Donk Returns; Burning Man, The Sequel, Did Nothing To Stop Her From Tweeting Cryptic Bullshit Deep Thoughts

The more things change, the more things stay the same …

Life is just a series of repeatedly losing & gaining perspective. The key to contentment is to skew the ratio slightly toward the latter.

To paraphrase Charles Grodin: “It would be so nice if you weren’t on Twitter.” And wasn’t it lovely, truly? It felt like an eternity of blissful Donkey absence! It was so nice not having my Twitter feed polluted several times a day with her inane, self-aggrandizing, ass-kissing and/or tantrum-throwing bullshit.

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126 Responses to Donk Returns; Burning Man, The Sequel, Did Nothing To Stop Her From Tweeting Cryptic Bullshit Deep Thoughts

  1. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Typo. Think Donkey meant that the secret to her contentment is losing perspective, because if she had any perspective at all, she’d realize that she’s an offensively useless, universally despised pseudointellectual donkey.

  2. Bravo's Bitch says:

    Ugh, this woman is just so over. She’s been boring me to tears(not tears, boring me to booze) for months now. The cat peeps are the only positive part of this shit show and why I stay.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I cannot believe she goes “off the grid” for more than a week and that’s what she Tweets when she returns — the same old tiresome, nonsensical platitudes about life that she truly believes are brilliant.

      My only hope is that the perspective she gained is that she’s an asshole with a desert’s worth of sand up her ass.

      • Bravo's Bitch says:

        She infuriates me with her stubborn refusal to grow the fuck up and stop being a pathetic loser. Now I need a drink and I will be sending that donkey an invoice for all my liquor purchases for the past few years. Petey better get his credit card out.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Tell me about it. She is always gaining new perspectives, shifting paradigms, witnessing new revelations…its worrisome. All it does is demonstrate her fickleness and (mental) instability.

      • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

        I’m shocked that she didn’t come back full of piss and vineger ranting about how it should be called Burning Woman.

  3. Psychotic Today says:

    I am honestly just waiting for the pictures.

  4. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    So I wonder when she’ll finish “skewing the ratio” on her fauxtographs?

  5. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    She’s been gathering experiences for her book “Tweet, Bray, Shove.”

  6. Bunburying says:

    Not sure if this has ever been discussed, but remember her repeated defense of Jonah Lehrer? (https://twitter.com/JuliaAllison/statuses/225387176744062976, for example)

    This article on his many journalistic infractions is just delicious: http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2012/08/jonah_lehrer_plagiarism_in_wired_com_an_investigation_into_plagiarism_quotes_and_factual_inaccuracies_.html?tid=sm_tw_button_toolbar

    What now, Julia?

    • PROMMMMMM! says:

      She’s such an idiot. Speaking as an online science writer, I’m very careful to always note when I’m re-publishing work that I’ve previously posted elsewhere, either on my own site or someone else’s. Aside from the scandal with the forged Dylan quotes that actually got Lehrer into really deep trouble, the original “self-plagiarism” scandal from earlier this summer was that he took his material that he was PAID FOR and published under one masthead and published it again under another, without ever acknowledging explicitly that it wasn’t original work and that he had published it before (the convention is just to write a short note in italics, either at the beginning or the end of the piece, along the lines of, “This piece was previously published on XX/XX/XX at http://www.website.com“). And yes, IT IS a big problem when you don’t do this, especially when you are passing it off as original work (and presumably getting paid for it twice, by two different outlets).

      The fact that she is a “journalist” (and an online “writer” at that) and doesn’t grasp why this would be a problem at all should shock me…but it’s Julia. So of course it doesn’t. Par for the course. I’m not surprised at all that she doesn’t see why it would be a problem to take something you’ve written and sell it to a bunch of different places without telling them that someone else has already published it (and paid for the rights to it) before.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      Of course she defends him. She was re-using her sad little TMS columns on Huffpo until someone called her out in the comments.

    • afghani says:

      She’s also said she doesn’t believe Lance Armstrong cheated/doped. What a moron. (And, of course, her frenemy MMBH has also gone on the record that there’s no way Lance cheated)

  7. juliaspublicist says:

    What does that even mean?!?!?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Is if you need a Donkey to human dictionary, as it were, per se, pip pip cheerio?

    • KashMoney says:

      she wants to CHANGE THE RATIO

    • K_Swizz says:

      It means that Goat Soap dumped her and she is going to spin it into “Oh, well I jumped into a relationship right as Misadvised finished shooting, but it turns out I just wasn’t done discovering ME! ME! ME! so we had to part ways so I could “gain some more perspective” and google myself 80 trillion times a day… again.”

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Maybe not dumped, but they spent what, more than a week together in a dusty tent and I guarantee you Princess Pelts was unpleasant, and the bloom is well off that rose.

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          Do we even know that he went?

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            That was never clear to me. I guess we have to wait for the pictures. Which could take a while since she has some digital trickery to do if she wants to make herself skinnier than Goat Soap.

        • LetItExplode says:

          I also read it as she got dumped. But if the case she’ll spin it into a paradigm shift wherein she could not move to Guam.

          • LetItExplode says:

            Err.. if THAT’S the case, I meant. So sorry. So fat.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            She will relate it to him living Downtown. He’s too close to all that consumerism and pointless manufacturing of crap. She needs to make her default world more like BRC…

            They couldn’t stay together and pursue their dreams. For him, that’s buying white suits in the fashion district and her, well who that hell knows.

