work when I see a bunch of them on a sane person’s bookshelf.

    • EyeRoller says:

      Yes, but the four hundred bucks includes:

      *Not getting to have sex
      *Complimentary breakfast that includes all the free rotten lox and bottled water you can stomach
      *One Casio keyboard serenade by Toilet Julia

      If that’s not a fucking steal then get off the internet!

  10. Dr. Gary says:

    Did Tiny Julia move out after filming ended? Her bedroom + bathroom are empty. Looks like she got the hell outta Dodge.

    Considering that Devin looks more like a low-rent LA actor wannabe than a ‘developer’, I bet they are trying to pitch a couples reality show to Bravo.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      Yeah it’s strange, it’s also a new picture. The picture used to have very Modern furniture ala West Elm before. Toilet Julia called Donkey her roommate in a tweet a few weeks ago but maybe it’s all a ruse.

      Julia Price ‏@JuliaPriceMusic
      You know your roommate is really in love when you see her more on twitter than in real life. @JuliaAllison #devinkidnappedjuliaandlilly
      Expand
      Reply Retweet Favorite

    • AFGHANI says:

      Kayla & Checkers or Kath & Matt Younger would have more chance of getting a reality show than Donks & Goat Soap.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      Her room looks barren. Plus, it looks like her bathroom has the same shower curtain as Big Julia’s and you know she wouldn’t pick out that grade school nightmare herself. It’s as if she left with her shower curtain and Julia replaced it for renters. There’s also nothing on her walls, no real furniture and a stack of fresh linens on the bed which I doubt was just posed for the listing. Little Julia definitely isn’t there anymore.

  11. Tribune Slingbacks says:

    Why is there a vintage prom dress hanging next to the bathtub? Mmm, moldy tulle.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Moldy Tulle = I saw them at Lollapalooza.

    • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

      also the fucking blue monstrosity hanging in her bedroom. old off the rack dresses do not equal art, donque.

      also, did anyone catch the framed “time out” cover hanging in the laundry room?

    • EyeRoller says:

      Pairing mothballed prom dresses with cowboy hats and heart-shaped purses brings all the boys to the yard, indeed.

  12. Dr. Gary says:

    I can’t believe a grown-ass woman lives there. MY GREG. The pink shit literally EVERYWHERE. And the fucking Time Out cover hanging in the laundry room??? Ugh.

    The guy she is *dating* tolerates it? I am now convinced he is gay and she is bearding. I guess she finally got what she’s wanted after all these years: a relationship just like Dad$ers and Momsers.

  13. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    I am going to LOL when she tries to fit that giant size furniture in any other LA apartment besides this one. Scale… learn about it!

  14. Dr. Gary says:

    I spy with my little eye:

    [img]http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/881/jadev.png[/img]

    • AFGHANI says:

      Such cheap outlet plates for a place that’s listed for sale for >$2M.

      • GrammaRian says:

        and crappy sealing up of the faux marble to the cheap plasterboard wall

        • afghani says:

          Unlikely that the wall is cheap. That place was built in 2005-06 and unless someone bribed an inspector, greenboard has to be code, right? Plaster would be better, but almost no one uses plaster these days, unless its some kind of historic restoration. Or does LA have crappy building codes? (not entirely out of the question–FL and AZ have very crappy building codes, but my guess would be that CA has east coast style building code)

          • jbone says:

            Plaster is still actually common around Boston. It’s easier on painters and makes the walls in old homes look much better.

          • afghani says:

            Older homes on the east coast, sure, but only if the people can afford to do the work w plaster. Most people have no clue what the difference is. And plaster soaks up less paint, but this still doesn’t outweigh the cost (money AND time) of doing plaster. Drywall, even when greenboard, is vastly cheaper and less time consuming and much easier to do electrical or plumbing work through it. Basically every house we’ve reno’d started off as plaster but we always use greenboard in bathrooms and basements and usually use drywall to close in ductwork or rebuild corners when we knock out walls. Renters don’t care and if you sell the house down the road, people will care more about updated electrical/plumbing than a small fraction of the walls being drywall.

  15. AFGHANI says:

    There are some high voltage power lines (35000 + volts) running right outside the windows of some of the units in this neighborhood. And it backs up to some kind of canal system. I’m stunned that people pay so much to live in what is basically a NIMBY area. And now they have to deal with A Donkey in their midst.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      No wonder it’s been on the market for over a hundred days – and it’s been listed before that, too. No one want.

