Julia Allison: Date Rapist?

I was going to recap last night’s shit show but:

a. I have no Internet/cable connection and still haven’t seen the entire show and my life is hell at this moment because I am in a war with Comcast and I will kill those motherfuckers soon and it just took me an hour to upload that photo above;

b. I am not as talented as JP at the recapping;

c. It seems Episode 4 was just more of the same, without the sobbing.

And that same is this: Julia Allison is a potential date rapist. When she’s hot for someone, she goes beyond “aggressive” — she forcefully sexually harasses them. Imagine the outraged braying if the genders were reversed in some of these scenes, in particular dry-humping Chris and accosting William in the back of the limo.

As always, she thinks it’s cute to be a predatory asshole. She actually called this episode one of her favorites.

Oh honey.


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284 Responses to Julia Allison: Date Rapist?

  1. They Call Me Jack says:

    Is William in grad school, and if so, will he be able to get that research paper in on time? What with his two or three (!) recent date rape experiences? They just keep adding up! No time to study or fulfill SAG requirements, Sir William! You need recovery time out near Joshua Tree!

    • mcakez says:

      In the clip they included on the site, she says he never called her back. That and the fact that she is going out with the Raping Do-not next week makes me think William decided two sexual assaults were two too many.

  2. Scooby Don't says:

    I can’t even see straight I’m so angry at the ANIMALS who assaulted Lara Logan. WHY DOES THIS STILL HAPPEN? WHY DO MEN STILL RAPE WOMEN???

    Julia Allison: Inside the issue of sexual assault since Feb 15th 2011.

    • Celisse says:

      Only men rape women doncha know. Women don’t rape. They just “aggressively pursue.” It’s so adorable.


  3. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Julia’s rates for a good raping:
    -$1700 if she is to be the rapee. Offers of $1600 will be summarily publicly shamed and rejected on Twitter.
    -Your pick of a CD loaded with 100 free hours of AOL or a used Firefox costume if Julia is to do the raping.
    In either case, Julia expects to receive two pairs of shoes, because only silly little people who enjoy sex believe that it isn’t transactional!

  4. Who do you think you are? says:

    Off the main topic but related: are you all Louie fans? Did you see the most recent episode with Melissa Leo? Before I launch into any spoilerage, I wanted to put the question out there.

    • KS says:

      I didn’t pay much attention until he had Doug Stanhope (one of my heros) make an appearance as a suicidal, sick of it all fellow comic living out of his car. That was amazing TV. I’ll wait for a weekend and a box set to watch them all though.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Sounds interesting … is that the entire name of it, “Louie” ? I may try to hunt this down on Hulu+ …

        • A Donkey is an Ass says:

          Yeah, it’s Louie CK’s show on FX. It’s sad, hilarious and fucking brilliant.

      • Beauchamp says:

        Stanhope is the greatest comedian alive right now. Been around for probably 20 years, and you’d never know he exists. Because the idiots in America think Martin Lawrence and Jay Leno are the height of comedy.

        Big Momma 2 netted over 100 million despite getting 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That is fucked up.

        “Babies are like poems: they’re beautiful….to their creator. To everyone else, they’re stupid and annoying.”
        — Doug Stanhope

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Yes! That’s totally A Donkey.

    • emma bourricot says:

      That scene got a lot of discussion in the AV Club comments. I thought of it right away and I’m glad someone else pointed it out.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        Thanks for pointing that out. I’ll go read… I like that the AV Club got him to do episode-by-episode commentary of past seasons.

        I’m relatively new to Louis C.K. and I’ve binged on the show in the last couple of months. He’s really brilliant.

  5. Albie Quirky says:

    This is why I didn’t think her “kiss rape” comment was a bad joke. I thought it was an more-accurate-than-she-knew description of her outrageous behavior. I am very very uncomfortable watching those scenes because of my own experiences, and find it odd that someone who reports having experienced date rape herself would be so free to violate others’ boundaries in similar ways. I don’t know if it’s her narcissism or her lack of self-inquiry or her crazy gender essentialism nonsense that keeps her from realizing that what she’s doing is fucked up and beyond inappropriate.

    Sorry, no jokes in this comment. 🙁

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Was it “kiss rape” or “face rape”? I thought the latter …

      Doesn’t matter … it’s all Flusher Price’s fault anyway for using an expression first that D0nkey co-opted sans any gun to her ginormous head …

    • There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and some fug on your feet) says:

      I’d be up in arms and boycott the show if a dude was dong (haha, ahem, doing) what JA does. As it stands, she comes off as desperate, pathetic and unable to read cues. She wants what she wants (Julia want a cookie), and will try to get it regardless of whether the other person wants to give it. In fact, it’s irrelevant if the other person wants to give it, which is quite despicable.

      • Donkey Punch says:

        THIS. It’s all about her, always. NPD, sociopath, and total fucking asshole.

      • mcakez says:

        Seriously. If the genders were reversed, there would be an explosion of hate across the internet, and it would never be played off as harmless or cutesy. I’m sure she would be completely livid if some guy tried to make the “I bought you dinner,” argument.

        Ugh. Appalling.

    • mcakez says:

      A few years ago I was in a band and for a short minute we batted around taking the name ‘The Kiss Rapists.’ We got the name from the fact that the Julia in my life was always getting ‘kiss raped’ or saying, ‘Then he totally just forced his tongue down my throat.’ This was frequently said after she’d sobered up and regretted kissing someone the night before. (Fun fact, the dude she just married ‘kiss raped’ her one night– when she was still with her previous boyfriend, who she continued dating for almost a year after. So, basically, she was using it to excuse her unfaithfulness.)

      Sorry there are no funnies to be had here, either, just thought it was interesting how the JAMyL used it in the opposite sense. Something tells me Julia is no stranger to claiming guys totally mouth-assaulted her, either.

  6. Brent-the-Donkey-handler says:

    Sorry to be OT, but who is the “Contributing Writer” at smallscreenscoop responsible for this lunacy:
    “Julia Allison has emerged a brightly lit, beautiful star.”
    “Julia Allison is that person that all networks hope to snare in their reality TV empires.”

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      RANDOM GUESS: One of the voices in Julia Allison’s largish head?

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      I hope the writer means lit, in the sense that Julia acts like she is on drugs.

    • What Would Kate Middleton Do? (Stripper Shoes) says:

      what the what?? so much ass covering I can’t tell what is being said her.

      “UPDATE: The above sentence is still true. The rest was written before I did any additional research. But the more I read about Julia on the internet, the more concerned I do get that her charming persona is only one part of the package. I am left wondering if she’s an ambitious, sometimes dramatic girl that people unfairly pick on, or if she’s truly much more of an exploitative drama queen than Miss Advised has portrayed. However, I do believe I hate the mass amounts of  “We hate Julia” Gawker fueled drama more than I could ever dislike the girl. She’s guilty of wanting to be famous? I can’t think of many people who don’t. And could anything Julia do be worse than the antics of Kim Kardashian and her fake marriage?”

      • What Would Kate Middleton Do? (Stripper Shoes) says:

        Here not her. Not that anyone currs.

