Oh Jesus

One of the tarot-card-readers /witchy ladies has weighed in on Miss Advised.

Gypsy_luv@JuliaAllison @AmyLaurentMatch I can see the gift that came from filming this show, the walls stopped being so big and scary. its beautiful

JuliaAllison: @Gypsy_Luv – this show was a gift. I feel happier, more alive, filled with love. Our biggest challenges lead to our biggest breakthroughs.

Yes, that’s right, as her appearance on last week’s WWHL so clearly shows, Donkey is a new woman! Totally sane now! Filled with love and light following filming!

I can’t wait for the guy who writes the fortunes for the fortune cookies to Tweet her. And the “mind architect.” And the “love guru.” And the rest of the cuckoobird grifters she would rather listen to than an actual licensed psychiatrist/psychologist.

What Donkey needs is a Dr. Jennifer Melfi. But she needed her seven years ago. I honestly believe she’s too far gone now; the insanity is too deeply ingrained.

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117 Responses to Oh Jesus

  1. Stalker is the new MANUFACTUR BULLSHIP says:

    FIRST HAHAHAHA

    • Stalker is the new MANUFACTUR BULLSHIP says:

      Please forgive me Jacy I had to do it.

      • Stalker is the new MANUFACTUR BULLSHIP says:

        Newbies: FIRSTing is not done here unless you also say something funny. Notice I am breaking this rule too.

        • CDB says:

          so embarrassed

          • Stalker is the new MANUFACTUR BULLSHIP says:

            Mom’s a little drunk, son. You might want to go hide out in your room because I just watched a killer Janis documentary and am about to start pinning feather boas in my hair and launching into Summertime.

          • Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

            xoxoxo 4 using “MANUFACTUR BULLSHIP”

        • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

          Not a problem or a goal.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        Forgive me, Stalker. Daddy had to cut you out of the will.

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          NOOOOOOOO I was counting on selling your collection of 1970s trucker porn on ebay and retiring to Costa Rica!

  2. Stalker is the new MANUFACTUR BULLSHIP says:

    Julia’s hands. She doesn’t even half-ass things. She tenth-asses shit. If you’re gonna be a white girl throwing gang signs (please don’t) then do it like you mean it. She’s so fucking lazy. This is what I personally hate about her the most. She lazes through everything. She can’t even straighten out her sausage fingers and be an authentic poseur.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      Maybe the fingers are just too heavy to lift and force into formation?

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      Seriously, she’s saying “I love you” in sign language. She fails at being (ironically) gangsta.

    • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

      I think it’s actually (and forgive me for this moment of Donk defense) the “rock on”/”go longhorns” sign. Lame, yes, but not an actual gang sign. Oh Greg, do you think she thinks it’s a gang sign?!?

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        Yes, newbie, yes. And that is precisely the issue. She will throw up everything BUT a legitimate gang sign and think she is accurately gang signing, we know this because she has done the same thing before. It never gets less embarrassing and remains worrisome.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        but her fingers are all as limp as any given schlong in her vicinity.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        UT Austin isn’t Ivy League, so no.
        ‘Rock On’? I don’t even want to know.

  3. Albie Quirky says:

    MADGA!

  4. jc says:

    biggest challenge? YOU ARE ON A REALITY SHOW. A BORING, DULL, STUPID ONE AT THAT. YOU ARE NOT SAVING THE WORLD. good god, i can’t with the donkey!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      EXACTLY. Reality shows? Really? This is a goal now?

      • Manufacturing her identity on the show might have been a little challenging, even for a sociopath.

        • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

          She’s been crafting this “character” for 4 years now.

          From 2008: http://bigthink.com/ideas/5996

          Never forget:
          She only wants attention for nothing,
          She created her own (failed) internet show to be famous,
          She created a (failed) business/blog about herself,
          She fed Gawker news about her in order to create news about her…then deny it.

          THIS. IS. WHAT. SHE. DOES.
          For anyone feeling the Bravo-is-so-cruel-for-exploiting-a-maniac sympathy, snap out of it. She knows exactly what she’s doing and she has been crafting her con for the last 4 years…even more. So well that even some ineffable basement dwellers have fallen for it.

          It is a character she has been living and honing specifically for her day in the sun, and there is only one purpose for it: ATTENTION. It is her only goal.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            She’s the opposite of Bethenny (who always says anyone who goes on a reality show with no product to promote is an insane, NPD asshole – I’m paraphrasing).

    • JFA says:

      Thank you. A reality show centered on showing the world what a hideous piece of shit who fails at life you really are. YAY1!!!! LIFE IS GRAND!!!!!!

  5. Scooby Don't says:

    Another breakthrough?
    What fresh circle of narcisstic hell has she broken through to now?
    Dante only had nine but Donkey seems to have an infinite number to plumb.

