Former Boyfriend Suggests Donkey Is A “Simpleton”

This exchange on her FB wall, after she urged people once again to waste their money and go to some stupid Tony Robbins seminar:

DanShalmon: But … best avoid the firewalk.

JuliaAllison: Dan! I did the firewalk and my feet are FINE!!!!

DanShalmon: The plural form of ‘anecdote’ is not ‘data.’ You got lucky or walked fast. For the record, I think that in this day and age (and place), only a simpleton would believe that walking on a Weber Grill either causes or confirms some kind of psychological transformation. Someone who sells the opportunity to do this on that basis is either an idiot or a snake oil seller preying on the vulnerable and ignorant. Tony Robbins is worth $480 million (est.). http://mobile.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/explainer/2012/07/tony_robbins_firewalking_injuries_why_doesn_t_everyone_who_walks_on_hot_coals_get_burned_.html

OH. SNAP.

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144 Responses to Former Boyfriend Suggests Donkey Is A “Simpleton”

  1. Albie Quirky says:

    Team Dan forever!

  2. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Here’s hoping Donkey attempts to rebut Dan. That would be high comedy, and I’m not sure she can resist.

  3. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Now that she has appeared in a reality show, Donkey’s main goal in life is to marry a tech entrepreneur. But does she have any idea how much she’s narrowing her already-ravaged field by professing undying love for all this bullshit? I’m not saying there aren’t tech people who love the same bullshit as she does, but I think her love for woo is a big dealbreaker for a good number of people.

    If she wants to land a tech guy, the bullshit for which she should be professing love is probably Ray Kurzweil’s, but judging from her behavior at that singularity conference, she doesn’t understand any of it.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I know, she is after dudes with brains. And her belief in all this bullshit, and the broadcasting of it, shows how incredibly stupid she is. What smart dude would date a stunted adolescent who still believes in astrology, Tarot cards and Tony Robbins?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        My BFF is dating a guy who believes that 9/11/2001 attacks were an inside job, etc.

        On the other hand, he’s a really nice guy, super hot, and 15+ years younger than her. So she’s willing to overlook odd beliefs.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Someone very close to me, and otherwise intelligent, believes the same thing. It is bizarre.

          • Grammarian says:

            A lot of otherwise sane people believe that

            Also, so do crazies

          • I Like Donkeys Except for This One says:

            I’m a long, long, longtime lurker, but I just have to pop in and say AHAHA.

            I’ve worked in the USIC and oh man, guys, they can’t tell their own butts from a hole in the ground. There is NO WAY that anyone or any organization in government could have planned and executed 9/11.

            I love conspiracy theories, because a) people don’t seem to realize that the government isn’t this sinister Big Brother, it’s your neighbors, friends, and family (which, well, might actually be scarier, but still) and b) the government is too freaking inept to actually carry out a decent conspiracy. Seriously.

            Also, I’m a little sad that JAB is known as “donkey.” I personally consider donkeys far superior creatures than that sack of STDs. Think about it. They’re cute and work hard. Two things that do not describe JAB.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Exactly. The number of people and the quality of the subterfuge that would have been required to carry out something as momentous as 9/11 is exactly how you know it wasn’t possible. People talk, especially in this day and age. There is an electronic trail for everything.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            p.s. I am sorry. I started the whole “donkey” thing. It was simply about the braying. You have to admit, she does bray.

            http://vimeo.com/1414021

            Loudly. Like a donkey. Other than that, very few similarities.

