The VeHEEHAWment Donkey: The Miss Advised Episode 3 Open Thread

Tonight is a very special episode of Miss Advised, a little-watched program that chronicles the sad, sad shenanigans of three lovelorn ultracrepidarians. (Blog challenge commences now, because SO BORED!)

Apparently, some site that can be found on the internet somewhere has enraged that Julia Allison character, you know, the one with the face, because, among many, many other things, they call her a “stalker.” Which is really, just rude, in my opinion, especially when done anonymously.

I mean, why would ANYONE think that Julia Allison is a stalker?

Was it when she emailed her ex-boyfriend’s fiancée to tell her Julia was having sexy sex with said ex-boyfriend after he and the fiancée started dating?

Or was it that other time when she used her Elle column to again not so subtly imply that she had sex with her college ex-boyfriend while he was dating his fiancée?

Or was it the time when she would ply John McCain’s son with alcohol to make sure he was good and passed out so she could sneak into his email and phone to monitor his electronic communication with his female friends?

Or was it the time that she issued a press release regarding her break-up with Jack McCain? You know, the same Jack McCain whose home Julia “moved into” despite never expressly being asked to. . . um. . move in? That Jack McCain, whose home Julia refused to leave after they broke up?

Or was it the time Julia stalked Jack McCain, a helicopter pilot, on Facebook and posted an article about a deadly helicopter crash to reopen the lines of communication after she found out he had a new girlfriend?

Or was it the time she hunted down Jack McCain’s unlisted phone number in Guam — Jesus! Poor Jack McCain! — and threatened to portray him horribly on Miss Advised if he didn’t provide details about his new relationship? You know, that time Julia went to Twitter to publicly imply that Jack had called her, even though Jack had a serious girlfriend.

Or was it was the time she Facebook stalked Toph Eggers years after Julia used his dead sister’s name to leak to this very site Toph’s then-undisclosed identity?

Or was it the other time, back in APRIL 2012, when Julia anonymously leaked the name of a YouTube rapper she was “dating”because she was unsatisfied with his disinterest in her?

All that doesn’t seem very stalkerish to me. But what do I know? I’m just an unrepentant wetback beaner faggot. But if you ask me,  I’d say those people sound like they are fat, basement-dwelling shitheads who have absolutely nothing better to do than to throw online anonymous insults at some poor talking wax figure because they are just jealous of her charisma, beauty and success.

Those people need to get a fucking life. FERREALS.

UPDATE, with bingo card by Natasha, via Jack the Bulldog!

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562 Responses to The VeHEEHAWment Donkey: The Miss Advised Episode 3 Open Thread

  1. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    CAT LADIES AND GENTS – don’t let the fame go to your head after being on the tee vees!!!!

  2. The Final Rose says:

    JP, you are the Anderson to my Cooper. Thank you for taking on this thankless task every week!

  3. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    I just read the post – thanks for letting all the newbies that might show up why we exist…

    • Yes, thank you! I didn’t know about this loon until Miss Advised premiered, and she is so insufferable. The show is funny, because they all don’t know what they’re talking about, but this jerk is clearly the worst of the lot. Just embarrassing. But this site is hilarious :)

  4. Donkey of Perdition says:

    LIU bitches!

  5. SchemeyNutButter says:

    Damn. I’m unable to get the broadcast. Will have to watch it unfold through the eyes of y’all cat ladies and gents.

  6. juliapublicist says:

    You guys! I have guests in the basement. Be on your best behavior.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Does this mean I shouldn’t continually throw myself at you and try to lick your tonsils when you’re clearly disinterested?

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Not that it matters. Like a certain Donkey, I am blind to social cues. It’s probably a side effect of the vertigo caused by the Cheeto dust and cat hair build-up in my enormous ears.

  7. They Call Me Jack says:

    I thought she was going to say I want someone who loves me as much as my dad loves me!

  8. juliapublicist says:

    Friend on Emily: Girl needs a sandwich, bad.

  9. They Call Me Jack says:

    God, she looks like hell!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      HER FACE!!!!

      How did this woman deny pumping her face full of botox and restalyne????

      She cannot stop lying.

      • Donkeycam now! says:

        It looks like the corners of her mouth are trying to run away and hide into her ears.

        Her transformation into the Joker doll is almost complete.

  10. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    OMG Pancakes. OMG OMG.

    • juliapublicist says:

      • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

        It’s unconscionable that she went on national television and said those things about Jack. I know the McCains have better things to do, but a part of me wants to believe that they’re drawing up some sort of gag order right now. Or that Cindy sent a terse email to Donkey asking her to STFU. I know it would be asking to much to have them publicly set the record straight.

        In the McCain universe, she amounts to no more than one of those “no-see-ums” that buzz around your head for a moment then vanish; she spent so little time with him that I’m sure as far as Jack and his family are concerned, she was a brief annoyance, nothing more. It’s SO crazy that she’s inserting her insignificant self into that family’s orbit more than a year later.

        My canklehausen is flaring something fierce!

        • Potty Kettle says:

          The best is her blog:

          At the time, I was desperately (key word: desperately) trying to have an amicable friendship with this man I had loved so much, and this was the LAST experience I wanted him to have of me before he deployed just seven days later. What I felt it said to him (and perhaps what he felt, too): if we maintain a friendship — which was very important to me (because I would feel like a failure if we didn’t) — we’ll always have to be dealing with this nonsense: squelching rumors, dealing with reporters, all of the things he hates. I was holding up a portrait of his worst nightmare. It was HUMILIATING. When I spoke with Jack two days ago, and told him about this portion of the episode, I was just as nervous as when I called him that day back in December with the reporter. His life is bigger than this crap — he’s actually out there (just back from a seven month deployment) fighting for our country, and he doesn’t deserve to have to deal with questions about his past relationship. We ended our conversation amicably, but I feel deeply uncomfortable that he’ll be affected by my mentioning this on the show. I should have thought of that when I walked into that coffee shop. But I didn’t.

          That’s the problem inherent in reality shows: if you’re a conscientious human being, you try to take into account everyone’s feelings (“Should I say this, even if it’s what I’m going through, knowing that a mere mention of it will drag this person into a situation he might not want?”), and then you’re accused of not being authentic — when really you’re trying to protect someone. So you start being honest and authentic — and then people accuse you of NOT protecting the people you love or loved. It can be a horrible catch-22, and you just hope and pray that your loved ones — whether they be your family or your friends or your exes — understand your intentions, understand that you were doing the best you could with the emotional resources you had at the time.

          I know that my first thought when outing an ex on TV is to consider how much he doesn’t want to be dragged into it, and then make sure to refer to him as “Son of former presidential candidate X, brother of published author Y, and part of the over all empire of Z.”

          She was just trying to be AUTHENTIC by not just saying, “My ex-boyfriend.” God. Fucking haterz.

          • Records Custodian says:

            Watch the moment where she tells the camera she was dating Jack McCain.

            She can’t wait to say his name, and she is basking in the viewers (utterly imaginary) fantasy. She bats her eyes, then widens them a little. Seriously, if you only watch one minute of this show, that is the moment to watch.

            For Julia Allison, dating Jack McCain was as good as it gets. That was it, and she will play that card forever.

            Jack McCain, if you want absolution from the mistake you made in dating her, tell the mothereffing truth. Say it once, then never mention her again.

          • Dyspeptic says:

            Yes, Julia Allison is so nice. So very, very nice.

  11. virgil reid says:

    omg she is so desperate talking about jack!!!! i feel so embarrassed watching this.

  12. They Call Me Jack says:

    Lying through her fucking teeth! Cindy McCain should call out a favor.

    • juliapublicist says:

      Male friend: This show gives me gas. Makes me want to fart everything I ate today.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      THE LIES!!!!!

      Her manager helps her secure writing jobs??? She got fired from TMS which she could not have made more than $200 a column for — I am sure “the hottest manager” in town did not secure that. And Bravo got her the Elle job WHICH only recaps shit that happened on the Bravo show and is NOT a dating column.

      THE LIES!!!

      Never mind the Jack stuff.

    • diluted brain says:

      the lying is beyond unbelievable. I’m sure if the McCains’ cared to watch – they would be laughing.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

      The restaurant is Shaky Alibi!

      • CaptainGary says:

        Oh, my Greg…this is a life-threatening canklehausen alert! I need Cheetos stat!

  13. Ineffably Adverbial says:

    Wow, more emphasis on her shitty writing?
    Loved Steven giving her the once over when she walked in, too.

    • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

      Steven isn’t her manager anymore, is he?

    • juliapublicist says:

      He was so not having any of it. Remember he is ENGAGED to that Reblogging Mary chick.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        That was her agent, George Ruiz or something.

        • juliapublicist says:

          Nevermind. Nothing to see here.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          That’s Steven Grossman – and one thing managers LOVE is when you treat them like a therapist – maybe, maybe if you’re pulling in 50k in commissions – but even then – such bad business and I predict he will dump her within a year.

          She is a problem client.

    • MY Beach Home says:

      Did you catch the look of authentic surprise on her face when he breaks the news that Elle hates her column? That was almost as good as the once over on the TWEED JUMPER she was fucking wearing. Bitch, you are being followed by cameras, get an appropriate frock!

      • Ignoramus with Pelts says:

        The entire scene was delicious. To finally witness someone telling her that her work is half-assed! And yeah, she couldn’t believe it.

  14. jc says:

    Y’all, I just CAN’T with the crazy heifer. I don’t think I can do this. The name dropping, the crying, the bloated face. Her manager looks like he wants to cut a bitch.

  15. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    I didn’t think it could get this good. #goodgreg

  16. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    She used the words “military wife.” Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

  17. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    Is she fucking kidding me?!?!

  18. They Call Me Jack says:

    The arrival of the love coach, AKA Master Grifter!

  19. The Final Rose says:

    I think the fake tears knocked her chin implant loose.

  20. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Nefertiri.

  21. diluted brain says:

    Her hair color is terrible and that face – it gets puffier by the week.

  22. Sake Bombardier says:

    [img]http://s15.postimage.org/coyntzmfv/whoa.png[/img]

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      [img]http://s15.postimage.org/jr16txfff/notes.gif[/img]

      • The Final Rose says:

        “Whiny bitch spoiled”

        Look, Julia, a title for your eventual memoir!

      • Onehundredcats says:

        Haha “history of tarot card reading – who cares?”
        I like him.

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        This is stunning, and so so mean on Bravo’s part.

      • cupcake cray cray says:

        my favorite part: 40 lbs heavier, older, midwest

        steven zeroed right in on the things julia hates most about herself.

        • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

          My new screen name.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          And it did not help that Juliar showed up wearing an empire-waist dress that’s something a probationary member of the Junior League would wear to her first big luncheon. Ow!!

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          Her reaction when he says if that is the best she can do then they are fucked is soooooooo unhinged. She just laughs like a maniac.

          Truly crazy.

          • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

            Yeah, she laughed like he was joking and I was like, “Waaaait…. I think that was not the social cue you thought it was.”

          • Ignoramus with Pelts says:

            And when she puts her head down on the table he is staring at her with hatred.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        Steven, the stationery, IT’S MONOGRAMMED!

      • KashMoney says:

        can someone blow this up so we can all read it?

      • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

        OMG! OMG! Oh! My! God!
        That’s completely unaltered! Her agent actually wrote that!

    • Pelts off the Charts says:

      I was hoping someone would screen cap that moment.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      [img]http://s15.postimage.org/jr16txfff/notes.gif[/img]
      Special!

      [img]http://s9.postimage.org/md4ug7len/whereyougoing.png[/img]
      Not so fast!

      [img]http://s9.postimage.org/md4ug7len/whereyougoing.png[/img]
      Medusa.

      [img]http://s17.postimage.org/sjkwq2c9r/idrinkitup.png[/img]
      Drank yr milkshake, oops?

      [img]http://s16.postimage.org/nf5r27x5x/invertedhaw.png[/img]
      Hee haw!

      [img]http://s13.postimage.org/tn2s0iwmv/teeheehaw.png[/img]
      Tee hee haw!

      [img]http://s9.postimage.org/g3j842hpb/ewhoofrott.png[/img]
      Hoofy.

      [img]http://s14.postimage.org/g2vpj3pld/soakitin.png[/img]
      Drink it in.

      [img]http://s18.postimage.org/elsl2tp0p/easybreezy.png[/img]
      Easy, breey, beautiful.

      [img]http://s13.postimage.org/jturf799z/hoofandmouf.png[/img]
      Sausage snappers!

  23. virgil reid says:

    i cant believe what happened to her eyes!

  24. oldballz says:

    Why oh why does she think she’s so cute?

    • Queen Neferteeri says:

      Because she surrounds herself with wannabe famewhores and grifters who play into her delusions. It’s not like they’ll have to clean up the (psychiatric) mess later.

  25. They Call Me Jack says:

    “Embody a queen like Nefreterri?” Huh? Who? Do not tell this asshole to embrace her overinflated sense of entitlement, Annie Lalalalalala!

  26. The Final Rose says:

    Nice BPC shill.

  27. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    The theme of this episode is that Julia cannot just act like a normal person. It reminds me of that line from the old MediaBistro article : “They say celebrity is the mask that eats away the face, and Julia is offering up her whole exoskeleton.” I think the only happy ending is Julia putting “Julia Allison” back in the box, putting her away in storage with the tutus, and going back to Julia Baugher.

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      But she was still “Julia Allison” when known as Julia Baugher. Ain’t nothing to put in a box.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      like button.
      @Jack: wishes go in a wish box… #memories

  28. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    they are all the worst. but jules is the worst worser worst…

  29. The Final Rose says:

    Please please please someone get a screenshot of her perfectly symmetrical nostrils when she is doing the Kate Middleton wave.

  30. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    A gift from my friend who is horrified and watching with me. Say, “Thank you, friend!”

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Thank you, friend! Please accept this as a token of our gratitude.

      [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/anjw9i.jpg[/img]

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      That was one of her best pictures.
      It looks nothing like her.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      This part actually made me really sad. She truly doesn’t know who she is because she has spent her entire adult life creating different personas depending on what she wants.

  31. Ineffably Adverbial says:

    The “who do you want me to be” line was . . . yikes. She really just sees life as a series of performances, doesn’t she?

    • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

      it was one of the more telling moments, if she had any ability for self-reflection…

  32. Queen Neferteeri says:

    She looks puffier each week. And why not shower once in a while?

  33. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    On the page above from Donkey’s notes “history of tarot card reading – who cares?” just killed me!!!!

  34. Pelts off the Charts says:

    I’m gonna say something nice… She looked good in that green shirt.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Her ass looked good in the yoga pants.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      But is that a date appropriate outfit? I thought she looked like a slob. Amy on the other hand brings the fashion – I love her cute lucite necklace in the workplace and her one shoulder top is sex-ah on her date.

  35. monster (Single and Mingle) says:

    omg julia biking lol

  36. They Call Me Jack says:

    The horny, athletic donkey on a bicycle–the least enticing image I’ve seen in months. Oops, she just called him a kid. It’s over, even though she reminds him of her dada!

  37. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    She has mentioned her dad three times.

    • The Final Rose says:

      It is SO creepy.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      Serious father issues. I have never seen anyone more in need of therapy than Julia. She idolizes/lionizes him but he is also the root of her self-hatred (never good enough).

  38. They Call Me Jack says:

    She’s a liecaster, not a blogger, maroon!

  39. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Her date with Chris is off to a very queenly start. All queen, right there. So much monarchy.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      William. Her date with William. I forget who’s dating who.

    • Julie Booger, Cuckoo in a Tutu says:

      If we still had likes I would be grabbing the catman’s laptop to stuff your ballot box for “so much monarchy.” I’ve been giggling for 15 minutes.

  40. Donkey and Mule Association says:

    She is actually not a blogger or a journalist – more of a tweeter.

    • Pink Palatian says:

      Not even. People who are prolific tweeters who’ve been around for four years would have at least 20,000 tweets, two or three times that if they’re really at it. She has around 11,000, paltry given what a social media diva she’s claimed to be.

      • Missassvice says:

        She deletes most of her tweets now. I wish I had taken a picture but she was up around 35000 tweets before reputation defender gate

  41. They Call Me Jack says:

    Trying to do sexy times, thrusting chest forward, flipping hair. Is she mentally disabled?

  42. Canklehausen by Proxy says:

    OMG… the looks she is giving him. Like she’s going to swallow him whole. This is terrifying.

  43. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Friend says: She looks like has to take a shit.

  44. virgil reid says:

    OMG redacted

  45. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    My sixteen-year-old just walked through and said, “I feel so sorry for this guy.”

  46. Donkey and Mule Association says:

    JakeandJulia.com alert!

  47. Freeloading Musketeers says:

    William hates her. I like him.

    • The Final Rose says:

      Did you pick that up through their distracting physical chemistry? Deluded donkey is always, always deluded.

  48. They Call Me Jack says:

    He’s on to the donkey and she just used the word irony, perhaps correctly!

  49. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Friend: She’s like a bloated Evangeline Lilly.

  50. diluted brain says:

    why does she think every guy each week is hot? she is one horny donkey.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Girlfriend is going to dry hump her stuffed animal collection. Down girl!

    • Kimbo Slice says:

      Seriously, get a fucking dildo.

  51. Canklehausen by Proxy says:

    Only two cats, Amy?

  52. Dr. Gary says:

    Watching the livestream at work.

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cringe-y. Julie comes off as fake and uncomfortable in her own skin. It’s giving me Cankleshausen.

  53. The Final Rose says:

    Amy needs to lay off the spinster cat lady schtick. I manage to have attract more men from underneath my cloud of Cheeto dust and cat hair than she does with her By Bravo dates.

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      And she’s being so shitty to her cute date.

      • Ca Ca Nails says:

        Seriously, “finance guys can be a little too into themselves?” What did I miss? He specifically said he didn’t want to talk about work. Also, Amy is two seconds away from snapping in half like peanut brittle.

        • Ca Ca Nails says:

          ALL HER being a douchebag. All her. So what if he’s excited about the view from his apartment–and it would be better if he was blase? For a matchmaker, she can’t read people for shit.

          • Freeloading Musketeers says:

            And she asked him where he lived, so it’s not like he brought it up on his own.

          • Fake Kidney Infucktion says:

            Seriously. I couldn’t believe how obnoxious she was being. That guy seemed pretty decent. What the fuck does she even want?
            And I thought it was nice that he was excited about his view. That’s much better than someone being all “whatever” about it.

          • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

            I thought it was pretty special that she asked the question and then… judged him for answering. Ooookay then.

          • RachelD says:

            I loved how she asked him. “So where would you say you live?” as if it’s not a fact, but a vague opinion someone would hold.

            I was so hoping she’d last with Tem. Tem, Tem, Tem. He said he’d cock for her in the morning! I seriously had to rewind that because I had no idea what she was saying. Why can’t she just say the words correctly?

          • Breakfast Burro-ito says:

            Amy seems the type of person who really needs to be treated badly in order for her to sustain interest in someone. Her persona when speaking to the camera is pretty direct and confident, but around men she turns into this whiny little girl that thinks it’s cute to be terrified of calories.

            P.S. Put down the botox needle and slowly back away.

      • Kimbo Slice says:

        He was cute and seemed genuine. She’s a stuck-up prissy bitch who constantly looks like she smelled a fart.

    • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

      The cat thing makes me rage (yes, I know, I sound like such a cat lady. Because I am. But I’m a happily married cat lady with a successful man who adores me even if I’m covered in cat fur). Such crap advice — “Don’t get a cat while you’re looking for a spouse. Just be someone else! Get cats after you’re married, if you have to.” So fake and sad.

      • Breakfast Burro-ito says:

        I guffawed when she said that she “wants to look natural.” Too bad, so sad, Amy.

  54. They Call Me Jack says:

    Coming up: Julia as VICTIM!

  55. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Oh, Amy. Oh, Amy Amy Amy.

  56. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    I’m convinced post production for this show were a bunch of cat ladies… Mee-owww and thank you.

  57. Yoo hoo!! says:

    Thank you, JP and Jacy! I can’t imagine watching this show without RBD.

  58. Dr. Gary says:

    Mmmmm…Bad Juan’s Margaritas!

    • Dyspeptic says:

      the best part is toward the end of the spot when Bad Juan leers with his mouth open. Good times!

  59. Queen Neferteeri says:

    The guy wants to see her again? Is that part of his contract, ‘coz he looked like he wanted to run like hell from Donks.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      That’s what I thought.

      • donniedriveby says:

        Ditto. You could see it. Like someone flipped a switch when she tromped all over “hanging out” by calling it so non-commital.

    • MY Beach Home says:

      It must be at least a 2 date deal b/c the promo for next week shows them at a wine tasting.

      He very clearly had the full back story on her majesty and the cray.

      Who is this Paige that set them up? A producer?

    • Breakfast Burro-ito says:

      He seemed to enjoy torturing her. He is a cat and she is a tiny, injured donkey.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        I felt that too… like maybe he;’s a friend of Redacted or certainly someone who has been harmed by a Donkey.

        • The Final Rose says:

          Through some sleuthing, I am willing to bet Paige Craig is the Paige who set them up for the show, but I have no idea who Paige Craig is unfortunately.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Bother William and Paige work at Betterworks – hence Donkey’s unrelenting heehawing about it months ago on her twitter

  60. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I hate to sidetrack away from Donkey but. . .

    HOLY CRAP. Amy is really awful. She’s a shitty unhappy miserable person.

    • The Final Rose says:

      Yep yep yep.

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      seriously! she asks him where he lives, he says central park south, she says how much she loves central park south, so he takes that and runs with it and tells her about his apartment…and then she judges him for daring to talk about his apartment? wtf is that shit?

    • cola champagne says:

      She looked like she was going to jump out the window when she called her “client” and the girl was going on and on about how happy she was with her boyfriend. I wonder if she realizes how weird she looks.

      Also, the reason she and Julia have big heads is because they are full of botox. I can’t get over how she is 4 years younger than me and looks like my 46 y.o. sister.

  61. They Call Me Jack says:

    They’re saving the Mulia Mallison bawl-a-thon for the finale!

  62. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Emily’s mother! There are always tragedies but they could be possibilities. I love her.

  63. They Call Me Jack says:

    Julia pretends to work but poor Lilly has to take over and earn that Mercedes payment.

