Julia Allison Determined To Paint Herself As Attractive Despite Killing Tens Of Boners on National Television

That moment when you throw wisdom to the wind, finally decide to pop that zit & realize you made the wrong call as it starts bleeding. Oops?

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165 Responses to Julia Allison Determined To Paint Herself As Attractive Despite Killing Tens Of Boners on National Television

  1. Albie Quirky says:

    I see she’s already revving up the elegance for the deballage. Oh to be a fly on the wall at the Skokie Country Club today!

    • Barking Mad says:

      I wonder if she will accidentally mention blow jobs? After all the place will be full of Moms. Um, errr, oops?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Per Julie’s Twitter, her mum, Allie and Allie’s mum and grandma, and Christine Kelly (?!?!?!?!?) are all coming to the deballage, so she may well be on best behavior.

        Interesting that Christine Kelly is still in the picture.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          WHAT, they’re letting half filipinos/half girls into the EXCLUSIVE deballage?! nevermind, they already invited barnyard animals, so…

          • Albie Quirky says:

            It will be horrible yet grimly hilarious if one of the KUC ladies askes Allie or her mum to get them a drink or whatever.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          This deballage can’t be all that, so why are Britt & Allie in town in the middle of the week? Maybe GMB’$ will is being probated later today or tomorrow, but that doesn’t explain Christine Kelly’s presence …

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Britt and Allie are both on vacation, and Allie at least likes her family (who live right nearby) so maybe they’re visiting Allie’s family coincidentally with the deballage?

          • AFGHANI says:

            Allie and her mum are both teachers, so they are on summer break. Britt probably has another yr or two before he gets his PhDonk.

        • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

          The other night when all that drama was going down in the DISCLAIMER section, I wondered if it might have been a drunk CK (egged on by a drunk JA, of course).

          Remember when they did that drunken spreecast one night during fashion week?


          By the way, at 3:11, JA takes a nice dig at Toilet Julia…

          • Prof. F Camping says:

            didn’t even realize there had been this whole discussion over at the disclaimer page, thanks for pointing it out.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            I am 100% certain it’s someone close to JA, that;s why I said Lasagna though JP says she has moved on. It was just way too personal “You’re jealous of Donkey’s C class” to not be someone in her pathetic circle.

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            Happy to be of service, PFC!

            Malf – They hit all the same notes that Lasagna has in the past: Julia is successful and beautiful, you are jealous, this site is going to get shut down in 3…2…1, wanna-be legal mumbo-jumbo, etc.

            For some reason that image of CK and JA hunched over the computer slugging down red wine kept popping into my head, I don’t know why. It just seemed like something they’d do.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Disclaimergate was fucking hilarious.

          • Pink Palatian says:

            Is it just me or are the new hater-haters of a more malevolent strain? They seem more bitter as of late, more along the lines of mean spiteful bitchy girls rather than the “if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all” strain of early reblogging adventures.

        • Donkey Punch says:

          Very interesting, since Donk threw her under the bus when she told Jacy it was CK who was posing as “Jack McCain’s lawyer,” calling innocent peoples’ workplaces and harassing them via email.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Essackly. Does CK have self-esteem that low, or is she gullible enough to believe Julie’s lie that that was a lie?

            Or did Randi Facebook ditch her and are she and Julie bonding over that?

          • Prof. F Camping says:

            CK must be a dim bulb. or else Julie has so much dirt on her, or something.

        • fig says:

          I’d totally watch a reality show where Julia and Christine get married, movie to a hippie farm and start auditioning people for donor sperm at burning man.

  2. KS says:

    That headline slays me, JP.

  3. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    Well, I’m not hungry anymore. So much for lunch.

  4. stalker is the new fat says:

    What??? Is wrong with her? How is she still getting zits at her age? Oh yeah, from being dirty and gross.

    WASH YOUR FACE. jesus fuck. I can’t remember the last time I got a “zit.”

    • Kate Middlebrow says:

      She should probably look at her hair too. When I had long hair (real not pelts), I slept in braids to avoid zits from hair oils (not to mention tangles), and I wash my hair regularly unlike a donkey.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Can you imagine how nasty her pillowcases white couch cushions are, from going to sleep w/ full-on spackle?