      • Peltergeist says:

        “The rest was written before I did any additional research” says everything we need to know.

        • They Call Me Jack says:

          2 more hours of research and “contributing writer” becomes a cat lady.

      • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

        WTF? There are plenty of people who don’t want to be famous. OP is wack.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          She’s guilty of wanting to be famous?
          I can’t think of many people who don’t.

          I don’t aren’t want to be.

        • mcakez says:

          As part of a unit I teach, I ask students if they’d want to be ‘famous.’ Most said no, some said it would depend on what they’d done to become famous. Only one or two said outright they’d want to be famous without knowing the ‘for what?’ qualifier. None — not a single one — said they’d want to be famous for a reality show. These are high school kids, living in poverty, in an underprivileged school where the average reading level is 5th grade, and they still know enough to recognize that reality TV NEVER makes people look good.

          The author needs to get a handle on reality.

      • CaptainGary says:

        No, it’s not “worse” than anything Kim K. does; however, and here’s why THIS place exists, Kim K. does not purport to be a journalist, a profession that many people here deserves a modicum of respect. Kim goes for the lowest common denominator – sex tapes, booty shots, famous for being famous, celebrity and all that. Julia has always tried to come off as smart, a media darling, social media expert (expert of all stripes, actually) and has thus raised the ire of people who actually value these things. Kim K. is below the contempt of the people here, except as it relates to being a symbol of the overall decline of the Western world.

        tl; dr – bitch be trying to horn in on OUR shit. Kim K? Not so much.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        ‘… was written before I did any additional research … I am left wondering if she’s … an exploitative drama queen …’

        MORE than additional+ research needed.

      • meanguy says:

        “Gawker fueled.”

        That tank emptied long ago, friend.

  7. KS says:

    I can’t get my head wrapped around what’s real and what is set up. Is Julia acting in real life these days the way she is portrayed on TV? Was her method of landing a man to just walk up, bray something like “YOU HAVE BIG HANDS FOR A LITTLE MAN! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!” and scootch off to the pink palace for some Lilly terrorizing? Back when she had her looks, I could see this scenario easily working on shy men.

    But physically beating and DEMANDING REPEATEDLY in confined corners (a limo, apt) that one make physical contact is not just cringe-y or awkward. It really is a violation of personal space and a shocking display of what-not-to-do. You are right Jacy, if the roles were reversed, lawsuits for days. In this case, the men cannot defend themselves or they look like a pussy on national tv. Their only defense is to offer up a cheek..

    How much of this chest-poking is a role she is trying to play to make her handlers happy? On one hand, she’s on TV, being a professional actor, she can sleep easy thinking “oh those internet non-RBD people are reacting to just some ACTING i was doing. Those poor little people!”

    Eh, my writing sucks these days. I finally understand the joy of just lurking and enjoying without feeling the need to chime in.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      I think this may have been her strategy. I think the older more experienced guys just saw her as some young slutty ditz (see Dave Zinczenko).

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Don’t *not* chime in, I (mostly) love your commentary!

      You know what needs to happen here? Any ex who ever’d the d0nkey needs to come settle this burning question, because otherwise FlapJack, Prom King, etc., are beginning to look like flaccid pushovers so hard up for poon, they’ll tolerate a braying jackass who bullies & bills for sex.

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        Why has any post-[redacted] guy been with her? After [redacted] dumped her, that’s when the cray-cray ramped up to warp speed, her face started warping, and she started shoveling cupcakes down that gaping black hole of a mouth. She lost her looks, her mind, and any pretense of sanity. Since then, I can never understand what any guy sees in her. She’s not arm candy, she doesn’t like sex, she’s vapid and self-absorbed with few interests.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          “Since then, I can never understand what any guy sees in her.”

          Who has she dated of significance since then? She seems to choose guys that are way younger than her and are into the cougar thing until they figure out what a psycho she is. (Prom King, Pancakes, Codename TK).

          She hasn’t had more than 2 dates with a guy IN A YEAR unless Bravo paid for their SAG card.

          • Queen Neferteeri says:

            How does it take them longer than 15 minutes to figure out that she’s battier than Batman?

          • They Call Me Jack says:

            Post [Redacted], Julie has indeed gotten all date rapey on much younger, unsophisticated men with connections and/or money but who are far removed from the “publishing” and Silicon Valley communities of which she eventually became a laughing stock. But the cray rears its heads fairly quickly and those poor souls experience a rude awakening, hurriedly offering up boxes + tape before leaving the country.

  8. Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

    Is there a new post on Julia’s Elle guest blog or is that charade over already?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      “Golem Boomerang” is love.

      It went up the day after the show last week, so that may be the case this week as well (last week’s was dated July 3).

      • Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

        I don’t know about the golem in Wicca, but I suspect someone in production was laughing about the everyday Yiddish meaning of golem and Julia — a crude, soulless dope.

    • KS says:

      You didn’t see that mammoth stream-of-idiot rant posted last night? Everyone thought it was a commenter being silly because it was SO bad. I think half the blathering is her trying to nail a certain word count, the other half is the worst writing I’ve seen with run-on sentences, conversational tone annonyance, and overall word bloat.


      • Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

        That’s the Bravo blog, not the super-prestigious, never-to-see-print consolation-prize “guest blog” on Elle.com.

  9. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    A Donkey really just fancies herself a “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” ala Zooey in almost all of her roles, or Natalie Portman in “Garden State”.

    Three things about that, A Donkey (since you never read here):

    1) They’re nerd-boy masterbatory fantasy. Or, to put it another way, fictional characters.
    2) They’re all profoundly sad girls.
    3) They’re also very attractive. That shipped sailed for you once you had that first needle put in your face.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      *ship, not shipped* ss;sf

    • mcakez says:

      Number 2 cannot be emphasized enough. I might have said it here before, but I loved the critically hated ‘Mad Love’ because it shows what is really going on behind MPDG once the meet-cute has passed: they tend to be mentally and emotionally unstable nitwits who destroy everything around them.*

      Effie from Skins was another example of this, except no other character ever seemed to process it or try and reign her in. God that show went downhill faster than Julia’s face.

      *I also love it because the soundtrack is bitchin’ and makes me nostalgic, but that is neither here nor there.

    • billyboy says:

      She is way too girly to be a nerdy guy’s fantasy. Does she date nerdy guys? Jack McCain is the opposite of a nerdy guy.

  10. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Watching the episode, and OMG she is playing with clay. It’s like she has yet another opportunity to reshape her face!

  11. Peltergeist says:

    Her aggression is petrifying, but I think it’s real (which is more petrifying). However, something seems really false and weird about her kiss obsession. She keeps repeating that she JUST WANTS A KISS WHY GREG WHY ZOMG AAAACK! I can’t put it into words, but it just seems like a very bizarre thing to focus on over and over. You want a perfect match, okay, but if you just want to hook up… go to a bar on a Saturday night, maybe? They should have sent her to Gary Busey’s kissing school instead of Emily.

    • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Her inability to read basic human body language is really unbelievable. I keep expecting William to hug himself and sing, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there”

  12. Peltergeist says:

    I was pretty sure that Julia Allison was a relentless, phony golddigger who would end up with some older, fat, greasy banker at some point. It’s hilarious to me that she’s the one acting like a sex-crazed sleazeball looking for a trophy to paw. Serious golddigger fail, Julesie.

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      You’re not giving fat, greasy bankers enough credit. There’s not one that would consider dating Julia.

      Not that Harvey Weinstein is in finance, but in a world where he can marry Georgina Chapman (who by the way doesn’t even need his money), Julia has no shot in hell.


      • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

        This gives guys like me some hope. I may never be good looking, but if I can just skeeve up a bazillion dollars….

  13. donniedriveby says:

    When a donkey’s actions make Emily look downright chaste and reserved by comparison, that says something.

  14. JFA says:

    IT’s really, really hard for me to watch this show. I mean literally as in, I can’t watch at work and I’m still sorta in honeymoon phase with the new boif, we are attached at hip, and I cannot stand his withering glare when he catches me surreptitiously trying to catch this on my computer while he isn’t watching. However, I did watch some clips on the Frisky recap (which is up now), and LORD IN HEAVEN SHE GOES TO WITCHES AND TALKS ABOUT HOW SHE BELIEVES IN THEM BECAUSE SHE IS “VERY SPIRITUAL.” I GIVE UP. It’s so, so hard trying to watch her flail so, so badly in making herself a cute quirky character. She really does think she is that adorable.

    This is also very funny. http://wordsmoker.com/blog/2012/07/10/miss-advised-donkey-rides-a-horse/

    • JFA says:

      Also Amy Laurent is the tightest assed, bitchiest most miserable poorest sad sack miserable failure of a sad desperate lonely person who has ever lived, ever. I am literally waiting for her head to snap off her body, she is so uptight. I am so embarrassed for her.

      • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

        I thought that might be the case, but I’m pretty sure the stick up her ass also jammed clear into her brain.

        Honestly, Amy is fucking detestable.

        • JFA says:

          It is absolutely 100% unbelievable that any guy would ever willingly ask her on a second date. SHE MOCKED HIM FOR EATING CHICKEN POT PIE, LIKE HE JUST ORDERED A PLATE FULL OF FRIED DIARHEA. She is the worst. There is a very good reason that guy she dated fled to Saudi Arabia without telling her.

          • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

            I also can’t stand her grating, Valley Girl voice, or way of speaking.

            And is there any doubt her matchmaking business is a pile of shit, a bullshit time-waster of a “job” for her? There’s no way she earned that apartment/clothes/lifestyle just from that flim-flammery. Rich daddy or ex-husband, I assume. Also, I love chicken pot pie, and wouldn’t kick that handsome guy out of bed, even if he ate it there. He’s hawt, she’s a picky bitch.

          • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

            Yeah, I really wish she’d have a bad botox so I didn’t have to hear her speak. (Though I was LMFAO at last week: “I don’t want to get too much so I can still give the dirty look…” *utterly blank expression*”)

            Who knows about the lifestyle, she’s absolutely clueless. She complained about finance guys, which I can see being douchey, but if I was out and my date was asked what she wanted for an aperitif and she had no clue WHAT THAT EVEN MEANT I’d be giving some serious side eye. That would switch to full-on hairy eyeball if she ordered a sadness glass like Amy’s vodka and club soda. (It’s bland and flavorless, JUST LIKE ME!)

            … oh, and as a guy, I have to say her outfit for that date was repellent. My $ only.

            Her disordered eating and weird issues are the biggest buzzkill. If her trainer was worth shit she’d be killing herself in the gym and able to have a pot pie here and there with no damage. But go ahead with your bad self, work out and then try and starve yourself down on 1000 calories… it’s about the worst way to get to whatever your frozen-face ideal is, Amy.

            I have to say, Julia’s just an embarrassing wreck of a human, but I’m really starting to enjoy working up an active dislike of Amy. I thought Emily was so full of shit and just a basket of unresolved daddy issues, but last week’s ep where it was revealed that her dad died when she was, what, 19? maybe makes that “unresolved daddy issues” thing more plausible but less annoying.

            The nagging family and desire to generally stay 3000 miles away just made her almost downright relatable. Well, until someone proposed “sex in the butt” and she didn’t just burst out laughing at the phrase.

          • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

            Fuck me, sorry for the wall o’ text.

          • Fameless Shamewhore says:

            This times a thousand (to both Norse Horse, Task Ass and Effing Ineffably Un-Effable).

            “I’m really starting to enjoy working up an active dislike of Amy.”

            Me too!

        • One Fat Melman says:

          Ineffably…me three! She is TERRIBLE. We have a friend who acts similarly (in that she’s nuts) and we’re slowly trying to remove our group of friends from her life (which is tough since she’ll be loving with one of them for another month). I told my friends that i have no problem laying a verbal smackdown if meed be, because I simply can’t abide by these fragile, frigid, fucked up women. Be bold, be confident, and perhaps most importantly, be self-aware and self-sufficient!!

    • JFA says:

      Whilst writing her stupid fucking meaningless “top 10 things I want in a man” list which she will later burn on the advice of a sparkly witch wearing Uggs because she is a fucking idiot: “I can’t limit my 73 point checklist to just 10 things! It’s like asking me which tutu to throw away!” Ba dump bump…boo! HIss!!!!! Please. Stop.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        The 73 item list is the stupidest meme she has tried to develop on this show. How does she ever go on any dates if she has this supposed list–which we all know is bogus anyways. How does she get that much information from someone before she agrees to a date, unless her real self is a stalker.

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        That tutu line was so fucking false too…you can tell she worked on it for hours. UGH I almost kant with this show. I will be overseas next week so I will miss the shit show. I think I need the respite! My Canklehausen has become debilitating.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          SO CONTRIVED. She must have spent hours awake all night thinking up “witty bon mots” that are about as funny as the Family Circle conversations. They come across as so scripted and rehearsed because she sucks so bad as an actress or should I say “artist.” An artist because she Tweets and writes the odd crappy freelance piece. BWAHAHAHAHA.

        • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

          Excuse you all. Miss Julia is now actively referring to her tutus as “pettiskirts” on her Twitter. I suppose the mockery somehow got into her small donkey brain. See, she can learn, people!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Good grief, JFA! You really can’t / won’t spend an hour a week doing WTF you want to do, independent of the man who fucks you? Are ya’ll so attached at the hip that he also wears a tampon when you do? How soon before all of your sentences begin with” “WE don’t like …” ?

      • JFA says:

        Ugh, you are so tiresome. I enjoy spending time with him and yeah, I’d sorta prefer to fuck or watch breaking bad or cook or pretty much do ANYTHING ELSE than waste my time watching this show, which is frankly very boring and my cable box is broken anyways.

        There is a reason I usually ignore you. Feel free to do the same to me KTHX!!!!!1

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          You’re so funny, whining that you can’t watch D0nkey at work & you’re too meek to surreptitiously watch D0nkey at home (thank greg you managed to find Frisky clips & a wordsmoker article to get your fix!) … & then you want to pot-kettle-black me because time you spend here (while getting paid by your employer to presumably be doing things other than spend time here) is justified, but my time (which is my tijme, BTW) is not? Yeah, okay, right.