  64. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    i always watch this on dvr about 10 minutes behind just so i can read the comments here first and get excited about scenes before they happen. it makes it way more fun…

  65. The Final Rose says:

    Are we supposed to believe she works her 80-hour weeks at the end table she’s pretending is a desk?

  66. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Friend: Love coach has one scarf, (whisper) that she really, really likes. (end whisper)

  67. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Annie’s killing it. Wow.

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      I admit her onscreen presence really surprised me. She comes across much better on camera than she does on her weird spammy Geocities website.

    • frequent liar miles says:

      Omb exactly what I thought: although she looks like a piece of jerky with frosty white eyeshadow (what is it with these dopes?), her advice wasn’t that terrible, at least for donkey purposes

  68. Canklehausen by Proxy says:

    This is our moment!

  69. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    Husband is coding on the couch. Asks “How are you not POUNDING alcohol right now!”

  70. They Call Me Jack says:

    Cry, Julie, cry. This is why Annie does her work! Keep crying, we need ratings!

  71. virgil reid says:

    “keep crying”

    profound annie lalalala

  72. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    I felt Donkey’s crying was a complete manipulation to make all the true things Annie Lalalalalala was saying stop. Well done, Julsie, well done.

    • Breakfast Burro-ito says:

      Malformed Face, you speak truth. I thought the same thing. She couldn’t process what Eye-Jacket Lalalala was saying, but she knew it was bad. So she just started crying to make it about her being sooooosaaaaaad!!!!

  73. The Final Rose says:

    It’s unfortunate for Julia’s burgeoning profile picture consultancy that Bravo chose to highlight a comment about her profile picture making her look like a whore.

  74. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Another gift from my friend. Say, “Thank you, friend!”

  75. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Mr. Handbag was very, very interested in the scene between Annie and Julia. From his point of view (as a non-catlady) Annie told her the truth, and as kindly as possible, but the very disease that causes Julia to be who she is will always prevent her from hearing even the most direct and compassionate description of her behavior. It’s a psychological ouroboros.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I was surprised at how useful La Lalla’s advice was, even though it was clothed in new age woo.

      Then I went to her website and my respect levels returned to their usual.

      • Donkeycam Now! says:

        I couldn’t, in a million years, trust any advice coming from someone with hair like Fauxtor Lallallllalala’s.

  76. Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

    Little Julia is so affected by Julia’s tears she can’t hold back!

    Julia Price ‏@JuliaPriceMusic
    Wait what!?! We have a plug on our floor there? How did I not know this? @JuliaAllison #MissAdvised
    10:45 PM – 2 Jul 12

  77. Kimbo Slice says:

    Can we add “makes weird squealing noises” to the bingo card? Ugh.

    • The Final Rose says:

      YES! She does it every time someone a. kisses b. talks about kissing c. otherwise acts like a mature sexual being.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Plus she really needs to relearn how to greet people. Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! is not doing her any favors repeated multiple times per episode.

  78. The Final Rose says:

    Wait, the fourth episode that Julia’s been begging her fans to wait for is the one where she licks the side of her date’s mouth?

    And other than the excruciating scene with her manager, I didn’t think this episode was nearly as bad as all the braying led me to believe it would be.

    • bitchface says:

      well that’s her MO

      “OMG I look SOOOO Ugly and fat in that pic!”
      cute “julia you look great” comments

      “OMG THIS EPISODE WAS SOOOOOO AWFUL AND HUMILIATING!”
      cue: “julia you look great” comments

      Pre-emptive Deflection. She’s the master to those who don’t know her.

  79. shamespiral says:

    You guys… I’m only 10 minutes into this shit and the faux sobs about Jack deploying and the burden of being involved with someone in the military made me SUPER STABBY. For the first time in all my lurking, I’m not sure I can continue with this shit show.

    Signed,
    An Army wife & struggling lawyer

    P.S. WHAT THE FUCK. YOU CAN WRITE FROM ANYWHERE, IF YOU ACTUALLY HAD A JOB OR MOTIVATION. That relationship was not exactly geographically prohibitive. He was just not that into you, Donks. Because you’re fucking nuts. And full of plastic.

  80. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    Camping recap!

    #ShameShackles are trapping Donks!
    To get rid of her veHEEmence, Lalla suggests she emulate Nefertiri [sic]
    Lalla: “you’re a selfish self absorbed narcissistic bitch princess”
    Next episode: Gary Busey look alike kissing workshop!

    aaannd… DAVID MOTHERFUCKING RUBIN!

  81. Pelterina says:

    I can’t decide if I’d rather Pancakes set the record straight about him dumping her or whether it’d be better to just let her get away with it because it’s so far below his radar. Probably the latter because she’s just screaming for Pancakes to notice her.

  82. Sake Bombardier says:

    [img]http://s14.postimage.org/px9j3h6c1/brah.gif[/img]
    Dudebrah!

    [img]http://s9.postimage.org/lurs0rj8f/snaussages.png[/img]
    Oh my snaussages.

    [img]http://s14.postimage.org/6lskqmij5/wait.png[/img]
    Wait…

    [img]http://s15.postimage.org/dcpn0vl23/weiner.png[/img]
    What’s this about a weiner?

    [img]http://s15.postimage.org/j25vl6r8b/Weiner.png[/img]
    What??? No!

    [img]http://s11.postimage.org/s0lozi5xv/noweiner.png[/img]
    That was so not a weiner!

    [img]http://s13.postimage.org/48mmmqc3b/therewassomething.png[/img]
    I mean, I definitely felt something….

    [img]http://s13.postimage.org/iui8opy9j/ohthat.png[/img]
    Oh, that!

    [img]http://s16.postimage.org/byctquh0l/somanyweiners.png[/img]

    So many weiners… who can keep track?

  83. helobabe says:

    This is one of the shots they had – it doesn’t look like RBD to me…
    I’m not saying the others shots weren’t RBD, I’m just saying this one looks like her own sideways scrolling blergh:
    [img]http://oi47.tinypic.com/2niw6d1.jpg[/img]

  84. Skyez says:

    What douche bags u all are! If you hate Julia so much, why the eff do you watch her show? Get a life! Hating on her (or anyone) like this is so incredibly juvenile, mean-spirited and a huge waste of time. Grow up, losers!

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      From her lone fan. The sound of one hand clapping.

    • Canklehausen by Proxy says:

      Welcome to the basement. Would you like a Cheeto?

    • helobabe says:

      I can’t grow up :( I have a disease. PRINCESS PARKING ONLY!

    • Kimbo Slice says:

      Your comment has made me completely re-evaluate my life and I will now stop commenting here.

      Happy?

    • Restylame says:

      Don’t take it so seriously! xoxo, bunny!

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      You see Skyez.

      There are some really shitty people in the world. And they do really shitty things that affect other people’s lives.

      We, the wide eyed innocents of the world are faced with two options. We can be silent and make the argument that if its not hurting us directly, why get involved. Or we can decide that these shitty people, whose malicious actions and general disregard for the lives, feelings, reputations of others need to be called out on their shit, whether or not their actions directly affect you. Because you would hope that somewhere there is someone taking the same approach with the crappy, evil, sociopath whose actions do directly affect you in life.

      See, if you remain silent when it doesn’t directly affect you, who is going to be there to right the wrong when it happens to you or a loved one?

      A long time ago there was another really evil group of people who did terrible things. And far too many people took the appeasement approach with them and by the time the true measure of the damage these evil doers could be seen, it was too late to stop them from perpetrating their ungodly terrible acts upon the world.

      You know who I’m talking about. That’s right, Rick Moranis and his army of Space Ball soldiers.

      So in essence, we are the Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga in Julia Allison’s life. But more Daphne Zuniga from The Sure Thing and Vision Quest than Melrose Place.

      And that is why I floss after each meal.

      What was your question?

    • My Mother's Perfectionism says:

      You’re absolutely right Skyez, it’s all my fault.

  85. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    It’s gonna be hard to not poke the Donkey because of all the lies and flasehoods contained herein, but resist. It’s not worth it.

    At great personal expense I’ve gone to her Bravo blog to see how she has re-written history. As always it’s a gas. Enjoy hatorzz!

