Apparently You People Missed Julia Allison Finally Admitting To The World That She Does Indeed Have A Weiner

I’m going to let you in on a little secret on what it takes to be a reblogger who has been featured on a Bravo reality show. I’m too busy failing at life and not being married to a surgeon (Not my fault, you guys! Chick-fil-A won’t let me!) that nowadays I rarely ever venture out to one of the outposts of Julia Allison’s massive digital empire to see what she’s been up to. I usually don’t bother until one of you points something out in the comments, especially since the show started and her Twitter stream turned into a continual retweet of “Thanks, @stupidwoman! You’re awesome for loving me!”

But, in a spell of insomnia, I peek over today. Who knew that Julia’s Twitter feed could be so revelatory?

Yes, Julia Allison has a penis, says Julia Allison. And it was at least at one point erect. Furthermore, Julia Allison can be considered a sort of expert on deflating penises since they occur around her ALL (Snap!) THE (Snap!) TIME (Snap!)

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358 Responses to Apparently You People Missed Julia Allison Finally Admitting To The World That She Does Indeed Have A Weiner

  1. AFGHANI says:

    Gold medal for me?

  2. Princess WideStance says:

    @stupidwoman

    JP, get in my van and make out with me. That is too perfect.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      You’re going to have to wait until I write the post about the stupid women. Get ready for misogyny!

      • Factory Seconds says:

        JP, how can we help?

      • ks says:

        just don’t call them “females”, Albie hates that.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Yeah, I am the only one, too. Jesus Christ on a bedpan.

          • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

            Albie, I hate when women are referred to as “females” as well. It sounds like we’re creatures in a Nova special.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            It’s standard gender distinction in medical & law enforcement reporting, to name just a couple — I am so used to it, I can’t fathom why it’s offensive — will someone please elaborate?

          • Albie Quirky says:

            When people say “females” in conversation, it is generally not in complementary distribution with “males” but with “men”. Which is weird.

            “Females” rather than “women” or “women and girls” is often the term of choice of MRAs.

            There are a lot of things people say in legal contexts that they don’t say in conversation. If you went around talking about your neighbor’s kid as a “Caucasian minor male” rather than “a white boy” people would wonder why fuck and what you were trying to connote by the weird word choice.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Although it would be hilarious to describe people in medical terminology. “Julie Albertson is a well-nourished premenopausal Caucasian female…”

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        Please don’t discriminate against the @stupidmen that are all up in her twitter too.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      So perfect. Her Twitter stream is an embarrassment. I just read a GQ piece the other day on the most annoying types on Twitter and way up there was the semi-celebrity who responds to every fawning Tweet sent his or her way. Sound familiar?

  3. CDB says:

    Ha double click on the screen shot!

  4. A colossus of scheme juices and failure (fka Donkeycam now!) says:

    I am half surprised.

    Donkeys are famous for their endowment, after all.

  5. donniedriveby says:

    [img]http://imgur.com/3Zq91[/img]

    But… but…. he was all ready to give oral to Julia Allison, America’s Favorite Second Date Blowjob Queen.

    • donniedriveby says:

      P.S. You’d think since Julia Allison, America’s Favorite Second Date Blowjob Queen ALSO sucks at interviews that it would be a match made in heaven…

  6. ks says:

    This post is degrading to swollen, healthy, beautiful cocks everywhere.

  7. Factory Seconds says:

    What do you think she gives guys when they give her a blow job?

  8. mule on rouge says:

    She so horny! No love, her, long time.

  9. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    “not being married to a surgeon”

    What is the origin of this meme?

  10. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Can God create a boulder so heavy that he can’t carry it (even with Sisyphus’s help)?

    If Julia Allison blows herself, does she have to give herself shoes?

  11. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Meh.

    Distasteful as it sounds when coming out of her mouth, I have no problem with the term, regardless of if it’s used by men or women. “Dried up my lake” is more accurate, I suppose, but I’ve heard women use “hard on”.

    (Prefer “ladyboner” myself.)

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      As do I.

      I am just trying so hard to give a fuck anymore that I am relying on old jokes.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I never post drunk but man am I loaded

        I love you lover lovey my lover you’re body’s a wonderland

    • Ex Spurt says:

      I’ve always been a fan of the (admittedly crass) ‘wide-on’.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Has anyone heard it referred to as a “puffy” or a “quimmer”? Because I may try to copyright (trademark?) those, unless somebody already beat me to it (the bastard), then never mind (crap, that’s three hours of my life I’ll never get back).

  12. Donkarena says:

    I’m curious what Lochte did to deflate Donkey’s hard on?

    • helobabe says:

      Someone (I think Buzzfeed?) put together a compilation of Lochte’s worst interviews. That’s to which she was referring.

      Found link:
      http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1281620-ryan-lochte-has-worst-of-interview-video-and-its-pure-olympic-gold

      • Donkarena says:

        Ahhh….thank you — hell, I’d still do him.

        • helobabe says:

          *whispers* I didn’t think it was that bad…

          He’s just a bro. There are worst things he could be, like a donkey.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            I give him a pass on his grill because I think he wears it because he’s self-conscious about not having great teeth. It’s kind of endearing, really.

            But his shoe collection makes me like him less.

          • Donkarena says:

            Oh no — bad shoes on a man — dealbreaker

          • Donkarena says:

            the hiding his teeth IS endearing…But holy schneikees is he GORGEOUS

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        THIS is what white nits needs need pointed out to ‘em:

        Someone (I think Buzzfeed?) put together a compilation of Lochte’s worst interviews. That’s to which she was referring (when Do-Nothing Donkey publicly ragged on an Olympic medalist winner to her more than 100,000+ bought-&-paid-for Twitter followers).

        ‘Someone (I think RBD?) put together a compilation of Donkey’s worst lies, interviews, outfits, fauxtoshoots, etc. That’s to which we are forever referring (when we point & laugh at the braying asshat).’

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I think there was an article where he admitted peeing in the Olympic pool.

  13. Donkarena says:

    By the way and OT on this thread, but I’ve been reading all the “Internet Never Forgets” section of this blog….Yikes, but what a nuclear nutball Donkey is! I had no idea. I have so much to learn — and this being my first week here and all…This blog is a public service, no doubt about it. When I think about the unsuspecting public not realizing a psychotic Donkey has been unleashed in their midst…ugh.

    • helobabe says:

      Just curious, as a newbie, what do you think was the greatest offense?

      • Donkarena says:

        Very good question — I am still sifting, but right now the nasty emails attempting to harrass innocent people she thought were associated with the NSRB (?) site and the nasty email to the former boyfriend’s girlfriend. That’s when I KNEW, as said to JFK when he landed in Dallas: ‘We’re in nut country now”. Donkey is unstable, and that was prima facie proof to me.

