No Hooves Were Harmed During This Fruitless Quest For Self-Improvement

In care you were unaware of the recent senseless tragedy that has captivated a stunned nation and has overtaken the 24-hour news cycle with shining examples of well-researched, responsible journalism, I’ll catch you up to speed.

I left LA at 5 am & just now arrived in San Jose for this weekend’s Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within conference with @Meghan!!

Yes, Julia Allison, who is currently pretending to be on a quest of self-improvement to change the fact that she’s a gigantic asshole, made another half-assed attempt to try and be a better person by visiting yet another self-improvement scam artist. Unfortunately, unforseen tragedy struck as people were forced to trek through the pits of hell all for the sake of being a better person.

But fret not! Julia Allison is OK!


Both @Meghan & I did the firewalk & our feet are TOTALLY safe & happy! 🙂 RT @littleylittley: Aren’t @JuliaAllison & @meghan there??

Whew! I wasn’t sure how we as a nation could collectively go on living had the outcome been otherwise.

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98 Responses to No Hooves Were Harmed During This Fruitless Quest For Self-Improvement

  1. julia's authentic pelts says:

    Hey I’m back from Paris so I’m watching Mess advised… My god the braying is off the charts and so are the eyelash pelts!!!

    And ugh, the Colorado story is sickening. This country needs to rethink the fucking gun issue.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Personally, I think we all need to calm the fuck down, Kevin. Was it horrible and sad? Yes. My heart goes out to the victims and the families of those killed, but everyone else needs to get the fuck over themselves with their hypersensitive over-personalization of the shooting and the macabre fascination with dissecting a mass murder to the point that it drives me to want to put a gun to my head.

      The internet is extra annoying this weekend.

      • Cocoloco says:

        I agree, recognize the tragedy but 24 hour coverage does not help the situation and seems to inspire other nuts to emulate.

      • mule on rouge says:

        What I can’t stand are all the “live on the scene” reporters struggling to fill wall-to-wall airtime with inane speculation, cringeworthy interview questions, and a buttload of “no shit, Sherlock” observations. That sick fuck in Aurora was just one guy. There were over 312 million Americans who DIDN’T commit mass murder that night. These horrific incidents — where a gun-toting psycho goes on a public killing spree — number less than 40 in the past 30 years. I cite these statistics not to diminish the tragedies, but to lessen our fears. It can seem like danger lurks all around us, because we have bad news from every corner of the world streaming into our homes 24/7. (Six die in a bus crash in Outer Mongolia! New strain of bird flu claims tens of victims on the island of Naboombu!) Don’t live a smaller life because of this, is what I’m trying to say, catpeeps. I LOVE YOUSE GUIZE!

        • mcakez says:

          re: filling air time, I saw the same girl interviewed on two different channels and quoted in several different articles (at one point saying the shooter was three feet from her, in another five) and all I could think was, “This is the Julia Allison at the scene. Get in early and often.”

          Then I felt like an asshole, considering the circumstances, but way to get in there.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Meh. Maybe I’m less blasé about it because I don’t digest violence on the regular as ‘entertainment’ & therefore not so numb to it all, but on this scale, it freaks me the hell out, & I’m unapologetically interested in what happened, + the why behind it all.

        • mule on rouge says:

          Not gonna lie, Friday morning I was switching channels every few minutes to get the full story. And I’ll be wearing out my eyeballs if/when transcripts of police interviews, witness testimony, the sicko’s manifesto, etc., are made public. But when the coverage morphed into a death watch for the bomb squad, I had to stop looking. Watching an umpteen-hour live broadcast of a broken window can make the evil little basement cat, who hides in the darkest corner of your soul, start hoping for an explosion. (Please say it’s not just me…)

          • says:

            One thing that’s making me mental about this incident is that the guy looks exactly like a police sketch I saw recently (bcuz it seems to be burned in my brain) but I cant put my finger on exactly when or where. (Anyone else?)

