UPDATE — At Last: The Series Finale of Miss @StupidWomen As Julie Goes Rogue And Tells All Sorts of Lies

Tonight we get to watch an increasingly bloat-y Julie once again try to figure out what her true “authentic self” is. But, of course, even the preview to the finale is edited to make her look like a narcissistic loon, Julie felt compelled to tell the people shitting on her on the Miss Advised Facebook page:

Julia Allison: Hi all .. I didn’t cry in front of Andrew after a few dates. It was three months!! And that preview, above, was from a conversation right after my beloved Grandmother died. I was inconsolable. But it looks like I’m only upset about my love life. Just remember this is an edited story. If you’d like more details, please read my behind the scenes blogs on Bravo. Thank you. :-)

UPDATE: Is that so, Donk? Because as a wily commenter has just pointed out, you Tweeted “THAT’S A WRAP!!” on May 3rd. And then Tweeted that your grandmother had passed away in her sleep on May 9th. Interesting.

Oh never mind those piffling facts. The entire Andrew segment, in fact, was very FRUSTRATING to her! They tried to make her look crazy, and as Pancakes McCain and all the other dudes who fled for the hills because she was crazy can surely attest, she is NOT crazy! I am sure the show’s producers appreciate her setting the record straight, and it can’t be too much longer before a second season is announced, amirite??

Julia Allison: I was very frustrated to see that it looked on screen like three dates. We spent weekends together, new years together, I had been to his house for visits, he had stayed at mine multiple times. I would never have the conversation with a guy I went on TWO dates with … That’s INSANE.
  

The editors also pressured her into confessing she’d given him a blow job, she claims.

And as we already know from an earlier Facebook post from Julie on the Miss Advised page, Julie is a NEW PERSON since the show stopped filming many many many days ago. She is happy and at peace and living a life filled with unforced kisses!

Hi all Miss Advised fans! It’s your #1 Desperate Non-Housewife. Or any kind of wife, really. I’ll be checking in here over the next few days before the season finale this Monday, so if you have questions for me, please ask away & I’ll answer them as soon as I can! (PS, yes, I know I look clingy & crazy with my dates. Working on fixing that! I think I’ve made some progress ;-) you’d all be proud.) x, Julia

Julia Allison: I have to admit – you know how all those reality stars say that “you forget the cameras” and “it’s so easy” – well, that’s bulls–t. I was nervous and self-conscious and that certainly contributed to my sense of NEEDING TO GET THAT KISS and other behaviors. But of course, tv can only magnify what traits we need to work on in our real life, so I’ve done much thinking about that since we wrapped. I am happy to report that since I gave up (on trying to strong arm Prince Charming) life has gotten better! And filled with many kisses I don’t have to beg for … ;-)

And as she said in a TV Guide interview, she can hardly be blamed for having a false ideal for a relationship!

Julia: I was completely delusional. I thought the problem was I couldn’t find the right guy but … I had created an idea of what marriage should be based on my parents involving the suburbs, monogamy and daily routines I’m not interested in. I was setting up a situation where I’d fail. By the end of the show, I realized I can make my own rules and I don’t have to have the relationship my parents had. I’m starting to believe people who have chronic problems need to have a camera crew follow them. It was massively effective.

Do you understand, haters? IT WAS HER PARENTS’ FAULT that she couldn’t land a man! And it was THE CAMERAS’ FAULT THAT SHE BEHAVED LIKE AN IDIOT ON MISS ADVISED! The editors FORCED HER to confess she’d given a guy a hummer on the second date! It’s just like when the Internet ruined her life, not the fact that she chose to post her every fart to the Internet! Don’t shoot the messenger, assholes. Shoot the technology and the editors that revealed her to be an asshole, and her parents for fucking her up to begin with! Oh, and also? She has a BOYFRIEND! And does anything matter more than that? See, she’s NOT unlovable! So suck it, Miss Advised haters!

I’d kill to hear from some Bravo people on this “reality star” gone rogue. What a sadly predictable tool — did anyone doubt that if the show didn’t make her look like the new millennium’s Mary Richards, she was going to go completely snake?

Hope she violated her contract in some way.

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313 Responses to UPDATE — At Last: The Series Finale of Miss @StupidWomen As Julie Goes Rogue And Tells All Sorts of Lies

  1. Malformed Face says:

    Amazeballs!

  2. juliajane says:

    All of her back peddling and explanations make her look just as desperate and pathetic as she appears on the show.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      But Bravo pressured her!!
      [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/e67fqw.jpg[/img]

      • Scooby Don't says:

        They kept demanding kisses!

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        OK, what thread is this in? I can’t find the one Desperate Non-Housewife post anymore.

        • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

          Desperate Non-Housewife is under the wall posts.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Still can’t find it on the Miss Advised page.

          • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

            At the top of the page on the right side, click on See all.

            Recent Posts by Others on Miss Advised See all

            There are a few gems in there.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Finally found it. Jesus, it’s hidden away. She’s totally gone rogue.

      • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

        And right before she posted that she sent everyone to visit Jellyd:

        Julia Allison Andrew dresses up like a donut and raps for a living ;-) he can handle the crazy! (check out his site: http://www.mcjellyd.com)
        Jelly Donut
        http://www.mcjellyd.com
        Home of the world’s freshest jelly-filled, battle-rap freestyling pastry.
        1 August at 12:16 · Like

        • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

          I assume we all recognize that this was her way of taking a shot at Jelly D. She’s making fun of him.

          Sociopath.

          • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

            For sure. Revenge for his silence.

          • Random Snowflake says:

            The best part is that he doesn’t pay any attention to her online drivel and will probably never see these “shots” she took at him :)

        • JFA says:

          Guaranteed they are not friends also as evidenced by him ne’er mentioning the show on twatter. Linking to him to save face and try to show she is so above it all, and failing miserably as usual.

      • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

        Jacy, these two are under a picture of Andrew.

        Is Andrew fit for a princess? Rate the date here.: http://bravo.ly/PcGQ4D

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        She keeps pretending that three dates and three months are mutually exclusive. No, dumb fuck, they’re not.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        The BJ was after the second date, which was within two weeks of the first date.

        Yeah, the big dumping was in early February rather than December (three months, legalese!) but that isn’t relevant to the beej.

        • Random Snowflake says:

          Julia has become so accustomed to lying about everything that she really doesn’t know what the truth is anymore.

          I mean, she’s even lied about pithy shit like where she was while posting a tweeted photo and someone called her out because the EXIF data in the photo showed her GPS coordinates were somewhere else.. Why? Why all the lies?

      • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

        OK what was her excuse the other 5,000 she blew a guy within seconds of meeting him? Did she tiara up for the bj?

  3. Can-Swiss says:

    Either she is a crazy loon or is playing the character of a crazy loon as a “persona”. Either way, she’s a fucking nut.

