Pancakes Redux

Poor Pancakes. Thrust into the public eye again re: his association with a Cuckoo Donkey.

It is true that the New York Post got word of Donk’s shenanigans at the end of their relationship in terms of phone and email hacking and pondered doing a story. Someone tipped them off — likely the same people who tipped us off. They emailed both Donkey and Pancakes, and Pancakes shot the story down in order to stop the McCain family name from being associated any further with Julia Allison.

But they had the goods, and would have done a story if Pancakes had confirmed it.

That is all!

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430 Responses to Pancakes Redux

  1. miss assvice says:

    [img]http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sabrina-salem-cat-pancakes-13.gif[/img]

  2. Worrisome Pelts says:

    This is old, but like Julia, I can’t resist dredging it back up:

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2l5q15.jpg[/img]

  3. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Whoever said Julia is an incurable STD was a brilliant kitty. One trip between the viridian skin tags, and you’ll keep having Julia outbreaks for the rest of your days.

    • Cats have hobbies too says:

      Just so you know, making references to someone having an STD (when they don’t) is highly legal grounds to easily lose a suit for defamation. I know you were making a joke reference but just thought I’d give you a heads up.

      • brayniac says:

        what about saying someone IS an STD which I think is what the commenter was referring to. ;)

  4. DAVID RUBIN says:

    The reason Donkey is interesting to me is she’s like a real-time documentary of Lily Bart. It’s one thing to read the story of a woman who unraveled through her own narcissism. Like any historical narrative, it can seem so preordained after the fact. It’s another thing it watch it unfold live.

    I’m David Rubin (TM).

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      Oh hell no, she is not a real life Lily Bart. Do not go there or I will have to slap you with my glove. She’s more of an Undine Spragg, except in the end, Undine gets always gets what she wants. So I guess, Julia Allison is actually a bigger fail than one of the most unlikable characters in literature. So she has that going for her.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Lily Bart was a genuine victim. There was no role for her in the society of the time except “trophy wife” and she fucked it up because she didn’t want to be a trophy wife. She was also stoical, gracious, and passed up the opportunity to do real harm to a deadly enemy because she knew the act of doing so was morally wrong.

        Oh yeah. And well-dressed.

        Undine Spragg is much closer to the mark except that Undine did not make a complete ass out of herself 24/7 in public.

        And was well-dressed.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          Exactly. Lily took the high road. Donkey never misses an opportunity to throw her friends and sisters under the bus!

        • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

          Oh fuck yeah. She is a lame Undine Spragg. LOVE that we can talk about Wharton here, I am reading Twilight Sleep right now.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She’s a failed Becky Sharp. (Becky Dull?)

      The tragedy of Lily Bart is how few opportunities were available to her. Julie Albertson squanders opportunities like they grow on trees.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        She’s Lady Eustice, only even more crap at it.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Lizzie Eustace is one of Trollope’s very best villainesses! Julie Albertson doesn’t have the charm to ensnare an old aristocrat, though.

          • Fameless Shamewhore says:

            omg this Trollope reference is just another reason why I LOVE this site. Lizzie Eustace ftw and no, Donkey can’t hold a candle to her.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I always saw Lady Eustace as dumber than a box of hammers and about as subtle in her machinations as a frog in a sock.

        • Bravo's Bitch says:

          YES

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        She’s a spinster Emma Bovary playing with her parents’ money. Read the book to see how this turns out, Donkey.

  5. "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

    There might be hope for Jack… years down the line. After all, Donkey doesn’t trot out the “I used to date Congressman Harold Ford, Jr.” anymore, and I think he’s waaaaay more impressive than Jack McCain.

    Just trying to look on the bright side.

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      She only stopped talking about Harold Ford because she snagged a bigger political fish. Pancakes is screwed unless she lands someone bigger and better than him.

  6. miss assvice says:

    I am watching Bad Teacher right now (Kitten likes Justin Timberlake) and I cant help but see Donkey. She is this evil.

  7. Records Custodian says:

    The only reason Page Six knew anything about Jack McCain’s five minute relationship with Julia is because Julia sent out a press release when she “broke up” with him. He had zero press before her, and will not get any press after this, including when he marries.

    My point is that Julia made this relationship a story by the ridiculous press release she sent out. Like every other press release she sends out, it was bullshit, and like nearly every time she tries to “tip” the press, it backfired. My guess is that there are more than a few Page Six staffers who walk among us, and they knew the back story and tried to shine some light on it.

    • Wonky Donkey says:

      She neglected to mention WHY she got punched in the face (and deserved it).

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      “PS. I love how one of the comments is how “many of us remember that restraining order filed against her by another student.” LOLLLLL You mean how my boyfriend’s sister punched me in the face and I went to the psych ward I was so distraught!??! Yep, the dean told (both of) us to stay 100 feet from one another after that.”

      Really the psych ward? Good Greg, she should park her pork ass in one now.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Truly. She was in a psych ward AND THEY LET HER OUT? She thinks this makes her sound like a delightfully delicate and innocent flower, but it really just emphasizes how unhinged she is.

      • They Call Me Jack says:

        For the record, those at Vox think she’s “thexy and thmart.” Christ, my degree is worthless.

      • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        Wait… JAB was in a psych ward after this??? How has this not been front-page RBD stuff? (If I’m reading this wrong – so sorry, so fat)

    • Scooby Don't says:

      http://advertising.gawker.com/people/JuliaAllison2008?page=7
      Julia’s take on the credit card story:
      Q) Is it true that a girl in the class punched you in the face for using her brother’s credit card?

      A) HAHAHHAHA oh man!! I got into this massive fistfight with my boyfriend’s sister – but it wasn’t over using his credit card. James didn’t HAVE a credit card. I let him use MINE! Stupid girl. Never again! No, the fight was over us just really fucking hating each other. Also, I had cheated on him that summer. But he was an alcoholic douchebag, so I think it was fair in the end.

      Some choice gems on these pages:
      BY NYMINUTE AT 02:19 PM

      Julia,
      Didn’t you once blog that your parents once gave you a dental appointment for Christmas?

      Did you ever use it? If not, today might be a good day. This seems to be a tough room, and Ms. Smalls is a hard (well, at least volumnious) act to follow.


      Minute,

      I did indeed blog that, and it’s true. Seriously. Two Christmases ago ALL THEY GAVE ME was a dental appointment. They were uh … not pleased with the “choices” I was making in my life.

      Then again, these same parents gave me a vacuum cleaner for my 20th birthday, and two pounds of chocolate for my 21st birthday, shortly after I told them I’d been bulimic for two years. They didn’t think it was a “real disease.” Sigh.

      That all having been said, at least they didn’t spoil me. So I have that going for me. Which is nice.

      BY GLIDE_LIKE_A_747 AT 05:35 PM

      until this year, Julia.

      I believe that your Pottery Barn Teen dresser is worth about 10 dental appointments.

      While you may not think that you were spoiled by them, you were obviously heaped with the attention you now crave 24/7.

      Also, does you mom not get along with your dad’s mom? Just curious!

      ———-

      Dear Glide,

      No, my dad’s mom doesn’t speak to my mom. And hasn’t for 29 years. It’s so sad, I can’t even tell you. We can’t figure out the goddamn reason for it, either.

      No family is perfect …

      oh and PS? My parents and I did NOT get along when I was younger. They thought I was a delinquent because I was frequently late to school – although I never drank or smoked or did drugs or even had unprotected sex. In retrospect, I wish I had gone to boarding school, but it is what it is.

      And oh god, yes, I seem to have an insatiable need for attention, don’t I? It would be so much more convenient if i didn’t!!!

      All the spinning is making me dizzy.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        i hear running on the beach in a circle can cure that. or something.

        • Scooby Don't says:

          Can I bring my dog on the beach too?

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            Only if we can have a mother-daughter talk on the beach where I tell you to “observe” others more, not JUST yourself.

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            But don’t worry, there will be time for me to snap iPhone photos of you and your brother skipping down the beach in your funeral outfits.

        • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          I lerv you Prof. I run in circles every. single. freakin’. day. When I go to the beach, the circles I run will remind me of you.

  8. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    OT but Toilet Julia @ed Donkey three times last night and a Donkey did not reply. Is another sister on her way out?

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      nor did Big & Hairy Julia mention her sister’s album launch on Friday… curious.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        We need to make room in the grave yard STAT!

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          It might take me a while to find time, but if we can get a list of who belongs, I’ll put together the graveyard annex Shady Braykers: The Reckoning.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            :)

          • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            Oh Greggggooorrryy… how that would make me howl!! Just think, the graveyard edition could be run again for halloween.

    • CDB says:

      [img]http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee516/bobbaer1/funny-pictures-cat-looks-at.jpg[/img]

  9. Dr. Fraud, MD says:

    Huh. Well. I wonder if Cindy’s considered getting her future Admiral-War-Hero-Senator Son neutered. His nose for crazy poon is just liable to come back to haunt him in some Presidential primary in the future.

    • AFGHANI says:

      Unless Jack McCain has some crazy POW type backstory like his dad, he seems far too dumb to worry about being elected to anything. He seems more interested in “killing towel heads” (his words) anyway.

      • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

        Yeah. Prolly right..but…I dunno…seems like these days Washington is just a whorehouse and every four years we get to elect a new piano player, so I mean I think ole Jack’s just as qualified as his old man to do that sort of thing. Unless he can’t carry a tune on “Bomb bomb bomb…bomb bomb Iran”or something like that. But maybe that’s just cynical me.

        • AFGHANI says:

          He’s just as qualified, meaning not qualified. He’ll have money behind him, but he doesn’t have the POW back story. And I don’t think McCain is that popular in AZ these days. Good thing he’s old or I think he’d lose his primary the next time around, just like a bunch of other long-time GOP Senators (who were, by the way, far more qualified than mccain,e.g. Luger)

  10. I watched the trailer for “WHAT? Does a D0nkey Have to Do to Get a Kiss?” & have to say, ‘Nopes, William’s just not that into bestiality’.