        • Donkarena says:

          The McCain Breakup “Page 6″ planting gave me a good laugh. Moved in with him for 5 minutes –

        • JFA says:

          It wasn’t just her ex’s current gf. It was his soon to be wife. She is an asshole. I have seriously had fantasies of being on the receiving end of something like that, just so I could think of the perfect way to react. Because I am not classy, and I would not just let it go. Anyhoo.

      • Mooch says:

        To me, although it has all been cringe worthy, the helo in the air and yelling at a mom at the parking lot really made me loath her.

        • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

          those are the ones I would point to: the grocery store, the help babe, and emailing the ex’s fiancé

        • I Like Donkeys Except for This One says:

          word to the helo in the air comment. that actually turned my stomach.

    • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Too bad the Sturgeon’s Wife didn’t bother to read that. You are a good and throrough newbie.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I’m not exactly sure Mrs. Sturgeon can read so well. She certainly writes like a bunch of eels squirming around on a keyboard.

  14. EyeRoller says:

    Entry Headline: RBD Newcomer Discovers Old Boring Donk Clip, Lives to Report: “Not worth watching!”

    When I’m not premiering my Hate Cat-oure collections on tiny dusty feline-sized runways in abandoned sweatshop basements around the neighborhood, I like to scour youtube for new ‘How To Tie Bows With a Fork’ videos (I only own one brain cell and a single utensil) and I’m usually happy to brainfuck myself with the same and only three videos that meet this search criteria. However, today my computer vomited up THIS, which made me drowsier than my usual fork clips. ‘How To Tie A Bow With An Idiot’ AKA ‘Fuck That Fork These Genius Bitches Got The Tie Thing Down’, starring the 2009 version of Donk’s face and a barely there Mare(y)– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp1GlOvF20E&feature=related.

    In short, I’m ashamed of watching it. It’s old and stupid. I’m ashamed to torture everyone with it as well but I refuse to s(h)it here in my own misery. Yes, this highly informative clip has probably been slapped against the taint of this innocent blog in the past, but I’m a new hooker on this block here if that means anything as far as mercy goes. I’ll save you two minutes of cheeto-eatin’ time and give you the lowlights: Donk exhibits her usual lack of charisma and soul but mainly about that outfit– What in 45-year-old Stepford Wife tarnation hell?

    Yet the future ex-wives of surgeons still come here and tell us we waste more time than Donk does/did when she makes videos like that. I guess she and Mary were taking a break from their humanitarian efforts? And I’m also confused because Mary serving as the top in this video goes against Donk’s aggressive, masculine behavior. I guess Donk can’t keep a good hardon even if it’s on her so she agreed to bottom.

    Nods to whoever made it this far through my shit post. I shall now commence firmly thumping the back of my head with a rubber hammer. Or a real one, I’m open to suggestions. Oh and thanks for the topic Jacy because now the big soft, Lochte-induced hardoff underneath that crinoline has been CON-FIRMED

    • Donkarena says:

      could have used a close-up at the crucial moment where the perfection of the bow is attained -

      • EyeRoller says:

        yes, that was a “very important” part. but then again…

        donk’s bow is perfect just the way it is leave her alone we’re so mean we need to stop criticizing her bow we’re cruel and stupid and none of us have jobs or hearts and she’s just a good person out there trying to help the world and live her search for bow-fection!

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Be careful what you wish for …
        [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/ab79qe.png[/img]
        (CAPTCHA = bangers and mash)

        • EyeRoller says:

          Lordy Bejesus I barely managed to sleep that clip off and now I have to live all day with this ice face hag in my brain again?

          It looks like she just took 10 vitamins and pissed phosphor all over her Jimmy Dean links. And did she complete her second date with that mic btw? I just cun’t with her today.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Oh wow, now I can’t stop yelling “Hammer fight!” (in my head) and laughing myself stupid (out loud). That’s from the time when the gals of NonSociety tried to have a live chat, and they were overrun with ridiculous questions and hilarious observations from the catpeeps at RBNS. I guess we had to grow up sometime, but damn that was fun. Somebody asked Mary if she could stamp out forest fires with her big feet! Hey catosaurus peeps, was that during Fashion Week? The same FW that Julia got caught body snarking on a live mic? Good times.

      • Donkarena says:

        Ohhhh….how I wish I had been there….sounds like a feast for Donkey connoisseurs like us…

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          It was the funniest thing ever. Flatface, in particular, was heroic with the hilarious questions. Mary and Meghan were sort of giggling when they read them, but Donk was seething.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            I was on a train back to the city from ct while that was going on and I was crying laughing on metro north. Whoever suggested the pelts as bike streamers almost killed me.

      • EyeRoller says:

        It’s official. She fucks up bows and fucks up beaus…

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I love you more with every post but you owe your thanks to JP this time, not me.

      Also — strange seeing Donk when she still had eyes.

      And wow, yes, it certainly is difficult to TIE A FUCKING BOW.

    • I love your posts. Can I get tickets to your next Hate Cat-oure show? I’m not picky who I sit next to, so long as it’s front row.

      • EyeRoller says:

        Of course. And while as a designer I maintain creative misspelling license, guess I shoulda spelled it ‘Hate Cat-ure’.

  15. Millennium Hand and Shrimp says:

    So…wait.

    She liked the guy until he turned out not to be a super pro on camera person?

    Julia, he’s a SWIMMER. He is not you, endlessly striving to be on TV, talking about himself.

    Why the fuck is she not into him now? “He’s great at swimming with a great body but ooooh, he’ll never have his own reality show with those camera skills. Pass.” What? I mean, it’s like losing interest in a guy who’s awesome and great at his job because he’s bad at french-braiding or sock knitting or something. Totally irrelevant things!

  16. Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

    Dood, anyone see the men’s swimming tonight? My Greg, all the rediculously hot men are swimming. I need to swim more. A. lot. more.

    Chad Le Clos
    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/2aaeiw0.jpg[/img]

    Florent Manaudou
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/28gt8ph.jpg[/img]

    Camille Lacourt (seriously Google Images this man…he’s ridiculous)
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/lw57c.jpg[/img]

    Oh yeah and there’s Lochte
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/10q9yzt.jpg[/img]

    Captcha: Which one is biggest?
    (No joke!)

  17. CaptainGary says:

    Yeah, because she totally had a chance with him until he dropped a couple of interview bombs…then she was all “Sorry, I can do better.”

    Puh-fucking-leeze.

  18. Scooby Don't says:

    She’s the last person to be criticizing anyone for poor on-camera interview skills.
    Every interview she does, she generates a tsunami of suck.

  19. Cola chamPagne says:

    OT: handbag, I’m reading “Gone Girl.” Took it at your suggestion without even reading a description. So far I’m only 1/4 of the way through but I looooove the suspense. Anyway, back to reading. Thanks!

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I hope you like it. Mr. Handbag (non-surgeon) talked about it for a couple days after finishing it, leading me to believe it’s even more pointed and tense for men, maybe?

      Someone here recommended Salvation on Sand Mountain many threads back, and I’m reading that now. Whoever it was, thanks. I just finished Julian Barnes’s The Sense of an Ending and would love to know the opinion of my fellow catpeeps on THAT one.