          • I Like Donkeys Except for This One says:

            Oh yes, the braying! Jesus. And donkeys are totally scary/creepy when they show their teeth, which does describe JAB ;)

        • Fat Freddys Cat says:

          Fat Freddy also believes that 9/11 was an inside job. He’s otherwise a smart dude…obviously, or he wouldn’t have an Internet-using kitty around. Maybe FF and these other guys are onto something. Might be worth considering.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Perhaps Fat Freddy is the exception, but my experience of such people is that they are best avoided. They are the Amway salesmen of conspiracy theorists: seemingly harmless morons until they realize you aren’t buying what they’re selling. Then they go psycho.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Considered it and discarded it based on the evidence.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Albie: Yes. It was hard not to consider it after being bombarded with links/reports for about a decade. Not a single thing ever convinced me, and a lot of notorious scam artists head up the “movement.” But to each their own. Let’s not get political!! I don’t want anyone else running off!! Mommy and Daddy don’t like it when the kids fight!

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            I was in the North Tower when it was hit and I think truthers are fucktards.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @Queen Neferteeri

            Holy shit. I can’t even imagine how horrifying and scary that must have been.

          • A Donkey is an Ass says:

            Sorry to her that Queen. It’s hearing shit like this that gives me stabbies regarding Donkey’s exploitation of her mother’s alleged rape. I don’t know if it happened or not, if it did my heart goes out to Robin, but “I was inside” is one of Donkey’s worst transgressions. A Donkey will make anything about herself, including the trauma of another person. It’s despicable behavior. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear her try and exploit your circumstance, Queen.

            “One of MY commenters was in the North Tower. She was inside. It affected MEEEEEE!”

            So cunty. A Donkey.

        • KashMoney says:

          to be pedantic, that strikes me as more “crazy” than “stupid”.

          Donk is both, so it’s hard to separate out the strands. but I’d def agree with Jacy that Tony Robbins broadcasting is much more in the “stupid” vein.

        • Beauchamp says:

          Government is just a big group of friends and family! Right!

          Tell that to Vickie Weaver.

          Sorry, but the DEA and TSA (to name just two) is populated by dangerous, power-hungry dunces who are no friends of mine.

          What baffles me is that even after SOME conspiracy theories turn out to be true (no, I don’t think 9/11 was an inside job but there is ample proof that the U.S. knew about the impending attacks on Pearly Harbor – and found it acceptable to get us pulled into WWII – a war America initially wanted NOTHING to do with) people find it impossible to believe our own government would pull off all sorts of evil that has been recorded through history. You think we’re different?? It is to laugh.

          For starters:

          Gulf of Tonkin (false flag)
          Tuskegee syphilis experiment
          Project MK Ultra
          Waco
          Ruby Ridge

          Do a little research. These are not “tin foil hat” ideas. They are fact…and imagine all the shit we don’t get to hear.

          The list is long and distinguished. Branding someone an idiot for thinking our own government is capable of very evil acts in the face of contrary evidence makes you the idiot.

          • Granny's Posthumous Nightgown says:

            Cool story, bro.

          • Scooby Don't says:

            It must be so tiring to be you …
            I mean to be so consistently and aggressively stupid and angry must take so much energy!

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            shut up Matt, you remain a piece of shit.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            As much as I hate humoring Beauchamp, his entire premise here is wrong, so shooting him down will be fun and easy.

            The point wasn’t that the US Government doesn’t do bad things. It does. The point was that these bad things almost never come down as orders from the tippy top, contrary to the narrative of almost every conspiracy theory. Did the President personally authorize the Tuskeegee experiment? Did the Illuminati plan the Waco raid because David Koresh knew too much?

            Also, Merdechamp’s idea of which government agencies are scary is pretty hilarious. I’ll grant that I’m a bit scared by the NSA and CIA, but Matt’s idea of the big bad wolf is… (drum roll)… the TSA and DEA? Really?

            I’ll shut up now, because I’m arguing at a serious disadvantage here; my views are better factually supported than those of the conspiracy theorists, which obviously means I’m wrong because omg coverup.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        We need to update “Gas Grass or Ass; Nobody rides for free” for her… like .. “Smarts, [body] Parts or [something money related], otherwise no wedding for thee!”

      • hahaha

        this made me remember that the JA formerly in my life was OBSESSED with her horoscope. Not like someone who just reads it for fun, but someone who would sit for hours going through horoscope books and checking off each personality trait for her sign or sun or whatever that she felt related to her.