  11. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    In the previous thread, Jacy hit on something I keep wondering: What the fuck does Donkey think SHE has to offer any man? I’d love to see the kind of codependent loser whose checklist she’d satisfy. Jobless? Check! Frequently homeless? Check! Daddy issues? Check! Unbelievably vain? Check! Elevated sense of entitlement, importance, and relevance? Check! Hates to bathe? Check! Etc.

    • learned paw says:

      Play-doh face? Check.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Green card and beard seem to be her best bets at this point. Maybe green card beard.

      • AFGHANI says:

        She could give Raul some cover back in Chicago.

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          I am SO OFFENDED that you automatically assumed that Raul is an illegal. This isn’t Arizona, the land of south-facing windows.

          • AFGHANI says:

            If Raul has a green card it means he’s here legally

            I’m sure Dadster has already had Mark Kirk arrange the paperwork

      • CDB says:

        green skin tags to match

      • Ranjit Ramajamadingdong says:

        Oh hello hi yes is me. Have beard but no grin card, but wish to mary strong woman like Miss Julie. Yes. I am be Face-a-book friends with Miss Julie for many cycles of the goat herd now. I think burqa will fix many face problem for she. Ned strong women like she here in Afghanistan. Thnk you. Please vote for Ranjit for Mister Miss Advised.

        • Bravo's Bitch says:

          *dead*

        • Stripper Shoes And Questionable Hygiene says:

          hahahahahaha

        • SchemeyNutButter says:

          Your very close friendship with Miss Albertson is touching to witness, Ranjit! We, along with the 50,000 new twitter followers your future wife has purchased, rejoice at what is sure to be your success in marriage. Many blessings. Long may you prosper and may you always have the riches it will require to buy each one of your future children the false appearance of popularity.

        • Donkeycam now! says:

          You should talk to Mr Baugher, but I think 2 camels is a fair price for a donkey.

  12. SchemeyNutButter says:

    The disconnect, it burns.
    From her Bravo blog: … the gossip column, “Page Six,” accusing me of “stalking” my ex-boyfriend, Jack. As you can tell, the subject of Jack — and anything surrounding it — is still deeply painful to me …

    Yet not so painful, it seems, that it would prevent her from getting all busy over at wikipedia trying edit her bio in the middle of the night to get the poor guy forever linked to her there.

    I just effing kant with this creature’s endless internationally syndicated son of presidential candidate qualifying/quantifying toolishness.

    That is all.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      He is truly her new Redacted – the guy she CANNOT get over.

      PS, congrats Redacted you’re finally off the hoof. (see what I did there?)

  13. Worrisome Pelts says:

    The (H)Elle colum is up: http://www.elle.com/news/lifestyle/guinea-pig-of-love-the-love-coach-experiment?click=news

    I’m on a first date with William, and I don’t feel like myself. I’m not laughing, I’m not leaning forward eagerly, I’m not lobbing question after question at him. My love coach, Annie Lalla, has told me to stop all of that and pretty much everything else I do to make the inherently awkward inaugural date moderately comfortable for myself. And given that this is a bike date—yes, we’re riding bicycles—I’m not exactly uncorking a bottle of Merlot. Where I see it as a coping mechanisms for staying relaxed while interacting with a new person, Annie sees it as a schtick that’s keeping me from being my most authentic self—and even from true love.

    During our first session together, she calls me out for using “an impenetrable veneer of persona to manipulate the way the interaction goes” on dates, so I never find myself “cornered, vulnerable, exposed, uncomfortable, confused, looking dumb.”

    Honestly, I’m terrified of conversational silences. But it occurs to me that the fairly thick veneer serving as my protection could also be standing in the way of intimacy. I don’t want to get hurt, and bad dates can hurt. “That’s okay,” Annie reassures me that I’m not the only one. “You’re just trying to protect yourself. Instead of that, shelve your fear and allow yourself to be reinvented anew in this moment, without having to be whoever you were yesterday.”

    Annie’s specific instructions for my date with William are painful. I feel cruel and uncaring while sitting stone-faced through his sardonic musings. I want him to like me, and I’m concerned that without my generous and obvious appreciation of his humor, he won’t. I fear that he won’t find me intriguing without my arsenal of journalistic inquiries. Since he’s asking all of the questions, does he think that I just want to talk about myself? Does my cool body language (“lean back, lean back,” orders Annie) turn him off?

    It’s exhausting. But afterward? Just as Annie predicted: I have a totally new perspective. Sometimes you don’t even realize how much of a schtick you put on until it’s taken away.

    I’ve realized that my approach to dating isn’t the most authentic, nor is it the most satisfying. I’m now careful not to laugh just to fill up silence. I really try to give the guy a chance to earn it. And while I do plan to ask questions (I’m a journalist, it’s torturous not to), I now see that giving him verbal space to play offense—instead of just defensive responding—isn’t such a bad move either.

    As fascinating as I found the first date anti-autopilot exercise, unearthing this pattern was valuable insomuch as realizing it’s a symptom of a much deeper problem. Perhaps the biggest obstacle between me and the relationship I seek, is my deep-seated insecurity that should a man discover my flaws, he will no longer love me, which manifests a disheartening quest for perfection. My house must be perfect, my body must be perfect, my career must be perfect, my friendships must be perfect, and my Google search must be perfect.

    During one of her exercises, Annie has me mess up my perfectly made bed, re-arrange my fluffed pillows, throw my folded blanket to the floor as “homeopathic amounts of disorganization.” I can feel my heart palpitating, the disorder is physically uncomfortable. I feel a loss of control.

    “Perfectionism is an invisible shackle keeping you back from being free and letting others be free around you,” Annie says. “Imperfect is real, raw, wanton, and sexy.” Then I learn one of the most important lessons of my adult life: Until I’m okay with my own imperfection, no one else can be.

    I’d been living my life knowing that I wasn’t perfect and ashamed of it, afraid that everyone would catch on and judge me the way I’d been judging myself. Meanwhile, I was desperately seeking unconditional love. Annie has me look in my big white floor-length mirror—actually look—and see the girl inside of me, the girl I would never judge so harshly. I begin to understand what my perfectionism had done to me and how the very walls I had put up to block others from seeing my messiness had actually kept them away. I was messy, deep down, but that mess was beautiful.

    In that moment, I thought to myself for the first time, you know what? I’m pretty great, just the way I am. I realized that one day, someone will love me unconditionally—not because I’ve finally figured out how to be perfect, but because I’ve finally showed them my imperfections.

    And they’ll think it’s beautiful, too.

    • Meow Mix says:

      TL:DR version: MEEEEEEEEEEEEE ME ME ME MEEEEEE

      Seriously, who gives a flying fuck about reading 1000+ words about some random girl’s therapy session? It’s like reading her diary. Ugh.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Seriously. I just posted the text so we wouldn’t have to give her clicks.

        • Meow Mix says:

          Doesn’t she have an editor to be like, “Gurl, this isn’t your seventh grade diary?” Or do they just not give a fuck?

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Pixels are free. If an editor had to find column inches for this, Donkey would have been laughed out of the room when she turned in her first piece [late].

          • Albie Quirky says:

            “The Internet is not your Lisa Frank binder,” to quote myself.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        shut up, she loves to share!

    • The Final Rose says:

      Where is this ‘I’m a perfectionist’ schtick coming from?

      My house must be perfect, my body must be perfect, my career must be perfect, my friendships must be perfect, and my Google search must be perfect.

      And yet you manage to fail at every single one of those things terribly.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        She’s the worst perfectionist I have ever seen! Of course perfectionism isn’t healthy, but those people manage to get shit done!

        I skipped around, but managed to read the last two paragraphs. “I’m pretty great, just the way I am.” She’s basically going to change nothing.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          No, she’s perfectly horrible and a perfect idiot, so she’s attained success in those arenas anyway.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          Perfectionist?

          She can’t even shower to be on TV!

          WUT?

      • A-Game Content says:

        I know – such a perfectionist that she had heaps and heaps of cardboard boxes strewn about her room. Such a perfectionist that she wore mismatched sweats on a televised “date.” Such a perfectionist that she wrote such absolute drivel for her “dream job” that her manager gave her notes on it.

        Also WTF is up with her insisting on wearing those black goddam Uggs every freaking day. With a maxi dress. With wide leg jeans. Diabetic feet swollen?

      • fig says:

        And didn’t she just last week declare her perfectionism comes straight from her mom? Now this reads like a long letter of “Look what you did to me, mother!” and gives me Quinn flashbacks (I swear there was a scene just like that on Daria.)

      • JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

        A real perfectionist would be awake hours before the film crew of her reality show arrived to commence shooting, instead Julia slept in and made the crew wait for hours on end.

    • I really couldn’t get past the first paragraph, because [1] STFU, D0nkey, & [2] I think someone already posted an earlier version of this — has this been edited & pared down (things like ‘yes, I have a love coach’ & ‘something yada yada bike name’ deleted)?

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      seriously, i know her writing sucks, but THIS? what fuck does this even mean? and doesn’t she never drink?
      And given that this is a bike date—yes, we’re riding bicycles—I’m not exactly uncorking a bottle of Merlot.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        But it occurs to me that MY fairly thick veneerS serving as A DETERRENT standing in the way of EVERY GETTING A GREGDAMN KISS

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          I howled when she used veneer! No self-awareness. She really does make it too easy sometimes.

    • KS says:

      Compared to her TMS columns, these Elle ones seem heeeeeeeeeeeeeeavily edited. To the point of nearly being ghostwritten.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        But this one is worse than the first two and sounds closer to her usual dreck. I’m guessing they have given up on a Donkey.

