Donkey Brays, But At Least Openly Mocks Herself; Fawns All Over “Whiny Bitch”

Here she is this morning on Fox News Good Day Chicago. She is as loud as ever but at least she looks like she’s slept this time, makes fun of herself, gets off a couple of pretty good lines and best of all, there’s no sign of the heinous white hooves behind the desk. I do believe the hostess suggests Donk’s mother paid for her airfare home, which was pretty funny.

She is also Tweeting the hell out of Charles Forman’s words of wisdom as they meet for coffee. Funny how that resumed friendship works. Guess the newfound millionaire is no longer a whiny bitch whom she snidely mocked for telling her he loved her too soon.

 

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

152 Responses to Donkey Brays, But At Least Openly Mocks Herself; Fawns All Over “Whiny Bitch”

  1. Donkeycam Now! says:

    “Nice to have ME back”??????????

    Pass the ointment, please.

  2. Princess WideStance says:

    “That’s a rule I have for guys: kiss her first before she has to beg you.”

    Um, projection much? This “dating problem” has never come up in all my years of dating. Why would it?

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      She says that men should not talk about other girls, but she spent most of her TV faux dates interrogating his victims about their dating history.

  3. Albie Quirky says:

    I think her next “plan” is to move back to Chicago, bask in the hometown hero bit, and try to snag Forman.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      This will change next week, of course, but right now I think that’s what’s bubbling in the cauldron of scheme juices and Restylane she lovingly calls a head.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      i agree

    • darling dearest says:

      I guess silver lining for Kevin Rose is JA won’t be hounding him now?

  4. Donkeycam Now! says:

    Wear “jeans & a t-shirt” to your first date?

    Yeah, but only if you are also applying for a cleaning or farming job.

    Oh, the canklehausen!

  5. pearipathetic donkey says:

    So he’s the new wallet. She will move to Chicago for love (of money).

  6. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison “You see landmines and you’re like, ‘I’m gonna poke that landline!’” – @CharlesForman to me, at a cafe in downtown Chicago

    From ‘landMine’ to ‘landLine’ ? Uhm, errr, oops, asshat?

    Did Chaz just call Julia Allison a cannonball of batshit crazy who he pumped & dumped?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Q.
      WHAT? Does a ‘relationship expert’ have to say about tweeting
      during a coffee date & basically ignoring your date altogether?

      [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/15eybrm.png[/img]

      A.
      HINT: There’s a reason ‘second date’ isn’t part of D0nkey’s bit

  7. This one is a no-boner says:

    Why is she all over Chicago’s morning news programs? Just goes to show Chicago is always so far behind. I also don’t understand why the media/residents there believe she’s some sort of expert on dating just because she’s a trainwreck with cameras following her on one of Bravo’s least watched shows in history. Who really needs advice on dating? It’s a natural thing for two human beings not to be complete psychopaths upon meeting one another. It’s all just too pathetic and makes no sense to me whatsoever. I’m not following the relevance of her schtick, especially in such a saturated market with actual experts. Someone please help me out here…

    • Donkeycam now! (MSc) says:

      Well, she was like in 2 shows, for a couple of minutes each, during the super-slow news season.

      As per Donk’s relevance, she only exists so that this site can exist and we can have fun and share our canklehausen stories.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      What’s with always disparaging Chicago? How exactly is Chicago “so far behind”? It’s a world-class city with world-class restaurants, museums, sports, architecture and the list goes on. I’m genuinely curious what you mean.

      • Princess WideStance says:

        I just the took the Architecture Foundation’s boat tour, and I was in heaven. The architecture there rivals any other major city in the world.

        • A Donkey is an Ass says:

          I’ve lived in Chicago for almost my whole life and I still do that tour about once a year. I absolutely love it.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Absolutely. A gorgeous, gorgeous city and I love that boat tour. Also — Wilco came from Chicago. Enough said.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I personally love love love Chicago so never understand this either. Does that mean NYC was far behind when she was still appearing on their local shitshows?

      • Pink Palatian says:

        Also… have you SEEN NYC local news? I turned on the TV last night for the first time since I moved here—I kept forgetting that prime time lasts until 11pm here! ss/sf—and watched out of curiosity. It’s really not much different than Chicago news. WGN, despite being on nation-wide via cable, is still a local news station when it comes to morning shows.

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Every media market has those dumb morning shows and they have to fill time somehow. Don’t blame Chicago.

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      What an odd statement That Chicago is far behind for having her on the tee vees. She’s currently on a nationally sydicated television show on a highly watched cable network on a weekly basis. Or did you forget about Miss Advised?

      Geez. Chicago is awesome.

    • It’s Silly Season, and she’s the Captain of non-news.

      Silly Season, coincidentally, is the Merriam-Webster word of the day. How fitting.

