The Calm Before DeStorm: The ‘Miss Advised’ Episode 2 Open Thread

Last week on Miss Advised, it wasn’t enough that donkey dumped the dude after using him as a pack mule. She now has to embarrass him on the internet by making racist accusations. As if forever being associated with our donkey wasn’t bad enough.

@JuliaAllison the guy who moved your boxes was nice and really liked you. Didn’t give him enough of a chance

@OliviaLaBorde – trust me, you didn’t see the whole story.

It’s fortunate enough that she had the sound judgement to delete the following tweets, because racist or not, the date was completely fabricated, and there is no reason to bring on the donkey kicking ire by shaming him on the internet. It’s fortunate for us that the internet never forgets.

@JuliaAllison @OliviaLaBorde – Oh no – you should have heard his racist comments off camera. Not cool.

@JuliaAllison @sadiegirl376 – trust me, there were reasons I wasn’t into him. He made a racist comment off camera that upset both me & my roommate.

Hmm. . . an off camera racist remark? When did this happen? Because Julia made it out like she was completely over it the minute she opened the door for their first date. And he didn’t meet Flusher until he came over to help Julia finish moving. God, I am not even going to surmise the truth in this situation BECAUSE THE WHOLE SHOW IS COMPLETELY FAKE.

Moving on.

Tonight on Miss Advised, a former college basketball player gets donkey fever, because, judging by previews, he is clearly repulsed by her.

Enjoy this shit show, fatties, because I sure as hell won’t be. I’ll try to catch it in the morning on the internet so I can skip through the soporific scenes of Miss Thing 1 and Miss Thing 2. But, hopefully, if there is a Greg, I will never lay eyes on this crap ever, ever again.

 

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313 Responses to The Calm Before DeStorm: The ‘Miss Advised’ Episode 2 Open Thread

  1. Learned Paw says:

    Ugh. Cheek implant and jowl. Bad combination.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Our Julie looks more like Phoebe “Chicken Cutlets” Price every day. Soon the two of them will be fighting each other for pride of place at the opening of a new bag of Doritos.

  2. Meow Mix says:

    Watching NY Housewives and the Miss Advised promo just came on. Catman was like, “I’m NOT watching that again, babe. No way. I can’t stand those awful bitches.”

  3. diluted brain says:

    Bravo totally knows it’s villain (or is foreshadowing) since every ad centers around donkey. Even when it shows the time the show’s on, it’s next to a photo of her.

  4. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    @TheTrueJA livetweeting the bray in 3, 2,…

  5. Albie Quirky says:

    Oh, lord. She is already making a series of horrible whiny noises. And swearing like an angry, prissy stevedore.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The ringer “Sassy Gay Friend” is in! Here’s Keith. He probably quit ELLE because he had to Donkeysit.

  6. OMGMarried! says:

    Why does Emily look so awful? She normally looks cute, especially in photos like the ones from the red carpet.

  7. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Halp!!! Someone posted a link to Bravo – it works but I cannot get rid of the ad!!!! Ack!

  8. Braying me softly says:

    “TEN YEARSTH OF JOURNALISM EXTHPERIENCE”

  9. sausage curls/fingers says:

    “Elle is my dream!” As if she has been speaking of writing for Elle all her life.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      they have really high standards! writing is competitive! my mom…(can’t help me write my columns anymore)! AACCCKK!

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        The ELLE gig was a done deal and made with the producers. This shitshow is more contrived than THE HILLS.

  10. OMGMarried! says:

    I love the obvious panic on her face at the thought of actually having to write pitches.

    • Falsies says:

      So good. She’s been a journalist for ten years, guys! But she’s so good that no one’s made her pitch anything before. Journalism!

    • Patricia Grace says:

      I know, right? As an actual writer/journalist (like — real books! Real columns!), I was like, “Yawn — she should be able to come up with five pitches RIGHT NOW, right off the top of her head.”

      And also? Her [one] pitch was completely boring! So cliche and all about her and her dopey non-dating life zzzzzzzzzzzz. If I were the editor, I would have said, okay — fine, what else do you have? But… I guess the whole thing is totally made up, right?

    • melissa sue £ says:

      i hate her for whining about writing three pitches for tomorrow. THAT IS THE WORK OF AN HOUR, you asshole.

      and who argues with the editor standing between you and your dream job?! “oh you want this by midnight tonight? OKAY,” i say.

      i’ll never a donkey. no work ethic.

  11. Albie Quirky says:

    OMG OMG she’s complaining about writing. “And I have to live up to some pretty high standards to keep it” where “it” = her fake job at ELLE.

  12. diluted brain says:

    I know it is a broken record statement – but I can’t get over how bad/bloated her face looks.

    Crying over the chance of a job.. it is to laugh.