  4. Scooby Don't says:

    You can’t through Bravo under the bus, Donkey.
    Bravo is the bus and you’re just another piece of reality show roadkill.
    Beep, beep, Julia!
    Beep, beep!

  5. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    She is really crying in that preview because her grandmother died and she was inconsolable? She must have meant some other kind of wrap, then.

    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/2a9nyug.jpg[/img]

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Wow.

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        Absolutely wow. (and Jelly D was was never three months, was he?)

        Love how she’s gone from claiming that they “spent weekends” together somewhere vague, to she’d definitely “been to his house for visits”. Oh good, so you were totally faking all that when you got to his house. Thanks for clarifying.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          My intuition is that he was three dates AND three months.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            At least four dates. PROOOOM, dinner party, New Year’s Eve, and early February road trip and dumping.

            Remember, December 4 to February 2 is three months! Legalese!

          • cola champagne says:

            Wait, does she get dumped after every “away” vacation she takes with a man?

            So far I’m thinking:
            PK, Jakob, Jack, Andrew, Toph, and who else?

          • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

            cola you forgot jordan – she dumped her after going away with her too! :)

          • Cola chamPagne says:

            Yes!

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      Seems like Bravo could easily counter her excuses and explanations, if the date discrepancy is true.

      I’ve asked this before, but do other reality stars do this? I’ve never paid attention like I am with Donkey McSociopath. Is this unprecedented?

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        Other stars tend to explain the emotions behind their actions on screen.

        They’ll say something like: “I started screaming because we’d been in this same cycle of abuse for 5 years, and, in that moment, I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

        But they wouldn’t say “That was actually us practicing for a digital short we’d put on youtube 6 weeks earlier (plus I gave him a blow job later, so obviously we’re still very close).”

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Can you also include the date her photo thar was taken and put a red circle around that?

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      So, wait. First date was in early December, and the break-up was (allegedly) after May 9 now? Does that add up to three months in Donkey Math (Is Hard)?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think you’re confusing two separate things. She was weeping while telling the mind architect that she’d been dumped hard. That was some time prior to May 3rd, when she Tweeted “that’s a wrap.” Could have been February, March, April, who knows? But she’s now claiming she wasn’t weeping over being dumped, she was crying because her grandmother had died, even though her grandmother had not died at that point, and in fact didn’t pass away until after the show had stopped filming.

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          Also, this:

          [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/qytz5j.jpg[/img]

          So really JABa? Is it twitter’s fault now for date stamping your tweets?

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        It take all of 30 seconds to put her “3 months” distortion to rest with a twitter search.

        [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/10zpjxv.jpg[/img]

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          *takes
          And the dates are off by a day because of time zone differences I’m assuming.

        • virgil reid says:

          okay i have a question, why werent the dates with the british guy featured on the show since they were happening concurrently?

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            Maybe the surprise ending is he’s the one she winds up with?

            Sure he’s creepy and looks like he hasn’t bathed in quite some time, but he’s British and JA could co-opt his Britishness ala Gwyneth or Madonna.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            He probably didn’t sign a waiver. Also he is uggums.

          • Donkarena says:

            good point! I hadn’t thought about it, but that could be exactly it — he hadn’t given permission. That’ll be the next excuse from Julia: they edited out my other British boyfriend — we were madly in love!

        • Donkarena says:

          I guarantee her “three month” didn’t involve them seeing each other very much. A New Year’s Date is very often not necessarily a romantic thing, and with her, she probably desperately needed a date, and he was hoping for her clown mouth making a return visit to his crotch. Then one of those weekends was obviously with a 3rd party — Toilet Julia tagged along. They probably imposed themselves on him on that visit. And after THREE WHOLE MONTHS of solid dating (her version), she STILL didn’t know where it stood? In that dumping scene in his apartment, he greeted her like she was a former co-worker. There definitely would have been more affection apparent if they had been burnin’ it up for all that time. She’s taking HUGE liberties with the time span of their brief encounters.

        • JFA says:

          Wow. I know this was confirmed before but…yeah soooo very serious were you two that you were publicly braying about dating others on twitter (and knowing he would read it, and that’s prob why you did it after all). You are a whore.

  6. Diabetic Feet says:

    I watched an episode of RHONJ last night because I was high and bored, and I was shocked at how much more time and effort goes into that show compared to MissShapen. The editing is slick, the plot lines are funny, the “adventures” are interesting and the whole thing has a slick, polished feel to it.

    MissAdvised seriously just looks like the interns edited it and everyone said, “Whatever, fucking go with it.”

    Also, besides the fact that we predicted Juliar’s throwing the show under the bus TO A LETTER, that’s a great way to get a second season, right? Badmouth the show and producers because you don’t like how you come off?

    Enjoy the next 11 hours, Donk. Things are going to get very dark for you very soon.

    • virgil reid says:

      yeah i agree. it comes off as so low budget. i wonder if something happened, like if they realized the show was a lost cause but they had to go ahead anyway? i dont know, im not in the biz so i dont know how these things work other than ive seen better from film students.

    • AFGHANI says:

      That’s because RHoNJ is Bravo’s flagship show right now. I haven’t looked at the ratings in a bit, but last time I saw, it was pulling around 3 mil households (around 6x the ratings of a lot of the crap in Bravo’s line up).

      The other thing that carries RHoNJ is the fact that it’s going to get so. much. better. even without Bravo doing anything special. Joe Giudice just turned down an offer of 5 yrs from the State’s Attorney and opening arguments of his trial are set for October 1st. “Watch what happens” indeed.

  7. juliajane says:

    I just watched the most recent episode after not watching since episode 1. Holy shit, everyone on that show hates her and she is so delusional and tone deaf she doesn’t even realise it!!!! Toilet Julia obviously hates her and seems to be in a constant state of incredulity, the editor despises her and Jelly D looks incredibly uncomfortable in her company. Wake up, Donkey!

  8. Rhythm is a Brayer says:

    Please tell me you saw this nakey Jacob pic with his wife on gawker http://gawker.com/nsfw/

    • Diabetic Feet says:

      DO NOT CLICK!!! DO. NOT. CLICK.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      Paging AK Kitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Yes, third time it’s been posted here. Thanks for pointing it out, but we don’t care about those two, and it’s too bad for him that he’s constantly linked to a donkey, even after he marries someone else.

    • Donkarena says:

      So, is this guy a former blowee of Julia’s?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Google “jakobandjulia.com” and you will find out all you need to know. She was a shit to him.

        • Donkarena says:

          Thanks for the link…. I gave it a shot….Looks like Julia has cleaned it up, and one of them is in what looks like Japanese letters….she’s wiped the story clean. To protect her “brand” I guess…

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Google it, don’t go to the address (which is now being squatted upon). There’s a ton of juicy dissections on the first page alone.

    • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

      i put this up yesterday as a link on a social network saying it was a link to the 100m final video footage before it aired on nbc… mwahahahahaha

  9. Rhythm is a Brayer says:

    Sorry, prob should have said NSFW or weak stomachs.

  10. Rhythm is a Brayer says:

    Im going to stick to reading :)

  11. EyeRoller says:

    I knew a woman like this once. She ended up married a functioning alchoholic and she’s “really happy” now.

    • EyeRoller says:

      That’s right, alcoholic with a ‘ch’ bitches you know I can’t spell.

    • Donkarena says:

      gotta grab em before they say no! When your standards are “can you fog a mirror?”, you’re gonna get the bottom of the barrel.

  12. Snow says:

    Wait. Didn’t she say on her Elle blog or her Bravo blog that the reason she was crying was bc it was about all her failed relationships not just the one with Andrew?

  13. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    “….It was massively effective.”

    Donkey wrote the entire paragraph preceding that sentence as if she is currently married or at least engaged.

    I love when Donkey is getting the attention she craves and feels that all her problems are cured and everything is different now. Donkey seems to genuinely believe that a slight decrease in obscurity cures anything and everything.

    • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

      The minute she met Pancakes, she was a changed woman. She calmed down. She wore jeans. She had a brand new perspective on love, on herself, on the world! Oh wait. Nope. Still a maniac going through his cell phone…

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Yup. It was also the first time in a long time, since Alex, to be exact, that she felt like she had a true partner.

        • AFGHANI says:

          Whenever she says Alex was a true partner, it strikes me as a swipe at Michael. I mean… for Greg’s sake, Alex was MARRIED and Donkey was ENGAGED when she met Alex. Yeah, what a true partner.

    • A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

      Didn’t she say on the Today show, just a couple of weeks ago, that she had met a guy the previous week?

      Didn’t Katie Lee give her a deadly eye roll?

      The lying is just out of f-ing control.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        She meant the previous week on the show, not in real time. I made that mistake too, but she meant JellyD.

  14. EyeRoller says:

    “…life has gotten better! And filled with many kisses I don’t have to beg for … ”

    Right. Many kisses from US, kissing your ass good bye.

  15. JFA says:

    “weekends together” = 2 probably. I love how spending a total of 3 whole months with someone justifies acting like a complete asshat when someone is clearly not into you. Because crying over someone who was never very interested to begin with (anyone with two eyes could see that much) is totally normal. She really has no clue. She explains away that she actually dated him for THREE WHOLE MONTHS OMG! like that justifies her acting like a total lunatic. It’s so gross the way she is completely incapable of admitting that she needs help.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      When your relationships are so meaningless and disposable that seeing anyone twice is rare, three dates or three months = FOREVERRR

      • JFA says:

        And having a bf finally after acting like a lunatic on national television when guy after guy couldn’t stand her = lessons learned/success.

        She sucks.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      In my experience, women who are a bit crazy in relationships tend to zero in on the months thing. A former roomie of mine would always be talking about “My five month relationship, my five month relationship” when it was literally barely four months and a week. Like Julia, she’s good looking and high-profile in her career but extraordinarily self-involved.

  16. KashMoney says:

    “The three months they shared.”

  17. Malformed Face says:

    She still blew him on date two. Donkey, stop trying to confuse everyone b/c you’re embarrassed

    • EyeRoller says:

      That reminds me of a piece needlepointed piece of framed wisdom in my grandmother’s house, right above her Precious Moments and Snow Babies collectable shelf that says:

      “If you can’t convince them… CONFUSE THEM.”

      SERVED. Even my grandmother knows her game. I swear, Donk’s brain belongs in a cabinet between two Hummels.

      • EyeRoller says:

        CORRECT VERSION (sorry):

        That reminds me of a piece of needlepointed framed wisdom in my grandmother’s house, right above her Precious Moments and Snow Babies collectable shelf that says:

        “If you can’t convince them… CONFUSE THEM.”

        SERVED. Even my grandmother knows her game. I swear, Donk’s brain belongs in a cabinet between two Hummels.

      • AFGHANI says:

        The confusing people thing is just like her legalese. Pretty disgusting.

  18. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Seriously, lying on Facebook about the timing of her grandmother’s death to make it look like they were unfairly editing her; essentially using the old woman’s demise to spin lies about her behavior — that takes the cake, even for JA. It’s up there with “I was inside.”

    She’s changed, people! The reality show was life-altering! She’s so emotionally healthy now!

    • KashMoney says:

      and yet somehow she was able to keep it together for a fucking morning chat show.

      things like this, which show that she does have a modicum of understanding about what normal, human behavior is like, are chilling.

    • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

      So where does the rando math teacher come in to the picture? It’s not coffeehouse troll – right?

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      I agree, this is as reprehensible as “I was inside.”

    • LetItExplode says:

      Not trying to defend her but is it possible there were re-shoots after “that’s a wrap!!” I can see them going back to her after realizing they didn’t have enough interesting material…

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I suppose it’s possible and she’ll be sure to clarify if that’s the case because she never reads here.

        • LetItExplode says:

          I wouldn’t put it past her to exploit her grandmother’s death but I also have a feeling editing her storylines were a nightmare and reshoots were in order.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        But why, sometime after the middle of May, would they bring her back to discuss the prom date that took place 7 months earlier and meanwhile she had already moved on and was dating a new guy in February and who knows who else after that?

    • Skirt Pull says:

      I don’t know that it’s conscious and strategic as much as she just can’t keep track of the reality of when things happen anymore because she’s used to weaving tales about them and she forgets. And she so rarely feels real emotion that when she does, she just kind of generalizes it to every situation.

    • Blowjobs by Bravo says:

      Bravo producer to dead grandmother: I’m sorry but we’re going to have to reshoot in a few weeks, can you chill out until your granddaughter’s lies catch up to our editing?

  19. Albie Quirky says:

    So is her current stance that she’s learned soooo much, that she’s hap hap happy with Waldorf Statler and his unemployed hairless chest, and that the public humiliation was actually a meaningful growth experience?

    Oh, and that the reason Waldorf Statler has never acknowledged their relationship in any way is because she told him not to spoil “Miss Advised” for her dozens of fans? But now that it’s over they are going to be all loveydovey all over her Facebook?

    Pull the other one, Julie.

  20. Jack the Bulldog says:

    A voice as grating as Amy Laurent’s, but she’ll be tuning in for tonight’s cliffhanger. “Are you really looking for a man or is this for your so-called column at Elle.com magazine?”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4nnEw05tNA

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      That is a trip – is she like 12 with her own image consulting business? Give her a Bravo show! “polyamarius” ha. YouTube is such a bizarro planet.

