Live Blog, Open Post, Fatties

OK, tonight is a special occasion here at The Angry Hater Club. Julia’sPublicist has joined Twitter (ERRR, update, perhaps not!) and he intends to TWEET THE SHIT OUT OF HIMSELF TONIGHT!

And Greasy is making an appearance on tonight’s show. Finally, our questions will be answered: Is he truly a mouth-breather? Or does he only photograph like one?

Check this space for frequent updates as the show progresses. Also, I don’t care about Amy and Emily so much — my posting will be mostly Donk-centric. The other two bore the SHIT out of me.

UPDATE: The two Julias are holding a dinner party. “My ex-boyfriend Taylor is coming! He’s not just my ex, he’s my best friend!!!” And she’s waxing about Andrew and how much she’s into him.

Whoa, TAYLOR DIDN’T LIKE MY LAST BOYFRIEND? Pancakes, thrown under the bus again???

Also — she just admitted she will never let go of her ex-boyfriends. “If you loved them once, why would you want to say good-bye to them??”

UPDATE: Amy is meeting Tina Pray re: match-making. I don’t know what this means. Who is she? Sorry, fatties, I NEVER watch TV and in fact I don’t even OWN a TV because I come from a family of towering intellectuals (p.s. That is a lie)!! And they are not liking each other; Tina Pray doesn’t like Amy’s advice, Amy is calling her an “alpha female.” Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bring back the Donkey Cray.

UPDATE: Now we’re on Emily. She is with the tall gorgeous blonde friend. They seem normal and are talking about their sex lives and how Emily gets so much and Blondie doesn’t and biological clocks. And they are boring me.

Finally, we’re back onto Planet Donkey.

And the dinner party is getting under way. And now she’s on the phone to poor harassed JellyD, asking why he’s not here. She’s nagging. “How could I not take it personally??” “I wish you were as into me as much as I am into you!” Toilet Julia is telling her to calm the fuck down.

“I want him here!” “Can we talk tomorrow?” she whinges into the phone.

Donk hangs up and tells TJ that her look of dismay is freaking her the BLEEP!! out. TJ tells her she needs to chill and stop pushing.

“Oh my God, I am totally going to fuck this thing up,” Donk admits.

UPDATE: Tina Pray and Amy are at some party; Tina refused to take her boots off. “You told me I was masculine!!” she says to Amy. “I was raised a lady!” Amy says she has a masculine energy. Tina says Amy is threatened by her. Amy says you can listen or you can stay single. DRAMA! Tina is now gunning for her at the party. I actually feel sorry for Amy right now; Tina seems angry and drunk.

Amy just threw a drink in her face, stormed off and now Tina Pray is screaming at her. “On my Armani?? GET A GODDAMNED NAPKIN and clean up your mess!!” Now Tina Pray is yelling at some other chick; they are all calling her psycho.

“Amy, I am firing you!” she shouts.

I am with Amy on this one; Tina Pray seems like a rage-aholic with a drinking problem spoiling for a fight. Next.

UPDATE: Tina Pray won’t leave Amy alone. She’s gone mental. Finally she left the party. Now some dude is playing some love music. He is not good, but he’s still better than Toilet Julia.

The guy is now asking Amy out. She says yes! But she’s not really attracted to him. “I am not feeling the highlights.” I agree, Amy.

Back to Emily. FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T THEY KNOW WE NEED SOME GREASY?

Why is Menace so constantly insulting to Emily? He’s like the grade school boy who pulls your pigtails. Shut up, FatFace. Leave Emily alone!

UPDATE: GREASY IS HERE! And immediately she is nagging his ass to hold the dog so she can take a picture. He is not pleased. He looks a bit Robert DeNiro-ish. She’s yammering and yammering onto people about her dating life; they can’t get a word in edgewise.

Now she’s telling Taylor she pushes JellyD, she is pushy, and he’s agreeing. She says that Jack said she pushed him too much too. She asks Taylor if she’s a bad girlfriend. He basically says yes. She brays loudly about it being a terrible answer, and slugs him.

“Dinner was delicious and everything was perfect. But I miss him,” she says. HOLY SHIT, the doorbell rings and I think he shows up and she falls down on the ground braying in disbelief and joy. THEY HAVE BEEN ON ONE FREAKING DATE, for the love of Christ!! GET SOME HELP, braying jackass!

UPDATE: Menace is a dick. Emily should not hang with this douche.

UPDATE: OMG they just showed a preview for next week. Donkey tells JellyD she thinks she’s falling in love with him, he looks uncomfortable, she is sobbing, AND THEN SHE FUCKING SLAPS HIS FACE!! Rage issues, mental illness, holy holy holy shit!! Get some help, CrazyPants!

UPDATE: Holy shit, everyone is really embarrassed as Donkey rolls around on the floor braying and screaming. ONE DATE, people. ONE DATE. He’s not her husband returning from Iraq after a three-year mission! The guests are really, really uncomfortable. Poor, poor JellyD. He is frightened by her reaction.

She has manhandled him twice. Toilet Julia is singing the checklist song. He looks even more frightened. The dudes at the party look horrified for him. He looks increasingly panicked.

Now they are alone and talking. She’s saying sorry for pressuring him. “I feel like I have a connection with Andrew that I haven’t had in years with a guy.” Now she’s asking him to stay. OMG SEXY TIMES WITH A DONKEY!

UPDATE: Now Emily is at her therapist’s because of fucking FatFaced Menace. There’s nothing wrong with Emily. She needs to get the hell out of there. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and kids. Leave Emily alone! Now she’s about to cry about her late father and is suggesting she sleeps around to fill the void left by her father. No, that is bullshit. She seems to really enjoy her life! She’s happy! Leave her alone!!!

Now we’re back to Amy. Some male pal is getting her coffee. I don’t know who the hell he is. I don’t care. Highlights Guy is here. Off they go to pick apples.  They are driving and talking. Zzzzzz. Get back to CrazyPants. Hopefully the men in the white coats are showing up soon.

Also, remember when Donk emailed RBD and said JellyD was a “good kid” but they only dated a few times. AND NOW HERE SHE IS FREAKING THE FUCK OUT ABOUT BEING IN LOVE AFTER ONE DATE! LIAR!!! BULLSHIT QUEEN!!!

UPDATE: Amy bought a pie and intends to eat it. “Everyone needs a cheat day.” Now they are frolicking with barnyard animals. She actually is having a good date. Oh dear — she didn’t know what venison was, and asked where it was. Highlights Guy is piggy-backing now! “Put the rules away,” says Highlights Guy.

UPDATE: The Amy date is kind of cute. They are actually picking apples now. She wants to eat pumpkin pie. Things are looking up for Amy; she’s tucking into the pie. They are actually hoovering pie. I am proud of poor eating-disordered Amy. Chow down! She is glad she didn’t cop out of the date and likes Highlights Guy. Don’t fuck it up, Amy!

Jesus, we aren’t returning to Planet CrazyMotherfucking Lunatic. The show is over!!! But previews show Donk clinging to him and telling her she missed him and raising the L-word while he looks terrified. Next week is going to be awesome!

UPDATE: Now onto Andy Cohen’s show!

Emily looks great. Julia’s eyes are missing, she’s in pink and is wearing a tiara. Amy looks a bit scared. Donk is presenting Andy with a present; tiaras. He puts on the rainbow one as she BRAYS VERY LOUDLY.

Now he’s making fun of Amy’s phone sex voice.

“Do you ladies ever cringe when you see yourselves?” he asks. They all say yes.

Wow, Donk’s teeth. They are so really, really large and prominent.

UPDATE: Andy says Miss Advised has provided some of the most awkward moments in TV history. Twitchy. Donkey falling on the floor braying and shrieking. Amy getting dumped. Toilet Julia singing the checklist song. Amy refusing sex with Twitchy.

Andy: “If Julia doesn’t get what she wants, she begs for it.” Now they are running clips of her begging people for things, kisses, attention, sleepovers, etc. The worst part is — she seems to be loving the attention. She seems truly delighted with herself.

Her eyes. Jesus.

MEGHAN McCAIN!!!!

“What do you think about what she said on the show last night?” Andy asks.

“Meghan set me up with Jack. And I love her to death. And I adored him! I know her family isn’t super-thrilled right now. He wasn’t engaged when we filmed this!!!!” Yada yada yada. Spin away, asshole donkey.

Amy at least has the dignity to act embarrassed about her behavior with Lewis. Unlike Julia, who was seriously thrilled when they played her most embarrassing moments. Amy and Emily both look good. I might be biased because they both just said Julia is the most desperate. Also — her eyes are still missing. She used to have eyes. She no longer does.

