It’s The Asshole-ishness, Stupid

One of the funniest things about all of Donk’s on-air and online spewings yesterday was her suggestion that she is hated because she once wrote about her bulimia.

Um.

Before my lover JP does a post later today detailing all the lies she has told in the past 24 hours, I thought I’d seize upon the one little tidbit she just had to get out there that once again illustrates why she is so detestable.

It’s on the blurb to her Elle.com piece — I would link to it but I am writing this on my fucking phone; more on that hellishness later — in which she mentions being in bed with her college ex-boyfriend in L.A. in August 2010 (Ed. note: it was actually 2009) and having an epiphany.

I am pretty sure that would be James Fay, who lives in L.A., given her other college boyfriend is now married with children. I think she even blogged about staying with him and posted a photo of his new hot, alcohol-free body. Fay would have been dating the “model” at the time for at least a few months. The model was nervous about Donkey. Just a few months earlier, in April 2010, FuckedFace used her Learning Annex personal branding seminar to shit all over the model’s online bio, describing her as her college boyfriend’s new girlfriend. She bitched about the model banning James from seeing her at around that point, and one of the Meghans said she wouldn’t trust her new boyfriend around Donkey either. By August, she was apparently back in bed with him. And felt it necessary to mention that on Elle.com yesterday.

James Fay and the model are now engaged to be married; they’re walking down the aisle next June 1st. Donkey’s attempts to cause trouble in yet another relationship have failed — or was this a last-ditch, very public version of the email to REDACTED’s fiancee?

Either way, she’s an asshole — and that, you cuntfaced douchebag who never reads here, is why people hate you. No one gives a shit that you used to steal candy bars from a Georgetown convenience store and barf them up.

Remember when she once claimed any guy with a girlfriend was “gay” to her? IT IS TO LAUGH.

P.S. Imagine you are a lifelong Washington Redskins fan/critic/fucking coach even and then you have to travel internationally on the day they play the Superbowl. And you end up stranded at a place with no TV and no Internet connection as the game plays. That is me. Sob.

P.P.S. So if my lover Prof. Camping were to add some links to this, I would put on a dress that might suggest I’ll blow him/her on the first date. (At your service, Mama Jacy!)

 

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163 Responses to It’s The Asshole-ishness, Stupid

  1. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Do we have to link the column? I hate to give her hits…

    But this puts it perfectly why you are hated. In just a weeks time she has stabbed her family in the back (I WAS NEVER LOVED AS A CHILD), settled a score with Randi (I MEAN IF CHARITY WATER IS YOUR THING) and now is trying to ruin her ex’s future (WE OVERLAPPED, YO).

    Cunt is too nice a word.

  2. Can-Swiss says:

    Sorry to pull a Julia and make this comment thread ALL ABOUT ME AND MY PROBLEMS – But much like Mama Jacy, I’m stuck outside the borders of the United States and can’t watch this shitshow.

    Any tech-savy catladies out there kind enough to upload their DVR file to Bit Torrent or something? I’ve tried the streaming sites and Vuze, but nothing so far.

    Just as I thought, Miss Advised isn’t even good enough to be stolen….

  3. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    i can’t get over the fact that the blog post is 11 damn pages long of her desperately trying to shape other people’s perceptions of her and frame their reactions. well… i’m not surprised, but even for her this is extraordinary. i’m abroad right now too jacy and can’t wait to get back to my dvr’d episode. i did check iTunes today just to see and it doesn’t appear to be there (yet?). the media reactions have been swift and harsh. i’d be surprised if this sees it full run, or if bravo pivots and just goes into full our mocking mode to see it through. i still am not sure if i believe everyone that NGMB was on it… i am giddy to see this shitshow, but am enjoying all the recaps and critiques from all of you!!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      If she keeps spinning like this she will turn into butter.

      Scheme butter.

    • cola champagne says:

      Her grandmother was on it. She had a very deep voice. They had blintzes or something in the lake house with her parents and the whole conversation was about her finding someone. It was just as you’d expect – pathetic.

