The Miss Advised Episode 2 Recap: Add It Up, Seriously, Count The Number Of Times She Asked Him To Kiss Him

You guys, this show is just too sad to watch, TOO SAD! It’s one thing to make fun of Julia for her online antics, but it really is something else to see the crazy in claymation. It’s not funny-haha. It’s just deeply depressing, and as I had suspected, somewhat exploitative. It’s one thing for Julia Allison to be a psychotic asshole all on her own, but to bottle her up in some all white condo and goad the crazy by staging contrived situations for the sake of “entertainment”. . . gah! It’s just shameful and sadistic and disgusting. I have never been so uncomfortable watching an hour of television in my life.

Look, I understand the blatant hypocrisy of what I am writing. I have said some mean, MEAN things about Julia Allison. In fact, just yesterday, I compared Julia to a post-op tranny who wanted to get fucked to make sure her new parts worked. And I have been relentless in my callous name-calling and merciless reblogging of Julia’s insanity, (I admit it) disturbingly so. But Bravo, you need to stop. I sincerely mean that.  Come on, if I, one of Julia’s most vicious detractors, can’t get behind this show like I would a leather-clad bitch boy bent over a sling, there is something seriously wrong with you. I recall a joke made by the great Margaret Cho about right-wing Christian fundamentalists: “Even the Satanists are saying, ‘Wow, you guys are being really mean.'”

I have never really been able to eloquently articulate why I continue to blog here. I mean, let’s not kid ourselves. This place is weird. We’re a bunch of cooped up hens pecking abhorrent and depraved insults on a keyboard 24/7 and directing them at a woman who for most (but not all) of us exists solely online. Julia Allison is completely irrelevant now, and just a few years ago, she was only relevant in a microscopic group of bull-horn waving media types who think they are more important than they actually are. I’ll concede, New York Observer, that, to the unindonktrinated, we come across completely unhinged. And time and time again, commenters have expressed how difficult it is to explain this little hobby to people in their offline lives, and few have come up with a concise and clear explanation. I know I haven’t, because explaining Julia Allison to those who don’t know Julia Allison takes hours of untangling the threads of her unraveling crazy. And the most I can get out of somebody is, “Yeah, she’s a nutball. But really?”

The only word that comes close to explain why I the donkey is “fascination.” That’s it. I find Julia Allison fascinating, because I have never encountered someone so lacking in self-awareness in my life, someone so unwilling to explore her role in her own misery. The lack of work-ethic and personal responsibility astounds me  And just when you think she can’t get any lower, our donkey goes out and gets a bigger shovel. I’d like to think, and feel free to call bullshit, that woven in between vicious insults and fantastically bitchy snark, is honest and sincere advice — namely don’t be an asshole, apologize, get a real job, take responsibility for yourself and MY GOD, WOMEN, SUPERGLUE YOURSELF TO A THERAPIST’S COUCH BECAUSE, YOU ARE HONEST TO GREG, MENTALLY ILL.

Now I’m not apologizing. Julia actively courted this attention. She should have learned, years ago, long before this site popped up, that the reaction she receives from broadcasting her life online is derision. If Julia were a reasonable, mature adult, she would have pulled the plug on her online antics years ago, during the relentless Gawker coverage. Yet, here we are, years later, same shit, different face.

But there’s a reason why Jacy and I stress over and over again to not poke the donkey. It changes her behavior. It would be like Jane Goodall hurling rocks at a chimpanzee before walking over to squat and take a piss on it. OF COURSE IT’S GOING TO REACT. But it’s kind of unfair for you to point and laugh at her because you are the one that made her a raging asshole. It’s really cheap, and frankly, not even remotely as rewarding as watching the crazy unfold all on its own.

And that is the fundamental problem with Miss Advised. It is one gigantic poke. Producers have ignited the mental illness of a narcissistic hosebeast for the sake of entertainment. But the result is simply not entertaining. It’s gross and calculated and callous.

The editors and producers clearly hate her. And every second I spent watching this sadistic mess, makes me hate humanity just a tiny bit more.

And with that, on to episode 2.

Julia Allison begins the episode by yammering on about being  a journalisth. She proves what a serious journalist she is by spouting off the titles of superficial lady rags that she wrote for (and some she possibly didn’t) more than five years ago. And you want to know something new about Julia? ELLE is her dream job, even though I don’t recall her ever having mentioned ELLE being her dream job ever, no, not ever, in her exhaustive record of her inappropriate lifecasting. Her real dream job? No job, silly! Oh, and writing is hard and prethentathon and perfethion, and her momsers wrote for Nixon, and Julia tells us how she takes her craft very seriously, as if she is completely unaware that Google was invented and people can use the search engine to make a more accurate assessment of Julia’s writing standards.

Producers thought it would be funny to pile up all of Julia’s stuff in one corner to create the illusion that she has more stuff than she actually has. That way they can trick the audience into thinking they are watching Hoarders, a reality show people actually watch.

Here is Julia fake crying over her fake phone call from her fake editor at her fake job. The scene is meant to portray Julia as someone who is fantastically lazy and work-averse, which, yeah we know. So I find it ironic that I have never seen Julia work as hard as she did in this scene to make it look like this whole fabricated set-up was real. But that look of sheer panic and horror over her tight deadline? Completely authentic. And completely hilarious.

Julia has a meeting, which obviously translates to PRECIOUS FOOD. Before we move on, a little personal thing about me, Julia’s Publicist. One of the first rules about this club I go to, um. . . anonymously is that you admit that you are wrong. (Actually, it’s the fourth rule. And the tenth.) So I’d like to admit that I was wrong in assuming that gay Keith Pollack is super gay so it is hilarious that he is portrayed on the show as someone who was hired to date Julia Allison. I apologize. Big Gay Keith is actually being portrayed as her gay Elle editor who clearly thinks that Julia Allison is a stupid bitch.

She pitches her “Guinea Pig of Love” column idea and stammers on like an idiot, and gay Keith hates her and promotional consideration was paid for by Elle, makers of second-rate lady-mags, and CHRIST ALMIGHTY why must she go to a tarot card reader? Why can’t she get actual therapy?

Julia Allison: “Clearly I would benefit from some intense psychoanalysis.”

Gay Keith Pollock: “I would have to say that I agree.”

Julia Allison: HILARIOUS!!!!!!xoxoxo!!!

Flusher Price introduces Julia to some dude named Todd. He points out that Julia has a firm handshake, which was the polite way of saying he immediately noticed her weiner.

But that’s OK because Julia noticed Todd’s weiner as well. And things get hot and steamy inside her Lulus as Julia makes no qualms about wanting to fuck her roommate’s boyfriend.

She might even eschew her compensation in shoes. Julia goes full-on Miss Havisham and desperately lets Todd know that she is desperate for a husband. And does Todd have any friends who are so equally desperate that they’ll go out with Julia Allison despite her desperation?

Todd: No, but I know some dude on whom I need to enact my revenge.

Julia: GREAT!

Julia also momentarily forgets that she doesn’t eat meat when she does some sort of herky-jerky shuffle in response to the Todd’s suggestion that they grill steaks, because OMGSTEAKSWON’TSOMEONEJUSTFUCKINGMARRYMEALREADY!

Donkey and J get ready for this beach date, and it is difficult to determine via screenshot who is talking here, because Julia has some serious body issues that should be worked out in therapy, and Julia Price clearly hates Julia, so much so that she comes across as some kind of backstabbing asshole. I guess we’ll never know.

Julia’s date Chris arrives, and she makes a comment about chocolate and licking him up and starts acting all yum-yum-gimme-some like she’s in the “You’re Making Me High” video,” and OMG . . .

The foursome got to the beach to play volleyball and Julia attempts to mate with Chris.

Then that happened and the two topple over unleashing The Big One, and California doesn’t exist anymore because it sunk into the Pacific Ocean. Then Julia amps up her desperation and grills Chris, and it’s all just so terribly sad to watch, and it only gets worse from here.

Like when Julia starts running around in circles in the sand and everyone, including her “sister” Toilet, walk away, blatantly ignoring her.

Then things get really sexy when the date is taken to the bedroom. . .

. . . where, to my complete shock and amazement, we get to see her boner killer of a bedroom ACTUALLY KILL BONERS! And OMG this chick is bonkers, and it’s so obvious that the producers hate her, and Julia does herself absolutely no favors when she lets it slip that she doesn’t mind having her yippy dog in the bed while she is getting plowed, and WOW! JUST WOW! WHO DOES THAT?

And Chris is all, “Oh, hell no. Fuck this shit.”

Then things get excruciatingly painful for the audience as Julia snaps the tether during an ill-advised game of spin the bottle where Chris looks visibly repulsed by Julia and refuses to kiss her. Instead of being able to see signs that can be seen from space, Miss Six Pence None The Wiser begs Chris to kiss her and starts to punch him repeatedly. PUNCHING HIM!!!! And as he is running out the door she literally, like, LITERALLY THREW HERSELF AT HIM, and I thought that was just a figure of speech, and I am cringing with Canklehausen by Proxy because this is all happening on national television, and she is seriously having a mini-breakdown, and it just seems unfair because lest you forget THIS DATE IS FAKE, and the only person who doesn’t realize it is Julia Allison.

The episode closes with me feeling so grimy and gross because “uncomfortable” doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt after watching last night’s episode, and I don’t think shitty reality TV is supposed to make me feel that way.

I feel dead inside. I need something completely different, yet remarkably relevant to cleanse my soul.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBJ9qH7z3-Y’]

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280 Responses to The Miss Advised Episode 2 Recap: Add It Up, Seriously, Count The Number Of Times She Asked Him To Kiss Him

  1. the original bunny says:

    Thank you, JP. Thank you so much for that. I am a longtime reader, but very occasional commenter.