          • LetItExplode says:

            hahaha. Well in her defense the commute to Guam is often easier than the trek from Marina del Bray to downtown.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            His soap-making would just get in the way of her career & she knows how unhappy he’d be if he kept her from realizing her full potential, so they parted friends, but he left the barn door open & they’re going to remain besties & talk every day!

        • Pescachickenarian says:

          The bloom is off and all that’s left is a prickly old green (skin tagged) bush.

      • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

        Yes, I think this indicates that the week did not go well. Last year she came back babbling about her wonderful life-changing experience. This year it’s some drivel about the meaning of life that she might tweet out on any given day.

        I’m still not convinced she stayed the week, but we may never know.

  8. Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

    “Life is just a series of repeatedly …” is making my brain hurt so hard. Her abuse of language is criminal.

  9. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Run Goat Soap – run

  10. Aggressively Stupid says:

    How much more perspective on herself does she need? She’s had multiple columns about herself, three weblogs, a facebook, a twitter, countless tv pilots, and REALITY SHOW! I don’t think anyone in the world spends more time looking and thinking about themselves and she wants MORE perspective. Just face who you are already and fix it.

  11. Lady Donk Donk says:

    She should be homeless again. Only for reals

  12. melting marionette says:

    donkey decompression. (n.b.: no oars).

    [img]http://www.somethingchanged.com.au/image/614842536[/img]

  13. Albie Quirky says:

    She’s aiming for “Ralph Marston” but only hitting “Ralph Wiggum.”

  14. Jack the Bulldog says:

    OT: I’ve moved, Cat Peeps, and near the home we shared in Coronado. Today I went to see Celeste & Jesse Forever at the Landmark Hillcrest and was horrified when donkey enabler & blazing idiot Shira Lazar appeared for a good ten seconds near the beginning of the pretentious indie. “Would you mind if we went next door and watched Killer Joe instead? I’m suddenly feeling very aggressive.”

  15. sausage curls/fingers says:

    I’m hoping Goat Soap was dragged along and forced to dress up in costumes, like he’s Lil(l)y 2.0.

  16. Donkey Expertin says:

    I did a lot of soul searching this week and am hoping you all can learn to love the normal, emotionally healthy Donkey Expertin that I am today. Because here’s what I realized: I missed the Donk. I missed the brays and the insomnia tweets and the nu-spiritual declarations and the melt-face and Goat Soap’s skeletal fingers digging around in her pockets for gold coins and fame. I mised the bray and cray because it is the fodder for so much cat lady brilliance, and I simply cannot live without you. So I for one am looking forward to the burner pics and tweets about how writing a book is hard and whatever else Donk can muster, because I need your Cheetos-covered genius in my life!

    Also: I looked at a lot of Burning Man pics on instagram today and they were actually quite beautiful: the art installations and landscape especially. And I LOLed to myself thinking of A Donkey, who visits said magically beautiful place and yet posts solely photos of herself. Surely she doe not even notice the amazing pieces around her for she’s so enamored with whatever tuto and goth slut boots outfit she put together for the day. God I love our dumb Donk.

  17. These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

    They’re up! They’re up!

    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/o6myyr.jpg[/img]

  18. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    Pics are up people with Goat Soap looking like an out of work gay hustler from the 80s!

    There will be much vomming in the shower!

    • juliapublicist says:

      It just occurred to me that the bf (what is his name?) looks like a cross between that gay broadway dude and that gay npr dude. Where are you seeing these BM pictures.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

        On her Facebook… check out the link below I posted, in a candid moment she looks like Goat Soap’s great Aunt Betty.

  19. Ba-donk-a-donk says:

    WTF is that bulge in her pants/shorts (first photo at the top of the blog post)?? That really looks like something that shouldn’t be there. I can see the outline and everything.

    And my gay-dar was seriously going off with this new boyfriend of hers, “Goat Soap” as you all say. But this just confirms it. He has a rainbow on his hat in the above photos. I love gay people. But straight males don’t go around wearing rainbows. And he’s too pretty to be straight.

    But then again, the bulge in her pants could explain why Goat Soap is into “her”….

  20. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Mercedes C Class) says:

    Hahahahahahah! Love it! Found this pic on someone else’s account – definitely not donkey approved. Can someone post?

    http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151144315247641&set=t.617589326&type=3&theater

  21. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Their color coordination are killing me. They’re like two BFFs on the first day of junior high. Call me and we’ll figure out what to wear so we can match!

  22. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/33kgadw.png[/img]

    (Note D0nkey’s full length mirror in the background)

    • Ba-donk-a-donk says:

      Strangely, this dude despite his glittery shorts, looks more straight than Goat Soap. She is in denial if she seriously thinks her boyfriend is straight.

  23. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I knew one thing reminded me of another ….
    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2pq2c0y.jpg[/img]

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      all these years after redacted dissed her, she finally found someone to jump through her hoops and wear (her*) costumes. also, gang signs. if goat soap sticks around, halloween will be EPIC.
      *like, these are girl’s clothes, right?

  24. fl00fy says:

    These two look so happy together in their color coordinated halfass skanky costumes! I can’t see how this can fail to end in the most derpy overblogged wedding on the planet.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      She has finally found someone who is relatively hot and will allow her to dress him up in hot pink short-shorts which expose, literally and figuratively, his utter lack of balls and a substantial dong. Jesus, my man isn’t a porn star but when he walks around in his boxer briefs, I see his package. Is there ANYTHING in Goat Soap’s pants?

      But I digress — marriage is inevitable, cat peeps, and it’s going to be GLORIOUSLY, INSANELY CHEESY AND OVER THE TOP!!!

      My cat lady prayers have been answered!

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