    “I’m not quite sure how other participants on documentary series (as the Powers That Be call what the rest of us hoi polloi know as “reality shows”) feel about watching themselves live out tiny fractions of our life experiences in front of an audience, but I know how I feel: mortified.
    This mortification comes in waves. Some episodes, some moments, are more or less mortifying than others. Last week, in Episode 2, I throw myself at a tall drink of water. Mortification (Scale of 1 to 10): 4
    This week… and my stomach churns just thinking about it… the overall level was up there at a 10. Individually, here’s how I’d break it down:
    First, we see me at coffee with my manager Steven, in which a work discussion about my columns for ELLE was pre-empted by an email I had just received by the gossip column, “Page Six,” accusing me of “stalking” my ex-boyfriend, Jack. As you can tell, the subject of Jack — and anything surrounding it — is still deeply painful to me, s … well… I just found it horrible to watch. What you didn’t see on camera — because the cameras were inside — was me sobbing hysterically in my car right before I was to walk into that cafe, because I had to CALL MY EX in Guam (where he is stationed, as a Naval helicopter pilot) and connect him to the reporter to inform her it wasn’t true. He did, and they killed the story, but he doesn’t like gossip reporters and he was pissed that he had to do that.
    At the time, I was desperately (key word: desperately) trying to have an amicable friendship with this man I had loved so much, and this was the LAST experience I wanted him to have of me before he deployed just seven days later. What I felt it said to him (and perhaps what he felt, too): if we maintain a friendship — which was very important to me (because I would feel like a failure if we didn’t) — we’ll always have to be dealing with this nonsense: squelching rumors, dealing with reporters, all of the things he hates. I was holding up a portrait of his worst nightmare. It was HUMILIATING. When I spoke with Jack two days ago, and told him about this portion of the episode, I was just as nervous as when I called him that day back in December with the reporter. His life is bigger than this crap — he’s actually out there (just back from a seven month deployment) fighting for our country, and he doesn’t deserve to have to deal with questions about his past relationship. We ended our conversation amicably, but I feel deeply uncomfortable that he’ll be affected by my mentioning this on the show. I should have thought of that when I walked into that coffee shop. But I didn’t.
    That’s the problem inherent in reality shows: if you’re a conscientious human being, you try to take into account everyone’s feelings (“Should I say this, even if it’s what I’m going through, knowing that a mere mention of it will drag this person into a situation he might not want?”), and then you’re accused of not being authentic — when really you’re trying to protect someone. So you start being honest and authentic — and then people accuse you of NOT protecting the people you love or loved. It can be a horrible catch-22, and you just hope and pray that your loved ones — whether they be your family or your friends or your exes — understand your intentions, understand that you were doing the best you could with the emotional resources you had at the time.
    I suppose that’s really all any of us can do.
    So from there we move to this bike date with William. Now, a few things on this:
    1) I look like a drunk cowboy riding a bike!
    2) I will never again be filmed on a bike.
    3) Have I mention that I look stupid while biking?
    On the date itself: William — who is actually a sweetheart — he sent me a congratulatory basket of gluten-free goodies from Healthy Surprise (HealthySurprise.com) just two weeks ago — looks like he hates me. Fun! He didn’t, to the best of my knowledge, hate me, although… yeah, it doesn’t really look like there’s much “chemistry” on this first date. This is where I have to say that I really enjoyed the disconnect between what I was experiencing (a massive rush of dopamine due to his intelligence and manly, tall, attractive appearance) and what actually happened: he sort of grilled me in an uncomfortable manner!
    What I also realized, which I address in this week’s ELLE Guinea Pig of Love column “Meet My Love Coach” is that I do have a dating “schtick” that holds me back from actually connecting with the young man on the other side of that table. I developed this schtick, as many of us do, in a not-entirely-misguided attempt protect myself from being hurt. Schticks are intended to keep others at arm’s length. If you can’t get to know me, you can’t reject me, right? Or at least you can’t reject me for ME. Stopping those pre-programmed defense mechanisms was f—ing HARD. No more laughing because I was nervous. No more rapid fire interrogation. No more hiding behind stock stories.
    Dating well is the act of being vulnerable — and there are many, many reasons I didn’t want to be vulnerable. I’ve had my heart pulverized in the past. After 15 years of repeatedly falling in love, only to watch it fall apart, my heart slowly rendered numb by the scar tissue, I had become a cynic.
    So being vulnerable on a date felt incredibly unsafe. I didn’t want to go there. Why? To be hurt again? But as Annie Lalla (AnnieLalla.com), my love coach (yeah, that’s right, I have a love coach!!) says, when I ask her forlornly if I’ll ever recover from the insidious disease of disappointment, “Cynics are simply failed idealists. All cynics started out as romantics, but their dreams got bashed against the sidewalk. So they give up, they say ‘F— it, it’s never going to work. I’ll never find true love.’ But inside every cynic is this tiny burning ember of a romantic ideal. They’re just too terrified to reopen that dream.”
    And here is where the episode gets really painful for me. I’ve been hurt, not just by men, but by (mostly anonymous) commenters and bloggers. I didn’t think this episode fully captured the pain I’ve felt at their hands, but let’s put it this way: it hasn’t been pleasant. I wish we had talked about how I’ve heard that I’m fat, ugly, old, how my fingers are sausages and how my legs are tree stumps and how my face is deformed. How I look “like a dude” in person and how I am a failure of a woman and no man will want me because I can’t cook. (For the record, I make awesome omelets. So. THERE.) Other reasons men won’t want me, according to these people: I am crazy, psychotic, a liar, my teeth are yellow, I am a fame whore, I am fat, I am a terrible writer, I am desperate loser whose ass looks, as they say, like a raft (that’s the only insult I don’t quite get… I think my giant ass looks more like… a giant ass.) Have I mentioned the fat comments enough yet? Yes, fat fat fat fat fat. And ugly! I am also, according to them, a terrible dog mother (they do not like it when I leave my dog with a responsible friend to travel, and then they don’t like it when I travel WITH my dog. Apparently dog owners must only stay at home with their dogs 100% of the time), my friends all hate me and my family pities me (now, that last one might be 30% true). And, once again, I am fat and ugly.
    I could go on, but I’m bored and I’m guessing you are too. What’s the deal behind this? I have lots of theories, but the deeper root in this: the deal behind this hate site — behind any of the anger and angst we find directed at us throughout our lives — is pain. Pain on my part, pain on theirs. I never felt good enough, growing up. I never felt pretty enough. I would look in the mirror and hate my own face. I never felt popular. I felt like a fraud. I just wanted to be loved.
    And I have played out that dynamic in my adult life. That’s what we all do with unhealed wounds. We play them out until we either go crazy or we get help. The good news? I finally got help. But it’s a process. You don’t just heal decades old wounds in one day. The bad news? A hell of a lot of other people are walking around wounded, too.
    If you’re one of them, like me, be kind to yourself today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And realize that we’re all going through this, playing out our issues and our insecurities in our relationships and our jobs and our families and the situations in which we find ourselves. Be kind to yourself and be kind to the people around you. They’re hurting too.
    I know that’s a bit sappy at the end. I know. But this is what pain does. It demolishes you, and you rebuild. And when you rebuild you decide to add moats and drawbridges and cannons on every portico. And then you find that no one can reach you there. You’re lonely as hell. So you start to slowly, slowly, lay down your weapons and emerge from your fortress, blinking in the sun, terrified. You realize that everyone else built a fortress too, and that they’re lobbing their pain-filled cannonballs at you from theirs. And you have to make a decision — are you going retreat to your fortress? Or are you going to stand there, bravely owning your vulnerability?
    I choose to stand here.
    Fire away.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

      “We ended our conversation amicably, but I feel deeply uncomfortable that he’ll (Jack McCain) be affected by my mentioning this on the show. I should have thought of that when I walked into that coffee shop. But I didn’t.”

      Gee, this sounds familiar – like outing a mental illness of an ex boyfriend, not once but twice but it’s AOKAY because she apologizes after. And, um, er, oops, it happens again when she outs an ex who didn’t want to admit to anyone he was dating her – when she has Lasagna out Codename TK here under his dead sister’s name. But she apologizes again and lies and says they are still friends, so again, AOKAY.

      Um, okay, Julia – wink wink!

      Such a victim!

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      I love the line about how we hate her because she can’t cook. It’s true, cat ladies like their women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. If a woman doesn’t have the ability to whip up some Cheetos and Franzia, she is not real woman and better GTFO.

    • The Final Rose says:

      OK, now that I’ve taken a few deep breaths…

      Her most recent phone call to Jack must have been begging him not to set the record straight, hmm? That’s why she’s freaking out about this episode.

      And I love that this site causes her so much pain that she has to complain about the Bravo editing of it.

      And William sent you a gluten-free gift basket to thank you for helping him get his SAG card, dear heart. But you will remain friends!

    • Restylame says:

      THE CAMERAS WERE INSIDE.

      [/dead]

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      She couldn’t resist with the “young man.” The “young man” across the table. Seriously, what’s up with that shit? Where did she pick that crap up?

      • Random Snowflake says:

        Hey now, at least she’s moved up from calling them “boys” – Baby steps! :)

    • Get a Therapist says:

      It’s been written here that Randi’s teefs are yellow.
      Notice how Julia doesn’t mention all the shitty things reported here about her misdeeds and about how at least twice she’s flounced up in here…

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        i believe the color used to describe julia’s teeth was brown, as in, no the four giant gleaming white chiclets in front, the other crappy teef in yo mouf!

    • KashMoney says:

      so her advice is “be kind to yourself today. And tomorrow. And the next day.” how about being kind to someone else for no reason, EVER?

      Julia’s egotism is making Ayn Rand rethink her whole philosophy.

    • JFA says:

      SO MANY good Julia Allisonisms in this screed, including “he’s a sweetheart!” and “DOPAMINE!!!” but bitch? Jesus christ GET HELP if you are always fucking “crying hysterically.” I CAN’T. seriously every five minutes she is crying hysterically. YOU HAVE AN EMOTIONAL DISORDER. CRIKEY.

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      So she decided to open her heart to the world but couldn’t resist to include a plug for healthysurprise.com to see if she gets from free goodies.

      Donks is not good or evil, just incurable #ad

    • Healthy Surprise (HealthySurprise.com) says:

      You rang?

  86. Sake Bombardier says:

    [Earlier that evening...}

    [img]http://s17.postimage.org/3unjoms9r/work_LOL.png[/img]
    LOLOL

    [img]http://s7.postimage.org/haiseuht7/mrf.png[/img]
    Mr. F?

    [img]http://s9.postimage.org/suafdv8kf/whydoyousaskaboutweiners.png[/img]
    Um, why do you want to know how I feel about weiners?

    [img]http://s9.postimage.org/vn3mxw8wv/killme.png[/img]
    Please kill me.

  87. The Final Rose says:

    Drops the phone. Drops the MOTHER FUCKING phone.

    She called Jack in Guam to have him kill a story about her lunacy in Page Six? And then tweeted about it like it was a lover’s tete-a-tete?

    And then called him AGAIN – post-engagement – to tell him she’d lied about their relationship on her shitty reality show?

    I will never, ever, EVER the donkey.

    Sorry for all the caps.

  88. Restylame says:

    Oh thank Greg. I thought the new cat ladies broke RBD. (Got some error pages when I tried to get here a few mins ago.)

    Waiting for the midnight showing of this nonsense. In the meantime, combing the comments and the #MissAdvised tag on Twitter. People seem to genuinely…like…this show? What? Is if they have no brains?

    • Kimbo Slice says:

      “I didn’t think this episode fully captured the pain I’ve felt at their hands, but let’s put it this way: it hasn’t been pleasant. I wish we had talked about how I’ve heard that I’m fat, ugly, old, how my fingers are sausages and how my legs are tree stumps and how my face is deformed. How I look “like a dude” in person and how I am a failure of a woman and no man will want me because I can’t cook. (For the record, I make awesome omelets. So. THERE.) Other reasons men won’t want me, according to these people: I am crazy, psychotic, a liar, my teeth are yellow, I am a fame whore, I am fat, I am a terrible writer, I am desperate loser whose ass looks, as they say, like a raft (that’s the only insult I don’t quite get… I think my giant ass looks more like… a giant ass.) Have I mentioned the fat comments enough yet? Yes, fat fat fat fat fat. And ugly! I am also, according to them, a terrible dog mother (they do not like it when I leave my dog with a responsible friend to travel, and then they don’t like it when I travel WITH my dog. Apparently dog owners must only stay at home with their dogs 100% of the time), my friends all hate me and my family pities me (now, that last one might be 30% true). And, once again, I am fat and ugly.”

      lol.

  89. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    Michelle Gill ‏@chelle1030
    @JuliaAllison “a queen like NEFERTEARI …” who is this man-faced moron??? U mean Nefertiti ? Ps she has a mustache! #MissAdvised

  90. Sake Bombardier says:

    [img]http://s18.postimage.org/xbl12xyp5/autehnticity.png[/img]

    Authenticity! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  91. Dancing With Myself says:

    I think the saddest part of this episode was that JA had to use her “hater website” as fodder for the show. Because there is nothing remotely interesting about her except how much she lies to/about herself.

    • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

      Good observation. It’s like some physicists or other say about the universe: without us here to observe her, she would not exist.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Interesting that of all the criticisms she could have cited as disturbing her, she left out The Big One: that she lies about nearly everything.

  92. idiotbox says:

    Let’s help a girlfriend out: we call you donkey because of your laughter and clomping, mostly.

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      A bulldog wants to help, too! Julie, we call you “Donkey” because you are the most graceless human being on the planet.

  93. Kimbo Slice says:

    This picture, also. Any excuse for a fucking skirt pull.

    Donks is so awkward and out of place. Also can’t get over how GOOD Emily looks in pictures versus on tv.

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5ylv7biZr1rog79vo1_500.png

  94. The Final Rose says:

    Donkey’s good-will towards poor William lasted all of 15 minutes. Her cuntiness must just mean she’s in a lot of pain.

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/34j7qkh.jpg[/img]

  95. SchemeyNutButter says:

    On Lily’s behalf may I bark in protest.
    Leaving dog with responsible friend = good. Taking dog to inappropriate events (crowded cocktail parties, etc.) = not good. Destabilizing dog’s life with erratic schedule and traumatic events = not good.
    It’s not that complicated.