  21. Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

    So we don’t know who “Julia dates a cute math teacher even though it means waiving several checklist qualifications” applies to?

    Poor schmuck, whoever you are.

  22. LetItExplode says:

    It doesn’t really make a difference how long she and JellyD communicated. The whole thing was fake. Anyone who thinks they can find love on a reality show is delusional. I don’t believe she really thought that– she did this to become famous. As evidenced by her refusal to step away from the Internet once and for all: she’d much rather be famous than be in a healthy, loving relationship. This seems to be a major reason why Hollywood marriages rarely last. Too much narcissism to put someone else first. It’s all about what that person can do for you and not what you can do for them.

    • JFA says:

      There is no way he was into her anyway, at all, ever. He looks barely interested on the first date, in between looking uncomfortable, embarrassed and confused. I didn’t watch the entire next episode but…he admitted during the dumping he had no feelings for her. Get a fucking clue, donkey. I’m sure you read the book, he’s just not that into you etc.

      • JFA says:

        But she can’t read signs. Because that would imply she has human emotions/empathy, and we all know that isn’t true.

      • Skirt Pull says:

        She is definitely, DEFINITELY not his type. Know this for a damned empirical fact.

  23. Peltergeist says:

    It’s amazing how BAD she’s made herself look. She’s such a control freak and skilled manipulator that I figured she would come off similar to Amy but with a potty mouth. I really didn’t believe she’d let her guard down. Instead she gave the editors and crew everything they needed to make her look insane, she talked about how bad she is at the one thing that’s supposed to be her “job,” and she totally ruined her looks with that Sideshow Bob hair (not to mention the puffiness).

    I was someone who was annoyed that she was getting “rewarded” (in her eyes) with this reality tv show, but I think this is going to be a very tough lesson for our Julesie. Well, in comparison to any other lesson she’s “learned” in life.

  24. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    I have decided that instead of watching the end of this abomination of television, I am going to re-watch the landing of the Mars rover. A million times more rewarding.

  25. Albie Quirky says:

    Tonight our long national nightmare is over! See you in the chatroom, haterkins.

  26. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    My favorite Julia mode is and always will be “I’m smart! I know stuff! Spanish Interrogation! Sisyphus! Inexorable!”

    Unsurprisingly, she’s doing it again:

    “Julia: … A small-business [sic] owner’s brand is inexorably tied up with the brand of his or her company. Those two things are one and the same. You can have a huge impact if you use yourself to be almost a transitive property. …

    Jeff: I get that everyone has a personal brand. But as for the transitive-property [sic] concept, you lost me.”

    Complete interview here: http://m.inc.com/?incid=43637

    Pearsonally, I’m more almost a perfectly symmetric property. Inexorably.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Yeah, she’s the one to talk to – she knows nothing about running a small business – in fact, she HAS no small business – and her “brand,” such as it is, is like kryptonite to any business she works with. Just ask that moving company she “worked with.”

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      I understand what she was going for, though. I really do. Inexorably. Here, I’ll use Julia herself as an example:

      Julia Allison sucks.

      Julia Allison does not have a business and has zero insight into business, but let’s follow this rag Inc’s lead and pretend she does.

      THEREFORE, by the transitive property, this hypothetical business that we are pretending Julia Allison might have sucks. Inexorably.

      • SchiapWTF says:

        Once again her narrow perspective means she gives bad advice. This advice doesn’t really hold up if you are actually selling goods or services. It only works if you are trying to sell yourself. You have to think of what people want from your company not necessarily what you want them to think about you. Great companies are customer-focused not just personality-driven. A personality alone isn’t enough to sell any brand, you’ve got to back it up with results. Be narcissistic on your own time, Donk, you are no businesswoman. A pox on Inc for encouraging her delusions.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Yeah. Aren’t the entrepreneurs who win in the long run the ones with great products who don’t try to sell themselves too hard (at least in the beginning)? Bill Gates, Page & Brin, etc.

          With the probability that a tech startup is going to fail, why would you want to tie your name so strongly to it anyway? Most of the really successful guys Donkey covets like Jack Dorsey and Charles Forman had abject failures before making fuck you money.

          This isn’t what I wanted to talk about, though. Everyone laugh at Donkey for sounding like the pompous, empty-headed windbag that she is!

      • mcakez says:

        I went off on this a bit last night when I had finished ‘Gone Girl’ and was having trouble sleeping. To quote myself, like a total ego maniac, relevant links are here and here.

        TL;DR: If her business is ‘creating a brand’ she fucking sucks at it, because she is mostly hated, and people shouldn’t have to meet her to feel differently. The fact that she does shows she is DOING IT WRONG.

    • Peltergeist says:

      So many businesses hire “social media consultants” just to generate buzz, unfortunately. Look at Loren and dozens of others. They’re awful, aggressive, dumb, self-destructive — and super slick at insisting that “You either love me or hate me, but you know me! That’s my brand!” Companies with a lot of money (or small businesses who genuinely don’t know better) buy into that. Julie’s not the sharpest, but she knows a malleable scam when she sees one.

      • Calling BS says:

        Loren never got hired by anyone. He never worked a day in his life. Let’s not play along with his “I’m a consultant” act.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Loren basically is Julia, but smarter, creepier, and probably not as well endowed.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      By the way, Julia doesn’t satisfy the perfectly symmetric property; it’s undeniably true that Julia Allison is a donkey, but it’s untrue and horribly insulting to donkeys to suggest that it’s necessarily true that a donkey is Julia Allison.

    • JFA says:

      I’ll tell that to my father, who has had a successful small business for 35 years. Pretty fucking sure, however, he didn’t buy his nice cars, house and vacations by thinking about anything like this, ever. So, actually just shut the fuck up.

      Ugh. That’s her identity of the hour, “small business owner.” Okay.

      • JFA says:

        He does, however, work hard and is good at interacting with people, two things you will never understand or accomplish.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      Ayn Rand feminist atheist objectivist.

    • Donkarena says:

      Did she actually SAY “Spanish Interrogation”????

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Jesus Christ, the eyelashes and the greasy hair!

    • EyeRoller says:

      Tried to read that Inc. interview but couldn’t make it past author’s intro statement:

      “Here’s another in my series in which I pick a topic, connect with someone smarter than me, and we discuss.”

      “Connect”? “Smarter”? “Discuss”? Hold it right there buddy. In reference to Donk??? We may have found someone more delusional than her. Shame on that writer and his entire lineage.

  27. A colossus of scheme juices and failure says:

    Anybody noticed Google’s suggestions for “Julia Allison”?

    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/zns9k0.jpg[/img]

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Nice! For a second, I thought it said “julia allison most bloated” and that was even a little better.

