Miss Advised, Episode Seven Open Thread And BINGO, Bitches!

I will be live-blogging the Slap Heard Around The Cat Basement episode as soon as it starts. Look for updates below.

p.s. Anyone else notice that Julie has been awfully quiet about this episode? Has barely uttered a word about the show today on Twitter. Very interesting.

UPDATE: Awesome. They showed her braying and falling on the floor again to tee up the show.

And we’re opening with a “how do you know a guy’s the one?” Oh God. Something about a Venn diagram. She hasn’t found her man. JellyD is asleep on the couch!!!! She just woke him up. He is lying on her pink pillows. She offers to make him eggs and lox and “water.” Says she didn’t think Andrew met any of the criteria on her list; but she likes him anyway. “HE’S A ROMANTIC!” she just brayed. OMG she just told him he “inspired her” creatively. He looks uncomfortable. Says he has to go soon.

UPDATE:  “He doesn’t scream husband material.” Ooops — hint to the madness. She basically suggested her parents wouldn’t approve of him and she has to stop worrying about what her parents say. Toilet Julia just told her to promise not to over-analyze and stare at her phone. Oh yeah. Like that’s going to happen.

UPDATE: Amy, webisodes. Boring. She is talking about her own recent broken heart. Really? How many dates were they on. Never mind, she looks good, and she’s doing well on her webisode. But boring. Let’s get back to CrazyTown.

Now we’re on Emily. David Rubin is coming to town, she’s telling Douchebag Menace. He’s asking if David Rubin is going to get laid. Menace needs to shut the fuck up. Now she’s asking her radio audience if they believe in “the one.” I couldn’t care less. Emily shouldn’t even be on this show. Oh look, David Rubin has shown up in the radio studio!

UPDATE: Julia looks like hell in the Tisdale live chat. She is wearing a pink lei. Zzzzzzz.

And now we’re back on. David is here. They’re kissing and Menace is popping a jealousy boner. Emily is all butterfly-ish seeing David. David is also saying he doesn’t believe in “the one.” “You guys are really meant for each other,” Menace says. Emily tells him to shut up.  Next topic on the radio show — how do you tell someone they’re bad in bed? Oh gross, too much Menace information. As Emily points out, he’s competing with David.

HOORAY: Back to CrazyPants Baugher! BINGO!! She’s curling her hair!

Elle’s Keith is here for a photo shoot for the magazine and also to discuss the articles she has failed to write. That’s right, she’s way behind. He’s now mocking her about all the pink in her closet!

UPDATE: He just told her that her pink dress closet is so insane that he wants to shoot just the crazy pink dresses. The eyelashes, by the way, are out of fucking control.

She’s now going to try on a bunch of her pink shit for the photo shoot. JP is asking Keith away from the Donk if Donkey’s been handing in her articles. He says she has “writer’s block.” Now Donk has the tiara on. “It’s so ridiculous that we might as well go with it,” Keith sighs. Donk says that she’s feeling judged. “But this is WHO I AM!”

UPDATE: Amy admits she is a workout junkie. The new MareMareBeachHair! Miss Advised Mary!! We are watching her workout with a personal trainer while some guy with really bad hair is trying to compete with her re: pullups. She has a hot body. Curly is introducing himself to her. He’s hot for her. It’s a shame about his hair.

She’s agreeing to go out with him, even though it breaks a rule that you should never date anyone at your gym.

Coming up — David justifiably insults that douche Menace!

UPDATE: Lunch with Keith after the photo shoot. Riot act about to be read!!!! “I brought notes, I haven’t written anything,” she says. Keith says: “That’s a problem.” She says she hates everything she’s written re: The Guinea Pig of Love. Now she’s giving him some bogus idea about writing a column about being unable to follow “the rules.” Keith is basically telling her that yes, she needs to change her behavior to find a relationship and that probably includes following some basic rules, mostly DON’T BE CRAZY.

Keith hates her. He is literally rolling his eyes at her, and sighing a lot. He is now telling her to calm the fuck down as a human being.

BWAHHAHA!! “What I’m hearing right now is a little bit of insanity,” Keith says as she brays on and on pointlessly. She is talking over him as he’s trying to give her direction.

UPDATE: God you fucking idiot, it is not that difficult to write a dating column. You are not writing columns about the fucking eurozone crisis. She is trying to explain away her laziness by suggesting she’s blocked. She’s just a dumb lazy person, and Keith knows it.

Back to Emily. They are all affectionate at dinner at a restaurant. Menace seems jealous. David just insulted him, saying he thinks that many women have refused to kiss him. Menace just asked David if he’s ever masturbated thinking of Emily. David says he feels uncomfortable. Menace is now making her tell the story about the clitoris seminar, clearly to make David feel insecure. He’s an A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

UPDATE: Emily and David are going to Napa. Anything to get away from Menace, I say.

Back to Amy! She and Curly are back at a gym. They are having their first date at a gym! Rock climbing! And Amy’s afraid of heights. I’d be more frightened of his hair.

UPDATE: Rock climbing. He’s gone up, she’s admiring his legs, now it’s Amy’s turn. She’s scared. She’s climbing like “a little spider monkey.” She made it to the top. He’s cheering her on. It’s kind of cute. They are hugging. They are not letting go. Amy is turned on, you can see she’s rethinking the “no fucking on the first date” thing despite his bad hair.

Back to CrazyTown! Preview of her about to LOSE IT because JellyD is not feeling the love.

UPDATE: Emily is out buying leather pants for her sexy weekend in Napa.

Now Amy and Curly are at a juice bar. She thinks her luck might be changing thanks to her great date with Curly.

They really like each other! It’s really cute, despite the extremely bad hair! She just told him she loved his hair. Now they’re holding hands. He loves her smile and her teeth! It’s cute! I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a douchebag.

Now let’s get back to CrazyVille, for fuck’s sake!! We want to see someone NOT evolving.

And here we are! She is going to see JellyD. Toilet Julia is trying to help her pick out clothes. She is mocking her new purple party dress. She tells her she’s trying too hard.

“Andrew and I talk SEVERAL times a day. We text all the time!” Donk insists when TJ questions how well they even know each other. Now she’s confessing that she invited herself to San Francisco. TJ is uneasy. Donkey is going there because: “I want to have the talk.” She says no dude has ever surprised her before, she was very touched when he showed up for the dinner. I guess she’s forgetting about Pancakes showing up in Tahoe for her bi-polar birthcray party just a few months earlier.  She’s also admitting she blew JellyD!!! OH MY GOD, on national TV!!! Her parents are watching!!! JESUS CHRIST!

UPDATE: A blow job on the first date. Because it’s less intimate to suck on a guy’s dong and swallow his semen than it is to allow him to stick it in your vagina. This explains so much. She is such a loon.

Now we’re onto Emily. They’re heading to Napa. I am still too blown away by the Hummer Confession that I can’t even pay attention to what’s going on. Emily is all excited and hot for David Rubin.

OMG back to Donkey. Flying to San Fran! She is “getting invested” and before she goes any further, she needs to know he’s “on the same page; I don’t want to get hurt.” She’s braying about being happy to be in SF. She brought wine — how odd, since she never drinks. They are opening champagne to CELEBRATE, she brays.

“It’s always weird to see you,” he said. Adding nervously: That’s a good thing, when she looks angry.

UPDATE: OMG, she’s telling him she missed him and clinging to him and he’s acting like it’s his sister who’s hugging him and it’s about to happen, people. “What is going on with us?” He’s hesitating. She’s getting emotional. They are previewing the slap.

Here we go. “You are fun, you are smart, you’re a little crazy, but I don’t feel I’m falling for you.” She’s weeping. He doesn’t feel that it’s even a possibility. He’s apologizing. The eyelashes, holy shit. No slap yet. Oh, OK, he told her she could slap him. It was a feeble slap. She’s bawling and braying and leaving. Holy shit, cuckoobird, you barely dated. Off you go.

“I get invested in people so quickly. Because I create fantasies in my head that have nothing to do with reality.” Yes! Poor sobbing Donkey is out hailing a cab in the darkness. Nope, still don’t feel sorry for her.

And I take back what I said about her physically assaulting JellyD. It was nothing. He invited her to, and she barely made contact. However, she remains a mentalcase with a seething inner rage problem.

Previews show her with another visit from the Mind Architect who was rubbing her club feet. He’s telling her the makeup and the whole personality is keeping people away. Hey, no kidding, fuckface. Too bad you told her in the first session that she was perfect.

Til next week, Fatties!

The Tisdale chat was boring, by the way, and had nothing to do with the show.

 

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431 Responses to Miss Advised, Episode Seven Open Thread And BINGO, Bitches!

  1. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    First

  2. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Bingo card courtesy of marvelous cat lady Natasha!

  3. Can-Swiss says:

    I think Donkey is going to slay it tonight!

  4. OMGDonk says:

    Brittany Jane Miller ‏@LadyPsychology
    @JuliaAllison how many more episodes left in #MissAdvised ? & any signs of a season 2?

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @LadyPsychology – hi B! This is the 7th episode out of 8! No word on second season yet – we probably won’t know until the fall!

    such a hopeful donkey! i cannot wait until she realizes there will be no second season. so delusional. who would even want to continue this shit! i bet she thinks a second season = a nicer edit.

  5. The Watermelon Wonderer says:

    This is fantastic! It sucks that I’m West Coast:(

  6. OMGDonk says:

    Has @TimothySykes ever acknowleged Julia? She’s supposed to be on vacation with this tool right?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Not a word.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        And he’s been on social media constantly.

        She is the worst at faking dates. I bet he wouldn’t hug her even with a Diet Coke as a shield.

        • OMGDonk says:

          there should be a rule that if you arent good at faking dates, you cant try. good god what is WRONG with her, she is so transparent its insulting.

          so who is she on vacation with? i wouldnt be surprised if she really didnt go and is posting old pics from her stall in marina del bray. and NO way she jumped out of a plane, we’d have pics of a flying donkey if that really happened.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            We already have pics of her from skydiving previously—there’s one in CUNTBunnies!’s magnificent collage.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            With the gaping maw the size of a black hole. One of my favorites.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            It’s one row over from Easter Whore and Frumpy Flag Floozy on the right side.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Oh, and she’s by herself. The “we” is legalese for “the other people at the griftfest.”

