UPDATE: So Many Miss Advised Mysteries


The lies and obfuscations, on her part and the part of the editors, are really hard to decipher.

The JellyD Dumping: She says the JellyD dumping was weeks later, not right after the second date, and that they had spent time together at one another’s apartments. So why did she walk into that place as though she’d never been there before?

Did he dump her and then they continued to hang out anyway? Because there were certainly photos of them together on New Year’s Eve, and she was seen at one of his shows in late January.

A possible theory: The conversation with JP about blowing him on the second date did happen, but she went to SF and decided NOT to have “the talk” after all and they continued to date for a few more weeks, and that was all edited out. Then weeks later, in another trip to SF,  he finally dumped her ass. Again, I am confused as to why it seemed like she’d never been in that apartment before.

The Writer’s Block: Why the fuck did Keith need the columns when they weren’t running until after the show aired anyway? Was she such a fuckup that they altered the original plan and decided not to run them til the show was airing? Did he want them in real time in order to create some drama for the show? And she admitted in her Bravo blog that the Guinea Pig of Love column ends when the show ends, so REALLY, Donkey? The show had nothing to do with you getting the column? It is to motherfucking laugh.

And this reply to Amelia that she and Prom King “never discussed marriage.”

Jesus Christ, fuckface.  Why do you lie?

UPDATE: Here are some New Year’s Eve photos with her and JellyD:

And here are some pictures of her road trip from L.A. to S.F. with Toilet Julia, posted on Feb. 2. JellyD is tagged in the first one, and it’s pretty clear they were staying at his place:

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315 Responses to UPDATE: So Many Miss Advised Mysteries

  1. Worrisome Pelts says:

    You must be mistaken about the column ending with the show: Bravo doesn’t have the power to place Donkey’s digital fishwrap with their corporate partner Elle.com.

    • mule on rouge says:


      • MissAssvice says:

        At least she is consistent about one thing on her life… The constant lies. How fuck does she live like that.

        I want to apologize to the catladies for no pictures yet. Emergency desk errands are keeping me off wifi. Damn you iTunes for not allowing episodes over 3g

  2. mule on rouge says:

    We never saw Jelly D ask Julia for a date, or send her a text, or even call her on the phone, did we? I’m sure all that romantic stuff got edited out.

    • cola champagne says:

      I also never saw her meet William or Craigslist guy organically. In fact, all of her setups are virtual, while the editors made great pains to show how Amy met each of her potential dates, and also how Emily did. Those two have jobs, and the least amount of time to devote to filming the “initial meeting,” but instead, they show Julia in either ridiculous outfits or pajamas, and meeting each guy online, while not writing her column and staying up all night and eventually falling asleep on the couch. If they renew, she won’t be on the show.

      • virgil reid says:

        yeah that is an interesting observation about all of her virtual set ups.

      • Scooby Don't says:

        Donkey needs a Craiglist guy for all aspects of her life to do any heavy lifting.
        She’s a lazy liar just like she’s a lazy everything else.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Since the first “PROMMM!” date, we had spent time together, including weekend trips.

      “SPENT TIME TOGETHER” (on weekend trips) does not mean that they (ever) went away, together, just the two of them, on weekend getaways.

      DONKINESE TRANSBRAYTION: She (magically! & coincidentally!) ‘materialized’ at places she knew he’d be. Stalker D0nkey is gonna stalk …


    • It would be hilarious if the producers did that intentionally. Not saying it’s the case, but it would be a real slap if they’re just editing it to make her seem crazier.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think they are editing it to make her look even crazier than she already is. In other words, they came to hate her. What a surprise. What a smart professional move for her, to do a reality show in which she looks like an even bigger lunatic than she already is.

        • mule on rouge says:

          And she has nothing to promote! No book, no service, no (income-generating) website, nothing! Maybe she’s waiting for season 2 to launch her line of tutus, tiaras, or vats of pink wine. Another golden opportunity completely wasted on a donkey. What a dipshit.

        • Right? I’d love to hear some Bravo insiders dish on what it was like to work on the show.

          • Fameless Shamewhore says:

            Check previous posts (sorry, no time to look just now) – there certainly was insider info about what a nightmare she was to work with!

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Well, I finally get what Julia Allison means by “we talk several times a day.” That signifies Julia texting some poor schmuck multiple times daily, and poor schmuck appeasing her from time to time with responses like “haha” or “really?” or “I’ll get back to you.”

  3. virgil reid says:

    i think he wanted the stories in real time probably because it’s a lot more difficult to write something months later.

    however, the jellyd thing is so weird. why would they cut so much from the storyline?

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      Cut so much from the story line? They “dated” over the course of two months, max, and live in different cities. How much of a story line could there have been?
      This is a woman who fell down on the floor and hyperventilated — twice — when JellyD showed up at her door for a party — after one single completely orchestrated first date. Somewhat exaggerated response, no?
      She is not a reliable source re: quite serious relationships/dating/or anything else related to consensual adult interactions.
      [Not challenging you, VR, just putting in my two cents.]

      • virgil reid says:

        haha no offense taken, no i guess what i meant (sometimes im reading here and working on other things at the same time so i only get half a thought posted), they seem to do a sort of decent job of having emilys and amys storylines have some flow to them, and it seems like with julia’s wouldnt it have better television to show more of relationship and then have the last episode be the big break up or whatever? idk, i am not a story editor and i think the show sucks in general with it’s premise and how the episodes are set up so maybe that’s just part of it.

  4. Malformed Face says:

    If you go through Donkeys FB photos, you’ll see her playing Jelly D’s guitar, I’m on my phone so I can’t do it, but that might sync up to the date in the show. I don’t care how long she dated him, girlfriend blew him on the second date after bragging about her 11 date rule Forever!

    I’m of the mind he was afraid he’d get slAughtered on TV by her so he kept things as nice as he could until she was clomping into his apartment and confronting him.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      Ya, that guitar pic was posted on Feb 2, same date as the SF in the park pic wearing fug grey hooker boots.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think he dumped her that weekend, because there are photos of her in that ugly sweater. But it is confusing because Toilet Julia was with her. I am confused. Bad editing, Bravo people. Shit show all around.

        p.s. Another sure sign she was dumped around that point is because she then started braying about her Valentine’s date with the Brit. That is a classic Donkey tactic — to start braying/posting photos of herself out with other dudes right after she’s been thrown to the curb.

        • Donkarena says:

          yeah, the toilet julia piece doesn’t fit. Maybe Donkey couldn’t resist the temptation to fly right back to him so they could be alone and was burned by it. By then, I think JellyD was thinking “enough already” and could no longer plaster a smile on his face during the “Julia Show” — besides, how romantic could their ‘weekend’ have been if the other roomate was there? To me, that doesn’t count as “weekends together at each others’ places”….more exaggeration from Donkey

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          I can’t imagine why he would dump her! Bringing your roommate & dog to crash for the weekend w/ a guy you barely know is always such a good move … it sure went swimmingly when D0nkey crashed her family at Prop Thing’s apartment & put her dog’s ass all over his food prep counter, right? RIGHT?