  6. KashMoney says:

    I don’t think she’s too far gone, but I do think she’d need a nervous breakdown to reorient.

    • Jelly Roll (formerly newbie) says:

      I agree – I think a full on “nervous breakdown” is the only thing that will save her at this point.

  7. CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

    This is the woman who verbally accosted a mom and her two children in a grocery store parking lot as they waited for a parking space to open up. Greg forbid anyone hold up Donkey’s responsibility & job free lifestyle. She is vile.

    • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

      Good point. Shows just how full of love she is, right?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      That was a month ago! Why are you still worrying about that? No one cares!

      Things have changed!!!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      p.s. Added that lovely incident to the post. Love and light!

    • Mooch says:

      This one incident was the one that officially made me hate her. Had she done that to me and my kids, I just don’t know what I would have done. But it would not be pretty.

  8. Random Snowflake says:

    The wallets, er.. men, are definitely gonna come running now that she has regained her sanity thanks to being on a reality TV show!

  9. CDB says:

    Thank Greg True Blood is on tonight so I can spend some time on wholesome entertainment and take a break from JAB

    • So. Blessed. says:

      Breaking Bad is where it’s at, yo. Have not so loved a series since Carnivale.

      • afghani says:

        Breaking Bad isn’t as good as the Wire or the Sopranos, but it probably is the best right now. Lately I have found it hard to believe the new plot angles–Mike will really work with Walter? The DEA couldn’t protect even one possible witness against the previous meth operation?

      • CDB says:

        So I have heard . My kids tell me I would like it. So Hulu it is .

        • So. Blessed. says:

          I liked the premise and was lucky enough to watch 3/4ths of it this summer. I think all of it streams free due to the AMC/Dish rift.

          Very dark–but wonderfully well-written. Walt is a great character and his subtle shifts–I very rarely get suggestions for teevees that I fall in lurve with but this was spot on. Hope you enjoy.

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        I am really loving Newsroom….anyone else? *ducks*

        Sorry, I am a life-long (since Sports Night) Sorkin fan!

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      “Justified.”. Represent!

  10. Queen Neferteeri says:

    Please use this picture with every post, at least until a better one comes along!

  11. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Also, what walls has Donk exhibited during this show?

    The wall that was up when she dry humped the hot black guy after braying at him to kiss her for several hours?

    The wall that was up when she forced herself upon William in the back of a limo, and then did the same thing to JellyD a couple of weeks later?

    What fucking walls, Rhiannon/Magda/Glinda whoever you are? She has no walls. This bitch desperately NEEDS WALLS!

  12. Jordache & the Pelts says:

    Yeah “breakthrough.” September is gonna be lonely.

  13. Albie Quirky says:

    The Curse of the Floating Golem be on you, Madga.

  14. Dr. Gary says:

    Love the comment from Rachel Billow. Makes it sound like she could give a flying fuck about Miss Advised, or she hasn’t read Julie’s FB /twitter. Me-OW. Didn’t they have a falling out?

    [img]http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/460/jafb72912.png[/img]

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      Oh, well. At least I-Am Musical-Chilly appreciated the postmodern pink princess.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      I kind of hope that Billow is raggin’ on the “MAZEL” …

      (Six-ish months ago, I’d never heard the word …
      In the last three months, I’ve heard it / read it probably >80 X …)

      The new ‘gang sign’ throw-down?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Billow is close friends with Hipster Lawyer, whom Donkey treated terribly. Plus she ran out on Billow re: the Paris trip last year and faked illness so she could go to Burning Man. We had one tipster once and I was quite certain it was Billow. She knew a lot of stuff.

      • afghani says:

        Donk also hit on Billow’s boyfriend.

      • virgil reid says:

        i dont even understand why billow talks to after france happened. bitch would have been dead to me thats for sure.

        • JFA says:

          I really don’t understand why anyone talks to her, ever, on purpose, if they aren’t either contractually obligated or share DNA and have to see her on holidays. What? Is wrong with people?

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          And Billow has known her since childhood/high school right? Certainly long enough to know her donkey tricks.

    • JFA says:

      She’s so in love with herself, and herself is retarded. It’s so sad and so crazy. I don’t know how/why anyone humors her, on FB or anywhere, ever. I mean her family can’t escape but…how does she have even fake friends? I can’t.

      • JFA says:

        I love how she has to point out she was on that show. Obvs Billow knows. She just needed an excuse to brag. Because I’m sure she didn’t pimp out her appearance enough.

        She’s insufferable.