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            Were there any FB pictures of the luggage carousel? Nope? Donkey’s then indeed clomping around Marina Del Bray & feeling worrisome about tonight’s slapping good episode.

          • A Donkey is an Ass says:

            It’s certainly possible he banged her musty old claptrap, but he’d never admit a Donkey. He’s a Dudebro. They don’t have standards.

  7. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    To hold us over for the next 90 minutes, there’s this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFIQIpC5_wY&feature=player_embedded

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Lol

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I loved that movie. I hope Steve Coogan’s real life isn’t like that, though!

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Me too. My sister bugged me to watch it for a year and I finally got around to it and it was so funny that I just kept watching it over and over again. It was based on a BBC series and I think Coogan said there was a lot in it that was autobiographical. And I loved Alan Partridge so the “a-ha!” and Abba jokes made me howl.

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          Michael Caine impersonations & Abba jokes? Into the Netflix queue!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Ditto

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            ABBA worship as much as jokes. But if you have never seen the Alan Partridge BBC series, which is all about ABBA and buffoonery, try to get it. Not sure if it’s on Netflix though. It’s hard to find.

          • SilverBulletViBRAYtor says:

            It’s on YouTube as well.

            “DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!”

  8. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    p.s. Which one of you West Coast bitches wants to monitor the Tisdale live chat while the show is on? Prediction: Donk won’t show up for it.

  9. OMGDonk says:

    Even though she tagged the location, I’m still not buying it. I bet she paid someone in HI to update her status, Fictional Frank from @SkydiveHawaii maybe?

    Julia Allison
    3 hours ago near Mokuleia, HI via mobile
    “The people that worry me are those that don’t get scared,” the owner of @SkydiveHawaii, Frank, told me. “They don’t have a good relationship to fear.”

    This is totally something a donkey would say.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She has photos of herself ALONE at the hotel and at Skydive Hawaii. I think she’s really there ALONE. It’s even funnier and more schadenfreudelicious than if she’d just pretended to go, too.

      Miss Havisham Road Trip 2012: Forever Alone!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Said photos are on lockerz.com.

        • OMGDonk says:

          How dysfunctional is this bitch? She’s there ALONE for a
          “financial” conference but tweeting as a “we” in front of “our” hotel. Must be so exhausting to put on such a front.

          She needed an excuse to escape marina del bray, probably to avoid the backlash tonight. Or getting plastic surgery.

  10. pattym says:

    Just wanted to point out that the Wired writer the donkey defended on twitter has indeed turned out to be a total fraud: http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/07/30/jonah-lehrer-resigns-from-new-yorker-after-making-up-dylan-quotes-for-his-book/

  11. pattym says:

    oops. sorry.

  12. OMGDonk says:

    i’m at risk of being on the receiving end of AK Kitty but this facebook freakout is too good not to post.

    John Kim
    Julia’s parents must pay for her nice apartment on the beach and her car, last i heard bloggers don’t make much, haha
    July 26 at 6:00pm · Like · 1

    Julia Allison
    No, John Kim, actually, my parents haven’t contributed any financial resources to my life since they paid for college and gave me a graduation gift of 10k – in 2004. I make six figures a year and I don’t make my money from “blogging” – I make it from writing articles, speaking, tv, reporting, consulting, products (like my new Beach Bike) and endorsement deals.

    John Kim poked the donkey! is she really claiming someone paid her to “design” that beach bike? And who the fuck pays her to write? Not Elle. Not Bravo. I can’t even…I need to take 5, too worked up. At least MissAdvised always makes me feel better. Tonight will be extra special.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Oh dear.

    • Falsies says:

      What’s with her always specifying the amount she got from her parents after college? Is she bragging that they’re rich enough to throw that amount at her? Trying to show she’s totally self-supporting because she didn’t get THAT much? A normal person would say “a little help after college,” or something. Idiot.

      • OMGDonk says:

        gross but i was thinking the same thing. its almost a humble brag. and downtown condo rent free? parental contribution.

        • Snow says:

          +1. Even on the show she talks about living in her parents condo. Them paying for your housing == financial contribution

      • Factory Seconds says:

        More importantly, she does NOT make six figures a year. There is LICHRALLY no way.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          she must be counting the two numbers after the decimals. math is hard for girls!

  13. Albie Quirky says:

    Quoth my huscat, “Is tonight the Terrible Woman Show? When is that thing going to be over, anyway?”

    • OMGDonk says:

      My boyfriend will sit through ANYTHING. I make him watch all the housewives shows yet with Miss Advised draws the line. Just can’t handle Julia. I sneak it on and he freaks out like nooooo, not happening. He’s seriously disgusted and doesnt understand why i can’t walk away from the bray.

      • Wonkeye says:

        Mine too. Then he gets sucked in and just starts yelling at the TV. He especially hates Amy and her food issues. “These are horrible women—why are you watching this shit?!?”

      • Meow Mix says:

        OMGDonk, my fiance is exactly the same! He’s such a sport and will sit through anything, but I made him watch one episode of Miss Advised and he refused to di it anymore.

        We only have 1 TV in our apartment, so as a result of him outright refusing to watch this drivel I haven’t watched it in the last few weeks and rely on the recaps and RBD to let me know what happened. Honestly, it’s too fucking boring of a show to watch the whole hour.

        • OMGDonk says:

          I feel your pain! I’ve resorted to DVRing and fast forwarding to the donk- specific parts so its relatively quick and less painful. But he’s asleep now, so its JULIAtime.

          Oh…the utter disbelief when I told him she used to be hot. Refused to believe such nonsense.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        LOL. Same here. Cathus will tolerate housewives. He will never the donkey.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      You can tell him Bravo will cancel the televised version after next week, but the touring company will go on for decades.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      The Terrible Woman Show cracks me up. Tip o’ the tutu to your huscat, Albie. He got me to crack my first grin of the day.

  14. juliaspublicist says:

    Not lying. I totally forgot this was still on.

  15. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    i am ready to RUMBLE.

  16. diluted brain says:

    I poured my drink and I’m ready to go. I’m indifferent about next week being the last episode; however, I had a blast on the open thread with all of you since I really can’t get on during work so it was fun while it lasted!

    • OMGDonk says:

      i’m hoping they do a reunion. i want more of andy & julia, live.

      or even better, amy & julia.

  17. a says:

    anyone have a live link? no cable…

  18. Malformed Face says:

    She is definitely shilling for that sky dive place. Such a good use of her time to scream down the phone at someone DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM????? Rather than. You know, pay a hundred bucks to sky dive line someone making six figures would!

  19. diluted brain says:

    hot pink, embroidery pillow cases… oh my.

  20. Psychotic Today says:

    why is she wearing a full face of make up to wake up andrew? also, she can’t physically make water or lox…

  21. rankles the jankles says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Take an hour long break from the Olympics & turn your TV to BRAVO for the penultimate episode of the first season of #MissAdvised!!

    HAHAHHAHA. No.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      EXACTLY. Donkey, the Summer Olympics happen every 4 years. You fail constantly.

    • darling dearest says:

      does she still believe in the secret? maybe thats why she keeps saying “first season” like there will be many more

  22. Skirt Pull says:

    OMG painful painful painful. Now that I know he is D’s ex I am absolutely sure that this is totally a setup on his behalf and she just doesn’t understand it. Painful – “things are going well with Andrew” – and he’s like “I have to get going soon because I have a meeting” = about what? doughnuts?

    • diluted brain says:

      Who is D? Did I zone out already during the first 10 minutes and miss something?

      • Skirt Pull says:

        D is the first initial of Andrew’s ex. Who is now married to my friend. Not on the show, backstory.

  23. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Amy on iVillage? Christ, I cannot stand her voice! Anything you want to plagiarize here, Julia?

  24. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Jelly D is not a hippie. My parents were hippies. Doesn’t he have a fairly good job as copywriter or some such thing?

    • AFGHANI says:

      More like a yuppie, for real. Although he’d say hipster.

      • mcakez says:

        I think she wanted to say hipster, but is so terrified of that term because she does not understand it, but so desperately craves it.

  25. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Some twitter reactions:

    The ginger on #missadvised belongs in the looney bin #throwawaythekey

    Ugh @BravoAndy I love everything you do but this show sux serious adam’s apples… #MissAdvised blows

    Seriously, Julia, you went on two dates with a guy and now you feel like it is “time to go deep or go home”? I hate you! #MissAdvised

    #MissAdvised does single women a great disservice. Stupid AND ridiculous! Ugh.
    @BravoAndy please get #missadvised off my TV. If this comes back for a 2nd season I will shove pencils in my eyes and ears.

    what.a.shitshow. #missadvised

    I’m all about personality but Julia is toooo over-the-top. How old is this b!tch? #MissAdvised

    The show #MissAdvised is why men think women are crazy. Never wondered if a guy was marriage material on date 1. I’m lucky if I’m on time.

    Will Julia grow up. All this chick does is whine. Now u click w/ a dude & ur worried about what the ‘rents r gonna say. Really? #MissAdvised

    Another week of watching #MissAdvised, another week of cringing over Julia.

    Andrew definitely wants to go wherever Julia isn’t. #missadvised

    I have never uttered the words “husband material.” #missadvised

  26. EyeRoller says:

    I know I’d LOVE waking up on her couch with her roommate hovering over me hounding me about how it’s a “big deal” to buy a $49 Southwest Airlines ticket and make the sojourn from San Francisco all for a DONK. Sexy.

  27. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Oh my Greg! In one makeup shot she looked just like Shirley Temple. Julie and Pollack both lisp–maybe he’s THE ONE?!

  28. julia's authentic pelts says:

    David Rubin is hot, no? Not sure about his personality , I wasn’t listening.

  29. Snow says:

    This seems like a low rent photo shoot, using her own clothes, accessories etc

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Come on now, she makes six figures!

    • Onocentaur says:

      Eh, not for a “what’s in my closet” sort of deal. But watching Keith’s reactions to Julia and her wardrobe/apartment is priceless.

  30. OMGDonk says:

    How many times has she said “In theory” this season?

    Shoot me in the face, I hate her so much.

  31. Psychotic Today says:

    She feels judged by the people going through her closet and laughing at all the pink? Girl….