    • Searching Amazon for it indicates that it’s “coming soon” — I wonder if many requests for it on Amazon would speed up the process, or are they going to miss the boat while everyone meanwhile finds a way to torrent this?

  4. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    my favorite part of her blog post/tome is that she ends it with her worries about negative comments as people respond and how she’ll read all he comments and tweet the best ones, etc… She really thought people would care… hahahahahahahahahah. Julia, ZERO COMMENTS almost 24 hours in. bwahahaahahahahahaha.

    • Onehundredcats says:

      I was going to comment on that too- are there really 0 comments or are they all locked/waiting to be moderated? It seems kinda unusual

    • melting marionette says:

      “zero stones – zero crates. pack up – we’re out of here”

  5. Peltergeist says:

    I don’t know anything about James, but I have a hard time believing this. She is not a seductress to boot, she has nothing going for her, and his fiancee is an aspiring model. No matter how you do the math, the equation doesn’t add up to him cheating with Julie.

    • KS says:

      Maybe your math skills are dusty.

      (Persistent calls + Alcohol + memories of a good, sloppy BJ) / She’s a psycho, bro = Oh, OK, just this once.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Nothing would bring a donkey more pleasure than to think she could steal a dude from a model. Nothing.

      It may not be him, but what other college boyfriends — not just fuck buddies like Marquardt — are in L.A.? Possibly the former fiance, but he’s married with kids and despises her.

      She also blogged about staying with Fay at around that time — wish I was on a computer so I could easily provide links.

      Help Mommy out, cat ladies!

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Even if she didn’t fuck him – IT’S THE IMPLICATION. It’s what she is trying to do.

      But that’s okay – Karma gave her that face so she can be FOREVER ALONE and get her payback…

    • AFGHANI says:

      His fiancee is absolutely gorgeous, albeit vacuous.

  6. Pizza says:

    This certainly doesn’t preclude anything happening in 2010, but I believe Jabs was referring to August 2009 (“halfway through my 28th year”) in the Elle article.

    She’s still awful.

  7. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    I’ve wanted to comment on all Julie’s cuntitude and offensive shallowness, but I just can’t.

    Sensible reaction to people thinking you’re an offensive, shallow cunt: stop making everything about you. Develop some real interests and expertise so you don’t seem so fucking shallow; write something well-researched about social media or Romanian farming methods in which you don’t talk about yourself, even obliquely. Stop expecting other people to care about you and your social life, because they think you’re a boring cunt.

    Julia’s reaction to people thinking she’s a boring cunt: “You are so wrong about that!! I’m super interesting and nice! If I look cunty, then that is other people’s fault! And if I seem like a shallow, boring person, then there must be something wrong with you!! I am fascinating! Also, I’m not shallow because I track the most interesting topic on earth (meeeeeee) using sciencey numbers! See how wrong you were to think I’m shallow?? Let’s continue this dialogue about me, but don’t call me fat, because that’s the worst thing you can possibly say about a human being, far worse than calling her a conscienceless narcissistic superficial moron.”

  8. Albie Quirky says:

    This parents’ rating sightcite gives the show 0 for “positive messages” and 0 for “positive role models.”

    So much for All The Girls, Julie!

  9. Barking Mad says:

    Mama Jacy, we missed your voice last nite! You are right, it’s like your bus broke down on the way to the Olympics.

    Also, Julia is a lying liar who is always, always lying.

  10. Andy Whorehol says:

    I love that obviously no one besides us and maybe a few other tv entertainment outlets obligated to mention it have no interest in this show. The TWoP entry with a mere three comments is already on page two of their reality forums; I’ve followed that forum for years now and the forums usually very accurately indicate how well a show does.
    No comments on ANY of their blogs; I love how Julia pleads for nice comments only to get noooo comments whatsoever! No interest in Julia via Google searches by curious new viewers, and btw, her google search features this site prominently on the first page? Hahhhh!!!

    To me, the greatest karma for her is zero attention from anyone. And so far, so nothing: she ain’t all that, obviously.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      No one is on Bravos message boards talking about it either.

      Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      There’s a review (but very few comments) on the AV Club. Here is what the reviewer initially says about Julia:

      “Julia is at least more three-dimensional and likeable than her counterparts. Her retro-inspired look—all big lashes and soft waves—gives a semblance of a personality that carries her from scene to scene. She’s also undertaking the biggest venture of the three as she moves from her hometown of Chicago to Los Angeles for no clear reason other than “change of scenery.” There’s also the riveting fact that Julia deems herself “the No. 1 most hated on the internet,” seemingly based on her attempts to build a name for herself by publicizing the sex-lives of the quasi-famous men she’s dated. Still, the fact-checkers at Bravo must have been up nights proving that No. 1 statistic, and I’m certainly proud of them.”

      The reviewer almost makes up for the first two sentences later on by calling Julia a jerk for her treatment of Craiglist Justin.

  11. cola champagne says:

    If she behaves this way in each episode, this site is going to seem like a dream place to her.

    http://on.aol.com/video/miss-advised-premiere–woman-dumps-guy-as-he-drives-away-517399308

  12. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    I have a confession to make: I didn’t make it through the whole show.

    I had it on the Tivo, and I sat down and said okay, I’m going to watch end to end, no interruptions, just to see the crayziness made flesh. What kind of atmosphere does she surround herself with, what kind of character is she really trying to play, etc etc.

    After ten minutes, I was bored.

    After twenty, I was seriously considering pulling out the laptop and doing the half-watching thing. I told myself no, just power through it, there has to be some insight here. Bravo ordered this show for a reason, and dammit, I’m going to find out why.

    I turned it off and deleted it at about 35 minutes.

    If you can’t be smart, at least be entertaining. This show is so very clearly neither of those, not by a long shot. All three — not just the Donk — but all three are beyond boring. Playing the “I’m a quirky fragile snowflake” card got repetitive after the introductions, and that’s all that these three have. But beyond that, it’s so transparent that every single character on the show is trying to shill. Everyone. Everybody is insipid, shallow, self-serving, and generally not people I’d want to associate with in any capacity at any time.

    If the moral of this show is “don’t worry girls, even famous matchmakers and dating columnists have problems with their social lives” then the show has already covered that tenfold, and to watch even another episode would only serve to pound that message home again and again and again.

    I can’t watch it. My brain simply does not have the capacity to slow down to the level where watching Donk make a fool out of herself in a prom dress would be interesting at all. Sure, it’s easy to take potshots at how poorly she has aged, or how she has tried and failed to remold her face into something that it will never be, but it just isn’t interesting. My guilty pleasure has always been The Amazing Race, because — at the very least — you get to see some fleeting view of culture around the world and the show requires the tiniest modicum of brain power to keep up. This show has nothing. It’s a collection of people, both the primary cast and secondary (“JP” — what the fuck, are you ashamed at using your real name?) are all stuck in that seductive trap of “as soon as I’m on TV, my life will be better” and they so desperately play to the camera, not knowing that their desperation is precisely what makes this so horrible.

    Unless someone here can convince me otherwise, there is a snowball’s chance in hell that I’ll be watching any more episodes. This is the gigantic twenty-foot-tall flaming capital letters that burn with a white-hot magnesium flame, spelling out “I JUST CAN’T.”

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      insightful perspective.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      Oh shit, it’s an hour long? I DVR’d it and planned to watch tonight but I thought it was 30 minutes long. :(

      • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

        I just had the same reaction. A whole hour? I don’t know that I can the donkey that long.

      • awkwardposer says:

        It feels like a millennium. There is nothing exciting about any of these girls and I only saw about 40 minutes before I couldn’t take it anymore.

    • KS says:

      I felt pretty much the same. About halfway through I was wishing I could turn it off but my catlady digs reality shows and wanted to watch it. She had some interesting “outsider” comments but I promptly forgot them because I ate a whole bar of xanax since I wasn’t drinking.

