So Donk’s in therapy, huh? You don’t say. Because does anything blare more loudly that she remains a delusional, self-important, narcissistic asshole than this middle-of-the-night attempt at a Facebook smackdown of an actually intelligent person on her friends list, and not just some sycophant from the -stans?
It all starts when Kirsten has the gall to challenge some self-reverential wall post on idiot’s Facebook wall about what a success she is because she finally landed a reality show. Kirsten rightly points out that if landing a reality show is considered a success in the U.S., than Americans are basically fucked.
This prompted the Helen Hosebeast personality of Julia “Sybil” Allison’s many personalities to come out and play. Frankly, it’s awesome:
Julia Allison Plus, Kristen (EDS: That’s KIRSTEN, arseface), you’re missing the point. The point isn’t whether or not you find value in reality shows, but how much work goes into them – pitching them, getting them and making them. If you had any idea what my producers do and what I have done, the sheer creative persistence in the face of overwhelming odds, you wouldn’t be so dismissive.
—
Kirsten Osolind Doubtful, Julia. I empathize with the cyberbullying you’ve encountered, but EACH OF US encounters our own life hardships. Becoming a semi-scripted reality-show celebrity doesn’t change things – indeed, it introduces far more long-lasting psychological issues (a sense of entitlement, detachment, self-absorption, emotional rollercoaster lifestyles, and “traumatized dramatization”). If half of the labor involved with producing and acting in reality shows was siphoned off into propelling worthwhile philanthropic initiatives the world would be a far better place. Reality shows parody real life; they marginalize and undermine the integrity and sanctity of reality. I support your personal goals and defend your right to pursue fame. What’s your legacy? How will you leave the world a better place? Please don’t tell me it’s via a blog inspiring women to make necklaces out of loofas or telling women how to find a rich/handsome husband rather than create their own remarkable life. I’m just sayin…..
—
Julia Allison: Kirsten, the show isn’t semi-scripted. 
And it was deeply powerful (EDS: Bwahahaha) for me to go through it. I came out a changed person. It’s not for you to judge what is and isn’t a powerful experience for someone. I would challenge YOU to get up in front of cameras every day for six months, emotionally naked, and see whether you really think any of those false psychological issues exist at the end. If anything, I am much healthier afterward than I was before.
I’m not sure to what you’re referring with “loofah necklaces” or “rich/handsome” husbands, but I know that the emails I’ve received from women and men who found this reality show valuable have touched me deeply. (EDS: Bwahahahahhahhahahaa)
I intend to take the lessons I learned throughout the almost decade long process of getting and filming a tv show, and apply them to other endeavors, absolutely. But cut with the self-righteous tone of your comments. It’s boring, cliched and frankly? Unproductive.
Kirsten Osolind Leading a national awareness movement that protests the perils of reality show t.v. aspirations among our country’s youth may be a mountainous climb…but unproductive? No. To restore our country’s contributions to global productivity and innovation, we need to encourage young folks to build cool things, to think inventively, to volunteer, to do something other than whine and obsess over their own lives. Every day, Julia, every one of us – every SINGLE HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET – wakes up emotionally naked with an opportunity to change the world for good. With or without cameras. XO.
Kirsten Osolind Ps. I think its kinda funny that you – or your “handlers” – are marking my comments as SPAM when I am merely posing thoughtful, kind commentary…..
Team Kirsten!
She’s so fucking crazy. She’ll never get the help she needs, and her enabling asshole parents will never force her to. Her smarter and more successful younger brother could (frankly?) give a shit, as he’s happily married to his tiny and cute wife and is ashamed to call Julia Baugher his sister.
Uh huh. That’s why I don’t believe that she’s in therapy. Legit therapy, that is. Not “therapy” with Annie Blahblahblah or some enabling quack kook.
God, Julia Allison is forever emerging from this or that experience “deeply changed” or “the normal healthy Julia” she is (NOT!) today. How many times have we heard this song? Ashramalingdong, ding dong bray.
This!
(I miss the “like” button so, so much!)
It does seem pretty obvious that Britt and Allie don’t give a f*** and might even be chuckling. They just have the sense (and empathy) not to mock her openly.
Kirsten appears to be very successful, Donkey. Can’t write her off as a “jelly hater.” She’s just a woman who has her shit together and who happens to thinks you’re a moron.
Kirsten has an OMG! MBA from Duke. I’m guessing it’s not about biology. Someone needs to inform Julie and her soulmate, Stu.
You’re right!
“Kirsten, the show isn’t semi-scripted.”
Guys can we all admit she’s telling the truth here.
It’s 100% scripted.
Yes.
If ANYONE comes off as scripted it’s a Donkey. Like she stayed up all night cackling and coming up what she was sure were going to be catch phrases of the year.
Bwa ha ha! Just like she’d do during her Georgetown days. Julie would make an idiotic remark, something along the lines of Erma Bombeck or Family Circus, that had clearly been rehearsed. She’d then smile broadly and swivel on her chair to look at the rest of us in the class, as though we should all be applauding some observation any 8th grader might voice.
I love your Georgetown stories about her!
Yes, but Donkey couldn’t remember her lines (reading is hard), so the result is the mess you see on TV.
I’m just gonna leave this right here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kirsteno_coronado/3341172727/in/photostream
um, what if yourself is a stalker?!
Thats affectionately known as one of the Taco Towers because so many Wealthy Mexicans bought there
That photo was taken in 2008, so Kirsten wasn’t stalking Julie. Cindy “Pillz” McCain, maybe—I’m sure Kirsten would love to get her on board as a client (ha ha ha ha ha like that would ever happen).
Is that the building that has the hoooooome they shaaaaaaaared? I am underwhelm.
I sincerely hope she came out a changed person. Deceiving a guy who obviously likes you romantically into helping you move boxes and then dumping him immediately afterwards quite possibly the most evil thing I’ve ever seen done on any reality TV show.
Also, I stopped watching this after the third episode simply because it’s really boring. The scene where the love coach instructs JA on how to sit better was just mind-numbing.
Yup, I have no intentions of watching any further now that your den mother is back. Jacy can take the reins from here on out.