  13. Braying me softly says:

    Donkey tears so early on.

  14. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    She needs to have no pressure on her for like TWO MINUTES. Just TWO MINUTES.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Ha! She really needs to rest up before everything starts happening, you guys!

  15. MY Beach Home says:

    TJ: When did you get a uhm job at Elle, like this is the first time I’ve heard of this…

    Also, mom’s speechwriter past rung!

  16. virgil reid says:

    her ugly cry face looks like the twilight episode with the aliens where they wanted to give the woman plastic surgery to make her ugly.

    • Grammarian says:

      epic that was

      also the one where they all try to get into the fallout shelter

      • virgil reid says:

        if only rod serling was alive to see that the horrid creature that existed in his imagination was now perceived be a desired physical aesthetic by a woman on cable reality show.

  17. Albie Quirky says:

    Oh, gross, Emily’s guest is skeeving all over her ON THE SHOW, using his appearance ON THE SHOW to hit on her, ew ew ew.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      And Douchebag Cohost just makes everything worse.

      Now Amy with a client, which is always the most boring. (Until we get Tina Pray and her cray!) BRING BACK PRINCE LORENZO

  18. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    So much to yell at the TV about in that first scene.

  19. Dyspeptic says:

    Oh, man, she cries because she has to write a piece? Yeah, I’ll try that when I get up early tomorrow to file by deadline. Right.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Said “piece” just came out last week. Pollock left ELLE in April. You do the math, because it’s hard for Julie Albertson—maybe it’s biology!

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      Julie “I shit on deadlines” Allison, come visit a newsroom and then bitch to Flusher Price about deadlines. Twunt!

    • Patricia Grace says:

      Wow. I have never asked for an extension on a deadline in my life. I might have said — “You’ll have it at about 4:00pm” on Friday, if that’s okay.” And then given the editor whatever he/she wanted, and stayed up all night if I had to, and all that boring stuff.

      And also? It’s online for god’s sake — it’s not like they are shipping it to the printer and it’s actually in print and they can’t edit/change it.

      If I were editor I would have said, “No — that’s the deadline.” And also — “don’t use the word ‘awe-some’ I hate it.”

      She ALSO LOOKS AWFUL! Her vibe is just really old, really suburban. Actually, all these gals read really old and blah… what’s going on — aren’t they in their early 30′s? Wow, they are dull dull dull. And Julia is ferociously spoiled.

  20. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    This is so boring….

  21. Skirt Pull says:

    The mom perfectionism thing is spot on…..as is the self-sabotage because she can’t live up to the very high expectations. I swear to God, this woman has undiagnosed ADD. She’s not stupid, she just can’t focus or commit herself to seeing things through.

  22. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    NOBODY WANTS TO DATE A CAT LADY?????????

    WUT??????

    • Get a Stylist-Your Dad Does Not Want Nut Butter says:

      Nobody wants to date a lady w/ an eating disorder. Amy is desperate, I expected better from her.

  23. Dyspeptic says:

    Amy” “Nobody want to date the cat lady.” !!!!!

  24. Jack the Bulldog says:

    “Nobody wants to date the cat lady.” Boo hoo!

  25. OMGMarried! says:

    No one wants to date the cat lady, Amy? I think the married cat ladies here would beg to differ. (My catband was fine with my actual cat when we started dating, and now we’re, well, see my username.)

  26. Skirt Pull says:

    Ah! The show is vindicated. Keith Pollock is not a date, he’s her boss!

  27. Albie Quirky says:

    Keith lays down the smackdown! “Guinea Pig of Love” appears. Little do we the viewer know that this is completely the same thing as the show and also Keith got fired. Except we the viewer do know that.

    “This column isn’t just a job for me,” says JA. It isn’t EVEN a job, Julie!

    • Skirt Pull says:

      What, he was fired??

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Maybe he jumped and wasn’t pushed? In any case, he left just a couple weeks after this must have been filmed, and this sounds suspiciously like fired.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Nah, maybe he quit because of an OBO; it seems like the Du Jour people threw money at him. The Hearst people are always jerks to you when you leave and make it sound like they fired you in their press release.

  28. Skirt Pull says:

    I cannot BELIEVE she is NEGOTIATING on the deadline for UNPACKING.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      un-fucking-believable.
      julie albertson’s deadlines: next week + six months later.

    • Pelts off the Charts says:

      At the fucking job interview! ( ugh but then I guess it wasn’t a real interview)

  29. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    The editors hate her. The crazy person music playing while she talks to the Elle guy is classic.

  30. Jack the Bulldog says:

    She already can’t make her deadline for her contrived scribe job at Elle!

  31. yeahyeahyeah says:

    She NEVER wrote for TEEN VOGUE. What a liar! Let’s keep track of all the lies tonight, mmkay?