  32. CoCo says:

    Is Menace gay? If not, I would like to hypothesize that he is so antagonistic towards Emily, and particularly towards David, because he wants to have sex with her and she’s not interested. But seriously, otherwise what the hell is his problem? Why is he such a dick to her?

    PS, Love Emily’s shirt.

    • Snow says:

      The episode where she kissed him and he went “ew…” ringed a bell for me. Yup – either gay or has the hots for her (which was my first thought)

      • mcakez says:

        When David MFin’ Rubin came in and both he and Emily were talking about there not being a ‘One,’ Menace was giving the most obvious moo-moo eyes to her. I sort of felt bad for him, since I was Team Menace for a minute two weeks ago when he made all kinds of fun of Julia on the Sex with Em after show.

    • Onocentaur says:

      love Emily’s shirt too!

  33. A-Game Content says:

    Do you think that Toilet was maybe hired… I don’t know, as a guardian? Or conservator? Or something? Something about how she gave Donk instructions to not stalk or overanalyze. And then she stopped in to “check” on how she was doing with her articles.

    • OMGDonk says:

      Really wouldn’t be surprised. Bravo had to deal with some legal BS with crazy kelly bensimon having a mental breakdown during filming. If they saw donk as liability…maybe hired a handler?

    • The Final Rose says:

      Yeah, the checking in on her articles was off — and not in a scripted way.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Haven’t seen the episode, but wherever I read that (updates? chat?) made me wonder also if Dad$er wasn’t tasking Flusher Price to corral D0nkey & keep her from fucking up …

      Ha, Dad$er! Is if.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I bet that’s true. They did visit the old homestead and there’s a picture of Dadsers lecturing the two of them.

    • mcakez says:

      TJ was hired to throw Julia under the small bus. Notice how Julia said she was three columns behind, but when Keith showed up TJ immediately asked, “So, has she been writing her columns?” as soon as Donk walked away.

      I felt the wheels of the bus through the TV/space and time, it was so much shade.

      • Falsies says:

        Yeah, I kinda think she’s just a stealth bitch and tries to make Julia look bad.

        • mule on rouge says:

          Seriously! How is it any of her business, and why would Donkey’s boss divulge such information? Unless the whole job and roommate situation were fabricated for the storyline. Hey, wait a minute…

  34. EyeRoller says:

    “The more you like a guy the longer you should wait” to sleep with him? Does that mean the LESS Donk likes a guy the QUICKER she sleeps with him?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      I’m sure it makes him like *her* less. Can you imagine the braying?

    • One Fat Melman says:

      I think you mean “the quicker she INFLICTS herself on him”.

    • Donkarena says:

      possibly!! Also entitles him to free interim BJs while he waits.

    • Onocentaur says:

      To defend a donkey (yikes), that’s pretty standard advice. Like if you just want to hit and quit it, go ahead and sleep with them right away, but if you want something serious, don’t do it immediately. Of course, there are RULES or whatever but then there is real life.

  35. penny says:

    I watched previous episodes, this afternoon. Julia is a train wreck. In one of the scenes, she said something along the lines of: this is who I am and if Andrew doesn’t like it…oh well. But we know she will profess to being able to fall on love with him, then slap him, right? It seems hypocritical. She needs Lots Of Therapy!

  36. julia's authentic pelts says:

    Omg they are making her look like an incompetent loon. Fucking hilarious!

  37. Kimbo Slice says:

    Switching between men’s gymnastics and this…omg why am I getting drunk on red wine on a monday? Kill me now.

  38. Snow says:

    Does she really think she can’t screw the relationship up if it’s the “right” one?! wtf

    • OMGDonk says:

      Because that’s the only way she can continue to bray out of control and make a fool of herself without consequences like failing at THE ULTIMATE GOAL. the lies we tell ourselves.

    • KashMoney says:

      “love me unconditionally”, remember?

  39. Snow says:

    Bwah! He just said she sounded crazy

  40. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Flashback to Georgetown! Julia hasn’t written her last few “articles”for ELLE and is trying to BS her way out of it. She looks like hell, BTW, and I seldom comment on her looks. Pollack is playing shrink and treating a 31 year old as though she’s four.

    • diluted brain says:

      I’ll stress myself out over important stuff for work but to stress out over an article then an email…. like is she kidding? She did look like hell. She looks crazy different from 5 years ago, it’s baffling.

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        And worrisome!

        • OMGDonk says:

          It really is worrisome that she’s acting like this on TV. I think its mental illness, like a serious one. Like SHOULDNT be on a reality show bad. Just do the stupid article! I couldn’t believe she only had notes.

          Also, I love how Julia tries a SECOND pitch at that meeting about “not following the rules” with dating because she wasn’t into the GuineaPig of Looove anymore. Can’t even follow a rule like DO YOUR JOB.

  41. EyeRoller says:

    At this point, she’s writing the jokes for us.

  42. Psychotic Today says:

    If Keith was straight I would kiss him. Julia’s eye pelts during lunch pretty much grossed me out. She should also throw away that necklace and that hair style.

  43. The Final Rose says:

    It’s not possible to date someone and be a dating columnist? Um, OK.

    The look of sheer terror, confusion and discomfort on her face that entire meeting is all the proof I need that the column was arranged by Bravo.

  44. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    The insanity levels are off the chart!!!!!! Her eye pelts, actual head pelts and that gaping hee haw laugh… Someone grab me some ointment STAT….

  45. OMGDonk says:

    Lucien Simpson ‏@Mintedroyalty
    @dipschwantz @Bravotv @SexWithEmily @JuliaAllison @AmyLaurentMatch can’t believe they are putting the slap on TV, its violent and wrong

    15m Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @Mintedroyalty @dipschwantz @Bravotv @SexWithEmily @JuliaAllison @AmyLaurentMatch – It was a joke – it’s not a real slap!

  46. Jack the Bulldog says:

    An ad for Walmart Steaks? Clearly an upwardly mobile demographic is tuning in to Mess Despised.

  47. MY Beach Home says:

    What in the actual fuck is going on with her eyelashes? Did I just not notice before this shitshow or is this new for the shitshow?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Fake eyelash pelts. She had them throughout the filming of the show. Also known as Tammy Faye Bakker.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        They were worse on this ep. She must have switched salons; she looked like Carol Channing.

  48. BLB says:

    Her job is to summarize that week’s episode. How did she get writer’s block. It is to laugh.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      It is to laugh very, very hard. I could write those things in 15 minutes. She is a loser.

      • helobabe says:

        You write that x10 every week just for here alone. She’s such a lazy dump.

      • Agreed. I’ve said it before, but being unemployed as a writer/editor and knowing she’s getting stuff HANDED to her for Greg-knows-what reason AND is always complaining about how excruciating she finds HER JOB to be almost makes me want to throw myself off a bridge.

        • It’s probably the most annoying thing about her. There are so many of us who would be overjoyed to write even a web-only column for a major magazine. She doesn’t take anything seriously, because she never had to seriously work hard for anything.

          JA, you’re recapping your dates and possibly reflecting upon them and anything you learned. I don’t see how writer’s block factors in to composing a blog post. Just quit.

    • Oh god says:

      When her boss suggested she pretend to write four emails a week instead of writing a column, she acted like that was some sort of Herculean task. Like, four emails a week? REALLY? Don’t most people write about four emails in an hour? On a slow day?

      I feel like I’m starting to understand how she is so paralyzed by daily tasks. Her life must truly be tortuous if she believes she’s got a career as a writer but is unable to write maybe 1,000 words about herself a week.

  49. julia's authentic pelts says:

    I’m still reeling that she can’t even perform her fake job. Hasn’t she been writing bullshit dating columns for “a decade”?

  50. rankles the jankles says:

    At this point in the season, are the Baughers still able to bring themselves to watch this shitshow? I think not.

  51. MY Beach Home says:

    Amy is actually okay with that guy’s necklace?

  52. diluted brain says:

    How could she possibly think she looks hot or “smoking”? Gross.

  53. sausage curls/fingers says:

    She didn’t just say that.

    • The Final Rose says:

      This is the worst case of canklehausen I’ve ever had. And poor Jelly D.

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        I’m the definition of stunned silence, drops phone. How could any blowjob be worth this humiliation?

    • diluted brain says:

      Also, love how she still doesn’t let him share the bed. Unless it’s him that accepts the BJ then says ‘peace, I’m sleeping on the couch’. Play on, playa.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        My theory: He chose the couch. She came in and did the beej, tried to get him to come to bed with her, he held on to the couch for dear life.

        Waking up in that apartment was probably rock bottom for him.

    • oldballz says:

      I cannot believe she so explicitly stated that. Why not just say they hooked up. I really do think she’s retarded.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        She has to be, right? Like borderline/functioning retarded. There is no other explanation.

      • Oh god says:

        I never believed it before, but I’m starting to believe she has to be. I used to wonder if she had Asperger’s. But her inability to do what millions of bloggers around the world do daily at least once a week for a heavily edited column about herself is kind of convincing me that she’s got some sort of retardation and makes me ALMOST feel bad for her.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          Not necessarily. She’s just a spoiled, lazy brat who watched too much SATC and decided that she wanted to be Carrie. Unlike most people, she never let go of that delusion and neither did her parents. She’s a bad writer and, deep down, she knows it. That’s why she freaks out over this.

  54. Jack the Bulldog says:

    EW, she’s advertising blowjobs and then maybe, maybe not. Nobody likes a pricktease, Jule!

    • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

      And her skill set is seriously lacking he didn’t even stick around for a encore performance.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Kinda hard to give a good BJ when your mouth is filled with big giant chompers:

        [img]http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/7889/jateefs.png[/img]

        • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

          Yes, but we’ve all seen how wide she can open that gaping maw.

        • helobabe says:

          The difference in tooth shapes between her front veneers and her real teeth is mesmerizing.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        How did he not totally wilt, in the first place? The woman is boner killing personified.

  55. the original bunny says:

    She confirms that it was only the second date! WTF Donkey, your lies are caught on tape.

  56. diluted brain says:

    “About to get real” — um after 2 dates??? She is cray!!!!

  57. Oy veyyyy says:

    YEARS YEARS??? PANCAKES????

  58. Snow says:

    She’s a lunatic, she comes into his house and starts playing all of his instruments

  59. Donkarena says:

    Just found your website and love it! I thought that Donkey’s braying and shreiking at everything (not to mention the “OMG!!”s every 5 minutes) was mine to bear alone — then I found this wonderful refuge….anyway, quick comment for the moment: I just noticed that Emily has Man Hands!