      The other women are so different than Donk. Mainly because, oh I donno, THEY HAVE JOBS. It’s so glaring to me. They could be the most horrible people on the world but they are hustling and obviously have nothing to hide. They are (and said they were) comfortable around the cameras. Someone laughed at the matchmaker chick not having sex for a year but I attribute that to her just working hard.

      What I can’t get over is how contrived the show is. Donkey is a terrible actress and I didn’t believe for a second she said ANY of her lines spontaneously. She’s reading off a script because she lacks a brain and sense of humor. It’s hard for me to watch you guys get upset over situations like “ZOMG DONK USED THAT GUY” when clearly, cmon. I MEAN, COME. ON.. That “guy” was hired to play a part. He certainly didn’t sound very upset to get used and dumped with no action. What am I even saying, he was probably in a sound studio recording his “phone call” to Donkey.

      I don’t want to be Mr. Annoyingly Point Out the Boom Mikes and Inaccuracies During the Movie, it just bothers me to read “oh, Julia Allison is a bitch because of that thing she did on the show” when there is SO MUCH MORE real life stuff she’s done and I don’t want her to fall back on “I was just playing a character”.

    • cola champagne says:

      He definitely has a “type.”

      • LetItExplode says:

        Yeah. She also seems to be buying twitter followers and the “About” section on her website is cut from Donkey cloth: “She is proud to call the guest house of James Cagney’s estate her home.”

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Has a twitter handle for her cat, has a Hello Kitty iPhone case and her Easter eggs were Barbie themed. Oh, my.

        That said, she did just turn 25.

        • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

          Which makes her… 17 years too old for this behavior. Right?

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            True but still way younger than a Donkey who acts the same way.

            For Beau, her behavior is immature, for a Donkey, it is mental.

      • He does have a type! Seeing her in the blue & white paired w/ the almost-matching tablecloth of pink & white seems reminiscent of Donkey in pink & OMG! Randi! in blue at their BiPolar Barfday Bash.
        [img]http://guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/julia_allison__randi_zuckerberg3.jpg[/img]

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      why can we see her hoo-ha and why is the name of the site “Beau Dunn”, instead of “Beau and James”?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      That girl is STUNNING. That’s why Julia’s pissed.

      • AFGHANI says:

        Exactly. It’s like Julia was trying to look like her but failed really badly. Donk looks like a clown, meanwhile that girl will be the prettiest girl anywhere she goes except maybe the Oscars red carpet or some other A List event.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      She is quite lovely and looks, to coin a phrase, like “Julia done right.”

      That said, that is not a flattering picture of him: he appears to be thinking “Yes, somehow I am tapping this…don’t tell her brother, Moose. He’ll break my head.”

  13. A Donkey is an Ass says:

    The AV Club did a write-up on this shit show.

    I don’t believe they know of this little snark cite/sight/site since they consider A Donkey to be “at least more three-dimensional and likeable than her counterparts”, but this gave me the giggles, “likely there’s supposed to be a dreamy excitement to getting to see these successful city gals hoofing it down sidewalks all across this big nation”.

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      But if you read the whole thing, the writer takes back his original assessment:

      “By the episode’s end, very little has actually happened…Julia outs herself as a jerky jerk-o who lures an interested suitor into helping her unpack and move boxes in her new L.A. apartment, only to tell him she only wants to be friends after all the box hauling. Ick.”

  14. flatface says:

    The Atlantic apparently didn’t know that Julia is a feminist who has decided her life path is to help all the young girls

    “…And with the Julia Allison plot, we get another girl expressing fears that she’s “too old” at the same time she offers up her 73-point list of demands (“reads The Atlantic, Fast Company, and Wired,” for instance) in her bid to find a husband, a shtick that is so anti-woman as to be laughable if it wasn’t so painful to watch…”

    http://www.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2012/06/miss-advised-and-inherent-sexism-dating-show/53697/

    • Peltergeist says:

      I think it’s fine to encourage women to have standards. However, the only female I’ve ever known who criticized (or emphasized) a potential bf’s reading materials is a total psycho narcissist.