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I had the live stream on for something like 13 hrs (in the background after awhile, but was really of the opinion that they were going out of their way to not over-sensationalize it) & then today I even watch the CBS ustream of the bomb detonations (there was one fire in particular that, while obviously contained, was wicked as shit).

            What I keep thinking about are the far-reaching effects that seem trivial in light of the loss of life — like, for instance, people evacuated out of those bldgs in a rush, did they have to leave pets behind? And those able to stay in their homes / apts nearby who are w/out gas & electric because utilities were turned off while the bomb sitch was being sorted out — besides no A/C, what about food spoiling in their fridges? And the businesses that had to close down, that’s no good either.

            Any guess on the dollar amount that’ll be tagged onto this, by the time the trial has concluded?

            (Sorry, JP! Then again, you telling people not to be interested in Aurora is sort of like the white nits who jump on here to rag about interest in the d0nkey, ya know?)

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Three things bothered me about this one:

            1. The guy owned everything he owned completely legally. Someone can buy 6,000 rounds of ammunition for an assault rifle online and no alarm bells go off anywhere?

            2. He looks and seemed completely normal. Now we think that photo looks psycho. Prior to Friday, it could have been the photo of a lottery winner or a guy who had just saved some kid from drowning at the local pool. He was highly educated and no one has really said he was weird or scary, just shy. I want my monsters to be semi-recognizable.

            3. The movies. Really, people just going to the movies now? Fuck me.

        • mule on rouge says:

          Also, I’m a “true crime” junkie, so I probably don’t have normal reactions to this stuff. Could Tony Robbins help me?

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Me too! I’m a weenie & can’t deal w/ graphic visuals, but reading the TC’s to get a grasp of what makes someone tick? Yeah, I’m all over that.

            (Sorry, JP!)

          • mcakez says:

            I hate to admit that I am, too. I stop and wonder sometimes if it means I am a psychopath/sociopath, but reading ‘The Psychopath Test’ (as recommended on! Chronicling the bullshittery of Julia Allison and recommending great books since 2009!) assured me that even considering this means I’m probably not.

            Gotta bolt, time to pour more salt on slugs and photograph myself kicking over my neighbor’s garden gnome.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Throwing salt on your sausage snapper & kicking back some Tequila would make for an excellent Plan B mcakez.


          • mcakez says:

            Shit, dude, is that the true sign of a psychopath? I call that a ‘weeknight’ dude. I am so effing effed.

            *Is on Plan C: Reading ‘Pretty Little Liars’ recaps on TWOP, and drinking Corona sans lime.*

        • helobabe says:

          I saw a comment somewhere that said “I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often.” That made me think how true that is. I’m admittedly one of those people that was thinking, “Why the f were there so many kids there?” I went to the midnight opening of the Avengers and my husband went to the midnight opening of this Batman movie and at both there were an insane amount of children. Lots of babies crying and little children babbling which made me angry during the movie. But then again, people should feel free to bring their children anywhere, even an inappropriately violent movie, and expect their children to be safe. This human interest story they keep running about the dad that bolted and left his g/f and two kids (a 17 year old eventually helped them to safety while being shot) and then proposed to his g/f in the hospital is just pathetic to keep drudging up.

          The “We Need to Talk About Kevin” aspect is particularly interesting to me here. The mother knew straight away. I felt badly for that father on his commercial flight on Southwest, getting a police escort off the plane…everyone knew who he was, I’m sure.

          Then another part of me is angry that this guy wanted to be The Joker and, in effect, he now is. He’s America’s number one villain at the moment and it just goes to show that these incidents are effective for people who want the notoriety. I’m also BEYOND disgusted with the coverage of it. Bringing out Columbine survivors, etc. – and people like my inlaws who lost some 3rd or 4th cousin through marriage that they didn’t even know at Columbine now staking a claim to fame in this incident.

          I also thought about how many damn groupies this guy is going to have now. He’s not bad looking and there are going to be scores of fucked up women doing what they did with Scott Peterson. It’s so depressing.