        I remember once picking up a book of hers and noticing notes written in the margin for each trait and whether it fit her “on meds” or “off meds.” Disturbing.

  4. BURN!

    Here’s betting she takes it as a personal insult, even though all Dan did was point out the fallacies of her “logic.”

    Is it wrong that I feel bad for people who get suckered into these snake-oil schemes? I think they’re stupid for falling for a trick so obvious, but I still feel bad for them. They’re the same people who would die off if all warning labels were removed from chemical products. Darwin Award winners.

    • CDB says:

      I think JA believes that someday she could be in Tony Robbins’ sphere of friends. And that is why she is shilling for him. So she will be especially angry that her old BFFs are calling him a snake oil “seller”

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        This is so accurate, CDB. She sees herself ascending the ranks of grifters and charlatans and thinks there might be a first class compartment for her on Tony’s crazy train.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          Good point, people. She’s already got an in with Annie Lalalalala and her hubby, right? Baby steps

      • Fameless Shamewhore says:

        I agree, CDB: I think the only part of this comment that she took on board was “Tony Robbins is worth $480 million”.

  5. Lazy and Crazy says:

    Sit DOWN, Donkey!

  6. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    OT, but did JA have a cameo in this video?

    “10 Reasons Why He Dumped You”

    http://youtu.be/GNPV_EfIUWg

  7. Moonshinedonkey says:

    He also calls her vulnerable and ignorant. I wouldn’t give her that much credit, Dan!

  8. ShesJustStupid says:

    So she made the post about missing her family around midnight Hawaii time. Why the hell is she still there? Surely this conference is over by now, whatever it is. I swear, only Donks can make Hawaii sound so dull.

    • Right? Hawaii is some place I’ve always wanted to go. When I do go, I will be leaving my laptop at home. Vacation is meant for relaxation.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She’s there until Wednesday per her Twitter.

    • moonshinedonkey says:

      My dadsers lives on Oahu and it is the SADZ that she stayed in Honolulu the whole time and didn’t even bother to venture to the other side of the island where there is (GASP) desolation on an island.

      And don’t get me started on her xenophobic BS. How is this bitch so Dumb yet had the upbringing of a Smart? Me no understand.

      • “Why is there a statue of a native Hawaiian outside of a hotel in Hawaii?!?! I NO UNDERSTAND?!?!”

        • moonshinedonkey says:

          She is the most uncultured person of privilege ever. EVER.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Given how she lived when she was in NY, that’s not a surprise. Tacky chain restaurants that cater to tourists. Big discount stores or discount lines in department stores. No small boutiques in quirky neighborhoods. No little ethnic restaurants that are actually run by the ethnics. Just pedestrian tastes that are always 5-8 years behind the latest suburban trend.

      • Sake Bombardier says:

        “JuliaAllison: Headed to the north shore of Oahu to skydive Hawaii!! My third time (first was in Miami, second in Arizona) ahhhh!”

        She never reads here, etc.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          This confirms she is wallet chasing–when isn’t she. We all know she only skydives with boys to show how adventurous and outgoing she is. Don’t be fooled guys, the crazy is coming. Just ask her former skydiving partners Prom King and Pancakes.

      • Pancakes with a side of pancakes with a side of heaven and hell souffle says:

        For real. Oahu is my favorite island, and usually if I’m there with family for 2 weeks, we maybe go to Honolulu for a day or two. The rest of the island is so beautiful and lush! And not filled with tourists!

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I almost drowned on a very beautiful surfing beach on Oahu. Except for that, it was a gorgeous, gorgeous island.

          • Hunter Gorham says:

            Oahu will stagger you…(wheeze)…with her majestic beauty…(cough)…the passions run deep…(unggh)…

            (fist shakes)

        • JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

          Oahu is great but Kauai is my favorite place on Earth behind NYC. When I first took the kayak tour around Kauai, even my spoiled, above it all pre-teen self knew I was seeing something special.

