Julia Allison Comes Closer To Getting ANOTHER Restraining Order, Thinks The World Should Do Herkies In Adoration of Her

Today in “Shut the hell up:”

But it should be. It should be. RT @AriMelber: This is not a cheerocracy.

So what else did Julia Allison do this weekend? Well, she showed Miss Advised viewers her old nose.

Monday’s @BravoTV #MissAdvised‬ I take @JellyD on a PROM date – and I wear my actual senior yr prom dress (here in ’99)! http://lockerz.com/s/225077511

She also called her multiple prom-themed dates “prom experiences,” and crossed that thin line between “endearingly adorable” and “insane, impotence-inducing harpy.”

It is clear to me now that my prom experiences consisted of an endless series of truly questionable “creative up-dos.”

Honey, every single one of your hairstyles is questionable.

On a related note: Fun Fact! For you lovers of Greek mythology — and I know there is at least one of you — here’s a bit of trivia. Priapus, god of THE DICK, lost his hard-on upon hearing the brays of a donkey when he was trying to rape some nymph! A rape-hating donkey! It is to draw parallels! WHY DO MYTHOLOGICAL DEITIES STILL RAPE WOMEN?!?!?

Moving along, she also spent the weekend making her meemaw’s trip to Elysium all about her.

I went over to my Grandmother’s home with my father to go through her clothing today. Heartbreaking. I miss her so much.

@JuliaAllison Oh sweetie. Is this your grandmother we saw in episode one? Big hugs to you.

@TheBravoBitch – yes… It seems like we filmed that just last week. It all ended so quickly. Once to twice a week I break down over it.

ALL ABOUT HER. . .

My Grandmother saved every single letter I ever sent her. Here’s one from 1995 in which I lament my low gym grade. LOL

Discovered at Grandmother’s: at the 5th-grade (no) talent show, Phantom of the Opera. I am the short one on the left! http://lockerz.com/s/225069023

When she wasn’t staking claim to everything that wasn’t nailed down in Marilyn’s house, she was celebrating the first anniversary of when she put tacky (and, frankly, insulting to this native Texan) western wear into a her pink suitcase.

A year ago today I packed my pink cowboy hat and my pink cowboy boots to head to Wyoming for @Brit and @DaveMorin‘s magical wedding. :-)

I KNOW! WHAT THE FUCK? Anyway, Dave and Brit Morin celebrate their first wedding anniversary tomorrow (July 16). Tangentially related, Brit was on the Today show recently hawking her used yoga mat wine stoppers or something. And I just put a glue gun to my head.

So, what else? Oh, Julia found the time to embrace her secret alcoholism.

Over an hour on the phone with @United trying to fix my flight. I’ve never needed a glass of wine so badly in my life.

My, she’s been busy. Yet she still found time to continue her increasingly depressing transformation into Miss Havisham by hiding in the bushes and creepily stalking a wedding she was not invited to. Oh, and she found another tent she wanted to steal. (What is with our Donk and tents?)

My parents’ neighbors’ daughter is getting married this Sat in the most exquisite tent ever. But it’s meant to RAIN!!

It should not be allowed to rain on anyone’s wedding day. Unless they shouldn’t be getting married. But apparently weather isn’t karma. ;-)

I’m unabashedly wedding obsessed, so here’s another shot. They added a beach tent for rain during the ceremony.

How much do you want to bet she rubbed one out while watching the ceremony from 100 yards away? Oh, and I have always heard that rain on your wedding day is good luck. Way to curse everyone’s marriage, you fucktard. Just because you will never, ever, and I mean EVER have a husband doesn’t mean you have to wish for divorce and/or a lifetime of misery for those that are mentally and emotionally capable enough to find a spouse. Jesus, she’s a fat, angry, jealous hater!

Anyway, between all the stalking and attention-seeking grieving and failing to move beyond a distant rite of passage, she still found the time to perpetuate the mistaken notion that her father is hilarious.

“One more witch & you would have been Shakespeare.” – my dad on the two witches I saw during this past episode of @BravoTV‘s #MissAdvised

“That lawyer is from a law firm of turkeys that represents a bank full of turkeys.” – my Dad. “Turkey” is a grave charge coming from my dad.

He is not. Jesus, even the Family Circus dudes are getting the stabbies with this “My Perfect Quirky Family” shit.

Finally, this happened:

Loved meeting you at Fox today girl! RT @kciesemier: Just chilling with fellow Hoya @juliaallison! So nice to meet you! http://instagr.am/p/NBmD3fmgRV/

Dude. . .

Enjoy your Monday!

