UPDATE: Julie’s Life Is Complete

She’s finally changed her Facebook profile status to “in a relationship.” Aww, sweet, even though Donkvin was apparently in a L.A. singles group as recently as July. Strangely enough, his account was deleted within minutes of someone posting it in our comments last night.

You see, all you impressionable young girls who cannot spell and keep emailing us about how mean we are to a poor, innocent donkey — this is ALL THAT MATTERS! After going through an allegedly life-altering personal journey that involved months of painful personal introspection, the snagging of a hot piece is paramount. Especially if he manages to adhere to the dozens of deranged requirements on your 5,929-point checklist. A man is the answer, bunnies! Don’t worry about trying to truly figure out why you’re so obviously mentally ill, just snag a man and sweep all your issues under the carpet.

I personally could not be happier if this brings us closer to a donkey wedding, something I have been dreaming about for years. Just imagine the orgy of raging pink insanity. Please, Greg, let it happen.

UPDATE: Some of you hated her, but I always sensed Amy was onto an idiotic, crazy-ass donkey. You could see it right from the start of any and all public appearances they made together. The contempt was thinly veiled. And now it’s just balls out. HERO!

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242 Responses to UPDATE: Julie’s Life Is Complete

  1. cola champagne says:

    What did the five fingers say to the face?

  2. One Fat Melman says:

    Nothing; donkeys don’t have fingers.

  3. juliajane says:

    A Donkey wedding would be magnificent. She’s the most villainous, arrogant and delusional when she thinks her chips are up. Imagine the havoc she would wreak! And from looking at his modelling photos, I don’t think Donkvin wouldn’t be totally against all the hellacious pink pageantry.

    • Donkarena says:

      ….As long as he stays fully clothed throughout the ceremony and reception, I’m good with it.

    • Pearipathetic donkey says:

      Can you imagine them both fighting for camera time?

    • Beauchamp says:

      A wedding will never, ever, ever happen. Not to this guy. Not to any guy. NEVER. I will bet anyone $5,000 that this moron will die single.

      I have a friend whose wife’s sister is a loon. Maybe about 50% of the loon that Donkey is. She actually managed to get engaged but it all blew up months before the wedding as the guy came to his senses the more time he spent with her. She is still single 8 years later and rarely has dates.

      She is also way hotter than Donkey and has a banging body. Despite all her physical attributes, everyone stays the fuck away. It’s not worth it.

      Sorry, but you can’t hide insanity long enough to get married. Ergo, it will never EVER happen. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.

  4. cola champagne says:

    This is front page on The Frisky. This cannot be a coincidence. http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-08-07/meet-patty-the-worlds-most-artistic-donkey/

  5. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    It’s weird that she had first backdated her “in a relationship” status to May 9 (i.e., the day her grandma died.)
    Also, Miss Professional Journalist’s blog isn’t up at Bravo, but the two who have actual jobs, and aren’t writers, yet each have books out … their recaps were up right on time last night. As Donkerina would say, “ironic”.
    And Amy! After having to smile through JABa’s “I dated him first, now he’s dating my roommate”, cover for JABa not even showing up for an interview, be in too close proximity on too many occasional to “the voice” … has finally snapped!
    [Pulls over our most comfortable chair, pats the cushion.] Make yourself comfortable, dear. Welcome to our little club.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Amy has snapped? Do tell!

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/ay64o2.png[/img]

        • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

          oh cristonacracker … so fat … delete it and I’ll repost a smaller one below, thx

          • CDB says:

            So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:
            August 7, 2012 at 3:04 am
            Is this shade from Amy Laurent? Someone upthread found where Julia, so nice, tweeted this:
            Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
            OMG, that kiss with Kevin was so awkward, but @AmyLaurentMatch you looked SMOKING. Damnnn girl. That dress! Those BOOBS!!! #MissAdvised
            4h Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
            @JuliaAllison yeah Julia there’s a lot of ‘awkward moments’ I don’t think Kevin’s kiss ranks at the top!

            THEN:
            Annie Shortcake ‏@AnnieShortcake
            @JuliaAllison @AmyLaurentMatch don’t let Julia throw you under the bus because of her pathetic on-air kiss history. You looked great
            3h Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
            @AnnieShortcake @JuliaAllison LOL

            THEN:
            3h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
            oops! I need to wait for the West Coast to watch #MissAdvised finale! Sorry! I will answer all your questions after 11pm PST & tomorrow!
            2h Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
            @JuliaAllison oh woow cant wait on the edge of my seat lol

            NOW:
            Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
            Let’s get answers from moron.
            9:59 PM – 6 Aug 12 via Twitter for iPhone · Details

            Reply
            So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:
            August 7, 2012 at 3:06 am
            AND:
            Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
            ‘Expert’ she’s an expert like I’m a black man on the Olympic basketball team.