          Sorry, no real point here, just rambling…I’m annoyed by it all. And not to be too polarizing, but, someone said to me that other countries without guns have higher strangulation and stabbing deaths and I just said, “I wish that guy had gone into a theater attempting to strangle everyone to death.” The fact we can purchase automatic assault rifles and all the fucking riot gear/paraphernalia he was wearing makes me livid. It should be a privilege, not a right, to own a gun in this country. The founding fathers didn’t intend for the 2nd amendment to be about having assault rifles – they were talking about militias and defending your small homestead/community against marauding outsiders. The fact that the gun toting community’s biggest issue with Operation Fast and Furious was that some of the guns were even tracked at all says a lot about the motives at work here.

          I know, ultimately, people are going to do something like this if they want to. I just don’t think we need to make it easy on anyone.

          /end rant, shot of vodka, please!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            About the mother: that she knew right away makes me wonder WTH is the story there? My assumption is that she knew he was breaking down, but how so? By dropping out of school? I’m wondering if she was getting CC bills for the $15k he spent on guns, etc …

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            “The founding fathers didn’t intend for the 2nd amendment to be about having assault rifles – they were talking about militias and defending your small homestead/community against marauding outsiders”

            Disagree. The Founders intended the citizenry to have the firepower necessary to overthrow the US Govt if it ever became oppressive. Thing is, advances in military technology since the 18th century have made this rationale ineffably naive.

          • helobabe says:

            Brayella: I will be interested to see if she explains further. My mother said that she watched an episode of Oprah about a son that killed his whole family in order to inherit their money and she saw so many similarities in my brother that she started barricading her door at night when she went to sleep. Never sought therapy for him, etc. Granted, I’m not a mother, so I don’t know about that bond, but that shit be cray, IMO. I essentially haven’t spoken to her since around that time. So dysfunctional. Maybe the mother just didn’t want to deal with the reality?

            TL;DR: I don’t completely agree, but, your point does hold water – I see what you’re saying. And BONUS POINTS for using ineffable! Does this make us debate partners? Please don’t dump me before prom in my powder blue dress!

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Tremendous, that is true, but Jesus, it’s not 1810 anymore. The government is not coming after you with weapons unless you shoot up a movie theater or are holding people hostage. Laws should evolve with the times. The Second Amendment was written when the U.S. had just broken away from a powerful nation with a powerful army, and more warfare was looming.

            But anyway, let’s not get into a gun control argument here. It’s like abortion — no side will ever be convinced they’re wrong, so it’s a pointless discussion to have.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Helobabe, I have a bi-polar relative who does great on meds (& thankfully is very committed to being on them) but in the beginning when the dx was new & some scary things had taken place, I used to have a fear that someday there’d be headlines like this involving my family member.

            I hope your brother finds help & peace.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        If the media did not treat incidents like this the way they used to treat declarations of international war, incidents like this would probably happen less frequently, as “My face on the cover of every newspaper in the galaxy” is probably the only consistent motivation these coo-coos have.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I am of two minds. How do you NOT give a story like that blanket coverage, in particular since the guy was able to buy his weapons of mass destruction totally legally in a country that just doesn’t want to deal with gun control — and internationally, these stories are massive and get front-page play for days. And I agree with the international media — these incidents are significant, and the debates that erupt afterwards are fascinating and say something something about the American psyche, though I also agree that it gives these hellbeasts the attention they crave, so it all feeds off itself. In other words, I don’t really know how I feel about the coverage.

  2. LEFOOLIEH says:

    She wants to act contrarily to the negative reports about this event a la “I’m one of those that did it and had zero problems!”. Also, her feet are probably caked with dirt, so I’m sure it was no problemo at all.

    • Cocoloco says:

      Nothing like trying to appear superior to those mere mortals who burned their feet by tweeting that you’re ok. Phew! I was so worried. Seriously I wish her sausage feet tweeted that someone set her on fire.