      • *fist shakes* says:

        Ooooh, I read Sense of an Ending a few months ago. Didn’t see that ending coming.

        • *fist shakes* says:

          And while I’m talking about books, I should mention that my favourite book ever – Cloud Atlas – is being made into a movie. Just saw the trailer this week and it looks like they may have pulled it off.

          • Psychotic Today says:

            Ok, I have tried to read this book on a numerous occasions. I get 10 pages in and give up. Does it pick up and or make sense at some point? Is it worth a weekend?

          • darling dearest says:

            yes! stick with it. keep going past the diary

          • Ex Spurt says:

            Really excited about this! Cloud Atlas is up in my top five faves. Also, excited about Ang Lee’s movie of Life of Pi.

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            chiming in after what may be my longest RBD silence evah to say: YES, cloud atlas! YES, life of pi! though for the former, i’m like halle berry WHAT?! excited for both.
            unrelated: saw beasts of the southern wild today, and was…bewildered? thoughts, anyone?

      • Solidarity cat says:

        That was me handbag! I recommended salvation on sand mountain. I’m reading gone girl now too. #rbdbookclub #loveyoucatpeeps

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          Thank you! It’s exactly my kind of thing and I’d never heard of it. This group is the best.

      • cola champagne says:

        I just finished. It brought out the darkest side of me, which to me, is what a novel should do. Totally draw you in and transform you until the last page, where my stomach actually lurched. Do we have a link with reader recs. I need more of this! Thanks again! :)

    • frequent liar miles says:

      I just finished it and thoroughly enjoyed it. Very twisty, and now I want to go back and reread from a perspective of hindsight.

      • frequent liar miles says:

        P.S.: my other impressions were that it could have been about 100 pages shorter and that it is set up in such a way as to beg for a sequel (which I would devour immediately.) Also, it would make a great movie.

    • Wife Branding says:

      I too read Gone Girl after reading about it on here. I. LOVED. IT. After racing through it, I downloaded her first novel Sharp Objects and it is total garbage, I’m sorry to say.

      For anyone in the mood for mystery check out Speak Softly She Can Hear, it’s relatively recent and somewhat in the Gone Girl vein. I will check out other recco’s above.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I just ordered it thanks to you cat ladies. Amazon recommended I also buy Defending Jacob, which I had already read. Anyone else?

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        I didn’t love Sharp Objects or the next one . . . Dark Places, I think it’s called. With Gone Girl it’s like she took a huge step forward.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          Replying to myself to add: Have any of you read Before I Go To Sleep, by S. J. Watson? It’s so suspenseful that by the end one of my legs was jumping. I emailed my friend, T, who bought it for me, and told her my stomach hurt from the tension and she replied, “That’s why it’s so good!”

          • frequent liar miles says:

            I did! I liked it and was amazed at the way the author was able to sustain the “Memento” construct without ever getting repetitious (in the usual sense.)

            This was another book that I felt could have been more condensed. I swear I am not a lazy reader (quite the opposite), but lately I keep getting books (even ones that I like) that make me think the author was given a minimum page count.

          • Ex Spurt says:

            LOVED Before I Go To Sleep. Not so keen on Sense of an Ending. All I have heard/read are good things so not quite sure where I went wrong with it.

            Can I recommend Dare Me by Megan Abbott. Taut little book.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        love #rbdbookclub. went back to older posts looking for reading inspiration, and got jhumpa lahiri from the library (downloaded to my reader #ad). i’m not really feeling it… though y’all said you loved her stuff.

  20. diluted brain says:

    It’s so nauseating when she talks dirty. I shudder at statements like that. Yuck.

  21. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    Cat ladies and gents, if you are wondering what the must-have fashion accessory at Burning Man 2012 will be, I present:

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/WCDQz.png[/img]

    • Donkarena says:

      sorry, not for me….would show cat hair….

      • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

        Yeah, I imagine the fabric would attract cat hair, but for $540.00 $219.00 you might expect them to be treated with some magical formula to repel the hair!

        I just got a chuckle out of the idea that someone might consider paying hundreds of dollars for Greg-damn espadrilles, and that some marketing genius named them Burning Man 3. I guess they figured the current Burning Man crowd has a lot of disposable income, or that Barney’s shoppers would buy them thinking they’re fanciful and bohemian.

  22. It floats! It floats! says:

    I am wondering if she will wait until the last minute to start shopping for Burning Man outfits or if she’ll recycle last year’s costumes. The dimply butt angel costume, in my opinion, was a memorable “oh honey” moment. She should be thanking Greg that there is no judgement in Black Rock City.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      That pic of her festooned in feathers and caught in a pose where it looked like she was airing out the green skin-tagged vadge is a classic and ought to be considered for the wallpaper here.

    • JFA says:

      She’s been planning all year. Guaranteed. It’s why she can’t do things like her fake job.

  23. EyeRoller says:

    I’ve started work on a new book entitled ‘How A “Hate Blog” Saved My Life’. Have a wonderful Saturday everyone.

    • The Inevitable Afghani (proprietor of fine champange & oyster establishments) says:

      post excerpts, please

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Are you working on a proposal?

      • EyeRoller says:

        You were right earlier, props to JP for original topic, been a bit since I saw a JP post and I worked a long ass week and I’ve lost the will to even do my Saturday afternoon tramp stamp Nair-ing. As far as proposal I guess it’ll be a side project because I’m a busy yet lazy mofo who, while might be able to pop Daddy Donk’s (she’s got a dick now, right?), I’ve got taxes to pay and I’m a dumb ho who’s driving 60 miles tomorrow morning to install a handlift on my 92-year-old grandpa’s shitter, followed by a delightful lunch at the Picadilly cafeteria. So if I come up with anything worth posting, I’ll do it. Barely a couple of months I’ve been taking notes, doing all sorts of equal and opposing reseach while approaching the topic repeatedly with an open yet overly pop-cultured mind as a shrewd starting point, and what seems to be evolving is the ultimate anti multimedia robowhore self-help program of how to be a decent person by doing the total opposite of most everything Julia Allison does. Like ‘Julie and Julia’! HA! If any bitches out there are inspired and informed about this pitch PLEASE steal it because I’m just doing service work here and I’d really rather NOT, for serz.

        It’ll be just for laughs, you know. I won’t be twittering about it and hyping it up on my Facebook page to followers I created on my own computer. Maybe I’ll just post it here and will help one lost “sane person’s” soul, who knows? GREG knows I’ll need help editing, maybe those of you with big red markers in your brains will come in handy.

        Last thing about that video and I said it once before but PLEASE can we adopt this new nickname (in addition of course to Julia Allison: America’s Favorite Second Date Blowjob Queen):

        Patty Simcox

        If anyone doesn’t get this name google it and PLEASE Brayella do a side by side at some point. Of couse, the actress who played her in the film was much more attractive than a DONK in real life, but if you know what I mean, you’ll know what I mean.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I have a lot of copy-editing experience; I’ll edit it when/if it comes to that!