        • SchiapWTF says:

          This month’s Harvard magazine contains an article by a student about the issue of perfectionism. It’s sort of similar in tone but what’s different is that even young undergrads know that life isn’t all about them all the time.

          http://harvardmagazine.com/2012/07/effortless-perfection

          For most writers, as they grow up and experience the world, read more, etc. their writing evolves. They stop telling just their own story or they get better at using personal experience as a lens. For Julia that never happened. She will always be the most interesting thing in the world to herself.

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      Hear that, men? You have to EARN Julia Allison’s laughter!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Let me know if Elle calls for Cankleshausen ointment. We’re all out and I don’t think it will be back in stock until next week.

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      It’s like Scary Sadshaw on skid row.

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      For the first time, I’m willing to consider the possibility that Julie Albertson is a performance artist. Because THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS! Is she fucking kidding?!

      Beyond parody. BEYOND.

      • Falsies says:

        Seriously. I’m pretty great, just the way I am.

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Julie, you joker.

    • diluted brain says:

      Her writing is so bad and boring – perhaps since she only talks about herself? I just scan her articles since I can’t muster the energy to read it.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I’m bored. So here’s the original unedited version of her Elle column.

      I’m on a first date with William, or, as I already think of him, Prince William, and I don’t feel like myself. Shouldn’t have nodded off so close to that odd human-sized pod. Ah well. I’m not laughing, I’m not leaning forward eagerly, I haven’t clumsily spilled anything down the crack of my tits (as of this writing), I’m not lobbing little wadded up pieces of dinner roll idly at him and then whipping out my Lamb Chop puppet and flooring him with a music box a cappella version of “Toot Toot Tootsie.”

      My love coach, Pterodactyl Trallala, has told me to put a fucking cork in all that and pretty much anything else I do that makes me feel comfortable during a date. So; no speedball, no liquid lunch, no burst of hysterical screams, even took the battery out of Sheba the Love Shuttle and locked her in my bra closet. I asked Teri the Lizard Woman if I could still light every match in a giant box one by one and look ominously into a spoon, answering every question with the single word WOLVES but she said it was a no-go. Oh yeah, I picked up as much Lillycrap as I could find. And Lilly too, I think.

      During our first session together, she calls me out for using “an impenetrable veneer of persona to manipulate the way the interaction goes” on dates, so I never find myself “cornered, vulnerable, exposed, uncomfortable, confused, looking dumb.” So now I think I know who stole my thesaurus. Figures it wouldn’t be Toilet. I asked her if she had borrowed it to use for writing song lyrics and she just giggled and said “they’re extinct, dopey!” Then she began watching a large ant walk across the wall.

      Honestly, I’m terrified of silences (and clowns), because in horror films the silence comes right before the scary part, (which is usually clowns). But it occurs to me that the fairly thick veneer—I mean, I don’t think it’s actually impenetrable. I mean, my voice gets through it if nothing else—anyway, fairly thick veneer serving as my protection could be standing in the way of intimacy. That’s right, folks. Something I use to ward people off might ward people off. That and the pizza repeat. No more anchovies after 8 PM is my solemn oath.

      I don’t want to get hurt and bad dates can hurt. Hurt? They can FUCKING KILL YOU. Just look what happened to that cute little monkey in Raiders. I saw that movie six times in a row when it came back and always loved it when the fascist melted at the end. Now that scene hits a bit too close to home these days, so I usually stop the DVD after Indianapolis shoots the chicken farmer. Or Marion drives the Mercedes off a cliff, although come to think of it…

      (Tr)Annie reassures me that I’m not the only one. “You’re just trying to protect yourself. Instead of that, shelve your fear and allow yourself to be reinvented anew in this moment, without having to be whoever you were yesterday.” Really, I wonder who she thinks she’s kidding with this shit. You can’t just rearrange the words from a Tori Amos song into random patterns and call it psychoanalysis. Of course I went to a Tarot reader in the company of Emily Gould, so what do I know about how the human brain works.

      During one of her exercises, Lizardwoman of the Hills of Time suggests I mess up my perfectly made bed. I point to the bed, which is already in its natural state, and she takes a deep breath and says—“okay, maybe we could burn it.” Which, given the fact Greasy crashed here over the weekend while I was out with Toilet (leading her through the Bel Air Galleria and explaining the concept of a food court), that might not be a bad idea. Also? Liz keeps banging on about “Homeopathic Amounts of Disorganization” which I think is Martin Amis’ new novel. Or if it isn’t, it should be.

      “Perfectionism is an invisible shackle keeping you back from being free and letting others be free around you,” Ayn Rand the Third says. “Imperfect is real, raw, wanton, and sexy.” Bullshit. The last time I got served up some imperfection, it was real, raw, wonton and soup. I threw up for six days. Never trust a Chinese takeaway run by alcoholic stuntmen.

      Anyway, tl; dr, but evidently I am a smoking crater of disease but somehow that’s a good thing. I think I’d tell Annie not to quit her day job, but fucked if I know what that is, so I just smiled and nodded, or was going to until I remembered she said “don’t smile and nod, it makes you look like an idiot.”

      • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

        I so badly want Elle to offer you a column deal. I would read it every week and tweet how you’re so relatable and just like me and how we would be princessytwinsie BFFs if we knew each other in real life. Then I would squeal when you tweeted me back to “get a life, you crazy loon” because an awesome real-life Elle dating columnist noticed me. OMG highlight of my life!

      • Helena (Pterodactyl Trallala) says:

        New handle time! Thanks, bunny.

      • Stalker is the new etc says:

        god i love you RRR. Let’s be dysfunctional and fakesbian together.

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      So much verbiage. I could edit this column down to a paragraph.

  14. pearipathetic donkey says:

    So Pancakes killed the story to avoid being associated with Donkey, but in doing so it allowed her to use that very action to remind the world that she dated a McCain? Oops? I pity the fool.

    • bitchface says:

      he can’t, and won’t ever, win

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        She totally relies on the fact that most people would rather retreat than deal with her insanity. She must have been caught off guard, and infuriated, when Mr. Randi said no to a bi-birthday bash. Too bad Randi’s need for the spotlight is just as big as Donkey’s.

  15. Albie Quirky says:

    Also, in every single goddamned authenticity photo, her bedroom has looked like a pigsty. Her living room is fulla boxes and shit even on the teevee show. Where is this mythology that she’s a neat freak coming from, and whom is she hoping to convince?

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Donkey must be a refugee from Bizarro World.
      So being messy is being neat, being lazy is being hardworking…

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Being bloated faced is being hot and desirable.

        • Pelts Off the Charts says:

          A few themes seem to be recurring: Donkey is a perfectionist, she is a journalist, and she has problems being her authentic self. These three things have been drummed into us, the audience, since the premiere. It’s all bullshit!

  16. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Javk McC is a fcking over privileged ass muncher.

  17. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    RHONY down 33% 5 episodes in as compared to last year (YIKES!). No numbers for Miss Advised as it failed to crack the top 100 – AGAIN!

    http://bravoratings.com/2012/07/03/bravo-ratings-for-monday-july-2nd-2012-rhony-and-miss-advised/

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      The NIGHTLY top 100? I thought they were referring to a weekly top 100. How embarrassing! Clap on the shame shackles, Ashley Tisdale. Your producing debut is a bust.

    • Lilly Liberation Front says:

      Wow, that’s interesting about RHONY. I haven’t seen any of this season- I guess the new ladies aren’t cutting it?

      • AFGHANI says:

        The Jersey housewives are sucking up all the housewife attention. They’re doing 2.5-3 mil per episode. OC housewives were a lot more entertaining than NY, too. There’s also the issue of NY housewives not being as relatable to people in flyover states.

        • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

          No, they’re just boring. Enough with the flyover state BS.

          • OMGMarried! says:

            As a resident of a flyover state (who lived in NYC! Crazy!), I agree with Pilot. Quit it with the “flyover” crap, Afghani. Believe it or not, some of us can relate to the omg so social lifestyle. NYC is just boring this season, and NJ is tired, seeing as it’s the Teresa show for yet another season. OC was great.

          • This one is a no-boner says:

            100% flyover states not understanding. Sure, there are 10 people per flyover town that understand (and kudos to their brain!) but mostly… hicks that don’t get it.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I wasn’t using it as a negative term. NYC isn’t relatable to most of the country. The NYC housewives don’t have the same life because NYC is so dense. Their daily lives aren’t spent in the types of situations you’d normally associate with “enviable” life in most of the country. I say this having lived in NYC for 5 yrs and then now moved to a decidedly non-fancy city (although I like it).

          • AFGHANI says:

            For example, I think it’s a lot more aspirationally relatable to the 90% of Americans who don’t live in LA/SF/NYC that the NJ Housewives have absolutely massive houses that are custom built and new with 6-car car ports. The NYC housewives live in expensive buildings with high common fees and tax assessments, but to an outsider, they aren’t over-the-top fancy and they aren’t what people relate to. Even here in Maryland (pretty urban and dense) people seem to aspire more to the NJ housewives’ standard of living. My mentioning this doesn’t mean I agree with it. I don’t.

          • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

            You people watch too much television.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            Afghani, I watch these shows precisely because I CAN’T relate to these shrill beasts. And I live in NYC! But it does crack me up that even this comes down to real estate peculiarities for you. Never change.

        • The new ladies on RHONY are terrible, except the lady who is a writer. And it’s ridiculous that they kept the Cuntess on the show. I’ll keep watching, though.

          OC was good last season, and NJ has become my favorite. I’m such a housewife sucker.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        This season bites, because it’s all about them being mean to Ramona a la 5th grade “I’m not coming to the party if she’s coming to the party” shit. Also Aviva is unbearable. Carole Radziwill is adorable but not good camera fodder.