  9. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Her would-be boyfriend now accused of making up quotes. No wonder she likes this guy.

    http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-news-and-politics/107779/jonah-lehrers-deceptions

    • CDB says:

      I thought she was there with the penny stock trader?

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I don’t think she’s there with anyone. And the lehrer dude Jacy is referencing is just someone JABs is always stalking.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She stalks Jonah Lehrer; I don’t think they’ve even met.

        Also I won’t believe she’s really “with” Pillsbury Douchebro until he acknowledges her via social media and/or I see a photo of them together. I think she’s faking that they’re a thing via legalese to make someone else jealous, whereas he invited her to tag along to his grifter fest because he wants access to her contacts like Justine Musk, the Morins, etc.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Ha! Lehrer just resigned from the NYer. I guess Julie will quit stalking him now.

          • Dyspeptic says:

            Yeah, her defense of him that one cannot self-plagiarize (oh, honey) can’t be retooled in the face of made-up quotes.

        • Fashion Girl says:

          Yeah, I love that Julia Allison the “Journalist” was all, “Leave Jonah alone!” over the self-plagiarism, whereas every actual journalist in NYC was on Lehrer death watch from day one of this thing.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Holy shit, he admitted he made up the quotes and lied about it. What a douche. “The lies are over now.” Very Donkey-esque:

      http://www.poynter.org/latest-news/mediawire/183298/jonah-lehrer-accused-of-fabricating-bob-dylan-quotes-in-imagine/

  10. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Think the comment about this from the last thread which most needs to migrate here is:

    Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:
    July 30, 2012 at 11:47 am
    Nice.

    Also, Donks, FINE is something your feet have never been, trust.
    Reply

    • Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

      So honored, TL;DR, I’m not worthy.

      I actually felt sort of bad posting that because OMG feet snark, and her hooves are probably one of the few horrible things about her that aren’t her fault. But I just couldn’t get over her audacity to use the terms “my feet” and “fine” in the same sentence. Besides, it IS her fault that she constantly displays those things online like they belong in the Museum of Sex.

  11. Worrisome Pelts says:

    On topic: Dan, please internet marry me.

    OT: I got an update on my own personal JA last night. His spate of new personal websites touts him as: 1) an MA (he’s got a “BA” from University of Phoenix Online); 2) a writer (to call him barely literate is an accurate description, not an insult); 3) a [major city] native (I believe he once visited [major city] on vacation); 4) a film producer (I found the indiegogo.com page where he paid for this IMDB credit). Oh, he’s also using an alias now. I fully support that change because it makes him harder to connect to me.

    Reality: Dude is a 37 y-o, twice married* father of two who lives in our parents’ two spare rooms with Current Wife and both kids. He’s been willfully unemployed for a decade. His self-published books on marriage and parenting have Amazon reviews that are so scathing they would make a Donkey blush. Our folks are too invested in his BS to call him on it, but the rest of the family either shuns him or points and laughs to his face. And the lies just get bigger.

    * Relevant only because he and my parents literally pretend the first wife/baby mama never existed. This is confusing to the son born from that union, as he remembers when his father started dating Current Wife.

    tl; dr: Cray people are cray in draconian perpetuity.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Worrisome! <3 forever. You and Britt should start some kind of support group for siblings of NPD-monsters.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        I wish we could, but to do that we’d have to meet someone new (each other) and admit that we each have such a sibling. I don’t do that and I suspect he doesn’t either.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          You are both fortunate in having had your siblings go by a nom de cray!

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Indeed! My maiden name is somewhat uncommon, so I scrubbed it from my life asap anyway, but this is even better.

            The worst is occasionally running into his former close friends from high school. You can’t decently tell someone their former classmate has blown through your parents’ retirement savings* and every legitimate opportunity he ever had in a quest to be “Dr. Phil, but hot and edgy.” I just say he’s a stay-at-home dad and dash off before they can ask questions.