          • EyeRoller says:

            Who am I kidding about the book? Some of you (you know who you are) are way sharper than me. I don’t even have a 30-day honorary medallion yet (can we get some of those please?) and I’m already resigned to upchucking blog blurbs from my balcony about this bitch on a daily basis.

            Let’s face it, the best I’ll be able to do, especially with my endless writer’s block, is collect them all and do a ‘Best Of’. I’ll make 3 copies (me and my two dogs) at the Kinko’s and make a daily inspiration book? Heckz I don’t know. As if y’all haven’t thought of that one yet. Besides, I’d rather join your community of understanding, welcoming, warm onliners than be UNfamous for a shitty book about a shitty donkey.

            And anyhow, I’m alot different now than that last post. It was UNedited to make me look bad! I’ve changed! If you knew me in real life you’d like me for antichrist’s sake!

        • jane says:

          They still have Piccadillys? Oh greg that takes me back.

        • what seems to be evolving is the ultimate anti multimedia robowhore self-help program of how to be a decent person by doing the total opposite of most everything Julia Allison does.

          If you only know one rule in life, that is the rule to know: anything Ridonkulous does, do the exact opposite.

          Also, your comment reminded me of the Lindy West book, How To Be A Person. We should send that to Ridonk, seeing as how she calls herself a feminist but is anything but.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Maybe Andrea Dunlop can help! She’s excellent at describing sweaters.

  24. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Um. How is it possible that a used J. Crew dress can be priced this high on Ebay? And is it her dress? If so, methinks GreedyPants set the price.

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/221074044705?_trksid=p5197.c0.m619

    • EyeRoller says:

      Gotta love how she populates all the other fields in lowercase but the location field of the item of origin with HOLLYWOOD. Very EXTRA. I’m guessing that’s the post office you drive to from Marina Del Rey to mail that overpriced frock back to yourself in Marina Del Rey when you buy back your own ebay dress?

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      And the chicken cutlets/bra stuffers aren’t even included!

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      I don’t think she’s the seller, unless she’s started an eBay business — look at all the other stuff the seller has up for sale right now.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Maybe it’s a company that lists other people’s stuff for them as well? I just cannot comprehend why the price would be so high on a used sundress from J. Crew. Weird.

        • EyeRoller says:

          Somebody took/supplied the picture, right? Jacking up the price with her wearing it thinking her immense beauty and fame might move that frock faster? I wouldn’t even pay in cum soaked tube socks and bottle tops for that shit.

        • frequent liar miles says:

          Taskrabbit? Didn’t she propose selling things on ebay as one of her tasks?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Maybe everything on that seller’s page is left over from the Kenilworth Deballage & D0nkey is just *ahem* doing the Greg’s work in her limited & very spare time …

    • New Year New You says:

      It can’t be Julie’s, it’s a size 2.

      Oh snap gwurl.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        She could wear a Size 2 in that style dress. I am built like her and I can wear 2s in maxi dresses; I have small shoulders and am not chesty, like Donk.

        BUT GET THIS.

        It was originally priced at $495. Who sells a used dress from five years ago from fucking J. Crew at the same price?

        http://www.whowhatwear.com/website/full-article/trend-report-maxi-dresses/

        • New Year New You says:

          Wasn’t this the dress she wore to the Princeton Reunion? If I remember correctly, she humped a tiger in it, and rubbed her titties up against Peter Bogger whilst wearing it, so that’s got to add at least $300 to its worth.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Yes, that’s right. She’s had it for five fucking years. I don’t know if it’s her dress listed on eBay or someone else’s, but the fact that the seller is listing it at full retail price is making my spidey/donkey sense tingle. This is the woman, after all, who tried to make a major profit by selling gift cards she was given, and was looking for a Task Rabbit to list her stuff on eBay.

            But of course, she makes six figures and has no money concerns.

          • Donkarena says:

            Yeah! Just like Princess Diana’s dresses.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          If she is selling for the retail price from 5 years ago, I bet she didn’t pay for it. Had to be a gift.

    • frequent liar miles says:

      Seriously!? Not a joke!? Or maybe this is what she was referring to in her retweet about 6 impossible things before breakfast (where she obviously had no idea that the (un)original tweeter was paraphrasing the original quotation.)

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      It’s written very poorly, so yeah, probably D0nkey.

      Time left: 11d 08h (Aug 15, 201222:01:02 PDT)
      Delivery: Estimated between Thu. Aug. 9 and Wed. Aug. 15

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Same seller is listing a Tony Burch silk chiffon dress for under $100. But a J. Crew sundress is almost $500. Yeah, makes sense.

        • Sake Bombardier says:

          There are two dresses. Still out-Gregious, tho.

          WTF did she have more than one?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          No, I believe the seller is indicating ‘a’ size 2, not ‘two’ of the same dress (threw me off also, for awhile).

          • Sake Bombardier says:

            Good Greg. I thought it was a size 0 b/c of the last digit in the title. My cat can write a better eBay listing!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I think the seller just got the photo from a Google Image Search. There is no way that a dress with a 28″ underbust in a non-stretch fabric would fit Julie properly, and for once the dress in the photo is the right size.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It’s the first photo of someone wearing the dress that comes up when you GIS “J. Crew Talitha dress orange.”

        The same selection principle holds for the other photos the seller has up.

        I also discovered that the hideous white/blue/yellow shmatte she was wearing for the Huis Clos Dinner Party and Floor-Oinking is the Talitha dress in a different colorway. And it came in another even worse pseudo-patchwork pattern.

        • Donkarena says:

          floor oinking! bwahahah!

        • Greg says:

          Huis Clos Dinner Party and Floor-Oinking = brilliant.

          • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

            My favorite play of all time (and basis for my college senior survey). Albie, I am now your fan!

        • mule on rouge says:

          The seller should have picked a photo where the hem isn’t touching the ground. Full price for a ragged, dirty hemline? Um, no. Aren’t sellers obligated to show the actual item, so the buyer can see what they’re getting? This seller has had 1802 sales with 99.9% positive feedback, though, so what the hell do I know? Squat, that’s what.

          • mule on rouge says:

            Yeah, I prolly shoulda looked at the other photos on the listing before posting… Seems like the seller’s angle is to appeal to peeps who want to wear something just like OMGHollywood OHJESUSHOLDMEcelebrities have been seen wearing.

      • EyeRoller says:

        Oops. Big surprise, I was wrong.

    • AFGHANI says:

      Can someone explain what is going on/went on with this used clothing issue? Is the thinking that this isn’t Julia’s crap, just someone doing a Donkey-esque thing?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        This isn’t Julia’s dress. The seller used a photo of her wearing the same dress as if it would be enticing rather than the reverse.

  25. Edward R. Burro says:

    OT question for Jack the Bulldog: Where are the deep thoughts from Kristin Thorne? They were such a reliable source of lulz. I miss them.