Jesus, how much longer does this go on, my wrists are sore and my ears are bleeding from the braying.

UPDATE: God, we are back and her eyes are still pissholes in the snow with eyeshadow applied on the lids.

As for the Real Housewives. Donk: “I want to turn lesbian to be with Carol.” Dead silence from the audience. Asshole.

“Do any of you  follow your own advice?” Andy asks.

“Not really, no,” says Donkey.

OMG, she just brayed PROMMMMM and again, no one laughed. She is explaining how she approached JellyD. Amy says it’s not a good idea to approach someone on Facebook. Hire a matchmaker, Amy says, self-servingly.

Donk’s teeth are AS HUGE AS HER EYES ARE MINUSCULE.

She cannot stop contorting and braying and trying to dominate the conversation. She is loud and obnoxious. Amy is embarrassed for her. Please, she seems to be signalling, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 UPDATE: Julia says she doesn’t regret anything from the show but wouldn’t do those things again. Andy just mistakenly called Amy Julia. Amy gave him a look like: “Oh no you did not.” Julia says she’d date a barely legal guy. We know, idiot pedophile-y donkey.

Some game is being played and it’s stupid.  Andy clearly loves Amy best. He even just told her he loved her. Donkey must be fuming. Instead, she’s yelling and mugging and making faces and mincing and braying.

Wow, she is just so not funny. She made a joke about Scientology contracts and again, no one laughed. Her always-off-base sense of humor is now apparent to the world.

Please let this be over. Please. Is it over? How much longer? Jesus, I am going deaf from the braying.

UPDATE: Some cute skinny blonde chick is singing badly, some disco-y song. Donk is doing the gang signs in the back and looking at the tiny and cute chick with disgust.

OH GOD, Julia just won the poll as the crazy cunt most likely to get married soonest. WRONG. W-R-O-N-G. Wrong wrong wrong. But she will take that to the bank and bray about it for weeks.

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326 Responses to Live Blog, Open Post, Fatties

  1. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Donk actually seems like she has the most boring storyline tonight

    • Bravo's Bitch says:

      Yes she is boring compared to the other two idiots. Emily(ferret) I want to smack her voice into a normal octave and Amy is a very bad actress. Very very bad

    • Downward Spiral Donk (formerly) Cocoloco says:

      We all have PROM hang over!

  2. CDB says:

    can’t wait to read JP’s tweets

    • Barking Mad, Intel Advisor says:

      Jacy live-blogging, JP tweeting, Professor tweeting, chatladies bringing it.

      I can’t watch the show and I don’t even care!

  3. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    Free Lily! Fucking bitch.

  4. Jack the Bulldog says:

    “Taylor didn’t like my last boyfriend.” Another zing at Pancakes!

    • diluted brain says:

      I don’t think she can make it an episode without a Pancakes mention or suggestion.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        So he is obviously the guy she was suggesting she faked orgasms with, right? BECAUSE SHE CANNOT LET IT GO.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She also says “I haven’t felt this great a connection with a man in YEARS” about Jelly D. Her attempts to wince him are painfully transparent.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            To wince Yack, I mean. He’s just going to burn with rage when he hears her say that. WHAT ABOUT OUR CONNECTION JULIA WHAT ABOUT THE HOME AND BELT WE SHARED

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Bwaha! “The home and belt we shared!”

            Every connection she has is the BEST EVER, have you noticed? Always so much hyperbole, about whatever guy she’s with. PSYCHO.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            This! Her relationship with Pancakes was the best one since Alex. Now we are learning that she never had an orgasm or connection with him. Ugh.

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        I guess congrats to her for not saying “He didn’t like my last boyfriend, Jack McCain, son of former presidential candidate, John McCain, who I was set up with by his famous sister, Meghan McCain.”

        • Downward Spiral Donk (formerly) Cocoloco says:

          Well to be fair she does have that on the back of her business cards.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Jesus Christ. Let it go.

  5. diluted brain says:

    Her face is so animated in her interviews that I don’t know if she’s acting or just that much of a weirdo when she talks… tough call.

  6. oldballz says:

    Why is she always harassing that poor animal?

  7. MY Beach Home says:

    Given these first few minutes of the Amy/Tina part it is not at all surprising that Tina ends up yelling at her. Amy sucks at reading people.

  8. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Amy is unbearable, what with the “gender appropriate” lessons. She missed her calling, that of Mother Superior in a Catholic high school circa 1953.

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      Amy and Tina: Two extremely unpleasant, unlikable women. Blergh. The tense discomfort is palpable.

      “Think yewww!”

      “Byiyiyi!” (scratchy voice)

  9. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Ewwwww … the feet!

  10. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/1izd68.png[/img]

  11. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    Bitch, your desperation is showing.

  12. MY Beach Home says:

    JA: I wish you were here, I really do.

    Jelly D: I KNOW YOU DO.

    I am dying of shame for her.

  13. diluted brain says:

    Love the pearl necklace paired with the bathrobe and hooker lashes.

  14. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    Jelly D just Han Solo’d her: “I really want to spend time with you!” “I know you do.”

  15. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Can’t come because of work? It’s a foreign concept for Julia.

  16. Dr. Gary says:

    JP is BRINGING it on the twitters.

  17. Jack the Bulldog says:

    That Greenwich party sucks donkey dick. Remind me never to go there when searching for a wallet, bunnies!

  18. ThinkerBelle says:

    Oh Amy – you’re delusional!
    1) Why do you not know what to wear to…I don’t know…any event in life? Salsa dancing, apple picking. It’s not you’re invited to a 14th century costume party and you’re to go as a lady in waiting. It’s apple picking. Shut the fuck up!
    2) Guy did not demand that you go apple picking with him and get married. It was a nice invitation because you were just humiliated in front of all those people. Calm the fuck down and hear what’s being said.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      He even made a decently funny joke about her wearing the booties apple picking and she just went, “Oh, okay…” in her dull, no nonsense Ben-Stein-as-a-Valley-Girl voice.

      • Edward R. Burro says:

        “Ben-Stein-as-a-Valley Girl” is the perfect description of her awful voice. Bueller? Bueller?

      • Downward Spiral Donk (formerly) Cocoloco says:

        She said I’m doing things I’ve never done before on a date, yeah have fun, we get it’s a departure.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      “Grunwetch”

      What? The? Fuck? Was? That?

      Amy needs an English First Language coach!
      Geezus greg damn, learn your vowels, woman!
      It’s GREH-nich, you MOOH-rahhhn!

  19. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Greasy looks like he’s receiving his instructions from outer space. There’s nothing behind the eyes.

  20. ThinkerBelle says:

    Did she say, why is this guy “affecting me” or “infecting me” so much?

  21. diluted brain says:

    “yayyyy dinner, woohoo” (flailing arms) – because that’s normal.

    • diluted brain says:

      I’m starting to think she’s emotionally stunted as a teen in high school.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      WTF was that? Jesus, I’d leave a dinner party if she was there. I truly would. I have better things to do with my time then spend a few hours with a braying fucking mentalcase.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Yeah. And I have a voracious appetite too, oink oink, but I’ve never been that hungry.

        Imagine being stranded somewhere w/ this whackjob! I’d likely chew my own arm off, if it meant escape, or the sweet, sweet release of death.

        I’m at 30:07, where D0nkey & Jelly Donut are on the couch while Flusher Price squees her twee tune, & the look on his face? It’s pretty apparent that he’s contemplating the odds of surviving a jump from 3rd-floor balcony …

  22. Jack the Bulldog says:

    She’s braying into Greasy’s face. Christ, why would anyone want to be her friend? Unbearable.

    Did Bravo hire extras from Central Casting to play party guests? Nobody seems to really know anyone.

  23. little birdies dress me says:

    It is NOT a normal reaction to fall to the ground like someone cut your legs off at the knees when you are surprised. That is all.

    • MY Beach Home says:

      True, but it is a normal reaction to a totally staged surprise that was staged for tv during your totally staged dinner party full of fame whores.

  24. A-Game Content says:

    Huscat and I are watching. Preface- he is the kindest, least judgmental person ive ever met. He knows nothing of this website, and doesnt understand why I bother watching this shit show. During the dinner party scene, he quietly regarded the Donk, looked at me and said, “I hate her.”

  25. Andy Whorehol says:

    Holy shit, she is so loud and obnoxious at the dinner party! Bitch, it’s a dinner party not a fucking kegger. Calm downnnn!!!

  26. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    I was suspended again! WTF?!?!?!?

  27. Badonkeydonk says:

    JP suspended! WHY?