    • Pelt Up says:

      Oh FFS. I can’t speak for Julia’s hygiene habits or the apparent lack thereof. But I’m older than Julia, I wash my face twice a day, and I wash my hair every day, sometimes more depending on when I go to the gym. And guess what? I still get zits. I really hope that you don’t honestly believe everyone who has a pimple is unclean.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        Do you wear makeup? I don’t. Her makeup kit, like the rest of her life, is disgusting, so yes I think she gets zits from her gross hygiene or lack thereof.

      • Donkey Punch says:

        Yeah, hormonal issues and other stuff can cause zits, not just being a lazy donkey who doesn’t wash. But in this case, her zits are caused by her lack of hygiene. I’ve seen this up close and it’s revolting.

      • JFA says:

        IT’s a fallacy that acne only occurs in adolescence. Anyone can get acne at any age…and there is really no known cure, just various treatments. I’ve been dealing with the problem on and off for a long, long time and I’m in my 30s. It has absolutely zero to do with hygience for most people.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        also don’t internalize the snark; nobody cares how often you bathe.

      • Bravo's Bitch says:

        Semi OT but I am in my 40’s and have oily skin and I just started a new skin care regimen that is amazing. The brand is Bioline and I bought it at my plastic surgeons office so I don’t know if it’s available at sephora, etc. But it is great for old lady breakouts and just oily skin overall. Ok back on topic.

        • JFA says:

          Yeah a big part of my problem is I’m both acne-prone and bone dry. So topical treatments slay me. I’m going to a new derm tomorrow and asking for SOMETHING ANYTHING PLEASE GOD I”M SICK OF THIS. I even tried accutane back in the day and had to stop it when I got severe joint pain and felt like any sort of light was seering my eyeballs. Sigh.

          • Bravo's Bitch says:

            Uh oh, then I do NOT recommend this line for you because I am so greasy and this really dries me up. But the Renova at night seems to be smoothing my creppy sun booth in my ’20’s sun damaged chest.

          • Shoe Bombardier says:

            I have the same skin, and nothing worked till I got a Clarisonic. Debated it forever and finally went for it–for once in my life the shine is under control without dryness or red blotches.

          • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

            Have you tried Avene’s products? My derm has me using their Diacneal face wash and a moisturizer to combat the Retin-A dryness.

            Apparently acne-prone 28yo’s shouldn’t use face wash meant for teenagers. Sigh.

      • Skirt Pull says:

        Seriously. It’s called hormones people!!

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      I think I asked this in a previous thread but what is the deal with her hygiene issues? Was she always like that, even back in college? Or does the lack of hair-washing come from having the pelts? How has no one said anything to her?

      • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

        Personally, I think it stems from depression. She seems like a very lethargic person to me, and I’m sure depression doesn’t help. When you’re depressed, sometimes the idea of taking a shower can be really insurmountable (I’d know). Since Julia doesn’t have a job to go to or friends to see, she doesn’t even really have a reason to shower and pull herself together. She obviously thinks she can get away with washing her hair infrequently, but the greasiness is completely obvious.

        • Edward R. Burro says:

          Oh believe me, I know all about depression but when I was so depressed that I didn’t want to shower I wasn’t also appearing on a reality show. It just seems weird to me to be so depressed that you can’t wash your hair but at the same time, use a curling iron and wear 5 lbs of makeup.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          I don’t disagree that depression has that effect on people, but w/ D0nkey in particular, I wonder if it doesn’t have more to do w/ time-constraints …

          D0nkey seems to dig her hooves in & be her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting other people’s expectations, which (I think) carries over to quitting the googling of herself & getting off the computer in order to get in the shower / out the door in a timely manner.

          What does she ever do ON time? Do you suppose there is any editor or teacher out there who ever received a good output from D0nkey BEFORE a deadline? Myself, I’d take that “no” to the bank.

        • Donkey Punch says:

          Please, the last thing we need is Donk co-opting depression as an excuse for her BS. She’s lazy and has an inflated sense of how good/clean she looks. That’s it.

          • stalker is the new fat says:


          • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

            Huh? Julia can be depressed and also be a shitty person. I’m not giving JA an excuse for anything. I’m just saying that I think her poor hygiene in part stems from depression. Others disagree. That’s okay.