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      Welcome to the basement! I’m on my boxee box so I can’t post a picture, but there are a few floating around that suggest Donkey has a weiner. ;)

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Hello Donkarena! Welcome aboard! Great user name!

  60. diluted brain says:

    Love the immediate excuses. So pathetic:

    Julia Allison‏@JuliaAllison
    Since the first

  61. The Final Rose says:

    But when packing for the trip, she and TJ are still only talking about the second date – and corresponding BJ? (So very Kate Middleton of her.)

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison

    Since the first “PROMMM!” date, Andrew & I dated for ab 3 months, spent wkends at each other’s place, sent zillions of texts, emails, calls.

    6m Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison

    To all watching Miss Advised – Andrew & I had spent quite a bit of time together, several weekends, many dates, before I flew to SF. FYI!

    • diluted brain says:

      It didn’t copy correctly for me so thank you for posting!
      For the third time tonight, I will say she is crazy!!!!!

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      Can one of our reality television-connected cat people help me out with this? How must Bravo be feeling about her tweeting so often to correct the record and explain the “truth” behind the show. Do other reality “stars” tweet like this when they don’t like the editing or manufactured story lines?

      I’m surprised her contract allows her to do this. I’m genuinely curious if this is a major no no or if Bravo views this as nothing more than helping to promote the show.

      • mcakez says:

        I was talking about this in chat earlier. I had a brief but regular correspondence with someone from an early-ish Real World season, and the first time we talked she cried because she said she hated how everything was edited, but had signed a contract promising not to question it, and so she was forced to put on a happy face for all promotional outings.

        This was over ten years ago, though, and twitter/facebook didn’t exist, so I can’t imagine how it is now. It is still ridiculous that she feels the need to try and set the record straight constantly — you don’t see Emily or Amy doing that, do you?

      • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

        I think she knows they’re not coming back for a second so she’s torching the Bravo bridge.

        • KashMoney says:

          i think she torches bridges regardless, intentionally or unintentionally, but constantly.

        • mule on rouge says:

          Oh noes! What will become of The Odd Couple II: Julia & Julia Try to Make It in LA???

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      I’d bet my last bag of Cheetos that 99.9% of those zillions of texts, emails and calls were from Julia to Doughnut Boy. The other .1% were Jelly replying to Julia just to get a moment’s peace from the onslaught of batshit crazy.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      So then why was she acting as though she’d never set foot in his place then? In fact, didn’t she say “nice place!” and start playing his instruments as though she’d never seen them before? What the fuck? Please, someone ask that Donkey to explain that.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I thought she already answered that question before it was asked … “100% not scripted” or some such shit …

        um. er, oops?

      • mcakez says:

        In that picture of her ‘playing’ his guitar, she is wearing the same outfit, so I find it hard to believe she ever entered his house before or after.

        Also, the fact that the picture exists means she was like, “Take a picture of me playing your guitar!!!!!!” I so wish Bravo had shown that part, since we know it happens all. the. time., but never get to see it happen in real time.

        • So. Blessed. says:

          Also, wasn’t there a picture during the daytime in that horrid brown see-through sweater with the white bra, jeans and hooker boots splayed on a quilt in some park in SF winter 2011? Help, Prof!

          I think this was accompanied by woo-hooty-hoo roadtrips with Toilet Julia and Tweeting A Donut about edible pot.

          Quit trying to make Jelly D happen, thank you.

  62. Psychotic Today says:

    I honestly shocked and speechless. The epic level of cray. I… I’m going to process this for a while.

    • Hunter Gorham says:

      It’s better to skip the show and just come by here after. It’s a shame to waste an hour on it.

  63. Andy Whorehol says:

    I’ve never been more embarrassed and repulsed by a reality show participant that when I saw a weepy Donk snorting and clomping down that hill in those godawful boots after getting shut down by JellyD. And I watched all three seasons of “Flavor of Love/Rock of Love.” Mortifying on so many levels. She is a social retard.

    Please, start over again, Julia.

  64. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    This episode confirmed some stuff in my mind A. Andy is a cat lady who dwells in our basement and has always had it in for a Donkey OR B. Andy is good friends with a cat lady who dwells in our basement and has it in for a Donkey.
    Good lord what a shit show!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I agree. I don’t know for sure, but he sure seems onto her, as do the editors of the show.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      C.
      McCain’s are backing Blondie Girl for exactly this return on their investment.

      (a theory I like to entertain)

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Andy must have dealt with her before, on the pilot with Mary and Megtard (Julia in fact claimed there were not one but two shows in development at Bravo).

      If Bravo produced that abortion in house, and it sure sounded that way on Gawker, then Andy would have red ink and not just braying bullshit to remember her by.

  65. Donkarena says:

    Donk does her usual jump on the guy (clutching his head and kissing him) — then gets rejected. If she had read his body language from the moment he greeted her, she might have used some common sense…(well, ok, not her strong suit) I thought it was a little cold of him not to help her hail a cab. Just lets her out into the night to make her own way after dumping her. Not very gentlemanly, even if it’s a prom-loving donkey you’ve just rejected.

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      The frantic head-clutching was a tell. Even factoring in the TV-camera-awkwardness, you could totally tell he had not one jot of feeling for her. He actually seemed at best polite and also somewhat alarmed that she was in his apartment.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      he prolly figured the camera crew would help her get a cab.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      Ya, don’t forget, it was Julia and her life-long dream of a reality show camera crew that left his place.

  66. idiotbox says:

    so…can someone tell me how she implied she bj-ed jelly?

    • Amelia/Foolia Fallacy says:

      She straight up said she gave him a BJ. No implying.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      It was probably when she said she gave him a blow job the night he slept over.

      • idiotbox says:

        lol. thanks, I don’t own a tv, not because I baugher but because I am poor ;(

        • bitchface says:

          Get one at a garage sale, seriously you can get a deceont one for $20

          • mcakez says:

            I left a fully working 27″ older TV (as in not a flat screen) out on the curb in my old hood when I moved, since people did that all the time as it was a college town.

            Someone cut the cord off for the wires and left the TV there, that is how weird the world is. What a waste, man.

          • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

            That is tragically funny

    • MY Beach Home says:

      Toilet Julia ASKED her if she went down on him. ON TV. And then she made a re-re face like she was 13 and then they cut away to an after interview where she talks out the side of her mouth and she said “I may or may not have given him a blow job.” ON TV.

      • virgil reid says:

        omg

      • Donkarena says:

        It did cross my mind that it’s ironic that she described how her parents watch out for her by carefully cross examining potential suitors, only to have their daughter blab on national TV that she blows them on the 2nd date. They must be so proud.

      • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

        Did it bother anyone else when TJ said “I have a meeting in Hollywood,”? She just couldn’t exit the room, or say she was heading to a meeting?

        • So. Blessed. says:

          And then she ran back like someone possessed to grill Donkey on the Donut situation the minute he left. Yawn. Both are too old to be in sororities. Someone should have tossed Toilet Julia a few proteins that Desperate Julia was scraping off her plate.

        • Donkarena says:

          good point! that is cracking me up now…

    • virgil reid says:

      D: D: D:

      I need brain bleach.

    • The Final Rose says:

      There was no implication, other than her cutesy use of may or may not. The quote went something like “On the night Andrew slept on the couch, I may or may not have given him a BLOW JOB.” (Weird hammy emphasis on the words blow job.) “I know it was only the second date but what can I say? It felt intimate.”

  67. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    She didn’t imply it she STATED it. clASSy.

  68. The Final Rose says:

    Can we talk about the happiness coach calling her out on her “after market work” in the preview for next week’s episode?

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      Ha! Maybe he is not such a *total* dupe? That was a hilariously bitchy line from Mr. Permission to be Unsane.

  69. Donkarena says:

    Sorry, but I don’t buy the “spent quite a bit of time, several weekends together” tweet — that’s NOT the conversation she had with her roomate — she referred to the beginnings of falling in love with him. No way would an impulsive teenager like her wait that long to fall in love if she had spent that much time with him. Besides, IF they had been together that much, she would have noticed IMMEDIATELY that his body language was off when she showed up in SF.

    • The Final Rose says:

      Yeah, I actually rewound to the scene with Toilet when I saw those tweets – that scene was clearly filmed between the couch BJ and seeing him again – the conversation they have makes that very clear. This lie is bugging me more than her usual spin for some reason.

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        Their first date was right at the beginning of December. She posted pictures of her lounging all over him on New Years (body language shows he’s not into it then either). Then she posted those pics of herself in the fug grey hooker boots in San Fran at the very beginning of Feb. So … exactly two months later.
        The “after two dates” comment in the show is odd … unless she just continued to “friend” stalk him … and is now claiming that time as part of their “very serious relationship” too.

        • Donkarena says:

          Well, that does seem to indicate that they were associated for several weeks — thanks for the input. I’m now wondering if he bothered seeing her, or did he just exchange cutesy texts & emails to keep things friendly (after all, she DID give him a BJ! Don’t burn that bridge!)…..He might not have bothered to see her in person very often, which prompted her to fly to him to kick start things….Something is just “off’ about this courtship. She should have been much more alarmed by his coolness if they had been together that much…

          • mcakez says:

            At some point he was in LA for business, and she made a comment about how she was riding her bike to his area to give him a hug. I guess that qualifies as a third ‘date’/several visits in her opinion?

          • Donkarena says:

            …or stalking….

          • Fat Poor says:

            Okay, acknowledged conspiracy theory here. The pic of her in the park, wasn’t that when Toilet & her caravanned to SF? I remember when I saw that pic I thought, “That outfit, AGAIN?” Anyway, after yesterday’s episode I believe she is that crazy to re-wear her dumping outfit in SF at a later date just to throw future viewers (and catladies) off because she knew she had let the bonkers out the way she handled the donkey dropping on camera. And then she could refer to that pic in park and blame Bravo’s editing. I also think it’s possible he’d already dumped her before New Year’s but let her desperately cling to him to placate her i.e…he was in fear of his life.
            I just bray because the conversation she has on the bed with Toilet clearly shows that she invites herself to SF & flies there to DTR after 2 freeking dates.
            Hi Mom.

