Dietary Advice From Velveeta Cheesy Skillets Shillmeister

That’s right, the chick (?) who was getting paid for Tweeting about Velveeta Cheesy Skillets has some dietary tips for the little people in an interview with some publication/website/whatever I have never heard of and it clearly sucks because they do not know the proper usage of “myriad,” a bit of a pet peeve of mine, and they also hilariously actually wrote “the challenges of being an independent woman” as though women, by nature, are drooling, co-dependent morons. Anyway. Feast your eyes:

Starting as a dating columnist at Georgetown University, Julia Allison has made a name for herself reflecting on relationships in a myriad of magazines and national newspapers, and on over 1,000 television appearances across major networks. Most recently, Julia’s been starring in Bravo’s new TV series Miss Advised.

We admire Julia for the authenticity, wisdom, and spirit she brings to the challenges of being an independent woman. She has won many fans with her candor, sense of humor, and relatability. If you somehow have not already heard of Julia, these answers will show you what fun you’ve been missing.

ChickRx: Any health/wellness misconceptions you used to have and laugh about now?

Julia: Absolutely! When I was quite a bit younger (say, 15), I would eat terribly. Never sodas or chips (my mother wouldn’t allow them), but I would alternate between cheese and marshmallows for that sweet & savory kick. And I was under the impression that sugary cereals were “healthy.” Hysterical.

Now I am gluten-free, because I learned, at age 29, I have celiac. I’ve been a pescatarian (fish, no meat) since I was 19. I drink a green vegetable juice in the morning nearly every day (usually kale, spinach, celery, cucumber, ginger, apple and lemon).

I also thought that “working out” was something one only did to lose weight, not to feel more vital and alive. Now I love yoga, biking (on my beach bike–I hate mountain bikes, my butt just doesn’t fit on those seats!), hiking and walking my dog on the beach. I also enjoy sex! Best exercise ever. Hahaha. [EDS: Ewwwww]

ChickRx: What is the best first date?

Julia: The older I’ve gotten, the less I’ve enjoyed first (or second or third) dates that involve a fancy dinner and drinks. There are a few reasons for this. One, I’m just tired of doing out to dinner. Two, I always overeat: appetizers, entrees, desserts (I have a sick sweet tooth), and drinks. I leave bloated and lethargic. Three, I don’t enjoy wondering whether I have something in my teeth or on my face the entire date.

Now I prefer to go on active first dates, especially hiking, walking on the beach, dancing or wine tasting. Something that gives both of you a fun activity you can discuss if things get awkward—and on first dates, they inevitably do!

ChickRx: What’s your weirdest eating habit you’re willing to admit to?

Julia: I used to eat bowls of honey. Straight. Seriously. An entire BOWL of honey. I no longer do this, because…um…it’s insane?

ChickRx: Who, to you, epitomizes a healthy attitude worth emulating and why?

Julia: Oprah’s life-coach Martha Beck!! And Tony Robbins. I worship Tony Robbins. He is a paragon of health and vitality. [EDS: LULZ]

ChickRx: Which health issue or cause matters to you most?

Julia: I’m passionate about healthy eating! Particularly gluten free, meat free, dairy free, high-fructose corn syrup free, organic and pesticide free eating. This country needs to get on a fruits and vegetable based, natural, local diet. I think the messages we’ve been sent by advertisers –to purchase packaged chemical toxic CRAP masquerading as “food” [EDS: Also known as Velveeta Cheesy Skillets?] – are downright immoral. It disgusts me.

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523 Responses to Dietary Advice From Velveeta Cheesy Skillets Shillmeister

  1. Gimme Pig of Love says:

    So many lies. Let’s start with, the Donk isn’t passionate about anything except herself…

  2. “I’m gluten free, because I have celiac disease, which means I don’t eat bread, except when I go on prom dates and eat grilled cheese sandwiches.”

  3. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I hate mountain bikes, my butt just doesn’t fit on those seats!

    WTF? Dipshit D0nkey claims to have “designed” a beach bike, as if she knows jackall about bikes — why doesn’t she know that bike seats, including those on mountain bikes, are relatively interchangeable? Is she saying that her raftass requires a banana seat?

    • She LOVES thinking she has a Kim K hydrogel-esque bum, but it is most decidedly not. She’s just saying this because she is far too lazy to go mountain biking.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        THAT is what’s so crazy! She’d rather ride a fixed-gear than a 21 or 27 speed bike w/ all-terrain tires? I’ll take my Trek w/ a gel seat any day of the week — beach cruisers are good for going to the end of the block & not much else, IMHO.

        • She’d rather ride the bike she got for free because she shilled, er, designed it, because she’s not actually riding it. She maybe takes it out for a spin around the block and then dumps it back in the shed. I can’t see her actually trying to break a sweat.

          • donniedriveby says:

            Just wait till October. She’ll give it away in a contest.

          • sausage curls/fingers says:

            I’m sure she just prefers it to mountain bikes because it’s pretty and can have a basket and streamers and pretty ribbons woven through the wheels.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Sausage Curls, I’m pretty sure that she’s entirely too re-re to know which gear is suitable when, much less could she actually work the gear-shifter w/ those hooves.

    • darling dearest says:

      yeah, bontrager makes some really nice women specific bike seats — I got one for my road bike a few months ago, they measured my hips/sit bones in the store and told me which one fit me.

      also ive seen people with some pretty huge asses on road bikes. they seem to be fine.

  4. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I’m just tired of doing out to dinner.

    Nice proofreading, asshat.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Maybe if you blow them after the dinner date, you can indeed describe it as “doing out to dinner.”

  5. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I drink a green vegetable juice in the morning nearly every day (usually kale, spinach, celery, cucumber, ginger, apple and lemon).

    Not buying it. IF D0nkey has a green vegetable juice every morning & the ingredients aren’t on a labeled bottle, we’d have seen zabillions of hoofy fauxtos holding something from a juice bar, or we’d have seen her grift & shill of a juicer.

    Besides that, she sleeps beyond noon most days, right? And she’s already said recently that she & Flusher Price have eggs & kale for brunchfast every day. Uhm, err, oops?

    • A-Game Content says:

      Are there any juice-making catladies out there? I make green smoothies 3-4 times a week, and am always looking for really nutritious veggies and fruit for them. Aside from the idea that juice gets rid of the nutrients in the first place (is this true?), aren’t celery, cucumber, etc. mostly roughage? It just seems to me that the contents of that green juice are kind of… meh.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I’d like to know how you make your green smoothies, please. I have a smoothie maker, but the blades are for shit.

        Something I’ve been doing lately, so as to use up ingredients at once & not have the daily clean up of the smoothie maker, is to make freezer smoothie pops — mmm!

        I’ve got a juicer picked out (a Hamilton Beach) but am stalling because counter space here is limited & I want to get relocated first. I’m interested to know if anyone here has made veggie crackers from the pulp & are they any good?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Oh yeah! This morning, I came across a recipe that sounds pretty scrumtious: Mix Nutella (1 part) w/ Hazlenut milk (3 parts) > put fresh, sliced raspberries in the bottom 3rd of the freezer mold > scoop in Nutella mixture on top > add stick > freeze for four hours.

          I’ve never had Nutella. but I can’t wait to try this one.

          • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

            [img]http://i940.photobucket.com/albums/ad250/baasaysthelamb/gifs%20and%20reaction%20imgs/jormajizzfull-Copy.gif[/img]

          • A-Game Content says:

            Raspberries pair well with the greens, too! Though I never purchase coconut or almond milk specifically for making my concoctions (it can get cost prohibitive for me if I do that), when I have them for other dishes that I’ve made, I’m so happy to have leftovers to use for smoothies.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            See, I love sliced raspberries or strawberries in a green salad, but it hasn’t occurred to me to combine them in a juice. Now I will.

            Do you have a fix-all remedy if/when a concoction just isn’t palatable otherwise?

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            See, I love sliced raspberries or strawberries in a green salad, but it hasn’t occurred to me to combine them in a juice. Now I will.

            Do you have a fix-all remedy if/when a concoction just isn’t palatable otherwise?

          • A-Game Content says:

            Bananas! They mask the flavor of most any veggie, so if I’m worried a smoothie isn’t going to be tasty, I just throw another banana in.

          • +1 on bananas

            My favorite combo is baby spinach, a frozen banana, some blueberries, and a little bit of apple juice, or peanut butter and almond milk. Yum. Haven’t made one in quite some time because my BF’s blender is kind of gnarly, and I’m not in the position to buy a new one right yet. I want one now, though. A smoothie that is.

          • One Fat Melman says:

            The Perfect Gif.

        • A-Game Content says:

          Typically, I use kale and spinach as the base for my smoothies. In order to mitigate crushing ice and to extend the life of my greens, I buy fresh then pop them into the freezer. I also use bananas, as well, and peel the bananas and chop them into inch long pieces, and freeze those, too. Depending on what other veggies or fruit that I have, I just throw them all in. This often does include cukes, and celery, but I always just consider those added fiber, more than anything else. I add refrigerated carrots sometimes, or berries, too. For a glorious week, I threw peaches in there, and it was sooo good. If I feel like throwing protein powder in there, I do that, as well, but I don’t look at them as meal replacements, so adding the protein is pretty rare.

          But with regards to saving blades, the biggest thing that I found helpful was to freeze the produce rather than adding ice.

          Your smoothie pops sound great, too! I get such good ideas from catladies!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Less ice is fine by me, I don’t have an automatic ice maker. I buy frozen fruit so as to have a variety w/out a short shelf life, but freezing fresh greens just hadn’t occurred to me.

            Thanks for your tips!

        • EyeRoller says:

          Brayella– I’ve juiced for years and years. Apples makes nearly anything palatable and sweeten/enhance a lot of different vegetable/fruits.

          • EyeRoller says:

            And yes, my grammar and proofreading is shit. I have to call myself out and say it truly is to laugh, I know.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Good to know — thanks! I ‘like’ apples, but they have to be just the rights texture, which is often a crap shoot, so I’ll definitely use ‘em in juices & not have to throw out so many for the birds.

        • New Year New You says:

          Vodka makes all smoothies more palatable.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          This is probably not for everyone, but a friend of mine makes a jalapeno kiwi smoothie that I enjoyed very much. Not sure what else was in it, though.

          Slight OT but delicious: a recent salad of mesclun, blackberries, bacon lardons and pistachios with a drop or two of strawberry vinaigrette.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Greg damn, that smoothie sounds good, RRR! You caused me to google for a recipe & I found one that sounds good (also has honeydew melon), but balls, I’m too impatient to watch the how-to video, much less ever peel a bunch of freakin’ kiwis …

            I’ll just keep dreamin’ the dream, I guess.

      • Gimme Pig of Love says:

        Ooh I make smoothies, but not necessarily green. Frozen bananas. Frozen bananas are the way to go. With just enough milk or soy milk (or coconut milk) to make the blender move. Then peanut butter (or frozen mangoes/pineapples, or frozen berries). If you’re brave and don’t care about color, spinach or kale (doesn’t affect taste).

        It comes out like ice cream/soft serve.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          A friend just recently told me about avocado smoothies she makes that are like frozen yogurt & very delish (we’ll see!)

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            I like to use orange sherbet in a citrus smoothie, it tends to blend pretty well, and tends to appeal to my sweet tooth so that I’ll actually drink it. I use one banana, chopped up, three spoonfuls of mandarin oranges, three spoonfuls of papaya and pineapple (with about a third of the juice left in the jars, I get the huge jars of fruit for this), and two scoops of orange sherbet. Cold, smooth, creamy and sweet. And actually good for me.