  28. 4 weeks and 13 phone calls says:

    omg she went with the tiara and the hollywood bumpit for wwhl. Interesting choices as usual…

    • Downward Spiral Donk (formerly) Cocoloco says:

      The pink Von Trapp dress didn’t help, she looked huge (again) next to Emily and Amy-when will producers learn (she should have been in Amy’s postion ) or better yet off stage.

  29. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    She’s acting like fucking Elvis showed up at her door.

  30. little birdies dress me says:

    So, you should just stay on the floor like a lunatic while others are forced to introduce themselves to your “friend.”

  31. sausage curls/fingers says:

    My canklehausen is setting in. Must be Monday.

  32. Jack the Bulldog says:

    My god, what the fuck is wrong with her?!?! Falling to ground and rolling on the floor and acting as though the messiah has arrived and she’s just had one date with a donut? She just madly brayed. Fuck me, Flusher is promoting that piece of shit song. These people are AWFUL!

    • JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

      That’s the reaction of seeing a loved one who is deployed overseas getting a surprise trip home, not someone that you went with on one date.

    • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

      didn’t this actually happen, IRL with her birthcray and pancakes? he showed up as a surprise? can you imagine the braying/falling to the floor/speaking in tongues that must have gone on?

      • Donkeycam Now! says:

        Exactly!

        Donks set up the whole thing as a reenactment, because we all know she can’t come up with anything mildly original.

        Nevah forget that reality TV is 90% scripted.

    • JFA says:

      It’s not even just one date! It’s one date that was not even GOOD and he was clearly not into her!

  33. Andy Whorehol says:

    So she slaps JellyD next week. He should slap her for acting like such a moron flopping around on the floor like that.
    She’s seriously mental.

    • WhatDoesAGirlHaveToDoToGetAKissAroundHere says:

      JellyD should be slapped for continuing this nonsense. Totally lost respect for JellyD (the little I had…)!!

  34. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    She wore a tiara. There are no words.

  35. Canklehausen by Proxy says:

    This is so embarrassing.

    So. Embarrassing.

    But I don’t even feel bad for this guy because this is exactly what he signed up for.

    • diluted brain says:

      So embarassing. I cannot fathom how she would hav eany fans. She is so cringeworthy!!!!!!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Sooooooooo embarrassing. There isn’t enough Cankleshausen ointment on the planet.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Jelly Donut took one for the team.
      And by ‘team’, I mean hetero men everywhere.

      Guys, you have been warned!
      Bitch be crazy!

  36. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    OMG! She is NOT singing that song on this show!

  37. little birdies dress me says:

    A song about her checklist to marriage? Really? Please make it stop.

  38. ThinkerBelle says:

    The dinner party guests have the I-wasn’t-paid-enough-for-this-shit face.

  39. Andy Whorehol says:

    I can’t believe he came. Let’s repeat that another 28 times like Julia. Yayyy!

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Yayyyy! Whoo-hoo!! She’s wearing a tiara!!
      (flopping around on the floor gasping)

  40. Dr. Gary says:

    She is either the biggest drama queen on the planet or mentally retarded. Who falls to the ground and throws a fit like that just because some guy you went on one date with shows up as a surprise? She is on the ground rocking herself and sucking her thumb. Like she needs a straight jacket. Stat!

    Looks like everybody at the dinner party got a bad case of Cankleshausen.

    Calm the fuck DOWN.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Yayyy! Whoo-Hoo!!
      (I’m now thinking of Donk as a female Special Ed)

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      PPPPPPRRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      That’s the thing. I think she really surprised everyone. They all knew what they signed up for, to be her fake friends/advance their own projects, but I doubt they anticipated she would be such a basket case. The actual discomfort and bitch please faces are the only genuine things about JA’s storyline.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      This is just like the idiot back in my HS days who fishtailed a guy’s Corvette into a gas meter … full-scale histrionics ensued (not by the Vette owner, mind you) until someone finally slapped her down & told her to STFU.

      If you’re wondering whether or not that girl, like D0nkey, is a pathological liar, that would be a resounding YES. Also, should you be wondering if she has told vicious, career-threatening lies about so-called ‘friends’, that would also be a solid YES.

  41. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Emily’s therapist reminds me of Helena Markos. I hope Goblin isn’t suddenly heard on the ST!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Young Dianne Wiest, I was calling her in chat.

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        YOUNG Diane Wiest? Have you seen Wiest in I’M DANCING AS FAST AS I CAN or other early work?! She’s very attractive! Shame on you and don’t speak, no, no, don’t, don’t DON’T SPEAK!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Same voice.

          Actually there was a movie ad with Real Dianne Wiest in it, and she looked like a million bucks.

  42. Dr. Gary says:

    OMG!!!!

    Make the song stop!

    • little birdies dress me says:

      It has. Unfortunately, you probably just cannot get it out of your head.

  43. little birdies dress me says:

    Is apple picking dangerous? What?

  44. Jack the Bulldog says:

    I have no interest in watching Amy go on a date with a cut rate Barrett Blade!

  45. Dr. Gary says:

    Why is she punching Jelly D on the arm and patting him on the head? Stop hitting people, you psycho donkey.

    • MY Beach Home says:

      He looks like a little munchkin next to her in that fug tent dress when she pats him on the head.

  46. MY Beach Home says:

    Why isn’t Amy’s friend Joe’s dog wearing surgical booties? Imagine the damage those paws do to the floors.

    I’m sorry but what in the actual fuck? You are hosting a party that is going to be filmed for television and you cannot put your OCD away for a hot minute? THEY WERE ALL WEARING SURGICAL BOOTIES AT A PARTY.

    Sorry.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Yeah, and he didn’t even have the courtesy to flop around on the floor for his late arrivals! (hits OCD dude on the arm mentally)

  47. little birdies dress me says:

    Where is Venison? I have never been there. Is this girl for real?

  48. MY Beach Home says:

    Amy is a sophisticat NYC laydee and first she doesn’t know what an aperitif is and now she asks “I don’t know, where is venison?”

    Who is the biggest embarrassment? Oh yeah, see the party scene in MDR.

  49. WhatDoesAGirlHaveToDoToGetAKissAroundHere says:

    Rebecca Swinton ‏@Couponbeck
    Yeah @JuliaAllison thats a normal way to act with someone you met once before…or not! #misadvised

    1m Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @Couponbeck – I had more than one date with him, actually. We dated for three months!

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Then why did she bray 8000 times on the stupid show, “it’s only been one date”?

      I just can’t with a Donkey.

  50. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I know its been said, but its hysterical that Jelly D is so anxious to disassociate himself from Donkey that he hasn’t even mentioned his appearances on this show on his Twitter feed.

    That has to drive Donkey crazy.

    I mean crazier.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I hope Andy calls her out on her lies & bullshit.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      I like to think that Jelly Donut has, by this point, reached out to FlapJack & asked him to be his AA (Asshats Abstinence) sponsor, & FlapJack has wisely counseled him to lay low & play dead.

      Or, Jelly Donut has literally died of embarassment.

  51. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Wow. Twitter has turned against Donks in a major way tonight. Normally there’s a whole slew of OMG so cute, totally relate to Julia tweets (which makes me sad for womankind). But tonight. Woah! I think we know why Andy wanted her on WWHL after this ep. He must have known this is when the majority of viewers would finally twig that Julia is CRAY-ZAY!!

    Time to hand back your America’s Sweetheart tiara Donkey.

    ‏@btchfest: #missadvised is the biggest collection of women who are CLUELESS. I cringe watching Julia act like a psycho.

    @liskowitz: whats julias problem? does she really think that rolling on the floor is normal? no wonder she cant get a boyfriend @BravoAndy #missadvised

    @eventjubilee: omg this girl on #missadvised is acting crazy!!! Slow your roll sister

    ‏@regalaffair: @eventjubilee Julia? Ugh. So desperate amd can’t stop talking about Jack. #attentionwhore

    ‏@eventjubilee: @regalaffair dude she is a #stage5clinger. #missadvised

    ‏@CurvyCoach: I swear this chick is crazy, mad props to Andrew for being a trooper #MissAdvised

    @trx0x: that andrew dude was totally not into that chick. #MissAdvised

    @tjk65: @BravoAndy who’s the psycho chick on #MissAdvised tell that guy to Run, run as fast as he can!