  8. MY Beach Home says:

    SHE IS TELLING OTHER PEOPLE TO SHOWER?

  9. Lots of Bach says:

    2007 she was a total DILF. She shoulda kept that face. 2012 and Forman probably won’t even be able to get it up for a sportfuck. Not his fault, though, I couldn’t either.

    Ps I’m in the Loop right now. On edge for the bray…

  10. There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and fug on your feet) says:

    She spends most of the time talking about herself. Shocking.

  11. newbie says:

    I just saw this post from your girl back in 2007:
    “They cited Twitter but forgot Tumblr. I think Twitter will die eventually and Tumblr will live to see great things, but what do I know? ;)”

    expert. indeed.

    still don’t understand what happened to this girl (and I’ve been home sick for days so way too much time to think it through/archive search) seriously, she was on 6 cable news shows a day and then… nothing? I’m so intrigued about what went wrong… is there a general consensus?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Untreated mental illness. Chicky needs meds and therapy, badly.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      She was never on TV THAT much. I think the Gawker exposure was the most important thing keeping her myth alive. Why they persisted back then is anyone’s guess. They seem to be over her now.

      So you guys remember when she went to some tech campy thing and was photographed pointing to a sign that said “Television is Dead” or something? She really believes in nothing.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        The STAR gig was a good, high-paying job that she pissed away.

        She pisses every opportunity away. Look at how she fucked up the TMS column and now the ELLE column.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      She just burned all the bridges. We’re talking giant, Bombing of Dresden-level flames.

      She sucks up to anyone she thinks can help her in some way. But eventually, she can’t contain her inner cunt, pisses off those same people she sucked up to and *loses* (aka gets fired from) whatever job she’s managed to land. It’s pretty sad, actually, considering how many amazing opportunities she’s created for herself.

      • Princess WideStance says:

        Tots. Despite how vapid it was, that Star gig was a really good job! From there she could have gone on to a career in mass media if she’d worked hard and tried not to piss people off.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          The woman who had the Star job just before her did so well with it that she was hired by Fox News, and that is what created the opening for Donks. She obviously thought that just by breathing (and braying), she’d also get a steady cable news gig – and she acted so entitled about it. Of course, she managed to get permabanned by the major anchor on FNC, among others.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She has a terrible work ethic and never made anything out of the undeserved opportunities that were thrown at her when media outlets were frantically looking for “the next Candace Bushnell” at the height of Sex and the City mania.

      That’s what happened.

      • newbie says:

        wow. I just assumed there had to have been some kind of incident.

        I know I’ve spent way too much time really looking at her blog but it’s like: End of 2007 – a day would be msnbc, cnn, red eye, fox business… then: Mid 2008 – a day would be brunch at the diner with so and so…

        it’s like she broke.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I think she broke when Lodwick dumped her. That’s when she suffered the psychic wound that some narcissists never truly recover from. She thought she was the catch in that relationship, believed herself to be much hotter, plus she’d landed a young, rich tech founder. Then she got dumped cold. That’s when all the insanity started, and never truly subsided.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            Does she claim that the break up was mutual?

          • Dyspeptic says:

            nope. that’s one lie she never told.

          • newbie says:

            that seems right now – it’s funny the breakup’s been pretty scrubbed from her non society blog (was it ever there?) you only hear about it later in past tense, so I didn’t realize that those two moments (breakup + end of her cable news rounds) happened fairly simultaneously

            guess the breakup was so “public”(/annoying) that people finally got sick of her? or maybe he did a little extra bad mouthing around town once it was over

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            She did scrub NonSociety on him but here’s something from her old blog:

            « Fox’s Morning Show w/ Mike & Juliet … or Not! | Main | Good Morning! »

            If You Want to Know What Really Happened

            Life has always managed to throw me rather dramatic timing, which I (mostly) quite like – I’m a big fan of the motto AFS (Anything for a Story). So it’s somehow fitting that my last quasi-not-quite-a-relationship was abruptly terminated on the first day of National Singles & Unmarried Americans Week. That would be yesterday.
            I’m not really sure who dumped whom. Part of me thinks it was him. The other part thinks it was me. Mostly I think it was him. … Although I’m actually the kind of girl who loves to go around telling people I’ve been dumped. Maybe it’s the sympathy (like the hair stylist this morning telling me to do something nice for myself – like get my nails done. um, check! they’re bright pink.) or maybe it’s the instant camaraderie – like the prominent gossip columnist getting her makeup done this morning in the next chair who, upon hearing my description of the events, said “Are you talking about the tech geek? Why the fuck were you with that loser, anyway? You should’ve dumped him after the first date.” And she knew exactly who he was, too.