    • Kimbo Slice says:

      She treats Lilly like a prop. She’s only there for Donks’ own amusement when she feels like dealing with her/wants something cute around for a few minutes.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

        Everyone is a prop to her, including Jack.

        • CaptainGary says:

          You know what I find weird? That Jack McCain, the SON of THE former presidential candidate, with whom Julia discussed marriage and who must’ve been crushed by her well-considered decision to end it all, has managed to move on – somehow! someway! – with his life and…well, get engaged only a little over a year later.

    • idiotbox says:

      By responsible friend does she mean the Megtard “the pointer” Asha? THe same one who filmed lilly rubbing her head on the floor trying to remove water from her ears? Or Julia “please stop fucking singing” Price who screams “lilly!” over and over so that the poor dog is overwhelmed with anxiety? Yeah. good job, moron.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      What the fuck was up with the way she put Lily up to her laptop to seemingly type on it? She’s always doing weird/annoying shit like that with that poor dog and throws her around like a goddamned ragdoll.
      And why do we keep ragging on her about being a “bad dog mother”? Because she has no respect for the creature and cares for the dog because it’s the only living thing that can be forced to live around her and provide constant companionship/affection. Because she leaves the poor dog with people she just meets or takes it to crowded events/places not meant for dogs. Because she travels for no real reason and the dog spends most of its days cooped up inside. Of course she had to get a dog, because dogs get you attention in public!

      I’ll bet if she met a guy who she liked a lot and who proposed to her on the grounds that he didn’t want to live with/was allergic to Lilly, she’d give that poor dog up in a heartbeat.

      • Kimbo Slice says:

        Lilly’s not exactly a puppy, either. I think she’s about 9 years old? Definitely way past the age to be rough-housed around. She should just let her parents have him, the way they took custody of Langdon.

  96. Restylame says:

    From the Twatter Peanut Gallery:

    LJS ‏@LJS4247
    The redhead on #MissAdvised is the absolute worst!! No wonder she’s single & annoying as fuck.

    • Restylame says:

      Jason Hess ‏@JJPasadena
      So @BravoTV has a show called #MissAdvised, apparently it’s about 3 shallow dumb girls w/ daddy issues trying to get ass. #whofuckingcares

      Leanne F. Evans ‏@SwiftlySpeaking
      Julie on #missadvised is a psycho

      Welcome to the basement!

  97. "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

    Tell you what, though. I really missed Toilet Julia this episode. Wasn’t the same without her rolling her eyes at Julia Allison in the background.

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      Me too! Last week I half expected Flusher to give some Shakespearean aside to the audience about living with Falstaff.

  98. Kimbo Slice says:

    She really puts her parents’ relationship up on a pedestal. Disturbing. I’m sure it’s just oh-so-perfect as she would like to imagine.

  99. Random Snowflake says:

    If anyone missed it (like I did), they are replaying the episode now 11pm CST @ http://tvpc.com/Channel.php?ChannelID=7888 Yay :)

  100. Stop being jealous says:

    Whoever made this blog is a sad person and obviously has huge jealousy issues against this girl. Go do something with your life and stop obsessing over this person. This goes for all the other idiots posting on here too.

    • Kimbo Slice says:

      You obviously have very limited knowledge about dear Jules.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      Have you watched any of these episodes so far? Jealous of what?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Hi! You forgot to call us fat.

    • Potty Kettle says:

      You do realize you’re now an ‘idiot posting on here’ right?

      *goes back to eating her jelly with her pancakes*

      • Random Snowflake says:

        I think Julie needs to send this Stop being jealous person a Cease & Desist for posting on her hate site.

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      Oh yay! A white knighter!! You guys are rare around these parts. This is exciting.

      Please, do tell us more about how wonderful Julia Allison is. We’re always happy when people can present us with evidence that she’s not a liar, narcissist and master manipulator.

      Oh, wait. You can’t? Don’t worry too much about it. Hardly anyone can contradict us because we’re often quite accurate (and funny) with our insights.

      Thanks for dropping by though, it was real thrill.

      • mcakez says:

        I might be a little drink from playing the Miss Despised drinking game, but I read that as “This is editing” before realizing the actual intent.

        Man, I hope this show is over before the school year starts.

    • MissDespised is the New JA Pilot says:

      Lasagna?

    • CaptainGary says:

      You’re right. I quit. I QUIT!

    • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

      Lemme guess: You never met her?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Soooooooo jealous. You got us all. Look at that fantabulous life she’s having on the teevee every week!

    • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

      I’m jealous of talent who get reamed by their manager for shitty product while the cameras are rolling. Just a thing with me, I guess.

    • melting marionette says:

      azalp? can we call you azalp?

  101. CaptainGary says:

    Yoo-hoo, jelly haterz who love to hate and hate Miss Julia!! This is so weird, but even in Donk’s Bravo blog, the link to her Elle.com article goes only to the home page. So I was curious, so I noted that THIS (random) link goes to its designated article. Strange…
    http://www.elle.com/accessories/bags-shoes-jewelry/editors-picks-accessories-of-the-day-573522
    Strange!

  102. Servicey says:

    Long-time reader de-lurking re: Amy’s date. Tim Sykes was on a “Mojo” show called “Wall Street Warriors.” He was obnoxious, one scene I recall with his fratty neophyte finance bros was particularly awful. He then “moved on” to shilling penny-stocks that some how involved making tacky videos with his girlfriend (not those kind of videos).

    Thank you to all you cat-ladies, you are saving me from the misery that is studying for the bar exam!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Everyone on this show has an angle – they are all grifters!

      • CaptainGary says:

        Yeah, how weird that all these people on the show – Annie Cobra-LALALALALA, Lewis Howes – are people that Donks met through her introduction into the grifter life. AND HERE THEY ARE – random people in her life who appear as semi-credentialed guests on the show that she signed a contract for RIGHT BEFORE they met! How fortuitous that she met all these people right before she got a show, just like she got her dream job at Elle.com in the second episode of her show! Weird!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Pillsbury Douchebro

    • "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

      OMG DOUCHE DOUCHE. Of course.

    • ineffableveehawmentdistraction says:

      yes. this. without dear jules and the haterzzzzz i don’t know how i would survive bar studying!

  103. Pelts off the Charts says:

    Oh boy! Finally some white-knighters! All it took was the reblog being exposed to a national tv audience!

  104. She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

    Ok the part with Amy saying that she didn’t want too much Botox because “I want to be able to give people dirty looks when I have to” ? Hilarious.
    Sometimes you have to give a dirty look, ok?

  105. Bunburying says:

    Wash. Your. Hair. (don’t use your saliva)

    Shower, too. Put on real clothes. Take out the eyelash extensions.

    Ugh. Everything about her appearance gives me the creepy crawlies. She is so obviously unclean.

    • Bravo's Bitch says:

      Yes. This. Sometimes I think it is my OCD acting up when I watch her but she looks dirty, no? Wash your Ronald McDonald hair. Take a shower. Do something, anything. Clean yourself.

  106. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Just Googled her and all of a sudden, the second item for “reblogging donk” is the article “Julia Allison’s Campaign to Rewrite Her Internet History Coming Along Nicely” LOL

    Also this:

    Siobhan Adams ‏@SiobhanRAdams
    @JuliaAllison. I feel like most of your parts on the show are mechanical and rehearsed. You just come off very fake and uncomfortable.
    Expand
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    meg whyte ‏@megwhyte
    Oh my god the people on twitter saying they relate to @juliaallison just stop. Stop forever. #missadvised
    from Queens, NY
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    Ashton Steiner ‏@ashtonsteiner
    First time seeing #MissAdvised and first time learning who @JuliaAllison is. Well now I know she’s NOT a journalist. This show sucks.
    Expand
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    fullspeedlohan ‏@fullspeedlohan
    Those crocodile tears? SCREAM authenticity. @JuliaAllison #missadvised

    • CaptainGary says:

      Trust me when I say this – those weren’t crocodile tears, exactly; rather, they were the real, frustrated tears of a spoiled, narcissistic brat who’s been caught up in her own lies and bullshit and is crying because nobody will believe her or see her as she wants to be seen, despite years of lying and acting like the exact opposite of how she sees herself.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Really? I could be wrong but I felt like when she bawled big time – it was a way to manipulate Annie to stop talking b/c a Donkey KNEW someone was finally onto her and telling the truth (re: narcissistic Princess) and wanted Annie to STFU.

  107. Random Snowflake says:

    Heyyyy.. Just remembered something. Whatever happened to that other crazy woman that was supposed to be on this show? She was in Connecticut or something.. What happened to her?

  108. Lilly Liberation Front says:

    Ummm, soda through my nose at the “What would Kate Middleton do?” line. Never change, Burro.

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      Oh yeah! That was laugh-out-loud funny! And I did so hard I fell out my chair! Then Annie lalalalalala sez, like, no bitch not a fucking princess…a goddamn QUEEN! You gotta lean back and let ‘em serve you!! And I’m suddenly sending franzia through my nosez and FFC’s wife is all running in from the other room and hollerin what the fuck is going on up in here, ese, did VH1 bring back Road Rulez For Retards or whut? And I’m rollin on the floor in the franzia puddle wheezin out words like recline and queen and she’s all shakin her head and whatever, dude. It was a night of high humorz in the FFC cat house.

      • mule on rouge says:

        I want to watch the next episode with you! Is there room on your couch for another fatty?

    • Kate Middlebrow says:

      Yay, was I just rung on national TV? I don’t get Bravo so I have to wait a few days to watch on streaming.

  109. They Call Me Jack says:

    Curiosity got the best of a friend least likely to watch Mess Despised. She wrote me this: “When something winces you”? Is that English? Oy!

  110. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    So is Guinea Pig of Love dunzo?

    If I Google it, I only get the Relationship Revelation, the Tarot Card one does not come up. At Relationship Revelation, I can click on tags for Guinea Pig of Love and then I get both articles but no new article.

    Hmmmm….

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Steven Grossman is not going to be happy about this!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Julie includes a link to this week’s Elle *column* on her Bravo blog. When you click on the link, it takes you directly to the elle.com main page. And when you google her *column* on elle.com, none of them show up. If it’s still there somewhere, they are making it very difficult to find.

      It is to chortle.

  111. Random Snowflake says:

    I think Gordon Ramsay said it best:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhxpQBJA-gc

  112. sausage curls/fingers says:

    I missed the episode tonight and I’m desk erranding early in the morning but I scrolled through the comments and just wanted to say

    MADE A RAPE JOKE TO GET CLOSER TO TUCKER MAX, LIED ABOUT BEING A JOURNALIST TO STEAL A GRAPEFRUIT FROM A HOTEL, YELLED IN HER DOG’S EARS UNTIL IT CRIED, LEAKED INFORMATION ABOUT RANDI ZUCKERBERG’S HUSBAND TO GET BACK AT HIM FOR DENYING HER A BIRTHDAY PARTY, USED HER MOTHER’S RAPE TO WIN AN INTERNET ARGUMENT, LIVE TWEETED HER GRANDMOTHER’S SLOW DEATH

    I’m sure that read as “She’s fat” over and over to Julesie though.