        • Aspen>Tulips says:

          I would agree with this, but I would also add that being a narcissist may also have something to do with it. A former NPD friend of mine (former friend, probably still NPD) once turned up to our mutual exercise class with the DIRTIEST FEET EVER. I mean, we were all friends there and it was early in the morning so none of us were necessarily camera ready, but it looked like she had been walking barefoot through the Haight all night. They were so bizarrely dirty that I had trouble focusing on anything else, especially as she acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. From that I’ve since wondered about Julia and her hygiene habits, and if it is an NPD thing to blow off basic hygiene at times.

          • A former friend of mine has a severe case of NPD and she was very lax with the hygiene. She once told me she got a UTI or yeast infection because she went several days without changing her underwear. Fuggin nasty.

          • Pink Palatian says:

            What?!? That’s just gross. Even when I take multiple-day road or train trips I change my underwear. Ugh. Yuck.

        • juliaspublicist says:

          This thread is depressing. Moar funnee pleaze!

        • They Call Me Jack says:

          She was unkempt back in her batshit Georgetown days and I never noted any depression, just the scheme juices flowing non-stop. Julie would often look like hell when she hadn’t slept. The makeup would be troweled on, the hair nasty, and she seriously looked about age 35. This is probably why the rumor spread that Julia was in her late 20s when she was really only 21, 22, 23.

      • JFA says:

        She might honestly wash her hair fairly regularly and just have really greasy hair. I have super straight fine hair like hers and even at the end of the day in which I washed it, it starts to look graysy. She should def ditch the pelts if that is the case, and while she is at it she needs to remove those goddamn spiderwebs no her eyeballs because they look fucking stupid.

    • I still get zits! I’m 26 and puberty doesn’t seem to want to leave me. But I wash my face and I do not pop them because that shit is nasty.

  5. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I hate those “that moment when” tweets. I find them incredibly annoying when anyone does it, so I’m not surprised that Donkey has picked up on it and made it a regular part of her manic twitter habits.

    She just sucks at every single thing in life. Everything.

    • Bobby P. Mullet says:

      She is about a year too late on the “that moment when” statuses. Ugh. They are beyond annoying. They are always something so vanilla and boring but stated in a way that is way try-too-hard and “OMG, I’m quirky and real!” That is just comes across as vanilla and trying too hard.

      Honestly, we’ve all had those moments where we zoom in on a zit and end up picking at it and making it worse. Big deal. That’s something you joke about with your girlfriends over a few glasses of wine. The difference is that she doesn’t have girlfriends like that and nobody puts that shit on blast like they are some special manic pixie special snowflake.

  6. Donkey Punch says:

    Zits are the least of her problems. YOUR FUCKING FACE IS DEFORMED, you crazy asshole.

  7. Scooby Don't says:

    That moment when you throw wisdom to the wind

    It’s caution to the wind, dumb ass!
    And Donkey, you don’t have nearly enough wisdom to be throwing it around all haphazardly.

  8. Donkeycam Now! says:

    I am glad to see that Nora Ephron’s mantle is in good hands.

  9. virgil reid says:

    does anyone know where i can watch this online? tv4stream does not have the newest episode.

    • juliaspublicist says:


      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I forget now if it’s $2.99 or $3.99 on iTunes, but Amazon Prime has it for $1.99 per episode, or $1.89 if you buy their TV PASS.

        • They Call Me Jack says:

          Never pay $$$ to watch the donkey bray! Surely there are download sites, even for a reality shitshow that no one’s watching.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Did you watch it on cable?

          • They Call Me Jack says:

            Yes, but I pay for standard cable and Bravo is included with it. I’d never pay a separate fee to enrich Julia Allison indirectly or give her “hits.” And if I’m going to pay for something on amazon, it’ll at least be something entertaining and not a dose of Lunesta.

        • Slutty Catbanger says:

          It’s $1.99 for sd.

    • Barking Mad says:

      I haven’t found anything international yet. Other weeks it appeared on Wednesday so it might still emerge.

    • Anon says:


      it’s not always the fastest. but if you wait a day or two, it’s free and doesn’t give donk any notable views.

  10. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    Giving a blow job to a guy in a rented limo…you’re doing it wrong.

  11. Albie Quirky says:

    So do we think there’s going to be a giant craysplosion when she has nothing to do between the end of the show and Burning Man (August 27 per the Google)?

    • Cut! Don't use that. says:

      She’ll be crazier than she’s ever been in her life…still high off her own fumes from the show, but also at her rock bottom. Should be good.