            Actually, pretty much everyone echoed those sentiments. Not a single fan could be found amongst my friends or colleagues … odd, because when I had broken up with my last two serious boyfriends (admittedly MUCH MUCH more serious and long term), I think my friends and family were just as devastated as I was.

            Normally, I’d leave my public description of the breakup at that. No names, no real details, just an allusion to a (you’d assume) disappointing emotional event.

            The truth is, despite having been a dating columnist for over five years now, I rarely divulge personal details. People constantly assume I do, because, well, they probably own the Sex & the City 6 Season anniversary box set. Um. I mean, hell, I do.

            But if you read back through my columns (don’t feel the need to do this, just trust me on it), you’ll find that while I might allude to an old anecdote (infrequently!) – I never name significant others, I never talk about our relationships, and I never post photos of them. The man I dated for more than two years when I first moved to NY, I referred to only as The Boyfriend. The last four guys I’ve seen haven’t appeared on my blog or in my column, in any form. Most men don’t want the scrutiny, and I respect that – what I put out here is a tiny percentage of myself, but at least I have control over it. To be deprived of that control can be frightening and hurtful (as one quickly discovers with gossip blogs). I would never want to do that to a burgeoning relationship.
            However, it seems that I’ve come to an exception. This guy feels comfortable putting some truly intimate things on the internet – in fact, he asked me specifically to name him in my next column. It would have been a first.

            I won’t name him. It’s not my style. But I will reprint the breakup email after the jump, with a bit of context. And yeah, a link to his blog. Because while sometimes everybody shouldn’t see everything, I’ve decided that for once, this isn’t one of those times.

            None of this I say in anger. I don’t feel anything right now, oddly enough. It’s really weird, because I definitely cried yesterday walking home from 42nd street.

            He’s 26, the youngest guy I’ve dated since I was in college (by far). He’s an intriguing, colorful, free-spirited, deeply creative soul. He is also aloof and self-centered and unapologetically narcissistic, which in moderation would be fine, but he pushes the boundaries towards “asshole.” He’s incredibly erratic – immature with bursts of maturity. Myopia with bursts of self-awareness. Selfishness with bursts of … well … there were a few moments – tiny glimpses – of who he could be if he took into account the feelings of others. It was something very special. I really liked that person – there I saw joy and an energy, an active curiosity, an exploratory mind with a lot of passion.
            But due to a particularly potent combination of his natural I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-people-think coupled with a recent dose of Ayn Rand, I believe he’s under the impression that compromise/consideration = weakness. (I read her at 17, which is probably a safer age. You can have a wicked superiority complex then; it won’t hurt anyone.)

            In fact, his ego is so inflexible that we once got into a huge row over … whether he would shower. He didn’t feel he needed to. Let me assure you, he did.

            I know. Insanity, right?? Like babysitting a seven-year-old. But he’s intelligent – I thought he’d self-correct. I fuck up on a regular basis (don’t even get me started on what I’m like when I PMS), but I’m really conscious of admitting when I’ve been sort of a shit friend or partner. And occasionally, he was too. But the other times, it merely segued into stressful power struggles.

            Look, I have a strong personality. I can power-struggle with the best of them. But being with him frequently felt like – excuse the analogy, but it really is apt – Chinese finger cuffs. Everything would be fantastic, we’d be comfortable and free, but then he’d pull a little or I’d pull a little, and feeling ourselves getting increasingly uncomfortable and increasingly stuck, we’d pull even harder, until we felt choked and frustrated and pushed (or pulled, I suppose) to the brink. Or at least I felt that way. I don’t know what he felt.

            I believe that part of growing up and becoming an adult in relationships is knowing when – and how – to let go in a war-of-strong-wills. To get out of that situation – when neither wants to be the first to attempt detente – takes a great deal of emotional maturity and not a small amount of wisdom. I’m not sure that was there. I think it could develop, but it hadn’t yet …

            Despite all this, I thought we had incredible potential – I wasn’t looking for anything conventional (I need a lot of freedom right now), but I did want him to care. And I wasn’t going to sleep with him until I thought he did.

            Nine weeks and we never reached that point.

            ** The specific context for the “straw” email is as follows: we were meant to go to Chicago for a weekend away. He canceled. He didn’t make plans with me for Friday, and decided to “take a Mushroom trip” on Saturday. He said he would call so we could “hang out on Sunday.”

            Sunday, 6:30 pm. Nothing.

            And that’s when I decided I had to be very clear with him …
            —— Forwarded Message

            From: Julia Allison
            Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2007 6:50 pm
            To: [redacted]
            Subject: Re: To reiterate, in word form

            You’ll probably see this, but I’ll just point it out:
            http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/09/just_wondering_1.html

            I’m upset with you because I feel like you’re putting me in a position where
            I have to – for my own self-respect – stop seeing you.

