Something No One Has Been Waiting For — CrazyPelts’ Favorite Things

On Elle.com. Oh boy.

Some doozies in here. So much insanity. The garish necklace: “Every time I wear it, I feel like a princess.” What 31-year-old woman wants to feel like a princess? Seriously?

And this, about the ugly sparkly shoes:

One of my best friends, Randi Zuckerberg (who is executive producing Bravo’s Silicon Valley), and I share a birthday, February 28th, and we’ve thrown joint birthday bashes with purposefully over-the-top matching outfits a few years in a row. For our 29th birthday, we chose these sparkle Betsey Johnson bow heels. I think there’s no such thing as too old to appreciate a little bit of kitschy sparkle.

Oh honey.

And this:

“Right after college, I dated a handsome, kind man named Alex. He took me to Paris for the first time on this out-of-the-movies storybook trip and bought me these green sparkly Les Prairies pumps at a boutique we wandered into. I had never felt more fashionable. They have remained displayed in my closet as a token of his affection for years (we are still good friends).”

Oh honey, please.

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445 Responses to Something No One Has Been Waiting For — CrazyPelts’ Favorite Things

  1. Is Alex the handsome and kind wallet she left the fiancee for? The married dude? I always get married dudes to take me to Paris and buy me shoes. Klassy.

  2. Also, I’d like to know what her photo post has to do with love or guinea pigs.

    How hard is it to write four emails in a week? How hard is it to go on a date and then write a post about it, which might include reflecting on herself and her progress in the process?

    Why is no one calling her out on her BS? Why is she still getting work? Is it because producers/editors know we’ll watch/read just so we can make fun of it? Does elle.com really get that many hits from catpeeps who dare click the link? I know we’re the only “fans” she really has.

    How does one break the donkey cycle?

    • cola champagne says:

      What was funny was she seemed overwhelmed by the four emails! What he doesn’t know was she can’t cram it into her already full email schedule. Think about it: she emails the mods here, Gawker, exes, Randi and ex friends, tweets strangers who say anything negative about her, then trolls this site. No wonder she can’t sleep. It just kills her that someone, somewhere, could possibly be saying something about her that she doesn’t like.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Why is writing about your dates so hard if she’s been doing it for 10 years?

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        Someone needs to screen cap the scene with Keith. She made some hideous faces of terror when he asked her to hand stuff in.

    • melting marionette says:

      OT but related, Stephanie Jones needs to learn to look around the edges and in the corners when she composes photos. What’s the green thing at the bottom of the balcony pic? A piece of grass? A misplaced booger? Move the damn planter before you shoot the shot, or at least tuck the grass down.

      Shoes on bookshelves, off-center hanging clothes hanging on bookshelves. It is to cringe. (Someone pass the ointment please)

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        Lay off Stephanie Jones. Look what she had to work with.

      • Jordache & the Pelts says:

        Beats monika

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          Are you referring to Monika de Myer? THE Monike de Myer whose vanity fauxtoshoots with Julie Albertson often resulted in what looked like stills from a Mario Bava film? That Monika de Myer?

      • Can-Swiss says:

        I have a feeling very little effort went into this photo shoot. VERY LITTLE effort.

      • my blocked writing says:

        Actually, I thought they did an OK job of making Julia seem fresh and multi-dimensional, given what they had to work with.

  3. Jack the Bulldog says:

    This masturbatory trip down memory lane is the kind of fodder that gives her writer’s block? All this loon ever writes about is herself! Over and over and over again. This week alone I am cleaning up a voiceover that won’t cut with footage shot in Burbank two weeks ago, evaluating about 10 movies for licensing, and creating both the wholesale and retail campaigns for a high budget educational DVD. Sometimes I work until 4 a.m. and don’t even have the time to google myself. So sad, so fat, so winced!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      You should be ASHAMED of yourself! If you don’t google yourself, WHO WILL?! Won’t you think of the children?!

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      Don’t you realize that giving blowjobs to random guys is the best indicator of you self worth?

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      You do realize that she truly believes that anyone who works is a sucker, her inferior, and to be mocked – right?

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        Yes, I do, and I’ve been on the receiving end of her bullshit. Nevah forget!

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      But have you ever been taken to Paris?

      • cola champagne says:

        I’ve been to Paradise but I’ve never been to me.

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        Alas, no, nor do I own a pair of shoes more appropriate for an extra in The Wizard of Oz.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          I can’t believe those shoes make her feel fashionable.

          • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

            right!?!?! in all of paris she couldn’t have found something better?

          • I meannnnnnnn, I might cop those at Rainbow for $9.99 and wear them dancing a few times and get drinks spilled on them and not get mad if my friend’s dog chews on one of them while I’m sleeping on her floor, but yeah. You go to Paris and that’s what you get for “efforts?” Blah.

          • Can-Swiss says:

            She’s so tacky. I was hoping she would come to Paris with Billow last year so I could walk behind her and watch the Parisians laugh and point at her.

      • Donkarena says:

        I once took MYSELF to Paris and actually did buy a pair of shoes! Met a cranky (not very handsome) bus driver. Maybe I have a career as a columnist!!! Oh, forget it — things just don’t sound as whimsical and fun if a handsome and adoring wallet isn’t footing the bill.

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          For that comment, Donkarena, I’d like you to choose from among five dresses I thought you might like. What? You can’t pick just one? Oh hell’s bells, take all five. Isn’t life just like a rom-com?!

        • SFish says:

          I did the same–a pair of Louboutins from the boutique there to celebrate a big move up the masthead of the magazine I was working at. Had a guy offer to take me earlier that year, and I refused, because I’d always dreamed that I’d go there by myself first. Highly recommend.

      • TAKEN to Paris says:

        I would say it’s ringing like the bells at the Notre Dame, but how would I know because I’ve never been (SEE ABOVE.)

  4. cola champagne says:

    “What 31-year-old woman wants to feel like a princess? Seriously?”

    Let’s take the fairy tale princesses for shits and giggles, because we all know that’s basically who she’s thinking about, no matter how much she wants everyone to think she means Middleton (as if Kate would ever discuss her sex life publicly)
    -Ariel loses her voice and eventually gives up her fins for a man (excuse me, LOVE!)
    -Rapunzel is locked up in a tower
    -Snow White is poisoned and sleeps it off
    -Sleeping Beauty (can you say necrophilia fantasy?)
    -Cinderella (you’re going to let a drunken party and a shoe determine your happiness?)
    Shall I go on?

    • Thanks for giving me an excuse to post this awesome meme!
      [img]http://feminainvicta.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/disneyprincesses.jpg[/img]

      • I got into hot water with some Disney lovers when I posted this on FB a while ago. Bunch of girls trying to tell me that the Disney princesses are really good role models. Yeah right. Mulan was cool, but all the others are the definition of helpless.

        • cola champagne says:

          You should read the original Snow White. She’s awakened by a slap.

        • Pink Palatian says:

          My kittens (both boys) were never allowed to watch Disney films because of the sexism. When my (borderline) mom found out, you’d think I had been depriving them of oxygen. (Same woman who accused me of abusing my son, btw, citing his impeccable table manners and large vocabulary, both of which are huge red flags of parental abuse, amirite?)

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          I found it really disturbing that The Little Mermaids curse was that every time she took a step it felt like knives were going into her feet.

      • cola champagne says:

        Thank you! I knew I had seen something along these lines once upon a time.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I used to think that I’d somehow been shortchanged when it was apparent to me that I’d missed out on many traditional childhood fairy tales, but now I wonder if it was intentional on my parents part …

        Probably.

        #TY, M&D

        • My favorite Disney movie is Fantasia, the one from the 30s. That is worth a watch, if you haven’t already seen it (visually fascinating, with an amazing !Philly! orchestra backing it up), but the others– you didn’t miss anything.

          • Excuse me, 1940, not the ’30s.

            Bald Mountain is my jam.

          • frequent liar miles says:

            Mine is Three Caballeros! Check it out if you haven’t — it is completely mesmerizing –amazing fashion, 30s and 40s music with a Latin beat, psychedelia (sp?), horn-dog Pato Donald (Donald Duck), anyway, total must see, in my book.

            “We’re three happy chappies in snappy serapes …”

          • Whoa, you just took me back. I remember the Three Caballeros from one of my old sing-a-long videos. Donald was always my favorite character, Mickey was too cheerful for my preschool tastes. I like Donald’s underdog factor.

            I remember crying after watching one cartoon where Donald finds these magic pills to make his voice sound like Bing Crosby, but he runs out and can’t find more and Daisy doesn’t love him anymore, or something. Sad.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I like Alice in Wonderland, even though it’s nothing much mile the books its based on.

            Pinocchio is a dandy film.

            Dumbo is probably the funniest. Watch out for authentic 1940s style racial stereotypes, though (slightly mitigated by the fact that all the white people depicted are also morons).

            The very best Disney cartoon was The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, which has great music, Bing Crosby on narration, updates the tale without abandoning Irving’s language and satirical points and which is also something very few animated films are: both hilariously funny and fucking terrifying. It is also notable as perhaps the only Disney film where all the characters are grade-A assholes.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            My parents were never big on Disney, either, though I watched hours of classic Warner Bros cartoons as a kitten. Apparently, my parents preferred a little racism to a good helping of sexism.