    • Ca Ca Nails says:

      THIS. Fuck the show, even though I’m pointing and laughing along with everyone else for the time being, I can’t wait to see the post-show crash. The grifters she’s been surrounding herself with will leave skid marks (ew) they’ll be out of her life so fast, and basically unless the show gets picked up for a second season, she’ll have nothing to even PRETEND to do with her time…of course, she’ll still pretend and find something, cuz that’s our little cockroach, but the squirming will nevertheless be entertaining.

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      Don’t forget she’s got that shill dating advice video thing that she denies any knowledge of.

      I think she’s going to go into full-scale self promotion mode once Bravo takes the leash off. She’ll pimp herself out BIG time.

  12. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Tot’s OT question of a STAT nature:
    WTH size does an avg 3-yr-old girl wear in shorts & shirts?

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      size 3T

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        That was my guess, & someone told me different, so I wanted to get other input (that the child wears a 7 in shoes throws me off & her mama isn’t available to answer before a sale ends).


        • stalker is the new fat says:

          an infant/toddler size 7 would work for about a 3T. Not to bore/derail but my male child is 3 and wears a size 5/6 in clothes and a size 11/12 in shoes.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The “3T” sizing is pretty accurate. If she’s at all tall, 4T might better. 3T is for children 33 to 36 inches high.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Thanks, doll! I *am* going w/ 4T, even though when I’d asked if she’s tall for her age, her dad said that the doc said she’s smack in the middle of avg for her age — there are so many cute ‘layering’ options, if things are bigg-ish now, they’ll work out fine come winter time — & OMGreg, kids clothes are so freaking cute, I can’t stand it!

  13. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    Catladies and catgentlemen,

    The wifecat and I have definitively done the 12-year-old Fuck Marry Dump (kill in this context is just stupid) for Miss Advised. Let me be perfectly frank, this will be extremely controversial, as we had an extremely heated back and forth about all three categories, lasting well into the night over two bottles of middle-shelf pinot noir. We finally came to an agreement, which I can present to you here. Please note that we’re both very willing to change our positions, but it must be an extremely compelling argument, one which wasn’t brought up last night (and there were very many points and counterpoints for each).

    That said, on with the list.

    FIRST OFF: Fuck — Julia.

    Already you’re punching the reply button, ready to absolutely berate me for this choice. What the everloving fuck, you’re saying. Are you insane, you’re asking. That’s the stupidest thing in the universe and your list is worthless, you’re commenting. But hear me out (and I had to make many of these points to the wifecat last night): You cannot put Emily in this spot, for reasons that will become perfectly clear shortly. Therefore, it’s a toss-up between Julia and Amy. So here’s the thing– yes, the face. Yes, the skintags. Yes, the calves. Yes, the braying, and possible crying. But, the night would be one of my choosing: take Julia completely out of her element, put her completely back on her heels, go fully alpha, control the mood, control the setting, control the tempo, the activities, etc, and maybe– just maybe– it would be a night. With Amy, that just isn’t possible. She’d criticize what you’re wearing. She’d criticize the hotel room. She’d criticize the sheets. She’d criticize the lighting in the bathroom. In short, Amy’s attitude is more of a boner killer than Julia’s face. Think about that for a minute.

    NEXT: Marry — Emily.

    This was a no-brainer and we both came to this conclusion very quickly, mainly by process of elimination. With Emily, you’d get the hippy lighthearted freakiness every night. Emily doesn’t seem like she would let marriage change the kind of person she is too much. She may not be the most successful of the three, but consider your alternatives: insanity via Julia, or having to deal with Amy’s attitude every single goddamn day of your life. Emily is the easy choice here.

    LAST: Dump — Amy.

    I feel completely justified with this choice. As much as we like to point out Julia’s myriad of faults and problems — and don’t get me wrong, they are legion — Amy is just completely a nonstarter. Neither the wifecat nor I can understand how she gets any guy to go out with her more than once; after five minutes (and three unprovoked criticisms, surely) I would be out the door. Amy may be playing a character, but the character she’s playing is so horrendous, so completely unlikeable, that she is going to inadvertently wind up killing her own business when no guy wants to even get near her in a professional aspect.

    So there you have it, catladies and catgentlemen. Please, tell me that I’m — we’re — wrong. Tell me the restalyne outweighs the constant negativity. Hell, tell me that Emily is the one to dump, and tell me why.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Emily is the only one I would shag or marry. Both Julie and Amy are instant cliff candidates (I have no idea why my American friends group played this as “shag/marry/cliff”).