      • mule on rouge says:

        You guys nailed it. Those charred nobodies obviously didn’t have enough faith and/or spirituality.

        • Random Snowflake says:

          Kinda like those crazy churches that play with poisonous snakes, if you have enough faith ya won’t get bitten! 🙂

          • Little Orphan Lilly says:

            Okay this is a complete tangent, but the motivation behind snake handling isn’t about demonstrating how much faith you have, it’s about demonstrating your faith in God’s plan for you, including when you’re meant to die. So if you walk away unscathed, it’s proof that doing really dangerous shit doesn’t matter in the face of God’s power. If you get bitten and die, it meant God meant you to die by rattlesnake.

            Sorry, I am weirdly fascinated with this kind of thing, and STRANGELY ENOUGH opportunities to ramble about crazy snake people doesn’t seem to come up much in my normal life.

          • Solidarity cat says:

            Little orphan, did you ever read ‘salvation on sand mountain?’ fascinating…

          • Little Orphan Lilly says:

            I haven’t, Solidarity cat, but it’s just gone onto my kindle. 🙂 Thanks!

  3. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    Does she know fire walking is a scam?

    You can also mix cornstarch and water fill a pool and if yo walk slow walking on water..

    For our next DONKEY ILLUSION we will get donkey to make Donald Trump’s millions disappear

  4. mule on rouge says:

    Julia Allison will be looking for shortcuts until her carcass is hauled off to the glue factory. Too bad, Donks; it appears that exceptions could not be made.

  5. Can-Swiss says:

    So she finally visited the King of the Grifters. How soon before she joins Landmark Forum? Fuck she’s a tool.


      underrated comment

    • Albie Quirky says:

      It is impressive. Robbins is the pope of narcissistic, sketchy asscandles.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        You may have invented the successor to ear candling. Wanna start a business empire?

    • Wonkeye says:

      Landmark makes you pay. Otherwise, she’d be all over that bullshit. (I lost so much respect for a friend when she tried to talk me into that. Luckily, she regained her sanity quickly.)

      • Fran says:

        I’ve looked into this Landmark forum previously (not for my own potential participation, but my own curiosity as it seems like a cult) Have any catladies participated or known someone who has participated in one of the forums?

        • KashMoney says:

          i had a date with someone into it. it only came out at the end of the date when they actually said, non-chalantly, “I don’t need religion because I have Landmark.”

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Well, she does love Lululemon and they are heavily involved in Landmark.

  6. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    Jesus Christ those feet. I’m pregnant and mine look no where near that pudgy.

    • Cocoloco says:

      I was thinking the same thing, why would you ever post a picture of such awful looking feet? She lies about everything else, thought she would have paid for stand in’s.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The heat of the coals and flames must not have penetrated whatever the fuck those things are.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Further proof that her hooves are filthy, because hoof cleaner is flammable …




      oops, I opened this window and then went away for a while. Didn’t realize how long I’d been gone.

      Also, CT Bob, in honor of the Colorado victims, please do not use the AR-15 kitty on me today.

  8. Dr. Gary says:

    god, she’s an asshole.

  9. Cocoloco says:

    The misfits of miss advised have been tweeting their love and excitment about seeing each other tomorrow on WWHL-sucks that 1. I cannot be a fly on the wall as they out psycho each other behind the scenes 2. that I cannot be there to kick andy in his boy junk when he lobs softballs at them.

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      I’ve been watching WWHL episodes this evening, and since the guests are always on the right, Julia is going to have a hard time hiding her bad side. I’m so excited to see her try to nonchalantly twist her body away from Andy to show her good side.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Andy’s going to feel like he’s in the backseat of the Crazy Train when D0nkey goes to contortin’ for the cameras.

        • Cocoloco says:

          Correction Manzo/McCain shit show tomorrow. Monday is Misfits of Miss Advised. I don’t know why Andy sits dead on to the camera with that wonky eye, he’d be better off center. I’m sure she’ll have daddy make an amendment to her “rider” citing a fully stocked donkey trough, a foot double for when they pan to the feet.