            Reply

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2jax75y.png[/img]

        • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

          Her [justified] tirade was in response to this:
          [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/noyclf.png[/img]

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            AWESOME! I knew she hated her!

          • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

            And “all your questions”? Ya, there were none. Or, put another way, she answered none.
            (Except got into a bit of a back-and-forth with @heiferplease.)

            And brace yourselves, brother Brit seems to be under the impression there will be a Season 2.
            [via her tweet of their txt convo]

          • mule on rouge says:

            Oh please, no. I figured Donks was burning her Bravo bridges because she already got the news that there won’t be a season 2. Maybe she just needed a loan from Brit. Gigolos of Devlin’s calibre don’t come cheap.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Britt was yanking her chain.

        • JFA says:

          THIS IS SO MUCH FRIGGEN AWESOME. Amy sucks but dang girl, I sorta love her now. Wow.

          Even your fucking costars can’t stand your ass, you dumb Donkey. And I’m calling it now – this boyfriend is a fake and will flee within days.

          • Donkarena says:

            The Basement Enforcement team is obviously closing in with the captcha of his LA singles page from May….Dammit Donkvin, get out while you can!!!

        • Amy, I’m in love. I have to say I wasn’t your biggest fan at first (but I thought you had potential), and now all I want to do is kneel at your altar and offer you some oranges and tell you how beautiful you are to me. LOVE THE SHADE, aptly thrown!

      • CDB says:

        [img]http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u24/funky_dude/lolcatrenderer2aspxtopotd1.jpg[/img]

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      About that backdated (to May 9th) relationship that most definitely does not jive w/ the canceled (but cached) Singles Group that D0nkey’s (alleged) conquest joined just three days before they became an exclusive “item” …

      [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/mcg2de.png[/img]
      Good Greg, I luv CAPTCHA! It said: “blog this

      • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

        “work hard to play hard” ranks right up there with “outside the box” on the list of things that make me want to punch someone in the face.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          For me, “outside the box” ranks right up there w/: “pushing the envelope” …

        • JFA says:

          He’s awful. Just as cliche-ridden and dumb as Donkey. However, he can do way better.

          If someone ever wrote “work hard play hard” when I was online dating they would get shut down so fast. Typically she is dating a tremendous bore.

        • Donkarena says:

          “at the end of the day”

      • Pearipathetic donkey says:

        That was so long ago! No one even remembers that he was single.

    • bitchface says:

      I read this three times and still no comprendo

  6. Antibiotics with a Side of Antibiotics says:

    OT and apologies if this was ever mentioned before, but I just finished reading Gone Girl and laughed out loud when I saw this passage on page 94: “She had an unnecessarily loud voice, a bit of a bray, like some enchanted, hot donkey.”

  7. CDB says:

    Hey guess what everyone! I have an announcement !!! I was going to wait until I ahved to tell you but here goes!!!!

    I bought a new toothbrush!!!!!…[img]http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/ae113/califord25000/cat%20pictures/FCP_toothbrush.jpg[/img]

  8. Scooby Don't says:

    Does he have a nice collection of belts?

    I thought she’d sunk to Marianas Trench levels of sadness earlier on in this show but if her big announcement is she’s in a relationship, something millions of other people around the world manage to accomplish on a daily basis, I think she’s heading to the centre of the Earth in her uselessness.

    Next big Donkey announcement: Today I walked and chewed gum at the same time. Only swallowed 6 pieces before mastering this hard task.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      Another big Donkey announcement: my boyfriend demands that I shower at least twice a week. The bastard doesn’t love my mess. And he doesn’t see my mess and love me for it. Grrrrr I’m going to chop him into nuggets the size of Lilly’s food. :) :) :)

  9. misslinda says:

    I’m sad that this was the last episode, I kind of started to enjoy the public shaming. Fingers crossed for a Season 2, it’s not like they won’t all still be single:

    http://wordsmoker.com/blog/2012/08/07/miss-advised-recap-leaving-so-soon/

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      Nice recap Miss L, very funny, and love the tags! : )

    • mule on rouge says:

      YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY MISSLINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!!

    • darling dearest says:

      not that bravo would want a 2nd season, but do you think amy and/or emily would sign up for this again?

      • misslinda says:

        Doubtful. Emily seems too normal to want a camera in her face 24/7. This came across as more of a PR push for her radio show than an actual search for love. And although I’m guessing that Amy did this for business purposes as well, once she sees that she gives off a seriously batshit crazy vibe, she’ll pull the plug on her reality television career. No, Julia Allison is the only one of the three famewhore crazy enough to sign up for this again.