          • cola champagne says:

            I think Disney films are cutesy, but I was never raised to co-opt those characters. My mother always taught us from a young age to support ourselves and know how to do so, should something happen and we are left on our own (she was a widow by 30). I knew from a young age that I wasn’t a special princess and I never aspired to be. I wanted to be a smart woman who would be taken seriously, and one who people respected. Does a princess get a say? Uh, no. She has a ton of people advising her and telling her how to behave. Why would I want to grow up to be a princess only to be, once again, treated like a child?

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        This is fucking awesome.

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        Copied and emailed to SO many people today :)

  5. melting marionette says:

    “Right after college, I dated a handsome, kind man named Alex. He took me to Paris for the first time on this out-of-the-movies storybook trip. After looking out of the window and screeching at the Eiffel Tower, I sat in the hotel room and endlessly googled myself”.

    There, fixed that for you.

  6. EyeRoller says:

    Seriously, when is ELLE going to give it up and just drop the ‘Guinea’ from her column title (‘Guinea Pig of Love’)? After reading the latest ELLE installment, my heart’s starting to bleed for her because I see how stressful it must be to build a GIANT FART on paper and call it A COLUMN. She is officially now a victim of her own DONKholm Syndrome, fermenting like a 5-year-old in a kool-aid stained tutu, I mean, being “free-spirited” and “following her dreams”.

    Her article gave me gas.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Whoever you are …. I think we could have a beautiful future together.

      • EyeRoller says:

        Unlike A DONKEY, I’m nobody special. However, here is the part that would probably really piss her off: I do make six figures.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          That is impossible! You are an angry hater living in your mother’s basement and covered in cat fur and Dorito dust.

      • Princess WideStance says:

        Agreed. Hey EyeRoller, I hope you like Cheetos, Franzia and percocet! Oh and Star Wars. You have to like Star Wars.

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        i know, right!?!?! Eyeroller has been cracking me up since last night’s open thread.

  7. i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

    it’s not hard to see why she’s never felt more fashionable when she’s making shoe choices like this and squirreling away pink tutus. jesus. btw, i have been reading this blog every day since donk mentioned it on the show and it is serious crack. glad that other people think she is ridiculous! i can only cringe when she’s on the screen.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Welcome! Another like-minded newbie! Funny, we’ve had EXPONENTIALLY more of those types of newbies than we have the dumbasses who have shown up to tell us how evil we are. How strange!

    • Same here. When she mentioned it on the show, I did a google search and have been here ever since.

      • i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

        haha yes “strange”…. ;) i have never, ever, seen or met someone this freaking crazy or delusional, and i bet a lot of other viewers feel the same way! glad to know i am not the only one who googled to find this blog…please do not stop this blog, at least until they cancel this crap show, or i won’t be able to handle the madness.

        • When I started watching the show I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. At first i felt bad for her, but that feeling quickly faded when she molested that hot black dude. I was grossed out watching that. When she mentioned the “hate” blog I knew I had to look. So happy that I did!! This blog is awesome.

        • bitchface says:

          dude the show is just the icing on the cake. I hate that it’s edited, because her real life shit show is fodder enough. Now we get to see and hear motion instead of just 45667 pictures she pastes on her fakebook

    • cola champagne says:

      I feel like that Bebe bag represents her so well – pink, quilted, dated, and tacky.

  8. Cola chamPagne says:

    Ok wait.
    “As for the faux Warhol, the origin of this print was a candid photograph taken of me…” it’s not a candid if you’re aware of it and I’m sure you’re not so damn stunning that men feel as though they have to capture you in the moment. Christ on a beach bike, admit you’re VAIN!

  9. venn diagram aka (The New Boyfriend) says:

    had to comment on the article. i just could not take it any longer. sorry i poked the beast. shakes head in shame.

    • Cola chamPagne says:

      I can’t be bothered. It’s so unimaginative. Pink garbage, tchotchkes, paging Jeff Lewis!

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        It fits in with the theme of the guest blogger column or ties in to the travesty of that Bravo show how? Right, neither. And her editor, now former — hmmm — conceived, directed, and packaged the whole thing up and handed it to her on a silver-plated platter with a faded pink bow.
        Well done, Julsie, well done. [stunned silence, drops phone]

      • helobabe says:

        I’d pay SO much money to see Jeff Lewis give the Donkey a tongue-lashing!

  10. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    O/T bunnies.
    If you can get a copy, “Out of the Blue” by Jan Wong, a Cdn. reporter who wrote what became a controversial article and was left spinning in the wind by her employer.
    And “How to Be a Woman” by Caitlin Moran. I’m on the last chapter and don’t want to finish reading because I’ll miss cackling along with the author.

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      Thanks for the tips, Blinking. I love RBD recs.

    • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

      No spoilers, but when I came across this passage in How to Be a Woman, I wanted to come by and post it but was too engrossed reading:
      “There are those who try to stop it, of course: the teenage girls who try to buy themselves time by aggressively regressing back to their five-year-old selves and becoming obsessed with “girliness” and pink. Filling their beds with teddies, to make it clear there’s no room for sex. … I could see some of my contemporaries were choosing not to be active women — out there making their own fate — but to be princesses, just waiting to be “found” and married, instead.”

      And the Jan Wong book, also a memoir (I’ve lent my copy to my sister and then am going to drop it somewhere as a Book Crossing project) is beautifully written, a gripping account of [real] journalism, depression, betrayal, doggedness. An incredible story.

      • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

        Good points! It’d take a bona fide Disney prince to manage most of that 73 point checklist.

      • Donkarena says:

        Blinking, thanks so much for that rec….I see so many girls who are afraid to make it in the world and see it as their own. That includes myself years ago. Also going to look into “Out of the Blue” — thanks!

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          It’s fairly easy to get me to cry while reading, I’m a sentimental old fool, but I’m not really the laugh out loud type. I’ll smile to myself and really enjoy the humor, but a quiet chuckle would be the extreme. How to Be a Woman made me truly laugh — and still does thinking about one or two of the choice lines — but I’ll leave those for y’all to discover on your own.
          Jan Wong was a very well known, even notorious, Canadian journalist of long-standing. She won many awards and many remember her touching and scathing feature report when she went undercover as a housemaid for a week. She’s now a professor at a university on the east coast. Fine writer, unflinching. Compelling story. (I cried at the end … reading the Acknowledgements. Lol.)

    • Scooby Don't says:

      I’d also heartily recommend Red China Blues by Jan Wong too.
      Given China’s growing dominant place on the world stage it makes for very interesting reading. I’ve always enjoyed her work and she’s great to meet in person as well.

  11. diluted brain says:

    I hate to give donkey a pageview for the article but, damnnnn she is looking even more rough in that photo on Elle. She’s a former shell of that Warhol painting that apparently she had made herself (because that’s not narcisstic or anything..)

  12. EyeRoller says:

    I’ve been forced above ground on a heavenly mission, assuming a life as an extremely attractive, actively employed dog owner, in order to infiltrate this DONK’s life and give strength and support to your people, the true “victims” of all DONKS in the world. But in particular, this stupid Donk.

    From latest ELLE article:
    “I think there’s no such thing as too old to appreciate a little bit of kitschy sparkle.” Yeah, APPRECIATE a little sparkle, not slather yourself with Aunt Jemimah, roll in a trough full of rhinestones and botox and floating across my television screen like a Thanksgiving Day parade float?”

    • EyeRoller says:

      meant as reply to jacy and princess in my comment above.

    • JFA says:

      Also do you really need “kitschy” with “sparkle?” FUCK. HER WRITING IS SO BAD. Is there any other kind of “sparkle?” Sparkle is by definition kitchsy. You asshole-y asshole.

      • i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

        lol

      • SFish says:

        Well…no. I think what she means by “kitschy,” in this case, is “cheap.” Because a, she doesn’t understand Yiddish, and b, doesn’t own high quality jewelry. I think we’d see a lot less desperate “LOOK AT MEEEE” sparkle if there was a genuine sparkler on the fourth sausage of her left hand.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      You are on fire!

  13. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Oh God. “My most vulnerable interview ever.” Jesus lady, you’re not a fucking movie star/famous philanthropist/Kate fucking Middleton.

    http://makeitbetter.net/entertainment/whats-hot/4472-julia-allison-bravo-star-and-wilmette-native-on-dating-and-internet-fame

    • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

      this was my favorite quote:

      It’s amusing to watch the rest of the world catch up to what I was doing 10 years ago. I used my life as an art project.

      UGH. just….STOP.

    • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

      and she did indeed compare herself to Kate Middleton!

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Pete Wentz was her babysitter? Um, he’s like two years older than her.

      • Pink Palatian says:

        In the comment section of the interview, she “corrects” that. Normal people would email the author of the article to ask for a correction but My Little Pony/Donkey does it the comments. Journalism wha?