        • This one is a no-boner says:

          Aviva is my neighbor and she is a Goddess. How she ended up on this show is Le Escalando of our little Upper East Side. She’s a sweet lady, no drama. But I guess Bravo got the best of her…

          • Albie Quirky says:

            They are totally fucking her over on the editing, then, because she is coming off as a mega jerk with all the sparkle of a soap dish. That sucks if she’s a nice lady IRL.

          • This one is a no-boner says:

            Aviva is a people pleaser and didn’t watch the show prior to being cast. But, like most women in New York she DID know OF the women, she just wasn’t familiar with alliances and bonds already formed. She’s stuck in the middle at this point, but I’m told she’s vindicated in upcoming episodes. Personally, all that matters to me is that she signed on to call Ramona and Sonja ‘white trash.’ Someone needed to step in and say it once and for all, IMHO. Too bad Jill Zarin was fired, her LI trash can mouth would have eviscerated by my Aviva… in a polite way.

        • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

          Is it just me, or are Carole’s teeth so huge and protruding that she has trouble closing her lips over them?

          I’m some kind of Housewife statistical anomaly. I can’t stand and don’t watch Atlanta (the highest rates, I believe), could take or leave NJ and OC, but I like New York a lot. Maybe because the NYC cast are the only ones with any money.

          • I used to feel similarly, but NYC has devolved into extreme cattyness. The things they fight over are so friggin stupid– perceived slights, tones of voice, misused words.

            I loved it when Bethenny was still on the show, and Alex, but they lost their voices of reason. Maybe Carole will step into that role?

        • I feel bad for Ramona. Not that she needs anyone feeling bad for her, bish can handle herself, but it’s kind of disgusting to see the grade-school pettiness perpetuated by lying Luann and her sycophants.

  18. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Here I must quote Dar Williams:

    And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think
    That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink
    But oh how I loved everybody else
    When I got to talk
    So much about myself.

  19. Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

    The bullshit never stops:

    @JuliaAllison: @ANailKathy – no honey, this show got picked up in early April – we were still together.
    6:41 PM – 3 Jul 12

    She didn’t sign the contract until July, 2011. Pancakes threw her to the curb two months earlier. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if Pancakes knew nothing of a potential show and Julia thought his mother’s condo would make a swell shooting location after his deployment.

    • CaptainGary says:

      I saw that one too, and was thinking about possibly getting ready to consider starting to try to delve into the archives (tee-HeeHAW!) for this). But then you did, so I’m glad.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      RBD: donkey lie detecting since 2009

    • Any endearment from D0nkey (‘Honey’ ‘Dear’ ‘Dearest’) immediately signifies barely-concealed rage-lying through gritted chiclets …

      Calm down, D0nkey!

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      How would the show work if she was in a relationship? Lying donkey is so dumb!

    • OMGMarried! says:

      No, honey, you were dunzo by then.

    • fig says:

      So she lies about giving up “someone she loved and talked about marriage with” to star in a crappy reality show about how she can’t find a man but really, really wants one?

      Why would that version of her narrative be any better than what actually happened?

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        She is caught in about 3,000 lies about Jack on her Twitter feed. She is mental.

  20. Annie88 says:

    Wow. I stumbled upon your blog after being SUCKED into that crap show on Bravo last night. I’m a fan of trash tv, so no shame here. I used to read Gawker before it became total garbage, so i recall the bashing of this chic from years back. (Something tells me you worked there, yes?) But really, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON. I used to wonder that all the time while reading Gawker. Also, I’m a gossipy, nosy bitch, so this nonsense intrigues me. Well, I just had to say/congratulate you: YOUR level of crazy matches/exceeds HER level of crazy. I mean, the wallpaper of this mess ALONE is on a whole ‘nother. Know what I’m saying? BRILLZ. Can ya’ll answer a few things: Are you her? Or has this dumb dumb hired you? Or are you some kind of rogue Wordrpess PR machine? Ugh, the levels and levels of nuts is so good!! Why this blog exists is beyond me, but wow. Could not stop reading. Insanity is a hellava drug! What I really want to know is why? What did this lunatic do to YOU? That’s where the real juice is at. Don’t you think your readers want to know? It must’ve been real good cuz there is sooooo much heart and soul poured here. I mean, the LINKS, the HISTORY, the CYBERSTALKING, the HOURS and HOURS of research, speculation, analysis, and all around mean-girling. Again, it is just too good! Many props. Watching years of Oprah (my only form of therapy and insight into the human psyche) tells me that y’all are CRAY and it is SO enjoyable. Imagine that! Can you start a new blog like this about someone people actually CARE about. Like katie holmes vs. Scientology? Now that is some shit that might get me to drop some coin in your donation bucket. Here’s a thought: Get outside! Live a little! Or start writing about the Scientologists!!!

    • CaptainGary says:

      Annie, I know meth smoked out of a broken light bulb SEEMS like that’s as good as it’s ever going to get, but I assure you, it’s not. Also, the spiders aren’t real, so stop picking at them.

      • CaptainGary says:

        Speaking of meth, LA Donk is going apeshit on Twitter right now, working the ropes, pressing the e-flesh with all the little people who are helping make her the emotional healthy Julia she is today.

        [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/30a5o44.jpg[/img]

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          This is as close as she will get to fame, talking to nobodies on the Twitters. She thinks she’s a star. Because she is mental.

        • CaptainGary says:

          It’s also interesting to note that when it’s these Twitter whack-a-loons who’ve known about her for 3 weeks gushing about how strong she is and shit, it’s all “Oh, GUUURRRL, thanks! I WAS brave wasn’t I??!?! Your comment means the world to me!!!” and so on – but when it’s negative, questioning or, even better, a FACT-BASED takedown in a reputable publication (NY Observer, The Frisky), it’s all “How dare you? I don’t know you! How do you know me and my life? You didn’t see the whole story! It was editing!”

          Funny, innit?

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        well, Cap’n Gary, the spiders on Donkey’s face ARE real, so…

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Gargling with Top Job is a fashion DON’T, Annie.

      • frequent liar miles says:

        It’s that insane-o chick who had the restaurant blog, yes? The one who liked to end sentences with an interrogative “yes, ” yes?

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          I don’t think so. Restaurant blog chick couldn’t give a shit about anything not connected to her own foul stench.

          This sounds more like Hortense recently emerged from a tumble off the lemon square wagon.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Oh, honey.

    • KrakenSkulls says:

      A+ for enthusiasm, Annie. Glad you like the site. I’m sure Julia will cross paths with Scientology if she stays in LA.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Scientologists are the only people in the world less capable than A Donkey of accepting criticism.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Nice try. I give you a B- for effort, which is the highest grade that has been given.

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I’m not a mean girl. I’m a mean guy.

    • This one is a no-boner says:

      I am loving all of these illiterate ‘tards! I mean, Julia’s fans… Umm… errr…ooopsies! Way to go, Donkey.

    • someproblems says:

      I was thinking earlier our Julie should join Scientology herself! They will certainly provide her with some much needed structure!!

      • Tonyamichaela says:

        Can you imagine how annoying it would be to listen to her auditing sessions? I don’t know if even Scientologists could stand the bray.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          Between the bray and trying to get a Donkey to part with her money, she could take all of Scientology down!

      • Queen Neferteeri says:

        Tom Cruise would rather flounce out of the closet than have her as a beard.

  21. The Missing Davos Report says:

    OT: From Amy’s mouth…

    “There’s nothing more I can’t stand than someone pretentious or high maintenance”

    http://thebravobitch.blogspot.com/2012/07/keeping-it-real-with-miss-adviseds-amy.html?spref=tw

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Also straight from Amy’s mouth: THESE HEIFERS ARE GOING TO BE ON WWHL!

      “NYC on July 23rd along with Julia for our appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen!”

      The series will practically be over… what. is. the. point?

      • AFGHANI says:

        Somewhat shocking that Andy is going to be giving air time to a show that, by then, will be doing a 0.2 in the relevant demographic. And yes, there will only be 2 or 3 episodes left by then. The appearance will promote nothing, unless he wants to get her to cry on camera for his own shits and giggles.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Ha ha ha ha ha she is a horrible person and needs a rectal stickectomy stat.

      I said in chat last night that she doesn’t have cats so they won’t eat her corpse when she inevitably dies alone. She’s considerate in that, at least.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      I love it how she distances herself from Donks, who she clearly despises.

      She thinks any lasting association with Donks’ name can be kryptonite for her matchmaking career and does not want to touch her with a 10-ft pole.

      “I never shot the pilot which I believe Emily, Julia and another girl did” …” I was kind of the oddball and last in this thing” … “I actually didn’t know Julia was on the show until I came close to signing the contract with Bravo”… and on and on.

  22. emma bourricot says:

    For someone who claims to be such a perfectionist, there are at least three errors in your new Elle piece, Donks. And you’re not fooling anyone. You’re a slob who can’t cook.

    [img]http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TY0bHULptWQ/0.jpg[/img]

    OT. The second episode of #MissAdvised reran on Comcast tonight and I had a chance to see Toilet Julia’s crazy SEX BRUISES on the middle of her thighs during the volleyball scene. Seriously. If this was mentioned before, I missed it. Not hating at all, btw, good for her. Julie must have been so jealous.

  23. KrakenSkulls says:

    I just powered through the show on DVR. I had to stop it at one point because I had a flare up. Say what you will about the blond one and sexwithemily (cold, faces with features so sharp they could cut your dick off) at least they act their age, don’t cry, and have jobs.

    I had to look away during Donkey’s scenes. It still burns.

    1) Can someone transcribe what was on the agent’s notes? Were they written by her or him?
    2) Did they thank us in the credits?
    3) Can I get a blowup pic of Herp Derp riding her bike with a helmet?

    All your comments have been so great, I’ve loved reading them! Also, there were over 50 people in chat last night. You guys were hilarious!