    • The Final Rose says:

      Not to brush over the serious stuff, but this might be my favorite line:

      “and Julia Allison, who’s described on the show as a dating columnist”

  15. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Julia’s look in her new show is clearly inspired by a stylish Brit, a storybook figure who has inspired millions; Julia is rockin those jowls like Winston Churchill.

  16. D says:

    Been a reader and on/off commenter before. Because this isn’t my first rodeo, as I have been watching this shit show “unfold” for the past few years, I forced both my boyfriend and my mother to watch this crapper last night and give honest feedback. I needed to see if I just found her so incredibly repulsive bc I have been spending so much time dissecting every round of bullshit that comes out of her gapping maw.

    My mother responded today by telling me that this was the WORST show she has ever watched in her entire life. To provide context, my mother LIKED Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding. She referred to Julia as “crazy” and was confused by the fact that in certain shots she looked resonably thin and in others, a bloated mess. She also pointed out that she finds it hard to believe this is not an act, meaning how could someone be so insane. My boyfriend almost had a heart attack when she said she and jack mccain discussed marriage. With no background, he knew this was total shit.

    As for the others, Emily was called annoying and Amy was deemed desperate. I almost fell asleep 5 times and have such commitment to sparkle motion, I forced myself to stay up the entire 1 hour episode. I usually go to sleep around 1am and this shit was like my own form of Sleep Time Tea spiked with a vicodin.

    I can’t believe she thought this was a good idea. People who don’t even care about her care even less after just one episode.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      I just got off the phone with a big time TV producer who was “stunned silence, drops phone” re: Miss Advised. She didn’t know that I partake in this blog or even knew who Julia was (I never admit to such things).

      She said her whole office was LOLing at what a psycho Donkey is and though no one but her watched the show, she was replaying clips of it, in the office so all the writers and Exec Producers could see what a hosebeast Julia is.

      When I said I thought Julia was in LA to make it as some kind of host or commentator, she laughed her ass off and said, “Then this was a really bad way to introduce yourself to Hollywood.”

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        perfect.

      • D says:

        It is truly amazing, because you know she thought this would make her a great, big, shining star. Instead, she is the new Danielle Staub.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        oh, Julie. maybe your granny’s life lesson should have been ‘be careful what you wish for’ instead of ‘let it unfold’.

  17. KS says:

    I was hoping we could start a list of “Possible nods to RBD”, for fun.

    1) Most obviously, forcing Julia Price to be referred to as JP. HAH!
    2) Ashley Tinsdale’s end-of-credits logo, has it always been a Lilly-esqe dog?
    3) There was something else that caught my attention but now I forget (it was late!). Help, please don’t make me watch it again…

  18. Peltergeist says:

    My catman and I conveniently caught the show right when Julia’s segment started. He has worked in TV before and had this baffled look on his face the whole time she was on. He hates all Bravo shows but his one comment was, “She’s trying to go for quirky, but she’s coming off as fucking CRAZY. Is Andy Cohen responsible for this shit, too?”

  19. Meow Mix says:

    Last night after watching this shitshow, my catman and I were in bed cuddling our kitty. (Catman never saw/knew about Julia Allison before last night and was disgusted by her behavior with Craigslist Justin and her melty face).

    While we’re petting our cat he says to me, “Before getting our kitty, I had a 72-point checklist for potential cats. Must have a good job. Must be able to clean own kitty litter. Must read certain magazines. Must have an extended cat family who AB-SO-LUTE-LY adorrreeeesss me.” And we laughed and laughed.

  20. Wonky Donkey says:

    Speaking of Georgetown alums getting hitched, I opened the alumni magazine last week to see an announcement of a wedding in Nantucket attended by several alums (many of whom Julia calls “friends”) and yet, no Donk. Hee.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      huh, wasn’t that the weekend she was on Facebook feeling all sorry for herself because she was the only Sparkle Snowflake who wasn’t at a Juuune wedding?

