Miss Advised Series Finale Live Blog and Bingo, Bitches!

I’m live-blogging the finale, Type-A haters! Watch this space for updates, and leave your comments!

UPDATE: Previews. Zzzzz. Donk with William, writer’s block, mind architect. Prom date. Andrew-clinging. Sobbing. New episode!

And we open with the question: Do you believe in true love? Donk says yes, there is a guy out there for her, and when she’s ready, he will come along.

Now Emily and David are on their way to Napa. She’s wearing cute boots. They are drinking sauvignon blanc and enjoying the view. “So romantic!” And boring. She’s heavily into whateverhisnameis. He’s boring. This only gets good if he turns into a complete asshole.

Now they’re eating. Drinking more wine, chowing down on salami. God, get to Crazy Donkeyland.

UPDATE: Thank God, Marina Del Bray. The mind architect is back! She’s having a hard time getting over Andrew. How have you been, he asks? I am confused, I let down my guard, prom re-enactment, wore my ACTUAL senior year prom dress, got DUMPED pretty hard. Confirmed in my head I was unlovable.

Mind architect tells her she’s not authentic, because she’s afraid that being herself isn’t enough for a dude.

“The other day I got back here and I didn’t care about anything,” she sobs. Doesn’t know what to do with her life. She always knew, always had plans and goals. More sobbing. Mind architect tells her it’s good she’s losing control. She says she thought if the FORCED people to love her, she’d be happy. Yeah, that’s sane. Totally normal.

He tells her she’s hiding behind pretty makeup, outfits and AFTER-MARKET WORK, meaning injections and other facial shit! Awesome!

UPDATE: I don’t know what just happened. She basically just figured out if she stopped being such a fake, she’d be cool and she’s never been cool in her life. No shit, nor will she ever be. She feels triumphant, however. She thanks the mind architect! It’s a breakthrough!

UPDATE: Now we’re onto Amy. She’s at the gym talking to her friend about Curly, and she’s setting her up with the Pillsbury Doughboy. She will be in attendance on their date. Zzzzzz. Preview: David tells Emily he’s not into being in a relationship. Oops.

UPDATE: Back to the donkey stable.  She’s “working.” JP is around. She’s moaning that she only has three paragraphs. Her eyelashes are once again out of fucking control. She’s saying JellyD has given her tons of material, but she doesn’t want to get into it because it’s so painful and she doesn’t want to expose it to the world. Now she is trying to focus on the fact that she has a closeknit circle of frenemies that she can turn to.

Now meeting with two friends I have never seen or heard of before. Such close friends. Wait, I think it’s the chick who ordered her not to wear the prom dress — Jessica. I don’t know what the hell they are on about, L.A. guys or something. Oh now Donk is saying L.A. guys “OBO” — “or better offers” — without mentioning that is exactly her MO.

UPDATE: Now they’re going to try to set JA up with a middle-school teacher. She’s semi-interested. “Math teacher wasn’t exactly on my checklist, but maybe I should give this guy a shot.” The poor, poor teacher.

UPDATE: Back to Amy setting up her friend with the Chubby Grifter. He’s a bit of a big boy. Now they’re telling Amy all about their wonderful date. Amy wishes them well. I don’t understand the point of this entire segment. Where’s Curly?

Back to Emily. They’re still drinking. “God, I want to kiss you,” he tells her. They are gazing into each other’s eyes. “Everything is perfect!” Emily says. Here it comes! He’s about to shatter her dreams! “We’re not made for monogamy — I am not ready to be in a relationship forever! That’s why it’s fun to be in a long-distance relationship!” Then makes some joke about getting married next year, and she’s not pleased. Doesn’t like that she’s being regarded as just a long-distance piece.

Back to Amy. Where the hell is Curly? Package for her from the doorman! It’s from Curly! It’s something in a box.

UPDATE:  It’s pajamas with cupcakes on them! Very sweet, she’s enthralled. She’s calling him to thank him! They are giggly and goofy. Now they are going to eat canned foods together while they talk on the phone. He’s asking her out to dinner tomorrow night! Everything is so happy!! So exciting! “He’s the nicest guy I’ve met in a long time.”

Back to Planet Insanity. “I wish there was an app on my phone that wouldn’t allow me to text someone within a certain amount of time.” Phone rings!!! “Who might this be?” It’s Brian, the middle-school teacher! He’s asking her out for tomorrow night. They’re going to the Paint Lab! OMG the teeth and the lashes! She’s finding it adorable, she’ll see him tomorrow! She’s going to try to be herself for once, and not even Facebook stalk him!

UPDATE: Napa. They’re in their condo. They’re eating. Amy’s a bit guarded because of what he said when they first got to Napa. Again he mentions that he doesn’t want to get serious. Uh-oh. Serious talk time! Maybe not, now they’re necking. Now they’re getting sleepy. They’re going to bed. I am assuming this means they’re going to bang. Now they’re in bed snuggling, but fully clothed. They’re talking about their sexual expectations of one another. Uh-oh. Amy gets up for a bit, but it looks like Old Man David has fallen asleep, before midnight, while they’re both still fully clothed. I personally hate when that happens. Excuse me. Prepare your cock NOW.

UPDATE: Amy and Kevin. He brought her flowers. His hair doesn’t get better. She looks great, however. “So elegant, so beautiful,” Kevin says, “but just as beautiful in your workout wear.” He is really fawning over her now. I might be getting a bit uncomfortable if I’m her. It’s like he’s about to propose. I am getting scared. He’s giving her yet another present. She looks stunned, not necessarily in a good way. I think it’s occurring to her she’s got a potential Stage Five Clinger on her hands. Hopefully she can get some tips from Donk on how to ward one off.

UPDATE: Oh look. It’s Julia on the Shira Lazar show. She’s talking about Facebook. “Just don’t be an asshole,” she says. Jesus, a commercial already. Why bother coming back for 30 seconds, BravoAndy?

Now we’re back to Amy. What the hell has he done now? She’s opening yet another gift. Wait no, it’s just a card. “This is really sweet, and I never get this, and it’s really nice.” I have no idea what’s going on. Is she looking at the card that came with the flowers? Yes, she is. She’s teary. What I thought was fear was emotion. Now they’re talking about going skiing. Now he’s asking her what advice she gives people when they first start dating. Now they’re holding hands. “This was what I needed. It’s nice. I really felt good about myself.” He’s going to invite her to his place soon! Now they’re kissing! Wow, tongue! But still that hair!