            * This is clearly my parents fault, but when he threatens to move away and hide the grandsons from them, they give him whatever he wants.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      WP: That sucks. So stressful for you and the other normal people in the family.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        I don’t have contact with my parents or that brother, so it doesn’t even cross my mind until someone calls me with hilarious updates. It’s probably very hard on my younger brother who tries to be friends with everyone. He and I are close, but we don’t talk about The Situation. The rest of my family is awesome.

        Thanks for letting me vent in the clubhouse, catpeeps.

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          sometimes I hate having a tiny family, like when I’m at the park and I see people having big friendly-looking family BBQs…

          Other times, not so much.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      “Cray people are cray in draconian perpetuity.”

      I want to loudly bang this phrase on a the couch of an acquaintance.

  12. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    I am going to use “the plural of ‘anecdote’ is not ‘data’” every day for my job. And I will smile a little as I do.

  13. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    I have a question..is there and a Miss Advised episode where Peter Baugher picks out JA’s date? Now that would be very interesting episode..

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      I don’t think it would be anything new. I suspect all the resume-type things from her checklist came from her dad.

  14. looongtimelurker says:

    Not much of a surprise since its clear she has no original ideas of her own, but it appears even the “design” scheme for her shilled Beach Bike was pilfered:

    https://twitter.com/#!/JuliaAllison/media/slideshow?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagr.am%2Fp%2FNFGmjuI5I0%2F

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      How dare you! Donkey would never take someone else’s idea and pass it off as her own…um, err, oops.

  15. Sake Bombardier says:

    As to her tweeting that those with burnt feet didn’t follow instructions, I’m thinking it’s more likely they got stuck behind a tee-hee-hawing donkey getting a fauxto of her hooves at the end of the track.

    • CDB says:

      Yes like people stuck on an escalator behind some inconsiderate person ( I was going to say moron) who stops at the top to tie their shoe or something.

      • Or the people who think the escalator is a ride… Stay to one side if walking down stairs is too much for you! Sorry, extreme pet peeve of mine, which I only really experience when I have a hankering for something in the mall food court.

      • Real-life "Cathy" Cartoon says:

        Or people who go through a revolving door and stop in front of it as soon as they’re through.

        • Ugh, yes, that is awful.

          I have a whole list of rude-types who drive me crazy in public spaces.

          People who take over the entire sidewalk and don’t make room for traffic coming in the opposite direction, making it so I have to step into the street to pass by are another type that makes me feel particularly stabby.

          • Sake Bombardier says:

            People who get on or off a subway and stop one step away from the door.

            @Plural–that gives me the rage cramps. One way to combat it is to point your elbow in their general direction. Nothing crazy, just like you were tucking your hair behind your ear or adjusting a ponytail. People tend to make way for an oncoming elbow.

            Also, I found if you act like you’re not paying attention–looking up at awnings, etc., they also tend to move. If you are looking at them they assume you are paying attention and will therefore be the one to move.

            No wonder I’m a shut-in (not really but close).

          • Actually, I use the elbow technique quite often! I work in SF’s Union Square district, which is overloaded by tourists who sometimes need a little persuading in moving over. I’ve also taken to saying “EXCUSE ME!” loudly. If I say it in a normal tone no one listens.

            I feel like Liz Lemon sometimes when it comes to this stuff. Why does no one else know the rules? I’m bout to start smearing lipstick all over my face and spraying myself with Axe so people make room for me!

          • I’m gonna use the “Oh, I’m just staring at this really interesting copper molding on the third floor level of this building, so walk around me, nincompoops…” technique next time I go outside :)

          • [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzipxlybCw1qzua91o1_500.png[/img]

            One of my favorite episodes ever.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @Sake Bombardier

            People have gotten so rude in LA, I don’t want to leave the house anymore. And I have the bad habit of calling people out when they do something really out of line. My cathus tells me to keep my mouth shut, because one of these days I’m gonna get my ass shot.

