As We Prepare For Monday’s Miss Advised: The Reckoning, Let’s All Pass The Time By Looking At This Panda

And let’s ponder this little nugget from Julia’s Guinea Pig of Love Column, which apparently has disappeared, but I am not going to call shenanigans just yet.

“If therapy’s goal is to lead you out of fear, to give you the impetus and guidance to improve your life in a constructive manner and to provide you with solid actionable steps, then [this tarot card reader] is as good as any therapist.”

No, honey. No, no, no. Tarot cards are like playing a game of 52 Pick-Up, but with pictures. Therapy can help you figure out why you are an asshole, so you can change your perceptions and behavior in order to make your own future, not one that’s laid out for you on a table.

Meanwhile, Nora Ephron isn’t even in the ground yet, and already Donkey is pissing on her grave.

Ohhhhhh, yes yes yes YESSSSSS! http://bookshelfporn.com  (I’ll have the bookshelf she’s having.)

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274 Responses to As We Prepare For Monday’s Miss Advised: The Reckoning, Let’s All Pass The Time By Looking At This Panda

  1. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    Sorry if this has already been linked to here, have been busy with desk errands so have only been able to skim over posts. Jesus fucking Greg, she’s shitting all over Nora Ephron!

  2. Julia's Head says:

    I found the cached version of the column. Why was it taken down?

    ——————————

    Guinea Pig of Love: The Tarot Card Experiment

    by Julia Allison
    on June 25, 2012 – 2:30 PM

    Julia Allison. Photo: Courtesy

    “Clairvoyant… intuitive… accurate” reads the ellipsis-laden accolade on tarot card reader Jackie Turner’s website.

    I’m meeting her on a mild November day at the behest of my ELLE editor. “It’ll be good for you…” Keith trails off, glancing down, but I know what he means: You need serious help, lady.

    Jackie affirms this within minutes of my skittishly sitting down at the little table in Susina’s Bakery and Cafe. “You’ve got a lot of static,” she says, frowning at me. “A lot going on in your mind.”

    How did she know? Since my last relationship ended in May, five months before visiting Jackie, I’ve worked myself into a frenzy over my lack of purported success in the realm of relationships. My mind spins over and over again: Why am I such a failure? Keith, who radiates an unflappable charm born of “having one’s life together,” sees the tarot card reader as a therapist of sorts, able to inject my life with an instant measure of calm.

    “Future-telling as therapy” works like this: If I knew, for example, I would meet an amazing guy in four months, then wouldn’t I be able to chill out until then? And wouldn’t that chilled-out version of me be eminently more attractive to said amazing guy? So it’s a little like a positive feedback loop that ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    “Interesting,” says Jackie, making a face as she looks at my cards—one of those faces you don’t want anyone to make when she’s about to tell you your future.

    Jackie gives me a look, and I shut up. She points to the cards that indicate what I’m going through now, and I see “the Devil” staring at me. Awesome. She explains that “the Devil” card shows I have had some difficulties overcoming obstacles but that the real obstacle was my own mind. “You’re too hard on yourself, you obsess, you try to control,” clucked Jackie. “It feels like there’s a lot of chaos. When you’re not in the drama mode, you have such a good intuition. If you could let that behavior go, the intuition would shine through. With the goal you’re after—being in a relationship—the real obstacle for you is to overcome that inner turmoil.”

    I try to deny it, but the realization slowly sinks over me: I do have a propensity toward drama. And it now occurs to me (duh) that it’s within my control to stop it.

    So what happens then, Jackie? “There are new beginnings,” Jackie says. “Around the corner is so much better.” I breathe a sigh of relief. Not so fast, Jackie warns me. “The message for the future is that in order for you to get what you want, you have to overcome this inner chaos. Let’s say everything stays the same—there would be more upheaval.”

    And yet, Jackie looks interested in one card in particular. A “King of Cups” card. I don’t know what the cups mean, but a king! “I see someone loving you in five to nine months.” Score!

    But: “You’ll only get your King of Cups if you change your focus, calm the mind,” Jackie says. “The more still you can be, the better.”

    Jackie rattles off a list of homework for me to complete:

    1) Gratitude Journal: I must write at least seven items a day that I’m thankful for.

    2) List of What You’ve Accomplished: Jackie tells me to be shameless with this, as no one will see it.

    3) Vision Board: Keith is a huge proponent of the vision board, and he sells me on it when he describes making one for himself and then promptly getting exactly what he asked for.

    After 90 minutes of tarot card reading, my mind feels calm. If therapy’s goal is to lead you out of fear, to give you the impetus and guidance to improve your life in a constructive manner and to provide you with solid actionable steps, then Jackie is as good as any therapist.

    I make a beeline for the coconut macaroon and think about my King of Cups. Should I grab one for him, too, just in case?

    Julia Allison stars in Bravo’s Miss Advised, which airs tonight at 10 pm EST.

    • darling dearest says:

      maybe its not supposed to go live until Mondays

      • MissAssvice says:

        Tarot card reading? Seriously? This is insane. Anything to avoid the actual therapy from a Dr. that she desperately needs. She could have been told the same thing by using the palm reading app on her iPhone.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I think they cut the filmed version of it out of the show. she said something about it.

      • OMG says:

        Maybe it is gone because Ummm it sucks. Let’s forget for a second, that tarot card reading is for fun not for real life guidance. The writing is atrocious. It’s patchy, doesn’t express complete thoughts and the style is horrific.

        “Clairvoyant… intuitive… accurate” reads the ellipsis-laden accolade on tarot card reader Jackie Turner’s website.

        Who the hell is Jackie Turner? I can infer but I shouldn’t have too.

        “You’ve got a lot of static,” she says, frowning at me. “A lot going on in your mind.”

        How did she know?

        Umm what this applies to anyone???

        • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

          Seriously, who walks into a muther-effen tarot card reading saying, “Nope, not me, actually I came here cause I have nothing to think about. My mind is completely empty, and I wanted to know what and when my next thought will be.” The whole point of going to a tarot/palm/therapist is because 1.) you have a lot on your mind, and 2.) you are slightly desperate and/or insane.

          I’d be like walking into a gym and the trainer asking “You must be here to get in shape”, or walking into a restaurant and the waiter saying “You’re hungry, aren’t you.” OMFG! How did they know!!!!! Please.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        I’ll bet you anything Elle’s lawyers had them take it down. It could be a liability to have someone read that, then quit their therapist and start going to a tarot card reader all because a Donkey told them, too.

    • Peltergeist says:

      The difference between this turd and her 11-page Bravo turd are so staggering. I wonder if you can even call it writing when the editor has to spend more time writing it than the original writer.

      • The Final Rose says:

        For me, the dead giveaway is Julia allegedly describing someone else’s writing as ellipsis-laden. To her, that’s just good copy.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      I only got as far as “the ellipsis-laden accolade” before I busted out laughing. Julesie, you’re trying too hard.

    • Records Custodian says:

      The very best part of this is that Emily Gould, bless her heart, already wrote about the time her and Julia Alison went to a spiritual healer slash psychic.

      It isn’t plagiarism this time, just routine Julia Allison copycatting.

      • Pelts Off the Charts says:

        had never read that before! i love how the descriptions of Julia totally fit what we know about her. Ugh, that was her “prime.” (summer of 07)…boy did she think she was HOT SHIT.

      • JFA says:

        And let’s not forget also she was scared shitless to come up with pitches for articles that were essentially already written.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        “First Alexandra put her hand over Julia’s hands and then she asked Julia some very specific questions. At first, I thought the asking questions part was a copout that meant Alexandra was basically just an ad hoc therapist who talked about energy and past lives. But as the session progressed, I became more and more impressed with her psychic abilities. Julia, it turns out, was a man in many of her past lives. “So men are attracted to your feminine looks, but then they’re confused by your masculine energy. You’re like General Patton: in every situation you need to be in control.” Julia then demonstrated this tendency by badgering Alexandra with a ton of rapid-fire questions about specific career stuff. Alexandra told her straight up that she wasn’t going to get anywhere like that. “You need to be more gentle, more nurturing. Women are natural nurturers. Women have inner space,” she explained. “You need to stop being General Patton and start being Mother Earth.” Then she started talking about how Julia was going to have a cooking show, maybe after moving back to the Midwest where her roots lie, even though Julia hates cooking and doesn’t want to go back to Chicago ever. She also advised Julia to change her name to Julie.”