      • AFGHANI says:

        A sure sign that the property market was overheating–developers were shoe-horning projects into fairly under-sized and questionable areas. I feel like there was probably a lot of environmentalist concern about putting a development like this in that particular area.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

          Looking at it again, on the market for 2 and 1/2 yrs.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I think the nephew/grandnephew put everything on the market at once when Auntie Dawn’s will cleared probate, but then when that didn’t work started renting things out.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            That’s what the Google suggests, anyway.

          • AFGHANI says:

            It was almost certainly always a rental, because it’s apparently subdivided into 2 units (2 BR downstairs for the Julias, 3 BR upstairs for someone else). This is the only way a place that expensive in MDR would make sense as a rental–it’s not like real celebrities or ballers who could pay $12k/month would choose to live in MDR.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I think Auntie Dawn built it to sell as two condos, then 2008 hit. Then she died, and then the nephew decided to rent.

    • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

      Those aren’t high volt power lines. That’s power, phone, fiberoptic internet, everything. You can’t bury anything underground there.

  16. Stinky Velour Couture says:

    That apt ::::: Sad Sack of Luv.

    Julie is approaching 32 and has yet to celebrate a major holiday away from
    her parents and Little Brother. It’s just an empty crash-pad, and it shows
    how emotionally stunted Julie is. She keeps returning to the Lakeside Assisted Living facility b/c she has no life, there really is NO there there.
    #foreveralone #evenwithaBF

  17. Fake Kidney Infucktion says:

    Ewww, *shudders*
    [img]https://a0.muscache.com/pictures/8320244/large.jpg[/img]
    Who the fuck keeps a dress in their bathroom? Oh yeah, I really want to take a nice relaxing bath next to her dingy shit.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Jesus, it actually LOOKS moldy. What a demented freak.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      Is that pink heart painting the crap she made on her faux date for the show, with a guy who couldn’t wait to flee into the night?

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      Thats fucking creepy

    • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

      As a photographer, the photoshop on this is ridiculous. I see this effect on realtor.com all the time. Why?

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      Is that her Miss Advised series finale painting on the wall?

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      Complete with dead grandmother’s night gown.

      • EyeRoller says:

        Once again, she shits on her dead grandmother’s good luck nightie by using it to stage a BnB website photograph.

        If you hired the tortured ghost of an escaped mental patient who accidentally hanged himself over a jacuzzi tub while attempting auto erotic asphyxiation (hey, you never know), and then you paid him to design a romance novel cover, THIS WOULD BE IT.

        • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

          Thank you for making me laugh! Or it could be the cover of her upcoming autobiography-”From Bubbles to Burning Man, a Sociopath’s Guide to Grifting” foreward written by the Ghost of Granny.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        That “painting” looks Manson-esque. Would freak me the fuck out.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      cheap tile floor, not even travertine, and no steps from the tub (rookie building mistake). Not worth the money and worth even less since she lived there.

    • mcakez says:

      When I see this tub, all I imagine is cloroxing the shit out of it, then ten RBDers piling in for a photo-op, with Donkey masks over the face.

      Who is down to rent for a night, just for the lolz, with me?

  18. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Wouldn’t people stay in a hotel instead?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      EXACTLY!!! You can definitely stay at the Ritz in the Marina mid week for that and have every amenity and a pool (plus high status markers of OMGthe Ritz!)

      The only way this makes sense if you’re traveling with your 3 kids and you want a big place to spread out and a kitchen – but even then – anyone with kids would see those white couches and say, “Oh, hell to the no.” Plus they have no cable! (allegedly).

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        They don’t even have a gym which you could get at a fucking Marriott. She’s talking about the yoga studio, which I’d assume costs money for the classes or even a membership. What business traveler or casual visitor is going to do that? Idiot.

  19. Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

    I heard it was haunted …

    [img]http://gickr.com/results3/anim_5f75a639-4c24-e004-09fb-6501e8e902c3.gif[/img]

  20. AFGHANI says:

    It seems like 2 or 3 months ago that Donkey was making a big deal about “negotiations” regarding her rent, right? And how she said “I feel so AT HOME here” or somesuch. “So happy to be staying another year! ”

    LULZ for days.