  113. Albie Quirky says:

    It’s a beautiful thing that JABz read a Jacy bit out loud and they screenshotted a JP bit.

  114. These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

    Amelia ‏@xoamelia
    @JuliaAllison’s explanation for calling herself a journalist — because most of her stuff has been “in print” — is killllling me.

    1h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @xoamelia – I report & write articles that are published in mags & newspapers.That’s pretty much the definition of a journalist, Amelia. :-)

    1h Amelia ‏@xoamelia
    @JuliaAllison I know the definition. I have a degree in it. (I’m just a blogger/EIC these days.) I laughed at the “in print” qualifier.

    1h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @xoamelia – I don’t have a degree in journalism. I would have loved to major in it, but Georgetown doesn’t offer one!!

    Counts for the bingo card? It was during the West Coast broadcast…

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Amelia should tell Donkey that she should have stayed at Indiana U, they have a School of Journalism!

    • JFA says:

      OMG she needs to STOP answering the haters. What a loser. Ugh.

      Honey, NO ONE TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY AS A WRITER LITERALLY NO ONE. Does she really not know this yet?? I can’t.

      • Amelia/Foolia Fallacy says:

        Seriously, can’t I please just live tweet her damn show in peace?

        • JFA says:

          LOLLLLl. My god. You are the second person I know she has responded to. She’s on a fucking reality show ! What does she expect?!?! What a sick fuck!

        • melting marionette says:

          like+++++++++++++++

  115. She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

    I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I really like Emily’s 80s-70s, hippiesque style. I mean, of course, I think she needs a cheeseburger .. or three … a day for maybe a year, but I think she’s really pretty and looks like she’d be fun to hang out with.

    • Lilly Liberation Front says:

      She’s the only one I can watch without cringing repeatedly. She handled that strip club “surprise” from the 1st episode perfectly! Also, I think David is kind of cute.

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      Yup.

      She is the only “human” of the trio, and her eyes remind of young Madonna.

      Amy is just too depressed / repressed to be fun and Donks is… well… Donks.

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      I’m hot for her mom.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        I was loving her mom’s nail polish shade–it matched one Donks wore on one of the episodes.

    • virgil reid says:

      i think she is really cute. idk she just gives off a lot more real/fun vibe then donkey even if her plot lines are pretty boring.

    • Freeloading Musketeers says:

      I’m liking Emily too. She’s the only one of them who doesn’t have a problem being single, and therefore doesn’t look like a desperate loon on all the times.
      She also seems to be genuinely happy with her life for the most part, because unlike the other two, she doesn’t feel like getting married is the only route to happiness.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      I like her style too – I have the same hair and want to know if she does rollers or what to make it look so cute in some scenes. I only remember her accessories for the most part. For the person who said she’s the only one who seems to be happy – that’s what I like about her, too. She doesn’t subscribe to the norm and she is comfortable in her own skin.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I love her look. Very 1970s disaster movie Bond girl chase scene tacky soundtrack. And there is no way that could ever be a bad thing.

    • Nickelodeon Chic says:

      *drops phone* *stunned silence*

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Holy shit he looks uncomfortable! And when he finally kisses her THE LOOK on his face is like he wants to wash his lips. HE IS SO SKEEVED OUT!!!!!

      I die for her! Has she learned nothing???? No of course not and that is why we will always be here.

      Also, the pink cowboy hat and boots? The dude shirt she’s wearing? No, no, no.

      • The Final Rose says:

        I said the same thing about the look on his face – it’s like she had something dead and rotting in her mouth.

        If I saw someone look like that after kissing me, I would never kiss again.

      • Breakfast Burro-ito says:

        His mouth actually moved to the other side of his face to avoid her mouth.
        It just keeps getting sadder.

    • MY Beach Home says:

      It is seriously as if she has learned everything she knows about dating and boys from movies and telelvision. Has she never had a normal interaction with a man? Like a friend even? She is like an alien who is trying to pass as human. It hurts so much to watch this yet I cannot look away.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I truly found the last one difficult to watch. Like STOP OVERANALYZING a fucking first date. And develop a real life for yourself, one that involves an actual JOB.

        Does she not see that telling someone you write a short weekly column for a magazine website — set up by the pointless reality show you clamoured for for almost a decade — does not constitute having a job or career? She has nothing to offer these dudes, has nothing interesting to say about the world, and reveals nothing about herself other than a raging desperation for someone to rescue her from herself.

        What Annie and everyone else should be telling her is to get a life. Go offline. Get a job that requires you to show up every day and to work hard. Develop real friendships and associations via that job with real people, not grifters and retardo “love gurus” who tell you not to laugh (WTF, by the way?) Do some volunteer work to get your head out of your own ass. And then, maybe a dude will be impressed by you and want to get to know you. And if no dudes show up, you’ll be OK because you will be living a full and productive life.

        Jesus Donkey — it’s not that difficult. You are boring and bring nothing to the table. Go find a life for yourself.

  116. a real person says:

    You all are a bunch of idiots with no lives. It makes me sick reading these horrible comments from people who get to hide behind their computer and openly judge people because you know they can’t say anything to your face. I’m guessing your all doing this to feel better about yourself because your obviously all not happy with your own lives, so you think that gives you the power to trash someone you don’t even know! One big question is, WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALL FOLLOW HER LIFE AND WATCH HER SHOW IF YOU DON’T LIKE HER? Your all calling her a stalker but it seems as if you are all stalkers, devoting all your free time to knowing everything she does and constantaly talking about it. Get off your damn high horse and take a look at your disgusting ugly self.

    • helobabe says:

      I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • I need a good user name... says:

      Don’t you mean “you’re disgusting ugly self”?

      • monster (Single and Mingle) says:

        no, she/he had it right. you’re is you are.

        Good on your grammar, a real person. thanks for coming.

        • monster (Single and Mingle) says:

          oh no. i see. i see what she did.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          “I’m guessing your all doing this to feel better about yourself because your obviously all not happy with your own lives…”

          But she gets it wrong here twice, so…

          You’re/Your… the more you know (cue shooting star)

      • Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        Well, by sheer luck a couple of ‘your’ placements ended up correct.
        #yourYou’reYore

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Shut up.

    • juliajane says:

      It’s exciting to finally have some white knights! Although unfortunately for Julia, they are all people who have never met her. Former slave/dog sitter Meghan is the only person known to Julia who has defended her here, like that time she leaked Toph’s identity under his dead sisters name. Classy.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Oh goodie, you pulled out some of my favorite white knight bon-mots!!
      HOW DID YOU KNOW that we all happen to be: jealous, unhappy, fat/ugly, have no lives?? Clearly you are psychic in your white knighting abilities, because I’m ALL of that and then some!!

      Wow, thank you for that stern lecture; we all obviously needed it, so thanks for coming here and setting us all straight! Come on, folks, let’s quit being such meanie idiots, leave this Godforsaken internet Hellhole and go cure cancer now!!

      • This one is a no-boner says:

        Sweetheart, you’re a real person. And that’s great. We won’t even pay attention to your typos because you’re just so real. Now, let me fill you in on some misconceptions you seem to have about commenters here, as well as the mods: many of us are incredibly accomplished, live in major cities and have very important jobs. The shitshow that is Julia Allison’s life is our American Idol. You do watch American Idol, right? Of course you do. Follow this site for a little while longer, don’t be fooled by Julia and her acting on this ‘reality’ show. Keep checking back here at Rebloggingdonk and you will see that you are the fool. Happens every damn time. Process!

        • This one is a no-boner says:

          Also, everything Julia says on this show is a lie. She is a liar, a manipulator, hates women, and would blow you off in a millisecond as if she’s some kind of celebrity. These are qualities you like in a person? Everything is a lie. 100%. We’ve been following her atrocious behavior for a very long time. Trust us.

          And unhappy in our own lives? I’m in the South of France right now basking in the sun on a boat. Sucks!

    • JFA says:

      Please learn the difference between “your” and “you’re” you fucking moron. That is all.

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      Julie will be pleased that a real person showed up here. Up til now it’s just been us.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      I’m here, baby, shhhh, it’s okay.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      [img]http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/dirties.gif[/img]

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      The third 13 year old girl playing Lancelot. Snooze. Oh, and honey, many of us have met her and would have NO PROBLEM saying whatever we say on here to her restylaned face.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        On a TV show, on a respected network – with 150,000 combined Twitter and Facebook friends and all she got to defend her were three people???

        Julsie, Julsie, Julsie.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Hi! Once upon a time I was like you. Only, you know, with a brain.

    • JFA says:

      I don’t get it. Why is every white knight a veritable fucking idiot? I mean this person is not just merely dumb, she is quite sincerely dumb. This level of dumb actually makes me angry.

  117. Cola chamPagne says:

    I can’t watch a full episode straight so kudos to JP for doing it. What I found funny was when she was talking to Annie and she had a notebook in her hand. Annie says to her, “You are human…” and she whips out her pen and starts writing it down in her notebook. Do you really need a reminder, Jules?

  118. MY Beach Home says:

    Just rewatched the Annie Lala segments and I just want to crawl into a hole on Julia’s behalf – she is seriously mental. How fuck did she think she was going to come out of this looking like America’s sweetheart? I feel so bad for her family. I actually feel bad for her, though I know she is the architect (ha) of her own humiliation. Sheesh, this burns.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      That entire Annie sequence was so awkwardly squirm-worthy. The way she kept nervously playing with her hair/displaying her ugly hands and fug green nails was beyond annoying. Lala was looking at her/talking down to her like she was a special Ed student; I think she only stroked Donks’ pelts out of sheet pity for her pathetic shit-fit.

      And then she literally pushed out a few tears just to obviously appear sympathetic while Annie was lecturing her to be authentic?! Normal unfiltered
      crying does not involve flipping one’s head down and hiding a tearless face under one’s hands, jackass.
      What is this, she’s made herself cry on every episode so far? Nice. Men just love weepy self-absorbed princesses almost as much as they love botoxed judgmental bitches who obsess about calories.

      The only chick coming off decently on this shitshow is Emily, but that’s basically akin to being the shiniest dingleberry in the turd.

      • Freeloading Musketeers says:

        I got the impression that covering her face with her hands was because she was concerned she would have mascara running down her face.

        Dumb donkey, you know you’re going to be fake crying in every episode, so maybe lay off the mascara for a bit?

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Do you need to apply mascara to fake eyelash pelts? My God, those things are Tammy Fae Bakker-ish. It is like she has two big spiders on her eyelids. Imagine how they must look in the flesh???

          TAKE THEM OFF, idiot.

          • Dyspeptic says:

            seriously. they look inert, and heavy, like dead things.

          • MY Beach Home says:

            Yes, major Kyle Richards spider eyes going on.

            I watched some ’10 things that make me happy’ Bravo filler thing (shut up) and Kyle talked about her false eyelashes and jesus, how fucking long does it take these bitches to get ready in the morning?

          • Freeloading Musketeers says:

            Probably not, but she doesn’t need to apply 75% of what’s on her face, so I can’t imagine she’d stop short of applying mascara.

            Or, probably more likely, she knew her fake crying wouldn’t look real if you could see her eyes.

  119. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    I know I harp on this a lot, but I just cannot get over how unhygienic this barnyard animal is. Considering how obsessed with appearances she is, why does it take an act of fucking Congress to get her to bathe and wash her pelts? She is so fucking disgusting, inside and out.