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      And showing up after two dates to demand an accounting of his “feelings” is precisely something A Donkey would do. I don’t believe the extended courtship, either.

  70. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    I missed tonight’s installment of Mystery Retard Theater, but I think she was upset because she wanted to LOOK LIKE A SUCCESS ON TV. She wanted to show the world a guy falling at her feet. Of course she would have dumped him the minute a guy with more money or juice crossed her path. Her emotions had nothing to do with JellyD as a person, but only as a prop. Poor Julia, it’s like her toy box is staging a revolt.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She also came off much worse than the other Misses Advised, because they had dates with guys they liked (creepy though Kevin Perm-Gym was, Amy seemed to dig him) and she just got the big dumpola.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      I do think it’s hilariballz that the other two chicks meet good guys to date steadily by the end of this shitshow and Donk is still alone and seeing therapists about why she’s alone and sucks so much.

    • julia's authentic pelts says:

      Omg great comment!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      “Poor Julia, it’s like her toy box is staging a revolt.” Brillz.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Great comment indeed — reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode where the kid’s dolls come to life & terrorize the babysitter … better run, Flusher Price, better run FAST & FAR!

  71. Albie Quirky says:

    The best was in the trailer when Mind Architect referred to her “aftermarket work.” YOU DONE GOT RUNGED, DR. BOBBY!

    • julia's authentic pelts says:

      Maybe I ams the stupid, but what does “aftermarket work” mean?

      • The Final Rose says:

        Changing something after it’s been manufactured/gone to market – in this case, he was politely referring to her plastic surgery.

      • Greg says:

        You are not the stupid, it is all difficult to parse. I heard/interpreted it as “things you did to yourself after not liking what Greg gave you,” or a giant slam from the Mind Architect…even after he was caressing her hooves.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Typically used in reference to cars, along the lines of additions that aren’t stock parts — in D0nkey’s case, she’s like the ultimate Rice Burner (eg: kids steals an Acura emblem & tacks it onto his Honda Civic, pretending it’s something it ain’t, obvs).

      • Donkarena says:

        I assumed after market was code for “when you had that clown mouth added”

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      HELLO EVERYBODY!

  72. Dyspeptic says:

    you’ve got to hope some of Julia’s beleaguered exes were watching tonight. Or at least DVR’ing. Pancakes and the future Mrs. Pancakes, mayhap? Poor ol’ Prom King? Any of the Redacteds?

    • julia's authentic pelts says:

      Weird how she had a perfect opportunity to talk about the time pancakes surprised her on her birthday, but instead claimed nobody had ever surprised her before jelly.

  73. Natasha says:

    Is it just me or did she really not give JellyD a blowjob? I don’t see that they wouldn’t have suggested something happened in the editing, and since no one ever had sex on the show, I bet Bravo asked her to imply it.

    • Donkarena says:

      I think it’s pretty obvious that she did indeed…..She didn’t deny it, and then implied it again in the personal video spot. That IS pretty funny that she gives the impression of having such standards and is a holdout, making him sleep on the couch, only to admit blowing him instead. (and note that said bj occurred BEFORE all these alleged weekends and other dates)

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        MAKE him sleep on the couch? No. I know you’re new here, but following the last episode, I’d commented then how he was eyeing the couch when he said he needed a place to stay …

        He didn’t want to fuck D0nkey, IMHO, which also makes her claim of giving him a beej totally suspect, IMHO.

        Has anyone checked his FB since the show ended? Betting his friends are giving him all kinds of shit …

    • OMGDonk says:

      im sure if she didn’t really give him a blow job, the excuse will be like well, i say may or MAY NOT. tricky donkey!

      • Donkarena says:

        I just watched the scene with her and her roomate just after he left — she implied that she directed him to sleep on the couch. If he was eyeing it last episode, then she was rewriting the facts to suit her story and cover that he didn’t want to sleep with her.

  74. EyeRoller says:

    Let’s all take an official moment to RE-recognize that this is a woman who advertises herself as a relationship EXPERT on her very own website, and appears to be attempting to take/make money based on that self-proclaimed title. Yet, we’re already at the “penultimate” episode and here she is, blathering on about how she read all the signs with Jelly D wrong, and how she does this EVERY SINGLE TIME and how she can’t take the fantasies she concocts in her own head anymore because they never match the real world and how does she do this every time to herself and we all know how the rest goes AD INFINITUM… And you know that cab at the end of the episode that rushed by her didn’t have any passengers in it, that driver could just spot curbside-cray from twenty car lengths.

    Again, REpeat: THIS IS A WOMAN WHO ADVERTISES HERSELF AS A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT ON HER OWN WEBSITE.

    Definition of EXPERT:
    (Taken from Wikipedia) : [1]) someone widely recognized as a reliable source of technique or skill whose faculty for judging or deciding rightly, justly, or wisely is accorded authority and status by their peers or the public in a specific well-distinguished domain.

    Now. Good. Night. Donkey.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Also brillz: “And you know that cab at the end of the episode that rushed by her didn’t have any passengers in it, that driver could just spot curbside-cray from twenty car lengths.”

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        [img]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DP1JSx-H9FU/Ra_cC4455EI/AAAAAAAAAE8/Idvsy4I0aSE/s400/sinal.bmp[/img]

    • Ex Spurt says:

      With all the blow job talk, and now this, I feel so rang.

  75. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Ah, here we go, subroutine 101A on the Donkey Automaton:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison: @amarielucyp – Hi Alecia! Yes, it was a bit of a … cathartic moment ;-) Although Andrew & I are still friends.
    11:16 PM – 30 Jul 12

    INPUT: NAME OF EX
    OUTPUT: WE ARE STILL FRIENDS

  76. Dr. Gary says:

    Wow. She is fucking crazy. Like really crazy. How can her parents not see this and have her committed?

    • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

      I have continually asked myself that same question from the first episode.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      They don’t see it because they don’t even have basic cable and they refused to get it even just for the duration of this shitshow.

      They are either willfully blind or as batshit as she is. Remember, not only did her parents go to Easter services with her dressed as a whorish Lolita (see the ruffled white see-through blouse, aqua skirt hiked up below her padded bra, huge white ribbon tied around her head – at the wallpaper here, on the right), but her mother posed for pics with her that Dadser snapped in church dressed like.

  77. CDB says:

    The best part of he show was the cat litter commercial

  78. helobabe says:

    Julia Allison
    Breakdown Breakthrough

    Julia Allison think Andrew did the right thing being honest with her.
    7 hours ago

    Well, hello there! Welcome to the penultimate episode of this first season of Miss Advised. Only one week left until the finale in which… Oh, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? This episode finds us back at my house in Marina del Rey surrounded by my ELLE editor (Keith) and a lovely ELLE photographer who can’t stop laughing at my ridiculous bedroom/closet/home/life. Sigh.

    Photo shoots with new photographers make me self-conscious as it is, but to have one conducted by ELLE (in my own home, which tends to veer toward the eccentric) was beyond nerve-wracking. My mother was in town at the time, and I felt like she wouldn’t be thrilled with the concept of a photoshoot (She thinks they are “frivolous” and “self-indulgent” — even though the shoot was my editor Keith’s idea). My nerves stemmed from that, along with anxiety thanks to a confluence of stresses, most notably my blocked writing. So much so that I was breaking out and stress eating. Not exactly what you want prior to a photo shoot.

    Plus, Keith sort of…rolled his eyes at my closet. It’s not often you have your boss in your closet, but when you do, you definitely don’t want him to react like that. Especially if he works at a prominent fashion magazine. You start wondering if you just aren’t cool enough to exist, let alone write for said magazine. In a misguided attempt at “cool,” the first outfit I tried on for the photo-shoot was this Rachel Zoe maxi skirt in blue (not pink!), which I paired with a simple white tee. It was a look that felt a lot more hip than I actually am. Ironically dressing that way made me uncomfortable. It just didn’t feel ME. But when I put on a vintage pink dress and sat (upon Keith’s request) in a pile of pink tulle on my bed, tiara in my hair, somehow I felt like myself again.

    My editor chastised me about my taste (both in fashion and in home decor), but at the end of the day, I sleep in my bedroom every night, and I have to live with myself. Keith doesn’t! I figure it’s more important I like my own space than if anyone else does. Besides, it’s a great litmus test. If something as silly as a pink bedroom or a proclivity toward occasionally wearing frothy dresses scares a guy away, then I’m not convinced he was worth the trouble in the first place!

    I hope every woman realizes this: you don’t have to smooth away all your “eccentric” personality traits to find the right man. If he’s right for you, he’ll love you FOR those eccentricities, as long as you’re not counting “being a total bitch” amongst them.

    As for the writer’s block I discussed with Keith: I DID eventually get through it, although it took some serious work with therapists regarding my anxiety and self-esteem issues. So far, I’ve published seven columns on ELLE.com (it will be eight by the end of the Guinea Pig of Love series, next week) each written at 2,000 words (they ended up getting edited down to 1,000 or so). You can read them all here. For someone who has been as tortured by writing as I have recently, getting through these is a victory for me. I know it could always come back, but at least I’ve won the battle. Next up: trying to win the war!

    Ah, and now for the slightly more depressing portion of this episode — my ill-advised (if you will) trip to San Francisco to see Mister Andrew. So, about Andrew. Sigh. I don’t know where to begin, but suffice it to say that although it seemed that trip was fast, it really wasn’t. Since the first “PROMMM!” date, we had spent time together, including weekend trips. We talked frequently on the phone and sent zillions of texts and emails. He played me music on his guitar and cooked dinner. I had met his friends and he had met mine. It was time to have that talk. You know, the dreaded “where is this going?” talk. I’m not a huge fan of those talks, but things were getting (as Andrew put it during that conversation) “to that depth” where we needed to discuss it.

    But Andrew did me a favor, and as much as it hurt at the time, for that I thank him. He didn’t feel that he could fall in love with me, and while that wasn’t what I wanted to hear then, it certainly was the right thing for him to say, because it was true. What if he had led me on, allowing me to develop deeper and deeper feelings that he didn’t reciprocate? That would have been brutal and kept me from being able to heal and move on to find someone who COULD fall in love with me. Andrew is a good man, and he couldn’t do that.