UPDATE: Now back to Napa with Old Man Douchebag, who is clearly emerging a complete fucking douchebag. Now Emily’s saying last night was intimate and sweet, so I guess they banged. They’re eating breakfast. He suggests doing nothing all day. Now he’s staring off into the distance. “I’ve got a lot of thoughts.” OH WAIT, they didn’t have sex. Just cuddled and no sex. Now he’s asking if she’s not attracted to him. Now they’re debating if they even should have had sex. He’s wondering if it’s just as well, because he’d want to leave. Uh-oh. She’s saying most guys don’t, in fact, want to immediately leave after having sex with a woman. He says something like “strange puss.” She says to the camera that she finds him disgusting. It’s all going very badly! He’s saying it’s all too much! They are leaving Napa; it’s all fallen apart. The Mr. Hyde has emerged!

Julia teacher date. “OH YOU’RE SO CUTE!” Jesus, lady, relax. They are doing something to do with painting. “If Brian was my teacher in Junior High, it would have been illegal.” Classy, Donk, really classy. They’re painting. She’s asking how she knows Chelsea. Psycho music is playing. She’s asking if Chelsea “warned” him about her. He is very cute. How she’s going to screw this up? “I love pink! People think it’s juvenile and judge me!” She is painting a big pink heart. He thinks it’s wonderful, tells her she should hang it on her wall. OMG she is mentioning how all she wanted was to meet her future husband. JESUS LADY.

She’s squealing again. She is acknowledging that she’s a mess and that her life is never going to be perfect, and one day she will find someone who appreciates her. Now they’re kissing! And she didn’t have to demand a kiss! He likes her. Oh look, things are looking up for America’s Favorite Second Date Blowjob Queen!

UPDATE: Emily. Meeting with the big tall blonde friend. Telling her about the stupid douchebag. “David’s the first guy I’ve had feelings for in a while, and so it’s a letdown.” But she’s OK, she feels like she dodged a bullet. And she’s right! SMART EMILY! Not weeping, unlike a certain co-star, who would be blubbering all over herself right now.

Last question: Has your outlook on love changed?

Emily: I don’t know what she’s saying, really. Glad she felt something for someone.

Amy: Excited about Kevin and wants to see where it goes. No longer feels she so uptight about things.

Julia: Shockingly, the teacher never called. She needs to go out with more people. She needs to add to her checklist. In other words, the editors are telling us, she REMAINS A COMPLETE FUCKING MENTALCASE! Perfect reveal, Bravo!

Also, this Tweet, seconds after the show ended. Glad to see she’s so sane now!

Brian was a total sweetheart, but his grandfather was very sick & he was spending a lot of time at home. He did, eventually, text me!

Oh God, and now we have these Tweets. Jesus lady, shut the fuck up. As JFA would say: NO ONE CARES.

And now, for my big news … I’m NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

And get this … he is 68 out of 73 things on my Checklist!!!!!

And get this … he kissed me first. ;-)

Oh Donkey. So empowering! After that long, wrenching, life-altering journey, all that matters is that you finally landed a hot dude. Gotcha.

And then she had to immediately delete the Tweets because the show hasn’t aired yet on the West Coast. Oh Donkey. So dumb, so delusional.

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349 Responses to Miss Advised Series Finale Live Blog and Bingo, Bitches!

  1. Granny's Posthumous Nightgown says:

    “Something pink occurs” is a valid summary of every day of this Donkey’s life.

  2. ks says:

    It’s been a fun ride. Well not on the show but.. I wish I had live catlady commentary on all my shows..

  3. LEFOOLIEH says:

    CALLING CDB, CALLING CDB. Slingbox connect needed! Have contacted the mods!

  4. Jack the Bulldog says:

    And thanks, Natasha, for that final bingo card!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      OMG I AM SO RUDE!

      I forgot again! I am sorry, Natasha. I am running errands at my desk and sometimes I just forget to credit a fellow hater! Kisses!

      • Natasha says:

        It’s okay, I just started passively aggressively blogging about how you’ll always be my sister to the end no matter HOW MANY TIMES YOU IGNORE ME

  5. So. Blessed. says:

    Did anyone notice that Donk appended 15 MOAR items to her Checklist of Horros @ Bravo? They are to laugh–here are highlights:
    77. Encourages personal growth and the full development of my authentic self
    78. Creates a satisfying, experimental, open sex life(!)
    84. Is a MAN
    85. Sexually delicious
    87. Loves me for my mess / sees my mess and loves me for it
    88. Will be on TV with me without throwing a massive fit <—@!!!!!!!!

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      85 made me vom in my mouth a little. then came 87!

      • So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:

        I know-VOM. Re: “mess” I thought she was a perfectionist who almost dies when Annie Loola had her muss up her bed?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Wow. She’s really found her match in WhatsHisFace. And she really believes she has a future on TV. Oh honey.

      • So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:

        “Won’t pitch a massive fit…” Umm hmm. Kate motherfrakking Gosselin is, and will always be, more famous than Julia Allison. I don’t know what faded Bravolebrity events she’s envisioning.

        • Granny's Posthumous Nightgown says:

          She’s imaging her televised wedding, followed by her “lifestyle” show and then a docu-series following her as she raises a tutu-wearing male child who will never, ever receive enough therapy to overcome the horror of issuing forth from Donkey’s loins and into the bray-filled abyss.

    • Jordache and the Pelts says:

      Julia’s totally being off-brand. paging Ainsleywhateverfuk….
      maybe the extra fifteen are her big reveal. ridiculous creature.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      She really does believe she has a long future on the teevs. It is to laugh.

    • EyeRoller says:

      WAIT– I actually fit ALL of those categories!!!!

      She should be shitting a bray-ack right now.

    • Granny's Posthumous Nightgown says:

      Donkey, I don’t think it’s being on TV people mind so much as being seen anywhere with you. Fine, most people don’t want to be on reality TV, but nobody (in his right mind) wants to be seen with you.

    • Donkarena says:

      How far down a guy’s list would Donkey make it?
      1. Gives Blow Jobs on 2nd Date
      2. Not a psycho

    • Donkarena says:

      89. Massages my cankles after personal appearances

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      #85 makes me think she’s got it going for the leprechaun from that cereal commercial.

  6. So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:

    I am dipping out until later as am a West Coast cat but thank you to everyone in the basement and beyond who have recapped and commented on this shitshow.

    I’m off to wash dishes and drink some chocolate red vino that I bought at Circle K because a) I’m classy like that b) it’s 110 and I am not driving to geedee Total Wine.
    Kisses!

  7. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    I’m kinda psyched to laff at Gallery Girls, having been a gallery boy years ago and knowing that scene…

  8. OMGDonk says:

    Julia Allison, one of the Web’s biggest self-promoters, explains how to define your brand before others do it for you.