    • monster (Single and Mingle) says:

      i couldn’t figure the pelts out. so literally greasy … is it all the product she uses? she’s gotta keep it away from her roots

      thats a tip for you julie, not a criticism.

    • Onehundredcats says:

      Agree. The part when she is crying with Ann Lala is entertaining.
      You can see Ann begin to stroke her hair to comfort her but then thinks better of it and just stares intently at the greasy pelts.

  120. fl00fy says:

    I ~love~ that only three random white knights have managed to wander in here. After this site is mentioned on television. And you know if she were in any way likable/significant this place would be flooded. (Wait! This place would also not exist in that case…)

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I would love to see a white knight post by JP or Jacy after a few more are posted.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        I would live an Anderson Cooper on my face, but we don’t always get what we want, even the Nefeartutus of the world.

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      Shhhh. Ix-nay. Don’t get her buds at 4chan riled or we’re all fucked.

    • melting marionette says:

      i think it’s the same white knight – three times.

  121. "40 lbs heavier, older, midwest" - Observations from an Agent says:

    Julia’s friends must be having a ball watching her go up in flames.

    This reality show is way more of an epic fail than I ever imagined. Prior to the show airing when you guys were talking about how badly she’d be edited, part of me didn’t believe it. But wow.

    This show is basically going to kill her career, or whatever’s left of it. I seriously wonder how she’s going to make a living from this point forward. Get out the checkbook, Dadsers.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      I’m equally shocked/mortified for her. This show has done *nothing* to help her image, such as proving that she’s 31 but acts/dresses like a teenager. She has multiple fake-cry breakdowns. She constantly squeals and LITERALLY throws herself at men while begging them to kiss her. She’s more invested in her pathetic dating life than her supposed professional life, despite not even knowing how to act “authentic” on a date. And her friends/confidants/family all treat her onscreen like she’s mentally-challenged/impaired.

      Seriously, I’d just pack up for Europe or the UK and start fresh over there somehow if I were her. Otherwise she’s got nothing but yet more reality show embarrassments awaiting her.

      • Andy Whorehol says:

        Oh yeah, and she’s also a shameless name-dropper. I watch a shit-ton of reality tv and I have never even seen any famewhores namecheck their ex/family-connections the way she does. And I watched that show with the chick who had to be forced to admit that she once dated Fabio, mind you. I’d be less embarrassed to admit dating Fabio than a fucking McCain.

        • They Call Me Jack says:

          “I’m good friends with Megan McCain … ” Blah, blah, blah. She’s clearly not and and dumb donkeys shouldn’t be holding bragging rights to the dumbest of the McCains, and that’s saying a lot.

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      Me, I’m picturing Rambo at home in Houston after spending the day filming herself doing push-ups so she can post something for her two readers, parked in her recliner in front of the TV wearing only a K-Mart caftan, cold cream and Nike trainers, swilling wine and going “Oh yeah, bitch! Laugh at ‘One Ocean View’ will ya? Hahahahahahahahahaha!!” Or, you know, however an evil cackle would sound from her.

      (Hi, Mare. Love ya.)

  122. DAVID MOTHERFUCKING RUBIN says:

    RESERVING THIS USERNAME.

  123. So. Blessed. says:

    So Annie Loola’s site masthead claims she’s the Keymaster of Love (or Chartfumbler, or some such) while Julia crowned herself the Pig of Love over at ELLE. Who’s ripping off who?

    I thought Loola gave not-so-bad edited assvice to our Pig–that said, her website references “What is Love?” so many times I tots was expecting the Haddaway song to be playing as a MIDI in the background.
    [img]https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZKS8iwWct2UT8ekqPiaYE-9Q4t1z6GakQpTWTztSSBsDqkdpB[/img]

  124. Fashion Girl says:

    I was out last night and missed it (and by “missed it” I mean that I wasn’t able to sit there with the remote in my hand, quickly changing channels when the Canklehousen became too much for me to handle), so thanks to all of y’all catladies for the amazeballs commentary. I cherish the three (3) white-knighters that showed up. God bless their little hearts.

    I did have my own little RBD experience, though, even without watching the show: one of Julia’s former “colleagues” was at the party, and we got to talking. I put “colleague” in quotes because this person noted that a) Julia was never considered a “journalist” by the editorial staff, or even a writer for that matter; b) her presence at the (print!) publication was solely a stunt hire because she was still good-looking at the time and took a good picture and c) every 200 words she submitted required an hour of editing. I told the person that she has a reality show now, and the response was that she is too worthless for even a hate-watch. I’m sure her Pulitzer will arrive in the mail soon.

  125. Skirt Pull says:

    My husband watched part of this with me and he said “I actually think this show is much easier to watch than the Real Housewives. These people actually seem human and relatable, like someone I might know.”

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      Might I suggest you consult Katie Holmes’ divorce attorney?

    • Wonkeye says:

      I think it’s because there’s no arguing. The constant bickering on the Housewives—over ridiculous shit—is like nails on a blackboard. So three single psychos acting loony is certainly easier on the ears. At least until Donkey starts barking.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Good point – they’re not all stuck dealing with each other, so there’s no infighting or cats-in-a-sack bitchiness.

        Imagine if they actually all lived in the same apartment. Yeesh.

        Toliet Julia would be out of there in about 2 seconds. Through a door, through a window, through the wall.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I think that was true of last night’s Emily segments. I warmed toward her even as I cringed for her.

      • Skirt Pull says:

        Me too. She seems like she’d be a good mom of teenagers, someone who would be open about things like talking about sex and not put off by honest and difficult conversation.

  126. The Final Rose says:

    Julia pissed off some milspouses with her reasons for breaking up with Jack last night, and it’s fun as always to watch her backpedal. You would think someone who lies as much as she does would be better at it.

    Portable Career Plan ‏@StacySwearengen
    @JuliaAllison says she didn’t think she could have a career while being a military wife. #milspouses is it possible?

    11h Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @StacySwearengen – noooo, I just meant a career, uh, doing tv. Military doesn’t love reality tv shows ;-) unless they have control of them!

    Leah Berry ‏@LeahBerry5
    @JuliaAllison @StacySwearengen You want a career doing reality shows? That’s whack.

    9h Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @LeahBerry5 @StacySwearengen – lol, no, you misunderstood – I meant tv in general. Hard for him to be in Guam & me doing a tv show in LA!

    • For serious?? says:

      She is holding on to Pancakes like grim death. I’ve had containers if yogurt last longer than tha relationship. WHY is she still talking about him just days after she blogged that he does not wish to be a part of her show/story/lies/life? Getting into it with military spouses is just pathetic.

      Let it go, Donkey!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Is that her new pretend ambition? Oh honey you have a face and a voice for wax tablets.

    • JFA says:

      Okay this is just flat pissing my shit off right about now. THIS IS NOT WHY YOU BROKE UP. GAHHHHHHHHHHH.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Yeah, you broke up because you initiated The Relationship Conversation with Jack and it didn’t turn out the way you planned, Donks. Over and out.

  127. Donkicles says:

    “The previews for next week show Julia on a second date with William (HRG must have given him a raise) during which they’ll be riding horses. I’ll leave the inevitable comparisons to the Reblogging Donk webmaster.”

    http://www.tvgasm.com/home/miss-advised-recap-beware-feminism.html

  128. Natasha says:

    This is my bingo card that I sent to Jack the Bulldog and Cabinet of Dr Bobby! I do them every week now. I can send along each week if you guys want!

    • They Call Me Jack says:

      So true! I did, however, make some other bingo cards of my own, adding other “events” possibly taking place on Mess Despised, but the one posted is actually Natasha’s. She sent me to a great ESL site to generate cards, too!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I applaud your marvelousness.

      Maybe “Free Lilly!” should always go in the “free” square (the center square)?

      • Natasha says:

        To do that, I can’t have it be customized for Lillydog. It’s like programmed in, their version of a free square.

  129. burning pelts says:

    has anyone uncovered a streaming-link for european catladies and donks’ fans in the ‘stans?

    my expert googling has only uncovered lots of fake-links, this time around. can’t wait to see this episode. even though i’m kinda scared, to be honest.

  130. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    her twitter stream, so full of lies. bitch, you were never even close to becoming a military spouse. this is super brayge-y, for me. and YET AGAIN, dragging pancakes back into the spotlight. he probably just breathed a sigh of relief that he had gotten away, and then he gets pulled back in. and simultaneously, she is trying to make like she’s defending him, trying to shield his privacy,”it never would have worked, the military are very controlling of reality tv” (DA FUCK?!)
    /rant

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Remember when Donkey implied that Jack was considering quitting the military? Why didn’t she mention that on the show or on her blog? She might as well have, considering all the BS she has been spewing.

      In her fantasy world:

      “Jack begged me to give him another chance. He pleaded, ‘I love you, Julia, please don’t go! I’ll do anything for you, I’ll even quit Navy if that’s what it takes.’ But I knew if he gave up his military career, he’d eventually resent me for it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of his life. So I kissed away his tears and told him we’d always remain friends. It was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but I had to be strong enough for the both of us.”

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        “Remember when Donkey implied that Jack was considering quitting the military?”

        The mistake he made was telling her anything private about him or his family. This is probably why he still takes her calls, to placate her so she will not spill the beans.

        I found it telling that she said she was working “desperately” to make their spilt amicable. So Donkey, if you were not busted rifling through his iPhone and emails – why are you working so “desperately” to keep it “amicable?” Hmmm?

      • MY Beach Home says:

        “So I kissed away his tears and told him we’d always remain friends.”

        And she has the belt to prove it shitheads.

        • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

          Indeed! Tune in next week to see whether she casually mentions that she’s wearing her ex-boyfriend Jack McCain’s belt…

          [img]http://i.imgur.com/3XD3o.png[/img]

          • MY Beach Home says:

            Holy fuck I cannot believe she is wearing his belt on this tv show. She is a fucking lunatic, like order of protection needed lunatic.

            Also, I have never seen her wear pants so much.

          • JFA says:

            Jesus christ, the green plaid shirt and pink cowboy hat with the pelts.

          • fl00fy says:

            <3 you beltie

    • CaptainGary says:

      I thought this very thing after reading her Bravo “blog” – “Oh, I’m so protective of his privacy, so I’ve mentioned him in two-thirds of the episodes of my sharty reality show! I respect his privacy, so I call him to tell him I’m talking about him on TV.”

      B, if you really respect ANYONE’S privacy, try the following: DON’T TALK ABOUT THEM IN PUBLIC FORUMS!

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        She loves to invoke the old “I PROTECTED HIM” – she did the same thing with Codename TK as she was unleashing one of her henchmen to out him here.

        She is a beast.

  131. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    Cat people, need suggestions…I’m off to France for a couple of weeks today. The first leg will be in Paris, which I’m totally familiar with and have too much I want to do and people to see in a short time. The second half, however, will be in Dordogne (with my family, ack…), where I haven’t been since I was wee. I know it’s going to beautiful and pastoral (and a wonderful escape from dirty and deluged Baltimore), we’re renting a great house with a pool, etc… But I don’t like to lounge around, especially while traveling. I think I’m gonna get sick of castles and fois gras (well not really) but does any one have any suggestions for anything more dynamic and lively? Hiking? Cool towns? Anything hip and off the beaten path? Thanks.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am stuck with a 6-day weekend in 95-degree heat at a family gathering at what’s left of the ancestral manse where the only thing sure to be barbequed will be my marital status.