    The whole thing and the following spreecast was so bizarre that it defies logic.

    Here’s another little bonus: Apparently, the Indian Julia Allison is watching Miss Advised. It’s weird to see my online horrors collide. But all catladies here, for the love of Greg, need to check out “Suitable Girl” aka A N N A aka the Indian-American Julia Allison whose history of narcissism, self-inflated ego, horrible writing and online shamelessness mirrors the Donk’s. Check it out: http://twitter.com/suitablegirl

    • bitchface says:

      I don’t think the world can handle two Julia Allisons.

      ;-)

    • skipantspull says:

      Can you tell me more about her? I have an overlapping social circle and got a really horrible vibe from her but wasn’t sure if I was off.

      • the original bunny says:

        ugh, she is so awful. she used to blog on that site sepiamutiny.com, where every piece she wrote was all. about. her. a truly heinous person. in fact, for a while, someone started a site similar to this one called unsuitablegirl, and in similar fashion, she got it shut down. it’s late and i’m not sure where to begin, but she is incredibly narcissistic and self-centered. spend some time on her twitter feed and her sm posts, you’ll get the picture.

        • skipantspull says:

          Can I ask how old she is? She seems to run with a bunch of folks in their early or mid twenties but my impression is she is a good bit older.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      She looks cute in the photo.

      I read it as “Call girl in DC” and thought: DAY-UM.

    • mcakez says:

      Holy shitballs. She @’ed me for some random comment from last night’s reblog of my JA drinking game.

      Should I take a Silkwood Shower now? (Pours some 40 out for NE.)

  2. Canklehausen by Proxy says:

    I brought ointment for everyone!

  3. This one is a no-boner says:

    Very well said, Mr.

    I feel exactly the same. I know a lot of others will too. I find myself pacing during her (Crazy) scenes, holding my face, and replaying the whole scene over again. (I fast forward through the other two: Boring and Pathetic). How could Julia have thought this was the route she should take? What will she do when the Elle.com gig runs its course, presumably once the show ends? Bravo is really hating on her. For instance, Bravo places situations in front of her, only to have her act a total fool – for entertainment. We simply follow HER antics alone, without the prodding and preening. Julia is only fun to watch when she’s up to her own vices: poor choices, strategic friendships, backstabbing, rage, and mostly fail.

    I know I was freaked out to see her on The View being completely blasted for her behavior on the show. Cable is cable, but a live nationally syndicated talk show skewering is super harsh. And you know what? BRAVO even sent that clip TO THE VIEW! I’m sure ABC had to get the clip from Bravo PR peeps and the Bravo team sent the most vile and embarrassing. If it’s true Momsers and Dadsers didn’t get cable, even for their daughters BIG CHANCE!, then most likely all of Wilmette and beyond saw the ever so classy ‘BLOW JOB ON THE WAY THERE’ snippet. Shudder.

    • This one is a no-boner says:

      Not being soft. This girl needs tough love.

      The real Julia yells at people in parking lots, in front of their children. The real Julia ‘shared a home’ with an asshole Senator’s son (just for the name recognition and the $$). The real Julia leaks names of private people to her hate site. The real Julia would like you all to be jealous of her fabulous life: her glamorous parapathetic lifestyle, her high status marker ‘friends’ and has slammed anyone she deems beneath her. The real Julia won’t stop until she gets more, more, more and can scream ME, ME, ME.

      This is the Julia we know. If this was supposed to be a redemption show then good Greg, no.

  4. Worrisome Pelts says:

    I don’t pity her. She’s getting what she always wanted.

  5. Donkeycam now! says:

    The barely disguised repulsion of Chris when Donkey tried to kiss him was priceless.

    That and the fake-crying made my night.

  6. Breakfast Burro-ito says:

    2 things:
    1. Am I the only one who felt sad and dirty when TJ and the Giant tongue-hump in front of Donk and her “date?”
    It felt very show-offy. I don’t know about that Flusher…
    2. Methinks JA and TJ are bound for a terrible on-screen cat-fight. I hope it’s at the “reunion” and that Andy referees.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      My theory is Taryn Southern has hated Julia ever since a Donkey filmed one of her friends dropping a birthday cake at Taryn Southern’s b-day. Julia acted like the cunt she is and that was it for Taryn. Taryn and TJ are best friends – so TJ knows what’s up regarding Julia.

      She is willing to use her to get ahead though… and I suspect she will peace out once this shit show is canceled (even if it’s just canceled after the 8 order).

    • This one is a no-boner says:

      Julia Price is a snide little betch.

  7. helobabe says:

    Thank you, [The Real] JP! I love your recaps!
    [img]https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-ZFql2gftBFs/ThUw2UuiH8I/AAAAAAAABFw/bmk5_Czkar4/simple-sexual.gif[/img]

  8. Restylame says:

    Glad I missed it, then. This recap does it all for me.

    I’m having one of my I-feel-really-bad-for-JA moments. Of course, this will go away once she does something heinous again, but ugh. I don’t know. I know she asked for this “fame,” but I just feel for her.

    Meh. :|

  9. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Is it malicious to let her cunt flag fly in all its glory? Seriously, were the editors and producers supposed to try to hide her obvious asshole core?

    She’s lucky this is all she’s getting. Nothing this show can do to her will ever equal what she has done to so many people. This barnyard animal is getting off lightly. I have zero sympathy for this bitch.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      AGREE

    • Lilly Liberation Front says:

      Exactly. This is ridiculous. What were people expecting? Bravo has a knack for finding the crazy people, and they continued that tradition with this shitshow. Now we’re supposed to be up in arms about it? The fuck?

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        I guess what bugs the hell out of me is that it is simply just not entertaining. And isn’t that the point? Aren’t we supposed to be entertained by this psychotic malarkey? For me, personally, I wasn’t entertained. They simply took all the fun out of pointing and laughing at Julia Allison. And Julia now has a perfect opportunity to play the victim role she loves so much.

        To me, what was supremely more interesting was the Spreecast, because it was an unfiltered, unfabricated situation where Julia could let her freak flag fly. And, oh, did it fly!

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          YES!!!!! I haven’t even watched the Spreecast and just from what I heard found that WAY more entertaining than the Bravo show.

          And I love me a good reality show.

        • Donkey Punch says:

          As someone who has been on the receiving end of Julia Allison’s unhinged, malicious mental illness, I was very entertained by this. She’s a crazy fucking freak, there’s NOTHING to be jealous of when you look at her life, and she deserves all the ridicule and them some. I think the show is hilarious.

        • Lilly Liberation Front says:

          Yeah, I hear you on the victim card that will inevitably be played. I hope some people (all 5 of them who watch) find their way here and actually dig around. I suppose that’s wishful thinking.

        • I’m not in agreement w/ you JP that Bravo is making her look bad — this is the D0nkey we all know & laugh at — she’s not only being herself, it’s just no secret what Bravo does, & she has angled for this medium for years.

          What I *do* agree w/ though is that it’s been anti-climatic so far, because there’s nothing new here other than the color of the plastic pelts & the spin of the lies.

          That said, the squeecast only makes sense if you’ve seen the episode that D0nkey is trying to backpedal out of.

        • Kimbo Slice says:

          Holy shit is the Spreecast entertaining.

          Save Lilly.

  10. 1,000 appearances in my nightmares says:

    I spent a great many weeks preparing my partner for this show. I couldn’t go through it alone and yet I was exhausted explaining the basement and the cats to her. Well, I’m proud to say that the day after episode 1 aired she was eager to know what the cat ladies said about the show. Then last night, when Donkey started crying, we both looked at each other and laughed. She gets it. That quickly.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I love her. My huscat was talking to a friend on the phone and said “My wife is watching a horrible show about horrible people and giggling about it with people on the Internet,” which would have been accurate last week but this week was all SWEET MOTHER OF GREG tell me I didn’t just see that instead of giggling because it was so horrible.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      My cathus humored me and sat down to watch while we ate dinner (he wanted you all to know the only reason he watched was because I brought home his favorite Mexican food for dinner.)

      He lasted about 5 minutes and then begged to leave the room. I asked him to watch a few more minutes so I could get a quote for the cat ladies. He literally curled up into the fetal position on the couch (and this is not a girly man, he looks like a biker with a shaved head + tattoos) and said he couldn’t take it anymore. I said I understood. As he was leaving the room, he said, “this made me want to watch the Real Housewives. And I HATE the Real Housewives.”

      • Miss assvice says:

        I would not be able to eat watching this either

        [img]http://i.imgur.com/eazjc.png[/img]

  11. The Final Rose says:

    Excellent recap, and I think you showed great restraint with the screen caps. I felt so sorry for her the entire time she was wearing the velour hoodie and flared skirt. (Side note, Jules – contrary to your stated beliefs, wearing something poofy does not call attention to your waist – it just highlights your haunches).

    Anyway, I am getting off track. I thought your foreward to the recap was excellent, and I hope that the 12 Bravo watchers who end up over here after next week’s episode read it.

  12. The Final Rose says:

    Oh, and one more thing – the fact that Bravo is devoting an episode, or Julia’s portion of an episode, is SO telling and really drives home the point that the producers of this show hate her. Not one of the other vile characters on a Bravo show has ever been shown addressing their off-screen detractors — it’s almost as if Bravo wants the world to find this site.

    • Wife Branding says:

      You’re right — I’ve always wondered that about RHONY. It’s as if they are not allowed to break the fourth wall and talk about being on the show. But it’s possible that’s just a rule about “talking about the show.” Not talking about internet haterz.