    • bitchface says:

      poor pancakes….. never, ever free of julia allison baugher

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        He should’ve run like hell after the first half hour with her. Nobody forced him to visit her in Wilmette or to let her stay at his mom’s condo.

        • mcakez says:

          I know this is true, but at the same time, how many of us have met and dated/befriended a sociopath/narcissist without realizing that a few years later they would still talk about you incessantly on social media platforms and at parties, kidnap your cat and move to Las Vegas, steal thousands of dollars out of your bank account, name their child the name you’d once chosen, and run someone over and leave only your old insurance information behind in the car, leading you to be hounded by insurance companies for months even though you’d cancelled the policy five years prior?

          I mean we’ve ALL made that mistake at some point… right?

  28. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    So excited-tonight is the first (and last) time I can watch this mess live with all of you cat people!

  29. Records Custodian says:

    I’ve said it before, and I will probably say it again – the reason she lies so brazenly about her past relationships is that the person (date, boyfriend, friend, business partner) who escaped will do absolutely anything to avoid any future dealings with her, and thus will never contradict her or set the record straight.

    The price of “correcting Julia Allison’s bullshit” (in the form of prolonged and continued contact with her) is far costlier than the damage of the lie. She absolutely counts on this, and she has been right every time. So I guess, in this very limited sense, she is a SERIOUS BIDNESS LADY.

    • Peltergeist says:

      I’m not disagreeing with you, but I really don’t understand this POV. I know she’s annoying and nuts and it’s easier to pretend she never existed than to constantly hear from her, but really what can she do except badger or embarass a normal person? If she crosses a certain line, that’s harassment and the police can get involved. She lies, but that doesn’t mean people will believe her. Etc. Etc. I’m really surprised she hasn’t pissed off the wrong person by now who decided to wage war.

      I guess I’m comparing her to this one crazy girl I knew years ago. She was less of a narcissist and more of a complete, certifiable kook, and everyone let her get away with her crazy behaviors because they “didn’t want to cause trouble” so she kept going. As soon as someone eventually fought her, she ramped it up and then had to shut it down because she had nowhere else to go after she’d done all her typical crazy person stuff. She got bored and moved on really fast.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        Maybe they hope that if they keep quiet and don’t poke the beast, she’ll eventually move on to harassing someone else. I mean, who wants to be lied about in public, as she has been shown to do? Even if the person in question knows she’s lying and we know she’s lying, it still winds up on her Twitter and/or blog, and therefore archived in search engines.

      • mcakez says:

        I know I’ve mentioned the RBD book club book of the month like a million times in the last few days, but if you read it you get an idea of why you just don’t push a sociopath. They don’t have a conscience to stop them from going too far — way past whatever a normal person would ever consider — and they don’t forget a grudge unless it is really convenient to do so.

        I talked about this a bit with dudebrah as I narrated the entire plot of the book to him. The best tactic with a sociopath is just to cut them off completely and do not engage.

        I have lots of little revenge fantasies about my ex, especially when he drops bullshit into my lap (this year: the aforementioned ‘hit and run with no license or insurance, with said companies now hounding ME so they can find him’ thing), but I don’t act on them because he is not above, say, slashing my tires, smashing the windows of my house and stealing whatever he feels makes us ‘even,’ trying to destroy my professional reputation somehow, or just something as simple as using it as an excuse to contact me and harass me.

        The last one is actually a big one. Sociopaths love to have control of people, and contact is a form of control. The best defense is just to avoid, avoid, avoid. Do not engage because they will ALWAYS take it further than you can, because they do not have as much to lose, they have no sense of right and wrong to hold them back, and they WILL get even.

        You’re better to just skitter away and hope they self destruct.

        • Amuse-douche says:

          This a thousand times over. Do not engage, ignore. Change your number, move, whatever it takes to protect yourself. I had a bad experience with a sociopath I was dating, who openly told me he was one (rare moment of honesty). He proposed after three months and spent an extraordinary amount of money on the ring, the second it was on my finger my life became a total nightmare. Do not engage.

    • Peltergeist says:

      All of that is to say you’re right, but I just can’t understand it. Some people LOVE a good fight — especially in NYC.

      • Records Custodian says:

        Two illustrative examples:

        Jake L. Dated her for – wait for it – three months (this seems to be her expiration date). Before her, was a cofounder of two very successful internet properties (College Humor and Vimeo). Still an internet entrepreneur. Just got married, posed for wedding pictures stark nekkid. And yet, when anything is written about him, it mentions Julia Allison, despite the fact that he never engaged her after their breakup – even after she sold him out in the very worst ways imaginable.

        Jack McCain. Dated Julia – if you can even call it that – for about three months. Son of a Senator and former presidential candidate. Graduate of the Naval Academy. His google results are almost exclusively Julia Allison, despite the fact that he never spoke about her publicly in any capacity.

        Even if you keep your mouth shut, Julia never will. She is the most indiscreet, disloyal, and uncouth ex on the planet. The only course is to starve the attention whore and hope the google results eventually fall off the first two pages.

        • Peltergeist says:

          Well I did say “normal person” for a reason. Jack McCain is a public figure of sorts and Jakob agreed to put their entire relationship online. Plus, I don’t think either really stood up to her, right? I’m talking about the former interns, business partners, coworkers, editors, neighbors, Hipster Lawyers, Prom Kings, gross English guys, those kinds.

          • Not! Random! says:

            Because the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s complete and total apathy. The amount of apathy Julia leaves in her wake is stunning.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Jakob was as guilty of famewhoring as she was in that relationship and has plenty of character flaws that had him painted ina very negative way. When he was dating Julia it simply amped up the offensive stupidity a la those two turkeys from “The Hills”.

          Although I admit I’d rather be stuck in an elevator with Jakob and Julia instead of Spencer and Heidi.

          I think.

          Hmmm.

          I may have to get back to you on that one.

    • bitchface says:

      I don’t put the “business” people in the same category as ex’s, because AFAIK the only one who has the guts to completely shut her off was Jordan.

      Even stupid Yellow Teeth Randi Zuckerberg sent her flowers. Mare Mare publicly congratulated her. Megatits McCain twatted in her general direction. Julia courts fame whores and they validate her sense of existence back at her.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I like to think OMG! Randi!’s flowers were of the:
        “GET WELL SOON!” (a la mental health) variety …

  30. Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

    It’s really weird that she was so pressured to divulge facts about a beej that no one was asking about, and yet the sex in the butt factor with Emily and David Rubin hasn’t really even been alluded to past his initial awkward inquiry. God damn, donkey, I want to drive to Marina and slap some sense into you. But I’d have to cross the 405 force field and that ain’t happenin’.

  31. rankles the jankles says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Tonight, after the season finale, I also have a big announcement … ;-) stay tuned to this Twitter!!