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            To be fair, it was Momser putting her dog’s ass on Wallet Thing’s food prep counter.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Now you’re just splitting pelts …
            Who cares?
            That was three years & two BFs ago!

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          Yes, that is he MO, to bray about new dates after being dumped. Why does she think that works. The guys who dump her are usually happy to be rid of her. They are probably relieved that she has someone to focus her crazy.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          Yep, that Michael Apeman date-braying was the tell that she got dumped early Feb visit. Excellent theory. I still cannot believe that Julia wore those damn gray hooker boots to get dumped in. That’s the most delicious detail. I always knew those boots would come to a bad end.

      • mule on rouge says:

        Speaking of that guitar fauxto, it looks like she’s making her infamous gang sign on it. She is such a tool.

  5. Snow says:

    Is it possible that there were months/weeks between prom date and dinner party date? And then, perhaps SF date? If so, she could count those as “weeks of dating” as technically true.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      No, dinner party date was December 11—we know this from her photos of it and Tweets about “our first dinner party.”

      So I think they somehow edited between December 11 and February 2, which was when Julie went to SF wearing the ugly boots.

      I guess you could say that was “dating for three months” if you count December, January, and February 1 as months.

  6. Malformed Face says:

    PS I doubt Jelly D was sending her “a zillion” texts, he knew not to encourage a crazy donkey. All he wanted was his 3 episode arc to end

    If they were so very very serious, where’s his congratulations tweet? Why won’t he be tagged in any FB photos? Why does he refer to being on the show as “a long strange story “. There’s no affection in that, dear Donkey

  7. Malformed Face says:

    @Snow according to her Tweets Prom date and dinner party one week apart!

  8. Albie Quirky says:

    In six months she’s going to say they talked about marriage. In two years, they will have been engaged. She is the biggest revisionist.

  9. Isn’t it obvious why Elle “needed” the columns during filming of the show? JAB was otherwise unemployed (not counting her “job” as a reality star of course). In order to show her at work as a relationship columnist, perpetuating the concept of the show, they had to manufacture responsibilities vis a vis the vanity column they set up for her. They probably reckoned that watching JAB troll the Internet at 4 AM while mowwing down cupcakes would make for pretty boring television, so why not drum up some fake deadlines so it seems like she’s got something going on besides throwing herself at dudes?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Exactly. They needed to make it look like she was actually employed, so he was insisting on her meeting deadlines. One of the reasons she was probably so lax with meeting them, aside from the fact she’s a lazy-ass sloth, is because she knew there were artificial deadlines.

      • idiotbox says:

        Let’s be honest here: Julia Allison has absolutely no regard for deadlines. She has been proving it since at least high school. She’s a lazy-slacker. Especially since she knew it’s going to be filmed: I can’t imagine any adult showing to a meeting with a boss having had missed 3 deadlines with “notes.” I would show up with at least a good (well-documented) excuse.

        This is who she is: disrespectful, lazy slacker. I remember baugher once wrote “The only thing she chases is attention and she clods after it like a horse” and even for that she’s late.

      • idiotbox says:

        And let’s accept that the deadlines are fake and maybe the producers encouraged her to be late for them to show how difficult it is to meet date and be a dating columnist: there’s no money in this world that would make it worth it for me to go on show myself on TV being unprofessional and missing deadlines. Worst case scenario: I’d turn in something that is subpar to make the point how difficult it is to date and be dating columnist. I mean, it blows my fucking mind that she’s okay being portrayed like that. She seems to feel worse about people mocking her pink clothes over the fact that she is shown as a lazy fucking slacker! LAZY SLACKER! I JUST CAN’T WITH HER!

        • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

          agreed, idiotbox! my canklehausen was the most severe during these “work” scenes. i would DIE if i appeared that unprofessional in front of one person, let alone a whole tv audience.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          She doesn’t believe that she looks like a lazy slacker, but instead looks sympathetic and put upon.

    • KashMoney says:

      this is exactly correct, the very premise of the show is that the woman’s job and her relationships cause conflicts.

      menace and emily, amy matchmaking while on a date herself, julia’s writing messing up her dates. the show is so sloppy, but that obviously was supposed to be the running theme.

    • Can-Swiss says:

      Julia even fails at her fake job.

  10. EyeRoller says:

    I watched the show last night in MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER’S DRESSING GOWN.

  11. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    It took me 2.5 hours to watch 44 minutes of commercial-free Mess o’ BadLies, that’s how (reader’s choice!): ‘bad’ ‘boring’ ‘nauseating’ ‘blah’ etc., etc., etc. it all is.

    Methinks Amy is the only one who made dating / relationship headway as a result of this sad sack of affairs — Emily should just keep doing her thing & quit trying to pigeonhole something intangible & unwanted — D0nkey, on the other hoof, should research her mental healthy benefits & proceed accordingly.

    Jelly Donut needs to drop the jelly donut schtick. Seriously. Right now would be a great opp for him to segue / segway (oh hai, MMBH!) into a comedic persona of a different (as in actually ‘funny’) nature, such as story-telling raps of the d0nkey persuasion tell-alls.

  12. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:


    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      There we go. I think she was dumped that weekend. But Toilet Julia was with her, so I am utterly confused. Shitty editing.

      • Records Custodian says:

        See, and I think she just showed up as his “former girlfriend but now BFF.”

        The primary thing Julia depends on is other people’s couth and social skills. This is why she can say “OMG, Jack and I were talking marriage” and “Randi and I are still BFF.” No reasonable person would engage with her after figuring out how brazenly nuts she is, so they do the only reasonable thing – shut up and let her fly her freak flag.

        My guess is that they went on just a handful of fake dates, she tried to force more, he begged off, she frantically texted and emailed and called him in the aftermath, wanting to “stay friends.” He placated her (and her fantasy “we are still close friends” shtick) because he had signed the waiver and had much to lose if he alienated her entirely.

        Jesus. Looking for truth in a Julia Allison story is like searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

        • Jordache & the Pelts says:

          That my sense as well. It’s more of a pain to try and set the record straight about the exact nature and frequency of relations with Julia. God forbid she call Gawker or the New York Observer with her own two bits.
          I haven’t seen any miss advised episodes past two but will see if I can stomach catching up when I have access to cable and the dvr at my folks house later this week. I’ve been enjoying the commentary at RBNS.
          It’s my impression that Jelly D and Toilet signed up for this shit show and the best they can do is remain mum and remove themselves from the situation and (rightfully) assume few people are watching anyways. It’s not like Jelly is going to remembered forever as the recipient of Julia’s sloppy blow job (she has always been so crass and infantile with that term- does she think it’s more lady like not to go all the way or she trying to be “edgy”? Is it some kind of throwback to the Lewinsky era when she was an impressionable young girl with a different nose and A’s building a wacky persona on the debate circuit?). Both Toilet and Jelly put enough of their own crap out there on the internets so it all sort of jizzes together. Greg they’re all so awful, all of those creatures…

        • Speaking of waivers, do you think she makes people sign one? Vow of silence? Is this possibly why we haven’t heard anything from the people she terrorized during the filming of this show?