      • featherbrained says:

        Where Julia’s comments deleted? I see zero comments, Julia or any other persons’, but the fact that she’d back peddle in the comments is hilarious.

        • JFA says:

          It’s still there. And as far as I can see, it’s the only comment. you’d think after years of getting pretty much zero commentary on her “writing” she or her enablers would get a clue that exactly zero shits are to be given about her.

    • She’s working on a book, but doesn’t know what it’s going to be about? “Maybe mistakes?” she ponders.

      PLEASE DON’T WRITE A SELF-HELP BOOK! Or, please do! And call it What Not To Do If You Want To Be A Respectable Human Being

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      She drops the Duchess’ name an awful lot. Hoping I guess, that when Katie is bored, after sending Wils her “keep that helo in the air, babe!” txt, she’ll google herself and find her name linked with JABa’s? And then they’ll become besties and … and … and …
      Vulnerable? She talks about herself, pulls out the misunderstood art project excuse, plays the victim, and describes another epiphany. Zzzzzz.
      Best part is her “eeek” correction at the end. Guess she was bragging and name dropping away and didn’t expect that part to make it into the article.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Its sounds ridiculous to us, but she’s encouraged by the fact that its how she became friends with Randi and Meghan.

        Newsflash JA, its NEVER going to happen!

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Just posted below about her ‘correction’. What an idiot. Looks like some of her lies are finally catching up with her.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      “Raised on Sheridan Road in Wilmette, where rocker Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy was her babysitter”

      She’s been claiming this for years:

      “Allison befriended Gawker’s writers, dropping by the office in Chelsea or sending instant messages with passive-aggressive story suggestions — an upcoming date she was looking forward to, or the fact that Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz used to babysit her” (from the Wired interview)

      But what’s this?? Caught in another lie? She just posted this in the comments:

      “Julia Allison · Subscribe · On-Air Personality at Bravo! · 76,100 subscribers
      Eeek, Liz, so sorry – Pete went to the same church as me, and we knew each other, but I’m not sure he was my babysitter! I will get the full scoop from them ASAP!”

      Guess she should be more careful making this claim in a hometown newspaper, where this fact could be easily verified.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Jesus, the lies. Always caught in lie after lie after lie after lie.

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          I honestly think she can’t tell truth from fiction these days. And a “reality” show, in which 90% of the on screen garbage is fabricated, is the last thing a donkey needs in terms of her mental health. As my father noted back in 2004, this will not end well.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            Are you talking about your father commenting on Julie specifically? What prompted him to say this? Details, please!

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            Yes, my dad was commenting on ye olde Booger specifically. Details? My father has a Ph.D. in Sociology and was fascinated to hear tales of Julie’s Georgetown misadventures–scrapbooks, sense of entitlement, always late to class, lies, Wisemiller’s theft, rape concoction, etc.–via me and a couple of friends over donuts in the district. He referred to her as an “obvious sociopath” who would do incredible damage to herself and others over the course of her life and insisted her adolescent misbehavior was unlikely to ever end. At the time, I confess I thought he was wrong and was being too harsh, but the diagnosis has held.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @Jack the Bulldog

            Wow. Thanks for sharing that.

            I’m guessing it’s unlikely that sociopaths seek any type of treatment and lead some sort of *normal* life?

            If Julie continues her current path, does she just end up a lonely old crazy lady? Cause it sure seems like that’s where she’s headed.

          • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

            hey Jack – what’s the deal with scrapbooks? and Wisemiller’s theft? after all the back reading I’ve done I’ve never heard about those two!

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            Jelly Roll Morton, Jackles was kicked out of Wisemiller’s, the GU convenience store and deli, for stealing candy bars and putting them in her dog satchel. Re: “the sacred scrapbooks,” she would cut pictures out of Us Magazine and other rags during class and paste them into a big pink scrapbook. She was 23 years old at the time. No shit.

          • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

            Yoo-hoo!

          • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

            oh good Greg – seriously? donks was busted for shoplifting? wonder if there’s a public record somewhere…

            thank you for the intel Jack! (trying hard to get all caught up)

        • Cola chamPagne says:

          She invented post-its.

        • monster (Single and Mingle) says:

          Pete Wentz is two years older than Julia Allison. Why would she even make that up? and then pretend to go ask her parents? Why wouldn’t the writer wiki this shit? So. Bad.

        • featherbrained says:

          This is one of her stupidest lies ever. First, Pete Wentz—EWWWW. Second, even those of us that have no interest in him, knows he looks younger than her.

          I just looked him up. 33. Oh yeah, her babysitter.

      • i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

        does she not think anyone reads these interviews??? god she will just name drop ANYone. another fave from the interview: “I was not raised to be on a reality TV show! The North Shore valued education…I wasn’t particularly good at anything, but I was enthusiastic!” not good at anything?! really?! shocker. sadly, donk, this is still the case. her parents should have known better than to waste a good education on a stupid donk and left her braying in a barn.

    • virgil reid says:

      i guess what i find amusing about this is she has nothing to talk about since redacted. as much as she tries to name drop pancakes, her career basically died after she broke up with redacted and it’s like she continues to talk about it with this weird sense that she doesn’t know how much time has actually gone by, to her the breakup was last year and she’s still the julia from four faces ago, this innovator tech blogger. to her life, has not moved on from the nonsociety girl in nyc; she thinks that is still her despite everything.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Its as if she has all these canned answers from the It Girls promo tour that never happened.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        This.

        She also doesn’t realize how much her looks have changed since then, too.

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        I just love how everything she said about Jelly D contradicted everything she’d already said, rinse, and repeated about Jack. No one’s ever surprised me! I haven’t felt like this in years! Totally unique connection (I’m paraphrasing, but you get it)

        It blows my mind how often you guys catch her in a lie she’s currently spewing that contradicts something she declared last year or even years ago. Now she’s contradicting herself inside of weeks. She’s not that smart, so I get how she could forget something she said 5 years ago, but how hard could it be to remember something you said just a few weeks go?

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      It’s an art project and Julia wants to touch young women.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      “You’re working on a book now. What’s it about?

      I’m not sure. Maybe mistakes. I’m exceptionally talented at making them. ”

      Um. . . then you’re not working on a book, asshole.

      • Can-Swiss says:

        There is a Julia In My Life who has been saying she’s been working on a book for years now. “Shopping the idea around to publishers”. It’s been about 3-4 years now… still nothing. But if she ever meets a writer or anyone creative at a party she always brings it up. The topic keeps changing too….

      • Whining Poofy Bore says:

        It’s like Joe Gould’s Secret! She’s just going to work on her “Oral History” for, oh, 25 years.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          I adore that book.

          • Whining Poofy Bore says:

            Joseph Mitchell, man. A true great. I keep an absurd amount of copies of Up in the Old Hotel because I am apt to give them away to friends who haven’t read any of his work.

          • Whining Poofy Bore says:

            (Also: I forgot which fake e-mail address I use here; much prefer my other avatar!)

          • Jordache & the Pelts says:

            Love that collection, will have to revisit.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Love you for loving Joseph Mitchell. He is one of my idols.

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          My worst L.A. foot in mouth moment revolves around the film version of Joe Gould’s Secret. I wish I could post it here but can only tease, and yes, it involves Stanley Tucci.

      • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

        !!!!

      • JFA says:

        Typically when one is “working on something” it implies that there is a “something” to describe. So, I’m just gonna take the wildest guess this book not only will never see the light of day, but that she has written exactly zero words.

        I know this is patently obvious. But I just had to say it for some reason. Fucking STOP IT WITH THE BOOK bullshittery already, we all KNOW you will never have one, and never be famous enough to have someone ghostwrite one for your lazy hack ass.

  14. Tahoesurprise says:

    Longtime lurker…had to see if anyone else noticed the Pancakes picture on the inspiration board? Subtle Donks!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I think it’s Greasy.

      • Tahoesurprise says:

        Perhaps it was the signature Donks “bent over in shocked surprise” move that made me think it was Pancakes!

      • mule on rouge says:

        There’s no doubt it’s greasy, but is it Pancakes?

      • Stage 5 clinger says:

        Greasy is definitely hanging out w/Julia because of her connections /attractive female pals. I was not feeling the love between her and her BFF when I saw their BFFriendship on camera.

  15. Scooby Don't says:

    My take on the article: Après Donkey, le déluge of dropping names.

    And is that a picture of Zooey Deschanel on her inspiration board?

    • Cola chamPagne says:

      In all fairness, if my vision board look like that I’d be lunatic too.

    • hamster of hate says:

      She has so many pictures of herself on that thing. It’s more about the past than the future. I got a kick out of that poodle smoking a clove cigarette.

  16. EyeRoller says:

    When you construct your career/life out of playing the “vulnerable victim”, and then try to slay the very blog that, according to you, victimizes you, then solve an arithmetic problem already Donk and realize that we are actually your biggest supporters. Wait, she never realizes anything. That’s right. Instead of a simple yet stylish ‘Thank You’ card for the honesty, we get buckets of stale tears and the usual “they’re so mean to me” schtick.