  13. Julia: Old Maid, Forever Alone says:

    Julia is the last human being within a 100 mile radius of LA still wearing Juicy Couture. What a hick. She doesn’t even have an excuse for being such a hick.

    [img]http://rebloggingdonk.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/fuck-that-bitch-600×400.png[/img]

    • The Final Rose says:

      I mean, honestly. I wore that exact same outfit in freaking Dewey Beach, DE ten years ago. I’m not saying I’m proud of that fact, but is she really that out of touch? Does she ever open any of the magazines she professes to write for?

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        I said it in another comment but she dresses as her vision of a 15 year old without realizing her idea of 15 is really dated. She ends up looking like she raided the closet of a suburban middle class 9th grader in 2003.

      • AFGHANI says:

        Dewey is nice. I kind of like Rehobeth better, but don’t talk about Donk in the same sentence as our beaches over here. Ruining it for me! The average drunk college girl at FishTales or Seacrets has more class than Donkey.

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      yes? um, what? you rang?

    • Dr. Gary says:

      *whispers*

      I live in LA and still wear Juicy Couture sweatpants.

      But NEVER outside the home. And I got them super cheap at Gilt.com.

  14. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    Britton Baugher, I love you.
    that is all.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      whoops, not all. I love JP too. and Jacy. Greg bless you all!

    • Took me awhile. I found it. I concur.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      What was it?

      /can’t bear to watch

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      ????

    • MY Beach Home says:

      AND if I’m reading that correctly they have not texted in 24 days, since the boat ride and carrot cake. Mebbe they speak or email but that is a long ass time if they haven’t communicated from June 1st until the two sentence review.

      Also, the silence from the assisted living facility residents is deafening.

      Also, the thing is, the thing is, what the fuck was that bs on the spreecast about bad ass daddy lawyer? He prevented you from signing a contract with Oprah (rest in peace your career big O) prior to her downfall yet he agreed to be on this shitshow, agreed to NGMB appearing, and presumably blessed her non draconian Bravo contract?

      I honestly feel insane when I watch this show. The lies. They are ineffable.

  15. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    I have written out three long comments, each about 300 words or so, only to erase them and close my browser. Watching the spin the bottle game… just… ugh.

  16. Julia's Crypt Keeper says:

    Princess PArking

    All others will be

    TOAD?

    How many one liners will Bravo slip in?

  17. Tom Brady says:

    Pretty Julia is hot and looks quadruply so next to Donkey.

    I’m shocked Donkey voluntarily put herself in such a bad position. She does have a certain low cunning for this sort of thing, but her instincts failed her this time. I suspect it’s because her self-image is still 6 years in the past when she would have compared much more favorably to Pretty Julia.

    • JFA says:

      Pretty sure looking fat next to Toilet Balding Julia is the least of her problems.

      • bitchface says:

        pretty much anyone would look heftier next to that praying mantis

        seriously, bish needs to eat a sammich or five with whipped cream on top (did you see the first episode where she had her back exposed…. could snap that girl in half like a twig)

  18. Kimbo Slice says:

    As someone who is a proud owner of two guinea pigs, I find her column name incredibly offensive to the good name of guinea pigs. Please do not associate yourself with them.

    For realz guys, I stopped reading RBD around the time of her breakup with Pancakes, and it’s GOOD to be back!

  19. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    I don’t like Julia Price. She just seems like such a user.

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      Totally agree. x 10000.

    • JFA says:

      SHe’s horrendous. I almost like JA better and what does that tell you?

      Also why is everyone convinced the crying was fake? IT was 100% real. She really is that batshit insane that she cries about fake deadlines for jobs she already has in the can. She has so many disorders but one of them is a mood disorder, long unchecked. I bet she cries everyday.

      • I think deadlines are the bane of her existence as pertains to any / all responsibility … she seems to dig her hooves in & become her own worst enemy when it comes to living up to any expectation … do you suppose that the tears are a conditioned response that carries over from the days when she got Mom$er’s to write her columns?

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        I think that’s the scary part. I suspect many of her reactions and breakdowns we will see on this show are real. Yup, real genuine crazy to fake set-ups that she knows are not REAL! El Burro Loco!

        • JFA says:

          I honestly think that was 100% “real” and it was sorta a setup by the show. They got her the fake job, said to be available to meet, and neglected to tell her (or maybe assumed she would realize) that the fake job entailed a modicum of responsibility. She was floored by this.

          Let me repeat – she was floored by having to pitch an actual writing idea, for a writing job. I will NEVER understand how this bitch graduated college, or lasted even a year at Star.

          • JFA says:

            Can you imagine what was going through that editor’s mind? Is this bitch seriously putting me off for a deadline for a set-up writing job at a magazine thousands of young girls would kill to write for, for a job that entails almost zero responsibility? Did this just happen? On tv?

          • Pink Palatian says:

            THIS irritated me, straight off the bat. Any journalist who is capable and specializes in some subject matter can come up with 4-5 pitches in, like, 30 minutes. And writing a column?!? Bitch, please. If she really had been writing column for 10 years — lies! — she’d be able to write one in an afternoon. It’s not like she’s aiming for a Pulitzer — it’s a freakin’ dating column for a website.

            Ugh. The canklehausen. It flares.

          • JFA says:

            I know! It’s a column about her dating life which she has been WRITING ABOUT FOR SUPPOSEDLY 10 YEARS. It requires literally no research, no original thought, and no actual work. My gawd.

            I’m trying to imagine the young lawyer equivalent – telling the hiring partner at a dream job firm that you cannot do that research memo by Friday because you have to move boxes. LOL.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          I had two friends who went on a dating show once. They were not together (the guy was gay), but once they were playing a real couple on TV the girl got so upset over their “relationship” that she started bawling her eyes out IRL.

      • Stripper Shoes And Questionable Hygiene says:

        Didn’t a Donkey promise to bring the crocotears??

      • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

        what is the mood disorder that makes you cry everyday because I have it.

    • Bunburying says:

      She also seems incredibly shallow, stupid, and talentless. And her voice is just as annoying as the Donk’s.

  20. Andy Whorehol says:

    Sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for her whatsoever. Fuck her and her disgustingly embarrassing narcissism that’s coming back to publicly bite her on her flat, wide ass.
    She’s just another self-absorbed delusional idiot trying to make a quick buck.

    She’s just like the hundreds of other now washed-up reality show morons whining about “bad editing” and their reputations/dating lives being tainted forever thanks to said shows. Because for every one-in-a-trillion Elizabeth Hassleback or Lauren Conrad there’s a New York or Daisy de la Hoya.
    She wants to “delete” her internet history yet she gleefully agreed to be on a national reality show?
    Gurl please; don’t insult our intelligence like you did with that poor himbo you smugly shot down because he didn’t know what “objectified” meant.

    JA’s a longtime famewhore who chased and chased fame for fame’s sake, even if it meant signing up for a reality show that is basically making fun of her and two other romantically-retarded women. This isn’t the first reality show she’s desperately attempted to be on(remember the endless unaired ‘pilots’ that still haven’t seen the light of day), and I seriously doubt it’ll be the last one she attempts to get on.

    I have an acquaintance who is a famewhore who has appeared on 3 different reality shows on major networks. The last show featured him being the severely flaming queen he is, only a drunken/pill-popping/unstable one too. He lost his job, many friends, even a few professional opportunities over that one, even though the show was cancelled midseason due to lack of ratings/interest.
    He is now moving out of my city with his tail between his legs because apparently he was laughed out of every circle he thought liked his “eccentricities.” Because deep down he knows he’s the town laughing stock who blew his professional future thanks to his shameless famewhoring for those pathetic 15 minutes of patheticness.

    Point being: You don’t want to be made a fool of? DON’T GO ON A REALITY TELEVISION SHOW, especially a Bravo one designed to supposedly showcase your eccentricities.

    But oh no, Julia has to prove to the world that she *is* likeable and fun and enviable and smart and all the boys love her!
    Good luck with that. She reeks of try-hard and desperation. And now other people who have no idea who she was before now have all commented online about how loud, rude and obnoxious she is.

    Julia, you’re 31 now. Get a clue, get a career, get a good therapist, and figure out how to get a good attitude and a fulfilling life that doesn’t rely on your all-consuming determination to find a husband.
    (Ditch that idiotic list of yours too: I promise you, there isn’t a single human male alive who would match all your insane requirements.)
    And when you finally get that good attitude and great life, maybe THEN you’ll actually find this supposed husband.

    End rant, sorry for the tl;dr here, just don’t pity this fool.

    • Julia: Old Maid, Forever Alone says:

      See, I kinda don’t think she’s like any other reality star on Bravo. I thought she would be, but this Julia is an entirely different person than I expected. She’s a lot more dweeby and pathetic. In fact, my fiance now doesn’t understand how we can make fun of such a dorky loser (he doesn’t follow this site, so he doesn’t know how shitty she really is as a person).

      Dare I say, Julia comes across as possessing a sense of shame? Heretofore never displayed. I used to think she was shameless but I do think that now she’s starting to cringe at her own ridiculousness.

      She’s just a dorky loser. That’s about it. Whoever she used to be, she isn’t anymore. She bares no resemblance to whoever she was in her heyday.

      • CaptainGary says:

        OK, I just wrote an Uh.Ma.Zing comment in reply to this, but apparently I can’t work a computer and it was eaten by some unseen force. Basically, it said that she’s not actually sad and dorky, she’s acting. She thinks she’s being cute and the fact that it’s so cringeworthy is just an indication of how far off from reality she is. More than that, don’t feel bad for thinking she’s pathetic because this is what she wanted – it just so happens that when all you want is to be famous and adored, it’s pathetic. And so are the results.