          I’m just a little in awe of how fast you went from radical feminist to Stockholm Syndrome, is all.

      • JFA says:

        Perhaps I should just spend pretty much 15 full solid hours a day on this website like you seem to do, seems to be working out well for you, ain’t it? You are the worst.

        • Lilly Liberation Front says:

          You two are going to need some canklehausen ointment for this thread, methinks.

          And I say that as someone who loves you both. 😉

          • This one is a no-boner says:

            Ugh I agree, JFA. Brayella is bored and stuck in the shithole Dallas/Fort Worth area. Keep doing you, JFA.

        • Shoe Bombardier says:

          I totally get enjoying the shit out of your honeymoon phase; there’s nothing like it. It’s my favorite time to get drunk with a guy, aside from all the time, which is my second favorite.

        • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          Wut? Is going on here? When and how did Brayella and JFA get to such hissing and swiping? 🙁

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Mybad — I broke the cardinal rule re: internalizing RBD stuff posted (having just dealt w/ a friend’s reluctance to acknowledge her own role in her hostage-like relationship) — It’s all on me, & let’s just leave it at that.

            My apologies to JFA, who I actually like quite a bit.

          • melting marionette says:

            blame the donkey. she brings out the worst in everybody.

  15. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    What is with the see-through nightie and the granny panties in the ocean?

  16. Scooby Don't says:

    I think she’s getting bad advice from Dr Funke.

  17. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    Hey, catpeeps, here’s a question:

    When they get to the ranch, Julia tries to show off about the limo, and the horse guy puts her down, saying, “We get people come out here with helicopters all the time.”

    Then Julia says, “I tried for a helicopter but I’m not that much of a baller.” And then she points her finger at (Sir) William in a significant way (???) and adds, “Not yet, not yet at least.”

    My question is: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? What is a “baller”? What does she mean with “not yet”?

    Please enlighten me. I’m genuinely curious!

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      I NOTICED THAT! And I also thought it was soooo weird.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      A ‘baller’ is someone who’s made it big time.

      Julia Allison’s ass is a baller; bawler Julia Allison’s career is not baller-status.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Methinks JA is going to try to scam guys into thinking she is a potential sugar mama. Then ALL THE BOYS will have to kiss her!

      • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

        I recall that one of her biggest disappointments in regards to [REDACTED] is that he always “forgot” his wallet and/or refused to pay (didn’t she treat them both to a trip to Costa Rica)?

        When a guy has/makes 1000000x more money than you do and yet still refuses to pay for anything, the message is “meh, I’m just fucking you but I think you’re an ass.”

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      i think pointing at william was like, he’s an entrepreneur (with fuck you money?!), she wants to be a balling entrepreneur too (with dough). maybe also a dig at him, for not paying for the extravagant fantasy date, a la prom king?

    • The Final Rose says:

      Sir William is an OMG Founder, right? I took it to mean that once he’s put a ring on her hoof, she’ll be taking helicopters to the grocery store just like Mrs. Heather Dubrow.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Here’s Sir William’s LinkedIn. It does not look all that baller.

        • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

          I would not have pegged him as being in sales or biz dev.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            See my link below; apparently he wasn’t so good at it, seeing as the joint where he was “employee 1/2” closed down due to lack of bidnis and $$.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            His bio says the company was acquired. Wonder if he had equity…

          • Albie Quirky says:

            The TechCrunch piece doesn’t suggest that, but rather that they got capitalization. I dunno. In any case none of this seems like megacheddar.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          The mutual friend Paige is (Mr.) Paige Craig, founder of BetterWorks, also not particularly baller and indeed mothballed.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      “Baller” is slang (that originated in hip-hop) for someone successful and stylish, someone to be emulated. Skee-Lo’s “I Wish” was the first time I (stodgy white lady) heard the term.

      As ever, Julie Albertson’s trying to be cool and street is horribly Cankleshausen-inducing.

      I actually thought by pointing at William she was making a gross pun that she’d be “balling” him eventually. I don’t know if the brilliant catmunity’s alternate interpretation—that she was leering about getting access to his wallet rather than his peen—is better or worse.

      • So. Blessed. says:

        I thought she was alluding to her sugarmama status–“Just you wait, Sir William!” Also funny–Robin Kassner–the PINK/Hello Kitty obsessed chick from Millionaire Matchmaker–is tweeting Lewis Howes with a mission.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          What is it with these crazy stick-up-the-ass ladies and their attraction to dolty ol’ grifter Lewish?

          • mcakez says:

            He is tall, has some money, and cute in that ‘pick up artist/would try to fuck you without a condom and only text when he’s horny’ sort of way.

            He is clearly just doing the show for exposure. Grifters gonna grift.

            Also, didn’t the pre-season previews show him kissing Julia (who has said over twitter that she set him up with Amy) and asking if he would see her again and her enthusing ‘YES!’ then practicing her Blabla learned skills and saying, “I mean, maybe,” or am I remembering incorrectly?

          • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

            He used to play pro ball, which all the grifters think means he has money. Reality check: most people who play professional sports don’t end up with lots of cash. If they’re lucky and smart they get a comfortable, but not insane, house; a nice little nest egg and a enough name recognition to translate into a successful career in real estate.

          • Pink Palatian says:

            To me, he gives off a very “farm boy who left for the big city” vibe. (I think he grew up in the non-Chicago Midwest somewhere, right?)

      • Shoe Bombardier says:

        I believe the word she wanted was “deballer.”

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      About the limo: Julia says on her Bravo blog and on Twitter that she “had” to rent a limo because of the camera crew. (Strongly implying she paid for it herself). Uh, what a fucking lie- reality shows have perfected the art of filming within ordinary cars and SUVs. Otherwise everyone on reality tv would be riding around in limos. Not the case, you fucking pretentious liar!

  18. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    No real ratings for Miss Advised #ad as it did not crack the top 100 shows for the night AGAIN. LOL.

    BravoRatings ‏@BravoRatings
    Another season low for @BravoTV’s #RHoNY which last night failed to get even 1.3m viewers http://bit.ly/BR20120710b It’s down 33% in 18-49 demo

    Technically, it’s down 33% from last year. Week to week the ratings have been consistent.

    • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

      That’s actually some pretty bad news.

      At 9pm, RHONY got 1.29/0.5.

      At 11pm, WWHL hit 778k viewers and a 0.3.

      At 10pm, Miss Advised is really only up against Pawn Stars. You would expect some dip due to that, but it isn’t a stretch for a 10pm Bravo slot to be able to hit, say, 900k/0.4.

      The fact that the show is doing half that is really bad. A re-run of, say, Bethenny or RHOA, could probably pull 800k in that slot.

      At ep 3, the show should be gaining an audience, not losing it. If the numbers come out down week-over-week, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the show get axed early.