    I cried quite a bit when Andrew broke up with me. (Oh, let’s be honest, when Andrew dumped me.) But it wasn’t just over Andrew. I started crying over Andrew and segued into crying over every guy who had EVER dumped me, and then from there into every relationship that hadn’t worked out, and from THERE into a future filled with men who would dump me and relationships that wouldn’t work out. It was quite a cry I had, and poor Andrew sat there rubbing my back, wondering what the hell was going on. Had he accidentally killed my puppy? No, I explained to him later. This is simply how women grieve (some women…sometimes). We stack all of these terrible things on top of one another, one after the other after the other, until it feels like our romantic lives are doomed, like we won’t ever succeed, like we won’t ever be loved. It was as if everything I’ve ever feared I looked at and felt completely and totally throughout my body. I grieved for every end I’ve ever had.

    And here’s the strange part — after I sobbed for about half an hour (and drunk half a bottle of champagne), I felt inexplicably better. Like I had gotten it out of my system. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was certainly cathartic. I had been holding in so much pain, so much fear, so much disappointment and regret over my love life, and Andrew was pretty much the last straw to a mini-breakdown. A breakdown I needed to have, as it turns out, to have a breakthrough.

    What breakthrough, you ask?

    Oh, about that. Well, you’ll just have to wait until the season finale for that!

    P.S. That slap? That was just a joke. Even in moments of sadness and disappointment we can (and should) laugh.

    WHERE YOU CAN FIND ME ONLINE (if you want to read more!)

    Me: @JuliaAllison / Facebook.com/JuliaAllison / http://www.JuliaAllison.com / JA@JuliaAllison.com: email me!

    • Scooby Don't says:

      I hope every woman realizes this: you don’t have to smooth away all your “eccentric” personality traits to find the right man. If he’s right for you, he’ll love you FOR those eccentricities, as long as you’re not counting “being a total bitch” amongst them.
      Well then you’re truly fucked, aren’t you Donkey?

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Yes she is. Childish is not eccentric. Is if a guy is going to love that she dresses like a Toddlers and Tiaras contestant.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Yes! Eccentric people are usually awesome. However, Julia’s eccentricity is limited to the fact that she’s uniquely, mindblowingly shallow. Do not want.

        • Donkarena says:

          Especially when you announce to the world your latest BJ’s AND that you’re looking for a rich doctor….

    • The Final Rose says:

      She had to do serious work with therapists on her self-esteem and anxiety issues to write eight columns?? And we’re supposed to believe she’s been a journalist for ten years? I can’t.

      And again, she insists they dated seriously but in the embedded preview clip, she tells her happiness coach/stand-in therapist about the prom date, and then says “And then I got dumped.” Not “and then we spent several months dating, got to know each other really well, and then I got dumped.” Having camera film her lies must be her worst nightmare.

      And I know they’re paraphrasing something she says in the clip, but I can’t believe Bravo titles the preview for next week “Not Cool and Fun but Just Desperate.” God someone there hates her.

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      I don’t have a nice way to say this but she literally sounds retarded when she acts like writing a 2,000 word column… about herself… is some sort of feat deserving applause and adulation. I don’t write anymore but this is the sort of copy I could have shit out without thinking about it. Well, it wouldn’t have been so poorly written, but you know.

      She is NOT a writer. She can’t even successfully write about herself – there are plenty of narcissists who can create compelling copy. She sucks.

      • Donkarena says:

        she is inarticulate when speaking, too — it follows that her “writing” would stink as well.

        • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

          She starts sucking right out of the gate (heh) — how can you be “surrounded” by two people?

      • Donkarena says:

        …and to further claim maladies that afflict real writers (i.e. block) really shows what a fantasy world she’s created for herself.

      • Word Count says:

        Batting 1 for 2 means you’re not a writer.

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        Think of Joan Didion in the late 6o’s. She’s going through major psych issues, fucked up on meds, but god damn if Didion isn’t banging out articles in hotel rooms or on park benches. A journalist doing her fucking job and actually writing on the important events of her time, unlike this stupid bitch who can’t even crank yet another piece all about her emotionally retarded self. FUCK YOU, JULIE ALBERTSON.

        • mcakez says:

          I just want to point out that OMG Joan Didion lived in my neighborhood in the early 60′s, long before I was alive, but still… I get all excited when I think about it and occasionally drive by that house.

          Sorry. Back to regularly scheduled Donkey hating.

      • So. Blessed. says:

        What an important detail to leave in the unedited BRAVO blargh that you are regularly asked to write 2,000 words but OMG Elle reduces it to 1,000 or less. Protip: this ain’t ’cause they’re totes magotes in love with your writing–more like you regularly suck the hairy root (hi JellyD!).

        Also–I’m with others–if her supposed jerb was to write the Pig of Love columns in the fucking winter and spring from the BRAVO shew that was originally scheduled for fall 2012 release–what was delay or OMG BIG DRAMZ about the pressure to write them?

        Both the BRAVO and ELLE shit read as if it was written last minute–the often mirror each other in Julia’s verbal tics and you can always predict what they’ll be about based on her additional Twitter tics. Lazy Donkey is lazy.

        • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

          Deleting “sigh”, “litmus test”, “exponentially” and “inexplicably” could knock off a couple hundred words every week.

        • Donkarena says:

          exactly. And I’m now wondering if she EVER wrote anything? Filming wrapped months ago! Where are all those Elle columns????

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Her blog post is SUCH bullshit. She’s been having breakdowns and freakouts pretty regularly. She is an unstable loon. She wasn’t “holding in” anything. It’s funny to watch her try to explain her behavior away.

      “… and I cried for ALL THE BOYS… all the boys who would never love me…”

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      If something as silly as a pink bedroom or a proclivity toward occasionally wearing frothy dresses scares a guy away, then I’m not convinced he was worth the trouble in the first place!

      Now see, this is just me, but I’d probably give serious consideration to the notion that quite possibly something as childish as a pink bedroom & frothy pink dressers & sparkly princess tiaras aren’t worth the collateral damage to my relationships with grown-ass men who aren’t into dating emotionally stunted, grown-ass women.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Good point. Pink and frills would never scare me away from someone. Her conviction that they’re important and are a crucial part of her identity, however, would have me frantically fleeing.

        If shallowness were an Olympic event, Donkey would have a different gold medal to wear every day.

      • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

        She refuses to understand that the color pink is not what sends all the menfolk runnin’ for them thar hills. It’s the fact that her room looks like damn nursery!

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Well hello there! Welcome to the penultimate episode of my show. In case you were wondering, “penultimate” does not mean “includes scene where recently dumped woman stabs dumper in eyeball with pen”, but, now that I’ve thought about it, this is probably an oversight. This episode starts with me surrounded by two people, which usually only happens at fat farms. In this case one of the people is my ELLE editor (Keith) and the other is a lovely ELLE photographer (Richards) who can’t stop laughing at my boxed Bratz dolls collection (those suckers are going to be worth a fortune one day, wait and see).

      Photo shots with new photographers make me self-conscious as it is, which is why I limit them to no more than once a week. Event then I get the jitters. You should have seen me with Monika de Meyer. It was giggle, nosebleed, fart for 16 hours straight. Mummy was in town at the time but I didn’t invite her over because the last time I did she simply stared at me for ten minutes and then walked out mumbling something about coat hangers and I hate to think of her as Joan Crawford, really, mummy, I do.

      Plus Keith sort of…rolled his eyes at my closet. Actually, they rolled up directly into his head and then he passed out face forward in a pile of watered tulle. Richards kept slapping him and crying and saying “you can’t leave me, all the good times we had on Fire Island and I just bought a new roll of duct tape!” and similar nonsense and then Keith came to and stared wildly around the room and screamed “I have seen the gateway to hell” a couple of times and so I decided to make everyone a nice cup of tea. Keith was later carried out on a stretcher drooling and wailing about alien geometries and “the color pink out of space” but I figure, hey, I gotta be me and he doesn’t. He gotta be him. Him no me and me no him. Me over here and him over there. Etc.

      I hope every woman realizes this: you don’t have to smooth away all your “eccentric” personality traits to find the right man. If he’s right for you, he’ll love you FOR those eccentricities, as long as you’re not counting “being a total bitch” amongst them. Which reminds me, I really have to cross “being a total bitch” off my list of eccentricities one of these days. Sooner would be better than later.

      And now for the slightly more depressing part of the show. That;s where I, Julia Allison, am kicked to the curb by a short ginger-haired white rap star who dresses up as a jelly donut as part of his stage performance. Yes, this person, who lacks eyelashes, a foreskin and a gag reflex, actually dumped my ass on a nationally televised show. Apparently he just “wasn’t feeling it,” whatever the fuck “it” is supposed to be and I vote for needles. Long pointy black needles given to me by one of the witches from last week. Oh yes. Needles, Andrew.

      I cried when he dumped me and then I cried even harder when I realized what the cab would cost (fucker) and then I cried some more and then…I started laughing. Slowly at first, then faster and faster, ever more maniacal, and green trickles of lighting illuminated the sky. Needles, Andrew.

      Needles.

    • Julia: Old Maid, Forever Alone says:

      So now she’s stealing lines from the penultimate crazy Bravoian, Kelly Bensimon? Remember when she had a “breakthrough” not a “breakdown” in the Caribean?

    • Donkarena says:

      “What if he had led me on, allowing me to develop deeper and deeper feelings that he didn’t reciprocate?” Interpretation: I’m so self-absorbed, that I don’t even pick up cues that a guy is merely tolerating me and is completely uninterested

  79. Donkarena says:

    Overheard as she exited Andrew’s apartment in shame: “How about a farewell BJ?”

  80. OMGDonk says:

    and the difficult part of writing that was…? oh julia.

  81. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    So did David Rubin get split in half by Emily’s strap-on or not?

    • Donkarena says:

      cliffhanger!

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Thank you so very much for that mental image.

      I simply can’t think of a way to repay you.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      We’ll probably never know.. Unlike Julia, Emily seems to have a little more couth and probably would not share such private info on national television.. :(

      (I think she did though.. he probably needed one of those small inflatable donut things they give you for tailbone injuries for the plane ride home.)

  82. Donkarena says:

    Did she tweet about any of these weekends and dates and meetups and hours of time with Andrew and meeting all his friends? Well, I guess she didn’t have many followers when filming was underway months ago….I just don’t buy it. She’s so desperate, she would have BEGGED the show to film all these alleged dates and “weekends”

    • Donkarena says:

      ….or Facebook….or any of it….