  32. diluted brain says:

    Imagine telling your boss “sorry, I can’t get to that deadline because I have to unpack”. She is unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. yeahyeahyeah says:

    Jack the Bulldog says:
    June 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm
    She already can’t make her deadline for her contrived scribe job at Elle!

    To be fair, they expected her to go on a date and right about it in, like, a day. But still: She was so quick to make excuses for her “dream job.”

    • yeahyeahyeah says:

      write*, sorry

    • Albie Quirky says:

      To be fair, they expected her to go on a date and right about it in, like, a day.

      A date arranged for her by her reality show producers. And write a draft. This would be cake for an actual journalist.

      • Patricia Grace says:

        I could have dictated the damn thing between the main course and dessert (we’re talking, what — 750-1,000 words?). She’s making me crazy. I have to stop thinking of her as an actual “journalist,” but she is giving all of us a bad name.

        Also, her energy is total desperado.

  34. Dyspeptic says:

    Oh drat, Julia has to go out and report something, and, arm, “process” it, rather than typing something Carrie Bradshaw style in her bra and panties. God, could this be any more embarrassing? Her claims of being a journalist look ever more laughable.

  35. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    THE BLINKING!!!!! SHE CANNOT STOP BLINKING! Why is she so nervous about a fake job??? PS, she looks like a lunatic and that “meeting” and all her talking is exactly why she cannot find a man.

  36. LLFOOLJ says:

    I KANT. lmaooooo donkey showcasing her reluctance to do work at every turn. KANT! P.S. My boyfcat is the best for tolerating this absolute bullshit.

  37. yeahyeahyeah says:

    I am a journalist. Julia Allison is NOT. Every time she claims to be, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. SHE IS NOT A JOURNALIST!! A writer? Maybe-yes. Journo? Hell no.

  38. Temporary Delurker says:

    5 Minutes into the show and so far the count is

    Name Drops: 2 (Richard Nixon & Elle Magazine)
    Fake Cries: 1
    “Dancer’s Bun”: 1
    Julia Price’s WTF Face: 2

  39. virgil reid says:

    umm she looks like toilet julia’s cool mom in this scene.

  40. Dyspeptic says:

    the eating on camera, whoa.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      GOOD GREG!!!!! WHAT A PIG!

  41. J.C. says:

    Jesus, is the dog on the fucking counter where she is shoveling down food??

    • melissa sue £ says:

      Good Greg! That made me cray. Why was the dog on the counter?!?! GET HER DOWN.

  42. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Lily [sic] is on the kitchen counter! Oh my god!

  43. Meow Mix says:

    HAHAHAH OMG Catman just said about Julia, “Holy shit. She’s the type of girl who’d fuck your boyfriend.” Little does he know…

  44. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    I am cackling with glee every time they cut to her shoving food in her mouth. The editors hate her and I just can’t stop giggling from the schaudenbrayde.

  45. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    “If the dog dies, do I throw it away?”

  46. Princess WideStance says:

    Oh. My god. What is this sad honking gargoyle on the tv. With the dog ON THE FUCKING COUNTER.

  47. D0nkey couldnt quit snuffling her bale of hay long enough to have a convo w/ the guy who couldn’t read?

    “STEAKS!”

  48. Dyspeptic says:

    eek that weird part when she’s talking or shrieking with her mouth full and covering her mouth with her hand, what was that. Also: humping peeing dogs FTWin SF.

  49. Skirt Pull says:

    emily dated gavin newsom???? i am actually not that surprised.

  50. OMGMarried! says:

    I love how Flusher and Amy are both shown either working out or having just worked out… and then there’s Jules.

  51. Julia: Old Maid, Forever Alone says:

    I like her millisecond of self-awareness when she was crying and said, “I’m scared I’ll fuck it up because I always fuck everything up.”

    And Julia Price, being the bitch she is, said in the coldest voice: “I had no idea you felt that way.” That’s just the friend JA deserves, though.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      She really got my empathy there. I think that right there is the root of just about anything. Little girl, never good enough, self sabotages so others can’t take things away from her, she does it to herself.

    • whitleymarionsgilbertwaynemeetscarysadshaw says:

      Yea, I had to rewind that to make sure I heard that right. She truly does fuck everything up. Hence this entire website.

  52. Albie Quirky says:

    Oh, god, now she’s being weird about Flusher being all thin and stuff.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      “That’s pretty much a pink flag in front of me being the bull.”

    • Get a Stylist-Your Dad Does Not Want Nut Butter says:

      If JA were not so insecure, it wouldn’t matter what Toilet Julia looked like.
      So dumb.

  53. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Nice sweatpants! What a vicious bitch, my god.

  54. Dyspeptic says:

    oh god a man ice cream cone I want to lick him heh heh heh bela lugosi face.