    JULIA: Take Mercedes: If you think “luxury,” it’s happy. Or Kathy Griffith, the stand-up comedian: If the first word that comes to mind isn’t “funny,” then she’s failing. Tony Hsieh: You think “Zappos,” but you also think “culture” because of the outstanding business culture at Zappos.

    Donkey can’t even name drop bravolebrities correctly. KATHY GRIFFITH.

    • Jordache and the Pelts says:

      Kathy Griffin HATES that. If Julia weren’t sub-z-list and a zero blip on the pop culture radar, Kathy would cut her one. Miss Advised hasn’t even registered on The Soup or Chelsea Lately.

      • AFGHANI says:

        It’s a shame, since Chelsea HATES a Donkey and would probably have some interesting digs and/or impersonations.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      She’s such a lying liar who always LIES. Throwing the writer/editor under the bus? Klassy.

      Erica Casey ‏@ericacasey315
      @JuliaAllison @Inc it’s Kathy Griffin not Griffith

      ‏@JuliaAllison
      @ericacasey315 @Inc – hehe I said that, but I can understand how it might get muddled in translation!

      • OMGDonk says:

        SERIOUSLY? She’s blaming the editor? Donk is DYING to believe that Bravo and Elle are not connected. This lie shows how distorted the donkey brain really is. ELLE would not fuck up Kathy’s name. SUCH risks. Beg-braying to be called out.

  9. OMGDonk says:

    Amelia ‏@xoamelia
    @JuliaAllison would really appreciate this prom date on #bachelorpad.

    50s Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @xoamelia – NO WAY! A prom date!? Is that on ABC? I need to see this but don’t have cable!! Link?

    Should be a good night on twitter.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      doesn’t have cable?!

      [img]http://mizparkermuses.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/blanche.gif[/img]

      • OMGDonk says:

        I’m sure its a verifiable lie, just add another to the list.

        Either that or she can’t afford cable anymore and momsers/dadsers won’t pay.

        • Jordache and the Pelts says:

          She has that big flat screen in her MDR pink room – is it just decoration? She is such a shifty chica.

          • One Fat Melman says:

            The girl who stays up til 4AM to google herself isn’t paying for cable while she’s ON a cable tv show? Bitch, please. The lies, it is to laugh.

            Hey Donkey, 8 weeks = 2 months not 3 even though it fell in June, July, and August. See how math works for normal people?

      • So silly, especially because abc is a basic network. Then again, she’s a basic bish.

  10. LEFOOLIEH says:

    Connectivity probssss with 5 mins to go, anyone remember the link to watch Bravo live on the innernetz?

  11. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Christ those housewives are so fucking shreiky… Amy’s voice will be a relief.

  12. diluted brain says:

    Can’t believe the end is here…. If this show was renewed for a second season, I would be beyond shocked.

  13. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    What I don’t understand is that if amty can’t keep her shit ogether for a second how is she supposed to coach her prostitutes?

  14. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    The producer interrogator is so The Comeback

  15. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Emily tries to hard to shock. I think she might have allergies and a thyroid problem.

  16. EyeRoller says:

    I won a naked tanning contest while eating a pineapple too Emily!

  17. Donkarena says:

    “my Elle column” ….bwahahaha

  18. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    This timeline is so fucked.

  19. Donkarena says:

    5 year plan….well, the thing about plans is you have to actually WORK them

  20. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    It’s possible Julia is in chat. POSSIBLE. DO NOT ENGAGE.

  21. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    She never figured out “the work hard enough” part. Why don’t these grifter gurus tell her that?

  22. Welcome to Freedom says:

    get a job.
    no a REAL job
    really

  23. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Heh. Human bengay.

  24. diluted brain says:

    Is her big announcement (hahahaha) after East coast season finale or West? I can’t stay up for the West.

  25. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Amy’s treadmill friend might be functionally retarded

  26. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    White jheri curl isnt that compelling – nor was Lewis – and frosted apple picker – Amy is really flying her Jersey flag.

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      If Curly shaved his head and got some clothes/lost the choker, he would be OK. He has a nice face. Better than that dopey Lewis.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        I totally agree. The ‘fro has got to go. Can you imagine making out with him and touching that hair? EW.

  27. Post-Vibrator Euphoric Flush says:

    Perhaps the ganja is too strong tonight. How to get into chat?

    DON’T BE JUDGY! I’ve never chatted before

  28. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I’ll say it for the millionth time.

    I don’t get it. What is she writing? 3 paragraphs of what? What is due? It doesn’t make any sense. None.

  29. One Fat Melman says:

    One scene with Julia and we’re already 10 Bingos in. Oh wait, second scene is happening and we’ve already racked up side-eye, pink, wardrobe crises, experts, et cetera.

  30. One Fat Melman says:

    Did anyone see the gallon of spit that just flew out of her mouth? And here comes the middle school teacher. I CRINGE for his career.

    • Donkarena says:

      Let’s just hope “middle school teacher” didn’t ALSO ask: “Is she intelligent?”

  31. diluted brain says:

    Has she looked in a mirror? A math teacher isn’t on her checklist??? Ummm… I don’t think you’d be good enough for his.

  32. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Lilly looks a clubbed seal

  33. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    I Kant!!!

  34. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Are Jessica and chlausxgh. From Craigslist casting? Blue and green haha so coordinated. Julia don’t be yourself!!!!!

  35. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Isn’t sister in law a math teacher?

  36. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    Did the teacher give that bitch’s kid a bad grade or something? Why would she do something so horrible as to set him up with a Donkey? Why not just send him poisoned muffins instead?

  37. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    David just wants anal.

  38. Grammarian says:

    cognitive dissonance, let me show you it

    “We’re not made for monogamy — I am not ready to be in a relationship forever! That’s why it’s fun to be in a long-distance relationship!” Then makes some joke about getting married next year, and she’s not pleased. Doesn’t like that she’s being regarded as just a long-distance piece.

  39. Donkarena says:

    AMy’s head is on a swivel, apparently

  40. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Oh “middle school teacher”! I just Kant with her labels for guys. It’s sexist. And degrading as a guy.

  41. EyeRoller says:

    Now she’s gonna “go for it” and date a math teacher??? Yeah, because she’s hit the mother f-in wall and is OOO (Out Of Options). She’ll hibernate and take notes about what it’s like to the humbled down girlfriend (like in SATC when Carrie goes to that cabin with John Corbett and after a couple of zany misadventures realizes she’s not cut out to be a “simple girl”).

    Oh yes, she’ll court this simple math-uh-matician , until an “OBO” comes along, of course.