    • AFGHANI says:

      I haven’t seen the show yet and my question is the same as your #1 question.

      Who said the “fat, midwestern, older” thing? Her agent said that?? And fat and older compared to what? Her 2007-2009 era persona?

      • KrakenSkulls says:

        Exactly. It’s like he was a new agent and had some preconceived notion of her and started taking notes to bring it back to reality. Is he new or the same agent she has always had?

        Why did the pics from the previous post shrink to tiny thumbnails?

        • KrakenSkulls says:

          Also, I like how with the blond and sexwithemily at least their dates happen organically (friends call, etc). with donkey there is no “i met them at the bar”, these dudes just SHOW THE FUCK UP OUT OF VAPOR.

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            [img]http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110430202860/harrypotter/images/9/9f/Snape_Apparate.gif[/img]

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            aww…well, imagine an apparating Snape in place of that image (dudes who show the fuck up out of vapor)

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It was on the notes. Maybe per Keith about how she didn’t fit into the ELLE image?

      • KrakenSkulls says:

        “Whiny bitch spoiled”

        “history of tarot card reading – who cares?”

        that’s all i got.

        this comment only points to this pic now.
        [img]http://s15.postimage.org/jr16txfff/notes.gif[/img]

        • Albie Quirky says:

          See below, I got a transcript. I knew that grad school class in medieval paleography would come in handy for something someday.

      • KrakenSkulls says:

        DECIP{HER
        [img]http://i.imgur.com/caJ7R.png[/img]

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The screenshot of the notes is in the comments to the last post, and they are hilareballz. No transcript needed; Steve has excellent handwriting.

      • KrakenSkulls says:

        The pic is not as big as it once was.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Whoops, sorry, I see you said that above.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Okay, here’s what I get:

            - not disappointed = (illegible, maybe “certain”?)
            - not worried as a writer
            -Holly Molet–introspective, candid, + vulnerable
            - wanting to change things in life and take risks
            - getting simple and surfacey
            - my life is a mess
            40 lbs. heavier, older, Midwest
            - be specific and concrete
            - WHY
            - whiny bitch spoiled
            -history of tarot card reading– who cares?
            - girl be good at dating + bad at relationships, ex: (illegible)

          • KrakenSkulls says:

            Thank you Albie!!!

            “Holly Molet” returns no hits. Any ideas?

          • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            Thank you Albie. I don’t find his handwriting completely legible. However, I’m sssf.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            He might mean Holly Mallett, who’s a young singer-songwriter with a big social media presence?

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Or maybe “Holy Moly,” as in “I can’t fucking believe this deludo thinks these things of herself.”

          • Could this be a list of how they wanted her to act for the show & what they wanted her to do?

            Not that whiny bitch was a stretch, & she definitely did the weight gain (not sure if it was all of 40 lbs though) … didn’t they have a break in filming & then start up again?

            Is D0nkey going to be ‘fixed’ (by LaLa? HaHa) & then find lurve? Happy Ending D0nkey?

          • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

            I fear he may be referring, in a Miss Spelled kind of way, to Julie’s hair-do.

          • Slutty Catbanger says:

            Maybe he means Holly Millea, who has written personal essay type stuff for Elle.

            Also, I read the top line as “can’t run” as in we can’t run this.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Holly Millea, of course!

            Brayella, these are notes from Keith at ELLE, not from the teevee people.

      • Barking Mad says:

        Just watching the download – he says these are notes he made after reading her latest “column” for elle.

    • [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/jkhbhd.png[/img]

      • KrakenSkulls says:

        DELIVERED!

        Thank you LOL.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Quoth the huscat: “She looks like she’s pedaling back to the group home.”

        Also, he thinks Lalla and her husband should have a show, because he finds their cocktail of woo and grift entertaining. He also referred to La Lalla as “the pompatus of love” when he couldn’t remember “cartographer.”

  24. Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    Watching the second episode on-demand. Is it possible Amy is more vapid than JAB? (I did get a giggle from the lalalalalllllalalalllalaa portions)

  25. CaptainGary says:

    Whoa, isn’t this a former NonSociety-er – and possibly my new BFF? Or am I thinking of someone else?

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/28je5u8.jpg[/img]

    • CaptainGary says:

      Ugh. SS, SF.

      [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/25zlatw.jpg[/img]

      • some catlady says:

        Lisa Diane was the name of a Canadian NSer who cluelessly covered politics and later rebuked Julia Allison here in the comments.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        Hey, one of the first (the only?) former NS-er to completely and publicly distance herself from Julie. Lisa Diane, even though you drank the Koolaid, married a dude for a green card, didn’t know shit about politics, and thought you could get a philosophy PhD, you’re tots cool. now get lasagna to pop over to the basement, would you?

        • Lisa says:

          Eeee.

          Yes, you can see I drink tweeted last night. I was watching and I actually felt really sad/bad for her for the first time. I finally felt bad about making fun of someone who actually really might need real professional help. She replied that she is in therapy now, I hope hope hope that’s true.

          Also, I’ve said it before, but for me the decision to be on NonSociety was something I truly regret, if for no other reason than comments like the one above from Prof. Internet “fame” is not for me!

          That is all, I shall continue to lurk quietly thankyouverymuch.

          • mule on rouge says:

            Lisa, I think it’s awesome that you commented, and that you hang out with us. Even if you hadn’t mentioned lurking, “drink tweeted” was like a secret handshake.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Her “therapy” is with a grifter psychic.

    • KrakenSkulls says:

      For these large pics that scroll off the screen…

      PROTIP: use firefox. right click the image. “View Image” shows it in its entirety.

    • Onehundredcats says:

      Hey! I use Kronos too!

  26. For all of the noobs who think Mulia Mallison is sooooo authentic:
    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/30krrl2.png[/img]

    • KrakenSkulls says:

      daaaaaaamn. good sleuthin’ i finally see it. never trust a person who says “just the tip”.

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        It’s never just the tip. She had a bump too. Two nose jobs perhaps?

        Evidence:

        [img]http://rangit.com/wp-content/media/2008/02/julia%20allison.jpg[/img]
        [img]http://www.polichicksonline.com/Julia%20Allison%20and%20Sarah%20Huckabee.jpg[/img]
        [img]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eat-the-press/Vachon%20-%20Julia%20Allison%20Dana%20Vachon-thumb.JPG[/img]
        [img]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eat-the-press/Julia%20Allison%20and%20Henry%20Kissinger-thumb.jpg[/img]

        But NOOOOO, she’s never ever ever had any work done!

        [img]http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Season+Premiere+Viewing+Party+Bravo+Miss+Advised+pW5ijcprmbBl.jpg[/img]

        I just had to curate. I couldn’t help myself.

        • CDB says:

          I like nose #2 best.

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          She admits to two nose jobs. Allegedly the second one was to “correct” the first. If only she could have a personality job. Or, you know, any job.

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            I think it must be 3 nose jobs:

            1st: reduced size, left a bump
            (Andy Wintour’s pics)

            2nd: removed bump, left with “ski-jump”
            (Brayella’s top 3 pics)

            3rd: reduced tip
            (last pics from both Andy’s & Brayella’s)

          • Lily's 3rd Eye says:

            It’s too bad, she was cute before. I like nose #1, or is it #2, in the first pic? The nose bump was charming, it gave her face character…

          • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

            3rd Eye: yes, I’m with you on that. Absolutely.

        • As someone eyebrow-challenged, I ordinarily appreciate &/or admire eyebrows just for the sake of being … but gregdamn, D0nkey’s brows extending wayyy beyond the inner edge of her eye & lol, still being nowhere a unibrow is kind of creeping me out.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Her clay-face and no eyebrows reminds me of Edward Scissorhands.

  27. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    I’m sorry, but I need to know what David Rubin thinks of all this. Does he still have great sexpectations?

  28. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    HOLY SHIT RATINGS!!!!

    http://bravoratings.com/2012/07/03/bravo-ratings-for-monday-july-2nd-2012-rhony-and-miss-advised/

    “Miss Advised dropped 161,000 viewers week on week down to a new season low of 446,000 with another 0.20 in the demo.”

    They still have .20 in the demo. How? Can someone explain?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Interestingly, Donkey who has been tweeting manically all day disappeared from Twitter right around the time this was posted. She not only follows them but they @ed her.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      It’s us!

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      Wow. Just wow. They’re going to pull this tall drink of Ambien. Glad we got to see the RBD ep. and “Love Grifter” Annie mispronouncing words before they pulled the plug.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

        I don’t think they’re going to pull it — the 3 sad sacks are going to be on with HRG Andy on 7/23.

        Of course, maybe he’ll be asking them what’s next now that the show is over ;-)

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        They won’t pull it – Love Broker did just as bad, they only yanked it because it was on in the Fall and they are dumping it in the summer.

        They will burn off all episodes.

        If anything happens – it would be Andy canceling their WWHL – the show is a bomb and cutting into his ratings, he can’t be happy about that.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Did it wince you when she did that?

  29. miss assvice says:

    I agree with JP

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/Z9djM.jpg[/img]

  30. Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

    I am just watching, but had to stop and gab at the 20 minute mark: what the hell about “Sex With” Emily saying, she needs a man, “up for anything in the bedroom”?

    And I really find myself wondering whether she’s actually dated a man, or if she is as sexually experienced as she portrays. Because I have to wonder what men she’s dated that ..there was something they declined? Maybe she means going down on her, which fair enough, but that’s so (rightly) ordinary and expected (mandatory I should say!) that her vague, “up for anything in the bedroom” made my mind go to pervy places. “Anything”? Like what, your tongue up his ass, Emily? You’re so sexual and liberated, right? Sorry for the crudeness, that’s not in my repertoire but no judgement! to those where it is, just.. her thing of trying to portray herself as wild in the sack seems really overstated. Why, she may have been playing it up for television or something! What guys did she date who wouldn’t do certain things in the bedroom? Fisting, enemas, pee-play? Emily would like us to think she’s into all of that, as a sexually liberated famewhore. We’re all just prudes! She keeps it real, like going to slap strippers’ asses with a repulsive little man. Yay feminism! She’s just weird.