  55. Jack the Bulldog says:

    She wants to lick a man ice cream cone? Ewwwww! Can you imagine being licked by that smelly trollop as her pelts brushed your body?

  56. Dyspeptic says:

    poignant shot of lilly as door shuts. crew hates Juliar.

  57. Dyspeptic says:

    Chris staggers with Julia in arms. tennis skirt not working as a look.

  58. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    my favorite new Mal-A-Donkism: Michelangelo PAINTED him… um, err, oops?!

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I think she thought it made her sound sophisticated. I don’t think I’d describe someone with a “perfect body” as being something he painted when Michelangelo is more known for his Mannerist paintings where proportions are disgustingly exaggerated and bulky. That’s just coming from someone who is actually educated in art history though instead of just pretending. Um, er, oops.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      Huh? Michelangelo painted. Sistine Chapel? The Last Judgement?

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        Or are we talking about that it looks like Michaelangelo sculpted him from marble a la David?

        • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

          yes, i believe the correct use would have been “sculpted” (as in, he was fit) rather than painted.
          #SpanishInterrogation

  59. CDB says:

    I want to lick him? Help I just threw up in my mouth

  60. Dyspeptic says:

    bow legged waddle on sand, too funny. delicious I might say

    • Peltergeist says:

      OMG her LEGS. They look so distorted on camera. And she just said “run around in a circle like this!” and scurried off like my cousin’s 5 y/o.

      • whitleymarionsgilbertwaynemeetscarysadshaw says:

        At that point, my huscat said. “God she is so awkward, no wonder she’s single.”

      • melissa sue £ says:

        She is just so awk. It’s actually painful, and usually I love that stuff. Even when they’re about to play volleyball and she keeps squawking about how serious it is getting. If you’re uncomfortable, just shut up!!

    • Kim Ks Ass says:

      Omg her legs look soo stubby and the bow legged-ness is soooo noticeable! Such a turn off!

    • Princess WideStance says:

      OMG. That sand clomping donkey clomp-clomp made my day complete.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      the legs, i KANT even…no words.

  61. Jack the Bulldog says:

    She’s so fucking desperate. Reminds me of Rose Marie on the old Dick Van Dyke Show.

  62. J.C. says:

    Yeah, there is no way in hell this man would date Julia in real life.

  63. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    Did she just chest bump that guy?

  64. diluted brain says:

    She has the worst game I have ever seen. She doesn’t shut the hell up and she is beyond desperate. Watching this show should prove why she’s single.

  65. Dyspeptic says:

    He’s not picking you up, Juliar, he went along with you throwing yourself into his arms.

  66. Dyspeptic says:

    running in circles on sand = not adorable. Donkey.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      She’s the 31 year old version of that freak in your 7th grade class with the weird haircut who writes about how she’s “so random!!” in her AIM profile.

    • Pelts off the Charts says:

      The fact that they showed her running around like an idiot proves that THEY HATE HER.

  67. DonkeyPuncher says:

    Hey Donkey,

    Where are your boobs? You have terrible plastic surgery everywhere else, why not spring for some real boobies.

  68. Amy got dumped by a younger guy, & so THAT is her rule for her clients to not date younger guys? B.R.O.T.H.E.R. I’ll be sure & mention that to my friends who are married to younger men, especially the one whose man is 14 yrs younger.

  69. Fashion Girl says:

    OH GOD LEWIS HOWES!!!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Amy’s date with Lewis is so cringe-inducing.

      AL: “I went out with Lewis, just for practice, and now I’m starting to like him…I keep looking at his shoes, and I keep looking at his hands…I’d be disappointed if I found less than I expected.”

      Honey, Lewis Howes is a big dick. That doesn’t mean he HAS a big dick.

      • Her caloric convo is shower-in-the-vom inducing …
        SHUT UP, AMY!

        • Get a Stylist-Your Dad Does Not Want Nut Butter says:

          I would have never thought someone would count calories in hot chocolate. That is beyond crazy. Also, what kind of nutjob sends back hot cocoa w/ cream that is whipped????????????????????? Just scoop it out if it’s that offensive. Crazy.

      • AFGHANI says:

        Howes is friends with Bradley Will, Chris Record, and Arthur Tubman… it makes sense he’d latch onto Julia and these other desperado women.

        And yeah, Amy’s discussion of her dieting limits is infuriating. Great example for ALL THE GIRLS, Amy.

  70. Bravo's Bitch says:

    Drinking game tonight is taking a sip(shot) every time Julie says ACTUALLY. I iz drink.

  71. CDB says:

    Two words: Re Re

  72. Dyspeptic says:

    oh no it’s that sleaze bag Lewis whatisname?!!!