    @em_greenberg: Julia makes me feel awkward, she needs to listen to her roommate, get herself together, and get over herself #WWHL #missadvised @Bravotv
    @devss: Watching Julia on #missadvised is literally painful @Bravoandy #WWHL

    @LovelyOnTheGo: Julia Allison, you have become sad to watch. I’m actually sad for you. I wish you get help. Or grow up. Or both. #MissAdvised #wwhl #bravo

    @AnnetteeSzproch: #missadvised is by far the stupidest show ever omg

    ‏@SLKStyle: I am officially embarrassed over Julia’s reaction to her date showing up for dinner. When is he running for the hills? To LC #MissAdvised

    @jennaweg: RT @tiffnative: #MissAdvised Julia is so over the top…how is she surprised she is single? an how is she paid to write about relationships?

    @austinjacobson: I can see why these girls are single omg. #MissAdvised you’re being so embarrassing…

    @sarahphillips20: This bitch just fell on the floor bc her date surprised #embarrassing #missadvised

    @Libs_22: Andrew run in the other direction away from this crazy girl #missadvised

    @XoXoAmandaJean: This one girl on #missadvised is too much. I’d be terrified if I was this guy. #stage5clinger

    @kbattattack: Wow Julia from #MissAdvised is really fucking undatable @BravoAndy

    @alexjmark514: Keep your cool. Really. Let’s not fall on the floor over a boy showing up to your party. #MissAdvised #trainwreck @BravoAndy @Bravotv

    @dcabfab: #MissAdvised The guy flew in from SF- he didn’t return from war. How desparate is she? “You came to be romantic, right?”.Oh that’s romantic!

    @ms_mandi_g: Julia on #missadvised is really, really annoying.

    @SamanthaJChin: Well there’s nothing more charming to a guy than falling on the floor screaming when he enters #MissAdvised

    @tiffnative: #MissAdvised……Julia is so fucking over the top…how is she surprised she is single? an how is she paid to write about relationships???

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      A few more … but I think you get the point. TWITTER HAS TURNED!

      @THEsarahqueen: Okay. #MissAdvised Amy is the shit. Emily you’re not a whore, you’re sexually liberated. Julia, I’m sorry, but you’re painful to watch #wwhl

      @katieearman: I love Julia but sometimes she’s a real idiot! #MissAdvised

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      The distortions continue. Poor guy. Do they not know how to google? Srsly.

      [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2rqby1j.png[/img]

      • Donkeycam Now! says:

        Donkey:
        We dated for 3 months

        Transbraytion:
        We went out a couple of times. After that, I called him several times, but he always had an early meeting the following morning. Then his cat (I did not know he had one!) got sick just the day we were supposed to go out. And then there was the time his car broke down on the way to Marina del Bray. After 3 months, he changed his phone number and unfriended me.

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      Oh god, I can’t stop.
      @Vintage2daTea: You went on 3 dates..now you talking about your falling in love? o_O #missadvised

      @moirainez: Julia need a filler intervention. Yikes #missadvised #wwhl

      @dcabfab: Oh look Julia is already being desperate with @bravoandy. Does she know he’s gay? #MissAdvised

      @LilSheddie: Is she really hyperventilating over this dude??? #MissAdvised @JuliaAllison #WWHL #DramaByBravo

      @FrankieZullo: I’m sorry, but Julia from #MissAdvised is a stage 5 clinger. #PleaseStop

      • Oh god says:

        Honestly, I’ve been cringing in horror at Julia for years, and even though she’s acting in the exact way I expected, it’s so much worse to watch than I anticipated. I keep thinking this can’t possibly be how she really acts, even though I know it really is – she HAS to be playing a character, she has to be getting prodded by the producers to turn up the ridiculousness. I thought I’d watch this show and be surprised by how much more normal she was in her real life than she is on the internet, but it’s like the reverse is true.

        I know she’ll do anything for fame, but she just seems to have even less of a clue about how people interact with each other and what kind of behavior is perceived as normal than I originally thought possible, which is REALLY saying something.

  52. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    Rainbow tiara? Fuck off.

  53. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Aw, Julia got a rainbow tiara for her newest bestie because all gay men wear tiaras!

  54. Julia: Old Maid, Forever Alone says:

    JP, WTF — why did your twitter get suspended?

  55. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    She did not just lip synch that republican lyric.

  56. diluted brain says:

    Our donkey is trying way too hard… per usual.

  57. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Cohen is totally softballing it and Donkey is making faces, braying, resembling a pink cupcake bordered by two tiny & cutes.

  58. ThinkerBelle says:

    The vote on WWHL is not specific enough. Who’s going to get married first? We all know when the publicity dies down Donkey will hold a wedding with her marrying her self! So with a caveat, Donkey will marry first and marry herself.

    OMG I love you Andy! Calling the Donkey out on her embarrassing begging sessions! He loves it!!! The pity in his face says it all.

  59. Dr. Gary says:

    Where are her fucking eyes?????

  60. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    What is up with her teeth? It’s like that episode of Friends where Ross overly whitens his teeth.

  61. Teeeeeeeeeeeeth!? says:

    seriously with those teeth, what the what the what the what?

  62. Jack the Bulldog says:

    What is going on with Donkey’s teeth?! I’m genuinely frightened.

  63. ThinkerBelle says:

    What’s with Donkey’s Gary Busey teeth???

  64. Dr. Gary says:

    Andy is calling her out about what Meghan said last night. Seems like he let her off pretty easy.

  65. Julia: Old Maid, Forever Alone says:

    Julia needs to lay off the stimulants. And if she’s not on stimulants, she needs to get some adult ADD medicine.

  66. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    It’s hilarious that a Donkey isn’t being shown from her good side.

    It’s also hilarious that A Donkey thinks she has a good side.

  67. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    “Meghan set me up with Jack. And I love her to death. And I adored him! I know her family isn’t super-thrilled right now. He wasn’t engaged when we filmed this!!!!” Yada yada yada. Spin away, asshole donkey.

    Fuck, I hate her lies. It’s such disgusting behavior. Her parents should be ashamed for not doing a better job at teaching her not to lie ALL. THE. TIME.

    RAGE!!!

    • AFGHANI says:

      It’s not lies, it’s legalese, bunnies. And she probably learned it from her parents.

      • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

        Yes legalese: lying in such a manner that you can weasel out of it when you get called on all your bullshit. And you will get called on it because you suck at being able to keep your stories straight.

        I wouldn’t be so up in arms about it if she were any good at legalesing her way through life, but she even sucks at that.

        GAH!!

  68. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    she had to have had the teeth done again right? they look totes different.

  69. diluted brain says:

    Turn lesbian…. Julia, please, you already are.

  70. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Yep. No eyes.

    [img]https://d1au12fyca1yp1.cloudfront.net/206418/206418_melt.jpg[/img]

    • moonshinedonkey says:

      Julia Allison Baugher. Get help. Look at this photo. You are the kind of insane that isn’t cute or adorable. It’s fucking sad.

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        Holy crap, she really did wear a tiara. That’s really weird, unless you’re a Disney character…or 4 yrs old.

    • virgil reid says:

      HER TEETH. WTF. SHE HAS TO HAVE SOME TYPE OF BODY DYSMORPHIA RIGHT??

      im trying not to feel sorry for her, but dear god, has she not looked in a mirror in years? amy got botox on camera and her face looks nothing like that.

    • MY Beach Home says:

      Also, another epic fashun fail. Could that dress be any pookfier and starchy? Petticoats!

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Oh, I get it. She is desperately vying for a “celebrity” judge spot at one of the Toddlers & Tiaras pageants, right? I mean, there is no other explanation!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      That picture is seriously all kinds of sad …

      If D0nkey were to wake up tomorrow to find all of her tiaras & flammable Quinceañera dresses removed from her closet & replaced w/ flattering age & size-appropriate clothing, & her stuffed animals were gone, she’d have a mental meltdown, wouldn’t she?

  71. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    Ha! Nobody loved her “PROM!!!!!!!!”

  72. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    They used my question!

  73. AFGHANI says:

    How did JP’s twitter get suspended already? I tried to follow and got a message that it was suspended!

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      This is what Twitter emailed me:

      Support, Jul 23 08:11 pm (PDT):

      Hello,

      This account was suspended for sending multiple unsolicited messages using the @reply and/or mention feature. These features are intended to make communication between people on Twitter easier. Twitter monitors the use of these features to make sure they are used as intended and not for abuse. Using either feature to post messages to a bunch of users in an unsolicited or egregious manner is considered an abuse of its use, which results in account suspension.

      For more information about these features, please visit our @Replies and Mentions help page:

      http://support.twitter.com/articles/14023

      I have now un-suspended your account. Please note that it may take an hour or so for your follower and following numbers to return to normal.

      Be sure to review the Twitter Rules, as repeat violations may result in permanent suspension:

      http://twitter.com/rules

      Thank you,

      Support

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Who did you @? Donkey herself? Who else would complain? Certainly not Andy!

