Donk is very busy with her new boyfriend and her new personality, as you all know, and that’s why she’s pretty much been replying relentlessly, at all hours of the night and day, to every negative comment left about her after her Bravo blog, her Elle.com “piece,” and everywhere else. So evolved! Here’s one she’s managed to ignore so far, however, on the Bravo site from someone named Lana, who is clearly not a cat lady. It’s pretty hilarious and wise.
Here is what i want to tell you. You are too much into ‘this is what i am and if you don’t like it …too bad’. There is no room for anybody else around you. Everything has to be pink and girly. And the first date had to be on your terms, no questions asked. You overwhelm with your presence and assumption that you must be liked the way you are. No, you have to allow a man to be himself and not to be ‘you’ and like everything you like. Your ‘pink’ and ‘prom’ staff should be kept just for you. Putting a man to sleep on pink pillows…ouch…no compassion for him to be him. It takes two to tango…and not your way-only. Man do not respond sexually toward woman that does not allow man to express himself. All i saw is you,you,you. You did not make him feel at home with himself. He had to follow your lead and dress the way you wanted him to dress. You would suffocate if someone would do it to you. As if you put a man on a leash and want him to follow your need to be you. Be you by stepping into the man world with respect to his world as well. Don’t overwhelm the conversation, the touching, and the affection. Speak you mind and hope it resonates with man. Make a study of a man you are with to see what makes him be at ease with you. Making man feel at ease with you is the secret. Attract him without clinging onto him. I did not hear him saying much on his own terms. You filled the space with yourself.
p.s. I like to imagine that those are the facial expressions Donk would make if Lana said this to her in person, that is if Lana was allowed to finish a sentence. Lana must not have children or be married to a surgeon, by the way; she is clearly a jealous, evil hater, and NO GOOD will come to her!
I imagine Lana to be the screen name of BFrankel’s baby nurse/nanny. (Who wrote that comment after laughing about the show with Bethenny).
Or Zoila!
Or bolt bus girl
Danielle Staub. She never caught on to the fact that the plural of woman was women.
haha! I hear that a lot. Bugs the hell outta me.
Definitely one of those two – Gina and Zoila FTW!
Zoila is awesome, she slaps Jeff down when he needs it
Man no like pink. Or bray.
LOL. The writing style is making me LOL. But it’s basically true a bunch of what she said. No man is gonna like her the way she is now, for a multitude of reasons, really, where to begin? No man ESPECIALLY is gonna deal with that shit day 1. Trot out the crazy as time goes on, honey, and you already have the ring, because we all know that’s all she wants.
Anyhoo, as my catty gay former coworker used to say, she’s EXTRA. In like, every way. I think the new boyfriend is good for her. He seems like a complete dullard and too stupid to realize what he’s getting himself into, most likely. This oughta last a few more weeks at least.
Love “extra.” She’s also triflin and the amount of pink in her house is on some serious RATCHET levels.
The way he said it was so delicious too. I love it. She’s EXTRA. Enough said.
But really. She’d rather believe 100 super bad rom com fantasies that “Your prince charming who will love you EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE FOREVER AND EVER IS OUT THERE WAITING” then do the work required to examine herself and say, gee I fuck up every relationship acting like a needy lunatic, what can I do differently next time?
Maybe someone, one day, could love her for who she is if she finally drops the ridiculous affectations and gets real with herself. It could happen. Should I start counting back from infinity?
Plural: Her real self is an asshole, so no.
I know, I meant to include therapy in that formula, but even that might be giving her too much credit.
She’ll never get therapy, because she doesn’t believe the problem is within her and nobody around her is either caring or sane enough to tell her the truth.
What if an asshole is yourself? Riddle me that, Spanish Interrogation!
Yup, perfectly fine THE WAY SHE IS!
“extra” “triflin” and “ratchet” rank right up there with “have several seats” “give me the tea” and “GWURL”
I’ve heard “have a seat” but “have several seats” is new to me. Nicki Minaj should have several seats, for all that hydrogel.
LOL, yes. When one seat simply isn’t enough for all the ratchetness, a person is cordially invited (or rather, directed) to have several.
PS. She Ratchet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oBlnb5orJo
(you may have already seen this as it’s been viral for a bit)
Oh man, this is so good. Thank you!
Gonna have to share the hell outta this.
Jus cuz
My catty super gay friend used to always say too about things, “It’s not that serious.” Just the way he said it…I picked that one up to and use it when I can.
Fake hair? Check. Hella loud? Check. Putting people on blast? Check. Shit talkin’ her friends? Check. Hoin’ then telling everyone about it? Check.
PoAiND, you have spotted a ratchet in the wild. Good catch.
Paging Nurse RATCHET!
Oh hell, I’m changing my name.
Men like pink — if it’s done properly and not crammed down their throats. My guy friends (and catfriend) compliment me when I wear some of my pink clothes. Then again, my clothes are either casual pull-over tops with jeans, or dresses without frills and ruffles and that other insane kinderwhore crap.