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192 Responses to Julia Allison Comes Closer To Getting ANOTHER Restraining Order, Thinks The World Should Do Herkies In Adoration of Her

  1. Yoo hoo!! says:

    I would do herkies in adoration of JP and Jacy.

  2. juliaspublicist says:

    Her pelts have given up. Even her fake, plastic hair is over her.

  3. frequent liar miles says:

    OMG, that last picture — man, she looks bad (and it makes me feel good.)

    • Dyspeptic says:

      and look at how she contorts away from her sister Hoyette so she won’t have to show her “bad side.” So awkward, and it doesn’t even help matters.

      • Jack Der Golem says:

        So disappointed in this recent crop of Hoyas who find a donkey thmart and thexy. Why, back in my day, at least 95% of the students laughed and pointed at the semi-literate university embarrassment.

  4. Albie Quirky says:

    The other woman looks like the ERMAGERD girl grown up.

    Julie Albertson really is Miss Havisham. Miss Havisham of prom.

    • AFGHANI says:

      I feel bad about snarking on an innocent third party (haha, not really), but both of them look absolutely dreadful.

      • frequent liar miles says:

        It’s like the camera had a special nose-distorting lens. Also, nice cholla brows, Donkey.

  5. Lulz says:

    That last photo, dear greg, that last photo. Poor girl, stop slouching and stop showing teeth when you smile. Maybe you just don’t photo well maybe you have high enough self esteem to barrel through life looking like Quasimodo but please… just adjust for two seconds and you’ll be that much closer to whatever it is you want.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Agreed. That poor blonde needs some major posing tips PRONTO because she looks even more re-re than Donk there.

      • Life is unfair says:

        That blonde has lived through and accomplished way more than the other one. She gets a pass.

        http://about.me/kendallciesemier

        • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

          true… and yet, she still looks up to julia allison. you’d think two liver transplants would give you some non-donkey perspective on life.

      • A-Game Content says:

        Did la Donk post that photo? Might just be another example of her posting a photo she feels is flattering if her and making the other person look bad. See also: Christine Kelly. Knowing what the other woman has been through and accomplished makes me think she’s even more likely to have done that.

  6. bitchface says:

    so prom is like ‘wedding lite’ to her, or what??????? da???? fack?????/

    • Dyspeptic says:

      that’s gotta be it. Wedding Lite. brilliant.

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        I think you’re bang-on with Wedding Lite.

        In one of the preview clips that takes place right after the above still-shot of her looking like an escapee from the Disney asylum for insane retired theme-park staff, she grabs Jelly D’s arm and says: “Ready to get married?”

        Lol, hahahahahahahahahha, such a card that one.

  7. Can-Swiss says:

    So I was wondering. Does she know that she looks like a lunatic on this show and is putting on a brave face? Or does she actually think she is just coming across all Zoey a-dork-able and that people find her quirky but charming?

    Because as much as we try and point out how much of an awful self absorbed nut she is, this show does the best job of showcasing her cunty-ness and cray/bray.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      I honestly think she finds herself absolutely adork-able. Otherwise, we’d hear endless whining/tweeting about the editing, how she was just tired, how it wasn’t her fault she comes off as so awful, etc. She really does seem to act as thought she’s made it and is well on her way to becoming America’s Sweetheart! Either that or she’s a damned good actress and is hiding her embarrassment like a true pro.

      The only thing I’ve heard from her disparaging her appearance on the show is that she wished she’d lost some weight. Her weight on this show is the *least* of her many personal issues featured on there, of course.

    • JFA says:

      I think she’s doing her typical pretend like everything is my life is fairy farts and as soon as the show ends she will promptly start talking shit about anything and everyone involved and how they got it all wrong etc. Every job she has is the best job ever until it ends and it was not really what she wanted to be doing bla bla. As far as realizing that she comes off like a lunatic, I think she lacks the self awareness required to even come to such a realization.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

      Lights on, nobody home.

  8. moonshinedonkey says:

    Didn’t have any GD idea what herkies are. GUESS WHAT, Julia Allison?!

    I GOOGLED IT.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      I sent out a series of tweets about it and then polled people on Facebook and I still don’t know what can or cannot be herked or herkable or how to self-diagnose the herkies.

      Ooooh. I see what I did wrong.

  9. Donkeycam Now! says:

    Let’s set something straight: there is NO WAY IN HELL that today’s hefty, chunky Donkey fits into that prom dress.

    The dress she wore in the Miss Advised faux date is either a different one or has suffered substantial alterations, i.e. yards and yards of fabric were added to it.

    My guess is that she bought a discounted prom dress for $49.99 at JCPenney but, let me say it again, there is not a chance in hell that she fits into her original prom dress.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      I know. It is to laugh, but if she got it altered for future use, that is even more disturbing.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/121fy81.png[/img]

      The contrast between her waist and the volume of the skirt where the bodice ends is particularly obvious.