I am on board, my lover. Thank you so much for your heroics in my absence. I owe you big time!
This probably won’t even be in your top 10 if you stay tuned to Mess Advised.
Wow! Our Julie got schooled! That exchange was like watching a young Mike Tyson take on a punk contender in one round with one punch. Sad thing is, KO is correct, offers penetrating insights from which Julie could learn a lot. Will she hear them? Nah, it’s just spam to her. How sad.
again… (if not, I give up)
Did you guys ever have to write essays in school using specific vocab words? That’s what reading Julia Allison has become for me. It’s always the same exact words: healthy, frankly, emotionally, touched, deeply, honest, therapy, changed, winky face, etc. I’ve never been so bored by a “writer’s” writing.
And her punctuation is frankly? Atrocious.
I also hate when people? Write like that. It kind of makes me? Murderous.
i believe you left out “hysterical”, “trust me”, “perfectionism”, “weight”, “biology”, “husband”, “mothereffer”, “Jack”, “blowjob”, “!!!”, “awww”…
- working on The Hill – LOL, I love to! But I got excited!!! Just checked into my wet dream! TIFFANY!
- HELL YEAH! QUALITY FOREVER! I broke out at JFK. I’m always curious about healing, sexuality & You!
I know more about body looks like a Rom Com! – LOL, any of firsts here alone.
I never portrayed me ;- – um YESSSSS – HELL YEAH! QUALITY FOREVER! I am now. Ask away! Me too!
- I’m blushing. Thank you. – well, Miss Catlady ;- I broke up my past relationship than this.
LOVE YOU! F them in their entirety – LOL, I like crazy from dance shops both of you!
- Thank you. It’s SO hard. But I need chocolate. YESS!!! I poured my love coach helped me accurately.
- Ashley!! Where I am no longer making sense. I like purchasing flights. Or unpacking. note: this tweet seems frighteningly real
“Amazeballs”, “chocolate”, “founder”…
Are we? playing next tweet! or? Prof F Camping you are — just that! awesome? I think — You are.
——————————————
Another day of Bravo’s Miss Advised, our interns have to read this tweet better than I wish I am in.
- awww thanks Laura. I really appreciate that. – thank you were laughing with fashion!
- bad for acknowledging that. It was definitely need a complimentary vibrator, damnit. – photo please!!!
Ah HAHAHHAHA NO IDEA how intense I really kind words. – totally didn’t get home to girl date today!
That was super lame. I totally didn’t like or anything. ;- I agree – I’m so successful – The Easiest!
- ohhh I wear as a twitter. DIE DIE. – thank you may not be alone at place in question, w my past.
- thank you been thinking about other reason for sharing this, J. It was hard to like that son of Bravo’s!
- ahhhh okay just made the stress. Trying to HUG ATTACK YOU! F them to hug the next week!!!
- Beth, thank you can’t be too! – Hell no longer making sense. I guess it’s water under the modern.
- this sweet light filled tweet. It touched me after six months, and moving post about my afternoon.
(I forgot! How addictive? Is this stuff)
- fuxkkkkk I’m cleaning up Tim with a pettiskirt if we broke out of my editor Krista.
- right??? It’s almost turned it quite a twitter. DIE DIE DIE. – Cathy ratings?
- we go: the dysmorphic inner workings of emailing me deeply. – THANK YOU Madga!! I met Jack.
- helllll yeah!!!! Thank you. – awww Kristin, this generation – right??? Tamara, I have my dad!!!!!!
So freaking tweet better than I had NO IDEA how he hates email. Is IS doing something with – RIGHT???
This is a wonderful friend. – ohhh I guess it before me. I haven’t done that phrase – well, Miss Catlady!
Here we really appreciate that. – thank you. – fuxkkkkk I’m smiling so cute.
- hey there Miss Miami! I really need a good money for sharing your bike posse has much for the ones we.
- absolutely!! – quirky candidness :- – The Easiest Relationship Of My Life? That was sarcastic.
- wow – ahhhh okay just the low Kathy should be in 5 inch heels to my own theories!
- The Easiest Relationship Of My outfit Head to HUG ATTACK YOU! F them to say hello to treat people.
- you’re right!!! So much email – hi Rob! What do tonight … my red, makeup free face hurt I’m smiling!
- secure and moving post about people tweet me. How long have some tough love coach should have serious?
- we fight seeing what I love to! But I’ll tell you, seeing the only goal. Xo – hell yes.
- Pig of my editors at JFK. I’m sorry, that meant something with this tweet made the shit I think you.
- Pig of my editors at JFK. I’m sorry, that meant something with this tweet made the shit I think you.
- well, Miss Catlady ;- My love to me. I feel the stress. Trying to – - hell yes.
- um I really appreciate it. Really powerful stuff. Thank you Kate!! I don’t. We’re all shades of cheese.
I heart into – awwwww I don’t. We’re all women feel that actually getting away from Sofas U Luv in!
Also, I’ve been a touch up when leaning forward to treat people with their bodies. – My Life?
“Vulnerable.” You forgot vulnerable.
It’s just amazing. She HAS to know this show is a complete fucking shitshow that makes her look like a Class A lunatic. Yet she is trying to spin it as the most gloriously amazing life-changing experience EVER! Holy fuck.
Dickhead, you are on a show that is making fun of you, rightly, for being an insane desperate undateable hag. It will fail soon, which is good, because at least you will stop embarrassing yourself for all hundreds of people who are watching. Please just stop.
And she’s behaving on Fecebook as though prostituting herself out for a shitty reality TV show is akin to discovering the cure for cancer. Can you imagine spending 8 years on such a pathetic goal and the result is Mess Despised, AKA Ambien in a Tumbler? The ‘stans weigh in as her enablers but Osolind is on to the obvious: the pelty pink empress is wearing no clothes.
This is good stuff. I like her calling out that everyone wakes up with the opportunity to be authentic and honest every day – emotionally naked if you will. No one is going to give you a cookie for playing with your hair on camera, Julia.
No one is going to give you a cookie for playing with your hair on camera, Julia.
And that is exactly what she’s been expecting.
Julia want a cookie.