  42. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    Amy is a loon. #cray

  43. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Yeah, apps curb the re re.

  44. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Art date. Gag me. Is she gonna make statues?

  45. diluted brain says:

    Maybe it’s because I’m drinking but I am kind of happy for Amy. I hope it’s the booze. I don’t think my heart grew three sizes a la the Grinch on it’s own.

  46. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with jheri’s collar area in his non gym clothes

  47. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    That normal person comment killed me. Donks you aren’t famous you asshole. You are a z-list muppet faced stale crotch biscuit.

    If I continue to watch this ep I’m going to need ointment again.

  48. Donkarena says:

    jheri curl better slow down — he’s going to smother her and she’ll haul ass

  49. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Ha apple pickin boots

  50. Donkarena says:

    He’s eating her face!!

  51. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Yeesch Amy is being forward isn’t that breaking her madam rules?

  52. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    That tongue smashing look gross

  53. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Where’d daddies shirt go? Guess anal happened.

  54. Welcome to Freedom says:

    i love that emily isn’t wearing any makeup
    i also think david is a dick
    or is having fun pretending to be a dick

    • AFGHANI says:

      he pulled the same type of crap that many insecure guys in their 20’s do. understandable (but still douchey) in your 20s. very very sad in your 40s.

  55. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    “Strange puss.”

    Classy.

    • Donkarena says:

      not even sure what decade used that terminology

      • Jordache and the Pelts says:

        I would like place “Strange Puss” hypothetically c. 1968-69, a hybrid of vernacular popularized by The Doors and Jefferson Airplane and the acid-fueled scene Whiskey a Go-Go on Sunset Strip. I assume “Strange Puss” refers to a quirky, mysterious gal-type with fur-exposed vests and hooker boots who comes from comes from the Bay and teases and captivates but doesn’t commit (to anal) – a Californian Jezebel. But that would be giving David too much credit.

        • Donkarena says:

          ….and thank you, Margaret Mead….seems quite anthropologically correct. So much so, that you’ve amazingly pinpointed the exact point in time where “puss” evolved from a harmless term to a naughty one. Well done!

  56. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    OMG, I feel so bad for Amy right now!!! This guy is being such a cock! Get your evo-psych nonsense out of here, asshole!

  57. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    STRANGE PUSS, my new high school punk band

  58. mcakez: Strange Puss says:

    PrincessSparkleFart insisted someone claim this name, so I am doing it.

  59. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Brian looks like a cross between Elle editor and Ben affleck

  60. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    Math teacher is cute. Donkey’s not worth him.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      He pings my gaydar. Must be an actor on the side.
      Also, slutty black boots alert!!!

    • AFGHANI says:

      I feel bad for him. I mean, yeah, he’s a naive hayseed, but it disgusts me that she thinks she’s “better” than him. WHen you get down to it, she would be lucky to have any guy willing to date her. At the same time, he looks just so.happy. to be on the teevees, so I’ll have no problem if at the end of this show, Donkey threw him under the bus. If you want to be on reality teevee really badly and you answer the casting call, you deserve what you get.

  61. EyeRoller says:

    Hollywood Extras Casting provided a good “math teacher/clueless joe/hot carcass” who she could paint purdy pitchers with while talking about herself.

    Her new boydog Brayan. Hee haw I mean Brian.

  62. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    I don’t think my eyes have ever rolled this hard.

    • EyeRoller says:

      TELL ME ABOUT IT.

      • Nickelodeon Chic says:

        The big ol pink heart! It was imperfect! But she loved it anyway! And he thought it was cool! Just like he thinks she’s cool even if she’s pink! Crazy! Totally didn’t see that coming! #headdesk

  63. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Bet a PA painted that beach scene before Julia put her brush on it. Oh the vulva heart is so Dine. Stop painting Julia yr ruining it it! Overwerking it.

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      Did Julia paint the beach or did middle school? It’s looking very Phuket tourist shack.

    • EyeRoller says:

      Oh you’ll wait alright. And wait. And wait…

    • helobabe says:

      Another Groupon! Just like the Temecula tasting/horseback riding. I’ve definitely received emails of all these offers.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Talk about Klassy! I’m sure Juliar wasn’t envisioning Groupon -deal dates when she signed up for this shitshow. She’s still wondering why Bravo wouldn’t spring for a private jet to Fiji.

  64. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Yay ruby!, her child is freaky lookin btw.

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      I thought David was gonna work out… Emily is a HBO cringey “real sex” magnet I guess but I guess it goes with her brand.

      • AFGHANI says:

        She actually strikes me as asexual. And she talks about sex and intimacy as if she strongly avoids both.

        • Jordache and the Pelts says:

          Emily’s family history is a bit messy what with all the divorces and the dead father… I dont think shes really searching for love or intimacy. Sex is just something she latched onto and does and made a career out of because shes not really interested in anything, like a really good banker or HR manager. Shes a better sexpert than Julia is a dating columnist or expert or whatver she does, but def a zipless fuck. I’m sorry David turned out to be such a douche….

  65. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    I’m sincerely happy for sad Amy and jheri!

  66. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Ha the big surprise, extra fifteen! Too bad Julia jumped the gun, producers must be fuming… Ha, like they are nothing but relieved to be done with these chicas…

  67. diluted brain says:

    Oh Dear Greg with this tweet — she always has an excuse. I’m going to bed, I’ll have to wait til tomorrow for the announcement. Goodnight cat peeps:

    Julia Allison‏@JuliaAllison
    Brian was a total sweetheart, but his grandfather was very sick & he was spending a lot of time at home. He did, eventually, text me!

    • Donkarena says:

      speechless

    • diluted brain says:

      Oh, nevermind, I caught the announcement… she’s not single anymore… Yawn. Again, GN all!

    • Jordache and the Pelts says:

      Julia fucking stop capitalizing on ailing grandparents. its gross and one of the more unattractive (of many) of your traits. So much pink beach bike back pedalling to come…

      • Malformed Face says:

        As Donkey said, if a man wants to see you (or text you or call you) HE WILL. He no wanted a Donkey.

  68. ThinkerBelle says:

    Wow. She’s right back where she started. How do you go through life not learning one damn thing? How do you consciously choose not to learn?

    • Jordache and the Pelts says:

      part of me thinks the producers/editors just gave up and called it a day and stopped flogging a dead donkey…. theyre probably onto something with the broken record bit.

      • Donkarena says:

        So true — it really showed in that lame date venue they planned for Math Teacher & Donkey

  69. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. . .

  70. OMGDonk says:

    Donkey just tweeted And get this… he’s 63 out of 76 on my checklist. Then deleted and wrote

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    And get this … he kissed me first. ;-)

    • Donkarena says:

      how OLD is this girl?