    • Greg says:

      I am not on Disqus and didn’t want to register but YES on the tags, I cracked up.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      “Julia Allison is to dating what the durian is to fruit. ”

      (slow clap)

      • misslinda says:

        I kind of want to make this into a t-shirt and wear it every damned day, but I don’t want to deal with inevitable “Who’s Julia Allison?” question.

  10. Malformed Face says:

    Never laughed harder when I saw this guy was part of an LA Singles group up until July… which um, was a week ago.

    LOL, Donkey, you got such a good one. Oh, he made you dinner last night? And you repaid him by tweeting strangers until 5am…. such a good girlfriend. I think it will lst forever and ever!

    • Pearipathetic donkey says:

      Cannot wait until she starts talking about how quickly they fell in love. Be on the look out for an overlap email, you stupid Donkey!

  11. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Still no Bravo blahhhg entry yet? Sure is taking Mulia Mallison, assinus equinus extraordinaire, quite a while to put the spin on her most recent caught-red-hoofed-lying episode …

    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/1j7oqs.png[/img]

    Uhm, er, oops?

    • Donkarena says:

      “Remember, this is an edited story”….and a fake one, too.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      And this is odd too, huh? Which she since “edited” to make the date yesterday instead (as posted in last night’s thread by Dr. Gary).
      Wading back through old posts in the middle of the night to try and get her story straight?

      [IMG]http://i45.tinypic.com/2ltrhop.png[/IMG]

      • Donkarena says:

        She’s so lazy, she lets a hate site do her fact checking!! We need to start charging her for our services…Hate doesn’t pay the bills!!!

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2ltrhop.png[/img]

  12. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Britt is making fun of her when he tells her how great the show was and that he can’t wait for season two. She thinks he’s lavishing praise on her.

    I really, really think he might be a catlady.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Question for our resident mental health smartypantseses: isn’t the inability to perceive sarcasm one of the traits of people with autism?

  13. EyeRoller says:

    Amy– Your queen-sized Edible Arrangment (with a cherry on top) will be delivered to your apartment by noon. She just made my day, my night, and every second in between, from all the way across the country.

    • JFA says:

      Yeah, that was pretty awesome. Team Amy now. She probably could not WAIT to unleash the contempt once she was not contractually obligated to play nice.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Ahem — Amy Laurent just started following DonkeyBrain on Twitter. Nice.

        • A Donkey is an Ass says:

          It’s just full on now, isn’t it?

        • Restylame says:

          Delicious.

        • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

          I want to love it, but I’m just always suspicious of these lunatics. This could all be part of a plan to create some drama in the hopes of pushing for a second season.

          Yes, I sound paranoid, but you know with our Donkiopath the scheme juices are always flowing.

          • A Donkey is an Ass says:

            I would possibly agree with you if they interacted on the shit show, but it was 3 different stories. There’s no benefit for them to fight on twitter.

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          This development should have been the lone season cliffhanger of Mess Despised! Amy cannot control her contempt for a lazy, braying donkey and morfs into a cat lady! I take back anything rude I’ve ever said about Ms. Laurent.

        • cola champagne says:

          She deleted all the tweets, though, it seems. Maybe she was tipsy and tipped her hand too much.

          • CDB says:

            thats what i thought too. sounded like drunken tweeting.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            *sigh*

            If can-o-tuna gurl won’t nut up & continue to own it the morning after, imagine how much of a doormat she is in her “meaningful” personal relationships …

          • EyeRoller says:

            Amy doubles the shade by deleting ‘moron’ tweets (after she sees we’ve posted them here?) while laughing her arse off at her packed book signing where she will require an ace wrap for the carpal tunnel she develops with rising book sales.

            Meanwhile, in another very pink part of the world, Donk sits in a Edith Ann-sized rocking chair wearing a tear-soaked hot pink tearaway Snuggie, rapid fire tweeting at Amy that her tits looked awesome in last night’s episode, as her new MAN (whom she last week while delivering a rousing speech at The Learning Annex) gives her a pedicure with his recently installed chiclet teeth.

      • mule on rouge says:

        Amy and a Donkey go way back, to the TONY days. Amy’s finally getting payback for that photoshoot where she had to serve as Donks’ handmaiden.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Ooh!!

          Good point.

          I forgot they had interacted before, with Amy as the nubile slave wench.

  14. Donkarena says:

    I hope Donks and “Your Name Here” Relationship Boy don’t turn into a Spencer and Heidi. This, of course, would entail more hours of plastic surgery and a Fake break up.

