Julie Albertson: A Changed Person After Life-Altering Filming of Reality Show

I’m the kind of person who, if you tell me NOT to do something & treat me like a child, I want to do it EVEN MORE. How do I get over this?!?

Tough one. Two words. GROW UP.

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75 Responses to Julie Albertson: A Changed Person After Life-Altering Filming of Reality Show

  1. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    I wonder what Mommy and Daddy told her she can’t do.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      I suspect it has to do w/ a combo lock on the 2nd fridge that D0nkey’s hooves haven’t yet managed to pick (unlike a bloody zit) to get at the industrial-sized 2012 (replenished) supply of chocolate syrup …

    • Not! Random! says:

      Or maybe Elle told her she can’t turn in any more columns late?

  2. Albie Quirky says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen this particular pastry fellatio photo before. Who DOES that even once, let alone dozens of times?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Extra-classy: It was at her brother’s wedding.

      • Jack Der Golem says:

        Can you imagine being her sibling and having to sit by again and again while she embarrasses and tries to upstage you? Even at your wedding?

      • There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and fug on your feet) says:

        Santo Dios. She is wretched and wrecked.

      • Edward R. Burro says:

        She really has never experienced shame, has she? When Annie Lalla was going on and on about Nefertiri and wincing (In Soviet Russia, pain winces you) and how shame is holding her back, I thought to myself that it’s actually the total absence of shame that holds her back from being a decent person.

        • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

          IMHOP I think she has HUGE amounts of what John Bradshaw would call toxic shame, which she thinks she is keeping secret, covering it up with a NPD ‘shameless’ act. As others have said, she needs to do some MAJOR work on herself to deal with this ( JA, if you are reading? Get Drama of the gifted child, STAT). Most people with that level of toxic shame don’t change until the pain and self hatred gets to be so much that they hit bottom and become utterly non functional. JA is terrified of her own emotions, projects them outward onto other in infantile dramas to try to get everyone else to carry her emotions for her. (like, hey, multiple people telling you to be ‘authentic’, could be a clue that you have no real self) In a way, reading this blog over the years has allowed me to express my own shame and self hatred. As I have done work on my own shame I feel less angry and annoyed by at JA and more detached and sad for her. Just like ‘Oh I see what that suffering is like’. My mom is NPD, so its triggering. But anyways this is a long winded Psych 101 way to say I think she has tons of shame and self hatred, its just buried so deep under the layers of her false persona that she literally ( I feel so self conscious using that word in this context! ) has no idea how she feels. Like she has no idea how ANGRY she is, but we see it.
          TL DR version?: She hates herself and needs to do some work on that.

          • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

            That kind of shame based persona gets made at in infancy, so for her , its all she knows. She thinks its real, but its just old. Like pre verbal old. With that much shame and self hatred from that early an age I think that she feels like if she touches it she will DIE. It will be the death of her self. The shameless act is a reaction formation on top of the massive self hatred. I’m sorry to sound all pop psych 101. I just have been thinking about this because over the last year I have been working on dismantling my own shame based persona. It was so FUCKING SCARY to walk through the first rings of fire of letting go of my false self, I had to fail really badly at some really important things and touch and heal/ let go of the parts of myself that had destroyed aspects of my life and that wanted me dead. JA is running scared. I’m in my 40’s, I hope she hits bottom faster, than I did for her own sake. This shit is crippling.

          • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

            IMHOP she is in active sex and love addiction, along with money, food, shopping issues. So yeah, she’s an untreated addict with all the emotional and behavioral implications that implies. There are rooms for that.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I don’t believe she hates herself at all, or feels any shame. I truly believe she thinks she is the most special snowflake to ever live, and her despair stems from the fact that no one else feels the same way. I also don’t believe she feels any shame at all for some of her most vile misdeeds.

            The tell was the email to Michael’s financee. At first, in chat, she claimed that wasn’t her best moment or some such thing, and said she was drunk. But clearly that was just to mollify the haters who were in her face at the time, because after that, in the comments of her blog, she defended the email, saying the financee had a right to know who she was marrying.

            So even given the remote possibility she might feel some momentary shame for something shitty she’s done, she quickly shakes it off, reminds herself what a special snowflake she is, and justifies her asshole-ishness as being somehow virtuous.

            I really believe her problem is not that she hates herself, it’s that she is madly, deeply in love with herself and doesn’t understand why the rest of the world cannot see how truly awesome and unique she is.

          • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

            I agree with Jacy. Spend 5 minutes with her and you will see it.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      THIS, along w/ her boobs shoved into faux bazoomba cleavage, is what D0nkey thought would be most appropriate for Little Brother Britt and Tiny & Cute™ Allie’s wedding album.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        There were so many canklehausen moments about that wedding but for me her tits were the worst thing. I’d have been mortified if I was the bride.

      • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        The more I say, “bazoomba cleavage”, the funnier it gets.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          To position her landing gear* up under her chinplant & aim her faux bazoomba cleavage at ALL THE BOYS, D0nkey must have had a mother-effen U-shaped chassis duct-taped to her chest.

          * D0nkey’s Landing Gear: used to land wallets
          (malfunctioning since 2004)

          #Keep those tits up in the air, Brayb

    • Jack Der Golem says:

      And who thinks it’s adorable and makes them desirable? Forever desperately “sexing” up her fauxto ops while remaning completely oblivious to the vulgarity. I have more respect for street prostitutes than I do Julie Albertson. At least the buyer actually gets something with the transaction.

  3. Meow Mix says:

    Ugh, Poor Allie. Can you imagine what a bridesmaidzilla Donkey was through her sister-in-law’s whole engagement?

    This is the stupidest photo ever. She probably told that guy, “Yeah, lets take a pic of us holding up the cake!” and then pulled the cake-fellatio move. WHO DOES THAT? She looks super-drunk here… or super-crazy. Or both?

    P.S. That amount of cleavage is NEVER acceptable at a wedding, you tacky loon.

    • Meow Mix says:

      AND THE FAKE ENGAGEMENT RING ON HER LEFT RING FINGER.

      I can’t.

      • Tonyamichaela says:

        Why is wearing a ring on her left ring finger a thing of hers? I thought she was desperately single. Usually that type of ring discourages men from tolerating kiss rape.

        • Meow Mix says:

          I’m guessing she wore it at Britt’s wedding so at first glance everyone might think she was maybe engaged and not forever alone?

  4. Lots of Bach says:

    Julia,

    Don’t get a real job.

    Signed,
    Mom and Dad

    • JuLIAR Allison says:

      Ha! Yes. And please don’t stop being a lazy, grifting-ass liar. We love you just the way you are.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      You are FORBIDDEN from thinking about anyone or anything but yourself!

    • Second Fridge says:

      Dear Heart,

      Please continue calling our Jack.

      Sincerely,
      The McCains

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      WHATever you do, please do NOT look at me, much less housebreak me …
      I mean it! The strangers you leave me with, they LOVE me & my shit!

      (not) signed, (because if I had opposable thumbs, you’d be a goner):
      Marshmallow Monster Lilly Fuck You Yeah You Your Dog

  5. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    OT: OMG, catpeeps, I am finally watching Enlightened on HBO Demand and the first episode is so very donkey.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      I’m watching a med docu called “Under Our Skin”
      (& blubbering like a biggo baby; I hate our broken health care sys)

    • JuLIAR Allison says:

      I couldn’t watch more than one ep of that show. Does it get better?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        It’s hard to watch. She’s a total self-destructive narcissistic loon but trying to get better via all the same kind of New Age shite. But doesn’t have an inner c-word like Donk does.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Just watched the “Bathroom” trailer & the “about” trailer & I’m pretty sure I will love this (don’t yet know how old it is or if it’s available on Netflix, but Ima find it & watch it).

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I am watching it on HBO GO, which is pretty great but you have to have an HBO cable subscription.

            Unlike Donkey, instead of just making noises about trying to be a better person, she really tries to be a better person. She fails sometimes, but she’s not reaming out a mother and her kids in a Trader Joe’s parking lot or anything like that. She gets mad at herself more than anyone.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I was just reading up on HBOGo & was all excited to see that you can watch on a Kindle Fire, then I figured out the necessary HBO subscription :-( bleh, no good for me.

            Netflix will have it at some point, it’s now on my “Saved” list.

          • Joardache & the Pelts says:

            With HBO Go, just ask a friend or family member for their cable account number and info. Multiple people can access so it’s not a drain. Also for the xfinity app. Make sure you write down the info because these apps crash and are buggy and get updated a lt and you have to sign in all over again. Anyways, that’s what I do.