      • OMGDonk says:

        I wish I had a screen shot. Why leave the “and get this…”. Stupid Donkey! Now I’m REALLY curious about the 13 points Mr. JA is lacking…

      • OMGDonk says:

        Jennifer Burket ‏@chrrypie
        How did u manage that? Good for u! RT @JuliaAllison: And get this … he is 68 out of 73 things on my Checklist!!!!!

        13m Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
        @chrrypie – Actually I just re-counted and he is 71 out of 73!!

        RTing her previously deleted tweets. Oops

    • Albie Quirky says:

      That’s because she knows we know who he is and he isn’t.

      • OMGDonk says:

        Cat like tweet delete reflexes on the Donkey. It was there and then immediately replaced. Julia lives to keep up her lies, so sad. But I guess she does work hard at something!

  71. sausage curls/fingers says:

    I want to send the producers a fruitbasket, or maybe a sweaty preworn fox outfit, for ending the show on a “Julia is a loon” note. I wish there had been a “Where are they now” type ending but I’m still so proud.

  72. EyeRoller says:

    From “Follow Your Dreams Barbie” to “Kooky, Independent After Market Work Donkdoll”.

    Well played Bravo.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      Do you think Donkey even picked up on that? They were so clearly showing what a lunatic she is, with the cuts and the background music. I bet she didn’t get it at all.

      • Nickelodeon Chic says:

        For her final date, after seven episodes of obvious arrested development and a weirdo obsession with teenage girl things like prom, she doesn’t get that the producers are mocking her by setting her up with a middle school teacher on an arts and crafts date?

        • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

          I meant that last scene, her rattling off all the new things she added to her list. Its obvious to us they were mocking her, but I really believe she wouldn’t catch that.

          • Nickelodeon Chic says:

            Oh no don’t worry I know what you meant! Sorry, wasn’t trying to question you. Everything about that last episode just made it obvious that catladies (or catlady sympathizers) were at the helm of this production. And you’re right – I’m sure she has no idea.

  73. Malformed Face says:

    Hey Donkey Dumbass,

    Good luck getting season 2 on Miss Advised… when you have a boyfriend. That makes you 100% less attractive as a part of the show… well, than you already made yourself!

    Good job!

  74. CaptainGary says:

    Seriously, watching her do a “reveal” on Twitter – revealing that she’s been dating some grifter douche for a couple of months like she’s Gwyneth fucking Paltrow and her “fans” ABSOLUTELY MUST KNOW – seriously, it’s like watching a puppy get set on fire.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      How exactly is it big news that’s some dude is dicking a Donkey? That’s not a reveal. It’s barely even noteworthy enough to tell friends.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      She’s such an asshole. So smug and full of herself. High on the fumes of her Bravo *fame*.

  75. CaptainGary says:

    We’re a bit behind, but the wife made what I think was a pretty trenchant point when, after Julia turned up her aftermarket nose at a middle-school teacher, she turned to me and said “What a fucking whore.”

    And I wept, for there were no more worlds left to conquer.

  76. EyeRoller says:

    Donk’s deleted post-finale Tweets:

    And now, for my big news … I’m NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE!!!!!

    And get this– He’s 68 years old and will probably only live to 73 and I found him on Craigslist!!!!!

    And get this– He donkey punched me first.

    • OMGDonk says:

      Donkey just couldn’t waste a great opener like “And get this…” on a deleted tweet!

    • Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

      LOL, that’s exactly how I read it the first time.

  77. Donkarena says:

    The ONE thing I liked about Donkey was her apartment.

  78. Malformed Face says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @LilSheddie – EEK, actually I recounted just now and he’s 71 out of 73 things!!!!
    View conversation
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    I thought 2 weeks ago when she was getting shit for the check list she said it was something she made up years ago and DON’T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!

    • Donkarena says:

      yeah, that’s a sign of mental health and maturity: obsessing over a lengthy list describing someone who doesn’t exist.

      • Jordache and the Pelts says:

        yeah and that seventy two point checklist evolved because Julia just started prattling Cosmo quiz items out and got got to 72 and went… ummmm, hmpf. Too much work.

        she wants us to believe the “extra fifteen” are like icing on the cake and make her more likable and flawed and human and didn’t she learn so much. She so daffy dat brand.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          Prattling is such a well-chosen verb where Donks is concerned. She prattles pretty much nonstop, really, if her teepee appearances are any indication.

  79. Donkarena says:

    #83 Bleaches his anus

  80. Albie Quirky says:

    DYING NOW. @MylesTanzer on Twitter is pretending to be Julie’s boyfriend, Twitter-inviting friends to an “argyle-themed wedding” and so on.

  81. OMGDonk says:

    Donkey’s bravo blog is late as usual.

  82. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Toilet must be so relieved.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Between Price’s anorexia and Allison’s anal retention I doubt anyone even used the thing.

      • Jordache and the Pelts says:

        at least she got to pull an aging Carly Jepsen on teevee. The mood in Del Ray must be delightful right now. What to do with the shabby chic and pink pillows, the rent?

  83. Malformed Face says:

    OMG, she’s twelve years old… from her FB…

    And that’s a wrap! East Coast & Midwest have finished #MissAdvised … and I have big news ;-)

    I hope this guy shits a brick tonight, oh, wait, he won’t, he’s a grifter desperate to see what he can get out of this situation…

  84. The Final Rose says:

    I for one can’t wait to hear how an unemployed Tony Robbins and World of Warcraft devotee with 15 Twitter followers fulfills 98% of the Liar’s. Checklist.

    • Malformed Face says:

      EXACTLY!!!!

    • OMGDonk says:

      I know. I wonder what her game plan is to spin this winner as OMG a founder or an expert coal walker.

    • AFGHANI says:

      so much this!

    • EyeRoller says:

      This is precisely when she switches into “the list isn’t important anymore I’m a better person and I’ve let go of the list while inexplicably continuing to add to it somehow which I know makes no fucking sense tee hee but that’s just me and I come with a tiara…”

      And welcome back to square. fucking. one.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      He’s well read! (in video game tie-in novels and crappy libertarian fantasy)

      He’s well connected! (to the Beach Flag Football meetup)

      He went to Cal State Poly Pomona! That’ll put Baby Brother Britt right in his place with all his MIT swanking around.

      Can’t wait to see photos of his no doubt sick whip. He seems like the old Jeep type…

      • Dyspeptic says:

        I love revisiting these delicious old Donkey chestnuts like “sick whip” from time to time. Tonight, while I was idling in chat, somebody alluded to Julia being very proud of the heart she drew. It warmed the cockles of my cold catlady heart. Keepers of the flame, we are. Custodians of memories and malapropisms and crappy turns of phrase.