          • Rosalie says:

            Sorry if this has already been discussed, but has anyone offered to call in with a question during their segment – or is that considered poking the beast?

          • Cocoloco says:

            I think it’s pretty tough to get through but you’ve got a shot if you’re East Coast, or you could post a question on WWHL FB page. Andy is a pussy though and can’t ask a tough question even when printed on a cue card.

  10. ineffableveehawmentdistraction says:
  11. Albie Quirky says:

    Fire walking is safe when the coals are prepared correctly. Apparently, someone in Robbins’s organization fucked that up. I hope they sue his smug grifter ass into the Stone Age.

    • SchemeyNutButter says:

      What astounds me is that people who participated in the event actually seem to believe they succeeded in a “mind over matter” exercise, rather than landed on the good side of simple thermodynamics. Which suggests to me — I’ve never been to a event like this — that that’s what is being pitched to them by Robbins. And that, imho, should be considered criminal.
      Sure, I can see walking across a carefully prepared bed of coals as an somewhat extreme exercise in overcoming fear. It’s counter-intuitive but you do it anyway because you have been educated on (1) the low conductive properties of ash covered coal, (2) the protective qualities of body moisture, (3) typically thicker-skinned soles (4) the limited contact time. When all those factors work together, yes, you can probably walk the coal without harm. And your success can be entirely attributed to material fact.
      For attendees at this event to believe that some of them mastered “mind over matter” and some failed is not only poppycock, but more importantly, if that’s the b.s. that Robbins is selling them, isn’t that outright fraud, i.e., criminal?
      (PS: My heart goes out to Britt, the scientist in the family. MIT doctorate? Pshaw! Just put some Plasticine in a wooden box and expect it to sink in salt water. What? It floats? Mean science, why so serious?)

      • juliaspublicist says:

        So, hat you’re saying is that Julia has diabetic feet, right?

        • says:

          Or perhaps endema (dropsy). Girl should go to an actual medical doctor — no donkey, not a “shaman” — get her heart/kidneys checked.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Or her lymphatic system — hell, she could even get a massage for that — there are specialist masseuses for that (think LLS) to get the non-scheme juices flowing, which reduces fluid retention.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            I will not be surprised if there’s some bloodletting the next time she visits a “doctor.”

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Can a leech be leeched, peripathic?

      • Sacred Scrapbooks, Moving Art Installation says:

        I’ll believe it’s mind over matter when Robbins stands in one spot on the coals for 15 seconds.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          I keep thinking of that episode of THE OFFICE when Pam walks on the coals & pretty soon has to go soak her feet in the lake.

          Seriously, if you’ve ever walked in Keds on a hot TX sidewalk, you know how your feet get & stay HOT … hard to believe that 5,999 people paid for (& a d0nkey crashed) his shillinar to find out that hot embers sizzle the soles of your bare feet.

    • Cocoloco says:

      Reminds me of the sweat lodge guru in AZ that killed people. I mean I can fit in my dryer if I really wanted to but why would anyone want to-same with sweat lodge and fire walking. Maybe someone can tell JA that the fastest way to spirtuality is in the spin cycle. (I’ll provide the dryer sheets)

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Yep, same thing. Sweat lodges are safe when designed correctly and managed by people who know what the fuck they’re doing. James Arthur Ray’s little death shanty was built of pressure treated lumber and covered with plastic tarps, and he and his staff bullied people to stay in when they were feeling ill.

        Fucker got jail time. It’s too much to hope for that to happen with Robbins, I fear.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Apparently Robbins is an experienced fire walker, so he should know how to prepare the coals safely. I hope this makes him more liable.

  12. K_Swizz says:

    Ugh- my comments are not showing up. All I wanted to do was make fun of her swollen diabetes hooves!

    Stupid internet doesn’t want me to have any fun.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      D0nkey’s gots the Flinstone Feet w/ a side of the Diabetes.