            One time I was at the market and the people in front of me wouldn’t move their cart. Everyone knows when you move through the line, you have to push your cart through. If you leave it in the check out line, you block everybody behind you.

            I unloaded my cart and said, very nicely, ‘Excuse me, can you move your cart?’ They ignored me. So, once again, a bit louder this time, I said, ‘Excuse me, can you move your cart please?’ Still nothing.

            Then I got pissed. WTF??? You won’t move your cart AND you’re ignoring me? So I yelled at them, ‘HEY. YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CART. YOU ARE BLOCKING ME.’

            No reply. Nothing.

            Then I looked at them and realized they were using sign language. Oh, fuck. I just yelled at deaf people?

            They left, and I had to use my cart to push their cart through. When I got to the cashier, I said I felt bad for yelling at deaf people. He laughed. But we both agreed it doesn’t matter if you’re deaf, you still have to MOVE YOUR FRIGGIN’ CART.

          • Dr. Gary–

            Thank you for the laugh. I’ve definitely been in similar situations. We just get so used to everyone acting a damn fool, we just expect it, and sometimes a deaf couple gets yelled at. Well, they should moved their cart up.

          • Princess WideStance says:

            The other day I put on my turn signal to turn right on a green light. But I had to wait because there were pedestrians crossing. No problem. Well, this guy behind me honks at me and ANGRILY drives around me, almost hitting another car in the process.

            I mean, if I need to turn, do I not have a right to turn?? What do you want me to do, fucking mow down some pedestrians so you can get to the next red light 15 seconds faster??

            It makes you wonder where these people are in their lives that makes them behave this way. We are a starved culture.

          • Princess– I was driving with my BF once in LA. Some dude on the freeway tried to cut us off, my BF defended his position, and we got a fistful of pennies chucked at our windows. Starved, indeed.

          • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

            They should have moved the cart DR. Gary. There is really no excuse, not even being deaf. Just because you’re deaf doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @Princess WideStance + Tsaritsa

            The way people drive now is totally insane. I’ve had people cut me off, pull in front of me w/o any turn signal and almost hit me, pull away from curb w/o waiting for cars to pass and almost hit me, honk at me if I don’t move the second the light turns green, etc.

            I swear to God, lately, every single time something like that has happened and I honk the horn -TO WARN THEM NOT TO HIT ME, NOT TO SAY FUCK YOU – I get the finger. From THEM. The person IN THE WRONG, who should be giving ME the ‘sorry’ wave. Every. Single. Time.

            And I’m like WTF is wrong with our culture where everyone is an entitled asshole? You just do what you want to do? Fuck everybody else. If I cut into your lane and almost hit you? TOO BAD. I want what I want when I want it.

            Makes me think we’ve turned into ‘Idiocracy’. It’s not coming. It’s already here.

          • Sake Bombardier says:

            “WTF is wrong with our culture where everyone is an entitled asshole?”

            The worst part is I sometimes feel like I should start acting like an entitled asshole too, as I get passed left and right in life by these types and they’re getting rewards.

            But I can’t, it’s just not in my nature (raised to be a nice Southern gal) and besides, I really would have my dignity than whatever you get for acting that way. RBD helps keep me sane in that regard.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I’m reminded of having listened to some folks defend their ‘god-given right’ to go the speed limit & not one mile faster in the fast lane, & to hell w/ everyone piling up behind ‘em, because ‘hey, they’ll show all those fuckers just who’s boss’ …

            Which reminds me of the stark contrast noticed while in Central America, where people treat a horn honked as an opportunity to let someone merge rather a cue to get their hackles up …

            And all I can think is: No wonder that one-in-three of us had hypertension by the age of 20.

  16. Julia's Chin Implant says:

    Maybe she should try walking on molten lava in Hawaii.

  17. Not to body snark, but her feet look like something ET would have as appendages crossed with those solid block feet on the American Girl dolls.