      • Dyspeptic says:

        I think you may have tweeted too much, too fast, using too many @tags and it thought you were a bot. I have heard that happens occasionally to reporters on my paper who are live-tweeting a trial or a sporting event at a very rapid clip. Answer is to pace your self a bit, apparently.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          seriously, I doubt Donkey had a thing to do with it if JP was tweeting at a blazing pace.

      • ET says:

        you were in what’s called “twitter jail”. It’s just temporary suspension mostly due to tweeting too much in a small window of time. it’s automatic based on how frequently your account is hitting the API calls I believe.

  74. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    Andy clearly hates her.

  75. Jack the Bulldog says:

    PROOOOOOOMMM! Shut the fuck up, Donkey. So smug and so fug and BORING questions and letting a donkey off the hook!

    She just pounded her boobs. Nuckin’ futs!

  76. ThinkerBelle says:

    Damn, she just brays to hear her own bray. She’s so freaking annoying.

    Donkey and Amy have to have snorted the same thing in the car on the way to the studio.

  77. MY Beach Home says:

    HOLY FUCK the chest thumping.

  78. OMGDonk says:

    chest pounding donkey…

  79. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    Ugh, she keeps checking herself in the monitors. It’s so fucking obnoxious.

  80. diluted brain says:

    I’m starting to generally believe donkey has some form of a handicap. She just is not all there. Everyone clearly is embarassed for her.

    • Not! Random! says:

      She’s a special person who needs a lot of love. Lasagna tried to tell you, but you just never listened, did you.

    • ET says:

      I agree. She has some sort of social disorder that needs to be treated.

  81. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    What is she on? Something is off.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      PROMMMMM!!!!
      <>

      She is such a fail. Reeks of Try Hard. Odious.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      That’s what I thought. I swear to God she was coked up. Cathus thought she was trying too hard. But she seemed over the top, even for her.

    • Worthless Bag of Ho says:

      I thought the same thing as soon as I saw her. She was either drunk or on something…or both. So sad.

  82. Jack the Bulldog says:

    And … Donkey Sandusky would date someone barely legal.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I knew she was gonna say yes. Remember when she was slobbering over Cuntess Luann’s son? Who’s like 15 or 16?

  83. ThreeBlondesDown says:

    Is anyone else gunning for them to cut the lights and shine a black light on her? Her teeth will GLOW.

  84. monster (Single and Mingle) says:

    How do we confer Jeffrey his Ph.Donk ?

    Jeffrey ‏@BravoJeffrey
    The pink thing in the middle looks like 1 of those bachelorette party girls who ruins everyones nite @ a gay bar #wwhl @Bravotv #missadvised

  85. MY Beach Home says:

    Andy is MEAN. What is he doing to this singer girl? And pairing her with these three loons is NOT a coincidence.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      That was sheer genius. That Andy is one cruel stealth bitch and I love it.

    • Julia's Jowls says:

      You can tell he’s totally getting off on seeing these women make fools of themselves for a chance at fame. I laughed… but then realized it’s kind of a laugh so you don’t cry kind of situation

  86. diluted brain says:

    My favorite tweet:

    Kolby Amber Shroyer‏@k_shroyer
    I think julia is a man or was at one time haha #missadvised @_SeaG

  87. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    What the fuck is happening with this song? They’re messing with us, right? She makes Flusher look like Leonard Cohen.

  88. WhatDoesAGirlHaveToDoToGetAKissAroundHere says:

    BARF.

    Taylor Greason ‏@taylorgreason
    @JuliaAllison Getting excited! Lucky to have such great friend…so many good things to say, a guy can be at a loss for words! ;)

  89. Dr. Gary says:

    Cathus watched a few minutes of WWHL:

    “Wow. She looks really old.”

    I asked if he thought she was on coke or drunk, because WTF? He thought she was just trying too hard.

  90. Dr. Gary says:

    Top cringe-worthy moments on WWHL:

    #1. When Julie yelled ‘PROMMMMMMMMMMMM’ and the room got quiet. Stop trying to make fetch happen, dipshit.

    #2. When Julie fan girled over Carole from RHNYC, and said she would turn lesbian for her. EWWWWWWWWWW. I bet Momsers and Dad$ers are so proud.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      #3. When Andy asked her about the Tony Robbin’s firewalking, and she bragged about how she didn’t get burned. She banged on her chest and yelled. She then threatened to take her hooker pumps off to show that her feet didn’t get burned and Amy told her NO!

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      Does she realize that Carole is a Radiziwiatoea;gvnaogdfhn by marriage, not birth?

  91. MY Beach Home says:

    Of all the WWHL cray I think someone asking Amy if her teeth are real and if she had a nose job is the most cray. Of the three, you are asking Amy?

    A close runner up is when Andy is setting up pitching some RHNY Facebook game and he starts: speaking of FACES – I literally died. First with glee at where I thought he was going and then with disappointment when I realized it was not going to be a JP question about Dr. Bobby.

  92. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    Awesome liveblogging, Jacy. xo

  93. gizelle says:

    Canklehausen red alert!!! I need all of the ointments. She fell down, she slapped him four times, she brayed loudly, she SMACKED HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD. I am so embarrassed.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I got you, girl.

      *hands @gizelle a percocet, PBJ sammich, wine cooler and Cankleshausen ointment*

  94. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    Tracie from Jezebel was tweeting about the show tonight, saying she now understands why the Internet hates Julia Allison.

  95. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    From the Miss Advised (ad) FB fan page, y’all:

    Dana Salois
    Julia is a freakin’ nut job. No wonder she can’t get a 2nd date. She is like a dog in heat and the desperation wreaks off of her. Pushing men to kiss her, overdone dates, and becoming fixated on men she has only dated once. She is obsessed, abusive and controlling when the guy doesn’t call her by the next day and can’t figure out why they RUN. That reaction when Andrew showed up was psychotic. Get some help. You need professional intervention.”
    Like · · 29 minutes ago

    Cheryl Gauch Salyers
    I think Julia needs to grow up….is she a teenager? You look like a fool by the way you reacted when your boyfriend showed up. Seriously…..take a look at the way you act and there is your answer. You are too loud and abnoxious.
    Like · · about an hour ago

    Brandie Bryant
    Omg Julia is a idiot…. Who falls on the floor like that? I’d never take advice from her ass
    Like · · about an hour ago near Minot Air Force Base, ND

    Liza Morin
    I think Julia is sweet, but I know 16yr. girls not as desperate as this woman! She’s so needy. It’s unbelievable that she writes a column on dating, and she lacks so much confidence.
    Like · · about an hour ago

    Christine Johnston
    That show is horrible. one of the worse for Bravo, hope it will not come back!!
    Like · · Yesterday at 05:43

    Marie Loko
    Desperate, dateless, and delusional is what they should have named this show, does Bravo think we’re all brain dead? I hope Bravo renames it CANCELLED!
    Like · · Saturday at 16:10

    On the WWHL page, everybody hates these girls – too many comments to list but here’s a few:

    Jean Brodie Worst Bravo show evah! I saw the three harpies on Today, and Julia Allison looked more hologram than human being. Since she really isn’t a journalist, and everyone knows it, maybe ask her about the manic fame for fame’s sake she’s been pursuing since her Gawker days. Why does she expect to be rewarded for doing absolutely nothing and contributing nothing of value to the world.
    2 hours ago · Like · 3

    Tony Johnson I am all for being immature now and again, but Julia makes it look like her issues are clearly more physiological than matrimonial. I have never seen a gown woman so uncomfortable in her own skin, I want to smack like Cher and tell her to “snap out out of it”!! Then send her to a good shrink.
    2 hours ago · Like · 4

    Marie Loko ‎Tony Johnson, I agree, Julia needs a therapist, problem is she’d just talk over them. She’s a sociopath!
    2 hours ago · Like · 3

    Angela R. Fresquez Are you three acting this pathetic on purpose? I don’t understand why you all have such terrible self esteem, you are all very beautiful and smart.!?
    about an hour ago · Like

    Jennifer Wolf why is julia so dramatic? and did she get new teeth?
    55 minutes ago · Like · 1

    Anna Willard Morris What is wrong with Julias teeth!?!?
    49 minutes ago · Like · 2

    Ok Hee Chung Julia – did you get botox?
    42 minutes ago · Like

    Pam Mapp Did Julia snort an eightball before this? And Holy Botox Batman!
    38 minutes ago · Like · 2

    Jennifer Tranter Petry You asked Amy if her teeth were real…what about Julia’s? They look….different!
    37 minutes ago · Like · 1

    DAMN!