    Never realizes a damn thing, just the same petty toddler PRETENDING to realize moments that come from re-re-re-enacting Carrie Bradshaw monologues in her head like a FUCKING PLAYER PIANO.

    Our Donk. No fucking gratitude.

  17. i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

    among a lot of other ridiculous, inane things in this article, is her self-proclamation that she’s a public figure, similar to kate middleton lolol omggggg my other fave, how the show was her therapy and she’s better now psychologically. she’s so crazy she actually thinks she’s sane and normal. reality check donk: that’s delusion! the stupidity of a donkey is truly amusing. get some real help!

    • Can-Swiss says:

      Every stupid thing she’s done is a learning experience and she is SO much healthier and happier as a result. Next week she does the exact same thing of course… but that was also a cathartic experience and she is so much better off as a result. Until tomorrow, when she does the same thing. But that was 3 months ago, she’s grown and was in a bad place then because self esteem issues. Now she’s a more mature, confident person, ready to move on. Until next week, when she does the same bullshit she always does… etc etc.

  18. Dr. Gary says:

    Another lie?

    “As for the faux Warhol, the origin of this print was a candid photograph taken of me (by Alex) when I was 24-years-old. I had it turned into a Warholian print on a lark”

    I could swear in the past she claimed that Alex had ‘commissioned’ the ‘Warholian print’ as gift. Anyone else remember this?

    • CDB says:

      AK Kitty remembers this because he just read it two minutes ago above… But it is within the two minute rule. great minds. ( Jordache and Cola above)

    • EyeRoller says:

      “I had it turned into a Warholian print on a lark, and it now hangs unceremoniously in my laundry room, the only place suitable for such a thing.”

      You are mistaken, Your Donkness. There IS one place more fitting for a wall hanging like that– at the bottom of a landfill underneath a mountain of broken toilets, dirty rubbers, and a ziploc bag full of your expired noses.

    • frequent liar miles says:

      Those hyphens don’t belong there; it’s not an adjective, you damn dumb donkey (and internationally syndicated journalist.)

      • Donkey is as Donkey Does says:

        But she is a journalist!

        Her idiocy winces me so profoundly.

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        she makes this mistake EVERY DAMNED TIME. why is nobody editing this? does this mean that she wrote the entire “interview” herself?

        • mcakez says:

          I suspect any time she comes off this ‘polished’ (for her, I mean) it is because it was an e-mailed interview. Real interviews, or phone interviews, always have lots off tangents, abandoned thoughts, ‘umm,’ ‘like,’ and the same incoherent nonsense she spews when she is on camera. Consider how she behaved in her talk with Keith compared to this and you’ll see what I mean.

    • my blocked writing says:

      On a lark?!?!!!!!!?????

  19. BLB says:

    Watching workaholics on comedy central and a commercial just came on for skype/infinity with jellyd! Anyone else catch that?

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Someone got their SAG card!

      I did catch that commercial, but had since forgotten what the product was. Now that you mention it, it was Skype. Do you think his agency produced it?

    • One Fat Melman says:

      I saw that and thought it was Jelly! But then I was all, noooo, if it were Jelly, Julia would be making some shit up about how he practiced that serenade on her. Great catch!

    • Donkarena says:

      Great catch, BLB — supremely ironic of JellyD becomes famous from his uncomfortable appearances on the show that was supposed to launch Donkey!

  20. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Reaching out to the experts among us once again for help in understanding this. Cat people in the magazine industry, please tell me how in the name of all that is unholy and crappy did this see the light of day?

    I understand that Elle cut some kind of deal with Bravo, but isn’t there a line that even they won’t cross? This isn’t an article. This isn’t anything. Its a pathetic talentless hack, unable to put three creative words together to express a cohesive and interesting thought, taking the easiest possible way out and submitting a personal diary/scrapbook of drivel.

    So seriously, someone, anyone, how did this get published?

    • Seriously. It makes me so mad. This is the kind of crap I post on my personal blog when I don’t feel like writing a post that day. Except they’re all my own photos, and it’s usually not just photos of stupid pink crap around my house.

    • Jordache & the Pelts says:

      It’s not “published.” It’s buried online, it takes cat people detectives to find it from their basements because they hate. Trust the links will be kaput after the “first season” finale.
      Elle has haphazardly and usucessfully been trying to pull a Marie Clare a la Project Runway cross promotional patform thing for some time now. Recently departed Elle online editor Keith – te one who s guvung Julia grief about deadlines and her wardrobe and shit – was a character on the Joe Zee All on the Line show on Sundance (which was endlessly better television than Miss Adivised, and incidentally featured experts who can’t get their shit together – only these ragatag divas have actual skills and talent.)

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I may be a dumb stupid cat lady, but I can’t find any of the old Guinea Pigs of Love online anymore — only this one, and the Pleasure Camp one. I think they’ve nuked them already.

  21. CaptainGary says:

    They’ve just completely given up on editing this steaming shartpile, haven’t they?

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I will give you 5 percocet, a half eaten bag of gummy bears, an REO Speedwagon mix tape and an autographed Wayne Newton 8 x 10 if you post this in the comments at elle.com.

    • mule on rouge says:

      If they edited her column, would it still make a sound?

      • Scooby Don't says:

        Just like Lilly, it would happy to receive any attention from a caring, compassionate human being.

  22. lilly question? says:

    Kind of OT cause it’s episode related, and forgive if this requires the AK kitty, but prior to her departure for SF, during a token Toilet Julia eyeroll montage, when Toothy Mcgee stomps back into her room with all her SF candidate outfits in tow, did anyone else notice that she yells “get off my bed” or something of the sort? Is this at Lilly? Was this when her mother was in town? Why is she so scary? Oh the bravos hate her so.

  23. Stage 5 clinger says:

    Sorry if you cat ladies have already mentioned this, but did anyone notice in one of the Miss Advised clips when the camera flashed on one of Julia’s household objects and it was a pink, quilted, lacy-trimmed Precious Moments style photo frame? It really took things to a new level for me. (Level 5150.)

  24. JFA says:

    Too busy to keep up with the shitshow lately but LOLLLLLL “he took me to paris” LOLOLOLOL. That is one of my all time faves.

    Asshole.

    • JFA says:

      Yay! You’re too steps removed from a prostitute! So jellies!

      • mcakez says:

        I’m amused that this follows the exchange directly above about “get thee to a nunnery,” as there is some disagreement about the actual meaning of that line. Some scholars (and my 12th grade English teacher) say ‘nunnery’ could have been a double entendre for ‘brothel’ in the slang of the time. No question about the fact Hamlet was calling her a whore, though.

        • JFA says:

          Prostitutes actually work for a living though. So sorry to any prostitutes for the comparison. But seriously. Having a guy pay for you to travel is nothing to brag about and doesn’t make you fabulous, you dumb bitch.

        • That’s interesting, I had never heard that about the brothel, but ol’ Willy Shakes was all about the double entendre and making cheeky jokes. Wouldn’t be surpirsed, but yeah doesn’t change the fact that he was calling Ophelia a loosie goosie.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Her FIRST trip to Paris. Has she ever been back?

  25. solidarity cat says:

    The only comment on this article over at Elle:

    Marcia Bennett
    what. a. dick.

  26. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    “It’s amusing to watch the rest of the world catch up to what I was doing 10 years ago.”

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

  27. Fauxto Shoot Me Now says:

    Delurking to say: A Donkey finally gets an Elle fauxto shoot and Elle chooses to use pictures of dresses on hangers rather than fauxtos of a Donk. That’s gotta be a tough blow. ;)

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Ha! That’s right. Some much for those shots of her in her tiara on her bed we saw on the show.

  28. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Julia continues to insist on calling reproductions of Robert Indiana’s “love” sculpture a STATUE. I just kant with her performance art.

  29. CaptainGary says:

    Wow. These two articles – what a self-deluding, braggy asshole. If you ever wanted a perfect example of why people dislike her, these two articles are all the proof you need.

  30. hey hey cray cray says:

    Is it just my tiny phone screen or is it a picture of her and mark zuckerface up on her inspirational board??

  31. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Wait? Did she really just “IT’S MONOGRAMMED!” about her soap?

  32. Princess Sparklefart says:

    Here’s what I don’t understand. No one calls her out on her lies. Not Jelly, not Randi, not Pancakes. I’m assuming they don’t because you can never win an argument with a narcissist. It’s sort of like that line from “The Untouchables” – if they come at you with a fist, you bring a knife, if they bring a knife, you bring a gun (or something along those lines). They must either be afraid or even just too damn tired to deal with her, but it would kill me if someone was spreading lies about me on the internetz. I dumped my “best friend” of 12 years ago after I found out she was schtupping the man I was living with months after he broke up with me. She neglected to clue me in to this while comforting me post break up, and it was through a third party that I found out they were actually an item behind my back. Anyway, if I saw her presenting us as still being friends online I’m not sure if I’d view ignoring her as a better comeuppance than calling her out. Some say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference – so maybe their silence is just that – pure indifference to this crazy loon who used to darken their lives and doorsteps.

    I spent way too much time thinking about this today, maybe I should practice a little of the ole indifference myself when it comes to Donk and her machinations.