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          “Julia, it turns out, was a man in many of her past lives. “So men are attracted to your feminine looks, but then they’re confused by your masculine energy.”

          DEAD OF MUTHER FUCKING LAUGHTER.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Now she has a masculine face to go with her masculine energy!

            Thank you Dr. Bobby!

          • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

            Probly copped a feel and got weiner.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          “Then she started talking about how Julia was going to have a cooking show, maybe after moving back to the Midwest where her roots lie, even though Julia hates cooking and doesn’t want to go back to Chicago ever. She also advised Julia to change her name to Julie.””

          You can’t make this shit up!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          My Greg, is Emily this much of a moran or is she just taking the piss out of Julie A. and the psychic lady?

          I fucking hate this whole “masculine energy” shit. Julie Albertson’s problem isn’t that she has too much “masculine” energy, it’s that she has too much SOCIOPATHIC ASSHOLE energy.

        • darling dearest says:

          Julie Albertson!

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        I wonder if Julia ever gets nostalgic for those days.

        Emily, maybe not so much.

    • I’m meeting her on a mild November day …
      Since my last relationship ended in May, five months before …

      (All together now: “MATH IS HARD!”)

      “The more still you can be, the better.”
      (Crap! I hope that doesn’t signal an end to D0nkey running in circles.)

      I make a beeline for the coconut macaroon
      (Everything stays the same — there will be more upheaving & bloat.)

      • mule on rouge says:

        You just know she’s making an excuse to scarf down two macaroons. What the hell is Cup o’ Noodles gonna do with a petrified macaroon, use it as a coaster?

  3. Julia's Head says:

    My favorite homework problem that the tarot readers gives Julia is this one:

    “List of What You’ve Accomplished: Jackie tells me to be shameless with this, as no one will see it.”

    She clearly doesn’t know the subject. Julia CAN’T not share a list so wonderful with the world. Twitter ready…one…two…three….

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      That made me LOL, too.

      Her accomplishments would fit on a toilet paper square with lots of room to spare.

      • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

        Yeah, my first thought was Twitter, too.

        My second thought was…um, REALITY SHOW!

        Double whammy.

    • If this tarot card scene is shown in the next episode, Ima listen hard here in case what Jackie ‘actually’ said was: List of What You’ve ACTUALLY Accomplished … I just can’t imagine that it wasn’t another variation of the word ‘shame’ used in her instructions.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        So she believes the purpose of therapy is to “lead you out of fear.” That says it all.

        No, you stupid tool. It’s not a cheerleading session. It’s to help you figure out why you’re so fucked up and to teach you how to STOP BEING FUCKED UP.

  4. MissAssvice says:

    Hate on donkey hate on…[img]http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/044/778/hatersgonnacat.jpg?1318992465[/img]

  5. MissAssvice says:

    She must really hate her mother. This could open them up to so many non church appropriate donations and general creepiness. Burkas could be sent from the stans.
    Insensitive cray of a donkey.

    My mom is on the board & she takes her church rummage sale duties very seriously. Have something to donate? Please do! kuc.org/cms/wp-content…
    8:48pm – 28 Jun 12

    • Peltergeist says:

      In comparison to other things she’s done to her mom I don’t think this is that bad. But it never ceases to amaze me how she swings from claiming to be protective of her family’s privacy and then showing them off any chance she gets. It’s almost like she thinks if she’s saying something neutral or positive that people won’t pick up on any personal details. Her weird, illogical mind fascinates me.

    • The Final Rose says:

      I thought this was such a weird thing to tweet. There are no directions on how/where/when to donate, it’s clearly written for people who live in Wilmette and go to that church.

      Which must mean Donkey had some ulterior motive right? Perhaps she has her narrow-eyed sights set on a powerful son?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Fantastic sons! Powerful moms with fantastic sons!

        • The Final Rose says:

          Ah, that’s right. SSSF! I clearly need some remedial donkology classes.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Na, na, that was not me being all AK Kitty on you, it was just me celebrating Robin’s silliness. “Fantastic” is obviously Baugher family code for “rich”!

        • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

          Yoo hoo!

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            Wow, your screen name is full of all sorts of right and wrong. Bravo! #ad

      • melting marionette says:

        @Final Rose: i thought about this, then came to my senses and drank a cup of hot chocolate. no whip.

        perhaps donkey believes she’s genuinely helping momsers out by advertising her fete / fate. remember that she always thinks in the here and now, and never thinks about the consequences of her actions. by tweeting this ad, she’s helping out! (i have a purpose!, i have a mission!, i have a sense of fulfilment!, it’s not about me!), but her one dimesional mind doesn’t operate on a logistical or operational level – how do people get their unwanted stuff there? what if they’re a certain value? will we need to issue a receipt for charitable donations? these thoughts don’t cross her mind.

        compare this to the “cheerleader parking ticket” incident (“you can’t give me a ticket – i was doing a cheer”), or the chevy volt comment (“ummm – not having to fill it with gas”). in her “here and now” world, she lives in the moment, and for the moment. any questioning of her actions – it’s unjustified.

        donkey is a one-dimensional creature. why do we keep expecting her to have multi-layer, multi-dimensional thought processes like any other animate being?

        • The Final Rose says:

          Excellent points, MM! Now you’d better go run off that hot chocolate.

        • mule on rouge says:

          Is she under the impression that the residents of Wilmette actually read her tweets and/or FB status updates? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!

      • Peltergeist says:

        How mad would you be if you were a guy whose mom gave Julie your phone number and told her you’d go on a date?

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          I wonder if she lures them in with a photo from 2007?

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Google now does it’s images differently (or maybe it’s because I’ve updated my operating system). But you can see 11 pages of images on the same “page” just by continuing to scroll down.

            It is SHOCKING to see 2006/7 photos near 2012 photos. SHOCKING.

  6. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Donkey and bookshelves. It is to laugh.

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Hey, self-help books don’t organize themselves.

      • Prima Donkey says:

        True. That’s what the Task Rabbits are for.

        (very avid reader and very occasional commenter delurking because hells, this s*it is just unreal. Thank you Jacy & JP!)

  7. Albie Quirky says:

    Tarot card readings are as good as therapy just like playing a few rounds of “Operation” is as good as an appendectomy.

    I know many people who find tarot cards, oracle cards, sortes Virgilianae, and other similar activities to be useful ways to focus their own thoughts. Hell, sometimes I flip a coin to make a decision. But that’s not therapy, that’s just a brain hack.

  8. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    Tarot cards are like examining petrified green skin tags and justifying howfuk.

  9. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    OT: USA Today writer busted for buying Twitter followers:

    http://deadspin.com/5921915/is-usa-todays-veteran-gambling-guy-buying-twitter-followers

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Hilareballz.

      I mean, it is true that sometimes spambots and spam accounts just follow you on Twitter. I have a bunch of followers who are all LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE WONDERS OF MONA VIE JUICE or similar.

      But not in the tens of thousands per day!

  10. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    I’m not excited for this week’s show, mainly because I have this belief that the show won’t cast an especially good light on the site. Ultimately it’s probably meaningless since nobody’s watching this garbage anyways, but I just don’t think anything good can come out of the upcoming ep.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      I agree. She looks more mentally ill/sad/pathetic than portraying the real hosebeast-lying-scheming-stalker she is so we will look like a bunch of meanies.

      I wonder, since Annie is a friend (and I doubt that will be revealed) how much those two conspired together to “rehearse” what they would say.