  15. Princess WideStance says:

    I’m really trying to wrap my mind around the sadness of “announcing” you have a new boyfriend as if it’s some sort of achievement. As if she’s somehow “won.” As if her existence has been validated. It’s times like these I become overwhelmed at the pathetic existence of this person. I don’t feel bad for one second for being an RBD commenter. This is everything a woman shouldn’t be.

  16. EyeRoller says:

    I’m the furthest thing from tech expert there is. You guys can obviously tell I hocked even my spellcheck feature for some bath salts in the mall parking lot many moons ago, but DAMN somebody riddle me this: Ho is/was Tribune’s New Tech Columnist as well as a marketing and branding strategist, AS WELL AS Tweetmeister Extraordinaire, yet she doesn’t even remember there’s a fucking 3-hour time difference between the east coast and west coast of the United States of America, so you flub up your big announcement on Twitter by telling everyone, in essence, “I’M NOT SINGLE! I’M NOT A LOSER SEE? HAVING A MAN IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS! I WON BITCHES!”

    Wow. Just wo–

    I can’t even finish my “wows” with her this morning.

    • Donkarena says:

      It is puzzling. She might be in a mental/emotional death spiral, prompting impulsive, desperate behaviors without logically thinking them through….or could just be that dumb and lazy.

      • Donkarena says:

        as last night’s episode wrapped, can’t you just see her melting into a pink blob on the floor “OH, my brand, my beautiful brand!! What a world, what a world!!”

  17. Donkarena says:

    Interesting that Bravo isn’t re-running this episode until at least Thursday. You’d think a season finale would be worth another milking the next day. Not in this case.

  18. KashMoney says:

    I don’t think I was alone when I predicted the end of the show–and it’s associated nothing to do, no one to talk to–will bring out the cray in a level we’ve never seen before.

    Even normal people get post-partum at the conclusion of a huge, year-long project. the fact that this series brought her nothing will only add to the sting.

    Announcing “I have a boyfriend” as some sort of press release is an order further removed from regular behavior.

    • bitchface says:

      telling ya she thinks she’s going to get a million dollar, televised wedding courtesy of BRAVO/Elle a la Kardashian

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

      I understand her reason for locking down the first thing with two legs to cross her path at this particular time. She’s just perceptive enough to realize that she looks crazy, pathetic, and undateable on her show. This successful man-trapping is her way of saying: “If you thought I was pathetic and too-self involved [sic] to have a relathionthip, YOU WERE WRONG!! I am a special lovable pink snowflake, and men inexorably find me ineffably intriguing! So I have a boyfriend now, and that proves that if you have any negative thoughts about me whichsoever, YOU ARE SO WRONG.”

  19. Albie Quirky says:

    I thought that her BIG ANNOUNCEMENT would include the shiny new relaunch of her website.

    Apparently her loving boyfriend who meets all of her criteria (I wish we could go through the checklist but it would be needlessly cruel to him to point out the many places where his life isn’t currently working just to taunt the woman he had the poor taste to start humping) didn’t finish the redesign in time?

  20. Amelia/Foolia Fallacy says:

    Last recap, TEAR, is up. Thanks for reading, haters!

    • Princess WideStance says:

      having a BF does not mean you’ve overcome your deep insecurity issues. It just means you’ve found a new way to ignore them

      Rock on, Amelia! And thanks again for posting all those clips.

  21. Natasha says:

    Have you seen the new items added to her checklist? A lot of them are super repeats of earlier stuff, but I like that she obviously responded to people being like “nothing about sex?” by adding some cringe-worthy items. “Sexually delicious”…ugh.

    74. Be open, creative, and encourage me to be the same
    75. “Say YES!” should be his mentality
    76. Protects my individuality, freedom, and autonomy
    77. Encourages personal growth and the full development of my authentic self
    78. Creates a satisfying, experimental, open sex life(!)
    79. Dedicates our relationship to learning, growing, evolving, and contributing
    80. Dreams with me
    81. Creates an unconventional life with me
    82. Experiments with everything
    83. Deeply intuitive
    84. Is a MAN
    85. Sexually delicious
    86. Loves fully
    87. Loves me for my mess / sees my mess and loves me for it
    88. Will be on TV with me without throwing a massive fit

    • Natasha says:

      Can you imagine if his version of experiments with everything/having an open sex life was a threesome? Donk would lose her shit.

      • Natasha says:

        Sorry, I’m responding to myself, but like, what is the difference between “Loves fully” and “Loves unconditionally”? Jabs needs an editor. Paging Keith!