    • flatface says:

      She’s going to admit she shot Tupac.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Ah, so she’s pulling her own “reveal.” Bravo wouldn’t giver her one, so she’s got to create her own.

      Honestly, I have never seen anyone work so hard at avoiding having a real job.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        She’s like Sarah Palin insisting she was going to read a speech the night John McCain lost the election and was preparing his own concession speech, right? McCain’s people had to totally, forcefully shut Palin down, and it was one instance in which she was unable to go rogue. Not our Julie! She’s going rogue on Bravo’s ass! I wonder how her co-stars feel about the relentless attention-hogging she’s been doing. She’s treated this like The Julie Show throughout.

      • CaptainGary says:

        And “stay tuned to this Twitter”? What the fuck does that even mean? She really commands the English language, doesn’t she?

      • EyeRoller says:

        In that respect, I guess she is a hard worker.

    • Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

      Dead horse: kicking

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Let me guess: she’s available to do a second season of Miss Advised.

    • Peltergeist says:

      She’s finally getting married — to herself, a la Sue Sylvester.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I know someone in real life who married herself. She is also married to someone else. I seriously wish I didn’t know this about her (the self-marriage) because I like her and do not wish to scorn her even a little, but good Greg that’s moronic.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      I fear this is going to be something that just frustrates many of us. More failing upwards.

    • Peltergeist says:

      She’s moving back to Chicago! She’s writing a book! She’s starring in her very own YouTube web series! She’s chaaaaaaaannnnggeeed! This is fun.

    • flatface says:

      She’s moving in with Robert Pattinson.

    • flatface says:

      She’s joining the Navy Seals.

    • flatface says:

      She’s going to announce that Robert Pattinson shot Tupac.

      • New Year New You says:

        She’s going to announce that she is Tupac. And explain the gang signs.

        • flatface says:

          She’s going to announce that Tupac thinks she’s crazy and immature but too fucking bad. If Tupac doesn’t love her for being her she’ll have Robert Pattinson shoot him… again.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        Either a leaked sex tape or she’s orchestrated a Real Julia™ engagement with some male famewhore and they’re taping a new “web only” reality show leading up to the faux wedding.

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        She’s a “lesbian”.
        She’s “quitting” the internet.
        She’s “engaged”.
        She’s an “asshole”.
        …could be anything…

    • JFA says:

      Oh Jesus H. Christ. She really thinks people care. No one does.

    • New Year New You says:

      She’s getting her old nose back. She’s realized that happiness was in her old nose all the time.

    • flatface says:

      She’s going to announce that she has a 73-point checklist that proves the Navy Seals shot Robert Pattinson.

    • New Year New You says:

      She’s decided to move to Guam after all.

    • flatface says:

      She’s going to be covering New York Fashion Week you guys! For the Navy Seals!

    • flatface says:

      She’s going to announce that she’s the new medium-calibre automatic weapons product reviewer for Huns and Ammo.

    • flatface says:

      She’s going to announce that she is leaving Miss Advised and is being replaced on the second season by the so-called “God Particle”, the Higgs Boson.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      She’s introducing her signature line of diuretics.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Intel is finally cashing in on that endorsement deal by interdicting the Julia Allison Signature Processor Line: featuring speeds up to 800khz!

    • miss assvice says:

      She landed a wallet, pregnant with twins , moving to Winnetka, IL

    • helobabe says:

      She invented Post-its.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      We can buy her dating advice on video! Or preview one, so she can collect your email address and sell it to her webgrifter friends!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        No, no, better (at least per the Waldorf Statler site linked below) she will send you “tips” by email!

    • helobabe says:

      She found her missing bicycle in the basement of the Alamo.

    • KS says:

      She killed Demonoid.me to prevent pirating of Miss Advised.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      this whole thread is very stuff.
      she’s going to announce she finally pushed the sisyphean bolder [sic] all the way to the top of the dung heap!

  32. Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

    It may have only been 3 dates in 3 months but she was inside…. the apt….his pants…

  33. flatface says:

    Oh my god you guys. She’s going to announce that Robert Pattinson is joining the Navy Seals.

  34. Albie Quirky says:

    Her big announcement: “I love myself now! Also, I’m dating Waldorf Statler! Also, he’s self-employed, not unemployed as my haters would have it! And I’m writing a book! And I’ll be blogging all about all of these things at the newly relaunched xojulia.com! I’m a founder with a cute boyfriend, not a hopeless jobless loser at all!”

    Points to me for every one of these I get right.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Oh, and she may announce that she has some crappy unpaid webteevee “job” that she’ll try to talk up as a big fucking deal.

    • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

      “I’m having a baby!”

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      good greg i must be out of the loop. who is waldorf statler?!
      (i’m taking 10 points from gryffindor as i type!)

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Apparently her new bf, the open-shirt website designer guy first sited/cited/sighted at the Coffee Bar coffee bar in May.

        His name sounds like Waldorf Statler. Devin Stetler, I think?

  35. Psychological Ouroboros says:

    Longtime reader; only delurked once since the beginning of July (with info about Juliar’s appearance on The View. Don’t judge me! I still think Elizabeth Hasselbeck sucks!).

    Anyways, I’m home sick, trying to run desk errands as best I can in my current state (ear infection? possibly), so I’m watching Miss Advised reruns. I have to say, I really love the term “canklehausen”; I have to restrain myself from using it in my daily life, along with the expressions, “Good GREG!” and “So sorry; so fat.” If only everybody read RBNS, it would make my life so much easier.

    PS: Thanks to Handbag Stuffed with Hair for the new moniker (courtesy of this coinage, I actually wanted to comment weeks ago)! You catladies and gents are the best! In other words, I will soon be reading Cloud Atlas, too (and the trailer was so enticing!)–an almost unprecedented move, since I normally study non-living authors, as huscat loves to remind me.

    Thanks for emboldening me with your wit and wisdom, y’all!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Aww, thanks!

      It’s funny how the “haters” are so much more intelligent, and able to spell correctly and to formulate intelligent thoughts, than the White Knighters. Interesting!

      Poor Julie — only the dumbasses defend her. Or the wives of surgeons.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Welcome!

      And by ‘huscat’, you mean Mr. Whiskers? Because as we all know, no one here has a ‘husband’. We are a bunch of fat, lonely cat ladies, covered in Cheeto dust and tears, living in mom’s basement.

      • Psychological Ouroboros says:

        Yes, Dr. Gary, my actual husband, despite my OMG! expiration date. SS; SF, and still married! Sorry to disappointed JABA’s possible white knighters (LOL!).

        I know it’s hard for people like JABa to believe, but here I am, covered in Cheeto dust with two catties (not kitten-children, yet), inexorably watching the ineffable Miss Advised without any jealously whatsoever–just severe canklehausen/fremdschamen.