        • Joardache & the Pelts says:

          I was totally put off by her and almost gave upon the show early on. The character evolves wonderfully through the course of the season while maintaining her unique character flaws. You’ll be rooting for her by the second half of the season. Laura Dern is an amazing talent.

        • juliajane says:

          I love that show and can’t wait for season 2. She’s so fucked up but I find myself rooting for her, especially after the last episode in season 1.

          I worked in data entry for a few months after graduating college and could totally relate to the freak show element of her workmates and boss.

    • helobabe says:

      I live for Mike White. His father has a really interesting story, too. Reverend who wrote for Jerry Falwell and Pat Roberston that ended up coming out years later. He wrote a great book about being gay and Christian in America. Lots of thinking points even if you’re not gay or religious.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I had to google him to be sure he’s who I thought you were referring to — I like him too.

        FROM WIKI
        Laura Dern brought White into a project with HBO which became the series Enlightened that premiered on October 10, 2011. White himself had suffered an on-the-job meltdown while running an earlier television series and incorporated elements of that experience into the new series’ plot. Dern’s character Amy Jellicoe goes to a Hawaiian retreat after her meltdown and is introduced to meditation, echoing to a degree White’s own exploration of Buddhist meditation, and the character Jellicoe tries to continue the discipline as she resumes her working life.

        Interesting …

  6. Lilly Liberation Front says:

    Mmm. That cake looks good. Not the one she’s slobbering all over, of course. ;-)

  7. "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

    [img]http://blog.juliaallison.com/Images/Julia%20Cortney%20Elisha%20-%20Dealmaker%20Party%202006.jpg[/img]

    I’ve never seen this photo before. The current Julia looks like a whole different human being than old Julia.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Ya THINK?
      [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/sqpbom.png[/img]

      • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

        Poor Julia. So schlumpy and dumpy now.

      • JuLIAR Allison says:

        Yikes!!

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Holy cow! THE FACE!!!! WUT THE FUCK???????

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        I won’t even body snark b/c a lot of women have a shit ton of pressure on them to be thin and who knows what kind of torture she was putting on herself to be that thin but geez la God, her face… that is so fucking sad how she has maimed herself.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          D0nkey most def FUBAR’d her looks, but she could still work w/ what she’s got, if she’d just fix her inner beast …

          I’m either getting sad for her or bored w/ her, dunno, but her overall shit show has begun to exhaust my interest …

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Would not know it was the same person.

        Again, I ask — WHERE DID HER EYES GO???!??!!

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Her (perfectly symmetrical!) nostrils are takingf over as the biggest pair of holes on her face.

      • Random Snowflake says:

        Shut your mouth dirty haters, Julie is gonna land a rich husband for sure now that she’s world famous and on the TV’s!

    • mcakez says:

      She should have kept that nose; it wasn’t a ‘perfect’ nose, but it had character and is worlds better than the current one.

      I honestly wonder if she has body dismorphic disorder, since she keeps making her shit worse in a quest to look better.

  8. Plaid Santa says:

    I’m amused by the differences in accomplishments between Emily of Emphasis Added and Julia. Same hometown, approximately same age, similar economic class, possibly similar past with eating disorders and such a stark difference in terms of professional/personal accomplishments. Emily had made clearly made the best of her privilege and look at what Julia has done with similar opportunities.

    • Meow Mix says:

      I know GOMI snarks on Emily a lot, but I really like her.

      • Plaid Santa says:

        I really appreciate the value she places in family and friends.
        She seems like a good egg.

    • AFGHANI says:

      It certainly seems like the Africano family has significantly more cheddar than the Baughers. And it also couldn’t have hurt that EA married someone with both his feet solidly on the ground, the kind of person who knows who he is and isn’t an attention whore.

      • There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and fug on your feet) says:

        Did you just write Africano? Seriously, I know we’re on a snark site…

      • juliajane says:

        Yeah, her husband seems like a really nice guy.

        Emily is so aggressively materialistic, but I admire her professional ambition and ability to work a high pressure job full time with a baby. I could never do that.

        • Meow Mix says:

          I definitely sometimes roll my eyes at EA’s materialism. They bought this huge gorgeous townhome, which good for them! I wish I could do the same. Then she was like, “We barely have ANY money after purchasing our house!” Then hired a decorator to order a new designer couch for their living room. -__- Being broke after buying your house does not mean what you think it means, Emily!