    (I can’t even begin with how dreadful Donks is already, I have to watch the rest. Page Six made her fake-cry with no tears! Oh she’s horrid.)

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      I haven’t seen the episode yet (tears), but I saw a clip on the Bravo app (maybe it was in the episode) in which the ladies give their opinions about sex on the first date. Emily’s answer seemed totally off to me, considering that she presents herself as adventurous and obsessed with sex. Her answer was that sex on the first date is a bad idea, because someone might get attached. Since when does penetration = feelings? I just thought it was strange coming from her.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      Oh my GOD, I just finished watching it, and Emily would totally fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on. Or maybe it’s something she read about in a magazine. Whatever, she’s a sexpert!

      Donks- I am sure her many lies and fakeries were dissected in the Open thread below, but oh my GOD I was rolling on the floor laughing, literally, when that weird Lalla woman read her, so HARD. “Your life is a minefield of shame”, “You’re a stuck-up princessy bitch.” I’m paraphrasing her paraphrasing of uh, us, but that was such a rewindable segment, to savor. It was all fakey too though, “stalker” is really not the worst thing we’ve said. But, “They Call Me Donkey” is an instant comedy classic for me. That Lalla lady knew what she was doing, she knows that basement feeling if you catch my drift, it seems. Professional sadist it seems, pretty expert in this case. Bonus points for her garish dress sense with an Illuminati eye symbol on her jacket (boo!). Julia’s recruitment to Scientology ought to happen any day now. Oh, that was some funny stuff to watch. “Feel your anger Luke, you know it’s all true”. Bad Star Wars paraphrase, but the essence of it, and it was awesome.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      She actually said “mix things up in the bedroom” I believe.

  31. David Rubin says:

    You know what Pancakes and his dad have in common? Both regret their time spent in smelly boxes.

  32. She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

    I’ve been thinking (too much) about it and I’ve some to the conclusion that Donkey’s tears in her second session with Lala were more or less real, but not for the reason she wants people to think. I think they were more out of shock and anger that Lala called her out so well instead of coddling her and propping her up; like she thinks therapists (which Lala isn’t, but whatever) are supposed to do; then out of sadness.
    Also, she wanted Lala to stop talking and she’s well acquainted with the notion that girls can get people to do what they want by crying. So, that would be the less real part.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Agreed. She couldn’t believe Lalla suggested there was truth to the insults and had expected her to express outrage that her “haters” would say such things.

      • CaptainGary says:

        That was definitely what I meant in the last thread by “real tears, but of frustration” – like she can’t believe that THIS bitch, the one SHE brought on THIS show to spread her grifter love gospel would DARE question her! Would DARE not contradict the bad things jelly haterz say about her!

    • The_Manta says:

      Eh… like they hadn’t rehearsed that scene beforehand…

      • cola champagne says:

        I’m sure they’ve needed several takes with Julia. Her confessionals are so contrived.

    • Rosalie says:

      Admittedly my vision is blurry from all the meds I take, but I didn’t think I saw any legit tears fall from what’s left of her eyes. Am I wrong?

      • 11th Wang says:

        There were no shoulders heaving, no wobbly chin, no red face, no runny nose, but the evidence of one tear appeared.

        • Cola chamPagne says:

          It was a very dramatic cry. Like, “Oh God!” I think she thought that phrase would make people feel sorry for her, like she’s been letting it build and she finally realized she is a princes. Oh the horror! The horror! She should really stop trying to act because when she tries to act like a victim, she’s even more unlikable.

  33. KrakenSkulls says:

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2gx42z9.jpg[/img]

    • KrakenSkulls says:

      [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2iatrgx.jpg[/img]

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        It’s “Fuck-you money!” Nevermind the details, she’s an entrepreneur for using one.

  34. Laura says:

    So is she still friends with Mega Mcain? I admit I knew NOTHING about this girl before Miss Advised.

    • Rosalie says:

      Only in her mind.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      She will occasionally post pictures on twitter or FB whenever we question that friendship. Also remember, that Meghan McCain is friends with Heidi Montague and Tila Tequila. Meghan clearly has no standards.

  35. cola champagne says:

    Does anyone think she could be like one of those obsessive documenters? I don’t know what you call it, but there are people who have journals of everything they’ve done every day for the past 20 years or whatever? I know she’s been seeking fame, so I think that is mutually exclusive from my theory that she tries so hard to document everything, from exes to sips of alcohol to these “columns.” Can a psych person help me out here?

    • mule on rouge says:

      That would explain why she calls herself a journalist.

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      Like F. Scott Fitzgerald? No way. She talks a lot about journaling, but I’ve always thought that’s pretty much 99% made up. She’s too lazy to actually keep a journal. I figured she just makes the whole “I write in my journal!” thing up to seem more like a real writer.

    • Wife Branding says:

      “Self-quantifiers.” I think she’s called herself this before, in regards to the sips thing. It’s very trendy in the OMGTech set, a convenient way of making narcissism not narcissism.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Like in the movie ‘Seven’?

  36. diluted brain says:

    I feel bad for Pancakes that this loon is still discussing him on national tv (not that anyone besides us is watching) and twitter. I don’t believe it was 6 months but even if it was, how serious could it be at 6 months? That’s not a serious relationship, especially when you see someone on occasion during that time.:

    Leah Berry‏@LeahBerry5
    @JuliaAllison @ANailKathy @stacyswearengen So you were together for 4 months? And he’s engaged now? Mustn’t have been too serious. Chin up.

    5h Julia Allison‏@JuliaAllison
    @LeahBerry5 – we broke up after six months, and continued talking after for several months. It was very serious.

    • cola champagne says:

      She will always lie to herself about this, but she talks about marriage with every guy, so that’s really not a marker for whether they were “serious.” Even if they were serious, does it really matter? He’s moved on, and so should she. Constantly talking about exes, who the fuck cares? Wanna see a picture of MY ex?

      X

      Let’s move on.

      I can see why Annie gets to run those workshops. She does pull off that wise, calm, gentle love act well. Then again, she just says things that most adults know because it’s based in common sense. But she came off a lot better than I thought she would. Minus the scarf.

      • They Call Me Jack says:

        And minus the mangled syntax, e.g., “it winces you.”

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        5h Julia Allison‏@JuliaAllison
        @LeahBerry5 – we broke up after six months, and continued talking after for several months. It was very serious.

        ” we broke up after six months, and I continued stalking him for several months. It was very serious.”

        FIXED THAT FOR YA DONKEY!

        • Breakfast Burro-ito says:

          Ah, the classic “Nu-UH! Yuh-HUH!” style of argument. She was on the high school debate team, y’alls!

          • CaptainGary says:

            OK, that was supposed to be from me, CaptainGary – not my darling wife, Breakfast Burro-ito.

            You know, they don’t tell you how to deal with a shared laptop and a shared love for commenting on a hate site in those marriage prep classes. It’s just something you have to figure out on your own…

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Not sure how talking after a relationship is over MAKES IT MORE SERIOUS!!! (lol, her logic… is mental)

          • cola champagne says:

            Maybe they talked about how “SERIOUS” they were. I don’t know about you guys, but if it were really, really, SEERIUS there would have been effort on both sides. She went away a few times during the time they were dating, left her dog, moved her shit. Bitch, you were TRYING to play house, and because rich and powerful families are on to fangirls like you, they weren’t having it. They seemed very SERIOUS about getting rid of her.

          • cola champagne says:

            What I meant to say is, they wouldn’t have given up with the first hiccup. I don’t know why she bothers trying to convince people. I had a conversation with a total stranger yesterday who overheard me saying I watched the show and she was like, “OH PULEEZE” about her MCrelationship. It’s non-existent Julia. You are a non-motherEFFING factor, bitch.

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            He was just another desperate (and FAILED) attempt to gain a “fuck-you” credential.

            #Harvard #Stanford #Entrepreneur #SOLD #FuckYouMoney

            The only ones she manages to get are Gawker and Bravo, and she thinks these are fuck-you credentials. A laughing stock.

          • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

            @Malformed: Talking about it after makes it so much worse. It’s desperate and pathetic. On television, no less.

            (TMI: when I was with the love o my life for five years, we had a strict “no PDA” policy in public and at parties, etc. Because couples who make a big show of affection in public are probably missing something in private, he said. Probably true. And it makes our single friends feel bad, he said. (I’m gay, couples are much rarer than singles, I’m single again alas.)

            He had very, very good points. Don’t make a show of it, no PDA, because it does nothing but make people jealous. He was very WASPy in that way, but he was right. Julia is interesting to me because she’s the exact opposite of that. She’s still talking about Jack McCain, which is pretty fucking terrible and pathetic. She’s still flaunting that dalliance, and it’s truly sad.

    • KashMoney says:

      being scared to sleep around one’s girlfriend is “very serious”, that much is true.

    • JFA says:

      head/desk. “It was very serious.” So. Embarrassing. IT WAS SERIOUS I TELL YOU SERIOUS BECAUSE I SAY SO, SERIOUS.

      So painful. Wasnt it also like, three months? About 2 weeks of which they lived together? Oooookay.

  37. Barking Mad says:

    When Donk is reading the email from page 6 to her agent, it says that Jack broke off the relationship because he caught her snooping through his phone and emails.

    Has she forgotten that horrible TMS column she wrote about partners being entitled to snoop and how nobody should be squeamish about having someone else reading their personal stuff?