  21. Wonky Donkey says:

    And TVGasm (LOVE them) has decided to recap: http://www.tvgasm.com/home/miss-advised-recap-desperation-is-as-desperation-does.html

    Too many quotes to list here.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      “I read every Harry Potter book and once met J.K. Rowling (full disclosure: I didn’t sleep with her), so I guess that makes me a wizard.”

      LULZ!!

    • Joardache & the Pelts says:

      That was cute and clever and totally unbiased (author seemed unaware of Julia and RBD/RBNS). I’ve been familiar with Julia so long – since Georgetown days – that it is impossible for me to have an unbiased take on her – it was revealing to read a fresh perspective and realize I’m not merely a bitter hater.
      Also, hat other bravo dating show got cancelled after only two episodes? I’d never even heard of it and I watch my fair share of Bravo. This does nt Bose well for Miss Carriage…
      also the Bravo web site is really laying it on thick with the extras and baby photos and ranking things but no one seems to be commenting or participating… This thing is dead in the water.

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      That whole review by Pillania is fantastic. Thanks so much for the link, Wonky!

      JP/Jacy: If you want to post a recap, you really could just copy and paste the Julia portion of this review.

      You’re right, Wonky, there’s too much snidey goodness to know what to quote, but I can’t resist. Here are the first two paragraphs of the Julia section:

      “…I saved the best for last, people. And by best, I mean biggest trainwreck. If you thought Amy was cringeworthy…meet Julia. Julia is a dating columnist/Carrie Bradshaw wannabe. It is my journalistic duty to mention here that the only journalistic training Julia shares with us is that she wrote a column for her high school newspaper.

      She interviews that she was once voted the most hated person on the Internet. I don’t recall participating in or hearing about this poll, but I’m fairly certain I would have cast my vote Julia’s way as well…”

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I love everything about that piece. I want to buy it shoes and dresses RIGHT NOW!

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        open your mouth, recap!

        • flatface says:

          “… Julia was just horrendous and if the previews are any indication, she is the token obnoxious girl everyone hates but continues to tolerate for reasons unknown…”

    • monster (Single and Mingle) says:

      hahaha this is so good.

      “They are all basically like, peace. The grandma didn’t even bother to go outside”

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I am in love with Pillania. If she (he?) is not already a cat lady, then consider this my invitation to the basement.

      [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/wl3le.jpg[/img]

    • Joardache & the Pelts says:

      Ha, I saw that and didn’t put two and two together.

    • AFGHANI says:

      His schtick doesn’t hold up that well when he’s interviewed by someone intelligent and insightful. He wasn’t good on Charlie Rose and he came off downright overmatched when he was on the EconTalk podcast with the Hoover Institution’s Russ Roberts that I linked to last night. By contrast, people who are really intelligent and dynamic usually shine even brighter when they’re doing a substantive interview–Nassim Taleb is a good example (even though he’s an asshole, he’s very smart and does great interviews)

      Too early to say that Jonah is the new Malcolm Gladwell?

  22. emma bourricot says:

    This stuff about James is the real news here today, as far as I’m concerned. Grade-A cuntitude. Just when I thought she couldn’t top the [Redacted 2] email to the fiance, she pulls a stunt like this in a single line of a stupid “column” that no one except us catladies will read. I am repulsed and somewhat in awe that she could be such a cunt to another former boyfriend and his fiance. Like she thought RBD wouldn’t know who her college BF living in LA happens to be? She documented the shit out of her trip to LA in late July and early August, bragging about the restaurants James was taking her to and the chemistry they still shared 4.5 (!!) years later. I don’t care if she had a brief affair with an old boyfriend, but I think it’s revolting that she brought it up so cryptically and so publicly three years later.

    Donkey, I can’t think of a time you’ve been more deserving of a punch in the face from this guy’s sister.

    • Anon says:

      Cunt doesn’t even really cover it. She doesn’t deserve to be called a cunt. It’s too kind for her. I’m having a hard time coming up with a word that encapsulates her horrible horribleness sufficiently.

      Something like… Julia, you’re a herpe on a gigolo’s wanker. But that’s insulting to the honorable (in comparison to donk) profession of prostitution.