  15. So. Blessed. says:

    Whenever I hear, “[…] was a gift!” I flash immediately to a scene in The Craft (shuddurp, it was a work.of.beautay in the 90’s, not to mention SKEET ULRICH) where Nancy’s on the beach with the dead sharks yelling, “These are my GIFTS!” “Hail to the watchtowers of _____,” “I bind you, _____” and “I can feel you in me!!!” get tossed around pretty liberally as household memes. I was tiny&cute, teenaged and railing against society as only a teenager should, or could, get away with. I am two years older than A Donkey. “The show was a GIFT!!!” Barf. A .GIF, maybe.

    [img]https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRfVsypfIady0RgwMLv9LlF9X2UjZZdPmG9at6mBfY7nieAgINf3Q[/img]

    • I watched that movie when I was 9 or 10 and it definitely had an impact on my childhood. not in a way where I would consider appearing on a reality show a “life-changing gift,” but I still think about scenes from that movie from time to time. Like that creepy guy with the snake… *shudders*

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      This comment is a gift.

  16. afghani says:

    Donk really needs help but the Sopranos comparison might not work here. Melfi really only succeeded in making Tony a better sociopath.

  17. JFA says:

    Alright it’s late and I’m tired and haven’t read comments yet but…HOW FUCK is being on a bad television show that portrays you as a fucking lunatic such a gift?

    I really can’t stand her fat ass. Dozens more americans now know you are a stupid bitch. Congratulations.

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      As you say, it seems viewers are in the dozens.
      Another indication of fail – every week the upload to the international sites has been getting later and later in the week. This week I had pretty much given up when it finally appeared on Friday evening. At this rate I might not get to see the rest of the episodes at all!

      • JFA says:

        Yes, I noticed this. Then I realized it was on Bravo in demand in NYC. I sorta half-assed watched two episodes, tried to explain to my boyfriend why I was watching boring stupid bitches be boring, and then sorta gave up. I just…don’t know why I am still surprised after all these years that this stupid piece of shit is spinning a show that portrays her as a veritable psychopath as the best thing that ever happened to her.

        I love how all the haters are so so so wrong!!! But all three bored housewives in Indiana who think she is so precious and tell her so on FB are changing her life. Fuck you.

    • chinchilla of indifference says:

      Make room, fatties! Here comes Donks with yet another catpeep!

      [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/2i06e4z.jpg[/img]

  18. anon says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Mr. “Good Life” @timothysykes is trying to get me to party at our hotel’s dance club, but I’m already in bed. Because I am old. And lame.

    • JFA says:

      Christ give it a rest. She never gets tired of herself. We all get it. You are on vacay with a wallet/penis. Slow clap.

    • JFA says:

      That’s called he’s avoiding going home to fuck you. It’s an old trick, and I’m sure you’ve seen it before.

      • The Watermelon Wonderer says:

        It will be awkward when he kicks her out of the bed for sex with a random. She might actually get that subtle hint.

    • 11th Wang says:

      Cut her some slack. She’s probably tired from running in circles on the beach all day.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Yes, Julia, people do think you’re lame. They don’t think it’s cute, and they’re not joking. Not even a little. Staying cooped up looking at your phone or laptop instead of humoring the person you’re with at least for a little while is lame and selfish. You can’t be that tired if you’re on Twitter.

      Here’s some free dating advice: men hate being perpetually shot down by selfish, whiny bitches. Instead of just forcing people to attend your pretty princess prom all the time and then refusing to do what they want to do, you might try this changing that you mention so often.

    • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

      WHO IS SHE TALKING TO?? Gah, she is irritating the hell out of me these days.

  19. Norse Horse, Sisyphean Bolder says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    “The job of an angel is not to pick winners, but to pick potential winners & help them become winners.” – Esther Dyson http://bit.ly/QENsGQ 7h.

    Okay, no machine-gun kitties if this has been mentioned. But here’s A Donkey quoting airy bullshit about being an “angel” again. From Esther Dyson of all people. Her dad ws a great technologist, Esther has been milking that her whole life, Esther sits on the ten-person panel that decides what happens with the WWW in general. Otherwise known as “the Internet”. Barely earned, too much power I think. (Last I looked. I haven’t read Esther’s name in years. She probably has good reason to lay low. She was not-uncontroversial in her prime years, I imagine her grasping greediness way back in the day really appeals to Julia as ambition, and not a piggish moral failing. )

    So have we all absorbed the wisdom from Julia Fucking Allison Baugher on what the job of an angel investor in an Internet company is? Have we all picked up this bit of wisdom, considered it from every angle and how it relates to our own lives, and thrown it in the trash? Good. Because that’s where it belongs. I really do get the quivers when Julia mentions “angel” investing. Like, she’d love to be a philanthropist and angel. Of course she would! You get the feeling that she gets the feeling she’s going to come into some money soon. Or she’s zeroing in hard on some dude and his wallet. Julia referencing “angels” means major delusions of grandeur are happening.
    Major. I sense she’s on a high from some wallet, she’s again imagining herself as an “angel” investor. I guess any money from Her Grandmother was not much of an actual thing, actually.

    • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

      Good Greg. Julia is trying to leapfrog her status as nothing to position herself as being elite among OMGfounders, and they need her for something. Fuck her.

      Also, I had breakfast with Ester about 10 months ago when raising angel money for my startup. She was weird and didn’t believe we would do what we said we would (although we did since then, so whatever…she’s not an oracle). But she’s been to space and speaks Russian, so I guess she can do or say what she wants.

      Julia, however, has done nothing. Any founder accepting angel money from her (if she even has any) would be accepting what we founders call “dumb money”.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Yes, if by technologist, you mean mathematical physicist. I’m reading her brother’s book right now (Turing’s Cathedral), and it’s very good, but I can’t stop wondering about the advantages he may have had in writing and publishing it.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Her desire to be an ‘angel investor’ seems to have begun this year, after Randi’s investments hit the tech press. Good luck keeping up with the Randis and Kevin Roses, Julia, since you don’t meet the definition of an accredited investor to begin with.

      Her mentions of Paul Graham are just too ridiculous to even laugh about.

      I still remember Esther’s piffle from the early 90s, including this gem: “The central event of the 20th century is the overthrow of matter.”

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        I don’t remember the piffle from that time, but what that quote suggests to me is: “I wanna say portentious things reminiscent of Information Theory even though I don’t understand any of it!”

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          The idea she was probably trying to bogart is: “Information is information, not matter or energy.” (Norbert Wiener)

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        Goodness, I have stories about Paul Graham, as well. Not for here, but maybe the next cat meetup.

        As for the “overthrow of matter” I can see why Julia is referencing her. It doesn’t matter! It was ages ago! No one remembers! Overthrow of matter, indeed.

        Keep in mind, Julia is in Hawaii attending a seminar from a guy who will teach you to make $30K a day by trading stocks. So 1998. Nuff said.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        What’s an accredited investor? And why does Donkey think she can hang with the likes of Facebookburg and Rose when it comes to that? In other words, just how much does she think she’s getting from NGMB?

        • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

          More than she would have, had ol’ Granny seen Julia’s antics on #MissAdvised Now that Julesy has made batshit crazy her full-time occupation, it strikes me that her need for Granny’s approval (aka checkbook) was the only thing holding her back. As incredible as it may seem, I think we’ve only seen glimpses of how much insanity she’s capable of unleashing on the world.

    • So. Blessed. says:

      NGMB$$ $$ will be rolling into her account probs by fall. It is burning a hole in that dressing gown Total Assface Donkey is romping around in. For Greg’s sake, she was more or less counting it this spring like frigging Scrooge McDuck as NGMB$ was on her way out. I remember a few “angel investor” tweets at that time. Greed becomes her.

      • chinchilla of indifference (aka mule on rouge) says:

        She can’t snag a rich tech founder, so now she’s gonna try to grow one.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        Any idea of how much NGMB had and how many ways it’s going to be split? She’d have to have been a billionaire in order to split it at least a few ways AND give Donkey enough to try to play with the big kids.

        • So. Blessed. says:

          Remember– no one gave DonkBadonk ANYTHING since that nifty 10k upon graduation and Juliar has been earning the 6 figures according to her recent rant.

          I doubt that she’s made 6 figures since Star (if that was even true, again, that came from Julia)–BRAVO, BeachBikes, CheesyMac dividends don’t add up. As much as she wants to brag that NonSociety pulled in 500k–hmm–maybe over 8 contributors and 3 years. Not exactly hot property nor “fuck you money” or else dumbell would have sold way before its ultimate fail and wouldn’t be frothing at the likes of Timbo Sykes, Ferriss Wheel and Tony (my 2nd or 3rd wife changed her name to Sage! authenticity!) Robbins.

          My guess is she will get at least some $$/$$$. Otherwise she wouldn’t be getting all cray. But of course, she’s been making 6 figures forever so I don’t know why investing has alla sudden come to the forefront. I mean, all the bucks she saved sleeping on couches when traveling and paying “reduced rent” at the OMG condo for a year might have built a nice little nest egg.

          I don’t think it’ll be enough for her to play. However, I do know this very friendly Nigerian prince who would help her if she helps him to sort a very difficult monies situation.

          • word says:

            Exactly. Her last “big” payday that I can remember was that Sony Vaio campaign with Timberlake and Peyton Manning and whatnot and I can’t imagine she made 6 figures from that. But maybe someone knows more than I do.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Can you imagine JA bringing in her team of witches, tarot card readers, and psychics to a meeting with some OMGFounders looking for investors?

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