      But you’re right on the other point – Miss Advised has pissed away any audience they might have had by week two and I doubt many will be watching.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

        As an aside, a quick Google search for “julia allison they call me a donkey” is… exactly what you’d expect it to be.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          She should really focus her time writing: “They Call Me Donkey: The Julia Allison Story.”

          I would totally watch that on Lifetime!

  11. Who do you think you are? says:

    I finally watched Ep 2 and the three things were very clear:
    – Julia A is never not making noise. All the goddamn time. Braying, squealing, groaning, something, always at the same annoying volume. My ears were bleeding.
    -Julia P is so obviously embarrassed by and for Julia A and is either too nice or too modestly-paid to not bitch-slap a Donkey.
    -It is shocking to me, someone who has been watching the Donkey Show for awhile, the extent to which Julia A is unable to read social cues. I highly doubt she was like that in her heyday, which makes me think she really has become the most desperate, shameless person on the planet. Is this rock bottom?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      No, it’s not rock bottom.

      As someone said, she has no shame. Case and point, she keeps linking Miss Advised iTunes to anyone who will watch – so she has no idea how terrible she comes off. So she will keep trying.

      Another interesting tidbit is, someone told her she should link her outfits to her Elle column so she can build a brand like Bethenny. Donkey was like, “What a great idea! Kelly Ripa does that, too?”

      This is after week two when the Network is being generous by not pulling the plug. The fact that a Donkey thinks she can build her brand to Bethenny (150 million) or Kelly Ripa proportions shows us how fucking delusional she is.

    • Peltergeist says:

      You’re right about not reading social cues, but I wonder whether it’s that she can’t or that she just chooses not to focus on boring things like what someone else is thinking. I’m going to argue that she was never able to read social cues (for whatever reason). At the height of her “popularity” she had this false sexuality and confidence, and a keen ability to hone in on loser men with the brain space of a horny 14 y/o. Julie didn’t change, but everything around her (and her face) did.

  12. Worrisome Pelts says:

    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/xoocp5.jpg[/img]

  13. JFA says:

    She’s such a sad twisted little person. She has a degree from a prestigious university, whatever but still, it’s a thing many people would kill for…two highly educated parents, her brother is getting a PhD from fucking MIT for god’s sakes, and she writes articles about (and takes seriously the advice of) tarot card readers. So dull. So misguided. So sad.

    Besides being a pedestrian moron, I think her reason for liking shit like this is she wants a quick fix. God forbid she do the work of actually trying to change. No! Just go to a shaman or spiritual advisor or whatever bullshit quack and hope they give you a talisman that will solve all your issues.

    And I just watched episode 2 and I’m mostly speechless, but if she can’t watch that episode and figure out EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS DOING WRONG AND EXACTLY WHY SHE IS SINGLE, there is no hope left for her, if there ever was. Let’s see, don’t harangue new men about dating habits? Don’t force them to kiss you? Just calm the fuck down on a date? I don’t know. I’ve done embarrassing shit on dates but at least my excuse is I was wasted. And I tried not to do such things anymore. I CAN”T.

    Also Julia Price has a pea brain. They act like fucking retarded 10 year olds at a primary school dance. “OH look boyz are here tee hee!!!!! He touched me too hoo!” Morons. Nice choice of man Toilet Julia, a guy who admits he doesn’t read well. Not surprised you are friends with JA.

  14. Can-Swiss says:

    OT but if Julia were to write a commercial to get girls interested in science: http://youtu.be/g032MPrSjFA

    • Albie Quirky says:

      That thing is so ridiculous. Of course Julie Albertson would wear open-toed heels and long flowy hair in a chem lab (just like the models in that dumbass ad), so her career in science would last about a day before she caught fire or melted into a puddle of scheme juices.

  15. praise greg from whom all blessings flow says:

    So it looks like DeStorm’s video has gone viral (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0Rau01wbeo)

    A chick who looks JUST like Julia lipdubbing Disney in the ghetto? Innaresting.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She looks like Disney’s Snow White, not like Julie Albertson. You can tell because her face isn’t lumpy and you can see her eyes.

      I like that she’s sniffing flowers that don’t actually have a smell. That’s the sign of fine acting right there!

      • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

        Oh my Greg, this is classic! I can’t stop watching!

        I thought this was Julie at first, but a much more feminine voice.

  16. So, if there’s any truth to the roomer that Tom & Katie are splitting up, who wants to guess what D0nkey’s tweet will be, three hrs from now when she gets up & hears?

    • JFA says:

      I think this is CONFIRMED?!?!?! HOLY SHIT. I’ve been waiting ages for this. Yes, I have no life. But they were a heinous couple and she was obviously miserable and he’s a lunatic.

      • JFA says:

        Maybe she can rebuild the shards of her career. I wonder what starlet he will purchase next.

      • New Year New You says:

        Maybe she walked in on him and John Travolta.

        Plaintiff demands substantial financial support for Suri’s shoe collection.
        And also a staff to carry Suri at all times.

        • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

          Suri will probably become a wholly owned property of the Church of Scientology.

          • Edward R. Burro says:

            Yup. If Katie decides to leave Scientology she will lose custody of Suri, just like Nicole did with her kids with Tom.

          • JFA says:

            Don’t…really think it works like that. No judge is going to award custody to children based on religion. Seems like Nicole Kidman was not uber close to her kids subsequent to divorce and they were older and probably had a say in who they lived with, brain washed though they obviously were. No way in hell Katie would not fight for custody rights and be granted at least shared custody of a toddler.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      Yup.

      It’s official: after 5 years, Tom Cruise decided to shave.

  17. Stinky Velour Couture says:

    OT– I’m 1000 miles away from my NPD Mother, and she still gives me the sadz. Thanks fellow cat-people for sharing your NPD, “Julia in my life”, stories. They have helped me deal with, and see the never-ending saga of an NPD parent. Forever hopeful—-I’m always stupidly surprised then depressed by my NPD Mother. There really is NO hope for severe NPD persons—-therapy, meds, distancing…their worlds are so small, and they always remain sooo manipulative.
    After all these years of watching Julie, I’m starting to lose hope for her. She will be that child of enabling parents, still clinging to their financial support well into her 30s, and 40s. And beyond. As Nick Denton once told Julie—just live your life. Not a show-off life. Returning from NYC/OMGDowntownCondo/Marina del Bray for every fucking holiday, is NOT living your life, it’s running away from it.

    • Fashion Girl says:

      Right with you, my friend. My NPD/borderline mother just sent me a ranting email because I haven’t been responding to her voicemails wherein she claims that there is an emergency and that I need to call her immediately, with the emergency being that she *needs* (it’s always “needs” and never “wants”) me to fly to my hometown and clean out my childhood closet.

      I spent years in therapy before I realized that I’d lived my life waiting for her to get “better” and learn to behave herself, and it’s never going to happen. When people beg Julia to get therapy, while I know the sentiment is genuine, I also suspect deep down that it wouldn’t do her any good. My mother spent dozens of years and probably hundreds of thousands of dollars on top-flight therapy and psychiatry, and all she got out of it is a) a conviction that her shrink was in love with her and b) confirmation that she is a victim and everyone in her life is a big meanie because they don’t give her what she so rightly deserves, which is a free ride in life and on-demand attention.

      • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

        More times than they will admit, therapists will keep well-paying, attractive, character disordered or simply neurotic patients/clients in treatment for years because, let’s face it, it’s easy money. There’s a basic conflict of interest that’s easy to overlook or rationalize around: if they “get well”, the payments stop. So…”well” is redefined. But, as you very insightfully note, there are far-reaching consequences for other family members. Someday I believe the “talking cure” will be remembered as one of the great medical charlatanisms of our time.

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          tl;dr: talk therapy isn’t for everyone.

          So much this.

          I have kickass insurance (yes, I am profoundly lucky and grateful). When I called my insurance company to get the information I needed to start therapy, the rep took one look at my coverage and told me that some care providers would see me as a cash cow. She explained in detail my right to seek multiple opinions and to find the right therapeutic fit. Sure enough, I saw a few people who tried to tell me that because I had been in to meet them, my insurance would not pay for me to see another therapist. Someone armed with less information might have felt trapped.