        Huscat still doesn’t quite get it (hence my lamentations re: not being able to use, “Oh my GREG!”, which would really come in handy), but he’s made progress: he *did* say to me, during the last episode, that I should never wear my hair like that “clown-chick’s.” Not that there was ever any danger of that, but still.

  36. OT, but someone posted this on FB and it made me laugh.[img]https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/309080_10103147783368784_557903193_n.jpg[/img]

    You know, because she has a wang, now.

  37. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    She makes it so difficult not to despise her.

    https://twitter.com/JuliaAllison/status/232553767000748032

    What will the big announcement be? That she’s finally managed to convince a dude to stick around past a few dates? And so now that the show’s over, she can fuck this relationship up too with endless public braying about it? What progress!

  38. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Donkey is ego tripping so hard right now that she’s vanity quoting herself in her twitter:

    @JuliaAllison: “They say you teach what you yourself need to learn.” – from my final @ELLEmagazine column

    • EyeRoller says:

      What a heretic.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      GACK! That sounds like some meaningless drivel from Scary Sadshaw!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Honey, you’ve got semiliteracy, superficiality, and gullibility down pat already, and that’s all anyone ever “learns” from your writing and media appearances!

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        But her four fangirls want MOAR! At least two girls are asking “why final column?” on twitter. Silence nearly as deafening as the brays.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          They can get all the Julie wisdom at her Amazeballz new website courtesy of her loving boyfriend. Big reveal!

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Who says that? I want names. I’d like to have a word with those people.

    • mcakez says:

      Really? Because I teach about the high school drop out cycle; the evolution (or lack thereof) of the civil rights movement; slang/figurative language through the ages; urban legends and their connection and adaptation to contemporaneous fears and prejudices; the purpose, drive, and effectiveness of the death penalty; the inundation of advertising and the tools of marketing; whether it is discrimination to ‘go for the look’ in hiring; the sustainability of consumer culture; satire: then and now; confirmation bias in evaluating arguments from opposing sides; the justice system and the psychological features of eye-witness accounts; the purpose and effectiveness of juvenile justice; fast food and the corresponding influences of the farming/HFCS subsidy culture; propaganda tools and tactics as related to politics; immigration, alienation and ‘the other'; black history month (from the Little Rock Nine to Dr. Laura and the ‘N-Word’ to Trayvon Martin); class warfare vs. class complacency; persuasion and debate tactics (ethos, pathos, logos, fallacies); self-determination or fatalism and the formation of the ‘self'; gender equality in a shifting educational society; and a few other lightweight topics here and there. Oh, also, bullying, including online bullying. Something this site doesn’t actually resemble at all, despite your attempt to make it your cause for three seconds a year and a half ago.

      I guess, you know, I still need to learn those things, despite having created a complete curriculum now being implemented by other teachers in the district, and modifying it to meet the varying needs of my underprivileged, continuation school students. I mean, that isn’t to say I am an ‘expert,’ because I’d never be so bold. I come from that class of people who feel like the more I know, the more I know I don’t know anything. That is beside the point, though, which is this:

      Seriously, go fuck yourself, broad. You know jack shit about ‘teaching,’ or learning for that matter.

      I once again do a Hail (Bill) Murray that your ‘Teach For America’ ambition was just the momentary flutter of fancy dictated by the dick you wanted to stick at that moment. Otherwise you’d be failing as miserably at teaching as you do at being a journalist/personal brander, except hundreds of students would have walked away having learned nothing except that women need to value themselves by the man they’ve landed, and Julia Allison is a ‘hot babe’ who likes to rub her clit-on against teen boys.

      VOOOOM.

      • Snow says:

        *slow clap*

        Question – I only discovered this site, and JA a few weeks ago – did she really want to do TFA? God, imagine her getting accepted to Peace Corps *shudder

        • mcakez says:

          She claimed at some point she was considering TFA — as if getting into that program is like throwing a tweet out to 80k paid for twitter followers.

          Anyone who knows anything about TFA (or T4A, or T$A, whatever) knows it isn’t that easy, and anyone who knows anything about getting their educational credential or the teaching profession knows it isn’t whatever she dreams it to be.

          Julia imagines a classroom like how you see them on TV: silent, orderly students sitting in rows and quietly ignoring you — but only if you’re a BAD teacher, which SHE wouldn’t be, of course, she’d be a hip, cool, hot teacher!

          For her, they’d be sitting quietly in rapt attention, listening to the precious gems of wisdom being dripped from her gloss-glistening, naturally full lips as she talked about ‘important stuff,’ and raising their hands dutifully to answer questions and engage in controlled, interruption-free, insight-laden debates about the classics, which they’d all read as homework and brought back with scribbled (but substandard — as they were mere learners) notes in the margins, ready to impress beautiful Mrs. Allison (Mrs., not Miss/Ms., because she is married to a wealthy tech founder and teaches only because she wants to give back some of her tremendous wisdom and charity to the knowledge-thirsty youth of today.)

          Their hands would shoot up into the air as they quietly wait for her to cast her heavy-lashed, warm brown eyes in their direction and select one of the eager young scholars (brown, but bright!) to supply an answer about how rap music is totally the poetry of today, offering a line of “It Was a Nice Day” as an example, and she would commend them with a tinkling laugh and supply a few lyrics, illustrating how she was completely familiar with the musical proclivities of the youth, and knew her Iced Tea songs quite well.

          They’d bring her apples, and chocolates, and flowers, and tell her how they’d never had a real role model until they met her. They would quietly ask her to take a look at their ‘urban poetry,’ which would paint a poignant picture of brilliant burgeoning rap star souls trapped in gang banger bodies.

          She’d tutor the (brown, but bright!) girls in the finer points of extensions. The boys would blush, or whatever brown boys do, as they surveyed her Kim Kardashian booty, and go home and tell their parents — if they weren’t incarcerated or divorced — about how wonderful Mrs. Allison is. How she gets them because she is so young and cool.

          When one went on to become valedictorian, he’d thank Mrs. Allison (or maybe Mrs. Julia, because she is too cool to believe in bullshit last name formalities) for being their guide, inspiring them to go to Georgetown, for introducing them to Salinger, and Tony Robbins, for showing them they could walk across fire. She would dab at her eyes, the picture of poise and pride, until the young valedictorian begged her to come on stage and say a few words.

          She’d produce an unpracticed but poignant speech, tearing up but laughing at her own exuberant tears, self-deprecatingly joking about her mascara running as she looked out at the many beautiful graduating faces before her, the ones who kept her going, the ones who kept her young, the ones who proved that it’s what’s INSIDE that counts.