            And that would be really sad.

            I didn’t actually get pissed today until I checked your blog around 4:30 to
            see whether you were using that camera thing, and I noticed that you had
            managed to update it, but not send me a text regarding our plans. It was
            just so unbelievably inconsiderate and selfish.

            And then to claim that our plans weren’t definite? No way.

            I get the sense that you think I’m here when it’s convenient for you and
            when your (definitely moody) mood suits. That’s bullshit, and you know it.

            I also get the sense that the women you’ve dated before put up with this. I
            won’t.

            Honestly, I just want to have an amazing time with you, think great
            thoughts, reach some new creative heights together, maybe, who knows – have
            SEX eventually, for chrissake.

            I had a lot of incredible ideas I wanted to talk to you about tonight -
            ideas about YOUR COMPANY!!

            I just feel like you let me down. I’m really disappointed, not only because
            it would have been a really fun night, but also because I don’t particularly
            enjoy feeling like someone I care about doesn’t give a shit about me.

            And what will happen here if this continues is that I’ll decide that I
            dislike this feeling so much that I’ll do anything I can to get away from
            it. And the result will be me getting away from you.

            That is NOT a threat – because I don’t want it to happen!! I want to
            continue to see you, [redacted] – I think we have a lot of things we can teach
            each other. But I need some basic respect first.

            Julia

            ——————————

            From: [redacted]
            Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2007 08:03 am
            To: Julia Allison
            Subject: Re: To reiterate, in word form

            You deserve more respect than I’ve been treating you with. I think you pretty much nail it in this email. I tend to walk all over girls I date, in the sense that they aren’t as high a priority as they ought to be. You are not an exception, and I will only grow more selfish (inconsiderate) in the future. For example, this week will be worse than last week.

            I am not capable of giving you what you deserve in a relationship, even an “alternative” relationship, so, we should stop seeing each other. I think you are awesome, but I think it’s impossible to be together.

            —————————–

            And so there it is, the demise of a budding relationship. All over … what, exactly?

            I think it’s too bad. But you know what the weirdest thing is? I also feel a little … relieved? Can you be simultaneously disappointed and relieved at the same time? Maybe I’ll feel differently in the morning.
            Posted by Julia Allison on September 19, 2007 12:30 AM | Permalink

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            My bad.. this isn;t the break-up, break-up… carry on.

          • Princess WideStance says:

            Ha, I remember that. It was so clear that Redacted saw an “out” and he took it. It’s a classic “it’s not you, it’s me” scenario, but donks is too lacking in self awareness to recognize her own ego in this matter. And she didn’t see through his cheap appeal to said ego.

          • Joardache & the Pelts says:

            I agree with P. Wildstance. Redacted took the high road, or the fall, and tried to spare her feelings. Julia of course failed to read the cues. She continues to be an imbecile.
            Also, Julia’s new daffy dating fuckup persona is giving me the stabbies.

          • newbie says:

            hmmnn… so he was an asshole, but she so badly wanted to be a part of the new media elite that she did everything to make herself believe they would work, then it didn’t, and she fell apart, and now she’s broken. yep. that actually makes total sense to me.

            girl definitely needs some ACTUAL therapy

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I am not at all sure he was an asshole while they were going out. I was reading their stupid blog at the time and she seemed to be pushing and pushing and pushing for something more while constantly complaining about him and trying to change him. She didn’t love him for who he was, she just loved him for what he represented and how he made her look (and I use the word love loosely; there was no love there on either part). When he finally got fed up spending time with a hectoring shrew, he dumped her, and she went totally off the rails because she truly thought she was the catch and he should be grateful to have her. I don’t think she ever recovered from it.

            She’s been trying to prove herself for years, I think, partly as a “fuck you” to him — right after they broke up is when she came up with the laughable idea for NonSociety, which really was only conceived in the first place as her apparent raison d’etre re: the first Bravo pilot she almost got, “IT Girls.” She also started dating Forman at this point but he later said they never had sex and he had blue balls.

            (Even after braying to Gawker that she “IT Girls” got the green light, in fact, test audiences hated her and it never happened. So she was stuck with trying to save face by making NonSociety happen anyway. That went well. It’s been downhill ever since with her squandering one opportunity after the next).

          • Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

            Excuse me, all that years-long Redacted-related stuff is based on NINE WEEKS THAT DIDN’T EVEN INVOLVE THE SECKS?? Silly me, I assumed it was something at least resembling a relationship between two people who are interested in each other.

            This, in sharp contrast, is manufacture bullship.

          • JFA says:

            Christ I’ll never get over that. I had ideas about YOUR COMPANY!!! Like she was doing him such a fucking favor giving him ideas. There were multiple times, videos etc where she pats herself on the back while with him, about her big ideas.