Oh, and how many times is this that she’s now “changed” and “in therapy”? 4?
Yeah, she has changed; she has made herself far less attractive than she once was.
Kidding aside, Julia claiming to have changed is a sure sign that she’s the same old Donkey as ever.
At least eleventy times!!!!!!!!1 Yet still so single, sad, and weepy.
But, bunny, that time at ashram was almost a complete emotional makeover, except that Julie had to leave for those Dr. Bobby injections, so the hard work on becoming a spankin’ new ME ME ME was all for naught!
There were multiple ashram stays, each one more transformational than the next. Clearly the healthy-living, yoga skills, and inner peace that she attained carried forth to the rest of her life in perpetuity. Namaste.
If Julia actually has therapy sessions, I’m sure that the most pressing problem to deal with there is that Julia keeps forgetting whether she’s the therapist or the patient.
Sorry if you already read this in the last thread, but two weeks ago, these two were best buds with Kirsten giving marketing advice to a Donkey:
Kirsten Osolind Idea: Add a “who was she wearing” photo montage to the Elle.com column and Bravo page. Like Chrissy Russo (San Diego’s weather girl) or Kelly Ripa (Live with Kelly). Just a thought.
27 June at 09:57 · Like · 1
Julia Allison Kelly does this? Link? Love that idea!
27 June at 11:14 · Like
Kirsten Osolind Yep – here you go! http://www.dadt.com/live/fashion-finder.html
Kelly’s Fashion Finder
http://www.dadt.com
Kelly’s Fashion Finder
27 June at 12:07 · Like
Kirsten Osolind Keep thinking about ways that you can develop and license your brand, kiddo. Just like Bethenny.
27 June at 12:08 · Like · 1
I’m curious what happened there. Maybe donkey finally used the wrong person?
Something happened, I’m convinced of it.
What happened? Good question!
SPECULBRAYTIONS:
[a] Lazy D0nkey no longer has to bother burning bridges, they now self-combust with no more provocation than her wonk-eyed gaze in their general direction?
[b] Kirsten Osolind is a whackaloon just like D0nkey, as proven by going from making suggestions on ways for D0nkey to enhance her celebreality brand to writing a scathing dissertation attacking D0nkey for all that’s wrong in the world, thanks to reality tv?
DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.
My speculation, based on absolutely nothing: Kirsten was angling to give Julia her professional marketing advice, Julia emailed her for more and Kirsten sent a novel of ideas and suggestions thinking that Julia might hire her as a consultant, and then Julia peaced out without thanking or paying and Kirsten felt snubbed. It sounds like Julia’s MO.
Also, Kirsten’s last two comments have 6 and 8 likes respectively. LOL.
And Donkey deletes Kirsten’s remarks in 3 2 1.
She did delete the one prior to the “ps”. What an asshole.
She totally did. What a petty fucking asshole she is.
This in particular cracks me up: “If you had any idea what my producers do and what I have done, the sheer creative persistence in the face of overwhelming odds, you wouldn’t be so dismissive.”
Oh yes, what SHE has done. The odds are so stacked against HER, and the only reason this show happened was because she was so CREATIVE! Julia is like every girl who tries for years to be an actress/model and when she finally gets a photo in a catalog or a main role in a grad student film, she crows from the rooftops about all of her hard work finally paying off. Acting, modeling, and — wait for it — reality tv are all professions with an extremely high turnover, and if you keep at it you’ll get something eventually. It’s not really an accomplishment, Julie, it’s a numbers game.
Her producers had to routinely wait two hours for a Donkey who regarded call time as a “suggestion” and had to give her wake up calls like an overgrown Botoxed baby.
She is out of her mind.
I love that she never, ever reveals what’s behind the curtain, e.g. her methods for making effective phone calls, networking with the right people, coming up with and pitching ideas, collaborating with producers, etc. You know why? Because she’s lying.
I remember one time (and only one time) in the history of the Donkey that she commented on behind-the-scenes info and tips for others who might want to follow a similar path. And you know what that comment was? Something to the effect of it being too boring for her audience to read, even after a commenter on her blergh specifically requested her insight and details on her experience. Mentoring young women, my butthole.
I would actually love to know what she’s been doing behind the scenes, starting from the Gawker days. That’s been a large part of my interest in this whole saga. I saw the cheerleader video where she harasses the policewoman and it made me wonder what the hell else she’s doing to get noticed. Girlfriend is lazy as hell but she has the greasy promotional skills of a used car salesman and isn’t afraid to use them.
I agree. Too bad hustling for a relationship writing gig wasn’t part of her Miss Advised plot. The producers probably thought it too risky. Come to think of it, her inability to hold down a job is probably why her producers have had to work so hard over the years, polishing shit and then trying to sell it.
Anyway – that she chooses to be so coy suggests that she is well aware that she is a liar and/or her tactics are slimy.
All Freudian drive. There is no there there behind the smoke and mirrors.
I’m temping at a magazine where she used to, uh, “work” and have been gradually hearing more and more. Today, I heard all about how she used to bring Lily (sic) into the office!
It helps the canklehausen a wee bit to know that she has burned every bridge she’s ever built, crossed, or given a blow-job going over.
Remember Julia’s “stunts and friendship” mantra for getting noticed by NY media? Sorta told me everything I needed to know about a donkey right there.
No, but from your description I can probably guess exactly what that is. (The “friend” thing didn’t work out so well.) Does this mean the university is going to rescind my PhDonk?
The “stunts” part was showing up at Nick Denton’s Halloween party as the condom fairy, or outside Gawker offices in a cheerleader costume. The “friendship” party was cozying up to Rachel Sklar, Emily Gould and whatever other writers she could, whenever she could. It was Donkey’s Raw Ambition phase. Oh, wait…
I love when upper-middle-class white people talk about the “odds being stacked against” them. “overwhelming odds”, bunnies!
It kills me that this has been a DECADE in the making. A DECADE.
launching a julia allison therapy reality show was one of the UN millennium development goals! it takes priority over AIDS, poverty, drinking water, vaccinations, and carbon dioxide emissions. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
She could have earned two phds in that time. What a loss for academia!