  26. Donkarena says:

    Anybody else sensing a money desperation thing with Donkey? 5 year old J Crew dresses for almost full price? As a great philosopher once said “For that kind of money, this thing ought to be sucking my d**k.”

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Not almost full price. Full price. For a five-year-old dress that she has worn several times.

      • Donkarena says:

        egads, it’s worse than I thought….

      • Donkarena says:

        I wonder if Donkey knows there’s this thing called the internet and people can fact-check her. Also, they put a man on the moon…

        • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

          no they didn’t! you can totally see the strings! what do you mean facts! I paid nearly twice for that dress! I don’t know why it’s listed as cheaper now! of course it fit! I’m so tiny and cute! PROMMMMMMMMM!!!!

      • neverbotoxed says:

        She’s selling it for more than full price. The description was, “The limited edition item has cross-back straps and is also available in white or tangerine linen ($298, jcrew.com). ” The $495 price tag is for the patchwork version.

  27. Donkolnikov says:

    From Twitter:

    Last night, I dreamt I caught the bouquet. (!!!)

    /end donk

    oh honey.

  28. ShesJustStupid says:

    Speaking of Donkey Dollars….do you think she’s renting out the mdr apt when she’s in Chicago ? I see no other reason she would go home for so long.

  29. i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

    wait a sec, did i read this correctly that jp was also on a bravo reality show???

  30. For serious?? says:

    So I just saw ad for last Monday’s Miss Assvice while watching recorded RHONY. After she slaps Jelly, she “cries” like I fake cry when my huscat doesn’t buy the mustard I like. There is nothing reality about her shit show. It’s all Donkey and all BS. Same as it ever was.

    • Donkarena says:

      ha ha…the only thing missing is Donkey saying at that moment, her voice breaking with emotion, “I promised myself I wouldn’t pretend to cry”…

  31. A colossus of scheme juices and failure (fka Donkeycam now!) says:

    OT: From the N Y Times, Tony Robbins and the power of negative thinking:

    http://goo.gl/OY2NE

    Don’t burn your hooves, people!

  32. mcakez says:

    Reading ‘Gone Girl’ at the recommendation of the catladies. I can’t help but laugh at this description of one of the ‘hot 40 somethings’: “She had an unnecessarily loud voice,  a bit of a bray, like some enchanted, hot donkey.”

    Baaaahaaahahah!

    • Donkey Expertin says:

      I saw that and wondered if the author meows among us.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Ha! Now I have to read that book!

    • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

      I just started reading Gone Girl, too! (Am also about 1/2 through The Writing Class … thanks to whomever suggested that title; I read it in short snatches on my mobile phone’s Kindle app. I uploaded Gone Girl onto my Kobo just yesterday, borrowed from the library, so it’s now my main night/nap read. Two Amy’s to keep track of!)

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        Oh, I forgot to respond to Helena’s recommendation of The Writing Class. Jincy Willett is AWESOME. The prior novel, Winner of the National Book Award, is a personal favorite.

      • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

        *raises paw* I suggested The Writing Class. I read it for the first time about two years ago, but am re-reading it now that I’ve started writing what may or may not (c wut i did thar?) become an OMGnovel one day. Glad to hear you’re enjoying it too, would love to discuss a couple of things when you finish it.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          It’s so American, that particular kind of writing workshop! Am I wrong about that? Is it recognizable to you? I once mentioned Jincy Willett online and she showed up in the comments thread.

          My favorite line from The Writing Class is, “She was far too old for legible clothing.”

          • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

            “Here is a woman who does not give a rat’s ass.”

          • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

            I literally genuinely read the “legible clothing” line just a few minutes ago!

            I guess the setting IS very American, in an adorable way. IIRC I’ve never been part of any workshop in any country, so I can’t really recognize it per se. Some of the characters are very international though IMO, and they transcend the workshop boundaries as well.

            I’m also reading “The Stepmother’s Diary” by Fay Weldon now, for the first time, about 40 pages to go. I’ve liked almost everything I’ve read by her, which is remarkable in that I’ve always disliked the vast majority of characters in her books.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      I gawped in pleased astonishment when I got to that passage in Gone Girl. And wondered, of course.

  33. ShesJustStupid says:

    So who do we think she’s going to Peru with?

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Wait – she’s going to Peru? For what purpose? And on whose dime? The only thing I’ve ever been jealous of Donkey about is her apparently unlimited travel budget to go to places she doesn’t even appreciate.

      • JFA says:

        Don’t talk to me about it. I won’t say how long it’s been since I have taken a vacation, where I went and how lame it was. She can fuck right off. Gonna take a wild guess she’s using the new cute moron she’s dating for a travel partner. Maybe one day she’ll have an actual responsibility in life.

        • Edward R. Burro says:

          It’s ben forever for me too, JFA. The mature part of me thinks, well, she’ll never know the satisfaction that comes from making your own way in the world. And then the less mature part thinks about at all the cool places she goes: Switzerland, Denmark, Sweden, etc. all for free and it enrages me. And she doesn’t even appreciate anything!

          • Can-Swiss says:

            Davos is kind of blah (the mountains are awesome of course) and she got shut out of all the WEF stuff anyway. She hated Denmark and Sweden (both places I love!) so she didn’t even enjoy any of the international travel.

            I’m just a little pissed because I might be going to Peru at the same time… The only donkey I want to see is the one carrying my shit up the mountain.

          • bitchface says:

            you can always push her off (the mountain, not the donkey)

        • virgil reid says:

          me too. ugh.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          I totally relate.

      • Sake Bombardier says:

        I wondered how long it was going to take her to find misstravel.com.

        Maybe there will be a second season–Miss Advised Travels!

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      Everyone breathe deep and easy. She isn’t going to Peru. Come on now. Just like she didn’t go to India or Paris or any of the other countless places she’s announced over the years.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        No, she’ll go. She’ll claim it was life-altering and that she needed to process it before sharing her thoughts. And we’ll never hear about it again.

        The @stupidwoman telling her she’ll love the food. Ha. Only if it’s meatless, gluten-, dairy- and sugar-free!

        • Psychotic Today says:

          There is no way she will eat anything in Peru. Peruvian food is flavorful, fresh and often times a little heavy. Our princess will be shocked to find out that not every South American country makes guacamole. But, most importantly, that not all guacamole has cranberries in it. She will starve over there.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
      Just booked a spiritual journey to Peru & Machu Picchu in October!! I’ve had this on my bucket list for quite some time.
      11:26 PM – 4 Aug 12 via web

      Just an expensive version of the ashram. Afterwards, she will still be an asshole.

      • Donkarena says:

        Spiritual journey? ANOTHER one? puleeze, girl, your only god (read: pimp) is Narcissus

      • KashMoney says:

        the burro is returning to her homeland!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Do we think it’s this griftstravaganza, maybe?

        I barf forever. My retching echoes in the measureless caverns of mother Earth and resonates in the sacred bones of our ancestors.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Could be this, maybe.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            OMG, the shot of the hand-holding circle — that says it all.