      • OMGDonk says:

        i havent seen anything backing up her story. she was likely telling the truth when she said it was only after 2 dates that she gave him a blow job.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      There was the New Year’s photo, though. And she was at a show of his at the end of January. I think they did date for a few weeks. What puzzles me is that it seems that was the first time she was in his apartment, yet she says they’d spent weekends together at one another’s places. I am confused by the editing, but it’s pretty funny because they clearly WANTED it to look like she’d only dated him a couple of times.

      • Donkarena says:

        That’s true — the editing could have skewed the timeline.

      • Donkarena says:

        Donkey probably showed up at one of the dates wearing a wedding veil and JellyD’s blood ran cold….

        • Dr. Gary says:

          I read that as ‘Donkey probably showed up at one of the dates wearing a wedding veil and JellyD’s blood’.

      • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

        Has it been confirmed that they were actually on a date on New Year’s? And she could have been at his show as a groupie. After all, they are such good friends…

      • Can-Swiss says:

        From date one he is CLEARLY not into her. He looks so scared and repulsed by her every time we see his face.

  83. OMGDonk says:

    Carrie-d Away
    TIME OUT NEW YORK
    by Julia Allison
    My grandmother is 84 years old. She’s never voted outside the Republican party, she was married to my grandfather from the age of 20 until the day he died, she can count the number of Sundays she’s missed church on one hand. Until quite recently, she marveled about the wonders of the answering machine and microwave. She does not own a DVD player – or cable.

    But my grandmother watches Sex and the City.

    Not only does she watch it, she talks about it. Frequently. Like little TBS bombs, she’ll casually throw a SATC anecdote into conversation, which she did on the phone with me last night, in a talk centered mostly on my pitiful love life. “Darling,” she enunciated clearly in her proper, cultured, Audrey-Hepburn voice, “You simply haven’t found your True Love yet! Like for Carrie, Big was her True Love.”

    And I sit there in shock, because … did she just say “Big” without even using the “Mister”??? My grandmother not only watches SATC – she has the vernacular down.

    She goes on, “Honey, I’ve been telling you this for five years. You’ve got to marry for the right reason. You’ve had many, many frames of reference (thanks gram!), but I feel they may have been just lust mixed with like. And Like and Lust do not equal love! It simply has to be love. Love like Carrie really has for Big. She has all these other interludes, but it’s still Big.”

    “Yes,” I say, a bit dazed. “Big.”

    Is she saying her grandmother watched SATC on TBS without cable? Dumb donkey.

    • Donkarena says:

      Wow. Some grandmotherly advice — Quoting TV shows for examples of true love.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        Quoting a shitty TV show with characters who are dysfunctional assholes. Carrie and Big were 2 of THE most despicable people.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      No, silly! She has all the DVD’s. Oh… Wait.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        No, silly bunnies!

        They had after-church screenings of SATC @ the University Club during Sunday Brunch (12:00 – 3:00!)

        Oh wait … once again …
        DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.

        Lying D0nkey Lies

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Are you implying that Granny never watched Sex and the Shitstorm? To the extent that she knew the lingo for the character portraying a man who would fuck Carrie stone cold sober and minus a dare?

          Next you’ll be telling me Britt doesn’t pull in a cool 70K annually off the books as a Cambridge, MA, strippogram.

    • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

      Gawd she tries so hard (yes, I will wear the capt. obvious cape) to impress people. Who refers to their grandmother’s language as “proper and cultured”? Her grandmother is rolling (sans a nightgown)

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      Mobody owns cable, you dipshit donkey. Worst. Writer. Ever.

      • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

        (Looks like I picked a bad week to give up proofreading.)

  84. EyeRoller says:

    I lied down to go to bed, when an image of A DONKEY flew through my head with a phrase emblazoned on it’s lazy ass that read: “RELATIONSHIP EXPERT”.
    I laughed so hard I fell out of bed and back onto this blog.

    Someone who advertises and actively promoties this EXPERT skill as a tool to make money in a certain industry and then continues to take money from a basic cable network based on that calling card (Relationship Expert) and then ADMITS on national television (in the “penultimate” episode) that she always misjudges guys and basically has zero clue what she’s talking about? Just WOW.

    Big D– You’re not making yourself more “likable” or “real” to the public by attempting to show us you struggle with love just like any other wholesome girl with good intentions. It’s not super cute to watch attempt to alchemize your life into a knockoff SATC 23-minute rerun. TRANSLATION: You ain’t foolin’ anybody with that “Season 1 Facts of Life Blair Warner” early 80′s knit sweater top and boots in the final scene.

    EXPERT. I bow in awe.

    Because, you know, even a peasant’s brain could figure a person like that should be sued for FRAUD (or at least have ‘FALSE ADVERTISEMENT’ stamped on their forehead.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      “Big D”

      *howling*

      • EyeRoller says:

        Geez, I only WATCHED the show and her insanity keeps me up past my normal bedtime. I can only imagine the amount of ambien an ego like that requires to sleep on Monday nights.

        DONK is so distracting that it’s easy to forget the whole show is real crap, which makes DONK the massive butt of a gargantuan joke on a crap show. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go sign up for DONK’S new class at the Learning Annex: “How to Make it Through the PENULTIMATE episode of your own SELF-DESTRUCTION”.

    • Ex Spurt says:

      I feel so loved today.

  85. Malformed Face says:

    My friend had a mtg at one of the big three agencies and was told Ashley Tis desperately wants to distance herself from the show. My friend could only get out of them that if Ashley wanted to she could have been all o et Extra, Access Hwood, etc “and she’s not even Tweeting or FBooking about it.”

    Didn’t check Ashley’s twitter today but last two weeks she either tweeted after the show or just RTed Blondue Girls tweet.

    Interesting. Especially since someone said the Google+ wasn’t really about the show

  86. Malformed Face says:

    @jacy. He is in LA a lot for work, she might have dangled an invite to Soho House and he stopped by. As for his show, she might have just shown up, he is always tweeting about them.

    I demand a couples photo to prove they were. “very very serious” and not just second date blow job serious.

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      Oops, I should have read further down — I was just now wondering the same thing up above somewhere.

  87. Malformed Face says:

    I wonder if he spent time with her post LOLbreakup so she wouln’t talk do much shit about him as they continued to film into May.

  88. Princess WideStance says:

    I wonder who first gave Donkey this idea that she’s latched onto of late – that she doesn’t have to change herself at all and that the right man will worship and indulge her. Must be the Annie Lalla’s of the world.

    How convenient, she gets to just keep being the same lazy, lying hosebeast she’s always been! Have fun waiting around for that non-existent man, donks.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      No, I think she’s always thought she’s a perfect special snowflake who deserves anything she wants, other human beings included.

      • Princess WideStance says:

        Most definitely, but the way she keeps saying it in this specific way makes me think that someone told her this and she went “A-ha! Here’s my new schtick! Perfect way to excuse donkey behavior!”

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The fucking foot-fondling mind architect told her there was nothing wrong with her on the show. Lalla basically told her people hated her because she is everything they think she is. For some reason, despite all other advice, she only heard the one positive thing said about her and ran with it. But that was months ago now — she does seem to be really full of herself since the show stopped filming, going on about how she’s changed when no, she’s still the same lunatic as always. And next week, it seems the mind architect joins the chorus and tells her what a complete fraud she is.

    • It was the hoof rubber. He kept going on about how she didn’t need to change anything about herself, that she was perfect the way she was.

  89. Random Snowflake says:

    “A blow job on the first date. Because it’s less intimate to suck on a guy’s dong and swallow his semen than it is to allow him to stick it in your vagina.”

    Fucking epic! Haha! Donk has morals and priciples, I’ll have you know! :)

  90. Lazy and Crazy says:

    I feel so gross and ashamed of myself for watching that.

    She really is retarded. She need inpatient therapy. For the love of God, if any members of her family or actual friends (if she has any) is reading this, please get her some help. She’s an absolute complete category 5 fucking mess.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      So much this. Her family needs to have her committed. Stat.

      • KashMoney says:

        the difference between the Marina del Bray home and a psych ward is academic. she even has a live-in minder.

  91. Malformed Face says:

    OT but Toillet Julia’s big record release was today and Donkdy hasn’t made a perp about it. Lewis Howes went to the big release party lady night biut a Donkdy could not be bothered go support her sister.

    • moonshinedonkey says:

      And is if Hotel Cafe had anything to salvage in the first place – never again, Hotel Cafe, never again.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      She’s in Hawaii til tomorrow, she Tweeted to someone.

  92. Donkey is as Donkey Does says:

    She brought wine. He drank beer. Dense donkey is dense.

    (watching from the west coast)

    • Donkarena says:

      I noticed that was yet another moment where he showed a complete lack of enthusiasm for her being there. He didn’t like either bottle of wine/champagne that she brought. You’d think after “weeks and weeks of dating and zillions of texts and calls, weekends at each others’ apartments”, she would be more in tune with the guy. What a liar.

  93. chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

    There is something that I don’t get about the Elle job. Her columns correspond with each show, and it would seem that she is writing them now, so how could she be late during filming? Or is it just the bravo blog she’s writing now and posting late?

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Exactly. Doesn’t make any sense.

      Unless…the original deal WAS a dating advice column. But the stuff she turned in was so bad, they said fuck it. Maybe they worked out a new deal, where they agreed to let her write about herself (her favorite subject! more motivating!) and run the columns after each new show airs.

      HOWEVER, she is a big, fat, lazy-ass who can’t meet deadlines. So she’s been recycling her Bravo blogs, posting columns late and, as we saw last week, getting Tiny + Cute Julia to write half of it.

      We are on to you, bitch.

      Lazy Donkey is Lazy.

    • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

      Maybe she’s just really, really, really late with them.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I don’t get that either. How can she have been late handing them in if they weren’t slated to appear until the show aired? Or was she such a fuckup that originally, they were going to run earlier, and they decided to time them to the show to give her more time. Or is it all just BULLSHIT, a manufactured “I have writer’s block” storyline to make her look like she has a semblance of a job and actually IS what they advertised her as being. I just don’t know.