      If I had to fuck either Julie or Amy, I’d jump off the cliff myself. Julie smells really unappealing in person, and Amy is so fucking uptight I’d be afraid my tongue would snap off inside her rigid, frigid ice poon.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

        Yes, we both agreed with that. Traditionally, we have always played gun-to-the-head rules: you _must_ classify all three.

    • mcakez says:

      No way.

      Julia will stalk you — she will NOT be ignored — and also make sure to let everyone know she fucked you. Publicly. You will be forever linked with fucking a Donkey.

      Amy would be frigid and annoying, but she’d take the hint and piss off after the deed.

      You just do not stick your dick in crazy, dude.

      • Agree with the choice of marry, but yeah I would also reverse the dump and fuck choices.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Females think w/ their heads & are going to say dump D0nkey, cuz she’ll forever stalk ya, that Amy can be gotten rid after effen her w/ not that much trouble.

          Doesn’t matter.

          Dudes think w/ their dicks, so no matter how many times they’re told to never stick their dick in crazy, they’re gonna stick their dick in crazy because they’re stupid risk-takers, so they’d bang D0nkey before Amy, cuz Amy’s just annoying as hell & doesn’t seem capable of any fun in any scenario.

          Emily’s the only one who strands a chance.

          • Truth. Plus I woudn’t want to go down on someone who “throws hygiene to the wind,” as it were. Amy is annoying as hell, but JA is more annoying.

            Emily is the coolest on the show, which isn’t a very tough contest I guess. I kinda want to bump into her. SF is really small.

      • Fameless Shamewhore says:

        I gotta say, I agree with Cowboy’s choices when the night is considered on its own. BUT mcakez is completely right: if you take the longer view and include any future, then it would be worth it to switch around, put up with an admittedly appalling night with Amy, and then be free to move on – and marry Emily. It would be just one shitty night – and actually, given that Amy is really SO unattractive a person, in a way you could “feel free to relax” and just try to tune her out. But then it would be done.

        If, on the other hand, per Cowboy’s original suggestion, you fucked Donkey, you would never EVER be allowed to forget it. Of course, she would be texting Emily the week before the wedding.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

        Yes, we had a long, long, long discussion about that. How do you stop Julia from anonymously leaking, DeStorm-style, to Gawker, here, Page Six, whatever. It turned into a longer discussion about cyberstalking and anonymity.

        Here’s where I cheated a bit– the scenario becomes the anonymous SXSW hookup, for example. The first thing, the night in question, is that Julia’s iPhone gets thrown out the window, or is somehow otherwise disposed of. When she asks for a name, she gets an un-Googleable name. E-mail address? Dead letter drop. Facebook? Sorry, don’t have. Twitter? What’s that? Phone number? Yeah, no, sorry. Basically, stay out of the news for a good couple of years and hope that cowboysandbraliensanddonkey.com doesn’t pop up.

        That said, I fully agree with you re: dick in crazy. It is my opinion that you’d have to out-stalker Princess Stalkerton and preemptively stop her from getting in contact with you or your friends.

      • Boomerang Slam says:

        This. Ask Redacted or Redacted 2 how that works out for ya.

    • JFA says:

      I don’t think JA would be the worst screw right now, if you had a gag in her mouth so you wouldn’t need to hear the bray. She seems to be retarded horny as evidenced by her predatory behavior on the show, probably because she is a lunatic, inept with men, and thus rarely gets laid. The early 30s sex drive explosion is not pretty for the single ladies who don’t get laid a lot. So, I’ll give her some credit – maybe it would’nt be the worst time to be had in bed. Who knows. However, I doubt she’s the kind to give up control – she probably yells and screams and flails around a lot like a complete idiot tryign to be sexay etc, and I’m gonna guess it’s not that hot.

      I would not touch Amy with a 10 foot pole. She would bitch about her cellulite the whole time, and probably thinks blow jobs are gross and messy, and if you didn’t call her five minutes after the fact she would go full bunny boiler on your ass. There is even LESS sexy about her than there is about JA and that is saying a lot.

      And now im’ going to go shoot myself in the head for having these thoughts, thanks.