… If there’s one thing JA can’t stand it’s things that are “unproductive”.
Frankly? so true.
Donkey:
If you had any idea what my producers do and what I have done, the sheer creative persistence in the face of overwhelming odds, you wouldn’t be so dismissive.
Transbraytion:
If you knew how many cocks I had to suck to get Bravo to greenlight MY show, you would buy me a pair of kneepads and a gallon-size Duane Read Vanilla-mint Mouthwash
They woke me up before noon and also made me write words! The humanity.
Killing myself laughing.
Changed? Bwahahaha she is not changed. She has never received professional help. She is just as NPD and selfish as ever. This is why she is single, why her life is a mess, why she has an eating disorder and no one returns her calls. She needs inpatient help for the crazy, the alcohol & the eating disorders. She won’t get help until she hits rock bottom. Thanks to a few enablers and reality tv she is not there yet. Eventually she will be there and hopefully get help.
“I intend to take the lessons I learned throughout the almost decade long process of getting and filming a tv show…”
Donkey, your principal goal since your early 20s has been to get on TV? I just kant.
Now it totally makes sense that she’s been a serious journalist for the past 10 years, too. It’s common knowledge that failed reality tv stars slot right into bigtime journalism careers.
Also — why doesn’t she know how old she is? She wants to list her age at 30, yet she claims she’s been doing everything “for 10 years” and looks 40. Math is hard.
I intend to take the lessons I learned throughout the almost decade long process of getting and filming a tv show, and apply them to other endeavors
TRANSBRAYTION: Ghostwriter Andrea Dunlop is going to transcribe my dicktations & compile them into a vanity-press publication financed by the late Granny Moneybag$.
Working Title:
“THE DECADE OF LARGE ASSIDENTS”
Brayscription:
The Decade of Large Assidents is the story of one very strange groan-ass woman-child living in delusion. Through no fault of her own, everything is wrong in her life: she has no real friends, she has no job whatsoever and she was forced out of her parents subsidized condo by Raul (someone’s crazy, self-destructive boyfriend), only to later be forced out of Mrs. Nutterworth’s Coronado Beach condo (for hoovering Mrs. Nutterworth’s girl scout cookies while being FlapJack’s crazy, self-destructive email hacker).
While she tweet-grifts for an apartment in the wilds of Marina yel Bray, the troubled, frivolous social climber provides little consistency in her life other than leaving DN(br)A(y) splooge on many a couch-surfed cushion of her tinnitus-suffering hosts — thus begins the pearipathetic televised donkumentary of a Craigslist search for the ever-elusive wallet just like dear old Dad$er.
Adult-Content Rating:
This book will contain content considered unsuitable for readers with an IQ of more than 17+, and will be offensive to Power Moms of all ages.
hmm is there a Series II being pitched called:
MissTreatment?
apparently that may be the actual reason for all the city hopping
“MissShapen” is more likely at the rate Our Julie is going.
So wrong, so funny.
The chortling will just not stop……
Hey, y’all, look how prominently those powerful moms with fantastic sons are featuring Julie Albertson’s amazing celebrity drawing power in the deballage invitation.
Maybe those powerful moms heard about or saw a trailer mentioning them and fellatio in the same sentence–no one but us actually watched that shitshow–and thought twice about letting Princess Pelts near their fantastic sons.
What is this “deballage”? Is that where the fantastic sons of powerful moms have their balls removed and put in jars, for when they marry local harpies?
Oh sweet god…the photo of her in Elle’s offices. I don’t even care about the outfit because HER FACE.
OMG she looks like nothing on Earth. “I’m very self-conscious about my red, makeup-free face” she says in her Twitter. Well, shyeah, you look like abject crap there, Julie, and it’s just made worse by your juxtaposition with an attractive, well-groomed lady who isn’t wearing a clown suit.
It’s not that her face is red, it’s that it’s huge and plumped up or something. Can bulimia seriously do that to your face?
Yes. I don’t want to act like I’m Queen of Armchair Diagnosis of Other People’s Eating Disorders, but I was inpatient and definitely saw people who got hugely swollen faces and hands from bulimia.
Of course that might or might not be Julie Albertson’s situation, because she’s constantly lying. On the other hugely swollen hand, she also talks about binging on food in ways that I don’t think most people who didn’t have an issue would (the “eating a jar of chocolate sauce from my parents’ second fridge” and the “eating four bars of chocolate in the aisle of the Whole Foods” and what-not).
I may have a weird perspective on this because I’m not at all a comfort eater (my eating disorder was on the restriction side), though.
I think the bulima brag is all bullshit to cover up the fact that she is going to be asked why she shot her face full of pancake batter (botox/Restalyne – multiple times, yo).
It was leaked to the mods that she was asked by the show and she denied it – so she knows either tonight or in the next four weeks – it’s coming up. Now she can just say her face is big and bloated because of bulimia and anyone who says otherwise is a BULLY!!!!
I think it’s a combo platter of cray. The face could be 100% crap injectables from Dr. Bobby, but the swollen hooves are very bulimiriffic.
Do you think she had a chemical peel or dermabrasion and that was why she didn’t wear any makeup? And why her face looked like an angry loofah?
“Angry loofah,” I die!
Maybe Brit can make a belt out of it!
I’ve been rung!
Agreed. Hands + face makes me think active bulimia. Plus the tweeting about cheese, etc after the public proclamations about restrictions + gluten free.
Whoa, her face! It’s not just the crazy bloat… I thought there was a smudge on my computer — she has huge dark circles under her eyes.
Get some sleep – this is the worst I’ve ever seen her look and that is saying ALOT.
Hahahahahahahaah! I love that she crashed there offices! “I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!”
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
Just walked across city in 5 inch heels to say hello to my editors at @ELLEmagazine in their new Hearst offices! Sweaty = great impression
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SO.CHANGED! this is just like the shit shoe would pull at TONY, showing up to the office when no one wanted her around.
HER FACE LOOKS LIKE A DIFFERENT SHAPE THAN BEFORE???!! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??
It… is… crazy.
Cannot… process… the… bloat.