          • Donkarena says:

            “This cycle is about returning to the essence of the cosmos and the feminine aspect of the planet. According to Inca prophecy now is the time when the Condor (symbolizing the cultures of South America) will fly with the Eagle (symbolizing the cultures of North and Central America), ushering in an age of peace and love that is to last a thousand years. Are you ready to do your part to help heal the planet? Peru is one of the best places on Earth to open your heart to the transformational energies that are now sweeping the planet.”
            ….and a donkey brays in the distance…

          • Wonkeye says:

            But can you imagine if you’re the kind of hemp-wearing yogatard who has sold hundreds of handcrafted dreamcatchers to pay for this once in a lifetime journey and you end up cavorting with a donkey? I guess you kind of get what you deserve, but still. . . .

          • Donkarena says:

            good point, wonkeye — I can see the headline now: “Normally peace-loving freegan snaps, goes berserk and strangles donkey-voiced girl as she tweets from Machu Picchu” (loose translation from the spanish)

          • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

            featured in Delta Sky Magazine, no less

          • EyeRoller says:

            “For two days during the Equinox Portal?”

            Suck my solstice.

          • EyeRoller says:

            By retreat’s end, betcha those two guides Annie Anaconda and George Delguido will be sacrificing Donk atop a fuschia Peruvian pyramid. And yes, the high art of grifting (her true expertise), will certainly procure her quest to Macho Pikachu, but that getaway is guaranteed to burn the feet of at least 21 other people’s wallets.

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            my life NEEDS a cuntbunnies photoshop of julie scaling the ruins at machu picchu wearing those heinous pink jeffrey campbell booties.

          • CUNTBunnies! says:

            Just for you, Prof FC:

            [img]http://i.imgur.com/jGARN.jpg[/img]

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            love it. you are the cheese to my macaroni, CB.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @CUNT!Bunnies

            Oh, lulz. You have made my night.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          EWWW!

        • Scooby Don't says:

          Many of the world’s spiritual leaders, as well as indigenous teachers, acknowledge that the energy of the planet shifted in 1992 from the masculine energies of Tibet to the feminine energies of Peru, and more specifically, to Machu Picchu, and the Sacred Valley of the Incas.
          So if Peru is feminine then the whole country’s painted pink, right?
          A Donkey needs to know for costume planning …

      • fig says:

        I love that you can actually book a “spiritual journey”. Does she get karma points on her credit card now?

        • Donkarena says:

          ha ha….no, but on her deathbed, she will receive total consciousness…

        • Greg says:

          For 10,000 Chase Sapphire points you too can get an iahuasca trip, I mean journey.

          Ugh, is there nothing she won’t co-opt?

          • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

            If she rilly does the ayuhausca she’s in for a big surprise! Cause that shit don’t play!

          • helobabe says:

            lol

            If anyone listens to Howard, this brings to mind Robin’s ayahuasca trip – throwing up in the tent all night. Donkey will never last.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Those poor Peruvians …
        No one expects the D0nkish Interrogation.

        • Donkarena says:

          so right….When she departs Peru for home, I can’t help but imagine the scene of partying Monks in the Ace Ventura sequel…

      • My Elle Readers (aka Stripper Shoes) says:

        This has been pre-ordained for months, if not years, that upon the conclusion of her #fail #brayalityteevee show, #missadvised #ad, she would go to an “ashram” of sorts. By which I mean have more plastic surgery. Or check into rehab. Or a mental hospital. Or sit in her parents’ basement, eating frosting from the #secondfridge out of a can with a spoon (or her #sausagesnappers).

      • JFA says:

        Rant coming. There is NOTHING WORSE than travel braggers during a recession. As noted above I have not been able to travel for years. Many, many people haven’t. Unemployment is still sky high, millions of americans are still struggling just to pay rent/mortgages etc. Take your trip to Peru and shove it up your ass. I hate her.

        People that do crap like this on FB are the worst too. I have one friend who has been unemployed as an attorney for a long while, can’t even find legal shitwork (or doesn’t want to), always complains about how “broke” she is, but somehow manages to post every time her rich fiance takes her on vacation (I think honestly about 6 times a year, at least) or to a fancy NYC restaurant or bar. Special ring of hell for these people.

  34. Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

    O/T but just because:

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2jes8jk.jpg[/img]

    http://blog.statuspeople.co.uk/Posts/Article/V/Its_Easy_but_Not_Sensible_to_Buy_Twitter_Followers/44

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      So, only 33,800 of Julia Allison’s 109,000 Twitter followers aren’t bought-&-paid-for Twitter-bots? Fair to say, that ratio is probably a fair approximation of her overall fakeness, as well …

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        Meant to add this quote from the Status People blog:
        “The number of people buying fake followers on Twitter to look more legitmate is a growing problem. Essentially people are trying to game the system and convince people they have social legitimacy when they don’t. They are Fakers and they are undermining Twitter.”

      • mule on rouge says:

        I’m wondering if the “inactives” are just better-disguised fakes. They probably cost more! What is (are?) the criteria for determining an account is inactive? (says the catpeep who is too lazy to check)

        • Can-Swiss says:

          They are. In the article someone tested it and bought 1000 fake followers. He ended up getting 3000 and 95% were fake, 5% inactive. So I think “inactive” are just better bots.

          • mule on rouge says:

            Thanks, kitty! So this means she could be even more despicable than she appears. Sounds about right

    • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

      This is how she repeatedly shoots herself in the foot. She had a respectable 20 thousand followers, maybe 25% fake/inactive and she could have legitimately claimed a 50% increase post-Bravo. But now more than 60% of her list is bullshit and she has proven herself to be a faker.

  35. AFGHANI says:

    The Peru trip has to be with that photographer douche, right? I’m sure she’ll “slay it” with a couple blow jobs on the trip and then he’ll dump her afterwards.

  36. AFGHANI says:

    OT, but I read “The Lives of Cells” by Lewis Thomas yesterday, and couldn’t help but think of Our Donkey when I read this passage…

    “Perhaps the safest thing to do at the outset, if technology permits, is to send music. This language may be the best we have for explaining what we are like to others in space, with least ambiguity. I would vote for Bach, all of Bach, streamed out into space, over and over again. We would be bragging of course, but it is surely excusable to put the best possible face on at the beginning of such an acquaintance. We can tell the harder truths later.”

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Priceless.

      • Afghani says:

        His essays about biology and pathology/entymology are very much poetic. If you’re ever inclined to read non-fiction, check it out. The general style of writing reminds me of Annie Dillard. One of the most interesting lines I remember from this collection of essays was about slime molds.

    • virgil reid says:

      ha!

    • mule on rouge says:

      Aw, I hope Grandma Moneybags will be able to hear it. If I were an an alien who was forced to listen to the same kind of music over and over for years on end, I would devote my life to exterminating the human race.