  85. OMGDonk says:

    Devin Stetler
    Location: Los Angeles, CA
    Member since: April 30, 2012

    Member of 3 other Meetups

    Downtown LA Young Professionals Happy Hour
    member

    Los Angeles Singles Events Group
    member

    Young LA Eastsiders
    member

    I hope she sees this and hacks his email. HI JULIA!

  86. mule on rouge says:

    Wait… what? She’s not single any more — is she married? The show wrapped in May. She went from crying over a donut, to meeting her Prince Charming (who loves her unconditionally!), and is now living happily ever after. In the space of three months. Well, alrighty then.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She has this supercool boyfriend who loooooves her sooooo much! And we’ve already compared him to The Checklist days ago.

      He reads books based on video games! And designed her new website!

      • mule on rouge says:

        Wow. Could he possibly have a financial incentive to help make a Donkey look less like a loser? Will they be trying to monetize her advice on her new web(of lies)site? hmmmmmmm…

        • OMGDonk says:

          Wouldn’t be surprised if the latest victim is the result of a Can’t Buy Me Love deal for a pretend BF. Of course Julia is Patrick Dempsey and Dev is desperate agreeing to be a Donkey beard. If you pretend to be my boyfriend, it will be good for your business!

          • Donkarena says:

            wouldn’t be a BIT surprised…This is LA, after all, where huddled masses desperately yearn for screen time…

    • Not! Random! says:

      You forget how significant 3 months can be, in Julia time.

  87. OMGDonk says:

    DEVIN’S MOTIVATION
    is to change the face of men’s health
    http://us.movember.com/mospace/1452086/

    Stop it.

  88. Donkarena says:

    #89 Beats farts out of couch cushions without being asked

  89. OMGDonk says:

    Devin Stetler, Front End Wizard
    Devin is the international man of mystery who refuses to drive in LA and rides his bike EVERYWHERE (I think he bikes 10+ miles to and from work). A Bay Area native, Devin cut his teeth as a developer at an online auto startup that was years ahead of its time. Devin also was the entire development team at Modern Luxury initially and left to reinvent the music record label model by building a platform that allowed artists to bypass traditional labels. He has a EE/CE BS from Cal State Polytechnic and enjoys bagel pizzas.

    Explains Donkey’s new bike enthusiast personality. I bet they met through Toliet Julia’s music. At least one thing is obvious, Dev only works with the best.

  90. Donkarena says:

    #90 Sweetly pretends not to notice when strangers ask if I’ll take them to the bottom of the Grand Canyon…

  91. OMGDonk says:

    Devin Stetler As much as i hate to defend walmart, their “neighborhood markets” are a bit different. i went to one in chicago and it’s more like a fresh and easy than a walmart, including staff! That said, I’m still sad they are putting one in downtown.
    March 28 at 2:32pm · Like

  92. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    So, what’s in it for Julia: free web dev and a face-saving ‘relationship.’ And that’s all I think it is for her. In fact, I don’t think she’s ever had a relationship that wasn’t marinated in scheme juices and wasn’t solely a means to an end. She’ll OBO him in a heartbeat.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      This.

      And I’m guessing she added this to her list because he agreed to be in TJ’s video:

      88. Will be on TV with me without throwing a massive fit

    • Donkarena says:

      My last job was for a boss just like this — a user who would springboard off relationships to get what she needed at the time. Capitalized on Z-lister fame, just like Julia. It’s a BAD habit, and Julia seems to be hurtling down that road. The kicker? my boss was an 83 year old woman. She has used people her entire adult life.

    • OMGDonk says:

      I think that when she figured out the season ended the way it did, she wanted to save face and rewrite the narrative. I’m sure she was promised a nicer edit as the season progressed, just to make her shut up. And it never came, no redemption. You know she was serial dialing Bravo, producers, etc. the entire season begging for a flattering edit. I’m guessing she’s now officially being ignored by Bravo and now desperate. Reverts back to the old strategy, make the target jealous of her fab new life. She’s sooooo happy now! Donkey wants everyone to know the show is wrong, she HAS changed. Look at my BF! EVERYONE WAS WRONG! PROOF!

      Beard auditions started the day after she saw the last episode.

      • Donkarena says:

        Wouldn’t be surprised if new boyfriend is secretly planning his escape after tonight!

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I agree with this. She knew and was pissed the show was making her look crazy, or should I say, showing her in an honest light. She was angry and went rogue, tried to wrestle back the narrative. The “big reveal,” in her mind, was her beating Bravo. Nice try, loser.

      • JFA says:

        This is so true. She even mentioned how he fulfills almost all her requirements on her retarded checklist. FUCK YOU SHOW MY CHECKLIST IS NOT CRAZY AND ALSO MY BOYFRIEND IS 73 AWESOME THINGS. So, essentially she’s learned nothing. Shocker.

        • Donkarena says:

          resolutely REFUSES to be the slightest bit introspective after seeing herself on TV. I admit I watched my share of Dr. Phil shows, and the hidden cameras, when played for the subject of the show almost always shocked the person watching themselves. He would say something like “what’s it like seeing yourself as you reallly look?” — Even the WORST ones — the child-abusive screamers would show remorse after seeing it. The only hope that they would change their awful behavior is to see it as it really is and be chastened by it. No our Pink Donkey Girl, though!! Donkey-brain merely reverts to blaming editing. Refuses to see that she’s a ridiculous creature. Until she does, there’s no hope for this moron. I think we should call it and issue a Moron Certificate.

  93. Dr. Gary says:

    There are some new videos posted at bravo.com. Check out this one:

    http://www.bravotv.com/miss-advised/season-1/videos/must-not-care-about-what-others-think

    Julie meets with her ‘manager’ and the manager’s friend, who wants to give Julie dating advice (aka get on the teevees). The friend starts talking about some guy who texted her a dick pic, and how she got revenge by tweeting it.

    Julie freaks out and first says, ‘is that even legal?’ (Dumb Donkey is DUMB). Then she says, ‘Here’s the thing. That’s not sexy. I don’t want to see your dick. I mean literally, I don’t even really want to see it when we’re making out.’

    I swear to GREG, she is a closeted lesbian.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      When I’m making out, I ALWAYS want to see my dick.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        It worked for Pat Nixon.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          Greg DAMN IT. You are bringing the lulz tonight.

          Julie best be posting that Bravo blog STAT. I want to see you (and @eyeroller) have your way with it, in the worst way.