      • Andy Whorehol says:

        I think she got it altered. She’s weird enough to keep shit like old prom dresses and brag that it “still fits”, still tiny and cute like in high school, you guyzzz!! She probably treats that thing with extra special care like it really is her pre-wedding dress.

        • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

          I think in one of the shots from last week she had it hanging up like decor in her dick wilting bedroom.

          • When she took Chris and illiterate into her bedroom she had a child-sized pink ballet leotard and tutu hanging from a child-sized hanger on one of her walls, displayed like art. Super creepy.

      • KS says:

        I hope this works..
        [img]http://i.picasion.com/pic56/ff299ebb9341061211e2c1ab3cf8a2eb.gif[/img]

        • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

          That’s hilarious! (And a little frightening.)

          • KS says:

            These are making me laugh really hard. You gotta keep staring at it.
            [img]http://i.picasion.com/pic56/767cad9d3709b5b534be1bb42e54509e.gif[/img]

          • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

            I love the first one with that guy bopping back and forth like Night at the Roxbury. The second one is dizzy making and perfectly captures the cray!

      • Bobby P. Mullet says:

        The old photo is mad blurry, but you can see that the dress might have fit a lot looser when she wore it in high school. I think it’s possible it is the same dress, unaltered. It’s just now it is much more form fitting, whereas before it hung off her.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          Look at how much thicker she is now. The dress would’ve had to have been hanging off her back then in order to fit snugly now, w/o alterations.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      That is her old prom dress, altered to fit her now-average size. You could not buy anything that dated today. It screams late ’90s.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        I dunno. Look at the difference in the 2 pics. That’s not just some letting out at the seams. That would require quite a bit of fabric added in, and probably expensive. Too expensive for a cheap donkey.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          The prodco probably paid?

          Maybe it’s a replica, which I don’t know if it’s sadder or less sad, but that is the exact same style dress as she wore to the actual prom, not a dress you could buy anywhere in 2012.

          Those little tulle butterflies slay me with their junkiness.

  10. JFA says:

    It all ended so quickly?!?! The fucking grandmother was like 95 years old!! Jesus honking Christ. Any old
    Person who croaks even immediately, over the age if 85…you aren’t really allowed to say it was so fast etc. Bitch lead a long privileged healthy life you melodramatic cuntrag. Also your 5th grade letters are interesting to exactly zero people. I dont even trot that shit out for boyfriends let alone 100k bought twitter followers. I will
    Never understand why she thinks her farts are Internet worthy.

    In closing, your obsession w weddings is juvenile and insane.

    • JFA says:

      My grandmother died suddenly at 88 a few years ago. She was mostly healthy her entire
      Life. It sucked tremendously but it wasn’t exactly fucking shocking because very old people often die. My god. Also I motherfucking grieved alone bexause I’m not 12 years old and I have something called shame.

      And her father is miserably unfunny.

  11. The_Manta says:

    Does PK get a royalty check for the prom date idea or was it her idea all along?

    • bitchface says:

      honey, that PK prom date was like her third or fourth….. she’s “relived prom” at least a dozen times by now

      cucko000oOoOOoooo

      • Andy Whorehol says:

        She’s obviously not reliving the right kind of prom. I was under the impression that a truly good prom involved a hilarious DJ and equally hilarious attempts at dancing before getting wasted, getting said prom dress promptly ripped off and into booze-drenched pieces and having raging, drunken hotel room sex the rest of the night before a hungover diner breakfast the next morning.

        I want no part of the sad WASP fantasy that is ‘her’ idea of prom.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          You just described my prom.

        • Factory Seconds says:

          My friends like to host alt prom parties where all you do is show up dressed however you want and put flowers on each other’s wrists/shirts and then stand on the stairs in the typical prom poses and take pictures.

          And get fucking plastered. It’s much better than regular proms.

          • I organized an alternative prom in high-school for my group of friend, and it was a lot of fun (no one in our crew wanted to go to real prom, it seemed like a waste of money). We went bowling, played laser tag, ate Asian cuisine, then spent the night at my friend Dave’s house, who happened to have a pool. Good times.

  12. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    O/T: Trying to wrap my head around this episode description at Bravo:
    Episode 5 – True Colors
    Tired of being who everyone else wants her to be, Julia plans the night of her dreams and hopes her date Andrew is on board for the ride.