  73. Jack the Bulldog says:

    They set Amy up with idiot Howes? The straight male equivalent of Julia, jam packing his FB page with pictures of his high school jock days? The grifters are coming outta the woodwork!

  74. A-Game Content says:

    How did she NOT HIRE A STYLIST? The too-small Juicy hoodie, the tired cheerleader skirt, while Flusher looks casual and cute.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I’d say she tries to come across as 15 years old with her outfits but I don’t think 15 year olds have dressed that way since 2004.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Flusher looks SO CUTE.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        She’s so much cuter than Julia in this episode I almost feel sorry for Julia having to watch it. Almost.

  75. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Is Lewis missing a tooth?

  76. Dyspeptic says:

    no whipped cream, ah, Amy, no fun. and she can’t get her head around chicken pot pie. no wonder.

    • diluted brain says:

      Seriously. If I were her on a first date, I’d probably just drink it anyway or take a few sips.

  77. Skirt Pull says:

    Whoa this girl has a low grade sustained eating disorder.

    • Fashion Girl says:

      This is making me sad.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        me, too, I felt awful for her and her horror of chicken pot pie.

        • One Fat Melman says:

          The fact that she said she has to go running if she drinks hot chocolate…that’s why you’re single, Amy!

          • Skirt Pull says:

            It just made me so SAD. What about enjoying life? How could this woman ever just have fun and be joyful, go to a ball game and eat an f’in hot dog? It’s very, very self-centered, in a way, to be that controlled/controlling about your food and everyone else’s around you. And I say that as someone who had an eating disorder and years of therapy to get over it.

        • melissa sue £ says:

          She was giving me some serious sads. After being so incredulous, she kept looking at the chicken pot pie with lust. (Or maybe she was looking at his hands.) She is a total freak.

          That was fun. Right?

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        She doesn’t want to be thought rigid, as if how other people think of her is her blindingly self-evident problem.

    • OMGMarried! says:

      Having to go running in the morning after having a cup of hot chocolate? Girl.

  78. Princess WideStance says:

    Hey Amy, your eating disorder is showing.

  79. Peltergeist says:

    These women are all awful! Everything about Emily is awful and irritating. I thought I liked Amy but she is the biggest calorie control freak and complainer I’ve ever seen. Julia… Well, I don’t need to elaborate on her to anybody here.

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      Amy is so grimly humorless, they are all joyless and endlessly me, me, me, me.

      Amy has a stressed-out, scratchy voice and complete lack of any charm! No sex in a year, what a shock.

      Sorry — back to Julia.

  80. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Amy may actually have a more annoying voice than the Donk

  81. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Amy and her whip cream denying self makes me sad :(

  82. OMGMarried! says:

    Just searched Twitter for #missadvised and wow, no one’s tweeting about it.

  83. Albie Quirky says:

    “I wouldn’t want a dog in bed with me” says handsome date. JULIE YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK

  84. OMGMarried! says:

    Oh my God, the guys are horrified at the sight of her room, understandably.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      What do we learn from this show? Boner killers include having a room fit for a spoiled 9-year-old brat, dogs in bed, being all cray cray eating-disordered during a date, ugly berets, whiny piercing voices…

  85. Fashion Girl says:

    Wow, Julia Price is kind of an asshole.

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      She appears not to be all that into our Donkey … who fucks with the dog in the bed?!

      • Fashion Girl says:

        Mind you, I don’t disagree with anything Julia Price is saying or doing, but it’s just kind of asshole-ish to agree to be on A Donkey’s reality TV show and then proceed to make it obvious that you hate her every time the camera is on you.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

      I think she takes direction well.

  86. Lilly in the bed during sex?

    OMGreg — SAVE LILLY!

  87. Dyspeptic says:

    Hee, the pink palace decor is bombing with the Boyz. “Princess parking, like that doesn’t say high maintenance.” Plus now with more depressed Lilly shots!

    • Badonkeydonk says:

      I feel incredibly reassured about mankind that they find that scraggly pink horror of a bedroom off-putting and alarming.

  88. CDB says:

    she just said “Wait ..JP” Here ya go fixed that for you real JP

    [img]http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee516/bobbaer1/catkiller.gif[/img]

  89. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Rolling my eyes at how hard she pushes the “omg love pink, has to be pink, wish it came in pink” thing with her stupid tulle ~frocks hanging off pink tulip hangers that are obviously intended for a nursery and then says “I actually don’t think my room is that bad!!’ So quirky. Obviously it’s not that bad for youuu Julesies because you’re just soooo obsessed with being pink and girly that it could be so much worse!

  90. LLFOOLJ says:

    Cannot WAIT for commercial break to be over when they dissect the boner killer bedroom. YES! Watch her expressions!

  91. LLFOOLJ says:

    Emily’s peacock earrings are giving me no all over the place.