        Also, I don’t think #88 will be a problem anymore.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      What does “Is a MAN” mean? I mean, I presume it’s some kind of gender essentialist garbage just like every other goddamned thing that comes out of her stupid assface every single time she flaps her jaw to bray, but good Greg she’s an ijit.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

        That’s a direct response to all the times we’ve called her a lesbian.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Well, that particular claim drives me up the wall. Sure, she thinks of men as props and is squeamish about the penish, but she hates women and would never dine at the Y.

          She is narcissistic-sexual. Her peak romantic evening would be a box of chocolates, an endless video loop of herself, and a vibrator with an extra-long-lasting battery pack.

          • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

            Eh. I wouldn’t be surprised if she fooled around in college, liked it, and now this super-pink-over-the-top-man-chasing is to try to repress that memory.

            I mean, yeah, you’re right about the chocolate hoovering but more than that, she wants a guy she can control without looking too overtly like she’s controlling him.

        • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

          Donks is not a lesbian. She is bisexual. You buy her something, she’ll have sex with you.

          (I know, it’s old)

      • Wonkeye says:

        Because she’s tired of “boys.” It takes a man to wrangle the donks. Snore.

    • Real-life "Cathy" Cartoon says:

      “Sexually delicious”: she’ll find out on the 2nd date!

    • fig says:

      This sounds like a special burning man edition of her list. Now all the rich posers there know to send her flowers and invitation for fat free gluten free pot brownie afternoon tea to in their air conditioned luxury campers.

      And only Julia would need a MAN to protect her autonomy.

  22. flatface says:

    Hold it. Wait. So I don’t get it. She’s not joining the Navy Seals?

  23. cola champagne says:

    So Amy, who’s a matchmaker, has a book written before Julia, and Julia, who’s a writer, has a boyfriend before Amy? Did they switch bodies? Shouldn’t the outcome of this have been the reverse?

  24. EyeRoller says:

    I would bet my four front veneers that Donkey thinks it’s all over and that, if while we may have been too myopic to comprehend the fullness of her soul with MA or just been misled as victims of Bravo’s editing to think she’s a dumbtard, then at least it’s all over and there’s nothing left to make fun of and now we’ll back off.

    I respond to myself with a cumulative NAY; I have a feeling we’ve yet to reach the precipice of her potential insanity. Watch out; she’s headed straight to top of the clock tower in the downtown square of Nut City.

  25. Did Amy delete the tweets? I went to her page to read them in context, but found no trace of the “moron” comment. Man, I wish she had kept those up! Still, mas respect, Amy, mas respect.

  26. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    This whole thing with Amy actually leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

    Did Julia slight her in some way? Did I miss something?

    About the only thing about this crappy show that seemed morally feasible was the fact that the three principals weren’t antagonistic towards each other.

    • Really? To me, it seemed like Amy and Emily were doing their best to hold back those feelings of contempt towards La Donka, though little bubbles of rage boiled over in their quick glances and eyerolls whenever she said something really stupid.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Oh, I don’t know that they liked her or each other. I just appreciated that they didn’t rip into each other at any given point.

        And after the fact, it seems to serve no purpose. Not exactly like Amy has to worry about bumping into Julia on a regular basis.

        • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

          Well, those tweets were after JABa dissed Amy’s kiss on the show as eww awkward, and Amy was all, pot meet kettle. And then JABa with her big “announcement” that she then had to retract because of screwing up for the west coast, followed her not to worry bunnies, I’ll be back to answer all your questions after 11 oclock.
          In other words, enough to make anyone want to smack a ho. (And if you didn’t see WWHL when Amy was asked if she had sex with Lewis … it was bad. Amy was uncomfortable, trying to keep her dignity in tact, which she did, and JABa jumps in with well, I dated Lewis before Amy and now he’s dating my roommate! [implied curtsey] Expecting Andy to throw her a sardine for the performing seal routine. )
          So, sure, maybe Amy had a few drinks, maybe her Jersey girl fight instincts got the better of her. But applause to the spitfire who isn’t playing along with the JABa b.s. narrative!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Julie was actively jerky to Amy on WWHL.

          I know that you have some kind of thing about preaching tolerance and sweetness toward Julie, but I don’t get it. Amy has good reason to be pissed off by Julie and I applaud her for expressing it.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            No, I have a thing about not stooping to the level of Julia. When she’s a jerk in public, being one back doesn’t make me think good thoughts of the second party. It makes me think: “Oh. Another one.”

            Anyway, I didn’t watch the show itself, so maybe there was more hostility evident between them all…and I have doubt time spent with her was annoying.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            “NO doubt.” “NO.” “NONE.” “NADA.” Etc.

          • AFGHANI says:

            This. I think Amy did her best to hold back for a LONG TIME. Also, I assume as much of a bitch and loud braying famewhore as Julia was on camera, she was just as bad (or worse) off the camera.