        • emma bourricot says:

          I like adding pineapple and lots of spinach because it makes the prettiest green juice. :D

        • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

          I freeze the almond milk in ice cube trays. Doesn’t water it down as much as ice cubes. If you don’t want to use bananas…

      • Psychotic Today says:

        I use 1 cup of milk and 1 cup of greek yogurt. 1 frozen banana. 2 handfuls of kale and 2 handfuls of spinach. (I buy and then freeze these, otherwise they go bad pretty fast). 1 tablespoon of organic almond butter. I’ll throw in blueberries or whatever other berries I have in the house. Oh and I’ll mix in Whey protein and flax seed when I know I’ll be running. You can sub the milk for almond milk but I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever get around to like the taste.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          See, I don’t care for cows milk at all, & Silk, Almond or Hemp milk have longer shelf-lives anyway, but, I am sold on the Fage brand of yogurt because w/ that, I can come close to approximating a Kefir taste.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        used to love making fruit smoothies. banana, frozen strawberries & fresh orange juice in the blender is one of my all time favorites. also love banana, raspberries & blueberries. if you use frozen fruit, you don’t need to add ice.

        my mom used me as her juicer ‘taste tester’ when I was in high school. I’d come home and she’d have some nasty concoction waiting for me. now, just the thought of green juice or veggie smoothies makes me want to vom.

        • GimmeaWackjob says:

          I have been adding fresh aloe to my fruit smoothies which I learned about on YouTube. Also I use a stick blender which I like a lot better than a traditional blender. You can sometimes find them at Goodwill for just a few bucks but I have a Breville and love it. So easy to use and clean!

          I am not a fan of spinach or kale in smoothies, I just eat the greens in salad or cook them. I had a friend with cancer who used to add spirulina powder to her fruit smoothies, I might try that.

    • idiotbox says:

      You mean your green juice is coincidently consistent of *the same exact ingredients* as ones that Natalia Rose suggests? How could you ever come up with that! (http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/54888290 I used to be a bit into raw food, until someone passed by me with melted cheese)

      • idiotbox says:

        Oh how I miss the “hi bunny” days of insanity. She was fascinating back then. Now she just makes me sad (this was her controlled aware-of-cameras self….can you imagine the fucking insanity when there’s no cameras?)

      • darling dearest says:

        i hate to admit it, but i bought that stupid natalia rose book based on their advice.

        I dont know anything about the recipes, because after I read stuff like we are “dynamic beings who thrive on harmonious high vibrations and Life Force Energy” I got rid of the book.

        • Donkarena says:

          A Smoothie thread — love it…

          • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            Oh Good Greg! All you cats do this? Am I missing something grand? I’ve made simple smoothies with banana, strawberries, oj and milk but that’s it. What am I missing? Is this a thing I should have been doing all these years? Would a kind cat point me to something to enlighten me? It sounds like I could actually get some veggies in my kids this way.

          • Psychotic Today says:

            @Greg’s Wife. I honestly can’t remember where I found the basic recipe I found but I love this website: http://www.thegraciouspantry.com/clean-eating-green-smoothies/

            She is great if clean eating is something you are interested in. You could probably just google “Green Smoothie” and come up with a few websites to check out. You honestly can’t taste the Spinach or Kale (I use both). Good luck!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            @Greg’s Wife: A healthy, fruity-tasting (but veggie empowered) smoothie made into frozen pops sounds like a great plan to me, kid-wise.

            You can do it! I got kids to eat & love Brussels sprouts baked in an awesome cheese sauce.

          • A-Game Content says:

            I’m not a reader of the blog itself, (ohsheglows). but her recipes are a great start.
            http://greenmonstermovement.com/?page_id=39

  6. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    And there you have it, folks. Being a strong, empowered “chick” is all about joking about the size of your butt and obsessively analyzing your eating habits. Mission accomplished, feminists. You can all go home now.

  7. Tribune Slingbacks says:

    “I have celiac.”

  8. Meow Mix says:

    Bowls.

    Of.

    Honey.

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      C’est bizarre! And this smart, authentic young ‘un (who read every important novel before she was 12) didn’t go into diabetic coma? Oh relax, that was years ago. (Donkey shoveling candy bars in her mug while crouched in a Whole Foods aisle)

      • Meow Mix says:

        Can you imagine eating an entire bowl of honey? Holy shit. That must have been in the bulimia stage.

    • New Year New You says:

      I think she meant money.

    • frequent liar miles says:

      Or bowels. I don’t know which is the more horrifying to contemplate, her cerebellum or her gut.

  9. Meow Mix says:

    Also, bitch, try buying “gluten free, meat free, dairy free, high-fructose corn syrup free, organic and pesticide free” food for two people on a $40/week food budget. My mancat and I try to eat as healthily as possible on our limited budget, but calling people who can’t afford to stock the cart at Whole Foods “immoral?” Wow.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      Don’t be too concerned if your eating habits don’t align well with those Julia Allison prescribes. She’s such a nutrition expert that she thinks eggs are dairy.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      Not to mention food deserts. Some people don’t even have Whole Foods or organic farm stands around them and have to do their shopping at shitty grocery stores or from the limited selection at drugstores and convenience stores. Not everywhere is Marina del Bray and not everyone has a Merecedes and an ugly bike to transport them to different food options.

    • JFA says:

      This. Fuck this bitch. I go to work everyday and my bf is a student and we cannot afford 100% organic everything all the time.

      Also, fish is meat you asshole.

      Signed,
      A real vegetarian

  10. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Now having fond memories of Julia braying that sugar should be outlawed. Picturing her ladling honey into her mouth while she says this.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I love sweet food and sometimes I think I’d rather just be 10-15 lbs overweight than cut back on desserts. Even I can’t imagine just squeezing out a bowl’s worth of honey and eating it. I’d be retching from the smell alone.

      • Donkarena says:

        I agree — you gotta indulge every once in awhile. I’ll never be super skinny — I’d rather bite into dessert every once in awhile

        • bitchface says:

          These are the comments I find tiresome. I’d rather hear about Julia’s hoovering a bowl of honey than “I eat a bite of dessert every once in a while”. We get it. You’re tiny and cute and Julia Allison is a fat ass who has eating disorders. Boring. Eat dessert every night. Life is too short.

      • Meow Mix says:

        You know how sometimes you put tea in honey and the honey doesn’t dissolve fully and you get a mouthful of it in your last gulp? That makes me want to vom. Eating a whole bowl? I can’t even imagine.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          I know, right? Sometimes I’ll swallow a tablespoon of raw honey to coat a scratchy throat, but that’s the extent to which I can tolerate honey all by itself.

          Now I’m hankering for ginger & honey tea ….

  11. Jack the Bulldog says:

    I was actually going to leave a comment re: this nonsense, but “ChickRX” wants you to register and hand in everything, including your first born child, before they’ll let you post a comment on a Donkey’s diet tips.

  12. New Year New You says:

    “The older I’ve gotten, the less I’ve enjoyed first (or second or third) dates that involve a fancy dinner and drinks.”

    Subtext – Unemployed Devin can’t afford to take her out to dinner.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      I thought that, in her old age, 2nd-date lockjaw might have set in …

    • Donkarena says:

      I’m thinking that, too. He’d better be ponying up the wallet, or she is going to tire of this showmance very quickly.

      • jane says:

        A fine romance, with no kisses
        A fine romance, my friend this is
        We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
        But you’re as cold as yesterday’s mashed potatoes
        A fine romance, you won’t nestle
        A fine romance, you won’t wrestle
        I might as well play bridge
        With my old maid aunt
        I haven’t got a chance
        This is a fine romance

        A fine romance, my good fellow
        You take romance, I’ll take jello
        You’re calmer than the seals
        In the Arctic Ocean
        At least they flap their fins
        To express emotion
        A fine romance with no quarrels
        With no insults and all morals
        I’ve never mussed the crease
        In your blue serge pants
        I never get the chance
        This is a fine romance

  13. KashMoney says:

    I’m thinking her frequent misuse of the word “hysterical” is actually a Freudian slip, referring to her constant state of being seconds away from a nervous braydown.

  14. MY Beach Home (that is full of bowls of honey) says:

    “This country needs to get on a fruits and vegetable based, natural, local diet.”

    For example: vats of chocolate sauce from the auxiliary fridge in the unfinished (Afghani forbid!) basement; multiple unpaid for chocolate bars in the aisle of Wholefoods; some recent reference to scarfing tons o’ cheez; goat cheese eggs because “It’s all about Andrew!;” cupcakes, in bright colors; etc, etc, etc.

    She is so crazy and such a liar. I cannot imagine having regular contact with her. It must be maddening. I would pay dearly for a first hand account by Mary, Jordan, Asha, Lasagna, or any of the ex-sex partners who do or do not deign to FB friend her.

    Been in a shitstorm or desk errand shenanigans and donk is proving a very useful target for all of my rage. SS/SF

  15. Dr. Gary says:

    Meh.

    Julie, you’re boring. Now that the show is over, we cat ladies don’t have anything to look forward to on Mondays anymore.

    Please ramp up the cray whilst visiting Momsers and Dad$ers. Or post lots of Canklehausen-inducing pix from Burning Man.

    After all these years, we’re still such a loyal, faithful audience. You owe us.

  16. emma bourricot says:

    Good Greg, those Velveeta skillets look disgusting.

    I think it really chaps her ass when people call her out about the fact that she can’t cook anything, as it taints her self-image as this sexy domestic goddess who wears pearls and an apron when she washes dishes. She didn’t seem to care about this as much when she was living in New York, blogging about the tampons in her kitchen cupboard and the nail polish in her refrigerator. This is the woman who paid $85 a day for Blueprint Butt Cleanse instead of making her own damn green juice.

    We know she can make eggs and smoothies in her blender/juicer (although I agree that if she were doing this regularly with an expensive kitchen appliance, we would all know about it). Did she ever finish up her case of Amy’s canned chili? I’ve said it before but there is no way Julia Allison makes regular meals for herself. She’s never tweeted a word about it. I don’t think she even has things like olive oil or soy sauce in her house.

    • emma bourricot says:

      I mean, what type of salad dressing does Doneky like? How do we know that she’s lasered her pubes but we don’t know what she eats for lunch?

      • Tonyamichaela says:

        Newman’s Own balsamic vinaigrette! (I need a lobotomy.) She used to blog about these sad, proteinless salads in her NY days like it was the ultimate in healthy eating. She used to eat very little calorically or she was lying, because those dumb salads were not filling enough to be an entree after only drinking juice all day.

        Did Blueprint cut her off? She hasn’t mentioned them in a while.

        • Jelly Roll says:

          I think she carried the bottles around during the show, but you’re right she hasn’t been braying about them lately.

        • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

          They’re big now. They don’t need her shills to the fans in the ‘stan’s.

  17. Grammarian live from NYC says:

    Sounds like an anorexic but fat

    • Jelly Roll says:

      I think the other word for that is “bulimic”.

      (I feel the need to qualify that I’ve been through it, and I’m not mocking anyone who’s been there. It can be absolutely debilitating. But it is basically an eating disorder with no visual proof)

  18. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

    Restaurants are super inconvenient for second dates, because they’re rarely good places to give blowjobs. Maybe a little undertable tiddling, but nothing that would earn you shoes.

