Donkey Freaking

Several little birdies tell us Donk is freaking following the New York Observer article, and you can imagine what that entails. She truly believed she was getting a puff piece, and lost her shit when she understood that no one is buying into her bullshit anymore. And it is now dawning on her, as she is snubbed by various Bravo contacts whom she believed were friends, that the show is not going to make her look like America’s Adorable Husband-Hunting Sweetheart.

I guess that explains why she just hoovered all of Toilet Julia’s gluten-and-dairy free chocolate chips (sounds tasty!!) and this Facebook update:

If I make it through to next week without having more than seven debilitating anxiety attacks it will be a miracle.

And, of course, the reviews are starting to trickle in, and they aren’t pretty. A commenter also reports that Entertainment Weekly has a blurb in which it refers to “three shockingly irritating” women attempting to do a Sex and the City routine, and one of them has 21 tutus. It ends with EW offering up its own advice: “Run, men, run!”

Oh honey.

 

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210 Responses to Donkey Freaking

  1. Yoo hoo!! says:

    Love it when the birdies sing!

    • KashMoney says:

      “Julia seems the most levelheaded and genuine of the three women” Um, my friend who has seen it begs to disagree. Apparently Donk is bouncing off the walls in tutus in full rubber-walls mode.

      “After a healthy dating life, Julia wants a husband now” Her dating life is as “healthy” as NGMB, in the sense that it is “not ill”.

      • ceeza says:

        “Julia seems the most levelheaded and genuine of the three women”

        Let me translate that quote above for you from a male perspective.. On first glance she’s the hottest of the 3 cast members so she gets a pass from the male writer as the most “level headed”.. I guarantee he’s seen only maybe seen a 1 to 3 episode preview package and doesn’t know too much about her past.. Her face looks different(scary) now but 90% of men (i like making up statistics) would happily take Julia on a date(without knowing her past of course).. The problem is she’ll aways be a 4 date minimum girl.. And by 4 dates i mean that’s how long a guy will stick around or put up with her until he gets ass or gives up getting ass from her because that’s all he’ll want from her.. Sticking around any longer is simply not worth it.. Guys that stay longer in her life have gotten ass from her and keep her around as “that girl”.. “That girl” is the girl you text occasionally, maybe go to lunch occasionally with, and still text slightly inappropriate things to occasionally to let her know we aren’t really true friends.. I seriously can’t picture the next guy she calls her boyfriend.. No way a guy of the caliber she feels she deserves goes for her now.

        • KashMoney says:

          no male on earth would think julia is better looking than emily at any glance.

          • ceeza says:

            I’m a male and at first glance Julia is the cutest .. Plus she puts on a good act that let’s be honest us men fall for initially.. We’re blinded by boobs and sex.. Then we either get the sex immediately or if we don’t then we want to be around a woman on a deeper more meaningful level.. Hence the 4 dates.. I want to emphasize again at first glance.. Emily is much sexier though.. Hell I have no idea how i ended up on this site but it began with me thinking Julia was kinda hot.. and I’ve only known about her name for a little over a year now.. I think she’s crazy but I think i’m objective..

          • juliaspublicist says:

            Ok let me test this. Hold on.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            I just showed a picture of all three to the two straight dudes I am currently with. Both picked Emily. One of them said, “Is that one the donkey?”

          • mcakez says:

            “better looking” = younger. That is it.

            Not my personal opinion, mind you. I’m just translating, since some (read: ‘boys’) hold the idea that younger women are more desirable than older women, regardless of level of face-fuckery. Be ugly and plastic, just — dear God — not OLD.

            Out of curiosity, ceeza, are you a catlady, or a catdude?

            Also, not to be one of those sticklers for, well, basic writing literacy, but I fear that this is but a taste of the oncoming deluge of new commenters brought on by the show. Not that you didn’t make a some salient points, ceeza, but that we tend to be a little more discriminating around these parts about little things like spelling, grammar and punctuation. This isn’t YouTube or Yahoo! Answers.

            We also tend to be a little more discerning about the fact that Julia’s face looks a lot like mashed potatoes and cue balls stuffed into a moist, shiny water balloon at this point.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            Leave ceeza alone. He has a right to his opinion and as well as a right to misspell his opinion. I HIGHLY doubt that we have gotten an influx of new readers because of this show, and I doubt we will when it premieres, but if we do, let’s be welcoming. There are no rules or social mores around here except be funny, make salient points, don’t internalize the snark, and don’t say creepy things about raping or killing her.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            I really hope the influx doesn’t lead to RBD regulars being condescending assholes to newcomers.

          • ceeza says:

            I wish i could see the pics you showed them.. I mean she does look more and more bloated and stretched these days but I tell she doesn’t look “that” bad .. She not very photogenic when screen capped though.. I’m not defending her.. Just my theory on why the writer wrote that.. Plus i’d still bang her right now knowing all the crazy I know about her and then I’d never call her back.. Me thinks many men would too.. Sorry just being honest.. Although I do think the men that only want sex from her(most/all) will become more and more transparent to her over the next few months and years only to increase her depression and desperation.. She has nothing to offer other than sex..

          • juliaspublicist says:

            One of the dudes said he would bang her, but if given the choice…

          • mcakez says:

            Oops. Posted slow and didn’t see where ceeza admits to being male.

            ceeza, welcome into the rabbit hole. Might I suggest some recommended reading?