    So, a 31-year-old woman who has repeatedly bragged about not taking the advice of her agent, manager, etc.; who posts the unedited versions of published material (why? WHY!??); who just recently tweeted something like “how do I grow out of wanting to do the opposite of what people say I should do”; who dresses in her high-school prom dress for (yet another) prom date and (once again) stands up squeeing in (yet another) limo on a date that she has (yet again) arranged the details of according to her pedestrian notions of “dream” anything.

    I am shuddering in advance. Not only at the usual JABa cringe-inducing spectacle but at the 10s of fans who are going to pipe-in with “omg so adorable”, “you are living my dream life, too”, etc.

    JABa once suggested that America should kill itself because of its encouragement of another reality character. I won’t go so far, but I do despair for any woman alive who applauds this profane exhibitionist.

    • Brent-the-Donkey-handler says:

      Pretty sure the lead in to the prom date will talk about the OMFG former bf (Hello Prom King) that planned a prom theme date with limo included. Psst! Donkey! That was four faces ago. The only dates you have now are craigslist constructs baited with promises of teevee famedom.

  13. Scooby Don't says:

    Tonight on MissAdvised
    Julia Allison revisits the happiest day of her life: the first day of kindergarten.
    Watch as she and her date fingerpaint, have milk and (gluten free) cookies and share nap time. Guest appearance by Toilet Julia as the Story Time Reader.

    Get The Fuck Over Prom, you sad, sad, sad human being.

  14. Tribune Slingbacks says:

    God, she was an insufferable child.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Seriously. She’s whining over a ‘B’ in fucking gym. In fucking gradeschool. Maybe you’ll grace granny with your fabulous self with a sleepover. You’ll call!
      Get over your goddamned self.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        The letter was from 1995, so she was 14. The fact that she put the year and not her age or grande level makes me think she wants you to assume she was younger. Always Be Scheming.

        • JFA says:

          She also obvs included this to prove that she got all A’s. Sure you did sweetie. That’s why the best school you could get into was Indiana U and you went to a tony high school.

          Bragging about grades in high school and she is 31 years old.

          • 11th Wang says:

            I don’t get the Indiana snarking.

          • LEFOOLIEH says:

            IDK that it’s snarking, more that she’s always GEORGETOWN GEORGETOWN GEORGETOWN when she only got in to GTown as a transfer and with the help of dad$ers dollars. Indiana is conveniently never-to-be -mentioned when that’s precisely where she went after New Trier. It wouldn’t be a big deal if her omission of it (and obsession with Ivy League/high status markers) wasn’t made so by her.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            IU is an excellent school. Only twits like Julie Albertson who are all about the Brand Name Edumacation would think less of it.

          • Factory Seconds says:

            Uhhhh, I got all A’s in school and went to IU so.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            Don’t internalize the snark.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I don’t think people are internalizing the snark so much as pointing out its inaccuracy. IU is a good school; I didn’t go there, so I have no dog in this fight.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            Is if JA got an A in math.

          • Who do you think you are? says:

            I wonder what she did to get a B in gym. Even the less athletic kids get an A as long as they participate. Must be that Donkey is pitifully uncoordinated and/or she sassed her gym teacher.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            WDYTYA, most likely she whined about having PMS for the duration of the school year & instead of participating, sat on a bench writing her own name over & over in assorted shades of pink ink.

          • JFA says:

            There’s nothing wrong with Indiana. Obviously. But anyone who knows her KNOWS she gives a shit more than anyone on earth about school pedigrees. And sorry but if your mother went to Princeton, Daddy to Yale, brother soon to be going to MIT – sorta kinda think for her going to Indiana wasn’t her greatest accomplishment.

            Basically the point is this girl had every privilege known to man, EVERY ONE, and she still can’t get into Harvard B school. And yeah that is to laugh.

  15. Fashion Girl says:

    I was having a conversation on Saturday with a woman who got married a couple of weekends ago on a tropical beach about how it rained on both of our wedding days. There was uniform agreement among the group we were with that the only women who get hung up on the OMG weather OMG ruining their OMG weddings are needy little bints who also probably cry because their bridesmaid’s shoes are bronze instead of gold.

    Ugh, this woman. I generally adore this community, but it’s getting to the point where even reading about Julia is like hanging out with a toxic friend. (Note to Julia: I do not think you are my friend, nor do I want you to be my friend, nor do I find you aspirational. What I did there is called a “metaphor”.)

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      It poured raining for hours on my wedding day. Outdoor wedding: rain happens!! So we hung out under a tent, took off our shoes, and still had a blast. No fucking big deal, but then again, your wedding day is meant to be fun, free and easy, not a stuffy pink princess me-fest.

  16. Jack Der Golem says:

    Award-winning “journalist” and Donkey enabler Kristin Thorne has a Deep Question for Monday morning. Can a cat lady help this plucky gal out?!