  21. brayday cray says:

    why oh why does she think old dresses hanging around the house constitute as “art” or “decoration”?

    if I went into someone’s home and saw random prom dresses on their walls, I’d ask them how their closet renovation is coming along.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I particularly love the posed LL Bean tote, as if it’s a limited edition Dior bag or one of those Judith Leiber clutches. I wonder if she ironed it before she propped it up

  22. Blowjobs by Bravo says:

    Who sublets for days? I always thought it was for weeks or months on end? Let me know when she sublets for 30 minute spans-it’ll be around the same time we see her endorsing late night sex lines.

    • GrammaRian says:

      in nyc people do it all the time. a friend who lost her job saved her condo by couch surfing and subletting for three day visits to mostly chinese tourists. and she is president of the bldgs condo association.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        She’s lucky she lives in a condo, and not a co-op.

        • Edward R. Burro says:

          I thought about subletting my place for Obama’s Inauguration in 2009 (at the time I lived in DC, right near the National Mall) but my condo association sent everyone a memo and said we couldn’t.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Really? In NYC, condo owners can do pretty much whatever they want. That’s why I have a co-op.

      • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

        I could maybe see in NYC where the rents are outrageous but this is just someone over extended trying to extend her 15 minutes. People do it in Scottsdale for the Open in January. You can get $15K for one week if you live close to the course. I’ve never done it, it seems weird to let someone you don’t know live in your home.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      It’s a big trend. I don’t rent the place I live in, but a lot of people who have second homes in vacation areas rent their place out when they aren’t using it. I list my cottages through AirBnB plus another paid service. In three months I have yet to get a single inquiry through AirBnB, which I think is basically one step up from Craigslist. You can’t screen your prospective tenants like with my paid service so you have no idea who is going to book before they do. This is an INSANE thing for single women to do and advertise that people can choose to rent a room while they are there! If you google “AirBnB San Francisco disaster”, you can see how things can quickly go wrong. A bunch of spring breakers could rent this as a party place, trash it and she could do little about it because they book and pay up front through AirBnB.

      Oh, and I’m sure this will be a big shock to you catladies, but Donk’s styling and pictures break all the rules for how you should stage a home to prospective renters, according to people who write books on how to do ths. You should not show personal items or people in the shots. It’s like staging a home for sale, you want a person to envision themselves there which is hard to do when the owner’s clothes and photos and personal items around. You also shouldn’t show the bathroom unless it’s exceptional and never show the toilet. In this case it’s a nice bathroom but ONE picture would have sufficed. And if she says she doesn’t have cable, then forget it, most people want basic cable as a minimum. She should have more details about the kitchen, she should show the table set nicely and the kitchen propped with a colorful meal in progress.

      People rent these places instead of a hotel for a couple of reasons. In some areas (like where I live) it’s cheaper. It looks like out there in Marina del Bray it would not be any cheaper. But you do get a lot more room and a kitchen to use, which makes it appeal to couples traveling together or extended families. Given that Donk is not much on cooking, I doubt the kitchen is equipped well enough to appeal to those who would pay that much to stay there. The more people pay, the pickier they are about amenities. I had somebody complain once because I did not have a melon baller in the drawer. Renting out a vacation house is a lot of work (and sometimes I wonder why I even got into it, guests can be a real pain in the ass, I think sometimes I’m turning into Basil Fawlty.) I can’t imagine her doing it from a distance when she might have to clean and change linens between guests with back to back reservations.

  23. EyeRoller says:

    SUBLET PIG OF LOVE
    by Donkey

    Welcome to The Donkey Dream Pad everyone, it’s me, Donkey! I’ve been so busy jet setting around inside my mind lately that I’ve barely remembered I OWN AN AGING DOG (who needs the springs oiled on her pink mini exercise trampoline), and I have a HUGE RENT PAYMENT LOL! As many of you know, I’ve decided to sublet my glamorous quarters, NOT because I sorely overguessed how much money I’d be making and what can I say– it’s hard punchin’ your way into upper class livin’. But I’m doing this mainly so the public has a chance to experience how a star of my stature experiences the world.

    Anyhow, I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll be your guide today. Let’s go on a quick tour shall we?