The outfit is fine, but yes, her bloated face is unnatural. What’s happening there? The fact that she’s not wearing make-up is not the issue (many women, like myself, don’t really need it, but like it) it’s what’s happening on and underneath her skin. Worrisome. Like, how can she act like what’s happening is not weird….she obsesses about her outfit, her sans make-up face, but not the situation of her face? Odd.
I wonder the same thing. She worries about her weight when she’s got a code red situation up there with her face. She cannot possible look at photos of her FACE and not see what we’re seeing.
Plus I believe that’s the pirate shirt of walking on the genius bar fame. Hideous.
good eye!
Where is this picture ?
Linked to lockerz.com from her Twitter.
I thought it might be from her Easter KinderWhore ensemble
It totally is. And perhaps of the Easter Whore outfit.
Oh honey.
Why is she always talking about her “editors” (plural)? I mean, I know that she probably needs an entire staff of people to make her work even mildly palatable (she can probably find an intern or two here, no?), but you wouldn’t think she’d want to ADVERTISE that fact. Most columnists have *an* editor, not an entire staff of people to help along their princess delusions…
It’s her self-importance that gets to me. If she didn’t take herself so god damned seriously, I would probably like her more. Like, just admit the show is ridiculous and silly and pointless, and just a means to an end (fame, self-promotion, whatever). Lord. You’re not saving the world via “Miss Advised,” you re-re. You’re on a reality tv program, and a failing one at that.
Yes, the first line of her post: “How long can it take to get a tv show on air (as talent)?” TALENT, people.
Also, you all really need to go to her twitter to see that photo with her elle editor. She looks like Jocelyn Wildenstein.
Oddly, I almost liked her cream / white / taupe / beige concoction … (almost!) … if she didn’t wear frilly shit ALL. THE. TIME. & if she hadn’t ruined it w/ unnecessary & gaudy pearls & that humongous ring that draws attn to hoof bloat … someone else more suited (body type-wise) to wear those clothes elegantly can pull it off, I’m willing to bet.
and that is a “pettiskirt” how?
It’s layered and tulley? Tool-y, more like.
I think that ruffly jabot looks like ass on her.
Well, it’s flouncy, I suppose. A flouncy fail. Look how chic (and tiny! And cute!) the editor looks compared with A Donkey.
Exactly. The self-importance is possibly her most annoying trait among a sea of hugely annoying traits. Get the fuck over yourself.
All Julia remembers from that exchange is that someone thinks she has “handlers”.
Donkey wranglers.
Sigh. My TL/DR comment got deleted so I have nothing to add but: DONKEY.
Who would brag about Bakers shoes? They’re bottom barrel, expensive for what they are and probably not even leather. I love my Nine West/Boutique 9 shoes, but I would not brag about them. Bakers? SMH.
Plus she has literally 17 other pairs of shoes exactly like that. Jesus. Way to change up your style.
To walk into the Elle offices with Bakers shoes… and be bragging about it… it is to laugh.
Seriously. Style on the cheap can be had (I should effing know). Bakers, Aldo, Steve Madden and even Kenneth Cole are no go for me (they’d shred my delicate feet which can only be encased in all leather). Here is this girl bragging about Bakers. I really need to let this go
No, I totally hear you and probably won’t be letting this go anytime soon. Those brands you listed are all no-gos for me as well, although other people seem to hack them. I also can’t do Chinese Laundry or BCBG Girl or whatever (tho they are defs cute).
And I also 86ed Nine West after a the sole of a new-ish show fell CLEAN OFF on my way to Newark airport to catch a flight to Paris. They were the only shoes I brought because obviously I was going load up on as many new pairs as would fit in my suitcase. Burn me once…
Also, for cheap shoes you can brag about: Isabel Toledo for Payless, Kelsi Daggar by Pour la Victoire, Belle by Sigerson Morrison, and Vera Wang for Kohls.
And oh lord if Narciso Rodrigez does shoes for Kohls next fall I may find myself in Hoarders territory.
Also I think her Bakers shoes are too small. I said good day!
Don’t know if you have Le Chateau in the US but their high heels are seriously underrated. All leather and you can usually find some classic designs.
I always want to like Aldo but they make every style of shoe into a 5 inch heel with a giant platform.
“To clomp into the Elle offices with Bakers hooves”
THEY CALL ME DONKEY.
Hick
Just looked at Twitter pic and it’s worse than imagined. While taking my step daughter shopping she bought me that same skirt from H&M. I threw it in the back of the closet and now give her the side eye on a regular basis.
Fuck this is funny. I was just in H and M yesterday. There is so much of that shit. Stop it. Just stop it.
The shoes themselves are super-ugly and super-unflattering to her.
As I’ve shared here before, I also suffer from Bulgy Calf-itis. I stopped wearing super high heels after I saw a photo of myself in them where my calf muscles looked like lead ingots wrapped in stockings.
She might think about whether it would be more flattering for her to wear a cute kitten heel and look like a lady, not like a welterweight boxer in drag.
I can’t even imagine seeing her ungracefulness clomping around the streets of NYC in those terrible shoes. NYC is a walking city. It’s fine to wear fuck me heels to the office and to a bar or out to dinner etc but why fuck is she plowing around the streets mid-day in those things? So bad for you…and not flattering in any way.
Yep. Though I suppose if you do the whole “curb to cab” approach to navigating the city, it’s doable.
Where she gets the money to fund all this shit, I do not know. Is she one of those women who applied for all sorts of credit cards in college, then made the minimum payments so the credit companies just kept upping her limit? (I had an artist friend who lived in his parents’ basement smoking pot and dropping acid and drawing on the walls who had well over $200k in credit just from making minimum payments.)
She’s hoping for a grifting opportunity from Bakers. End of story.
i think it’s to show SHES JUST LIKE ALL THE GIRLS, aka look like an accessible, likeable person to all her new fans that defend her.
Oh, catpeeps, Kirsten’s bidnis website made me laugh so hard I literally fell off my chair.
I think she saw La Lallallallalalalalala wowing Julie with her unique combo of decent common-sense advice and mangled SAT words and Kirsten thought “I need to get in on that action with my griftilicious consultancy services STAT.”