    • Princess Sparklefart says:

      That should read – dumped my “best friend” of 12 years four years ago…

    • chinchilla of indifference says:

      You rang? (my first!)

    • It’s probably a combination of a few things. Maybe she’s fun sometimes, and the people who are close to her are willing to overlook the insanity and narcissism because of the perceived “benefits” (time on a reality show, press coverage because she emailed gawker, etc). Maybe they’ve tried to get through to her in the past, but it’s been proved futile so they look the other way, again because of perceived benefits. And also, they’re probably scared of the wrath of a scorned donkey.

      I’ve obviously been thinking about this too much, as well. I’m also thinking about the JA formerly in my life whom none of my other friends could stand, but I was willing to overlook that because she was fun to go out with. She also talked about herself way too much and was quick to leave me in a lurch if a dude gave her attention, which is why I had listened to my friends and just dumped her before she did too much damage.

      • Grammarian says:

        Do not argue with a rage beast narcissist ever. Just back slowly away and do not engage again.

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          Exactly! It doesn’t take much time to figure out that Julie is batshit insane and will turn on you in an instant. Get out as quickly as you can! The calls are coming from inside the house! But remain FB pals with her so she’ll leave you alone and won’t stir up trouble.

        • I made the mistake of calling her out on some BS, and she went around telling anyone who would listen (even people who don’t know me) all sorts of ridiculous lies about me. My mistake for not dropping that festering hot potato sooner.

          • Donkarena says:

            Yeah, I’ve called out narcissists, too (didn’t realize it at the time) — just made the situation worse. They are NEVER at fault, so it’s a useless exercise. Egos too fragile to humble themselves, apologize and do “give and take” in a normal relationship.

          • Donkarena says:

            …..kind of like the Donk-ster!!!

    • Stage 5 clinger says:

      TL: DR — While I was watching the footage from her & Little Julia’s dinner party and the camera was panning around all the guests, I noticed that there wasn’t anyone unattractive there. There were a few normals, but one of them was saying he was a doctor, so I’m thinking, “Ok, all either successful (career) or good looking, or both.” While there’s certainly nothing wrong with having attractive & successful pals (I have several , myself, with whom I play Halo online from my mother’s basement) , it can often be the only attraction for forming relationships. Social connections and experience trump having any sort of heart connection.

      OK, I’m not saying this right – Julia’s pals could be lovely, compassionate people. But I’ve also seen lots of lovely, compassionate people suck up to some pretty horrid folks in the name of, “Well, he works with someone I want to do business with,” or, “She’s pals with X”. Julia has great connections (which she fucks over constantly but no one knows that for a few months). I think that a lot of people probably use her for that and don’t even bother getting close enough to get involved in her cray. You can’t tell me that Jelly D flew to LA because of her and not because he didn’t want to look like an insensitive douche on national tv and thus potentially screw up his career. (Poor Jelly D and his Munchkin…I feel so bad for that dude. NO ONE deserves to have their sex life discussed on national TV.) You can’t tell me that when she asked Taylor plaintively, “But was I a horrible girlfriend?” that his first reaction wasn’t JESUS GREG YES WOMAN YOU WERE THE WORST before he lowered his eyes and gave a very corporate, neutral, blase response of “Well, we all have areas we can improve on.”

      Friends are willing to get messy. But maybe they tried and noticed that the mess isn’t worth it. Julia sure seems to love wallowing in it. She hasn’t changed much since 2006. I start to feel really bad for her, caught up in this superficial world, but then she acts like a heinous hoofer and I think yeah…this is the only way she’ll learn. She’s one of those folks who has to hit rock bottom before they are desperate enough to change.

      End rant. Just want to say that I heart this blog, you hilarious & insightful basement dwellers, and I kind of heart Julia, too, in a weird way….Her cray is a mirror into my life. I watch her antics and I reflect on stuff — Do I do this shit? Have I ever done this shit? A lot of the time I can say, yeah – been there, done that. I guess that’s her “service” to the world (I refuse to call it “art”). I do hope, for her own sake, that she gets HAY-ULP soon.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I think if I had not actually started reading this blog, I wouldn’t think she was particularly annoying. Sure, her bag is not my to my taste personally, but there are many other people who, to me, come across immediately as being more hateful.

      Having met her several times now, I think she can operate as “the wacky girl” in a crowd and is usually friendly to newbies. It’s only when you realize the crazy that lurks beneath the wacky that she becomes unnerving.

      And to be fair Gawker and the culture it helped to create is not universally noted for highlighting well-balanced, thoughtful, mature, rational, inspiring people or their behavior. Surrounded by the likes of Richard Blakeley, Loren Feldman, Emily Gould, Jakob Lodwick, Randi Zuckerman, David Karp, Chaz Forman, the Hipster Grifter, Devorah Rose, Emily Brill, Jules Kirby, the Real Rich Tong, Arthur Kade, etc., etc., etc., barf, barf, barf, vomit, barf, Julia is simply a pink and glittery wart on a mile-long witch nose of backstabbing, social climbing, fameballing and general mendaciousness.

    • virgil reid says:

      The JA in my life was my mentally ill boyfriend who, when confronted with lies, would have the same explanations as Julie, “I never said that” “I meant it at the time” “How do you know what I mean?” “Why do you keep bringing the past up — you are robbing yourself of enjoying the present”. I saw the similarities between things he said and she said and I realized this was a new age tony robbins sinking ship.

      Everyone bitches about this website, but I think this community has actually made me more aware of looking out for those behaviors or explanations for thinking because for a very long time, I actually BELIEVED my boyfriend when he would say he changed, or was seeing a therapist, or was depressed and now he was WELL! Same cycle over and over.

      You cannot ever get anywhere with people that lie. They don’t think the same way you or I do — they don’t look at what they do is lying. Jacy said it before, she thinks lying is so exhausting, but to people like that, they don’t even think of what they do is lying, there is no difference between to them because they don’t think that is what they’re doing.

      • cola champagne says:

        I have a friend who is going through exactly what you were going through. It’s been 4 years now. Nothing has changed, well that’s a lie, it’s gotten worse. She won’t dump him, so I dumped her. I’ll still talk to her if she calls me (but she won’t because whenever she takes him back she disappears), but I can’t stand by and watch someone self-destruct (she’s practically 50 and has small children).

        • Donkarena says:

          It IS hard to watch someone live like that. ESPECIALLY if they ever complain to you about it. That makes my head go to a point –

          • cola champagne says:

            I’m the kind of person that everyone wants to vent to, because I’m good for listening. But I get tired of re-runs. If it’s a year later and it’s still about you and your fucking problems, I’m peacing out. I have problems too, and I don’t shit them all over everyone.

          • A friend of mine was living with a guy who did not respect her, and she would constantly complain about him, but then use him financially or for comfort when she needed it. It was really obnoxious to see her with him, after spending hours on my couch telling me how poorly he treated her, how she was in love with someone else.

            She moved out of state and is no longer with dude, but we don’t talk anymore. Probably for the best, it was exhausting dealing with her sometimes.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        This is spot on. Truth is something they can’t see. They think it means “what makes me happy” or sometimes even “what makes other people happy” but never “the pile of shit I am currently standing in.”

  33. EyeRoller says:

    DONK is the reason that DONK is the subject of this blog. Isn’t this entire blog just a natural evolution/consequence of her actions? This fact will go straight over her knotty scalp and this is the fact that she doesn’t seem to understand. If I thought prayer would help in this particular situation, I’d be the first Hail Maryin’ bitch on my knees.

    Instead, the most one can manage is luckily stumbling upon others who understand, guffaw at the hilariously accurate comments, and proceed in verbally dropkicking A DONK to feel any sense of relief. This IS the kinder, gentler way.

  34. OMGDonk says:

    Is there anyone here who discussed the donkey’s antics in law school forums around 2005/2006? I feel like I’m breaking a rule asking this but I’m DYING, I have to know!

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Huh?

      • OMGDonk says:

        General Off-Topic Board / Re: One-night stand —> Dating relationship : Transition possible?

        « on: August 03, 2005, 09:07:04 AM »
        I think the lying about having sex was a joke… and burgh, my boyfriend’s next-longest serious relationship was with a girl who he had a one night stand with. (this girl, that i hate with a passion: http://www.juliabaugher.com)

        i’ve heard of it happening on more than one occasion. the only thing is that i think the girl sometimes gets taken advantage of in that situation, so just make sure that you’re respectful if she doesn’t want to sleep with you again the next time. And I would court her like you’d court any other woman – don’t assume that you don’t have to work just as hard for her because she put out one night while drunk.

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        Where is this?

        • OMGDonk says:

          I’m an idiot and can’t get a link to post. I sent it in as a tip.

        • OMGDonk says:

          Reply #30 on: September 26, 2004, 03:47:13 PM
          I think she’s cute, but your boyfriends ex is really cute!

          _EKC_
          LisBeth
          Re: Is this woman cute?
          « Reply #31 on: September 26, 2004, 06:11:33 PM »
          She’s actually not nearly as good looking in person. And she’s an obnoxious female dog that is constantly trying to get in his pants, which is even more obnoxious.