        • mcakez says:

          Exactly right.

          It has been said before, but she is trying really hard to be Zooey Deschanel’s (OMG. HER NAME HAS ‘Chanel’ IN IT LIKE MAH AWESOME WHITE BAG Y’ALL!!!) character from ‘The New Girl.’ It is an act.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Also, my own huscat was equally repulsed by her antics on last night’s show. Several comments being, “Why is she acting like a horny 14-year-old?” “What kind of idiot jumps on a grown man like that?” “God, she sounds like a dying yak!”

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I agree. Haven’t seen the show yet but this asshole signed up for it and surprise surprise, she looks like an asshole. But she thinks even her asshole-ishness is adorable. Wrong.

      • Donkey Punch says:

        This is what I’m saying. SHE’S AN ASSHOLE. Of course the cameras are going to capture that shit. Good for the producers! I’m fucking loving this.

  21. Ignoramus with Pelts says:

    I am still freaking out about two things:

    -running circles on the beach
    -literally throwing her body against that dude when they were saying goodnight.

    She seriously seemed unhinged…

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      Watched the show with my 16 y.o. kitten on our laptop and she *literally* crawled away down the bed and hid her eyes as the spin-the-bottle scene played itself out. We were both expecting more fun and giggles like last week, but this was brutal. And yes, I agree, she seemed off her head. I don’t think she was drunk, though, or not just drunk. She seemed out-of-it and manic even on the beach before volleyball – did you notice how she couldn’t hi-5 Chris and was just shrieking and flailing around? I thought it must be pills or something.

  22. This one is a no-boner says:

    One last thing, Cray Cray von Crayster: a pretty pink princess room and collegiate cardigan (sweater?). She’s nearing 32. Crayyyyy not Cute

    • Dyspeptic says:

      that collegiate stripe sweater thing and the tenty skirt, in black rather than colors (bright), were as strange a wardrobing choice last night for the barbecue dinner as the giant turtly-tenty grey bag was last week for the faux office visit. I just don’t understand how she could suddenly veer off-brand. The Juicy hoody and tennis skirt, well yeah, we’ve seen that before. But oversized black shrouds–is that seriously just because she felt fat? I don’t get it.

  23. Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

    This show has given Julia the thing she loves most: a chance to talk about herself non fucking stop. On the show. On spreecast. On her Bravo blog. In her Elle.com “column.” On twitter. On FB. In other words, same as it ever was. So, while I believe she is the only one not in on the joke, and that the producers (and Toilet) poke and manipulate her like a stunt monkey, I think she is loving the opportunity to talk, talk, talk about me, me, me, to ‘set the record straight’, to push her delusive self-image further out into “the” audience, and in general, to feel she is a special snowflake. That’s her entire life: telling the world how wonderful she really is.

    • JFA says:

      The cognitive dissonance is staggering though at this point. EVERYONE ON EARTH save about 3 people are panning you and your show. Yet she will CLING TO DEAR LIFE to the 3 or 4 idiot Afghani sycophants on her FB page that are like “you go girl!!!!”

      Her parents must be hiding under a rock right now. Hey assholes, if you give her the downtown condo after THIS you are seriously just two motherfucking pieces of shit. It’s like Intervention. Maybe she has to hit rock bottom or something. Make her GET A REAL JOB and END THIS INSANITY already! Christ!

      • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

        Cognitive dissonance or just plain lunacy, it raises the question of what makes Julia happy — and my guess is that she is happier than it seems, because breaking rules and bragging and getting back at ex’s and in general doing the stuff she gets called on all seem to be joys for her.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Absolutely.

      Also — JP, this recap is better than actually watching the show. Very wise and very funny.

      Those screenshots — that side-by-side with her and Flusher? HOLY SHIT. I am not even talking about their bodies. But Donkey’s face. She truly does look like a blowup doll left to melt in the sun. Or like a 55-year-old on some kind of weird medication that’s making her face blow up. Horrifying.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        The facial comparison is so bad. When she is by herself she can sometimes look not so bad and melty, but as soon as you compare her to a normal looking person its frightening. Even some of the plastic real housewives look better.

    • The Final Rose says:

      Bingo! I just saw her most recent tweet about the show now being available on iTunes. I would be hiding under my bed after that show aired and got the reaction it did.

      And even Danielle Staub has ‘fans’ on Twitter. There will always be sad young people who will tweet at anyone with a modicum of ‘fame’ to try to get retweeted. If Jules wants a chilling glimpse into her near future, she should check out recent mentions of anyone who was on Most Eligible Dallas.

      • Badonkeydonk says:

        What happened to her boobs, though? I mean, where did they escape to? When you look back at the condom bustier, she was really filling it out. Then that sad little bikini top on the beach had nothing going on (was it polka-dot or was that in a nightmare I had later?)

        And I don’t think she lost weight since the bustier and ergo lost boobage. So — where gone, boobs?

  24. JFA says:

    I’ve only seen clips but I’m still laughing my ass off that she is talknig about going to “super experts” to figure out “What is wrong with her” and “Why she is still single.” The super experts consist of: A shaman, a psychic, and an astrologer.

    Not sure what is her bigger issue, that she is nuts or just really, really fucking stupid. This is her big break in life. Being on a reality show, talking about her “Guinea Pig of Love” column idea…which she cries about writing with 2 days notice…even though she CANNOT BE FIRED.

    Too much sad to parse.

    And Amy’s idea of letting loose is drinking hot chocolate.

    • JFA says:

      If this show lasts more than a few more episodes I will seriously eat a pair of my own panties.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Yeah that was my favorite part! I wonder how much she really believes in all that crap? I remember when she went to a psychic and she told JA that she would marry a man named Jack. This was pre-Pancakes. I wonder if she thought that was true, and thought there was no way it was gonna end with Cindy and Yimmy dumping her ass off at the airport.

      • JFA says:

        One of her Elle columns is about seeing a tarot card reader and she likens it to seeing a good therapist. Yeah. She’s just so dim and misguided. What a sad idiot.

        • mcakez says:

          In that column (which she says takes place in November) she says the reader claims she will ‘be loved’ in six to nine months, which she finds reassuring.

          Seven down, Jules.

          I think she didn’t expect anyone observing to do the hard maths on that one.

          Also, ‘be loved’ is such an ambiguous term. Maybe she thinks she has met the goal, since a few people on twitter are Hoovering her asshole due to her ‘fame.’ THEY LOVE ME! They really, really love me!

  25. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    This is why I don’t watch reality TV, period. However horrible the people on screen, they never seem as truly evil as the people off screen, creating the shit-show.

    I get that there are people out there with lousy personalities, selfish characters, bloated egos and sociopathic tendencies (to say nothing of any number of mental problems). I get that these people can be the subject of drama. But writing a soap opera that explores those extremes is one thing. Herding a half-dozen crazies, nitwits and assholes into some bullshit scenario and then doing everything you can to fire up the tar barrels of their discontent seems opportunistic, without any moral or aesthetic merit and yes, sadistic.

    I have no idea what sort a person Anna Nicole Smith actually was. Maybe she was a class-A bitch; maybe she would have wound up dead whether or not a camera was documenting her every wacko move. But the camera couldn’t possibly have helped.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      BTW, I realize that probably came across as a bit snobbish-cunty. I’m sure there are some well-made reality programs on TV, I’ve just never watched them. But I do think a lot of the “Miss Advised” level stuff is not much better than chucking a bunch of zoo animals into a pen and watching to see who eats who.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      For once, you and me are on the exact same page. I know I’m being a hypocrite a out all this and am acting all conflicted, but there is something about this that just seems morally wrong to me.

      I don’t know. I need time to process.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Just like the John Mayer concert!

      • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

        No your not. It’s one thing to mock someone on the Internet that has made their “career” being and internet personality and watching someone display a person with obvious mental issues on a cable network channel.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        I don’t think you’re being a hypocrite. What a person puts out for the world to see under their own banner is fair game. The same person in a reality show environment is, I would argue, stuck playing crazy-eights with a stacked deck.

      • Maybe the difference for you is that here on RBD, we’re just ‘people’ being amused by what she willingly has always done online, whereas Bravo is a machine geared for monetary profit?

        If so, I get where you’re coming from, but I just don’t share your generosity towards her, because she wanted this & knew what she was doing (inasmuch as she ever does & heaven forbid she ever listen to anyone’s warnings).

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          “Bravo is a machine geared for monetary profit”” good point.

          Her crazy is putting bread and butter on the table for someone. That just seems….sick.

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            But it’s been her dream to get herself on a crappy reality TV show for ages. There was “It Girls” or whatever her never-saw-the-light-of day Bravo pilot was, then the Oprah show try-out, and now this.

            It would be different if one of the producers had spotted her running in circles at the beach and convinced/coerced her to appear on a reality show, but she actively courted it and now she’s stuck with it. She has to sleep in the bed she’s made at some point.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Yeah, I agree with this aspect of it. She chose this the way all of them do.

        • mcakez says:

          This. I find it difficult to feel bad for her just because she isn’t controlling the narrative. She had years and years where she did that – often with lies, sometimes with blackmail, always with a lack of shame. She has relentlessly pursued this fame, is clearly eating it up (based on her t

          • mcakez says:

            Hell. Hit the return key on the iPad. Sorry. As I was saying:

            She has relentlessly pursued this, is clearly eating it up (based on her tweets), and is still trying to make excuses (“He said racist things and stalked me!” “He only acted like that because he had a girlfriend! Which he is a jerk for not mentioning!” “They left out xyz!”).