    “I hope I don’t offend anyone here but I’ve lived all over the tri-state, Connecticut, New Jersey, Harlem, Manhattan, Brooklyn, and the tap water on Long Island is the worst! Can someone explain.”

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      Since when is Harlem not a part of Manhattan? Where is this hick from anyway?

  17. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    A prom-themed date? Seriously? Fuck, even Peter Pan thinks it’s time for A Donkey to grow-up.

    I look forward to the season finale, when A Donkey takes another idiot looking for a SAG card on a wedding-themed date. “Surprise, it was for real! We’re married! Hee-haw!”

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      That scheme is her best shot at getting married.

      • Jack Der Golem says:

        And the look of horror on that poor sap’s face would make for one helluva season cliffhanger!

        • melting marionette says:

          I have this vivid mental image at the end of her braying “But it can’t be over – I haven’t licked the wedding cake yet!”

  18. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    “WHY DO MYTHOLOGICAL DIETIES STILL RAPE WOMEN?!?!?”

    Brilliant typo. Since BPC doesn’t really work, does that make it a mythological diety?

  19. JFA says:

    Her obsession with weddings is so embarrassing. When she finally gets the wedding of her dreams the anti-climax is going to be epic. It’s just a day, it’s just a party. you are 31 years old, holy crap get over it.

    Why? Does she not realize her desperation is the single biggest reason she will actually NEVER land a man? JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT WEDDINGS HOLY FUCK. Biggest boner killer ever. Most guys do not give the single smallest shit about weddings and will gladly humor you and go along with all your wishes and desires after you already snagged his ass. It’s not rocket science.

    • Factory Seconds says:

      What I’ve been thinking about is how she’s going to behave on her wedding. Assuming the best circumstances (she lands the man of her dreams, he gives her the perfect proposal, they have a ton of money, he wants her to have the wedding of her dreams, everything goes exactly her way fit of the dress and flowers, etc.) she would still act like a classless, raving lunatic. She can’t even sit in a limo with a dude and not try to make out with him and force him into her lair. How do you think she’d behave on the wedding day?

      She’d bray during the ceremony, lay too much tongue during the kiss, jump up and force him to carry her out of the chapel/into the reception, she’ll lick the cake, dance inappropriately, not give a shit about her guests, and pose ridiculously for photos. She should never get married, even for her own sake. She may be able to plan the wedding of her dreams, but she’ll never be able to live it. She will regret every moment of the way she acts on her wedding day and when she looks back she will secretly think that she never got the wedding she deserves (which she doesn’t, but we’re talking from her perspective). It’s a sad truth. She will never be able to attain her dream wedding (even if she concedes to a realistic version of it) because she will get in her own way.

      • Factory Seconds says:

        typos and stuff. whatever. fix them in your brain.

      • emma bourricot says:

        Yeah that’s it. She has this whole idea in her mind that she will have this amazing day where everyone will adore her and toast her and take thousands of photographs of her. Number one, I agree with others that it will never happen at this point. She’s a rotten apple, end of discussion.

        But jesus, even if she got her day it would be nothing like the fairytale she’s built in her head. She’ll hate the photographer, complain about the food or her shoes, fight with her parents the night before, melt down in front of the bridesmaids, or have a zit or a hangover or an unexpectedly early period, and bray “You’re not kissing me enough!” to the idiot next to her at the reception table. And that’s before she has two glasses of wine and molests her groom on the dance floor in front of the man’s parents. And all of it will be tweeted, if tweeting is still popular in 2018.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          You think she’ll be married as early as 2018? It is to laugh.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            In 2018, Donkey will still be trawling/trolling the Deballage, but she’ll have trouble talking to the fantastic sons because everyone will assume that she’s a powerful mom.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      When she finally gets the wedding of her dreams

      As if. What does she offer a man? Nada. Even old, fat, bald rich dudes have some expectations.

  20. miss assvice says:

    All I can see here is a drag queen that needs help.

    [img]http://imgur.com/bg5Y5[/img]

  21. miss assvice says:

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/bg5Y5.png[/img]

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Looks like that dress couldn’t be let out enough; it still looks like it’s about to separate Julia into two pieces just below the armpits.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      STATEMENT NECKLACE CHECK STATEMENT EARRINGS CHECK STATEMENT TIARA CHECK.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Donkey dresses like she tweets: in all-caps with eight punctuation marks after every sentence.

    • It’s a baby blue sausage casing. And she’s spilling out.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        She is a veritable kishka.

        • 24/7 donkey show says:

          Kishka of Klass would have been a better name for her Elle column.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I love you both.

            She does have an unfortunate predilection for the sausage couture; I’m reminded of the Ballpark Franks red tights, too.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            “Sausage Couture and Ballpark Franks” would be a great user name!