“We’re former intrapreneurial Fortune 500 executives with MBAs who have advised numerous high growth startups.”
Is this a mistake or did she invent a new word? It sounds like something Tim Ferriss might make up.
Her FB backdrop also has “people-centred” … & to the immediate right of that is “literacy” …
Why? does she have two FB sites? https://www.facebook.com/REINVENTIONinc
That is correct if you live outside the US, with your US spelling, so full of ‘z’s.
She lives in Illinois.
I think she’s from Chicago and lives in Coronado. But she pretends to have two addresses to look like a big deal, when almost certainly the Chicago address is her parents’ basement.
In any case, “people-centred” is either a typo or an affection given that her VAST CONSULTING EMPIRE OF ONE is in the US, and thus hilarious either way.
“Affectation” of course. I am super drugged up today; it’s like Valley of the Dolls, Middle-Aged Bookish Edition chez Quirky.
She seems to be using the royal “we” there because ain’t nobody else listed on her masthead (and nobody else seems to be working at her company per LinkedIn, though obviously that’s not conclusive).
She keeps saying how much she loves this upcoming episode of the show, but this is the one where she gets wasted and tries to make out with the guy from last ep, right? So she cares more about getting kind of criticized by her agent last week than showing her full on lunacy tonight?
I think she’s just excited that she finally kisses someone on camera, and her eyes are so puffy she has totally missed the look of revulsion on his face after he pulls away. Seriously, I make that exact same face when one of my dogs rolls in a rotting carcass.
You guys are on fire tonight. I am laughing so hard.
I barely watched last week because it’s just so fucking boring but it seems like she’s trying to set all 11 viewers up for her big character transformation, where she will Learn Things and Reveal Big Stuff. It’s all very profound and not at all ridiculous.
But but but she gets to wear pink boots! Pink! Boots! PINK!!
I don’t believe this for a second. Julia sure is trying to convince someone that she is thexy.
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
I looked over to see AN ENTIRE BOARDROOM of suits staring at me. Dear. God.
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
It is VERY difficult to embarrass me, but I forgot to close shades & was just dancing around to Wicked in my suite at @StandardNY. Naked.
We get it, Donks.
Instead of freeloading on an acquaintance’s couch, this time someone paid for your stay in a middle-of-the-road hotel in New York.
Can you just stop mentioning it for, like, 5 minutes?
This is frankly? Pathethic
We also get that it’s very difficult to embarass her. Julia, your whole life is a study in lack of shame. We know.
NEXT UP FROM THE D0NKEY CHRONICLES:
“I may or may not have disrobed & bathed in front of the entire city of New York Saturday night whilst reclining at my sweet SEX ME UP! @StandardNY suite … um, er, oops!”
(Pssstt, D0nkey! No one thinks that you’ve bathed in the last week)
“(Pssstt, D0nkey! No one thinks that you’ve bathed in the last week)”
LOfuckingL
PS – the Standard put their soaking tubs right by the window – FOR THAT EXACT EXPERIENCE. No one gives a shit. It’s not a big deal and it’s not sexy to envision a Donkey bathing.
I don’t see this tweet. I do see the one about dancing around naked today to Wicked. DESPERADO.
By “Next Up”, I literally meant: ‘Wait. For. It.’
#whoosh!
This has to among the most contrived and unbelievable stories that I’ve ever heard from her. My Greg, she’s been so sleazy/horny since she got to New York. Whose attention is she trying to get? Is Prom King still single?
The guy she loudly banged last time at her friend’s place? The place she’s not allowed to come back to because of said banging?
Alexander Marquardt, ABC News foreign correspondent, was the recipient of the noisy someone-else’s-couch sex, IIRC.
That’s it! Thanks Albie!
Um… this is the view from her room… so, yeah, Donkey is lying.
http://lockerz.com/s/223430849
Also if anyone has a cursory knowledge of NYC they’d know The Standard has mirrored windows and is in the Meatpacking and it’s one of the tallest buildings around that area… that’s why Le Bain and the Boom Boom room are so popular! Jesus. Where would the suits even be? This is actually pissing me off bc it’s SUCH a lie.
This is the kind of psycho about her that fascinates me – she comes up with WHOLE SCENARIOS – that are lies.
“Okay, what will make me seem very Zoeey Deschanel? Yeah, dancing to Wicked… LOL! I am so ZOMGawesome. Gotta up the ante though… okay… how about if a whole board room of men spy me! LOL, I’m so good at this!!!! Suckers on Twitter will eat. (snap) it. (snap) up. (snap)!”
Tonight on NYNews at 11: Entire boardroom hit by bouts of vomiting, hysterical blindness.
Christ, I hope Kristin Thorne takes a minute away from worrying about her breakfast supplies to cover this important NYC event for WABC!
Oh pleez. Donkey trying to cash in on the standard Standard trope. Day late, dollar short as usual.
Yes. One of the reasons I hate the motherfucking Standard is the “Oh, tee hee, our peek-a-boo open plan freestanding bathtubs are by the window! Hope you’re daring and sophisticated like us!” bullsheeeet. SO SEXAY SO MEATPACKING DISTRICT MODELS AND BOTTLES blah blah blah blah.
ugh…models and bottles…i hate. the meatpacking district sucks. although, i am an old (according to donkey expiration standards).
Explain to me how, with this setup that is even humanly possible.
I’ll take “things that didn’t ever happen” for $200, Alex.
From Bravoratings.com in this week’ projections.
“… Still the question remains what to do about Miss Advised. In July last year, Bravo looked at the dismal ratings for Platinum Hit and unceremoniously dumped it to Friday nights. We don’t think anything that severe will happen, but do know that Andy Cohan is agitated about the poor lead-in it’s giving his Tuesday WWHL and so this might be the last week where Miss Advised airs at 10pm. Watch for it and RHoNY to swap places before the month is out…”
Yeah, this is an issue – this is why I am surprised Andy would be having them as guests on his show since they took a bite out of his ratings.
Are they on WWHL tonight?
Supposedly sonja morgan (? Real housewife?) and the Scissor sisters are on WWHL tonight. According t o bravoratings.com
No, July 23.