      • JFA says:

        She def has a whorish side to her…I never bought her 11 date rule bullshit for a second. I bet she’s been pumped and dumped more times than she will ever admit. There has to be SOME REASON she had hot-ish guys interested in her in the past, because it certainly wasn’t her personality or intellect.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens says:


    • Dr. Gary says:

      The thought of Julie making sexy times makes me want to:

      -drop phone
      -drop the motherfucking phone
      -vomit again
      -look in cabinet for brain bleach

    • KS says:

      Controversial eh? heh.

      FUCK: Amy. I’m a guy. Fucking the frigid out of an ice queen? Challenge accepted. Emily seems to be the obvious male choice for sexinthebutt, threesomes, etc but it is not; That woman has had her clit rubbed for a solid weekend. She’s just going to lay there and criticize you with that stupid AWW SHUCKS look on her face and then tell a radio audience about it. She couldn’t even keep from saying Busey had bad breath. I also suspect she’s probably got some funky ass STDs while Amy seems like a person who insists on condoms every. single. time.

      MARRY: Emily. Because marriage is total bullshit, you want a chick that won’t mind if you get some strange. She’s also the easiest to get along with of all of them.

      DUMP: Julia. Obvious answer is obvious. Just watch your back.

      Now let’s up the game. Tosh.0 invented an offshoot called Lick Slap Fondle (and played it with his staff).
      Lick: Emily. she has a nice face and it wouldn’t faze her at all. I wouldn’t fondle her because it wouldnt elicit a reaction.
      Slap: Donkey. Consider this a public service.
      Fondle: Amy. She has a nice body. Plus she could use some fondling so that’s another public service right there.

      • CaptainGary says:

        Same for this dude – Amy’s got a case of the frosties AND some major bitter beer face, but it’s nothing a good…well, you know the rest.

        If it were a few years ago, I might be convinced to switch it around but now…the face! Dear god, the face!

        • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

          Look, I’m sorry, but I just happen to like the occasional calorie on my iceberg lettuce. There is just no way a night with Amy wouldn’t end extremely poorly. Maybe — MAYBE — I could see an Amy hatefuck, but even then only if I didn’t have to see that wretched look of disgust that’s permanently attached to her face.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          I know its a cliche and all, but I wonder if Amy’s “haven’t had sex in a year” has really gotten to her.

    • One Fat Melman says:

      I could see a guy wanting to fuck the frigid right out of Amy, whereas the sound of donkeys braying mid-action is a “nonstarter” in my mind.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        And don’t forget Lilly’s nonstop doggy yapping whilst her mommy was enjoying the sexy times.

        *no, seriously. where is the brain bleach?*

  14. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:


  15. It floats! It floats! says:

    I hope we get some video from the fashion show. You know old Pelterina will be clutching that crusty iphone in her snappers.

    As tacky as she was when she was in all previous incarnations, I think this new phase is perhaps the worst she’s ever been. She’s one part grifter, one part reality joke and one part sexually-deprived grandma who has stumbled upon a male stripper revue. It isn’t a good look for her.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I love this comment so much, that I want to invite it over later to watch movies, get it liquored up on peach wine coolers and do a feel up under the sweater.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Speaking of… Magic Mike was horrible!

    • Pelterina says:

      Yay! I’ve finally been rung!

      I started thinking about which was the worst time and thing she’s ever done. It’s hard to really hit upon one. Every time I thought that this must be it, this is the worst she can do, she’s proven me wrong. This might be the saddest phrase, at least because it’s so public now. Before the JA show was something we scoffed at in private, now it’s completely public. I watched with my friends before and we couldn’t make it through. It’s too depressing. And it’s all her own damn fault.

  16. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    She really thinks we’re supposed to find the “Oops” thing endearing, huh? Maybe that worked on guys who were too dumb to know better when she was “hot”. Doesn’t work now, sweetie. Not that it ever did.

    • Wonkeye says:

      And it’s “oops?” with a question mark, so we can imagine her with a Zooey-esque head tilt.

  17. The Final Rose says:

    Because I have no life (and am fat, jealous, etc.) I just rewatched the winery scene from Monday’s show. I know this will be a shock to many, but Julia is lying when she says that she and Sir William made out outside the limos without the cameras. The cameras show them walking out of the winery with a basket full of wine and getting into the car. Um, er, oops?

  18. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    So when is the $1700 Donkey going to defend Tosh from his bullies?