      • Sake Bombardier says:

        Those butterflies are trying so hard to peel themselves away from the horror show to which they’ve suddenly found themselves bound.

    • Lazy and Crazy says:

      That looks like something being squeezed out of a tube.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Looks like the razor missed an underarm pelt …

  22. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    I’m dying to know what Donkey’s excuse will be when she and Jelly D don’t work out – he’s hot, funny, LOLspiritual, has a great job and I think his parents are still OMGmarried.

    My guess is she would have gone on more and more dates with William – I bet when she did the interview scenes weeks, maybe even months later, and he had not called – she decided her out would be that he was boring.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      He, too, said racist stuff off-camera!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Off camera, Julia’s life was pretty much a perpetual KKK meeting with no one objecting except for her! One time they almost set light to Flusher because her they mistook her limbs for great skinny kindling with which to ignite that big lowercase t!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Well, William was boring as fuck. The story about playing Trivial Pursuit at the strip club made me want to open a vein.

      But Julie Albertson is so fucking dull herself she’s got quite a nerve to chastise anyone else for that quality. The old description of war as “hours of boredom interrupted by moments of sheer terror” could just as well apply to a date with Our Julie.

  23. Three witches would not have made Donx a Shakespeare, three witches would have made her MACBETH!

    [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/hegemonster/macbeth3.jpg?t=1342463835[/img]
    Made this at work :)

  24. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    She just retweeted a Dr. Bobby promotional tweet.

    Here is his list of cosmetic services. Which one is he doing to her, do you suppose?

    http://www.bobbybukamd.com/services

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Tattoo removal. Definitely. She needs to have “Chris” and William” and whoever the fuck else Bravo paid to go on a date with her. A Donkey jumped the gun and got their names tattooed on her lower back.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      SHE’S GETTING IT ALLLLLLLL BABY!!!!

      That’s her problem, she is a greedy little weasel and thinks getting things for free = high status markers.

      How can she go to this guy after he maimed her? MAIMED HER????

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        He’s not a plastic surgeon, so whatever damage he may have done was mostly temporary — fillers, Botox.

        Any nose jobs, chin implants or other surgical work was not done by this dermatologist.

    • virgil reid says:

      im banking on sculptra. it’s supposed to last at least two years, but knowing how impatient the donkey one is, she probably gets it more often than necessary so that’s why her face looks like something from the twilight zone.

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      HELLO, EVERYBODY!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        You got runged!

      • 24/7 donkey show says:

        HI, DR. BOBBY!

        Seriously, though, Donk may be cray with her love of plastic surgery, but Dr. Bobby is downright unethical for indulging her.

        • Wonkeye says:

          It’s also stupid of him because she’s the worst advertisement for his services. If I were considering jacking my face and looking around for help, I’d see that example and call Dr. Zizmor or some shit.

      • 24/7 donkey show says:

        Also, I would laugh forever if someone hacked his website and changed his number to 1-800-DOCTORB.

  25. ShesJustStupid says:

    Why does she like to talk about faking orgasms so much?

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 18m
    Btw, it was a hosting audition. No, I’m not an actress. Unless I’m in bed with you faking an orgasm.

    View details ·
    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 19m
    @song4mozart – no not an actress! For a hosting position

    View conversation ·
    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 23m
    I began my Monday by bombing a major audition, then getting yelled at by various boss types. The week can only go up from here.
    View details ·

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      “Various boss types” means her manager and agent – they are dancing as fast as they can to turn this Miss Advised (ad) run into ANY kind of opportunity. I am sure she is showing up late, bloated and under prepared.

    • Lazy and Crazy says:

      Because she’s never had an orgasm in her life. I promise you.

      • Scooby Don't says:

        She watches the diner scene in ‘When Harry Met Sally” over and over again for pointers.
        I’m sure she also thinks Meg Ryan’s had some top quality work done.

    • This one is a no-boner says:

      ‘unless i’m in bed faking an orgasm with you’

      Who the fuck is she talking to? The Baugher family must be so proud! She’s such a boner killer and doesn’t even realize it. Delusional, and on some sort of manic high. She’s depressed, clearly.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Do women really fake orgasms? Seriously, still, in this day and age? Why would you fake an orgasm with a dude? Wouldn’t that give him the false impression that he’s cracked your nut? And if he hasn’t, why would you want him to think he had?? What’s in it for you? Just the possibility of tricking a guy into being more into you than he is?

        JESUS

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          You know, I’ve done it and I’m not proud of it. Here’s the thing… there is only so long you can blame it on the guy before you need to a) take your own sexuality into your own hands and maybe masturbate and figure out what works for you or b) communicate with the guy about what works for you c) a combination of a and b.