          Oh, and she screwed a truck driver and got an STD from it, so yes, she’s an easy, dirty slut as well.

          • Cola chamPagne says:

            That thread sounds worse than any thread I’ve read here. As if a woman’s attractiveness matters when a man dumps you. The person who asked the original question sounds like a loser anyway. Once they said the girl was cute she proceeded to spread more shit about her. Ok so she had an STD. She’s still cute and probably cuter than you. Lol!

  35. Donkey is as Donkey Does says:

    I’m getting hung up on the fact that she is able to shill somewhat successfully. Do these businesses take her at her word? Do they not do homework? Furthermore, unless I’m mistaken, the ever-increasing paid-for Twitter followers have recently plateaued at 109k. I suspect her press kit (or shill shpeel) cites ‘more than 100,000 Twitter followers’ as an audience pool.

    LOL, ‘shpeel’ according to Urban Dictionary:
    ‘Oft-repeated thoughtless dialogue which is not necessarily true.’

    BINGO

  36. i may or may not have blown jellyd says:

    wait til this crazy donk gets married to some poor pathetic fool who thinks she’s super great and they do some horrific reality wedding special where she spends all her time looking for pink tutu wedding dresses and he spends all his time defending his lady love on national tv. this blog is going to be triple the fun!

    • cola champagne says:

      At this point, shouldn’t she be jumping solo? How many jumps has she had?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I don’t know but I think it’s an unfortunate photo to post the day after confessing to a national TV audience that you blow on the second date.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        IIRC, this is her third time. Considering this, it’s weird that she makes such a big deal out of this as if she’s never done it before, so I think she mentions it 1) to show how “adventurous” she is as one commenter mentioned previously and 2) to trot out PK and Pancakes yet again. I can get first-timers being freaked out and/or exhilarated by the experience, but after that isn’t it pretty much just “same deal, different location”? She’s framing it as a new experience when she’s already mentioned that it’s skydive #3. Also, is tandem cheaper that solo jumping? If so, that would really explain it all.

        • cola champagne says:

          You know what I would think would be adventurous for her? To completely get off the grid. Delete all social networks, refrain from blogging, and start doing something like learning to cook or create something with her hands other than a big ole mess. That, to me, would be a paradigm shift, completely unexpected, spontaneous and necessary.

          • iblow4shoes says:

            There would left of her if she did this. Just an empty husk with bad hair extensions and a loud braying voice.

          • iblow4shoes says:

            There would be nothing left…

            I can’t type very well..

          • LEFOOLIEH says:

            I c wut you did thar (maybe). But yeah, she attempted at one point to go “off the grid” and that translated to about 3-4 days off the internet (and I have no doubt at all that she was still self-googling, reading RBD, etc., etc., during that “break”); EFFORT is her issue.

            She’s been acclimated to not having to work too hard for anything or any opportunity (having slipped through the cracks in the latter instance) and she is not accustomed to putting in work to the point that it debilitates her when it becomes a requirement.

            She is no longer in that stage where her youth and attractiveness (because that definitely can be a thing and certainly IS with her) allows for flakiness with regards to her work environment and general relationship experience right now; she is somehow attempting to fight against it. It’s exactly why she freaks out when given a legitimate assignment that should be easy enough while she ALSO sees perfectly fit to stake her claim on being a damn journalist and having written about her topic of choice and experience for years. Yeah, no.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            She thinks she already did this. At Burning Man. In fact, she just posted tons of pictures of her dressed as a stripper when is was over. She claims paradigms were shifted.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          She’s just repackaging her persona for all her new “fans.” They’ve got to have the opportunity to see the “real” adventurous, paradigm-breaking/braking Juliar Allison.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      Oh, my. I thought her left had was the dude’s at first, before I realized he was making the sign of the pumpkin above her head.

  37. Donkeycam Now! says:

    The comments on the column are priceless:

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2h58ewy.jpg[/img]

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      “I love pink and Shabby Chic too. I watch your show and always want to give you advice: stop acting like a boy crazy third grader. You shove yourself so far down a guy’s throat, he can’t even breathe, let alone fall in love. Then he realizes should he fall for you, he’d have to commit to being a supporting player in his own life. Nobody wants that. Take a breath, have a conversation, be a person. Then a guy might have a chance to like you first. As long as you insist on throwing yourself all over guys, plopping your feet in their lap and basically treating them like a relatively pointless accessory in your life, you won’t find what you want. Grow up a little and good luck.”

      Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        Um. . . how long have we been saying this?

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        winner winner SHEEN dinner!

        (sorry I am still fascinated/creeped out by Charlie’s total breakdown last year…that was one of my favorite soundbites.)

        • LEFOOLIEH says:

          Yeah, that was significantly creepy and that whole mess was the first I got to know about Charlie Sheen on a personal level. Then I felt like I’d heard far too much.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      Not stupid + Very attractive?

      WE HAVE FAIL.

    • cola champagne says:

      Now she’s responding to each comment. Welcome back to Gawker days. We’re sure you’ve learned so much, Julia. You’re still up to the same old tricks.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        I kind of love Julia when she goes into Whack-a-Mole mode. The spinning IS her art, cat people!

  38. cola champagne says:

    Are those gel inserts in the shoes, btw? Is Julia gellin’?

  39. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Someone’s going to be hearing from Dad$er!
    Cut! Don’t use that! Cease & desist at once!

    ox”“Miss Advised” Star Gets Botox

    (EXCERPTS)

    Someone needs to give this young lady a plastic surgery consultation as soon as possible, because at her young age, she’s already in danger of going overboard.

    Although she seems to be getting the injections to maintain a more youthful look, they end up making her look far older than she really is … she’s starting to look like a forty-something who’s trying to look thirty.

    It’s also possible that she’s had a small breast augmentation …

  40. JFA says:

    This list is seriously just so offensive. She’s not cultured, a tastemasker, a fashion icon (or even fashionable), stylish, or anyone to emulate. She’s been trotting out the same tired examples for years (DVF!!!! Betsey Johnson!!!!). NO one cares who she’s friends with, and also she looks like shit. I really wanted to comment on the article that Elle should be ashamed of themselves for aligning themselves with her and allowing this drivel to represent them, but it seems like you cannot comment except through Facebook. I used to have a subscription to them and I liked them, I thought they were a step above some other women’s mags with some good book and music suggestions sometimes etc. But I would NEVER subscribe to them again if this is the garbage they are peddling.

    In short, fuck her.

  41. Edward R. Burro says:

    So my cable guide for next week’s show says something like “Julia breaks a rule and dates a math teacher”. What’s the rule she’s breaks — dating a poor man? And do we know who this guy is? I don’t remember reading aabout her dating a teacher.

    • cola champagne says:

      Something doesn’t add up.

    • cola champagne says:

      She is very calculating, though.
      Maybe she will have multiple orgasms with him.
      How will she divide her time if he lives far away like Jelly D?
      I don’t think this should take away from her other dates, though.
      I wonder how her list will factor in.

      Ok, I’m punned out.

    • Peltergeist says:

      Seriously, what’s wrong with dating a teacher? She’s such an arrogant freak to think that she deserves to date someone who’s Someone. I know she’s never worked a real job, but she should be totally familiar with the fact that people can and do lose their jobs/careers.

      • cola champagne says:

        Wait, do you remember when she wrote if she wasn’t doing (whatever it is she does), she would be in Teach for America. Ok, dear. Too bad she’s not using her celebrity for charity. Teresa might be an asshole to her family, but she definitely does charity work and I heard she was very kind to the children at the event.

        • Peltergeist says:

          I always figured that was a direct result of her having dated that Peace Corps guy when she was in college. That was just his thing that she co-opted, as usual. She’s 100% incapable of focusing on other people so I can’t imagine why teaching would ever enter her mind, unless it was related to a wallet.

      • One Fat Melman says:

        I really hope that this isn’t true, for his sake. I’d lose my teaching job in a second if I showed up on a shitshow like hers.

        Even if he’s super careful in the way that he presents himself, she has absolutely NO boundaries and NO empathy for other people’s livelihoods, so I wouldn’t trust her for a second to help maintain his positive reputation. I assume that I will be cringing more than usual during this final episode…

        • cola champagne says:

          If he works at a college, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Elsewhere, I’d run to my lawyer’s office.

          • One Fat Melman says:

            Good point. When I hear “teacher” I assume K-12, when I hear “professor” I assume college.

    • chinchilla of indifference says:

      Wasn’t there some creeper/teacher in FL who would suck up to her on twitter? It was right around the time she got some designer shoes sent to her by a “fan”. At the time, I thought she was just covering her ass in case Dadser figured out why she couldn’t pay her rent that month. I would so love for it to be him! “We had been flirting on twitter for years…”

  42. Patricia Grace says:

    WOW — she has the worst taste of any human being I have seen in a LONG TIME. Like — really, really bad taste. The whole pink, princessy thing? O-kay on a four year old. Tragic on a 31 year old.