            Um, asshole? Dude’s a millionaire I believe, of his own volition. He didn’t need your fucking help because you are good at nothing and have accomplished exactly nothing.

            This chick’s ego based on nothing knows no bounds. So to recap, he’s seemingly happily married and successful now, she is single and miserable about it, soon to be jobless and currently making a complete ass out of herself on a little watched reality show.

            So, I guess we know who won.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Helena: That was the first breakup. They got back together after that and sex happened. Then they broke up just before Christmas, and she went mental.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Didn’t he then sleep with Mary’s 17 y.o. sister, the soap actress, right after dumping Donkey for good?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Yes.

          • Pescachickenarian says:

            Funny thing is, as bad as this blog entry is (and it is not good), compared with her latest scribblings it represents a writing highlight for her. It’s remarkable how much she has devolved.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @Pescachickenarian

            I think Momsers was still editing Julie’s ‘writing’ back then.

  12. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    She’s not terrible here though the hair is stringy and she is either spackled in make-up or lacking in make-up. I’m all for a minimalist look but she needs color on her face and a light dusting of white eye shadow and that hideous lip color doesn’t cut it.

    She’d probably do well on smaller market TV though her advice is nothing groundbreaking.

    Also, someone needs to help her with the Fashuns.

  13. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Donkey bought over 7,000 twitter fans in the last few days. Um, okay, Donkey.

  14. Dr. Gary says:

    You’re being very generous Mama Jacy. I thought she was pretty awful in this clip. Too ‘cutesy’ and try-hard. The constant hand waving/flapping and loud braying made her sound like a retard (no offense to retards).

    Her hair was so stringy and limp, like she couldn’t be bothered to style it. I understand if it’s humid, but once you get to the studio at least take a few minutes to fix it up a bit. Remember back in the day when she did all those tv appearances for Star? She always looked great and very put together. Kind of sad to see how far she’s fallen.

    And that awful dress? Did that come from her Mom’s church rummage sale? Because that’s exactly what it looked like. Didn’t fit properly and made her arms look fat. And I don’t think she’s fat. Just not a flattering look on someone who never works out. Also, judging from the color, 100 bucks says she was wearing the white hooker pumps.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Yes that dress was neither flattering or chic. It looked like it was a very Chico’s kind of day… in 1998.

    • virgil reid says:

      yeah i thought so too. honestly i think she’s just past the point of no return at this point when it comes to everything neck up. look at her compared to the other news anchor woman.

      plus i think she is truly terrible on the camera. she keeps touching her hair and comes off as so self conscious.

  15. Dr. Gary says:

    Re: Julie spending time with Charles Forman. Obvious Donkey is obvious. No way in HELL she’d be spending time with him if he hadn’t just sold his company for Fuck You Money.

    Run, Charles, run!

  16. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Is it just me who thinks it’s inappropriate for D0nkey to be broadcasting the neighbor’s daughter’s wedding set-up all over her twatter? Feels a little intrusive, to me …

  17. Lots of Bach says:

    Seriously why does a 41 year old without a job and without the ability to sustain a relationship for more than a month get to be called a dating expert?

  18. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Can she not see other people sitting still? Other people — in all kinds of situations — are just sitting still, talking or not talking. Eating soup. I don’t care what causes her to be such a major spaz, if it’s adderall or caffeine or whatever, ho needs to knock it off.

  19. awkward.com says:

    Where to even begin… I used to comment, then I lurked, now I’m back. I just have to get a couple things off my (perfectly symmetrical) chest.
    So, this is Julie’s new schtick? “Watch me make all these mistakes” – apparently being a total FAILURE at dating is funny now? It’s a trainwreck, Julie. You suck at dating because you suck at being a nice person. I’m not the most beautiful, most funny, most charming person, but I’m nice. And I had lots of boyfriends in my 20s and just go married at 31. I guess my point is if you continue to make mistakes, and are now trying to capitalize off of these mistakes by being on a lame reality tv show about them… you’re a loser. Your end game is the same – “I want to be married in 2 years” – this says so much. You don’t care about the husband, the person who would spend his life with you; you care about the wedding. The ring. The dress. Being able to say you’re married. Guess what, honey? It’s so much more than that. Another person is involved, for starters, his feelings, his wants/needs/desires (he may have a 72 point checklist too, and I guarantee you don’t meet even a tenth of them) and also his family and friends are part of that marriage too. So you’d be better off just sorting yourself out (doubtful you’ll do this but I can’t not say it) and giving yourself several years of NO dates until you like yourself. Because you obviously don’t. And only effed up people want to be with people who loathe themselves.
    Sorry for such a long rant; today was the day I snapped. It irritates me to no end that she is touted as a “journalist” and “dating expert” – she’s terrible at both. Girl, go get an entry-level job in Chicago, live in the lakeshore condo for free, and start over. Then, and maybe only then, you might find someone to settle down with. This persona you’re creating? It’s crazy and off-putting and only getting you further away from what you (think you) want.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Another person is involved! LOL! You just summed up her entire problem with relationships in a single phrase.