      • CaptainGary says:

        Uh oh! The post has been updated, and it looks like we might have a Donkey to kick around some more:

        Update 8pm – July 10, 2012

        After falling last week by 28.45%, Miss Advised climbed 24.4% this week, almost back to its 2nd week’s ratings and this week scored 594,000 viewers. Most important though, is that it managed to score 0.30 in the 18-49 demo, something it hadn’t done since its premiere episode on June 18th. With it getting a 0.30, it’s certainly bought itself at least one more week of Monday airings, and may well have kept the 10pm time slot as well. Also in its favor is that WWHL was able to build on its 10pm lead-in and rate in the Top 100 nightly cable shows (again Miss Advised didn’t), for the first time since RHoNY and Miss Advised took over the Monday schedule on Bravo.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          They say you can judge this week’s ratings by what people saw last week – meaning, the audience thought last week’s episode was pretty good – they were pulled in emotionally by Emily and her Michigan BF and Julia’s bully story line.

          But this week’s episode was dull and I think you’ll find Miss Advised #ad down by 25 percent plus next week.

          There’s a lot less buzz on the Miss Advised fan page and Twitter this week also.

      • Guam in the Shower says:

        The MA ratings suck (they’ll likely burn off these epsiodes and let it quietly die), but a re-run of Bethenny would pull 400k in the demo at most.

  19. Holly O says:

    A quick OT comment to thank all you glorious catladies for your NY tips. I’ve done a lot of the things y’all suggested & I’m having a blast! A sweaty, sweaty blast. (Also, free wifi EVERYWHERE yayyy.)

  20. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    Here’s the link I use to unearth the ELLE column.
    Maybe since she elected to post the unedited versions on her Facebook page, they’ve decided not to clutter up the interwebs with double posts. How I pity her tiny and cute editor.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      That’s last week’s. This week’s doesn’t seem to be up yet (as of 7/10, 7:32 EDT).

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        Ya. The last GPoL that was posted was Jul 3.
        A week, a visit to the editor, and a day later, nada.
        And give that these things were written months ago, oddness.

    • Barking Mad says:

      I did wonder if there was a connection between her dropping in to Elle to see her “editors” and the unedited posting.

      Remember when she was constantly going to meetings with her “team” at TMS? We know how that turned out.

  21. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    For the record, the best representation of the Golem I’ve ever discovered is in Michael Chabon’s THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF KAVALIER AND CLAY. There are a thousand reasons to recommend that novel but this one is germane today. But seriously, read it.

    • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

      handbag, i just started reading The Infinities on your recommendation. Love it so far, thanks!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I love Chabon’s uses of the golem legend so much, and Imma let you finish, but the best golem riffs of all time are Terry Pratchett’s in Feet of Clay.

      • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

        Haven’t got into Terry Pratchett yet – worth delving into?

        • Albie Quirky says:

          If you like Monty Python and Douglas Adams, you are likely to enjoy Terry Pratchett. If you find Monty Python and/or Douglas Adams too precious and twee, Terry Pratchett may not be for you.

          • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

            You had me at Monty Python.

            Time to get me some Pratchett!

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        Ordering right now.

      • mcakez says:

        You people are bankrupting me with recommendations. Having an iPad and instant access to books is perhaps the worst thing to ever happen to my pocketbook.

        • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

          I haven’t made the switch to Teh Newfangled Digi-books yet – holding out as long as I can – and this is one of the reasons. I have no self-control when it comes to buying books.

          It would be like asking me which tutu I wanted to buy.

          • mcakez says:

            I have a total bookshelf porn worthy collection of trusty real paper types, but I have to confess I’ve read way more since getting my iPad than I did before I got it. I’m bad about going to bookstores, and can never remember what I want to get, or I put a book down and forget to pick it up, or I get engrossed in reading things on the web and forget long enough to not be able to get into it again. I also have a nasty habit of loosing books since I cart them around with me.

            The iPad solved all those problems and I am incredibly happy to be reading so enthusiastically again. The ability to check out my sites/news/twitter and then effortlessly jump back into my book, or read casually when out and about has simplified things so much.

            I was a hardcore anti e-reader person, and there are still things I don’t like, like the fact that I can’t loan the books out, or give them away; I can’t place them on my shelf and admire their beauty, or put them in my classroom and recommend them to students. However, my house is small and my shelves are already beyond packed, as is my classroom library. I have to take the good with the bad, and right now I am pleased, but poor!

          • mcakez says:

            *losing, not loosing. Please forgive any other errors I missed, as I am on the aforementioned iPad and I’m all fumble-fingers and not great at noticing errors this way.

          • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

            This is like reading something I will write in the future after I’ve bought my iPad. It’s a little freaky.

            Right down to putting a book down for other distractions then not being able to get into it again. And the small house with overstacked bookshelves. Everything you’ve said is me.

            Mcakez, answer me honestly. Are you future me?

          • Fameless Shamewhore says:

            There was a whole thread a few posts back about ebooks: basically, all the commenters, including me, said this – used to be anti-, love books as objects but omg an ebook is soooooo great and we all read much, much more than before!

            Yay for reading!!!

          • Pink Palatian says:

            I don’t have an e-reader, but I do have the apps for my phone (Kindle and nook). Some (most? my only experience has been in Chicago and NYC) libraries offer digital books on loan. I’ve been able to read quite a bit without spending a dime.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Sort of echoing what Pink Palatian says … before I got my Kindle Fire, I put a cloud strg reader app on my laptop just to check out what the Lending Library via my Amazon Prime acct offered … I really liked the ease of jumping from one cookbook to another w/out the hassle of having literal stacks out & about.

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      Oh, I second this recommendation. This book started a lifelong love affair with Michael Chabon (it’s OK, I’ve already emailed his wife to let her know there was some overlap).

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        She will totally want to abort you, then breastfeed you too long.

        • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

          Hahahaha *shudder*

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Also she’ll decide you’re gay and tell her blog about it.

          A. W. is another person I’ve only met briefly who gives me the heebie jeebies like whoa. Her mysteries aren’t bad, though.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            Agreed. And she violates all the laws of the literary novelist/spouse of the literary novelist in terms of exposure and exploitation. Everyone in the lit community knows what is what with Chabon et al, but his WIFE of all people should consider discretion as a tactic, and most of all for her gay/etc children, my GOD. Lord, she gives me the vapours.

          • Edward R. Burro says:

            It’s not a mystery novel but I really liked her last book, Red Hook Road. She still gives me the creeps though.

          • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

            I like Chabon a lot, I reeeally dislike his wife. Aside from the things mentioned, she also wrote about telling her young kids that Christmas was a holiday for backwards, superstitious idiots. But that they, the enlightened Chabon family, shouldn’t judge those stupid hicks and rubes for celebrating Christmas. She really patted herself on the back for that last part. I’m not religious in the least, but fuck Ayelet Waldman.

            (Golems and comics: The Incredible Hulk was directly inspired by the mythology of the golem. In his first appearance he was grey, not green. Lee and Kirby had said as much. Green just looked cooler, “popped” more visually.
            I have mixed feelings about Kavalier & Clay. It’s a novelization of many well-known facts about the origins of the comic-book industry. And largely well done, but I seriously disliked the denouement, and the epilogue . Found it hard to believe. Not in the way of superpowers, just as a work of fiction, the ending was a stretch I didn’t buy.)

          • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

            OK, Ayelet always struck me a an odd-bod. Now I know why.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks, Golem Boomerang says:

      I’d also recommend I.B. Singer’s The Golem.

    • Shoe Bombardier says:

      I had a boss who did a pretty good Golem representation, and that’s how I always referred to her (in my thoughts only, alas). It really does describe a type quite well.

  22. Donkey Punch says:

    Funniest moment last night was when Donk asked the rancher, “How do you get your hat to stay on?” and he replied, deadpan: “Buy one that fits.” I laughed out loud and rewound that shit.

    I have to say, this show is growing on me. JAB just looks worse and worse, which is all that matters. But I must say, I’m unconvinced that Amy Laurent actually wants a relationship with anyone. She seems deeply disturbed – not just the disordered eating and body image issues. Her inability to have intimate relationships of any kind is striking. Does she have friends? I don’t think Lorenzo particularly cares for her.

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Lorenzo seems to like Amy as much as Little Julia likes Big Julia. You could actually hear him roll his eyes during the salsa conversation.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      could it be the faketits? she does seem really nasty and unhappy.
      Whiney too. Yet another Princess Fail, #foreveralone in her sky-high

  23. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Has the topic of Julia’s current relationship status been discussed? If so, I’ve missed it, SS SF.
    I’ve always just assumed that the televised husband hunt came up with nada, but then I wondered if she may have actually managed to start and maintain a relationship, which is why she’s all “LOL, how desperate am I on the teevees!? (But seriously, it’s the guy’s fault, he had a girlfriend/is the son of a preacher man/ doesn’t want to be forced to do things against his will, WHAT is wrong with ALL the men!?!?) LOL! But thanks for tweeting me, I’m throwing an aggressive pink sparklicious hug at you because that’s the only way I can show affection!!”

    It’s like she doesn’t mind rolling her eyes at herself because she knows she can do the big reveal at the end. “Ta-dahhh! See, I’m not screwed up, just quirky, and I have the boyfriend to prove it.”

    Tipsters (or Jules herself) would have told us, right? If she’d managed to snare some prey?

    • CaptainGary says:

      Honestly, I don’t believe that JA would be able to maintain the secret. In fact, she even mentioned to some second-rate media outlet that she found love but doesn’t know if it’s the one or some such claptrap.

      An interesting thought, though – could Julia Allison, who must always be right, bear to be wrong for so long? I personally don’t think so, but I’d love to hear other opinions. Shit, maybe Pancakes is the one…

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        I always suspected her reveal will be…I finally found a way to truly love myself.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          #goodvibrations #ad

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          PD – Bingo!!!!

          • Badonkeydonk says:

            Gack, just like the final season of SatC??!! “The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself”??

            I am torpid with self-loathe for this recall.

    • mcakez says:

      Hasn’t she tweeted about a first or second date here or there since the show wrapped? Doesn’t seem consistent with finding a man.

      • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

        Julia doesn’t seem consistent with finding a man.


      • Prof. F Camping says:

        eh, she’s also tweeted about changing her hair color back to brown when the show wraps, which was months ago. surprise, she’s still red, and no longer contractually obligated (?). said draconian contract (or lack thereof with filming over) explains the dearth of men.

    • Temporary Delurker says:

      It says something that it took me all of 1 second to figure out what SS SF meant.

  24. Brent-the-Donkey-handler says:

    The ratings are in and the show lives to see at least one more airing. Yipee!
    Update 8pm – July 10, 2012
    After falling last week by 28.45%, Miss Advised climbed 24.4% this week, almost back to its 2nd week’s ratings and this week scored 594,000 viewers. Most important though, is that it managed to score 0.30 in the 18-49 demo, something it hadn’t done since its premiere episode on June 18th. With it getting a 0.30, it’s certainly bought itself at least one more week of Monday airings, and may well have kept the 10pm time slot as well. Also in its favor is that WWHL was able to build on its 10pm lead-in and rate in the Top 100 nightly cable shows (again Miss Advised didn’t), for the first time since RHoNY and Miss Advised took over the Monday schedule on Bravo.

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      No yipee here. The show is so goddamned dull that I’d sworn off any more episodes. Makes me wonder who’ s sitting through this shit other than us.

      • There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and some fug on your feet) says:

        It was/is realllly boring.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        I walked into the living room Monday night and the cat changed the channel real fast.

  25. MissAssvice says:

    MissAssvice.imgur.com creative cat ladies have fun with the pictures 🙂

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Thanks so much! I tried to upload one today but my connection is so shitty right now that I couldn’t.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      This one is THE BEST!!!


      Also, why is she wearing my mother’s coral lipstick from 1982?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Is she trying to get up? She looks drunk. & her pants — are those hoofprints on ’em? http://imgur.com/a/4tKNC#2

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She seriously looks like my grandmother after her stroke in that photo. Nona was 86 at the time.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      What’s up with the empty pink picture frame on the bathroom counter? And the all-pink clothes in the closet shot? Lol, she just shoved as much pink shit as she could into the frame. Gotta be consistent with her BRAND! Brayalot LLC.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I know, right? It was kind of creepy when she was folding what looked like the pink & white striped version of the yellow & white striped version of what Flusher Price was wearing at that moment. SWF much, D0nkey?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Thank you Miss Assvice for compiling all of those stills!

      Seeing those pics reminded me of something — in the bar scene w/ Emily & the guy who wants to wear Emily’s skin, did anyone notice the two chicks behind / beside Emily at the bar resembled two of D0nkey’s witches, except that the dark haired girl had on a different colored shirt then?

  26. melissa says:

    Anyone know what the show’s ratings are?

  27. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:


  28. mcakez says:

    I did not see mention of this, and I am on the iPad, so I am too lazy to try and search for it, but yesterday I remember seeing a tweet from Flusher Price about how she was heading to her *new* home in LA. Did she flee the Donkey den already? I feel like this was mentioned somewhere, but I can’t recall.

    How sad for Donkey – used and discarded again.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Not that I know of. She’s been pretty lovey on twitter and posted this of the two of them holding hands with “anxiety” while they watch the show -http://instagram.com/p/M4kG5ROE_L/

      But I’m sure it won’t be long. It never is.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      I took a look and didn’t see anything…

    • mcakez says:

      I will have to stop smoking bath salts while watching Miss Advised. So sorry, so high.

  29. Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

    Because I am 12.


  30. Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

    Okay, so that wine-tasting after the horsey-ride. Doesn’t A Donkey just seem really disgruntled and unpleasant? Seriously in a foul mood about something. Maybe it was the lighting, maybe the producers had just said, “no” about something. Just, she was so obviously sort of sarcastic and hostile, it seemed to me. Pouring her wine into the dude’s glass seemed kind of obnoxious, or trying to make a point. (“I don’t drink!” maybe.) The whole scene was just uncomfortable to watch, she’s like, the least-fun person ever. She brought some weird biting tension to that scene, in no necessary way, just her being sulky and unpleasant I think. Quel surprise.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      She never drinks!
      Except, you know …

      (CAPTCHA = urban myth)

      • miss assvice says:

        She never drinks except when she does which is a lot… Donk has major issues and Alcohol is one of them. If she has bulimia again then alcohol addiction is not uncommon to go with it. At least this is what I was informed recently when dealing with a family member. Eating disorders and alcohol go hand in hand in the control department.