    And I hate it when women identify themselves totally through former boyfriends. So boring… blah blah blah — everyone’s been to Paris! And gone shopping… you don’t talk about it. So dull… I am also a style writer and quickly scanned her book shelves — what if she had one of my books for “inspiration.” Yikes! (Did not see it.)

    Slightly off topic — when JFK Jr was dating a girl, he used to rip a page out of Vogue, bring it to the Manolo Blahnik store on West 54th Street in NYC and get his gal an amazing pair of shoes… now there was a guy who knew how to buy shoes. I can’t believe she is holding up those green monstrosities as “chic.”

    • mcakez says:

      I’m glad for your sake that your book didn’t number among those featured.

      That being said, one of my favorite educational texts (one of the only modern ones I’ve ever read explicitly dealing with the ‘battle of the sexes’) is featured in the upper right hand corner: ‘Female Chauvanist Pigs.’ Which I find humorously incongruous because everything Ariel Levy covers in the book applies to Julia: under-cutting/resenting/being competitive with other females, trying to ‘hang with the boys’ just for attention, basing self-worth on looks instead of accomplishments, sexualizing oneself in circumstances where men wouldn’t, taking on the interests of men to impress them, intentionally portraying oneself as a pleasure object, etc., etc.

      I’ve mentioned it here many times, and I have to suspect that Julia has never actually read it or – like most things – she read it only for the parts she felt identified her, ignorant to the fact that the whole book is CONDEMNING people like her. I mean, Jesus, this is the key quote featured on fucking Wikipedia: “It’s about inauthenticity and the idea that women should be constantly exploding in little bursts of exhibitionism. It’s an idea that female sexuality should be about performance and not about pleasure.”

      Now, does that sound like anyone we know?

      Ugh. Is noon too early to have a beer?

  43. Albie Quirky says:

    Hey, I see she gives a shout-out to Pillsbury Douchebro as her “financial guru” on her Twitter. So glad she dropped the pretense that he was dining at the clam dungeon, because that was just pathetisad.

  44. CDB says:

    Was just thinking if JellyD was going to change his costume to a cream donut. CreamyD slides off the tongue so much better don’t ya think?

  45. Donkarena says:

    Just forced myself to read her Elle.com column. THIS is what she had writer’s block about? Shallow. Uninteresting. Did I mention shallow? Certainly doesn’t seem to represent someone who’s been doing this for 10 years. I’m starting to question if/how she actually graduated from college. I’m speechless. Just like Donkey.

    • Donkarena says:

      The hate sites have more depth and are incredibly witty and well-written.

    • cola champagne says:

      I work for a college. It’s not that hard to graduate, as long as you show up.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        That being said, I think its been mentioned before that she barely graduated.

        • cola champagne says:

          I must have missed that! It doesn’t surprise me, because Georgetown is not an easy school, but no school wants to have a poor graduation rate, so it’s safe to say she probably scraped by because she showed up (or someone make a sizable donation).

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            Georgetown has the lowest attrition rate in the country and will do ANYTHING it takes to ensure a student graduates. I’m not sure Jackles would have graduated at any other institution.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      I think Keith wanted this in the can so Elle would have something to run it if the Donkey didn’t submit a column. She was weeks behind at that point. He probably knew she would be able to barf out some commentary about her pretty pink princessy shit that didn’t require any effort or thinking on her part.

      Back to running my errands. I just finished writing a huge technical document and my editor wants some re-writes. I love my editor. Oh, and I can’t sit and whine about writer’s block to get out of doing the work, either. I also can’t shit out a bunch of drivel knowing nobody cares anyway. Every page has to be what it’s supposed to be. Like anyone else, I might get fired someday but it won’t be because I didn’t do my job or put in my best effort.

      I hate the way she wastes all the opportunities that other real journalists would jump on and make the most of. That sentence needs editing.

      • Donkarena says:

        I thought the same thing: how many talented writers would love to have the opportunity to write for Elle.com, and she’s hogging the space to fart out that feckless drivel.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Well, she isn’t really hogging any space. This is a web-only add-on to cross promote with Bravo. It’s not like they spiked any real content for this.

    • One Fat Melman says:

      I assume that this was Keith’s concession when she had writer’s block. She couldn’t get her shit together to write anything of substance, so he threw up his hands and said, “fuck it, to the closet!”

      • cola champagne says:

        Maybe I’m alone here, but I agreed with something my professor said once, which was that there is no such thing as writer’s block. Instead, there is something you are not writing about that is “blocking” you. Once you get it out, you will be unblocked. I’m not sure if it was power of suggestion, but it worked for me, and I’ve never been really blocked. Uninspired and unmotivated yes, but not blocked.

        • One Fat Melman says:

          Exactly. I should have put “block” in quotation marks. I was an English major in college and had major issues with procrastination, but never “writer’s block” as she claims. If anything, I had too many ideas and took forever to decide which one was the best.

          • cola champagne says:

            I think many writers do that, but usually it’s because we are formulating ideas (writing in our head). Julia does nothing of the sort. It’s always pulled out of her ass.

    • JFA says:

      Sources in the know say she barely graduated G-town. She also has admitted to not having gotten good grades. I would kill to see her transcript. I bet they just wanted her out of there and passed her along.

  46. ShesJustStupid says:

    I wonder how BRAVO feels about donks saying they like to fake their shows and she did her part.

    • cola champagne says:

      Speaking of Bravo…this was a comment on her blog:

      “cml1101
      True story – my husband walked into the bedroom where I was just finished watching this weeks episode of Ms. Advised – he looked at me and I asked if I had been crying. I said yes. The tears started all over again – he said what happen – I said Andrew is not falling in love with our Julia. I cried a little more and then explained how it made my heart hurt. I have been there – where you know there is a connection with a person and they tell you they are not falling in love. It is hard not to take it personally.
      He hugged me and dried my tears and said – tell her not to lose faith. Look you where you are now – it was not that long ago you were there – it is heartbreaking – but she is an amazing talented funky woman, who will find the other part of her.
      I wish I could have hugged you. Wrapped you in a big fluffy pink blanket and shared ice cream with you (which would not make us gain weight)
      Please dont lose faith in love my fellow sister in pink (BTW my favorite color too) you are stronger than you think and when you find your prince – Julia – and you will – he will have the real gem.

      I love you in ell too”

      “OUR” JULIA???? LMAO!!!!!

      • cola champagne says:

        Oh, she really likes these girls. She posted also on Emily’s blog:

        “cml1101
        I have been in a healthy and happy Poly relationship for the last 10 years. A lot of people are shocked when I say we are in an “Open Marriage”. From the outside we look like the poster children for monogamy.
        The truth is we had both feel this is all about what is right for us. I mean you will never see me wearing a button saying “I’m Poly – Ask me how”
        Here are some of the misconceptions my husband and I have faced…
        Misconceptions – here in no particular order are the ones Irish and I have faced in our 10 years together

        I am a mindless drone who allows my husband outside our relationship to have other women because I feel like I am not worthy of his love and affection
        WRONG! My husband and I are very much in love with each other. I am also a very confident and sexy woman. I am not settling – I am living my life – the life I want
        We are in this because of religious reasons
        We are both non religious people. We do believe in God but not so much in the organized religion
        .We are only in this life because my husband is not satisfied and needs a number of wives/girlfriends to satisfy his sexual needs
        WRONG! We have an amazing sex life and that is all I am going to say about that. I dont mind he sleeps with other women because I have been with other men. He and I own each other’s hearts. Sex and Love – TWO DIFFERENT THINGS
        We are swingers?
        No – we have been in the past but we both despise the term swinger. It brings to mind the idea of fishbowl parties and sport sex . While sex is a part of the equation it is not the answer. I want more. I want more with friendship and more.. I want to add someone to our life and our family, I want to fall in love.
        We should have never got marriedWhy? We love each other – enough said
        .Because I am Poly and pansexual I will sleep with anyone Do you?
        I just get a twinge in my panties by hearing hey baby wanna screw?
        Uh No
        I am a nympho who is one step away from being a prostitute? (A long time friend asked me that) – I have no answer for that
        We are deviant and somehow bad parents because we have a desire for more than one love ? No, my children are grown now. They also know that love should be multiplied not divided.
        I live by this moto – love is a gift that should be shared. You are the best Emily… been a fan since the Podcast days.. “

      • virgil reid says:

        HOW IS THIS REAL??????????

      • Helena (Amazing Funky Donkey) says:

        I thank that lady for a sweet new handle.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Julia Allison · On-Air Personality at Bravo! · 76,098 subscribers
      Hi Nancy!

      Keep in mind that the tv show is just that … A tv show. It’s not the whole story. I don’t disagree with you in the least that I seem like a boy crazy third grader. But I doubt you’d have the same opinion if you met me in person. I think that’s just the nature of reality tv: they’re trying to tell a story with a compelling and/or ridiculous point of view, and I played that up. In any case, I appreciate your comment! X, Julia

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Oh, Jesus, not the “if you met me” garbage again. Honey, you’re just as stupid in person, much louder, more slappy and pokey, and you smell horrible.