    First, the kitchen, where we see our mistress of the hour–ME!– sits, solo, reading RDB and purchasing make believe Twitter followers on my computer. Please note the “Taking Life for Granite” countertops and the stainless, stolen appliances. Note: Lessee is reserved TWO UPPER SHELVES* of far left kitchen cabinet (*or just top shelf only, in the case Donkey needs more vitamin and cleanse pill storage room). Check it out everybody!
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/f9lbtu.jpg[/img]

    Now, follow me out to the “Our Little Secret” Hag-N-Beard breakfast nook on the patio. Charming, is it not? Perfect for sunning your bloated moonface with your buttboy beside you, or splitting a morning croissant and leftover crab legs for a quaint brunch with that special Pencil in your life. This space is the ideal corner of the universe to wax fantastically about international aquariums you’d like to visit with THE BOYFRIEND, and photograph each other at, commemorating one another’s smiles against thick glass where on the other side, sea walruses and albino dolphins who want to kill you take craps in the tank behind your head. Take a peek!
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2z906m0.jpg[/img]

    Finally, we arrive at the master suite, where anything goes LOL, except that lessee is contractually prohibited from any true romance or intimate human connection between a heterosexual woman and man in this room. It has never happened and damn it IT NEVER WILL!!! Otherwise, it’s a great place to cuddle up, sob, masturbate, or just take some Adderall and manicure your toenails with your two front veneers for hours on end. I just laugh when people tell me that no bitch with a functioning noggin would have a bedside lamp that’s smaller than her goddamm ballet slippers or lapdog, but I just laugh, because… Doesn’t it look inviting?
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2z906m0.jpg[/img]

    There’s also a guest bedroom that contains a mattress, changing table, and baby blanket. No, I’M NOT PREGNANT CALM DOWN everybody where do you get these crazy ideas geez!!! Peep the luxury:
    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/2mi5y.jpg[/img]

    It appears we’ve arrived at the end of our tour everyone. You’ve all been so kind in joining me that I’ve had a last minute change of heart and I’m going to show you where I shit, and you can shit too, for the low low price of WAY TOO MUCH!
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/10qxojs.jpg[/img]

    Won’t last long. Tweet for rates!
    xoxoDonkey

    • EyeRoller says:

      Sorry everybody, I got excited and included TWO PICS OF THE BEDROOM LOL!!! Here’s that precious patio nook I was describing above. –xoxodonkey

      [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/j5czuu.jpg[/img]

    • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

      Is that bland room by the Julia who makes the bland casio music?

    • EyeRoller says:

      Hi everybody, Miss Donkey here again and geez louise I forgot to mention the rental comes with a huge bonus. If you sublet the apartment I can’t afford anymore, I’ll teach you how to turn a Picnic Barbie shower curtain into a dress! Like this:
      [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/al3pc7.jpg[/img]

      But the biggest cherry on top is that I’ll show you how to turn it BACK INTO a shower curtain, just like the one in my apartment! Like this:
      [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/xgd280.jpg[/img]

      This sublet is a dream! Tweet me for deets!
      xoxoDonkey

    • Hunter Gorham says:

      KEEP SLAYING IT ER!

  24. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    I was examining the place where donkey takes her juicy shits, and I noticed that she is too lazy to put the toilet paper on the roll. But given how staged this den of erectile nightmares is, I wouldn’t put it past our piggie toed tard of an asswipe to purposefully place it there as decorative art.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      Also? This place costs $6,000/month, and you can’t even get a glass door on the shower?

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        The scale is right next to the toilet. What you wanna bet she weighs herself before and after shits?

        • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

          I was considering adding? AS FUCKING IF SHE CAN FIT IN THAT TINY SPACE WHERE SHE HID HER SCALE.

          • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

            I was thinking the same thing!!!! She would have to grease herself up like a pig to fit in that space for the weigh in, TJ (I’m assuming she got the name because she’s bulimic-uses that scale at least 15 times a day and can fit in that space).

          • SirClompsAlot says:

            TJ uses it while she’s ON the toilet.

    • Frequency and Burning says:

      O MY GOD A TOILET ROLL IS OUT OF PLACE!

      [img]http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/000/578/1234931504682.jpg[/img]

  25. Jack the Bulldog says:

    A Sunday testimonial from Kristin Thorne:

    “A little unknown fact about me: I have to turn my front door knob 10 times before I leave the apartment? I know — completely OCD but – hey – we all have our quirks.”

  26. Tonyamichaela says:

    I don’t understand why someone with haters would let strangers into her home. Maybe I’m paranoid, but if I was in her position, I would be afraid of some creep going through my stuff, hiding a bug, or trying on my tutus. I guess the subletters use their real names, so she thinks they can’t be trolls?

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Or someone who claimed to have been stalked in the past.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      I would LOVE to do a field trip to that place and take pictures inside for humor’s sake.