I have a 1950s-era vintage pink negligee with a sheer, underwire brassiere sewn in. But I wear it once in a blue moon, and in the privacy of our various boning chambers. I almost didn’t buy it because it was pink. And there is no other pink in my closet, drawers or my home!!! If I was always in pink and my bedroom was all pink and I had fucking teddy bears on my living room bookshelves, my man would have fled in terror years ago.
That negligee sounds gorgeous!
My apartment is almost entirely black and white. My clothes are in a variety of colors — mostly bright, warm shades that flatter me, as well as the usual NY uniform of black. No headbands or ridiculous bows or fugly shoes. That’s probably why I can get away with the pink that I do sometimes wear.
You said “various boning chambers.”
I did!
Ooooh…nice….that sounds very Lauren Bacall….grown up cocktails in short tumblers….ice buckets…cigarettes….
Very. I love it. Just wish it wasn’t so pink.
Men like pink as long as you slay it!…in the elbows.
I still think that Hunter Gore-ham and Julia would be perfect together.
A sweatband on the outside of a torn pink dress shirt. This dude needs help.
And “Bane”s respirator to help with his wheezing.
Omg, that gif…
It’s a gif(t).
It’s not her pink pillows themselves that would turn me off, but her conviction that a color and a high school event are profound and crucial elements of her personality. She’s so shallow that Rutherford could have used her instead of the gold foil.
Yeah and it would be fine if she’d just settle for stupid Halo-reading dude (if he’d even have her, which I doubt)…what’s atrocious is she thinks she deserves someone with taste and brains. Honey, someone with taste and brains probably didn’t like prom the first time, 20 years ago. Sit down.
Yes! People with taste and brains didn’t go to prom, and if they did, they don’t remember doing so and could give two shits about some one night high school event. The idiots who adored prom peaked at age 17, never left their home towns and are now chained to their Speed Queens and/or are selling used cars to their former high school cheerleading coach.
My friends and I were the “alternative” kids (this was the mid 90s shut up) and we went on a lark…sorta didn’t care, didn’t make a big deal of it, and didn’t turn it into the “GREATEST WEEKEND OF OUR LIVES OMG” like all the idiots we went to hs with. We showed up, it was kinda lame, we got drunk after, and we went home. Like normal fucking people. Also I wore Betsey Johnson because that’s when she was cool, in 1996.
Also yes, the ones who thought it was cool were the kids who thought they were cool then because hs was their peak. The ones who stole your spot in the parking lot because they ruled hs…the ones who went on to community college and now already have 3 kids and write barely legible pro-Republican rants on FB, who I then defriend. Really…not the people she thinks she deserves to be dating.
The Rutherford comment… awesome. Way to “slay it”!
A truly atomic diss!
You filled the space with yourself.
Uhm, HELLO! It’s cuz she was INSIDE, m’kay???
(This is NOT the purpose for which you were bought, fan in the ‘stan Twitter follower!)
She ha never been able to day someone without braying about it. So either he’s on the down low with her b/c he’s embarrassed that he’s dating a Donkey however, he sees an opportunity to get on TV if there’s a Season Two so he’s hanging in there. The other scenario is he’s not taking her on dream dates, buying her gifts, he’s not that OMGfacinating, but she is desperate to announce at the end of this shit show that she has a BF so she can say all her haters are wrong!
You are forgetting she could be contractually obligated to not mention boyfriends until the run is over. Just like the fact she can’t dye her hair yet (which she is dying to do).
I’m DYEING for her to dye her hair, too. Quit donkin up my gingey steez, donkz!
Speaking of stupid hair, WHY did she dye it the most horrible clown color possible KNOWING FULL WELL she’d have to keep it that way for months and months.
Maybe she figured since gingers have no souls, it would be a perfect look for her.
PS, only a ginger can call another ginger “ginger.”
What did Julie do to piss off Christine Kelly? She sounds more and more like a cat lady every day. I especially like the link to Toys R Us, since you can buy iHome speakers at Target, Amazon, Walmart, etc:
She had to unplug it because it was too loud? ohhhkey….
dumb christine is dumb “But this one goes to 11″
Exactly!
I have an iluv also.
TJMaxx, why have you forsaken me?
(mine is black though)
“He had to follow your lead” made me think of a moment in the awful prom date when he said “let’s have a drink first” in that dive bar with a dance floor — and she immediately dismissed it and slapped it down. Guess he thought it was a date and not him just being a bit player in “The Julia Show”. (Editor’s Note: Writer of this post is not married to a Surgeon)
Love the end of this comment.
The editor’s note nearly killed my. I am in tears.
Donkerena, how many children do you have? Are you in the North-East, or North by North East? Also, do you spend most of your nights out with friends, or not?
I feel full disclosure is a good thing.