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      Yesterday I finally landed on juliaallison.com for the first time and right there, on the first paragraph, Donkey says she is the “star of BRAVO’s Miss Advised”. No “co-star”, no “one of the stars” or any other polite way to acknowledge the existence of the other two, just that she is “the star”. If that is the way she regards the other “non-stars” in public, I can’t even imagine how she treated them in private.

      During the taping months they probably hardly saw each other but once the show aired and they had to do press together I imagine Donks treated them like sh-t and played all sorts of dirty tricks on them.

      So… team Amy all the way!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Exactly.

        Amy has had to deal with her in person. Anger and scorn seem like perfectly appropriate responses to Julie’s nonsense.

        • AFGHANI says:

          At least she’s doing it out in the open, not behind her back. I don’t see why you have to go out of your way to tolerate someone who is an unrepentant asshole. Team Amy for sure.

      • fig says:

        In the beginning of the airing of the show, Julia validated every tweet that said “Julia is the best out of all three of them!” with overly enthusiastic replies. It really seemed mean and annoying to me, so I can only imagine how those other two felt.

      • That’s my thinking. They were contractually obligated to appear on these talk shows together to promote Mess Assviced, and who knows what happened off camera? La Donks antics get old fast, and I imagine their patience wearing thin.

        Plus that dumb tweet about Amy’s date, I’m sure that was just the icing on an already overly sugary cake.

        • cola champagne says:

          Yeah, it really doesn’t matter. They are on television. They aren’t friends. Julia speaks her mind all over twitter and has no problem being openly rude or mean to anyone who crosses her. Whoever feels sorry for her happy, six-figure making, no longer single ass, should find a worthier cause. Perhaps the younger and younger homeless people I’ve been seeing in NYC?

          • Any time I catch myself feeling sorry for a donkey, I have vowed to immediately make a donation to the SF SPCA. It hasn’t happened yet, so instead I will make a donation for every time I find myself laughing out loud at how horrible she is.

            Lots of kitties got brand new squeaky mouses last night.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

        Well, the show WAS Julia’s idea, right? So it makes sense for her to take a little more credit.

        I can just see Donkey splayed on her bed with her laptop (just like Carrie!) coming up with the idea for the show: “Hmmm, wouldn’t it be awesome to be in a show based around the premises that I’m an incompetent fool, I repel others, and I’m living a huge lie? I know! The title should imply that everything I’ve ever written sucks! This sounds like the most fun I’ve had since other people learned to protect their cakes from me!”

        • cola champagne says:

          Actually, Amy’s book says [Amy] is the star. It’s whoever needs the promoting. Just like Julia Roberts had supporting roles in other films, and once she made it big, her picture is on the front of the DVD. It’s all promotion.

          I can see it, though, a feud between Amy and Julia: “I’m the Mary! I’m the Mary!”

          [img]http://gifsoup.com/view/42137/romy-and-michele-o.gif[/img]

        • Newbie (Prom Party Burnout) says:

          Watched episode 8 OnDemand at lunch (so I can FF the boring bits!!!!) and it listed both Amy and Emily as the “stars” but no donkey :(….

      • Pescachickenarian says:

        As far as stardom goes, that’s not far off ‘as seen on scam watch’.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Oh God, here we go. Poor Julie. A victim of RBNS. A victim of Randi’s husband. Now a victim of Amy Laurent. Poor, poor Julia.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

        Don’t forget Bravo! They took away the months she shared!

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        No, Julia is not a victim of Amy Laurent.

        Amy is a victim of Amy Laurent.

    • JFA says:

      You know I love you but come the fuck on. This girl deserves epic comeuppance. Was this a classy move on Amy’s part? No. But who cares? Julia goes through life treating people like complete shit and gettnig away with it, failing upwards constantly. Her abuses are legion and well documented. If more people were willing to just say, “bitch, fuck off” publicly maybe she’d learn her damn lesson.

      Amy is nuts and sorta terrible but I see nothing wrong with this.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      Are those tweets even directed at Julia? What is the context?

  27. EyeRoller says:

    Likely a stab at distancing herself from the Julia-laden M.A. “brand” so she can peddle that two-car-garage-and -three-rented-storage-locker’s worth of new autographed books. I would too. I’m liking Amy right about now. She gives competent marketing advice with her own well-timed actions.

  28. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    Repeating myself, but how does one wiggle out of this?
    The two women on the show that have actual jobs, but not as writers, both have books out. JABa does not.
    The two women on the show who are not writers, but have books out, also had their blog summaries up on Bravo right after the show aired last night. JABa does not.
    [Not to mention no sight of a new Elle column either. After last week’s farce where the editor wrapped up his listicle idea in a pretty package and handed it to her along with a professional photographer and make-up artist. For an online guest blogger!!!]
    This is just plain in-your-face fact. Doesn’t even require the herculean effort of a 30-second Google search like the date discrepancies above.
    Why do people who really should know better continue to enable this charade? Why?