No, tonight is Scissor Sisters. Jake Shears 4Ev.
They put up a lineup for this week and it wasn’t the MA ladies. But, TBF – the lineup has changed before. As of right now it’s:
7/9: Sonja Morgan & Scissor Sisters Performance
7/10: Heather Dubrow & Willie Garson
7/11: Cat Cora & Curtis Stone
7/12: Donald Faison
Something is up, though, because we know she never pays for hotels.
The Standard has a link on its website for press inquiries. I used to have a job writing hotel reviews, so I’m familiar with the process—she very well could have said she was a writer for [insert lie here] website/magazine/newspaper and wanted a comped room for review purposes. I’m not sure PR people at hotels really check that information out (no one ever did as far as I know, when I was reviewing stuff).
Thanks. I just assumed that was why she was in NYC. So she’s in NYC for some fake meeting at Elle and then back to LA for no real reason and then back to NYC on 7/23? That’s our Donkey–leaving as big a carbon hoofprint as she can. I guess it’s really her only legacy to the world.
She has to be in Chicago on Wednesday for the deballage, don’t forget.
Also – last night was Mike Tyson and a Jersey housewife. It was complete shenanigans. Our jaws were on the ground the entire show.
Yes, but the ratings were probably fantastic. NJ Housewives did ratings of nearly 3 mil households in the middle of summer… in other words, more than 7+ times the ratings of Miss Advised.
I actually enjoyed Platinum Hit. Much better show than Miss Advised. Not my kind of music scene at all, but it was interesting watching the process. The songwriters were all genuinely talented and actually had to be creative and produce stuff under real time pressure and handle all sorts of criticism on camera. Take that Julia!
I loved Platinum Hit too! The structure of the show was really solid and it was fascinating to watch the contestants try to collaborate.
And before she burns all her bridges at Bravo (lol, as if she hasn’t already), Jaba should find out who styled Jewel and get down on her hairy donkey knees and beg for their help, because she looked devastating every damn episode.
Also, I think Ex RHNY Alec McCord is responsible for the Bravo Ratings site. What a peculiar couple.
I meant to say Alec Mccord’s husband…
that’s the rumor ….i’d definitely believe it. simon and alex are grasping for relevance these days.
Does this mean that Miss Advised would move to 9 PM East Coast / 8 PM flyover / 6 PM West Coast? Or would the West Coast cable providers keep it at 9PM?
Either way… 9pm on Mondays… the only way it could get worse would be if it were indeed dumped to Friday nights when almost no one is watching.
Oh Kristen, I totally respect your opinions! LOL [WINKY FACE]
I have nothing to add, just wanted to showcase my new name….Since JA already got a “therapist”.
love it!
an email from a BravoTV viewer to Julia:
Dear Julia,
I love your pretend tutus on the walls. Where to find pretend tutus, all I can find are real tutus?
love, A BravoTV MissAdvised Watcher
Wait, so she throws up her food and yet still isn’t skinny.
Can this woman do nothing right?
This new Julia of the Twitter Dummies persona is one of my faves. Sucking up compliments from fools. All the loving and hugging the shit out of people. It’s awesome. Isn’t she leaving NYC tonight? What’s she talking about going to see that Ben Lehrer speak tomorrow?
@JuliaAllison: @BenjLerer – BRO! I’m going to come to your talk tomorrow!! Can I feel your bicep? Just one. Two would be too much.
Why don’t you feel up his wife while you’re at it, you gold-digging pig?
What a pig is right. And that guy is an ass. If you don’t want to be married or save some things for your wife, don’t get married. The way this guy acts is disrespectful and goes beyond joking. And…. he has no taste. Julia Baugher? Benj… get real.
Okay, I’m going to be the jerk who again, asks for the link to watch this shit show live tonight.
Anyone? THANK YOU
What I’ve used last two eps is: http://tvpc.com/Channel.php?ChannelID=7888 but it’s not working for me right now — anyone else able to use it, let me know.
Not working for me either (*panic sets in*)!!!
Lulz
In the chat column on the right side of that pahe, someone says Bravo YYcast ABC site (no link given) & the first two links I get *same site) when I google that text) sets off my Avast Malicious Site Alert, so you might not want to go there.
* pahe = page
The link to the Bravo YYcast is streaming the ABC Family channel instead:
http://ufreetv.com/bravo.html
Sadz.
I’ll keep poking around but so far I haven’t had much luck finding a good link.
SAD.COM
i might actually have to (*gasp*) exit the basement and interact with other human beings to watch this episode.
FREAKING OUT!!!!
“I like that only intelligent people tweet me. I feel that may not be the case with @Snooki. Then again, she has 5m followers. So. She wins.”
Expand
I CANNOT STAND her overuse of the period.
Dearest, Julie. You have not one friend? Freak. Honestly you fucking hick from nowheresville…. Be a typist at some downtown Chicago ‘firm.’ You annoy me.
Also honey, let me save you some therapy. Some commenters here might think this is beyond mean, but I’ve been following you and your problems for a very long time: Here you go, free of charge:
Your daddy is gay. It’s obvious, your mom looks like a man (which i would normally find endearing, but she’s a Republican) What respectful Republican looks as hippie and mannish as she? None.
Your brother Britt is afflicted with Aspergers. He also might be gay, he married an Asian girl. RED FLAG world wide.
You? Don’t know what to do. That’s understandable.
Please stop trying to emulate both of these relationships.You’re welcome.
He also might be gay, he married an Asian girl. RED FLAG world wide.
What the FUCK? What are the rents like in the Bizarro World?
Life experience, I have it.
If what I’ve said shocks you, then you’re not very evolved.
If what you’ve said makes sense, then you’re on meth.
If what you’ve said makes sense to you, you haven’t known many humans in your time. It doesn’t “shock me,” it’s just not in alignment with reality in any way.
Nicholas Cage is geigh?!
Not just Nicolas Cage, but 99% of the men in China, Japan, the Koreas, and of course Allie’s own Philippines, because the East Asian pussy turns dudes gay.