  92. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Christ on a crutch, this contrivance is boring. 15 more minutes? I just kant.

  93. Albie Quirky says:

    “I think Chris likes me,” says Julie A.

    Oh, honey, no.

    • Get a Stylist-Your Dad Does Not Want Nut Butter says:

      Bitch is deluded. No one could like her with the way she behaved. Why can’t she have a normal conversation? I don’t have the best luck w/ men, but I’ve had good dates and satisfying relationships. I do not think that even when I was 18 I had as horrible conversations as JA does at 31. That is beyond pathetic. A woman who has nothing to say grosses me out.

  94. Dyspeptic says:

    more chewing shots!!!

  95. J.C. says:

    Talking with one’s mouth full = sexy!!

  96. Celisse says:

    This is HILARIOUS. He forces her to kiss him on the cheek.

    • Celisse says:

      WOW Flusher. Was she hired specifically to make Julia look like a total moron? She doesn’t need help looking like a moron.

  97. Jack the Bulldog says:

    She’s braying away–too many sips–and just pronounced arsenal incorrectly.

    • SchemeyNutButter says:

      And of course “they” (as in JABa) planned it before hand. So to see her acting like it’s a big surprise and coming out with that Greg forsaken Carrie scream.
      I may have a stroke. Right here at my keyboard. My whole body is in shock.

  98. Braying me softly says:

    He’s just not that in to you. Srsly.

  99. Albie Quirky says:

    The denied kiss is just making me sad for her, for the first time ever!

    • Pelts off the Charts says:

      What in greg’s name is she wearing? Stripey long skirt with letter jacket?

  100. Dyspeptic says:

    In my 20s this worked like a charm!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      “Am I so repulsive?” Yes. Yes, you are. You broke your face, and you’re a total jerk.

      • Skirt Pull says:

        It makes me sad. She was a very pretty girl. Her face looks bloated from her bulimia and fillers and way too much makeup. I can only imagine what living with such a skinny girl would do to her psyche.

      • cola champagne says:

        This is where my bf said “Yes” without having any background info from me.

  101. Braying me softly says:

    STOP HITTING HIM!!!

  102. Fashion Girl says:

    CANKLEHOUSEN!!!!

  103. J.C. says:

    OMG I AM SO EMBARASSED FOR HER!!

  104. Skirt Pull says:

    Holy shit this is painful to watch. This is AWFUL. If guys want to kiss you, they’ll kiss you. Yes, you are acting repulsive, Jules.

  105. One Fat Melman says:

    My roomie and I are watching it on DVR and she keeps yelling, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER!? while rewinding the part where Julia calls DeStorm a “man ice cream” and licks the air.

  106. Carly says:

    This show makes me sad! I literally cannot watch it and I love reality!

    • Fashion Girl says:

      It is endless. I’ve only been watching since 10:25 or so, and it feels like it’s been on for 3 hours.

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        My reaction too. I began at the beginning but it now feels like it’s Tuesday.

  107. Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    The spin the bottle thing is completely cringeworthy.
    The guy does NOT want to kiss her AT ALL!!!!

  108. Dyspeptic says:

    He can’t wait to leave. So funny/

  109. Donkey Expertin says:

    Donkey braying on TV: “Am I that repulsive?”

    My huscat, from the dining room: “Your wailing is repulsive.”

  110. SchemeyNutButter says:

    speechless

  111. Celisse says:

    This is worse than my dating life. And I must admit my dating life is practically nonexistent.

  112. Yoo hoo!! says:

    She is even worse on this show than I thought possible, y’all.

  113. Kim Ks Ass says:

    She’s gonna rape that guy! I love how her strategy is to annoy the fuck out of him and beg him to kiss her/ throw herself at/on him? I think the bedroom seriously turned him off!

    • Celisse says:

      Who wants to have sex in a dirty bed with a dog actually in it!

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        Keaton Hoffman? Julia’s greatest fan.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          There is someone pictured in the Yahoo!TV pix of the opening party called “Robert Hoffman.” Also a fairly chinless white dude with sandy hair. Now, Hoffman is a fairly common name, but I do wonder if this guy is shilling for the show his brother or cousin or whoever works on?

  114. diluted brain says:

    My husband just said ‘what is this fucking garbage you’re watching? change it”. I said ‘that’s the girl I follow on that website you always see me on’. Then he called her ‘pathetic’. I love seeing someone’s opinion without knowing her.

  115. Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

    She is so “off” and needs medication for reals; I am embarrassed for her.

    • Skirt Pull says:

      She REALLY does. This is starting to cross into Russell from RHOBH territory for me. Not cool to put a person who needs mental help on a show like this.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        A friend in reality tv checked out this site when I told her about MA months and months ago and couldn’t believe they’d let Donk be on a show after even a cursory psych eval.