          Within days her speech — and the accompanying image of the flood of students rushing the stage to hug her as she said, “Thank you, for teaching me so much about myself, more than I ever taught you” — would go viral. It was the feel-good inspiration speech of the summer. Shyly, she’d go on talk shows to talk about how the praise was so unexpected — she’d put her public days behind her, this woman who taught not because she ‘needed to’, but because she NEEDED to.

          Oh, to give back. To give back to those beautiful youths, so desperate for her knowledge and experience. How golden it all was.

          And then she squirts a sticky load all over her pink Task Rabbit Vibrator.

          • A Donkey is an Ass says:

            That smut made me very uncomfortable.

          • Jordache and the Pelts says:

            My sister did TFA. It’s not for the fatuous and faint at heart and takes a lot of strength and dedication. It was so rough in Shreveport, where my sister started, they shut the program down there (she finished at DCPS). My sister went on to earn her masters at Georgetown and start a career in international education – all before her expiration date (I’m very proud of her). I hate it when Julia throws around “TFA,” “Graduate School,” and the like – she has no concept. She is an ignorant twat. She hasnt lasted a day doing anything producative.

        • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

          [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLimi0yx5wGthEZrUno1_400.jpg[/img]

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        fuck yeah mcakez

  39. Albie Quirky says:

    OMG, while Googling “jakobandjulia.com” for Donkarena, I came across this!!!!!!! On Waldorf Statler’s business site!!

    I have no idea what exactly this means, but it’s hilareballz as fuck.

  40. ShesJustStupid says:

    You really need to go over to her fb page to read the self-congratulatory drivel she just posted about how proud she is of herself for making the show happen and finishing all her columns. It’s unreal.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Proud? She does realize that first graders are frequently required to write a few hundred words about themselves, yes? And that their output is more interesting than hers and the process involves less complaining and fewer tears?

    • JFA says:

      I need not do that. And you cannot and will not make me.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Wait – so “Miss Advised” was her idea? Shouldn’t she be getting a producer’s credit then? And it was her idea to go to Elle and pitch a column that she’d be writing about the very Bravo show she conceived, developed produced and starred in? And if the Elle column WAS her pitch, then why is it her last? Shouldn’t it continue on after the show, it being so widely read and so very popular?

      She brays:
      “That’s how I feel about this tv show and the corresponding magazine column. Like, goddamn, I had this idea, this vision and I MADE IT HAPPEN.”

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        wait a minute: didn’t she get dragged into this, even though she was so over the whole reality show thing? (having already done 41 hundred pilots for Bravo alone, not to mention E, wherever else, etc.)

        If I recall reality shows were in her past, and she only agreed to this because they so clearly wanted her to be a part of it.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Hilarious that she’s taking credit for the concept of the show. I’m sure she feels very proud that Elle magazine has been so successful too. She had the idea for a magazine and she made it happen!

      • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

        Move over, Dr. King; ol’ Donkula had a VISION.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She had a dream of a future where all the girls will be judged on the content of their closets rather than the color of their skin tags.

          And no more Spanish Interrogation!

  41. Some Girl says:

    Just now I was watching the last episode when my brother, who has never even heard of Julia, wandered into the room. It was a scene with her and Jelly D. My bro stood there and watched for no more than 10 seconds before saying “She seems psycho for some reason” and walking away.

    • Stage 5 clinger says:

      My 78 year old mother flipped to Bravo last week during a marathon. I sat in silence while she determined if it was worth watching. JA was braying about something. Finally my mother said, “For God’s sake, shut up,” before moving on to Food Network. It took about 10 seconds.

    • Donkarena says:

      ha ha!

  42. Dr. Gary says:

    I love Christine. She’s referring to this (from INC):

    ‘Jeff: If I say the average small-business owner shouldn’t worry about personal branding, what would you say?

    Julia: I would start by laughing.’

    [img]http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/3250/jafb86122.jpg[/img]

    • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

      Other things than dating? Sure. Other things than yourself? Bwahahaha!

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        The “I’ve been a dating columnist for 10 years” lie is no longer expedient. Revving up for a new spin cycle.

  43. Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

    Hey haters, I just won an ineffably beautiful vintage powder compact on eBay (am a collector). Drinks and ointments are on me.

  44. Dr. Gary says:

    Jesus Christ. The smug is off the charts. Bish PLZ.

    @JuliaAllison: Thank you to the amazing team at @AinsleyAgency – design, video, digital & brand strategy at its best. Love you guys! (cc @andrebean)

    @JuliaAllison: @MichaelPhelps I read @AinsleyAgency is leading creative for your swim school’s branding campaign in Bmore. BRILLIANT decision, my friend.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Why would a personal branding expert need to hire a brand strategy firm? Shouldn’t her own small business take care of all her personal branding needs?

    • SchiapWTF says:

      So, she’s a branding expert who had to hire a branding agency to brand herself?

    • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

      “My friend!” The hilarity, it hurts. Simply “BRILLIANT.” Throw in a psychotic smilie or two, Donks, and three months from now you’ll be telling the world about the home you and Michael Phelps shared.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        He’s too busy eating to keep his strength up to have realized that women exist at all, let alone Julia Allison.

        • Snow says:

          Pretty sure I heard on the radio this morning MP was out in the clubs with all his medals, girls hanging all around him

    • Dr. Gary says:

      ‘my friend’ = she is completely delusional.

      And The Daily Mail says this is MP’s girlfriend:

      [img]http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/8614/mpgf.jpg[/img]

      http://tinyurl.com/9x2fx7g

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      “My friend.” Dear God, Bravo has created a monster.

      • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

        I’m on to Donkey. First she got Ryan Lochte’s hopes all high up, then she SMACKED him with her patented blend of adorable sass and professional perfectionism that simply couldn’t tolerate his less than stellar interview skillz, and now she’s making him mad with jealousy by showing the world that she and Michael Phelps are tots BBFs. It’s all a genius ploy to make Ryan Lochte realize it’s Donk and only Donk he wants to love unconditionally.

        Y u so cruel to poor Michael Phelps, Donk? You know that right after reading your BRILLIANT tweet, he immediately started planning an ineffably poofy pink wedding.

        Michael, how can we help?

  45. EyeRoller says:

    She will announce:

    1) She’s engaged to Beelzebub
    2) She is Beelzebub
    3) She ate Beelzebub for dinner in her bathtub after inviting him over to get branding and strategy advice in a universally evolving tech market

    • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

      Don’t forget Facebook profile picture consulting. Pretty sure Beelzebub could benefit from some Donkey ideas, what with the Unlit Cigarette / Romper of Death combo or a good ol’ fashioned gaping maw.

  46. Donkarena says:

    you guys are killing me….I’m never going to survive the final episode in this basement

  47. Blowjobs by Bravo says:

    Did they announce the cancellation yet? Can’t wait to hear the spin, she’s too busy writing her article for the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy BUT Bravo is developing another show all about it.

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