            She doesn’t earn my sympathy just because she doesn’t get to control how she is portrayed. Especially since she has pretended to be so above reality TV in the past, so adverse to the Draconian contracts, so aware of reality TV portrayals (“Rachel Zoe literally looks like a retard!” says the woman who ran in circles on the beach), and – perhaps most importantly – nothing revealed about her yet differs from anything we already knew about her.

            Were she an angel of sweetness and light who farted balloons for cancer stricken kids in real life, I might feel bad. Instead she is an asshole who comes off like an asshole, tries to play self-deprecating while throwing people under the bus, and then turns around and continues to beg people to watch and pay attention on her social media streams.

  26. Isn’t someone going to have a go at this pic? PAGING CUNTBUNNIES!
    [img]http://rebloggingdonk.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/shoes-600×400.png[/img]

  27. Isn’t someone going to have a go at this pic? PAGING CUNTBUNNIES!
    [img]http://rebloggingdonk.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/shoes-600×400.png[/img]

  28. pearipathetic donkey says:

    I get run so many times! I feel just like a busted famewhore with a big following in the stans.

  29. Kimbo Slice says:

    I’m watching the Spreecast (http://www.spreecast.com/events/bravos-miss-advised-insta-recap-ep-2) highly recommend if you missed last night… right now and the first thing: Julia’s lighting makes her looking like Kermit the Frog, and TJ’s lighting makes her look like a hollow-cheeked ghoul. This is more interesting than the show.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

      I almost wonder if Bravo paid TJ to do that spreecast. She hit so many of Julia’s buttons — almost like she had a list to cover…the question about leaving Lily behind when they went to the beach was unnatural in a conversation between ‘friends’ and just seemed calculated to irk Julia.

      • Kimbo Slice says:

        That would be so juicy but I do kind of doubt it. I think TJ feels bad for Julia and pities her ignorant behavior. Watching them interact on this Spreecast, TJ does say some positive things about Julia (“your humor is witty and sarcastic” re: her blowjob comment on the first episode) but I think like all of Julia’s friendships, it’s unhealthy and both are getting something out of it. I can’t imagine what it must be like to live under the same roof as Julia. I probably would have thrown myself out of the plate glass window.

    • One Fat Melman says:

      The major thing I noticed during the spreecast is that The Skinny One was hanging out with friends at home in NY and was super chill, while JA spent 75% of it staring intently at her computer screen. Flusher managed to have (mostly) coherent conversations with JA and the viewers while keeping track of spreecast questions, while JA’s mind was clearly overheating with thoughts of, “who asked that? Why does chescaleigh sound familiar? A rape question, oh no, deflect! What about Lilly? Oh no, spin spin spin!” It was obvious that those 43 minutes were extremely emotionally and mentally taxing for her.

      And there is the difference between an emotionally stable, secure person and our beloved donk.

      • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

        I think Toilet Julia was coached. She would sit back and wait as if giving Julia enough rope to hang herself and then say something mildly supportive.

  30. Helobabe says:

    Is anyone else very nervous for MotherLod after seeing the preview for next week? Let’s hope they don’t mention any names, but, after the McCain pictures I’m not sure there’s much hope…

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Jakob is every bit as bad as Julia IMO. True, I think she has sucky taste in men across the board, but he matched her ego, rudeness and flakiness like he had been dared to do so.

      Perhaps he’s changed, but recently he left a comment on another chat board that shall go unnamed, but which rhymes with Jakob Lodwick Can Fucking Blow Me that, completely unprovoked, insulted a commenter and her husband.

      Also? The day my mother fights my battles with my exes on the internet is the day my mother gets fitted for the armless shirt.

      • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

        rrr can i ask what post that was on? inquiring catladies want to know

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Assuming it’s okay to post the link it was this:

          I see that the original comment was a tart smack at the nudie tractor pic, so I partially retract my own comment.

          http://getoffmyinternets.net/2012/jake-lodwick-gets-married/comment-page-2/#comments

          He still screams “aggressive unlikable asshole” to me.

          • Helobabe says:

            Ehh, I like him, but, to each his own. I am, admittedly, married to an asshole…So, that says something. I just got the impression he was horrified after the whole J+J thing.

            IMO, his mother isn’t fighting his battles for him. I actually give her kudos for commenting under her own name – imagine the scheme juices secreted after seeing her here. I completely understand why so many tipsters and commenters who know JA in real life wouldn’t use their real names. JL is one of the only people who has been open/honest about what she is really like.

          • I know I should just scroll on by & leave it alone, but I can’t …

            Your commentary about him where you know his mom sees it, especially now that you acknowledge it’s not even based on anything current, sure does make me squirm w/ discomfort for her sake.

            That’s all; as you were.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            It’s fine that Mrs. L. doesn’t like Julia and understandable. I just think it’s unseemly for her to keep harping on it.

            My mother’s public opinion of people who failed to marry me is: “they weren’t compatible. It’s too bad it didn’t work out but it’s for the best.” The thought that she would lambaste these people in public and continue doing so once my butt was actually shackled to some loser would be so far outside her frame of reference I think she would assume Mrs. L was a hallucination and just nod and smile and later check in with the doctor about her meds.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Hi Brayella,

            Mrs. L. has played white knight for her kid back in the Gawker days when his douche-hose factor was set to fire department national park emergency response gauges. I’m pretty sure she can deal with it.

          • Helobabe says:

            I have an NPD mother so I wouldn’t know, but, isn’t that what a normal, loving mother does? Defends her son?

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Sure, Helobabe, in person to an in-person attack.

            When they are a grown human with a professional life, then no.

            My mother is not calling up my clients, co-workers, social acquaintances and random people who encounter me and telling them to be nice to me because I am a special snowflake.

            As for posting about mean things said about me on the internet…I am pretty sure: “Well, it seems they have a point about your rotten temper and foul mouth,” would be her only comment.

          • 11th Wang says:

            [R]’s mom has never once used this site as a means to defend her son or air out dirty laundry. Likewise, she rarely brings up personal anecdotes.

            She uses this site the same way most of us do (many of whom have also experienced their fair share of JAB at some point in the last 10-15 years). The only difference between her and many of us is that we know exactly who she is, which automatically points to a set of associations.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            That’s a fair point.

      • Donkey Punch says:

        “Every bit as bad as Julia” – really? When did Jakob start trying to get people fired from their jobs because they read a blog he doesn’t like?

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          http://gawker.com/5019948/worlds-saddest-millionaire-quits-internet

          Not quite the same, but still cats-claws-on-a-blackboard levels of annoying, entitled and solopsistic.

          “You are common.” Bwhahahahahahahaah.

          • Records Custodian says:

            See, and I think someone is a jackass if they repeatedly insult and disparage the son of a fellow commenter.

            I am sure your lack of social graces is much different from Jake’s. Jesus.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Well, maybe Robin should start commenting here and then, to follow your comment to its logical conclusion, you will, of course, cease posting here and find a corresponding renewed interest in cutting paper doll garlands.

          • SchemeyNutButter says:

            Wow, the commenters: karion, mrhippity, hez, unfun, RRR … those were the daze (even if that particular stream wasn’t one of the best).

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            RRR, I doubt you would feel that way if you were one of the people she harassed.

          • Records Custodian says:

            Follow an argument? You have to be shitting me.

            In support of your position that JL is an asshole, you link to a comment that, in the most suspicious reading, is a slight against the significant other of a fellow commenter.

            You do this here, where JL’s mom is a commenter. You actually and very intentionally insult a significant person (son) of a fellow commenter.

            I get and appreciate most of your humor and glaze over the rest, but fuck, dude, this line of commenting is rude and socially retarded.

            Robin Baugher won’t post on a website defending her daughter for the many of the same reasons that absolutely no one who knows her well will – Julia is indefensible. In all of the years that this website has been here, not one of Julia’s friends has EVER risen to her defense (under their own name – I don’t count the Lasagna aliases). Not one person who has worked with her or been friends with her has publicly risen to her defense. Her public best friend, Cancer Dan, has qualified his defense of her and goes batshit if you try to quote him under his name. No one who knows her wants to be associated with her. Also, Robin Baugher doesn’t know the half of how gross her daughter is – she just wants to marry her off.

            JL’s mom has more reason than any of us to “keep harping” about how vile she is., and, as was pointed out, she actually doesn’t ever harp or dish dirt here. Jesus, do you even see how stupid that argument is? Aren’t we all still harping about what a piece of shit Julia Allison is? Is JL’s mom somehow supposed to be exempt from what is universal contempt of Julia because her opinion is based on firsthand observations? Or is it that she just shouldn’t partake in this website because it is unseemly.

            Gah.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Yes. Back off re: JL’s mother. You have no idea how entitled that woman is to shit all over JA for the rest of her days.

          • Dear RC:
            [img]http://www.colourbox.com/preview/3528332-812359-like-button.jpg[/img]

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            @RC.

            You raise some valid points. With others I disagree.

            I don’t think being a commentor automatically exempts one (or one’s family) from criticism. Believe it or not, I get a certain amount of it myself. Hooda thunk.

            I sometimes suspect that there is a double standard whereby Julia’s various exes get a nod for the same behavior she gets slammed for.

            I found Jakob’s behavior in the past extremely meritricious and I don’t see that he’s changed. I’ve said as much on Gawker, GOMI and elsewhere when he has popped up as a subject; I have said as much to him when he popped up to comment. Inasmuch as Mrs. L. has been following that coverage – and if her Gawker participation is anything to go by, she has – it should be no surprise to her that I am not on Team Her Kid.