      • Cocoloco says:

        Bahahah-I like where she cropped the picture. She’s got thankles=thighs/calves an ankles all same diameter-too bad there’s no surgery for that yet.

      • mule on rouge says:

        Nooooooooo, now I’ve got a raging case of giggle fits. I’ll probably get evicted, thanks to you!!!

  13. Edward R. Burro says:

    Was this stunt for the show or just because she’s an asshole with scheme juices where her heart, soul and brain should be?

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      It’s because she’s a shallow, pseud0-intellectual idiot who thinks that doing stupid, but trendy, shit will make everyone think she’s oh so enlightened.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The show’s over. It was presumably part of WalletQuest 2012: Grift Harder.

      I mean, they’re still broadcasting three more episodes, but the show’s oooooooooverrrrrrrrrrrrr.

  14. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    With the amount of expertly guided self-actualization that Julia has done, she must be AWESOME at life, right?

    • Cocoloco says:

      Yep like when the Annie lady was telling her to be authentic and the camera pans to her face and she’s mentally taking inventory of every dress she has and trying to figure out if she has time to get the cum stains out before her “prom” date episode. I would love if they did authentic thought bubbles because you know when anyone tries to offer constructive criticism she’s mentally alphabetizing her communicable diseases or taking mental stock of dresses made from cotton candy.

  15. anon says:

    She can’t stop talking about Pancakes’ belt that he “gave her” as a “gift.”

    “Jeans: Seven
    Plaid Shirt: GAP
    Belt: Colonel Littleton
    Pink Cowboy Boots: Sheplers

    I knew we would be riding horses, so that narrowed down the options to jeans and some sort of shirt. Because I love venturing into costume territory, I decided on my pink Shepler’s cowboy boots, which I got for a wedding in Wyoming last summer, and which make me want to sing “Thank God I’m a Country Girl” every time I wear them. I paired them with a basic GAP plaid button down, a rugged belt my ex had given me (Is it weird to wear a gift from an ex on a date with a new boy? Eh. I didn’t think so.) and a pink cowboy hat for flair.
    Credit: Date: William”

    • Cocoloco says:

      Does Bravo pay for William’s therapy? That guy has to be traumatized.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      So now she’s calling Jack’s belt a ‘gift’? As fucking IF. I remember when she posted about it on her blergh, and admitted to stealing it:



      Maybe one of these days she’ll start a spreadsheet to keep track of all her lies.

      • For serious??? says:

        It is to laugh to believe that Donkey would spend over $100+ on a gift for any man in her life (Dadsers, little brother Brit and her agent, Steve Grossman, make up that entire list).

        Lazy donkey is a thief and a grifter who does not give gifts that cost money.

    • Dr. Gary says:


      FTFY, Julie.

    • diluted brain says:

      Of course she loves venturing into costume territory. Why can’t she ever be in the real world… you know where people just get dressed for a date and don’t expect to take the stage?

      • Cocoloco says:

        I cannot find one picture of where she is actually wearing anything from a decent or respected designer sportwear designer (Chanel, Armani, Akris, Valentino), because that costs really money! And the only “couture” she owns is actually terry cloth, massed produced and is as common just as she is. Hint Donk: real couture is one of a kind, doesn’t outright state it on the tag -just like no matter how much you outright declare you are cute, fun and authentic you are as fake, cheap and disposable as the “Chanel” handbag from “prom.” For someone so desperate to fit in to the world of wealth, dressed as the court jester is not only ironic it’s the only thing that authentically “fits” her.

  16. Donkeycam Now! says:

    It’s easy if you wear Teflon horseshoes.

  17. Grammarian says:

    My feet looked like that when I was nine mos pregnant and gained 30 lbs of water weight plus 20 lbs of baby weight and could only wear flip flops

    20 lbs came off the day I gave birth and 20 lbs came off two weeks later the last 10 lbs never did quite come off

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