    • emma bourricot says:

      This might be controversial, but I always suspected the Dave Z. fingerbang was probably instigated by Donkey, meaning they were holding hands at dinner and she shoved his hand under her skirt. It’s not like he’s the one who leaked that to Gawker.

      Not that I’m slut-shaming, not at all, but after watching her on #MissAdvised, I’m more convinced than ever that Julia Allison intimidates dudes into having sex with her. There’s a word for that.

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      When she goes on a hike as an omgdate, at the end does she say, “peace! I have a can of amys chili waiting for me at home.” So creepy and weird. Sharing a meal with others is a fundamental part of being social in general. Julia just can’t handle pretending to listen to someone else while also trying to remember all the foods she “can’t” have. Her food issues are crazy.

      • Greg says:

        Come on over! I’ll heat up two cans of Amy’s that I can add some dairy-free, joy-free cheese to. We can max and relax on my borrowed sofas (but you must promise not to spill, even though Lillydog’s paws have been all over my pristine white sofas!). RELAX BUNNY!

        *sorry to real people with real dietary issues.

  19. idiotbox says:

    Let me guess: Goat Soap is really outdoorsy and eats well. Can’t wait till she falls madly, truly, deeply in love with a rich lazy guy.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      See, she lives like a lazy rich person, but she says she barely cooks, doesn’t eat packaged food, and hates eating out. What DOES she eat?

  20. Edward R. Burro says:

    Shouldn’t that be “on over 1,000+ television appearances”?

    Also, my greg, she is such a fucking liar. All the time. About everything. It really must be exhausting.

  21. North Bay says:

    Some of your Mouseburgers made it out just fine, Thank You.
    Donkey dosen’t have a clue.
    Rest In Peace, Helen Gurley Brown.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Yes, what a life that lady led! I am not so much a Cosmo girl myself, but I loved her zest.

      She was driven to succeed because she was the sole support of her mother and her sister (who was unable to work because of an illness, iirc polio).

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      Amen. I didn’t agree with everything she said but I sure am glad she said it.

  22. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

    I was so hoping that Julia would recommend that you eat only things that are “chemical-free,” and she almost went there.

  23. ShesJustStupid says:

    There has to be something up with this new SEX persona of hers. She’s talking about it all the time now starting w the changes to the checklist .

  24. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Since D0nkey’s latest self-claimed expertise is that of being a kitchen goddess, why is it that she needed Brit Morin, stupidest of the stupid, to pull off her dinner party spread?

  25. A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

    Article:
    “We admire Julia for the authenticity, wisdom, and spirit she brings to the challenges of being an independent woman.”

    Transbraytion:
    “We have no idea who Julia is or what she does.”

  26. iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

    What a fucking hick.

  27. Princess WideStance says:

    OH MY GOD. Just shut up. You are 10 YEARS too late for the “our society needs local, organic food now” speech. Everyone has heard this ten million times. You are not intelligent or interesting. Go stick your face in your roommate’s honey pot and stfu.

    Sorry kitties, she’s just pissing me off lately.

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      And you just know that after she blurted out all those platitudes, she grab her iPhone and ordered herself some Domino’s and a box of wine.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      Exactly. Julia doesn’t have expertise in any non-Julia topics, so When asked for comment on anything interesting, she can only parrot her [poor and distorted] understanding of what the established wisdom is.

    • New Year New You says:

      “Go stick your face in your roommate’s honey pot”

      Saucy.

    • EyeRoller says:

      She has the ego of a discontinued, polypropylene breast implant.

  28. North Bay says:

    I’m really sort of schocked that #sexwithemily #amylaurent #bravoandy #Jacy #JP havent made a commment yet. RIP HELEN#

  29. CaptainGary says:

    How weird that Julia now likes to go out on first dates EXACTLY like the ones on her show! Seriously, didn’t she do all those things on “Miss Sad-lives?” It’s like her life is a TV show or rom-com! So. Blessed.

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      The article is dated 8/13.

      WTF is all that talk about “first dates”? Doesn’t she have a boyfriend that she is introducing to her family as we speak?

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      Most of us outgrow that after we leave high school. Apparently, she’s never going to. Here’s to hoping she never reproduces.

  30. Psycho is the new Stalker (formerly and soon to be again CDB) says:

    Off Topic … I just put a chicken pot pie in the microwave in memory of MA. I will now start form the beginning and catch up on this thread but I can’t keep up with this flurry.

  31. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:
    • GimmeaWackjob says:

      “I’m very grateful to Bravo for the opportunity to learn and grow – shooting the show, examining my issues up close, really did change my life. It is because of that that I’m now in a relationship and really, really happy. He is incredible. I had to work very hard, for a very long time to be the woman someone like him would want, but it was worth it.”

      Gag.

      • Donkarena says:

        Oh, that is too funny! Skinny GQ fauxto-shoot guy with the “reading list” and no work or education pedigree? Worked hard to be this “different” woman? Bwahahaha…

    • mcakez: Strange Puss = Sexually Delicious! says:

      “I have a very good sixth sense about people. I’ve never been lead astray by someone I met on Facebook or Twitter or because they read my column.” And yet you had no idea that Andrew was NOT feelin’ you, and thought for sure he was falling for you. Uh huh.

      I feel writing about former boyfriends only comes back at me when people who don’t know the entire story try to make generalizations about how I date. For example: making judgements that I fall in love too fast.

      Umm, not three weeks ago — when called out about crying over Andrew when they’d barely known each other — she TOLD someone over twitter, “I fall in love FAST.” So people make generalizations about the things you outright say, dumb ass?

      Choose a lane, moron.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I’ve never been lead astray by someone I met on Facebook

        So, in essence, Julia Allison is saying that she knew all along that Toph had a girlfriend when she was crying after the sex they had?

        Thought so!

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        @couponbeck – I fall in love FAST!— Julia Allison (@JuliaAllison) July 24, 2012

        • mcakez: Strange Puss = Sexually Delicious! says:

          Thank you! I knew it existed, I was just too lazy to try and find it. Also, I’m blocked on her feed, so it would have required logging out and blah blah, see above re: lazy.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I don’t follow her on Twitter — I just googled “Julia Allison I fall in love fast” & it was 1st up.

        • darling dearest says:

          see, she said she fell in love “fast”, but everyone else said “too fast”

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            Falls in love fast…um. Okay. I think there’s a term for that and it’s called “lust”. Typically the reason women give blowjobs on the second date.

    • bitchface says:

      TBB: In the first episode you went on a date with a man you met on Craigslist. You actually had him pick you up at your home. Are you always so trusting of people?

      JA: Yes, absolutely I am! I’ve gone on so many dates with men who have emailed me or that I’ve met on social media; it never creeps me out. I just don’t worry about things like that. I have a very good sixth sense about people. I’ve never been lead astray by someone I met on Facebook or Twitter or because they read my column.

      That’s because if she herself is the stalker.

      • bitchface says:

        TBB: In episode 3 you were a little upset when you found out your date, William, had googled you. What advice do you have for daters with an active, traceable, internet history?

        JA: In the past, when I feel the man has to know me as a person first, I’ve just told him my first name and that I’m a journalist. After they get to know me, they understand that everything posted about or from me needs to be taken with a grain of salt. I think it works better for women to not expose all of your information too soon anyway. I also think everyone has to worry about Facebook these days. Watch out for things like posting ridiculous pictures, really. Facebook is the easiest to control because you’re putting that information up there yourself!

        bold is my emphasis

        • bitchface says:

          JFA’ing myself here…

          JA: Well … I feel writing about former boyfriends…. But overall, no, my past writing is remarkably regret free.

          And THERE my friends, you have the entire reason of why THIS SITE EXISTS. *fade to black

  32. sausage curls/fingers says:

    My boyfriend’s mom has had celiac for the past five years. She was near death when they first discovered it because gluten made her stomach so sick that she couldn’t eat. She has to have her own jars of peanut butter and jelly because she’ll be sick if someone touches a knife to a piece of bread and sticks it back in the same jar. She has to call ahead every time we go out to dinner about her allergy and ask about all of the sauces on her meats. And she’s at risk for certain kinds of cancer if she gets contaminated food, let alone actually eats full on gluten meals.

    Her faux celiac is one of the most annoying things to be because it’s a really restricting and at times life threatening disease and I know a Donkey isn’t dealing with any of it.

    • Donkarena says:

      You’re absolutely right. I think that’s one of the worst things you can do, is latch on to a disease that people are actually suffering — and could die — from. It’s a daily struggle for a lot of people. Then she jokingly wolfs down cupcakes, mocking her fake condition. Low class.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      There are lots of levels of sensitivity in celiac; I know people with celiac who have to be cautious at the level of your boyfriend’s mom, with the not sharing spoons in the Indian restaurant and the calling ahead and the undisclosed soy sauce making you deathly sick, and people with celiac who just get the shits when they eat breaded fish or gluten-free soy sauce or whatever. Not that getting the shits is such a walk in the park, but compared to having to be as vigilant as the people with really serious celiac.

      As for Julie, I don’t think she even has a gluten intolerance/sensitivity, let alone actual celiac. I would constantly be sick as a dog if I ate grilled cheese sandwiches or pancakes with a side of pancakes or cupcakes or all the other shit she takes photos of her eating, and I don’t have celiac at all, just an allergy to wheat. This one girl I know (and it sounds like your boyfriend’s mum is in the same boat) would be in the hospital if she suddenly took leave of her senses and ate like the Second Date Blow Job Queen.

      She is such a fucking fuck fuck for claiming to have celiac. The thing is that when a waiter hears her “blah blah my special needs” rigmarole and then sees her hoovering cupcake remnants off her dinner companion’s place, it just makes them less inclined to be careful about the meals of people who really, really need the care.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        “Non-gluten-free soy sauce,” I mean. Regular soy sauce has enough wheat in it to make people with celiac pretty sick. Of course, Julie Albertson is always nomming down sushi…

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        I know there’s probably more people with more of a casual intolerance than the serious cases but exactly – I’m sure if Julia even had that mild of a problem, she’d be complaining about being sickly all the time.

        It just grates at me because she thinks celiac disease is such a quirky thing to have when there’s people who actually have suffered because of it. And exactly, my boyfriend’s mother is always stressing how she can’t have any gluten at all at restaurants and to leave it off her plate if they’re not sure of the ingredients. She’s still gotten sick via sauces and stuff when we’re out to dinner because gluten allergies are treated so lightly as it is. This bitch is just contributing to it with her constant braying paired with her grilled cheese/pancakes/pastry/cookie snacking.

  33. Sacred Scrapbooks, Mind Wrecker says:

    Amelia ‏@xoamelia: @JuliaAllison You shilled for @cheesyskillets earlier this year. Surely you see the grotesque hypocrisy?
    10:10 PM – 13 Aug 12

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison: @xoamelia – yep, I agree with you! Girl’s gotta pay rent, though. Hopefully I won’t have to make choices like that in the future.
    10:19 PM – 13 Aug 12

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Yet she makes six figures. All righty.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        She makes six grotesque figures …
        every six times she gets in front of a mirror, that is!

    • Greg says:

      Wow. She is unbelievable. I have so much brayge it’s giving me agita but I can’t even distill it down to salient points anymore with her.

    • EyeRoller says:

      (Said to self)– Ok EyeRoller, calm down, just take a minute and deep breathe through this one.

      I’m gonna need to ingest a feedbag full of beta blockers to handle her hypocritical sliding scale of morality.

    • New Year New You says:

      Julia Allison, Authentic.