            However, I think you are correct that there’s little point in repeating this opinion, as this is not Reblogging Guy Who Used to Date Princess Crazy Brains and Who Was Once Once Photographed Chewing His Way Through Emily Gould’s Arm.

            tl; dr: /backtomakingobnoxiouscatjokes

  31. CaptainGary says:

    That beach scene tots reminded me of a very memorable episode with the Julia Formerly In My Life. We played bar trivia with her and one night she couldn’t be there but showed up as it was over (we won, natch). She was absolutely manic because she couldn’t imagine how we possibly survived without her there and when we, by all appearances, not only survived but THRIVED, she couldn’t handle it and started dancing around, trying to call all manner of attention to herself. Same thing here – bug dude and TJ were happy be with each other, so Big Julia had to make a show of herself with Chris. And, when he wouldn’t give her the attention, she decided to just donkey around by herself.

    But seriously, that beach scene was something else. Horrifying, really. And when she did the “Pick me UP!” thing, I turned to my catwife (Hi, Breakfast Burro-ito!) and said, “She always does that, we always make fun of it, and here she is doing it again. WHYFUCK???”

    I’m a terrible person, but I’m enjoying the shit out of this. I’m even pulling for season two, because if nothing else, this already unemployable barelyperson will be even more so when she becomes a – GASP! – professional reality TV star.

    • Helobabe says:

      Think of all the follow-up shows she could be on! Celebrity Rehab, Celebrity Fit Club, Monster In-Laws. It could be great!

    • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

      I think Julia looks at that beach scene and thinks she may have pushed too hard, but was basically the cutest thing in the world.

      • Kimbo Slice says:

        On the Spreecast she says “we had a blast doing that and they didn’t show any of that!!! we had so much fun playing volleyball!” Yeh.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        I have a feeling you’re right about that, SS. She is trying so, so hard to hit “New Girl” levels of flaky charm. And she is, as always, so poor at reading social cues that she has no idea how short she falls. Which is why the strange twisty faces on the spreecast when she has to justify herself to the world she thought would finally ” get her.” Only they do.

    • virgil reid says:

      i thought the part where she ran in circles was so unbelievable, like everyone was obviously totally indifferent to her antics and there she was, running in a circle like a toddler dying for attention.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        with everybody just walking away from her, looking in the other direction. What a scene that was.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      If Grace Pander, Effie Trinket, Fay Greener and Jessica Rabbit all found jobs, surely Julia, no, wait, let me think a minute, yes, she’s fucked.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Although, now that I think about it, she might get a job as an understudy for Willie Scott.

        Willie Scott and Julia Allison: They favor lurid colors; seem glamorous for the first 15 seconds and then annoy the hell out of you; and ten minutes after they meet an eligible male they are on their knees, looking for a diamond.

  32. Meow Mix says:

    Well thought-out and articulated post, The Real JP!

    I think phrases like, “She had it coming to her” can sound reductive, but it’s true in my own experience with narcissists. Not in a karma way but more in a “if you act like this for your whole life, people will pull away from you and you will be left in a terrible situation and it’s your own fault.”

    Julia pulled the “I’m so cute and funny that all my bad behavior goes out the window” thing her whole life, starting from sneaking herself a birthday party at the country club when she was a little girl. And maybe when you’re a cute, fun twenty year old, some of the shitty behavior you have or mistakes you make will be forgiven just because you’re cute and young. But Julia took that and ran with it, and made it her entire schtick. “Oops, I forgot a deadline!” “Umm… oops! I cuntily emailed my ex’s fiance!” “Oops, Jakob is bipolar!” “That was all in the past!”

    During the Gawker days she was cute. Some of her very old circa 2006/2007 blog posts were kind of funny and relatable, a little bit. Her being a famewhore was quasi-acceptable in those days, at least to some people. Now that she’s no longer cute and her personality disorders, desperation, and mental illnesses have taken over her personality, she is a fucked up, awkward, selfish, greedy, cunty mess.

    And in the purest, most objective sense she DID have it coming because her ego got so big and she allowed her true, nasty self to come out in full swing. She burned so many personal and professional bridges because she thought there was always an OBO right on the horizon, and because it was always everyone else’s fault. Her NPD got out of control. When you strip away the looks and charm of a narcissist you have an unstable, vindictive, cruel, insecure little person inside. And that’s what we see in Julia. It is kind of sad, because it’s sad to see any mentally ill person exploited.

    The main reason I’ve watched the JA Trainwreck for five years is because I have family members with NPD and it’s fascinating to see someone like JA play it out in a public space. My fiance and I were JUST discussing my NPD father. He’s pushed all of his family members: brothers, nieces, nephews, and now his daughter and future son-in-law away with his awful behavior. When my crazy ass stepmother leaves him and decides to move on to Husband #4, he’ll be completely alone and we’ve decided that we’re not coming back to pick up the pieces. He treated all of us like shit for years, and whatever sadness happens to him in old age, he had it coming. Just like Julia, who based her whole “career” on being a famewhore with a reality show.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      I think you are 100% correct. I wonder if there is even a glimmer of self awareness for her. When she cried about always fucking everything up, I wonder if she does know that she burns bridges like an serial arsonist.

      • Meow Mix says:

        I’m not a psychotherapist or expert, and I only speak from my own experience, but people with NPD rarely ever have glimmers of self-awareness. For JA, it’s probably either A) a ploy to get sympathy or B) the way she feels she’s “supposed” to react.

        My NPD dad treats his closest family members like absolute garbage then gets enraged when they cut him out of their lives/stop inviting him to family events/stop returning his phone calls. No self-awareness, no stopping to think, “Maybe they do this because I was so mean to them.” His lack of self-awareness is shocking, but if you try to explain to him that you don’t want him around because of the mean things he did he says you’re crazy, that’s in the past, it happened years ago, you need to get over it. Just like Julia!

        • Stripper Shoes And Questionable Hygiene says:

          My experience with sociopaths and borderlines is that no behavior is out of line or regrettable if it wins you attention. This kind of person views the results and forgets the means if the results support whatever hypothesis he or she is currently pushing (eg, I am adorable, or I am a tragic romantic figure).

        • AFGHANI says:

          Can someone be NPD without being super-dramatic and attention-seeking? My parents had no self awareness and would enforce their idea of “right” in the house growing up, but you would never think anything unusual about them at all if you saw them in public. Like it would enrage me growing up when my dad would get promoted or win an award or other parents would say my dad was a nice guy, because to me he was an abuser and I wanted to see him fail at something, just once.

          /rant

          • a therapist says:

            Yes – the grandiosity of people with NPD doesn’t necessarily always mean dramatic/attention-seeking – they just think they’re superior to everyone else and entitled to the privileges of someone superior.

            Super-dramatic and attention-seeking is actually more in line with Histrionic Personality Disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder) – though it’s possible to have more than one personality disorder. :)

        • a therapist says:

          I am a psychotherapist and your experience with your NPD dad sounds a lot like mine. I also have an NPD dad and he’s actually a therapist, too – worst combination ever.

          It is unbearably painful to have a parent with NPD. They are not people who can properly bond with and care for other people, even and especially not their own kids.

          • Meow Mix says:

            My mom is Borderline and my dad is NPD: probably the worst combo ever! . My dad thinks my mom is the “bad” one and his narrative is that he was the World’s Greatest Father/Our knight in shining armor. My mom is/was a terrible parent but my dad was just as bad, if not worse but goes into a rage when anyone acknowledges that he is far from it. He pawned off all parenting duties on relatives and friends. He only plays “daddy” when it suits his own needs or ego, then he puts us back on a shelf until he needs us again.

            My dad isn’t a therapist, and doesn’t know anything about psychology except for some pop psych books he read in the nineties. However, he “diagnoses” every woman he thinks is a bitch with Borderline, including me whenever I disagree with him. I can’t imagine how bad he’d be if he were actually a therapist! Hugs to you, A Therapist.

            (I could write a novel about this shit, sorry if I talk about it too much!)

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            Fuck, I dated a man who was both NPD and Borderline. One day I’ll elaborate, but it was a nightmare.

        • mcakez says:

          Armchair psychologist here, but your dad’s behavior also sounds consistent with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve read two good books on the issue, and the titles alone speak volumes:
          Walking on Eggshells
          and
          I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me

          Totally could be wrong here, though.

      • mcakez says:

        See, the thing that stood out to me in her mini-breakdown there was how she complained about ALL THE PRESSURE! How she just needs two minutes without stress!

        Those sentiments were coming from a rather privileged girl who had been living rent free in her parents’ spare home for a year, flying about the country doing bullshit panels and couchsurfing, having never done a real 9-5 in her life, and much of it on Daddy’s dime or Granny’s good graces.

        Again, part of my interest in this shitshow is seeing a large scale example of the borderline-PD ‘Julia in My Life’ and commiserating with others who’ve been through it. The JAmyL has breakdowns like this constantly, because, like, life is so UNFAIR. All she wants is a day without the stress of being pretty, white, educated on the Government dime because she lied on FAFSA – despite her parents making over 250k a year – and having a well-paying job with excellent benefits where she mostly sits around and reads, calls in sick all the time, and can show up to 30 minutes late every day without repercussions because her mommy got it for her. Still, somehow, she manages to cry several times a week about the horrible stress of all this and how she just wants a chance to breathe without all the pressure!

        She has zero idea we all look at her with a ‘Bitch, please!’ look as she sobs melodramatically.

        I mean, don’t get me wrong. I lead a pretty good life, but sometimes I get stressed and cry, too. The difference is that I inevitably feel stupid for crying because I know my troubles are pathetic compared to the real troubles of the world.