          Have any of her “friends” who were close to her ever spilled any dirty deets? Besides the intern, Charlsie?

          I would not be surprised if Dad$ers crafted something up to hand out to

      • Pink Palatian says:

        But in the episode, she said she flew to SF? #confused

    • mule on rouge says:

      They showed up at 4 am. Sweet mother of fuck.

      • Blinking.S.O.S.at.the.Camera says:

        That might be the timezone of the reader, not the post.
        Something is so off here. I’m thinking JD said not interested before Xmas and she just continued to hang off him into the New Year until she ran off to NY and started up with the Brit in early Feb.

  13. Albie Quirky says:

    God, those New Year’s photos. She really looks like his mum in that Mrs. Roper Collection getup.

  14. Albie Quirky says:

    The second-date beej conversation was definitely the morning after the dinner party, because Julie and TJ were wearing the same pajamas as when Julie went in to wake up JellyD.

  15. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Interesting. This would have been after the dumping. Subtle, Donkey … very subtle.


  16. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    What’s not to love about a dude who slays a d0nkey w/ a pillow?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Least flattering pajama pants ever. Oh, Julie, you always get it so so wrong!

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      I feel like her pillows and couch would stink. A family friend sleeps on his couch a lot and it’s yucky to sit there when we’re hanging out.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Jesus Christ, there is a teddy bear on the living room bookshelf. Jesus Christ!

      Also, are those the TaskRabbit flowers because she was too lazy/stupid to pick up some fresh flowers at the grocery store once a week and put them in a vase her fucking self?

    • Julia's Chin Implant says:

      Can someone zoom in so we can see how many of books on her shelf are self-help?

  17. Malformed Face says:

    I am sure she put him on the couch so she wouldn’t look like she banged him on the first night, she probably thought her parents might spring for cable and watch the show.

    But them ur, um, oops! She confessed to a sloppy Beej. Hey Donks, what flavor is that jelly? 😉

    • cola champagne says:

      I don’t think she thinks BJ’s count as sex, so it makes her feel like less of a “slut” (because in her mind sleeping with him on the 2nd date makes her a slut, but telling the whole world she went down on him is super KLASSY).

      • idiotbox says:

        Can someone explain it to me why is BJ less serious than straight up sex? I have boned my boyfriend (of 5 years) on our third date (only because I had my period on the first two) but it took much longer for me to blow him. It’s just seems so much more intimate and private than sex, in my opinion. Perhaps *I* assign too much significance to that? And I actually enjoy giving bjs!

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I totally agree. Way more intimate.

        • It’s definitely more of an intimate act, I would agree. I think kids in high-school prefer BJs over penis-in-vagina intercourse because there is no chance of pregnancy.

          A girl in my 10th grade class took it in the ass because she didn’t want to give up her “virginity.” She was so proud of that!

          • cola champagne says:

            I’ve heard that many times about women in certain cultures where virginity (vaginal) is important, they will have anal sex all the time and totally consider themselves to be virgins.

        • cola champagne says:

          Girls in middle school do this a lot, so although as women of a certain age we can acknowledge it’s more intimate, to someone like Julia (who’s stuck in middle school emotionally and sexually speaking), believes it’s not “going all the way.” It’s the same deal with letting him sleep over. Oh, I can blow him on the couch but he has to sleep there because it’s not time for that yet. Ok, so maybe don’t make a big deal about him coming to some wack party you’re throwing, because he’s going to expect to stay the night.

        • darling dearest says:

          nope i totally agree as well

        • Dr. Gary says:

          I tots agree. BJs way more intimate.

          • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

            yep. i’ve boned more guys than i’ve sucked. wow, i sound just as klassy as Donk!

    • donniedriveby says:

      Hey Donks, what flavor is that jelly?

      More of a custard cream, really…

  18. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    The “it’s always strange to see you” line suggests to me that there were a fair number of texts and emails being sent. Jelly might have even sent a few. However, whether Jelly was Donkey’s “boy” for seven days or three months, they were in different cities and didn’t see that much of each other. “Dating for three months!!! may mean two dates. Since Donkey wanted to pose with Jelly’s guitars and everything (btw picking up an instrument despite having no idea how to play is a good way to stress its owner), it rings true that she had never seen his apartment before. At least not during the day. It’s obvious that Donkey and Jelly weren’t that close before it mercifully ended.

    Another thing I forgot to mention: remember when Donkey was braying about how getting dumped by Jelly gave her flashbacks of all the other guys who ever dumped her? Wasn’t she claiming about a year ago that she had never been dumped in her life?

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      I can’t believe he let her sausage snappers hold his Martin guitar.

      Wait, yes I can; he let a donkey hold his penis in her mouth.

      • idiotbox says:

        Btw, judging from the way she gets kisses from guys I imagine the blowjob-thing to be an absolutely petrifying ordeal for him.

        • cola champagne says:


        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          Well, unless she drugs guys or ties them up, they willingly put it in her mouth. So no sympathy for them.

  19. Malformed Face says:

    I think Donks has now so fucked her face that she knows the only way to snag a man is move a Beej from date 11 to date 2.

    She might have some self awareness after all!

  20. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    Her 2012 New Year’s Eve outfit was much better than the 2011 sausage casing horror.

    That crab claw in the second picture freaks me out. It reminds me of the scene in Taxi Driver where Cybill Shepherd explains to Albert Brooks how the neighborhood newsstand man who has only one hand and missing most of his fingers lights a match. (Obscure moment to remember in that film…but Albert Brooks always cracks me up in that scene.)

  21. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Anyone else catch where during the breakfast schlub scene, Flusher Price exclaims: “She can’t have dairy!” & D0nkey goes on to say that “it’s” for Andrew?

    Wow, Little Julia … aid & abet hypochondria & co-opted ED’s much? It’s not like the guy was surreptitiously sneaking dairy into D0nkey’s feedbag when he merely responded to a question about goat cheese.

    NOTE: Pescachickenarian D0nkey (who, if you recall, has gone on record saying that they pretty much only eat eggs & kale) says she eats neither meat nor dairy, so, what I want to know is: How does D0nkey categorize her consumption of the fetal form byproduct of mature animals?