      Wasn’t Bravo paying the rent when she was Cheesy Skillet whoring?

      Cheesy Prostitution Whore.

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      And yet another sponsor gets thrown under the bus after the check is cashed.

      Guess, what JA? Everybody does NOT have a price. That’s just you.

  34. Sacred Scrapbooks, Mind Wrecker says:

    Why is she continuing to stalk this guy?

    Jeremy Bronson ‏@JeremyBronson: “@mindykaling: My friend Jeremy got a great new haircut” Best endorsement yet
    10:07 PM – 13 Aug 12

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison: @JeremyBronson @mindykaling – I’m going to need to see some photographic evidence.
    10:22 PM – 13 Aug 12

  35. CountMeInDaisy says:

    Julia: I’m passionate about healthy eating! Particularly gluten free, meat free, dairy free, high-fructose corn syrup free, organic and pesticide free eating.

    Oh, I see, so you cultivate your own food, am I right? Drink water from a spring that you personally bottle for yourself? And you compost for fertilizer, right? Or you use animal feces? Dare I say it, donkey turds? I buy this, and I also own some premium oceanfront property in Arizona that’s up for sale. Pigs can fly, oh, and is that a hundred dollar bill on that tree instead of leaves?

    • frequent liar miles says:

      That particular quote — no grasp of proper hyphenation or parallel construction — just emphasizes her equally tenuous grasp of logic. With Donkey, style equals substance, and both are deplorable.

  36. Malformed Face says:

    Anyone watching Bravo Gallery Girls? Production wiser it looks like it cost 1000 times more than Miss Advised. I think I might be hOoked. If the ratings are goo d, Donkey is F’ed.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I was, but it was spiraling me into depression. I’m a college grad and can’t find any museum/art world related internships (partially my fault because I switched career courses my senior year and now I have a degree totally unworthy of any job like that) and I don’t think I can stand watching those girls nab them via nepotism or their father’s fame, complain about their menial tasks, leave work to spend their trust funds, etc without having my hair fall out in chunks.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      I had a Bravo Break up a few HW’s ago. Miss Advised just reconfirmed earlier decision. They need new producers.

    • OMGDonk says:

      I hope it stays on![img]http://moodyncheeky.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/smeagol1.jpg[/img]

      [img]http://www.bravotv.com/media/imagecache/photo-scaled/photos/gallerygirlselikleinopening07.jpg[/img]

      is it just me or…?

      • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

        She has the EXACT same tone and voice as Carey Mulligan. It was driving me crazy last night.

    • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

      The production of it reminds me of The Hills with the long awkward pauses.

      • Factory Seconds says:

        Probably because that’s what they are going for. I swear, every show tries to go for that vibe (even fucking Teen Mom) and it never works out. The Hills was an original and very few shows have been able to hit the same “high production, low dialogue” mark that seemed to work so perfectly.

  37. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    WHAT? is this that Julia Allison is about to scarf down?
    Could it be … OMG chemical-laden toxic crap?
    [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_vJmq_s-InUM/SZqiteriREI/AAAAAAAAAB4/BiURRnDHOKU/s320/ohno.jpg[/img]
    And her head is the size of that platter.

  38. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Pick one Julia: be a healthy eating healthy living new agey guru OR be a walking Cathy comic with your insatiable chocolate obsession that you’re always tweeting about/blogging about/posing for Birthcray dinner pictures over

  39. Blowjobs by Bravo says:

    “We admire Julia for her authencitity…”
    It’s official, she’s having conversations with herself published.
    Code Red Stage 5 Melt Down!

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      *authenticity*
      My computer would not allow her name and word spelled correctly in the same sentence (or I’m running on 12 minutes of sleep)-you choose.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

        The misspelling was appropriate: something like a blend of authenticity and Chthulu. I find Julia’s “authenticity” fairly Lovecraftian.

  40. OMGDonk says:

    [img]http://s1155.photobucket.com/albums/p549/PancakesMcCaine/[/img]

  41. OMGDonk says:

    [img]http://i1155.photobucket.com/albums/p549/PancakesMcCaine/268306ca.png[/img]

    • juliajane says:

      Calm down Kevin, that tweet was four personalities ago! No one cares!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      - well, Amelia, I think you’re awesome.

    • Donkarena says:

      Oh no….The “gotta pay the rent” excuse for her hypocrisy makes me think two things: 1) she can’t be trusted now for ANY opinion she brays because she’s a shameless sellout; and 2) we are in imminent danger of her posing for Playboy.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Is there ever a company she shills for that she doesn’t eventually throw under the bus? Countdown until she burns the Elle and Bravo bridges…

    • Donkarena says:

      Oh that irrepresible Julia! Isn’t she so cute!! Tap dancing and laughing around being caught being a lowbrow, puppet-for-hire hypocrite. “That minx…what a lively sense of humor”

    • Random Snowflake says:

      Yeah.. Julia hates gluten, sugar and chemical-laced shit.. Watch as Donk hoovers an entire box of cupcakes during Day #3 of a juice “cleanse”

      http://vimeo.com/1440334

      [img]http://i.imgur.com/xPkpP.png[/img]

    • Stage 5 clinger says:

      I thought she made six figures? But really needed the $150?

    • Scooby Don't says:

      She’s dumber than a bag of hammers.
      For a social media expert, she’s one of the most incompetent new media users I’ve seen. She’s a short bus tweeter.

      • Donkarena says:

        yeah, what the hell does that “Hopefully we won’t have to make these choices in the future” mean? We won’t have to shill to pay the rent? Rent will be free for everyone? Cupcakes will be banned? Organic, locally grown food will be the only choice? Yeah, genius, you go tell those huge food conglomerates that they need to stop making all that shit. Or don’t because you’ve got your hand out for rent money. Whatever.

    • Miss Mix a Lot says:

      I don’t understand, does she delete those tweets after sending? I’m not seeing them in her feed.

      • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

        You have to toggle between “all” and “no replies” at the top of the feed. It’s a feature being tested on verified accounts that should allow big brands and celebrities to engage but still maintain a coherent profile page.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      “We must all work together on this problem.” Christ she’s a tool.

      Remember that terrible, growing social problem she once went nuts over — skinny girls who claim they eat a lot but don’t?

      That was one of the funniest “white girl problem” causes she ever took up. Such an intellectual, this one.

      • EyeRoller says:

        I thought “We must all work together on this problem” was the motto for this site/cite/sight referring to D’Donk. I guess we can throw “slogan-stealing thief” onto her pile of royally whacked out titles.

      • skinny girls who claim they eat a lot but don’t?

        Oh man, I NEED to read up on this. How ridiculous. When was this?

        • Jelly Roll says:

          Liarexia (Greg help me for knowing that, but there was a little burst of articles on it in a ton of magazines a few months ago…)

          • Wow, obviously an international epidemic that needs to be addressed NOW! Forget poverty, economic blight, human trafficking, substandard access medicine and education– SOME SKINNY BITCH ON TWITTER IS POSTING PHOTOS OF HER GOING TO TOWN ON A BURGER, BUT I THINK SHE IS LYING ABOUT EATING IT!

            Oh well, guess I’ll grab a Girl Scout cookie and “pose” with it.

  42. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

    MEANWHILE…

    @JuliaAllison: One graf into the @ELLEmagazine piece on Naomi Wolf, I see this word [piquant] & need to look it up. This is why I love ELLE. http://t.co/YAAahZJb

    • OMGDonk says:

      Yup of course, moving along. Have a nice day ;)

      TWO Elle shills in one day! I wonder if they paid $156…

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She’s probably desperate to rebuild that burned bridge. With a foundation of sycophancy and a superstructure of illiteracy!

    • frequent liar miles says:

      OMG, “graf!” And y’all doubted that she’s a f ‘real journalist!

      • frequent liar miles says:

        P.S.: what kind of a moron can’t figure out “piquant?” SAT Word Fail, dumbass Donkey.

        • Meow Mix says:

          In my first year of law school, my civ pro professor used “piquant” at least once a class. Also, “picayune.” Don’t know what his deal was.

          Julia throws around so many $2 words that you think she’d be embarrassed admitting she didn’t know what one meant.

        • Yeah, I knew what “piquant” meant from watching A Christmas Story when I was eight (he describes the soap his mother makes him hold in his mouth as mild, with a piquant aftertaste) and using context clues.

          She’s either an idiot, or she tweeted it b/c she thinks it makes her look smart.

      • JFA says:

        She always uses “graf.” She’s such an asshole. Also, you honestly dont’ know what “piquant” means, dumbass?

        #noonethinksyouresmart

      • Albie Quirky says:

        -30-

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I would like to dek her in her big fat hed and then lede her around on a rope like the subgenus asinus that she is.

        • Sake Bombardier says:

          I would like to kern her legs together -15 points so that no more men will be ruined by evering a donkey

    • JFA says:

      Such a painfully obvious humblebrag too. “Oh look the mag that marginally “employed” me to write 8 tardy columns full of absolute drivel is for SMART PEOPLE YO.” Fuck off. It’s a fashion mag not the Utne Reader.

  43. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Myriad lights they said i’d be impressed. Julia is so awful shrill. I’d shill for velveeta stuff given the chance because I like that kind of product on ocassion but would never claim to be gluten free.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      She tries so hard to come off as principled but really is just a whore in donkey clothing.

  44. CDB says:

    We must all work together on this problem!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      Ashton, how can we help?

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      Sweet Jesus she’s passive aggressive, and what she needs to work on most requires her looking for her soul, which I’m sure she left on some guys floor with her wadded up panties that she used as a scrunchie during the blow job but (oops) left behind on purpose.

      • CDB says:

        she does not understand the difference between humorous sarcasm and passive aggression

        • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

          No, she doesn’t, and that’s because she’s always so secretly enraged. Talk about authenticity: imagine if she just admitted it, “I’m the angriest person on earth; I want to kill everyone who crosses me or calls me out on anything. I don’t ‘love’ anyone, and I see most events in life as obstacles to me getting what I want.”

          That would be a start, anyway.

          • bitchface says:

            lol I picture Julia Allison skulking around stalking ex boyfriends, seething in rage, grinding her teeth, dragging poor Lilly (sic) around on a leash….

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      That was the funniest bit to me, too, Bobby.

  45. Leased D-Class TaskRabbit Boyfriend (formerly Floppy) says:

    [img]http://s2.favim.com/orig/28/blue-donuts-hell-homer-simpsons-Favim.com-231447.gif[/img]

  46. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Has D0nkey’s more than 24/7/365/31+ pathological lying jag ever been this far out of control? Seems the worse to me that I’ve ever seen, & I’m just wondering what it signifies … the beginning of the end?

    She’s tweeting her insanity like there’s no tomorrow …
    [img]http://www.minnpost.com/sites/default/files/asset/0/0bw655/0bw655.jpg[/img]

    • Sacred Scrapbooks, Mind Wrecker says:

      I think she’s dreading the “what’s the plan, now” discussion with her parents. Also, I doubt she’s presenting Goaty to them as “the” boyfriend — a friend who wants to see Chicago and is squiring her to a family wedding seems more like how she will introduce him; anyway, he’ll be a convenient “let’s not discuss this now” buffer between her and her parents.

      • Donkarena says:

        yep…I was thinking the same thing: he’s her human shield.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Goat Soup has to be in on the ruse to some extent, doncha think? Donkey’s paying him or strong-arming him to be there & follow her lead, surely. I predict the break-up occurs before she brays ‘wheels down!’ at LAX.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      BTW, how apropos is the artwork I found by googling “whirling dervish donkey”?

