“You’re Politically Liberal, I Don’t Date Republicans, I Learned My Lesson With That” Julia Price Debuts A New Single About An Eternally Single Woman

By
Jacy "Donk" LaRue
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139
142

Julia Price, who is trying so hard to be me with all her bitch, please faces and who apparently lost her arms in a freak accident in the shower, has released a new single after the producers of Barney sued her for copyright infringement. But that’s not the important news.

No, the news is that the song is all about Julia Allison!

WORLD PREMIERE of @JuliaPriceMusic‘s single, “The Checklist Song!” (yes, she wrote it about me!). DL it on iTunes now: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-checklist-song-single/id547252630 …

Yes, Julia Allison’s unrealistic expectations are now celebrated in song.

In other news, Julia Allison is coming to the slow realization about the tragedy that is her youth-defying face.

I am apparently a woman “of a certain age” now, according to The Today Show. LOL, bring on the senior discounts! http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/48285744#48285744 …

She did, indeed, look like the oldest person on that set. And I am including both Kathy Lee and Hoda Kotb in that comparison.

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139 COMMENTS

    • Oh God, I am so embarrassed. I honestly had to hit pause 10 seconds into the singing. I am not sure I can continue. PLEASE STOP.

      • Not to body snark, but I will… Donkey’s legs look like Miss Piggy’s in the beginning… like not even real… and also, Piggy.

        Shirtless computer programmer Derrick gets a starring role :30 seconds in.

        AND THERE’S A HAND CLAP SEQUENCE!

        • Ah yes, what ever happened to him. Of course, I assume he ran for the hills once her crazy was revealed. She really is just a hit it and quit it cliche.

      • It’s sad that she thought JAB would be her meal ticket. She’ll be in the basement with us shortly.

    • I have to be honest, I think the video is fun and the song is pretty catchy. The worst part of the entire thing is JABs trying too hard to look easy breezy and sway with the music when she’s holding Lilly on the deck. I’m actually a little impressed with the production value, given that Old Julia is a train wreck and nothing she’s involved in is ever good.

  4. This song is seriously shittier than Rebecca Black’s oeuvre. Why did Toilet Julia ever think it was a good idea?? Not just the song itself which is boring and uncatchy, but also putting blinky twitchy Jabs in front of a camera — TO DANCE??

    • I know… who does that?
      [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v646/hazeleyes262000/4d29d393e54303a30af75cb14c9246a1.gif[/img]

      • Yes! The part with her holding Lily and dancing on the balcony was so painful to watch.

        • Smug smile, wayyyyy too much makeup, awkward, off-beat, worse thing I have ever seen. Worse than the Lip Dub (that was in no way a cool, viral lip dub, but an edited, piece of crap commercial) in Dylan’s Candy Store.

  5. Is that her roommate from the show? Oh great La Donk will make sure Bravo gets a copy to get her more air time tonight. I want to hurt whoever posted that song for the ear rape. Seriously there’s a thin line of blood coming from my ear.

      • Thank you!
        Everyone has been very welcoming but to make sure I don’t annoy any of the ODG’s (Original Donk Gangstas) I would like ‘checklist’ of the rules. Like if I accidentally say something nice about her (like her foot looked less hooflike) will a surge of energy shock me through my keyboard?

        • About the only rules are:

          1 – Don’t poke the donkey. She fails on her own enough as it is.

          2 – If you point out something in the comments like it’s new and it has already been talked about at length in the comments already, Bob brings out the AK-Kitty.

          3 – Don’t internalize the snark.

          • Excellent, can AK Kitty shoot out a link when that happens, so I can catch up? I have immersed myself this weekend. Flow charts, graphs, made a shopping trip to forever 21, and I’ve poured over video footage (similar to pro football players looking at films), just to keep up!

          • 4. No fighting. Mommy and Daddy don’t like it when the kids fight. If someone’s comments annoy the fuck out of you, just ignore them and move on. SERENITY NOW.

        • [img]http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee516/bobbaer1/1299621684jPuYmlT.gif[/img]
          Just keep studying and do your homework

  7. Ooooh boy, apparently Greasy’s on Miss Advised tonight. I guess she’ll be sobbing to him about JellyD. This is gonna be good. I’ll be live-blogging!