  19. diluted brain says:

    When I read this tweet, I wanted to vomit. Who in their right mind posts a tweet about popping a pimple then goes into detail about it bleeding? She is so disgusting! Does she have no inner voice or conscience that would make her take a second and think, hey that’s not internet appropriate? No.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      it’s this kind of thing that makes me think she’s mildly retarded. that, or she’s so desperate for attention, she’ll do or say anything. regardless of how insane, stupid or disgusting it makes her look.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I’ll bet you’re right — I have a relative who truly has cognitive issues, & this is the kind of thing she posts on FB all the time.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        why did my avatar change? I though it was connected to your email?

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Mine mysteriously changed for a little while a few months back, but it reverted without me doing anything.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Reminds me of this brilliant Megan Amram tweet:
      “I hate bleeding for five days straight every month or so. Flossing is the WORST.”

  20. Grammarian says:

    What’s wrong with that photo the most is the disparity in the expressions. They are the opposite of communicating.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Have you noticed also the disparity in nostril symmetry? O0of!

  21. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    OT: TV’s on for background noise & I just heard “I’m scared of this Donkey!” which naturally got my attn — apparently I am watching ANTM 🙂 — w/e the scene was (models on donkeys), it ended w/ a model saying “I’m allergic to Donkeys!”

    I wonder if the allergen was Tresemme dry shampoo?

    Reason #73 why you don’t belong at NYFW, D0nkey

  22. Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

    Wait, didn’t Dating Expert Julia answer this on the teevees? You know, the thing that so delighted Whoopi, about a dress that says “you can take me to meet your mother” (if she happens to run a whorehouse) “and I might give you a blowjob on the way” (’cause who doesn’t need new shoes?):

    @JuliaAllison: Sooo … What is the perfect first date outfit? For ladies? For guys? Any total no-nos?
    9:21 PM – 11 Jul 12

  23. Albie Quirky says:

    The Witch Experiment is finally up and super-crappy. Several months in the making, folks, and here it is.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Once again, D0nkey winced.

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      She asks me to stand over the cauldron and breathe deeply, allowing all of the negativity of my past to leave my body and enter the golem

      this makes no sense. breathing in golem fumes does not equal expunging negativity.

      also, do they not have a web editor who could fix her links?

      someone who has attempted to be logical and methodical in analyzing and criticizing every aspect of herself and her love life

      um, no. just no.

      and again with the Sisyphean bolder [sic]! Spanish Interrogation and Kraft service, you’re doing it wrong!

      It’s no longer Groundhog Day with my dating life.
      until I go to prom, for the umpteenth time, on next week’s episode!

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      As it turns out, I’m the kind of girl who believes in witches.

      When I first started this series, I promised myself I would avoid all the “He’s Just Not That Into You” advice-givers and instead consult with unorthodox experts: psychic, tarot card reader, love therapist, and, well, witches.

      After a childhood of church on Sundays with Mom and Dad, I quickly segued into a rabid-feminist-Ayn-Rand objectivist and adamant adolescent atheist. But during a rough patch at 26, I found myself reading Marianne Williamson’s seminal spiritual bestseller A Return to Love and spent the next few years studying and developing a deep faith and integrating “New Age” ideas like yoga, acupuncture, meditation, ashrams, and holistic medicine into my life.

      My litmus test is simple: do I feel better coming out of the experience and in the days that follow? If so, as far as I’m concerned, it works. Because of that, The House of Intuition http://houseofintuitionla.com/, a sacred spot in East L.A. that offers everything from chakra balancing to crystal healing, has become my temple du jour. And they offer witches.

      When I walk up the winding staircase to the house off of Sunset in Echo Park, I wasn’t expecting what I found: Maja—a self-described “White Witch”—is stunning, with blonde hair, shimmery white makeup with matching white feather earrings, and silver sparkly Uggs. She looks like Witch Barbie. Madga—“The Gypsy Witch”—is a slender, curvy Latin goddess. A modern witch, she gives readings over text message and tweets (Twitter handle: @Gypsy_Luv). I love them both immediately.

      I begin my session with Maja. She asks what brings me here, and I explain my sense of being stuck in dating Groundhog Day, making the same mistakes over and over and over.