  18. Malformed Face says:

    @Jacy – Facinating article about Jonah L. So many similarities with JABs, except that she is on such a much smaller stage and no one cares about her. But his arrogance and continuation, not just to lie, but lie some more and misconstrue. I would love the author who did this article to do a piece on JABs and blow every LOLjournalist out of the water (those who have just kissed her ass and taken everything she says at face value).

    But no one cares about a Donkey but us so…

  19. Malformed Face says:

    How much must Dan be over a Donkey? He could have sent that message private, he has to know its the type of thing that would make her ape shit.

    Team Dan!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      I like to imagine that Mrs. Dan has convinced him that a Donkey with a media platform is potentially dangerous and must be contradicted when she spews the woo.

  20. Malformed Face says:

    OT but regarding Julia’s claim that she makes 6 figures, I have a lot if friends who make high 6 figures, low 6 figures, some a shit ton more – none of them have ever taken ads out on AirBnb for a stranger to sleep in their bed to make extra cash.

    Also, people who make 6 figures take cabs to the airport and stay in hotels, not on couches, when they travel.

    • “Also, people who make 6 figures take cabs to the airport…”

      Lol, did she take one of those vans that drive all over the outskirts of the city before going to the airport? I took one of those before an international flight once and it was nerve-racking.

    • iblow4shoes says:

      I make lower six figures, and depending upon where you live it’s really not that much.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        True, but donkey lives in apartments and condos paid for by her parents and/or boyfriends. So six figures for her would be a lot, certainly enough to spring for a car ride to the airport.

        • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

          That’s true. I have to pay my own way. Plus I have kids living off of me.

  21. Malformed Face says:

    Sorry, meant “high five figures” in first line

  22. Malformed Face says:

    @Plural, no she’ll always grift a friend to take her, even at 6 am

  23. EyeRoller says:

    As a newbie I can only imagine the PAIN you DONK-hatin’ oldtimers have endured, suffering in relative darkness, constantly tortured by an uppity carpetbaggin’ scalawag, a relentless DONK and her neverending string of tall tales and sales pitches. The agony and irritation you veterans must’ve fended off because of this beast, doubting your God a little more with each one of her heinous tweets and pancake-syrup-covered schemes, yet STILL you fought the good fight, all the while worn weary from choking down the hyped up fantasies she fistfu*ks the media with, and worse– you’ve been practically blinded from having to adjust your retinas like a strobe like to keep track of her constantly mutating physical structure but HALLELUJAH, it must be an act of providence because somehow through all of it you made sure this blog was here for me and the rest of the world (or at least a few dozen people who actually watch the show) when Bravo decided to let the whole world in on this BIG, FAT JOKE. I know, it’s probably a little anti-climactic for some of you long-term slamDONKers, but it’s also got to be slightly satisfying to have her combinative lack of ankles and sanity exposed on the American stage. So, in lieu of my gratitude to all of you for this nearly impossible feat of making it this far (you all know who you are), I vow to see through her spoiled chicanery and pray to Lucifer every night to take her back even though we don’t have the receipt, and will do my otherwise best to honor and defend this wonderful blog.
    Now, if this silly little girl had something unique or honest to offer she might have a shred of relatability. Rather, what we have here people, is a garden variety, phony-bologna-wannabe-showpony. Now SHOO DONK, SHOO.

    DAN SHALMON FOR PRESIDENT (of my heart)!

    • Princess WideStance says:

      I would like for you to pour some of this into my glass, whatever it is. Thx!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Welcome! Your enthusiasm is appreciated.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      My God. Finally someone understands us. SOULMATES!

      • EyeRoller says:

        Thanks!!! I’m familiar with her strain of twisted. If she wasn’t really a heartless predator underneath those eye-spiders, going around masquerading as the eternal “victim”, even trying to exploit the “anti-bullying” cause, then I would’ve left bad enough alone. But she’s the bully. She keeps punching the world in the stomach with her face.