      RUB IT IN, YOU BITCH. RUB IT IN.

      • Julia's Authentic Pelts says:

        RRR I love your comments regarding family reunions. Reminds me of my own!

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Go to the Font de Gaume cave in Les Eyzies. Fantastic prehistoric paintings. Just an extraordinary experience. You have to buy tickets/reserve a place, but I showed up early and had no trouble getting in. Also on weekends look for signs for the flea markets (marches aux puces) that spring up in various towns–great finds. And Sarlat is a really beautiful, interesting town.

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      St. Emilion, Sarlat, and the Château des Vigiers in St. Foy le Grande.

  132. ReDonkuluous says:

    I enjoy reading this site and everyone’s comments. Hilarious constructive criticism for someone with sooooo many issues. I’ve followed her “career” for a few years now and I really hope she gets some serious help. Whoever puts their life completely out there for the public to see should definitely expect criticism.
    I’m very surprised that the McCain’s have not taken any legal action against her.

    • ReDonkulous says:

      whoops typing too quick misspelled my own name

    • JFA says:

      Doubt there is any legal action they could take. They are public figures…it goes with the territory for them.

      However, the fact that that poor guy still humors her in any way is just very worrisome. He should change his number.

      • SchemeyNutButter says:

        Cindy McCain posted what I think was a “la la la, we can’t hear you” tweet last night. (At the time Miss Advised was broadcast, CMcC tweeted that her family was out having dinner.)

  133. The Final Rose says:

    I am rewatching last night’s episode while working from home today (I am starting to worry that I have masochistic tendencies…) — the scene with her manager really is priceless.

    Julia (whining like a petulant toddler after receiving criticism of her column): I’m doing my best!
    Steven: If this is your best, then we’re fucked.
    Julia: *hysterical laughter*
    Steven: *stunned silence*

    • cola champagne says:

      He’s the one with the baby, right? I thought he was gay.

    • cola champagne says:

      He’s only going to get money here and there from her, and that’s probably why he wanted her to write a book. He probably thought (at one point) that she’d be able to write a bestseller. You can’t squeeze any blood out of this one, Steven. Move on.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        He’ll be dumping her within a year… he’s making nearly nothing from this show and this is the biggest thing to happen to her $$ wise in years.

        And she is a pain in the ass who doesn’t want to work hard – why should he bother? Plus he will be met with LOLs in the future when trying to book her anything.

    • Donkicles says:

      *DROPS PHONE*

  134. mule on rouge says:

    I’m so glad she cleared up some of the confusion surrounding the whole Pancakes debacle:

    Donks gave up her inevitable marriage to Pancakes, The Love of Her Life, because she wanted to be on TV. Sounds like she’s got her priorities straight; good for her.

    Donks, who is definitely Not A Stalker, knows the exact whereabouts of Pancakes at all times, and brays specific details of his job and deployment status to anyone who will listen. She would have been an excellent military spouse!

    Donks desperately wants to be amicable friends (whatever that is) with Pancakes. Sadly, her celebrity status means that they will always be dodging the paparazzi and squelching vicious rumours in the tabloids. THAT’S why Jack doesn’t want to be her BFF, okay? If he didn’t hate being in her spotlight so much, they would totally be hanging out ALL snap THE snap TIME snap.

    • JFA says:

      Good synopsis.

    • Records Custodian says:

      The idea that Page Six emailed her – entirely out of the blue – because they thought their readers were in ANY way interested in the two minute relationship between a former columnist for a free magazine and the only non-publicity-seeking offspring of the man who will forever be remembered as foisted the idiot Sarah Palin on the national scene – that really exemplifies Julia Allison’s delusional sense of self.

      No one knows who Julia is – she isn’t a Page Six bold name. She is a famewhore who has repeatedly tried to leak stories about herself to them, and she used a picture of herself in their gossip column to suggest that she wrote for them (using an article written by their actual columnist, Mandy Something). I can’t figure out if Page Six paid for some mention in this shitshow, because they sure as hell are being depicted as being rabidly interested in the comings and goings of Julia Allison.

      But from that episode, it is clear that Julia believes she can sell the story that she was fated to some Princess Diana type of paparazzi death by Page Six if she and Jack stayed together.

      She is so much more batshit than any of us realize.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I actually have some personal knowledge of this. They e-mailed both her and Pancakes, and were going to do a story until Pancakes valiantly called them off even though they had accurate information about her behavior re: the hacking into his email and phone. He just wanted it all to go away, apparently, and so he hosed it down. She perceived that as some Prince Charming move on his part but no, he just didn’t want his family’s name associated with her in any public way yet again.

        Poor Pancakes. Many months later and here we are again.

        • bitchface says:

          wow, that worked out well for them “he just didn’t want his family’s name associated with her in any public way yet again”

          she practically spelled out his name just in case anyone missed it in BOTH episodes

          • The Final Rose says:

            And she knows they want it to go away/won’t contradict her, so she just keeps braying and braying and braying. She really is vile.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            @The Final Rose – exactly… she knows none of them will come out and contradict her so she can bray all she wants.

            Listen, it serves him in more than one way to help kill the story – it makes him look like a giant ass for dating such a lunatic and it would be hugely embarrassing. Better to help make the story go away.

        • JFA says:

          Maybe he should just let them do a hatchet job already. Her lying and scheming isn’t getting anyone anywhere. I get not wanting to be associated with her but he IS already, because she will NEVER stop mentioning him. It’s not right the shit she gets away with, whitewashing her own behavior! Just throw the bitch under the bus! I bet she threatens him with some private info she has. There is no other logical explanation for this shit.

  135. Psychotic Today says:

    I have a new found love for Amelia over at the Frisky. She could have written a really mean piece about Julia but refrained. It’s almost like a real journalist wrote it….

    • cola champagne says:

      It’s pretty obvious to me that she doesn’t like her, and I see nothing objective about her coverage of this, considering she’s mentioned this site in just about every column she’s done. Not journalistic, IMO.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        oh please. part of journalism is opinion pieces: well-reported and observed, trenchant opinion pieces. Ms. Amelia more than qualifies. Donkey, on the other hand….does not.

        • cola champagne says:

          She glossed over the other two and concentrated on Julia. She did it with the other two episodes too. The piece was scathing. I’m not going to change my opinion just because I visit this site. It’s how I have interpreted her piece, and her editor must have thought so too, because the link to the site was disabled, unless it was an oversight on the author’s behalf.

          It was hardly an opinion piece. I’m pretty sure it would qualify as a recap. Amelia probably writes other pieces in a professional manner, but this was not journalism.

  136. Cut. Don't use that. says:

    This is the only television program I’ve ever had to watch through my fingers with my hands over my eyes. She is such a fucking mess. Please god, Julia, get yourself some serious intensive therapy.

    Unless all the crying is fake and for the cameras and you think you’re doing your “performance art” or whatever and playing the system because you’re a serious meedeeyah laday, in which case fuck you.

    And sugar, you’re a guest BLOGGER according to Elle (the fake job arranged for you by Bravo to fulfill the premise of the show). Even in my few moments of sympathy for you, your fucking lies about being a journalist make me think for that alone you deserve everything coming to you.

    • The Final Rose says:

      A guest blogger whose latest guest post seems to have been relegated to the basement.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        WHERE IS THAT BLOG?????

        I think that column is as dead as any guy’s boner who comes within the vicinity of our Donks.

        • The Final Rose says:

          I agree – through lots of navigating, I can find the first two columns, but I really don’t think they have posted this week’s.

  137. SchemeyNutButter says:

    Using some of Sake Bombardier’s screen caps.

    [img]http://picasion.com/pic55/01729839c5b805046e0fca22d7d93af5.gif[/img]

  138. Brent-the-Donkey-handler says:

    Our Donks is so not a stalker..mkay? She writes in her blog that she just talked to Pancakes 2 DAYS AGO!!! Did you hear that fiance of Pancakes? Your soon to be betrothed is currently handling the issues that come from massive famedom with teeveee star Julia. She wears his belt in an upcoming episode. She nearly became his military spouse. You may receive a letter about overlap. Please hide your tiaras.

  139. miss assvice says:

    [img]http://gickr.com/results3/anim_4035b767-99a4-8f94-b90a-9628837e783c.gif[/img]

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Gee, a never-before seen cast member reaction shot to the chestburster sequence in ‘Alien.’

      Why Victoria Cartwright is wearing a wig I don’t know.

      • They Call Me Jack says:

        It’s Veronica (and so good in WITCHES OF EASTWICK) but I love your reference.

  140. miss assvice says:

    @TheBravoBitchOoh, @JuliaAllison I’m suddenly ashamed of my “blogger” title. #MissAdvised
    13h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @TheBravoBitch – noooo no no no, please, this is me having weird issues from people denigrating me in 2004.

    No one denigrated her in 2004 because of blogging. She was criticized for going full whore assault on silicon valley with Nick Denton’s fraking help. Late 2004 is when she started showing up at valley party’s and acting slutty in valley wag. She pissed off a lot of real women in tech that year. The fact that William even put her and technology in the same sentence pissed me off. I get the same brayges journalists do when she calls herself a journalist.

    Donkey,

    Get this straight right now. You are not a journalist, a geek, a tech founder, or an entrepreneur. You are a straight up wallet chasing, burning man slut dressing, gold digger. Be honest with yourself. All you want is a 73 point rich wallet to take care of your raft ass.

    • bitchface says:

      Amen. I would tots love her if she would just own her gold digging skanky ass, but she thinks she’s better than that. So she won’t. So therefore I will never love Julia Allison.

      Own it, grrrl…. we’d become your biggest fans.

  141. juliaspublicist says:

    I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today, no, PROCESSING, and I have come to the determination that you people need Jesus.

    • A Donkey is an Ass says:

      Who needs Jesus when we have Greg?

      [img]http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/4700000/Greg-Brady-Wallpaper-the-brady-bunch-4752428-1024-768.jpg[/img]

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Is this the Jesus who does your lawn?
      Because mine is starting to look a little Shaggy.

  142. Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

    THOSE EYELASH PELTS! Seriously, they are the most annoying part of her on this show. They look ridiculous. Second most ridiculous thing? That green (skin tag) nail polish. I couldn’t concentrate on anything during her Annie Falalalala breakdown except for that ugly baby diarrhea colored polish. And the eyelash pelts of course.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      I think they are one of the reasons her eyes have disappeared lately, and also probably contribute to her “legal blindness.”

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Nail polish hues = Donkey trying to be edgy and modern, even while wearing Jr. League empire-waist dresses. Worlds in collision.

  143. Julia's Work Bray says:

    My younger sister has Borderline Personality Disorder. At times, I have to fight feelings of revulsion when I am near her, simply because of the way she behaves. Watching this episode made me feel the exact same way towards Donkey. It was really eerie.

    • Kate says:

      I knew somebody with Borderline Personality Disorder and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s what Julia suffers from as well.

  144. I’m interested and also enthusiastic about what you will be writing about here.

Comments are closed.