      * Donkey ears * False eyelashes * disfigured face * chinplant popping a bolt * twitter birds * mismatched pelts * sleeping the day away *

      (It’s from a dream-series exhibit, some of which are nightmares, obvs.)

      • Greg says:

        it is really apropos and nightmarish in the same way the movie “Pan’s Labyrinth” was nightmarish for me and I won’t be able to sleep tonight…

  47. After Market Errands says:

    You know what Julia Allison deserves for giving excellent, dairy-free diet tips, don’t you?

    #liquidgold

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      I have the strangest feeling the guy who does that would run from her though. While she chases after him screaming “WHY WON’T YOU KISS ME?!”

  48. EyeRoller says:

    REWRITE OF INTERVIEW:

    Advice From A Cheesy Skillethead
    by DickRx

    Starting out at basically the same place she remains mentally to this day, an aimless, below average columnist at Whoretown U, DONKEY began ruining a name for herself by plagiarizing Sex and The City story lines in national rag-azines and staging shameless two bit acts of self-promotion, all while appearing (to be an idiot) on over a hundred billion’s myriad’s worth of two to four minute on-air segments across rarely seen middle of the night television shows. Even worse, and most recently, Donkey stars as a dumb turd, I mean spunky Relationship Expert, in Bravo’s new, soon to not be renewed TV series Miss Advised. (Editors note: I have to interview this Gimme Pig for a living after my parents shilled out SIX FIGURES on a journalism degree?!!??? Give me strength Baby Jesus, here goes nothing.).

    We loathe Donkey for the authenticity, wisdom, and spirit she attempts to pantomime with her every childish word and gesture. Before we sit down to chat in the compact Budget Rental car she calls home, she requests that we nix Carole King’s “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” (randomly playing on the car radio) and instead she forcefully switches it to Destiny’s Child ‘Independent Woman’ so she can, as she describes, “get in a powerful kickass Charlie’s Angels mood”. She also mentions that I make sure to mention in this article that she was originally “seriously considered” for the Angel role that eventually went to the inferior Cameron Diaz. For the record, Donkey also tells us Destiny’s Child is her favorite “band”, and confesses that she had to go on Lithium when Beyonce went solo. If you somehow have not already heard of this donkey, these stupid answers will show you what fun you’ve been missing.

    DickRx: So, why Beyonce?

    Donkey: To be honest, she fills up the enormous taste-gap left between my Skrillex Burning Man mix tape collection and Taylor Swift’s entire “Breathless” album. But mainly because I feel that, as a branding and marketing expert, she has done an adequate job at promoting herself, though her image could use a bit of improvement, starting with twittering about all her ex-boyfriends. Friend me on Facebook B!

    DickRx: Any mental illness misconceptions you used to have and laugh about now?

    Donkey: Are you fucking kidding me? Pull up a permanent chair and let me tell you about some fucking mental illness. It’s like I have cheese and marshmallow for brains. Laughing is all I do anymore. I’ve got so many voices in my head that hyperbraying in a princess crown is the only thing that keeps me from jumping off a bridge. Combine THAT with a checkered past of thinking that sugary cereals are healthy and it’s enough to make a donkey still wake up somedays face down in a bowl of honey.

    DickRx: What is the best second date?

    Donkey: You must be joking. The older I’ve gotten, the less I’ve enjoyed the second date because now a guy rarely even bothers to spring for a fancy dinner and drinks. Just blowjobs blowjobs blowjobs. These days, I usually have go back out to the gas station and grab a king size snickers bar after my suitor drops me off because I’ve got a hell of a sweet capped tooth and last time I threw up three pieces of cheesecake on a guy’s lap during a second date deep throat gagjob after overindulging myself too much at the Cheesecake Factory. Now that I’m old-looking and getting even lazier, it’s much easier to just go beach walking or line dancing alone than go on a second date.

    DickRx: What’s your weirdest eating habit you’re willing to admit to?

    Donkey: How many times do I have to tell you??? I EAT DICK, but only on the second date and because…um…well… it’s the only thing I know how to do.

    DickRx: Who, to you, epitomizes a healthy attitude worth emulating and why?

    Donkey: ME!!! Oh, and Tony Robbins. I worship both of us. We are toppling paradigms of health. Wait, did i use that phrase right?

    (DickRx sits in stunned silence before proceeding)

    DickRx: Which health issue or cause matters to you most?

    Donkey: I’m passionate about being insane! The only disease I will ever attempt to treat is Celiac. I will never be free in my mind and will always be a free piece of meat with the IQ of high-fructose corn syrup. This country needs to get on the crazy train with me or realize that I’m a fruit and that they are becoming vegetables by believing anything I say. Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with eating meat or dairy as long as you say you were only posing cutely next to it when someone snaps a picture.

    DickRx: Is there anything else you’d like your lesions of fans to know?

    Donkey: Did you just say “lesions”?

    Dick Rx: Yes.

    Donkey: Didn’t you mean “legions”?

    Dick Rx: No. Is there anything else you’d like to add before we wrap this up?

    Donkey: Yes, I’m grotesquely hypocritical and I’d go against anything and everything I purport to deeply “believe” in at the drop of a dime. That’s right, I even showed my raftlike fanny big time on my Twitter on August 13 at 10:19 pm when I basically admitted that– If I can’t get rich pushing my rigid lifestyle of lemon face smoothies and barley grass enemas, well then goddammit I’m gonna peddle cold plastic sacks of cancerous macaroni so fuck any legitimate tweet that calls me out on real issues. Do you think the six figures I lie about is going to pay my rent?

    DickRx: (again, total silence)

    Donkey: Are we done? Where’s my twenty bucks we agreed on? Don’t think you’re gonna treat me like Elle online and compensate me in Chevron cards and stick on dashboard air fresheners, or worse– Velveeta Skillets, because I’m up to my fucking freezer burned pelts in that bullshit. Wait, I take that back! For the record, I love any and every Kraft product and look forward to creating brand “synergy” with them again in the near future.

    • Greg says:

      *slow clap*

      Please accept my burnt offering of a Hickory Farm cheese-product log.

      • EyeRoller says:

        Accepted humbly, though while I’m on worldwide excursions searching for Donks in remote parts of the world, you’ll have to send it to my PO Box. Do you think it will keep for 6-9 months at the post office? What am I thinking– It’s a Hick Farms cheese-type log, it will keep forever!

    • virgil reid says:

      omg i lol’ed. i needed that so much.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      BWHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Random Snowflake says:

      “cold plastic sacks of cancerous macaroni”.. I love it :)

  49. CUNTBunnies! says:

    LOLWUT

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/Epth7.jpg[/img]

  50. 1,000 Appearances In My Nightmares says:

    Oh my Greg! I was rung!! I was ruuuuung!

  51. DSM-V: JFA Edition says:

    “In myriad ways” reads as more correct to me than “in a myriad of ways” as well, but it seems the style guides are split and suggest that either are okay.

  52. Fake Kidney Infucktion says:

    She won’t eat CHEMICAL TOXIC CRAP, but she’s fine with injecting it in her face? Women like that confuse me so much. What’s the point in avoiding “toxic food” if you’re just going to inject the shit in your face?

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      Valid point is valid. If you wouldn’t ingest it, why would you inject it? It’s counterproductive. Plus, I’d be afraid I might, y’know, actually contract botulism and die. If beauty is pain I’d rather be ugly the rest of my life.

      • Factory Seconds says:

        You don’t ingest it so that you can save the resources for your face. I mean, otherwise you’re just pooping it out never to be seen again.

    • It's Just A TV Show! (juliajane) says:

      You’re right, but the last time I injected toxins into my face was many months ago. We need to work together on this problem!

  53. CountMeInDaisy says:

    I have probably one of the most frequently asked questions ever about this woman. Her dog looks miserable, and I’ve read before she treats her horribly. Why hasn’t someone reported her for animal cruelty, and saved that adorable furball from her already?

    • I think there’s a kickstarter fund to save Lilly, or if there’s not there should be one. She is definitely a neglected dog.

    • JFA says:

      I haven’t done any legal research on it but I’m gonna guess the bar for having an animal removed is WAY LOWER than “don’t walk it enough/treat it like a prop/drag its ass all over the country/foist it on unhappy friends 24/7.” If you are feeding your animal and not skinning it alive they probably let you keep it. Don’t get me started.

      • KS says:

        You meant, “WAY HIGHER”.

        Also, This.

        • JFA says:

          Yeah I realized that after I sent it.

          • JFA says:

            I once called animal control/the police (don’t remember, whomever I am supposed to call) to come rescue a clearly distressed dog locked in a car on a summer night for a long while. They basically refused to come bust it out and told me that the dog would just be given back or euthanized anyway. Makes my heart hurt.

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      Well, from experience, small dogs can be vicious–my rescue yorkie would gnaw my hand off at the wrist if I ever tried to put her in a tutu, for example. If and when Lilly reaches her breaking point…

  54. Diabetic Feet says:

    Nevermind the fact that Julia Booger having thex with anyone is a horrifyingly gross image. The contortions, the fakeness, the psychosis….I seriously cannot understand how any guys manage to get it hard for her. I’m being dead serious. I’d have an easier time getting it up over an egg salad sandwich.

    But my main point, what is this spoiled little middle school bitch so mad at her parents for? My theory is they are on her to straighten up now that the show is over, or maybe they’re withholding NGMB fund from her, or maybe they’re just not happy about what a retardo-whore their daughter looked like on national television.

    • Malformed Face says:

      All of the above?

      She has no job. No means of income. Now she has a boyfriend who seemingly has no job or means of income. Quite a nose dive from Jack McCain.

      She talked about giving two date blow jobs on TV and now her most concrete plans are to shop for tutus, tiaras and monster boots for burning man.

      ALL I KNOW IS I WANT TO SEE MICHAEL ELLSBERG AND GOAT SOAP IN MATCHING MESH SHIRTS AT BURNING MAN. Good Greg, make it happen!

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      She probably wants more money to finance her burgeoning “career” and they are not enthused.

      • Malformed Face says:

        How can they not see her repeat fails? I really hope Goat Soap brings up his love of Tony Robbins and the importance of such great reads as “The Power of Eye Contact” to Dadsers!

        I’m dying of mortification on behalf of her parents.

        • Malformed Face says:

          PS, he gave this five stars… oh, I cringe!

          The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

          SEXUALLY DELICIOUS DESIRES!!!!

          • JFA says:

            He’s flaming. That is all.

          • JFA says:

            Seriously I CANNOT. if you need to read a fucking book to figure out how to please the ladies, you are either a) not into vagina or b) not getting out enough. My word, he’s a tool.

    • bitchface says:

      “So what is the plan this time, Julia?” – Robin Baugher

    • alessa says:

      she used to have eyes!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Sort of OT, then again, your link led me there … the same pre-worn version of orange dress that ‘someone’ (an ebay consignment seller being utilized by a donkey?) has listed for three dollars over retail was being worn by D0nkey five years ago … w/out a bra, at a cousin’s wedding …

      So Tacky; So D0nkey.

  55. EyeRoller says:

    Donkey and Goat Soap are a perfect couple: She’s got Celiac Disease and he’s got Silly Yak Disease.

  56. Malformed Face says:

    OMG, is she just writing for us now???? Tacky Donkey.