  94. So. Blessed. says:

    What is with her new “rowr–I’m ambisexual” Tweeting? A few days ago–a lesbian from Seattle she’s invited down for dates, now flexting Amiel:

    Amiel ‏@AmielPond
    @JuliaAllison, my dear, you poke, jab and slap often. You force kisses from dates, you’re physically rough with people. @20OMG12
    @AmielPond @20OMG12 – I’ve never had a complaint about it. ;-) Maybe you just want a little roughhousing from me, Amiel? xoxo

    No, dumb donkey.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      This girl is calling her out on being ‘physically rough’, which is not appropriate behavior from either gender, and Julie turns it into a joke/sexual advance?

      Just creepy. And wrong. So, so cringe-y and just so *off*.

      • So. Blessed. says:

        she’s tho thexay!

      • fig says:

        So completely off. There really is no way to take an accusation of being violent with people and turn it around into something sexy.

        • So. Blessed. says:

          Yep–that made me urp. “I smack people around? So what? Obviously you, young&cute, want me to toucha-touch YOU! I’m so irresistible I’m on TV!”

          #TeamAmiel
          Amiel ‏@AmielPond
          Gotta stop watching reality TV. Rolling my eyes so much I’m scared they’re going to fall right out of their sockets. #MissAdvised
          4h Amiel ‏@AmielPond
          *sigh* Honestly, dating is not rocket surgery. Be a good person, value other people for who they are, be real. The rest just flows.
          4h Amiel ‏@AmielPond
          @JuliaAllison @20OMG12 I’ll pass on the roughhousing. And breakup = complaint, in any book. U talk self-aware, would love to see you act it.

      • CDB says:

        i have been rung

      • Physical abuse is kewl and quirky!!

        Someone should set her up with Chris Brown.

  95. So. Blessed. says:

    Also:
    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Since the first “PROMMM!” date, Andrew & I dated for ab 3 months, spent wkends at each other’s place, sent zillions of texts, emails, calls.
    4h ☛ Heifer Please ☚ ‏@HeiferPlease
    @JuliaAllison … three months is like a week in “boy time” =\ that’s not long enough to know if you even like someone let alone love them
    4h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @HeiferPlease – ehhhh I disagree, I’ve had it both ways. I’ve had some relationships that were slow, others I knew right away.
    2h ☛ Heifer Please ☚ ‏@HeiferPlease
    @JuliaAllison wait.hold up.you gave him a bl@wj@b on the second date?!! why are you shocked he didn’t want a relationship?!! #MissAdvised
    @HeiferPlease – Well … we DID date for three months. I guarantee the BJ wasn’t the problem.
    1h ☛ Heifer Please ☚ ‏@HeiferPlease
    @JuliaAllison three months – long distance – is like two weeks in boy time & the second date is way too soon with a guy you hardly know!

    AND

    Julie P. ‏@juchie
    @JuliaAllison I cant believe you said that you may or may not uave *ahem* on the tele, haha!
    1h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @juchie – Ughhh I can’t believe it either. NOT my finest moment.

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      If the 2nd date hummer wasn’t the problem, then what was it that made him realize you weren’t marriage material, Julsie?

  96. Malformed Face says:

    @So Blessed, she’ll take those tweets down and later lie and say the Beej wasn’t the second date. It’s the editing, you shit heads!!!!

    PS JP’s tweets are ineffable!!!!!

  97. Malformed Face says:

    She wasn’t even any kind of “pig of love”" last week or this week and her Bravo blog makes no sense – Kevin is your boss and as a rep of Elle what he says about your fashion sense, because, you Donkey, are part of Elle, means something. He is not a romantic suitor so your stupid lesson of how you learned to love yourself and dress in Pink makes no Greg sense AT ALL.

    Team Kevin

  98. RBD Newbie says:

    Anyone notice how she loves putting her legs across people’s laps without being invited to do so? Why is this? Does she it cute and adorable?

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      To show dominance and force intimacy. Also, other people are literally props to her. Also, she is an asshole.

      • Donkarena says:

        brilliant observation — that nailed it. She conducts herself in such a forceful, “sucks the air out of the room” way so as to manipulate those around her to behave the way she wants them to (unless they’re the types that see right through her and refuse to play)…all the while, hiding behind that hyperbolic teenager with the constant smoker’s laugh….seriously, she reminds me of a hyperactive 14 year old.

        • Donkarena says:

          perfect example is the orchestrated prom date with Andrew. She hardly ever looked him in the eye or had a heartfelt interaction with him. The screaming and over the top antics kept her in control and any hope of intimacy at bay. Andrew looked uncomfortable for most of it, but was stuck.

  99. helobabe says:

    I know this was already discussed but I just happened to see this in the Daily Mail. Leave it to the Brits to really tell it like it is rather than say how cute and adorable it was:

    Something that might be tough to ‘like’: Mark Zuckerberg’s sister Randi belts songs out in bars around Silicon Valley … but audience members liken it to bad karaoke

    By Daily Mail Reporter

    When your brother’s the youngest billionaire of all time, you perhaps have the liberty to explore your creative side and let your hair down.

    Which is what appears to have happened to Randi Zuckerberg, the 30-year-old sister to Facebook founder Mark, who is now traipsing around the bars of Silicon Valley belting out hits with her band FeedBomb.

    However, according to those who have witnessed the live performance, the word ‘bomb’ in the title might be the best way to describe the band – for her rendition of ‘Fund Me Maybe’ – a pastiche of Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ – has been described as ‘off-key and a little painful’.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2181023/Mark-Zuckerbergs-sister-Randi-belts-songs-bars-Silicon-Valley.html#ixzz22BhU14Cz

    Also, someone mentioned on here awhile ago that she is pregnant again. Is that true?

  100. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I’m watching now, & am at Amy’s iVillage segment …. blech her voice!
    She does that gregdamn ‘vocal fry’ that’s so freaking irritating.
    Shut it, Amy!

  101. chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

    So this guinea pig gig has turned out just like her TMS fiasco. A couple of columns in, and then *presto chango* it bears no resemblance to the original pitch. Her columns always end up as platforms for furthering her personal agenda. She’s either settling a score, making excuses for her appalling behavior, sucking up to some wallet, or having yet another breakthrough realization that she is awesome. She never learns a thing or changes one iota.

  102. Ex Spurt says:

    The poking, jabbing, slapping (Team Amiel), and to a lesser degree jumping over people and sticking her hooves everywhere, is really the most worrisome disclosure of recent times*. Does no one ever say, “Keep your fucking hands off me!” or “Get those fucking dirty hooves out of my balls!”? Really?

    *I recall an ex, thinking Redacted, referring to physical behaviour but it’s so obvious on her shit show.

  103. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    So now I’m at the part where D0nkey meets Keith at the restaurant following the Elle fauxtoshoot … how many days later is this? Because it’s apparent that D0nkey is still sportin’ the curling-ironed wavy pelts, meaning, she hasn’t washed her hair in how many days? Are those the same wolf spider fake eyelashes too?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I thought it was later the same day.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Really? Then why did she eff w/ it by adding sausage curls? Keith had on different clothes is why I didn’t think it was just a few hours later (& they could have had the convo at her stall when he was there). Oh well …

  104. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    “I can be good at one or the other.”

    Oh, honey … name one time you’ve been good at either.
    Just one! Which relationship or column has been successful?

    ::crickets::

  105. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    Tripping over her lies. Waking up in the morning — er, afternoon — must be so confusing, trying to remember what story is she is currently giving what spin.

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2znr21c.png[/img]

    (The links go to a tweet saying she would marry Prom King just for his parents and to her blog post about how she and PK were planning a future together and she was thinking of marriage for the first time in … zzzzzz.)

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      More of this needs to happen now that she’s caught on tape.

    • Lazy and Crazy says:

      She looks like a complete haggard mess for this entire episode. She must have been in the grips of a full on meltdown. She seriously looks ill.

      BUT OMG I LOVE KEITH POLLACK! He just cannot stand her at all. The comments during the fauxto shoot were priceless, and he really gave her the business during the meeting. He flat out told her the nonsense about her “breaking the rules” column sounded completely insane.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Amelia is so Plucky Internet Detective! She’s Harriet the Spy and Nancy Drew all in one!

      GO AMELIA!

  106. Donkarena says:

    DVR’d the last two episodes and have been mining comments that I missed before — like the one at the dinner party where Donkey-girl says “you need to find me a hot rich doctor’ or something like that, and the guy says “they’ve all got hot girlfriends”…ha ha! Also, she goes on and on and on with JellyD after he surprises her, which made it cringe-worthy to watch. Why can’t she just take it in stride and welcome him and move on — instead she has to publicly embarrass the guy for showing up! She really is a textbook case of narcissistic arrested development.

    • Donkarena says:

      I have it on as I’m cleaning out my closet, so it’s not a total waste of my morning! ha ha…

  107. EyeRoller says:

    Is there some sort of citizen’s arrest we can put on her roommate or other people directly involved with A DONK for not physically throwing her ass in the nearest looney bin? That roommate is probably too busy packing up her Casio keyboards and hightailing it the hell outta Donkey Dodge.

    Now’s a perfect time to remember who/what we speak of: A DONKEY who believes that dressing up in her DEAD GRANDMOTHER’S DRESSING GOWN (I still can’t with that one) will bring her good luck before a reality show press appearance? Thank you Bravo/Satan. You have outdone yourself.

  108. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    OK so when I rewatched the breakup scene on The Frisky, I don’t think that WAS the first time she’d been in his apartment. She seems to know her way around it. So then they edited out what happened on her first visit to SF, and made that look like it was her first time visiting him. In fact, it was several weeks later, I believe, when he dumped her.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      hmmph. It now appears that “we dated for several months” means “I invited myself to San Francisco on a couple of occasions.”

  109. princess sparkle fart says:

    [img]http://www.freeimagehosting.net/aona8[/img]

    From Jelly D’s Facebook Wall. The canklesaurus, it hurts.

  110. princess sparkle fart says:

    I suck at the picture posting evidently. Trying again.

    [img]www.freeimagehosting.net/aona8[/img]

  111. EyeRoller says:

    I nominate an alternate nickname: HOOVER.

    Because it’s obvious she sucks (as Donkerena put it) the air out of every room she enters, AND now we know she also SUCKS DICK on “date” numero dos.

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