        I wasn’t initially intrigued by HER. I thought she seemed like a really poorly written and acted SNL character. I was intrigued, however, when I saw her on Miss Advised mentioning a HATE BLOG (that she probably still reads daily) to paint herself out as a martyr. Once she started that sobbing charade on national television– THAT’S what tipped me off to RBD, and once I read a good deal of backlogged RBD, I wanted to make sure what I already knew deep down was true– That we were dealing with a real thickheaded burro’s queef of a human being.
        I felt compelled to research and read some of DONK’s own past “writing”/columns, watched the entire Youth Knows No Pain documentary, and fast forwarded through what felt like 5000 episodes of TMIweekly (it was probably more like 5 of them), so as you can see, I’ve slightly familiarized myself (‘Knowledge is Power’ is vital to remember when fending off EL DONK). So, I remain steadfast in my belief that anyone who thinks it’s vicious to spot and mock a dangling-carrot lover like this girl is arguably deluded.
        See, there I go again. I’ll probably settle down with time, right?

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Possibly not.

          What you are experiencing is what is known around these parts as “brayge.” It’s when you become seethingly angry at another one of her cunty moves. Examples: The Pancakes lies/harassment, the Parking Lot incident.

          A lesser affliction is called Cankleshausen by Proxy. That’s when you are painfully embarrassed on her behalf when she does something so cringingly over the top that you feel physical discomfort. Example: Rolling on the floor on last week’s episode. Or, to be honest, almost every time she opens her mouth or appears on Miss Advised.

          • EyeRoller says:

            Yes! Earlier today I was leaving the house, headed back to work. The TV was on in the corner playing a M.A. rerun (my dogs like to watch and make fun of her while I’m at work). Just as I was walking out I caught THE FLOOR ROLL out of the corner of my eye again and I did a double shiver/shudder shameful head-shake-thing as I shut the front door. I was experience the aforementioned Cankleshausen by Proxy phenomena wasn’t I!!????

        • Sake Bombardier says:

          “She keeps punching the world in the stomach with her face.” SlamDONK!

  24. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    her five figures was five fingers of skotch

  25. Just got off the phone with my sister– she’s watching Miss Advised and she told me she “loves” JA.

    I started going in on her, asking “but don’t you think she’s pathetic forcing guys to kiss her, and jumping on them like that, acting all desperate,” to which she replied, “yes, but it makes for good TV.”

    My sister is another person, like me, who was completely unaware of the Gawker crap and was wondering who this insane person was on the TV. I told her to check out this site.

    She thinks Amy is worse, though. Talking about calories on dates and such. I’ll give her time, though. Maybe the face slap on tonight’s episode will change her tune. It took me approximately twenty minutes on this site (cite, sight) to go from thinking “Wow, that Julia is a crazy loon!” to “Wow, this girl seems like a really terrible and shallow person.”

  26. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    Hey Catpeeps,

    Here’s a link to Bravo that seems to be working:

    http://tvbandit.com/us_channels.html

    It is a little laggy, so not ideal, but it’s better than nothing!

  27. Albie Quirky says:

    Who else is dreading watching tonight’s “Miss Begotten”? If it weren’t for chat it would be an unbearable chore.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I personally cannot wait. The Cray is going nuclear tonight.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch last week’s episode beyond the clips that were on The Frisky.
      I am in pre-dread of tonight’s … and that’s just in chat! But the lawls are not to be missed.
      Godspeed and deep thanks to y’all watching it unfold in real time; you have my deep appreciation for keeping us up-to-date and deeper admiration that you can carry on scene to scene and not just seize up in a catatonic shock of speechlessness …

    • Psychotic Today says:

      I have a Love It size of Coldstone and six pack of Stella. I’m ready to roll.

      • New Year New You says:

        I thought that said a six pack of Nutella.

        Do I ever need new glasses. And a six pack of Nutella.

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