  22. The Final Rose says:

    I’m so confused by the editing/scripting of the Jelly D ‘relationship.’ I know I’m repeating myself, but the scene filmed with Donks and Toliet very clearly implies that she has spent any significant time with Jelly D since the couch BJ. In fact, Toilet tells Donks that she can’t be falling for someone she has not hooked up with — I wonder if the weekends spent together were really just Julia stalking Andrew and taking pictures when they were in the same place? OR Julia is stuck because she either needs to admit that the show is scripted (the bedroom scene where she admits to chowing down on a jelly doughnut on national TV) despite her brays to the contrary, or she has to admit that they were not at all very serious, but across three months they hung out a few times.

    • Donkarena says:

      I agree. I think her “three months” is an overly generous estimate as the calendar goes, but if there was a day in December, a day or two in January, and then a day in early February, then ‘voila’ she thinks she can claim three months. I think she and her roomate stalked him. She strikes me as the type that would chronicle their EVERY move if they were actively dating — iPhone pics, tweets, facebook posts & pictures….yet, she’s uncharacteristically silent.

      • Donkarena says:

        The more I think about it, the more I think that she went home with toilet Julia after their weekend in SF — then turned right around (maybe a day later), packed and headed to the airport to “surprise” him and finally get some alone time with him. Her impulsive nature dictates shit like that…

        • MY Beach Home says:

          I agree with you. Didn’t Toilet Julia say something like – I feel like you JUST saw him – when Juliar said she was going to SF? It still doesn’t explain why she seemed so unfamiliar with the apartment if she and TP had just couch surfed there but then again, why would anything on this show make sense?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I just rewatched the scene. I don’t think she was unfamiliar with the apartment after all. The xylophone, perhaps, but not the apartment.

    • fig says:

      Maybe it only “counted” as a date when the cameras were there and later that idiotic logic wore off, mostly because it made her look crazy?

  23. MY Beach Home says:

    I just realized that I’m not sure I saw an explanation of why she moved on from William and started up with Jelly. Are we to just infer that the way he ran out after the TEMECULA trip meant he was not down for anymore dates/screen time? Did I miss something?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      They never came back to William at all. He’s just suddenly gone after the vineyard date.

      • Donkarena says:

        he looked as if he was fleeing for his life after he walked her back to her apartment…then she has the gall to push him about asking her out for another date. The chick has no filter

  24. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:


  25. Malformed Face says:

    Here’s the thing, if they were “ver serious” then why would a Donkey bring Toilet Julia to sleep on Andrews couch in SF? Don’t “very serious” couples want to be alone? Since Donkey is making 6 figures (LOL) why not spring for a hotel for her and Jelly? V

    Could it be because Donkey brayed “me and my friend need a place to stay for the weekend?”. She kept it casual and since he’s a “good kid” he said sure.

    Not buying he saw it anymore than a hookup and way to get on TV.

  26. Malformed Face says:

    So telling that Jelly D and Codename TK always want a buffer around when they deal with a Donkey!

  27. Malformed Face says:

    I don’t think they edited to make her “crazier” I think it just started to become impossible for her to keep her lid on her own crazy at this point.

    Also, yes they hate her and are enjoying it.

    @Jacy, I can’t load last thread, dud you get my intel/gossip Miss Tisdale distancing herself from Miss advised?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I saw that. Very interesting. Do you know why? Is she horrified by Donkey?

  28. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    Blog entry from Bravo….

    Well, hello there! Welcome to the penultimate episode of this first season of Miss Advised. Only one week left until the finale in which… Oh, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? This episode finds us back at my house in Marina del Rey surrounded by my ELLE editor (Keith) and a lovely ELLE photographer who can’t stop laughing at my ridiculous bedroom/closet/home/life. Sigh.

    Photo shoots with new photographers make me self-conscious as it is, but to have one conducted by ELLE (in my own home, which tends to veer toward the eccentric) was beyond nerve-wracking. My mother was in town at the time, and I felt like she wouldn’t be thrilled with the concept of a photoshoot (She thinks they are “frivolous” and “self-indulgent” — even though the shoot was my editor Keith’s idea). My nerves stemmed from that, along with anxiety thanks to a confluence of stresses, most notably my blocked writing. So much so that I was breaking out and stress eating. Not exactly what you want prior to a photo shoot.

    Plus, Keith sort of…rolled his eyes at my closet. It’s not often you have your boss in your closet, but when you do, you definitely don’t want him to react like that. Especially if he works at a prominent fashion magazine. You start wondering if you just aren’t cool enough to exist, let alone write for said magazine. In a misguided attempt at “cool,” the first outfit I tried on for the photo-shoot was this Rachel Zoe maxi skirt in blue (not pink!), which I paired with a simple white tee. It was a look that felt a lot more hip than I actually am. Ironically dressing that way made me uncomfortable. It just didn’t feel ME. But when I put on a vintage pink dress and sat (upon Keith’s request) in a pile of pink tulle on my bed, tiara in my hair, somehow I felt like myself again.

    My editor chastised me about my taste (both in fashion and in home decor), but at the end of the day, I sleep in my bedroom every night, and I have to live with myself. Keith doesn’t! I figure it’s more important I like my own space than if anyone else does. Besides, it’s a great litmus test. If something as silly as a pink bedroom or a proclivity toward occasionally wearing frothy dresses scares a guy away, then I’m not convinced he was worth the trouble in the first place!

    I hope every woman realizes this: you don’t have to smooth away all your “eccentric” personality traits to find the right man. If he’s right for you, he’ll love you FOR those eccentricities, as long as you’re not counting “being a total bitch” amongst them.

    As for the writer’s block I discussed with Keith: I DID eventually get through it, although it took some serious work with therapists regarding my anxiety and self-esteem issues. So far, I’ve published seven columns on ELLE.com (it will be eight by the end of the Guinea Pig of Love series, next week) each written at 2,000 words (they ended up getting edited down to 1,000 or so). You can read them all here. For someone who has been as tortured by writing as I have recently, getting through these is a victory for me. I know it could always come back, but at least I’ve won the battle. Next up: trying to win the war!

    Ah, and now for the slightly more depressing portion of this episode — my ill-advised (if you will) trip to San Francisco to see Mister Andrew. So, about Andrew. Sigh. I don’t know where to begin, but suffice it to say that although it seemed that trip was fast, it really wasn’t. Since the first “PROMMM!” date, we had spent time together, including weekend trips. We talked frequently on the phone and sent zillions of texts and emails. He played me music on his guitar and cooked dinner. I had met his friends and he had met mine. It was time to have that talk. You know, the dreaded “where is this going?” talk. I’m not a huge fan of those talks, but things were getting (as Andrew put it during that conversation) “to that depth” where we needed to discuss it.

    But Andrew did me a favor, and as much as it hurt at the time, for that I thank him. He didn’t feel that he could fall in love with me, and while that wasn’t what I wanted to hear then, it certainly was the right thing for him to say, because it was true. What if he had led me on, allowing me to develop deeper and deeper feelings that he didn’t reciprocate? That would have been brutal and kept me from being able to heal and move on to find someone who COULD fall in love with me. Andrew is a good man, and he couldn’t do that.