  38. SchemeyNutButter says:

    Finally able to view ep 3 (thanks Kraken!).
    So, she writes in her blog: “… I feel deeply uncomfortable that he’ll be affected by my mentioning this on the show. I should have thought of that when I walked into that coffee shop. But I didn’t. ”

    Yet this is the expression on her face when discussing the situation with her manager in the coffee shop:

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/jr5m5s.jpg[/img]

    Scheme juices anyone?

  39. SchemeyNutButter says:

    I was rang!

    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/2dmgqhk.png[/img]

  40. So. Blessed. says:

    Here’s my 4th of July gift to the cats (ss;sf) Party on!
    Pancakes McGee

    It was many (not really haters!) a year ago,
    In a condo by the sea,
    That a Navy Pilot lived whose father you know
    By the name of Pancakes McGee.
    And this OMG Pilot had no other thoughts
    Than to maybe get face-raped by me.

    I was a donkey and he was a child,
    In his condo by the sea.
    But we loved with a love that was more like a “like”
    I and my Pancakes McGee;
    With a like that the 9th graders of Coronado High
    Understood better than him and me.

    And this was the reason, that, sometime in May 2011,
    In the family condo by the sea,
    Guam helo’d from the clouds, tempting
    My short-armed Pancakes McGee;
    So that a raptor mother came prepared
    To sign TRO’s against me,
    And drag my ass, plied with Franzia or Xanax,
    From their condo and into the sea.

    And producers, not half so happy with Real Housewives,
    Descended upon me me me me–
    Yes! that was the reason (or Guam! or Teevees!
    In his condo by the sea.)
    That I would have to reroute 6 bridal magazines,
    Such a loss for Pancakes McGee.

    But our love – well you didn’t know fuck about it.
    Look at Jhonni and Snooki Polizzi-
    Look at Kate M. with Diana’s kiddee-
    And neither the friends who aren’t patent grifters,
    Nor the production staff of Bravo TV,
    Can ever dissever my hand from the iPhone
    Bearing old texts and photos of Pancakes McGee.

    For I cannot Tweet or be slightly discreet
    Without mentioning Pancakes McGee,
    And I gird up my lies with a belt not my size
    That I “borrowed” from Pancakes McGee;
    And so, as the night ticks, I re-tag Facebook pics
    Of my exes, my exes, the thorns in my side,
    In my yoga pants smelling of pee,
    In my rented shell by the sea.

    (an imitation of Annabel Lee, by Poe)

  41. AFGHANI says:

    Has anyone posted the ratings yet? Miss Advised did another 0.2 in 18-49 demographic and is now the lowest-rated show on Bravo. There is talk on the Bravo ratings blow that Miss Advised might be replaced with a Real Housewives re-run, which could probably pull .3 or .4 (since even NY Housewives pulls a 0.4 and that show is beyond awful)

    http://bravoratings.com/2012/07/03/bravo-ratings-for-monday-july-2nd-2012-rhony-and-miss-advised/#more-1320

    * CT Bob, if someone has already mentioned this, feel free to bring on the AR-15 kitty. I’ve grown to find him cute and I’m prepared with my bullet proof vest and armored vehicle anyway

  42. AFGHANI says:

    OT, but I was poking around that Bravo Ratings blog after posting the Miss Advised ratings. And I don’t see how Miss Advised will make it a full season, unless they promised it to Ashley Tisdale as part of their initial agreement (and that seems unlikely). Can anyone in marketing/advertising tell us what options advertisers might have with pushing Bravo to replace Miss Advised with a higher rated show?

    Look at these ratings: http://bravoratings.com/2012/06/26/bravo-ratings-sunday-june-24th-2012-rhonj-wwhl/

    The *reruns* of Real Housewives – New Jersey get 3x the ratings of Miss Advised (The new episodes have about 5x the ratings of Miss Advised). Even NY Housewives (new episodes) have about double the ratings of Miss Advised.

    There is a risk of brand dillution / over exposure, but I don’t see how advertisers would rather appear on a low-rated show like Miss Advised when the alternative would be to have their commercials appear during a show that is watched by many more people. Perhaps Bravo is leery of running even more Housewives content because they don’t want to appear like that’s their only genre.

    • Ca Ca Nails says:

      Right, the question is “does summer burn off series = expecting weak ratings and not giving enough of a shit” or will they yank it? Maybe it’s just because this show’s on our radar for obvious reasons, but it does seem like Miss Advised is generating a little more buzz than some of their other failures like Miami Social and that other Matchmaking series–it would be interesting to see ratings for those shows to compare.

      • AFGHANI says:

        It seems like the expectations for summer have changed in the last decade. A lot of good series run through the summer. For example, I think Breaking Bad starts its last season this month on AMC. And on the same network as Miss Advised, RHoNJ did 2.9 million (!) viewers last week when summer was clearly underway. And it’s not like Bravo just filmed RHNJ. This season was filmed last summer and fall and Bravo held it purposely to run starting this May to have a popular show this summer.

        I really wonder what pull advertisers might have? Or if the ad rates are so low they’re indifferent and they will allow the ads during Miss Advised because it allows them access to buy fall ads at better rates? Anyone know how this works?

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Ca Ca Nails – how is the show generating buzz over those other shows? I’m asking genuinely. It was only on KTLA which is a local LA news show in terms of TV promo and besides that – just a few lame newspapers and internet sites… does it really have more buzz than those other shows?

        Afghani – I feel like if they are going to run the rest of Love Broker, they have to run the rest of Miss Advised. I would be interested to know if they only have 8 (total) Love Brokers. If they have more, it confirms my suspicion that they thought Miss Advised didn’t have much of a chance and cut the order from 13 to 8.

        And yes, they are doing this for a relationship with Ashley Tisdale.

  43. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    so donks directs her twitter readers to http://bit.ly/ELLElove to see her guinea pig of love columns (that title, i KANT). lo and behold: Uh oh, bitly couldn’t find a link for the bitly URL you clicked.

  44. AFGHANI says:

    Hard to believe this is video from 4 yrs ago…

    http://bigthink.com/ideas/5996

    … of Julia discussing her Bravo reality show plan.

    What an idiot.

  45. SchemeyNutButter says:

    I will say, I love Emily’s mom. On how to meet eligible single men (eg. divorcees and widowers): “We could bring coffee cakes to the shiva houses.”

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I think Emily’s stepfather has been dead for a few years, but his wife just nags him into continued animation.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        That is HILARIOUS.

    • Grammarian says:

      Just a hairsbreadth of difference from “powerful moms looking for setups for their fantastic sons”

    • cola champagne says:

      I think Emily is beautiful, and if they paired her with a good gay, she could get her own show. Maybe helping couples (gay & straight) spice up their love lives. See, I could work at a network!

  46. How freakin’ awesome will it be if PAGE SIX is on a future episode to blow D0nk’s cover & call her out on her lies about FlapJack killing their article (as if she didn’t really hack his email & contact his female friends)? Is if it was just random coincidence that P6 contacted D0nkey for a statement during production of MESS DESPISED

    Anyone remember the GUEST OF A GUEST article where Chelsea Burcz said: ‘How do we know so much about this show? Well, we were asked to be on it!’

    • cola champagne says:

      I actually know someone who said she knew several dating bloggers were contacted. RUHROH, she wasn’t first choice?

      • Oh, see, I didn’t take her use of ‘they’ to be in the same capacity of dating blogger, but rather the rag itself, like P6 …

        Which other bloggers were first contacted?

        • Cola chamPagne says:

          That I don’t know, because the person I know runs a dating blog, and she knows a bunch of dating bloggers, but I never asked her because I don’t know any except for her. I wonder if they blogged about it.

        • Little Birdie says:

          All of them. This concept has been lingering in “development” for a long time. I believe it pre-dates Blondie Girl Productions. It’s easy to find couch potato-type morons to be on reality shows, but it’s tough to get people with careers to put their reputations on the line. None of the three Assvisors were anybody’s first choice.

      • Wonkeye says:

        A friend of mine was asked to audition, but she wasn’t interested.

  47. i.just.cant! says:

    i know that this has been discussed at length before but julia’s bloated face= from too many fillers? is that what really happens? occasional botox/restylene/whatev= how often is too often? does amy’s face look like that from the botox? (uh, unintentionally bitchy sounding, i swear) or does she just have a naturally angry looking face?

    OH and way way off-topic, but can any basement dwellers recommend some non-irritating “mom blogs?” thanks much!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      It has to be the restalyne. I’m guessing the fillers are put in waaaaaay too much, too often and by an indelicate hand, to say the least.

      I only say this because you see celebs that have obv. botoxed… or even someone like Amy and this is NOT the same result. Others have guessed she is back to bullimia but I have don’t know what bullimia face looks like.

      • Cola chamPagne says:

        I think it has to be any filler, right? Because I guess, logically, if it’s a filler it’s going to make your face fuller. I’d rather have wrinkles than have a big face. It’s too weird. I dealt with having a big face when I was on high doses of prednisone. Never again.

        • Queen Neferteeri says:

          Yes, it could also be Juvaderm or Radiesse or anything.

          Filler injected in moderation and at reasonable intervals looks totally natural and subtle. But that costs major money, and we know she never spends big when she can get for free or super cheap.

          Restylane and Juvaderm will be absorbed back into the body within 5-8 months, so a sane person would lay off for a bit and not keep pumping/plumping up the face. Unless she is desperate for her face to be a float in the Thanksgiving Parade.

    • diluted brain says:

      I read The Stir on cafemom.com. It isn’t necessarily a blog but a lot of articles – I like it and am not a mom… yet.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      Check out STFUparents for comic relief. And I think her face looks the way it does because of bulimia.

    • Rosalie says:

      I have a bitch face but don’t have any fillers or injections.