          In the end, the person who helped me the most was a woman who explained the concept of solutions focused brief therapy. I doesn’t work for everyone, but for me it turned out to be the answer. If I’d listened to the first couple of people I saw, I would have spent years in talk therapy that probably wouldn’t have answered my needs, but would have built some shrink a lovely beach house.

      • Donkey Punch says:

        A psychologist friend told me that narcissists actually get worse in therapy, because the therapeutic relationship trains them in how to be more manipulative and dishonest. Decent shrinks are few and far between, and most of these nutters end up with shitty shrinks who just help them sharpen their NPD skillz.

        • Fashion Girl says:

          Oh lord, do I agree. My mother is a therapy junkie – talking about herself for hours on end with someone who affirms her shitty behavior is like the ne plus ultra for her. Best of all, she can spin any old yarn to a therapist, and they believe her because they have no context for the rest of her life. When I was much younger, I got cornered by a therapist of my mother’s who told me that my “abusive behavior” towards my mother was the root of all of her problems.

          This squares very nicely with information that I get from ex-friends of hers about how she goes around town telling everyone who will listen that I am a “selfish bitch”, all the while calling me and begging for me and my husband to rent her a luxury apartment in New York so she can be closer to us.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            This is why I cut my own mother off years ago. She just joined FB last week and I made quick work of blocking her, warning my siblings and father to do the same. There really is no telling what kind of insanity she will start spewing, but I just tell myself that I have to trust that any sane person can see this woman has been cut off by her kids and everyone else who was once close to her, and hear how nutso she is. I hope so, anyway. Out of my hands either way.

        • Meow Mix says:

          Yup! If my NPD father got therapy and started learning all the therapy “buzzwords” that he could spout off during his manipulative little arguments, he’d be 1000 times worse, if that’s even possible.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      While nowhere near the difficulty of a parent, I’ve recently realized that I’ve been living with an NPD type person for three years. All this time I’ve been reading here, marveling at donkey behavior and observing how she manipulates people… and the whole time I was being majorly manipulated by someone I trusted.

      They can be so good at what they do that you have to educate yourself so that you recognize the signs. I get it now, in a way I never have before. And it’s so maddening that they NEVER own up to what they have done.

      But I signed a lease on a beautiful apartment in a historic building today, and freedom is mine!

      • Fashion Girl says:

        Yay – good for you! That is great news.

        Oddly enough, I think it can be even harder for children of NPD parents to recognize those traits in other people than it is for the general population. I dated a bipolar guy with major narcissistic tendencies who emotionally manipulated me day in and day out, and I was so used to that kind of behavior that it took me three years to recognize how nuts he was and get out of that relationship.

        • Donkey Punch says:

          Though once you see the patterns, my experience is that I can spot those people a mile off. Before I knew what NPD was, I gravitated toward people who were narcissistic because their behavior was so familiar to me, and I knew how to deal with it. Every partner I had until I learned about narcissism was, in ways both obvious and not so obvious, very much like my NPD parents (yep, I have two).

          • Meow Mix says:

            Is anyone keeping up with the Cat Marnell/XO Jane bullshit? Every time I read one of Cat’s stupid posts, my NPD bells were ringing like a fire alarm.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            Too depressing. As a friend of mine said, the faster she loses her looks and is forced to pay for her own drugs, the better off she’ll be.

          • I need a good user name... says:

            @ DonkeyPunch – My thoughts exactly. Her stuff wouldn’t be so well received if it was written by a more “appearance challenged” individual. Thin & Pretty = top of society’s pecking order.

      • melting marionette says:

        congrats PW – wishing you all the best!

        • Princess WideStance says:

          Thanks!!! It feels great, although I’m still upset and disappointed.

          Reading the experiences many of you cat ladies have had really helped me see my own situation for what it was. Servicey as always.

          One thing I’m still struggling with is that I have to provide my own closure on this situation. It’s my job to process it and move on, because you can’t expect an NPD person to take responsibility or to really see how hurtful their actions are.

          I could talk until I’m blue in the face, and it won’t matter. I can make as many angry speeches in my head as I want, but actually saying those things out loud won’t make a positive difference. It would only exacerbate things. In time I’m hoping I can view it as an opportunity for growth.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            I don’t think there’s any such thing as closure when your parent – especially your mother – is an extreme narcissist. Giving up on the idea of closure helped me immensely. Instead, I focused on giving up hope that she or my NPD father would ever change. Intellectually, I can say that yeah, I’ve given up hope. But when I examine my behavior (e.g. going out of my way to get my dad an over-the-top birthday gift), I can see there is still a glimmer of hope for change and a different outcome. Being aware of it helps, though.

          • Meow Mix says:

            PW, congrats and best of luck to you. Your last two paragraphs here ring so true.

            You really can’t win an argument with an NPD person. I’ve tried so hard with my dad to work through our issues, to no avail. Going so far as to writing out my issues with our relationship in bulleted list form, to CLEARLY show him and explain to him how I’m feeling. “Dad it hurt me when you drove drunk and lost your license the day before I left for my freshman year. Dad, it hurt me when you cancel plans we’ve made for weeks to go on dates with your girlfriends,” etc. I summoned all my social work education to make the most coherent, objective, non-judgmental, feelings-centered statements ever and none of it mattered.

            The only thing to do is to get away from the NPD person who’s hurting you. This is what every therapist has told me. Cut off all contact if possible/necessary. I totally understand wanting to find closure, but it seems like you’re realizing that there IS no way to find closure in these situations because the narcissist only cares about you in terms of how you can help him.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            Meow Mix: Thank you for sharing that. When I tried to set healthy boundaries with my NPD dad (“When you scream at me, I feel scared and anxious”), he lost his shit and told me he would never change and that if I didn’t like it, we wouldn’t have a relationship. In this case, it would be more damaging to me to cut him off and have it be a big deal with the rest of my family. (Trust me, it’s what I often want to do, but it wouldn’t be productive for me.) Now I just work hard at limiting contact and sticking to my own self-imposed rules – because, despite myself, I still call too much and do too much to try to win approval.

            Sorry so long – was trying to say, I’m glad I’m not the only one whose reasonable attempts at setting healthy boundaries have failed.

          • Meow Mix says:

            Donkey Punch, it sounds like we’re in very similar situations! I’m not really able to fully cut things off with my NPD dad right now either, due to family stuff.

            What’s helped me, and might help you, is to kind of think of it as a rope: instead of hacking it off with a knife, slowly sever it thread by thread at your own pace until you’re at a point where you feel comfortable in the relationship.

            Keeping your relationship with your dad on your own terms will probably be so helpful. Self-imposing rules like, “I will only meet him at restaurants or places where I can walk out if I need to” can be really advantageous to feeling in control.

            Having a BPD mom left me with a lot of abandonment issues, and my NPD dad has openly acknowledged that he uses my fear of abandonment against me to hurt me, meaning he pulls away if he feels like I’m not being a good enough daughter cause he knows I’ll try harder for his approval. I often find myself wanting to call him to chat or whatever, or like you said earlier buying him nice gifts for father’s day that he doesn’t appreciate. You have to remember that he’s still your dad and of course you want his approval, and it’s okay to want that, but also be cognizant that you probably won’t get it. It’s like running a race you know you can never win :(

            I really enjoy the NPD/BPD discussion threads on this site because as the child/family member/partner of someone with a personality disorder, we can feel very isolated and like we’re the “crazy” ones.

          • Princess WideStance says:

            OMG. Meow Mix, you are so right. It doesn’t matter how clearly you lay out your argument. It doesn’t get you anywhere! This is a tough lesson to learn. It’s ALL about how they’ve been affected by a situation.

            And yeah, I guess getting away is all you can do. Hence the new apartment. I just got the keys and set up camp here in my new place, sleeping on an air mattress tonight. It feels surreal but really good to not have my happiness tied to someone whom I can’t trust. Starting today, it doesn’t have power over my life.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            PW, I just want to say this outright even though you probably know it already: What you are doing is very brave. You will be so much better off for doing it.