            Julia uses a non-sequitus mention of her mother’s rape to settle a stupid twitter argument.

            Julia snoops through her ex boyfriend’s phone and e-mail. Blames hackers. Promptly issues a press release to anyone who will pay attention about the ‘home they shared.’

            Emails an ex-boyfriend’s fiance asking her to ‘pass it along’ and in said e-mail indicates that he slept with her while dating the now-fiance. Later reports indicate that this is because she was pissed he threatened a restraining order against her because she would call his work and stop by his house constantly.

            Julia, after breaking up with her boyfriend, goes to Gawker, a site she accuses of harassing and bullying her, and talks about how said ex is bi-polar and dirty.

            Those are good places to start, if you’re new around here. There is much, much more.

            (Now I post, and we see how many of my links I fucked up, since I am slightly drink!)

          • New Year New You says:

            Ceeza the Geezer, do you have anything to offer other than sex?

            Sorry, I mean banging.

          • mcakez says:

            I’m sorry I offended you, pilot. I seem to do that a lot. Next time I will take a cue from you, and don a fake name to be a condescending asshole to people.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            mccakez, this has been my commenter name for nigh on three years. Fuck off.

          • mcakez says:

            ceeza has a good point, to be honest, about the fact that many dudes would fuck-and-run. Particularly many of the types Jules is pursuing (see: Jellyd, that Acton guy, sillycon valley types, hot bankers). This, of course, is dichotomous to her own ’11 dates’ rule of the past (which we’ve all gathered has been largely abandoned), and to her desperate desire to snag a rich, good looking, high-status husband.

            Damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t.

            Also, very proud of the links I made!

          • mcakez says:

            pilot — Most of the time I am sure that is true. However, I have to say that as a Concerned Reader, I think you deviate occasionally, just for laffs.

            I say good day, sir.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            McCakez, I don’t know what you’re trying to suggest here, but whatever insidery knowledge you claim to have, you are wrong. And this was truly a dick move, or an attempt at a dick move. Stand the fuck down and refrain from both insulting new commenters and impugning other, longtime commenters. Jesus.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            I think that unless you have IP logs – and how could you, since the mods here take anonymity so seriously? – you are trying to start shit for the sake of it. Have fun, asshole.

          • KrakenSkulls says:

            Now I’m no pettifogger but this is pretty much an admission to me.

            I think that unless you have IP logs

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            Nope, just saying that mcakez is trying to deflect attention from her own behavior by hurling accusations and intimating that she has access to some special knowledge. Yawn.

          • helobabe says:

            Obvious Pilot is obvious.

          • Welcome, ceeza.
            Get a fucking grip, mcakez.

          • These Hooves Were Made for Walking says:

            Geez, mcakez. I’ve been reading here long before I ever made a comment or two. I’ve known Julia for a good bit longer than that. We have an alarming number of gossipy mutual friends… but I’m scared to death to post here! Between the AK Kitty and the you-didn’t-do-it-right reamings, who wouldn’t be? Of course, I very much enjoy reading here…

            Maybe a three strikes policy for newbies? Who knows what fun new dirt and venting the show might bring on!

            And maybe ceeza was just lazily typing from his iPhone :)

          • Wtf is right says:

            This ain’t the Wall Street Journal, get a grip.

          • OMGFAKENAME! says:

            Get a fucking grip, mcakes.

            Oh, for the like button….

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            No shit. Jesus.

          • AFGHAnI says:

            Agreed.

          • AFGHAnI says:

            Wow, when I replied I didn’t realize how long this sub-thread had gotten. I was replying to the Kash Money’s assertion that if you want to be superficial, Emily is the best looking of the 3. Then Amy. I think Julia is a distant third because of that awful red dye job, bad eye brows, bloated face, and tacky fashion sense.

          • Skirt Pull says:

            Can’t say I’m surprised by all of this.

          • Totes agree, Emily is cute, and seems to be the most down-to-earth of the three.

        • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

          I suggest a new eye glasses prescription ceeza. Both are more attractive then JAB.

        • mule on rouge says:

          ceeza, I appreciate getting some unvarnished truth from a guy’s point of view. Let’s be real here, Julia appeals to a LOT of men — for a very short time. I don’t blame them for thinking with their dicks around her, because her main goal in life is to appeal to men’s dicks. Hell, she’s publicly bragged about how she “doesn’t disappoint” those dicks. (That prude schtick she occasionally trots out is only for her female audience.) Those other two advice babes just blend into the background for me. I am not a male, but I think the shiny and colorful Julia doll has more instant surface appeal to boys than those two drab ones.

          • It’s always so odd to me when women get rabidly bent out of shape upon learning from a man how men’s minds work — why resist enlightenment that would ultimately leave you somewhat better prepared to deal w/ ‘em as a whole / hole / ho?

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Because it’s usually someone saying “This is how all men think” and it’s just them. My huscat is a man, and he wouldn’t fuck Julie Albertson with his worst enemy’s dick. (Remember that he thought she was actually retarded when he saw the Sony clip?)

            If they said “This is how I think” it would be less assholish.