      • awkward.com says:

        I know! I seriously sit here trying to picture her actually being married someday… and maybe it’s because I’m a newlywed and just spent a year and 1/2 living with my man and going through all the growing pains… but she’s going to be terrible at it! I don’t even think I have an ego problem, and there are many times I have to swallow my pride, admit I’m wrong, and challenge myself to be better. And this is over mundane shit like loading the dishwasher and sorting the clothes. I mean, really. I love my husband and we get along great, but there are some days that are not all rainbows and butterflies. She can’t even get through a date without being annoying and overbearing. How in THE hell would she handle a marriage? Who would even be with her? Try to describe the guy.. would he be submissive? No, because she mocks that. Would he be dominant? No, because she doesn’t let them be – she forces herself in for the first kiss, for Greg’s sake (told ya I was lurking :) Anyway, I challenge all of you to try to put on paper who would marry her… it’s a huge challenge. She just needs to marry a mirror and get it over with!

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          I think she will end up with someone rich but bald, fat and gross and he will be older and divorced. She’ll be desperate by 34. 35 and exhausted and just jump at the chance to have financial security.

          And then I imagine her living like she does now – running around, jumping on planes, basically avoiding her home life because it’s so unhappy and unfulfilling. And I don’t think she’ll ever have kids. (But that might be because the idea saddens me and I can’t process it).

          • awkward.com says:

            And that’s if she’s lucky! Sad.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Nope. She won’t have sex with that guy. That’s her problem. She’s an asshole gold-digger who’s losing her looks and is a national joke yet thinks she deserves a young, hot, accomplished guy. That’s why she’ll never get married.

          • Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

            I get what you’re saying, Malf, I just don’t think she’s going to GET that chance. I think she already IS desperate. I think she would instantly marry that kind of guy NOW if she could, because see Dadsers and fuck you haters, but it’s not like she can choose from a group of more or less rich, old, bald, gross and divorced suitors wishing to marry her at this point, let alone 5 years from now.

            A Donkey wedding is never going to happen IMO. I used to be a believer, but the past several months made me reconsider.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Even gross rich guys have standards!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      You hit the nail on the head that the problem is she’s not a nice person… that’s why she fails in dating. And at life.

      I’m shocked she would put it out there that she wants to be married in two years. I know engagements are short these days… but if the proposal came after a year – her timeline is that she needs to meet someone in 6 months.

      She has not dated anyone since Jack McCain on more than two dates (unless Bravo was paying for their SAG card.)

      I can’t imagine her getting more nuts and desperate but pop your popcorn people.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Even id she managed to get someone to propose, her cuntitude would be off the charts during the wedding planning. That’s when it would fall apart. I think her best shot is getting knocked up and guilting someone into marriage.

      • AFGHANI says:

        I feel like I missed something. Did someone in-the-know say that William was getting a paid-for SAG card out of the arrangement?

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I think that was someone’s hypothesis, but he’s a tech guy so I don’t see how a SAG card would be useful to him.

          Also, a reality show appearance doesn’t necessarily qualify you for a SAG card. “Miss Advised” doesn’t come up on the Signatory Checker as a SAG production, but it’s possible the database is out of date.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            Can you check the database for similar “reality” shows?

          • AFGHANI says:

            Maybe AFTRA?

            But yeah, supposedly he’s in tech marketing/sales, so I’m not sure why he’d want SAG. I was just wondering if that was a fact or just an interesting hypo.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            SAG and AFTRA merged this spring, which is why I’m not confident the database is up to date. It’s on the website; you don’t have to be a member to search it.

    • alessa says:

      Very, very well said. I think she fails to realize that any successful, attractive (and all the 71 other attributes she greedily lists) single man also has their own high standards for what they expect from, or what like to see in, their future partner. Why does she think she’s so special that the “perfect” man would just randomly fall in love with her, having very few positive qualities to name, and no desire to work on herself and better herself to be deserving of such a person. You really nailed it when you say this is because she considers herself the only person in the relationship. You can’t sit around and wait for a “great guy” along. Be the person that he would even want to be with first.

      It really doesn’t take much more than a few adolescent mistakes and common sense to know that at the end of the day, most quality men would also like to be with a “nice”, attractive, successful woman. It’s not rocket science. It’s not something that you can make a career about “demystifying”.