        My point is, like Julia, her breakdown might be real to her. But it is the stupidest fucking breakdown in the history of ever to anyone watching. She is too busy nailing herself to the cross and crying for reprieve to notice that, though.

    • virgil reid says:

      i think youre exactly right about everything.

      there is the huge disparity between her 2007 self and now and on some level it is cringeworthy to watch, but it was inevitable, i mean really what other outcome was really going to happen?

      • Meow Mix says:

        She probs thought she’d snag a rich tech founder and that would be the end of it. She has such a weird view of marriage: huge engagement ring, enormous wedding, tons of attention. Then skip directly to, “Let’s look back at our wonderful life together and our grandkids.”

        In reality if she did somehow marry Jakob or Dave Morin or someone like that (yeah right), they’d probably have divorced her by now because she’s nuts.

    • bitchface says:

      the other thing to remember too is that “social media” was still new in 2007-8. She was ahead of the curve in many ways. By now she SHOULD have parlayed that into a syndicated column (um err oops), a talk show, even a book for greg’s sake.

      Now that every snake oil salesman and their mama is out there pimping SEO and social media crap and Julia has NOTHING to show for all of it, it exposes the charlatan that she has always been. Now hanging with Alexis Neely, Ali Blahblah, Lewis Whore, etc. she has finally found her homies.

      I think we’re seeing her zenith. And it ain’t pretty, but it’s hardly surprising.

    • Donkey Punch says:

      Every bit of this – so true.

      I have a mother with severe NPD and have made it known to others in my family (none of whom have anything to do with her – including her other children) that I am not to be contacted in the event that she becomes seriously ill or needs anything, financially or otherwise. I didn’t cause her NPD and I can’t cure it or control it, and I’m sure as shit not going to let her drag me down into utter misery where she’s been quite happily living for some time. (I used to think she must be sad that none of her kids or relatives want anything to do with her, but I’ve been assured by experts that NPD sufferers actually revel in this imagined victim status. She’s not unhappy in the least.)

      • AFGHANI says:

        I don’t know if my parents have NPD*, but this is basically the same situation for me. All of us kids left home and never really looked back. My one brother sees my parents 1 or 2x a year (lives in Hawii and is a Marine, so very far away) and his wife’s family is from SoCal and they’re close. He’d probably be the only one to know if something horrible happened to my parents. I haven’t talked to them in more than 5+ years and kind of wrote them out of my life at age 16 or 17. What was weird was, once you remove physical abuse and controlling behavior from your life, it’s not that easy to figure out. Once I cut them out, I’d never let them back in. Which is why I can’t understand these people who put up with Julia and let her into their private events and lives.

        *it’s been so long now, it’s kind of hard to remember if they really had the characteristics. And back when I was young, NPD wouldn’t have occured to me, I just wanted out.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          Same here. It gets old explaining to people that yes, my mother is still alive and no, I have no contact with her, and yes, up until a year ago I continued to make a 1,400 mile round trip to see her, only to have her refuse me at the door. And no, I won’t be trying again. Trying to describe a borderline or NPD mother (or father) to someone who’s never had the pleasure of knowing such a person is nearly impossible, in my experience.

          • Meow Mix says:

            I haven’t spoken to or seen my alcoholic, BPD mom in years. She’s not invited to my wedding. I ignore her phone calls.

            Judgmental assholes think I’m a terrible daughter, but they have NO IDEA what it’s like having a toxic parent with a personality disorder.

            Hugs to you, Handbag! From what you write on RBD it seems like you’re an amazing mother with a loving partner, and it gives me hope that kids with personality disordered parents can grow up to have normal, healthy lives.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Praise Greg, given the tales you guys tell, I will never be angry at my parents for being emotionless Stepford marrieds ever again. They were too busy cutting every individual blade of grass in the front lawn with a pair of pinking shears to think about fucking up my life.

  33. Jack the Bulldog says:

    I don’t have time to read the comments right now, and I shouldn’t have taken the time to read the apropos condemnation of Bravo and the spot on analysis of last night’s episode–under deadline and I tend to meet these!-but was hooked from that first paragraph. JP? I’d leave my bad ass, beautiful husband for you.

  34. monster (Single and Mingle) says:

    Amazing

    [img]http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/wethot.gif[/img]

  35. MY Beach Home says:

    I cannot stop thinking about how relieved PromKing and his family, and ALL THE BOYS and all their families, are breathing deep and satisfying breaths of relief.

  36. ugh says:

    I just scrolled down through this post and her fake crying picture reminded me that I actually did cry about three times at work today from being overtired, overwhelmed, overworked, stressed, feeling like a failure, etc. And I’m too embarrassed for her so it’s not cheering me up. Awesome.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      /wouldpostacutepictureofahappykittydoingsomethingzanyifIwerenotgifretarded

      • bitchface says:

        [img]http://www.glitterglossgarbage.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/funny-pictures-silent-cry-for-help-cat_thumb.jpg[/img]

  37. Julia's bowling pin legs. says:

    Her bedroom: Julia is old enough to have a daughter that is WELL over that shit. If she does manage to have a kid in the next few years, is she going to be pushing forty and tug of warring with a little one over a tutu?

  38. Factory Seconds says:

    Agree with everything but mostly just want to say that Keith is incredibly attractive and I would wipe all of the cheetos and cats off of my bed if it meant I could plow him.

  39. JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

    She and I have very different definitions for the word “perfectionist”.

  40. Bulimia bloat with a side of bray says:

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2i26bex.png[/img]

  41. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    I wish this comment thread went on forever.

  42. Dr. Fraud, MD says:

    From our friends at Bravo ratings on ep 2:

    As expected Miss Advised again failed to feature in the Cable Top 100 shows last night and therefore it will take us a further 24 hours to track down its ratings. It’s a paradox that the smaller the viewership the longer it takes to count the viewers! But do check back tomorrow and we’ll post them as soon as we get them.

    I know the Chicago Baughers won’t be able to sleep until the reviews are in.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

      Article has been updated:

      UPDATE 8.50pm 26-Jun-12 Miss Advised ratings are in and they are both good and bad. The overall audience totals grew against last week’s premiere; gaining 7.2% or 41,000 viewers, but worryingly the 18-49 demo dropped from 0.30 to 0.20. It was two weeks of scoring 0.20 that caused Bravo to pull Love Broker from its March schedules, as Bravo could simply run another Real Housewives repeat and more or less be guaranteed to score a 0.40 demo figure and thus earn more advertising dollars in that hour.

      • Fashion Girl says:

        Just coming here to post that. (Great minds, etc.) So, viewership grew amongst children and senior citizens who were unable to find the remote underneath the damn sofa cushions, but fell amongst, you know, anyone who any advertiser ever cares about. Um, errr, blergh.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Well, they were totally advertising to the olds last night, what with the big sedan ads and the life insurance ads and candy bars.

          If this trend keeps up, we’re going to cut right from Julie Albertson to Wilford Brimley rumbling on about the diabetes and Lisa Rinna modeling adult diapers.

        • donniedriveby says:

          Did they lose the remote, or just fall asleep with the TV on?

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        That is very bad.

        Also, LOL, grew by 41,ooo, I die. So embarrassing.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        18 – 49 is watching The Bachelorette which is growing by 20% a week, especially as she gets down to her final man in the next 4-5 weeks.

        Very bad for Miss Advised.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        So sorry, so fat. Didn’t see that you’d already posted this. That’s what I get for reading the comments from the bottom up.

  43. Factory Seconds says:

    I just saw a commercial for the “new series” Love Broker. So that’s a thing that’s happening. It ‘premiers’ July 24th, which is a Tuesday.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Nobody watched it last time, so they’re bringing it back? Genius.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Yes, they are burning off the episodes after it tanked when they premiered it after Bethenny. If this does not prove to anyone that Bravo considers summer their dumping ground for shows that are major fail, not sure what else will.

      • Factory Seconds says:

        I would just think they’d save that for 3AM right before they start playing infomercials (NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW THIS OR ANYTHING).

  44. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    My catladyfriend and I have been hiking for the past five days. Pros: boxed wine and cheese puffs as snacks at camp (totally not kidding). Con: no access to reports of Julia’s entertaining antics or, you know, the rest of the Internet. This post wins, JP. Thanks for bringing me up to speed.

  45. Russian Girl says:

    Hello, peoples —

    It is I, Russian Girl.

    So I have knocked mule off my back that was sexing me, told my cousin Igor to adjust satellite on roof and watched new episode of Poofy’s show.

    I have question: Is she drunker than me during all of this things? Otherwised, why would she show her thick back legs during beach scenes and insist that the Nubian one kiss hers and eat foods constantly even though cameras are rolling.

    I no understand.

    I no understand also how the one with odd accent has issues about the hot chocolate on date with Lurch. Or why sort of cute one admits she was prostitute with the mayor of San Fransiquins.

    Do they think that make us like them more, now that we know that they fuck the other peoples?

    Anyway, I hope Poofy sober up soon.

    And do the Jazzercise.

  46. Julia's Work Bray says:

    I have lurked for over a year but I’m coming out just to say that my catman usually teases me when he sees me on this website. However, tonight I was scrolling through this post when he came up behind me and saw the screen caps. The first thing out of his mouth, “Is that her? Her head is BIG”. The next thing: “Jesus, she is old too! How old is she? 35? 40?”.

    Going back into hiding now. Love you catladies!

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      35 is old?

      • ::smirk::

        LOL, no shit, like … how many years beyond 30 before we are expected to justify having made it this far … ?