          • mule on rouge says:

            True dat, Brayella. The red pill can be hard to take, but I would choose it every ime.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Also, I think David Wiegand is probably gay, given all the freelance stuff he’s written about gay movies and novels (the stuff he wrote for the Chronicle could all be chosen by the editor, but he seems to have done a lot of other writing about gay media). So I doubt he wants to fuck A Donkey!

          • JFA says:

            I agre with Albie. Not every guy would fuck her. She’s not attractive to any guy I would ever fuck. not every guy would bang a hot chick who is annoying just because she is a hot chick. I find that kinda frat boy mentality gross personally and it certainly doesn’t accord with how all men think.

        • JFA says:

          The radio show one is 100 times hotter.

    • Is David Weigand a catman? Granted this part was about shrill Emily, but it fits Donkey to a tee: ‘… about her peripatetic personal life. [...] He points out that although she’s had a dog for the past few months, the animal is often staying with others.’

      Also? Is this comment not begging for a rerun of the fauxto* of Donkey in the purple dress, barely being held up by the young Asian man? ‘Julia wants a husband now [...] any guy watching the show would be well advised to look for a relationship without this kind of heavy lifting.’

      * I can’t find it … has Donkutation Defender been scrubbing the stall again?

      • uh, thought I closed that italics tag ….
        please don’t throw anything at me, JP.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        It reads like he is totally donkey-oblivious, and if this is the reaction he got, then this show is going to be my dream come true!

        I want to email him and tell him I love him!

      • Yoo hoo!! says:

        I could NOT help wondering the same thing…

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        for future reference, you can find this by searching RBD for “Asian guy who picked her up and then she blurred out her ass because it looked ginormous”

        [img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3024/2702761263_fbb5826909.jpg[/img]

      • ceeza says:

        Why so angry? Seriously resorting to talking about my grammar and spelling? :( I always loved all of you’re comments.. Still do and no hard feeling but Woah!!! I wasn’t even defending her or playing devils advocate.. Again Woah!!

        • juliaspublicist says:

          Yeah, I don’t get it. Nor do I get why anyone would assume you are new. You didn’t say so.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          I like you. I like your perspective. I think it’s real – and sad for Julia – men want to bang her but know she’s crazy and not worth keeping around past 4 dates. That was the gist?

          Seems accurate. Listen, she’s obviously desperate or would not need to infer ON NATIONAL TELEVISION which dress lets her man know he might get a blow job on the way to Mom’s house.

          Not that she’s ever going to meet any Moms – ever.

          #ForeverAlone

          Miss Advised #ad

          • Dr. Gary says:

            ‘Not that she’s ever going to meet any Fantastic Moms with Powerful Sons – ever.

            Fixed that for ya.

          • That was Donkey’s way of braying the groundwork … whenever some 3rd date dude asks for a BJ, she’s going to demand a meet-&-greet w/ his mom 1st & break it to him on the way that she never ‘promised’, she only said ‘might’.

        • Wtf is right says:

          Lots of talented writers here and I enjoy the
          comments very much. I also understand why folks get so embarrassed when they have a typo or two (I don’t care but if you’re a writer, then I can see why you would). I’m nobody’s mother, but I hate it when people get uppity about their skill. That’s a whole nother level of unnecessary and a sign of fucked up self-esteem, in my opinion.

          Carry on, ceeza. It’s nice to read your perspective.

    • ceeza says:

      @New York new you..

      I have plenty offer other than sex but she doesn’t.. Why do you think she’s puts her corny brand sexuality front and center.. I expect comments much more awkward and cringeworthy from her other that “blow job/mom” one.. Talking about sex is how you flirt in high school.. She has no depth.. Her personality is awful.. Damn you guys are tough on people who even agree with you.. sheesh.. ps I don’t need an education on her.. I’ve been a fan of the site for a while.. Almost commented when she was a scumbag to that writer with Mindy Kaling.. Just wanted to join to party before the show aired. :/

      • A-Game Content says:

        As an occasional commentator and a sorta-newbie, and as one who is always intimidated by the quality of the snark, observations, and general lulz, and is often too anxious to comment… welcome! :)

      • New Year New You says:

        Eh Ceez, see more than I despise a Donk, I despise bro games like text a bitch four times, bang her, and then change your phone number.

        So I don’t care whether you Despise A Donk too or not, I find your demeanor equally despicable. Sue me.

        Oh and you got my name wrong, so please don’t call me, I gave you four sentences and now I don’t want to hear from you again.

        • juliaspublicist says:

          I see where you are coming from, but dont internalize the snark. He’s talking about Donkey!

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Ditto and welcome Cezza!

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          Now that I am not on my phone, I should clarify. Julia’s entire self image and “career” (Ha!) is based on the misguided notion that she is OMGRIDICULOUSLYGORGEOUS. She has a 73-point checklist for husband, and yet, has absolutely nothing to contribute to a serious adult relationship. When you try desperately to achieve career success and find love using only perceived physical beauty, you can’t be surprised when men treat you like a pump and dump. That’s shitty yes, but New Year New You, I’d like to think that I know you, and you are not an asshole, and if men treat you that way, then fuck them. There are great men out there, as for Julia, well, you reap what you sow.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            When you try desperately to achieve career success and find love using only perceived physical beauty, you can’t be surprised when men treat you like a pump and dump.

            Worse than that, she’s the one who buys into the whole outdated notion of sex as a transaction. When you blow guys and then ask them for fancy shoes and dresses, it’s not surprising they won’t think of you as relationship material!