  48. Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

    Mary Rambin: @juliaallison u dont know this but I dated William for 2 wks in 210! Can’t wait to see how u deal w/him on next episode #eathimforlunch lol

    Julia Allison: @MaryRambin – WHAT!?????? No. Effing. WAY. No way.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      what? this can’t be coincidence. or else this dude has EXTREMELY bad taste.
      wtf?

      • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

        Oh I hope their public dialog continues, whichever way it goes. (Hoping of course that Mary will say, “gee, Julia, he had no problems kissing me!”.)

      • 11th Wang says:

        He’s obviously a big fan of Dr. Bobby’s work.

      • Donkeycam now! says:

        And he is incredible cheap too.

        I mean, really: first date is a bike ride and a snack in a self-service place that dispenses coffee in paper cups??

        For the love of Greg, are you in high school? If not, at least take Donks to a place with table service.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          I noticed this and thought my how the Donkey has fallen. Where was the five dresses for her to choose from? Or the theme date? The limo? The plane to take her to some far flung place to jump out of a plane?

          So sad.

    • diluted brain says:

      Whatever happened to a good old phone call or text. Why tweet to each other?!

    • fl00fy says:

      yes yes yes MOTHERFUCKING YES

      this is why I keep up with this donkey show, this right here

  49. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    @LauraHuntStyle – awww thanks Laura!!! And I love your profile photo! Red!!! Love.

    TWITTER PROFILE PICTURE CONSULTANT!

    • F. Scott Bitchgerald says:

      Julia’s first piece of advise for profile photo losers is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR UGLY NATURAL FACE.

  50. helobabe says:

    [img]http://oi49.tinypic.com/ie06zp.jpg[/img]
    btw – the captcha was “vicious cycle”

    • diluted brain says:

      Because this lard ass knows how many people Pancakes has discussed marriage with? Give me a break. If he was interested in marrying you, he would’ve tried to fix your relationship.

      • Cut. Don't use that. says:

        LIAR: “Jaccck! Do you want to get married to meeeeeeeee?!!?!”
        PANCAKES: “Jesus, No. Never.”

        So yeah, in that sense they “discussed” marriage.

        P.S. PILL HEAD: “YOU TAKE CARE, DEAR HEART!!!!!”

        • mule on rouge says:

          I recall her posting some fauxmantic drivel about the first time she met Jack. She made it seem like he asked her out and she challenged him on whether he was ready to consider marriage. (You know, so she wouldn’t waste her precious time.) He said that he was. My guess is that he was speaking about marriage in general, but she was asking specifically about herself.

    • virgil reid says:

      “young lady”???

      wtf?? and she knows how long they have been dating??? she is SO MENTAL! why would you keep track of that information?? why would you even be thinking about it??

      • 11th Wang says:

        Also why would she be talking about his personal life in public on behalf of him?

        Truly mental.

        • SchemeyNutButter says:

          You obviously havent benefited from your higher education because she explained this quite clearly on her Bravo blog. She still cares very deeply for him and wants to protect his privacy; the best way to do that is by discussing the personal details of his life for the benefit of her 50,000 newly purchased followers on twitter.

      • JFA says:

        THEY ARE STILL FRIENDS, OF COURSE HE TELLS HER ABOUT HIS NEW PARAMOURS FEEL FREE TO RELAX. THEY ARE FRIENDS ADN SO CLOSE STILL. AS SHE IS WITH ALL HER EX’S.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          THEY SPEAK FOR 3 TO 4 HOURS EVERY DAY! WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?

    • darling dearest says:

      honest grammar question — wouldn’t it be more appropriate to say “he has been dating” since they are still dating?

      • Ahhhh, THERE is the rub — in D0nkey’s world, their relationship is just one calculated email away from being past tense.

      • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

        I think the clear and concise way to phrase it would have been “He has been dating his fiancee since November,” but what do I know? I only get paid an actual, livable salary to write and edit things and was never published internationally in over 100+ papers!

  51. helobabe says:

    LOLZ
    [img]http://oi46.tinypic.com/r103s7.jpg[/img]

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      I happen to have a second PhD in Haterade.

    • virgil reid says:

      oh karen, if only i had the time on my hands like you apparently do based on your twitter.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Karen McElwee looks like the boss on “The Adventures of Awkward Black Girl” and I bet is like her in personality as well.

    • SchemeyNutButter says:

      As I gaze upon the gallery of poise and decorum that is this site’s wallpaper, composed entirely of self-portraits and fauxto shoots staged by none other than madam Miss Advised herself, it’s helpful to be reminded that “ridiculously desperate” is a term best reserved for people who … wait? What did you say, Karen? Bring up their higher education in every topic? Um. Okay then. You take care, dear heart.

    • JFA says:

      WTF does this even fucking mean?? Yes, yes only the uneducated can/should/usually do engage in snark. Great response dickhead.

      Always the victim, never the bride etc.

      • 11th Wang says:

        Julie’s reply is so nonsensical. What is she trying to say? World’s most articulate writer, right there.

        KarenMcE has tweeted a whopping 79 times, has 6 followers, and Julia has already responded to 3 of her tweets.

        Gotta milk the love where you can get it, right Julie?

      • darling dearest says:

        yup b/c if you have higher education it totally follows that you aren’t/can’t be hurt.

        oh JA, you so crazy girl

        • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

          And this is rich coming from someone who can’t mention a “boy” without noting that he went to OMG Harvard or Stanford or wherever.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      From now on, I demand to be addressed as “Donkeycam MSc”.

  52. Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

    Keep fucking that chicken, Julia:

    Julia Allison: @HousewivesJunk – that actually means a lot to me. Gawker never portrayed me accurately. I guess it’s water under the bridge, but … Yeah
    8:27 PM – 4 Jul 12

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I have to agree with Julie Albertson here; Gawker didn’t even begin to plumb the depths of her horribleness and vapidity.

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      It’s well-known that she would doggedly email the writers demanding coverage! They were way too nice to her.

  53. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    Raine Rothchild ‏@RaineRothchild
    @JuliaAllison @LeahBerry5 Leah meant that he wasn’t serious about *you*. That’s what he told friends anyway. Talking AT an ex is stalking.

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @RaineRothchild @LeahBerry5 – We lived together! I think it’s a ridiculous you think you know more about my past relationship than I do.
    Hide conversation
    Reply Retweet FavoriteJulia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @RaineRothchild @LeahBerry5 – We lived together! I think it’s a ridiculous you think you know more about my past relationship than I do.
    Hide conversation
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

      Whooooa. Don’t know what happened. SSSF.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Poor Julie Albertson. The more she spins, the more she has to spin…it’s like whack-a-mole now that she’s on Bravo. Careful what you wish for, I guess.

    • helobabe says:

      Just a screenshot for good measure. I’m assuming at some point Lady Cindy will get her claws on JA and these will be deleted. Everyone take a Vicodin!
      [img]http://oi45.tinypic.com/xu80m.jpg[/img]

  54. Imminent Meltdown says:

    Holy Backpededliging, Cupcake Face!
    She met Pancakes in early Oct 2010
    She was sending forelorn coffee hearts to her SFBoy
    When exactly did she go to Randi’s Octoberfest?
    She had to cut short some sad sack grifter/shill on Halloween to fly in her FOXY costume to Greasy.
    She was outed in late Nov 2010 taking a ticket paid for by Pancakes.
    She posted pictures of Her and Greasy with Pointsettes in Dec 2010.
    Just when did she call us out as “shitheads”?
    She hosted a potluck Mom-made catfish dinner in a childs skaking costume on New Years 2011 (Nice Dance Moves, Donkey)
    She tweeted about sending her summer clothes to San Diego ” To Live” in Jan 2011.
    She complained about rerouting her magazine subscriptions …..

    I give up.

    Jack formally dumped her Ass the last week of April 2011 , when she tweeted she was sick. For the record, I never thought she was playing the pregnancy card. She was really sick cause she knew she had blown another WALLET THING.

    Fashion Fiasco, Volvo Grifting, OMGChicagoCondo surfing waiting for OMG Kate Middleton’s Wedding – Mom made CookiesOMG

    How many DAYS does this relationship with a Man whos Mother sent her footsie pyjamas and slasherfest t-shirts to really add up to?

  55. MY Beach Home says:

    “What does a girl have to do to get a kiss around here?”

    Maybe wait 11 dates.

    Seriously though, I watched that trailer yesteday and she really does see sex as transactional. It was so gross and desperate: I took you horseback riding, got you drunk, and now we’re in a limo so give it up buddy.

    Would it be more damaging to her “reputation” to have this shitshow cancelled or to have the episodes where she lets the full craziness out air?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      If it runs it’s full order she’ll always see it as a huge success or blame Bravo (you shitheads!!!!!) for the terrible time slot.

      (spin, Donkey, spin!)

  56. SchemeyNutButter says:

    From JABa’s blog, about a “we discussed marriage” relationship that began in November but ended in March (so, 5 months at most). Pancakes? Read on:
    [Mar 31]
    ” … I just got a reader email which wondered why I was so upset over the breakup of someone I had been seeing since early November.
    … I haven’t gone a single day since New Years without seeing or talking to this guy, that I had pretty much moved in with him, and that we had both met each others’ families, gone on several trips, he had become friends with all of my friends, I had met all of his, etc – in short, the relationship was far more serious at five months than any relationship I’ve had since [redacted], over three years ago.
    … the main reason I feel it’s hitting me so hard … is that we had talked about our future in such a serious manner …
    So, Pancakes? No. But you’re forgiven for thinking so. Almost identical timeline and dramatic script. However, he came along a few months later, overlapping with Greasy from October into December and running until the following April or so … most of which time she was in Chicago or elsewhere (so 5 months long distance?).
    Anyway, this epistle refers to none other than Prom King! Who narrowly escaped further notoriety by being merely rich, but without the leverage of name recognition.
    Don’t want to post the link but it’s on both her sites — old and new — as a “Best Of” selection. Really.

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