    I cried quite a bit when Andrew broke up with me. (Oh, let’s be honest, when Andrew dumped me.) But it wasn’t just over Andrew. I started crying over Andrew and segued into crying over every guy who had EVER dumped me, and then from there into every relationship that hadn’t worked out, and from THERE into a future filled with men who would dump me and relationships that wouldn’t work out. It was quite a cry I had, and poor Andrew sat there rubbing my back, wondering what the hell was going on. Had he accidentally killed my puppy? No, I explained to him later. This is simply how women grieve (some women…sometimes). We stack all of these terrible things on top of one another, one after the other after the other, until it feels like our romantic lives are doomed, like we won’t ever succeed, like we won’t ever be loved. It was as if everything I’ve ever feared I looked at and felt completely and totally throughout my body. I grieved for every end I’ve ever had.

    And here’s the strange part — after I sobbed for about half an hour (and drunk half a bottle of champagne), I felt inexplicably better. Like I had gotten it out of my system. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was certainly cathartic. I had been holding in so much pain, so much fear, so much disappointment and regret over my love life, and Andrew was pretty much the last straw to a mini-breakdown. A breakdown I needed to have, as it turns out, to have a breakthrough. What breakthrough, you ask?

    Oh, about that. Well, you’ll just have to wait until the season finale for that!

    4 pages….OF LIES.

    • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

      Oh and a ps….

      P.S. That slap? That was just a joke. Even in moments of sadness and disappointment we can (and should) laugh.

  29. Can-Swiss says:

    Two things:

    1 – How is the fact that “Andrew” goes by JellyD and raps as a donut NOT in the most boring Bravo show ever? Would that not be something interesting and make good TV? You can see his donut costume in the background in his apartment.

    2 – Why has JellyD not promoted his appearance on the show? Wasn’t that the whole point? I guess he really regretted The Donkey (we will never the Donkey) and was ashamed and wanted the whole thing to blow over? I mean, no one watched the show really so it will be forgotten pretty fast.

  30. Iknowdoyou says:

    Jellyd and JA have a mutual friend, that is how they met. Another woman I won’t say who, lets just say another slob who thinks she is a tech girl and from what I hear gives beej too, no wonder they’re friends. Fatty might say they are not but they are,no matter how hush it is.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Who is Fatty? Email us!

      • Iknowdoyou says:

        Her name has been mention before on this site, I can’t tell because it would give them attention they do not deserve. I will say this , she is a fat blonde (not her natureal hair color). Loves to say she is in tech but barely works and loves to take pics of herself all the time. A twin of JA only fatter, I know fatter than JA but she is.

    • KrakenSkulls says:


      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        She’s neither fat nor blonde. And JA isn’t fat, so it’s hard to know who we’re talking about. Aubrey? Christine Kelly? Who knows.

    • Heehaw says:

      Aubs probably… Just my guess.

  31. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Anyone else thinking that D0nkey’s claim of a 2nd date beej, true or not, was calculated to inspire dudes to date her at least twice even after the airing of Miss Advised has left no doubt as to her re-re mania? She knows dudes are no longer intrigued by her, nor even remotely interested in getting to know her, & she’s too lazy to troll CraigsLust ….


  32. Fashion Girl says:

    It doesn’t matter whether she went out with him twice or kinda, sorta “dated” him for three months. What matters is that 350-500K people watched Bravo last night and think she’s a lunatic, and aren’t going to bother following up to parse the facts.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      Agreed. And since it seems Bravo also couldn’t be bothered to parse the facts, then neither will I. I’m saving those brain cells for booze.

  33. ShesJustStupid says:

    What were the numbers for this episode?

  34. Donkey of Perdition says:
  35. Dr. Gary says:

    Andrew looks like Keith Haring in the second NYE photo:


    • Yoo hoo!! says:

      Is the writer a cat lady or just as awesome as the cat ladies in our basement?

      • Amelia/Foolia Fallacy says:

        I’m lurking cat lady. Absolutely obsessed with this blog, but pretty rarely comment. I think I commented maybe half a dozen times under Foolia Fallacy but once I started doing the recaps for The Frisky, I decided to use my real name here going forward.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I think I have expressed this before, but would just like to reiterate, that I love you. And I would totally blow you on the second date.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Great recap, Amelia!

        • misslinda says:

          *Gasp!* It’s you! I lurv your writing. If you ever need any more recappers etc. at The Frisky, I am at your beck and call.

          Humbly yours,
          misslinda of Wordsmoker

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Yay, Amelia!

      I don’t know why she thinks Alton Busey’s name is Alan Busey, though.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      This is awesome because they pretty much have clips of all of Julia’s parts. Now I don’t have to worry about watching the damn show.

      My greg. I feel like I just watched THE FACE THAT ATTACKED LA

      • cola champagne says:

        “… they pretty much have clips of all of Julia’s parts…”

        Please reword. The imagery…ugh.
        Actually, I’m surprised they don’t have nightvision images of the supposed BJ…they need pointers from MTV.

      • Amelia/Foolia Fallacy says:

        I’m amazed I made it through the whole season (fingers crossed!) without Bravo laying the smackdown on how much I was clipping. Maybe they appreciated the publicity for the show though.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Anyone else getting a Kirstie Alley vibe?
        (CAPTCHA = gravy train! Oh, honey …

  36. Peltergeist says:

    I’m still catching up so forgive me if this was mentioned but how omgamazeballs was Keith slapping her down the whole episode? She doesn’t even get it. He knows she’s such a lost cause that he resorted to asking her to email him daily so some intern could write her column.

    • Psychotic Today says:

      This gem, “Julia tells Andrew she’ll be making eggs, lox, and water for breakfast. I take this to mean she’s going to the lab to physically put two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom together.”

      I died laughing. While watching the show I was curious as to how she was planning on making water. Mystery solved.

  37. EyeRoller says:

    DADDY DAUGHTER should sue his daughter’s pelts off for acting the way she does on television. None of his friends at the country club will look him in the eyes anymore.

    Also, JellyD is the poor man’s Topher Grace, who is already the poor man’s everybody, so I’ll say it again: She’s a pathetic ultracrepidarian which translates to being THE BIG BUTT OF A HUGE JOKE ON A SHIT SHOW.

    Work it girl!

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      At the very least, he should apologize to the people he threatened, claiming that they were ruining her reputation, etc. Nobody can do a better and more thorough job of that than she does.

      • EyeRoller says:

        EXACTLY. Her father should be forced to issue a public apology to the universe in general, attempting to legally attack perfectly sane people who simply point out the obvious: That his daughter is a heavy-hoofin’ shoe-face with a bowl of rotten oatmeal where a brain should be and an empty space where one would normally find a human heart. THEN, he needs to issue a separate apology for starting this whole mess 30 years ago when he shot her out of his NUTSACK in the first place.

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          heavy-hoofin’ shoe-face

          this is beautiful.

        • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

          seriously one of the best comments ever. i so hope ole Petey read it.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          As mentioned, I really love it when the newbies fit right in like they’ve always been here. Whoever you are, I would also totally blow you on the second date.

        • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          I iz the dead.

        • Stage 5 clinger says:

          Oh, thank you, thank you. I seriously had the bellly shaking laffs at this. Comedy gold!

  38. EyeRoller says:

    I meant *DADDY DONK* should sue the pelts off her.

  39. CaptainGary says:

    I have a theory, catpeeps – a theory that I hope doesn’t turn out to be true, so I guess it’s more like a fear. What if (and this is a big what if) Jelly D’s radio silence plus Donks hinting at “finding love” in the show (awhile back, don’t remember where) means that them being together is the big season finale reveal?

    Look, I know it’s laughable, but can you imagine the honking bray that would ensue? The “I brayed you SO!!!” would be awful! Can anyone help me through this (admittedly implausible) worst-case scenario?

    Or maybe the reveal is finding love in Greasy? Who knows?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      If she was dating Jelly, why all the fuss about her dates with hobo-looking English puppet guy and DeStorm?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        And we’ve seen photos of her with Greasy’s attractive girlfriend since filming ended.

    • Chairman Maw says:

      If she were going to end up with JD, the thing on FB the other day about his friends not knowing who she is and him saying his appearance on the show was a “long, strange story” would never have happened.

      As one of our esteemed catpeeps says: Just remember, she’s always lying.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Thanks, all – I feel better. Sorry, a moment of weakness.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Or maybe the reveal is finding love in Greasy?

      CAPTCHA said abide with me but I no think Greasy can do.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      The closing scene for Julia’s segments will involve Toilet Julia pecking away on her Casio, head bobbing like one of those novelty drinking birds, while a bedraggled Julia wearing every piece of makeup, every pelt, every tiara and every pink article of clothing she owns all at once, making her resemble one of those giant inflatable pigs from a Pink Floyd show, squawks out the barely recognizable lyrics to The Greatest Love of All, mascara streaming down her face as around them assorted Taskrabbits and Craiglist rentals empty the Marina Del Bray corral of every last bit of grifted, comped furniture, leaving a white void as empty as her soul.

      If I fail, if I succeed
      At least I’ll live as I believe
      No matter what they take from me
      They can’t take away my dignity
      Because the greatest love of all
      Is happening to me
      I found the greatest love of all
      Inside of me
      The greatest love of all
      Is easy to achieve
      Learning to love yourself
      It is the greatest love of all

      They can’t take away her dignity but she’s done a hell of a job giving it away.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        *single tear rolling down my cheek*

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        Yep. One of the cat peeps called this at the outset.
        “I’ve learned to love myself and — as my dear departed Gran used to say [see, I had it tattooed to my wrist years ago and posted the video, too … but I didn’t really get it, y’know?] — let it unfold.”

      • Stage 5 clinger says:

        @ScoobyDont – great minds! 🙂

    • Real-life "Cathy" Cartoon says:

      I’m scared it’s gonna be the Happiness Expert.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      No. There is no reveal. The reveal will be that CrazyPelts has to start being “authentic” and to calm the fuck down. That’s it.

    • Stage 5 clinger says:

      $5 says the finale will be Julie finding the greatest love of all: Learning to love herself

  40. cola champagne says:

    Ok, I finally saw the clips I needed to see. This is the first and only time I will say this, but it seems like the editors were able to accurately predict one thing, which is that Julia doesn’t ever let things unfold:

    Exhibit A: Takes full control of first date and forces a kiss and an uncomfortable situation to force intimacy
    Exhibit B: Whines and complains about him not showing up to the party despite his hesitance. Blows him, thinking this will somehow bring them closer together.
    Exhibit C: Forces a DTR talk waaaaaaaaay too early, and cries when he tells her he couldn’t fall in love with her (DESPITE HER NOT EVEN BEING IN LOVE YET EITHER).
    Exhibit D: Continues to cry/whine in front of this person before “I love yous” are exchanged. Just fucking leave (more manipulation, trying to get him to comfort her, forcing intimacy tactics).

    I KNOW Julia crying on camera in each episode was her cloying attempt to get people to like her, feel sorry for her, and see her as a sad sack who’s just trying to find love. I think it’s pathetic that an adult can’t take rejection without falling apart. People get rejected all the time. She doesn’t make herself look sympathetic. Instead, she comes off as immature, unstable, and delusional. Why wouldn’t she be surprised that he couldn’t fall in love with her? Does she really think that’s that irresistible? LOL!

    • Julia be Cray says:

      If she gave head because things got hot and steamy and that was a natural progression, that’s one thing. I suspect, like others, that she does it to force closeness and to use sex to get x,y,z. I never understand the bj before sex as I think head is more intimate than sex…I may be in the minority, but that’s ok.

  41. Donkarena says:

    Seems she assures failure in relationships by not letting anyone get a word in edgewise… hardly looks anyone in the eye, forces herself on people…She has no humility, as well as no empathy or interest in other people. I think she’s actually terrified of the real world.

    • cola champagne says:

      The crying is the worst to me. Use your words, dear. Not everything deserves tears.

  42. cola champagne says:

    Also, just because someone tells you “you can slap me” DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD DO IT. I wouldn’t have dared, because first of all, people say things like, “Just shoot me” all the time. It’s a damn expression. Calm down. But also, perhaps I’m too prideful to let the person know they affected me that much after a handful of dates. I mean, shit happens. Get over it.

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      That reminds me of an interesting report I once heard on NPR in which a police expert explained that the most common last words of murder victims are “Go ahead and shoot!” or “Well, why don’t you then?” (ie many homicides are the results of bar brawls or arguments in which things escalate and the soon-to-be murder victim taunts the future perpetrator with just that kind of statement).

  43. Princess WideStance says:

    “When I’m out on a date, I’m thinking about my job.” Bwaaahaaaahaa!

    If she means “I’m thinking about how I can spin this experience to make me famous and make people jealous,” then I guess that could be accurate.

    • cola champagne says:

      JOB. Did someone say JOB? What kind of “job,” though? Remember, she always words things so that she’s not lying. Because that’s not exhausting, conniving, or insane.

    • fig says:

      What killed me was that it sounded like she was seriously asking her boss for dating advice, not advice on how to make the pieces she wrote or still had to write work for him. So, so messed up.

      • Peltergeist says:

        He was babysitting her in all senses of the word. She should have been embarassed at about 35,000 points in her conversations with him.

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        And her eye roll, not that I’ve ever done that admission that she records conversations during dates.
        (I’m thinking it’s within the realm of possibility that she then sends the files to daddy’s office to have a secretary transcribe and file them!)