  29. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

    One can prove mathematically that it’s impossible for anyone to satisfy 81 of 83 of the requirements on Donkey’s list or whatever she claims her new stablehand does. It’s not difficult to prove, even for girls.

    Donkey’s list of 80-odd items or whatever is just the same dozen unique criteria rephrased and listed as new items about 7 times each. Therefore, if someone doesn’t satisfy one item on this flabby and fatuous index, that person must also fail to satisfy about 6 more items.

    QED (quell the enraptured donkey)

  30. OMGDonk says:

    OT but the plastic surgery documentary showcasing Donkey is on Netflix instant. There goes my afternoon.

    • EyeRoller says:

      I watched it last week. I love the dramatic “As a woman, I was highly aware that I had an expiration date” commentary. Every moment is her expiration date.

      Lerrrrrrv how the face-massager-product girl (I feel link her name is Lindsay but I can’t recall, anyway I really genuinely liked her btw) gives the camera a quick “What the fuh?” eyes when she’s in Dr. Bobby’s office with Donk and her crazy friend who are talking about and getting certain shit pumped into their face while simultaneously denying they’ve had certain shit pumped into their faces. ??????

      Have fun.

      • I think that’s all I need to know. Is it worth watching?

      • OMGDonk says:

        OH THIS IS SO GOOD. Erica Rose makes an appearance too! She’s a blonde Donkey. I hope this picture works.
        [img]www.media4.onsugar.com/files/2011/08/32/2/301/3019466/ebea0cb4f56812ae_erica.larger/i/Bachelor-Pad-2-Princess-Erica-Video.jpg[/img]

        • OMGDonk says:

          [img]http://media4.onsugar.com/files/2011/08/32/2/301/3019466/ebea0cb4f56812ae_erica.larger/i/Bachelor-Pad-2-Princess-Erica-Video.jpg[/img]

        • EyeRoller says:

          YES!!!!! I burped up glitter. Straight on too so you can see the perfectly symmetrical lack of brain.

          • OMGDonk says:

            [img]http://blog.chron.com/tubular/files/2011/08/124507_D_1055_pre.jpg[/img]

            [img]http://theashleysrealityroundup.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/erica-rose-.jpg[/img]

            [img]http://image.qpicture.com/image/e/artist-erica-rose/erica-rose-260586.jpg[/img]

            The fucking tiaras.

          • cola champagne says:

            I remember this girl. To be fair, she was in law school or something, and I actually think she is quite intelligent. However, her father is a plastic surgeon, so she grew up feeling ugly and having to improve herself all the time.

          • OMGDonk says:

            Her dad is an awful person. And an awful plastic surgeon. Oh, daddy issues in common too! I wouldn’t give Erica too much credit because she’s in law school. You would not believe the amount of dumb fucks who make it past admissions.

          • EyeRoller says:

            Now that I think about it Cola, you may be right, it’s more dignity. A perfectly symmetrical lack of DIGNITY.

          • mcakez says:

            Oh, oh! I’ve seen her before! She was on some reality show last year and there was a short-lived drama because she was upset and cried all over the place when she was declared ‘least attractive’ in some game involving throwing balloons full of paint at blind folded competitors. She turned around and said it didn’t make sense, since some other girl was clearly uglier than her.

            Wow, reading that all makes it clear how fucking absurd reality TV is. Like, it sounds like some kind of fake show you’d read about in a Philip K. Dick novel, or something.

            Anyway, I only know about it because I used the segment and her public apology in my unit on bullying. It is an interesting dilemma.

          • Mcakes, she was also on some show, similar to Tool Academy, but for bratty spoiled princesses. YOU’RE CUT OFF! It was hilarious to watch that show– they were all a bunch of NPD jerks who never had to work for anything in their lives. Some of the girls actually learned something from the program, but this special lady did not.

            My first attempt at Photoshop, made when I was watching YCO:[img]https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/40055_128898413822184_4793883_n.jpg[/img]

        • EyeRoller says:

          I know she went to law schoolz, just can’t believe it. I’ve seen alot of her, and I am not denying there exists an accumulation of greyish matter in her physical head, but I am saying that there also exists a wealth of scheme juices that have rendered her akin to our Donkey, some flame-broiled Whore of Babble-On, I mean, Californian Jezebel.