      • Julia's Work Bray says:

        Of course not! He just assumed from what I’ve told him (that she’s a fame-seeking whacko who’s obsessed with tutus and herself) that she was a young, idiotic girl. When he heard about the show and then saw her on television, he was just shocked that she is actually a 30 year old woman behaving this way.

  47. diluted brain says:

    My favorite part was – same shit, different face.

    I loved the recap, JP. You always were a better writer than donkey, who you know, had been a serious journalist.

  48. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Don’t shoot that donkey at me.

  49. Julia's Crypt Keeper says:

    JP missed his calling, he is a real journalist..

  50. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Donkey is following Bravo Ratings on Twitter so she must be aware that her show didn’t even crack the top 100 shows.

  51. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    Did anyone else who suffered through the jizzcast find it creepy and exploitative that moderator Toilet Julia hinted at upcoming Miss Advised episode exploring Julia’s 12 year old “I was inside!” life experience and how it shaped her ugh dating sensibilities? Wonder how Robin feels about it and how that played in public NBC enemy no. 1 Dadsers draconian release back and forth.
    At least T J is upfront about her motivations – getting her passed prime Karly bray nutson diddies out there. I didn’t think she was being particularly cunty in goopcast – she seemed more present to the audience than Julia and moved things along. I don’t think their cohabitation is going to last long and she will fetch her keyboard and will probably end up in fucking upstate new York with all her racist friends and lose her tiara like Jordan. Seriously I can’t with these putas…

    • Not sure how I missed it, but no.

      Also? D0nkey wasn’t 12 when that happened. Also? It was in the same month as her (I think) 9th birthday. Whenever it was, it was a school day as well & she was of age to have been in school & it was a time of day (I forget now RE: article links someone dug up) that school would have been in session ..

      D0nkey may have been inside … inside the short bus, that is …

      • melting marionette says:

        correct me if i’m wrong, but i think joardache may mean “twelve years ago”, not “twelve years old”.

  52. Is Twitter screwed up, or are D0nkey’s ‘secret admirers’ just really, really secret?
    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/28ivolg.png[/img]
    Clicking his link = Sorry, that page doesn’t exist!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      His tweets might be private.

    • So. Blessed. says:

      That guy existed as of yesterday–a handful of Tweets–avatar of a mid-30-ish/early 40-ish guy with his arm around a sister or girlfriend. I was genuinely curious as to the rampant response from Julia’s fans.

      Of course, Julia’s not Twitter following any but the possibly bankable (BravoBitch, etc.) “Xoxo, bunny! Love ya girl! No, I love YOU more! Owe you a tutu!” pandering is all these seemingly sweet folks will get. Sadly, some of them have taken a RT or @ to mean they have a dialogue with the Donk and are Tweeting sincere questions that are ignored–I’d think as someone who proclaims she supports ALL THE GIRLS and their self-esteem, especially hopeful young journalists and bloggers, she’d do them a favor and follow back.

      As a 20 year old, I would have been wowed to get a mention, however castoff as, “I love you too :)” The gold of Twitter currency, though, is following and being followed back then having an open conversation with someone. Too bad @MiLeYF0rLiVe54673 and the like aren’t good enough to be on Julia’s follow page. Relegated to the followers. (@MiLeYF0rLiVe54673 is of my own invention.)

      “You’re so REAL! You should have your own show!”

      Her rampant RTs remind me of when Kilgore Trout received the letter from Eliot Rosewater in Breakfast of Champions (got to be some Kurt Vonnegut fans in the basement.) Fred T. Barry confessed in his letter that he had not read the works of Kilgore Trout, but that he would joyfully do so before the Festival
      began. “You come highly recommended by Eliot Rosewater,” he said,
      “who assures me that you are perhaps the greatest living American
      novelist. There can be no higher praise than that.”
      Clipped to the letter was a check for one thousand dollars. Fred T.
      Barry explained that this was for travel expenses and an honorarium. (…)
      Trout made the connection between his lone fan letter and the invitation, but he couldn’t believe that Eliot Rosewater was a grownup. Rosewater’s
      handwriting looked like this: (don’t have a scan or TwitPic) You ought to be President of the United States!

      I think this shew is going to run at least through the Prom Dress Lunch Truck debacle especially as the Bravo blog mentioned 7 more weeks of the ELLE column. I predict the Bravo blog to evolve into something more self-serving and vituperative because all of the Interweb mean mean mean! responses and Draconian contract terms that Her Dad Who Is A Lawyer thought were mean!

      Then a second serving of Burning Man dragstumes, then a keynote at Annie Loola’s next shillinar: “Tame Your Guinea Pig of Love: Indelibly Real, Radical Solutions to Finding Authentic Nomadism and Being Yourself” then the co-written “The 73 (Um, Oops!) Point Checklist.”

      Ugh.

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        Sorry I missed this comment last night, but God Bless You, So. Blessed.

        • So. Blessed. says:

          Why, Handbag, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I’m sending you virtual tutus in colors (bright), effervescent cheesy skillets and gently used eyepelts.

          Seriously though, thanks.

  53. Dr. Gary says:

    From http://bravoratings.com/

    UPDATE 8.50pm 26-Jun-12 Miss Advised ratings are in and they are both good and bad. The overall audience totals grew against last week’s premiere; gaining 7.2% or 41,000 viewers, but worryingly the 18-49 demo dropped from 0.30 to 0.20. It was two weeks of scoring 0.20 that caused Bravo to pull Love Broker from its March schedules, as Bravo could simply run another Real Housewives repeat and more or less be guaranteed to score a 0.40 demo figure and thus earn more advertising dollars in that hour.

  54. Dr. Gary says:

    Can’t remember if I already said this, but great recap, Daddy.

    There is such a strange disconnect between the way Big Julia tries to present herself and the way she really is. She is aggressive + pushy (Tiny Julia’s ‘date’ even commented on her ‘firm’ handshake), has a deep husky voice, and isn’t feminine at all. Yet she’s obsessed with super teenage girly girl things like tiaras, tutus, pink, etc.

    • Stripper Shoes But a Husky Voice and an Aggressive Male Persona says:

      Did you see the post on Huffington about masculine women who pretend to be feminine? Style section.

  55. For serious?? says:

    I sat my husband down over a drink last night to explain The Donkey, RBD and Miss Advised. He knew that I was pointing and laughing at someone on the Internet/in the media. I’ve worked in book and magazine publishing plus tv and film production and he assumed it was someone in one of those circles who was high on their own fumes. FYI…we have a lot if mutual acquaintances including [redacted] and others in NYC and SF.

    I was making a bid to dvr the shitshow which was quite the pitch considering Euro Cup recordings and upcoming Olympics and Breaking Bad.

    While making my case, I realized that there is nothing I need to see. If Donkey was changed by love, tarot, grifter Lalla or whatever other spiritual experience she gas had, we’d see it reflected in her current behavior or via a thoughtful blog post showing growth or a tangible reduction in previously exhibited NPD.

    Same story different face indeed.

    I’m recording RHONY and remaining a devoted RBD reader. That’s all I’ve got in me

  56. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    I can’t believe no one commented on the Violent Femmes. :(

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      We’ve been doing nothing but commenting on — oh, THE BAND.

    • cola champagne says:

      I admit I’m a little ignorant on the origins of the song, because I only heard it in Reality Bites, but I like it.

  57. OMG says:

    This show is humiliating…for everyone involved.

    My thoughts…

    1. Aren’t writers used to deadlines and pitches? I mean isn’t this what it means to be freelance? How can you be a writer and not ever want to write anything. How does this work? This is the reason her blog failed because she never did any blogging. Bloggers blog and writers write. I just can’t even.

    2. Spin the bottle? Is this a middle school birthday party? JP hates her, this is the only reason possible she would go along with this scheme.

    3. He doesn’t want to kiss you, leave it alone. Attacking him, will not help.

    4. Her room is a nightmare. I didn’t have a room that looked like that after 6. I mean you are not a princess. Give up the dream.

    5. She completely didn’t have a pitch ready and used what I think is a pitch that she has used before. I mean hasn’t she done why am I single? Let me ask all experts expect the one I need mental health. Also, is she on speed? Who talks that fast? Plus, that editor looked like he wanted to tell her exactly why she is single.

    6. Ummm he’s your roommate’s man, leave it alone psycho. Plus, he isn’t even that appealing.

  58. donniedriveby says:

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/LoKs4.jpg[/img]

  59. Mattraction says:

    Anyone else spotted the Julia Price – Afghan Hound resemblance?

    [img]http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/228/avzhoiecqaax72gpnglarge.png/[/img]

  60. natasiarose says:

    I started feeling bad for Donk, but then I remembered when she posted on her ex boyfriend’s Facebook wall to “keep that helo” in the air, effectively spitting on the military men who died in that crash and I don’t feel bad anymore. I feel like mocking her horrible injectable filled face.

  61. gale says:

    OMG. you are all jealous bitches

    • I am! I am sooooooooooooo fucking jealous of D0nkey’s bigger-than-my-entire-ass moonface! & her calf implants? Please, don’t even get me started on those monoliths! But that’s all shallow appearance stuff — what I am really jelly of is her wide array of fans-from-the-stans who she bought as Twitter followers — I mean ZOMG, so popular! & her boldness? To go on cable tv & make a complete jackass out of herself for possibly eight weeks running? ZOMG! SO BRAVE!

    • CaptainGary says:

      Also? Not a bitch. I guess I’d classify myself as more of a “dick.”

  62. Emma says:

    I think thats pretty harsh

  63. True dat says:

    apparently gay keith pollock used to be a gigolo, and joe zee his dad…
    not that cute

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