            MM, exactly right. One of the major complaints my father has is that I never, ever stay at his house when I go back to my home state to visit. I stay with a friend, but if I had to, I’d get a hotel before I’d stay with him. He is very concerned about how this looks to people (people who, let’s be real, could not care less). But he accepts it and does not argue me on it anymore, because I silently persist in doing what I need to do.

            I, too, enjoy the NPD discussions here. Once I started learning about this stuff some seven years ago, I realized my life was infested with it – and that I had been gravitating toward narcissists because the dynamic was so familiar to me. Seeing these traits in so many people now, I’ve often wished there was some kind of awareness-generating group for narcissism and sociopathy. For now, I think these online conversations help a number of people.

      • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

        Perhaps the best therapy for NPD would be to have them wear a shock collar and give the controls to a zealous Skinnerian psych grad student with instructions to “reward” verbalizations which contain the words “I”, “me”, “my”, “mine” and related.

        • Donkey Punch says:

          My shrink treats narcissists with very strict regimens of focusing completely on other people – for example, minimum 10 hours per week of charity work and, if in a relationship, giving in completely to the wants and needs of their partner. I actually met one of his patients whom he’d described as a “90% recovered narcissist” and the charity stuff had been a huge part of his recovery – so much so that he ended up quitting a high-powered finance job to work for a non-profit. But this is truly a one in a million outcome.

          • Meow Mix says:

            Ugh, the NPD people I’ve known who do charity work pat themselves on the back SO much for it, it seems like it’s not even worth it. Like Julia Allison giving old Cosmos to the women’s shelter and expecting a medal for it.

          • Donkey Punch says:

            I think it can take years – and lots of GOOD (rare) therapy – for it to stop being a big trophy act for them. The guy I mentioned didn’t talk much about it in terms of his service, but about what the non-profit does that matters. Another of my shrink’s patients, a semi-famous author (we are friends and she has written extensively about her therapy), was told to do [X] number of shifts in a soup kitchen every week to help offset her narcissism. Of course she ended up writing a book to benefit the soup kitchen and talks/writes about it as much as possible. But she’s less heinous now than she was, so…

          • anon says:

            I like your shrink. Everything I’ve read says it’s hard to treat narcissism. This tactic probably doesn’t do any harm, it makes the person get out of their head, and other people (hopefully) benefit. My mother has NPD-ish qualities and her volunteer work is good for her, even if she ends up complaining full time about everyone she works with. She hasn’t had a job in awhile now and doesn’t seem to plan to work again (she’s in her early 60s) but I figure as long as she’s volunteering she’s staying semi-sane and has less time to bother me.

        • Grammarian says:

          omg yes yes yes yes yes to infinity yes

          my mother was one and my father just had rage

          i married one

          when i started to see be able to read the scripts, everything changed

          that’s a lot of why i am hooked here — to see the latest chapters that sound so familiar

          i have learned so much here

          • Dr. Fraud, MD says:

            If RBD never gets another endorsement, this one right here would have made every bit of it all worthwhile, IMO.

  18. WWJAD says:

    Look who was nominated as the most heinous person on reality TV this week!

    http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/telefile/2012/06/the-most-heinous-person-on-rea-44.php

    • Dr. Gary says:

      “Julia (Miss Advised)

      This grown woman who gives advice to others on how to date lives in an apartment that is pink, owns multiple tutus (that she actually wears, and she’s not a dancer) and thinks there’s no problem with that. But she got really awful when she started accosting her date and forcing him into an awkward game of spin the bottle, then jumped on him like she was dry humping him and begged for a kiss. Julia, he’s just not that into you. As a dating guru, you should recognize the signs.”

      Nice.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Shocking that she’d even be nominated considering no one on TWOP (or America) even cares about the show.

  19. mcakez says:

    Finally watched the clip of ‘They call me Donkey…’ and glanced at the thread they were browsing when Annie BlahBlah says to scan through and point out anything that ‘pricks’ (like Julia remembers what one of those feels like).

    “They call me a stalker…”

    Um, not in that thread they don’t. The word ‘stalk’ comes up four times in a ‘ctrl+f’ search. Three times it brings up ‘stalker is the new”s handle, and one time it brings up a joke about how stalking ‘Handbag Alley’ brings her close to ‘Flap Jack’ (ski runs, I believe?)

    Ohhh-kay.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      We have called her a stalker on many occasions, though, because she’s a stalker like whoa.

      • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

        Clearly she wasn’t reading off the page she pulled up, but remembering something she read during her MANY long nights pouring over RBD.

    • Stalker is the new etc says:

      bonjour cakezey!

      I picked this handle because Julia was calling us stalkers in an attempt to shame us.

      • mcakez says:

        Hey stalks! I remember that, since it took over ‘fat, basement dwelling catladies/hatey hatorz’ for a minute there.

        I wasn’t denying that we’ve called her that, because — as Albie pointed out — we have, because she IS. I also wasn’t trying to call you out for any reason, except to point out that the word only came up in a handle. I was just trying to point out, as ‘cruel and strange bitch’ noted, that she clearly didn’t pull that off the page she and BlahBlah were browsing; she yanked it from her extensive mental catalog of things we’ve called her since she reads here every day.

        I’m afraid I will be watching the next episode with one hand over my eyes and one hand on a bottle of wine. Oh, and paying more attention to chat than to her idiocy, as per usual (along with a mandate from the room owner to kick any obnoxious white knights that might show out — though I doubt that will happen). Hope to see some new faces there!

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          totally understand, was just giving backstory for any n00bs that stop by.

          kisses!

  20. someproblems says:

    I agree really good therapy is hard to find and that NPDs are the trickiest to treat if they don’t get someone really good. But the core issue here remains the same. Therapy takes WORK. She is LITERALLY incapable of WORKING. So, yeah.

    Ashram, Tarot, Astrologyzone. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. SPIN!!

    • Donkey Punch says:

      Lots of people simply cannot bear the prospect of struggle – not just NPD sufferers. She will never consider working. She is constitutionally incapable of being honest with herself. And she will always be a miserable joke.

  21. More than 31+-year-old D0nkey be lying some more …

    Miss Advised (From Wikipedia)
    Julia Allison Thirty-year-old Chicago native Julia Allison is a print, online and television media veteran who recently broke off a relationship with former presidential candidate John McCain’s son Jack.

    • I’m not savvy on deciphering Wikipedia page edits, but best I can tell, the original page listed Julia Allison’s correct age of 31-years old, & did not include the words: ‘long-term’ in regards to the few minutes that she dated FlapJack (‘long-term’ was added but has since been edited out of current version) …

      Is someone able to illustrate when changes were made, & by whom? (not Emily’s changes about Emily; just the D0nkey hoofstomps, etc)

      • NEVER reads here!
        [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/2hxlr9k.png[/img]
        LOL @ CAPTCHA = sticky wicket

        • bitchface says:

          OMG who does that (naming names of famous ex’s you’ve slept with??????) How does joker face even look at herself in the mirror?

          Redacted must be so relieved he’s been supplanted. Jack McCain must rue the day…

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          She is such a freak. PS, how is it that she can edit her own Wiki page????

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          Also, I assume this was 4:51 as in AM… good Greg she is nuts… get some sleep Donkey and get some help. Updating your Wiki page is the LEAST of your problems.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          Yes she challenged her date of birth being printed. She sure is sensitive now that she’s expired…

          DOB

          Sorry, I’m confused. This woman has posted her exact date of birth on her blog a couple of months ago[2] but it shouldn’t be included here because a year ago she was unhappy with the idea[3]? I feel I’m missing something here. Caomhin (talk) 17:10, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
          There were complaints from the subject to leave it off. According to BLP, we should leave it off. miranda 17:12, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

          Also… this made me LOL…

          Mexican

          Looks Mexican. Anyone? — Preceding unsigned comment added by 208.111.243.185 (talk) 15:12, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

          MEXICAN!