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          Related/Unrelated: When I was fresh out of college, I worked for a high-ranking administrator at a major law firm. When she herself was a wee pup, she was secretary to one of the founding partners of the firm. He had long since retired to Arizona, but never stopped relying on her for basic clerical tasks. She was a nice lady, so she did his bidding instead of passing his menial fluff off to her juniors. Among his more charming and/or deranged requests was asking her to transcribe his dictated notes from each of his medical appointments and to prepare them as memos, with copies to be sent to each of his children and back to himself for his “files.” Thanks to my boss’ dislike of headphones when transcribing, I know more about that man’s prostate than I do any part of my own body.

          Point: I would not be the least bit shocked if Julia treats her father’s presumably long-suffering legal secretary like her own personal assistant.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Obviously, she means blow job. She thinks her magical princess blow jobs are the only way she will get a man to love her. She really is stuck in the 7th grade.

  44. princess sparkle fart says:

    So many lies. Rewatching on the Frisky… “I haven’t felt for someone like this in YEARS”. I think she has a time-distortion field. Days = months and months = years in donkeyland.

    • Meow Mix says:

      She does that with every new boyfriend. I think it’s a part of her self-narrative: “Well, I fucked up the last relationship(s), but I didn’t even really love those guys anyway. This new guy is so perfect, I haven’t felt like this in YEARS!” The whole “in years” thing is a way for her to diminish the last failed relationship.

      Which would work if she weren’t Julia Allison, but we all know it was the same thing with Jakob -> Prom King -> Jack -> Andrew, and all the other guys thrown in between whom I’ve forgotten.

      • cola champagne says:

        Anyone watch Basketball Wives? She’s totally Royce!

      • Skirt Pull says:

        Just like she recreates memes from each relationship with the next one, all mini-enactments of her own psychodrama. The prom date with Prom King and then with Jelly D; the 5 dresses with Michael and then with Prom King.

  45. Meow Mix says:

    Guys, I couldn’t even finish the clips from The Frisky. SO. MOTHERFUCKING. AWKWARD.

    When he’s waking up on the couch and she keeps touching him and purring at him? It was so creepy it made me shiver. Awful.

    The part with Keith and the art director mocking her was just mortifying. She was so obviously trying to impress him by saying she kept her grandma’s vintage dress on the wall as “Wall Art.”

    • cola champagne says:

      I know! The dress was mass-produced. That’s like me hanging up a Mickey Mouse picture and calling it art. The dress is also not from medieval times, many women with money owned it. I mean, you can call it art if you like, just like you can call it a relationship, but that doesn’t make it so.

      The clinging was so embarrassing. He’s sitting on the couch, and she’s acting like she’s Kate Winslet and she and Leo are trying to hang on to the door but he has to die because she’s too fat and both of them don’t fit (totally kidding about the fat part, I love me some KW).

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Did you hear Keith’s reply when she said that? Something like, ‘that’s weird’. So good.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        I wonder how much direction the producers gave him. Probably just a “she’s batshit crazy, now go!”

      • Meow Mix says:

        I think he just said, “Weird.” It was hilarious.

        It’s like when Choire Sicha tweeted back “Honey.” when Julia tweeted something like, “SOCIAL MEDIA IS A FOUNTAIN AND I’M STANDING WITH MY MOUTH OPEN LETTING IT FLOW INTO ME.”

    • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

      I feel like she has severe problems. She doesn’t know how to act with a boyfriend. I find this mindblowing, because she has had all kinds of boyfriends over the years, some of them serious and long-term. She gets all weird-clingy-affectionate-purring but it doesn’t seem genuine or real. maybe it’s just the cameras? i don’t have a fucking clue, but she seems like an alien mimicking normal human behavior, like on 3rd Rock or something.

      • Meow Mix says:

        So awkward! I think the weirdest part about it with Jelly D was that he was clearly not into her, and instead of acting cool she was purring and pawing at him, but it seemed kind of like she was acting like his mom but also trying to be sexy? It was so creepy I had to fast forward through the clip. WTF.

  46. This one is a no-boner says:

    I hope this hasn’t been discussed previously (ringing AK Kitty!) but I’ve just caught up on this shitshow. Here’s the thing: Jelly D is in love with Julia Price. Re-watch the episode (if you can stomach). Their chemistry/dynamic is off the charts. Jelly D came to Marina del Bray to see Julia (Price). Julia Allison, dearest, you are a delusional loon.

  47. bitchface says:

    oh Julia quit stalking him. Give it up.

    from JellyD’s facebook page (he doesn’t even have timeline yet….)

    Jill Weisberg wrote, “I LOVE that I’m watching the ol boob tube for the first time in months, literally, and there you are! Besos brutha… xxo”
    18 hours ago ·
    Julia Allison likes this.

  48. Dr. Gary says:

    Julie tweeted this about an hour ago:

    @JuliaAllison: I finally got through my writer’s block! Here is my latest column for @ELLEmagazine, on @JenalaFlamme’s Pleasure Camp: http://t.co/eduYGB4t

    UM. Just one problem. That column was posted on 7/23/12 @ 8AM. And it had NOTHING to do with Miss Advised. There is no new column up for this week. Who does she think she’s fooling with this b.s.? Elle must be so over her.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      jinx below. She really thinks people are fools.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Ha ha ha ha lol forever.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Someone asked her about plugging an old column and she said it was just published and that she was looking for a link to the latest one. GOD.

      • To the tune of “Turn! Turn! Turn!” by The Byrds:

        For every lie, spin spin spin
        There is another lie, spin spin spin
        For everything, spin spin spin

      • Dr. Gary says:

        She’s such a liar. This week’s column wasn’t published yet when she tweeted out that old link. So she clearly was trying to pass it off as new.

        If anyone cares, this week’s column was published today @ 5:30PM.

        I literally CAN. NOT. with her crap writing and the AWFUL posed *arty* photos. J’refuse to link to it here. You can find it if you go to elle dot com and look under ‘Life & Love’.

  49. ShesJustStupid says:

    Why is she pretending like last week’s Elle column is new?

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 2h
    I finally got through my writer’s block! Here is my latest column for @ELLEmagazine, on @JenalaFlamme’s Pleasure Camp: elle.com/news/lifestyle…
    View details ·

  50. Amy says:

    I agree she’s a little annoying for jeez, all of you sound like high school mean girls! Don’t you have anything else to focus in other than a girl on a reality show?!?! Get lives!!!

    • I’m working, writing a blog post, listening to Green Day, and folding paper. Got plenty going on, but I still have time to laugh at a hilarious embarrassment of a person who chooses to share her cringe-inducing qualities with the world.

    • EyeRoller says:


    • Donkarena says:

      We’re giving her the attention she wants and deserves! Besides, aren’t you here, too?

      • EyeRoller says:

        Well put Donkerena! That calls for another nomination in the long list of nicknames for Dbag: HOOVER.

        Because she sucks the life out of every room she enters (as Donkerena mentioned earlier), and now we know she SUCKS DICK on date numero dos. Plus, she just sucks.