          I got to the point where I realized if I don’t want to talk to the guy about what is not working then we probably should not be sleeping together. Also, a.

        • Bravo's Bitch says:

          As an old cat lady I would say not to get a man or keep a man but yes I have faked orgasms better than real ones just to go to sleep and be left one.

          • Bravo's Bitch says:

            I meant left *alone* but left *one* is more realistic.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Oh, yeah, I sort of get that. If you’ve got some dude and/or your man refusing to stop boning you until you come when you know it’s not happening because you’re tired or stressing over something and maybe you’ve got young kids and you just want to go to sleep without bruising his ego — sure, I get that.

            But none of those situations apply to Princess Pelts.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The only thing she’s qualified to host is a Denny’s.

    • Miss assvice says:

      An audition before NOON how fuck dare they make the princess go out that early. I hope her parents plan on supporting her for a looooong time

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      #21 in Julia’s secret 73-item list of boner-killing behaviors:

      “Tweet about faking orgasms regularly”.

  26. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    I love that she tweeted this AGAIN, after tweeting it yesterday… because it is soooo HILARIOUS:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    It is clear to me now that my prom experiences consisted of an endless series of truly questionable “creative up-dos.”
    Expand
    Reply Retweet Favorite

  27. Albie Quirky says:

    I am getting Julie Albertson fatigue from her constant spinning, so much so that I am kind of dreading watching the shitshow tonight. But I must see this elusive rapping donut man.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Wonder if she’ll have to beg for a kiss again? Or will she just attack the poor guy first and ‘kiss rape’ him?

  28. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    catladies, marissa mayer to be next yahoo ceo. reactions?

  29. ShesJustStupid says:

    So who is she calling out by saying she’s faked four orgasms this year? Jellyd? Jack ?

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      When she brags about faking orgasms, she thinks she’s insulting the men she’s slept with, but really she’s just insulting herself.

    • The Final Rose says:

      I can’t believe she’s twatting about this. It’s so embarrassing…for her.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Was the faked orgasm braying for the benefit of her couch-surfing hosts?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Good point. There is always an ulterior motive, and this “faked orgasm” thing is pretty new and definitely aimed at someone. I am guessing Pancakes, because you know she is seething with rage that he’s engaged.

      OH YEAH?? WELL YOU NEVER SATISFIED ME!!!!

  30. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Now when a friend says this… ouch:

    Ryan O’Connell ‏@ryanoconn
    @JuliaAllison Hey babe! So here’s the sitch: I NEVER drink haterade on Twitter but let’s be real, you look cray cray on that show! Editing?

  31. Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

    OT: are there any catsluts out there familiar with the British miniseries called “The Black Mirror?” Apparently there are only three episodes (so far). I saw the second one, “15 Million Merits” last week and it was pretty good and thought provoking IMO, but now I watched the first episode, “The National Anthem,” and oh emm gee I think it’s going to haunt me forever. Does anyone know what I’m blabbing about by chance?

  32. Sake Bombardier says:

    JuliaAllison: @ryanoconn – Even if editing is the reason, I am morally obligated not to blame it. Too cliche. ;-) but not enough crazy = boring, so … 5:35 PM

    Various Bosses must have said to shut the frock up about how Bravo’s portrayals of her scenes are so, so different from what really happened. Too bad it takes a bag of hammers to give a Donkey a clue.

  33. JuliaViewerEmails says:

    a question…

    How is her prose and grammar better in 1995 than now? What did she do hit her head against a brick wall about 1000 times since than?

  34. Tonyamichaela says:

    JuliaAllison: I never know when to use “that” and when to use “which.” #GrammarIssues - Twitter / juliaallison
    Jul 16, 2012 7:04 PM

    She doesn’t know because she’s a sociopath. Stop butchering the English language, Julia!

  35. ShesJustStupid says:

    So donks is having a bad day–blown audition, manager pissed at her, stress-eating almond butter, getting back at someone by saying she fakes orgasms. She’s tried to spin this ep as “the quirkiest yet” but she basically blames the editing by saying she can’t blame the editing on moral grounds (what does that even mean?)

    • So. Blessed. says:

      Yeah, I liked how she was sure to specify to a Twitter rando that she’s “already faked 4 THIS year!” Who were the lucky schlubs? Someone’s #passiveaggrohatetweeting…

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Oh, this year? So it can’t be Pancakes. JellyD? I am pretty sure she boned that dude. And given he’s a “lady’s man” who didn’t want her, this must be her revenge. Timing works.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          It’s most definitely directed at him – I mean, COME ON. On the day he’s going to be on her show when he is for sure going to be checking out her Twitter feed? Obvious Donkey is obvious.