    • fig says:

      You all should come visit Germany! The same town that offers tours of Bach’s birth house also has famous donkey rides up to the big castle. And there is a local Saint who lied, but then God made it all true.

      (The last one is kind of a stretch. She brought food to the poor and when quizzed about her basket by her mean husband, she said she was carrying roses and when he demanded to look, that’s what he saw. But still, come visit!)

      • fig says:

        [img]http://heissnhof.beepworld.de/files/eselsrittwartburg1911.jpg?nocache=0.8026598340560015[/img]

        • Albie Quirky says:

          This is the toughest gang in town. The size of the hat indicates how many enemies they’ve killed.

  37. Donkarena says:

    I still demand proof of all these advice columns over the past 10 years. I think she’s stringing together one-off crap and re-packaging her resume to make it sound as though she is a regular columnist of 10 years somewhere. She’s like one of those shameful fake veterans who never really served in Vietnam.

  38. Can-Swiss says:

    So, OT, but any guesses on the conclusion of Miss Advised tomorrow?

    What will happen for Donkey on screen? Happy ending?

    If not, what will be the big reveal online? Who will be the prop to prove she is actively dating, soooo happy and such a changed person from the show? Hot, dumb Halo reading tech guy? Mr. Slay It, hack rich kid photographer (she has a thing for mouth breathers, AKA Greasy)?

    Will Miss Advised get renewed? Unlikely… But…?

    What “job” will she pretend to have now that she can’t be “promoting” her show and the Elle columns that were written months ago stop being lost and buried on their web page?

    Predictions? Tipsters?!?

    • AFGHANI says:

      The Peru trip is possibly with that idiot trust fund fauxtographer. Perhaps he’s somehow part of her facade.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      I suspect she will go back to her old ways. Trips to SF, Chicago, NYC, although this time the reason for her travel is because she is renting out her stable in MDB. She’ll cover fashion week again. She will also try to cash-in on her new fame and try to arrange appearances. Her job will be writing her book–that should buy her some time. I bet she thinks she’ll be married before she ever has to actually write.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        Ya, the frenetic attempts to escape the essential emptiness that is her life. Almost as disturbing as the Bravo show. I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the last two episodes and sorta dread this one coming up tomorrow but will definitely be in chat and here for the hilarious updates.

        • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

          Agreed, I predict a mercury rising of cray and bray as the limelight is taken off of her. I can’t wait. She has been so boring lately…except for the man tackling and pink tiara shit. But that’s nothing novel here.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      No Big Reveal, just her pretending she’s found self-knowledge and serenity. HA!

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        The obvious option is to say that “After all of this hardship (!), I finally learned to love myself, and that’s everything. So I’m throwing the list away, and whatever happens happens”. A la, the ending so many people were hoping for from SATC.

        Then follow it up with something to the effect of… “…stay tuned” in hopes of getting the show picked up for season 2 (afterall, how would it work if she was in a committed, successful relationship)

        That – to me – seems like the smart way to go. If she wants any (cough) credibility (cough) at the end of this.

        Having said that, I assume she’ll hire someone to be her boyfriend.

        • helobabe says:

          Agree. I think it’s going to be all about throwing the list away and loving herself first. Wonder if they will do a “where are they now?” update?

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            If so, where is Julia now? Now and forever alone. But it’s o. k. because she’s learned to love me, me, me!

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      From the tv guide article:

      “I was completely delusional. I thought the problem was I couldn’t find the right guy but … I had created an idea of what marriage should be based on my parents involving the suburbs, monogamy and daily routines I’m not interested in. I was setting up a situation where I’d fail. By the end of the show, I realized I can make my own rules and I don’t have to have the relationship my parents had. I’m starting to believe people who have chronic problems need to have a camera crew follow them. It was massively effective.”

      What bullshit. Her big takeaway is that she doesn’t have to be like her parents? She has spent her entire “adult” life not being like her parents!

      • Grammarian says:

        But, wait, her parents and their life aren’t perfect? Nothing makes sense anymore.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        And she comes to this same realization after every break-up. Normal and healthy Julia, etc.

      • JFA says:

        You’d think after 75 failed relationships she would have realized a little sooner she has absolutely zero chance of finding a long term relationship that works as well as her parents. Also, of course Narcissist McAssholepants was helped IMMENSELY by 24/7 camera coverage. It’s basically been her life’s goal for at least 7 years. More people paying attention to her really changed her. Fucking shocker. Took her 7 years and a fake job on a tv show no one cares about to realize shit that most of us realize when we are 17.

        Slow clap as always.

      • JFA says:

        Also, conveniently not interested in the life you will never be able to attain LOL. Funny how that works. 17 failed attempts at it and now you realize “oh! Boring middle class suburban existence is NOT GOOD ENOUGH for moi!!!!” Shut up.

  39. ShesJustStupid says:

    Oh Jesus Christ…she tweeted a tv guide article about the show and said the thing that didn’t come across on the show is that she’s a successful business owner and considered an expert in personal branding. What on earth is her “brand?”

    • The Final Rose says:

      How strange. On a show where the premise is following the dating lives of three relationship experts, Bravo tried to portray her as a…relationship expert? Is there a single piece of her life she won’t try to blame on editing?

    • Donkarena says:

      chameleon…

  40. The Final Rose says:

    Donks tweeted that she is spending her Sunday working on her last Elle column (but don’t you dare think that Pig of Love had anything at all to do with the Bravo show) and her last Bravo blog.

    But I thought she’d been working for Elle for months? Shouldn’t the last column have been written in May? So curious, our Donks.

  41. helobabe says:

    I apologize if I missed this, but, did anyone mention what she posted on the Facebook wall for the show?

    Julia Allison
    Hi all Miss Advised fans! It’s your #1 Desperate Non-Housewife. Or any kind of wife, really. I’ll be checking in here over the next few days before the season finale this Monday, so if you have questions for me, please ask away & I’ll answer them as soon as I can! (PS, yes, I know I look clingy & crazy with my dates. Working on fixing that! I think I’ve made some progress ;-) you’d all be proud.) x, Julia
    Like · · August 1 at 9:40am

    32 people like this.

    Julia Allison Sorry I meant #1 Most Desperate Non-Housewife. Errrr …
    August 1 at 9:45am via mobile · Like

    Julia Allison Thank you ladies (and the lone gent) so much. I have to admit – you know how all those reality stars say that “you forget the cameras” and “it’s so easy” – well, that’s bulls–t. I was nervous and self-conscious and that certainly contributed to my sense of NEEDING TO GET THAT KISS and other behaviors. But of course, tv can only magnify what traits we need to work on in our real life, so I’ve done much thinking about that since we wrapped. I am happy to report that since I gave up (on trying to strong arm Prince Charming) life has gotten better! And filled with many kisses I don’t have to beg for … ;-)
    August 1 at 10:42am · Like · 6

    Julia Allison Heidi, what an incredibly kind message. THANK YOU. I appreciate you seeing through the desperation to the person inside! Who still wears a tiara, btw. ;-)
    August 1 at 11:18am · Like

    http://www.facebook.com/MissAdvised/posts/272399179532780

    • Albie Quirky says:

      What fuck? Why fuck?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      OMG and she likes every fawning comment from every @stupidwoman. Jesus, she is mental. No pride whatsoever.