          However, her upper-middle-class/professional-couple-who-enjoys-nice-things materialism pales in comparison to the gross conspicuous consumption of other rich tumblr chicks like Vie Society and Chanello. The latter of whom is THE WORST EVER.

    • i.just.cant! says:

      love emphasisadded. that wee one of hers is adorable. and i dont even like babies. and idk about eating disorder? she’s supposed to be olsen sized. GAH we olsen sized folks are just fucking small, okay?

      but yes, yay emily. boo DONKEY.

      • juliajane says:

        I think the eating disorder comment was based on some things Emily has written on her blog.

    • virgil reid says:

      emily is the type of person who worked/volunteered at some non-profit show choir (or something?) because she’s a person who just genuinely likes theater. she seems to be really into her job and i know she gets crap on GOMI, but she kind of grew on me because she seems to try to take a positive attitude towards everything.

      donkey genuinely likes nothing.

      • Lilly Liberation Front says:

        I like her, too. Does anyone remember a few years when Emily met Julia and asked to take a photo? She posted it with something the lines of, “Met one of my role models!” or something similar. That had me scared for a sec, but she is nothing like Julia.

    • lurker says:

      She annoys me a lot because of the obnoxious over-the-top materialism, but she definitely seems like a much better person than donk.

  9. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    OT: Am I to understand that four years ago, Kevin Rose & Co mis-stepped / failed to sell DIGG to Google for $200 mil, & instead just now sold it for a whopping $16 mil?

    • Random Snowflake says:

      I heard Digg sold for $500,000. Sounds like a fire sale.

      • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

        They’re saying $500k to $16mil (remaining employees valued at $12mil according to some reports). Everyone who mattered moved on a long time ago.

        Kevin Rose is a wealthy OMGfounder from the many early investments he’s made in other startups (Twitter, Foursquare, Square, Zynga, OMGPop, Fab.com). Digg’s failure probably hurts his ego, but is irrelevant financially.

        How much it must irritate JA that Kevin is engaged to a tiny-and-cute “healthstyle” blogger who doesn’t wear makeup, 6″ stripper hooves, or fellate cake.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          If I can mentally backtrack to the article I read, KR’s take on it was pretty candid, as far as DIGG never being in a (my words here) ‘viable position to change hands’ — it was interesting to me that he came across as pretty frank about it all, rather than making excuses or being butthurt about the lesser ($16 mil) sales figure.

          JA’s never going to look at what other women who have what she wants do — she’s going to continue thinking that the men who dump her really want her & that her timing (or the military’s timing!) is always against her.

    • MissAssvice says:

      It did not stop Donkey from threatening to see him in SF recently. Kevin Rose had to take to twitter to stop her. Fiancée be damned a donkey does not give a shit. She needs to leave them the hell alone. That whole group she was trying to get in with are all settling down, taking stable jobs (Kevin Rose is with google now ) , and getting married. They are responsible adults progressing with their lives. Donkey should take a cue and grow the fuck up already.

      • Lilly Liberation Front says:

        God, she is SICK. How recently? I went back as far as April on his twitter and didn’t see anything. He may have tweleted, he seems pretty nice.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Really?? Did I miss that Twitter exchange? Do tell!

  10. Dasiy says:

    I have been disgusted and mortified watching Julia Allison on Bravo’s new series Miss Advised. As of yet, I’m tied as to which episode was the most cringe worthy. To begin with, there was that poor man lured into her apartment where Julia shamelessly attacked him for an unsolicited kiss. For some reason unbeknownst to me, and probably many other viewers, Julia was the only person who didn’t understand that he was definitely NOT INTERESTED!!! Julia’s behavior was pathetic, artificial and incredibly aggressive (which for some unknown reason Julia finds this quirk endearing). It was actually so uncomfortable to watch at one point I turned the channel until the spectacle was over. Then there was poor William. Julia rents a limo, plans an over the top SECOND DATE, and utilizes a Hail Mary pass by trying to get the guy drunk so she can corner him to one side of the limo and force an awkward kiss! I imagine she uses those passes very often. PATHETIC!!!!! Oh, I almost forgot, within five minutes of arriving at the ranch she brings up a marriage proposal! What is wrong with her? Chill out! I can’t speak for every viewer, but each time I have seen her interact with men on theses “dates”, I can’t help but notice the sheer panic painted on their faces.

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