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    We made it to Chicago! Now we just have to make it through the parental visit … http://lockerz.com/s/234453022
    View photo
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    (If you don’t want to give her clicks it’s her luggage at the airport… )

    • JFA says:

      WHO IS SHE TWEETING THIS SHIT TO. NO ONE CARES. NOT ONE PERSON.

    • New Year New You says:

      If I was your mother, Julie Albertson, I would tell you to get your raft ass and your pink fucking cases straight back on the plane from whence you just came.

      Then I would punch you in the tits, and tell you you’ve turned into a whore. A great big, vaginal free-for-all.

      Thankfully, for both of us, I am not your mother.

      SAVE LILLY!

  57. GrammRian says:

    Doesnt like thex at all plus prefers it wih the other gender is a perfect match

  58. Casey says:

    Someone told me about this blog, so I wanted to check it out. I agree she’s a weird chick, but why invest so much time hating on her.? Doesn’t seem any healthier than Velveeta.

    • Malformed Face says:

      Who’s hating? I’m LOLing…. hard.

      • Casey says:

        These articles are hysterically funny, no argument there. Just wonder why she’s worth so much time and energy?

        • JFA says:

          have you heard the world doesn’t exist to explain itself to you? My god. I would never think to enter any forum, meeting, website, comments board, what have you, and ask everyone there clearly having fun to provide me with an explanation. If you don’t understand and your head is too far up your ass to realize, it’s your fucking problem.

          People who expect to have everything explained to them bother me.

        • EyeRoller says:

          I’ve never seem a creature behave so ungratefully towards people who wrote things that I deemed “hysterically funny”, Why would you do that “Carley” (as you did in your above comment)? How ’bout a simple “Thanks for the laughs” and be on your merry way. Thanks Carley!!!

    • JFA says:

      Great story. Fascinating. Thanks for showing me the light.

      Fuck off.

      • JFA says:

        Also I read here because I fucking feel like it, and because the tenor of the commentary is about 10,000 levels beyond your comprehension. Hope that clears things up.

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      Casey. from what I gathered over the past day or so, it’s not so much hating as it is…well, exposing the fraud for being a fraud.

    • Donkarena says:

      “Someone told me about this blog” is definitely worded to sound innocuous — Julia told you about this blog. Casey, go to the “Internet Never Forgets” and read about Julia’s shitty antics to the general public and to girlfriends of former boyfriends. Educate yourself and THEN come back and explain why you give a shit whether anyone comments here or not.

    • Grammarian says:

      There are people who like Velveeta. They are ignorant.

      There are people who hate Velveeta. They have taste and standards.

      There are people who shill for Velveeta while later professing to hate it. They are double crossing lying prostitution whores.

      Does that help?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I’ll be honest — I don’t mind Velveeta once a year on a stalk of celery. But only once a year.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Now I’m craving Velveeta queso w/ chips & fresh pico …

          Velveeta mac & cheese sucks d0nkey dicks though.

        • New Year New You says:

          That sounds sexual.

          • Grammarian says:

            Mac n cheese with truffles, four cheeses, aged cheddar, Gruyere, fontina, romano and gouda; topped with bacon and panko, run under the broiler, yeah

            Grilled cheese with tomato, yeah.

            Velveeta, nope.

          • New Year New You says:

            I was more concerned with the celery.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      Go back to the cabinet from which you came.

  59. Casey says:

    Well JFA, you’re a classy one!

    Thanks Malformed face and Countmein Daisy. It was a legitimate question. Just wondered what the fascination was is all.

    • JFA says:

      Stupid people on the internet think I have no class. Truly hanging my head in shame.

      If you honsetly cannot understand why it might chap people’s asses to waltz into a website you have read for five minutes and ask everyone there to provide you for explanations as to why they spend time there, you have more problems than you clearly realize, and this is a waste of everyone’s time.

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      I’m going to be bluntly honest, and please don’t take this the wrong way. I was pointing out what I thought to be obvious. If you’ve watched the show, or if you’re like most of the people here and have seen her previous antics, you’d understand. It really, really doesn’t take a rocket scientist, just sayin’.

      • CountMeInDaisy says:

        Also, from the other posts I’ve read through on the commentary, this question is posed pretty often from people who are legit trolling on her behalf. I can see where it’d get really annoying after awhile.

        • bitchface says:

          you mean Julia’s K personalities (plural)?

        • Casey says:

          I’m sure it could and for the record, I’m not trolling or even defending her.

          No one was obligated to respond, so not sure why it inspires such rage from some. Any way, that’s all, thanks for being civil.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            Uh, I’m not sure I’m gonna be civil for much longer. I read through about 23 pages of posts and found a lot of funny comments along the way, but I haven’t seen an ounce of drama from anyone else. That’s part of the reason I decided to start commenting myself. I reiterate, it takes two to argue, if you don’t like what JFA–or for that matter, anyone else–has to say, then don’t reply. It takes two to fight, and you’re clearly egging it on. Please, cut it out.

          • JFA says:

            I’m just so sick of commenters strolling in, clearly rubbernecking yet demanding in their judgemental obtuse little minds that we provide a rationalization for existing that suits them. If you’re too lazy to read the links as an explanation as to the pathology of this person, you should probably not be commenting.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            She’s a complete nutter! Anyone who has seen Miss Advised can see it! Why WOULDN’T you make fun of her? And after I read the other stuff she’s done…yeesh, she makes Courtney Love look sane!

            Also, please forgive the British slang, been re-reading HP over the past few days.

          • LOL at Daisy– I’ve been calling my cat and boyfriend “a nutter,” as in “You’re such a nutter,” ever since some British MC called me a nutter on Twitter for listening to Dizzee Rascal. Love Nutter.

            Michael Nutter?

          • Donkarena says:

            You’re welcome. Tell Julia we said “Hi”

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The reply button: try using it correctly!

  60. Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

    O/T There are now more than 30 cities signed on for Global Free Pussy Riot on Friday. Check http://www.freepussyriot.org to see if your city has been added. Thanks catpeeps.

  61. Casey says:

    And yet you’ve thought it was worth your time to reply 4 times. Not concerned at all about chapping your dumb ass. Obviously other people could respond decently, so some no-class trailer park pig, such a yourself is nowhere near enough to affect my day. iIwouldn’t woryy too much about my problems. I’d be more concerned about your need to reply 4 tiumes while claiming I was wasting your time. Can you even spell I S S U ES ?

    • JFA says:

      Predictable.

      Fuck off, troll. At least I have fun here, judgmental Mary. Clearly you don’t have a surfeit of free time. Clearly.

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      Hey, do you mind not starting drama? I like to think the rest of us get along pretty well. If you don’t like what JFA has to say, here’s an idea, stop replying to him. It does, after all, take two to fight.

      • JFA says:

        Trolling 101. Stroll in, pretend to be nice, vaguely interested, yet say something clearly insulting/provocative. React like a little bitch when the response is not what you hoped for.

        • Casey says:

          ok dumb cunt, I’m sure you get called that alot. Probably from one of the fathers of your 7 children

          • CDB says:

            OH NO YOU DIDN”T NOT THE “C” WORD!!!![img]http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee516/bobbaer1/120070490831.gif[/img]

          • JFA says:

            You’re a mental midget.

          • JFA says:

            Classy.

            What did you do today? Oh, me? I commented on a website I clearly find funny yet pretend not to understand because I don’t like to admit I am a ragebeast who enjoys eviscerating people. Then i called a regular commenter a “cunt” and intimated she had many children with different fathers. Then i worked on my astrophysics thesis. I am Casey.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            That’s it. I take a LOT of offense to that remark, and for the record, I’m pretty sure JFA is a guy. Do yourself a favor and please find your way back to Donk’s twitter page. If that’s the way you’re going to act, you don’t need to be here.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            JFA is a ladyperson of the feminine persuasion and mammarical appearance with the estrogen factored into the vajeen. So talk perlite.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            Okay, thank you, sorry about that! I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t wanna look anymore stupid than I had to.

          • emma bourricot says:

            RRR, remember the war over what you have between your legs? I don’t think you ever explicitly revealed the answer and I admire that.

          • Leased D-Class TaskRabbit Boyfriend (formerly Floppy) says:

            Oh Casey…poor stupid cunt Casey.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            The last time I explicitly revealed the answer the guy turned out to be an Irish terrorist.

            :(

          • EyeRoller says:

            Casey– Please be consistent with your message. I’d suggest you hire a branding expert like Donkey to help you communicate more clearly. You said “That is all” like five comments ago, so please stop lying and confusing your words or stop sharing altogether. Thanks C*nt!

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            The last time I explicitly revealed the answer the guy turned out to be an Irish terrorist.

            and then he was part of an assassination plot but you slept with him anyway and then had to shoot him while *averting eyes* and then collapsed into Sunny Crockett’s arms at the brutality of it all when you were just trying to DO YOUR DAMN JOB???!!!!

            or was that an episode of Miami Vice?

          • Psycho is the new Stalker (OKA son of Stalker, CDB) says:

            Mom…. Where have you been? Out all night again for two days????

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            I’m sick, son, make me a Vicodin samwich.

            (double ear infection/round 2 of antibiotics/filling replacement)

            Glad to have health insurance. Not glad to be using it.

          • CDB says:

            Here you go. Here is the vicodin brutella on toasted wheat. And I brought you a glass of Strawberry Hill to wash it down and for dessert, I am giving you one of the Qualudes that you did not find under my mattress. I hope you feel better soon.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            Thank you baby, now turn on my stories on TV and you can borrow the van and take your little girlfriend to the mall.

        • CountMeInDaisy says:

          It irritates the hell out of me. If you really wanna know, uh, go back through a few pages of posts. It becomes completely, blazingly obvious why we spend so much time making fun of her.

    • EyeRoller says:

      Hi Casey. So wonderful to hear from you; I was starting to think your tinnitus, celiac disease, and double vision were keeping you from cruising the best site on the interwebz, but I see you made it here and were interested enough to pipe up with a nonsensical question. I can appreciate that as much as the next human. Welcome!

      How’s everything going where you are? I just wanted to say that you are unbelievably funny and have provided me with so much insight, though I’m honestly curious– What’s your obsession with us being obsessed? That might be a real issue to take a look at. Good luck in all your future endeavors!

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      Please explain to me why you say “no-class trailer park pig” like it’s a bad thing.

      No, wait. Don’t. You clearly lack a sense of humor and I like my innarwebs funny. Piss off.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      (With apologies to Dumbo) (the movie, not the lifestyle guru formerly known as Hello Brit)

      Casey Junior’s flying off her tracks
      Cum runs down her slacks
      As she’s smoking crack
      Hear her puffing, coming round the hill
      She’s a fucking pill
      And she makes us ill

      She’s simply one of many many many trolls
      (Toot toot)
      Boring, vulgar, constipated, stupid, droll
      Time for guacamole ce-li-ac
      Casey Junior’s back
      Casey Junior’s back

  62. A-Game Content says:

    Donk is such a jerk. When I was dating, I’d have never dreamt of saying such a thing about a boyfriend immediately before he was to meet my family.
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/14uf4gn.jpg[/img]

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      …That is so rude of her. And what’s more, why would you even parade that many men past your parents? My fiance is the only guy I’ve ever brought home. And I’ve dated several guys. You have to be pretty special to meet my family, especially my father. I’d be really hurt if he EVER said that about me, especially if it happened to be true.

    • JFA says:

      He probably has seen too many come and go. Because you wait exactly 3.5 seconds to introduce him to them, and also, because you’re insane, so they flee every time. WRiting this on twatter is so embarrassing and juvenile. She’s having a meltdown. That poor guy has to see it too, like it’s not bad enough to meet the parents. Ugh.