      • Donkarena says:

        gag me….I don’t buy a word she says. “I’m all better now!” After all, shooting wrapped waaaaay back in APRIL. Like maybe 4 months ago — well, I guess that’s like 7 Donkey years. She’s still a nutball.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Was she feeling like shit, so she had to reach out to her fans to get some love?

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      Keep fucking that chicken, Julia.

    • JFA says:

      “Hey, did I mention I have a bf? I do, I have a bf. I have a bf. So obviously I learned things, because finding an idiot who will tolerate me for a few months before fleeing in terror means I’ve learned things. But who are we kidding, nothing was wrong with me anyway, really. :)”

  42. ShesJustStupid says:

    So she’s now moved on to not only damage control (“I learned from reality TV. Everyone should do it.” But to the delusional “I’m a serious person with a respected business.” which would make sense if, like Emily, she had something to show. As it is, it’s like WTF?

  43. Malformed Face says:

    If she’s booking this trip her LOLpeople either told her this shit show is canceled or 99% canceled. Even on Twitter she’s acting lime Season two is NBD and her fans can always find her on Twitter.

  44. EyeRoller says:

    I do not hate her, nor I am not mad at her because she is her, though as a human person, I am dishearteningly surprised that she has not dragged herself to the doorstep of this site with a million “booCRAY”s of flowers, every hour on the cuckoo hour, in return for the mind boggling insight she’s being offered. Perhaps tonight I’ll dream of sailing into some slow eureka of discovering I am mistaken, she knows what she’s doing and this is all an incredible media stunt and she is the true handler of our matrix, but in the meantime, with each clock’s second I kiss good-bye I discover one disappointing thing after another about this stupidy dumbarse. If she would’ve just CAPITALIZED on being a crazy TUMB DWAT when she was sporting Face 2.0…

    Why wouldn’t a spitfire executive of her own brand like this know to ask for no bullshit feedback from your real audience? What about the ones that can see these long-term dysfunctional patterns and flaws as you’ve “developed” over the years in your attempts to conquer new tech and multimedia platforms? The Incan-esque transformation you’re advertising/seeking in Perus is HERE Donkey! Besides THIS BLOG, most of the feedback she gets is ZERO FEEDBACK, YET THIS SITE BENDS OVER BACKWARDS FOR HER with non-stop tips on refining her “brand”? My thinker is fuming. What a doody bubble. That is all.

    • Grammarian says:

      I so want to believe that you are Andy/Bravo

    • Donkarena says:

      Brilliant summation….absolutely brilliant. The cognitive dissonance on the real Donkey vs. her claims/lies/excuses gives me a headache. And it’s true — if she were a smart handler of her own brand, she’d mine this site for the gold that’s here.

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      If there were to be a Season 2 of Miss Advised, a smart producer would have JA take advice from RBD each week, instead of from witch doctors and what-not. THAT might be worth watching.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      “…some slow eureka of discovering I am mistaken…”

      “My thinker is fuming.”

      “Face 2.0″

      This is like vocabulary homework for me right here.

    • mcakez says:

      What always baughers my mind is that she claims to be an expert on ‘personal branding’ and yet her CONSTANT refrain is, “If you met me you would like me!”

      How does she not see that being an ‘expert on personal branding’ means never having to say, “I’m sorry you – all of you, the hundreds/thousands of you who have expressed hatred of me over the years – just don’t know the REAL me!”

      If her goal is to look like a complete and total bonch, then mission completed: she’s done it! However, if that is the case, then she shouldn’t constantly be having to explain that she isn’t ACTUALLY the real estate between Twattown and Cornhole.

      I mean, I can tell people I’m a fucking choo-choo train, but until I hurtle three hundred people into St. Louis in my bowels, I’m still just a misanthrope in a basement picking Funyon crumbs out of my belly button.

      Why is this so fucking hard for her to understand?

      • EyeRoller says:

        (Flinging a handful of cat lady confetti Funyons into my basement ceiling fan) Bravo!

      • mcakez says:

        Like, to put it plainly, Julia, if you are an ‘expert on personal branding’ then YOU FUCKING SUCK AT YOUR JOB.

        I mean, we should be relieved that your only ‘employment’ is to make sure the world knows about the wonder of Julia Allison, and that you aren’t, like, flying planes or monitoring nuclear reactors because no one that completely incompetent at what they purport to do should ever be given any kind of responsibility.

        None of this ‘If you met me…’ bullshit. If your job is your image, they shouldn’t have to meet you. You are your only recommendation for your skills and business savvy and people everywhere HATE YOU. Hate you genuinely, without our influence, and pretty much instantly. How have you never marveled at why that is?

        I wouldn’t employ a tattoo artist whose portfolio was filled with crooked letters and smeared mudflap girls, I wouldn’t hire a babysitter I found on the Megan’s Law website, I wouldn’t order Mexican food at a Chinese restaurant, and I wouldn’t take personal branding advice from someone who the public almost unanimously views as a First Class Asshole.

      • Little Orphan Lilly says:

        THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. Even before she was a “personal branding” expert, she was a writer. She has always identified herself as a writer. And yet when people had a strong aversion to her based on her identity online–one she created herself! with words!–she’d say Oh, if only you MET ME, if only you KNEW ME. If that were the case–which, obviously, it’s totally not–it would mean she was so bad as a writer that she portrayed the exact opposite of herself, for YEARS, without ever improving.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      It’s important to remember she’s really, really stupid. She’s a dim and dimmer bulb.

  45. EyeRoller says:

    Anyone with a calculator or a triple digit IQ help me out– If she wanted to be recognized, and walked over other people in order to be recognized, then isn’t it fitting she should be recognized for walking over people to get recognized?

    ?

    .

    • Albie Quirky says:

      No, she wanted to be recognized for being a pretty pretty princess, not for being a grotesque horrorshow.

      • EyeRoller says:

        She WANTED WANTED WANTED period and simply followed her internal SATC programming as a vehicle to stuff that hole. Programming that is now seriously on the fritz, and a hole that is now seriously gaping.

  46. Sake Bombardier says:

    I can’t believe Ole Yeller Teeth went to Google and Donkey’s Twatter didn’t inform me with copious fawning.

  47. bitchface says:

    So if Emily is cozily ensconced with The Rube and Amy with Richard Simmons’ son, who wants to take bets on JA’s fall season?

    1) ToiletJulia “BFF” never to be heard from again
    2) Julia moves to SF (but can’t afford Palo Alto) then figures out some excuse to move back to Chicago “temporarily” (eg to clean out her dead grandmother’s closet/bank account)
    3) Hee-hawing about a book deal (that never materializes)
    4) Julia gets engaged (LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLOLLY)

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