            God, she is so fucking stupid and deluded and exactly the worst influence on ALL THE GIRLS.

        • JFA says:

          THIS.

          I don’t agree at all with ripping anyone a new asshole for being ungrammatical or whatever. However, this whole “I would fuck the shit out of her and dump her” mentality is disgusting IMO. You can share it all you like but I find it fairly offensive and will say so. But of course you are welcome here.

          • JFA says:

            AFF knows first hand how I feel about the term “hate fuck” which I feel is simliar. I don’t know. I just hate that mentality is all.

          • Slutty Catbanger says:

            Yeah, cosign with NYNY and JFA. Gross.

      • mcakez says:

        ceeza — Sorry if my offering ‘an education,’ as you put it, was offensive. You said you’ve only known ‘her name’ for a little over a year, so I thought you might like a blurb of a Reader’s Digest version of some of the events that have had her so despicable around here. It is hard to offer a condensed version, as she is sort of a Monet of horribleness.

        Also apologize for coming across so attack-y. If you look back, you’ll note that I did agree with you on certain things (many men will bone just about anything relatively attractive) and wonder about the role it played in the context of the JA persona (‘11.5 dates’ before a bang, which is hard to reach if no guy will give you a second — much less forth — date, and marriage seemingly impossible).

        I still maintain my position that Julia as the youngest member of the cast might be more appealing physically to certain types, who think that a woman of 40 is ‘expired.’ However, that idea is not mutually exclusive to the observation you made. To some men, ‘young(er)’ is attractive enough in itself.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Ceeza: Welcome aboard! We are glad to have you.

  2. Anon says:

    Just read in ew: in the back where they do tv listings they describe Miss Advised as a show about “3 shockingly irritating” women attempting to do the Sex and the City routine. They then quote “one” which as to be JA talking about having 21 tutus. EW’s takeaway: “run men run!”

  3. juliaspublicist says:

    The expiration date lives!

    ” Julia Allison is a writer and TV commentator. She was in Chicago for a long time, but in Monday’s premiere episode of “Miss Advised,” she moves to Los Angeles because Midwestern men get married too young, making them unavailable as dating fodder.”

    Did Julia ever think no one wanted to date her in Chicago because she is a bloated asshole? LEARN BUTTON, Julisie!

  4. juliaspublicist says:

    OMG this is GOLDEN!

    Executive-produced by actress Ashley Tisdale (“High School Musical”), “Miss Advised” has one thing in common with other dating shows like “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” “The Choice” and “Take Me Out”: You learn enough about the participants to suggest you might want to stay as far away from them as possible.”

    • juliaspublicist says:

      What a cunt!

      “Executive-produced by actress Ashley Tisdale (“High School Musical”), “Miss Advised” has one thing in common with other dating shows like “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” “The Choice” and “Take Me Out”: You learn enough about the participants to suggest you might want to stay as far away from them as possible.”

  5. juliaspublicist says:

    Back to the topic at hand, is she just now realizing that the show is going to royally screw her? Was the title of the show not on the contract? Has she never seen a Bravo reality show before?

    If she is freaking, she shouldn’t, because we saw this coming a mile abray, and SHE NEVER READS HERE!

    The only reason this would be a surprise to her is that she is so dense and delusional that she really thinks she’s an adorable princess sparklefart. I just don’t get why she has yet to get that she is a god damn asshole!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I am going to update the post with some of this shit.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        Yes please do! It is golden! This show is so going to tank!

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          And yes, she truly does believe she’s an adorable princess sparklefart and the world just needed to SEE HER ON A REALITY SHOW to finally understand her awesomeness.

          CUCKOO

          CUCKOO

          CUCKOO

          • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

            “The Emperor’s New Clothes” sure comes to mind.

          • Dyspeptic says:

            Wasn’t it perfect that the latest Miss Advised promo they posted opened with a commercial featuring a cuckoo clock? I mean literally, it opened with the “cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo!” sound effect. I guffawed so loud my dogs were all startled and nervous.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            Deep down, Julia really does think she is SO NICE, or at the very least so good at faking it.

  6. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Roving reporter and Julia bestie Kristin Thorne is worried about the donkey going off the rails before the OMG! Mess Despised premiere or even during the landmark event. This Emmy winning journalist is taking NO chances!

    “Completed canine training at Little Animal Shelter. I’m now ready to handle the “green” dogs.”

    • “Completed equine training at Little Animal Shelter. I’m now ready to handle the “green” tags.”
      -Craiglist Date, probably

    • PinkUberFitnFlareDress says:

      My grocery store is doing a promotion for some of its “natural,” more environmentally-friendly products and all the shopping carts have these little ads saying “Look for our green tags!” and I’ve been so tempted to take a picture to post here. Can I post a pic from my phone and not be “traceable?” I iz always a little afeared to get a C&D from Jack McCain’s lolyer at my workplace.

  7. Stripper Shoes on a Craig's List Date says:

    wow…I am almost beginning to feel guilty about pointing and laughing at A Donk. I mean, it almost begins to feel unfair, like making fun of the mentally challenged. Wait, we ARE making fun of the mentally challenged. She’s just so lame. So so lame.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      It really kind of is sad. Then I remember that she is an asshole, and she is finally getting what she deserves.