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      I can’t believe how quickly viewers have turned on her. There were a few giving her the comment equivalent of the side-eye in the past, but now there’s a deluge of out-and-out Bitch Be Cray comments.

      I kind of love it. I was beginning to question the sanity of humanity. (Sorry for the awful rhyme.)

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Thank GOD. There have been so many idiots on twitter sucking up to Julie, telling her ‘you go girl’, etc. It was freaking me out that people couldn’t see what we see: that she’s a psychotic lunatic.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Her rapid-fire responses to her Twitter critics are equally insane. Chicky is mental/needs meds badly.

          • A Donkey is an Ass says:

            Why does she think, “Hugs and Tiaras” is so fucking clever?

            Jacy, let me tell you something, it’s not clever at all.

  96. WhatDoesAGirlHaveToDoToGetAKissAroundHere says:

    Way to deflect! Baahahahaa

    Megan Crowley ‏@MissMegan321
    @JuliaAllison Have you had any work done since filming? :)

    3m Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @MissMegan321 – no, lol, but I have lost weight! And I had professional makeup ;-) makes a huge difference!

  97. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    She’s in manic mode on Twitter, responding to EVERYONE who tweeted about her tonight. She also bashes the singer chick.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Go to http://www.icerocket.com/

      Enter ‘juliaallison’ and click on ‘twitter. Great way to see her tweets, everyone @-ing her and her replies.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      I knew Julia’s whack-a-mole tendencies would get a workout as the show went on. It’s getting good.

    • Ash says:

      Is she deleting those response? She responded to me, but I’m not seeing it show up on her feed?

      She told me that her erratic behavior was because she was having fun “celebrating.” Celebrating what?

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Of course she is. She loves this kind of stuff.

  98. WhatDoesAGirlHaveToDoToGetAKissAroundHere says:

    twitterers are starting to put the squeeze on JellyD for answers… he’s being vewy, vewy quiet!

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Much as I hope that burning redfaced shame is the reason, I wonder if it’s a provision in his Bravo contract (“The gigolo shall refrain from…”).

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Come on… he can say, “Hey watch me on Miss Advised…”

        And he has ignored ALL of Julia’s tweets to him, ten or more…

  99. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Amelia ‏@xoamelia
    @JuliaAllison got a fresh round o’ Botox for #WWHL.
    Expand
    Reply Retweet Favorite
    1m Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @xoamelia – nope, I didn’t. It’s just makeup & lighting. I haven’t gotten Botox in over a year. I probably need it!
    Hide conversation
    Reply Retweet Favorite
    9:34 PM – 23 Jul 12 via Echofon · Details

    Wait, Donkey just denied to Jacy that she’s ever recently had Botox – it was only once and YEARS ago! Lol, such a fucking liar.

  100. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    @LZembrowski: okay @juliaallison from #MissAdvised is serious so desperate I can’t take it. chill out girl.
    ‏@JuliaAllison: @LZembrowski – hi Lauren! When? During the show? Agree!! Now? Not as much ;-) baby steps!!!

    I read this tweet as “Yeah, I’m learning to chill out and calm down.” Silly me. 14 minutes later she says this.

    @Andi_LALL: @JuliaAllison watching you on Andy…. I love how you own your personality, you never try to be anything your not!!! #Realtalk
    ‏@JuliaAllison: @Andi_LALL – THANK YOU Andrea!! It took a while … And a lot of people told me to tone it down. But I’m happier just being me.

    So essentially, fuck the haters who tell me to chill. Flip flop. Flip flop.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      And a lot of people told me to tone it down. But I’m happier just being me.

      Then she wonders why she’s still single and can’t even keep friends!

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Jesus, this is the thing, and I am about to launch a blistering rant. She claims to want a dude, sends everyone fleeing to the hills when she unleashes the “real Julia,” and now says she won’t change. IDIOT.

  101. Aspen > Tulips says:

    Okay, is it just me, or was Julia washing Lilly in the kitchen sink really gross? I realize they don’t do a lot of food prep in there, but STILL. I love our dog (and don’t force him to go on any cross-country trips, let alone multiple ones!), but he gets washed at our friendly neighborhood pet store self-wash. Even Toilet Julia looked semi-disgusted when Lilly shook all over the counter.

    On the plus side, it looks like Lilly sees the better end of the shampoo bottle more often than the pelts do.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Her mother washed her dog in Wallet Thing’s kitchen sink, so I guess it’s just one of those secrets of upper middle class charm.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Did you see the TJ reaction shot when Julie was toweling off Lilly and Lilly shook her fur? She looked horrified. Priceless.

      And am I imagining this, or did Julie seem really rough with the towel? Like she was rubbing Lilly down way too hard. It was weird. I would never do that to my dog. Poor Lilly :(

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      It is EXTREMELY gross.

      As the owner of a long-haired dog (Portie if you must know), I can tell you that every time I bathe her brown bits of gross unsanitary material come off and end up in the water (If your dog was clean, why bathe it in the first place, right?).

      Bathing your dog in the kitchen sink should be avoided at all costs. Well, unless you enjoy digestive-tract infections.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Personally, I think the kitchen sink makes most sense, what w/ it being at the right height which eliminates squatting on your knees, + the sprayer (especially the sprayer!) — just sanitize the hell out of everything afterwards, or don’t ya’ll do that anyway after doing the dishes?

      D0nkey doing it though, that’s gross, because Gross D0nkey is gross (see the greasy pelts & the stinky fake YSL’s & the juicy sweats). Putting your own dog on someone else’s counter, like she did at Prom Kings? Equally gross, because you just know she couldn’t be bothered to wipe that shit down.

  102. Aspen says:

    I’m sad I missed all of JP’s tweets before his account was suspended! Can anyone post them here for those of us just tuning in?

  103. Princess Sparklefart says:

    Really enjoyed xoamelia’s twitter stream tonight. While we all wait patiently for JPs to come back up, this might tied you over:

    http://twitter.com/xoamelia

  104. juliajane says:

    TracieEganMorrissey ‏@jezebel_tracie
    I never understood the internet’s hate of Julia Allison. This episode of Watch What Happens Live is really enlightening, in that regard.

    TracieEganMorrissey ‏@jezebel_tracie
    The 3 women on Missadvised are doing more harm to women than all the seasons of Rock of Love combined.

  105. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Did Donkey have a fake expert who really is a grifter friend helping her out this episode?

  106. So. Blessed. says:

    A few of my fave #wwhl Tweets:
    Kathryn ‏@kdanna03
    This is a legitimate question for any Miss Advised watchers: is Julia actually normal? She seems a little “touched,” to put it nicely. #WWHL

    Sarah Lewis ‏@OMGitsSarahLew
    Julia is wearing a flipper and a tiara!?! #wwhl #thisisnttoddlersandtiaras

    Gina Veneziano ‏@MagicGina
    How is it possible that @juliaAlison is even more annoying on #wwhl, @BravoAndy usually brings out the best in his guests #notthistime

    Michelle Collins ‏@michcoll
    Tonight’s #WWHL was deeply horri/satisfying on both a human and animal level, including the musical performance. All the Emmys to @BravoAndy

    Rocky Guerrero ‏@RockStarRocky
    These girls on #MissAdvised are boring the club house #WWHL :(

    David ‏@davidsez
    Julia needs to take it down a few notches #WWHL

  107. Ineffably protracted cankle says:

    To all of you commenting, and JP and Jacy especially:
    Thank you for doing Greg’s work so that I can laugh at the donkey without actually having to watch the show.
    You have saved my brain cells and ears, and for that, I salute you!
    Now go have a drink, you could probably use one.

    • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

      seconded. i had to turn off WWHL within the first four minutes. Thank Greg for Mama, Papa and the commenters!

    • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      I was going to say something like this down-thread but you’ve stated it beautifully.

  108. Norse Horse, Sisyphean Bolder says:

    It’s 3:45 in the morning, and watching WWHL is just a master-class in why she’s a psycho hose-beast from hell. Louder, pinker, more garish than anyone else, just not shutting the fuck up. What a fucking monster eating everything alive. Points to Miss Andy for bringing up Megan McTitsCain really having a problem with A Donkey constantly invoking her brother. How embarrassing for her. I love how “we text!” and “she introduced me to him” is presented as an excuse, a non-answer. You still stole his belt, bitch. Megan, it’s all your fault for making Donkey rifle your brother’s email and do strange things with it! SO fucking strange, Miss Andy could barely seem to stand her. Tongs were happening, Security employees were in the wings. She’s in Danielle Staub territory there. Making everyone wary and concerned.
    Every question, she couldn’t answer, she seized and changed the subject.