      Her whole approach with dating is as if it’s some grand production, a set-up, a game to “trap” or ensnare a man. Usually women begin thinking this way when they’ve hit a certain level of desperation and personal bitterness. What ever happened to being yourself (albeit not dumping all your personal and ugliest shit on someone immediately), falling in love, and having someone love you back for you? Why this production with what to wear and various coaches and witch doctors to tell her how to act? Eventually the act wears thin and the real you comes out anyway. So how about maybe digging deeper and doing the work: fixing the “real you” you don’t like until it’s no longer an act…and actually becoming the a sweet, confident, accomplished, stable young woman who respects and values the concept of love….

      • AFGHANI says:

        I feel like she kind of knows this because when she talked to that one Latina “tech” bobble-head who got knocked up by that Clayton Morris douche who’s on Fox n Friends on Saturdays. Clayton was even married at the time. How classy.

  20. awkward.com says:

    OH, and her MOUTH. It freaks me out!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Her mouth freaks me out too – it’s lumpy and uneven and… bizarre.

      • awkward.com says:

        The lipstick… and the way she was moving it… yuck. I am not surprised she has to beg for a kiss… who would want to put their lips against those? And what’s with this “kiss” acronym she keeps talking about – did she make that up? It’s stupid.
        “What to Wear on a First Date” – ? How about just wearing something you feel comfortable and pretty in? Is that such a difficult concept? This whole schtick of hers is going to get real tired real quick.. you know she’d still be using her old schtick from her 20s if she could pull it off. Who would take pictures of her in a condom dress now? YUCK. Again, Yules, your focus has always been effed up. It’s coming to bite you in the arse now!

    • Donkeycam now! (MSc) says:

      The corners of her mouth are trying to run away and hide inside her ears.

      It’s a truly disturbing sight / cite / site.

    • moonshineDONKEY says:

      It’s because her chicklets aren’t filed down!!

  21. newbie says:

    from everything I’ve seen, this Charles Forman guy might be get-able, I mean, sure he has a ton of money now, but it seems that she actually was one who “got away” from him (when she was still somebody, and he wasn’t so $$$ rich yet)

    might’ve psychologically damaged him enough that he’d take her back!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      No.

    • emma bourricot says:

      Have you read yet about how Foreman dissed her “in jest” at some tech panel or something and complained about tinnitus immediately after their breakup?

      Although I was along for the ride at that point, I don’t remember some of the trip. Is this about the time the riff with Karp started? When did she start dating Eater? I’m struggling to remember.

  22. ShesJustStupid says:

    WOW. She once again published her unedited Elle submission on her facebook page. And this time, she said “And here’s what I turned into ELLE (about twice the length)”

    How does she not see how bitchy that sounds. I cannot get over how much she HATES to be edited. She’s so sure what she turned out is THE BEST.

    Get a fucking grip.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      How does she not understand one of the basic tenets of writing: everyone needs an editor. Even the greatest of writers have/had editors (Maxwell Perkins. Google it, dipshit).

      The more you think you DON’T need an editor? The more you need one.

      Stop calling yourself a ‘writer’ or ‘journalist’. As many others have said here, it’s an insult to all real writers and journalists. Yes, you’ve been published. So what. It’s all crap. And that’s the stuff that’s been edited. Posting these unedited pieces on FB just proves what we’ve suspected all along: your ‘writing’ really sucks. For the love of all that is holy: just. stop.

      • alessa says:

        still laughing at your elle.com post… I think that was, hands down, the best way to sum up her “writing”

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      I’m surprised to hear that what she turned into Elle was edited at all given how awful it was.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        They had nothing to work with & instead spent minimal time getting it to conform to allotted word space.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She turned it in days late so they just had the intern tidy it up for a bit and then said “Fuck it.”

    • There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and fug on your feet) says:

      She is a genius (unacknowledged) artiste. She wants everyone to know.

  23. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Look at how cute she is from a pic 5 years ago… I cannot believe waht she’s done to her face.

    http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/09/the_opera.html

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Her hair is much better shorter like that, both the style and the condition.

    • NonSobriety says:

      :: sings ::
      Oh what a difference a bray makes….

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      And the brows weren’t all Joker-y and fucked up — what the hell does she do to her brows?

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Yep. She was pretty cute back then.

      Too bad she will never look like that again. And I’m not talking about age. I’m talking about all the plastic surgery, injections, lack of sleep, booze/pills (allegedly), pelts + over processed hair, spider lash eye pelts etc. that have ruined her looks.

      • Greg says:

        What happens to your face if you stop with all the injections? Does it eventually go back to “normal” or are you stuck with weird deflated lumps? Does anyone know?

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          Restylane (and Juvaderm) are nothing more than hyaluronic acid and a base (gel). Since hyaluronic acid is a substance normally found in the human body, it gets reabsorbed (usually 6 mos or so after injection), so that you either need to get more injections or go back to deeper lines.