Seriously, if there’s any stereotype about white US dudes who marry East Asian ladies, it’s that they’re incredibly sexist and looking for a “submissive” wife. Which I don’t think is the case for most people in those marriages, and I certainly don’t think is the case for Britt and Allie.
OK, I have encountered four close marriages over the past 2 years that ended exactly as I’ve stated. Next.
Well then that proves it! Case closed. [eye roll]
And I know five white dude/East Asian lady marriages that have lasted for ten plus years.
Guess you just hang around with a lot of creepy closeted dudes, is all.
I’ve heard from Asian women that there is this thing where closeted (American?) gay men pick Asian women as the last step before coming out of the closet…something to do with the (generally) more slender and “boy like” figures Asian women have.
I’d forgotten about this until I read the same thing in Eugenides’ Middlesex, where he mentioned this “theory” as well.
If what Nicolas Cage says shocks you, then you’re a creationist. Or something. Random words!
LOVE!
Next.
Reminds me of John C. McGinley
Do not co-sign. This comment is gay and has assburgers.
Nobody would really call an illness assburgers. That’s just mean.
I resent being almos rung.
The idea that no one is every allowed to challenge and idea or, Greg forbid, criticize or “judge” someone/some thing is one of the laziest and dumbest ideas floating around these days. Sorry, but not all ideas/people/things are equally worthy or good and if we refuse to apply logic or make judgments, it’s a net loss, not a gain. LOL @ Julia making it her life’s goal to do whatever the fuck she wants and no one can judge her.
ever* allowed to challenge an* idea… etc… fat fingers, y’all.
I guess she changed her flights because she’s been tweeting that she’s only in NYC until Monday and now she’s sticking around for a talk at 6pm on Tuesday? Really cutting back on that Chicago time, huh?
These means no deballage. She ditched the deballage again. Probably because she realized she wouldn’t be prominently featured. And there are going to be few (no) marriagable men there on a Wednesday afternoon.
This*
For Greg’s sake, I can’t type today.
Maybe she was asked not to deball after someone on the committee got a whiff of Miss Advised?
I’m guessing BJ’s didn’t go down well, as it were, so to speak, and Donkey was quietly Miss Invited.
The powerful moms realized they were Miss Taken in accepting Robin’s Miss Representation of her Miss Shapen crass ass of a daughter?
Yes, Julia treats all her sisters, especially those she meets in a parking lot, with nothing but respect and love. Hear that, Housewives??
(From Facebook)
I love my Miss Advised sisters, Amy Laurent & Emily Morse. See, Housewives? THIS is how to treat other women. With respect and love. NOT CATFIGHTING!
P.S. Sorry if that was slightly sanctimonious.
But they never see… or interact with each other on the show. So, I’m guessing, that’s the only way Julie can treat a sister well – if she never sees or interacts with them…
Donkey, you are so crazy – seriously, thank you for bringing the lulz on the daily.
What about women who are talking on their cell phones while riding the bolt bus?
What about women who are engaged to dudes the Donkey wants back?
What about women trying to park their car to go shopping with their kids?
Again, if anyone has a link to watch this shitshow online, please post. The normal ones seem to be down
Hey guess what, everyone! I lost my job today! 2012 is AWESOME!!!!
Fuck! I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
omg hugs.
Dude, no! I’m so sorry, JP!
well shit, JP, so sorry
(on the plus side, maybe now you are free to move to NYC…?)
uch… so sorry.
Really sorry to hear this. Believe in yourself and try to stay positive.
Ugh. That sucks. So sorry to hear that.
I’m sorry, JP
Jack McCain’s lolyer got to ‘em, eh?
(bad joke; so sorry, Sweets)
Shit so sorry to hear that. *hug*
So sorry, JP… truly.
I’m so sorry, JP.
That sucks. Commiserations JP
Jesus, that’s awful. Email me my lover and can possibly brainstorm.
Sorry to hear this. You are young and will bounce back quickly.
That really does suck, JP, sorry to hear it.
I’m sorry you are having a rough year, JP. I hope we can make you laugh a little bit.
Crap. Wishing you the best bounce-back ever, JP. That’s a lot to deal with on top of a lot to deal with. It will all come right in the end.
im sorry
been there, done that, but it brought me to better things so hopefully the same will be true for you too.
Yup and I agree. So often the biggest shocks and upset always seem to come just when you think you’re dealing w/ enough bull shit as it is. Also just as often is once you get to the other side, it ends up being for the best. Just need to get through it is all.
Hang in there JP.
Really sorry to hear that, JP. Hopefully this means that your next job will be even better and pay a shit ton more. Hugs.
Wow, that sucks. It seems like ther just hired you:/
*they
Nooo! I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Just wanted to add my commiserations to the general pile of love and support from the RBD-family. This site/sight/cite is truly incredible and that is all down to you and Jacy (and the Prof.). The fact that you created this extraordinary community based around snarking on a nobody means that you have talent and perserverance coming out the yazoo and will soon be looking back on this day as the best thing that ever happened to you because it led to … (fill in the blank with your choice of dream).
So sorry.
You are obviously a very talented and hilarious writer. I’m sure someone will be more than happy to have you aboard soon enough! I’ve been there, though. Just remember to believe in yourself even on the really shitty days.
I join in all the sentiments above. You’ll find a better place – you are so bright and talented.
So this interests me – Cat Marnell tweeted Julia – something about email stealing your soul -. I had just been thinking that it’d be interesting to hear Julia, if she were worth her salt in thoughtful comment, compare/contrast her experience as a woman who also had a very, very public … life. Is anyone else watching this all unfold?
am watching cat marnell’s every move
Marnell is Amy Winehouse without the beehive. She’s so in love with her addiction, which is a shame because addiction is fucking boring and she could be a good writer if she took her head out of her navel for ten seconds.
I can’t find it … C&P, pls & thx?!
linky?
Cat Marnell
@Cat_Marnell
Emails steal your soul @JuliaAllison
12:50 PM – 8 Jul 12 via Twitter for iPhone
Oh no, if those two do a crossover show, I will never leave the basement again!
oh wow, i had no idea about all this cat marnell nonsense…where have i been?