        • Badonkeydonk says:

          But it’s PINK though!

        • They Call Me Jack says:

          I’m thinking it’s AA next, with Donkey milking it for all it’s worth, bringing Bravo cameras into her 12-step meeting. “Pay no attention to the folks behind the cameras, my bunnies in sobriety! The lenses are only focused on me, me, ME!

          • A Donkey is an Ass says:

            More likely, she’ll just use the, “Being on Reality TV made me drink a lot” excuse. It’s been used before, so A Donkey may try it too.

            A spinning Donkey is spinning.

          • Pink Palatian says:

            The great thing about that is that in 12-step rooms, no one gives a shit about who you are or what “made” you drink. Her BS would be called out instantly in any meeting where she opened her mouth (and, really, can she resist?); doubtful she’d be back for a second meeting.

      • Stinky Velour Couture says:

        Agave is liquid sugar. To any sane adult, this cocktail
        is an Instant Headache.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          AGAVE SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!

      • CaptainGary says:

        Oh, look – “artisan” cocktails! As usual, Donks is 3-4 years late to ANY party!

      • mule on rouge says:

        Are we supposed to believe she had friends over for a cocktail party?? Look at how much shit she managed to get into this shot. LOOK AT IT, IT’S A GREGDAMN FRUIT STAND!! Look at how all the bottles are lined up in pairs! She is a freaking whackaloon.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          D0nkey no doubt thinks this is the beginning of the next Skinnygirl® Cocktail empire … of course she’s too stupid to realize that she has no claim on the Miss Advised brand.

  31. mcakez says:

    From the wordsmoker article JFA linked:


    WHY does she insist on making people pick her up? I *highly* doubt the men are doing it of their own free will. I guess I am asking this rhetorically, because the answer is the same shit it always is: ‘tiny & cute!’ ‘so precious!’ ‘so fun and crazy!’

    How, though… how does she get these dudes to do this? How does she not feel like a moron saying, “You should lift me on your shoulder while you look as miserable as possible, EEEEEHHHHHHH!!!”?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Look at the strain on his face!!!!! It’s tighter than the seams on her jeans (tho barely!!!)

      How is this a natural pose…AT ALL????? Why is she ever surprised she is single???


    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Yeah, he looks positively ecstatic about his donkey-press.

      I love how A Donkey’s left hand looks bigger than his left hand.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Are we supposed to believe that neither of ’em set their drink down while she jumped up there, & nothing spilled either?

      Nope. Not scripted nor contrived … not. at. all.

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      I LOVE the dude’s expression here, like, “Can you believe this shit!?”

      At least it’s a change from her sitting on them so they couldn’t run away. That little peccadillo always confused the hell out of me.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      This looks physically impossible.

      • A Donkey is an Ass says:

        It looks like she just surprised him with, “I’ll jump, you catch and lift me. Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!” That’s why he looks so surprised/annoyed. He had no choice in the matter, just like their kiss.

      • A Donkey is an Ass says:

        By the way, my condolences on losing your job. Maybe you can get a job writing for Elle.com since they seem to hand those out to seemingly anybody. Not to mention you can actually write well.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Good LORD.


  32. By the Grace of Greg says:

    I apologize if this has already been brought up (and I did just read 400 plus comments to make sure) but Foolia was spouting on twitter last night that we didn’t get to see the “make-out session” she and William had before they got in the limo on the way back. Just like we didn’t see the racist comment made by the guy she tricked into moving her stuff (so she’s not a monster, HE IS) or the girlfriend that handsome Chris had, which is the ONLY REASON he wasn’t into her. I tried to look for the tweet just now but, lo and behold, she tweleted it. I think it was in response to someone else asking what the hell she was talking about when she called him a great kisser.

    This is the shit you don’t see on the show, and what has driven me crazy about this unhinged gal for years — SHE THROWS EVERYONE UNDER THE BUS. She even did it in the first five minutes of last week’s Spreecast, when she managed to bash Elle for cutting down her 1000 + word piece about Jessica Biel’s party to 200 words (HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW MAGAZINES WORK? Also writing is REWRITING and she never does it. Just dumps a steaming pile on her editors then gripes about how they butcher her stuff), bashed BJ Novack for being rude to her, and the editors for making it seem like she was upset about the upcoming pitch meeting. Okay. Rant over.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Hate that about her too. It’s always someone else’s fault or someone else is to blame for some awful thing she’s done.

      But wait, BJ Novak was mean to her?

      Also, she and TJ don’t do the Spreecasts now?

      • By the Grace of Greg says:

        I think she and TJ only did the spreecast that one time, post-episode 2. I couldn’t watch more than a few minutes because — well, without editing she really is unwatchable. Also TJ having to shush partygoers while Julia, completely stricken and alone, tried to talk to her was just too grim. But in those few minutes she talked about what an awful time she had at that Jessica Biel party and how even though she’s met and hung out with BJ Novak before (I’m sure through Ricky Van Veen) he was there and wouldn’t acknowledge her. Why name names, Donkey? I’m no Novak fan (I have met him in professional circles and he thinks way more highly of himself than deserved IMO) but I don’t talk shit about him publicly. Then again, I don’t list burning bridges as a special skill on my resume.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          God, I wonder if that’s still up somewhere.

        • LEFOOLIEH says:

          Forget about talking shit, even. She acts like her having been in the same place by dint of knowing an acquaintance of his, and MAYBE (because really, who knows) having had a conversation, they are zOMG BFFs. She does a lot of that latching on/intimacy nonsense where it isn’t warranted or simply doesn’t exist at all.

          I don’t doubt he thinks way too highly of himself (that smug smile in photos – which Julia herself wears #whilst having accomplished far less – is incredibly obvious), but he doesn’t owe her acknowledgment simply because she previously recognized him or his so-called “importance”, made sure she was as close to him as humanly possible at whatever RVV thing they both attended, then tried to turn him into a friend (or hit on him, because – once again – WHO KNOWS).

          If he was “rude” to her it probably by absolutely ignoring her, as she truly is a nobody, or calling her out on her extremely fake and usually pretty delusional “closeness” to anyone with even the slightest bit of notoriety. Not to mention I’m sure he’s heard plenty of stories from RVV if he’s even ever cared to talk about her.

          Since she only ever tells her side of any story, it isn’t a stretch to imagine she tried to up her cool factor through emasculation or trying to one-up him and ended up getting shot down in front of some group of relevant people, unable to recover quickly enough from the embarrassment. Um, er, oops.