    • alessa says:

      that is just really sad. her face looked human, and her eyes actually had life in them.

    • Pescachickenarian says:

      Even then though, she wasn’t a stunner. Certainly not to the point where she would only have to bring looks to a relationship. I don’t think she was ever as pretty as in her mind.

  24. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    She did seem a bit more natural and relaxed in that clip, but her outfit was matronly and unflattering and awful (and I am with the commenters above who suspected that it came from the church rummage sale and that she was wearing the hideous white clompers with it.) Also, her nose was looking particularly puggy/piggy for some reason. But if I were someone (a guy) watching that with no previous knowledge of A Donkey, I would not think her completely repellent (as I would if my first experience of her was Mess Despised.)

  25. NonSobriety says:

    All she’s really doing now is repeating the criticism she’s received so it seems like she doesn’t care she’s receiving it. It’s like Eminem at the end of 8 mile saying yup I know I’m from the trailer park and yada yada so now what are you gonna say. It’s not self-deprecating, it’s contrived. Just like everything else about her.

  26. Lots of Bach says:

    Wait, he didn’t get laid after putting up with her for more than a week? Mind boggling.

    Oh wait, she lies about everything.

  27. Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

    The topic of what to wear on a first date is idiotic.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Thank you! It’s this whole wretched idea that a date is some kind of performance. Or that it’s just SO important because you’re going to be with a MAN. A man! This is the most important thing you’ll ever do as a woman! What on earth will you wear in front of this man????

      • Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

        She has no interest in meeting a person. And she expects the world to find her loony viewpoint fascinating and to give a shit about her failures to manipulate men to get what she wants.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          The “unconditional love” part of the No. 1 item on her 73-point checklist is telling, right?

          I actually don’t want unconditional love from my romantic partner. I want him to let me know if I am being a dick. Otherwise he becomes a doormat and I become an asshole. You want your partner to love you, certainly, but also to bring out the best in you, to challenge you sometimes, to make you want to be a better person, to lovingly let you know when you’re wrong about something or haven’t behaved that well, and to allow you to do the same for him — not to tell each other how awesome you are all the time when perhaps when you’re not, because nobody is. She is such an NPD poster child.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            She wants the same unconditional love she gets from her father which means “look the other way, never call her out on her bullshit and continually bail her out of the shit storms she causes.”

            It’s why she is mentally stunted, she has never had to grow as a person.

          • Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

            Yeah, for her it’s always a one-way street. Most everything she says boils down to “how can I make men do what I want.”

          • If she wants unconditional love, she could start by treating her puppy better!

          • JuLIAR Allison says:

            Jacy, my mum taught me unconditional love; when I was being a teenage shitbag she’d say “I love you, but I don’t love your behavior”, so even when we were having the most heinous, ugly fights, deep down I still knew she loved me. It got us through those years without killing each other.

            I think it’s something worth striving for in our relationships.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I don’t want my romantic partners loving me like a parent would, that’s my point. Unconditional love on Planet Donkey means you don’t call me on my repeated heinous behavior.

          • JuLIAR Allison says:

            Yeah, Julia’s idea of unconditional love is really just blind acceptance of her shitty behavior. Tots not the same thing.

  28. Dr. Gary says:

    @JuliaAllison: “All poets are poets because they can’t sing.” – Mary Karr in @TheAtlantic http://t.co/tXEwoJox

    YOU KEEP YOUR DIRTY HOOVES OFF OF MARY KARR.

  29. Enormonoggin says:

    De-lurking. Just watched the clip and I am most winced. She was talking about getting drunk during the wine tasting date and then goes on to discuss spitting vs. swallowing. (Yoo Hoo!! Whiny Bitch?? See, I swallow!). Why did she have to go there? Must go bleach my brain now. Thank you.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      She was talking, about swallowing the wine after tasting it instead of spitting it in them bucket, not spitting vs swallowing a la BJ’s.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        *in them (spit) bucket

      • emma bourricot says:

        I think it’s the image she wanted to put out there, though. I agree with the delurker (hi there!) because there are lots of ways to say that she had to much to drink without saying “spit” and “swallow” on national television.

        I’m dying to know if she really scolded a guy for chewing gum on their first date, just a few days ago! Post-reality show/witchcraft enlightenment! She SCOLDS a guy for chewing gum and then wonders aloud why no one will kiss her.

  30. AFGHANI says:

    OK so I watched the video… and the girl on the other side of the desk is so much more pleasant looking and composed (not to mention more attractive by a wide margin). It’s a really bad comparison for Julia. She must have been so angry at herself when she went home and watched and re-watched the clip.

Comments are closed.