I have never been as uncomfortable with a word as I now am with the word ‘man.’
Man, oh man. Tarzan approve this write style. It manly. Man like.
But you must make sure man is satisfied. And comfortable.
Man comment approve.
Man confuse why women make big deal about satisfying man. It only take a 3 minutes! Woman take 30+ minutes.
man cracking me up
Man no like donkey.
Changing ‘man’ to ‘Sir’ clarifies the writing considerably.
A long time ago, when I had a dating profile on OKC, this guy sent me a message that produced many laughs for me and my friends. I had it saved on my old computer, but alas I don’t have it on this one.
Among other things, he kept going on about how he is a “MAN” (caps and quotes his own) and as a MAN he has the right to TAKE CHARGE and be the STRONG one. “I am a MAN. I will NOT apologize for being a MAN. As such, I will like and say what ever I feel, and you as a woman should ENJOY that.” So on and so forth. For months my friends and I went around saying “I AM A MAN!” really emphatically, any time dating/the battle of the sexes came up.
Another choice quote from him: “I LIKE YOUR FACILE FEATURES.”
Good to know, man.
Can’t help but hear this in my head.
At least he didn’t call your features glib!
I just don’t believe she has a new boyfriend. Well, in the earthly, human-centric definition anyway…
I just blew a love-soaked kiss into the air after reading Barely Literate’s sagely words. Like Jacy said, the writer doesn’t even come off as a cat lady and she still let loose some 3rd degree Donkburnin’ flames. The platinum nugget I plucked out of it was that Donk’s behavior of “gosh darn everybody who tries to stop me from living my dreams and being happy because I’m perfect just the way I am” doesn’t really work when you’re considering what a real live human man person might actually tolerate for more than one blowjob.
Apparently, even this woman knows that Donk has a trunk of sock puppets under her bed each named after a different ex-boyfriend.
Or man, whoever wrote that. I don’t care if it was a possum, I love it.
I love it too. It’s awesome.
Pawsome?
Sounds like one of Russian Girl’s relatives….
I was going to say, are we sure it isn’t Russian Girl?
Paging Russian Girl! I come here for the commentary, but I stay for Russian Girl.
JellyD on date one with The Real Julia™ summed it up fairly succinctly [paraphrasing]: “I’ve sacrificed my dignity and now I have to be uncomfortable too?”
Dude dresses up like a donut and films himself. In that respect, I don’t agree with his fake discomfort. He’s no stranger to an audience and a costume.
Those aren’t facial expressions, they’re her mouth warm-ups before she goes into blow job mode….
That gif…dude.
EXCUSE YOU, she’s doing her Zooey (and failing).
It looks like she’s having a stroke. Or perhaps this was the first time a dude agreed to let her blow him.
No, no, the blowing is always allowed. It’s the sex and the cuddling/actual intimacy that more “I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer.” Those require effort on the part of the guy and well… yeah, no. Pretty sure JellyD was the one who decided to sleep on the couch, I JUST SAY #russiangirl.
When I first saw it, I thought it was a bunch of moments from the video cut and pasted together. Nope, she does that whole twitchy thing all at once!
A friend of mine was once photographed with her and apparently A Donkey takes several minutes to twist into position — you know the one: turn left, hand on hip, shoulders back, rotate spine, turn skull, open mouth, crazy-eyes, smile!
She’s got it down! Like another famous pink-type celebrity:
She is a lot like Miss Piggy. All the pink, the crazy eye make up. The hitting of men that don’t love her back. The aggressive man-hunting. Wanting to be the star of the show. Hamming it up (HA!).
Comparing JA to Miss Piggy is such an insult to Miss Piggy– that porkchop is feisty and has a good sense of humor? JA can only dream.
Ignore the question mark. Type fart.
I was struck by the epiphany that dearly departed and recently haloed Nora Ephron is truly the only one who’s escaped this mess, leaving the rest of here to deal with taxes, the dangers of impending arctic blasts, and one big Dumbass. But I’m going to be a strong cat lady tonight and not give in to the Donk Side, because I do find a scant amount of comfort in the fact that if heaven even has the slightest chance of existing, then Nora’s gotta be there queefing out golf claps with her wings and simultaneously shaking her head and laughing her ass off right now, all at Donk and her oversized, repurposed brooches.
Meanwhile, I could dress up like Julianne Moore in Far From Heaven (I wish.) and go on a heavy routine of straight dolls and Jack (dual meaning: barbies and ex-boyfriends OR valium and Tennessee whiskey, take your pick), all while reading the entire Gloria Steinem anthology upside down with triple pelts over my eyes while skydiving 24 hours a day over Hawaii and still, that writer’s words make more sense than the cumulatively exposed equation of Donk’s life, where it’s always long division and there’s ALWAYS an odd remainder.
You truly have a way with words. WHERE’S MY LIKE BUTTON?
I’m in lurve.