  94. EyeRoller says:

    She blames writer’s block she had awful writer’s block on having so many bad dates? Bitch that’s the best material! Stop. Your writer’s block is not a block. NOTHING is being blocked because there is NOTHING there (sorry for the caps but good greg).

    During her end of finale wrap up, she mentions she’s tired of overanalyzing the analysis of the analyzation of overanalyzing herself, or something to that effect. Now she’s “taking the high road” and givin’ up thinkin’ in general because thinkin’ ain’t workin’ out? Thinking isn’t bad. YOUR thinking is bad, Donk. And she says during coffee with her unfamiliar friends that she’s always trying to be a different person and she doesn’t even know who she is anymore. The entire show should’ve ended right there and I would’ve been totally satisfied because that’s the damn troof.

    Instead, we have to follow through with this slagged out marketing loop where she jumps off the ledge and “gives in” to dating someone as lowly as a math teacher, makes herself vulnerable by painting a heart in soft pinks on a stupid swatch of canvas using while making math teacher’s ear secretly bleed as she rambled on about herself, followed by the twist that she (get ready)– Doesn’t end up with the math teacher (though he tweeted her later because of course, they are on “good terms”), and conversely and ultimately finally sees she’s ok being ok with being crazy but still being a mess but being ok about it all. I think.

    Then in some Einstein-calibre blitz she lines up a big surprise on her Twitter– I’M NOT SINGLE ANYMORE.

    The battery on my Life Alert is dying and I Can’t. Get. Up. Congrats on landing a Sigh-entologist with a sleek design sense, a bed of hot coals in his living room, and a Tom Cruise collage above his bed. I’m sure he can accompany you to Peru where your life forces can ascend ascend into the upper echelons of wackjobbery together. Cool. But you also could also take some branding advice and realize you need to, as my bitch friend used to say, “Cool your jets, Farrah.”

    I doubt you set out to be the “most overexposed unknown non-celebrity in the world”. I’ve heard publicists suggest Code Dead situations like this disappear, go away for like, a considerable queefchunk of time, because your anticlimactic “authentic” saturation point has o-fucking-ccurred.

    night night.

  95. EyeRoller says:

    geez greg i’m sorry everybody let me correct my first sentence:

    She blames writer’s block on having so many bad dates?

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      I think she was blaming writer’s block on the pain she endured (she’s such a survivor) from her break up.

      Good point Donkey. No one’s ever written anything worthwhile following a break up. She’s such an artist.

      • EyeRoller says:

        She literally said at the beginning of last night’s episode “I have writer’s block because I’ve had so many bad dates”. She doesn’t miss an opportunity; even her voiceovers are condensed into excuses for her life.

  96. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    I must admit I was thinking we were being a bit harsh on her new chew toy. I mean, he’s not particularly well-read, successful or socially connected, but those are hardly the sole criteria for human decency.

    Then I remembered the fake GQ spread. Sorry, anyone not actively seeking work as a model has no business taking model-portfolio-pictures of themselves.

    Actually, the vast majority of people actively seeking work as models also have no business taking model-portfolio-pictures of themselves, but that is a different argument.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      ‘fake GQ spread’ = a tool of the highest order.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Of course, I suppose he could legitimately be seeking employment as a model. In which case see argument #2.

        He’s not exactly a poke in the eyeball with a dried-out dog turd, but he is not fashion model material, endy fuckin story.

      • helobabe says:

        [img]http://oi45.tinypic.com/344397s.jpg[/img]

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          See, the funny think about fashion photography is that it incorporates a sort of “uncanny valley” between “good looking in real life” and “good looking in fashion photography.” And unless you are a model, by which I mean someone ( an agent or photographer) who knows how to navagate that valley has signed you up for the ride, you tend to plunge into it with the results always looking like the above picture.

          • Jordache and the Pelts says:

            which is tragic with an elephant tie and julia doesnt know fashion from photography from an opportunistic pasty nondescript white boy and yet she hustles the NYFW like she got some serious business. Media please stop indulging her: shes not gonna self-destruct or go away only get worse.

  97. Jack the Bulldog says:

    I watched the thing when they were rerunning it at 11:30. Got so bored that I turned if off when Julia had just meet the grade school teacher/wannabe actor and was heading into Donkey Sandusky mode about screwing him if she’d been one of students. Ever the vulgarian! Got a few laughs out of the “blonde friend” and the “Asian friend” who’d just been sent over by Central Casting. And the old crone, the happiness grifter. He may have called Julie out on her injectables, but the snake oil salesman also encouraged her to love her self more–good greg, man!–as he delivered her to salvation with the funniest words of the 45 minutes I could sit through: “Welcome to Freedom!” It’s the new and improved Julie Albertson!

  98. So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:

    Is this shade from Amy Laurent? Someone upthread found where Julia, so nice, tweeted this:
    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    OMG, that kiss with Kevin was so awkward, but @AmyLaurentMatch you looked SMOKING. Damnnn girl. That dress! Those BOOBS!!! #MissAdvised
    4h Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
    @JuliaAllison yeah Julia there’s a lot of ‘awkward moments’ I don’t think Kevin’s kiss ranks at the top!

    THEN:
    Annie Shortcake ‏@AnnieShortcake
    @JuliaAllison @AmyLaurentMatch don’t let Julia throw you under the bus because of her pathetic on-air kiss history. You looked great
    3h Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
    @AnnieShortcake @JuliaAllison LOL

    THEN:
    3h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    oops! I need to wait for the West Coast to watch #MissAdvised finale! Sorry! I will answer all your questions after 11pm PST & tomorrow!
    2h Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
    @JuliaAllison oh woow cant wait on the edge of my seat lol

    NOW:
    Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
    Let’s get answers from moron.
    9:59 PM – 6 Aug 12 via Twitter for iPhone · Details

    • So. Blessed. (Sexually Delicious) says:

      AND:
      Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
      ‘Expert’ she’s an expert like I’m a black man on the Olympic basketball team.

    • Natasha says:

      Wait that sounds like she really hates Jaba. She’s not even hiding it anymore? Wow I like.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      Looking for gems on Amy’s twitter I noticed she has a book out, just in time to capitalize on the series publicity. Launch party was last night. She is not stupid.

      Amy’s Big Reveal: Look, I have a book. Buy my book!
      Jaba’s Big Reveal: I have a boyfriend!

  99. Dr. Gary says:

    There she goes, trotting out her ‘big reveal’ again, post-west coast airing:

    @JuliaAllison: And now, for my big news … I’m NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    [img]http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/7819/devin2.png[/img]

    (props to @helobabe for the inspiration)

    • cola champagne says:

      I take “not single anymore” to mean married, which she clearly is not. So really, the statement is inaccurate in my opinion.