      • CountMeInDaisy says:

        I’d be so ashamed to parade that many past my father. And her parents are conservative to boot! It just confirms “I’m your daughter and I’m a WHORE!”.

        • GimmeaWackjob says:

          You know her parents’ friends and family watched the show. Can you imagine what kinds of comments they got from them? These would be people who probably never read any of her “journalism” so they likely had no idea. This has to be a huge embarrassment for her folks.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            It just…maybe I’m old fashioned in this aspect, maybe it’s where I’m private about my relationships, I dunno. I just think that it needs to be someone really special, and by special I mean someone you would consider marrying, before they meet your parents. That’s a pretty big step, it can be a make or break.

      • Learned Paw says:

        I am not convinced that Goaty is with her on this trip. She keeps say “we” have to survive this parental visit. But I think that is legalese for her and poor Lilly.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          He’s probably coming later for the the weekend/wedding.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Yes. She would never go to a wedding without a date, because she would see that as a failure in the game of Who’s Got The WalletPeen!

    • JFA says:

      Also her parents are CLEARLY so over her bullshit. And we all know one thing JA cannot STAND is being called out on her bullshit. I am back to pitying them for having to deal with her.

      • bitchface says:

        it won’t last

      • Psycho is the new Stalker (OKA son of Stalker, CDB) says:

        Just remember those who suffered under the threats of pettifogger and that should end your pity for them. He is Vile

        • juliajane says:

          They have enabled her in so many ways over the years and I don’t ever see that changing.

          The best thing they could do that would reduce the cray by 50% would be to cut her off financially, so she would have to actually get a job and stop meandering around the country without any consequences. But I don’t ever see that happening.

    • Don Quixote says:

      I’m still not convinced this guy is actually her boyfriend. He looks like a tool bag from the fb fauxto-ops alone.

      Recent tweet:
      “My flight to Chicago is delayed but I’m not mad – I’ve got a very pink issue of @ELLEmagazine to keep me company!!”

      Doesn’t she have her “boyfriend” to keep her company? I thought he was going with her. I can’t imagine he would fly separately, although, then again nothing makes sense in her world. So, yeah.

      • CountMeInDaisy says:

        What I want to know is why she needs a man in her life to validate her existence as a woman? There’s nothing wrong with being single, I enjoyed a period of years between boyfriends as a single lady, and had the time of my life. Doing whatever you want, flirting, not having to answer to someone? It’s nice. That’s not to say that I don’t adore my fiance, because I do. Just saying there’s a lot of positive things about the single life. She doesn’t seem to get this–she could be out living her life, and having a blast. Maybe if she’d try harder to just LIVE instead of being so…rape-y about it, she might find what she wants!

        • Don Quixote says:

          Amen.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            I also think she needs to invest in a pair of jeans. That aren’t wide leg and make her look, well, like a bell. Maybe if she’d dress like a normal person instead of these whacked out “prom” experiences, she’d have more luck.

            Which leads me to my next point. I’m 25, and I hated the concept of prom so much I never went to either of mine. She’s 31, and she’s obsessed. I’m beginning to think she’s one of these dipshidiots who hit her “peak” so to speak, in high school. As in she’ll never be that pretty or that popular again.

          • emma bourricot says:

            She was not particularly popular or gorgeous in high school, actually, and I think she was damaged by never being voted onto Homecoming court, let alone Prom Queen. I think the teasing and eye rolls from her peers goes all the way back to preschool.

          • JFA says:

            “I also think she needs to invest in a pair of jeans.” LOL. She’s been wearing those flared legs atrocities since they were in style, in 1994.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            …They appear to be about four sizes too big. Ideally, flared jeans are fitted through the thigh area, to the knee, where they gradually flare out. When they fit well, you look stylish. The reason I say this, I will invest more money in a good pair of jeans than anything else and I happen to adore bell bottoms and flares.

            Those look kinda like the rave pants manufactured by Tripp in the late 90′s/early 2000′s, that I used to wear back in my Goth phase.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            @Emma

            …You’re kidding me, right? That’s–I–wow. Just, wow. No words, just. None.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            No, seriously, CountMeInDaisy, she was a shy debate nerd in high school. She has devoted herself since then to trying to be a cool 16-year-old, including the amazeballz moment when she wore a cheerleader outfit to the Gawker offices and got a parking ticket.

          • JFA says:

            I don’t buy she was a “nerd” at least as much as it implies she was actually studious. I’d bet my right tit she never was.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            “dweeb”, then?

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            …She wore a cheerleading outfit in PUBLIC? When she’s not a cheerleader by profession, or by way of college or high school? My God, it’s worse than I thought. Correct me if I’m wrong, but, uh, if you’re not one by profession at her age, isn’t that usually reserved for the bedroom? Unless it’s Halloween?

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Sing it.

          • CountMeInDaisy says:

            I think she’s more of a train wreck than Britney, Paris, and Courtney. Combined. She is a train wreck, a bloody, gory, messy train wreck. And yet. I can’t. Look. Away.

          • Agree. Lindsay Lohan is a mess, but even she has it more together than Julie.

          • JFA says:

            Lohan also has a modicum of talent and still earns a living, albeit in really bad movies. JA has neither talent nor a job.

      • A-Game Content says:

        WELL. They might be on the same flight, but doesn’t A Donkey fly in the cargo hold?

      • JFA says:

        I’m not convinced he’s real. I’m convinced she wants people to think he is, but I’m not buying for a second she thinks he’s good enough, or she has real feelings for him (or anyone for that matter). He’s not Jack McCain and eventually she will loathe him for it. I give it til September.

    • emma bourricot says:

      Especially nasty because Kristin introduced her to Goat Soap, right?

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      The way she’s tweeting about this relationship, it might be the next jakobandjulia.com. She’s learned so much!

      • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

        Pics on the beach riding horseback or it didn’t happen!

    • GimmeaWackjob says:

      Damn! WHY would she publicly say something like that? And “The Boy”? Run, Goat Soap, run!

    • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Does Dev not have a twitter account? Do his friends/family have access to this stuff?
      As the mother of 2 boys, I find this really, really shitty. If some wanna-be-nobody, fame-whoring, blow-job-telling, condom-fairy, Balthazar-finger-banging , z-list reality show loser put this in public about my son? AK Kitty for sure.
      I feel kind of bad for him now even though he has the Donkey, Dad$ter already thinks he’s a piece of shit. Horrors! He was raised painfully middle-class and has no pedigree.

  63. CDB says:

    Maybe Casey’s name is really Kasey

  64. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    calling Julia an independent woman is like calling Julia a Republican for Chicago…

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      She’s more of a poster child for co-dependency than Bella Swan, and that’s saying something. She needs to look up the definition of “independence”.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        *tch*

        She knows very well that it’s an old building in Philadelphia.

        • CountMeInDaisy says:

          Maybe all those full tail skirts are her trying to make herself look more independence-y. Like the Liberty Bell. Also explains why she refers to herself as “broken”.

        • EyeRoller says:

          If Mattel doesn’t make a tiny Statue of Liberty Barbie outfit with little plastic torch and crown accessories, then she probably doesn’t know about it.

          • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

            Just imagine the hundreds of 3D statuettes of Donkey as a unicorn, Donkey as a streetwalker, etc., that are going to actually exist after Burning Man. >>shudder<<

  65. flatface says:

    From Bravoratings.com

    “…At 10pm, ‘Miss Advised‘ aired it’s finale, which retained just 38.58% of its RHoNY lead-in. 556,000 (0.3 demo) tuned in and that meant the overall season average came in at 573,750 and 0.26 demo. This show never seemed to hit the mark, and while the negative attention directed at cast member Julia Allison, seemed to have drawn many viewers, at Bravo Ratings we’d be surprised if a 2nd season is commissioned. With this show airing at 10pm as WWHL’s nightly Tuesday lead-in, it has also hurt the ratings for WWHL as only once during its 8 week run as WWHL rated in the nightly Cable Top 100 shows…”

  66. CountMeInDaisy says:

    Alright, so, after an entire season’s worth of observation, based solely on what I saw on television, I have this advice to offer the donkey:

    Honey. If you have to lower and degrade yourself to the point of throwing yourself at someone who obviously–and I do mean obviously, those are signs that cannot be misinterpreted–just isn’t that into you, thus making yourself look like some desperate and pathetic cock hungry witch? It is time to swear off men for awhile. Take at least a year and swear. Off. Dating. And for the love of Jebus, GET RID OF THAT CHECKLIST. There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but you’re taking it to a whole new level of micromanaging insanity. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, stop what you’re doing and seek. Help. NAO.

  67. emma bourricot says:

    I really love your comments.

    She needs professional help. I truly believe that she will never be happy with a man, even the “perfect” one, because she will see him only as a prop in the online/personal soap opera that is her life. She thinks she has something to prove to the preppy assholes who ignored and snickered at her in high school and Indiana University (and then, years later, in bicoastal tech and media circles). Her dad doted on her and has gotten her this far, but she’s never going to be successful in the way she thinks she deserved to be by now. She’s arrested at an age that doesn’t look cute on any 31-year-old woman. She says, “Oh no guys, I’m done with the drama, I just want to be happy and married and settled,” and then days later starts foaming at the mouth and setting houses on fire. Eventually she’ll browbeat some guy into proposing to her, and it’s not going to be as incredibly, magically amazing as she thought it would be, but will accept anyway. And then become such a psychotic hosebeast over the wedding planning (who will be her bridesmaids by now? Megan and Meghan and Toilet? Kristin Thorne or Christine Kelly? Greasy?) that he will dump her weeks into the engagement. That, maybe, will be the psychotic break that will finally send her into impatient therapy.

    • emma bourricot says:

      Oh crap, in reply to CountMeInDaisy.

      • CountMeInDaisy says:

        Aw, I love your comments too!

        Why do I see horribly ironic parallels between BaDonkaDonk and Kim Kardashian? I just now noticed it, when you spelled that out, but I digress.

        I would think, after watching this season with the rest of us, she’d go ahead and say “okay. I need therapy. I am going to deactivate my twitter, take a well deserved leave of absence from the interwebz, and get myself stable”.

        And while she’s at it, she needs to repair her face, stop dying her hair red, get a better haircut, embrace jeans, and learn to be a better pet parent. Oh, and, get. Rid. Of. That. Checklist. We all have standards, but being that rigid makes sure that nobody will ever live up to her standards. Ever. If she does get married, it will not last, and if she has children, oh my God, I pity them. They’ll be expected to be perfect in every single way–and the thought of her with children frightens me, to be perfectly honest.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          The Kardashians make themselves into public pinatas for millions. Julie will do it for $20,000 (Miss Advised) or $65 (Cheesy Skillet Shill) or whatever anyone’s paying.

    • emma bourricot says:

      *Inpatient therapy. I’m impatient for the day.

      • CountMeInDaisy says:

        If I had Twitter, I would totally tweet her just to tell her to seek help. To, for the love of all that’s traditionally pale, fanged, seductive, and bloodthirsty, PLEASE. SEEK HELP. NAO.

    • Diabetic Feet says:

      So much this.

      She’d be a homeless bag lady by now if not for being born rich. She’s one of the luckiest people I can possibly imagine. She’s stupid enough to be exempt from the death penalty.

  68. A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

    This interview has all the things we know and love about Donkey: lying, hypocrisy, stupid puns, lying, bad syntax, lying, smugness, lying, bad science and lying.