          (Props from last night for the ‘Jezebel’ comment though I’m too lazy too look back and remember, and as always, I will use “scheme juices” royalty free for the rest of my life and I can’t stop myself and thank you)

  31. mule on rouge says:

    Slap me with a bass if this has been discussed upthread (or even if it hasn’t — I enjoy an experimental sex life): what is this poor devil’s relationship status on Facebook?

  32. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    If you think about it, the show was a great move for Donkey. She was able to buy her way north of 100k twitter followers. Of those 100k+, the number of fans she has now is in the high single digits. And as everyone knows, Americans have really long attention spans, so you’ve got think this adoration will go on forever.

  33. Princess Sparkle Fart says:

    I think we should call him Sancho Panza because after all, he rides a Donkey.

  34. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant (almost a transitive-property) says:

    Now that the show’s over, what’s the estimate? It has made RBD grow about twice as much as her fanbase?

    • It would be interesting to see that stats for this site since the show started. I’ll wager RBD has at least thrice the hits any given day of any JA page.

      • EyeRoller says:

        Well the constant stream of cats roaming across my keyboard has jacked up my ‘refresh’, so I’ve RE-logged on at least, hold on, let me do the math, ok: 83,542 times.

  35. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    amy sad melting madam, no tenderness for the pimp

  36. Malformed Face says:

    Donkey’s blog still not up. I’m sure Bravo withholds payment until she sends those blogs – would love to hear her manager tearing her a new one b/c it’s late.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I doubt she gets paid for them at all.

      • Malformed Face says:

        Oh, I am sure she does not get paid for blogs but I am sure there is a completion clause in her contract that she doesn’t get full payment for the 8th episode until she hands in that blog or Bravo would spend night and day chasing all those Housewives for these stupid blogs.

  37. The Final Rose says:

    I will be disappointed when Bravo eventually posts her unedited, navel-gazing drivel, but I am starting to think Bravo is refusing to post yet another show/editing-bashing screed. After all, is anything more horrifying to our Donks than not getting the last word?

  38. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    if you take a nap it will all go away

  39. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Who wants to bet that she will never post her final blog installment?

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      Think she had to edit it because she over-massaged the truth?
      Mean editors. It’s not her fault for lying in the first place, it’s their’s for being so picky!!!

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        I’m thinking she probably feels “why bother?” There’s no way she can promise that next week will be much better.

        • EyeRoller says:

          At this point any donkey worth her weight in after market work cheeto dust knows she’s just writing more material for us to actually make good material out of, so I’m sure it kills her to sit down and be working for us.

    • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

      IT’S IN THE QUEUE!!!!

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      I was just about to suggest we place bets on whether or not the final donkey post would see the light of (oh, forgive me, forgive me!) bray.

    • JFA says:

      LOL and give up the chance to announce in another forum that she has a boyfriend? Please.

      • JFA says:

        Maybe it’s just taking a while because it takes that long to write about how many different ways you’ve changed for the better.

  40. EyeRoller says:

    I seriously cannot understand how she can take this. Her dream bubble doth bear the strength of a million men. If it were me, the only option I would see for myself to “start over” (not emotionally of course, but professionally at least), is to move to another fucking continent.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Alas! Oz is cut off from humanity by the Deadly Desert, and it doesn’t matter how hard you blow the Munchkins, they’re all out of ruby slippers.

      Atlantis might be an easier trip, but the humidity!

      There’s always Unknown Kadath.

    • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

      Just not this one, please, oh mighty Cthulhu.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She shuns Yerp because Yerp doesn’t love her and her pink braying stupid princessy self.

        She is going on a magical spiritual journey to Peru in the fall, though, so LOOK OUT SOUTH AMERICA! It would be hilarious if she moved to Buenos Aires, because Portenas* can throw shade like no one else.

        *Excuse my lack of tilde but I am lazy.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Latin America?

          She’ll never make it through the Enchanted Valley of Talking Pinatas.

  41. EyeRoller says:

    MIGHT I SUGGEST she pin this map on her vision board and point her hoof to one of the extremely “less navy” (places that don’t get D’Enternetz) parts of the map as her final, lifelong destination:

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/af/Internet_Penetration.png

  42. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Also?

    “Devlin.”

    Names may not be destiny, but this would not be the person I would choose to prove otherwise.

  43. i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

    ahhhhhh i knew Amy hated Donk, that is awesome!

  44. Glutarded says:

    I have taken a break from her during her Bravo show. I just couldn’t…. but she just appeared in my FB newsfeed…. She can finally publish pictures of them!!! Captioned “I love him.” Get out of here. I can’t.

  45. Random Snowflake says:

    I think I am officially a fan of Amy. To show my appreciation I am hereby offering to help her end the 1 year dry spell as a reward for calling out Donk. :)

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