          Her way of seeking vengeance for that perceived (or maybe even obvious) slight was through her silly blog, not unlike her social media “column” with TMS. She didn’t even have to mention it, yet she did. Sad.net

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:



      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        How interesting. The first person made a very general statement and she (having never read here, nor any of the blogs discussing how crystal clear it was that William wasn’t into her) immediately jumps on how they made out like teenagers before he rebuked her repeatedly, but post-production said “CUT. Don’t use that!” (I rang). So once again, it’s all editing, people! Julia Allison is NOT pathetically desperate! Except when she is. All *snap* the *snap* time. I can’t wait to see how she spins the Jelly Donut shitshow; HOPEFULLY his being so public in his own way/right will allow for his putting his own side of the story out, greg willing!

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Didn’t Flusher Price try to come to D0nkey’s defense by saying that “Sir” (gag me) William wouldn’t kiss a d0nkey because he’s the son of a preacher? That’s so lame anyway, but this was after the scene in the limo where he talked about him & his bud drinking more than 24+ beers in the strip club.

  33. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    OT: just read this article in the Daily Mail online –

    Kim Jong-un’s mystery woman revealed: N Korean dictator’s companion is married pop star whom his father BANNED him from seeing 10 years ago. Attractive Hyon Song-wol, who enjoyed chart success with the hit ‘Excellent Horse-like Lady’, has been pictured accompanying the leader to a string of official engagements.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Someone please edit Julia’s pics into a music video of that song STAT!!!!!

  34. Donkeycam Now! says:

    OT: Megatits was on Chelsea Handler last night.

    She was wearing a leather dress that was a little bit too tight but she was funny and articulate, just like Donks (NOT!!!!!!!!).

    She is promoting a book she co-wrote with some comedian about how great America is.

    • Pink Palatian says:

      Yeah, she was in NYC last week (maybe this?) for a Q&A about the book. They supposedly went on some cross-country trip and wrote about it.

  35. Cut. Don't use that. says:

    OT, this Tosh guy is terrible and none of my comedy friends watch his show, but it’s beyond obnoxious watching Sklarge get such a massive pussyboner from such a (highly visible!) chance to express outrage for ALL THE GIRLS.

    She’s so pathetic. She’s not really “in tech” (not a real entrepreneur, can’t code, glorified founder fan girl, etc), so she’s just doing this to cement an easily identifiable role for herself in “the scene.” Have an issue with ALL THE GIRLS not having tech jobs? Rachel Sklar is all over it!

    So transparent, and so annoying. She’s Julia Allison without the mental retardation, but the same spotlight whoring “I’m so quirky!” fake tech personality.

    • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

      This. She’s awful. Everything you said + she’s one of those people who is always looking over your shoulder at the rest of the room, scoping for someone better’s coattails to grab on to. I doubt more than 5 real female founders / women in tech know who she is outside of the NYC/Gawker/Rex Sorgatz “scene.”

      Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if she (secretly) despises JA and reads here.

  36. Prof. F Camping says:

    Is there someone to whom I can report a mother with a @Costco problem? We have 17 cartons of eggs. & goats cheese. & dried cranberries. WHY?

    sounds like a monster helping of delicious cranberry guacamole is on the way. YUM-O!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      WHY? is D0nkey counting the number of items in someone else’s shopping cart & WTF? does that shopper’s breeder status have to do w/ the price of tea in China?

      The lady probably beat D0nkey out of a coveted pkg spot & D0nkey naturally stalked her around the store immediately following. Such. A. Cunt.

    • darling dearest says:

      As usual I don’t know what she’s trying to say. Is julia saying eggs and goat cheese and dried cranberries are bad?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I think she wants her mum to buy more hot fudge in a jar for the second fridge instead.

  37. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    For people wondering where? is D0nkey’s elle column this week / weak?

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison My dad had to fly to DC for the day, leaving at 4:45 am. He found me still awake working! What is it about Dads & puns?
    What is it about d0nkey’s & deadlines?

    • The Green Skin Tag Dragon says:

      See how I was up late typing on my laptop, Daddy? That means I’m smart, and not the mentally retarded lemon of a child you’ve secretly (not so secretly) been regretting for my entire conscious life!

    • Prof. F Camping says:


    • Albie Quirky says:

      Wait, what? It was bad enough that the thing went up a day after the show nobody watched, but two or three days later? Lazy Julie is lazy.

      • Blinking.SOS.at.the.Camera says:

        But … wasn’t it her “job” to write these things months ago when the show was taping … and while she was being portrayed as a relationship columnist for Elle? I’ze so confuzd.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          it’s the donkey modus operandi.


        • There is a Situation on Your Face Girl (and some fug on your feet) says:

          I don’t get it. She’s writing them now…so she wasn’t an Elle Contributing Writer during filming…which means all her talks and meetings about her column with her editors were fake? Sacre bleu!

        • MY Beach Home says:

          This! is one of a million holes in her story.

          At the beginning of the newest episode when she is wearing a “dressy” pink top with who the fuck knows what kind of black sweatpants(wtf?) she says something about how all the girls should NOT wait for a guy to call but ALWAYS CALL THEMSELVES. Then when she is in the shop of horrors closet petting her pink clothes she tells TJ that although she knows it is one of her rules to NEVER call boys that she is going to break the rule and call Sir William.

          One could get blind drunk playing take a drink at every contradiction in this fucking show.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      WUT? “Daddy notice mememememememe! ME!”

    • OMGMarried! says:

      I had to chuckle at the awful dad pun. My dad does the same thing, though I don’t generally stay up until 5am to finish work.

  38. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    LOL — D0nkey should just try to get some much-needed beauty sleep, rather than try in vain / vein / vane (Hi, MMBH!) to be funny.

    Dana Weiss ‏@Possessionista
    And the reverse, people in Chicago who have no idea that Lake MIchigan looks more like a pond than the Pacific. @JuliaAllison

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    I remember when I left Chicago, (some) people elsewhere had no idea Lake Michigan looked more like the Pacific than a pond. ‪#MidwestPride‬

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Do golems/gollums/gallops float in Lake Michigan too?

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Thanks to Julia, I know Lake Michigan is THE HAPPENING Sprink Break destination.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        It’s where D0nkey wants to see Euan Rellie skinny-dip (tweeted & tweleted this a.m.)

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          NOT tweleted afterall (Twitter is weird re: loading)

          Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison Skinny dipping, I hope? RT @euanrellie: @JuliaAllison I love Lake Michigan. I have spent many happy times on its shore. And swimming in it.

  39. Albie Quirky says:

    So she’s in Wilmette! I guess the deballage is ON!

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      so not only did donkey stay up all night “working”, she’s supposed to host the deballage in a few hours, having not slept? it is to have eye bags.

  40. Prof. F Camping says:

    that moment when you throw strunk and white at a donkey’s ass….

    That moment when you throw wisdom to the wind, finally decide to pop that zit & realize you made the wrong call as it starts bleeding. Oops?


    • Scooby Don't says:

      If you’re having wind problems Donkey it might be time to stop with ButtPrintCleansing.

  41. juliaspublicist says:

    I wonder how she will defend her plying Jack McCain with alcohol now that we’ve seen her do it to another man on national television.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Right? It’s okay when she does it to boys, but not when Bravo does it to her?

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