    This is trademark Donkey: when you think her cuntitude has peaked, she hits you with a category-5 cuntstorm.

    Keep up the good work, Donks!

    • Greg says:

      For some reason this comment reminds me of Stefon on SNL.

      “The coldest new thing is EEYORE! This donkey has everything: lying eyes, hypocrusty everything, stupid puns, Taylor Negreasy in a plastic wig and spider eyelashes … Haassenpfeffer indonkarated!”

  69. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    I’m just gonna leave this here: http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2012/08/13/how-to-tell-when-someone-is-lying/

    Of course, with Julia Baugher, lips moving or sausage snappers pounding keyboard are the telltale signs.

  70. Sacred Scrapbooks, Mind Wrecker says:

    Interesting displacement: here she is, fresh from mortifying her family on TV, dead to Elle, unemployed with high expenses — but she’s worried what her father thinks of Goaty? Yeah, no. Her parents must be pissed (“my God, they’re whispering ABOUT US at the club!”), and tired of her conniving for stardom, but no, what’s bugging them is some fool she’s dragging home to meet them.

    It’s amazing how much cover she wrings from a fiction.

    • JFA says:

      I read it as they just have no shits left to give about this guy, as it’s only her 6th boyfriend trotted out in 3 years or whatever and they know the deal by now. But she wants their arrival to be like the young royals, and respected and deemed just as important beacuse this is her one true love damnit and FUCK YOU ADULTS for not seeing it!

      My parents both recently met my bf once. They thought he was nice, and then we all moved on. Grow the fuck up and get over it.

      • JFA says:

        And while we’re at it, can you just deposit $20K in her bank account as a pre-engagement wedding planning gift, Dadsers? No? YOU ARE THE WORST.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Likely what D0nkey’s worried about is that Dad$er doesn’t have two shits to give about Goat Soap & won’t let the hired bf’s presence at Le Holibray Inn deter him from having that overdue Come To Greg talk w/ La Burra.

      Cue distressed brays of a d0nkey getting ::wink:: ‘sick’ ::wink:: in 3 … 2 … 1 …

      • Sake Bombardier says:

        Especially considering what she once wrote about her father (in honor of his birthday): “When my brother and I were younger, in order to receive our allowances, we had to submit Excel spreadsheets updated quarterly with our budgetary goals.”

        The whole post makes similar points about his financial OCD so I don’t think this was said in jest. Can you imagine Donkey’s outbrage at having to do MATHS for her money? No wonder she turned to bleaujobs.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Keep in mind: This man’s own mom$er instituted a ‘melodic custom’ (AKA psychological warfare) on her family every Sunday morning by blasting church hymns to wake the children up.

          Last Sunday morning such fine old hymns as “WHEN THE ROLL IS CALLED UP YONDER” roused our youngsters from their sleep.

          The whack doesn’t fall far from the cray …

          • Albie Quirky says:

            That is my favorite NGMB story. Honestly, Pettifogger did well not to become a serial killer.

          • Greg says:

            That is possibly the most fantastic thing I have read this week.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            It skipped a generation, Albie ….
            Dumb D0nkey is a cereal shiller.

          • helobabe says:

            My mother absolutely did this when we were growing up except it was through a speaker system in each of our rooms and she would play shitty music like the Dixie Chicks in the morning to wake us up before school and shout threats at us. I used to tell people this and they didn’t think it sounded odd… No wonder I’m at home here!

          • A-Game Content says:

            My dad would blast the local radio’s polka show on our speakers… Every Sunday. I look back quite fondly :)

          • darling dearest says:

            the article lists her age as “about 32.” What does that mean? was she really 34 and told them “eh, about 32″

          • A-Game Content says:

            Is that the Beaver County Times from Pennsylvania? What was this family doing in a paper from there (or was it syndicated)? What a freaking non-story. Also, you can clearly see where Donk gets her special snowflake syndrome. “My husband scored a 113 on the test for Husbands and Wives, is that a record?” Decades later, “My beau scored 73 out of 73 on my own made up checklist… is that a record?” I think NGMB had way more an influence on Darling Donkey’s insanity than I ever realized. I hereby rescind any sort of sympathetic tendencies that I had toward the old coot.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I think NGMB had way more an influence on Darling Donkey’s insanity than I ever realized.

            I agree. Also? For more than 30+ years, NGMB’$ probably (while they built lavish miniature doll houses, natch!) stuffed D0nkey full of sweet toxic chemicals & Gluten as a way to undermine Mom$er’$ restrictions & meanwhile get even for the shunning.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            She was 35 in 1959 if my math is correct. APPARENTLY LYING ABOUT YOUR AGE IS HEREDITARY

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Syndicated column by a rather unusual character.

            I have no idea why Husband of NGMB thought to write to him about this non news except that they were all ha ha white people and Christians and Republicans together or something.

          • Jelly Roll says:

            I’m sure the job title itself is exaggerated, but remember they tout mom-sers as a “speech writer for Nixon”

            Julia is not a crook…

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I’m guessing Daddy never quite recovered from her messing up the McCain connection. I always suspected she was grossly exaggerating the Pancakes relationship for her parents’ benefit — I think I was onto something.

      • CountMeInDaisy says:

        I think you might be, too, but at the same time, the way she talks about him. I wonder if she doesn’t think of him as “the one that got away”. Oh, wait, that means he’d actually have to have gotten away…

        • Random Snowflake says:

          Nobody gets away. It’s like the Mafia, once you’ve banged the Donkey you’re in for life.

          • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

            La Cosa Donk Nostra

          • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

            La Donksa Nostra

          • Take the cannoli leave the DONK says:

            OMG YOU RANG?

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Donksa Nose-stra

          • Jelly Roll says:

            you know, if she wasn’t so hideous (couldn’t every sentence start this way…) she COULD have used the McCain connection to fail upward

            She could’ve met plenty of fabulously connected Hill-sers, who respect/fear, but don’t love the McCains. Then post break up spun a story about how they were unreasonable, and moved on to an equal size Capitol Fish.

            Moment missed JABA!

  71. Granny's Posthumous Nightgown says:

    @juliaallison devin is going to blow them away!— Kristin Thorne (@KristinThorne) August 14, 2012

    I think she meant “Devin is going to be blown on the way!” #classy #WASPprincess #nevarforget #shutupshutupshutup

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      There’s going to be a shoot-out?

    • New Year New You says:

      I want to change your name to Granny’s Posthummus Nightgown #allhummuseverything

      I think Devin’s just going to blow them. Like father, like daughter.

  72. Julie says:

    Hey JFA —Just a FAT ASS

    How’s life in the trailer park treating you? Savin those welfare checks for some AC?

    • CaptainGary says:

      This must be one of these “trolls” that Aaron Sorkin was talking about on “The Newsroom”! And, judging by the understanding of the process and effectiveness of the attempt, it may well BE Aaron Sorkin.

      Mr. Sorkin! I love your work! Not sure I agree with your thoughts about the Internet, though.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Yes being poor is something to insult someone with.
      You dumb classist fuck.

      • afghani says:

        poor taste (such as Julia’s) is totally fair game. but actual poverty, in economic terms, is really never funny.

    • CountMeInDaisy says:

      Oh dear GOD, not again. Look, if you don’t like the blog, and you don’t like the people who comment, here’s a novel idea, DON’T REPLY. DON’T COMMENT. We have ZERO drama when you socially handicapped dipshidiots aren’t around. You know how you got here, so do yourself a favor, and go back the way you came.

    • helobabe says:

      *crosses fingers* Please tell me I’m in a Christopher Guest movie about trolls right now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
      [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5e01aIl9h1rwqknno1_500.jpg[/img]
      I just hate you and I hate your ASS FACE!!

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • OMGMarried! says:

      How classy of you to attempt to insult someone by calling them poor. We all definitely see you as better than us. Let us all fall in line at your feet, Queen Julie.

    • Psychotic Today says:

      Julia is a one more embarassing public breakup away from being cut off from Daddy’s money and living in a trailer park. Living off of welfare. Hoping for some AC.

  73. Malformed Face says:

    Did we parse this??? Love the diss from Via… who is a major player at a top PR firm. Her saying, “Does Ricki Lake still have a show?” made me gasp. Via knows who and who does not have a show. To act like Ricki’s show is so far off the radar is telling her friend Julie she does not rate. Um, er, oops?

    (Love that she reached out to all her friends and readers in the ‘Stans and got 2 spam replies and one good friend diss!)

    Julia Allison
    Yesterday
    Today: I’ll be on Ricki Lake talking social media and OVERSHARING. What’s the worst overshare you’ve ever seen on Facebook??
    Share
    Gregg Rory Holland, Omar S Jawo and 30 others like this.

    Gregg Rory Holland ‎Greg Oden’s pics. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/26/greg-oden-naked-pictures_n_437238.html
    Yesterday at 14:45

    Gregg Rory Holland ‎Carly Rae Jepsen’s pics. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/25/carly-rae-jepsen-racy-photos_n_1701864.html
    Yesterday at 14:48

    Via Strong Ricki Lake still has a show?
    21 hours ago

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Ricki doesn’t currently have a show on TV. She will have as of September, but right now my guess is that Julie was on her web show.

      Unless they were taping a segment for later broadcast on the actual show, but Julie didn’t say “I’m taping” but “I’m going to be on,” but on the other hand stupid Julie is stupid.

      • Malformed Face says:

        Thanks for the correction. I still think to say that is a bit… very.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Oh, I definitely think Via was being snarky. I am just a literalist nerd and couldn’t resist sharing my wealth of irrelevant Ricki Lake information.

  74. SirClompsAlot says:

    I have to say that I love the nickname “America’s Favorite Second Date Blowjob Queen” the best so far (although I’m new here and probably missed some good ones in the past), but I think I will now refer to dear Julia as “Cheesy Skillets”.

  75. afghani says:

    OT, but congrats to CDB, who made an appearance on MMBH’s blog the other day. You’re internet famous now, CDB!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      CDB looks adorable in that photo!

      I like that peach and gray tunic dress MMBH was wearing in one of the photos a lot; very elegant, and really suits her.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I wanted to like the ‘dress’, but MMBH’s bra showing through is distracting (needs a tank slip instead, IMHO) & the arrow takes it from ‘dress’ to ‘maternity blouse re-purposed’ (again, IMHO).

        Ditto on Cutie Dude Bob, though!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Agree on the slip. I liked the arrow; it seemed sort of 1960s to me. I think MMBH can pull off those “costumey” looks infinitely better than Julie.

          I noticed a few posts down that she was teaching us how to make “basamti” rice. That’s our Mary!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Yeah, I can get behind the retro aspect …

            Say, a super-wide Mod Squad headband, or funky hoop earrings reminiscent of a VW van flower power paint job …

            Skinny MMBH could totally pull off a Twiggy vibe.

  76. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

    You know, the trolls in this thread have really taught me something: if I had no sense of humor, I, too, would find RBD stupid and pointless.

    • OMGMarried! says:

      I suppose I’d think it’s stupid and pointless, but would at least be slightly impressed that most of the commenters here have a solid grasp on the English language, unlike most of the trolls who randomly decide to make an appearance.

  77. CountMeInDaisy says:

    BaDonkaDonk woman, we salute your hypocrisy! LIIIIIIIIIQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIID GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!

  78. LEFOOLIEH says:

    Julia… shouldn’t you be sleeping right about now?

Comments are closed.