      • Donkarena says:

        I thought the same thing. And this “relationship” is still embryonic…She’s REALLY pushing it here…

  100. Norse Horse says:

    What a psychotic asshole. “I couldn’t force them to love me!”, she’s realizing at 31 on her rented couch, with this English charlatan who can’t believe his good luck in LA as a “mind architect”, and what incredibly gullible dumbfucks actually pay him for this sort of thing. They both end up sniffling, Julia because she’s a bad actress pretending to cry (not an actual tear in sight), him because he’s coked out of his head.

    Gee, I wonder if they could’ve had more scenes of Julia sneering about her “middle-school teacher” blind date, while Toilet Julia egged her on. (Toilet Julia is a fascinatingly malevolent presence this whole season, she’s this sickly-looking crone encouraging Donks to be her worst. Sometimes by like, negative affirmation- don’t date that guy! So Juliar goes for it. TJ just radiates evil, via microwave I think, and Donkey doesn’t know she’s being slowly roasted.)

    Can someone explain the cafe interlude where weird randoms we’ve never seen before finally explain dating in LA to Julia, who makes a big fucking deal about her and the other wearing polka dots or something, when to my eyes, they weren’t, actually? Was I tripping?

    So Julia’s blind art-date was with a guy who was actually cute, and this date was not fake at all. And she could not stop talking about herself for two seconds. This guy was clearly an actor-for hire the producers got in there because Julia is in fact, a horribly boring person that men rightly avoid, she had no life going and they needed material. Okay, let’s say that date was real- did Donks evince the slightest bit of curiosity about him, at all? Or did she just talk about herself, nonstop? You know the answer.

    The series ending with Julia adding to her impossible list was icing on the cake, and I like to think, such a burn. “What a ridiculous asshole this woman is, let’s leave you with that, Bravo viewers.” Blaze of glory, there.

  101. bitchface says:

    I haven’t watched it yet nor read all the comments but I can’t for this alone “Now they are going to eat canned foods together while they talk on the phone.”

    LOL

    • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

      That was probably the most endearing, rewarding moment of the entire season.

      Related, I’ve never watched any show as much through my fingers as this. Not even scary movies or medical shows. This was really awful.

  102. Dr. Gary says:

    Julie FB now says ‘In a Relationship’. But she’s posted it twice. First one says ‘May 9′, and second one says ‘today’. Both updated tonight.

    HOW FUCK. What a NPD drama queen. Bish, NO 1 CURR. So he became your boyfriend in May? But you posted it again today, for the BIG REVEAL. Ugh. What a fucking tool.

    [img]http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/9065/jafb1.png[/img]

    [img]http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/3571/jafb2.png[/img]

    • Dr. Gary says:

      And she ‘liked’ both of them. TOOL.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      LOL. She deleted the one that said ‘May 9′.

    • Ex Spurt says:

      That poor bastard. Pity the fool.

    • JFA says:

      Can we all note that 5 whole people “Liked” this. 5 people. This is someone who appears on tv and purchased all her “fans” and thinks she is a star. I think my status change recently got like, at least 14 likes and I am not a FB whore. Yep, so many fans waiting with such baited breath for our girl to find love, obviously. So many real life friends who care.

      • EyeRoller says:

        I almost feel bad for her when you put it like that. That’s natural, and will pass, right?

      • Donkarena says:

        very good point — relationship status changes usually generate reflexive “likes” from one’s FB friends. Second only to birthdays in obligatory friend responses.

    • OMGDonk says:

      Isn’t May 9th the day MessAdvised wrapped? Cute, Julia. The day your show stops filming, you find a boyfriend.

  103. Natasha says:

    I can think of no better send off for Miss Advised than the last five hours I spent praying to the porcelain god. (Mine was because of copious amounts of gin, not an eating disorder, but it’s the thought that counts.)

  104. ShesJustStupid says:

    So she was with this guy in Hawaii for the grifter conference, right? Then why all the pathetic tweets “I miss my family” “I wouldn’t come back here” etc.? Sounds like they had a great time.

  105. Andy Whorehol says:

    Given her strange timeline and legalese when it comes to these ‘relationships,’ she probably first encountered this douche on May 9th and has had 3-5 “dates”(and in-between bj’s) in the 2 months since.
    God she’s desperate and pathetic. I love how at 31 years old she’s so excited to mention she’s ‘in a relationship’ like it’s a big gregdamned deal. No1Curr indeed.
    You’re still odious even if you supposedly do have a regular peen/wallet on the side, Donk.

  106. JFA says:

    No seriously, when I think she can’t get any worse, more embarrassing, more tacky, less relevant, she exceeds my wildest expectations of how much of a stupid bitch she is. SHOUT OUT TO ME YAY IN THE POST! Because seriously, 100%, absolutely no one cares if you have a boyfriend, honey.

    Like she just COULD NOT WAIT to post that. Because all dozens of her bored housewife moronic fans in the midwest could not DEAL with her being single. They can sleep well at night now! God, grow. The. Fuck. Up. I recently changed my relationship status on FB and i felt like the BIGGEST TOOL and such a 12 year old and I agonized over it because I am an adult with discretion, class and am loathe to draw attention to myself, usually. This bitch revels in it.

    Morning rant.

    • JFA says:

      And there is no way in hell that douche bra who reads the Halo series (and seemingly nothing else) fulfills at least 12 of her checklist items items involving things like “intelligence” etc. He’s BRILLIANT I’m quite sure LOL. Certainly his whiskey and cigarette sockless photo shoots attest to how “fascinating” he is as well.

      • mule on rouge says:

        Cigarettes signify uber-cool badassery, according Julia’s biker chick fauxtoshoot. Gotta dig that up and do a side-by-side!

      • Donkarena says:

        …and yet, after ALL that…besides belonging to count-em 3 different singles groups, he ends up with Donkey? Oh, he is so fucked…

        • JFA says:

          Guaranteed he will be gone soon. Even he can do better.

          • Donkarena says:

            I’ve got it — proposed title for Donkey’s first book: “You’ll Never Date in This Town Again”

        • EyeRoller says:

          He’s fucked because after he dumps her chafed hide and goes running scared he’ll discover she’s joined the same 3 singles groups and has sent all the members private emails asking them to forward them along to him (since he won’t respond directly). Then it’ll be “Get a Clue Glenn Close” time and donkey ain’t gonna like.

          She’s gonna boil the bunny right out from under that Tony Robbins knockoff.

          • OMGDonk says:

            The end of this braylationship will be fun to watch.

            Julia is like an STD that never goes away.

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