        • AFGHANI says:

          I don’t see how this is supposed to hurt him, though. If she boned him, then I’m sure he got what he wanted out of it. So why is she pretending she didn’t get what she wanted out of it? Makes her look like a loser from a guy’s perspective.

          The other thing is, I’m sure she kept texting and calling him afterwards. So pretending she fake-orgasmed isn’t really going to undo the reality of what happened. This is kind of like pretending that she dumped Pancakes–he can’t possibly give 2 shits, because he knows what happened and because no one will believe a Donkey who brays loudly.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        It must be hard to concentrate on her orgasms through her crying and her dog yapping.

    • crazytrain says:

      For some reason when she tweets @someone they don’t show up in her feed for me. If I search her name I can see those tweets in the search results, but if I click through to her page, they’re not there. Am I doing something wrong?

    • diluted brain says:

      When I read her tweet about faking orgasms, I was close to puking in my mouth. Anytime she mentions sex, I cringe. She is the least sexy person ever.

  36. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    Maybe this will be controversial and I don’t doubt this other chick is doing some good but there is something so off about this whole “blonde white woman going to go SAVE AFRICA” narrative and IDK just makes me uncomfortable.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      Would you prefer that nothing get done to help there? I looked at her page and didn’t see anything patronizing.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She’s still in college and she’s raising lots of money for small local projects and schools, not flying around being all Bono Oprah Madonna Jolie.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She does seem to be working with some of the more Jesusy charitable groups, though, which is not so much in my wheelhouse. World Vision, for example. Still.

        • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

          Yeah, there’s also the whole “we’re only giving you stuff if you believe in Jesus” deal, even though they claim to not be engaging in evangelism (mostly).

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I’ve certainly got Thoughts about that stuff, but ultimately I’m not going to snark on a college student who is working as best she can to help other people within a system that was in place generations before she was born, and that she’s not in a position to do anything to change. She might be a symptom of a problem, but she isn’t the problem.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Also, at her age I was mostly drinking and smoking weed. The closest I came to doing anything to help anyone else was helping build a Divestiture Shanty Town in front of the college administration building, and I tell you all of us suburbanites felt like we were Nelson fucking Mandela because we did that. Of course we had all been drinking and smoking weed, which helped.

            So embarrassing in retrospect.

          • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

            “I tell you all of us suburbanites felt like we were Nelson fucking Mandela because we did that.”

            I DIE

        • Grammarian says:

          I fucking hate fucking Christian fascist believe in Jesus if you want us to feed you tax supported government licensed fucking evangelistic charity missions that help people at the moral equivalent of gunpoint.

  37. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    OT I tried to bring up that TVPC link to see if Bravo is being shown live on the webz and it’s not working. If anyone has a link to watch this shit show live, let me know!

    • Barking Mad says:

      Can’t find it anywhere, Malf. I’ll be in chat again. Damn, want to see the JellyD fiasco.

      • Barking Mad says:

        Ohno, I lost my icon with the demented grin! Must have used a different email …

  38. pearipathetic donkey says:

    I wonder what JA told all the dates so she could take a picture with ALL THE BOYS?

  39. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    Clearly, none of you are interested in the fascinating subject of Greek mythology. And clearly, you people don’t appreciate the exhaustive research I conducted by visiting a single Wikipedia page in my noble attempt to bring a little culture to my reblogging, so that you can be both amused and intellectually stimulated.

    You can all go fuck yourselves, clearly.

    ; /

    • frequent liar mile says:

      Aww, I appreciated it. It brought to mind a quote from a dear friend (78 years old, as he reminds everyone constantly with the expectation that you protest that it cannot be so, which is not hard; he looks great — though I usually can’t resist being underminey by agreeing that he is very spry, which irks him) — anyway, he always says, “Fruits adore Neoclassical.” So, by the transitive property, as Donks would have it, Classical, I guess. Anyway, this made me think of him, and how the years are fleeting and how I will miss him (though he will outlive us all, since “you can’t kill bad grass.”)

  40. Norse Horse, Sisyphean Bolder says:

    This was all wonderful, JP, all of it.

    I’d normally refrain from criticizing children, but my what horrible, needy, manipulative, plain little girl she was. She’s come so far!

    And no offense to anyone but: ““That lawyer is from a law firm of turkeys that represents a bank full of turkeys.” – my Dad. “Turkey” is a grave charge coming from my dad.”.

    We all know she means, “Jews”, right? I love Jews, I love turkey, but that’s totally what Dadsers is saying and implying I suspect, and Julia is cutesying it up to share with the whole world. Mazel!

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