          • Peltergeist says:

            Poor Miranda is STILL dealing with Julia’s bullshit.

          • I never noticed before today that the JABa info that shows up in the right-hand column of Google Search, where her birthbray year is erroneously listed as ’82, has a ‘Feedback’ error reporting option. ERROR REPORTED. Now, how long before they fix it?

          • Peltergeist says:

            When I google her, I get a suggested list of photoshoot photos that are ALL from her better looking days. Is that just a coincidence or has she done something to make those photos come up first?

  22. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    Sometimes I worry I have NPD.

    I’ve been told repeatedly that my listening skills are very poor, and sometimes when other people are speaking it is hard to fully listen to them. (To be fair, this is not true over text conversations – Internet can be a lot easier for me to have a dialogue with other people – however, that doesn’t change the effect it has on others.) I also have a habit of changing conversations to me (LOL LIKE THIS COMMENT REPLY.)

    But if you look up traits of NPD, it usually says “If you wonder or worry about having NPD, you probably don’t.” Would still like to improve on listening and giving, though.

    What do you cats recommend in terms of learning how to engage others more and be less self-absorbed? Charity work? Etc. If it’s relevant, have been depressed in the past and take antidepressants, that + behavioral talk therapy really did do a world of good.

    • Canklehausen by Proxy says:

      Dr. Bobby, you are a delight, and certainly not an NPD case.

      If you’re looking for reassurance, I always find that volunteer work helps reset my priorities. If I’m feeling especially self-absorbed and ridiculous, it’s always good to get out and remind myself how much bigger the world is than just little old me, and how microscopic my problems are in the grand scheme of things.

      My personal favorite is tutoring and mentoring kids, but that’s not for everyone. Find something you love!

      • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

        Thanks for the reality check. You cats are made of stern stuff, and what’s neat about this forum is that really, no one suffers fools. Seriously, thanks.

        Actually going into teaching, so probably have that one covered. Before leaving to teach abroad, I volunteered with a domestic abuse shelter, so probably need to get into that again.

        • Canklehausen by Proxy says:

          I used to teach middle school, and I found that it gave me a daily reality check. I loved it. Good luck on your adventures!

    • Cola chamPagne says:

      I needed credits once in college and took an effective listening course. Many people tell me I’m a great listener, and I’ve had more than a few people tell me their life story without even asking one personal question. Maybe you can find something like that?

    • Wonkeye says:

      It sounds like you might have trouble concentrating . . . is ADHD a possibility? I know everyone is ADHD now, but my man is that way and you two sound very alike. And he’s not NPD, he’s just hyper and scattered. Drugs work!

      • tho thorry, tho fat says:

        My psychiatrist gave me an ADHD test thingie a few years ago and I was shocked to see how high I scored. I take a reaaaaalllllly small dose of time release adderall every morning now, and it’s made a noticeable difference on my listening skills/ability to calm down and concentrate. Some antidepressants also have similar effects. Maybe something to bring up with your doctor?

      • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

        Never thought about that – it’s worth bringing up with my doctor. I don’t think of myself as a “distractable” person, but I definitely am when it comes to conversations sometimes. Thanks for that insight.

        • A Therapist says:

          Thirding ADHD here, sounds like this might be a better fit for you than NPD (just as Canklehausen said above, if you’re worried about it, you probably don’t have it).

    • Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

      When my BF and I started dating, I asked him once, Are you really listening to me?
      He said, I half listen and if there are interesting words, I check back in.

      So I started randomly inserting words like “Ferrari” or “pregnant”.

      Fixed it.

      • New Year New You says:

        Ferrari, pregnant, blow job, shoes.

        I have an old boss who used to stand in front of the tv and flash her boobs to get her husband to listen.

        • Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

          lulz

        • Julie Booger, Cuckoo in a Tutu says:

          I’ve been known to end sentences with “…and if you can repeat that back to me I’ll suck your dick” when my catman goes glassy-eyed. It’s AMAZENUTS how well his ears work after borking a blow job opportunity.

  23. Random Snowflake says:

    I was just thinking, while looking at the photo on the last post, Julie better snag a rich husband (if it’s even possible) soon.. From 2007 to 2012 her face, looks, and ass, have slipped quite a bit.. Her time is running out. :(

  24. helobabe says:

    O/T alert: My husband did the shopping recently and was verrry proud of himself to save money by finding some enormous container of bullion powder instead of regular chicken broth. I made a huge batch of red sauce (Lidia Basitanich’s Sugo Sauce ad Fennel/Orange meatballs – SO GOOD!) and I’m left with an incredibly salty result. I’ve made it tons of times before, so, I’m assuming it’s this stupid bullion powder, but, my question is if any of you have had success with the many internet/old wives suggestions to get rid of the salt? I’ve tried brown sugar and baking soda and they made only a slight difference . I’m open to all ideas right about now since I don’t want to throw out the huge amount I made…Thanks in advance smart catladies!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I always whole potatoes would suck up the salt, but I am not sure that’s true.

      • grammarian says:

        double the recipe and have twice as much but leave out the bullion when you add the additional ingredients

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Have you tasted it after you refrigerated it? Sometimes chilling will mute the flavors a bit and it might be less salty. I would try using the potato trick and simmering for about 10-15 min. Can’t hurt.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The potato trick has always worked for me. It’s important to peel the potatoes and cut them in quarters.

    • helobabe says:

      Thanks, all. I added a little red wine vinegar and the potato trick seemed to work pretty well!

  25. The Final Rose says:

    I’m just waiting for Donks to wake up and join the chorus of people crying about Instagram being down. Never mind that it’s down because MD/DC/VA have widespread power outages and dangerous heat today.

  26. K_Swizz says:

    O/T but look what I found while rummaging around LinkedIn-[img]http://imgur.com/ZkXnN[/img]

  27. Barking Mad says:

    14h Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Have you ever hid in the bathroom during an event? That is what I am doing now.

    14h Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    With @RachelSklar at the Obama fundraiser at the Soho House in Hollywood. I am intimidated by this very good-looking, very cool crowd.

    Did she wear a tutu and 10 lb of cheap jewellry?

    • The Final Rose says:

      I’m guessing the red, white and blue talons and Elle Woods power suit didn’t go over quite as well as at the Kirk rally.

    • Stalker is the new etc says:

      She’s just like Blair Waldorf!

      …trying to get an indifferent Nate to find her at the masquerade ball.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      But but she coulda been Obama’s chief speechwriter!

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      She showed up in pearls. With the tragic orange dress. And I’m assuming the tragic white shoes to match. Nevermind the tragic face/sausage curls:

      [img]http://lockerz.com/s/221257326[/img]

    • Peltergeist says:

      What’s the deal with Sklarge? I thought she was one of Julie’s passive aggressive frenemies, but she seems to be a full-on enabler/fangirl lately. Either way, I don’t like anything about her, but still.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        I think Sklar likes a front seat to the crazy as it brings mad LOLs.

        • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

          No, Sklarge is just a star fucker and will settle for a donkey. JP and I saw her at the Hilton bar at SXSW and she was straining her neck to see who was there who might be useful/famous.

          • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

            On one hand, she seems to work hard and it is getting her somewhere.

            On the other hand, she is one of the most shameless name-droppers out there. And, yes, a total starfucker.

            Not to mention that I don’t think she’s doing female developers any favors by setting herself up as a “tech feminist” hero when she had never actually worked in tech before aside from being an editor at a handful of blogs.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            Sklarge is all about Sklarge. As a mutual contact says, Rachel still hasn’t accepted that she will never be cast on SNL.

  28. MissDespised is the New JA Pilot says:

    Where is Lilly? did Donkey eat her? did Lilly go home with Todd?

    • bitchface says:

      Lily is left behind on the dark pergo flooring, not allowed on the white furniture while they go off to the beach :(

      whoever said it above – I think Julia Price is an el creepy lurker weirdo too

  29. Cut. Don't use that. says:

    That photo her and Sklarge are so horrible. Sklarge pretends to “cover” politics the way Juliar pretends to “cover” tech, so I’m sure she was OUT of control annoying at an OMGObama fundraiser at the OMGfuckingGSohoHouseOMG!