      “If you want to know the future,” she says by way of introduction, “look at what’s happening right now.” I wince at the idea; I don’t want to look at what’s happening now, because what’s happening now is that I’ve been on three dates in a row with not so much as a single kiss. A future bereft of kissing? There’s no way. Clearly, I determine, I need a love spell. Maja asks me what I’d like the spell to do for me. “I would like to make new mistakes,” I say simply.

      “I like your attitude, Julia,” she smiles. First, she asks me to write down on a sheet of paper all of the past negative patterns I’ve been harboring in my love life. We fold those up and put them in—yes—a cauldron. Then Maja hands me another sheet and asks me to list ten characteristics I’m looking for in “the perfect man.” Just ten? I laugh to myself. I have a 73-point-checklist already prepared! How do I cut 63 items?

      As I’m puzzling over this, I begin writing “loving, kind, fun, intelligent…” and stop, perplexed. I’ve just written down “well-educated” and I realize at once the point of the exercise. Wouldn’t I be just as happy with a man who wasn’t “well-educated”? And if that was the case, how many other items on my list were unnecessary, and possibly holding me back from seeing an amazing partner?

      Next, Maja has me mold a little clay figurine, called a golem, which will symbolize the romantically troubled me. Placing the golem in the cauldron with the two lists, she lights them on fire while chanting what I assume is my love spell. She asks me to stand over the cauldron and breathe deeply, allowing all of the negativity of my past to leave my body and enter the golem. I do as requested and almost burst into tears feeling the emotions flowing out of me—all the loneliness, disappointment, rejection, and shame. I want this pain gone.

      “You are recreating yourself,” Maja explains. And I actually feel like I am.

      Magda, the Gypsy Witch, then enters the room. She’s in charge of sealing the golem in a little (admittedly creepy!) casket, which she then instructs I throw away as quickly as possible. “You went through a ceremony that symbolized the death of some old habits, shedding some old painful skin. You’re being asked to plug into faith, to trust a process, to believe in something greater and its purpose. Otherwise, how could faith be the answer to someone who has attempted to be logical and methodical in analyzing and criticizing every aspect of herself and her love life?”

      That next week, I toss my golem into the Pacific Ocean. It comes back three times before I finally give up and bury it in the sand. What happened that day at the House of Intuition was powerful. Do I think it worked? Well, I don’t think it hurt. And quite possibly I think it helped. Whether you want to call it a “placebo” effect or whether you really believe that the negative dating energy I had been carrying around like a Sisyphean bolder on my shoulders needed to get thrown in the ocean, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I made a concerted effort to draw a line in the sand: no more old patterns!

      Since then, things have shifted. It’s no longer Groundhog Day with my dating life. I’m still making mistakes, but at least now they’re new mistakes. Better mistakes. And that’s progress. More than that, I feel calmer, more grounded, more at peace. I feel—dare I say? The first stirrings of contentment.

  24. Jack Der Golem says:

    Unlike the Bravo blog atrocity, someone at Elle at least edited this nonsense. Cute & tiny & Asian, yes? But I’m still embarrassed for Julia Allison and her promotion of sparkly, half-baked charlatans. I obviously don’t read this magazine, but wouldn’t the target audience for this claptrap article be young and rather poorly educated?

  25. Andrea says:

    The funniest thing about this website is the fact that whoever writes it is a complete and utter paychopath. They are OBSESSED with Julias life because they have nothing worth while going on in theirs. Honestly, she should probably get a restraining order from the writer of this site. They must be soooooo incredibly jealous of Julia. If you hate her so much why do you put so much time and effort into her every single day? You seem like her biggest fan to me. Leave the girl alone and do something productive with your life. Obviously no one cares enough about you to make a hate site and i wonder why?

    • Cola chamPagne says:

      Are you jealous of the writer? Because you’re writing here, so by your (flawed) logic you are jealous of the writer of this blog who is jealous of Julia, so that means you’re jealous of Julia too! See how that works? 🙂

    • Scooby Don't says:

      What a big girl you are to have figured out Mom and Dad’s parental lock password for the internet.
      Now run along to your Justin Bieber fan site and let the grown ups talk.

      Signed a jealous nonproductive “paycopath” who is also fat, ugly and alone.

    • Admiral of the Burro Fleet says:

      No, the funniest thing about this website is the word “paycopath”

      Obviously no one cares enough about you to make a hate site and i wonder why?

      AIRTIGHT. You’ve a bright future ahead of you, Andrea.

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