      • Donkarena says:

        hence, the dropping to the floor and making an utter fool of herself (and JellyD uncomfortable) when he showed up at the end of her dinner party. I love the part in the kitchen when he told her “just breathe”, a polite variation of “chill out, freak”

        • cola champagne says:

          The only dropping that should be done when you’re dating is “dropping it like it’s hot.” If you can’t do that, just stand there.
          She’s on the Bravo blog emphasizing they dated for a FEW MONTHS and it was time to have the talk. If you date a few months and he’s not bringing it up, he’s just not that into you, or haven’t you read the self-help books on your shelf?

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Keep in mind that the tv show is just that … A tv show.

        Said one Scary Sashaw so enamored of a fictional tv show character that she posts steaming piles of lies online about her refined Grandmother quoting story lines as life advice.

      • helobabe says:

        I’m wondering if this will also be “the reason” why there is no season 2. She’s trying to spin it now that these were just the “vestiges of her low self esteem” and now she’s whole, or some shit.

        • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

          Maybe she’s heard it won’t be renewed and has defaulted to full-tilt burning bridges mode.

          • cola champagne says:

            I don’t know, I remember her talking shit about her job with Star prior to being fired. I think her problem is she tries to act like she can do better (for her parents) when she knows she can’t. Again, she tried to blame her nervousness with the photo shoot on her mom because her mom finds photo shoots frivolous. Guess what? They are! That’s why you see the Kardashians, Guidices, and other annoying celebs doing shoots all the time. They want the extra money and exposure and that’s how they get it. However, to her parents, who spent a lot of money on her education and subsequent business ventures, this is not the way for someone to put their best foot forward. Yet, she does it anyway. So holding these two ideas in her mind, she runs her mouth and then gets into hot water for it. She just simply can’t keep her mouth shut.

            I may voice my opinion here and make light of this, but in real life, I speak when necessary. I don’t always make my opinion known, and I certainly don’t waste my time arguing with people who think little of me. This is Julia’s biggest problem. She cares too much about the fact that we think very little of her. That’s the crux of her self-esteem issue.

          • Peltergeist says:

            Can I just say how hilarious and weird it is that the Guidice family changed their last name?? They used to be joo-dice and now they’re jee-oo-dee-chay. Even “Treesa” can’t keep it straight on camera.

          • @Peltergeist: that cracks me up, too. I think she changed the pronunciation to seem more authentic for her Italian cook books, but she can’t even remember! haha

          • cola champagne says:

            Yes, the first time I saw that name, I knew they were mispronouncing it on purpose. I’m Hispanic so I know a lot of people who do this with their names. Why, I don’t know. If other people mispronounce your name it’s one thing, but you should say your own name properly.

            Can I tell you how much of a hot mess she is? My sister’s kids and hers used to go to the same dance school. She put a couple of her kids in the company now, I believe. When the premiere for season 3 came out, she invited the other mothers to come to the party, at $75 a head. Can you say money-hungry?

  47. ShesJustStupid says:

    Someone needs to comment on her Elle blog that, if she’s just writing these columns now, what was she working on while filming? What deadlines was she talking about?

  48. venn diagram aka (The New Boyfriend) says:

    seriously? i left a 3 word comment on her elle.com photo shoot and she comments back asking how she can change my opinion of her. wow. sad. this makes me really sad for her.

    • cola champagne says:

      That was her way of having the last word and being sarcastic.

      • venn diagram aka (The New Boyfriend) says:

        i was so badly to respons but i WONT be sucked in!

        • cola champagne says:

          Oh, she’s been doing this for years. This is the only consistent thing she does and why she will never be able to accomplish anything significant.

        • Scooby Don't says:

          If I was commenting under a screen name and she came back with her tired “You’d like me if I met you in person”, I’d be tempted to respond ” Julia, I do know you in person …. very well. And while it may seem like I’m polite to your face, I just tolerate you. I really really really don’t like you” because it would drive her mental
          figure out who you might be.

        • One Fat Melman says:

          I might ask the mods to delete this little thread because now your RBD name is linked to your real name and our Julesie has been known to harass commenters in their real lives.

    • Donkarena says:

      She’s been answering the Bravotv blog comments, too — syrupy sweet replies that resemble high school yearbook signatures. One in particular that I found funny was her line about being glad Andrew dumped her “before I fell in love with him”…..BHAHAHAHAH! So who was that blubberingly devastated dumpee we saw hailing a SanFran cab in the last episode? She also still maintains they dated for MONTHS….(and yet, amazingly she misread all those clues! And after TEN YEARS of being in the love advice business!!!)

      • chinchilla of indifference says:

        Julia has made a very significant change in the way she replies to comments. I think this change is a clear indication of her maturity and personal growth: instead of signing her comments with “xo Julia” she now signs them “X J”. See, haterz, she CAN change!

  49. pelts, glorious pelts! says:

    JA and her stablemates make an appearance the Onion’s weekly “Tolerability Index.”

    They are collectively described as “varying degrees of insufferable” which seems polite.

  50. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:
  51. Lots of Bach says:

    Here’s to hoping that she gives her inheritance to Tim Sykes and he cons her into a buying in a pump-and-dump penny stock scam. Which goes bust.

    You haven’t gotten near 6 figures since Star, Julia. You lied about Intel and now you’re going to blow your NGMB’s fuck-you $.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Ah, yes. Going around SXSW saying she had a $100k deal with Intel. It takes a special amount of stupidity to tell a lie like that.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      A not too bright, social climbing, status seeking trend whore with money is the jackpot for these type of grifters.
      If Donkey has NGMB money burning a hole in her tacky pink quilted purse, the vultures will circle, the burro will be bilked and then they’ll move on and Julia will have to survive on the 30% of bupkis she saved from all her “high paying “gigs.

      Fuck you, money!

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Six figures and we are suppose to believe she just wanted to live in her parents’ condo. If she actually had that kind of money, then why didn’t she go straight to LA. Six figures and all she could afford was Marina Del Bray?

  52. Donkeycam Now says:

    Donkey:
    “Right after college, I dated a handsome, kind man named Alex. He took me to Paris for the first time on this out-of-the-movies storybook trip and bought me these green sparkly Les Prairies pumps at a boutique we wandered into. I had never felt more fashionable. They have remained displayed in my closet as a token of his affection for years (we are still good friends).”

    Transbraytion:
    After many failed attempts at graduation, I hooked up a few times with a dude, I think his name was Alex. I pestered him so much that, after a long string of unspeakable sexual favors, he took me on a trip to Paris. Over there, after repeated BJs, he bought me some shiny plastic shoes from an Arab (HAHAHAHAHAH that wasn’t very PC HAHAHAHA I am so witty and funny and edgy HAHAHAHAHA) in a side street by the Eiffel Building. I had never felt more donkpowered. I still keep those shoes, because I am a bit of a hoarder (I still stalk Alex occasionally)

  53. Iknowdoyou says:

    Julia is a nutcase, what the hell did her parents do to her? Please do not raise your girls like this, this will be your outcome.

    BTW, what are the ratings for this week?

  54. EyeRoller says:

    Oh Glorious Day when America’s LEAST Favorite Second Date Blowjob Queen tasmanian-devils her way through stealing oxygen and converting it uselessly into carbon dioxide and lies. Hundreds upon hundreds of comments on this site in half the time she raked in narry a baker’s dozen of total comments on her internationally renowned column “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Pig of Love” Too. Rich.

    Before I dive into today’s rich wealth of material, I found it strange that in yesterday’s http://www.makeitbetter.net article she refers to as “my most vulnerable interview ever”, she states that she believes a woman should be AGGRESSIVE and MASCULINE in her career? So you’re being pugnacious and manly by acting like a broke down holly go lightly? Naturally you have to line up a guy so you’re “happy” in “real life” by the time “reality show” ends. Maybe ZIP UP YOUR MOUTH before your nutsack of a brain gets caught in it one too many times. THAT might help a guy tolerate you.

    Let’s hope this Coffee Bar guy is a huge fan of “being close friends” after breakups. Though, does that matter anymore? He checked his free will the second he freed his willie on the DONK, turning that lukewarm, pink doorknob and sticking his dumb dick into a lucky Donkhole (he is attractive, so I guess that makes her lucky), and surrendering his twenty brain cells forever to her wrath!

    His name will be used as a subpar two cent cork to fill holes in her constantly sinking ship for the rest of eternity. Acceptance is the answer Coffee Bar guy. Go down without a fight or, you can always check out this blog.

    See, we’re giving her (and her stable of future exes) the best tips and insight EVER and all she does is flip her middle piggy toe at us? D-Bag McHoofenstein thinks we don’t get it. Well she’s right– We DON’T get it, we don’t WANT it, and we don’t want to get it either.

    Ignorant, sad, and DECLASSE.

  55. EyeRoller says:

    Sorry guys, I just had a flash-migraine stemming from my inability to mentally surmount one of those Color Me Bullshit images from that Elle ‘Favorite Things’ piece a couple of days ago. Mainly…

    How the fuck are you supposed to peddle A Watermelon wearing fuchsia galoshes?

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