    It’s also so transparently gross how Sklar is seizing the campaign to hire ALL THE GIRLS for tech job as convenient horse to hitch her wagon. She’s already doing cunty things like @ing people’s employers on Twitter because they call her out. I get such a Juliar vibe from this horse-faced Canuck…a fake “serious business tech and joornalisum laday” who couldn’t write her way out of a paper bag. The only difference is Sklarge seems to not be mentally retarded and manages to fameball her way into lots of stuff (mostly bullshit tech “conferences), as opposed to being blacklisted like Juliar.

    Oh and they also both have wangs.

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      “It’s also so transparently gross how Sklar is seizing the campaign to hire ALL THE GIRLS for tech job as convenient horse to hitch her wagon.”

      There are some people in her circles who are catching onto this and realizing that her ALL THE TECH GIRLS advocacy is ultimately meant to inflate her own profile.

      • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

        What took them so long? Seriously. This bitch is see-through, always has been.

  30. mcakez says:

    Okay, this happened days ago, but did anyone else happen to catch a tweet she made to some random about, I think, being awkward while dating?

    @HeatherD13 – Honestly? That makes me feel better. I am one awkward … uh … non-mothereffer? LOL

    Okay, disregarding the LOL, which she once professed to hate (I think it was one of her ‘don’t date him if…’ lists) but clearly uses all the time…

    This tweet stood out to me, and sort of annoyed me, because how insecure does she have to be to be afraid to use a common figure of speech such as ‘motherfucker,’ or even ‘mothereffer’? Is she so terrified that someone will take it literally and thinks she, like, totally fucks her mother, or someone else’s? Why bother saying it if you’re that concerned about it? Just be fucking NORMAL for shit’s sake, instead of being all “LOL NO HOMO/INCESTO LOL” about it. It is just so childish and insecure.

    Sorry, I know I am picking nits here, but I remembered it earlier today and it just made me annoyed all over again.

    • bitchface says:

      somehow I find the use of “motherfucker” less offensive than her use of the word “fuck” (as in “I didn’t fuck him, back off”) in her tweets.

      WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE???

      • mcakez says:

        I’m not really bothered by either, except to laugh at how she vacillates between being super prim and —–ing out bad words and then turns on her ‘I’m a potty mouthed hardcore gangsta homegirl, what? AK, good day LOL!!!”

        I was more rolling my eyes at how she specified ‘uhh… non-mothereffer’ because she wouldn’t want people thinking she was, like, icky and into her mom/their mom/anyone’s mom/chicks. It’s a common place term, not one that needs to be cutesy danced around lest people take it literally because eww gross.

        If you’re going to say it, just own it, dipshit.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      And yet as this show was about to kick off, she positioned herself as being very good at dating and horrible at keeping a relationship.

      Sounds like a Donkey is finally coming around to what everyone else already knows: she’s just horrible.

  31. mcakez says:

    My non-catlady friend who was visiting on Monday, and with whom I played the Miss Advised drinking game, texted me yesterday to say, “I am still flabbergasted at how much Julia Allison sucks. It’s like… it’s like Jim Jones and Dear Abby had a baby.”

    He then asked me the name of the show again. Hah. I fear I might have created a catlady.

    • helobabe says:

      You need to post your rules to the drinking game.

      As much as I can’t stand Loren his video where he reads aloud the catlady names mentioned in that lawsuit makes me cry laughing every time. I hope this week’s show mentions some of the hysterical names here.

      • mcakez says:

        Basic rules (to be used every episode):

        1. Drink for ‘excessive eye blinking’ (dudebrah mocked us for this, like, “You drink when she BLINKS? But friend-Chris quickly picked up that ‘rapid/excessive blinking’ is clearly notable).

        2. Drink for any time she says ‘boyfriend/husband.’ We debated drinking for the word ‘date’ or any permutations, but we weren’t sure how long the beer would last.

        3. Drink for any time she name drops.

        I joked that we should drink every time she told a lie/used legalese, but again, beer was limited.

        ‘Episode rule’ (Something I picked up from back when me and Mr. Twinklebottom Fusserbutt and Princess Meowgret McMuffykins III used to do an ANTM game. Basically, we pick one or two things to drink to for that specific episode):

        1. Drink for every time she said ‘kiss.’

        Not sure what Monday’s Episode Rule should be, but am open to suggestions. I somehow doubt that ‘Donkey’ will get used more than one. I bet the word ‘fat’ is used a few times. I vow to down a beer if any actual hater names get dropped.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      “it’s like Jim Jones and Dear Abby had a baby.” is freaking hilarious.

  32. Actual Shower Vommer says:

    [img]http://clutch.mtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/andersons20judging20you.gif[/img]

  33. What better way to start a Sunday morning than w/ a biggo belly laugh??!?

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    And now I’m at LAX headed to Seattle to work on our super stealth book project (maybe not so stealth now) with @Andrea_Dunlop !!

    • For serious?? says:

      I am officially on Donkey alert! If I see her in the wild, I will let you all know. She will stand out like a sore thumb in her white clompers around here.

  34. Annnddd they just keep on cooming!

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Anyone have an RV they would rent for Aug 25-Sept 3(ish)? I will give you a multitude of hugs. In addition to that green stuff (“money”).

    #moneyGreenSkinTagsAreVeryStuff_&_HerCurrency

    • Ca Ca Nails says:

      Burning Man again? Ha! I guess that confirms that Alexis Needy isn’t letting Donkey crash in hers and freeload again, which at least proves she still has a little bit of common sense and isn’t farting all sunshine and light.

      As if Donkey is going to be able to negotiate renting an RV on her own for Burning Man–I’m pretty sure this is just a way of asking “who will let me stay with them?” as usual. Didn’t somebody last year link to a site that offered tricked-out RV rentals for Burning Man for zillions of dollars? She will definitely want one of those. Maybe if the show suddenly becomes an unexpected hit these next few episodes Bravo can pay for her RV and show her clomping around the desert for the 2nd season. Don’t hold your breath, Donks.

    • juliajane says:

      Julia Allison actually pay for something? Bwah!

    • JFA says:

      IS this on twitter? Who fuck is she gonna happen to find on twitter with a damn RV? Isn’t that some Criagslist shit? WTF.

      • Aspen>Tulips says:

        Not only that, but could you imagine how badly she would trash somebody else’s RV, especially at Burning Man? If anyone volunteers I hope they require a hefty security deposit. I suspect that she’ll end up piggybacking on someone else’s ride, though – for the caliber of RV that she expects and the price that she wants to pay (nada!) she is going to come up empty-handed.

    • Peltergeist says:

      I’d love to hear that conversation.
      “Good news, Ali Shady! I can come with you again!”
      “Uhh… Julia, you know we could still use that money from your last experience in Black Rock City, love child, peace and love, buy my book, webcast, blah blah blah…”
      “But bunny, money is evil! You said so! Ignore your debts, live in the moment, don’t conform to society!”
      “Seriously, give me $3,000. And don’t forget the Lysol.”

  35. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    She’s SO NICE and if you just met her in person, you’d see that!!!

    Jason Fell ‏@jwfell
    .@CHRISTIEtyiani made me watch an episode of @Bravotv’s #MissAdvised. No doubt @JuliaAllison is one of the most annoying ppl I’ve ever seen.

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @jwfell @CHRISTIEtyiani @Bravotv – Ouch! Well, Jason, I have to say, I’m a huge fan of your magazine – and your reporting.

    @jwfell @CHRISTIEtyiani – And maybe one day we’ll meet in person – perhaps you won’t find me quite so annoying. :-)

    • I need a good user name... says:

      The smiley at the end is menacing

    • diluted brain says:

      She is so crazy that she always tries to get strangers to meet her in person to change their opinion of her. OK, so the TV, media, nonsociety, articles and our website are all wrong – she is a great girl with an awesome personality.

      • Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

        We just don’t understand her! She’s quirky! She’s awkward! She’s Zooey Deschanel’s long lost sister!

      • 11th Wang says:

        The hilarious part is that SHE ALONE is the curator of her Internet presence.

        Julie, hon, you are Dr Frankenstein and his monster both. You chose all of this for yourself. Nobody’s getting you wrong.

        • Helena (Sausage Curls On One Size Of My Head) says:

          This.

          Also, I just don’t see how it would be even realistically POSSIBLE to be so, so tragically misunderstood. Does she think it’s normal for nice likeable people, or for sweet sexy girls with “impeccable” dress sense, or for knowledgeable brilliant trendsetting experts, etc., etc. to have so many people from very diverse walks of life consider them the exact opposite of all those characteristics? Hunh.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Again with the “if you met me, you’d like me.”

      Honey. Guess how many people on this very site have met you? Guess how many people on this very site have met you many, many, many times? (I am myself thankfully not in the latter category.)

      • Peltergeist says:

        Why does she separate her real live self and her online self? Does she recognize her online self (which she created) as being awful? If so, why not fix it? BTW, I met her and did not like her. I’d even go so far as to say her online self is more or less an accurate portrayal.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          “Does she recognize her online self (which she created) as being awful? If so, why not fix it?”

          BINGO! Except that she can’t because um, er oops, it’s all really her!

  36. AFGHANI says:

    OT, but I saw this, thought of Donkey Baugher, and wanted to share:

    [img]https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s480x480/168882_449442685074581_257395741_n.jpg[/img]

    Also? Hi Julia, nice face you have there.

  37. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    A clip of Julia (from a few years ago as a talking head) and a sound bite is used in the shambolic Chris Crocker doc running on HBO, basically as an example of the crazies posting videos of themselves on the Internet.

  38. The Final Rose says:

    Bravo is reairing Miss Advised last night, and because it’s too hot to leave my basement, I’m torturing myself by watching it again.

    Whether or not she was referring to pitches for her column or one piece, she is clearly freaking out about being asked to write something – which seems odd for a journalist being offered her dream job.

    Also, it’s time to size up the wide-legged bidness lady pants.

    • The Final Rose says:

      So I didn’t catch this on my first watching, but did Julia actually eat steak on her fake-date?

    • idiotbox says:

      By the way: she set her date to be on Sunday, but didn’t she tell Keith she’s going to write her piece on Sunday? How did that deadline go, donk?

      Also, when saying goodbye, Chris looked at her with such pity in his eyes, I almost felt bad for her. I mean, it’s obvious to everyone that he’s not into her at all and she keeps pushing and pushing. I understand that she hoped to have swept both of these men of their feet, but can she not read subtle cues? Is she really THAT delusional?

      • The Final Rose says:

        Agreed, paid to date her or not, he visibly has a moment where he realizes what a pathetic loon she is.

        And the fact that Julia thought if she kept begging/demanding/insulting/insisting that she get a kiss makes me wonder how many times that has worked for her.

      • virgil reid says:

        she doesn’t know she’s not hot anymore. in her mind, she still looks like the hot tech girl from a few years ago and it doesn’t register that what she could have gotten away with a few years ago, she can’t now because she looks 40.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          She has Busted Face Dysmorphia.

          I read about it in the DSM.

    • My Parents Gave Me A Measly Ten Grand says:

      Where did you download it from? I’m trying to re-watch the craycray again but I can’t find it anywhere online…

  39. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    DONKEY – BURN!!!!!

    So apparently the ladies (and donkey) of Miss Advised are answering love questions on Twitter but the questions are going through to Ashley Tisdale first:

    Ashley Tisdale ‏@ashleytisdale
    “.@loubeawesome: Why are women lunatics?” You should take this one @JuliaAllison
    View conversation
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    OUCH!

    • Amuse-douche says:

      Snap! I can feel that sting all the way over here. Seems like everyone’s got her number these days.

      • The Missing Davos Report says:

        To be fair, I thought last episode Amy was the real lunatic. Treat a guy like a shit on a date and then realize you like him, but wonder why he hasn’t called you. So you call him, but wait – you don’t like the message on his answering machine, so you give a condescending face. Impossible to please.

        To me Julia’s lunacy was specific to the Elle stuff. On the date, she acted on the date like she said she was going to, and at least she wasn’t mean.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Amy was cray, between the age stuff and the calorie stuff, but it still didn’t measure up to Julie Albrtson’s trying to bully that cute guy into kissing her. I am still cringing at that, especially the slapping.

          • virgil reid says:

            yeah i think these are my feelings as well. amy looks controlling, but not as desperate and unhinged as julia did running in circles on the beach.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Ha! I wonder how JA treated Ashley at the premiere party.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      This is indeed a dig. Let’s face it – you can’t show up to set late and treat your call time “like a suggestion” and not think it’s going to get back to the executive producer. That runs up costs and someone has to answer for it – Ashley Tisdale.

      So, nice job Ashley!

      PS Donkey!

    • Falsies says:

      Holy shit! I hadn’t realized Ashley Tisdale was awesome. Just want to ensure we have this forever:

      [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2affrwl.png[/IMG]

      http://i49.tinypic.com/2affrwl.png if that embed doesn’t work.

  40. Pelts Off the Charts says:

    OMG such great tv coming up! Tonight Newsroom, Weeds and Web Therapy! tomorrow, an OMG NEW EPISODE of Miss Cray!!!

    I hate that I am this excited about tomorrow.

    • Lilly Liberation Front says:

      I’m excited for Monday, too. Although I did have a nightmare with Donk, [Redacted], [Redacted's] wife, and Foreman last night that clearly shows I spend too much time on this site.

  41. ShesJustStupid says:

    Who is this Andrea Dunlop person who is putting up a donkey in Seattle? And why oh why is donks coming to NYC again? What does she need to do here? Yuck.

  42. This one is a no-boner says:

    I love (hate) how Julia always becomes so vocal before the show airs again. She gets all manic and high on Saturday and Sunday, then Monday rolls around and she’s… crickets. Her portrayal is an abomination, but you just know our maniacal bi-polar Julia is telling most people within earshot ‘I’m on the teevees tomorrow night, ya’ll’… She gets on these highs, and then she’s silent = Bi=polar.
    Honey, get help. I promise, there are professionals that can help you.

  43. BAD NEWS: It appears that the tvpc.com Bravo channels (7878 & 9050) have been removed due to ‘copyright infringement’ :-(

    Bastardos! It’s not like it was commercial-free, so what was lost, & to whom, I don’t know.

    If anyone knows of another way to watch Mess Despised for free online during airtime tomorrow night, please post. TIA.

  44. Kimbo Slice says:

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5v77wgK2N1r61ufao1_400.jpg

    Look at this picture. Could she contort her body more?

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      She looks so odd compared to the other women. Admittedly, Amy looks a little stiff, but no one else is POSING HARD like Julia is.

      • Kimbo Slice says:

        Whoops, didn’t reply in-line…

        Amy IS stiff, so it makes sense she looks like she has a stick up her ass.

        Emily looks good though, although I’m assuming she left straight from there to go to a toga party.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      my god. her legs wouldn’t look half as bad if she’d give up the white clompers she hauls out every summer. Just say no to the white shoes, Julia.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Also the panty hose that nurses wore with their uniforms… in the 1980s.

      • Kimbo Slice says:

        My mom (who is 60) would look great in Julia’s outfit. That’s all I can think when I see it.

  45. Kimbo Slice says:

    Amy IS stiff, so it makes sense she looks like she has a stick up her ass.

    Emily looks good though, although I’m assuming she left straight from there to go to a toga party.

    • AFGHANI says:

      Emily is uber annoying, but I can’t get over how. much. better. she looks than the other 2. She’s more than a decade older than Donkey, for example.

  46. MissDespised is the New JA Pilot says:

    Considering that Pandas defecate 40 times a day Pandas and Donkey and BPC go together.

Comments are closed.