      • Factory Seconds says:

        I would wear a big hat and big sunglasses and a have a big camera strapped to my neck. I would “oooh” and “aaah” and take a lot of pictures of her and everything she does and make sure to show up to the door wearing this:

        [img]http://funnyshirtz.info/images/i_love_donkeys_tshirt-p235860720599572441t5k1_328.jpg[/img]

        Braycation’s all I (n)ever wanted.

  27. Circumstantial Celiac Sass says:

    Pointe shoes?! Freaking pointe shoes!?! At 32? What’s next? Used condoms in a mason jar in the kitchen?

  28. Whiny Bitch Spoiled says:

    This chick is broke. I can smell it.

    Or maybe that’s the mildewy old dresses hanging on the wall.

    It will be a long winter for the donkey.

  29. Whiny Bitch Spoiled says:

    Also WHAT her is fucking obsession about having done debate in high school? Honest to Greg, she mentions it so often it clearly has some kind of central role in her mental illness.

    Maybe it’s the one thing she did her father actually approved of?

  30. Don Quixote says:

    It truly is unfortunate what she’s done to that poor apartment.

  31. SirClompsAlot says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison

    @timothysykes – SO awesome. Can’t wait to stay at your place this week!!

    Donkey has a job, you haters! She’s a professional couch surfer! Out there winning golds for all the (grifter) girls!!

    Girlfriend has never heard of a hotel. She must count other people’s rent in her 6-figure salary total.

  32. bitchface says:

    so Devil is sometimes ok looking, but skeevy, and those 70s shorts have scarred my brain forever.
    Julia posted a (good) picture of him and posted she was in a relationship AND “highlighted” it (so it takes the full width of the wall) and 6 people liked it, [including her]:

    -Randi Zuckerberg, CEO & Founder at Zuckerberg Media
    -Brit Morin, Founder, CEO at Brit + Co.
    -Christine Kelly
    -Dave Morin, Path
    -Ryan G. Dixon, Apple
    -Julia Allison, On-Air Personality at Bravo!

    So as much as we’d like to think that these people are on to her, they are not. They are all just a circle jerk of disgusting ass kissers.

    I guess this announcement has disappointed the afghani facebook following (yes, you were rung) looking for a submissive wife because not one of them “liked” this.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Ha! Ryan Dixon, isn’t that iDonk?

    • bitchface says:

      oh, and no words… [img]http://oi47.tinypic.com/dy4xp3.jpg[/img]

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        In her attempt to become a fairy princess, she ended up a furry princess.

        • mule on rouge says:

          She’s so gregdamn vain that she must have told those donk-duped dopes at the Flammable Costumes & Children’s Pajamas Corporation that she is a size 2. I bet her thighs still have rings around them from all that pressure. Invisible hotpants!

      • Psychotic Today says:

        You can see her cellulite.

      • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

        Those lycra shorts are painfully tight! She had to have been cut out of them each night by her hairdresser…er…um…oops…boyfriend.

      • Stinky Velour Couture says:

        NONE of Julie’s BM photos ever show her with a hint of DUST or grit. Doesn’t ring true to me, like everything else in her life, she doesn’t try very hard. HOW can those stupid fur boots look like that in the gross dusty desert?

        And now the fucking NYFW rolls around, again. If she had a brain in her, she would have “transformed” herself into a cool
        Golden Tanned, SunKist Californicated Babe….ooops, she couldn’t bother and is still a flacid butter-faced out-of-shape navel-gazer and self-Googler.

      • SirClompsAlot says:

        Every single fauxto she looks like she’s trying to push out a pending fart.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I’m sure Brit and Dave are just excited she’s not braying constantly about how they should fix her up, as in the No Exit Dinner Party and Floor-Oinking.

    • hamster of hate says:

      So ol’ Tetraclycine Teefs has changed the name of her company for the second time this year. It started out as RtoZ Media (stupid), then R Z Studios (say whut?), and now Zuckerberg Media (did they run out of Rs?) I think she may be on to something with this one.

  33. ElGuapo says:

    So is Mr. undescended testes being towed along for NY fashion week? Clearly he is Donkey’s new accessory.

  34. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    Where is her fashion week coverage?!?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      IT’S IN THE QUE! DON’T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY! THAT WAS LAST WEEK!

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      which year?

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      It will be in Elle’s First of Never issue.