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        This is exactly what I am saying in my recap. This episode was just uncomfortable to watch. It seemed so exploitative.

  116. yeahyeahyeah says:

    never thought i’d say this but…. this show is actually making me feel some empathy for julia. she’s really coming off like the clueless, nerdy girl who tries really hard to be cool. and no one’s buying it. i’m feeling for her a little the way i would for a jr. high girl embarrassing herself. her maturity is obviously stunted.

    and her “friend” is coming off like a huge bitch. a friend would never call you out and embarrass you (like when they get to the vball court and “jp” immediately says, “so julia was never picked first in hs…”) it’s meant to sound cutesy but it’s really a bitch move.

    • Meow Mix says:

      Watching this episode reminds me of freshman year of college. My roommate acted basically just like Julia’s acting. The same weirdo, loud, trying-to-be-cute-and-funny mannerisms that are just SO painfully socially awkward. The running around in a circle on the beach thing? The uber-desperate “KISS MEEEE” shit?
      My roommate did really awkward stuff like that. She was extremely sheltered and socially awkward and just did not understand social cues. She really couldn’t tell that everyone was rolling their eyes at her behavior so she kept it up, thinking that she was being cute and funny.
      Seeing Julia do the same stuff is making me criiiiiiiiiiinge. Julia Price is probably being such a bitch because she’s trying really hard to show the guys on the double date that both Julias aren’t crazy. She’s making fun of JA to distance herself from her, because she can tell that the guys are totally freaked out.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      Sorry, love. Quotations marks do not make it any better.

  117. Albie Quirky says:

    Oh, lord, Skeevy Rap Dude compounded the “hitting on Emily on her show” with the “passive-aggressively bullying her into a date” with the coup de grace of taking her to a motherfucking strip club.

    • Celisse says:

      I don’t get the “Going to strip clubs on dates” thing. I used to think it was so hot.. when I was 19. Then I actually did it once when I was 24 and it was horrifying. Legit the worst. Never, ever again.

  118. Kim Ks Ass says:

    If I have to slap one more strippers ass…

  119. yeahyeahyeah says:

    also, Emily’s segments are COMPLETELY POINTLESS. she adds nothing to the show.

    • Kim Ks Ass says:

      I would have to disagree, Emily represents a growing population of single women who are a non conventional archetype. I feel like soo many “rules” girls end up wandering into this area bc they think it’s what men want, but as you can see from watching Emily, it doesnt work just as much as Julia’s annoying aggression and Amy’s ultra perfectionism. All three of these ladies have the same problem, they try too hard.

  120. Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

    Can’t wait for La La week!

  121. LOL — they just showed a fauxto featured often on RBD.
    (The plate snarfing)

  122. Princess WideStance says:

    RBD shout out? Finally things will get interesting.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      No, it looks like a faked-up hater site that plagiarizes from here.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        On further inquiry, it just looks like they messed with the layout (made font huge, etc.) to make it easier to film. There are some Plucky Internet Detectives in chat, let me tell you!

  123. SchemeyNutButter says:

    wow
    i am hoping this show gets cancelled … i can’t believe she is participating with bringing [redacted] into the narrative … does the thundercunt never sleep?

    • Antibiotics with a Side of Antibiotics says:

      This is amazing. Who is the woman with her? Is this the therapist she mentioned?

      • A-Game Content says:

        Isn’t it Annie Lallamalladingdong?

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        That’s the emaciated Annie Lalla from Burining Man. Who I now kind of have to like, because she was basically, like, “Well, they’re not wrong!”

        • Jack the Bulldog says:

          Annie Lalla, Grifter Extraorinaire!! Julie’s getting all of her con game pals roles in her shitshow!

      • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

        That’s Annie LaLa, Burning Man charlatan. It’s all starting to make sense now. She should remain bent over for the royal screwing Bravo is giving her.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        A personal friend with no professional training at all, yep. Fake therapy to go with the fake job and the fake dates.

      • One Fat Melman says:

        I don’t know who she is, but I’m behind any therapist (or similarly be-scarfed woman) who is willing to bitch slap JA with a taste of reality.

        • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

          She’s not a therapist. She’s a love coach. And I really now have to kind love her. Namaste, Annie Lalla. Namafuckingste.

          • yourselfisastalker says:

            I kind of love her, too. But we’re going to have to work on her pronunciation of “vehemence” (ve-HEE-mence, Annie? for reals?). I can be her word coach.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      And Julia’s demeanor was just mezmerising. It was like she just told the shrink where that man touched her using a doll.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      This was actually kind of scary/sad. “That’s what crazy people do.”

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        See? SEE?!?!? All we want, well most of us, anyway, is for her to get the serious psychological help she oh so desperately needs.