  8. Well, thanks for that. I have been vomiting all day, but I think I actually retched up my spleen after seeing that shitfest.

  9. Toilet Julia & singing = Brit Morin & crafts.

    Someone wealthy funding their hobby + famewhore = friend of Julia Allison.

  10. “So… which one of you is Ivy League?” oh god julia, shut up. You didn’t even go to an Ivy.

  11. The video is kinda of like a low-rent version of Toni Braxton’s “You’re Making Me High,” except Braxton’s song doesn’t cause squirrels in the tree outside my window to jump on the glass and screech at me to turn down the volume. And Braxton is sexy and talented, and the Julias are… not.

  12. Baby kicked me so hard it knocked the net book off my stomach. I’m going to say she’s not a fan, either.

  13. Will there ever be a moment – a Bravo blog, an Elle article, a Miss Advised episode and NOW A SONG BY TOILET JULIA that does not diss Jack McCain??????

    Leave the guy the F alone. She is such trash.

    Also, this is the best comment on the Youtubes for this song:

    “It’s cute that this girl is finding her Mom a date, I guess.”

    • p.s. Also, that’s right Idiot Julias, the problem with Pancakes was that he was a Republican, not that HE DIDN’T WANT TO DATE A MOTHERFUCKING LUNATIC.

      • EXACTLY. Seems like a burned Donkey is lashing out that her ex-man got over her pretty damn quick and is now in love and engaged.

        If what she said was true (which it isn’t) about the demise of their relationship, there would be no need to take pot shots at him. (Probably another delusional ploy to get press: “Listen to the song a where Jack McCain’s politics are insulted by Donkey Allison!”)

      • Does anyone have a picture of new Jack Swing? Curious about what she looks like—say on a split screen with donk-a doodle doo!

    • So true – I feel bad for him that he’ll never live the relationship. Somewhere Redacted is breathing a sigh of relief that he is no longer being name dropped as her ex 24/7.

      • I feel bad for him that his own sister dropped him in the shit on this one. She knew full well that Donk was insane.

      • And Julia would totally be that mom who’s narcissistic enough to name her own daughter Julia as well…

  14. She’s really going to try to milk the 72-point checklist thing for all it’s worth.

    Hey Donk, it’s worth nothing. Nobody cares!

  15. “Hmm, what could make this song more unlistenable? I know! Let’s add some braying at the start!!!”

  17. Wow! @JuliaPriceMusic needs to pursue writing jingles for commercials & call it a fucking bray — that shit was BAD! Ima hafta ASSume that iTunes has no quality cuntrol, amirite?

    Did I see Chris, the One Cheek Wonder, in there?

    HIM, (the Freath of Bresh Air guy) I like.
    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/2vlk1z9.png[/img]

    Ima countin’ on you bitches to fauxto-shoppe d0nkey ears on here!
    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/23r4zk9.png[/img]
    (but a .gif will do just fine too)

  18. It’s kind of hard to tell if Flusher hates A Donkey or not.

    Either way, I hate her.

  21. I just really don’t know where to begin with the Today Show or the TJ video.

    It’s just super annoying that she thinks she’s like a celeb now. She always thought she was hot shit but this is getting to be too much.

  22. What the hell is Julia trying to convey OVER AND OVER AND OVER when she, Lily, and Toilet are on the balcony??? She closes her eyes and makes a quasi O face while attempting to squat and swivel her hips at the same time. It’s sorta like she’s attempting to do the twist, but her arthritic knees won’t cooperate. She did it like four times in a row. God, she is so freakin’ stiff and unnatural on camera. Are we sure she’s not a robot?

  23. This needs to be captioned.
    (I can’t at the moment and looks like we have a mofo of a thunderstorm moving in so may soon be without power … I will be SO disappointed if I miss chat tonight! Watching the show vicariously through y’all is the best!)

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2aancxg.png[/img]

    • I would so love to see a side by side of the two Julias in that turquoise dress, particularly a comparison of their arms in the sleeves. In the video, it looks like TJ actually has some space between her flesh and the fabric, whereas Donkey… the phrase “zeppelin in a condom” comes to mind. (ringing Patsy Stone!)