    Because it was completely an embarrassing display, she’s just so fucking loud and agggressive and weird, she’s just LOUD in every damned way she can be. Visually, audibly, dominating, competing for screen time to talk her head off. She’s trying to be a “character” and it’s just pathetic.

    “PROM!” (silence, crickets). She is simply dreadful.

  109. Onocentaur says:

    I had no idea Emily was 41. She looks really good.

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      She’s my favorite.

      • Cola chamPagne says:

        Ditto. I’m watching WWHL before work an Julia just made herself look like a Maury Povich guest with that tiara. It’s the awful thing producers have guests do like oh you’re a princess? Wear a tiara. Tacky and embarrassing and she hold be embarrassed to let herself be used like that at her age. It’s ok when you’re 15. But when you’re 30, it’s just sad and really shows how desperate she is to be famous.

        • Cola chamPagne says:

          Excuse typos it’s my phone.

          • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

            She tweeted: “Who dares me to wear my tiara for the whole show?”
            Entirely her own brilliant idea. Miss Albertson generally doesn’t need anyone’s assistance in making a spectacle of herself, and doesn’t listen to advice suggesting the contrary.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          You think the producers came up with the idea? I assumed she waddled into the studio with it and demanded to wear it.

          • cola champagne says:

            They encouraged it, I’m sure. They don’t care that people embarrass themselves, because that’s part of reality television culture. It’s how Snooki has made her millions.

  110. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I thought I’d enjoy the rest of the world seeing what we’ve seen for so long. But I’m not enjoying it because it is so uncomfortable to watch her. This new persona is more cringe inducing than anyone she’s been before. It really is like watching someone with some type of mental disability. And its not the type of fun hate that drives people to watch shows like the Kardashians or Housewives or any other reality show.

    I’m not sure I can make it through another episode.

    Damn Petey, your daughter needs serious help. How do you not see this? Get her help.

    • Ca Ca Nails says:

      Yup. There is something really wrong there. Bravo has had plenty of NPD/Sociopaths in its roster and plenty of housewives who shriek like banshees when they get together, but none of them have the staggering lack of self-awareness that Donkey has, particularly, as someone above said, when they get on WWHL–Andy has a way of making you temporarily root for his guests for the half hour or at least distract you from your loathing by playing silly games with them and finding common ground somewhere. You could tell he really liked Emily and was warming to Amy, but there was NOTHING redeeming for him to find about Julia, and after she yelled “PROMMMMM!” I think he officially gave up on her.

      • cola champagne says:

        It’s because she’s trying too hard at something that’s not funny. You know when someone keeps telling the same joke over and over and tries to nuance it and it’s not funny, never was funny, never will be funny? That’s Julia.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      He doesn’t see it because he literally doesn’t see it. Mr. Bigshot Law Partner refused to shell out for basic cable, even to see his lovely and demure spawn in her reality teevee debut.

  111. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    Three of these people exhibit socially appropriate responses to the performance of an invited guest. One does not.

    [img]http://gickr.com/results3/anim_2338652d-cf05-1e04-7156-b6e3efb80095.gif[/img]

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Gang signs and hammy, over-the-top stink eye. Lovely combination.

    • Ca Ca Nails says:

      Another tell-tale sign she’s socially stunted. Of course the singer is bad–they all KNOW she’s awful, that’s why she’s there. But it’s up to them to play their roles of being in on the joke with Andy by being good sports and pretending to rock out and get into the performance, or just smiling politely like Emily and Amy–she fails so hard in the subtleties of social conduct that it’s painful. Besides, who the fuck is donkey to cast dung? At least that girl was sweet, gracious, and tiny & cute, of course.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        And Julie, full of tact and so. nice. of course took to twitter for comments clearly dissing the performance to remark a few times that TJ should’ve been the bartender and performer! Was it not enough that it was sung during the show just moments before? But of course she’d want it on WWHL, what better way to once again turn attention on herself by having HER roommate sing the song about HER checklist, and maybe even grant Julie some points the way she’d previously been coerced to on the spreecast they did. I’m glad Andy went the Cara Quici route because I can only imagine what kind of canklehausen we’d have been in for otherwise (imagine her dancing and lip-syncing like she did in the video LIVE on the show). I also like that Andy kept the checklist song deal to being an example of an awkward moment and didn’t push further about it, roll a clip of the music video, etc. I think the promo efforts for that will be limited to TJ, Julie and any other viewers who actually liked the song. Sorry donks!

        • Ca Ca Nails says:

          Exactly. TJ chose the WRONG horse in the famewhore race, and the fact that she couldn’t see that Donkey is clearly a Donkey whom everyone hates speaks to her stupidity and lack of research. That’s no way to hack it in Hollywood, TJ!

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            Now that she’s dating Lewis, maybe she’s hoping to hit it big on LinkedIn.

    • A-Game Content says:

      Andy’s disdain for Donk is palpable throughout those videos! He shushes her.
      For those who didn’t watch, a 40-year old gay man called in for advice (and this man said he felt “expired”). Donk shouts, “Move to New York!” Andy interrupts her with a pointed, “NO!” And actually give some heartfelt, useful advice to the man. At the end of the vid, Andy said, “I HATE when people act like they have an expiration date.” Emily agreed, saying, “I NEVER believed in that.” I have to believe that was deliberate.

      • Joardache & the Pelts says:

        Sorry didn’t see this when I just posted… Virginia bear made me sad, especially since he felt compelled to ask these banshees for advice. By the way, I was reading there are all sorts of bear b& bs and retreats all over Virginia and west Virginia now, which is kinda sweet.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      And Miss Indiscretion strikes again!
      When Andy asks Amy how far she went with Lewis, Amy avoids answering so Julia jumps in, “I made out with him first … now he’s dating my roommate!”
      Is this something Little Julia has discussed on her blog? Twitter? FB?
      Methinks not. But JABa, of course, has every right to blurt it out on the teevees. She set them up! o.m.f.g.
      [my bones are going to crumble from all the shuddering this past 24 hours]

      • A-Game Content says:

        Which, you know, kudos to Amy for not detailing the extent of her physical relationship with Lewis if he’s dating someone new- someone who would undoubtedly be watching. I don’t know if it was inadvertent but it seemed like a decent thing to do.

        • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

          Absolutely. The question made Amy uncomfortable — for probably more than one reason — and she side-stepped answering it, a perfectly healthy and decent response.
          Of the three of them, I want to give Amy the biggest hug (Emily I think is just fine; like any of us, not perfect but head screwed on straight.)
          Amy is dedicated to her business, exercises regularly, watches her diet (sure, maybe too strictly), and her clothing, while she stumbles with choices, is flattering and tasteful. She seems to be a genuinely warm person to both her friends and clients.
          I’d love to see her go to something like a finishing school, or one of those etiquette courses for executives. Know what I mean?
          One, to get some training on how to polish her diction, her current enunciation doesn’t do credit to such a lovely woman. I know there are a gazillion voice coaches in New York. I think she’d have a lot of fun attending a group class or in a one-on-one tutoring setting.
          Two, while she’s a real New York girl, which Andy so cutely admires, she doesn’t seem to be very worldly. Exposure to an experienced mentor who could teach her some sophistication in art, dining, fashion, and travel could really send her into the stratosphere by giving her some of the confidence she lacks and I believe she’d learn to loosen up just naturally as a result, but still be true to her values.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      Ah the gay dude’s question made me sad.

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        He’s such a cuddly bear. Somebody love him, please.

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        Ya, I’m keeping my fingers crossed in hope that he’ll follow up on Andy’s good advice and go to a bear convention. Instant community. He won’t be the odd man out anymore.

  112. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I’m watching now, & at the part (dinner party w/ Amy Laurent & Tina Pray) when Tina says: “Amy, I actually think you are threatened by me.” & the camera cuts to the dog on the couch … dog is no doubt channeling all of D0nkey’s dates, is if noted by the expression of sheer terror on its face …

    Hey, D0nkey! Yeah, we know you’re reading here. So, Amy being filmed riding in an SUV pretty much dispels your bullshit line about cameras only fitting into limos … or was there something about panoramic wide-angles required in order to get your raftass & ginormous head in the frame that you conveniently left out?

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      Don’t be so harsh on Donkerina.

      She needs a limo to fit her ginormous cankles.

  113. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    The part where D0nkey sat on the couch, ready to call Jelly Donut to wheedle & whine at him … when she flexes her muscular Flintstone toes … anyone else notice that some chunk of something white fell of her hoof?

    • Rosalie says:

      I rewound that shit!

    • Lazy and Crazy says:

      The producers showed that clip of her diabetic feet (I rang my old self!) at least three times. It’s so screamingly obvious they HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE her.