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      Never fall into the feeling sorry trap. She’ll do something heinous soon enough, probably publicly fucking over someone connected with this snoozefest. Lather, rinse, repeat.

      • Not! Random! says:

        Seriously. How could you ever, ever feel sorry for someone who willingly appeared on a freakin reality TV show?

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      She conducted at least two campaigns of criminal harassment against people who dared to read this blog or comment upon it, even faxing cease and desist notices to the workplace of an innocent person who does not run this blog (and emailing a C&D to another innocent person who also does not run this blog). There is nothing to feel sorry for here. She’s a hateful fucking asshole who deserves every awful thing that’s happening to her, starting with that face and ending with being alone and unloved forever.

    • I admit, I always felt sorry for her when I saw her lipdup to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing … it seems to very prophetically sum up her sad existence & I can see it being played during rolling credits at the end of a donkumentary about her life & death, after which she coincidentally finally achieves the cult following she’s always felt entitled to.

      • mcakez says:

        Good call on the soundtrack of her life.

        I also firmly maintain she didn’t even know that song until it was covered on Glee, despite the fact that she doesn’t even own a TV (especially not a 50″ one like the one clearly spotted in the previews for the show).

    • mcakez says:

      Ahem. I think the PC term is ‘special needs’ thankyouverymuch.

      If I recall correctly, one of the Maygans reinforced this with the idea that Julia is ‘special’ and ‘needs’ a lot of attention, or some such.

  8. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Hey Toilet Julia, don’t think you can escape being linked to this show and the Donkey by going silent the past few weeks. You bought into this. You enabled. You’re a part of this shit show and there’s no going back.

    • Amuse-douche says:

      Do you think that’s what the radio silence on Toilet Julia’s part is about? She thought she could hitch her wagon to this shit show for some free publicity and then realized things weren’t going so well so she bailed? Can you imagine having to live with a donkey?! Holy shit, I actually feel bad for Flushed Price. I’ve had nightmare roommates but I don’t think I could handle ol’ Baugher.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        I don’t feel bad for her… she went along with the Intern Sushi bullshit, she wants to be an OMGSTAR and sees Lazy Julia Allison-Burn-Every-Bridge as the way?

        Um, no. She does say she has a big announcement on her Facebooks so maybe she’s finally going to admit she’s doing this shit show.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      You, too, Jelly D! Was it worth it?

  9. mule on rouge says:

    Wow. I find it BAFFLING that Julia Allison made herself look — literally — like a total retard on her Bravo show. #whoislaughingnowdonk #rachelzoenevarforget #lookslikeexceptionscouldnotbemade

  10. Little Birdie says:

    Tweet tweet…which Miss Advised spinster made such an impression on a darling young man of her recent acquaintance that he speaks of her with horror, referring to her as Falsies (pronounced FAL-theeth)?

    Was it the plastic hair, the equine chompers or the bargain basement fillers that inspired this assessment? Yes.

    • juliaspublicist says:

    • mule on rouge says:

      Would somebody please get me the smelling salts? I am about to pass out from all this excitement! Monday can’t come soon enough!!!!

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        CHRISTMAS IN JUNE!!!!!!

        CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY!!!!!

      • Get a Stylist says:

        My sister will be dvr’ing the show for me, which meant I had to briefly explain Julia Baugher to her. Plus and minus.

  11. monster (Single and Mingle) says:

    What is up with co-opting that charity wedding registry (just add animal rights and rape victims!) on her twitter? Can she not read how shallow that comes off after mocking people who wholly support charitable endeavours?

    When (if ever) Julier get’s married we should donate en mass to a donkey refuge. I think we have established enough personal interest in donkeys for the donation to not seem self-serving …

    • juliaspublicist says:

      That post is coming tomorrow, trust. We just need to bask in the glory of this one for a while.

      • monster (Single and Mingle) says:

        haha I just had a moment where I realized it was probably talked about down thread in the last post –

        I’ll show myself to the AK Kitty line-up.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        There is so much glory in which to bask.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I saw that and my immediate reaction was “as fucking if.” She’ll be registered at every high-end department store in existence except that no she won’t because she’s never getting married. Also — wasn’t she recently dating a Republican? And while doing so, denied having political views?

      Asshole.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        Was she not just quoted as saying she hates people that are fake and hitch themselves to charities??????

        BECAUSE WOMENS WITH THE LOW SELF ESTEEMS IS HER THING WUT????

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Pearl-Necklace+Rubber-Gloves trumps you, Jacy, you SHITHEAD.

  12. Stripper Shoes on a Craig's List Date says:

    Yeah, thanks, that wedding registry was a cold shower on my sympathy. Animal rights? Lilly!!! Rape?! Momsers!!! Julia will NEVER give up a wedding registry for charity. Never. And she will not likely get married until she stops being a predatorial stalker narcissistic whorse’s ass.

    Btw, fair assessment new guy (Ceeza?). I agree that she is not ugly until you get to know her antics. And even the she could be fuckable. But A Donk is not looking for fuxking. A Donkey is wondering “where is my husband?! Where?!”

    • juliaspublicist says:

      I think Julia is horribly unattractive because her smugness and horrific personality oozes out of her pores, but I can see how someone would think she is pretty. For me, it is her horrible fashion sense that ruins her for me. That AND HER FACE!