      I’m stumped. She makes me spit.

    • AFGHANI says:

      She was trying to be a bitch but failed, because there’s no way that guy really slept with her if he was dating/engaged to Beau. I doubt Beau even knows who Donk is or gives 2 shits about the Melty Faced Famewhore.

  23. LTL says:

    “A huge mistake, I’ve learned, has been conflating dating with relationships. I was 29 when I looked at my dating spreadsheet and discovered I hadn’t been in a single relationship for more than six months since 2007. That’s five years! Not a stellar track record for anyone, but an especially dismal run for a woman who owns more self-help books than most independent bookstores.”

    Okay, in a response to one of the commenters on the elle page she says she wrote the column “last fall”, “when she was 30″. So she was 30 in 2011. By deduction, she was 29 in 2010.

    So she realized in 2010 that she hadn’t been in a 6+ month relationship since 2007, and “That’s five years!”?!

    I mean, I know she’s a girl, and math is hard, but 10-7=5? Really?

    • Wonky Donkey says:

      Not only is math hard but again, you need a spreadsheet to track your dates?

      • LTL says:

        Well when so many guys are knocking on her door, you need to keep them all straight.

        I don’t think anyone actually cares if it had been 3 years, 5 years, or 5 minutes — I don’t give a shit about her, period — but it’s that kind of shitty writing that permeates all of her work.

      • Nickelodeon Chic says:

        I kept a spreadsheet of guys I was dating/crushing on. When I was 20. And my friends made fun of me for it. As they should have.

  24. Google Keyword Miss Advised says:

    To be fair to her list of 73 husband requirements, it does make sense that he must “be a great photographer”. After all, that’s how he’ll be spending several hours each day as she demands he participate in demented photo shoots.

  25. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    RATINGS NEWS…. SORT OF…

    The New York Post just posted this article – re: how bad RHONY is doing in the ratings dropping 20% from last year. It doesn’t cite/sight/site last night’s ratings but that cannot be good for Miss Advised.

    No ratings have been released yet that I can find. But the show was counting on RHONY lead in to bolster it.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/ratings-real-housewives-york-city-drop-20-spells-trouble-bravo-article-1.1098141

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      NY Daily News, oops

    • AFGHANI says:

      This is why it’s good that NY Housewives is the MissAdvised lead-in.

      If they had drawn NJ Housewives, it would’ve been a big ratings boost. NJ Housewives is much better hate-inducing, has more devoted fans, and better ratings.

  26. Fat Freddys Cat says:

    Hulu’s “Morning After” short review of ep 1, “Miss Advised.” @ approximately 1:21

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/372357

    Short and sweet: not positive.

  27. T says:

    For this moment alone — http://v.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5uf98M0H21qzn4pg_r1.mov — there should have been a warning that the show may not be appropriate for all ages.

  28. A Bray in a Manger says:

    For those of you looking for the show online, it actually IS on iTunes! They just make it tricky to find, but it’s freeeeee! If you go to the store and search for ‘Miss Advised’ then narrow the results to TV shows it turns up, though it’s not listed if you search under Bravo. Weird. But free!

    • idiotbox says:

      thank you!!

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

    • Fat Freddys Cat says:

      Obviously Bravo and Apple have figured out the ROI equation for this P.O.S. and have acted accordingly.

    • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

      wow… so Bravo didn’t list it under their other shows? and they’re giving away the premiere episode? this isn’t normal for bravo is it?

      • ineffably protracted cankle says:

        GAAAHHHH it’s only in the US store. :-(
        don’t they know that we want to see her fail in other countries too?

        • Barking Mad says:

          Thanks for posting! Glad I saw this before I went through the process of signing up, etc.

          Oh well. I am still hoping that Bravo will post it.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Anyone have the link? It’s not coming up for me.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Okay… I found it.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Am I Bray-tarded??? I keep hitting play and all I get is a 23 second clip from Emily.

        Halp!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          “Play” on iTunes gives you a short preview. You have to download the whole thing to play it. Apple-speak!