      Also her hooves were filthy.

      • SilverBulletViBRAYtor says:

        Yes! And did one of the prods add a little “Bewitched” nose-twitchy noise when the fluffy thing did the lemming-leap from her hoof?

  114. LEFOOLIEH says:

    1 – Taryn & TJs mutual friend was at the party and during one pan had the FUNNIEST look on her face (I believe this was when Julie was making a spectacle of herself due to jellyd). She’s the one who was hugging Taryn during her bday party/dropped cakegate (and at the time said to Julia “I’ve met you before, bitch!”) and also posed with TJ in the bathroom photo that earned her the name.

    2 – Production had to keep swapping between Julie acting batshit and the appropriately weirded out reactions of the party guests. It was also so ludicrously over the top and the silence that followed so deafening she had to practically fill it by repeating the same things over and over again. Naturally her screaming and flailing on the floor wasn’t enough to indicate she was pleasantly surprised, it had to carry on for practically another 20-30 minutes.

    3 – I know it’s been said before but I can imagine her constant invasion of personal space ends up being really annoying to people who have to restrain themselves from screaming out “STOP TOUCHING ME!”. Good greg… poking, slapping (my mouth *LITERALLY* dropped when I saw her backhand jellyd in the next episode), punching… freakin’ gross.

    4 – I was so ready to see Brit make an appearance and get the little “Julia’s friend” thing going but I guess even she didn’t want to sign the waiver and associate herself on camera. Shocking that only TJ gave Brit credit for having provided the food! Donkey, her actually “friend” was too busy responding to braindead sycophants, attempting to spin how the episode turned out, and being all manic as I’m sure she was reeling from all the negativity spreading about how insane she appeared to be/clearly is.

    5 – She was going back and forth with someone on Twitter about the “reality” of her relationship with jellyd (who remains mum on the show as he was even before it premiered), still @ing him desperately, and using Taylor to show that she DOES TOO remain friendly with her exes! I found that funny because not only did Taylor seem pretty exasperated by her in general but he’s, what, 1 out of how many that haven’t just about completely cut her off? Never mind that she’s tweeting this when not even 20 mins ago his response to her question more or less indicated that she was NOT a great girlfriend; doesn’t he have one now? Speaking of all this, her spinning and shifting of timelines depending on what she’s trying to prove/the new lie she’s trying to sell is CRAZY. It would probably be too much work, but I’m sure if you went over the dates and info from her blog and FB posts, tweets, emails to the mods, etc., she will technically have been overlapping all over the place, not actively with any one guy steadily for an extended amount of time, and flip flopping like a nut on how deep/real/significant her relationships with any of them *TRUTHFULLY* (hah) happened to be vs. how that strangely changes when they’ve kicked her to the curb and run screaming into the night.

    She needs major, major help. I know she’s naturally lazy but having to rewite history and spin incessantly has to be the most exhausting thing ever, and then you pile on lack of exercise, poor eating habits, lack of sleep and probably a fair degree of indulgence in the booze and it’s no wonder she’s cuckoo with the most basic tasks throwing her into a tailspin. She puts so much of her energy into faking it and trying to write/correct her life narrative that she can’t POSSIBLY have much left for other activities or even to just focus on a simple task that might require some sustained mental effort and proper time management. Anything she does bother to follow through with tends to involve very little effort on her part (see: all the specialists she’s seen on the show and grifter seminars she attends), otherwise she’s freaking out and eventually phoning it in as with her double-posting pieces on Bravo and Elle. Yikes.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      She was jabbing poor Emily in the arm on WWHL and Emily actually said, “What?” She had no idea what was up with Donkey poking her fingers at her. Ms Albertson was constantly shoving Emily off the chair arm and pushing up against her, so exasperated Emily readjusted and got out of the contact zone.

      I couldn’t watch the show but when it was described during chat that she slapped JellyD, the spontaneous thought that sprung into my head was elder abuse, as in, I envisioned her as someone who would hit her enfeebled parents.
      I totally understand why people are frightened of her.

  115. Ginger Sans Pelts says:

    Delurking just to say that yesterday’s show had my husband curled up on the couch in the fetal position, covering his face, repeating “I can’t. I can’t”. I told him that he’s experiencing symptoms of acute Cankleshausen and it felt quite strange (and wonderful) to say it out loud.

  116. LEFOOLIEH says:

    On another random note, they’re apparently supposed to be on PIX11 this morning for an interview…

    Emily:
    Pat Sandora
    Chatting w/ the ladies of @BravoTV’s ‘Miss Advised’ this morning. What should I ask @SexWithEmily @AmyLaurentMatch & @JuliaAllison?

    Hair/makeup/stylist:
    http://yfrog.com/nzeqkhaj

    Tamsen Fadal:
    @amylaurentmatch @sexwithemily good to see you ! #singleladies #missadvised

    Did a donk oversleep again or end up running late? I can’t imagine they’d only book the two (though it wouldn’t be completely out of the question) and it seems like she isn’t there with them.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      I’m just finding all the goods today.

      http://www.wpix.com/news/morningnews/wpix-miss-advised-072412,0,6389368.story

      LOL she is NOT there.

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        Incredible how naturally and relaxed the conversation flows.
        And not one of them mentioned Julia!
        No explanation at all — not a peep.
        It’s like whatever the opposite of Danish Mary is. Black matter JABa.

      • virgil reid says:

        okay it seems like she definitely should have been there?? did she oversleep? because it mentions “3 single relationship experts” not two.

        • LEFOOLIEH says:

          She was supposed to be there. She originally was mentioned in the Emily’s RT… and then there were two! They completely glossed over her though, just didn’t mention her aside from the info below.

          • Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

            It’s like Comrade Donkey has been vaporized by the Ministry of Truth.

        • Ca Ca Nails says:

          Ha, commence her Twitter “spin” cycle in 3..2..1… Oh, but first we have to wait for her wake up, so it might be a few more hours.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She got a terrible sinus infection and the doctor told her it would be dangerous to go on TV (see also: trip to Paris).

          • cola champagne says:

            Her voice did sound hoarse on K&H and on WWHL, but I’m sure that a cup of STFU would have cured it.

      • iblow4shoes says:

        It was an actual normal TV interview without the braying hick there to ruin it.

        • cola champagne says:

          One of the women who’s doing the interview is the one who told her she routinely goes through her husband’s phone. I’m surprised she missed that interview.

  117. It floats! It floats! says:

    A few notes:
    - While I’ve been following this website almost since the beginning, I don’t think I’ve actually ever said her name aloud until recently. What a terrible fucking name. I never really thought about it until I had to say it aloud.

    - I said something to my husband about how crazy it is for someone my age (I’m 30) to still be so fixated on prom princess shit and he was like, “yeah, even weirder is that she’s so much older than you and still into it.” I had to google to prove to him she is only 31. He still thinks this is just part of the fiction she’s created and that she’s actually significantly older.

    - Another thing I am shocked about is how terrible she looks. I actually thought she was somewhat pretty before the show aired, even though she was clearly showing some wear and tear. I thought maybe we were just looking at the worst pics of her. On WWHL, it seemed like she was struggling to hold her jaw in place or to keep her flipper in. It was very odd and I just can’t believe she’s fucked her face up like that and she still won’t do the other stuff that could help her out, like maintain a steady work/exercise/diet/sleep routine.

    - She needs a 40 hr/wk job. Seriously, even if they have to lock her up in a little office so that she can’t terrorize her coworkers, I think it would help her to get real. It would force her into better sleeping and eating habits. It would perhaps give her something real to be proud of, something that she doesn’t have to lie about in order to feel important. She’d never be able to do it, but it really is what she needs. I tend to not blame her parents entirely for her shitty personality, but in this aspect I think they’ve failed her.

    - No matter how much she pretends to be pleased with herself over the show and these media appearances, you know she has to be experiencing some serious self-loathing. Every single one of her antics was poorly received. Every joke fell flat. Everyone is clearly exhausted by her behavior.

    • Lilly Liberation Front says:

      Agreed on the needing a stable job. It’ll never happen, because she thinks she’s too good for such a thing, but in a perfect world.

    • ThreeBlondesDown says:

      I totally agree about the weirdness of saying her name out loud. She’s my Voldemort.

  118. Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

    Terrific work, Jacy, thank you. Love and light!

  119. SilverBulletViBRAYtor says:

    Remember in the old EC horror comics when a party of explorers would find some pale, wizened, insane creature drooling and cackling in an attic or a cave? That’s what Julia reminded me of when she was hunkered down on the floor gibbering and winking and practically sucking her thumb. Total Crypt-Keeper.

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