  13. KrakenSkulls says:

    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/wajayh.png[/img]

  14. Lady Donk Donk says:

    Wow. Everyone wants to know – how’s it gonna end?

    • juliaspublicist says:

      I fear the end is coming very, very soon!

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      A few years from a now, a balding, buck-toothed car dealership owner in Boise will proudly marry the “former TV star” and build her a walk-in tutu closet.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        So much this.

        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          Dr. Gary, you came into being here as Donkey’ s last best hope. And now look where we all are. She should have been so lucky.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            Wow. I can’t believe you remember that. I think there was some commenting between me and PartyPants that led to the Dr. Gary backstory: Gary Klein, DDS, a nice dentist from the midwest who was wooing his princess, Julia, with baubles from Banana Republic.

            It’s been so long, I really can’t remember.

    • Lady Donk Donk says:

      God bless the United States of America!

    • Lady Donk Donk says:

      What I really should have generated is more Q/A about the end… will she fade into obscurity, cutting off the tit that feeds her (the internets)?

      I believe it will never happen. She will document herself until she starts pulling grey pubes from her crotch…. Laughing about how things have turned out…. with her 4 cats and mediocre “fuck me please” money.

  15. Dr. Gary says:

    Another day, another interview:

    “MSN TV: You all have careers in dating, whether it’s matchmaking or helping others navigate relationships or encouraging greater sex lives. What made you decide to be on a show about your own dating struggles?

    Julia Allison: It has always been a part of my life to share and to use my love life as almost like a sample size. It’s almost like I’m a scientist investigating love and I’m using my own love life as a sample size. I look for patterns in my own love life and I study it, discuss it and debate it. And hopefully by me looking at it like an anthropologist I can illuminate some truth for other people.

    MSN TV: Which of your own dating rules do you have the most difficulty following?

    Julia Allison: I don’t know. I think pretty much everyone agrees on this: It’s helpful not to desperately want a relationship. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that if you do want to desperately find a relationship to complete you, you will not find it. That’s something most people agree on and something that I intellectually understood, but, emotionally, at the beginning of the show, I desperately want a relationship and I don’t know how not to want a relationship desperately. I think that’s the first rule you’ll actually see me break that I break throughout the rest of the season.”

    http://tv.msn.com/summer-tv-guide/ladies-of-miss-advised-chat-relationships-and-tv/story/interview/

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Donkey wishes she was almost like a sample size.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Julia Allison as a scientist:

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        She’s a love anthropologist JUST LIKE CARRIE BRADSHAW, YO!!!

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        This is a product of the Britt dyanmic (i.e. Daddy I’m tots smart too) and reading that book on prehistoric sex. She reads one quasi-anthropological book and claims she is a fucking scientist now. SHE IS DELUSIONAL.

    • Jack the Bulldog says:

      NOOO! Julia Allison has NO fucking career in anything, other than grifting her way into opportunities that quickly fizzle. This BS about her being a dating columnist and helping others, whether she’s throwing the slop or whether some knob at MSN is repeating a press release, is giving me the JFA stabbies!

      Calgon take me away and then to my fluffy trundle bed.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        This interview stopped being factual on the FOURTH WORD, “You all have careers…”

        SHE IS UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE!

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        What do you expect? MSNBC is under the same corporate umbrella.

      • mule on rouge says:

        When I read a Bravo blurb that mentioned her 10+ years of giving relationship advice, I had a feeling she was gonna portray her entire history of vanity-blogging as a continuous “career.” It doesn’t matter that she was fired over and over, or that her recent paid gigs weren’t technically about relationships, people! She’s been advising the world on How to Date Julia Allison for over a decade. Hey, it worked for Prom King

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      I love this one:

      How did you prepare yourselves and the men you were dating during the filming of the show for the camera? We can’t imagine having cameras around made it any easier!

      Julia Allison: Oh, God no. No! [Laughter] You know, um, dating and relationships are fraught as it is, but especially with cameras — especially that first date — it’s a new level, a new level of discomfort. It really pushes your boundaries, and I will tell you that not many men want to be a part of a life that involves exposure. They just don’t. Some of them just didn’t want to go out with me because there were cameras involved. I will say if you can go on a first date and not pass out with the cameras there, you can do anything.

      Let’s just pretend that Julia’s dates didn’t involve casting calls and Bravo’s meddling.

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        Never mind, I spoke to soon. This is my favorite:

        What’s the No. 1 piece of dating advice you have for women and men?

        Julia Allison: For women, my No. 1 piece of advice is to be open and say, “Yes” — both with your mouth but also your spirit. I know that sounds new-age-y but the open, engaging, warm, smiling, loving woman is going to have exponentially more success in dating than the closed-down, shut-down, frowning, saying-no woman. For men, I would say, um, my biggest thing is women want MEN. It’s not politically correct to say that, but the gist of it is, we don’t want men-children. We don’t want ambiguous, amorphous sacks of apathy. Be direct, be decisive, be secure and assured and confident. That is what women are attracted to. It’s not where you take her on a date, it’s your manner of being.

        Because when I meet a capital MAN, I relentlessly describe him as a “boy,” or “a decent kid.”

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Never has a human being been more enamored with the word “exponentially.” We may need a drinking game every time she says it on Miss Assvised.

        • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

          well we all know julia likes to say yes with her mouth…

        • JFA says:

          WHY IS SHE STILL GIVING DATING ADVICE. WHY. WHY. She is a dating disaster. She is on a SHOW about how she is a dating disaster. I don’t fucking understand!!!

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        RR Casting in LA casted all of the men. They were all paid to “date” a Donkey aka pad their acting resume/lengthen their IMDB page.

        Donkey, the lying… really…

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          I am drink “cast” not casted…

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          I love you for that piece of information.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          Love it.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          How fucking pathetic. In just a few short years, Julie went from being a cute NYC ‘girl in media’, with a great gig at Star – dating hot guys, getting finger-banged at Balthazar, being taken on trips, etc. – to being a loser with no job who has to use casting services and Craiglist to find dates.

          sad.edu

          • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

            Craigslist is legalese for “RR Casting put an ad up on Craigslist” by the by…

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @Malformed Face

            Ohhhhhhhhhh…inneresting. Did not know that.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      sample size of 1 = fail

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      [img]http://cdn.seomoz.org/img/upload/stand-back-try-science.png[/img]

    • MY Beach Home says:

      So she is the architect of her own anthropological study on dating (not sex), and she uses technology. It is finally coming together for me.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Those words say so much: everything’s less about a Relationship than about the Season.

  16. Dr. Gary says:

    Mmmmmm…this has a whiff of cuntiness. Possibly directed at her roomie/BFF, Tiny + Cute Julia?

    [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/2emms6u.png[/img]

    [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2me4a9z.png[/img]

    [img]http://i47.tinypic.com/33z41vq.png[/img]

    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/oa28ux.png[/img]

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      OUCH. Obvious Donkey is obvious.

      PS, I am not of the mind that Toilet Julia is the worst singer I have heard, however her rendition of Call Me Maybe with the beat box guy in painful… to put it mildly.

    • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

      Ryan Dixon “liked” Toilet Julia’s status – wasn’t he once Donkey’s man?

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        Yes. iDonk.

      • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

        I can’t sleep so this is all shot in the dark stuff — but Lewis Howes “Likes” every one of Toilet Julia’s statuses… I wonder if Donkey is just seething about the attention her much Tinier and Cuter Roommate gets from the mens.

        Nothing but speculation on my part…

        PS – why is Donkey starring in yet another music video of Toilet Julia’s. Wut? The other one has never even seen the light of day!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I think she’s a talented singer/keyboard player. However, I don’t really care for her cover of this song. And the guy with the jewfro/chia pet hair *beatboxing* just pushed my Cankleshausen to DEFCON 5.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I think she’s pretty modestly talented at singing and writing songs. (If I went into a restaurant for brunch and she was performing, I wouldn’t barf, but geez she is hardly the next Adele.)

        On the other hand, she seemed like she had a great gift for self-promotion until now.

  17. Julia's Crypt Keeper says:

    poor Baughers

  18. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Unless chocolate chips are labelled “milk chocolate” in big letters or (like Donkey) are poor quality and have some weird fillers, ALL CHOCOLATE CHIPS ARE GLUTEN AND DAIRY FREE. The only ingredients in good chocolate are cacao, sugar, vanilla, and soy lethicin. Chocolate chips containing nothing beyond these ingredients are widely available, and they aren’t even labelled gluten/dairy free for the same reason that spinach isn’t labelled vegetarian. OH MY GOD DONKEY IS SO STUPID AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SO MAD ABOUT HER IGNORANCE!!!

    • Grammarian says:

      marketing

      i was at whole foods the other day and i saw a big end-cap display marked “vegan gluten free”

      what was on it? 5 lb. bags of sugar. vegan, gluten free sugar.

      • Jane says:

        well actually not all sugar is vegan. Cane sugar is often refined using bones. I’m sorry, I had to say it.

  19. juliajane says:

    Looks like Donkey is trying to suck up to NYC housewife Carole Radziwill. Run Carole, run!

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    What am I doing on this Friday eve? Reading @CaroleRadziwill’s stunningly lyrical prose in her memoir, “What Remains.”

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    “Nothing that’s happened in my life has made sense and in another way, all of it has.” – @CaroleRadziwill

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    I read your blogs for inspiration but ended up intimidated. RT @CaroleRadziwill: Writing my blog for next weeks #RHONY.

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Now THIS is how to do a deliciously sensual, romantic Manhattan music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucCj1VZzxo8 (cc @CaroleRadziwill & @RussIrwin1)

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    Writing my blog for the premiere ep @BravoTV’s #MissAdvised & while reading @CaroleRadziwill’s for inspiration watched:

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Has she even once responded to her? How many more “yoohoo!!!!!” Tweets will there be? So fucking embarrassing.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        The problem is that Carole actually HAS responded — more than once. So in JA’s mind that’s a “KENNEDY! RADZIWILL! BFF!” green light. CR will surely rue the day she decided to politely throw what she thought was a harmless donkey a bone, but she’ll have to literally shank her to put her down. JA is full-fledged into attempting to latch onto a somewhat likeable (not sure, haven’t watched RHONY in forever, but it’s the impression I get from some commentary about it) Bravo personality upon realizing she’s about to be thrown into the “hated it” bin to the masses. It’s almost as if she’s attempting to use CR to bolster the idea that she’s so nice/cool. Also, to attempt to push herself into circles she believes CR is part of (she no doubt googled her); CR is her new LL Bean monogrammed tote and freshwater pearls.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Gross. Did not know she’d responded. Poor CR; she has no idea what she’s unleashed.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          In Donkey’s mind she has traded up. Randi was new money, CR has those blueblood connections Donkey has always dreamed about.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

          CR responded the night Donk was tweeting for RHNY premiere so in my mind… it does not count.