      But is she attending as Journalist Julia or as Star Julia from Bravo’s new hit summer replacement series that no one watched?

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

        She’s going as America’s Favorite Second Date Blow Job Queen.

      • hamster of hate says:

        See, this is what I don’t get. It seems like quite a comedown, to go from TV star to just another interviewer among hundreds scrambling around and begging for a soundbyte. How does this Fashion Week fuckery fit into her Bravo narrative? We know she was only pretending to be a dating/relationship advice columnist, but the millions of viewers who watched Miss Advised don’t know that. There are going to be some very confused fans when season 2…. bwaaahahahaha!!! (Sorry, I just couldn’t keep that going with a straight face.)

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Feel free to relax! She just arrived today, because her high school debate partner’s wedding was yesterday on the other coast.

      It is so, so hard being a beloved superstar like Julie Albertson. Your public just won’t let you rest.

      This of course makes me think of Lucia. Maybe Twinkerballs is her caro Georgino? Greasy would have made a perfect Mr. Lucas if he had had the cash and been willing to put a ring on it.

    • SirClompsAlot says:

      Well I guess now we have the answer … she’s “covering” it on Twitter – for all the girls.

  35. SirClompsAlot says:

    OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Warning: super creepy X-rated vintage cartoon porn. Posting here because of the part that starts at 4:40. Roommate and I fell off our catlady perches laughing! The most hilarious part is around 5:18. Oh, donkey! What a tease!

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdrgzr_eveready-harton-in-buried-treasure_fun

    Wish I knew how to make gifs!

  36. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    OT, but ‘boner-killer bedroom’ related: I’m watching United States of Tara & there’s a scene where the cute, rich guy is in daughter Kate’s room — he picks up her stuffed animal & says: “This is not a room for an adult to be in.”

    Diablo Cody laughs at you, D0nkey.

    P.S. D0nkey!

  37. EyeRoller says:

    Hi guys and dolls, Donkey here! Checking in w/more details about the wowser apartment I’m desperately trying to rent. LOOK! This extra special bedroom comes complete with the spellbinding dreamcatcher known as the infamous PROM! DRESS of yours truly from the hit (and run) TV show Miss Advised!!! See it hanging here–
    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/1zp36kj.jpg[/img]

    That’s right, if you decide to kiss hundreds and hundreds of dollars per night ADIOS on my shanty, your powder blue dreams will be guided by a cackling, shamanic leprechaun in floor length tulle as you sleep–
    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/2z885mh.jpg[/img]
    For an extra $20* apartment you can sleep IN the dress. Hell, for $25 I’LL sleep in the dress next to you. (*Add $10 for option of sleeping in dead grandmother’s nightgown.)

    If you’re curious as to why I’d choose to leave such a museum-worthy piece of historical clothing behind, well, every girl has to put her big girl pant’s on sooner or later, PLUS it’s because I purchased 50 more just like it, one for every hour of Burning Man. See–
    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/28ulc2.jpg[/img]

    There I go again, talking about myself. My point is– PLEASE PAY ME TO STAY HERE! Call my new intern for info– pencildick@rent-a-queen.com.

    xoxoDonkey

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

      FRENCH KISS ME AND NEVER STOP!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      “For an extra $20* apartment you can sleep IN the dress. Hell, for $25 I’LL sleep in the dress next to you. (*Add $10 for option of sleeping in dead grandmother’s nightgown.)”

      Slain.

      Risen from the dead.

      Slain again.

      • GrammaRian says:

        Those dresses capture very special moments and memories. The stiletto in the banquette; the cowboy wedding: each item is a pointillist moment in time

    • Greg says:

      This is brilliant. Strong colors (bright).

  38. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    Donkey Allison, still as insane as ever, was still Twattering and FBing as of 3:00am. Some new pics of Twinkerballs. What a mouth breather! Way worse than Greasey. That gummy smile is in full effect at Fashion week… WHERE DONKEY IS WEARING HER ICE SKATING PANTY HOSE – WUT??????

    Omg, tragic. And the dress. #tripleaxeltragic

  39. LOL says:

    Just a little rant…will she throw that awful, fake quilted Chanel-like, heart-shaped purse away and just splurge on a reputable purse already? That is something I would have carried when I was six and yet she is still toting all over town like a complete toolbox. Just why??? It’s not even that it’s pink (all though ugghh) and not even remotely stylish…but heart-shaped…

    If someone walked into a room with that bag…there goes your credibility…

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