    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      I’ve written more articles this week than she has for the duration of this show. And now I’m going to take a nap. That makes me far more productive than she can ever hope to be.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I am a fat, shut-in cat lady, covered in Cheeto dust and empty pill bottles. I have no life and this is my only connection to the outside world.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        You, too?!?!?!

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          How did I make this happen for myself?

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          How d0 I make this happen for myself?

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            It caught my attempt to fix my comment! Bless.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            I made it happen by having no work ethic and being completely repellant to other humans. No, wait, that’s how Donkey made it happen fir herself. I’m actually super busy and the above is just my fantasy.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      OK, so I’ve got my wife, my two kids, my job, my employees, there’s Breaking Bad, oh yeah my friends, my family, the Mets game when I have time, NFL season is coming up, there’s of course the time I like to spend mocking this vile embarrassment of a creature that doesn’t take away from any of the other things going on and is a nice distraction, but what. . . am . . I. . missing?

      Oh, a life. Right, gotta get a life.

      Thanks for the reminder.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Ha! Today I’ve already filed a story as long as those “blog posts” Donkey agonizes over, and for which I shot and edited the photos. I filed one version for online and another for print. I put together a photo gallery (also shot and edited by yrs truly) for the longer story I filed yesterday. I’ve outlined a section cover story for next week and I’m getting ready to go out and report on it this evening. I’ve fed and played with my dogs, emailed my sister, paid some bills, had a few laughs at a loud, obnoxious, relentlessly self-aggrandizing Donkey’s expense. Now I’m going out for a cocktail! Life seems to be going along just fine, Amy, dear heart.

  51. misslinda says:

    And in a shameless self-promotion, let’s not forget Wordsmoker! I’ve been on vacation for a few weeks so it’s a long goddamned recap, taking us through the entire “relationship,” start to spectacular finish:


    • Dr. Gary says:

      Thank you, Miss Linda. That was awesome.

      Oh, and Julie? In case you were wondering, that thing that Miss Linda linked to? That’s called ‘writing’.

  52. Dr. Gary says:

    Re-watched the clip of Julie going to Andrew’s apartment to get dumped. Just noticed that her hair is SO greasy. It’s disgusting. The lights are pretty bright, so you can really see it. Dang. No wonder Andrew kicked her out. He was probably grossed out by her nasty stinky pelts and (possibly) bad breath.

    • CDB says:

      Why do you care? why don’t you just adjust your monitor?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      This is one of the most baffling things about Princess Failsalot. She could easily grift a daily wash and blow out from a local salon desperate for publicity, but instead she chooses to look like they just pulled her out of a dumpster and hosed her down with canola oil every day before filming. Did no one on the crew suggest that she might be a wee bit less than fresh? Has her sense of smell gone on strike? Her pillow cases must reek.

  53. Can-Swiss says:

    How many times did different people call Julia crazy to her face in the last episode? I think Keith did at least 3 times. JellyD at least once, and the Mind Architect did too more or less. Toilet Julia was thinking it the entire episode.

    If people who are considered friends/colleagues are calling you “CRAZY” to your face, maybe YOU’RE CRAZY.

  54. Bratcat says:

    Lord, they deserve each other….

    • Pelterina says:

      I am so confused by the shower curtain in the kitchen. I can’t even get through the video because the shower curtain baffles me. Why is it there?

      And it’s a testimony to how horrendous Donk is that JellyD comes off well in the show.

  55. fig says:

    Watching this I kind of understand the mean teacher in middle school who took a grade off my presentation because I kept talking too much with my eyebrows. Annoying!

  56. cola champagne says:

    Call me crazy, but if the guy doesn’t come to pick you up at the airport, I sincerely doubt you can say that his actions portray that he’s falling for you. I’d like to see her prove she thought wrongly of his feelings.
    He side-hugged her, and he hadn’t even gotten any yet. Shouldn’t he be all over her as well, if he were into her?

    • Dr. Gary says:


      I was dating a guy I knew from LA after I’d moved to NYC. When I flew out to LA to visit, he always picked me up at the airport. One time he was waiting with a giant sunflower. We spent the next two weeks having crazy hot sexy times.

      If a guy is into you, and you live in different cities/states/countries? The first thing they want to do when they see you is have the sexy times. If they don’t? Then they definitely aren’t into you.

      • cola champagne says:

        They just did a bad job putting this storyline together, but she makes it worse. The lady doth protest too much. I’m sorry, but she’s always talking about how the mods here don’t know anything. Bitch, please. Even if they were wrong about a lot of stuff (which obviously isn’t the case), even a broken clock is right twice a day, so we’re not all delusional.

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        yep!!! it is so weird that she doesn’t know this at 31.

  57. Queen Neferteeri says:

    I’m surprised nobody has mentioned yet how that top picture looks almost exactly like Jocelyn Wildenstein.

  58. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    When the loon is at JellyD’s place, he goes into the kitchen, returns with TWO bottles of beer, and hands one of them to someone out-of-frame, someone on the crew probably, but I hope it was a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence waiting in the wings to comfort Julia.

    This may be one of my favorite TV moments ever.

  59. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Julia has quite a slip of the tongue in the girl chat scene with the dogsitter/singing nurse: she says that she and JellyD ‘have chemistry’, then adds “SHE’S very sexy.” (Check out the clip on thefrisky at 1:56.)

  60. EyeRoller says:

    Just read ELLE article. Speechless. All I can say is:

    She sure knows how to take the ‘art’ out of ‘article’.

  61. A Bray in a Manger says:

    I’m sorry if this was noted in a previous thread, but I was re-watching the episode and noticed that, in the scene with Julia and Jelly at the end, there’s a third person in the room when he pours the champagne. At about 39:13 (watching on iTunes) he brings out a glass of champagne for Julia, sets the bottle down on the floor by her feet (lovely touch!) and then comes back out with two beers. He opens one for himself and hands the other to someone off screen.

  62. elpie says:

    please forgive me if this doesn’t work/look good. It’s my first seashore shop! I call it “2nd Date.”

  63. Donkeycam Now! says:

    The answer to the mysteries is always the same: because “reality” TV is staged, scripted and heavily edited.

    When Jelly D opens the door to welcome her, the camera crew is already inside his apartment filming from the inside (still, he pretends to be surprised). The “dumping” scene was obviously staged. Donkey is such a lousy actress that she couldn’t even cry properly.

    When he hinted that she gave Jelly D a BJ when he stayed overnight, my canklehausen flared up so badly I had to turn the TV off and apply ointment for hours.

    In Emily’s world, Menace confirmed himself as the major d-bag I always thought he was. What can you expect from a fat dumpy guy who dates ugly women (did you see her date? Great face for the radio!) and calls himself “Menace”? He is only a Menace to personal hygiene and fashion. And manners too.

    As per Amy… what can I say about Amy? Amy who? She is just too boring.

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