        And then we will have sympathy for her.

  124. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Oh, I wish I knew what was going on.

    ‏@JuliaAllison: In my defense – Chris HAD A GIRLFRIEND. Which he conveniently didn’t mention until AFTER we filmed that date! @Bravotv #MissAdvised

    ‏@JuliaAllison There is absolutely nothing I did right on that double date with Chris on @BravoTV’s #MissAdvised except show up. And maybe not even that.

    Screengrabs people. Mama needs her screengrabs!

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      What is with her bashing these dudes after the show airs? THESE DATES ARE FAKE!

      • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

        She can just never take responsibility for being an ass. It’s always someone else’s fault her FAKE DATE ends up hating her.

        Her tweets (in case she deletes these too) : And in Chris’ defense – according to him, he had the DTR Talk with the girl the night before & didn’t want to cancel on his buddy Todd.

        But he could have MENTIONED he had a girlfriend!!! Then I wouldn’t have been so confused about why he wouldn’t kiss me. #MissAdvised

        DTR = Define The Relationship Talk :-) @amiwoods

        Donks, no one else seems confused why he wouldn’t kiss you and it has nothing to do with a supposed “girlfriend”.

        Desperation: the mens can smell it.

        Expand

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        5m Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison

  125. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Which he conveniently didn’t mention until AFTER we filmed that fake date!

    Fixed that for ya, Donks.

    PS. DONKJEEEEEYYYYYYY!

  126. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    I cringed watching her clomp around this episode. Flusher Price hates her – so obv.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      ..aaaannd, the lazy bitch is late to this too. :(

      • SchemeyNutButter says:

        Andy Cohen threw the shout out on twitter with the link for people to meet up with the recap there … and bitch doesn’t bother to show up on time … that’ll go over well.

  127. shamespiral says:

    That was just fucking painful. I can’t even muster the ability to snark.

  128. Sacred Scrapbooks Picture Consultant says:

    I particularly enjoyed how she tried to depose the guys. Yeah, just fire questions at people like an asshole before showing off your widdle girl bedroom and talking about having your depressed dog in bed with you during sex.

  129. i.just.cant! says:

    i love that bravo is exposing julia’s cray more and more. episode 3 looks promising, catladies! who is this crazy annie lala stick person who calls donkey out on her donkey-ness? I LIKE HER!

  130. OMGDonk says:

    everyone needs to watch the spree cast. julia’s trying to blame the crying on something else, not pitching papers, but JP doesn’t recall. Donk has to remind her. LIES live.

  131. Falsies says:

    I hope this works:

  132. OMGDonk says:

    And now she’s lying about him not mentioning “the girlfriend”

  133. OMGDonk says:

    HAHA caught in a lie. Couldn’t remember if she asked him. But knows for sure its not on camera.

    • A-Game Content says:

      She can’t even string together a coherent sentence in that spreecast. Flusher is leading the conversation… how is Donk so inept at EVERYTHING?

  134. OMGDonk says:

    FORCING JP to say the spin the bottle shit was her idea.

  135. OMGDonk says:

    SHE’S NOW SHOUTING OUT HER DAD FOR BEING THE SCARIEST LAWYER EVER….to NBC.

  136. Dr. Gary says:

    Not enough Cankleshausen ointment in the world.

  137. du/coveted vag space says:

    this after show.
    jeebus.
    they’re going on and on and on and on and on like people fucking care.
    JULIA. 64 PEOPLE ARE ON THIS STREAM.
    AND HALF. OR 3/4 ARE FROM RBD.
    YOU ARE ON A NATIONAL TV SHOW AND 32 strangers care enough to go to your aftershow. please. put it in perspective. and please stop ranting on the internet like you are on barbara walters.

  138. du/coveted vag space says:

    ALSO: TOILET HAS BEEN TRYING TO GO FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES AND DONKEY WILL NOT LET HER GO BECAUSE TALKING ABOUT IT ONLINE IS LIKE CRACK FOR OUR DONKEY.

    LET TOILET GO.

  139. Aspen > Tulips says:

    My catman forbade me from watching this show, but I just snuck over to Bravo, at which point he saw Juliar’s face and exclaimed, “HER FACE LOOKS FUCKED UP. HER NOSE LOOKS FUCKED UP.”

  140. donniedriveby says:

    It’s sad that Flusher has a serious crowd of friends behind her that she has to shush, and the Donkey flies alone…

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Pretty sad. Wonder if she begged anybody to come over + watch it with her, but they all turned her down?

      Even sadder, at the end of the spreecast, Tiny Julia is trying to say goodnight. But Big Julia begs her not to go and whines something about how ‘she is all alone’.

  141. bitchface says:

    Andy Cohen sucks.

  142. Pelts off the Charts says:

    Wow…..

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