    • Off key singing roommate is telling her the Feds are at the door, something about a belt needing to be returned. New Jack Swing has had enough of donk exploiting this dead relationship and taking away from her own engagement. The Donkey Hooves are off.

  24. Comcast describes tonight’s Miss Advised:

    …”and Julia is downcast when Andrew can’t attend her dinner party.”

    • Sort of like she was when (she thought) FlapJack wouldn’t attend her Bday ski week, & so she reeled in Greasy the Mouth Breather as back-up?

  25. TJ has perma-annexed the turquoise dress, I see. I don’t really like it any better on her, though it is less repellent in “way too big” than “way too small.”

  26. So, wait…I guess I don’t quite get this. Is this supposed to be some sort of tie-in to the show, a la “Money Can’t Buy You Class” or something (gah, how do I know about that?!?) Does either Julia really think that either of them is important or memorable enough to promote themselves cross-platform? Is TJ thinking this will move units and is Donks thinking everybody is going to be talking about her stupid fucking checklist at the water cooler?

    Help, Dr. Gary! I have-a the Canklehausen!

    • I teach middle school, and am therefore assaulted with “Call Me Maybe” and the Biebs everyday, so my tastes have broadened for self-preservation purposes. Compared to most of the horrible music out there today (looking at you “Party and Bullshit”), this really isn’t so bad.

      I don’t blame Flusher Price for hustling since Big Julia never mentions Flusher’s music career or helps to promote her in any way. I’m not going to get on Flusher’s case for doing what she wants to try and build some momentum for herself.

  28. Yeah I can’t watch this. I tried. I can’t.

    It just baughers the mind how she flies around this 72 point checklist flag like it’s part of her “brand” or something cute and appealing. It makes her look like an entitled cunt living in her own sick fantasy land. Time and time again she takes the most heinous parts of herself (like her legs) and puts them in the spotlight and then CAN’T TAKE IT when the response isn’t 100% positive.

    Toilet Julia looks like a young Thomas Jefferson.

    • Dead now. She actually looks like the guy who played Cesar Rodney in the movie of 1776. Or the guy who played the secretary who sang about how he thought George Washington was writing directly to him.

  30. i got to be honest, i thought toilet julia could be attractive but she strikes me as so butterface in her music video.

    • I got to be honest, I thought Toilet Julia WAS attractive until I watched this. Holy fuck is she a terrible songwriter.

  31. When she was on the balcony, I kept hoping she would jump off. Why do you do this to me, Julias? I’m a good person!

  32. *hangs head in shame*

    I kind of liked the song. In a Rebecca Black ‘Friday’ sort of way.

    But Julie Albertsons was TERRIBLE. Jesus Christ, why does she think she has a future on camera? She is so stiff and unnatural. UGH.

    Okay, I need to get my dog and pony show on the road and get home. Ima watch this mess tonight all y’all.

    • Sadly, I think you and I are the only two cat ladies that share this opinion. I said it above, but I teach middle school and therefore have broadened my music tastes so I don’t murder myself mid-J.Biebs sing-a-long, so this doesn’t seem so bad.
      The production value is shit compared to an ACTUAL music video, but despite Flusher’s music “career”, these two are amateur hour all the way. And obviously, JABs looks like a lunatic.

      • I kind of liked it. Julia is still horrible though and can’t do anything right on camera.

  33. There’s a lot to hate about this video. But the thing that stands out, as always, is how horrible Donkey is on camera. What is wrong with her? She is impossible to watch without cringing, even when she’s doing something as simple as quietly dancing or swaying. Her facial expressions. Ugh. She really is touched or something.

    Another thing she is awful at, and awful to the point of sticking out like a sore thumb even while surrounded by awfulness.

  35. Omg her slow dancing with Lilly on the deck. Also the sexy face she gives in the doorway. I am dying of Cankelhausen. I actually blushed with embarrassment.

  36. For the first time in a very long time, I have been rendered speechless by a music video. And not in a good way.

    • Agree, watching three women vie for the title of most desperate Live! on national television is a sad day for humanity.

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