    • Knowing absolutely nothing about her, @JuliaAllison’s twitter-stalking is good indication that @CaroleRadziwill possibly & probably has an underage son …

      • juliajane says:

        I think Donkey is so delusional that she feels a kinship with her, as Carole worked in television and journalism. She’s also very well connected, which makes her a typical target for Donkey. It’s all so pathetically transparent.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She’s trying to replace Randi as her new BFF with connections.

          Carole Radziwill has no children. By choice, apparently—she gave some interview where she said how much she hated social occasions where everyone talked only about their children.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I kind of have a crush on Carole Radziwill. Even JABby’s ferocious fangirling will not diminish my love for her.

    • diluted brain says:

      I noticed that too. She is super pathetic.

  20. The shrill one podbleated yesterday about Miss Advised Episode 444 – The Ex Factor & early in, her co-anchor says something to the effect of: ‘…some girl named Julia Allison …’

    WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS??!?
    Mulia Mallison is not random, okay, YOU SHITHEADS??!?

    (but I’m pretty sure he meant it at the time)

    • Meh. I very well may be at my threshold for listening to the shrill one, but one more thing is kind of noting: Somewhere around more than 4:00+ into it all, Miss Advised gets yet another shameless plug where the shrill one also mentions the other two by name, at which point Menace (who seems to have seen more than just trailers) says how much he loves Amy Laurent & then they call her up to chat a bit.

      As for what Menace thinks of Julia Allison …

      ** crickets **

      ** crickets **

      ** crickets **

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Emily really could moonlight as a mosquito control device, couldn’t she?

  21. Scooby Don't says:

    Julia seems the most levelheaded and genuine of the three women, but she hasn’t even unpacked from her move to Los Angeles when she finds a guy on Craigslist (no, not in THAT part of Craigslist, she hastens to tell her roommate), goes to dinner with him, realizes immediately they have no chemistry, but keeps him dangling for a while until she can sweet-talk him into helping her lug moving boxes into her new digs. After that, she dumps him on the phone. Of course, her own breakup rule for others is “always do it in a classy manner.”
    Bravo to the Miss Advised crew for showcasing such quintessential Donkey behavior in the first episode. The laziness, the nastiness, the using people, the rudeness, the snobbery, the using your feminine charms to get what you want, the double standards, the all around selfishness and griftiness, all encapsulated in one brief snapshot.
    And you know they’ve kept the best stuff for later episodes.

    • A Bray in a Manger says:

      Exactly this! Everybody will have a different take, especially around here because you’re already so well aware of her antics and all-around awfulness, which means you’ll have a closer/deeper read on what’s presented in the first episode, but of the three women Julia comes across best in the first episode. My take on it was that, knowing how reality shows like their arc, the other two will wind up as the sympathetic characters and Julia will, over the course of the show, be made to look worse and worse and worse.

      There’s definitely foreshadowing (the guy who helped her move in) that you catladies will pick up on and go nuts over, but to the casual viewer — at least in the first ep — I think she’ll come off well. Or at least as well as anyone comes off on a Bravo reality show.

      I will say, though, that the scene in which she unpacks her tutus is so amazing I could watch it over and over and over again. (Also I think the number she gave was 23 tutus.)(I mean, she compares herself to Kim Kardashian by way of explaining why she loves wearing tutus so much.)(!!!)

      • diluted brain says:

        Kim does not wear tutus. 1 year old baby girls that are taken for professional pics or for their birthday wear tutus.

        Maybe she’ll compare her ass to KK again because she thinks she is just like her. You know, totally Zoey Deschanel and Kim Kardashian – it’s like looking in a mirror.

        • A Bray in a Manger says:

          It is indeed an ass comparison. She says something like, “I have a Kim Kardashian ass and the tutus help cover it.”

  22. diluted brain says:

    I can’t believe we are only a couple days away from this trainwreck. Hopefully RBD can support all the new people joining our litter box and it doesn’t crash us again.

  23. Malformed Face (Like a Bloated Deli Ham Left in a Hot Mercedes C Class) says:

    OT Donkey had said she would be in NYC for the LOLMediaBlitz for Miss Advised just before it premiered. Guess that didn’t happen. She will however be on KTLA’s morning show on Monday.

    Bravo is really pulling out all the stops on this one. Five newspaper write-ups (mostly regional) and KTLA! Well, they DID get all that help from Bridge and Tunnel Communications! Well, done, Julsie, well done!

  24. Little Birdie says:

    JP and Jacy, you have a Michener-esque email in your inbox.

  25. Worrisome Pelts says:

    RR Casting: http://rrcasting.wordpress.com/

    Surely they can produce quality dates for A Donkey!

  26. ShesJustStupid says:

    I really hope the show includes JABs and Baldy screaming in Lily’s ears and making her howl. People will hate them instantly.

  27. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    There’s something about Julia’s new Love and Light tone that reminds me less of Danielle Staub and more of Rielle Hunter.

    Donkey will never the husband.

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