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Thanks, apparently I have to sign in and can’t remember my password, I asked them to send but that was ten minutes ago.

            I sort of have no patience to start a new account… so…

      • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

        so frustrating … turned on tunnel bear, opened apple store with US country … won’t let me download unless I open an account with a US-based payment address … EVEN THOUGH IT’S FREE ….
        the internets is broken : (

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          no. Resist Apple Hegemony. It’s not the internets, it’s that fucking company.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Sing it!

          • SchemeyNutButter says:

            It does suck because apple has decided that even if I’m physically in the US, say on a month long visit, i can’t buy anything from the US store unless i have a credit card with a US billing address … but that’s probably true for Amazon ebooks, and anything else downloadable. Sadness.
            Dear BravoTV, please load the aired eps to your website.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            As someone who goes back and forth between here and the UK fairly regularly, I HATE Apple on this front. Assholes.

        • Helobabe says:

          I posted a link under the new post of an uploaded version of the show…Maybe it will work?

    • Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

      Reminded why I don’t watch anything on Itunes. Takes an hour to download.
      Psst Itunes – just want to watch the horror, don’t need a copy on my computer!

    • What am I doing wrong? All I can see is their top 100 shows …

  29. Julia's Old Nose says:

    The Frisky.com – always assumed it was full of fellow catladies, and now I’m sure of it. Here’s their scathing wrapup:

    http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-06-19/miss-advised-the-show-that-will-make-you-dislike-julia-allison-as-much-as-i-do/

  30. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    Here we go with “IT WAS THE EDITING, NOT ME!!!!”

    Ashley H ‏@ahhshalee
    @JuliaAllison Justin was so nice! Highly disappointed that you didn’t try more.
    Expand

    49m Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @ahhshalee – oh … I definitely did. They just cut those parts out!!
    Hide conversation

    1:29 PM – 19 Jun 12 via Echofon · Details

    • Cut. Don't use that. says:

      Justin seemed very nice. She came off as a total cunt. Which she is.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      That’s essentially the purpose of the Bravo blog — she is trying to take back the narrative and argue that she’s been unfairly edited.

  31. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    I know this was discussed in the last post, but here are Julia’s actual words about Pancakes:

    “My last relationship was pretty serious – I was dating Jack McCain, the son of the former presidential candidate. I thought he might be the one, we talked about marriage, and although I broke it off, I didn’t get out of bed for like three months.”

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Ha! Thanks for posting this. Jowlia says people hate her because she was a bulimic. From this and the amused ragies I’m getting from her Pancakes recap, I conclude that she thinks bulimic means pathological liar.

    • SchiapWTF says:

      Hmmm, if she was in bed depressed for three months and they broke up in May/June wouldn’t part of that three months overlap with the time she was flashing her rear at Burning Man?

    • Google Keyword Miss Advised says:

      Legalese.

      He may have left town while she squatted in his apartment. He may have been infuriated when she broke into his email account and sent batshit crazy messages to every woman in his contacts list. His mother may have physically escorted her on to a plane to make sure she left the state. But he never literally said “I break up with you.” Therefore she broke up with HIM.

    • Idiotbox says:

      Hmmm, here I thought her last serious relationship was in 2007….

  32. Cut. Don't use that. says:

    I could barely make it through this boring, crappily produced shit fest, but one part of last night’s episode DID give me the stabbies…..

    It was when Juliar was getting her “assignment” like she was fucking Lois Lane. “700 words? I’m on it, Chief!” So contrived, so undeserved.

    People, Julia Baugher is NOT a journalist. Her father got her a column at TMS, and she was fired. She does not report. She’s never “covered” anything (besides Fashion Week for her own Vimeo account) and if a person claimed this fraudulently to be doctor, they’d be charged with a crime.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Remember that piece (which the catpeeps correctly hypothesized was a setup by the show)? Here it is in all its semiliterate horror, and here’s our discussion of it.

  33. bravo exec says:

    Amen. Lets burn this Whore. I can assure you she will be the most hated tv personality in the history of the genre. Lets only hope this blog gets the recognition it gets

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